MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Depression Hive

Episode Date: November 27, 2020

On this week's solo episode, Sydnee deals with her cats and hoarding (i.e. depression) so Marie steps in to play the role of "Sydnee's therapist." Plus, we all go around and say who Marie, Sydnee, and Andrew are in the Kardashian family and Destiny's Child. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog okay so um up top did not get much sleep last night i was i was up till 6 a.m 6 a.m like so you are on four hours of sleep right now is what you're saying to the to the people i am and let's just see how how successful this episode is i'm i'm excited for what's to come but i'm also excited let me put my phone on do not disturb so i can give you my full attention my full attention now what were you doing babe until 6 a.m well um it took me forever to finish a video for um patreon right and i i get in my head about it i'm really good i feel like in at instagram stories i feel like that's where my little boost goes i think that's where i have that's where you thrive yeah the most engagement because

i'm not thinking about it it's just like coming out of my mouth and i'm pressing posts but with these videos you know they they can be shared people could think it's good or funny or whatever you're you're you're really great at it um but overall i'm like this is do do do do and i don't want anybody to see this shit and how is this helpful so well what are you talking about in the video because this one the subject matter gotta be helpful oh this the subject i'm not i can't even tell you because i gotta post it so that you can see oh because because it is funny is very funny but you're gonna be like yeah damn us oh okay i usually say that when you speak so okay oh and then oh yes and then the other thing is is that i was up listening to the episode of

um sydney is the new orange because i was listening to jokes in that yes orange is the new sydney well she was listening to the episode she wasn't reading the title right why would she do that it was so good and so there was it's nothing but jokes everything yeah girl because i'm a good interviewer that's why it was nothing but i mean you're a good storyteller but i i feel like oh no no no i feel like well no because i feel like the way that you started to tell the story versus the way that i was asking you to tell the story is two different versions i agree i totally agree yes i mean yes i i mean sydney you were a fabulous storyteller but i do remember because i do revisit that episode too i feel like that's like the episode that i

have revisited the most um okay but uh i do recall like sydney came in hot with like burying the lead i in my recollection like no i did yes like all of a sudden we're all the way here and then marie was like oh no no there's a lot of content take us through it like yes right wearing who was there what how did you feel when the woman the woman yes yeah god yeah top honestly sydney top three episodes of all time that was fantastic yeah and now i'm like fuck it was so much stuff that i was like damn i was writing down everything that was like oh that's the point and this is the point i was like five minutes is not possible but it is five minutes i i will have the five minutes together but whatever yeah so that's why i was up but like

even how you just said that nobody knows what you're talking about you said it five minutes is what you got to give people context oh um five minutes for a set that i'm gonna tape okay so city's doing a five minute set and she's telling that story that's all you had to say friend and that's why you're a great interviewer because i'm because i listen in the way that like somebody who's like like because I know I know what happens I know what the story is I know I knew everything that happened when she got

arrested but like the people who are listening they've never heard the story before and I feel like you even with me though Cindy does that she'll start a story like in the middle as if we already talked about it and I'd be like wait what okay so I'm not a great storyteller so actually I'm no you

really are oh no no let's know let's nope nope I'm not a great storyteller and uh marie is a great interviewer and i i'm appreciative because it it makes us get better as people eventually you're a good interviewer too well you're a good host you're a good host okay all right okay all right now marie let's how are you doing let's let's get to you sis um well i want to go back to what you said about uh the patreon videos being very stressful um because when I do them I'm like well this could this could go viral and it's like I have to look I have to be happy with what I look like and I have to be happy with um you know like

how many jokes are in it or how funny I think it is because I don't want I don't know potentially a hundred thousand people to see it or twenty thousand people to see it and and I'm like oh well, why didn't I reshoot it? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I did it yesterday and I had a bacon, egg, and cheese right before I shot the video and there's crumbs on my face.

But the way that Instagram like uploads videos and photos, they always come up a little bit less clear. They're like a little bit. I was going to say that I feel as though the story talking about the bacon, egg, and cheese was a great marketing tool

because when you were talking about like, oh my God, I just shot this video and there's bacon, egg, and cheese on my lips and i was like okay i want to watch this video not just because you're funny but also i want to see the bacon egg and cheese you know and so like i thought you were just playing us a little bit you know go watch my video there was like it was like and and when i uploaded it i was like oh you can't even really oh okay i'm so glad i didn't yeah so now you know if there are ever crumbs on your face just upload the video on instagram and you know the system will make the

video not that clear so god is good um but i'm i'm doing okay sydney i um i don't know if you guys can hear well they're not drilling right now but they're doing work in front of my building they're like laying down brick and giving me a little stoop so you know i'm gonna have like a stamp coming up to the building so i'm very excited about that someplace another place to smoke weed so the excited um andrew what are you drinking an iced coffee i'm drinking an iced coffee my second one lovely going hard yeah wow two coffees and what were you what were you eating earlier a sausage egg and cheese love that so i was on set on um tuesday and they were like they were we were like let's go get more food to leave because i i like to leave with food when i

work on stuff and they had like extra sandwiches and they were like oh this is leftover from breakfast if you guys want it and i was like what's that and they were like bacon egg and cheese sausage and cheese and i was like oh i don't want that that's nasty and then i was like I could throw that in the oven tomorrow. So that's what I've been eating for the last two days. That's crazy. They didn't have any of that yesterday. They didn't have no sauce, the jug and cheese, bacon and cheese.

