MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Bulletproof Bodycon

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

Sydnee and Marie are looking at this past week through a beige lens beech! In this week's solo episode, we discuss choosing to do projects for the check instead of passion, doing nude scenes, and Sydnee potentially going to jail. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog all right we're here we are we are here in uh the virtual studes and um one of us is going through it and the other one isn't which is which andrew looking at us right now first of all hello it and which one of us is not well sydney has a cup of like broth in her hand that she has to drink, this vegan diet that she's working on. So I imagine that you're the one going through it. Sydney?

Are you going through it, babe? I am. I have to drink a gallon of water a day and there's these this broth that's got garlic and any and everything else that you should have as a seasoning and not as a liquid

to just drink. Not as a beverage. So it's blended? It is blended it and it's and it's hot like like tea and it's a it's a kidney flush a liver flush or something like that flush your system have you ever done a flush a cleanse before friend oh the only cleanse that i do is on my face oh that's about it okay hashtag sephora i use a cleanser don't know about to cleanse, hun. Go ahead and use unofficial expert as your

coupon code. Come on! Sydney, that's the most L.A. thing I've ever heard. I can't believe you're moving to L.A. and leaving me here. Cleanseless. First of all, Marie, you two will be bi-coastal, and

we'll all live together. No, we won't. Live together? Yes, you guys are going to move to bel-air and i'm gonna be the fresh prince with my overall clipped on one side and i'm gonna be like oh my god imagine jojo is uncle phil that would be a that would honestly be a funny ass show and i would love to see it it's like fresh prince of bel-air meets three's company you don't I've never seen Three's Company. Was there a baby on that?

Three's Company, no. There was a couple, and there's like two friends, two girls, and a guy. And this show was black and white, in my mind? Three's Company came on after... No, it wasn't black... It came on after I Love Lucy, yes? Don't you do that, Marie.

No. What channel did Three's Company play on? I don't remember channels, so no. I don't know. but i have like tv land in my mind yes is giving tv land yeah bewitched it came on between bewitched and i dream of genie that's in my head that's when i feel like it came on um so sydney's doing a cleanse and andrew still wearing his glasses i'm still wearing my glasses it's fully allergy season until like my eyes are just acting up yo it's so bad it really is bad like i feel like

it looks like i'm an alcoholic my eyes will be so red like bloodshot yeah it's i look like a lab rat and i'm just tearing up it's like i never even had cocaine that strong that would make me look as bad as i've been looking in the street yeah like after you sniff it like it it goes through your system and your eyes get you know bigger and you like veins come out you look crazy have you ever seen somebody on coke yeah but i don't think i've seen them like that like they're they just be like sweaty and sometimes their jaw is moving a little wild oh wow with this hat on i look like a young barack obama i gotta take it off um uh i bought two new wigs this weekend i would show you guys can we see um i would show

you but they're too far one is first of all i have to stop going to the beauty supply store high um and that now you should go live that's when you should go live sis in the beauty salon beauty shop when you're high no because that first of all they don't even want you to take pictures of the wigs at the beauty supply store oh you're going to the wrong one you have to go to the one that's um remember by uh you know my old the old place that i used to live sydney i'm not getting on a i'm not jumping in an uber to go to a faraway beauty supply store so i could take videos and or go live i just walked girl i'm already sweating this shit is terrible take your top off and by your top i mean your wig take it off it'll cool you down tremendously

okay so you're not going live in a beauty salon so a beauty shop so they don't want you taking pictures what else wait why don't they want you taking pictures i don't know but you know they also don't like when you take pictures at sephora as well oh i didn't know that i'm always taking pictures in sephora i know but i remember uh i want to say the one on broadway like in soho um i was in there like taking pictures of like the colors of the display and they were like please no photos in here and i was like why you think i'm building a competitor store and i'm trying to see how you laid out the product like it's weird or weird we have cell phones now we're taking photos you you know that that's like you go into you go to the museum and they tell you

can't take pictures of the stuff at the museum and it's like no but i'm i'm just trying to understand what's the like point of it though i don't know i don't know but they had signs posted i mean usually when i'm in there and i'm sneaking my photos it's because i'm making fun of the wigs that they have like i feel like the last time i was there i was sending you pictures of like the wigs that had like the bandana attached yeah i think that's what the deal is it's like they don't trust us enough to come to an establishment and not make fun of

it or take pictures and show other people like yo don't come here because they shit is trash that's what that's why they don't like if you go to Sephora right they have specific lighting to make you think that

the stuff looks good yes then you get out in regular daylight and bitch that foundation is nowhere near the color of your neck exactly that that this stuff that's on your eyebrows do do like it's right they trick us i hate the lighting in department stores and um makeup places like sephora yeah because they have like warm light and cool light and it's like well where's the outside light where's the street light where is the regular i'm sitting in my mom's kitchen and she's judging all of my life choices light where is that light in the sephora but

that's why i always put my phone i was like let me see and they're like here's a mirror and i was like no no no i need to see my phone because that's when you can really get into it yeah it is a very soft glam light and then you said department stores whenever you try stuff on at like in a zara fitting room you always look you'd be like oh my god look how thick i am look how good this looks against my skin tone and then you get home and you're like why did I buy this I look like Doug funny

