MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Change Your Perspective w/ Blair Socci

Episode Date: May 28, 2026

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by Blair Socci! The three chat TikTok MESS, apartment maintenance MESS, period/UTI MESS, and more.  Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you want to watch the episode oh of course you do so click the link in the episode description oh you're listening to me whoa i wrote it yeah wow we're doing it um i would like to say one thing please we have to change our perspective and i'm i'm just bringing it back from another episode that we did okay it's like whatever you came in here with you you got to be willing and open to changing your perspective oh i love that yeah thank you love to open up my marie marie's not killing me why are we starting here okay what happened that made you want to start there well well because i'm like i'm just seeing so much negativity everywhere online just in people complaining and all this and i'm like how can we change that yeah you gotta change your perspective

marie's not into it so i just stop reading and watching the news ignorance is literally bliss stop consuming the stuff that's sad and bleak and dark well if it was if it was like when we were growing up where you could actually pre-9-11 where you could just uh oops sorry i'm not that old um you could just turn on the news and watch it for an hour like at 6 p.m and then turn it off And there was actual just one time increment and it became 24 hours. And it's like, it's just never not coming flowing into you. Yeah.

You know, it's, it's, it's, I feel like bad news is seeping out of my pores at this point. Yeah. It's hard to maintain any sort of boundaries with it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's, it's hard. Your phone is telling you what's happening. Your, your feed is telling you what's happening. Your mom is calling you to tell you what's happening. Yeah.

It's like, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, leave that at the door. at the dough.

Your mother called you to tell you something bad? Mom is always calling me to tell me about something bad. My mother, like... Mothers love giving bad news. But when I was a kid, my mom...

Yeah. Moms, you gotta stop. You gotta hit us with something good, then bad. They get really excited to, like, relay. They're like, oh, you know this person?

You know who I bumped into at the grocery store? No. I don't. Nar. My aunt came to pick something up yesterday. Oh, dropped something off at my house yesterday.

And she's like, you know I'm praying for you. And I was like, yeah and she was like she was looking at me and she just was like you're gonna make me cry and I was like I didn't even do anything wait what happened why is she praying you hear what I'm saying nothing nothing she's always just praying for people yeah that is a wide that is a wide spectrum that could go any way she's praying for you because you're just like doing so well or praying for you because she's deathly worried praying for me so that I find a man oh my god

and have some baby yeah I am you stop it you're gonna make me cry I was like I'm happy yeah My skin is shining. I'm not the hell out of here. My skin is good. Like, what's the problem? She's like, oh. And she just kind of stood there in my kitchen and looked at me with, like, tears in her eyes. And I was like, this lady got to stop.

She got to stop coming to the house. And your kitchen has really good lighting. So I'm sure it was bouncing off the reflection. And the sun was bouncing off her. And you could really see the tears. Her luminosity. Yeah, her eyes were like, you know, like cartoon character, like anime, wet eyes. I said, hey, I think your car is getting towed.

You got to get back to the car, babe. Hey, can you take getting somebody or having somebody to have a man on your... Can you take it off the prayer list? That's not a real... I've got so many people praying for me in that arena back home as well. She invited me to church this weekend. I said, hey, I ain't going to be able to make it. It's not even like 10th on my priority list.

Thank you. I'm busy. I'm happy. I'm fulfilled. It's 11th. Yeah. It is number 11. So if you have a job and you're sexy.

Yeah, because if you're praying for somebody to get a man or have a man, I feel like you're just praying for them to have more problems. I love you. No, she don't see it that way. My mom never asks me anything about children or grandbabies. Never. Never in my entire life has my mom ever been like, when are you going to get a man?

Never. Yeah, okay. My aunt, every time I see her, when you need to get married so you can have a baby. Yeah. First of all, the order has been, that's not even the PEMDAS no more. it's not always the best option to get married and have a baby it's like sometimes you might just want to get the baby are but wait or get married no baby can we just really be honest

nobody is really selling it properly like the pr for marriage and babies i say that all this bad news i agree and it's just like everything's flipped unless a man really improves your life it doesn't make any sense to marry any sense we like the reason it is we had to do it before because we couldn't own property. We didn't have credit cards. Know your history. Couldn't do anything. That's what we were forced to.

We couldn't own credit cards. Yes. Now I have a credit card. It's not doing nothing for my credit. I was like, Marie. Yeah, well,

you do. You might need. Well, let's see what my credit score is. You think I should get married to a man for my credit score to go up? no, no,

no. I'm just saying. It's been going up. It's been going up. Well, if we are going to make a pros and cons problem, we will put that in the pro. That is one.

Yeah. I mean, at least, you know put you as a what what am i uh dependent no oh bitch i'm an authorized user of my girlfriend's oh you are yes that is so chic if you think that's what my aunt should be crying about yeah i'm not an authorized user i always see girls on tiktok talking about how they're like getting a man or getting their partner to add them to their credit partner I've never met someone in real life I am I am one married that's incredible and no one has

prayed that for me and it has happened but you know what somebody might have prayed somebody might have prayed that's incredible thank you I feel like whenever somebody's making a prayer for somebody they always say it out loud they they never just they're not just praying from behind the scenes they gotta let you know I'm praying for you I'm praying for you know I pray for you I do, I do secret prayers where I don't tell anyone. Yeah. Well, now it's out. Yeah.

Marie, hold on, Blair. Yeah. What did you pray? Hey, you said you don't like to hear it. So I ain't gonna tell you what it is. You said don't tell you. Okay, wait, wait. We didn't, we didn't bring you in, but obviously you're, you're in the mix already.

Oh yeah, sorry. Blair, Saki's in the building. Hi guys. And you were from, back in the day, Unofficial Expert. That was so much fun. Do you remember what you were the expert in? I think you guys made me a tomboy. Yes, you were.

We made you a tomboy. I think you are a tomboy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but of course. We're looking at the look right now. And it's very consistent with what you did, you know, when it first came on the pot. Oh, you think? Okay, yeah.

You had a trucker hat on, actually. Yeah, I do. I stay with the hats. I like the hats. And especially since I just got a botched perm, it's even more on the up. What's a botched perm, sis? Actually, you know what? I can't even say that it was a botched perm.

the perm itself wasn't botched it's just that I was high every night on TikTok watching these girls get these new healthy perms and what I and what I failed to realize until post-perm was that these women had like long healthy shiny thick Korean hair and so they ended up their loose perms ended up looking like your hair right now and I was like that would look so that would really elevate my skateboard hair to looking glamorous you know what I mean and so I went in asking them like with that goal failing to realize i already have like curly surf hair and i walked out after telling them i'd like it to look less skateboard full lords of dog town heath ledger never more skateboard in my life i i need a visual we need to insert a photo you want to take your head off

no i don't want that actually that was that was anti-black to ask me to take your head off yeah this is basically it like look at that texture like i have to it's like made my hair dry now where it wasn't dry before but your hair is already wavy so i know it was all a mistake i really like this is what i was going for and it turns yes get you a flat iron um i can hook you up with mark i mean she she gonna have to order it for you she might have some in the back well like a perm would have never crossed my mind until i saw these women they're like oh it's this new type of perm where it's these loose curls like that and it looked so elegant and i was like that would really up my game and i walked out looking like i just got fried in a motherfucking

