MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Cheeks On The Chair w/ Aaron Jackson

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

This week Syd and Marie are joined by now top five guest of MESS -- Aaron Jackson! The three talk Sydnee's fast food MESS, work MESS, Friend MESS, and more!    Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

oof you're listening to mess we're starting off strong um we usually talk about our mess and then you you know we get right into it you get right into it so i'm going to say it right now i have a problem okay i have an issue is this a space some there needs to be an intervention um it's crazy how i'm so black and white i'm so polar opposite she's biracial no i was like she's black Oh wow, I'm burping too while I'm singing Wow Yeah, I'm really going through You're clearing out the voice

Sydney, our outfits like I know They do We're like K-pop singers Holy Look at this That's cute Y'all are always fresh, right?

Thank you You really are You really are Yeah, where's our Gap commercial? Yeah this is okay yeah it is your glasses everything hats okay wait let's focus let's get back in so yes you have a problem i have a problem uh i don't know what it is but i i once i like something i can do it over and over and over again so i'm i'm actually insane that's insanity right doing

things over and over and over again and expecting a different but are you expecting anything or do You just like the thing, so you just keep doing it. What are you doing? It sounds like you're expecting the same. Right. You want that comfort. Here we go. Here we go.

Why would I think having McDonald's and Taco Bell seven days in a row would make me not? Damn. Seven days this week? I didn't think I was going to get it from both. I know I'm going to get it from one of you, but you two? Seven. You two? Seven.

McDonald's and Taco Bell? Together? I'm going through it, y'all. Same meal. No, no, no. Not, no, no. One's dessert. McDonald's for breakfast.

It's Taco Bell for supper. Like, girl. Yes. Oh. Actually. Chipotle in the middle? No, I don't do that. I'm better than Chipotle.

I would never. I draw the line. She fasts for lunch. I draw the line at Rice and Beans. At a Rice Bowl. No gracias. A Rice Bowl is probably better for you than whatever you're eating from Taco Bell. Hold on.

That's not true. What, you're eating a Gordita Crunch? Yo, I tried one of those for the first time. And it was, Sidney, you don't even be high. You just sober eating Taco Bell? Is it depression? I don't know, babe. But it's something about the sausage biscuit with grape jelly and two hash browns got me in a chokehold at McDonald's.

And then when we had Taco Bell, I like two crunchy beef supreme, taco supreme, extra sour cream, jalapenos, and then those little donut holes. Donut holes? Yeah, from Cinnabon. Girl, you might as well eat Chipotle because beef anything from Taco Bell is the dog from the commercial. That's where she went. Hasn't been seen in years. Since the 90s. being the gordita supreme no she's passed at least 20 years ago

you said clone tyrone yes they clone tyrone exactly so i i've been doing it like almost two weeks seven days that's 14 well you guys can count it's hot in here is anybody hot it's hot it's probably all the high blood pressure yeah yeah yeah you're right you're right are you going to these places are you door dashing oh yeah it's worse and it's so close to me all those things are so close that's why i'm like it must be seasonal depression the season hasn't even gone are you here to help or hurt both i think in order to help i gotta hurt a little bit yeah okay haitian mom well sydney you hurt our is the taco bell here to

help exactly i don't know when i'm eating it it it helps but then oh oh 15 minutes later i'm It's your Jackie Joiner, Kirstie on that ass. It's Sha'Carri. It's Sha'Carri. It's world record. World record. Now, remember when you were doing a hard

75? What level of this of life did you want? I just want to let everybody know the range that I'm giving y'all. I can do both. There's moments where I'm like, I'm better than y'all. And I'm like, yo, I'm under y'all.

I'm underneath. I'm just like y'all for real. No, I'm not. It's like, I gotta stop being relatable. And then everybody's got a message like, we do not relate. We can't relate. We can't relate. Hell.

And then I did the Baja Blast and it was not good. Is that the pie? No, it's a drink. It's a drink. Mountain Dew. Do you know this pie? Have you seen the, it's like a blue pie. No.

What is that? Is that Baja Blast? Is that at Popeye's? it's i think it's a taco bell thing or something you're sick it's gross it's like a blue it's like a mountain dew pie no it's doing solids now hello baja blast pie bring it to thanksgiving no mountain dew is doing solids now we are this is a recession indicator when when mountain dew is making pie look at that thing

what color is that it's like it's jello no it's a hypnotic pie it's hypnotic that color's not found in nature no no no

not even in the coral reefs listen we gotta call the Lorax or something yeah I don't remember what his job was the Grinch's cousin

I feel like he wouldn't allow a Baja Blast pie it's really giving like Windex over there yes it's a Windex cream pie chemical cream pie yeah

clean your sink with that thing do for the color yo so this morning when i was putting on my makeup i moved my neck a certain way and i was like what is this chunk happening right here it's a chunk the neck is it's getting chunk and it's because i did two weeks of mcdonald's yeah are you getting the same thing every time you order from these places every time i know switch up you don't you never say if i like it i love it i'll buy it i see it i like it i want it i got it i got it heard you i got that gout

who let the gout out yo i was looking up what how do you know if you have gout too Who let the gal out? That's the title of the episode. Who let the gal out? That's you, you, you, you, you, you, you pointing at Taco Bell. No, we're pointing at Sidney. Because it's also Ronald McDonald.

