MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Dressed and Stressed w/ Eva Evans

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

This week Syd and Reezy have comedian Eva Evans to chat WORK mess! But really, also life?? The three cover messy experiences with exes, workplace challenges, and of course, endd it with talking about y'alls MESSages! Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

oh you listening to mess wow are you ready friend yes totally we're here hi guys what's going on welcome to mess we got a good episode for you today we do yeah i'm here the voice that you're hearing in the background is a very funny comedian who performs all over the i'm gonna say world that's a fact because you really you passport is getting stamped stamped Oh, that's a fact. I love that for you. Thank you.

It's the very funny Eva Evans. Hey, y'all. They can see me? Of course. Yeah, girl, we're live. Yeah, we're live. Hey, y'all. The Instagram is out.

The Androids are out. We're all live here. Okay, oh, okay. We're streaming live on Netflix. Yes. Hey, y'all, I'm here. I'm here, y'all. I'm so excited.

This is cute. So we're just going to talk about what our mess was for the week, and then we'll jump into it. Oh, for the week, girl? Let me see. What's today? Today is Tuesday? that well no you have your mess for the show we're gonna talk about our mess for the week okay

okay okay got you good i love it sydney how you feeling today pretty good i'm chilling i like your heart i know that shit is fire yeah uh our friend's birthday party was last week and there was a kango uh shop like right by her house and so i went in and they had like 30 off and it still was expensive oh right yeah so i don't i don't even really think i got a deal but yeah i love the color i was like i want color bad it's giving um zendaya and challenger for the press run okay it looks like a tennis ball yes i see that i see that i did watch the movie but i i did look like she wore a hat no i'm talking about the the for the red carpet okay she was wearing like tennis adjacent fits she had like the heels with the tennis ball in them oh okay you know

But Law Roach. It is giving. That's what you paid for. The Law Roach. And how are you doing? What's going on? I'm okay, sis. I woke up this morning and I didn't have any hot water.

No. Ten degrees outside. Felt like six. No hot water in two hours. Damn. Yeah. That's insane, son. Yeah.

I was like, I'm not. And the water pressure was real low. So it wasn't even like I could pretend to take a shower in the cold. It was just. No, you can't take no shower. I'd rather go out funky than be in a cold shower yeah I get a baby wipe

I'm doing I'm just baby wiping it down bird bath I tried to I was like well maybe if I go to the gym if the gym has a shower I'll use that

and I was like I can't tell if this Pilates studio lets people bathe there I was like I called them nobody picked up I said

guess it wasn't meant to be I'm just gonna be funky for a couple hours yeah my gym got a shower and a sauna gora oh damn I'm not mad at the sauna

where's this gym you got I go to YMCA oh okay from our conversation in Jamaica with Amina. You just started going to the Y?

Yes, girl. I've been going for two weeks and I love it. Oh. I love it. This is beautiful. Yes. I love it.

I want to get into my mess for the week because it's a continuation of something that we talked about a few episodes ago. An episode ago. So last time we had Caleb here, I was talking about

how I had two dudes that I had unblocked and we were having a good time. uh one of the guys has friends that listen to the podcast and they thought i was talking about one of these people and so they sent him the episode a bunch of people sent him the episode oh my and and time stamps time codes and they were like have you heard this are you listening to this episode um i think that's messy i think it's very messy i think it's messy to hear me on this podcast doing my job and then going to a person that you assume i'm talking about

and being like have you heard her talking about you i think that's mess am i being messy no i'm being honest and funny yeah and messy no it's your story to tell as long as you wasn't name dropping no i didn't say a single name the person the what the mess is is what you're telling your friends to make them think that you need to be in the know why would i not if i'm on a public platform we have an understanding your friends don't so what what is the misunderstanding you're not letting them know what we got going on the transparency yeah i don't like his friends yeah no he was like i guess you i have like you got like 10 people that i know yeah your friends is 20 you could timestamp this and send it to him yeah absolutely no hey friends um uh it's none of your damn

business yeah it's really not it's none of your business are we here having a good time or not yeah you're messing up you're messing up the voids and you're not really contributing uh to mess in a positive manner right it's negative mess it is and when they run back for the guy that doesn't stop the guy from talking to us like well he came straight to me to be like right yeah so exactly so Go ahead and run. He said, I listened. I didn't love it. I said, ooh.

Oh. Okay, new development. New development. I listened. I didn't love it. I said, wow, I can't believe you listened to me at work. Yikes. I know.

I hate when people listen to me at work. This is an invasion of privacy. I know. Yeah. But I guess I'm not going to talk about him no more so that these people that are, you know, spying don't have anything to report back. Thank God. I mean, but it's, I mean, it's mainly like if you're not a single gal.

Because if you're a single gal, it's like single gals should be chatting if they want. That's what we do. I've been single this whole time clock that this is what the teens do I've been single I've been single the whole time T

or I don't know I'm putting all the fingers I've been single the whole time anyway I think that that's messy you know we listen but we don't judge we listen and we judge but we don't share we listen

we judge we don't share oh you know what's messy sharing the pod to him but not sharing it to everyone everyone needs to be listening to the pod

are you doing the work and the work is passing on the mess mess is a contribution to the community what are you doing

have you shared it with your mother with your congregation at the church to the church have you sent it to your local congressman

tag them let them know the mess is out especially this episode it's crazy anyway you know I do what I can for the community

and the community the community stabbed me in the back so there we are that's my message but that's what happens when men are involved

I think oh yeah I had a situation like that too when I was I didn't name drop anybody I was talking about

somebody and he came he hit me up like oh I want to come and speak my piece next episode I'm like no one knows who you are

no one cares about you exactly because he saw he saw like you know celebrity comedians like it went

it got like a lot of freaking views okay like celebrities were commenting on it so he wanted to get in on it no

I'm like you're you're a shadow friend It's so corny. Yeah. I mean, when I was with a girlfriend, I mean, people would tell her, hey, what's going on with y'all? Because Sydney's talking on the podcast. I said, ah, ah, ah.

This is not about y'all. This is about the podcast. Right. And then sometimes, like, for material, we'll talk about something that happened, like, before this person. Right. You know what I'm saying? Like, our life is our work.

Oh, no, no, no. I was fully being like, yeah, you know, this happened the other night. No, no, no. I was fully being like, no, no. This is going on currently. She said last Tuesday at 4 p.m. I was giving timestamps. That's funny.

Okay, okay, okay, yeah. Yeah. That's funny. But it's like, I'm a comedian. Like, sometimes, obviously, I'm going to exaggerate some things. I'm going to add some things for the laughs. But, like, you can't take everything that I say, like, full of art. Is the mic on?

You can't take everything seriously, y'all. What is going on? I've been telling people all the time, like, stop confusing me with your local politician, baby. I'm not George. Stop. Is his name George Santos? Yeah. I'm with you.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's crazy because they be putting more pressure on us than they freaking president. Okay. Let's talk about it. But it also messes up the, you know, it messes up my creativity when you putting your input on like what I can and can't say. Yeah.

Because of conversations I've had with past relationships, I'm like, you know what? Y'all not getting no stage time no more. I'm gonna have to talk about something else or past people because I can talk about something else

because you know sometimes I feel like people get in get involved or do things in front of you because they're like I want you to put me

in a bit I want you to talk about me I want to be I want to be involved and it's like I got this and they will purposely

do something like or they'll be like before you even really start getting into it with them they'll be like don't put me in your skits yes

and it's like my skits don't put me in your act can we just can we just say when you say skits to a comedian that feels like a slur cause a lot of times

we're not doing ever doing a skit it's never we're not on SNL this is not Vine I'm also like not an Instagram comic like a stage stage comic

this is crazy please stop talking to me block they don't know the words don't talk about me on stage I won't also don't give me nothing to talk about

on stage there it is don't be weird don't be goofy don't be funny it's mess sydney what is what's your mess for the week um i mean last week was was uh interesting because i did a podcast with marie we we did our uh friends podcast decisions decisions and i thought that i could get on a flight right after and that was that was my mess i don't know why i thought that i could book a podcast that was at noon and then make it to a

254 flight at JFK I don't know why I didn't I didn't know that the numbers at the beginning

didn't you change the flight from an earlier flight to a later flight it was 7am and then I moved it to and then I moved it to 254

I mean essentially I could have made it if we're going back and forth I'm telling them I'm like

oh I gotta get to the airport which people there was a discussion in the group chat but And Mandy was like, oh, no, you could take a car. And then we, yeah, yeah, we'll take a car. I'm like, at 1 p.m. in Midtown?

That's kind of crazy. That's wild. That was what was first said. And then I got in a car. And then I got in a car. And then I was stuck in the car. And then I was like, oh, I can't take this car. I'm never going to make it.