crimper you know it wasn't as good in the 80s yes yes it's not the 80s are back but the perm itself i don't think was a botch like i think it turned out how it was whatever but i just didn't know what you were asking for yes exactly um precisely i would like to see you with some extensions some clip-ins i would love extensions but i know my hair is so fine it would ruin them my hair also it's all about maintenance and i was no offense yes i'm i don't think you're doing yeah you were you're a shake and go kind of girl guys not all at once damn i see you getting up you just here's the thing i i look i won't i won't pretend that you're not right about the air dry okay i love the air dry but the thing that i really put all my heart and soul into is skincare and dollars

and it looks amazing and that is my thank you that is my autistic special interest autistic i'm on there reference i am on there studying for years and once i figure out how to edit a tiktok video maybe marie you can do a tutorial with me one day i'm going to become the world's first foremost skincare influencer with like a funny flair because these bitches make so much money and i can do it and be funny but they do have funny flair there's girls that are slathering on serums and doing their steps and they're also talking about so this is what happened when my boyfriend cheated on me with my sister like they're doing that totally and then some are like just actual estheticians and i followed them all for many years so at this point i have just as

much knowledge accrued and i could you might as well get the certificate yeah i know the skincare but what'd you call it autistic what special interest special interest yeah okay is it something that they fixate on or yes where it's like i where you spend like i spend all my time researching skincare like every procedure every thing like it's it's my main passion and then i buy and then i you know what's even more fucked up i got a handyman to install a hair tool like organizer in my bathroom with all these unused hair tools that i also bought after my five milligram night gummy five milligram night gummy a little melatonin no thc yeah i was like yeah yeah but a night i just call it a night gummy yeah it is a sleep gummy ultimately you take it

at night yeah now blair i just want to be honest with everybody who's tuning in right now you hit us with some very lukewarm mess via text but you're really coming with it right now no i knew I needed to get your opinion first I was misunderstanding really sort of I was like trust me I know you as a friend

we know you got this when you hit us with the mess loud cars I said girl we might have to scratch a whole episode hold on let's have a conversation hold on let's start the episode properly

Yeah, we did. We just got right into it. And do our mess. Mess, yes. Do you have a mess that you want to share with the people? Yes, I do, baby. I do got some mess. Now, let me tell y'all.

Now, I'm elevated in my life with, you know, all things. All things elevated. You know, I want, I no longer want to be a silver medallion. I want to be a gold Delta member medallion or whatever. And I'm working on that. I'm already there. I just have to do a couple more flights and I'm there. I was there last year.

I just got there. You're gold? Yeah. Yeah, you're doing it. You travel a lot. Not all of us can be Marie, okay, and be in the front of the plane. She's platinum.

I'm platinum, and I'm just trying to get to Diamond. But Diamond, you got to spend like $28,000 in a year. Marie, you got that. Come on. I do. Where am I going that I'm spending that much money on a flight? We need to be doing more trips, friend. Come on.

Let's think about it. No. $28,000. Babe, not $2,800. A fun trip. $28,000. Yeah. No, you're right.

You're right, Marie. No, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to maintain platinum this year. I'm sorry I put that on you. Okay, so anyway. So, you know. You got it.

To the moon and back. I'm sorry. That's a good friend that will also hype you up. I am. I do. I'm one of the biggest hype men over here. But one of the perks of being platinum is I get bumped up to first class a lot now. Right.

So, I'm paying for the regular seat. Yeah. And then letting them. Oh, that's genius. So, I'm actually spending less money. So, that's why. You're right. So, traveling a lot.

But I'm, you know, doing dates for my black Barbie story is going great. Yes. But when when it comes to picking seats, I'm just like, whatever is cheapest. But hopefully it's not the middle. But for some reason, I let Delta pick my seat, whatever was available. And it's been middle going there, coming back. Did not know that was a thing. Right.

And sometimes you could get bumped up and it'd be a middle seat. It's like, how could you bump me up to comfort plus when it's the middle seat? There is no comfort in middle. I that's happened to me before and I literally was like you cannot upgrade someone from a side seat to a middle seat I think they need to just take middle seats out I made them change me back I was like not gonna take that yeah you was like I'd rather be in the back with a window seat than up closer but in the middle because it just doesn't feel I see too much so I have to be on the aisle yes I agree so uh I'm I'm in the middle seat I'm freaking out I'm freaking out

because I usually I get on a plane and I could just sleep I could I could not sleep in this middle seat was so uncomfortable yeah so you know when you're up you're going to be scrolling i'm scrolling scrolling scrolling and you know you're in a good flow state of algo and you're getting all the fun stuff that's funny i'm laughing i'm cracking up or whatever but this here's my mess the video is not the mess that's not the best oh my that is a part of the mess but it's not the full mess that is a mess to me the video starts out there's a little greyhound dog and it's a puppy and you're like oh my god so cute and now there's um a baby involved because the family has a baby and the dog is playing with the baby and i'm like oh my god it's okay

they're getting older together oh my god now there's another baby involved so now the the boy has a brother and so the the dog is playing with the kids and it's a it's a gay couple it's a gay it's two gay men and so their family's growing and it's about it's about the dog and so i am so invested. Now they got two dogs. They got two little Greyhound dogs. And they're all family. And they're taking pictures with them for Halloween and like birthdays, blowing out cakes and stuff.

Tell me why. Tell me why. I'm in the middle seat, minding my fucking business, watching this video. The original Greyhound dies. Had no idea it was going to die. Okay, you can't do that. You cannot do that to me. They literally

die. No, they do die, but the video was not set up. It was set up like look at this family growing and and they were talking in the in the form of the dog sure so you're like look at me with my with my little brother in the voice of p.o.e of the dog but it's just captions so you you're not and the music is sweet it's not that up music that you know when they playing that somebody did yeah yeah that you that you all when i hear that i already click out because i know somebody about to die they set me up was the little boy like we watching the kids get older how old is the old the the first kid they're just like they're just i'm honestly i'm

about to cry now yeah no i i this is what happened so then this is what makes me so upset right like my aunt right now so then now becca's crying i gotta go the dog dies and they're still taking photos together no no no they're all taking they're still taking like halloween photos without the dog but then you see the older boy he's holding a he's holding this stuff animal that looks like the dog that died yeah that's really yeah it is he sleeps every night with this dog i want i this is i do this constantly i relate to this i'm in the middle seat like this in the middle seat i'm gonna show y'all the video it fucked me up i'm still upset about it am i crazy blair no i do this all the time i get high and i watch those baby dog videos and i cry

in my bed i'm sorry y'all talk i need a moment oh my god oh my god sanita tears running down your face right now for this greyhound that you don't know but they were the kids they were family, Marie the dog and the boy were family they grew up in this life together thank you Blair and you know, life

it's just crazy, it doesn't go on forever Blair, now I hit you now I'm all rounded up right in the kisser but it's like, we all know that, but then but if that's gonna happen then you need to set me up in the beginning of the video

Yeah, but then you wouldn't have watched to the end. They know what they're doing. You don't read the comments while the video's playing? No, no, no, because I was so invested. I was so invested. I'm going to send you the video, Marie. I already know you're not going to cry. But maybe Becca.