Ronald himself. Ronald McDonald. Grimace. Grimace is French for gal. Check the etymology. Yes. Check the periodic table. you see Grimace

bleeds to gout I'm literally bleeding I just want you to know I'm bleeding out right now so what is gout and why do you think you have it

yeah what WebMD mess was this I looked it up and I looked it up and then I forgot and I was like

do I have it and then I went to sleep but now woke up in the morning and it's on your phone gout oh right I have that you're like oh my god

I got gout again well look at the gout look at the gout I don't even Okay gout It's an inflammatory Arthritis That causes certain

Severe attacks Of pain Swelling And redness In the joints Most commonly The big toe Oh the big toe

Well was it you? Nah I ain't got you You didn't read that part I didn't I didn't get to the toe Cindy pull your toes out Put them on the table Especially the big one

Put your big Put the biggest toes On the table Oh my god Nike At least the socks are clean Just do it They're very clean

I wore those yesterday this do look like gout toe no it does not in my professional opinion that look like a nectarine you know Dr. Faustin in the building and if Dr. I could be a Dr. I too then why not

calling Dr. Faustin we're in room 202 for gout yes I'm you know I got the same medical degree as R.S.K you know it's gout you know it's gout you know it's gout I feel like I've got to put a hat on.

No, no, don't. Why? You all got hats. But you're going to be even hotter. Yeah, I know, but it's better than the sweaty hair. I'm sweating. It's not going to be as cute as yours. No, listen, you've got to break up the chaos with a hat. Well, now you look very straight.

Yeah? Yeah. Did you see how excited I got? Self-loathing. I do? Yay! No way. You start singing a show tune because you're so excited.

So straight. he does not look like he would murder a woman he does not look straight would I murder a gay guy though they like to kill too there are a lot of those gay serial killers Ryan Murphy he loves every show he ever makes is about gays killing gays

okay let's talk about my mess then last night I started the Kim Kardashian oh shit how is it you know it has famously 0% on Rotten Tomatoes I don't like to trust that always but a 0 you gotta kind of

you believe something if it has a really high rating or really low one i'm like well now i'm here yeah yeah yeah let me see oh because you're messy well you want to see them when they down i got hulu with ads now i got a little i sent it to you when i was looking up gout and then you gave me the oh man literally you asked for it and i was like power rangers impossible oh yeah but also power rangers i am here to save the world this k-pop has got it it's must begin okay keep going keep going okay boom so first of all let's talk about the clothes clothing okay

first episode she's wearing a business in the front thong cut out in the back and she's a lawyer and she's a she's a partner of a law and and listen that's that's feminism no if i want to get a divorce and my divorce lawyer whole butt crack yeah cheeks on the chair cheeks on the chair that's a good title the podcast literally and the way she was standing it was like wait what yeah And then she turned to the side and was like, sis, in the office? In the officina. With your colleagues? And nobody was like, girl, why your booty crack showing?

It's L.A. It's L.A. Your whole brown. Why didn't nobody say anything? And then they have Niecy Nash in these imps named Slickback Hats to the side. And she's a lawyer, too? She's an investigator for the law firm. And if you're an investigator, you got to have a hat.

You got to have a sweater. That's us. but a church lady Easter hat big veil tilted a veil royal wedding hat it's crazy

so everybody's wardrobe doesn't make any sense and Glenn Close is in it too and what is she? a sailor they're all lawyers I thought she was a funeral director it's like suits

but the suits ain't got no back backless suits that's the concept that's the concept I like that it's suits and in quotes cause it's like it is suits

it's not a suit it's not a suit it's suits it's suits with a Z but yeah the show is I watched all the four episodes

that are well three of the episodes that are on and I was like I don't know who this is for it's obviously for Kim yeah yeah

it's for Kim cause then at the at the end I watched the credits there's like 30 producers executive producers Kim Kardashian

Ryan Murphy Kris Jenner and then every single actress in the in the series yeah and then I'm just like

so does that mean they all paid like they all put money down yeah I think so I think it's kind of like a susu you know like it's

it's one of those where everybody puts money in the pot like a thousand dollars in oh sure so then everybody gets ten thousand they

it's a co-op it's a co-op it's a co-op okay Kim put more than ten thousand than $1,000. Yeah, sure. For sure.

Okay. She said she's going to get that Gaga Golden Globe, you know, like... For Gotti or whatever that... Gucci? No, Gaga got it

for a Ryan Murphy show for American Horror Story back in the day. Which was good, though. Yeah, that was really good. That's where we're still on point. Yeah, but she... Yeah, she can act.

Right. Watching Kim try to act with Niecy and Glenn and Tiana and people who have been doing it, I'm like, this is why she went to law school. for all's fair because she's not a lawyer but she's a lawyer on the show she's method so she

actually went to to law school to look to to act like a lawyer when she gets in a show did she pass the bar she did not pass the bar she did not go like 200 she passed all is fair though she does all's fair anyway that's why when you want to do just like a tiny little part when you're someone like that come in give two lines get out you know why would i do that do a scene with very close you don't know how to act you know i'm an actor i'm an executive producer my ass is out but that's what's so that's what's so fucked about about tiktok yo they got all the super cuts of all the scenes that are just so bad with her they're like what's the top ones um you've seen them well oh and then sarah paulson's on the show oh yes she hates all of them oh sure she's she's an

all she does is just drag them she she calls them all these terrible names and i'm like you better drag them now i want to watch them but it's only because you're good this is a good review i want to see the suits suits yeah what what's the king of the mountain what are the the scenes that you keep seeing on tiktok oh it's just like you know she has botox kim kim so she can't move her face but she's talking really hard so you can get her expression right but it's like you don't have one babe you have she's like what what are the bags for are you leaving me i don't understand and i'm like i also don't understand are you upset i want to know when ryan was giving her the directions i first

