MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - BYE BYE MESSTIES (For Now)

Episode Date: July 30, 2026

Messties ... It's not goodbye, but see you later :,). Today is our last episode FOR NOW. Please enjoy this Sydnee and Marie solo episode of reflection. We may not be releasing on this feed every week, BUT continue to check us out on patreon!  Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you want to watch the episode oh of course you do so click the link in the episode description oh you're listening to mess hi what's going on hi my name is marie uh and i'm sydney and you have a sunrise yeah i think i think it's i think i low-key am allergic to the sun you got white in the family you should do a 23 and me i'm simply black bitch we've learned that black irish i am no i'm all the way black and look at my ankles you can't be all the way black if you have a sun rash it's got to be some beige or some lebanese somewhere in the lineage babe um maybe i'm scottish i don't know i am going to scotland yeah and bro i'ma go and bro when i when i come should we take bagpipe lessons yeah you get some kilts should we get some we should absolutely get

i think i want to get i would rather spend my money on like a different type of plaid skirt but yeah okay yeah well yeah i am it's crazy because i spent so many years just just guzzling passion fruit margaritas in the sun just lathering crisco oil balda soul or whatever just just oil over and over and over again a stitch of water for the whole weekend well maybe that's doing molly cocaine ketamine and i was like damn why am i glowing so hard for so long i was like damn i didn't even have no gatorade like why why do i look so good hearing is ketamine makes you glow possibly there's a there's a strong possibility or just youth you know what i mean like my 20s i really did the thug thistle of all fizzling and now i'm just this doubt and i i really

just can't even go outside i need a hat i'm one of those little asian i'm asian i'm the little asian ladies that have the umbrellas they i'm et i'm et when he had all the clothes on and the hats and the wig and the scarf that's how i gotta be when i go out did you wear a hat today um no boom boom no but roasted no no that's by the sun no there's overcast there's overcast sydney the sun is still out she's here well overcast or not if you allergic to the sun and or more sensitive to it you know maybe we gotta get you one of those little umbrellas a parasol oh you know what i forgot my fan i forgot that too sydney we already recording and it's cold here are you you need a fan right now because I have one in my bag do you need it right now

in this moment let me let me help you Marie be nice to me I'm literally getting my fan for you friend I'm like what you want from me friend Marie is just she's not soft be soft with me can I be vulnerable with you guys for a minute yes um this will be my last episode of mess Sydney, you cannot have the fan by the microphone. Are you crazy? Give me my mic, my thing back. They don't like when you chew on the mic and they definitely don't want to hear this fan. That's so crazy.

I'm sorry. You just called me mean and said I'm not soft. And I said, let me be vulnerable with y'all. And I just said, this is going to be my last day of the podcast. And you just blowing cold air. Well, bitch, why are you acting like it's your last day? It's both of our last days. That's crazy.

Now you want to be quick? Both. This is both our last day. For real, y'all. I know we make jokes. This is our last day of mess. We got our paper. We got fired on our day off. Friday. Literally Friday. On Friday. On Friday. Yeah. It was a shock to us all and the family, especially since, you know, I was tip tap tippity all through the vacation. And yeah, I said, I wish I would have known that a month ago because then maybe I wouldn't have done this trip. But but it's no here, no there. You know, you're saying we we you we deserve vacations, even if we don't have jobs. Even when I'm not working, I need some time off. Yes. But in order to do the time off and do the time off like we want, we need what?

Money. No, we need to be irresponsible. No, I want that Moulin Moulin Rouge. so um wasn't moulin rouge about a sick stripper is that what it is she wasn't she didn't she like um yeah didn't she what she had emphysema what she had um tuberculosis tuberculosis or sun or sun rash no she didn't have that she didn't have that nicole kidman wears hats mama Also, Creole lady. Okay, Sydney, I could be Creole. You know, I am housed to do it all wrong.

So, no, sincerely, iHeart canceled our show. They did, y'all. iHeart hates us. And I want to say it is y'all's fault. Because y'all really should have been pushing us more. You talking about iHeart or to the viewers? No, to the viewers. To the viewers and the listeners.

It's really on them. because what it is I'm just going to put it out here our fans are not vapid you know like they love us they down for us but y'all need to be

pressed y'all need to be y'all need to be acting like we Taylor Swift whenever we say anything y'all should be like oh my god ooh mess

mess mess that's what y'all should be saying they do that to us on the street anytime I bump into a mess on the street they be like

ooh mess every time but I just want to say the numbers don't lie in real life And apparently, we don't have enough numbers. Is that what the numbers say? I don't know.

Honestly, I don't know. It's about the money. Oh, money. It's about the money. We too expensive for iHeart. Is that what it is? Okay, let's actually cut all that out. iHeart ain't got no money, y'all.

That's why we can't let go. Big money players? More like small money players. Un poquito money players. Un poquito. Tiny peso players. Muy mala players. That's what it is.

Take the word players out. Because they're not even really players. Are y'all really playing if y'all not playing? You know, it ain't tricking if you got it. And clearly, I ain't got it. And you know what? That's fine. You know what?

I just came here to dance. I just came here to dance. I just came here to dance, Junior. So, but this is, we're saying this on the, you know, on the long form version of the pod. We're saying this for the video. But on socials, we're going to say hiatus. Oh, yes. We're taking a hiatus.

What we're going to say is we're looking for a home. No. Right now, we're pod-less. We are without, we don't want to say we're homeless because we have a home, but we're pod-less. No. You saying we're looking for a home makes me feel like we're Will Smith in Pursuit of Happiness. We are. Pursuit of Happiness with pods.

That's what we're doing right now. We got to find a new house. Okay, that's what we need. We need a pod house. You know, when you have the AirPods and you'd have the little home for the pod, you need a pod home. We're the pods, but we don't have the little case. That's what we need. We need a case.

I will burn this building down. Not this building, but the house that players, big money players built. Hey, somebody get Will Ferrell on the line right now. Call him. Call him. I know somebody got his number in the building. Becca? I don't have his number.

And it's crazy. I don't even have his email, y'all. And it's crazy because we are doing numbers. We're doing well. We're doing great. The YouTube is doing great, especially, you know, I've seen other people's YouTube and I don't know, our numbers are popping. We've been doing this for less than a year.