H&M I hope you're listening you should be ashamed of yourself the amount of cellulite that I can see and those fucking those overhead lights who was the lighting for a man made those lights cause you know men they take pictures

from underneath they chin like they're barely lit they don't care overhead lighting was absolutely made by satan himself okay call me by your name yeah i could see every single bit in my thigh at h&m at h&m we canceled h&m after that cutest monkey in the jungle t-shirt saga so you shouldn't even you still at h&m sis no but i'm just telling you like when i did go to h&m i could see all of the cellulite well that's what h&m is all about it's called it's honesty honesty and months months months i can't think of an m thing but you know what i mean honest monsters they want you to see what you really look like and you're

a monster babe so i don't like it andrew are you googling coolest monkey monkey in the jungle yes i didn't know about this this is awful yeah andrew welcome to 2018 or whatever i'm late yeah what year was that um fiasco and that yeah that was 2018 you're right on the money hashtag never forget someone someone told them someone made them think that that was the look well for those of y'all who were born after 2018 and listening um h&m put a small black child in a a sweater that said coolest monkey in the jungle and then they plastered it on their website and maybe in the store and people were like why is the little boy where why is the black child wearing

the monkey shirt and h&m was like because he's cool and they were and no you could tell nobody on the team was black because they were like i'm sorry because of history we will not be equated to anything having a monkey or a gorilla or apes or any of that sort no we cannot we just it's a strong no and then people were writing they were like well where is his parents why did they let him do that his parents his mother speak out about it yeah i think i'm seeing something here for that yeah what did the mother say let's give us the follow-up in 2021 okay uh mother of boy and h&m's coolest monkey ad says get over it she said um terry mango and her son featured in the controversial h&m ad uh she said get over it is he adopted yeah his mother looked like

she said that people calling it racially insensitive need to get over it this is his mother oh she had already cashed the shit that's what yeah she needed the coin she said she needed of the coin she's his manager his momager and she gets 20 of that coolest monkey hoodie uh sales so uh marie how do you feel about making choices based on finances and not because your heart is in it how do you feel about that doing things for the money yeah i think it depends on what the thing is right if you are desperate for money and you got kids at home to feed and stuff and you're at the end of your rope you're gonna do something different than somebody who you know is bored you know i think that i think that bored people bored people create they have to find stuff to

do right if i'm i don't know why sydney why are you asking me this question what you doing over there oh girl you already know where we've been you know where we've been through what we've been through and what we do i mean sometimes i look at things and i'm like i can't believe i said yes to this but i was like at the time i was like well the money works and there's so many times where i'm just like if i made things based off if i really want to do it and how this is um gelling with what i want my career to look like i probably wouldn't have done it yeah but i think when you start your career out if you could get any actor anybody who's famous anybody who is an entertainer and is successful right now or working their way up to being successful when they first

start out the pick the pick is slim sis yeah i don't say yes to stuff just so you can get the exposure the experience and like get your foot in the door um i don't know why but i feel like this weekend people were bringing up like embarrassing first celebrity roles and it was like julia roberts and sandra bullock and all these like their first movies are things that they wouldn't say yes to now you know yeah but but i i think that that's what people have to think about like you know i was watching uh denzel washington was speaking at fordham university and he was saying that if you don't fail you're not even trying yeah so it's like you have to in order to get to where you need to be you have to make mistakes and fail and learn and you you

can't do any of that if you're always like oh no i'm not gonna do that or yeah that that's just not gonna work but if you know what i mean about it it makes sense right i mean the libra in me the perfectionist in me doesn't want anybody to see what i'm working on until i'm done with it or until i feel like it's perfect but then i'm looking at what other people are sharing and putting out into the world and a lot of it is some of it is trash but they they do it consistently and gradually their stuff gets better and if you're not used to failing ever imagine this you've never failed in your life you've never not done well that first time you fail at something it's gonna crush your soul you're gonna be re-evaluating every single choice that you

made to get you to where you were that ended up where you ended up failing but if you're trying a lot and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and sometimes stuff works out that is how you learn because you'll be like all right well next time i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do that or i'm not gonna wear those shoes on that date or i'm not gonna you know what i'm saying you have to try or you'll never move forward one but also the more you fail the easier it is to fail the next time well my my issue is it's like okay you put stuff out there um and everybody is i mean the people who follow you normally are the ones that's gonna be like praising you there'll be like some randoms are like this is this is unacceptable but for the most people most part the people who

follow you are gonna love it because they love your brand but then there's my issue with the internet is that people who don't love you can just write whatever can repost and be like this is the bullshit that this is the reason why black women are are not where they're supposed to be like i i remember doing that viral video for the dildo hoverboard and hoverboard yes and it it just it honestly it ruined my my belief in like just doing stuff for fun so you would not have done that if they asked you to do that knowing what you know now would you still have said yes i don't know maureen i don't know that the comments were pretty rough they were not nice but that's the thing about comments on social media is there's always gonna be bad ones yeah

and i on uh aquafina was like trending on twitter and you know sis has a golden globe and she's she went from i think she was a rapper at some point to oh yes she was the black black twitter remembers and then she was on guy code and then she did oceans eight oceans right and now she's doing marvel movies and she's like a legit actress but like there are people who celebrate her growth but it's a lot there was a lot of people just dragging aquafina for what she was doing when she first came out which was appropriating black culture and talking in a black scent and you know she's from like forest hill queens which has like two percent black people so it's like yes yeah it's like so where did you get this accent that you were talking to us in

and um people dug up quotes of her saying she would never do like an asian accent she's not ever gonna do anything that like misrepresents asian people and then people were in the comments It's like, but why you do, why were you doing a little black girl? Like, what was that? Yeah. I mean, listen, when it comes to shit that you're like, I thought this was the look at the time. People were like, yeah, this is cool. But now where we are in 2021, it's a no go.