Did they give you lunch? They had bagels. They had bagels with cream cheese or like butter. And I thought that I was getting cream cheese and it was nothing but butter. They microwaved it. And then when I opened, it was just butter dripping all over the place. I was like the fuck can't believe it's butter yeah wait they microwaved the bagel is that something that you could do with bagels honey that's that's what they was doing on over there

and I said okay well I guess it's better than nothing um I was gonna wake up this morning I had like a I was like I'm gonna write in my morning pages then I'm gonna take a walk to the ATM then I'm gonna get a bagel with lox I'm gonna go to Duane Reade and buy some lotion and then andrew sent a text and was like we have the episode we're recording this morning and i was like well there goes my day i think the way that you start your day is is like very important for how the rest of your day goes i felt so bad sending that text because i knew that you definitely didn't remember and so no i knew we were recording today i just thought it was at like i don't know 10 p.m or something 10 p.m not doing that babe says who sweets like who would

10 p.m i'm not doing that oh well we me and sydney could have done 10 p.m uh-huh okay you send me the file yeah we would send me the file baby i will not be there um yeah you could uh you know set the zoom up and then you could put your laptop on mute and we know ma'am but we're here we're here now yeah we did we got there and so um yeah thank you okay so can we talk about how cold it is in new york right now it's 31 degrees today it's this it's no it's november going on december this shouldn't be a surprise it actually should be um on point which we it hasn't been in weeks it finally it finally is like supposed to be what it's supposed to be yeah but you know what it is is because we had that like we had that week

where it was like 72 degrees for some random reason like no global warming actually to be exact i think it was actually because trump lost because the day that we found out it was 74 degrees in new york oh what a gorgeous spring summer fall day um and now it's like it's cold and obviously we have seasons here some places people are listening and they don't have four seasons um four seasons landscaping but uh we uh it just makes me want to be in the house but i also want to be outside for some sunlight during the day so i don't know how are y'all are you guys going outside no i've not been outside i'm going on set so uh i will be outside but um other than that no i've been really just trying to uh stay in the casa and keep it very cute but you know there's

always something to make you do something else i know i see jam's fat ass back there living his best cat life oh my god jam is i don't know what's going on with him but he will be sleeping so hard that I'm I think that he's dead and my heart drops like Sydney I feel like I'm having a panic attack he just because he's sleeping hard he's a cat a fat cat at that that's the only way he knows how to sleep sis is hard no sometimes I'll just call him his name and he he's up he's like whoo huh what what I'm missing what's going on but I mean last night he just I called his name three times and he would not wake up and i said if this cat dies in this apartment lord take me too because i will be screaming and wailing you were supposed to be sleeping too right sydney

what makes you think that the cat is dead he wasn't waking up he wouldn't he wouldn't open his eyes no he was awake you're a black mom and black moms call you when they don't need anything they'd be like my mom would be like boy look at it you come down and she's just like damn damn he knows you don't need anything that's what look i saw the foot he knows you don't need anything that's why he's ignoring you he's like bitch my girlfriend calls him a bum every time but he is a bum ass nigga and i'm like he's getting it together no he's not sydney the cat doesn't even have unemployment he's not bringing no extra funds to the house he's a bum uh my friend came over our friend came over

last night and uh i was talking about this these damn animals it was we were going towards the end of wrapping up the sesh and she said well you know nothing is alarming but she's like if you were doing too much i would let you know oh she's not really your friend sis you are definitely doing too much i let you know every time she's like marie look jelly's letting me hold her i'm like it's your cat and she's been your cat for the last five years i was i was not really in her life i was not a participating no for five of those years okay so she's been your cat for more than five years because you were with adrian for five yeah so the cats must be like eight seven shut up bitch no they're not because you were there for the full five years sydney so for you to be like

That wasn't really a part. You were there, sis. You lived there. You ignored them for five years. Of course she doesn't want you to touch her. Wow. Okay. Come on, therapist.

Come on, ongoing. Fucking wow, really. It's actually the undoing. The undoing, whatever. You know what I meant. Thank you, Connie Chung. Go ahead and call me Connie Chung. Okay.

So is there anything new that we want to tell the listeners about today? Well, I have to address the not the last episode, like the episode before that when a bitch was sad. I mean, I had so many people in my DMs thinking I was going to commit suicide. And I had several people call me that hadn't. I was on the phone like, hello, how did you get my number? But it was it was legit like a friend that friends that I used to work with. They're like, yeah, this is a podcast every week. And I was like, oh, my God.

Goodness gracious. But yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Everybody has those days. I mean, the last I wrote to me, he called me last night. He's like, you know, I just want to make sure that I reach out because, you know, I don't want to hear something and then know I didn't check on you. I was like, oh, my God.

he was making sure he was putting in his time just in case well I feel like that's that sometimes that's what friendship is is it's not every day checking on somebody but like when you hear something like that wouldn't you I mean I feel like that would make me feel good that people are listening and care enough to reach out but then on the flip side it makes me feel bad because It's like, well, what if I was talking about you? Like, I don't know all of these, you know what I mean? I don't know all these people listen to the podcast, like, duh-huh, but they do.

When I used to work at the bar and I would talk about some of my coworkers, I know they fucking knew. They definitely, they had to. The way people be sliding in, like, oh my God, this was so funny, or blah, blah. They had to. They had to know that I was calling them

my untrustworthy ass bitch. That's what's so sucky about like dating new people is, you know, obviously I'm very cool and they want to be, they want to see everything that I'm doing and know what I'm talking about. And I don't tell them about the podcast, but it's out there.

So they find it. And I always like tell people, I'm always afraid to be like, well, don't listen to it. I have told people not to listen to it before. but when you tell somebody not to listen to something they're going to want to hear what you're talking about they have to they're like well why can't I listen and then as soon as I walk away they're like episode one or they want to listen to something with a catchy ass title but

I don't know I still have I have things to say about I always will have things to say about these men so I'm gonna still talk about them but I'm gonna take my time and I'm gonna space it out in a way that it seems like, is she talking to somebody? Yeah. Or is she not? You used to do that, like, you know, years ago, but then you, when you opened Pandora's box and just was like, okay, I'mma be,

I'mma be just real. Real deal Holyfield, which I really enjoy that, that part of Marie's life. It's me being honest? Mm-hmm. Well, I think I pride myself in being a pretty honest person. When's the last time you

told a lie, like an unnecessary lie every day every day every day i'm lying about something or embellishing embellishing something i mean usually i'm lying when i'm like i'm on my way i'm lying about that or eta is 20 minutes i'm lying about that if anything with time i'm lying about but one time this girl complimented me on my eye shadow and i was like oh i'm not wearing any makeup and she was like but i see it and i was like no that's my lid color but i was also in like high school so i don't know why i lied but i did but i mean like an unnecessary lie like that andrew last lie you told um i usually lie about how much money i'm getting paid for projects and things damn to your mom you say you say that

you're getting more that i'm getting more yeah and then they pull up on them and try to get the same rate and they're like actually no he's lying to his mom oh exactly i'm lying to my mom i'm just yeah i'm lying to or i'm just like lying to other people that actually have jobs that actually pay well um and uh because this is not the cutest check as you could probably imagine andrew we get checks from this too we know they're not that cute yeah um hey hey it's something i I mean, considering what's going on right now. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm thankful.