Well, this iteration of this. Yeah, the YouTube. But the YouTube is expensive. What? It's the YouTube. How is YouTube expensive? So let's take away. So, hey, our heart.

Can we renegotiate? let's just not do no visuals no no we literally been begging for the visuals since sydney had the genius idea that we should start a podcast in 2000 whatever year we've been i've been saying from jump yeah people need to see us people need to see us and then the people are like we want to see you yeah and now they see us and you're telling me that the youtube is expensive it is i mean to edit to make sure we look good to they don't have to work that hard to make us look good the lights are here. The lights are here. I don't want to lie. And here. When we

were in the IHAR building, we was looking ashy and dry and shadowy and wigs were slanted. That's racism. I'm not saying, hey, listen, I'm blessed, but in the building, not so much. Well, we will no longer be in the building.

We in the b-b-b-b-b-b-building. We in the s-s-s-s-studio. No, we in the studio. I can't. Please insert that little photo of um squidward in a box dirty with a cup no tiny tim can you spare spare some change that's i heart our heart is tiny tim looking for change because how are we supposed to make money and grow for the company if y'all won't let us hit our stride like well i yeah yes yes but

you know bills gotta get paid yes mine our bills gotta get paid so therefore followers listeners it is up to you it is up to you call to action to boost boost mess because y'all say all y'all underrated

how are we so underrated if y'all all saying we underrated then people should be seeing us and be rating us so what's up do you remember

chain letters yes from like back in the day I do remember that it'd be like you would get a letter in the mail in the mail

I don't know if you remember mail and it'd be like yes mail I avoid it you gotta send this letter to not males mail

you gotta send this letter to 10 people or something bad. Do you know what I'm talking about? This is why our heart is firing us because you don't know

what I'm talking about. What? Let me talk to Becca. And that's exactly what they want. They want us to turn on each other and break up.

They're trying to break up the family. Sydney, you've been trying to fight me since I sat down. Since I gifted you a pair of beautiful Ray-Ban glasses.

You told me if I wanted to keep these I had to give up some coochie cats. I never said, oh, my God, you're a liar. You said if you want them, you know what you got to do for them. All you do is lie, bitch. That's why we're breaking up.

That's why they let us go. That's why they let us go. Bitch. Wow. They already think I'm all up on you, and I don't want you. I want to do this. This is news to me. Ooh, you're listening to the last mess.

Ooh, this is you listening to Unemployed. Ooh, last mess, the last mess, the last mess tonight. This is why they let us go. No, this is why they are letting us go. You pointed at me? Yes, you. Whoa. Marie.

That's crazy. You just said they want us to fight. And now you trying to fight me? I didn't mean to call you a bitch. That was rude. I apologize. Will you accept? Actually, if you call me a bitch again, we might get re-nubed.

Right. Get it. Yes. Ooh. You know what? When we post, we be like, you know what? We are separating. We should act like we're having a fight.

Oh. Ooh. Mess. Yeah. Like, create drama. Yeah. And act like it's bigger than what it is. And then we come back and be like, JK, guys.

Okay. We found a new, improved network. We're getting more money. I got a new hairline. We do need drama. Yes, we need drama. And hairlines, yes. No, yours is beautiful.

No, no. I had to add this curl right here because my forehead looks so big. I love it. It's stunning. This was not part of the style. But I think it's great. If I slide the curl to the side, it's actually supposed to go back. Look at my forehead.

Ready? Are you ready for it? Yep. Marie, stop. That's why we got canceled. It's beautiful. Stop that. you're so silly you know what let's can we switch let's see what we look like on the other side oh

yeah yeah let's do this then you want to look at my butt let's dance okay now let's see what your forehead look like on that side oh your forehead looks smaller on that side this side yeah oh yeah you listening that's why they letting us go girl because we got big ass fucking forehead. Sydney, your forehead is demure with the bald. Because I pushed it all the way up to the damn eyebrows. Okay, for the last episode, can we see your real forehead? Hey!

That's anti-black. That's very I heart of you. When someone says I heart, they hate. Yes, it's more like I hate. I hate you, Jodi. I hate you so much right now.

I can't believe this, Marie. What are we going to do? I don't know. The bag budget don't went up, and now it's going back down. Should I return the bag? It's too late. I returned the bag. Sydney, I can't stop buying stuff.

Girl, give me the glasses back. I got to return them. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right. Let me bend the knee for the glasses. What? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You know what it is? Also, you know, we have ADHD, so we go on a lot of tangents. Maybe it was our lateness, friend. it could have you should we do like a peer review oh all the things we could have done yeah let's do a pre-review and while we're at it i actually made a list i don't know if you did but yeah i think we should review myself it was gonna be homework for the last episode i thought it was the last day of school yeah i thought we should just

well let's switch back let's switch back my homework is over there okay let's go through your list um do you want me to start yeah i think i think number reason number one reason why the podcast has failed is neither one of us is white oh if we had a white mesty on the couch actually that's you they don't know that you part white what the sun oh that's what i should tell them yeah i'm irish caribbean i'm ir jamaican no jamaican is black yeah but if i'm irish jamaican no sydney you're simply black but let's say we found your dad and you know what you know what mess exclusive okay we were supposed to have mori on the podcast we were supposed to have more can we drop the receipts do we have receipts yeah we have the

email yeah oh you want to read the email yeah no we're gonna put it in the dump yeah yeah i was like it was there was not an eventful email to read out right i'm like what did it no it was like maury has to reschedule for september yeah and september september and now we don't have a home we don't maybe we will what if what is our new dad oh my god should we reach out to maury No. Hey, man. You are the father. Do you know you can take care of us?

Maury! Maury! What network is he on? I don't know, but Connie Chung. I don't think he has a podcast. I think he's just... I thought he had a podcast. I thought I saw him, yeah.

I thought that's why he wanted to do our podcast, so he could promote his. Yeah, I thought he did. Oh, On Par with Maury. On Par. On Par. I feel like golf. It debuted last year. Yeah, what are his numbers doing?