So, you know, trends change. Things change. I was just talking to some friends last night about a video that was on BuzzFeed. And it was like questions black people ask other black people. And at the time, the person who put it together thought it was a brilliant idea. What were some of the questions, friend? Oh, friend, why do we eat fried chicken? why is why is five minutes turning to 20 minutes uh um why do we eat fried chicken because it's

good also but also no no i like it was just the most stereotypical coon shit that like the people involved like them ask the questions medea like i'm confused as to like where the questions came from it it has over two million views and uh it it was the video that set everything off for buzzfeed and black people not to work together oh people people were highly upset because buzzfeed is um is through a white gaze so it's like yeah you got black people working there but it's it's white consumption right a white gaze g-a-z-e not g-a-y-s no no no white gaze which also should be a title white gaze white gaze how do you spell he's gays with a z not z white gaze with a z not a y that's a funny title whatever um i'm confused about the letters but yes a lot of

things that we consume is through like it's filtered through a beige lens anyway that's just the way that the world is set up beige lens is great too put that down yes yeah um but i think that anything that you put on the internet it could be the most perfect thing you've ever posted it could be a picture of your baby your beautiful baby someone in the comments gonna say that baby got a big ass head or someone's gonna say why would you post this or someone's gonna say i could tell by the way he's gripping your breasts that this baby is a misogynist like someone is always gonna find something negative to say you post your perfect cat eye someone's zooming into the background and they're like well i could i could see that your house is dirty and it's like but

it's not about that yeah and but it's also like my cat eye is so perfect why the fuck were you looking why were you zooming in in the back you nosy bitch like right right but maybe they zoomed into your pupils and they looked at the reflection of yourself in you know what I mean like people are crazy people people will say anything and do anything and and people have like burner accounts that's that's what the real problem is people are going they're trolling from the fake account that they set up because they can't stand on their real page and say that stuff to anybody hello hello attention attention you scary ass people stop like if you you know what you use a burner account to stalk your ex to stalk an old friend that you hope is doing poorly and then you

check and you're like oh wow they're on a fucking boat in central pay why don't i just mind my fucking business listen if you're going to actually use your burner account to write underneath someone's page negative shit get help get help go to therapy maybe get some meds it's wrong it's like i can never see myself i think things all the time and it it never reached my fingertips never hit the keys they never hit the keys but that's because you are a public facing person yeah you say the wrong thing under the wrong post at the wrong time yeah people are going to bombard your page with you know what i mean like people are just gonna you know they're gonna come after you and it's like i don't have time to be battling the beehive or the kardashian hive or the whatever

these hives are that these famous people have because at the same time there's always going to be somebody that has something negative to say about you but there's also always going to be somebody who is a fan of what it is that you're doing whatever the hell it is that you're into whatever your style of comedy is whatever your face shape looks like there's somebody somewhere that is a fan of that and marie is saying that because let's get into it our good friend viral sensation on instagram i mean geez louise marie the the girlies were loving what you had to say about the police and it was beautiful i mean i i was truly i was proud i was like that's that's my friend she is so funny and informative and yeah that's why i work with her you know because

she's funny and informative yeah it's a library book beach i mean girl had she has thousands thousands of followers you're really close oh sorry sorry sorry it was it was she's excited her friend went viral and you get sorry i'm sorry um yeah i mean i did that but uh we brought that up because what just you're saying that people who like that there's also people who love you yeah yeah and all the comments have been good i mean for for that video i haven't gotten a single negative comment but also what can you say negative about there was nothing there's nothing negative i mean there were all valid things about like jobs that are stressful i was like anybody who works at tgi fridays i mean that is that is a place that i if i'm surprised that

somebody has not shot up that tgi i'm i'm i'm truly when i used to work at dinosaur barbecue i'm i'm surprised that no one was murdered because either orders were wrong because people would come with a group of 15 are you fucking mad why are you coming randomly pulling up somewhere a group of 15 and now you've waited two hours you waited two hours for the seat because we said oh we probably have a table open in uh two hours now you're back now you're back and you're hungry girl now your mouth is back to the microphone it's the same sorry you excited about dinosaur barbecue that was that's the guessing you're drinking a gallon of water that's wow your pee is gonna be so clear now no more chicken ramen noodle pee for you just want you to know that

my pee was never chicken noodle soup never campbell's it was not it was not a campbell's it was you know it was it was it was more neon like like a red bull yeah um yeah i don't know why i can't hold on to any of the things that you're saying right now i didn't even smoke i am i just been drinking green tea and water today and my brain is not holding on to any of the things that you're saying maybe i'm just not hitting today i was thinking about other stressful jobs And, like, being a sex worker or a stripper is a stressful job. I've never heard of a stripper shooting anybody or, like, anything like that. Imagine you're a stripper.