And then I was like, take the train. Take the train. Because we're by Penn Station. Yeah. When I say take the train, I meant the Long Island Railroad. But I have never. when somebody say Long Island Railroad they say Long Island Railroad

they don't say train I was like train Penn Station the train is there L-I-R-R so I thought the train instead of Long Island Railroad

so I'm on the E and when I tell you I think they added stop stop stop on other lines that had nothing to do and I'm sitting there and I'm sweating

and I see another girl wear her suitcase I was like are you late too she's like oh no my flight's not until 5 I said oh

that's how you tell me bitch okay bitch and so when i was on the air train i was literally like crying i was like i need to i need to get to this spot this is very important i have a reservation i'm like trying to be thoughtful i was like this is and then when i was running when i was running i said hey this is not your fight you are not you are not an athletic girly you don't have the breath you You don't have the shoes. I had on heels, mind you. Oh, my God.

Heels, right? You ever see that one girl that's, like, dressed at the airport, and you're like, oh, where's she going? I was that girl dressed in the airport running for my life. Dressed and stressed. And then I looked at the time. I said, the door has closed. NeNe Leakes, the door has closed.

And then one of those guys in the beep, beep, beep, you need a ride. Sir, I'm crying. It's gone. It's done. did you take the ride no because it was it was over with i i missed the flight is gone what time did you get to the gate oh i didn't even make it to the gate baby i was i was halfway my my gate was so fucking far i said oh the devil said let's play and so as soon as i got off the air train i said oh i have enough time no no no it was gonna take me at least uh 10 15 minutes to get it was

like b72 and we and we were in we were in b30 oh wow 30 so you have to yeah yeah i don't know why um jfk i don't know why jfk does that i feel like anytime i fly out it's hateful it's always the last you gotta go down some stairs and up some stairs then it's the last game at the terminal why what's why can't i be b12 or b4 girl i'm a little closer and you know the next mess is i book another flight, right? I booked another flight. I didn't even go to the gate. I booked another flight. I said, well, let me just get, because the next flight is in LaGuardia. I said, let me hurry up and do that.

Do you know, if you miss your flight, they cancel your returning flight. They cancel it. Yeah, they cancel it. Hey, hey, airlines, how does that fucking work? That's insane. I'm still going to get there, but they're like,

you should have called and, like, rebooked. But I was like, I don't have time. So then when I called, Huffing, puffing, crying, you know, eyelashes falling off. Damn. They were like, oh, yeah, you didn't make the fight. I said, Kelly, Kelly, is it Kelly? So I can report your ass.

Right. Yeah. That was me off of New Year's. Sorry. Did you get your money back? No, no. See, that would have made me cry. Oh, I was crying.

That's the part I would have cried. I was upset. I said, traveling, we're done. We're done. Was it Delta? Yes. thank you oh it was Delta

caught that no scam scam it I know hey that's hurtful scam likely

that was me for New Year's I missed my flight to Jamaica I was stressed oh that's right cause you guys went to Jamaica yeah I'm on yes but I was yeah I'm on

but I went to the gate and rescheduled my shit oh yeah I should have done that I've learned my lesson yeah let them work let them work so

you not making it to the gate Like, you didn't get to the gate, so you just turned around and went. You booked another flight. I was on the phone. Google flights. And how long was the wait for the next flight? Oh, I had about an hour and a half to get to LaGuardia. Oh, yeah, you had time.

But there was traffic, so I was in traffic for about 30 minutes to get to LaGuardia. And then I got there, had to start again. All over again. I'm not wearing heels to the airport. That's it. I'm going to look like a bum every time. Yeah, I've been wearing, like, crocs. But, like, you know, little sweats, crocs.

Like, comfortable. When I used to get flewed out, I used to wear heels. Okay. When you get flewed out, you got to wear heels. Because you can't come to the airport looking crazy. Can't you just bring the heels and the carry-on? You have to wear them at the airport? No, I used to wear them to, like, to the airport.

Damn. You know what? I was always, like, the plus one of somebody's flewed out. Were? Yeah, I'm wearing the sneakers. You used to get flewed out with a friend? Yes. Yeah.

I'm the friend to make sure that no fucking is happening. Huh. I'm here to cock block He said I Without cock block So he will fly on both of y'all Yes Okay

See I ain't never Invited no friends Oh you got What is wrong with you All this money is mine You know what that is I'm selfish No

It ain't no fun If the homies can't have none We all gotta go on a trip Well Sydney If you cock blocking Nobody was having fun Right Well no

The men are not having fun My friends Friends was happy Yeah I'm getting I'm stepping off the flight we got 1942 I'm pouring the shot

I'm taking the shot I'm dropping it low I mean yeah it was a win yes but also heels like when you're getting flued out

you have like two days worth of clothes or sometimes not even no carry on because you know he's going to take you shopping so it's like

if you're taking me shopping I need a carry on to bring the clothes back we buying a suitcase girl this is my thing about the buying a suitcase on the trip

I have too much luggage in my house okay see yeah I don't need not one more away take it away take the away away I needed to

carry on last time I haven't gotten flued out since I've turned 30 that was the 20s that's the expiration date well no this bitch is

getting flued out but I'm just like I'm tired now you're coming on the pod for a mess with jobs but it feels like

flued out might be your mess that was old Eva that was chicken head Eva chicken head wait a minute what title is this let's talk about

chicken head Eva I used to get into fights getting flewed out fights, flights, and flewed out that's a good time my 20s was a good time yeah but you're delivered now?

well I mean delivered like I'm still doing that it's just a one person but I was always like that I was always like my whole phase was always like one guy at a time

right but like as soon as he was gone a new guy like you know two weeks later you know what I'm saying so I was never like doing no threesomes

or like having fucking mangos at a time. Like never that. Never nothing like that. No trains? No trains? No gangbang? No threesomes ever?

Nah, I never had no threesomes. That's interesting. How can you chicken head if you've never had a threesome? That's what I'm saying. I feel like you're giving yourself this title

and it's not fair. Wait, chicken head is what? Like to me, it's like a bird bitch like arguing like, you know,

like doing dumb shit like popping up at his job trying to fight him because he ain't done like shit like that. Wow. I guess I'm a chicken head. I guess I'm a chicken head.

Yeah, that's chicken head behavior. Like, I'm bird bitch. I'm bird bitch behavior. Yeah, like, I'm bird bitch. Yeah, like, I'm a parakeet. One time I pulled up to a guy. He was at dinner with his, no, it was brunch. Father's Day brunch.

I fought him at the restaurant. You went to Father's Day brunch to fight a man in front of the dad? Yes, bro. I don't know if you're a bird bitch, but it gives baddie. You should be on baddie's east, west, north. Well, no, not no more. Yeah, but that. And he still be hitting me up to this day, girl.

So, please walk us through this. Yeah. You get to the brunch For what And I still got a scar On my knuckle too From that shit Why

Why did you show up At the brunch to fight him I don't know if you can see it Right here I don't know if you can see That little scar right there Did you win Sidney said that's the hair

Well he can hit me back Oh yeah He not gonna hit you In front of his dad So a girl A girl No he isn't He not that kind

He's like a whore But not a woman beater A whore but a nice guy Dead morals A gentleman whore A whore with morals Yeah Whorels

Whorels uh no because he had a girl call my phone a girl called my phone and my thing is like i don't like when it comes to like i don't fight the girl like that to me is like dumb bitch like thank you yeah i never fought no girl i've had girls try to fight me i'm like sorry i'm not fighting you over him can we make that a rule here on mess we support all types of messiness but yeah fighting a woman over a man it's not even messed no more the math never messed for me unless it was like my best friend or like my sis

like somebody who I fuck with you know that's my man y'all was doing some affair behind my back like I'ma beat you on the point like you was my girl you was my sis

you know what I'm saying like something like that we do not condone fighting here if you gonna fight fight your best friend cause she fucking your man yeah

something like that I would fight a girl over cause it's like I'm fighting you cause you betrayed me bitch but like some girl who is fucking like girl come on

you wanna he's the problem cause if I fight you I'm gonna have to fight the next girl and the next girl is never ending cause he's the problem

Right, the man. He's the one who said that he loved me. He's the one who, you know what I'm saying? I'm fighting him. Okay, so she called your phone. Girl called my phone. On Father's Day? Or the day before?

This was Father's Day weekend. Okay. I was just like, okay. So not Father's Day. No, not Father's Day. I fought him on Father's Day. Oh, okay. So you took the whole weekend.

Yeah, the whole weekend to really digest. Really put this process out. She called your phone. You gotta talk to the girl. Yeah. You gotta pray on it. What pissed me off is screenshots. She was showing me screenshots of me and his conversation.