Let me see. How many weekly downloads is Maury getting? That's what it is. I Heard, you got to have a lot of weekly downloads. It's got to be over 100,000. Oh, it's just on YouTube. It's just on YouTube. That's not true. It's not true? Because I Heard is letting

us go, but still signing new podcasts every day. Because they hit us up and they're like, do you guys like I Heard? And the answer is no. Well, we told them yes, so they already signed, so it don't even matter. Well, I don't know why you've been saying yes. That's where all the budget went for mess. Oh, so

while I was saying yes, I was actually giving up my job. You were signing your Two weeks notice. Brand! Brand! This is crazy. Can you be serious for one second? Yeah, let's go through your list.

Marie. um i think your your comedic timing is i mean like no other i really enjoy a lot of the things that you bring to the table comedically um and visually amazing thank you for the curl uh i think i think you could just be a little bit more you know heartfelt just more heart someone did say that in the Alex English episode. They were like, Marie is mean. And I read them to Phil.

She's always mean. I said she is the comedy gold, the reason why we are here today. She wouldn't even let him be vulnerable. I wanted him to be vulnerable, but he was not

going to talk about what he was going to talk about. He was lollygagging. He wasn't giving us nothing except his mother. you know, he did give us so much of his mother.

Hey, Miss Capri, I want to apologize that I was just yelling out your name, like, you know, all willy-nilly.

It's Miss Capri. Sydney does love calling somebody's mother body first. And you know, your mother was on the phone today and I said, hi, mommy.

I was about to say her name and I said, don't say her name. Don't say her name. That's a good thing to work on. Yes. Not shouting people's mom's names. Yes.

But I do like knowing what people's mother's names are. I love it. It just says so much about who they are. Because certain people just have like good mother names. Like I feel like Kim

is like a cool mom name. Cool. Now, what about a Ramona? Ramona is, Ramona feels strict. Yeah. Ramona, you feel like a strict mom name. She was strict, but then I was somehow, you know, bringing my boyfriend in the house, having sex on a leather couch.

Where was your mom? She was at work. She was at Fordham Law University. Oh, your mother was at Fordham Law and you was in the house breaking house laws. Absolutely. You had sex. I've never had sex in my parents' house. Of course not.

Right. No, you had a home, sis. I had an apartment. It's different. Sex in my parents' home. First of all, the bed is old and creaky. You had it on a couch. Yes, and it was a brand new couch.

You got juices on the leather? Well, that's a good thing about a leather. On the Bob's, the Jennifer convertible. That's a good thing about a leather is that you wipe it down. Wipe me down. Wipe me down. Oh, maybe that's why the podcast failed. We wasn't talking about sex enough.

I think we did. Marie, there's so many episodes where we were giving. No, we got, but we didn't give. no you honestly but i need to see the numbers for coochie reaper because i felt like that did crazy numbers yo you know what was crazy about that is i remember having sex in london with this man and being like i gotta talk about this on the pod and then i got on the podcast and didn't even really talk about the sex no but not really because sometimes it's not even about that It's about everything that leads up to that.

And you was with, you know, what's the Incredibles dude? What's his name? Incredibles dude? The doctor with the long Chelsea boots. What? You thought of Frozone? Frozone, yeah. You was with Frozone.

Was Frozone a doctor? Yes, he was. Because I was like, I was going to call HIPAA. You talked about the dude in London was a doctor. Yes, yes. I'm like, Frozone was not a doctor. I don't think we know his job from the Incredibles. And that's why they're letting us go, Marie.

You're never in sync with me. No. You always be like, girl, what are you talking about? Just lean in. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is the real. Yes and bitch. And that will be the title of the episode.

No, no, Sidney. The title is not yes and bitch. What is it? It's no but because you are notorious. Look at this. You see this? Notorious. That.

That's why. That's why they letting us go. Notorious. You are. We are. They're letting us go because Sidney famously will start a story in the middle of the story as if we had already been talking about this thing. And I'd be like, what? And she'd be like, oh, you wasn't there.

So start from the top. She'd be like, and you do this to me all the time. You do it on the pod. Marie. Marie. Sidney. And that's why they're letting us go because you never, you're just supposed to intrinsically understand what I'm saying. And you're supposed to finish my sentences.

Sidney, you don't intrinsically understand what you be saying. Mind you, as a storyteller, you know. Oh, yes. No, you're very good. I like to give, I set the scene. You do. You do. Even when, now, when you did Orange is the New Sid.

Damn. Now, this is fucking seven years ago, bitch. You were like, the last good story you told was when you went to jail. I'm not saying that's the last good story that you told. Okay, okay. But if I had just let you tell it the way you tell stories, you would have been like, what? Yes. When did we get to jail?

No, you're right. No, absolutely. I had to ask the questions that I knew the people were curious about. And that's why you're a great host. And that's why, why are you single? That's going to be on TV, sis. That's going to be on TV. And you know where I'm going to be?

On the sideline. Hey, you got any room for me on why are you single? I'll break up. I can get on the show, sis. And then I'll tell, hey, this is just optics. I'll break up is crazy. It's optics. It's just for work, you know?

Like, we together, but, like, you know, publicly. I'm going to be like, I'm single. Why are you single? You know, for the coin. For the coin. Let's go through what some of the other more popular established podcasts have that maybe we don't have. Well, we never been on. Like, we were on a TV show.

Well, you were on a TV show. Nobody watched that. That TV show didn't go out. We were on Vidiot's on MTV2. That all doesn't count. MTV2 does. It was on MTV2. We got up here on Ridiculousness.

Oh, yes. We were wilding out. I know. Which is crazy. We were, didn't you audition? I think I auditioned. I did audition for Wildin' Out,

but I never wanted to do it. They got me, they said, yeah, you're wild and get out. That's what they said to me. Hey, call us back.

We got a little time. I just said that. We got a little time, so. Okay, so there, we don't have a lot of celebrities on. We do have a lot of our friends.

That's what we, Marie, we need to be climbing upward. We got to be social class. We so to side to side. Lateral moves. We're very loud. Let me tell you what we do when we go to an event.

We go in. We be like, ooh, let's take a lap. Let's see where the food at. Okay. And then we'll start looking around, and we're like, all right, we'll chat. And then we get right back to each other. We'll be with each other the whole time. We got split up.

