MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Dusty, Denim, and Dead Tooth

Episode Date: October 9, 2020

On this week's episode, Marie tells all on a date she recently went on and we help plan Sydnee's baby shower. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expert/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

FOREVER DOG Hello Hi friends Hi babies Hi sweeties Hi honey babies Sweetie pie

Imagine that's how we talked Well Well well well You're so cute There's a baby in the studio right now you look just like you're dead yeah we uh we do sound effects now uh on this podcast we should get a little soundboard and we hit it yo we've gotten to the point where we're like yeah i just want to make noise um

i mean isn't that what a podcast is it's just noise i suppose or or less what a podcast is let's let's break down just language isn't language just noise sure sure sure if that's what you want to you know when people talk it does just seem like no really that's what words are is just noise what really always like messed me up is laughter i feel like laughter is such a weird concept right like no it's like a mission of they're just like ha ha ha like that's so weird andrew andrew if you're hanging out with people who laugh ha ha ha those people are not actually laughing yeah they're they're laughing at you and they're being very sarcastic you've never heard real laughter sweetie yeah okay that's

why it's weird got it also i have like i don't know maybe like 10 variations of my laugh there's like so many different versions of how i can laugh at somebody there's like surprised laugh That's the right laugh Shady laugh Messy laugh Someone fell and bust their ass laugh Oh god is good Nervous laugh

Sidney told a funny joke laugh Oh my god that's my bitch i love what we do here on the pod it's so beautiful gorgeous i was uh running late to the pod today um per use and um i was like i think i'm ready to start having guests on the podcast again yeah i think it's time friend i mean people have been like hey i would love to be on the pod and i'm like okay okay well i guess we should do that i mean we've been on zoom long enough and i think it's i think it's time but i will like to do a round of applause for us doing it so many months by ourselves let's do it um well i think the reason why we weren't doing guests is because

we were like oh we're gonna be back in the studio in a couple of months and now it's like oh no we're still here and halloween is around the corners so i just you know also i feel like we're doing all the heavy lifting i need a little guest to come in here and share their mess so we can judge them I know and it's just like I'm not being a whore so it's it's hard for me to come in or energy anything yeah I mean I'm I'm trying to get I'm trying to get married okay you know I gotta okay I think we are back on opposite ends of the spectrum against this because are we ever on the same road are we ever on the same i now am ready to possibly be back on these dating streets and get my hoe on i think that's where i am you know and you're you're trying to do it while the

cold is coming winter is coming and i feel like the the sun is gonna start setting at like 2 p.m and yeah i need some of these men to like entertain enlighten and um you know spoil me so yeah i think wintertime is peak i mean also what's the season yeah yes yes yes i mean i was cuffed for the for the spring i feel like fall is you know fall out of some strange man's bed uh season yeah fall into the gap yes that's the contender for the title right there fall yeah fall into the gap do the gap boop um yeah i uh actually went on a little date this uh weekend i don't even wow let's talk about it because i'm not gonna say it's a date friend but it is an experience that we can chat about on the board so let's go baby talk to me what

you're wearing set the scene um what was i wearing i was wearing um like a light blue denim cuffed you know relaxed fit um i was giving she's like i don't take this seriously so here we at i was giving a fitted bodysuit with a v-neck deep v bodysuit because you sometimes you got sexy clavicles sometimes you gotta give them um you know you gotta give high low you gotta give tight loose you gotta give a little a leo on the top a little bit of big pun on the bottom so the bottoms was loose okay top was tight i had all these sneakers that quarantine bae got for me for my birthday happy birthday to me living your life like it's golden living is important because when i was out people kept stopping me to talk about my shoes right and it was mainly like yeah it was

some black girls but it was a lot of men so that's important to that's why i'm saying this wasn't really a date um yeah i kind of want to be a sneaker i think that this is who i am i tried up with some little ankle boots on the other day and my feet were like what what is what is this what is this prison you got us in it was like we were like no my ankles didn't like it the balls of my feet didn't like it my big toe hated it i was like i'm gonna put these sneakers back on yeah i think she's a sneaker right now um i mean you got sneakers too you got those rebox that you have i had mine on today sneakers are just more comfortable they are and at the end of the day what are we wearing heels for now what like where well what are we doing well that was that was