of all i don't know how he's there i don't know how he's got he's there for kim he's there some of the other ones he's out he's literally there yeah but i want to know he's like okay kim so um you're doing great let's let's do that one over yeah um this time uh try acting let's try one where you at let's do one um where you at and actually i see you're getting comfortable yeah now let's clock in clock in for me sweetie or they just do a bunch of takes and then he's like all right we're gonna get this one on tape and she's like you weren't recording and he's like I can tell if you're upset

your face looks the same and action I like on tape too let's get this he's got VCR okay guys if this if you didn't know

this is an ad by All Spare and y'all have to watch it because that's the stuff to watch All Spare and Love and War but every episode

is a different weird issue and they try to to me they try to be like a mix of like house you know like house always had like a problem

to solve it's like a mix of house and um like sex in the city where they sit and eat and talk about something okay yeah

because it's like girl talk they're like on a private jet and it's like Kim bought all the jewels from home she's wearing her own wardrobe yeah she's like

I got something nicer she's dripping in diamonds that the lady threw off the Titanic Jack Jack come back come back

come back I'm gonna watch it now because of you I know I got the login great I got the login we'll do it

are you watching anything missing yeah let's see what am i watching what you're watching with both of your eyes not to talk about work but i'm in this play you do it every night and then i come home and i'm just tired so i've just been watching like bad reality tv okay because you just want to turn your brain off phone on you know like every screen available yeah just to unwind just what a thousand ads in my ears at once but i've just been watching like i watched the bake off i watched survivor i watched big brother which is like one of the that's one i've not watched oh don't don't ever watch it's the ugliest because all it is is they don't have real cameras in there with them they have hidden cameras you know but they all know they're being recorded

and they're recorded 24 hours a day or whatever but they're just it's just people in a house and it's like hidden camera so it's so ugly like visually very ugly to look at where you're like well i can't believe i'm watching this and then you're like well we're here you got to watch them fight seven seven episodes and you're like i guess it's not that bad yeah yeah i guess it's beautiful there's no there's no cinema you know even bake off the oh look at the hills look at the look at the grass like yes i'm pretty you know none of that ugliest

and they're just trapped in a house now is it hidden cameras on Survivor or are they all starving and the cameraman are eating sandwiches exactly yeah

big hoagies right in front no I think everybody is starving on set because you could feel the energy like you know the camera's a little shaky as well

because you know low they got a low iron count they need a protein bar yeah we're in Fiji it's hot as hell yeah

I got all this equipment on me I'm union what does that even mean I gotta cover my arms and my legs as mosquitoes and y'all burning rice?

Y'all burning rice? Y'all burning rice? They burn rice? I watched Survivor during the pandemic because Mateo was like, you have to watch, I want to say season 14

because I had that. So I had never seen it. I watched it and there was an episode where, because you have to like win food or something. They don't just give you

food on Survivor. Win food? Hey, that feels... You gotta win food. That does not feel right. As a black person, I'm not winning food. It's very Hunger Games.

I want to say it was a black lady who took the bag of rice and cooked it. My people, my people. She said, if I can't eat, no one can. And she fully was like, mm. And they were like, the rice. We need the rice. That's our rice for the week. Rice for the week.

It's their Taco Bell. I'm upset that I even shared that with both of you. No, I love it. You judgmental bastard. We didn't even probably even. Yeah, we didn't. because we're i mean honestly this is so electric aaron jackson is in the in the mess building yeah currently in a play in a play what is it called it's called messy white gay

it was such synergy that is not the name of the play yeah it is messy white gay messy white gay And you play a white gay. Wow. Really meta. It's like these two guys, I'm one of them. These boyfriends kill their thruffle mate and then hide them in a chest when everyone comes over for brunch. Oh, okay. And it's satirizing these, you know, these privileged white gay guys.

Ryan Murphy didn't jump on this? I know. Ryan Murphy got to come. Ryan, we're ready. Ryan. Ryan. Chris. Chris.

If Kim can do it, so can I. put me in a backless suit baby I'll show chic and you have cheek I saw cheek in your movie yeah yeah me and Josh throw a little ass in the movie throw a little ass

and Megan Thee Stallion yeah now she has cheek oh so much she has beautiful cheek peak cheek peak cheek obviously y'all are gay and y'all respect her and everything but was there a moment where you're like

i just can't believe she's here oh god the whole time the whole time and she was there the first two days of shooting and that because her part's small so we shot her out fast so it was crazy we've been rehearsals and then she shows up you're like okay we are really making a fucking movie here's megan the stallion and she was so fun she said everyone says that she's so nice so nice and would like hang out between takes with the dancers you know she wasn't like going back to her trailer and like i don't talk to anybody she was like talking to everybody yeah exactly well you caught her at the beginning of the, you know. Of the rise. Of the rise, yeah.

Because if you caught her in the middle, you know what I mean? Don't make any eye contact. She was on Love Island. Oh, yeah. They was throwing ass in front of Meg's couch. Oh, yeah, they did. Yo, they was throwing Toto in her face. It was great. It was

insane. I was like, yo, Megan is for the streets. I love this. She's for the people. Is she engaged now? I don't know. We haven't been texting. Yeah, you're out of the group chat. I'm out of the group chat. Go ahead and add me and Sydney to the group chat.

Oh, you know what I heard? You know what's messed? I heard that you can put people in your close friends and they can't get out. They're trapped in the close friends. And make them see your cheeks. Yeah, you got it. Wait, what do you mean they can't get out? Why would you want to get out of close friends?