I'd cry probably before it even gets to death. I'd cry if a small gust of wind goes by. You'd be like, that plastic bag. Yeah, I see something so cute and sweet and just innocent, it'll make me sob. I don't have enough tears for this, Marie. when do you cry do you cry once a year on my birthday um

you know I think I Sydney made me Sydney cried the last time we did a solo episode in this room sitting in that same chair and you know she had my eyes looking like my aunt's eyes as well so right oh that's pretty good you made her oh good job said well now she's laughing at me

I gotta laugh this is she doesn't know what to do you cried in the middle seat for the dog and now you crying again in the middle seat I actually have PTSD this is a better middle seat though yes you know you're not stuck if you need to go to the bathroom

just pee right there pee in the seat hey Marie what's your mess speaking of pee so um you know I'm getting this work done in my home my landlord whoo raggedy they all are

raggedy raggedy raggedy have you met one that wasn't No, we have not met one. I've never met a landlord that I was like, mommy. Anyway, so they're patching up holes. They're about to paint, whatever. They get to my house yesterday and it's supposed to just be a little patch job in my bedroom. I leave. I go to drop off some checks at the bank. I come in my whole kitchen covered in plastic. they got you know tarp down on the ground my flowers got plastic on i said wow wow what's happening here they're like oh well we we patching that up in the corner we might as well just patch

up the whole ceiling what no but whatever i bring home i'm getting ready to go to dinner with sydney and some people so i i grab all my clothes that i can reach and i go into my bathroom to get dressed right i'm getting dressed in my bathroom and you know i go to use the bathroom and you know you run water so people can't hear what you're doing in the bathroom I flush all of the water starts coming up I'm in my bathroom like

oh my god that is one of the worst feelings there are the impending trying to stop disaster of the toilet I'm like but you know when you can't don't even try

when it gets to the top you're done it goes all the way to the top and it's so fast it's so fast you have like such a small it's like slow fast though yes because you're watching it go up

and you're like oh there's no way it's gonna it goes all the way up right stops mind you I have a bidet so the bidet is now in the toilet water and now

oh no you gotta throw the bidet away no you can clean a bidet sis okay the same way your bidet clean your booty you can clean a bidet okay that's what the Clorox is for right

anyway it goes all the way up I'm holding my breath it starts to come down I'm like, whoo, phew. Yes. But I know these men are outside. They hear me go, whoo.

I would have done the same thing. The relief of a toilet almost and then not. Listen, I sounded like Ric Flair in there. I'm screaming. So the water goes down, but everything that was in the toilet, still in the toilet. I'm like, oh, I'm going to flush it again. No, Marie. no you don't

I don't know I don't know I would not I would not I'm like I'm like I have to leave I can't leave

what if one of them comes in to use the bathroom when I'm you use the drain like I always have Drano underneath just in case

I don't have Drano I thought that was for the scene no I use it for the toilets too okay they have stuff for the yeah

they have it for the Alexa put Drano on the grocery list yeah anyway um i come back hours later everything's the water is gone but everything's still in there ew i'm like in there marie you know thoughts and prayers little fiber there's some fiber in there Ew, ew, ew, ew. Anyway, my toilet still today, 24 hours later, is not flushing all the way. And how did this happen?

Do you think it was something that they did? Or is it always like that? I don't know. Or was it the construction? They're not doing construction. They're literally just patching up the walls and the ceiling. I know, but you made it sound like all of a sudden it turned into a lot of construction. I'm blaming them because maybe they flushed a paintbrush or something.

Yeah, I'm blaming them too. I mean, they're the variable, right? It was working before they got there. Listen, I woke up this morning. I needed to use the bathroom. I had to go to the gym. Marie. To use the gym bathroom.

I'm not adding fiber upon fibers upon fibers. Oh, my God. You had it. I just popped into the gym. Literally, I checked in at the front desk. I used the bathroom. Came right back 10 minutes later. They're like, oh, that was a fast workout.

I'm like, yeah. All I have time for. I promise you I'm skinny. Yeah. it's about consistency not duration anyway that's partially why I was late today

because I had to go to the gym to poop right wow you've been through a lot I mean now no one can ever come to my house mind you I had a plumber a plunger I had a plunger

for the whole six years I've been in this apartment never used it once got rid of it last month because I was like, this is ugly. You need a plunger. I never had a plunger. I never had a plunger

in my bathroom until Rosebud was staying with me and flushed like a million tampons down like seven-year-old pipes. First of all, you know you're not supposed to flush tampons. I honestly, to her credit,

only found that out a few years ago. Every public bathroom that you go into has a sign that says don't flush that shit here. I know. I thought they were just being

like overbearing. I'm always flushing. You flush your tampons down the toilet? I did my whole life, but like no one, I literally, it wasn't like I was just doing whatever the fuck I want. I had never heard that before. I do it. I stopped wearing tampons though a while ago.

You free bleed? You use the cup? I use the undies. Oh, Thinx? I just started trying them. How do the undies work? It's really cool because it is basically like you're free bleeding. But wait, I thought Thinx was under, I thought they had a class.

Oh, there's like a million brands. I just got some on Amazon. I don't know. there's a class but i do feel like the tramps are a lot better without tampons and also it's like my whole life growing up in southern california is like you it's bikinis year round and so so many tampons and you know it was like just forced tampon hood this is mess forced tampon hood yeah no it's crazy how do you wash the the free bleed period panties well before i purchased them i actually did look that up i was like do you have to wash them separate or can

you wash them with your regular loads you know that feels wrong and they said just give them a rinse before you throw them in with the load but i have to be honest with you guys and i'm not afraid to be candid um i haven't washed them yet this is my first run through okay wait hold on you've been using them and not washing them no no i put them in a little bag and i'm gonna uh like just for a few days like a little trash bag and then i'll wash them okay but you're not okay this is when you take them off before you get in the shower you can't just rinse them real quick yeah oh no you can yeah i'm saying yeah you're not doing i'm saying at rosemary's house i don't want to rinse my blood in her fucking nice sink yes i just have a little trash bag

honestly i might even throw them away at this point i might because i'm not at my home to wash them you know okay i would jump in the shower with them honestly yeah you're crazy no no because you just put a little soap in it yeah yeah i think that's fine i'm not saying you know the other night at um karaoke night with um at a sober night where i was the only drunk person oh you weren't the only drunk person and um kiana no who else who else was drunk oh i'll tell you oh okay it's private yeah um but i but i was so excited because like my period sometimes fucks me up and i couldn't tell stop telling everyone how much i love the period underwear oh you didn't tell me that i'm glad you didn't because i'm gonna stop you there stop you right there i don't want to hear that

you you weren't even sitting down long enough for me to tell you about that you were you were ass in the air you were leaving it all on the floor it was amazing sydney at karaoke ass in to air hair on the ground i it was such a fun new york night though like me and rose but i've been on a high since then even though i was podcasting all day yesterday and woke up with like a hangover from hell since i rarely ever drink yeah girl you were drinking martinis at karaoke no i had one martini and i only had two sips because it was nasty and then i was just drinking very watered down apparel yeah karaoke martini don't sound like it's karaoke martini i had a sip of that And I was like, this was not what I was expecting.

Karaoke Martini sounds like the title of the episode. Karaoke Martini. Yes, very cute. Okay, Blair, let's really get into it. You gave us so much already. I know. We already got deep into the vaginal blood. Yes, we did.

Vaginal blood. But let's pivot. Let's change our perspective. Okay. What are you here for? What's your mess? Well, I mean, as we did run through an entire lexicon, it was sort of like pick it.

You know in Clueless when she has that remote control closet, we were just like scrolling through the catalog. That's the dream closet. Yeah, I love that. That would be so much fun. Um, but I think we decided on, uh, the UTI in Miami story where I was dating at the time, a long distance boyfriend, very in love. And we were meeting, he was flying from California and I had just moved to New York.