You oiled your body down. You've done your yoga in the morning. You've stretched your body out. And then, what, Usher pops into the strip club and you're like, oh, Usher's here. We're going to dance. We're going to make lots of money. He's throwing money at you. He leaves.

You look at the money. it has usher's face on it he's throwing usher bucks usher was throwing counterfeit money with his face on it at the strip club and imagine the blood the sweat the tears you losing uh uh skin cells on that stripper pole you working your ass you twerking your ass off and when you when he leaves you didn't actually make any money you know now that's a that's upsetting but let me show tell you another i saw a video of a girl was doing some crazy pole work pole work from like the gods it's like it's it's like god was in her body helping her twirl around that pole i mean the stunts that she was doing i would i wouldn't serve to soleil yeah it made me want to go in my purse

that had no no dollars and it made me want to walk to the atm and then pull out the atm that also has no dollars but it made me want to give money this woman is working i mean the club is packed okay and usually when they get down to the ground after they crawl all the way up and they slide all the way down on the floor right some fucking drug dealer or rapper is throwing money and it's like you know a volcano of 20s or fives or whatever ones do you know do you know she got down and I think I counted I felt like it was a good $50 it was only $50 that like was what she work in the early shift what was it a Tuesday I don't know girl it was it made me in the comments they was like I want to go to that club and slap everybody the nerve what this woman

it was work she was on the pole the music summer walker was playing it it was it was so outstanding it was art not only in an artful way but a sexualized art i was i was wet i wanted to give this woman money and all these broke-ass people watching gave nothing that would make me go to my locker do up you know the players club when elite uh yeah yeah yeah when diamond when she had the dollar and she uh when she had the gun and shot it to the ceiling everybody get the fuck out the room that's what the that's what the hell i would have done guys that is your assignment that's your assignment for this week you have to watch the players club on whatever you stream your stuff on the players club with jamie foxx bernie mack and lisa ray formerly the wife of the president

of turks and cagos something like something like that yeah i think he cheated on her with her sister or something like that or the maid something wild lovely speaking of wild I was on tinder last night and um you know because I was bored and so I'm on there and this guy doesn't have a photo it's like a picture of his like stomach or something and uh he was like I just want you to laugh at my small dick and I on snap and I said so I matched I said you just want me to laugh at you and he's like yeah so i joined snap because you know i'm not on snap now and this man sends me a picture of his dick it is it looked like an ipod case an air let me see let me see well it's snap sis it went away his dick looked like this if you if you have an air pod case hold it

up and know that that's what this man's dick looked like and i was like you just want me to laugh at it and he was like yes and then what happened i was screaming in here and then he was like do you want to see a picture of it hard and i said wait he scented flaccid that's a great title he scented flaccid that that's crazy marie sends me a picture of his dick hard four inches it looked like a tube of chop of chapstick okay well we first of all there's some listeners who are not well endowed and we don't want to i'm not talking about those listeners i'm talking about the person who wanted to be humiliated by me on snap today he i'm laughing i'm sending laughing emojis it's turning him on i was like is this the entry point of my career as a dominatrix

because it was feeling fantastic you know i'm not i'm not you didn't get paid or anything for that me yeah i feel like i paid for it on snap today i was just doing it you know because it's my first time yeah but marie there you you can make money you can make money from that i need you guys to see what four inches is okay girl get out of here we know what four inches is i wear heels that are four inches that's a kitten heel yep there was a there was a it's a kitten heel he said you dick soft was a kitten heel okay there was a girl in my dorm in college that there like she matched with a guy on tinder who wanted to be kicked in the nuts repeatedly um and she she was paid like a couple hundred dollars to do this like for for like just to like sign this man in

to the dorm as a guest you know come up to the room literally until he was like in so much pain and then left and i just can't even like was he giving her cash or was he venmoing her because i need the people it was cash this was before venmo yeah yeah and which feels better like when i can help when i can have the money in my hand it feels like i actually got paid actually i want to i want to be counting the money while i'm kicking you yes yeah yeah yeah well there's um i mean this is crazy because i actually sent it to uh mandy and she had the girl on anyway but uh speaking of making fun of men and getting money for it there's a there's a girl that you know the pay pigs yeah the fine uh financial dominatrix yeah i mean listen girl i think you could really get into it

I think you're holding back what you're really good at. Listen, this guy, his name is Troy. Troy asked me to send him a picture of my feet. And I was like, no, I can't. I need to get my toes done. You know, hoping that he was going to be like, I'll send you money. He didn't say that. But I feel like we're going to figure something out.