Because some of them are bad. A lot of them are bad. But you don't have to tap in when you see that green circle. I know, that's the other thing. And people do, this is a very gay guy, people will do like,

consent check, close friends, like, do you want out and do like a quiz? And it's like, I don't care if I see your ass. I don't care who, even if I think you're the ugliest person in the world,

you can show me your ass. I don't care. Show me your ass. I'm offended. Who cares? Oh my God. It's your ass. Consent check.

Yes. You're not doing that in the street, close friends. No, I know. Well, I have gay close friends. They've never asked me. I've literally seen a rectum in the close friends

during pandemic some of these kids will just put their dick on too I'm like you're gonna get suspended that's what friends are for the close ones I've told a friend I said hey

you put it on there and I said you screenshotted I said you know just for my record for my record for my record I won't show anybody

but I see why you I see why you're showing that bull i know exactly who you're talking about one tree hill and i'm not talking about the show okay so we never are okay that's one of those those shows i don't even know what the theme song was yeah and i if you were like give me the hook the elevator page should be like kids living by a tree Little Gnomes running around I have no clue

I don't know I know the 7th Heaven song And I know the Dawson Creek song Of course That's the Dawson Creek song Isn't that Dawson Creek? Yeah I think it is Oh yes it is

Mind you Never even watched Dawson's Creek No but you knew that I know the song I did know the song You're right You know I always get caught up

In you know show tunes Or whatever like the the anthems yeah and then you're just like did you even like the show right it was just the intro get you in and you're like i that was the night they don't do that as much anymore i feel like a lot of shows don't have songs they just start family matters and all that those were good it's a rare condition it's like oh my god they talking about steve he's got a rare condition and what was it

what was the rare condition girl annoying neighbor I was going to say a little bit of schism oh is that rare maybe it was

maybe in the 90s in the 90s okay well they didn't have a word for it Steve broke down the walls so he could talk about it did I do that

did I do that the fact that they never locked the door to their house I know he was always just there yeah so it seems like you guys

kind of wanted it. You kind of liked it. Yeah. But whose friend was Steve? Steve was their close friend and they were trapped. They were on the green bubble. They were. And they wanted out. What were their last name? You should try that. Winslow. Winslow. You get our African

American television correct. My ally card is revoked. Officer Winslow. Officer Winslow. I don't want to lie, Erin, when I first saw your name on the paper, I thought a black man.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I said a black man. To be fair, we have a black friend. Her name is Erin Jackson. I had a, when I used to teach improv, I had a black student, Erin Jackson. Maybe it's the same Erin Jackson. Yeah, but this was a boy.

Oh. Presenting, sis, male, I will say. At the time. At the time. We have no idea now. Well, you know, that is also a rare condition. The state age. Erin, how is it being on a play, though?

It's really fun. you know i went to theater school oh you did yeah back in the day so this was like school it's called boston conservatory so you were planning to be poor yeah precise and then i moved here and was like i'm gonna do plays i'm gonna be i'm gonna be broadway star and then i was like i'm over it uh and then got into comedy because that's where the money is yeah you said i'm getting into comedy that's where the money is you said i'm getting into comedy you're like improv improv comedy in big air quotes and uh yeah and then but then got back you know your roots got back to my roots i would like to do a play you'd be great you would it's fun it is

crazy to do it like because you do it eight times a week that's what you're gonna lose every night you're like monday's off usually mondays are off we're weirdly off tuesdays but we do one on Monday. Oh, because it's messy white gays. Messy white gays. They're doing something different.

They're a little different. They're killing their throuple, honey. Every time you say tacos, you're triggering me just a little bit. Taco Tuesday? Yeah.

Well, we got to go see the play on a Tuesday. You can't even go on a Tuesday. You can get your tacos on a Tuesday. Come on the Wednesday when they're running

through you. She said 15 minutes later. You stepping out to use the restroom? Yeah. You got to go to the bathroom, sis? I didn't have taco this morning.

It's the red station. I'm foolish. So you enjoy doing something eight times a week. What I like is I like to have been like any sort of consistent job because I haven't in about 10,000 years or maybe ever. I mean, waiting tables probably last time I was like, here we go. You know, so that is like also it ends. It ends in January. So there's like there's like a tunnel.

OK. You know, I'm like, OK, I only got to do this until then. if this was like you're doing it for a year i think that would be really those people that do that that has done like chicago for 100 years i'm like y'all are brave right but don't they switch out the people though yeah but like some people in the ensemble or whatever will stay what you'll just like keep gigging honey broadway is hard i checked it is like uh please understand i'm not calling myself an athlete but it's like oh this is like conditioning like you're like oh i can't do that tonight because tomorrow i gotta do the show so it's like i can't like you know go out

and be loud you gotta have discipline discipline oh i don't know if i could do a plane you need you need a limited run you're disciplined for four weeks you know like when they pop in like remember queen latifah was in chicago and kiki palmer was in chicago and all the random housewives are like chicago yeah exactly get in get out yeah yeah yeah yeah limited run but it's it is fun and then the other thing that's weird too is like you know in comedy if an audience is going weird like let me change it up oh oh they like this i'll lean into that more it's like oh they don't like you know you you're if they're not into it you're like well this is the play you better get in baby and an intermission ours is ours is no intermission only 80 minutes

in and out honey so if you hate it yeah come see it you should come see it yeah okay let's make a day yeah i'll get y'all tickets oh we'll get y'all a press that's yeah you got microphones in your face you know what's not mess giving people tickets to come see you for free that's chic that is that's fashion week that's milan yeah that's that's frog i do you know what summer frog this is this this is a mess for this that i do believe obviously you you got some comps Throw the comps out. But I'm like, hey, I've seen people spend $500, $600, $700 for all of these celebrities. You don't want to pay $20 for a ticket for a friend.