the conundrum sis because i knew we were going to be standing outside i was like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna be sitting i'm gonna be standing the entire hour and a half that i'm out of my house um i was like i'm gonna put on some that's how long the day was that's how long that's the gathering we fell into the gap um well we didn't fall into the gap i went home by myself um but uh yeah so he was running late the place was across the street from my house so i was also running late i said well let me know when you get there also i realized if the closer i'm going to my house the closer i'm going to something that's near my house the later i'm going to be so um you know i get there and i vaguely remembered what this dude looked like so i saw somebody who

i thought was him and i was like hey and he was like hi and there was a girl standing there and i was like oh it's it's not him so like i i was like oh so i took like a half a step away from them and i heard her go do you know her and he was like and then the dude who i was actually meeting comes from around the corner and he looked like a smaller uglier version of that no no marie i'm not saying that he was ugly like a less attractive version of the person that i had talked to also shorter also shorter than him because the dude i think mainly what hurts is well the dude is his thing says he's six feet so in i have no concept of height either six feet is is my height or it's you know all the way to the ceiling so i saw this tall dude and i was like

that that looked like six feet i'm high he's like hey meanwhile full-on woman is right next to him do you know her and he was like um so this guy comes around the corner he's wearing a distressed black denim jacket so already turned off because it was like a weird distressed it was like did you do this he was wearing g-star why like why why it look like that um it was so it wasn't a g-star it was he told me it was a gift from his friends i was like you need to get some new friends oh buffalo yes yes yes well yes the sneaker exactly so um so uh people kept recognizing me that night like i bumped into this woman who i used to intern for in like 2010 um somebody recognized me from stand-up he was like Marie and I was like uh-huh funny story he was like um he's

like this might be a bit personal but how's your mom doing and I was like my mom I was like my mom he was like yeah your mom how is she doing didn't you post that you were on Instagram that you had like gotten into it with your mom and I was like no and he was like oh my god yeah he's like sorry you guys are always together and always doing videos together and stuff so i confused oh my god not an idiot but just like damn bro like get it get we are not the same we are not it was funny though because he was like yeah you you guys are always together so i'm confused i was like so you confused our moms well i mean i i thought i don't know because your mom's a nurse right i feel like it was like a valid question you know yeah but i don't i don't talk enough about my mom marie's

mom is sweet i mean like she's she's out in the in the field with yeah but the way he asked the question it wasn't like your mom is good at work i know she's an essential worker no he was like how's everything with your mom she's good and i was like are y'all talking that's a weird question like i don't like i would hate to be like like sydney like in that situation if you have got that question in public that would really like fuck me up because it's like i don't want to be think about this right now he's like how yeah he's like he's like can i ask you a personal question if he hadn't prefaced it with that and i and and he asked me how my mom was doing i would have been like oh she's fine but because he was like can i ask you a personal question how's your mom i was

like she good um and she doesn't know you anyway so um this guy that i was meeting for this date let's call him dusty denim so dusty denim oh my god so denim what if he's listening i don't care you know i don't care um all the more reason for us to get some guests so i can stop being mean to people that i hung out with this weekend so he we're online for these drinks he's like oh two of my home girls are up there i'm gonna give them my card so they can get our drinks i said great fab i'm still gonna be standing on this sidewalk either way so they bring the drinks out he doesn't introduce me to them and um so i don't know their names they don't know my name so now it's not really a date of two people it's four people having a conversation on

the sidewalk and it's awkward but also no interest no introductions were made i think that's that's either he he well the fact that he told you that that was his home girls means like he wants you to know who they are but he doesn't want to know he doesn't want them to know who he gets even stranger he's like she need to go get her bag out my car or she needs to put her bag in my car we'll be back or something and i turn around they're gone him and this girl were gone for like 20 minutes i'm marie punch on the sidewalk he's falling into the gap with somebody else yeah But, you know, I mean, let's talk about it. Something must have fallen into the gap of his mouth

because his breath was a little bit hot. So I said, so when I met him, okay, so you're upset. You're hurt. So three things, hold on. You feel some type of way. So three things were wrong when I met him before we even started the date. One, he was shorter than I thought he was going to be and he was less hot than the first guy that I spoke to.