I'd maybe lived in New York, maybe a month. And we were flying to Miami to meet each other for his mom's 50th birthday party, where he was going to have like a ton, like 50 of his relatives that I was going to be meeting. and we were like pretty serious you know wait how long were y'all dating how long we were dating at that point probably a year or something maybe a year maybe a little longer i don't know um but of course like i'm wanting to make a good impression and um his mom's colombian so they like they were all coming they all speak spanish and i you know i was i'm like this little white girl walking in i'm like 180 whatever you're like hola yeah you're like

actually i've been taking spanish since kindergarten lived in spain for a while so i understand that this comes into the story actually okay great i do understand a lot of spanish but i'm like i got out of practice of speaking it because i get too shy like it comes I feel like it comes off Karen-y. Well, you speaking just regular, that's already a voice. I know. So, I couldn't imagine you speaking Spanish.

Yeah. With that voice. Bring it back, Blair. Bring it back. So, Heigl and, you know, like, since we never see each other because we're long distance, we are absolutely banging in the two-bedroom

Miami high-rise, you know? Who else is staying in the two-bedroom? Just his mother, who is, like, a lovely, lovely woman. right just his mother and um she she's really cool like with all that uh like she'd always be like why don't you show your body more you know for you yeah or like why don't why don't you guys like she's like you don't do PDA I was like I don't know I was just trying to be respectful you know she's like why are you not bouncing on that thing in front of me and she's like do you

like my son or not that's kind of sort of a little bit but she's so sweet anyways all of a sudden it comes on um you know the beach and i don't know there might have been sand stuck in there from that like beautiful water it was incredible tropical first time to miami and he goes down he doesn't have his phone and he goes to the beach with his brother and i was gonna like meet him down or something all of a sudden this uti comes on like a like just knives like machetes you know because sometimes there's a low-key uti but sometimes if you get the wrong one the wrong flavor oh yeah there's different flavors of UTIs like a severe one it could really hurt you um like they say that there can be some that can be more painful than childbirth I've never had a child I

I find that hard to believe I do too but this was so painful and it happened so fast it was not like a slow developing it was like it went zero to a hundred where I was in so much pain and this was pre-uber this was pre-uber so you had to hail a cab I had to ask her because I obviously I would have just asked him to call me a cab but he was gone and didn't have his phone right his phone's in the room with me so I had to go like oh my gosh I am so sorry about this this is so embarrassing and you know I came from like a very sheltered very like manners forward family and I was like I'm this is humiliating but I think I have to go to urgent care and like now did you did you say she speaks english and this woman mine too this woman to this day like is a goddamn saint like i

adored her but she's like okay we'll take you like takes me down in the car and i'm like i am at this point losing my vision and like i'm in so much pain like i can't even pay attention to anything i can't help this and i i'm not i'm like barely conscious yeah and i'm like okay the urgent care and then all of a sudden we pull up we pull up to the emergency room and i was like oh oh no no no like i and she's like i don't know where an urgent care is so i just took her to the hospital i was like oh god i was like i don't want to walk people are like bleeding out and od and you're like coming in just no opening for my vagina i was like oh god i gotta tell them like when they're asking me what's wrong i have to tell them i just have a uti there's like gunshot wounds and i was

like this is so embarrassing yeah in every front asking her not being able to take myself not being able to ask him to take me then showing up at the hospital realizing what's happening that i'm at the emergency room and i have no choice about it yeah i have to go through with it then i'm like getting admitted she's waiting for me i'm like you don't have to wait like he you have him come pick me up please please don't have to there's a huge wait i'm like definitely you don't have to wait for me i'm in there what else is she doing i don't know she might as well wait for you it's her birthday week yeah oh i guess you're right there's family in town i was like just drop my ass i'll figure it out yeah i'd want to deal with this alone you know i'm like i can't stop

telling her how embarrassing this is she's a girl's girl what are you talking about no she's She incredible But all of a sudden I'm in there We're waiting and it's taking forever Of course of course it can't when I go In there for this thing can't be quick Nope all of a sudden You know like my boyfriend at the time

Walks in and Three cars full of Relatives That I have never met Pull up To the waiting room So now I have An entourage

i know i'm familiar i have half the waiting room is like relatives that i'm meeting for the first time for my sex injury oh and i'm like young too like i wasn't you know what a columbian they were like come on now they know what the kids do a little coca leaf in there they were all so nice they were all so nice and just trying to be supportive but it was like It truly felt like one of those movies where, like, one thing bad after another. It was like a Meet the Fockers thing. Like, I'm this demon, you know, person coming into the family. And they're all in the waiting room.

So, see. Then, like, for whatever reason, he reminded me of this, like, not too far back. Like, we had this, like, wild nurse with, like, pink hair who was like, you know, you have to wipe front to back, right? You're not. Did you wipe back to front? I'm like, who wipes back to front? I don't know anybody. Babies do that.

nobody is doing that i was like that's not even logical and she's like we have to ask you know some people they don't you know it's a it's a important question how about it's like how about i'm somebody's going to pound town on me and and i didn't and i didn't pee right away that's what happened yeah well i could not believe that she thought i was ended up in the er because i was accidentally scooping shit into my pussy and that's what made the entire party come to the goddamn emergency room well your pussy is popping I'll tell you that much if the whole fiesta fiesta then she asked my boyfriend and I don't think this would happen now maybe it would but I don't think this would happen now like we've moved on as it progresses as a society

but she asked him directly like did you do anal and I was like no well no did you do anal and then go back to the v nobody is doing that nobody does the piece no no i've to this day never done anal um but mateo told me once when i was like first met him he's like never let a guy trick you into doing anal you girls don't have prostates you don't need to be doing anal wait wait so he's saying that we don't need to do anal because it's not it doesn't feel good yeah like because like men have a prostate there so there's an actual like or a sexual stimulant a purpose for it you know like doing anal for men there is a prostate like it hits that well i don't i don't think that's fair because i've done it and it felt good well no not to say that you can't like it but

that's what he said to me and he's like you know i think there can be like psychological value i think the funny thing here that we're skipping we're getting on a tangent Mateo met you and was like don't let these boys trick you he thought he was going to get tricked no I would never get tricked I seem easily trickable but I'm less trickable than you think I love to say no to men

it's like one of my true passions but anyways so then she's asking him directly like if he's and I was like excuse me in English she's asking this is the nurse at the pink hair at the hospital

I thought the mom asked the mom I was like, damn, mom is real comfortable. No, I'm sure there were many. They all knew what it was from. And I did hear like one of his cousins who didn't know that I could understand Spanish ask if my boobs were fake, which I took as a compliment. That is a huge compliment. Yeah.

What was the response? Who was she asking? Another cousin, another girl cousin. They were like all like hot chicks, you know. Welcome to the family. Yeah. Yeah, so, like, hours later after I get, like, hardcore medicine, go back. I mean, now, that was my first time meeting them in a hospital gown for a UTI at the hospital.

Put your ass out. I have to go back. This was, the party hadn't even happened yet. Yo, Claire. Then we have to go to the party. I'm still, like, really hardcore, like, not well. I get on antibiotics, so obviously I can't have a drink. And then they think I'm, like, a fucking dud, you know what I mean?

Like, at the party, like, I'm definitely still injured, like, trying to meet them, trying to save the weekend. It was, like, it was just the worst thing to ever happen. Oh, I was so embarrassed. I'm going to have to step back and y'all have y'all good time. I'm going to be in the room. I can't. Yeah. No, there was a lot of prayer happening.

That is the time people need to pray for you. I was like, please no UTI. Please no hospital. Oh, no, please no one finding out about this. Oh, please no one witnessing this. Prayers for Blair. Yeah, prayers for Blair. Now, did you guys have sex the rest of the weekend?