Oh, I know. Sina, you're not going to be on the list then. No, no, no, no. No, it's crazy. I'm pressed. I'll take the ticket. I'll take the ticket. I'm just saying.

I wrote a book one time. And, you know, a book, when it comes out, it's like 20. Did you send it to us? I'll send it to you now. No, no. And where's my coffee? Sydney said you have to watch

your favorite celebrity no it's $25 you know whatever when a book is new I get that's expensive but my friend is like

my friend said to me he's like I'm gonna wait till it comes out in paperback so it's cheaper I'm like girl in front of you

yes to my friend I was like I've seen you in 10,000 things that are $100 but also $25 is not a lot

that's a cocktail in New York anyway yeah exactly that's a drink at the Soho house it's a rare condition that $25 and saying that out loud is you'd be like well are you in a what's going on baby do you need me to venmo you like you need some help is it the shutdown yeah is it the government

shutdown also what's the difference between the hardcover it's probably what six dollars yeah exactly now you're paying 19 glad you saved that wow that's a subway ride you know what i don't even really want to drag them like that because some people really need that six dollars but after tax you're still paying like 21 wow you really know you're a mathematician frugal frugal there's a difference there's a difference there's a difference yeah we can't be mad at people who are like hey this is what i budgeted for the week exactly and this is above the budget right and i want to stick to it i mean to be fair yes my mom had three kids and a husband so basically

four kids basically four kids four kids yeah so yeah she clipping them coupons put it back put it back

put it back put it and she didn't write the list was in her head oh wow which is crazy because I can't remember anything when I first

saw it happen and your mom didn't even smoke weed no well yeah right yes

not on the record no never if my mother smoked weed she'd be a cooler mom oh man I mean does weed make everybody cool

no sometimes it makes you paranoid Paranoid and delayed and weird. If I was going to go home for Thanksgiving, I would low-dose my mom. Sneak it in. Throw it in the gravy. Put a little tincture in the turkey.

A little witch over the cauldron. Hey, girl, you giggling tonight? My mom's like, I'm getting ready to do it. Come on, Bill Cosby. You giggling? Hey, mom. Do you think that's what he was doing? No.

Pudding pop. No, not the act now. Pudding pop. Aaron, listen. Let's stay on. Yeah, tell us what your message is. I was like, let's stay on topic. This one's kind of boring, but

so I have an old ass building. It's from like, whatever, 1912 or something. We're making it. Titanic times. Titanic times. It's from the Titanic times. but they they've updated the hard keys they've turned to electronic keys love that but none of them ever work so you're always having to call and they'd want you to download an app an app

and this is not like a fancy you know i'm not living in the old ass building but you know with mold on the wall but the updated with technology exactly very strange but the fun thing about it is is it's like um it builds community because now everyone in the building is like what the fuck is going you're like get this motherfucker so that's you're meeting your neighbors in a state of rage there's no better way to beat your neighbors than to all be pissed at your landlord all be pissed at the landlord collectively and uh you know i got a husband and he's like i'm trying to get out there i'm trying to get everybody to sign a petition change the door back you have to change it or like to have a false key whatever is another key

but it's you know we're all gonna we're gonna be a union that's that's see that's a different type husband because most of the husbands don't know how to do anything but now he's starting. Oh no, I'm the one that doesn't know how to do it. I'm that husband. You're that? Oh yes, yeah. But you're in theater. I'm in theater, exactly. You're in theater. Yeah, you're in theater. What do you mean?

You like to go on stage and squawk. Yeah. Literally. I was like, I'm going to need an example. Show the people. Show the people. Yeah, no, he's together. Okay.

Well, you need one of those. I feel like apartment, New York City apartment doors all have something wrong with them. Just have a key. I mean, I'm not mad at the fob. Sure. I'm not mad at the boop. My front door, if you don't pull it shut behind you, it stays open. Yeah.

Come on in. And my neighbors will run out and I'm like, they're going to rob us. I'm kicking the door shut because it's not that hard to get in and out the building. It really isn't, Maria. Girl. No. Truly. I'm glad they discontinued MetroCards because really.

Right. You know, in high school, that was the only way I could get back into my apartment. What's that? A little MetroCard. I would have it in my shoe. I'm like, listen. Your shoe? Yes.

You know, sometimes. Under the gout, though? No, Marie. I was a child. I didn't have gout. I was in Tiny Tim. You didn't have little gout? No.

Little gout. Baby gout. Baby gout. Baby gout. Baby, go. Mama. Coming to Nickelodeon. Nick Jr., baby.

Nick Jr., baby, this spring. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go. Gak. The Gak. I miss the Gak. Like, or when they'd slime you. Yeah.

They need to bring that back just for regular game shows. Put it on Jeopardy. You know what they need to bring back for adults? Legends of the Hidden Temple. I love Legends of the Hidden Temple. I think they got to bring it back. Exactly what it was. Yeah.

But for us. Yeah. So we can be like, trying to put the thing together. What is his name? Omar? The big temple head? Oh.

I don't remember he had a name. Maybe he didn't. I think his name is Omar. I think he had a name. Oh. Yeah. I don't know if it was Omar. It's something like that.

Yeah, because Omar sounds too modern. Yeah. For what was going on. Well, they were trying to make it cool for the kids. Ah. Those temple guards that would come out and grab you. And we were like, ah! Yeah.

I didn't like the slime. That was actually really gross. And somebody who, you know, I care about my hair. I was like, how am I going to get the slime out of my hair? You need a swim cap. You got to get a Nickelodeon wig. There you go. You got to get a Nickelodeon unit.