Two, he had that brooch jacket on. Three, his breath was bad, okay? so wait like what kind of bad like it was like um eight i've had my mask on all day i need a polytosis something stuck between the molars in the back it tasted i have a dirt i have a dead tooth dead tooth dead tooth and denim right so uh oh that's a that's a good uh title as well denim so um yeah so he he leaves me with this girl who i don't know and disappears with another girl who i definitely don't know so some creepy man comes over and he's like he's drunk and he's like talking to us and i yes that guy that guy and that's the denim that's the jacket he's got the

same jacket on the nerd with the jeans i don't remember what the jeans were doing sis but that that he might he might have had on like men's leggings or something i don't remember what the pants were but that's the so and you see in the photo he's not ugly in the photo but he he was giving corny vibes in the photo and he was giving real corny vibes in real life so when they disappeared for those 20 minutes i was like oh i'm not even on a date i'm just i'm just having a drink across the street and then i'm going home mind you i fully was thinking oh i can just drink this on my couch like i was like i was getting ready to walk across the street you should have got you should have had a dick sis it wasn't to go club they're not giving you real cups at these

places oh so you could have just left friend after 20 minutes i would have like well i'm gone after after 20 minutes i told you people kept like recognizing me or talking to me or so i'm having conversations with full-on other men when he gets back and um you know the place was closing i got there 10 the bar closed at like 11 we were there till maybe 11 30 i was going home so i bumped into this guy this guy's looking at my sneakers you know from this man um and he's like oh i love those how you get those these sneakers are like like exclusives or something and he was like who's your sneaker plug and i was like oh my i do have a plug this guy and we're talking can i talk to can i get some sneakers i mean obviously i'll pay you're gonna pay him you're gonna pay him pussy

is that an option it depends on how much money you trying to spend it depends on how much money you want to spend okay we'll talk about this offline we'll talk offline um anyway so you know the date quote unquote ended um but they were talking to me about my sneakers and they're like well where did you get those and they were being annoying the girl that went to the car with him was being very aggressive with me and i did not like her like aggressive like she was drunk and so she was like like this guy started to fall and he like leaned on my shoulder some other strange man and i turned out of it and i left them like somebody started to fall on me and i moved and

they're like she was like you ran away and left us okay i'm supposed to just let this man timber on top of me like what are you what what yeah timber anyway she's being very aggressive she's drunk so they were like talking about my shoes and they're like well where you got the shoe who's the plug who's and i was like this dude that i'm banging my man my man my man got me these shoes and they're like your man my man and they're all oh my god wow it just jumped out of you huh i'm never gonna jump out man again i have zero interest in having another conversation after this sentence comes out of my mouth he left you for 20 minutes that's grounds for you to have already left he's like can i walk you home after i said that after i had these conversations with

these other people on this sidewalk he's like can i walk you home i was like no no sir you cannot i don't need you to know where i live no i mean then he watched i think he kind of he saw me cross the street and walk right into my house so that but um so that's why i'm saying i didn't really go on a date i was outside somebody paid for my drink but it wasn't actually a date um girl that is great story but that was just kind of a waste of time what the fuck is wrong with time how do you leave somebody for 20 minutes gone did you ask him so what happened you know what i didn't because i didn't care because you didn't care i i'm not up i'm not fighting with you in in that jacket on this street in front of the bar that people know me at no way this is your

cheers everybody knows your name my house from here i'm not about to argue with you on this curb i can leave at any time i was just yeah and i can call the nigga who got me these sneakers that have a good old that part um but it was like but it also made me like appreciate him more because it was like you know like i i like be i actually like being with him and like i like being out with him this dude that i was out with the dead tooth i was like i'm gonna stand here and you stand there the streets are ghetto but it it feels good to like have an excuse to get dressed and like put a little bit of makeup on and like secure my wig and go outside so that's why i think i want to go back out and be on these dating streets you know it feels like it's time i'm