There's an article on the New York Times. And it's this girl. Her name is Mistress Marley. She gets paid just to humiliate her fans. the high-priced hustle of financial domination where pay pigs send tributes to their cash masters i'm telling you we um we had karen feehan we had our what was she our expert in i don't remember what she was she was in an open relationship but yeah she was at the she was talking about pay pigs on that episode and that was like the very beginning of us doing this

podcast somebody tagged us in that article on twitter yeah so that's what i'm saying marie let's discuss i think we could really get into it i mean obviously i would be in the the back room i would you know make sure that i'm your security and make sure that you're my security that you're set up properly how are you going kevin costner for me yeah girl yeah this we're a team would you take a beige would you take a beige man's bullet for me sis i would i would have to wear i would have to ask the designer to make a whole bulletproof like vest of course like body thing body con situation a bulletproof over leger yeah bullet bulletproof body con is another good um title as well got it

that's yo that is a great title actually yeah yeah um but yeah i i being on mind you he added me on snap yesterday last night and then i went to sleep and when i woke up this morning we were having this conversation while the sun was up and it was like it was um i don't know if invigorating is the right word but i did feel very powerful and then i went on tinder back on tinder and this guy was just like hi rey good morning and i was like why are you here he was like why are you here can i make fun of you are you gonna send me your dick like or money what's good right he's this this new dude he's talking about jazz music he's like yeah you know i really like and i was like i can't go from uh micro microscopic peen humiliation to

talking about jazz that's not what i'm here that's no longer why i'm on tinder i'm here to roast you and make you feel bad until you feel good because it makes me feel good. And I feel good when my friend feels good. So I'm here to support whatever, you know, self-care my good Marie Faustin needs. Now listen, this girl, this Mistress Marley, she was in Tulum, Mexico for her 27th birthday.

And she was with her friends getting lobsters and going all off. And then whenever she needed money, she would go and talk to these pay pigs. and they would send her money on cash app yeah so that's what that's that's the golden friend i'm i think i want to get into this because the way my body has been looking i think i i think i could get into it i have gained 13 pounds 13 pounds 13 pounds marie where were you getting 13 pounds girl my ass my my midsection i mean i sent didn't i send you the picture of me like

i am thick it is i like i know that i look like i look small but when i have my clothes off is is the thangs are thangin thangs is thangin yeah the thangs is thangin if i gained 13 pounds I don't think it would go to my butt I don't know where it would go But I don't think it would go to my butt It's in my legs too It's in my back And that's why we're doing this vegan cleanse

So you know Well Sydney you look good The 13 pounds looks good on you friend But you do need to eat healthier So that's why you should do a cleanse Andrew thoughts I'm also getting Like thick for the first time

Oh so no more paper plates No more paper plates Stand up and make them plates clap for us Let's see Come on No I'm talking about like love handles Love handles Yeah I have that too

And I'm just like Andrew you want me to send you a picture Of your love handles I mean you posted that picture the other day of you laying down Body looks right Thick All I do is eat crab ragoons I said alright let me run to the store

half a dozen ragoons oh my god i hate you marie a case of a case of imitation crab ragoons not even real crab they sell that at costco can i get that like a 24 pack marie we need your body for when we want to take like pictures so no when we want to take pictures yeah like i love when i'm next to you and you're just the abs are popping off i love it and your shoulders are great it makes it makes me feel like it's mine as well so that's why i i'm like marie we can't i we will not touch your body my body it can be you know a recycling bin but yours absolutely not your body's not allowed to be a recycling bin you are in los angeles babe okay you're gonna do a nude scene you're gonna book something and they're gonna ask you to do a nude scene you're gonna do

it i don't know marie i was i was talking to um what's her name about it and uh i mean would you do it i mean you have the body depends on the scene i think it depends on the scene like and it depends on the series like if you remember the beginning of game of thrones that first season all we ever saw was daenerys butt naked having sex and we never see the men's dicks never see we see women's full nudity everything the areola i could i mean the how the 4k camera was i could literally see every little dot and bump and lump on people's titties we were in game of thrones dragons mother of dragons uterus for the whole first couple seasons then as the show got bigger and she became a star they renegotiated contracts and it was like i'm not doing this no more y'all

not gonna you could see a whisper of a side titty but that's it she changed it yes she she's you know she's a star she was able to renegotiate her stuff um after a couple of seasons or you can be with nudity like reggie our good friend reggie on insecure reggie conquest his little square butt we loved his spongebob square pants it was so cute yeah i don't know i think but i think i would feel weird about it because i would want everybody to watch this guys i'm on this new this new series or guys i'm in this movie and then all my friends will come watch it and i'm butt naked and people are like so marie naked finally and i'd be like ew like i don't want everybody to see my naked body they don't deserve but I mean Steven Spielberg was like lay on your

side and we gonna get we gonna cinematically zoom into your butt crack I would be like I guess for like a little bit I mean it just it just took you so long for me to even just to see this the side of your nipple so like yeah I wouldn't want I wouldn't want you to show your body either you know sydney every time you see me naked or you see a piece of my body it gives to catch a predator vibes to me so you you real you real oh wow let me see mind you sydney will be on facetime titties out but her hair will be wrapped and it's like so you're telling me i i i have to cover the coochie if i'm covering my hair like what the hell if you if the hair is covered then the body should be covered no the body's not covered let

the hair be free is what i'm saying you never listen you never been butt naked butt naked in a bonnet but naked in a bonnet merch you're just trying to say like you've never been um butt naked in a bonnet and then she looked at Andrew. In Barbados? Naked in a bonnet in Barbados with your friend Brandon? That's a great that oh I love that I love that smurge honestly.