I mean, I think the problem is that we're too likable for each other. Is that so? We like each other too much. Oh. We need drama. There's no real drama here. People say that I'm mean, but I actually heart Sydney. Well, we said heart is bad.

Okay, yes. We said heart was bad. Say love. Hmm. For the last episode, Marie, you're not going to do that? For us? For us or for you? And this is why they letting us go, because you can't fucking say I love you.

That's why they letting us go, Marie. It's you. L-O-V-E. L-U-V. Yeah. I love you. I love you. That feels very Haitian.

So that's not far. I said, you know, I love you down. What's the problem? You basically just said, I fucks with you. That's what you, I love you down, boots to the house. The house down. I love you down, boots. It's on fire.

Yeah, fuego. Bidi, bidibamba. Yeah, you're, mm-hmm. What's the problem? Okay, so that's what I'm saying. We need beef. Like Mandy and Weezy started out hating each other. Shout out to our girls.

Decisions, decisions, horrible decisions. Right, horrible decisions. First of all, they was saying all of their business, and they didn't like each other, and people love that. We don't have that, you know? They want me to be the villain, and that's okay. I can be the villain. It's a little bit more mean. But Sidney's like the Gabrielle Union type villain.

Oh, here. Like the hot, mean bitch to cut you down by, you know, by looking at you and being like, mm. Sidney's that. I'm more vocal about it. Sydney mean like a hot mean girl in a school you know what I'm saying you don't see it? No I don't know what you're saying

I absolutely don't actually every time we meet people like Sydney when I met you were so warm and kind but did they meet you here on the pod here on the pod it was not given warm they did say the comments was like Sydney always trying to

fight with somebody fight, investigate ask questions mess prompt oh exactly i was doing i was doing my job okay job that you no longer have no longer have yo and the thing is i was on vacation and you i was calling you texting you because you know i was obviously roused up and you were like girl aren't you on vacation aren't you with your girlfriend exactly but my girlfriend is not who i work with i need to talk to my partner which is marie faustin now don't call me your partner because people already think i'm a lesbian no

your partner was with you in the pool drinking pina coladas yes i'm in the house baking not cooking literally my body was cooking because it took me a while to get the ac let's talk about that yes let's get into that so you know famously i get an ac every year either you know from a man or whatever or i buy it and bring it back so you're definitely gonna be doing that this year No, let's talk. This guy was at the house. He said, man, it's hot in here. And I was like, isn't it?

You don't have an AC? I said, no. He said, what? I said, are you going to buy me one? He said, yeah, it's only like $400. I said, great. I said, and scene. The next day, I sent him like a screenshot of what the weather was going to be for the week.

And it was like heat wave 98, 99, 92, 106.7, whatever. I sent him that. And I'm like, is this the week that I die? And he was like, what are you going to do? What am I going to do? I said, well, when are you buying me this AC? He said, LOL. When you get it, I'll install it for you in the window.

Marie, he might have pulled the U on you. I was like, that sounds like a lot of Marie prompts. Mess. anyway that's nothing's ever made me uh wetter and drier at the same time my skin was wet because i was sweating but my box was dry because i was mad you said it's only 400 i don't even know how much an air conditioner costs marie you never you never paid for an air conditioner i have and then i bring them back so boom now i gotta lean on another x to get the ac but i asked them to take me to best buy to pick

up he didn't buy it i bought it and that is what gross mess oh no no i said that's mess he didn't have a business card to swipe it on no he matter of fact he didn't even come in with me he stayed outside oh mess that bitch sat in the car he said oh you're not gonna get me nah because you know when you go to the register and you're like all right and then they look and they're like yeah no no i just start patting my pockets and i'm like no no you bring it to the register you're like oh i gotta go to the bathroom and then you go to the bathroom you come back it's still not paid for you're like i was waiting for you babe he said girl he sat in the car he said well when you come down um when you're ready i'll uh i don't know even i don't even know if he said

i'll come up he just was like i'm parked here if you need me damn in a little in a little you know convertible in the little drop top damn in the little coop he had the top down that day too that's embarrassing so you gotta so they bring the ac out what he doing well hold on okay i get there i see the ac that i want i get to the register i'm like what's the return policy on this as i'm swiping my card she said 15 days 15 days bitch what if what if you turned it in Return it in 15 days and then go to another one and then get another AC with another 15 days. Girl, I think it's about to be 15 days today. You're saying the day, yeah, shit.

Might as well stop the boxing all the accoutrements. Because I know how you get down, friend. You ain't even got to tell me. Yeah, but 15 days is like not enough days. But you're about to leave, so. I am about to leave. But now, do I need to call this man back and be like, come pick this AC up? Girl, and if I was a man and you did that, that would make me limp for sure.

I could not get hard after that. Please, have you met men? They're hard all the time. They're hard at church. They're hard in a blouse. They're hard on a couch. They're hard on a plane. They're hard at a funeral.

They're hard at a funeral. They're the hardest when there's a dead body in the room. Okay, rigor. That's where it's coming from. Rigor mortis. Exactly. So, yeah, no, no. I called him, and he came upstairs, and him and the dude helped me bring it down, and

then we threw it in his little car, just sticking out the top and the back. You calling it little car is killing me. It's a two-door. It's a drop-top. So he— Then he put it in the window. He put it in the—okay. Okay, so it's this mess.

He put it in the window. Our friend was having a little get-together around the corner. We was both hungry, so I bought this dude as my plus one to the party. This is everybody looking at us from the balcony. They said, Marie, what is this? And then you showed up and you had the same energy. Sidney was like, what is he doing here? Oh, I couldn't even pretend.

I was like, um, because why would a man be here? Mind you, we're at our friend's house. Who is a man? But why? Because why would a man be here? I don't get it. Sidney was like, oh, OK. I was like, hit him with your car.

No, I was like, he's here. She was like, hmm. But why is he here? No, I love him down. It's fine. I was actually, you know, I was happy to see him. And I don't usually like to say that about no man. Well, Devin and Alex were shocked.

Yeah, because you got to text somebody. Hey, there'll be somebody. I'm bringing somebody. It's not a familiar face. But they've met him before. He is a familiar face. He was at my birthday party. Remember, I put the emoji on his face.