She was like, oh yeah, he said you was crazy. it was so many screenshots of us arguing but he never he would like delete shit that he said so it's just me going off like

yeah nigga suck my dick and he's just like he looked like you know the Sunday school teacher in the conversation and I'm just a wild bitch

just wilding when did this happen what year was this this is my 20s this is like when I fought him can I stop can I stop fighting

like 2023 was like when I stopped fighting okay wait hold on 2023 is when no no no when I was 23 I was like

2023 was like so recent so recent yeah no when I was 23 I stopped I've been chilling since then so like around that time

now I'm 33 so like 10 years ago it's a minute but okay throwback Thursday yes so you get the text you see the screenshots

you speak to him yes I'm like oh what you doing he's like oh I'm about to come back I'm gonna come back to Jersey to take my father I'm like alright

where in Jersey he lived in Jersey yeah but he was like he had went away and then he was coming back to Jersey to take his father out on that Sunday

okay I'm like when you are you going to oh okay where y'all going oh that's a nice restaurant oh that's not

oh you're going to like that oh that's nice that's nice you talking if he didn't realize what was about to happen

just hearing you speak I'm like oh she's on a mission what time is the reservation oh okay and I'm like

she didn't tell him that we was I don't know I don't know if she didn't tell him or what but she was also like oh if you

if you're trying to see me I'm like shorty I don't want to see nothing about you yeah I've seen enough I've seen these screenshots

that's what I that's all I need to see I don't need to see you I've seen enough yeah so that was and that set me off but

but yeah that was the last time and then I you know and I told you in Jamaica I showed you where I fought a couple bitches in Jamaica but that was it there's

there's coordinates in Jamaica where you where you had commissions multiple parks I was trouble home like I fought a bitch over there fought a bitch over there

and I was like this tour is crazy no wait are you from Jamaica yes girl okay you were born in Jamaica you couldn't

You couldn't tell by the story she just told you Jamaican? I was like, you know what? That's weak Jamaican nonsense. So my mother took me out there when I was just a few months old.

And then I came back like when I was four to New York State. But I was always back and forth. Always back and forth. I have dual citizenship. I have a Jamaican license. Let's go.

Jamaican bank account. You're going to need that. Jamaican bank account. You're going to need that. What's going on here right now? Girl, I'm set. So we can go to... You already know

how my life is set up. Yum, rock. I can come with you. Yes, girl. We had a time. Fantastic time. We had a time. But that's how I always tell people,

when you go to someone's country, go with someone. That's how you really get to, yeah. Well, that's the best way, I think, to travel is to either go with somebody who's from there or you hang out with people who live there. Yeah, like when you get there, you meet people that you feel like you trust

and you can leave the resort. Because Amina went to Jamaica three times and she told me, she's like, I feel like this was my first time in Jamaica. And she went to Jamaica, this was her fourth time. Because you can't go by the TripAdvisor. No.

You can't go by where the white people tell you to go. I took them to the Hood Nigga Beach and they loved it. Oh, yeah. They were telling us because we were at an all-inclusive. They were like, actually don't leave the premises like that. What country were you in? Oh, Montego Bay. Oh, you was on Montego Bay.

Oh, okay. See, I don't know Mo' Bay. I don't like that city really. Wait, please explain. To me, it's overly expensive. It's really Americanized. it's just like it was

I mean I didn't put my card out but yeah it was I said charge it but they be having a lot of rich niggas over there so

but I like to go to Kingston I like the rich niggas in Kingston Kingston was a nice Kingston was a vibe we had a good time in Kingston

but Eva you know all your fighting mess and your father's day mess wait did you finish the story so you get to the brunch

you say I'm with the Richardson party and then you see him in his good navy blue eat the soup and you go up

to the table and go up to him and I smacked him up and then he took me outside and then that's when I punched him in his jaw and that's when I got the scar back

and then the police then the manager the father was like what the hell what in the hell the manager was like I'm calling the police and I left

and I went to my homegirl house and she cleaned my hands so you didn't order any food though cause it's like after you you know work up a sweat

you know fighting and whatnot you gonna need you know some eggs some eggs to go I should have gotten some food. I should have gotten some food. That was Mess Junior.

But what's the professional mess? Now, what do you hear? Yes, girl. First of all, I was late to this shit. I was running late to this shit because of work. I work in foster care, and I had an emergency with a nine-month-old baby boy. But what is the question that you're answering today? Blank is mess.

What's mess? Working. Yeah. Working while you're chasing a dream. Yeah. Working period is mess. Working is messy. Yeah.

But, like, when you're trying to juggle, like, a career, because, like, this is my job. Like, a job and then a career is a lot. What's the differences? Like, for me, my job is just to pay my bills until my career takes off. so like I'm I work in force of care but I'm not it's not my passion

like I care about it you know I do like my job make sure it's done correctly so the children have some type of chance but 5 o'clock at 5 o'clock

I don't give a fuck no more you said fuck them kids I clock out and I don't want to hear about nobody kids I don't care it's jokes after this point

but you know and I understand you there but that's what I feel like the overall energy everywhere I go where people are working they don't care or they're just there

to collect and it's like baby we need somebody who gives a damn here I give a damn but it's like somebody has to I don't care to the point

where I'm going to do overtime like if they ask me for overtime I'm saying no versus comedy I care about comedy 24-7 yeah I'm at work writing jokes I wrote a joke today

that was I need to work out like oh if AI was to take over foster care how would that look where'd you land on that I would

I would that yeah I'm like robot foster mother I'm like I don't know I'm just like brainstorming some ideas i'm gonna have to smoke a split if i'm really getting to that but yeah i love the creative process but yeah but like i'll work i'll work on comedy during foster care hours but i'm not doing foster care hour shit during um comedy i'm not you know i'm

saying so like yeah that's the difference and also you have like a job job a job job you have to show up yeah like clearly in any field you can kind of half-ass it but there's certain jobs that you can't do that like can you half-ass it as a pilot no pilot police officers even though they they have all the time they really shouldn't it's in the it's in the it's you have the right to remain silent i'm about to go on break yeah anything you say can it will be used against you we about to get some donuts like yeah they yes i mean the woman who was set on fire the police was already in the in the really yes they were walking they were walking by they were walking they knew

it's crazy the videos have been it's a video I didn't need to watch I didn't no I didn't there's certain things that I can't see I just can't see that one

I mean I think as a surgeon you shouldn't half ass but I don't know I've seen enough like doctor shows I've seen enough BBL that they was half assing

that ass yeah but some they half ass that ass they half ass that ass honey well you know sometimes only people have enough money for half the ass

some people get BBLs some people not pay a full price for the ass some people get BBLs like a motel a holiday oh my god hey baby

your body is not a t-shirt it shouldn't be on sale like you gotta pay for a price you have to research I know this

cause I got like I gotta hook up with my boobs and like you know they're they're cool

but like I could they're fine you know they're nothing to be like I'm raving about but like

at the time they did what they needed to do cause I was waitressing but yeah I didn't pay all the way

I paid Klarna Yeah No no no Don't do that I didn't have Klarna My tits I you know

I paid You know A little bit of payment there And then I had to back Come back Drop some more off And then And then I didn't like that job

So then I Came back The next year And I said you know what I'm going to pay it all up front So maybe y'all do a better job And they did Good

So rank your boobs The first time you got them done From one to ten I'm going to say seven Okay Yeah Seven is good No well because

The thing is It's like You spending all this money Yeah But then like I'm still doing the shit That I was doing When I had like

Double A titties Like no No no no If we gonna do it Like It needs to be Kind of life changing I need life changing

Tatas Just a bit My sister was an A cup And then she got pregnant Twice And them titties came Them titties are tiddy now Really

Yeah Hey That's a lot I'm not Yeah kid Yeah, like you have to For tits, no Did she breastfeed?

Yeah, both of them Mm-hmm Yeah Not worth it Tits for kids Not worth it Kids for tits Not worth it

For tits Yeah So, and then rank them After you got them done The second time I'm gonna say Eight and a half Okay, that's good

Eight and a half Nine But the thing is It's just like With plastic surgery You're never gonna be Satisfied You're gonna be happy

For a little bit And then you're gonna Really start nitpicking And then you're going to be like, but wait, it's not symmetrical. And then you look in and you're like, well, did he have something good to work with? Because sometimes it's just a mirror of what your chest was already given. So if he was lopsided, he's not really, if your nipples is weird, you had weird nipples to begin with. So now you mad, you just got larger, weirder nipples.

Yeah, but when you get your boobs done, do they take the nipples off? No, ma'am. No, some, they do a little incision. And so it looked like a little door. Like, it's flat. And then they put it in the... And then they push it in because it's, you know...

So my mother, for cancer patients, they had to take... My mother had to get her nipples removed because cancer... Well, why'd you bring it down? Oh, no, no, no. Why'd you bring it down, Eva?

We're not talking about cancer, Titties. That's different. We are talking about care. No, we're not even talking about care. We're talking about fluid out, Titties, and here you go bringing around... Mastectomy. The serious Titties, girl.