No, you can't. No, I was in so much pain. That shit was so painful. That was the worst one I've ever had. Marie, you never had a UTI before? I've had a UTI before. Was it not painful? No.

I didn't even know I had a UTI. Yeah, then I went like 10 years after without getting one after that. God was like, you had enough for there, you know? I kind of have a, not a similar story, but I understand about going to the, to the hospital, whatever, with a certain person. It's like, I just feel more comfortable with a friend or going by myself. A hundred percent. I like, for high school graduation, I went out with my friends. We used to drink it.

We doing, we getting wild. I don't go back home because I was hooking up with a guy that I was hooking up with when I was in high school. Yeah. His name was Cadell. He's, he's passed away now. Oh, rest in peace Cadell. Yeah. but I ended up

not going home for like two days I'm sorry what you didn't even shed a tear for Cadell you barely even said Cadell's name

but you cried for the greyhound I know for 10 minutes I know I know I know thank you for that

Marie you really I just I just I was like Cadell what he was inside you you don't even know that to her credit

she's gay now though so it's like she's never been a dog dog dog They're so valuable, though. To the gay community? To all community.

Brie, hey, you're an empath for fucking eggs and chickens. I'm an empath for greyhounds, okay? Eggs and chickens? It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing, yeah. Brie! It's an ongoing thing. The eggs that you buy determine how they taste.

Yeah, and what kind of life the mother lives. So, ultimately, it's about taste for you, not empathy for the wife. Well, you know, the ones that are in K-Tree. Empathy, empathy really got mixed up in there somehow. Yeah, because you can taste the sadness in the eggs, man. All right, okay, okay. Sad eggs, it happens. Anyway, go ahead, sis.

But yeah, so this weekend, we couldn't have sex because I had got my period. Yeah. So, but we did like fool around and by fool around, you know, whatever. and so i had i had a tampon in for the day too long yeah i i didn't take the tampon out in a in a timely manner and so the next day i'm swollen i have a fever i look crazy i go home my mom is already pissed at me because i hadn't been home in two days but she's like what's wrong with you you look like a damn chipmunk and i was like well hello to you too ramona and she's like no no something something is wrong and then she feels me she's like you you look really thick and so

I said yeah I'm not really feeling that well and so she's like my brother was there he's like well I'll take you I'll take you to the hospital and so we go into the ER and they're like taking my temperature and stuff and they're like is anything weird I was like oh I did have a tampon in for a while and they're like okay let's get it out I said no no I already took it out she was already gloved up like well we'll just take it out and I was like okay you think I came in here with a stuffed tampon like no I I have heard of that happening to people that literally happened to me last year yeah well last year I don't remember that story and you have to get it like extracted well I didn't know it was in there right oh I didn't know it was in there I'm freaking out

about what's going on the gynecologist oh wow you guys are really talking about period underwear huh oh hey hey who the hoes here you you were us watch your mouth said it was nasty watch your mouth i said it's nasty to not wash them when you take them off okay okay okay you know what else is nasty keeping the tampon in too long basically i had toxic shock syndrome and so when everybody would talk about it i'd be like well i am a survivor wait i was just gonna say because they they had me paralyzed with fear like they warned us about this incessantly and i had never heard of someone getting it so you actually got it and how long did it take like were you just sick for a day or did it last or like what i was

i was sick for like a couple days but my brother was there and it was just embarrassing to be like oh he's like you didn't take your tampon tampon out haven't you had a period for a while he was just dragging me, roasting me the whole time. And I was like, I was like, stay out of women's business. They are so simple.

They would never be able to keep up with all the moving parts we have to deal with. 100%. They would constantly get toxic shock. Yeah, they would live

in toxic shock. They would all be dead. They are toxic shock. They are toxic shock syndrome. You guys hear that? Toxic shock syndrome. The men. They barely change

their sheets or their socks. Underwear. And you're telling me you're going to change your tampon? Yeah. You're going to change your tampon.

Ew. Get the fuck out of here. Disgusting. Yeah. Yo, but I'm at the gynecologist and I'm like, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's wrong. She's asking me about what my last cycle was. I was like, like a week ago.

But how, what was your feel? You were feeling like you had a stomach ache? No, I, my body didn't feel funny. It just, it didn't, it didn't smell right. Oh, something was wrong. I just was like, I would get like a whiff and be like, whoa, what's happening down here? I said, is this, is this a UTI? Is this a yeast infection?

Like, what's up? go on his canals what's happening go on his canals am I in New Jersey what's up anyway so what happened was so anyway she's like you know you still have a tampon up there I said what no I don't

wait why did she say so casually I forgot it was up there and I had put another one in right and after my period I did I had had sex tampon was just tampon was here it was in my neck

that he must have thought that shit was so tight he must have been like whoa no it's crowded bitch it's not tight it's crowded it was packed up crowded packed up in there marie yeah anyway they're like you know did you talk to him did you tell him after what happened well i spoke to him before it happened and then i spoke to him after because i was like i think i might be dying like He didn't smell anything? You know, some people just want to be there. Yo. That's how long.

They just have to breathe. They just have to breathe. They should not tell you that. That is the way it is. Yeah. He was happy to be there, see? Yeah, yeah. Oh, did he have long COVID?

You didn't smell nothing? I could smell it. Okay. I could smell, like, and it wasn't like I'm sitting here in these jeans and it's like, I would just, like, randomly catch. It would just be an errand to whiff. yeah I would just catch a whiff every once in a while

and I'd be like that sit down air that sit down air is fierce bitch sit down air sit down air you know when you sit down and you might have

like some thin pants and then you get that whoosh I know I've had that I've had the sit down air not be proper because I had

BV or something yes that well no not the BV it's the trick trick the parasite that I had oh

yeah I had a yeah it was I'm not my proudest moment but that is also from a man yeah No, it's all from a man. Listen, we're all good now.

You said I got light-colored pants on. They're both done. But I'm wearing light pants because I'm good. I still... They pulled it out. I'm still on the bleeding, so... I know, but the thing is that it's really hard taking care of yourself. It's hard being a woman.

And, like, looking as if it's normal when you're just full on, you know, like, you still have things you have to show up to and your outfits and all sorts of things. It's crazy. Yeah, and then you still have to be nice to people. it's like hey i'm literally bleeding out of one hole and i still have to smile because everybody's upset when i don't smile i know and you gotta vimmo people in a timely matter fuck you and i'm tired yeah and i'm hungry but like don't want to eat my iron is low my sugar is low oh god you want to shop no no okay you're just saying okay Blair so you do um you do live alone so that's another mess of yours living alone is pretty hard

it's great I don't know like I've lived now I'm I've lived alone so long I can't imagine it any other way unless I had like a big house if I were to introduce a man um into the scenario you gotta be in the west wing yeah there has to be wings I feel and my mom always says that real estate saves marriages but um i live alone and you know i love it like i love my apartment it's so cute it's so comfortable it's so calming it's so clean i love it one drawback as i did bring up to you um you know california my beautiful state that i love um a lot of earthquakes there and not nothing new it's nothing no and i've been when my new york gals come to california and they get very worried and i totally understand like anytime rosebud um sees one on like mine or

something she calls me are you okay i'm like but she's shaking you know and i'm like no how often is there an earthquake all the time i've been and it's like i grew up with them so it's like totally normal the way that there's some does this disaster you guys are used to i don't know what it is uh late subway late train ill yeah um not ill and then um not for me i swear if you get out of the habit stuff to get back on it really is you're not wrong and i'll tell you what they got way more expensive than they did i was like holy shit i gotta make more money to come this down fully um but last year there was like a particularly big one and i forget like what the earthquake protocol is now i'm sure it's changed since they made us do the drills growing up we