glad you did that because i mean you know one we we need content and two it's like which truly marie this should be your video for patreon about going out with a man with a dead tooth no sydney it's for tomorrow your video that you have to post on friday i'm gonna do that why you think he's following it has nothing to do this has nothing to do with creating content and chronicle it is because you sometimes you're like i don't really need to go out but i do need to go out i need to do this because you never know what's gonna happen while you're talking about this let me take a picture of you talking so that i can post this in on the in the stories because this counts also as content for the creator chronicles yeah it's like this is what

you gotta do there's so many things that i'm like i'm not doing this and then i'm like actually i am because i know something is gonna come about and then i'll have something to either joke about tell a story about or just like brainstorm on making a lie seem but you know what though also i'm gonna say when i woke up in the morning the date was tragic i mean the the the i'm not gonna say the date was tragic i'm not calling i'm not calling it was a meetup the meetup was whatever but like I didn't feel bad when I got home I felt great still and then when I woke up in the morning I felt good too and I think it's because it's important to go outside and interact with people yes you got to do it safely yes you need to socially distance yes people were wearing

masks and everything like that but like it feels good to like it almost felt normal again to be outside and like talking to people and talking about comedy and talking to people like bumping into people that i would bump into when i was doing shows so it was like it's i think that that's why it's like pushing me to like go out on these dates or or whatever it is because it's like i i'm i'm not meeting anybody new i'm talking to my friends i'm sticking with my pod and i just feel like i need i don't know new blood in my social circles so that's that's where i'm at with this yeah that makes sense uh i feel like lately like i've been like really like lacking like any social interaction so like when i do actually interact with anybody like i feel like completely

like socially uncomfortable socially awkward i can hold a conversation on zoom or on the phone but the second that like we're interacting in person like even it's like close friends it's just like almost like robot mode well because we're all out of practice yeah we're we're all like i've noticed that i can't really keep eye contact no more like when i'm talking when i'm talking my eyes are everywhere but when somebody else is talking i can give you direct eye contact but i went out to brunch last weekend with a friend and like and i was like i couldn't make eye contact with her and like i was like constantly looking and she was like what are you looking at and i was like i'm sorry like i can't even look at you right now you're like this is weird for me

i'm sorry but i i get that that that's such a real thing that you're feeling yeah yeah i don't want to do this the big group thing i'm not here for that i like i can go out like with one or two people but then when it's a lot of people around i also i like turn into a snail and i want to like go back in my shell go back in my apartment with all the fucking lights and plants and just keep I'd rather somebody come to my house than just be at, like, a restaurant. Yes, and I remember that. We were, Carolina was having her birthday party in the backyard, and we were all eating this delicious Dominican rice,

and Sydney took her plate and went in the house and ate it with her door open, right? It was like, what you doing? Yep. She's like, it's too many people out there. Yeah. And I get that. Too many.

We were, like, all out of practice and also like trying to be careful as careful as we can be right now okay and this is a great you see how i said segue into what we about to talk about now someone left um uh a really review uh you know it felt very yelp-ish it didn't feel very itunes it was like oh you just came here to complain okay sis let's go you have it pulled up so it says so yo yo i was ready i was ready for this it says so their trip to mexico dot dot dot you're frustrated but three months ago you would have never made this trip to mexico this is beyond selfish and yes you are influencing others to do the same whether you like to admit it or not y'all acting like the pandemic is over when

we have another year of this it doesn't matter if you're getting tested the next day and you get the result you're encouraging others to do the same as you and they may not as be as militant as you regarding testing grow up and stay home sorry uh scootney scottney okay hold up boo if you say that we are influencing people right if we have that power right so if we're telling people to be safe like make sure you get tested before you go on the trip then you're on the trip be safe on the trip then come back and then get tested again so we have the power to make people do what we do right but we don't have the power for people to be safe like what do you mean we're only promoting go if you can go by these guidelines right so the and i understand disrespect in the tone of this

review and they give us three stars scootney scotney um saying you're encouraging others to do the same as you and they may not be as militant as you so which one is it are people going to do what we're doing pick pick what you're talking about are people going or sir or them or who are people going to do what we're doing or people not going to do what we're doing which is it because how many how many stars they get three they three they left the review but they left the review before they heard our episode because they left this two days after my birthday so we were in we were in mexico when this person was like let me tell them what i think about what they doing if you want to go to tulum boo boo go to tulum if you don't want to go stay