Sure, sure, sure. But yeah, it's usually about that. Or like, how are you doing? And I just say, I'm good. You know, I don't want to get into it. You know? Oh, well, that's a lie that everybody tells every day. Right.

Yeah. I lied to my mom about how much stuff costs. Like, she'll be like, well, how much did you pay for that? And I'll be like. Yes, that too. Like, those are the lies that I'll tell. But I mean, realistically now it's like, sis, I don't remember how much I paid. You know, I just swiped.

It's not, it's not even that. It's not that I'm rich before I make any purchase. I, I weigh all the options. I read all the reviews. I look for all the promo codes, the coupon codes. I do everything I can to like not spend the money. And then when I'm finally ready to spend it, I do. and then sometimes i'm like i didn't need that or why did i do that or why didn't i wait

till black friday or whatever the hell um so now i'm not gonna buy anything until after thanksgiving that's that's what i'm on or the black friday the black friday prices are very very hopeful this episode comes out on black friday okay happy look happy okay so the title is black friday black friday yeah okay black black friday for Black Friday. It's Black Hosts with Andrew. It would be Black Friday if you weren't here, Andrew. Yeah, if you just

sent me the files. If you want to go ahead and log out for me, sweetie. Yes, sweetie, baby. The second I log out, the Zoom is over. Put it on mute and take a walk. Wow, Andrew, he's always pulling our edges.

Always pulling them. Andrew thinks he is the Beyonce of the podcast. clearly he said well i'm not here he said well we could send you to bed i'm talking logistically yes it will be over if i leave yes he's getting red you called me the beyonce of the podcast and i don't think that that's really fitting well you just said there would be no group without you so exactly logistically yes there wouldn't be a recording right now if it weren't for me okay for me for me baby

um is there anything that you guys feel like you need that like you would buy for black friday i mean i've had so much idle time in this motherfucker like i'm just buying stuff at this point and so there's nothing that i really need i mean i do need to throw this table out that i have in my office and get a smaller one because it's taking up too much time my space uh you know the cats need more room or whatever and i need to throw out this um this what do you go pull out couch or whatever i i need to oh the futon i need to get that out of here too and this table there's things that i need to get out so that i can make room for new for more stuff and that's what i think my hoarding really is is that once i get rid of

something i'm definitely bringing something back in this bitch and so it's not just empty space and i think your home is definitely a reflection of your mind and that and and i will say well that's what my um my doctor said so that's beautiful that is that's another that's another conversation but that's a beautiful poem friend your home is a reflection of your mind yeah well my home is cold so my mind is also cold oh speaking of the heat i don't know about y'all but um i feel like goldilocks i really do feel like like i can't there is no middle ground it's either i'm freezing or the project heat is blasting so high that it's it's sucking out all of the moisture in my face and in my pussy.

And it's upsetting. Oh, yeah. Oh, in my pussy. Either it's WAP, slip and slide records in this house, or it's sandpaper. Well, Sydney, what's this look that you got on in the house right now? What are you wearing? Because Andrew and I are both wearing sweaters,

and I feel like your whole body is exposed. Oh. Because it's so hot in here. like when they when the heat actually turns on i also need to put on a humidifier or boil some water because it is taking any little thing from my body away sucking it okay that sounds nice actually sucking it that sounds cute thank you i love that for you thank you i love that for you wow so you're saying that your apartment is too hot too hot and then too cold because it's not all day and then when it's when the heat is off it's fucking burr city and it's you know someone

said nobody is gonna be perfectly happy with everything and i said i just gotta call it what it is and just be thankful that i have an apartment i guess be thankful that you have an apartment with an office beach okay did y'all hear my friend has an office in her home andrew do you have an office no this is insane because my setup is like i'm right next to the radiator right next to the radiator if i touch it i get burnt oh but and this is the only place in my apartment that i could possibly like set up like a little office space and it's just in this little cranny but i'm so glad that you have an office space okay yeah the way y'all keep saying it out loud it's like i'm fucking you know what else is over here you know what else is in that office

space a printer a whole a printer a printer i want to tell you this beach is rich no no no that was a gift let's let's keep it 100 okay what's 100 let's keep it straight benjamin's in here that was a gift i wish somebody would get me a printer and a year supply of ink i say this and that's that's what i want is always the most annoying part oh yeah well because ink is dumb it's like yeah i have to buy more and then i can only get this specific type of ink one i was also gifted with more ink so yeah you're right wow they were oh the printer came with extra ink there goes my christmas present they got oh but hey hey hey wait that doesn't mean that i can't use more ink in the future but yeah it came with ink and then um i

was i ran out and uh this person gifted me some more ink so wow ink sponsorship that is i think the market that we need to break into is ink sponsorship andrew you know as the beyonce logistically of the podcast what can you do to get us some ink brand deals let's roll an ad right now for for ink well no some of us need printers so we should get some apps for some printers too love you know that's not me contact tracy tracy is matthew knowles you you are her daughter so i'll be like they want ink also i don't i don't even know where i would put a printer in my house So it needs to be a travel size printer. Thank you.