You did, yeah. I'm gonna leave my mother's serious Titties out of it. Why would you bring me up with all these serious titties since it is? That's messed. Girl.

That was messed. Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. No, but I'm waiting until after my kids to get my titties done. I don't want to get them done and then they suck them dry

and I got to get them done again. Why not? Do the kids really suck them dry? My kids going to be greedy, bitch. How you, you already, my kids going to be greedy, bitch. Because the milk

going to have curry in it? No, because I'm, yes, I'm, I love to eat. Oh. So I know. The kids going to be greedy? Ooh,

We're going to have some dense babies. Some heavy babies. I already know what time they are. I know the listeners are like, what's it working with right now? No, they're not. I mean, I guess we do. Hey, hey, not that kind of pop,

but also... I got toothpaste all over my t-shirt. I mean, I... Toothpaste. Girl, I was brushing when I was coming here. I was brushing. Wait, so, Eva, how long have you been working?

Like, how many... How long have, like... The foster care job? No, no, no. In general, yeah. Shit. I got my first job at Dunkin' Donuts when I was 14.

14? Yes, girl. I didn't even know had 14-year-olds there. I thought Working Papers was 16. Oh, no. Is it 16?

Yeah. Well, in New York State. Yeah. The movie was 16 then. No, I had a job at 14. I was like, oh, my stepfather, he had a paving company,

a driveway company, and I used to do like little clerical, like his appointment book, and like, oh, you have a two o'clock estimate. That's what I was doing at 14. And then 16,

I went to Dunkin' Donuts. That was short-lived, and I went to the Walgreens. Wow. Okay, so a couple customer service things. From Dunkin's to Walgreens to then what? And then after Walgreens, girl, I had so many jobs.

Because I went to the Walgreens in Hollis, Queens. That was a nightmare. Damn, sis. A nightmare. Any, like, Walgreens tea? Girl. First of all, all right, so this is the Hollis in Hollis. I mean, the Walgreens in Hollis.

And the manager at the time was, like, really into me, and I was not into him. And he, like. At 16? Yes. Nasty. nasty Walgreens you stand beside that

yeah I'm sure you know what that Walgreens in the photo section well this episode is sponsored by Walgreens right now

so no because Walgreens wasn't 16 though because Walgreens I had no it was Dunkin Donuts so maybe I was like 17, 18

at that time oh I see you shifted it I'm trying to think because girl I don't remember the timelines really because 14

no 14 was my stepfather's you owned some Walgreens stock that's why you shifted it and then 16 Sydney what was your first job Because let me see, 16, when did the working papers go out? People really remember their whole life, like, back to back.

Like, I had to really, like, look. The first job I ever had, I worked as a camp counselor at the YMCA. Oh, that's a job job. That's for real. In the summertime with the three and four-year-olds. I almost drowned at that job. Oh, my God. And the kids laughed at me the whole time.

We're so glad you're here with us. That's crazy. Yeah. And then my next camp counselor job. See, I remember, like, every age, like, what the hell was going on? No. I'm like, I could, like, ballpark. I know that's first.

Okay. And then I don't, you know. My first job was babysitting. I babysat my neighbor's son. And my neighbor worked for Rock Nation. Okay. Jay-Z. So did you show up to his house freestyling?

I would see Dane Dash. I saw Emile a couple of times. Wow. And, you know, because allegedly they were dating. But he was mad cool because he would, like, leave the cash. He's like, I'm going to order Papa John's for you. Wait, you were watching Dame Dash's kids? No, no, no, no, no, no.

The guy, my neighbor, worked for Rockefeller and was friends with Dame Dash. So I would work for, I would like watch him. And it was so easy because, you know, after we eat Papa John's, he ready to go to sleep. And I'm like, pfft, easy. And you know, I'm sleepy too. So I was like, can I go to sleep?

So I don't know if I was really watching. I think I got paid to just make sure he was breathing. Yeah. And then the next job I worked at like some after school stunt where it was for like kids in the neighborhood. Yeah. So like like Head Start. Something like that. Something like that. Boys and girls. I think something like that. But, you know, the thing about working at a young age, I think you learn discipline. But then you get tired quickly Cause you're like I've been working since

Forever son 16 years old Dealing with You know people Be like you gotta be on time You gotta care Blah blah blah Why am I not rich yet?

Yes Starting at 16 That's a good question And then That's why every time They talk about Social security going away I be like

Well I've been putting in Since this Forever son So I don't know At least run me my coins That's it I'll take it all at one time But yeah

So I was definitely like 17 or 18 around that time you still think about this age I'm trying to get the timeline right my life is like a blur

you need to be blurring it's just like what was the what was the like pivotal job that you were like this is too messy I have to get out

when I worked at you know those homes for like adults I don't no we don't sorry when you said

homes I'm like you know those homes no what was the Epilepsy Foundation of Long Island girl what

Eva, I'm trying to figure out what's the theme. All over the place. What's the theme? I had so many jobs. Foster care, homeless shelter. Like, why do you work in these serious jobs?

Yes. Because you feel unserious. I'm very unserious. But I usually know somebody who worked there. Oh, okay. Okay. So, like, my cousin worked

at the Epilepsy Foundation of Long Island. I'm like, oh, give me a job. She got me a job. I don't take anything. Epilepsy Foundation, you guys can't turn the lights on or off?

Yeah, so it was a home. We're not laughing at epilepsy. No, we're not. It's just you. I'm just laughing with you, friend. I'm confused. Like, what? Huh?

So, it's like, these families, they can't, like, they need 24-hour care for their kids, and they can't manage it. So, there's, like, a home. There's a nursing home for, like, the adults who have it. So, they're, like, grown-ass people, but with the mind of, like, they're, like, severely delayed. They have epilepsy, so they have seizures and stuff like that. So, I was at that house.

So, what did you do there? I was like a day I take them out to like you ever go into a restaurant you see like a group of remember back in the day you used to see like a group of special needs adults

like out and about like at the mall yeah I occasionally see it yeah so that I was one of those people who took them out you

yes girl you with the lashes with the body with the nails what do you wear when you are like taking care I used to have my nigga

pull up and I'm like y'all my red lipstick what are you with the table with all the niggas and helmets so how you miss me stop it

Eva So you used to have people show up That don't have epilepsy And they would eat red lobster with y'all That's messy That's very much me Worth it And what was you wearing

I just feel like you don't go with That job Did you tone it down Not really at the homeless shelter I tone it down Because we have to have a uniform If you wore Fashion Nova with the cutouts With the cutouts and the lashes What if you came in

With a fur and Gucci No no I still can't afford No more from Gucci Not yet You had a school You're like What you're poor

Yes Sydney I'm poor But come to Beverly It's gonna come to an end You've been working Since you was 14 You should be rich by now I should have Gucci by now It's okay

We don't have to get Gucci What's the What's the worst thing About having a job Can we talk about this What's the worst thing The worst thing About having a job

Is that when I have Shit going on And it's like I gotta work And vacation days I hate vacation It's like I don't wanna have to

like how many vacation days I have left okay I could use five of them to go here but I don't want I don't like that how many vacation days does a job have

well my foster care job we accumulate so I have three and I used one for Jamaica so now I have two left you have three vacation days for the whole year no I'm sorry weeks

oh I use one week for Jamaica three days for the whole year yeah just three weeks that's crazy my whole year is a vacation

yeah you feel me that's wild I miss those days what about teachers teachers get the summers off they don't get paid for the summer

they don't get paid really for the year yeah exactly were you a teacher no hell no okay how you say hell no but you did the epilepsy

you literally you've done everything you've done everything oh I used to be a babysitter too care.com no I was word of mouth but

sure care.com shout out to care.com Cindy was mouth.com that sounds crazy okay wait no that sounds like I'm using my mouth

did you ever have a father try to fuck you what oh okay um no i wasn't that type of girly that like yeah no i i like i i'm cute now but when i like coming up people were looking at me and they were like oh yeah like they liked my inner i was called nice a lot oh a ton which is triggering right now because I'm like I don't want to hear nice she's so nice she's so sweet

she's nice they're looking all around like they don't want to look you directly in the eyes like yeah she she's so nice she's so nice yeah nice is

nice is can be an insult it can be I don't want to hear it oh you're a nice guy no no no you ever ask your friends

to see a picture of somebody that they're talking to oh my god or to describe them and they be like well I mean he's nice

yeah I don't want it Cause it's like Get some more Descriptive words Yeah I think you can do it Yeah

Get a thesaurus If you need to He's right He's sweet He's friendly Like how would I describe The guy I'm talking to now I would say like

He feels like Like a Feels I don't wanna It's given poetry What you about to get us with I wanna say like He feels safe

And I don't mean that In a bad word But like Cause safe can be like No I know what you mean I feel like I don't have to pretend with him Like

I feel like Very confident around him Like a safe space type shit It feels like It feels like a nice Warm hug Like home type shit Home?