That looks all good in the slime. Wasn't even thinking about that. Yes, girl. Not your main unit. Let me put that in my list of things for Christmas. Put it on the list. I need a slime wig for Christmas. Christmas?

On the 12th day of Christmas. My true love gave to me a slime wig in a pear tree. I'm telling you. I need a slime wig. This is the most unserious episode thus far. Hold on. I just want you to know. So I took swim lessons during the pandemic.

Damn, you were doing everything. Watching Survivor, taking swim lessons. She had time. She had the time. And I lived alone, so I was like, I gotta go outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get me out of here. So I took swim lessons and I was like, oh, do I need a swim wig?

and I remember being in my house like I need something that's like and then I was like bitch you can't swim if you drown in that wind pulling you down to the deep end if the wind pops up in the ocean I mean in the pool I have to just stay

I have to die let it go for sure and I was bald at the time so I was like let me just go and be bald be bald and learn how to swim and then you didn't learn how to swim well then I got my hair done and I was like well I'd rather have good hair than know how to swim. What do they teach you?

Just like, I mean, I know how to, but were you learning strokes? Like butterfly stroke, breaststroke, whatever. What's the one

where you go like this? Backstroke. Backstroke. Hold on, Erin. So you've never taken a class? You just came out the womb and know how to swim?

No, I did when I was little, but I'm wondering like, what are they, yeah, because I feel like they're not just like holding you up.

Like you're doing great. They were not holding me at all. Exactly. That's what they do when you're little. They wasn't trying to touch you, Marie.

Touch my body. under the sea wait so and you famously have amazing hair well you cut a lot of it yeah it used to be long i had long i had long hair for a long time yeah now it's giving locks for love like you gave it up for locks for love for some children give the children a second chance did you donate some of the tendrils it's not even how long i was it's not long enough to donate because i asked i was like let's give you know let's share this gift i don't know but that's when people are like growing it out to their waist i think it has to be a certain inch count or whatever and mine was like they said we don't want 10 inches yeah but the people not wearing

bobs it's like you don't have no hair you you being picky like you don't want that's what i should say enough yeah you have to whatever sew it together or i don't know but like nobody's doing the 360 bridge to terabithia cut what yeah i'll go back and ask for the bridge Can I have my hair back? Hey, somebody in Ohio wants a British Terabithia 360 bang. We got to give them this. We got to give it to them. Is a 360 bang a bowl cut?

No, no, no, no, no. A bowl cut is like, is cut real sharp, right? And it's stiff. It's real stiff. British Terabithia. It's got body. It's got body. It's got waves.

It's like, Terabithia is Latin for body. Bye. Touch my Theravithia. Touch my Theravithia. Can we get to Touch My Theravithia tattoos? Can we do that? Yes.

Lower back. Theravithia is the title of the episode. There's so many options. And that'll show up good when you're on the Kardashian show. Yes! Oh my God, I'm going to get back. okay so we we got the key fob that's mess what else you got anything like a little juicier for

yeah what's going on i don't i'm trying to think of any drama i actually have you okay famously Josh Sharp your bestie your partner in crime my work wife your work wife y'all have been friends for how long

God I want to say like 2010 or 11 like 15 years I was going to say not you making us do math I don't even know what year it is

I was like Marie you're a mathematician what are you talking about I only know how to not spend more money than I eat frugality frugality

I didn't even know that was a word I'm sure it is oh you don't know you just said it hey rip it off okay frugality

that's my other tattoo but it's going to be mirrored you know where it's going to be right above my breast and I'm only going to be reading it in a mirror and it's going to be in script what does that say? I'm not quite sure frugality it's going to be in

times roman numeral no no no it's going to be in calligraphy sure frugality does that say family? not at all frugality does mean uh family and uh in creole in creole yeah okay so y'all been friends for 15 years yeah and work together yeah like is there any mess working with a close friend oh definitely

i well i think now we've worked through a lot of but you know well therapy therapy okay not together but we are both therapize okay um but yeah i mean of course all sorts of all sorts of mess arises but it but it's good now anything anything stands out like uh is there like hmm i'm trying to not because obviously i i'm sure y'all signed an nda you know we do every day should we get an idea because we talk about our mess on the pod yeah i think it's public domain now this belongs to the people well in order to you know work on your friendship you have to be transparent sometimes you got to work it out on the mics you know not on the mics that's very comedian coded that we're all sick okay just get up and say everything and you said hey hey we got

real businesses going on we're not getting we're not getting on the pod dragging each other y'all okay we got an lsc and i think we used to do a joke on stage because he's just gay guys so like we hooked up in the beginning we used to do a joke on stage we're uh best friends and two-time sexual partners y'all hooked up yeah he never told us that when he was on the pod i don't think that was an on-stage joke that's what I'm comfortable saying but way back in the day

so you know they're just it's gay guy mess okay but everything's everything's why do gay guys do that I don't know

you should have sex with your friends but gay guys gay guys all do that yeah that's how that's how a lot of people become friends it's through our bodies

you just went no thank you I don't want I did try to propose that I think that people should focus more on their friendships instead of

their partners and, like, relationships. Totally. And I think you should actually want to marry your friends. Right. And I politely declare. And Marie said, no.

But I didn't offer you my hand in marriage, bitch. It sounds like you wanted my vagina in marriage. I did not. In marriage. My boussoir in marriage. No, I would, like, marry you.

Right. But then I would have sex with the person out of the relationship. Very French, very Italian. And who would be having sex with me? What's the purpose of a marriage?