home do what feels the most comfortable it makes the most sense for you but know that everybody that i was in tulum with is people that i've been with the entire pandemic okay yeah and we were very very safe very safe like we got a house that already had a pool and we were mainly in the house we went out to get groceries and let me tell you in in tulum they were being way safer than yeah We had to wipe our shoes before we could get into any establishment. I'm like, they're testing, they're testing, they're giving hand sanitizer, they're doing what they have to. Everybody has a mask on.

Like, they're keeping it super cute. Then we went to the beach, and everyone is, like, far away from each other. It's an outside, you know, place. So if you want to tell people to stay home, I'm sorry. We are so many months in. Like, in the beginning, yes, we wouldn't have gone on a trip because, duh, the pandemic was full-blown gallivanting in these streets,

international y todo. But now it's like, the reason why we could go to Mexico is because you can travel there. So we were being as safe as possible. And I'm sorry, mental health. Sorry, babe. We have been going through it.

Everything that has been happening months upon months, we have been seeing it on the internet. It doesn't matter if we're walking to the store and coming back, we're seeing everything that's happened racially, politically. it's driving everyone crazy no one is happy everybody is miserable things that are happening

is shitty and if we want to take a little trip with a few friends and be very safe about it then we're going to do that the thing that like stood up to me i feel like this person is probably just jaded because they're probably not in a living situation where they feel like they can risk like a trip to mexico right that's that's and what's that maybe they live with somebody who's high risk or whatever we all live alone sweetheart sorry i don't i'm not putting anybody at risk by right so i don't i don't think it's necessarily about you i feel like that this person's probably just mad about seeing it's not probably it's not directly at you even though it is a review on your podcast but they're probably just mad at a bunch of other people living their

life and whatever and they're probably in a situation where they're stuck inside i'm just probably i'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here andrew i'm i'm fine with you i'm giving you thank you for being the dissenting in here but saying that this is beyond selfish absolutely sis it's my birthday i was with my friends my sister my people we did it because this is something that we needed to do the way that i was feeling before the trip the way i was feeling before i decided to take the trip is a complete 180 of how i feel right now the way that i that my brain is like it's like reactivated there's something about anticipating a trip planning for that trip and then going on the trip that like elevates your mood if you want to be home or if

you if you don't want to be home but you have to be home because you live with somebody who's at risk or you're more at risk you know I'm not gonna apologize for what I did for my birthday that we're being very safe i mean very safe i like i will stand by that and then when we came back like i stayed home got a test i wasn't really seeing anybody until i knew that i was fine and you know everybody can get out now like people are at restaurants indoors indoors matter of fact the restaurant but you're telling me a trip the same day that you wrote that review sis they opened on the lol the gag the gag which you know i'm not i'm not coming at you i'm not mad it's like i i like i see where you could say that it's selfish but selfish is like going on a trip

willy-nilly not taking the precautions and then going out and about in tulum not knowing your status and infecting other people which is not the case when you're on the plane when you're in the airport people have to have a mask on they will let you know and if you don't keep your mask on on the plane they will kick you off that airlines flights until you die yeah so like if anything traveling is way more safer than everybody else that are doing the day-to-day things in their in their local city i was actually surprised at how they were um like doing it at the airport they were like um they were only boarding like a couple rows at a time they boarded from the back of the plane to the front all the middle seats were blocked off um and then this person

says it doesn't matter if you're getting tested and the next day you get the results you're encouraging others to do the same as you uh yes we are we're telling you to go get tested get you a 24-hour test so you know sooner rather than later and you can make the moves that you're making smartly so that's that's unlike unlike trump who's saying like oh we can beat this we can beat this don't don't let it get the best of you excuse me healthier than 20 years like it's not a fucking spa don't wear you don't need to wear a mask you know he got hypertension high blood pressure high cholesterol he probably about to lose his foot before he loses this this election um and we're not saying that we're not saying that and you know i was a little