You found home? I feel like You found home? He feels homey This is a mess exclusive right now He feels a little homey Eva is in a situation That feels like home

Oh And you've worked In a homeless shelter Before You see how the circle Do you see it goes Around Yeah man

It feels nice and cozy Okay I like this Don't say nothing His friends might I know Repeat it If they're listening

I know She getting a lot of hugs take kisses on her forehead and we appreciate that does he give you forehead kisses he does he likes you

he does we're happy for you I'm happy too girl okay I think sorry I was just gonna say I think that

every job I've ever had with the exception of like recent ones now every job I've ever had I've been fired from girl well bartending I was fired from a lot

I was fired from bartending too because OD OD because I tried a customer was like yelling at me and I tried to jump across the bar to hit him.

Well, I'm going to get fired because it's like I'm not coming in. I have a show tonight. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They hate when you put you first. They're like, oh, you need to cover your shift. I can't do that. But it came up last minute. I don't know what you want me to tell you. Oh, Sydney, remember when I

had that job bartending in Crown Heights and I kept taking weekends off to do stuff? Wait, was it Dean Street? No. No, no, no, no. It was, oh damn, I don't remember the name of the place now, but it was, I got fired. Well, I got fired from that too because I left with all the money in the register. Oh my God!

Girl, you might be arrested. I thought it back, but I was like, oh my God, I made so much money today. And they were like, where is the cash? And I was like, oh, snap. Gotta come back. So I did get fired from that job. And now, I live up the street from that, around the corner

from that, and every time I pass it, I'm like, that's why it's closed. But isn't that place there? It's shut down. It's closed. It's shut down. God's favorite over here. But no We went to the VMAs I took off for that

I had a birthday party I took off for that And then the next time I showed up There was another bartender Behind the bar And I was like What's happening here?

I said I don't know What he was training today And they said no You don't work here anymore That's how I break up with a nigga I don't even tell them We've broken up They just show up to my house

And there's a new nigga Opening the door And I'm like What's happening here? Wait that is mad Hold on You said there's no crossover You said

yeah I'm not fucking with you no more you just moved on but I think that's mess about jobs that they'll make you train somebody that's about to take your place

it's so manipulative I should do that though I'm like show him how to eat my pussy I do like that I do like that we should train them okay yeah

but I do feel like it's like I know I'm about to get fired and now you got me training this girl you know I'm gonna train her bad right like I'm gonna tell her

oh yeah yeah yeah just skim a little bit off the top yeah you don't need to put everything in yeah dishwater you don't need to just rinse the glass yeah the liquor will kill the germs tell the customers this is not really gray goose just let them know yeah just be honest they like that when you're transparent yeah but that would that would happen that would happen a lot like working at bars they'll just make sure you'll see somebody who you're like that person kind of looked like me if i was white what's up like

what's going on she got bangs she's wearing the same steve mann shoes i don't trust it and they'll be like no no no like if i was white white white sydney washington i know you i see you out there i don't know what white marie would look like white eva sounds crazy white eva sounds weaver sounds wild weaver sounds wild weaver now we're not black eva sounds wild yeah jamaican eva's od i love jamaican d yeah russian eva russian eva russian weaver is sound is a terrorist she's terrorized communities I'm screaming she's from

she's from oh was there any job that like you had like was like some good times you had with co-workers and then bad times

you had with co-workers because I feel like that's mess like meshing like becoming friends with co-workers yeah like real friends

so my first job out of college I was at Showtime for three years I made some good friends Showtime wait what the channel

yeah I was an advertising coordinator for three years out of college that was I made some good friends that yeah I was invited to their

weddings and shit like that oh and that was good now when you go to a co-worker's wedding are we getting drunk yeah yeah we off the clock

yeah we definitely off the clock now if the boss is there it depends like are there supervisors and stuff there or is it just our level if it's just our level

I'm getting lit it's your level and then one above how about that I'm uncomfortable with the one above seeing me like that oh

no but wait no no no see this is where that line is because if we're at a wedding this don't have nothing to do with the job it's just people

who I work with just so happen so if I happen to get lit bust my ass and act a fool this was not on grounds with the job right

but if we had a if we had a holiday party that's now that you can't I have one drink and that's it oh or no two max

two max okay no three three no three's O.Z. three's O.Z. I'm gonna start feeling lusty if I hear bite that ass up

wait what you drinking at a holiday party tequila tequila No, you don't want your job. You got to drink white wine. White wine is simple. A middle-aged white woman?

You keep it cute. You weave a network. You have to keep it cute. You have to have a sancerre and sit down. That's so funny. No, I get it. I mean, yeah, I would drink like a margarita or something. But yeah, or whatever the like holiday cocktail is at the bar.

I'll do that. The co-worker that's like, let's take shots. They actually want something crazy to happen. That's the opposite. They are your office. Yeah, I can see that. Once they hand you that dark liquor, they don't really like you. Henny, I don't do Henny.

I don't think you should be drinking shots at a work function. Yeah, that's a little crazy. That's crazy. They do it. They do it. You get a cocktail, you sip it. Yeah. You hear that on mess?

I see you doing shots at the bar with your supervisor. You must not want your job that bad. At the bar with your boss? No, it's because you have a cocktail party. Your boss will make you do shots. Oh. Well, then the boss sounds kind of lit. Yeah.

Okay, but if your boss is making you drink, you take the shot, spill it out. Don't drink it. Hold it over your shoulder. You put it in another cup, you pass it to someone, don't do it. You take a sip, you ask for an ice cube, you put it in a big cup. I remember we had like a, we would do like monthly or like every quarter, like meeting with everybody at the job. And then we'd go to a bar and we'll have drinks. I got so messed up with my manager.

I mean, we we was doing pickleback shot. Oh, I imagine it was definitely white. Yeah, girl. Soon as she said, yeah, it's old Z white. He was he was mixed or whatever. But we we know he had a white mom. He was mixed with pickles and white mother, right? We get cold at the James Hotel and me and him, we stumble out or whatever.

And people knew that we was like, man, we stumble out. We go to McDonald's Order like $60 worth of McDonald's Sidney, please tell us What is $60 worth of McDonald's? $60 worth of McDonald's sounds crazy We get in quarter pounders with cheese We get in nuggets

We get in Oh, you know I filet a fish I'm always going to do it What you order? Fish filet I'm getting that Fish filet But how do we hit the $60?

Burn Fries, all of that It must have been the Times Square McDonald's Because I feel like they a little No, this was in And this was on Canal Street. This was on Canal Street. That McDonald's is still there.

This is where it got messy when it was time to close out and pay. I'm like, you the man. Absolutely. He said, but we're not at work.

So what does that mean? Is he left his penis at work? He left his penis at work. I don't understand that. We're not at work. You left the penis at the job? Yeah. I don't understand men who like,

Because even my gay friends, my gay male friends, I never reach for my wallet with them. And they're not trying to fuck me. So I don't understand a man who is like, if a straight man is like, well, we're splitting. Like, are you kidding me? But also, like, what are we talking about? Are we splitting? It sounds like he didn't want to pay at all. Word.

He was looking around, like, because we were drunk and I was just like. Oh, he wanted to be on you? Yeah, I was like, wait, no, no. We both walked to the McDonald's. And he made more bread than you? Is this your boss? You're the boss. My boss, yeah.

This a white pickleback boss? I think what it was, he's like, I know you're not. you're not ringing in everything. You're taking some stuff off the top. Like, use that money for good

and pay for all of our McDonald's. If you're not paying for everything, that means he trained somebody to also not pay for everything. Like,

ringing in. So, that means he's not ringing in. Right. So, where's his extra coin? Right. You guys were asking

so many good questions that I wish, I wish, I wish I were there when it was happening because I definitely swiped my card. Oh,

no. I would have stopped it. I would have cock-blocked Or I would have been like Let's just pay for our own food I'm not paying for all of this Even the girl at the register Was looking like

She shook her head I can't believe this went down It was almost like I did an invisible rock, paper, scissors and lost Yeah, that's wild Well, bro, you was playing with yourself As I often do As I often do And did and will

do you ever like have issues with have you ever had an issue with a co-worker outside of work and then brought it to work well that's a good question well my foster care job it was a girl who was working with me

I didn't think this was going to go to this job it was one girl she was on the queen side but she was always in Brooklyn's business this is my side of Atlantic Avenue my side of London mind your business yeah like she would just pop up in zoom meetings i'm like how did you get the link like weirdo and we're on the same level i'm like you're not a supervisor to come watch me like

what are you doing so in real life i really didn't want to smack the shit out of her i'm like you know what but a real life problem what job sorry why are you trying to think of this what job were you working during the pandemic because i know there was some zoom drama shipped what's shipped what um the food delivery for target oh oh shipped yeah i don't know i'm saying it i'm saying it but i don't know what it is yeah no no idea i didn't even know delivery for target yeah girl that show was bumping during the pandemic no one wanted to leave the house well yeah so you were so you were stacking coin i was stacking coin i bought a nice little um a nissan um you bought a car you bought a car with shipped is shipped still available yeah it's still no it's still around

but it's not it's not in the same demand it's not people going to source themselves now that ship has sales has sales for sure

people still do it but I was I bought a nice little in the car for nine grand you made that much money from ships yeah girl cause it was at the peak

when no one was leaving their house everyone was scared I'm like I'll go get your eggs what up well let's bring it back let's like

close your eyes and envision you know lockdown they were letting people in a few customers at a time And you had to wait on line outside the store, six feet away from somebody.