Well, you're available. You're out there. So why would I be married to you? Because marriage ruins things. Neither of us are doing them. Allegedly. We've got to sign an NDA. We do.

For the IRS? I'm so sorry. I signed an NDA. I cannot be audited. Sorry, I'm actually no longer. I'm opting out. Hey, hey, whoever's doing the edit, cut it out. Cut it out.

The Texas. The I, the R, and the S. yeah yuck so i mean after you see a friend in an intimate way how do you be like not see that you know i think that's a male is that a male maybe it's boys i don't know i don't know like it's just sex it's just sex i do i've tried to i'm better about like i don't like sleeping with comedians of course mistakes are made but like i try to like keep keep it work and play separate I gotta see you at the bell house And you've been in my bell house

You could ring my bell Ring my bell Bell house Ding-a-ling-a-ling Literally I should have warmed up I didn't know we'd be singing so much Oh, we agree that

We're so ready I'm a theater I think you're the first guest To be like right on time with us Like really You are not missing a beat and I might I want to

crown you crown you for top top guests thus far holy shit we need to discuss this yeah this is the type of marriage

we gonna have you just gonna decide she gets to crown come on let's run one I didn't know we had crowns yes we do

and two I didn't know we had top guests we do we do well I'm honored Amber Singletary was one of them

oh yeah she came with really good mess her mess was that she thinks her friend is in a cult oh see that's really fun yes it's really fun

mine was my doors weird yeah very much so I should have we should have gave you her episode to listen to and be ready as a warm up take notes oh also she she does social media

for a girl an OnlyFans yeah oh like is the DM she does the response and she posts the videos and the girl makes bank yeah Amber I think she needs to be making more money you know i'm saying of course i'm responding to all the messages i'm basically i'm you i'm basically showing my click and that's the um that's the whole that's what people really

yeah they want to see the body and all that but then after that they want to have the one i'm special they're made for you to talk to them cyrano de bergerac you know that no he's the guy with the long nose and he whispers to the one guy was like uh he he loved this woman is this is a story he loved this woman but she didn't love him because he had a long ugly nose and she loved this hot guy and then he would write poetry for the hot guy to say to her and then she fell in love with the poetry it's like really and you're in love with the ugly guy she's in love with the hot guy but that's what i mean she's cyrano de bergerac gang for this only fans yeah i can't say

that word i can't say it no the bergerac i was like sierra no the bergerac i said sierra leone diamond sierra sierra knows sierra sierra sierra sierra i feel like sierra knows the bergerac you got it that's it hunchback of notre dame cousin oh they're french but she didn't fall in love with him no he was also ugly an ugly guy hey but he had a job he had a job he rang the bell i think you know that word ugly it's just we're so ugly we're so loose with it you know everything is not ugly i'm like i can see people inside it's more ugly than the out you ever meet somebody you're like yeah i'll take a picture of you but i don't want anything else to

do with you oh yeah why do i want a photo of them in my phone then because it looks good for the record yeah like they look they're very attractive but to actually be in like next to them being cahoots with them dirty now on the inside what would you rank the hunchback of notre dame he seemed nice he just was like is that how you started the conversation sydney okay let's do yes not a solo show okay we should write a play okay and aaron and john should write it and help us do it and then we get on stage and he'd be like

Lines. Lines. And me and Josh are there. You guys are Sir Nose Bergiano. You're a Sir Nose Bergiano. We're DiGiorno. You're not delivery.

You're DiGiorno. DiGiorno. And me and Sidney. With the lines. I'm like, I see that nose. Nose. Nose.

That's our safe word. Nose. Nose. Nose. It's good. Yeah. Safe word. It's funny.

You know, so famously, me and my sister had gotten into an argument a couple weeks ago. Oh, yeah. You should hear this. Do you have any siblings?

I do have a sibling. I have an older sister. Okay, so look at that. I'm so sorry to hear that. Marie is the older sister, no? Yes. Okay. The good one.

But she's so unserious, I'd never look at her as the older sister. My sister's so stoic. My sister's so stoic. Younger, stoic sister. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. But Marie is also unserious, so it just feels like baby to me.

Right, totally. Anyway, we had this one argument in Houston, in the hotel. Loud. Security came. Security game. We're getting a complaint about the noise. I'm like, it won't happen again. Mind you, the knock caught me off guard.

And I, you know, I had to throw a wig on real quick to open the door. Your swimming wig? Sis, you don't have a security wig ready? Security wig hanging on a hook by the door. On a chain that locks the door. Mind you, I just grabbed the closest wig and I put it on. I was like this. It won't happen again.

Mind you, it was my sister's wig backwards. Oh, my God. Anyway, we're good now. We talked it out. I don't remember why I brought that up. Yeah, we were just saying something. Because you were saying you wanted to give us an update on it. No, but I brought it up because you said something.

What are we talking about? Damn. Gout on the brain. Gout on the brain. Play the song. Hit the track, DJ. And you got me like, ah, ah, ah. What you want from me?