That's a keychain at least a toe bang. No. Naked in a do-rag maybe but I don't know Sydney I just what I was doing today with Troy was very entertaining for me invigorating and that's why i said this is the business now and i i would love to like get in on this as well so you would be there or you would be like running the books

like you would be i want to rate i would i want to set the rate i also i want to negotiate times because you know once these pay pigs get involved they want you all the time and you're like no no no, no, no, no. That's not how it works. It's when I'm a, when I want money. But that's the cool thing about being a dom is you got to talk to them how you want to talk to them and they just have to listen to you. And people think that you're mean, which is not true, but I think that you can have this persona as this mean person. And then you could be like, ah, this is for work. Yeah. It's only going to make me a better person. It really is. If I get paid to be mean then i'm gonna have to be nice when i'm not getting paid because exactly i'm not

in the office babe out of the office do not disturb yeah when you're off duty she's an angel girl you're my angel off duty booty thank you sydney for another okay but let's talk about what the rates would be let's talk about where i'm gonna meet these but you know what though is also kind of scary is is how recognizable i am sometimes on on these dating apps like people recognize me from stand-up and that comedy central clip that i that they posted that alana glazer put on her instagram people are like people are like messaging me about that on tinder or hinge or whatever the hell what you're i saw like some i something else happened that i had done and this guy was like

oh i saw this clip of you and he's like you're really funny and i was like unmatch like i don't want to talk to somebody who's seen me do stand-up online or in real life it's just weird and i know that it's only gonna get worse as she continues to book okay hello that's the way we like to speak right I feel like I want to meet the person that I like the person that I actually want to date in real life and then the person that I want to treat like a pay pig

I'll meet online let me tell you let me tell you the problem with this you know you're already famous Marie you're already famous G list life on the G list you're already famous

and you just gotta i mean the person that i'm with right now famous upset obsessed with me you said famous but i said obsessed with me and they you know they saw all my work it's out there so like that's what made they saw dildo hoverboard they didn't see that that's in that's in the vault i'm gonna text it to her i'm gonna text it to her right now right now and so it you can't it's this is just what it is people are going to be they're going to see what you do and they're going to love it i know but i don't know i don't i was thinking about this last night i don't i don't love that why girl you're funny and you're great and your stuff is amazing people are gonna love i know but the guy that i went on a date with a couple weeks ago um messaged me he texted

me this weekend and it was one of the jokes like he he texted me one of the jokes in the set and i he knew he knows that i'm a stand-up but i had never sent him anything i never even told him what my last name was so he couldn't google me um and he was like oh you're really funny it popped up on my instagram timeline and i was like it's just like i don't know i don't like knowing that people that i know watch my stuff i like knowing strangers watch it but if i know you and you're watching what i'm doing it's like an extra layer of like i don't know cringe for me so i got him girl would you rather be um i don't know would you just rather be unbooked and unrecognized yeah like would you want stuff out there and then nobody talk about

it what do you want figure it out I just don't want them to talk to me about it okay Marie you're not making any sense and um I'm gonna say I hear you and uh I don't think you hear me Sydney I hear you I'm saying that I like the like knowing that people are watching me in the abstract but when somebody that I know or somebody who has access to me is telling me that they're watching my stuff it's like i'm like ah is it okay was it funny did i look like it's just i don't know i guess i gotta get over it because you know i'm gonna be on my whoopie goldberg soon um so i don't know if you guys are listening but anything that i am doing uh please i beg of you tell me how amazing it is if you if you are interested in me and you like my work and content

please slide in my dms and tell me how amazing it is reposted to i i i am unlike my good friend my good sis marie if you are interested in me and you watch my stuff please slide into my dms and i will gladly say thank you and be like i'm taken so please um shoot your shot shoot your shot for you sydney i love that um speaking of shooting our their shots we are get we have some listener photos that y'all slid into the inbox and I just wanted to fucking gorgeous describe some of the sexiness that we've received

recently so we have a huge fan in Singapore okay I love that word international I love that for us Mr. Worldwide she said hi Marie and Sydney I want to thank you so much for giving me great

content to listen to I absolutely I absolutely love the banter between you both with andrew's interjections you see that babe you're in there you in there anyway sis is giving first of all very moisturized no split ends the hair is looking healthy it's looking bouncy where is she i don't see her well sis you must not have checked your email she's giving us colors she's giving looks the the smile is radiant i love i love that when i say our listeners are super attractive and y'all prove me right because i've never i've yet to see an ugly unofficial expert

oh bitch she is stunning and she's tall sydney you got away from the mic yeah girl you are so tall and hot i'm into it she looks good that's my type nigga that's my type that's my type she's giving us corduroy blazer and yellow uh i love it i love how hot she is everybody singapore um if you don't mind girl i think we're gonna repost i think we're gonna be like we i don't know her instagram but i'm like girl is flaming her name is nicia oh and i i even love the name oh okay and then this the other one that we wanted to touch on today first of all hold on sydney looking at nicia's photo what give me what do you think about you know what do you think she's doing in singapore what kind of person does you think she's attracted to let's

chat about her her look okay it she can go three ways she could be into girls and if she is into girls she wants a slim femme butch i see it okay i if i see her with a woman randomly i feel like she could be with a beige woman she's in singapore it's yeah yeah maybe she's in singapore so the woman is beige she wouldn't be asian uh for some reason i just find her linking up with somebody who's also doing the same thing that she's doing which is what teaching english abroad what do you think she's doing in singapore i don't know she might be doing something in fashion because she's real done up she's but it's also that first photo is giving museum curator vibes it's giving i put these photos here in this order i don't know but she also she could also work at like some