I remember that. And that's when I was making queen. Yeah. Because everyone was scared. I do miss a little panda roast stuff. Yeah. Just a bit. When I used to drop off the groceries, I used to, like, instill more of it.

I'm like, oh, it's crazy in there. You used to get that. I'm like, oh, there's germs all over this. All over the store. Stay inside. Order some more shit. Wipe the food down. Yeah.

Did you have a mask on and gloves and stuff? Okay. All of that. Yeah, I remember I used to get groceries and I would wipe my stuff down with. Yeah. before I put it in my fridge. And now I just throw this shit in there.

I lick the milk before I put it in. It's good that you were showing up as like because when women do things you just feel like it's done right.

They're doing right. They're getting the right items. They're reading. It's like anytime there's a guy getting like Instacart I'm like

we have to cancel. Cancel this. Oh, Edward is looking for no, he's not. He's not looking. He's never looking. Girl, they be like he's never grabbing.

They be like you asked for lettuce I didn't find any lettuce you didn't find no lettuce there's no lettuce there's no lettuce I gave you parsley instead

huh yeah what the substitute is wild the substitute is really wild and I always I used to call before I picked up the substitute

you call it a ruggula instead never got a phone call the men be like I would call they don't call they just throw it under his shit I read I read like the reddit

or the twitter threads of people complaining cause anytime they get a mail instacart person the women be upset. Upset. Because it would be like, I asked for maxi pads,

he bought me Pampers. Yeah. Yeah. And then people in the comments were like, was he that far off? Okay. Yes.

Yes, he was. This is not Huggies. I cannot fit a Huggies. I haven't been able to fit Huggies when I was a baby. I was a fat baby. Oh, you had a big butt

as a baby? No, I was just a chunky little monkey. A chunky little monkey. I was a hefty baby too, actually. Were you breastfed? Yes, but I was born

like nine pounds or something like that. Oh, wow. I was my mother's biggest baby. Were you the last one? I'm the middle. Oh, girl,

you would have scarred me. I don't know how your last something got here because I would have been done after you. Girl, look at me. I still weigh nine pounds. Nine pounds is O.D.

to push out though. Girl. I'm trying to remember. I was like, I don't think I was. I'm trying to remember. No, no. No, I.

I can't remember what job I had at 14. You did show Kimmy with the fuck. How much you weighed. No, what happened was I was My mom went into labor early

She had me early And I was sick When I came out They had to give me They had to do a surgery Because I was eating The placenta Come on Greedy

Right No that's not I should have known I was a lesbian then Okay Eating my mother out In the womb That's hysterical

You said that on stage No Eating my mother out Is crazy It's funny though I love I love That makes you like

Oh god No that was bad But yeah and so then they had to do a crazy surgery shave all my hair off oh no

they had like how much hair do babies have? oh I came out with some oh okay yeah probably more than I have now they shaved it off that's so funny

and then and then my sister would make crazy jokes she was like if a lizard and Grace Jones had a baby that's what you looked like

it was bad if a lizard and Grace Jones had a baby that is wild okay so dark skinned scaly baby yeah okay that's so crazy can you believe it oh my god do you see it i was six pounds and some change okay very tumular okay ozempics

so funny yeah i feel like maybe that's the hardest job being a mother like oh my god you can never not be a mother be a mom you can't be like i'm going to the store to get cigarettes and not come yeah i mean well some of them do that's why i have a job now some of them do that's why i was busy today yeah i i think that like what and the thing is is that mothers they can't get any like they can't like clock out or like do taxes for just motherhood never like and they what they're literally doing is they're taking care of a human being

24-7. And even when they, when the kids leave the home, you're still thinking and caring. Oh, my mother. And making sure

they're all right. She calls me 20 times a day to check up on me and make sure I'm okay. Really? Yeah. You're close with your mom like that?

Oldie. I can't relate. That's my girl. That's my girl. Oh, Sydney. I mean, she's dead. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. But y'all had a good

relationship before that or not? Oh, no. Yeah, so she was dead already for me. I was like, my father, he's dead. it did not faze me at all

you said may he rest in peace I didn't even say that you were like I don't know if I really want that peace for him when they call me they're like oh your father I'm like oh that's crazy

that's what I said oh that's wild that's how you know someone's not paying attention when they say that's crazy anyway in New York that's how that's how you

oh that's wild I'm not listening I stopped listening already word on wait so you said being a mom is the hardest job do you want kids

I do no I do No. I do, girl. You do? I want to push out, too. You want to push him out?

So no drugs, no cut the ass open? I'm going to have some drugs. Okay, so push him, but no C-section. No, no, no, no, no. We're not a C-section family. We don't do that. We're not a C-section family. I've not heard that one before.

How are you not a C-section family? Because vaginal birth, that shit, C-section, should that be hereditary a lot? Excuse me? Let me look at it. That's what I heard. is that what we're putting out here right there let me look at it so if you have a c-section baby then what's what happens the baby gotta also have a yeah let's see hold on i feel like it's like a likelihood let me not you google in this i don't know i don't know i'm not gonna i'm gonna hold

your hand when when i say this let me see let me see what if i do it in the bathtub am i also now a bathtub a water birth baby it's hereditary you gotta be in the water you a water baby my mother had me wet okay so it says it's not hereditary but it says there's a 45 increased risk of having a cesarean section 45 is not even really half that's not yeah

so I may have gassed it Eva I may have gassed it Eva that's crazy but wait what's wrong with a little c-section

what's wrong with it yeah what's wrong with it I don't know I just I feel like the well I don't want to say natural because well it is natural

natural vaginal birth is just my preferred method but what's wrong with c-section well it's like a whole see I'm trying to get the mask what's the problem c-section is major surgery

first off So any surgery is risky. Yeah, but you can have vaginal birth and rip your cooch open. And now you got to get surgery. But that's also surgery. And your rectum too. No, they sew that up. That's not surgery.

They sew up. So you said the baby might rip you to the butt. Yeah. Yeah, but it happens. They sew that up. It's a ruder to the tutor. Well, I've seen some of the stitch work on people's clothes. So I don't know if they're doing it right.

I feel like the whole. Right. I also feel like the stomach is harder to get down when it's a C-section. It stays up? What does that mean? Oh, you mean like to get flat? Yeah, like the snapback's a little harder with the C-section versus the vaginal birth. Oh, okay.

Damn. I don't know if I was a C-section or a vaginal birth. Let me call my mom. Yeah, ask her. I'm going to ask her. Were you natural? Oh, yeah. Sid?

It's in our family. Yeah, we are a vaginal birth family over here. Yeah, I came out. Vaginally? Yeah, vaginally. But then, like, I was really sick because of, you know. The vagina? Yeah.

No. The vagina made you sick and it cured you. I was eating the placenta and the vagina. No, that's not funny. We have to stop. Cut it. Cut it out. Cut it out.

You're so gay. No, you can keep it in, but also cut it out. What do you think is the best job in the world? I love being a comic. I'm not going to hold you. I love this shit. That's the best job, you think? I love this shit.

It comes with a lot of bullshit, especially as a woman. But it seems like you're very passionate about it. I'm so passionate about it. I'm obsessed with this shit. Damn, is this how I should feel about comedy, Sydney? I mean, ooh. No, no, no. I feel like the overall existence of it, you do feel that way.

I don't think I'm obsessed with anything. No? now obsessed yeah girl like if I go a week without getting on stage like I do feel like increased anxiety

like I need sure I need the stage I don't know I just I need it bro I need it people are like

oh I'm taking a month off I'm like well who's saying that I've heard people say that what I've heard people say that we have friends yeah man

we've been out I took a month or two off I'm like well that must be during the pandemic I could never no bro last week

I saw Jonas and he was like oh I took a month off I'm like During the pandemic, I was like, I don't even think I do comedy no more. No, in the pandemic, I was doing them outside shits. Girl, we was doing those Zoom comedy shows. No, no, no, I could not.