That was the first birthday I did miss. That was the only birthday I missed. That birthday party. Yeah. Oh, no, I missed two birthdays. The one that Adrienne DJ'd and that one. And this is why they're canceling our show. You don't actually support birthdays of mine. It's crazy. What? It's crazy. That's why they said that we're not really friends.

Oh, so wait, what are you doing this year? Because... For my birthday? Yeah. What, like, are you going to do it on your actual day, your birthday? My birthday is for Tuesday, I think. Because, you know, you do it a whole weekend and... You going away that weekend? Well, okay, so this is... Do I need to put that in for September?

Yeah. So out of town, Washington. No, no, no. Well, because my partner always, you know, she's very family oriented and her family is always doing stuff. They're always traveling. They get home. And so she usually has to, you know, she goes alone because I'm either working or I.E. You know, I don't think I can make it. You know what I'm saying? And so it gets very solo for her. and so it was I was like I have to do better I have to do better and so what's that the weekend significance for her um the the family is all getting together and you know I'm so anti-family that in order it I in order to to be respected in a family you sound like a man getting ready to lie right now no no no no no no no no no I first of all I love her family I no no no I'm They have me Thanksgiving.

They got me Christmas, even New Year. They got me that. The end of the year, they got me. So September is my birthday. Yes. They're going to get you for Thanksgiving, which is in November. Yes. And they're going to get you for Christmas and New Year's.

Well, New Year's, I'm going to a wedding. With them? With her. They're going to get you for Halloween, too? No, no, no, no, no. So the whole fall into winter. No, we're together for Halloween. You know what?

We should go to Miami for Halloween. Why? I don't know. We haven't been to Miami in a while. What's in Miami? You want to look goofy in Miami for Halloween? That actually would eat. All these bitches in thongs looking like fucking sluts and us to, hey Arnold, and what's the

friend's name? Gerald. Gerald. How you forgot Gerald's name? The black one. And that's why iHeart is canceling us. Because you don't know the black friend's name. That's actually very iHeart of me.

Yeah, iHeart would actually love that. iHeart that. I aren't that. So for the birthday week, the whole week, you're not going to be here? No, no, no. I'm only two days. I'm gone. Two days.

So what is that? Friday, Saturday? Yeah. So I'm thinking you should extend it, like start. Well, friend, my birthday's on a Wednesday this year. Ooh. So that's tough. That's tough.

That's tough. Unless you do a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Yeah, but you're not going to be here Friday. What day would the party be? Would it be on a Wednesday? No. You're not doing it on Wednesday. I mean, I did it on my actual birthday last year, I think.

Was that a Tuesday? Yeah. Yeah. And mad people showed up. It was cute. I invited Rihanna to my birthday party as well, by the way. This year? Last year.

Oh, you did? No way. But she had just had a baby, so she didn't come. Oh, you're a fool. That's why she didn't come. But I will invite her this year. Honestly, I think she will pull up, so I have to be there. She went to Yankee Stadium.

Girl, stop. Bitch, better have my money. Rihanna, we will have drank at the birthday party. No, that was contractual. She pulled up. She was like. no Jay-Z is her friend and it's Yankee Stadium

she's like what y'all bitches want from my nigga she's like nobody let me so Sydney will not be my birthday party no I will

I'm listen girl let's not forget let's not forget your 10 day extravaganza I think that can hold me over for at least two years remember I celebrated

my birthday one year for a whole month great every day I'm gonna do something I've never done for 23 days like

Like, honestly, Marie, and that is why our heart is letting us go. That's not why, Finney. Because you do too much. And you don't do enough. That's why our heart is letting us go. Yeah. You need to do more. Okay.

More mess. I do agree with that. Yeah. I was thinking. Your life is very together right now. No, no, no, no, no. It is not together. I'm going to jail.

You have a partner and a family that loves you. I'm going to jail. Okay. Yes, well, we're going to jail. And that's why. That's when they'll bring us back. And that. Oh.

and that's the way it is i know what if okay so we we have to have a really big scandal in order for us to like propel we need something to make us go like super viral okay yeah so what if i start a rumor okay and say we were secret lover the whole time and then caught us but some people are going to be like called it I've been said this yes they've been gay you know who's going to make a comment

Soosh I knew it and then we start a podcast with him and he's a white man and we will oh my god girl they will definitely pick that up Sydney two blacks one cup

Two Blacks, one cup. One white cup. No, I don't want a white cup. No, you don't. Okay, so should we listen to the messages? What are you going to miss about us? What am I going to miss about us? Yeah.

um how um like warp speed the adhd is here everything all the adhd is like elevated yeah um in real time when i'm doing stuff in my house now i'll be like that's the adhd like i'll i'll brush my teeth i'll walk out i'll see something i'll pick it up like i i see i feel that but literally just now i watched you your brain say one thing and then ask another thing immediately after that was it just was so quick i don't know because it's like i do want to go to the messages But I also want to I just want to hear you be, you know, just pour your heart out. It's the last one. Why are you trying to make me cry my unemployed eyes out?

And I keep saying unemployed to y'all, but, you know, we got multiple pots on the stones right now. But this was something that we did like a couple of times a month. It's the things I look forward to, Marie. What are you looking forward to? Sleep, not jumping on the train and come here. Hey, that's not true. I, this is, seeing Becca, hanging out with the production, being, oh, I'm late, oh my God, what floor?

It's like, you've been here for a year, you still don't know what floor we on? That's true. Every time I come, I'm like, um, I think it's four. What room is it? It's, it's, it's Arnold Palmer's suite, what is it? Suite T. Suite T, yes, yeah. Yeah, well, today I walked in the door and I said, oh, 411.

Oh, it was, that's the number? Mm-hmm. Anyway, let me read a message and then we'll talk. Okay? Okay. Best friend moved to Florida and started collecting soulmates like Pokemon. Hi, Sydney and Marie. I need help understanding what the humidity in Florida does to people's brains.