like boutique designer uh you know store um i don't know the second photo is giving maybe she's in singapore doing architecture or something it's giving she's business it's giving does art but like business yes art business you know what it's the shoes it's the shoes that's making me feel like maybe she's not in a like a boutique she might be doing real real hot girl shit real hot girl shit because the toes are out it's not a peep toe it's not a peep toe so it's not it's not business business the whole toe is out i could see the pinky i know sydney zoomed in on the joke you know i did you foot fetish beach okay um okay let's go to the next photo andrew any uh interjections about nisia i think she's hot i mean i've always

said the same thing it's like there's like not a bad looking listener not one for us you know you are you are what you eat or whatever the hell the saying is we're hot so our listeners were hot That's what I'm saying. And then the second photo that we want to talk about today is from the UK. Are y'all listening to this? Are you listening? UK and Singapore. UK and Singapore.

One of my favorite with a U, favorite podcast. I look forward to it every week. I feel like I'm hanging out with my shady older cousins when I'm listening. Okay, well, sis called us old, but you are a shady older cousin, babe. This is Aaron. Aaron is given real septum piercing and also moisturized edges and hair. Beautiful skin. Beautiful skin.

Giving me tall, tall, tall, tall body, short fingers. He's giving me short fingers. So your fingers are closest to the camera. Yeah. The fingers are short. The dick is long. I know that the dick is long. I could I can tell.

Wow. The fingers are short, the dick is tall. Okay, that's a great title as well. I'm on fire today. I don't know. Maybe it's the cleanse. It's that soup cup you're drinking over there. Maybe it's all the water.

I don't know. It's that Prêt-à-Manger cleanse you on right now. That's what it is. Aaron looks very hot. The skin looks good. Everything. The fingernails are clean. I'm here for it.

please guys send send send i we this is so fun i oh i just included their instagram handle for more oh okay okay well she's a cocky beach well let me um let me i'm gonna go on the unofficial expert page and friend this person because erin we love and you deserve and let's see if erin is already following us because i i love the sneaky people they are okay okay wow aaron j i don't see him oh well they just oh i found him i found him oh wow right it's giving it's giving like a like the the page is very like arty yeah model model right it's giving our director on the side yeah he i mean looks like he could also live in brooklyn like he's really giving me what i need oh the half up half down hair oh a durag moment you know i'm here for that always

hey i mean look back at it i mean we definitely gotta we gotta hang with aaron when we're in the uk yeah i marie we have to go to the uk i think we have a lot of fans there to be honest i'm not gonna lie i think we do and i had fun when i was in london um it was the weather was nice i got there i was lucky i think because the day that i left it started pouring because you know famously the weather is trash in the uk but i think we should go to the uk sydney yes let's go to london and get our, you know, and ride that little double-decker ugly bus. Oh, I'm here for it. Marie, did your hair grow back on your cooch yet?

It's growing back. It's so thin. Yeah, which is fine. And sparse. Are you upset about that? I don't know. I'm, like, looking at it, and it's just like. Oh, my God.

Sydney, you got to put your pussy away. That was crossing a line. sydney push sydney put your pussy away is a great title sydney that was crossing a line that it was you gotta stop putting your pussy on the podcast look at andrew's face also i was just talking about how you'd be having your titties out on facetime but your hair be covered and then you plopped your pussy on the zoom plopped pussy that's a good title too nah man i'm gonna text jojo do you wanna do you wanna get go through the titles no um um no uh bulletproof uh bodycon bulletproof body bodycon is the winner well andrew please

read the rest of the titles just so the listeners can get a recap um white gaze uh spelled with g a z e uh beige lens oh beige lens that should be in the description um he sent it flaccid was one bulletproof body con is going to be the title of the app i believe uh he sent it flaccid hilarious uh butt naked in a bonnet in barbados um you're the merch honey the merch sydney i'm not doing this with you no more this is the last episode to me because i can't believe you put your pussy i'm still reeling from that the microphone phone string was in the way so i thought there was like a braid hanging down girl and then you have um off-duty booty and short fingers long dick

oh short fingers long dick that's going on a tote bag yeah just for aaron just the aaron tote for running errands this is killing me oh man i'm crying i'm done with this podcast i'm not doing this with y'all no more okay well that good thing we are already at an hour bitch so we can head on out ew somebody just sent me another message on tinder what they said should you be interested in getting in meeting to get acquainted drink or dinner please text me it's like no dude do you want a copy and paste what they look like can we see a picture it sounds like a copy and paste message um it sounds like an older man it is an older it's an older beige man his profile says he's 60

marie do it for the story do it for the story this is what he looks like marie i beg you to do it for the story please shakti shakti shakti marie i bet i will how much money do i we have to pay you for you to do it for the story oh well sydney you said you was gonna set the rate sis so let's talk about the rate a hundred dollars for you to go on this date you're gonna give me a hundred dollars for me to go on a date with this man mm-hmm yeah i'll take a hundred dollars um andrew you want to split that okay wait wait when this episode comes out can you guys venmo her a hundred well venmo us a hundred and venmo me a hundred dollars because i'm about to venmo her a hundred dollars oh my god