Let me tell you the mess that, first of all, why am I bombing in front of my cats and the plants? I don't like this. I'm bombing at home. I'm shutting my laptop. Yeah. Now I don't live here anymore. I have to actually move out because the chakras, the vibes is off. I can't.

Off. Yeah. Yeah. I came down to Zoom shits. I was doing the parks. I'm glad that you learned. um the linda with dina had um the the park last year i was there parks with them zooming shit i did one i was like yeah i'm good on this i think i did like two and and the first after the first

one i was like oh i'm not gonna do stand-up y'all gonna see me trying on some wigs because i was bald during the pandemic that's smart a word yeah that's smart i think we did like uh somebody had reached out and we did like a zoom gig and it was just like good money and we we didn't do stand-up We were like Had a conversation We did a podcast Did we? No I think we kind of like

We were telling jokes But I guess You know we on Sirius So like we probably Were supposed to do stand up But we were Yeah we did We did The Unofficial Expert

We did Mess Volume 1 So you're obsessed You're obsessed with comedy And so this is not Even a job for you This is just like You'll do it for free

I would do it for free I would do it for free But I'm not doing it for free Yeah okay I would Yeah you're so good at it Why Thank you

I think that's a mess when people want you to show up and do things and not get paid for them why if I'm good at it you obviously want me

right so why wouldn't you want to pay me or I only got this okay then you only got that comic over there yeah because I'm not

well if I'm good enough for you to ask me I'm also good enough for you to pay me absolutely yeah I'm not mad at it but I think that's

with anything I think if you're reaching out and you want to work with somebody you got to have some kind of budget what is this like

you know exposure I never know this is variance my mother always tries like to like you know haggle prices I'm like

I don't do that you don't negotiate your rates oh no no yeah like yeah that but like my mom would be like

oh how much should like you know shovel the snow and they're like oh 75 she's like oh can you do it

for 60 and it's like I don't my mother always has to like oh my mom is queen of that I don't do that

because I don't like when people do it to me even in Chipotle I'm like oh let me get some more chicken I'm like

just pay for the double i'm not like yeah i'm not doing i'm not doing that let me get i don't do it my i wish i was doing that caribbean way yeah my mother will listen mama i remember my mom was trying to buy a car she's trying to get a new van a brand new minivan and she was like um like my mom doesn't like she don't really believe in credit cards so she showed up with a like an envelope full of cash not even an envelope it was like a printing paper folded in thirds wad of money and

they were like my mom was like how much for that car and they were like it costs this much and she was like well what if I pay cash and they were like

we could take a little bit off and she'd be like but gosh like my mom just kept saying gosh and they were like I mean we could take a little bit off

and then she now she gotta unroll it for them to see how much she got all of this cash on her and yeah my mom will haggle for anything

groceries it don't matter if it's $4 my mom's like how about $3.50 yeah my mom's like Give me the $4, I'm done. It stresses me out.

My mom is cutting it in half and then working her way a little bit up. So your mother starting at $3.50 is crazy. My mom is like, $2. I mean, people would do that at the club all the time.

They're like, yeah, yeah. All people would be like, haggling for bottles. Yes, yes, because they're like, oh, well, because they already hit they men. They already have like a 2,000 men or whatever.

And then they're like, yo, I got like $400 in cash. What if I give you that and you just give me Like a bottle Like it don't even have to be The expensive bottle I just

I just need more liquor On the table And I'm not paying $700 Well what can you get At the club For $400 Nothing

Is there a bottle Not even pom pom Not even pom pom Not even pom pom Stop it I'm not even thinking about that Not even pom pom Somebody

You can't even get pom pom For $400 Somebody's giving In the club In the club We're all broke Yeah We're all broke

but I mean the thing is is that it's like when you get people nice you you friendly you chatting them up you're like we all cool you know they might have given you some cocaine it's like hey what can I get out of this because I think that that's also messed it's like when people are using their relationships to get what they want you know and like hey if I want more liquor we cool and I got this cash and I'm sure you want it you don't have to pay that nobody else you you know just just your hunt but is that mess i believe the whites call that networking oh is that what it's called networking networking right networking networking is mess uh yes yes i'm gonna say networking is mess it can be because it's under the guise of like oh this is

this is how you do it this is how you get to the next level when it's like actually i could just be doing what i was doing and i was going to get that way anywhere i feel like networking can be messy because like people like who who are you like you know i'm saying it's like are you even worth me speaking especially in la oh are you worth me acknowledging your existence people in la i went to a party once when i was out there and everyone that you talked to head was on a swivel because they're looking for somebody more important than you yeah and it's like beach i'm the most important person in here they're like who are you again yeah what do you do where do you work me You know, if I'm at a place and we have a genuine conversation, I don't I don't I don't be asking, like, what do you do?

Oh, they love a what do you do in L.A.? What do you do is actually quite hateful now in this climate because it's like we're all trying to figure out what we're doing right now. And they'll ask you, what do you what do you do while you're there at doing what you do? It's like I was I was just on stage, bitch, killing. What do you mean? What do I do? Or the the the other question, what are you working on? yes what are you working on

I'm working on myself not hitting you right now that's it I'm working on living if you get them on Instagram you get them on Instagram all of a sudden

they're like more friendly now they see that oh you oh you kind of oh you pop you want to live yeah so now you're friendly

it's like you was being cold this whole two minutes I was talking to you girl please that's why you got to treat everybody the same like even

that's why you got to be cold to everybody and even when you see the Instagram and all that oh you got a million followers whatever no no trash

when you see they got a lot of followers But you'd be like, oh, this is what you do, huh? Yeah. Oh, this is all you do? Yeah. Okay, cool. Oh, I guess you don't come outside at all.

At all. At all. You're an influencer? Yeah. Interesting. You miss TikTok or no? Right. TikTok, when they was talking about taking it all in, I'm like, I don't care.

Oh, I kind of wanted TikTok to stay going. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've learned so much on TikTok, but I also waste mad time on TikTok. I don't be on there. I mean. I be on Instagram scrolling. When I fall down a TikTok rabbit hole, you know, it's some stuff on there.

It's everything. Like, people, more people use TikTok, like, to look stuff up than Google. Wow. Or, like, YouTube. I didn't even know you could look stuff up on TikTok. Oh, absolutely. You put it in a search bar. Yeah.

You'd be like, where should I eat in Japan? And then it's, like, how do I get a stain out of my clip? Like, people use TikTok for that. Wow. It's informative. It is informative, but it also is like, did she really just tell all her family secrets in 10 parts? That's wild.

Who did I marry? Who the F? And we need it. And we need it. And we love it. And it's entertainment. But also TikTok is like taking me away from TV sometimes because it's like, oh, I can watch all these little clips instead of like have a sitting and then be like, hmm, that's

not really doing it for me. Yeah. I needed this in like 90 seconds. it's fucking up your attention span yeah it is it is yeah

for me I'll be watching a good movie and I'll scroll through Instagram like oh let me enjoy the movie this is a nice film

let me pay attention when you're watching a movie and you want to enjoy it you scroll through Instagram LOL

no no no sometimes I'll catch myself going through Instagram like let me put this down and pay attention because this is a good ass movie

oh I was at a comedy show the other day and this girl in the audience in the front row was scrolling through TikTok with the volume on

because that's happened to me no I don't think the volume is on I've had bitches do that with a volume on full blast. Y'all have to stop. I'm like, you're just, I'm like, seriously, ma? In the front.

Yeah, in the front. Put your AirPod in like it's a Bluetooth and listen quietly. But my thing is, why did you come out tonight? I just wanted to be with my friend. And you want to show people on Instagram you went to a comedy show. You didn't really enjoy it. You wasn't even there. Well, I feel like that's a lot of what social media is, is people, you want people to see

that you're out and you're doing stuff, but you are having a miserable time. Yeah. And that's what I appreciated about our time in Jamaica. We actually had fun It wasn't just for the gram If I'm not actively Posting in my stories Just know

I'm having a good time I'm posting the stories From the cab From the Uber On the way home I post from my bed In the morning Or you know

The other day we went out I got home at 8am Yeah I woke up at 4.30 In the afternoon Yeah And it was like That's a good night

That's a great night That was a really good night That whole Saturday Was litty for me Saturday Saturday was lit As fuck for me I think we gotta go

Through some messages now DM Yeah, that the listeners have sent us. Oh, yeah, no, our people sent us. Oh, y'all DMs, I am, I am. Do you have mess in your DMs? Girl. If you want to read some mess, we'll take it.

Yeah, if you want to, we'll take it. Absolutely. Oh, you saw one of the messy eyes. Somebody was talking about my titties when I was laying on my back. Oh, yeah. Tell the people, because the people didn't see it. So, I took a picture when I was in Jamaica, like, you know, when you lay down. And then, like, um.