You could put it. I don't know where you could put it. You could put it on like that bench that you have by the table that sometimes people sit there and sometimes they don't. So, yeah, I could. You're right. I'm thinking about it. OK, well, then, Sydney, we were supposed to go antiquing next Friday, but I just realized next Friday is Thanksgiving Black Friday. No, it's actually this Friday.

oh okay great wait it's this friday it's this friday friend tomorrow tomorrow oh look at it oh which is today which okay this episode is out it's out no this is last friday last week talk about confusion and i love it so yeah i um this is i i hate doing things in the morning because I do feel discombobulated and I do get things like mixed up and I'm backwards and forwards and I don't feel like I'm on my A game. But, you know, this is what helps you get your day started.

And that's half the battle. It's not doing things in the morning that got you discombobulated. You are on four hours of sleep. That's why you discombobulated, sis. You woke up, you just went to sleep and you also just woke up. I'm not a morning person.

so also when i'm going to bed i still when i wake up i still feel like i'm all over the place and not in order so well i mean heads up i mean i'm not a morning person but i think that you can like start habits that like make your mornings make more sense for you you know if you have a routine of things that you do in the morning i'm gonna do this and then i'm gonna do this and then and do this, then it makes your mornings easier or more manageable, I think. That's what I think.

Maybe just start the day with some yoga, babe. Some downward dog. Okay, you and another friend that will remain nameless are really on this path or journey to wellness. And I love this.

I love this for the group. But you don't love it for yourself because It seems like you are nowhere near this path of wellness. Well, I think you need to start going to bed at a more reasonable hour. Yes, that's what it is. No, Andrew, you say it. No, come through, Beyonce.

No, we really did want to hear that. Thank you. Yes, come on, Giselle. Thank you. On Black Friday. Come talk to us, man. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm just going to mute myself

for the rest of the episode. Oh, no, no. No, we need you. People are always in the DMs like, I love when Andrew is on the episode. more of andrew and just telling you to go to bed at more andrew andrew what's more drew andrew what time do you go to bed like around like 11 oh wow fuck every day oh you are really dying yeah and you get tired because i wake up at like six seven and it's like i'm tired why you get up

so early you just have more hours in the day when you wake up early okay beyonce and you that's really beyonce has the same amount of hours as everyone else yeah yeah you have the same amount of hours in a day as beyonce okay wow oh wow i love that um can we talk about getting what we wish for and then not wanting the thing that we wish for yeah you know can we uh sometimes you think you want something or you ask for a specific type of person or you ask for a specific type of job or thing and then you get it and you're like oh no this is too much work or this is this is this person is too needy or this person specifics babe can you do i'm trying to be as vague as possible or you're like this person is too needy like i gotta see this person every day

or once a week you know what i mean like it's you know do you know everything that you wanted in something it come right back it come along in a different form and you're like this is not actually it's not this not my size yeah timing is timing is everything and uh it's it's truly it's real it's the thing about like when you miss one train there's another train coming or something like that but sometimes you might not be ready for the next thing that's coming Cause you've, you've already been exhausted from chasing after that thing. Well, not chasing, but just like, yeah, but just trying to get to the, to the first train. And so now the other ones is like, damn, can I catch my breath, bitch?

Fuck. I'm already late. I might as well just be more late. Well, the second train is your rebound train. And sometimes the rebound train comes and the rebound train is everything that the first train was, but no, that you wanted the first train to be, but you're like, I still, you know that first train that's the train it sounds like we're talking about people running trains on us but we're not yeah we're not but also that's a great title the rebound train that we will we

will love no you know what it is is because nah it's fine whatever it's fine sis we love the vagueness the mystery rebound train sounds like something that somebody's gonna be like well let me listen to this yeah we do be having some cute ass titles and uh it it always works out for some of us but other times i mean the the person that i'm that i'm dating listens to the podcast you know every week not every week but she definitely listens and i can't i can't say anything messy hey babe hey sis and the thing is is that my last relationship i i was very specific i said yeah don't listen i don't need you to listen that's it it'll be better for our relationship but she did listen no I think like maybe one once or twice but I think after the

second time she's like yeah I don't I don't want to listen anyway but then her friends would be hitting her like girl did you hear the episode and she's like no I don't listen and they're like oh okay well let me paraphrase what I heard I mean if I was you I commend you on being able to not listen but yeah what I heard was it also sounds like y'all should shaky as fuck it's not sturdy over there everything good over there babe you want me to drop off some soup y'all good y'all good yeah so yeah but but 50 maybe not 50 i think 40 of the you good texts are people who don't want you to be good they want you to be doing bad so they can be like it'll be okay or so they can like feel good about their situation i think sometimes when people reach out to their

friends after they hear something it's not always because that person that's reaching out has the best intentions for you some people reach out because they're like well i'm trying to get the tea so i can bring it back to my group chat you know and for this year specifically i'm gonna say yeah let them give them that tea because it's been fucking dry that we're doing the same stuff every day and so i just want to shout out to all the good brothers and sisters that feel the need to text me and call me and and let me know their business when when I was trying to like clean my apartment or get my day started or you know I really love that you stopped me every single time to give me that good good and a lot of the times I'm always like oh are you serious and so bless

your hearts because I love I love hearing about not necessarily people's mess but I do love hearing about like a you know like a love triangle or you know somebody didn't pay their rent in time and they're squatting in their house and it's like oh i didn't know they was doing that bad like i do like hearing i like hearing people's mess but also you know these people are the same people that are like don't tell anybody don't tell marie so marie doesn't even know so just no i don't know if you've ever told city something um and you told her not to tell me i don't i don't know nothing about your life yeah janice it's just that's just how it works unfortunately yeah and uh can't i can't even believe that marie still talks to me because i really don't have anything to say

at all whoo the the kettle is dry whoo i can't uh oh you know what i i wanted to talk about who y'all be going to for the gynecologist who y'all got going who y'all got going all up and through y'all running through your pussy like the tomb raider who do you have because i need to do that i haven't had a pap smear in a while and um you know i used to go to plant parenthood for everything so i would go there so much that they fucking knew me okay we know what you we know what's really good you know you think you got bv but you don't you're just wearing weird underwear um what's bv a bacteria vaginosis oh wow when you said bv i was like beefy vagina bacteria vaginosis that sounds like a harry potter spell