had to do them in school you gotta be in between a doorway i think yeah i guess stand in a doorway but if you're on if you're on like a second uh not on the first floor like what's the move i don't know why i'm asking you guys like i'm telling you i've lived through them all my life like they're no big deal we should be asking you so a particularly big one one so big that like one of my um uh art pieces came off the wall and i was in the shower so i'm full naked and i was like damn this one seems bigger than usual and no matter how many times you go through it it's still not a body are you slipping and sliding in the shower well you know that i have extreme athletic prowess so i was able to not slip that time i don't want to get cocky tempt the universe

yes and um so i was pretty stable um ass naked and i was like whoa this is going on for like a while and then i'm it's going on so long that i'm having the thought if this is if this turns into some real shit someone's gonna find my naked body or i'm or even worse or maybe not worse i'm gonna have to run down the stairs naked like no i do i do and and now that we're talking this through i will think to grab it but you will not believe this later on like i don't know five six months later another earthquake happened and i was in the shower again twice twice in the shower and i was like this must be like foreshadowing of how i'm gonna go you know because i was like okay we're doing it like i'm riding i'm riding this you know like i'm just fucking shaking my shit

shaking my shit that sound like a good title um but i'm not gonna say because i got shit in it but whatever yeah well whatever and i was like i guess like you know i work out it wouldn't be the worst if i have to run out and see my neighbor's ass naked to save life that's what i was gonna to say i was like your body your body's t-blade thank you i see a little little little body pictures you put post on the instagram yeah you're ripped yeah and you got good what is this quads quads quads yeah born with those suckers um born with those guys those those things i'm real stable and uh yeah but but i had that thought i was like oh god and then you're like it's like that one episode i don't know if you ever think about this i don't really think about like bad

it up to me like in that way at least um but like what that one episode where carrie uh throws out her back in the bathroom in the shower no it's miranda she gets so pissed that she asked carrie come and he sends i think aiden she said aiden um but i was like oh god like yeah luckily i guess it's more you get worried when you're old right now it's awesome i mean i don't want to bust my in the shower that that feels like a old person injury that's what i'm saying yeah but i didn't fall but i survived two naked earthquakes i have every time i've been in california many times i've never felt an earthquake you haven't that's good two earthquakes i felt in new york both times oh oh yeah you guys had one like in the past year that was pretty big right yeah it shook my whole

building i thought a truck hit my building my building is old and i love it it's so cute but is old and like the walls are so thin like i can hear my fucking neighbor sneeze um yeah it's bad they know a lot about me um but but like i when it felt like i'm like is this gonna crumble that's what it feels like a hundred percent i said the building must not be up to code it's about to fall down yo y'all don't even know it's an earthquake i was like what y'all don't even know i was in one of the biggest earthquakes in um in oakland california in like the bay area yeah the bit that big big one where it messed up the golden gate bridge like you weren't there for that i was in there it was so that was scary it like broke down like uh the like overpasses yes and the

streets yeah i was at home with my aunt uncles and yeah you do have to be in the middle of the um the doorway but we had one of those things that has all the glass inside of it that came down the chandelier no no we did not have a chandelier wait glass thing like it's a like a case like a cabinet yeah that it's not a credenza yeah but i know what you mean yeah but it has like all the china like big china whatever so that broke all those all the things there's um all of our plates and everything that was in those cabinets those came out like it was truly the scariest thing and they were older they were much older and i was like right and that makes i was like if they get hit with something yeah they're dead they're dead but we managed to lay low and my cousin

was in labor she was in labor when that's why the earth was shaking the baby was the that has to be so scary being a pregnant to go into labor because like the streets are fucked up and now all the emergency is going to everything the bridge is swaying yeah no i remember that the 1994 oh god i hate now everyone knows how old we are yeah the 1994 northridge earthquake um which was like i don't know an hour and a half from where i grew up but we felt it so strongly i remember my dad scary running up the stairs picking me up and running me down and watching the light fixtures swing so hard. Come on, Blanche.

Family got a chandelier at the house. Yeah, you put that on me. I was like, no, baby, you had a chandelier. Because poor people's lights don't swing. They just, it's a nipple in the ceiling. Yeah, I want... You know what I mean? You know what?

Now that you say that, thank you for giving me another thing to aspire to. Like, I need a chandelier. Yeah. But also, we had, you know when you're supposed to put like, what is it, over the light bulbs? What do you call that?

The glass thing? yeah where you said the little dish thing yeah the dish yeah we didn't have that it was naked the light bulbs were naked and they broke they also broke so then what happened how what was like the cleanup process it was long it was long everybody had to you know basically all that stuff is broken that stuff is gone and the streets they had to come and clean the streets because it had basically uneven the streets

oh my god it was so that's what I'm saying how did she get to the hospital I want to see the photo no she was already in the hospital she was giving birth

yeah so it was like whenever anybody talks about an earthquake I was like y'all don't even know oh yeah you went through

you were in the real one that was the scariest I should we are literally going to go inside of the concrete that's like one of the worst ones like ever

ever highest damage on the Richter scale pictures of it this is northridge no that was the san francisco one oh scary scary scary yeah so you know what blair that's the thing that they try to tell um women you don't want to die alone you don't want to be alone like it's so scary like i don't know who's gonna be there that's actually my problem you can have part of my mess and i know you understand it well is like i have built a life

that i genuinely love so much and i'm so fulfilled by the i'm so as we all are so fucking busy one we're traveling constantly right i'm also like i have low stamina compared to my peers um low stamina in terms of what like tiredness oh you know like i need like after the road and stuff like i need a couple days of just like rest to recover yeah like i need more recovery whatever anyways and then like i am very i put a lot of my heart and soul into my friendships you know i have a lot of like deep fulfilling nourishing relationships i love my work and i'm so i love my family i like whenever i'm not working with my friends i'm with my family and so it's like i have a full life that i'm happy with like i don't and i don't like enjoy going out dating

what i love to like be in love and be with like someone i adored yes but i hate the process and like when i was when i was in my 20s it was like i always had a boyfriend because i was like naturally out yeah in my my regular life had me out and it was just so easy to meet people and it was just like a seamless experience now it's like for me to go meet someone i have it's like an unnatural experience you gotta leave your house or it's just like i have to go on an app or i have to like answer a dm or you gotta work on your perm it's like it's yeah i've been doing lots of beauty treatments because you know like i've been in such deep grief that i've been trying all sorts of stuff to make myself feel better for fun i will say the russian

manicure is incredible what is the russian manicure it's like it's basically what sucks about it is that you have to sit for so long it's basically a way more in-depth uh manicure that lasts way longer and is like way higher quality manicure and it's without water you don't use water yeah no water yeah they spend so much time it's it's very meticulous extremely your hands are no these are nice thanks i don't feel that way i'm like i'm just like touching oh thank you i really appreciate that it's baby baby this is this is work this is work for me but yeah no this is very nice i don't feel that way i'm i'm surprised you think that no these these are really very yeah i gotta stop looking at them if you have like long thick shiny hair then i think

that loose uh curl perm would work out for you i just had a vision for myself that nobody let me know wasn't going to be able to be executed for my type of hair you said that you have a lot of friends that you put into why didn't they you didn't run that by them i didn't run it by anyone i don't run things by people really i feel like that's there's like maybe three different types of people in the world right yeah one that's sydney they run through everything with everybody yeah don't to get up please for research for research purposes sydney does run everything fire everybody. And then there's people who just do, and then

they don't run it by nobody, and your friends are looking at you later like, well, why didn't you? Yeah, I mean, but that was like a rare anomaly. I was like, I already have curly hair, you know. And it's, you know, it's not like some tragic thing. At least I didn't get bangs. You know, and Farrah. Hey! You said you didn't get tragic bangs.