Like this. Yeah. which I hate I hate laying down because then if your boobs are not close together and they kind of look like

you know like pancakes yeah the titties go they go and they do their thing and then they look like you know bowling balls underneath your

bowling balls maybe just me because of my face yeah your boobs look like bowling balls underneath because it spreads

and it goes under I hate it my like titties titties is not like ridiculous but they still weight on it they still got some weight

no but they look like they fit your body oh thank you you know what I'm saying nipple says hello yeah thank you there's some titties

I'm like girl bye get some titties out of here oh my god but I was laying down and the person was like oh yeah titties shrank from the other

from the other picture I'm like yeah because the other picture I was sitting I was standing up so the titties were standing up too was this in your

hidden messages no girl I had screenshot and posted that shit this is somebody that actually you're cool with yeah yeah I was cool with this person

you gotta block them oh no yeah yeah they're done they're done Don't come into my DMs talking crazy. The punch,

I want to just correct myself. When I fought the guy at Father's Day, that was, I was 20. You won't let this go, friend.

21, 22. No, I'm just sitting here like, what is going on? 21, 22 is when I fought him. So not 23, maybe 22. 22, like 21, 22. 21, 22.

Eva, I love it. I'll be trying to get my shit back. Because you know, when you get famous, people pull it up. Oh, you said 23, but at 23,

you was fucking with anybody ever says that I'm like age it doesn't matter to me it's like okay I'm a year or two off fucking relax but you know people

they love digging up shit just know what happens and I'm gonna be famous bitch so I know they're gonna be digging up on me absolutely manifest manifest

when you was with oh bitch I'm ovulating today let me stay six feet away from this nigga let me tell him I'm ovulating you know what now you stay now you're running away

from home that is the title of the pod run away from home Running away from home Girl Okay Let me read this

Letter And then we'll discuss Whether we think it's mess Or not Right? I can't even believe I'm sending this That's the title

Sydney and Marie So happy to have the new pod Back in my feed For the last few years I've been re-listening To old episodes Of the Unofficial Expert So I hope

You still get that ad rev Yeah I think we do I actually don't know We don't Girl you gotta check them on that We don't friend I'm like

i have not received i haven't received a check oh wow okay anyway here's my most embarrassing mess story please don't use my real name i'm looking at the letter i don't see the name on here so okay at my first oh boom this is this works out at my first real office job out of college i developed a crush on a really ugly but somewhat funny co-worker wow the description really Yeah, there were rumors that he was hooking up with another girl at the office, but he always denied it. Eventually, he and I started secretly hanging out, but I couldn't stop wondering if the rumors were true. The other girl and I ended up sharing a room for a work trip together. And when she went to shower, I looked through her text.

Oh, wow. I couldn't find a single thing until I searched for his phone number. She had him saved as Brittany and they were sexting all day, every day. So she had a man. I kept this info to myself And within a few weeks She had a new random boyfriend In hindsight

She most likely was still Sexting Brittany While she was dating the new guy I kept going out with the old guy For a whole year Oh no she wildin Until he ended up cheating on me Good

I couldn't I couldn't even feel that bad Because I felt like I got my karma I am 5'9 and he was so short That when we would do it from behind He would be on his tiptoes Love you both so he was ugly and short and a and a cheater girl you're the problem you are the man no matter what's

wrong with them they always have multiple bitches like sir how is your ugly short ass fucking with bitches like that but that would it but it's all on the women who are dating them yeah those are the they're giving them the battery in their back and the height in their shoes to make them feel like they're tall yeah fine to pull these yeah yeah the women these women are literally the wind beneath their wings yeah she said i developed on a crush on someone she said really ugly but somewhat funny so not even really funny hysterical not somewhat ugly really funny really ugly somewhat funny girl this is your fault yeah that's not good for her you actually are the problem okay yeah electric chair

because the thing is it's so easy to be like he's a bum did you see his underwear dirty But you You're fucking him Yeah but this was also Her first job Out of college So she was 21, 22

You know what Actually Anything that happened Between 19 And 23 Didn't happen Girl I see between 19 And yesterday bitch

It's exposed Between 19 and yesterday Yeah It deletes It deletes It's like If you do something In international waters

It don't count It doesn't count Same with this Yep That's crazy Should I read another one Or should I save it What do you guys think

Yeah Yeah Yeah. Okay. Ex keeps calling from an unknown number. Mm. Mm. Hey, Sydney and Marie.

Long time fan of the pod. My sister and I have been listening since 2019. Shout out to y'all. We love you. This past August, I broke up with my ex, who I had been dating for a year. Throughout the course of our relationship, there were a bunch of issues. Okay, let's talk about the issue. Yeah.

He was super close with his ex. He kept explicit videos and pictures of his ex slash past hookups, and he would complain about having to pay $2.90 to come visit me. After I finally ended things, everything was fine. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was myself again. But around September, so they broke up in August, now he's back in September,

he reached out in an attempt for closure. He sent me paragraphs telling me about how he felt and even sent a Google Doc where he had been writing all his thoughts since the breakup. Not a Google Doc. Unfortunately, I answered his text and this opened a whole can of worms.

From then on He would try and reach out Via text Trying to get closure Around November I finally blocked him Good Then around Christmas

He sent me an email And then a message On WhatsApp Girl An email Wait Is this a business proposition Why are you emailing

Yeah but it's like I blocked you everywhere So now you emailing me Yeah Bruv And then a message On WhatsApp I didn't answer

And I blocked him On everything possible To get him to stop Now he's been trying To reach me by calling From an unknown number and the secondary email address. Girl, you got a stalker.

Yeah, that's what that is. You have to report him. He even left a voicemail saying how I'm bullying him and that it's weird that I'm avoiding him. I've been thriving for the past six months without him and I'm even interested in another guy right now. Ladies, how do I finally get this man to leave me alone? I saw a psychic a few weeks ago

and she said that I'd see him face-to-face again at some point, but he needs to be gone by yesterday. Hope to hear from y'all. Thanks for the laughs. anonymous fan of the pod or mistake as Marie would say yes mistakes um I'm gonna say do you have a brother do you have do you have a man in your life who can contact him contact him because sometimes men can't hear you unless another man is talking yeah so they can't hear the non-base yeah I need you to get a man to pretend to be your man and be like hey I need

you to meet me here i need you to meet me at this place and we need to talk because you keep bothering my girl yeah oh that's scare him that's good advice that's a really good yeah and then and then he's like i need you to really be and then have him meet to and then just be there the key nobody ever meets up with him he's just sitting in the corner looking dumb as he deserves yes we're wasting your time yeah yeah because i'm like i don't know about the meeting face to face i i say barb on the phone pretend but or but i yeah you got me in the end And you said, nobody shows up. Okay.

Hey, I work here. I'm working. I'm working. I'm blacked in, babe. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, I have the ones that stalk me on Instagram and they show up to a show. They go, I'm proud of you, yo. Is that a stalker or a fan?

A fan. That sounds like a fan. Yeah. I have fans. But fans can be dangerous. They can. Shout out to Selena. No.

You never know. You just never, you just never know. You never know. And the terrible thing is, is that when somebody has your information, you might have to move. Well, yeah, that's why I used to have a website and I put all my dates for the month on the website. And I had a stalker and I was like, well, I don't need people to know where I'm going to be before I'm going to be there. Yeah. Because that's scary.

Very. I don't have a bodyguard. No. I don't have a hendai. You know? Anyway, I had a good time with y'all today. This was cool. I had a pee so bad.

You had a pee? Yeah. So bad. well let's wrap this up yeah let the people know where they can find you yes

follow me on Instagram at Eva Evans Comedy E-V-A E-V-A-N-S Comedy oh and watch my special I have a 45 minute special in my bio watch that shit

run that shit up share that and what else run that shit up share that what else I mean TikTok and Twitter well X

I'm on there too same handle at Eva Evans Comedy but I'm very active on Instagram so follow her on Instagram yeah Instagram's where we gonna

yeah yeah I love it okay well did we learn anything today friend Sydney you did you gave great advice

I try to give good advice I can't remember milestones in my life the ages I'm like was I 22 or 14 it's all a blur Cindy was giving that advice and I was like get a gun that's great advice though especially who's in office

get a gun you don't need it what was I gonna say oh y'all we have a show we have a mess live at Union Hall February the 22nd Damn I ain't gonna be here

I'm gonna be in LA Whacka Damn No but they need you out there They do But yes Please get tickets to that That's the link

Should be in the bio by now You do And keep giving us reviews I love them They're so good The reviews are so funny On Spotify And Apple

So keep doing that Yes And also before we go I'm gonna just say Send us a voicemail Write us your messy stories Ooh yes The voicemails

It's The email is mess the podcast at gmail.com or call in at 763-280-6588 see you next week for more mess we did it mess with sydney washington and marie faustin is a production by will ferrell's big money players and iheart radio podcast created and hosted by sydney washington and marie faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588