That's a great question. That's a beautiful question. Right? My best friend of 15 years moved to Florida a few years ago. We met while working at the mall during my college days and we still talk all the time. It's like me and you in a different galaxy universe. there's genuinely no drama in our friendship and i love her to death this is definitely city but every phone call has become an episode of love island girl what are you doing she called

and she'll say i met this guy in bumble three days ago he's my soulmate our spotify compatibility is 98 percent ma'am you your shared love of post malone mac miller and 21 pilots is not legally binding okay so she beige um then she hit me with a completely new name going out with bubba from bumble next week meeting timmy from tinder okay so this is me yeah this is very meeting timmy from tinder at the bar tonight then he bought me a beer and let me win at darts i think he's the one then he added me on facebook apparently in 2026 a facebook friend request is the modern equivalent to a marriage proposal um i know he was back on facebook no that this person's gotta be in their mid 40s mid 40s 50s she'll even post public snapchat stories from some random man's bed

snapchat is not 40s snapchat is very very young you she'll post a public snapchat story from some random man's bed with captions like he added me on facebook so i know it's real i wish i were exaggerating the part that absolutely fries my brain is her blocking strategy things will be great with a guy and then she'll casually say yeah i blocked him marie this is fucking you to the t if i scroll down in the photo at the bottom is of me i would not be surprised i ask why oh because i really like him but he lives 30 minutes away i'll unblock him when i want to talk then block him again what girl you know you could just not text him right yeah meanwhile i'm sitting there trying to tell her to slow down because plenty of men seem amazing for the first week

sometimes they're genuinely nice and sometimes they're just on their best behavior until they don't get what they want what they do i just want her to protect her peace a little more but honestly i think she comes off psychotic and clingy every conversation is another installment of meet my new soulmate i can't get a word in edgewise because we're always discussing another aggressively average man who has somehow become the center of her universe she has gone on two dates with the man and blew up my phone with childhood pictures of him in Slipknot t-shirts. I know, I didn't know, I don't know that man, child. Confusion and delusion. So my question is, what's happening here? Is this just dating in your mid-30s? Is this uniquely Florida behavior? Does crossing

the state line immediately single for mediocre men to be celebrated with a parade of cats and balloons or do i accept that my best friend is destined to keep falling in love every 72 hours because someone bought her a domestic beer and hit ad friend yo she is shady that man i'm like do you like your friend every time she says she doesn't understand why some dude hasn't been interested after a few dates i try to keep it real but she does not understand that she is mess with dating ADHD. If she wasn't practically my sister, I'd be running too.

Thanks, a very tired best friend. This how you be talking about me? No, Marie. No, I'm like, you're so fun. I said, the way you play, you play all day. You in the playground. I do play.

Yo, it's an arcade. You are unserious. I think that's why whenever I bump into one of my old dudes in the street, he be like, ah! Yeah. And I be like, ah! no I agree I'm like if you're gonna do it if you must I think you're doing it right because me

yeah because you you you're having fun you don't care or you do but when you do you're like I'm not gonna let them know too much I care for a little bit and then I don't when they don't buy me air conditioners um but uh yeah so is that messy friend is it is it Florida like I I've had plenty of conversations with you and friends of mine and being like i'm talking to my husband and then there's some dude that i met three days ago but you're joking i am but sometimes i'd be like this could be my husband it never has been but you're joking because like when you do kind of like somebody you're not saying that you're kind of keeping it like under wraps you're not no you'll say something and i'll be like you'll be like i think you like him i'll be like i do

like him yes yes but you're not saying you're not saying husband for sure I don't know I think her friend might be a bit much if that's like you're constantly hearing stories like that I would I would be like girl I need a break especially as a lesbian yeah I don't I would say a lot of women are male-centered and they do care about dating a lot and if it's not fun to hear about it then it can't be fun to actually experience it so maybe you know her her friend is might be lost and she's this is how you get found i guess but don't turn up like in a documentary because why you keep meeting up with all these random dudes like in slip not sure girl be be serious but at least she's getting you know photos and evidence and whatnot so it won't be too hard yeah in the

bed with the snapchat so and you need the snapchat and i heard 30 days they clear it they clear it out snapchat clears it up yeah well the nolan wells case right now because they the those friends deleted his snapchat they deleted his like his snapchat stories yep so now they got to figure out what the hell happened well i also heard that they had posted a bunch of stuff on i thought that they were deleting stuff on their own pages no his too because they had his phone that's crazy Mm hmm. So, yeah, I think, you know, if you said if you weren't if that wasn't your sister, you'd be running away. That's a red flag. That's a red flag. Because why are we making exceptions for people that we love? If on paper you you you kind of, you know, you as you say, Marie, ticky ticky boom.

And I'm I'm scared. Oh, I'm scared. Then I think you should kind of talk about that. hey friend maybe you were coming off a little you're doing a lot and maybe people don't know where they stand with you because is is your friend love bombing is she professing her love yeah she said one of the screenshots she sent she said um for the the person who messaged us wrote pray for me i get so anxious at the airport friend's response fuck me i accidentally slipped the l word unintentionally now i gotta block this man honestly this is probably the last time i'm gonna see him so she blocked the dude because she accidentally said i love you to him yeah that's the girl that's mess and i kind of and i kind of yeah but i also feel like i know

friends that are variations of this and it's after a certain point you kind of got a point to you and be like is it me do you think that she um how you think how you feel about her blocking a man after she said I love you to him accidentally do you think you can accidentally say I love you to somebody me just in general do you think it's possible to accidentally tell somebody that you love them yeah because you know I do I had a conversation with me this weekend what'd she say she said I don't know you always calling people babe you say I love you all the time like to every single friend like every friend i mean every everybody you want to i love you i love you like what so when do you i love for real i'm like i love everybody i love all y'all

i can't love y'all y'all don't want this love from me or not she wants it just for her and she's like so you you know i see you i see your comments under people's um posts and babe okay baby oh you look like hi lover like that all this i mean i was like but it's cutesy it's not for real she's like but you you you say that to me so what you want me to say you gotta use luv now for all your friends or throw an r in there love love oh okay love you i love you i loke you i loke you i loke you it's it's more than more than like less than love more than like less than love marie i think you look i think you look a lot i think you look me i do look you sis and you know what more i love you i lurk i love i love

should we read another another message yes of course since we know we got we got so many to get through before we they turn the lights off on us oh my god they're gonna kick us out they're sandman does shoo us out they're gonna grab a hook cane and snatch us off

maybe honestly that should be the edit like turn all the lights off and be like okay guys until next time