No, bangs look good on some people. They didn't look good on me. I had wanted them my whole life, and it's like when you don't have something. I feel like I remember you with bangs. You look good with bangs. Oh, thanks. Farrah literally took me to the forest um to do mushrooms to tell me that i need to grow out my bangs and at the and at the time i was so like i was so hurt but then i was like oh no that's every last bit she's the only one who told me you know she had to get you high yeah and take you in the woods nah bitch that's that no

that's grounds for hey i think i need a break i need to take some space from you that was really fun it was the first time we did mushrooms it was cool i'm having a good ass trip and then you to hold my hand and you're like so yeah no i the bang that's it that's it it hurt you know i'm hurt yeah but i feel like looking back i was like i think she was right the shrooms open you up and maybe her eyes were like whoa yeah you know what bangs are a no for you yeah maybe the bangs fucked up her high and that's why she had to tell you that i probably you know when i look back they fuck up my high so you know i don't know i farrah you're a good friend girl farrah farrah brooke we love you down we love you Sarah listen listen listen I get it I have lived alone for a minute

I don't imagine I can't see a world where I live with a man and I'm happy with him being there in a one bedroom with me so a one bedroom he don't have to live across the street a one bedroom is just not that's crazy it's barely big enough for me no I can barely fit all my clothes me and all my if I got a two bedroom I want the other bedroom to be my closet 100% facts 100% so Blair I'm glad

you really came thick with the mess oh yeah you got it no I have endless mess you bought some mess out of us actually you did

I love that stuff that I never thought that I would share I'm so thrilled like Marie hold my hand do you know oh can I tell you something really fast too

you're being transparent because we all started together we did and it was so much fun and like you guys

and I tell this to everyone because when I came here from Orange County and I was so sheltered and like one of the we were your first black friends you were not you were not my first black that's not true because she had a black boyfriend i had okay she had i also played sports at ucla i had a lot of black friends my bad um no but

i was gonna say my what i was gonna say is i when i my idea of what comedy was back then and like where we were it was like you know free me to all that i had this idea that i had to have my whole body covered up and it's like internalized misogyny from like a republican place that i wasn't aware of obviously that i had to like have my whole body covered up to have like men listen to my words on stage and then i met you guys and like we all became friends and it was so much fun and you guys like look because i love to dress up and i love clothes but not i still don't like to have people look at my body on stage but when i saw you guys and you guys changed it all for like all the younger generations too because all the younger like kids now it all came from you too

they showing titties no but you guys came in with like you were like it is for us also not only are we gonna be so funny and so talented but for us this is also our runway and we don't care if it's ugly disgusting male I'm in a basement gout faces we're gonna make it hot yeah and I always thought

it was so cool thank you Blair they are acknowledging what we've done to the comedy community here in New York City I fully say this because you know

how people will be like oh yeah John Early and Caperlay like they they launch a whole like alt classes and it's 100% true like a lot of people

are derivatives of them but all the comedy not dressing like shit I 100% feel that you two were the first and that it all stemmed from you two 100 i believe it too because when i when i started doing stand-up i remember thinking like i would see what people

were wearing and it was like what the fuck are you doing you gotta look like you don't give a damn for people to think you're funny but my logic was always i remember you saying this right even if you don't think i'm funny you gonna think i look great yeah i said i'm not i'm never gonna bomb and look like shit and i was like i will bomb and look like shit um no but i remember you guys saying that all the time and i and i love it you might not laugh but you're gonna be like yeah yeah and sometimes it the set didn't go that well and people still come up to me like so what's your instagram i want to follow you i want to see what what else you're up to and it's like yeah because sometimes sets don't go go well but presentation i know presentation yeah i love

that yeah yeah so thank you like when you people when you think about where we are now with stand up like people buy tickets to see us they it's different they get a babysitter they yeah but you guys were doing this that's a hundred percent different in basements that is like they're coming to an actual like paid i'm talking about when we were young like we were doing these shitty ass shows and you guys came in fully dressed it was incredible it's still a night out for these people you know what i mean like but it was incredible because you guys are the first to do it and now the girls are dressed yeah they were like yeah you you can't wear shorts on stage no who can't wear shorts on stage yeah I will once in a while wear shorts I'll do it in LA

because there's some rooms in the sometimes where the air conditioner won't work in the summer yeah and you just can't breathe yeah listen we're doing it we provided maybe bleep that out So I don't get my spots. Let's read a message and then mosey on out of here. Hi, Marie and Sydney. I've been looking for some advice recently and realize you both may just be the best to give it. I'm a 33 year old woman who has never been in a serious relationship before. That's OK, girl. You're fine. You're not missing a day.

You're really not. Yeah, I came out as a lesbian in high school and really and really stuck with that identity through my teens and 20s. And although never got into anything serious, as I'm getting a little older, I'm finding myself attracted to men. Oh, no, sorry. My bad. and wanting to go on some dates to see what happens. 20-year-old me would be in disbelief. Here's my problem. I've never had sex with a man.

And ooh, that's a gold star lesbian, just in case y'all didn't know. Never having sex with a man. And haven't fooled around with one in over a decade. And it was only drunken antics in the past. I now feel super insecure about my inexperience and can't stop thinking about any man in his 30s or 40s

will find all of this weird and a turnoff. that's that's not true girl that is simply actually gonna love it sis yes yeah like and like marie said they're just happy to be there they wouldn't even probably know also because a lot of them aren't super aware um unless you told them and also stop worrying about what they like we're here for what you like okay well hold on one second let me finish it let me round it out one additional thing to consider is that i definitely need to be emotionally connected with someone to have any desire to do anything sexual. I agree, sister.

That's 100% me. Will I find a man that will have the patience for all of this? How do I even begin to address this with him? Should I have sex with someone I'm not into just to get the nerves out? Probably not, but I'm considering it. Maria, that is not

what I'm thinking. Yes, no. Right. I appreciate any thoughts you may have. I've tried to talk about this with some of my friends and they just don't get it. Thanks, Em. your friends need to be nicer maybe her friends are all lesbians and they're looking at her like why would you want to do that

they're like really worried I'm the same way like I can I don't have casual hookups like I'm only attracted to someone if I'm emotionally attracted to them is that a sapio sex yes but I try to do a joke about this

because I'm just like well yeah like shouldn't you generally like the person you're having sex with going inside you yeah um but i think but that's not true ask a lot of married women and married men they be like i don't even know if i like this person but i guess i gotta go inside listen i had a little i had a situation ship that i was having great sex with i didn't like him that's different though is it yeah because it's like that tension of like like not like adds to like the sexual fire

unconsciously okay he kind of knew i didn't like him so he tried his to work harder yeah they all fucking do that no they don't they don't all try their best they really don't a lot they come there like for themselves yeah sometimes they come in there like it's a job they've been at for like three years and they're just like yeah i'm clocking in and clocking out so it's not anything about that but i just mean if they think that you're not a hundred percent about them that's when they feel inspired to leave it all on the floor yeah you know and so i think that like enables that's what i think keeps situationships going for so long is because it's like that uncertainty like if you're in the very secure thing of course like it's natural for things to get boring you know without

that like friction that built-in friction but this girl like i would say well first you're gonna have to date and honey look i i have i have just as much resistance as you yeah but if you have to be attracted to them i would say if you're gonna do it for the first time and you have so much so many nerves about it make sure it's with a really nice person that hopefully cares about you at least as a friend like deeply so that they're going to be like make it a nice experience for you and be like aware of your how emotionally charged it seems to be there's on to something yeah maybe have sex with a male friend a male friend that you're like he's always been here no matter what and he claims that he's just a friend but i don't know the way he's like giving

me his jacket one time he don't want to be just my friend so maybe try there yeah somebody's like invested in your in your well-being yeah even if it's like not romantic i agree with that if you if you needed to get it done i'm saying i don't know i'm not mad at that yeah what about you marie what do you think i agree i think she should hook up with a male friend because the apps are going to disappoint you they are and if you need to be emotionally invested in a man before you speak with them. Sis. Them apps are not going to help you. The stock is down right now.