apprehensive about the trip too and and i will say that we we didn't really post a lot while we were there we weren't like making it this grand we weren't grandstanding our trip we we took it we had fun we took some pictures we posted a few but it wasn't like oh my god everybody traveled right now but also like it was really just a vibe for us you're saying that we're influencers knowing that we didn't post anything when we got to Mexico yeah you didn't even know that we were I started posting I think the day after my birthday in the stories yeah so for you to be like you know y'all people are looking up to y'all and doing what y'all would do we were being very quiet compared to what we could have been in any other instance of us taking a trip

together and let's be real real people are taking these trips and not posting and you don't know anything about it they're doing people are out here doing the shit don't be don't be fool don't be fool people are out here so i'd rather be honest and not like lie and withhold the truth like oh that i'm not out but i am but i'm trying to be as safe as possible something i don't know if it's gonna how it's gonna land oh okay all right hold on let me sit up in my chair uh okay i'm a scotney apologist yeah um uh no okay so my issue is that every time that you read a podcast review i feel like it's it's primarily negative ones and you ask for podcast reviews and you have thousands of reviews where they're all happy but then you choose the one to highlight that's not

true we reread the positive that's not true we always say positive when people slide in our dms and they're like oh you know i'm a professor in wyoming women's studies and i'm not really your demographic like i still remember the good ones i remember when people yeah and i feel like for every bad one i feel like we should also be saying like three good ones you know what i mean maybe not three good ones all right well here's a good one i think you're like i love this podcast and i like andrew talking more that's the pot that's the review that somebody left okay great thank you that i that was a setup for you to say that exact review thank you okay another one how are they not crazy famous marie and sydney are so hilarious i truly don't know why they're not

hosting their own tv shows at this point listen to the show make your life better end of review yeah like people are saying great thing and we're over a thousand reviews finally oh my god only took us four years yay obsessed but yeah no we know that y'all are out here loving us down and supporting us and telling other people to listen and we we we see that and i it makes me feel great because sometimes i'm like why are we still doing this podcast but like yeah no it's making other people feel good and whether we know it or not we're changing lives day to day with the messy stuff that we reveal about ourselves and everybody thinks that you're uh affecting people's lives in other ways well scootney right no but scootney or scottney i would say scootney scootney is right

we being on a trip like the reason why i wanted to go to mexico in the first place is because everybody on my instagram was in mexico so that so yes there is something to be said about seeing somebody take a trip and then putting the idea in your head and then you're like should we also but but but babe you don't know um i mean you do know we talked about what but they didn't know what precautions we took so you know don't tell us to grow up and go home or grow up and stay home we are grown up so we can go outside um and if you're somebody who's listening to this and you feel the same way as scrutiny you know um that's unfortunate for you babe but um people are going to continue to live their lives regardless of whether this pandemic lasts another year or

not god forbid it does but you you better have the same energy on your president's twitter page when when they tweet that masks are not important and they never felt healthier please please screenshot your response to your president and send it to me so i could read it on the podcast next week i would really love that and that is another great segue because let me tell you what i was spending my fucking time i was not going on a date i was on facebook like just in uh yeah i was you know it's dark when you're on facebook and meanwhile my like you guys were here we are watching like the the savage fenty fashion show or whatever and i'm going through my facebook messages not messages but i'm just looking at posts that people write

and you know it was the day that trump said he had covid or whatever and everybody had every take and they were making fun they were laughing and this uh friend of mine was like you i had covid while i was pregnant and it is like uh insensitive and it's like what happened to morality and humanity you guys are disgusting if you even cared about me you would not make jokes about trump having covid and yes he's a bad person but that being this outwardly disgusting doesn't make you a better person or make the situation better and i was just like oh my god you are trump apologists like this is trump you having covid while you're pregnant is not the same as trump who is the reason why covid got so bad because he did not take the proper precautions

and safety matters for us to be protected properly y'all are not the same y'all are not the same so the the the empathy you have for this man you need to bring that energy right on back to the thousands and wait what a million people who've been affected by the whole world is affected by it honestly but 211 000 people have died in this country from it so you know i just be yeah girl so what are you talking about and it's like this is the same type of people who overlooked like um why people were marching and focused on the looters baby girl if you can't figure out why people are looting or why people are marching or rioting then you are missing the whole point looting didn't just happen for all of a sudden and also the looters are not the same as