well the vagina is magical so i was just there it is i was sitting here trying to remember the last time i got a pap smear but i do remember when it was remember i they thought i had remember i talked about it on the podcast yes what was it oh hpv i was so mad yes everyone has it and everybody was like well i've never had it i've never i too have never had uh hpv oh so i had it over the like the end of the summer because i was talking to the jamaican at the time remember him yeah man the jamaican i was like i had i think i have hpv and he was like hpv the fuck what's that and he was freaking out about it and then it was like sir you probably gave it to me he's like i'm gonna go talk to my doctor i'm like you coughed on it and now i have

it yeah what did cardi b say when you eat bacon egg and cheese that's how you give people yeast it's true though you eat a greasy ass uh bacon egg and cheese and then you let somebody sit on your greasy face it's like no you gotta brush your teeth you can't and like the spit has a ton of bacteria so you spitting on it and you doing all this crazy shit it's like hold up i'm not taking medical advice from cardi b but um but that one it was valid she was not lying i don't know nothing about that i feel like if somebody's coming to have sex with me or i'm going to somebody's house then you in an ideal world you jumping in the shower before i get there right like if somebody's coming to pick me up i'm like oh let me let me brush my teeth

or like mouthwash or something you know well as we learned sis people are not even washing their fucking legs properly so you know no no no no no no no no no no white people aren't washing their legs properly that's what twitter taught me and i'm not banging white people in this economy that's right they had that whole like conversation last year about like and like half of the country wasn't washing their legs in the shower nope and they were like and they were like oh if i'm washing my armpits then the soap is just falling down past my legs i'm like that's not the same thing y'all really really really is dumb you know i'm not using washcloths so the soap the bar of soap is just touching the armpits and then yeah what it's too much for me but i will say

sometimes it's hard to get all in the back like my arm is not reaching all the way like i'm getting there but there's like i'm i'm definitely missing some spots well yeah but sometimes you know do you do you come up on the side of the back or you're just trying to go above the shoulder i go i go above the shoulder i try to go around i go under you know i have really long long arms thankfully but i i do feel like right in the freaking middle i'm like you know just just throw some soap on the cat and have him roll up and down your back those cats use your body as a jungle gym anyway so let them help let them put their weight i love these fucking things i mean they they definitely tell me they they let me know when things are getting too hectic in here and they're like bitch

you have got to get it together it's ghetto in here right now so they tell you since they yeah they be meowing or they're following me around or if i've slept if i'm sleeping on the couch too long uh jelly will pounce on me and just like get up like she taps me she's like bitch ain't you got stuff to do well i thought they only meowed when they were hungry and the bowls were empty they do that too but um they also meow when clearly i feel like i'm not my normal self when i get really when i get really down they start meowing because they're like get it together let's go you got money to make we cannot be homeless we are not outside cats yeah i saw a video i sent you a video yesterday of a fat cat on a treadmill um but she's meowing

and it's in the water and just one paw is moving um did you see it yeah i saw i saw it i went to that cat's page that cat started at 21 pounds and the goal weight is 12 pounds so they're trying to get this cat some body together now um apparently all that poor kitty didn't get do you gain all the weight during pandemic i think the cat was just fat um i can't fit any of my jeans i'm that cat i i legit i've gained so much weight on my face looks so puffy right now so i'm i'm working on my my birthday body like how sydney tell us how you're working on your birthday body your birthday body i'm drinking more water that's it that's all you're doing to work on it that's step one it's step one also more water could just be a cup of day because that feels like more than

what you were drinking before okay sydney birthday body round one or step one is drink more water step two is what friend uh cut back on you know the the juices the sodas the the red bull the chinese food the i need to juice more so i'm definitely going to be using the juicer that i went half on a baby with carolina with and i'm going to get that in order i gotta i gotta have my fruits and vegetables and i can't be afraid to use kale and celery and carrots and all those things that taste disgusting but i just have to do it you never had good kale or good carrots what no i haven't i it is good but i don't like it in my juice or smoothie i don't like those okay i understand i want you to put them in the juice but you can still eat kale and you can still

eat carrots yeah i'll do all that too okay so step one is drink more water step two is drink less juice but also more juice okay got it got it got it got it got it stop i'm just listen i just want to say it out loud so everybody hears what the plan is and then step three is um actual movement she's saying that while the microphone is laying on her chest right i am i am that fucking cat the cat pushing the treadmill oh my god i swear but this week i feel good because i i've actually gotten out of the house more than i have in the last uh three weeks i i tweeted that um that i did a wellness check i was like how many people um are sleeping on the couch because they left their laundry on the bed and they refused to put it away and i'm at three weeks

and so uh you know there's some people that are coming up on similar numbers for me but uh most of the people are like sis get help so yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna do it today i'm gonna do my part and be the mean friend right here uh because that's the role that i was born to play um you don't even do your own laundry you send it out so you can't even do the step of putting it away now oh my god are you oh my godding me or oh my godding her no to sydney it's just really you get it done and you can't i feel bad i know i feel i feel really bad because that i i used to be like that when i was very very depressed i remember taking my laundry back from the laundromat and then just leaving it in the laundry laundry bag and then it just got wrinkly because i was

just too depressed to even take it out so yeah city you gonna get more texts after this episode i know oh you wrinkly sad bitch why yeah yeah well you know we're working we're working through it ma'am so you're sleeping around it babe you're not working through your laundry you are not even sleeping in the bed with it um i sleep in the bed with my laundry um that's what most people were saying they were like oh i didn't even think about they're like so why don't you just move the laundry to the couch it's like because the couch is the communal space and that's when people walk in so like i could close the door to my room and you don't know what's going on there but you can't do that to the living room so although there are just as much effort to move the clothes

to the couch than it would exactly so no no no no okay so here's what you do here's what you do i got it you move the clothes from the bed to the couch so you can sleep in the bed then in the morning you wake up you moved it you move it from the couch back to the bed this is that movement you were saying you needed for the new body you just keep moving it back and forth and that's how you're going to get some gains and that's how you're going to build that laundry core you know honestly brilliant and i'm telling you and it's the new workout it's the new workout plan for depressed people that are too depressed to move their laundry and put it actually in the drawers but it's enough movement to make sure that you're not laying down the whole day and i could see that