everyone needs to venmo you yeah and and this is whatever your currency is if you in um london send us send venmo a hundred i'm sending marie euros i'm sending marie a hundred pounds i'm sending her a hundred dollars right now so i would hope that you guys would look me up on venmo and send me back this hundred dollar because we're doing it for the story here you go oh my god sydney i mean here you go you're venmoing me a hundred dollars for emotional duress for seeing your cooch in the daytime please and and you're facing the window so it was well lit for the story okay so um well lit sydney just sent me all of her unemployment money for the week sydney you gotta stop wait can is there anybody who's claiming unemployment can y'all

slide in my dms because i have i actually we have a story we have something we need to talk about on the patreon um because i might be going to jail and i we have to talk about it sydney might be going to jail you're gonna record from prison yeah i told her i told her she has to sneak uh she has to sneak the microphone into jail into her booty hole and she said they're gonna do a cavity check and i said that's fine sydney they don't always do a cavity search cavity check is um they only do it for people who think you know they think are smuggling things into jail but like martha stewart didn't get cavity searched well that's because she's a fucking famous oh sydney dropped her laptop oh my god

sydney dropped her computer and dropped off the zoom i i can't even she dropped her laptop oh my god i can't unbelievable unbelievable i hope the audio wow stuck i hope the laptop didn't fall on the dog because the dog was walking around in the back oh my god her face as it fell oh wait she's back i was truly like surprised at myself did it fall and the screen closed yeah it was like meaning leaks i'm off the call wow anyway friend i think we did what we needed to do today is there anything you wanted to leave the listeners with for the week or the weekend as it starts to warm up out here uh yeah I mean I know people are vaxxed up and they're feeling free and they're hopping and bopping and dipping and twerking and popping and but it's just like um be safe

really really be safe I'm not just talking about COVID I'm talking about STDs like just because somebody's allegedly immune from you know COVID-19 that don't mean they am immune from you know trichinomies trichinomies trichinometry well wait what stds are like popular among lesbians what lesbian stds exist i don't know but i was talking to a few lesbians and they said that they go to the gynecologist and when they're like yeah i'm gay they don't really they're not getting the rundown check-in like straight bitches well because because men are the carriers of a lot of these stis so women can get yeah but lesbians can get like utis and yeast infections and stuff like that yeah hpv yeah that yeah they can but it's just not it's not as common

i mean usually like when you're using a strap um it's going inside one person and it's usually like clean before it's like going in so there's not really transferring of it's not like I'm putting on the strap and then somebody and then I'm they're using it on me and I'm using it that's not usually how it goes well I mean I can't say how it usually goes for me but I'm just saying in general you said you can't say how it usually goes for you after you just said how it goes for I'm just saying. You just said. Yeah.

Yo, Sydney, please hurry up and get back to Brooklyn so we can talk more freely about these things because you're sitting in somebody's house like, well, I can't say for me. Well, that's not really my, that's not what's happening here, but I'm just saying that some people take and some people receive.

So usually the thing that's going in is not being transferred into somebody else. so got you and then it's dishwasher safe so you can just wash it out all right so dick is dirty and straps are clean i love this for us dick is dirty straps are clean that's a great title marie i thought we already okay but can you write down that we need to use these um titles for you know later yes save them yeah can you dirty strap is clean can andrew can Can you take a picture of all the titles so we can post on the Instagram? Right.

Okay. Please. Actually, that sounds great. And then I'm going to post it today and be like, guess what title we're using for Friday? I mean, we're really doing good on the solos. Marie, I'm having a blast doing it. It's been a good time. Honestly, it's like, do we ever need a guest again?

I mean, people write in the reviews that they're like, I love the solo episodes. they don't even need a guest they say it all the time so the guests are great there we love the guests please everybody come come on the pod but i mean me and my gal and andrew out the water gals the gals and andrew we love it um well i feel like we did what we came out here to do today and i love that y'all are uh enjoying this because we like doing it so please keep sending us money so that we can obviously start and bail Sydney out of jail

for, what did you say, sis? I didn't. I'm not saying why. Just know that there might be Orange is the New Sydney again. Sydney, I would come visit you in jail and I would stand behind that little window and I would pick up the phone and be like, how you doing, sis?

I bought you some Jet magazines or whatever the hell. Remember the Ja Rule song? When I need me, when you want me, to put it on you, come on. There's a music video of him and- When I be what I'm about to be. Baby. Baby.

Yeah, that's, can we do that for Halloween? I'm Ja Rule and you- Why are you bringing this up? What is the correlation to what we're talking about right here? Well, because there's the music video, he's in jail and the girl is coming to see him and they're they're talking amongst the glass and they're rapping you're gonna get arrested so we can redo the video anyway marie i love you and you too andrew and so make sure everybody you know comment subscribe uh review give me praise i need it um if you're interested in me again slide in

my dms and tell me i'm great and so i could say that i'm taken yes this has been fabulous god I love you guys Bye friends Bye Forever Dog This has been a Forever Dog production The unofficial expert is executive produced

By Brett Boehm Joe Cilio And Alex Ramsey Senior producer Tracy Soren Produced by Andrew McGuire Cover art by Sandy Honig To listen to this podcast ad free

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