the people who are actually marching i was gonna say that the looters the looters talk about that we're like oh it's some chaos happening out there well let's run up let's and sorry it was a lot of let's run up let's run up in chanel in soho what yeah like it's they they're not fighting the same fight so don't get mad at the the poor citizens of america who are like this is the only way i can get my voice out because we are clearly not being heard because people still be getting shot and there's no respect for black women black men trans people of color gays like stop it just stop and this is the same person i was like you don't even have enough black people in your life to even be commenting yeah just hush well i mean that's also a good reason to stay off facebook sis um

the fact the fact that you still have your account logged in and you know how to get in and out of yeah book of faces i don't know nothing about mark zuckerberg's facebook anymore so that's that's problematic it was bad for me sis um yeah it was it was it was rough and i need to work on myself but that's that is another segue you can just do the segways you don't have to say segue announce every time you can just you can just be like and that brings me to my other point or you i just need you to smooth out these segways i feel like i feel like we i'm just alley-ooping them to you and you're just like it's speaking of segways and it's like isn't a segway a car it's a little like a scooter yeah yeah anyway didn't the segway um creator i'm not

scootney okay i need you to back up off me get up off my neck and if i want to say fucking segway on my own podcast i'll do that segue i don't care i will be someone's corny dad if i have to this is my comedy um what's the stuff that trump was saying take a shot of bleach every time sydney says the word segue bitch bye whatever you talk about whatever you want oh i was gonna say the guy that who created segue didn't he die on a segue did he really i think he like i know off a cliff or something barnes of selena and barnes died in a plane crash last week. I saw that. Salino and Barnes is just Salino now.

Salino and Barnes. Salino and Barnes. Injury attorneys. 8888. 8888, yes. Wait, in a plane crash? He was flying. He was actually

flying the plane? Yeah. Rich people, they be getting a little jitney together and they fly after a couple of flight lessons. yeah he died i wonder how selena was doing well they broke up i think i think they broke up before he like last year or something i think they were head to head what's the other duo jacobian myers so maybe jacobian myers broke up but selena and barnes were still cool yeah i'm not entirely sure

i'll do some i'll do some fact checking yeah okay selena sydney we could be this is given the leaving the lane wide open for us to be the new selena and barnes injury attorneys yeah cindy you mad about the segue no no no do your thing um oh i want to talk about meg the stallion real quick because she did uh snl on saturday i guess that's how it works yeah um and she i didn't watch the performance i just caught the end when she was talking about black women being the most disrespected people in america and she um brought up daniel whatever his last name is the the attorney general of the brianna taylor um case yeah i didn't realize that he's engaged to miss mitch mcconnell's granddaughter oh really or niece or something i don't know that

the more you know so he it seems like they've kind of been grooming him to be exactly who he is right now no beautiful beautiful sis no no i'm being sarcastic so that's problematic but not surprising but i would love to know what his mom thinks about what's happening right now i hope his mother has him on the prayer list at her church because you know all skin folk ain't kinfolk is what um no and we we already knew that but you know megan i saw the performance and i was like damn she's doing the song that's like kind of like high energy and she wasn't giving like meg the stallion like vibes it just seemed a little bit more demure and it was because she was gonna hit us with the protect black women and i was like oh this is this is gorgeous yes

at first i was like oh maybe she's not pushing it and pumping it because maybe like her feet are hurting or something of that sort but it wasn't it was just like no i'm about to hit you with a real message and it's about to it's gonna get you in your neck and it was it was i mean i'm still upset about people who are making fun of meg the stallion when she was was hurt and the reason why she didn't give the answers that you wanted at the time is because she was processing her own trauma and yeah it just sucks that she had to go on live and explain herself but also imagine being shot at 24 i mean heart stop imagine being shot but then imagine being shot at 24 years old by somebody that you know yeah there's three things in that sentence that you're i've held up