i could see that as like a daily workout just right shifting and moving things and from one room to the next and while you're shifting some things might get like something might fall on the floor so you're picking things up so that's another yeah range of motion for uses and then you can relearn how to fold things because you don't have to refold some of those things so oh no no i'm at the point where it's like okay the clothes have been sitting here so long that they're dirty again so yes just gotta send them out yes that's that's keep just keep spending that money sis keep spending that podcast money on doing laundry and then not putting it away yes you were living the dream babe it's only it's only 13 so it's 13 for how much laundry

a lot can you bring your laptop in there can we see the laundry can we visit the pile no i won't do that that's that's when that's that's when it gets that's when it gets scary and i'm not i'm not doing that so no you know what's scary is i know that the cats sleep on the pile of laundry so the clothes is clean but covered in cat hair so yes ma'am you might as well throw them all out the window yes i might as well burn the cats the cats burn everything the cats are resting on your panties so no we don't do that they're not resting on the panties but so you put the panties away the panties are in a in another area in the the bag of laundry they're at the bottom so i go through the bag every day to find the underwear so okay sydney yeah you got to get

your life together sis that that don't make no type of sense you go through the bag you go to the bottom of the bag to get your panties every day that's a lie you're not wearing panties every day i don't believe okay all right okay thanks don't prove it don't prove it please i have fannings guys thank you so much uh but no i i tweeted that out and honestly you know i should have more shame but i don't um but it's it's therapeutic because i now i know i'm like ah this is what i needed to push me in the direction to actually get it done but also my girlfriend's coming soon so i literally only have a week left of this these shenanigans and then i there's no way i can live like that with somebody else coming this way i mean i mean i think she's

gonna have to uh she's gonna have to learn to live with that pile of clothes no what are you looking at i looking at reviews of the podcast okay the way that you jumped on me for looking at my phone when you live on yours on this here podcast we're done bullying sydney i feel like sydney's been through enough this week what's she been doing this week i i just feel like we've been on her about being depressed and it's like okay then the podcast is gonna be over and then sydney's gonna have to be back in her depression hive depression you're calling my apartment the depression hive the depression as beyonce i can say it's also a great title so i actually like depression hive i love that um andrew and black friday yeah i actually do because you know we'll

have another black friday next year yeah that's super depression technically every friday is black friday on this podcast i i tweet for the people that are too sad to tweet out the shit that's going on in their apartment and then i do it and they're like yo that's where the fuck i am thank you for making me feel seen thank you for seeing me thank you for thank you for seeing the doing that's not being done i don't think that i'm bullying sydney at all i think that i'm being a good friend um yeah yeah you you're being you are a good friend I think that sometimes even you being a good friend I'm just in such as like sensitive place that you're being a good friend but it's not helpful for me because then it's I'm unraveling while you're talking to me but also

like what is the proper um because for the depression episode i was like well i don't want to say the wrong thing and andrew was like no there's no such thing as saying the wrong thing and i was like no there is but um i don't i don't know if it's good to um or i don't think that it's good to what is the word that i'm trying to use here enable enable people when they're depressed because like you're tiptoeing around i'm tiptoeing around how somebody feels so that i don't upset them but the way that they're living their life is upsetting me and my homegirls so where what's the middle but you know but but you know what you can do you can get off the phone you could close the laptop you can put this tweet the text on do not disturb and live your life so

it's not the same so like you it's upsetting you in a different way than what is actually happening to the person on a daily basis yes but you want your friends to be able to lean on you when they need you obviously but like sydney do you remember when you were having panic attacks like and they were coming like more and more often before you started um your like therapy and stuff and you will call me and i'd be like sydney i don't know what i'm supposed to say to you like remember and it was like i i don't want to say the wrong thing but then like the more frequently you would have these panic attacks the less it was like dude you have to do something about this yeah like you cannot keep living your life like this and then just like deal with these

panic attacks after they've happened you have to do something to prevent them from happening and you were like you weren't ready to take that step and eventually you you stopped having them or I guess I don't know I don't know if you stopped having them but you stopped talking to me about them so um because it's like I don't know I feel like if something doesn't work or something is disrupting your life or something doesn't make you feel good then you have to cut that thing out Or if you're talking as a person who's like, obviously, you don't you're not I wouldn't say like you have chronic depression, like obviously you get you get down and things like bother you. And it it it it it might mess up a day or maybe a week, but it's not like crazy ongoing. but um something that like i have and other people who listen to the podcast it's like a chemical

imbalance it's the what you're saying makes complete sense but there's something in their brain that just won't connect the dots to give them the proper energy to actually do it and the avoidance that happens over and over and becomes a snowball effect effect and to the point where like you just saying well just get up and do it triggers them because they're like I know bitch you think I don't want to do it yeah but it makes me feel like I can't do it I'm talking about before you got on antidepressants because you did not want to take them you refused to talk to somebody about them and every time you had a panic attack it was like Sydney you have to talk to somebody you gotta you have to start taking uh you gotta either talk to a therapist or you need

to be on antidepressants and you did not want to do that yeah and it was like so me as your friend you're telling me about these chemical imbalances but me as your friend i can't just keep okay well i hope you feel better tomorrow no you have like you're you're saying that you didn't want to take the step or you were incapable of taking those steps but you had to do something different in order to not you know have these crazy panic attacks anymore and right eventually I'll tell you that I think what's useful for you maybe I I it's it sounds harsh but like yeah I don't know what to tell you other than like maybe you should google what to say to a friend who is dealing with it because i mean sometimes it sounds like you're coming from a good place but their place is all