wait oh can i tell you oh i do have a story yes my story yeah this is this was at their show i think i'll tell you marie um i uh i my phone was working when i left my apartment then i get out of the apartment the phone the screen doesn't work anymore i can't move it around to do anything that's the job ghost i need to go to his i need to go to their show at the bell house i did not know how to get to the bell house i didn't know what train no one knows where it is i don't i don't know is there a train there is a train there is a train i get on the l train and i was like you know what if i go to um times square oh all the way i'll figure it out from there i'll figure it out from there so just ask someone so i went to times square i asked i was going up to people i

said hey how do we get to the bell house no no that's not how you started you started with hey my phone isn't working and you can't say that because people are like yeah right yeah you want money yeah yeah you in time square in time square in time square but these guys they had on backpacks and they were all sitting together i was like oh they're these nerds they'll help me you know what i mean they probably have their their t9 or whatever like yeah you see the beauty on the inside i do i do so look at these nerds yeah hey give it to me now and they thought i was a sex worker oh they thought i was what were you wearing were you asking for it did you have the cheeks out in the back i was not at all fair you had

and they're not suits on but they were going to they were going to a pokemon convention i was like if if you think i was gonna sell sell this ass well to y'all nerds they think everyone's a sex worker if they're on their way to pokemon convention you didn't see the beauty on the inside this this bunch of this coochie is in dragon ball z they did not help me and i said you know it's sydney you're a new yorker you could do it go get on the map get on the map get on the map where is the bell house cartographer she had a monocle she's charting the stars she's licking her finger and putting it in the wind the north star is literally 4 p.m girl i'm in the subway i look at the map i was like

the bell house seems around here you know i was like i said i'm looking at landmarks on the map I'm like, you know, I feel like a Starbucks is over here. Like, so then I figure out what stop to get off. Finally, I get off, but I still don't know how to walk to get to the bell house. And it is random where it is. So it's only men. There's only men that's available. And I said, hey, I'm trying to get to the bell house.

Can you help me? He said, bell house? I hope you get to the bell house. And I said, never mind. I said, no, no, no. this doesn't feel like a safe space he's gonna walk me down to down an alleyway and then right to that and then olivia benson is gonna be he's gonna put his bell in your house and i and then i see he's gonna be like she was a comedian well i guess the joke's on

that's a famous uh marie faustin joke it's a joke that's why we are okay so then i get to your show yeah it's already it's the wrong day no or yesterday yeah yeah either or aaron what comes i'm disheveled i'm stressed i'm cursing i'm like my phone's not working i'm like trying to turn it on trying to turn it off right i'm doing all this stuff and so uh and what's his name he's from um i forgot his name he's a really funny comedian he won uh uh an emmy for jep hiller yes jep hiller's on the show i was like an emmy yeah ryan murphy this first time i met him i think he's so cool but he's literally seeing me

shake the shit out of my phone i'm in the corner like cursing at the wall he's like okay well And she's really, you know, comedic right now. She's comedic. Yeah. And so y'all have me at the end of the show. And all I can talk about is my phone not working. And so I'm having a breakdown. Everybody's laughing.

Everybody's laughing at this breakdown. And this one guy raises his hand. He's like, oh, we're taking questions. At the bell house. He said, did you try to turn off your phone and turn it back on? Okay. I said, I will murder you. You think that's not the first thing I tried to do?

He's at the Genius Bar. He said, did you put it in rice? There's rice on Survivor. Why you ain't throw it in the rice? Throw it in the rice. The Survivor rice. You been to Fiji? Hey.

I haven't been able to recreate that day ever, but honestly. Why would you want to recreate it? It was a terrible day. No, you should have been at the show. It was phenomenal. It was killing. Yeah. You guys didn't record?

No, it's a fundraiser. They were there to raise money. You can't record for charity. they're not spending extra money for saint jukes that's crazy you know somebody wrote a comment that was like hey i don't know why y'all think that y'all listeners would be donated to saint jukes because we had a an ad for them y'all don't like jukes yeah they don't like the saints the latter day saints a lot of famously didn't like blacks yeah well they also call this blacks they also know well they also call this something else so we can't say that in front of say that on

my heart well the other aaron jackson exactly yeah the other two that we know the other two that's the show you and josh are right for us the other two the other two there we go we're cooking we're literally cooking it's so hot if you're listening to this episode i hope you took notes everything we everything we sang every reference we made every aaron jackson that we've ever met there will be a test there will this will be on the final is there anything messy you want to leave the listeners with or something that is normally considered mess that you're like no actually that's that's living what how about fuck your friends we already know that's not mess. It's normally considered

a mess. Fuck your friend. Would you do that? Depends on the friend. Whose house are we going to do that? I have a nice house now. Yeah. I don't want that. That doesn't feel good.

I don't want to do it at my house. Why not? That's what you know to do. You just said you had a nice house. Well, you have a nice house too. I don't want to do it at my house. This is how I know you don't want to do it because you talk about where are we going to do it. If you want to do it, it don't matter. You can do it. Anyway, you can do it in the shower. Both of our bodies dripping wet on a kitchen floor as I slowly press my head.

Let's do it at Sippy's house and we can have tacos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The gout special. Late night tacos. You know what some of this gout poon cost? Red light gout tacos. Red gout special. all through the night

it's your all your I don't want out taco taco taco taco we have to go

we gotta go we're delusional because we didn't eat breakfast we didn't this is all on an empty stomach dinner

dinner time girl dinner dinner girl dinner girl we know that's not your dinner oh my god I have to get canceled.

I want them to cancel my card. I don't want to order from Taco Bell or McDonald's anymore. You want to be blacklisted. I do. I have been blacklisted from Domino's.

Okay. I remember that. Famously, yeah. They said no more. But we're going to have to do a part deux for you. Part deux. So where can everybody catch you?

Where can they, you know, watch all the things you're doing? I'm on Instagram at Garbage Troll. And then Messy White Gaze plays at the Duke Theater until January.

so come on down or up or wherever I love it come down come up love y'all love y'all we love y'all

this was honestly a rare condition bye see you next week Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin

is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcast created and hosted by Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin executive produced by

Olivia Aguilar and Han Sani super produced by Becca Ramos edited and mixed by Brian Jeffries. If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at messthepodcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588.