Becca when we're done with the pod we want you to turn the lights off yeah everybody turn all the lights off I don't know where the light switch is but we're gonna do that

I'll find it it's hard cause these lights oh they're like light lights y'all can't just unplug one thing and then boop

it's not a little it's not a little switch on the thing on the power strip that you can just touch no no yeah but at the end yeah

for the end for the final curtain for the final yeah okay yeah oh should we get up yeah we should get up

and then I accidentally bump into you oh yeah that's so me yes see you could accidentally say I love you

if you could accidentally bump into somebody and plan it absolutely okay my friend is being weird hey Sydney

hey Marie producers and guests ooh I want to stay anonymous I'm in my early 20s did you just burp yes and that is why

no that's what I call mess yes I'm in my early 20s and made a new friend from college she has good vibes

she's very personable social easily trusting which I am not I took a long time to open up like Marie. Like, I don't like a lot of people super close to me. Aren't you guys twins? Anyway, we both graduated and stayed in touch for some time after. We've been seeing each other a lot

recently. I always go visit her as she lives near the city and she also doesn't drive. We have good conversations for the most part, and I feel our connection getting stronger until dot, dot, dot. She brings up the fact that she's light skin and that we might not share the same experiences, even though at the end of the day we're both visibly black women she even brought this super dark foundation that i told her might not be the right shade for me as a gift and she told me to try it anyway and she thinks it's pretty close i use it as contour hold on we all know what contour is and if you don't know contour is the darkest color that you put on your face it does not match with your actual your friend hit you with some black face makeup pretty much okay I wanted it

to feel like 2016 but I don't miss 2016 colorism I've never had to deal with colorism girl to girl growing up almost every time I've seen her recently this summer there's always this comment that I don't know how it comes up it feels inorganic every time and I'm trying to cycle analyze why this keeps coming up right now comment about her being light skin and some I don't know I don't know if she's compensating for the break off of her situationship or her other insecurities I just want a I don't want a competitive ass friendship I hate it so bad I always validate the fact that she's so pretty and her face card is t and she pulls niggas so I don't know why this keeps happening do y'all think I'm tripping I want to talk to her I'm not

sure how to approach this as this is a very new friendship and we came from a very therapy speaking major so i feel like this might get turned back on me i'm including pictures for y'all's eyes only with the exact same lighting and camera setting sorry if this is long i forgot to add she also validates my appearance and that she's older than me so i think it's crazy that this is happening okay i see me let me see what the friend looks like is that me wait is that the friend davis say y'all the same color girl this is crazy wait this is the person who wrote us the note okay and then if you scroll down the front y'all are basically the same complexion um i don't know why she needs to stress that she's light-skinned y'all look like you could wear the

same hey baby y'all are not like no she's not light-skinned you're you're both brown maybe y'all gonna have to give me another like maybe the aperture is off brown skin yeah no it's not This is maybe you maybe vibes don't lie. So maybe you do feel like she's being competitive about it. And maybe you could do a check in. But I don't know. Like, yeah, it's it. Well, I call Langston butterscotch like he is butterscotch.

He is but he's a butterscotch king. And I mean, we always sing brown skin girl and biracial. I mean, you know, we do talk about skin color, but we're we're comedians. Yeah. So we make it funny. I think if we were just normies, that would be strange. But yeah. Why would you give her the darkest shade and be like, this is your complexion?

That is mess. I'd be like, then this is our complexion. And if you're saying this is for me. Yeah. We look the same. Truly. That's weird. I don't know.

I want to know what city she lives in that she's acting like this because. Maybe somebody said something to her. It feels like Seattle or something. Ooh, Seattle. Seattle and Portland. Two places I'll be this summer. Yeah, maybe it's just not enough, you know, blacks over there. Blacks.

Yeah. Some people don't like that as well. Blacks? Mm-hmm. Just, you know, grouping them together. It's really RFKJ. Well, I'm not like y'all. I'm different.

Okay. I'm not like other black girls. I'm light-skinned. Girl. Imagine if you said that, Marie. I'd smack those glasses off of you it was me maybe that's why I canceled the pod

we don't fight enough it's not enough physical violence they're not fighting but you know I heard one co-host was spitting in another co-host's mouth like we're not crazy like we're not pulling out well I did try to show my toes

to people last episode of the pod you got your toes out I do. That's why we don't have enough foot content. You have on this demure shoe and I have on these. And this is our relationship. Your big combat boot. What is the relationship?

I'm a dainty loose-edged wedge. Yes, dainty, fragile, girly. Fragile, fragile, girly. Strong. Strict. Yes. Well, not strict. I don't think that I'm strict.

I try to call these my school shooter boots. Redacted. Oh, my God. Redacted. I tried to call these my school students and somebody was like, hey, one word else. Screaming influencer

who bought a gun. Yes. Yeah, but Jocko Redacted one of the words. Reezy's got a gun. Do you know that song Pumped Up Kicks? No. I don't remember how to go. All in a thing with the Pumped Up Kicks.

You better run, better run Outgunned Faster than my bullet Apparently that song is What song? When was that? A couple years ago 10 years ago

15 years ago 2012 Bitch And you said 90s maybe on there? Girl That song was 30 years ago 2012 was 30 years ago?

No, no, no See, this is why I know you better met 2012 was 30 years ago We're all under you, Sydney 90s, baby It was 2011 I was close

Okay, yeah, you were close Anyway, that song is like a nice little bop it's about a school shooting damn really yeah i mean i do think we really need to go back into the to the boat and listen to these songs for real and be like that wasn't even a song to be singing out loud during a graduation oh well we weren't saying that at graduation but he literally says faster than my bullet which is crazy but you know what song i was listening to the other day It came on at this party I was at.

She's homeless. She's homeless. Yes. Da-da-dee. Da-da-da-da-da-da-dee. Oh, we should go out on that song. She's singing for money. But she's homeless.