over the place and any little thing could fucking jumpstart something that you didn't mean to like be a part of so um okay so i know i know what i know what you mean and like it's like i can't tell you well it'll be better tomorrow but like i i'm also like telling someone to just get up and do it or you have to make changes it's just not that simple i understand that i understand that it's not that simple i i get that and you know i was just in that situation and i had to leave right um the relationship situation that i was in because of this but um then then i don't know and i googled i was doing my research and the more i googled the sadder it made me but like also the like i'm not gonna say the matter it just made it makes me sad and like dealing with people

who have depression and where look at us it's a depression episode again depression you see how she's sucking me into the depression hive oh my god i'm not sucking you in I was I was keeping it light and you guys were like oh honey get it together well I don't know if we're saying get together but we definitely were telling you to put your laundry away we did that um I don't know I feel like if you have energy to do certain things then you should have energy to do that too that's that's what my mind where my mind goes immediately come on Matthew Knowles no Matthew Knowles is Tracy I'm the mean Destiny's Child um come on Angie the cousin the thick one I'm uh I'm Lactavia or whatever Lativia who's the one that got arrested whatever that

Farrah got arrested well technically Sydney is Farrah but um all right goodness and Farrah didn't stay bitch so that's not me but you're the only one here on this zoom that got arrested so that's you babe also lindsey lohan got arrested but you don't want to be that she don't even want to be that she's not one of destiny's children she's not one of destiny's she's not even one of destiny's she's a part of some hive okay don't you do that well erasure no erasure Khloe Kardashian got arrested once. So you are Khloe of the group, sis. I'll take that.

New face, who dis? Who does that make you, Marie? If Sydney is Khloe? Yeah. Who's the mean Kardashian? Or the most honest Kardashian? Kourtney's the one that just essentially canceled the show. I don't watch it, but she was the one that was like,

I don't want to do this show anymore. And so now it's over. Good for her. She said, I don't want to be in that toxic relationship. anymore good for fucking courtney got to be like 40 42 or something right now courtney said i'm here with my original face bitch don't y'all switching and y'all changing niggas and faces and asses left and right and i can't keep up with the babies and everything that y'all doing kanye is off his rocker i gotta go i gotta peace out you could take your your lip kits and your

and your ass and your wish your wish trainers and go and go on your way well i think yeah she was like i'm tired of trying to come up with a storyline that i actually want to share or that i care about well yeah because i'm sure like because you know they manufacture all the things all the drama all the things that happen on that show but like yeah she was like i don't want to share my real life and and i don't want to share my fake life let's go but i'm every can we just clap for courtney i'm i'm not clapping for any of them i'm not a fan of the fam at all but i mean i'm not listen i'm not a fan of them either but you did clap i'm clapping for her because yeah after what 20 years and all the points that they were making she was like it's time to walk

away guys there's nothing else to to do or say let's just let's just be better and live our lives quietly well you're saying live quietly they're still social media people they're still selling their tees and their skims and their christmas grinch kits and they're still selling stuff but they've reached a point where like everybody in the world at this point knows who they are um so i mean my mom calls them kadashi so even my mom knows kadashi so do you still need a show on e i mean what is e gonna do now he was he was gonna make it happen they definitely was like yo we gotta push courtney down a flight of stairs she gotta be we gotta be in the hospital that's a storyline yeah yeah the courtney the courtney coma storyline

season 28 oh we don't know how she got pushed down and it's like we see like one of the producers it was him and chris is like i saw i she got on the slippery socks yeah remember marie and show girls when when she tripped the girl ah yes that's what that's what they needed to do for courtney yeah but Courtney's a mother you know she might fall down and land on one of her kids so that that yeah maybe not push her down a flight of stairs no no no no I don't I don't suggest violence uh upon I don't wish it upon anybody but that's the stunts that I feel like E would would have tried to do to get the shot to get what they needed done because it was so much money and yeah they made they've made a lot i mean kylie is is now a billionaire she wasn't

when the article came out but she is now she was not she was she had like 999 million dollars they have like like 10 other like spin-off shows right like they're still going to be on tv yeah the fact that they didn't get the nana one of them show nana should have got one of them shows who's nana mj mj mj should have got like her frankie and grace type show oh i didn't i don't even know so they have a nana on the show yeah mj chris's mom yeah her and her mom is still alive her and that her and that loose full bayang she got going on they they could definitely pull a little storyline for her she not she not fucking nobody she not doing nothing she not causing no drama i just oh i didn't know she was still alive and mj is so sweet that i was like how

did you how did you birth um chris this is well good people have bad children all the time babe okay well people give birth to serial killers people give birth to fuck boys people give birth to these people i know and we can't get we can't get mad at them it's not their fault but it's also like what could we have done better you know it's a little bit their fault but yes you know what could you have done better so your kid was not so terrible but I think I was talking to somebody about this the other day about how men men's moms do a lot of work for them like a lot of men maybe it's like I don't know if it's American moms but definitely Caribbean moms and like hispanic moms they like spoil their sons they like do things for their sons they cook for

them they do their laundry for them they change the oil in their cars for them and then when these men go out and try to be in relationships they not bringing nothing to the table because they've never had to do anything and um it's not because their mothers it's because their mothers care about them so much they turn these grown-ass men into babies essentially and then those men are useless to me and andrew so useless uh that's a that's also um a good thing that you brought up because i actually met this woman who did my hair again for another woman for the second time around not a wonderful job um god bless not a wonderful job not a wonderful job it's what am i gonna do you know i just have bad luck uh with the lace front and that's you know we're gonna leave it

at that but she was saying that she was dating this person for uh eight years and they were very like motivated to like start businesses and get work done and and be bop bop and do what they do but they didn't clean and so she's the type of person that's like you know i take care of the home i i make sure everything is order and and she was like cooking and cleaning she was like sis i'm not your wife so like why am i doing all of this and she said oh you need to be my wife to cook and clean okay boop and then and proposed and everything so that she was like this is what i want i want somebody to wait she was in a relationship with a woman or with a man with a woman and the woman wasn't doing anything in the house but she was working outside the house

yeah doing everything to like bring income to the table okay well i mean sometimes it's as easy as having a conversation as with the person that you're with if you are not happy in your current situation or you don't like the role that you're playing in your relationship or whatever it's sometimes it's as easy as having a conversation and telling the person that you're with that you're not happy yeah I think a lot of times women want to like like kind of tiptoe or like stomp around the problem like you'll have an attitude and the person will be like well what's wrong and you're like nothing but like it's because you're mad that you're doing dishes or you're mad that you gotta cook or you're mad that they haven't bought you flowers in a couple of

years or whatever just I don't know I think that you have to just say what you mean and mean what you say and also you're not going to be on any role that you don't put yourself in so if you're like cleaning and cooking and that's what you're doing up top that's what people get comfortable with and they get content and even me like I was in that situation where I was like okay well this person is likes taking care of the house or taking care of me and at the end of the day nope nope That person that I was dating was not my mother. It was not Ramona Marie. So like, it has to be 50-50.