The Dow, the dick Dow is down 5,000 points. You know what I mean? So, yeah, if you're saying that you want to, she just wants to have sex with a man. That's it. Yeah, and I will tell you as a lesbian who was going on dates with men and telling them

I was a lesbian, they don't care. They don't care at all. No, they like the challenge. Yeah, they literally don't care. And there was one guy that was like, you're not really a lesbian. and I was like you'll see that's the most that is the most male ego thing you'll see and that man was texting me up the wazoo I wouldn't I would not respond he's like I was like man come on now I'm I'm good I'm a lesbian I'll thank you so much for whatever you did but I'm all set and he was like but I miss you I was like no you don't you don't know I I hooked up with you once what are you

talking about do you feel that you're a full lesbian now like after that a full lesbian like after you were going on dates with guys as a lesbian yeah is that what you're saying i see what you're trying to repeat it to me and i know what i said no no i'm asked i'm not trying to she said you really you gay gay yeah i mean like did that experience you're like oh i'm not 100 not attracted to men yeah it made me realize that i'm like whatever that was the like going back into is because it was like i've done it before so it wasn't going to be that hard but leaving leaving it I was like that was not for me because I had so much real clear yeah there was so much like anxiety and shame in it it was just like this is dumb like I don't even feel

good this doesn't make me feel good after work you know yeah it's kind of like drugs and alcohol yeah no that's that's sad that's like what men are no it is it's like god they're like poison it was not it was not the move all men are not poisoned they're not i always say this this is what's hard and especially once you get older and like you have you know done self-reflection and inner work and stuff it's like what i would need for a man to add to my life is like they have to be absolutely incredible you know and that's a small like i look at relationships and there's like 10 to 15 maybe 20 percent of like relationships of people that I observe where I'm like oh yeah that looks nice like they look like they really like each

other I could I would like that it's like a very small number it's not like I'm out here being like wow I wish I had that to a lot of people a lot of people I see I'm like I do not envy that at all I mean every time I'm on TikTok I'm seeing what the people are doing I'm like it's nothing that y'all are doing is drawing me you know what i mean no i think it's like if you don't if your life isn't that exciting or whatever it inherently puts more focus on that need for a relationship or want and that's why it's so hard for people to understand when you're not dying to not be single because we fulfill baby we can be fulfilled the whole the whole is open but i'm fulfilled yeah well not open no you're in love yeah i'm in love but i i was just

the hole is open yeah my back is closed my legs i would love to be in love in a way where it seems to be older generations where they just like accidentally met someone at the train station and they were like the love of their life and they were like they were really nice and they wanted to and they're a really good person but they're also like wanted to fuck them and i was like this is another reason why i feel like this summer is gonna be a good summer because we're gonna be more outside yeah yeah and i'm also trying to i'm ordering less from amazon i'm ordering less stuff online i'm going out to get it because i feel like maybe i'll meet somebody on the bus so maybe i'll change your perspective i think you should i know i need to my mom always

wants me to dress up for the airport she's like you're in the delta lounge i'm like yeah you in the delta lounge put something cute on i know but i'm like 6 a.m is a little tough the lounge is kind of letting everybody in there now and it's packed so don't go crazy she's not wrong about it being packed it's packed it is packed but it's packed full of opportunity it's packed full of people who might see you

in your linen pants it's just somebody who got a card they got enough credit their credit score is over the it's 720 for the we want my credit score I'm gonna say I'm gonna share it I'm gonna be vulnerable with y'all today six

17 and it's on the rise and that's it coming up we're changing the perspective it was lower than that it was six it was yeah it was in the box i put everything on auto pay because it's like the little shit that like will fuck you i can't do that i can't do auto pay because i used to pay my rent with auto pay no and they charged me rent twice in one month oh no well no and i just happened to check my balance that day. Don't trust the system. Okay? So that's why I won't do auto pay. It's on my terms.

I don't pay my bills until I get that final termination notice. Okay? They'd be like, turn it off. I'd be like, let me just pay it real quick. I love that. I'd be like, okay. Blair, we love you down. I'm so glad you were able to see the evolution of what we've been

doing. This is such a treat for me. I just adore you guys. I get so happy to see you both. It's so much fun. girl what's going on where can the people catch you this summer oh thank you so much for asking um i have a brand new podcast out that i am really passionate about i would love for you guys to have a listen it's called spaced out with blair sake my brother came up with the name before he died um and it's a lot of fun we talk about uh pop culture womanhood mental health uh my weird special interests and a little bit of aliens and then um i'm on tour right now so that's ongoing

blairsaki.com and at blairsaki B-L-A-I-R-S-O-C-C-I on social media and posting all my dates. And then Netflix is a joke. May 5th, Hollywood Improv. Woo! Love it. Love it. What a messy and fulfilling

episode. Yeah. We appreciate you. I'm fulfilled. I'm fulfilled. Friendship fulfills you. What did we learn today? Take your tampon out. Take your tampon out. You gotta take your tampon out. And know where the urgent care is. Plungers for sure

I'm not getting a new plunger I gotta move Yeah and if we can go back in time And invent the Uber app That would be great That would be helpful I think take your tampon out is so Imperative

Oh earthquake go under the doorway Not in the shower not in front of a glass case No you need to be in the doorway In the doorway But now when the building falls I don't feel like the doorways are still standing how was like that meme with the math yeah I was like I never thought about that but what I do think about is I love that you guys are on our youtubes make sure you're following subscribing all of that keep sending us messages and it's up to y'all to let us to make sure that we grow so

keep reposting keep engaging let everybody know that they're missing out on truly the best podcast out here. Go ahead and share this episode with one person. Actually, ten people. Ten people? Yeah, that would be great. Share it with your friend who got the tampon stuck. Yes. There's that one girl in that group. Share it with your friend you feel like would help you take it out. Ooh.

That's a good, I love friendship. That's actually less people. That's less people. There's two types of girls. The girl that's getting their tampon stuck, and then there's a girl that is a friend that's going to pull it out. Yeah. And we have that here. Yeah. I would get, I'd have to get a hazmat mask, but I would, if I was

needed, like, look, I wouldn't love it. I'm not trying to get that dirty ass stance on, but I would do it 100%. It's crazy. I'll never forget that moment. I don't know if there's anybody I would do that for. I love you down, girl. I don't know if I'll do that. I'm just glad no one's asked me. Okay, you guys have a good, messy

day. Bye. Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. Created and hosted by Sydney Washington and Marie faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess

the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588