She's homeless. And I'm just like, she's homeless? Yeah, it's actually a sad song when you think about it. And while this lady is struggling, I'm, la-da-dee, la-da-da. And it's a house music song. So it's crazy to be like, she's homeless, but it's a house music song. Yeah. I have questions that need answers.

And I have no answers. Oh, okay. So here's the thing. When I was on vacation, bring it back to me. Yes, of course. Well, Cindy, we're just on vacation. Do you want to tell people where you was at? I was in Mexico.

I was in Mexico. and what happened was our flight got canceled. We were supposed to go to Putamia, Mita, or something like that. It gets canceled five hours before the flight. So then, you know, has to find a new place to go, a new hotel, new flights, all of that. So no flights were flying to Putamia? No, we had to go to— Like, no direct flights?

There was no direct flights. So that was completely canceled. So we ended up going to Cancun and then we went to Playa del Carmen. So it's I've learned that it it's nice to be the person who is not making the plans. But I see how stressful it is to be in control and to be the leader. Well, I mean. Everything flipped on a dime, sis. She had to in real time figure out a place for y'all to go and book everything. at the literal last minute and i just was thinking about if that was you and i oh bitch we the trip

would be done we would have no trip we'd be like well i guess we'll just be in new york this week in new york like and and that and and that's what i realized about you and i one of us has to be type a we're two type b baddies yeah bbs we're bbs and And one of us has got to say, I think we can move to type A, Marie. We can do it. I believe in you. I believe in you. Oh.

I think if we got a little Vyvanse in the mix, for you. For me? Yes, for you. Why are you laughing? You're saying one of us, but the us is in italics. One of us needs to be type A. Well, Marie, you know that when all else fails, I will lead if I have to. And Sydney, I will follow you.

Follow you wherever you may go. And I know that she was so tired of me because I'm literally aimlessly just do-do-do-do-do. So wait, when the flight got canceled and you guys had to pivot, did she say, where should we go instead? Or did she just lock in and find another spot? She just locked in. She didn't even really ask. She said, hmm. Well, what was you doing, sis?

Girl, booty butt naked in the bed like, well. scratching my body like what are we gonna do like I was just useless and then I went back to sleep and then I woke up I went back to sleep because you know how I get overwhelmed so the only thing for me is to avoid avoid avoid that's true yeah and so I'm like abort mission I'm going to sleep I wake back up she's still in the dark over her phone then she pulled her laptop out then she got her laptop out and then she asked me a couple questions and I'm like and then I wake up she's like okay we got we're gonna leave the next day and so then we we get to the airport you know and it's something about I felt a way because I was like why is she not like carrying my bag

oh my god whoa and why is she not carrying my bag she didn't have bags she had her own bag but you know I don't pack well. So I had one of them garbage bag, Telfar bag with my laptop with all my stuff and it was so heavy and then I put shoes in it and I just looked so stupid and then I got to carry my other big suitcase

and then I'm carrying these shoes and I'm like, well, who's going to get my stuff? And she's looking at me like, hey, ain't nobody told you to do all of that. Yeah, nobody told you to do that. But I was just like, well, who's going to step up and get my bags? The person who planned the whole trip? Well, it

was, I definitely had to carry my own bags. and it was embarrassing and it was just like what's embarrassing the fact that you had to carry your own stuff i think it's i think the heteronormative mind of mine it was like well she's not a man she's not a man but she has more muscles than me so maybe she can move my backs as well and her back and she was not doing that and i like that she put her foot down it was like i'm i'm a baddie too somebody somebody gotta get both of our bags and i was like you know what i needed that i needed that and i'm sure because she does not consider herself a stud but you know masculine energy and i'm sure people like her have to deal with that a lot and she's like hey

i'm a woman i don't want to be a man you said who gonna get this bag i didn't say it to her but she could feel my energy you thought it i did and i said and i said shame on you now she seems to me like somebody who packs very like concisely she she packed everything nice carry on she was great and when i tell you this trip she ate me up every photo i was like oh every photo i was like ate me oh ate me up ate me up but she also ate me up in the photos like she just everything was clean and crisp and made sense and yeah she loves it and she was just ready for a trip and i looked like I was getting on the train to go to Coney Island. No.

And I hated that for me. And I don't think that. No, girl. I had to get told that's what you're wearing. That's what you're doing. She said that to you? Oh, yeah. She had to give me one of those. And then I was... Sydney, the craziest thing about what you're saying, I'm going to let you finish, is you knew

you was going on vacation. You knew you was going somewhere warm. You got your nails done. You got your hair done. You got your lymphatic drainage. You got a facial. the physical ready. You saying you didn't have no fits ready to go?

I can't do it all, Marie. You didn't do none of it. I can't do it all. She planned the whole trip while you were asleep and then you want her to carry your bags. You want me to have

good pussy, pack well, and carry my own bags? No. Yes, because I have all three of those things. Well, I don't pack well, but I got good pussy. And I pack a lot of stuff.

Well, get your good pussy and pack your bags because I heart we're out of here. You know what? Let me take my good pussy and get out of here. Becca, are we done?

Are we? I guess we're done. Are we? Guys, guys, before we leave, it is very imperative that y'all still listen to, re-listen to the episodes.

Run us up. Tell a friend, tell a friend. If you see Will Ferrell at Erewhon, go right up to him. Hey, what's up? You don't like black girls

with good pussy? he's like huh huh huh what's that he's who said that he's gonna be like i'm drinking the gabrielle union smoothie right now he's gonna be like you you guys let go of sydney washington or marie foster like oh yeah he's gonna be like um anyway listen we gotta go get your bags so we can have our dramatic exit and get out of here marie it's been nice i hope i hope we find something in the next couple of months because this is gonna suck city you have a whole um fall that's packed you got communion and you don't even have time for my birthday life is not life is nothing without you except for your whole winter and fall is completely devoid of me well this is this

has been messed, y'all. Should we hit him with one more? Ooh. Yeah. Ooh. You're listening to mess. Come on, Fred.

You told me back in my bag you wasn't ready. No. You know I've been through this before. It's not my fault. I'm sorry. Get the lights off.

Get the lights off. Every night I wake up, I'm Fred. mess with sydney washington and marie faustin is a production by will ferrell's big money players and iheart radio podcast created and hosted by sydney washington and marie faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588.