And it shouldn't be 60-40 or 60-20 or, oh, that doesn't even add up. Yeah, that doesn't even add up. So the cats are doing 20% of the work also? You know what I meant, guys. But yeah, it's just you have to position your place in a in a way that you want to be treated moving forward right so what we're saying is to paraphrase up top do what you want to do for the next 50 years yeah I'm gonna do something but I'm not gonna do too much right well that's like it's like when you have sex with a guy for the first

time I mean I don't know or with somebody for the first time I don't know if I'm sure I'm not the only person that does this but like you know the first time you like give somebody head maybe you're like i'm not gonna do that good a job i'm gonna be kind of lazy with it so you don't ask me to do it again that's that's the energy that i'm on andrew yes yeah i agree okay you you do it you do a decent job but you're like i'm not really gonna i'm not really gonna do it i'm not gonna jill scott it because i'm you're not gonna ask me to do this every time you come over here yeah especially because um i mean it just it right it reminds me of like bartenders when i would ask for virgin mojito they make the first one so good that i'm like i want another one it's like bitch

nobody wants to be muddling up all this mint and crushing all this ice and putting simple syrup for you to tip me a dollar like no which is not true i always tip more than that i always thank much do you tip on a drink 60 for for a for one drink how much for a mocktail given like two or three oh wow which most people would do anyway if they're doing you know a regular cocktail but it's something about doing the first one so good i'm definitely gonna ask for a second one right but if you give me a so-so one a so-so like oh it was doable it was fine i'm not gonna spend another you know ten dollars on this so-so virgin mojito right i'm so so i'm so so deaf it's so i'm asked for a sprite do you guys have ginger ale on the gun okay yeah i'll take some

ginger ale um but yeah i think that's those those are wise words to live by do the first one not so good and then do the second one a little bit better and then maybe the third one is bomb and they're looking at you like it's all about growth oh i didn't know no no i say wait wait six months and then hit him with the whip pop pop pop pop then they're like whoa i didn't even know you had that in you six months later you're like and they're like oh my do you want to meet my mom this weekend yeah i was like oh damn are you have you ever done that no that was my first time that was my first time thank you yeah the dude that i was uh with for the pandem would like make comments about that like every

time like i would see him um and he was like oh oh oh he was like the first time we hooked up i was like does she like me and i was like well i didn't know if i did but you know now every time you do something with somebody they should look at the end and ask themselves does that person like me that's that's the energy you should be bringing in yeah that's my then it makes them work hard exactly and and when people don't know if you like them they they want to impress you more yep so self-doubt can sometimes work in your favor sis self-doubt saves relationships it does it does there's always uh there's always upward mobility if you're not giving your all well if you're not giving your all to me then i will leave you but if you're giving me too much

too soon i will also leave you so honestly you got to figure out you got to you got to do the jenga and figure out you you're a tough you're a tough titty too you're a goldilocks as well yes i am a goldilocks because yes i am you know that i am yeah so i'll be like this is this is too hard this is too soft this is just not for me yeah so all you thotty goldilocks out there which uh you know your your braids and your teflar bags or whatever what is it tell far tell far bag the black birkin is what you're calling it it's it's black friday and get what you deserve and do what you do and live your life and and make people do what you need to be done in a properly way that makes sense for your life how about that sure this is the day this is the

day to give somebody bad head if you're a woman how about that yeah this is bad day bad head day i like that for us bad head day um okay well is there anything that you want to leave the listeners with before we go any final words from the bag of laundry or is this jam want to say a couple words on the mic andrew is there something that you think that we we missed um no i think we got it i mean i hope that everyone is you know having a safe thanksgiving and uh black friday i guess it's all virtual yeah just don't be stupid yeah don't be stupid don't be stupid the cranberry sauce will never be worth it um driving all the way to fucking some store because you need to get this tv order it online like it's okay there's a there's a pandemic going

on it can wait oh yeah i'm not i'm not trying to do any of those things uh real housewives of salt lake city it's not that good you can you can watch it on your laptop well i still haven't seen it i'm gonna i'm gonna watch it's not good i'm not here for it i'm like i'm no offense to the more mormon community I know y'all got your whole lifestyle together and it's a little bit kooky but I'm not really interested I'm not I could care less wow the Mormon slander back on in Atlanta the Mormon slander cannot live on this podcast this sorry guys for it I would not stand for it and this is why I'm quitting the podcast right now anyway bye guys happy uh happy Honda days oh yeah and don't forget to you know leave a review we love those we need those put those out there we need

And also, also subscribe to our Patreon and leave comments. We need them. We love them. Leave comments on what? What posts are you posting? All of the – I need you to subscribe to our real Patreon. Andrew. For Black Friday.

We are not half off for Black Friday, but make sure you subscribe. No, no, no. Andrew's talking about the Instagram. What are they posting on Instagram? And I did the last post literally nine months ago, and I will not do the next post because I asked Sydney at least three times to post on the page

and she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to do it. It still says link in the bio soon. Well, there's not going to be no link in no bio. You know what? I'm going to deactivate the page. Oh my God. New year, old page. Deactivate the page, babe.

Do what you got to do. Bye. Bye. Forever. dog this has been a forever dog production the unofficial expert is executive produced by

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