four fingers there's three things in that sentence that it's like wait what and then after that happens people are saying well what did she do to get shot and well she's you know she's she probably did something to him first and well she's big so she doesn't need protecting from tori lanes and it's like what what there was like some like i was was it tori lanes that tried to like say that she she stepped on broken glass and she wasn't actually shot did you hear that report i i don't care about anything that man is saying because all of it is l-i-e-s and um you know he is not remorseful and he just sucks and he's an example of most men who do trash things to women and get off like he's he's not in jail he's lollygagging around just being his

his doo-doo self i just think it's wild like because like imagine if this happened like taylor swift we would not hear the end of it oh my god we would not we're still on the kanye like over 10 years ago she didn't she wasn't shot you know she was not shot she wasn't shot she didn't win an award that or no she won the award and then kanye jumped on stage she wasn't shot she was shocked okay yeah and yeah and and it's it was i think it was a vma it wasn't even for a grammy it was like best music but it's stupid yeah it was for a video music award so you know like let's put everything in perspective and really look at how people don't care about black women and they you know they they like to say that like black women are oh i had a

conversation with somebody yesterday and she was speaking to her aunt and her aunt was like um black women are too independent and that's why they don't have men or that's why men don't want to date us because we're too independent we do too much for ourselves and men want to be with women who they can do stuff for and i was like duh duh fuck is that logic right there her aunt said that she said black women are too independent in 2020 and that's why men don't want to date us and it was like that's not why men don't want to date us that's not what that's not why these the the ignorant ones anyway don't want to date us also wouldn't you want to be with somebody who's independent and i don't want to date them so let's chalk that up to it's a win-win situation

for me i'm good on the men's it don't matter if they black or white or or see-through i'm i'm all set so uh that that conversation needs to be dead but also like throw it away kill the conversation can we look at why black women have to be so independent it's because people don't do stuff for us and don't want to do stuff for us black men leave us hanging all the time and i'm not saying all of them but they're like this whole Megan Thee Stallion thing showed us that they were like roasting her that woman is a celebrity she has so much money and people still didn't have her back now imagine not having anybody have your back and being that well known and then being some random uh well not random but just some like a regular person you know relatable black woman

that works at CVS they not think about her either so period on that so sad way to bring the mood down Sydney what's your happy segue I know I'm so sorry happy segue

happy segue I'm talking about sperm with my lady yeah we're just gonna bring it up we're gonna take it to the next level wait hold on you guys are having conversations about sperm as in to get pregnant okay or isn't there like two other conversations that have to happen before that

that part yeah oh yeah yeah definitely like engaged moving in but we we have to think it's just the the starting a family for gays is just a it's different than if you're heterosexual because we you know if we want to go to a sperm bank or if we want to get it from somebody that we know we have to start talking about this now we can't just when we actually want it to happen then all of a sudden because the process is going to be long have you have you ever had this conversation with another woman that you were dating before no okay sis congratulations it's serious it's real well it's because i don't want to have a baby at 40 like that's that's cute for some folks that that's good for them but i know that i'm already exhausted now so i can't even imagine what 40

is going to look like for me so i i do think that i would like to uh be pregnant in the next like two three years and so uh i have to just think about my options now because i also have friends that are you know throwing their eggs on ice and whatnot oh my god so you have the perfect solution for you and your baby my brother's sperm so that your baby will be my baby well no the baby will just my baby your baby everybody's baby yes yes yes but aunt reese will actually be aunt reese wow the only issue is that your brother looks so much like me the baby's gonna look like me sis yeah no the problem is is that um your brother is is very attractive great genes um so talented but there's another part of him that i'm like i don't want that to

rub off rub off on my baby yes yes yes yes so i'm gonna need that to now i'm gonna i'll okay yeah that's not gonna work sis but i would love i would actually love to have a baby that looks kind of like my jeans are quite strong sis i we we all have my we all have my dad's face and my dad i want i want my baby to have abs on its neck i mean listen i was just throwing that out there if if you're listening it was a good i like that i'll you know what i'll ask um i i'll ask the girl and see what she says but it she did have a couple people were like yeah you could use you totally you can have my sperm but also i'm gonna need to borrow your body when i need a baby and it was like wait what you jizzing in a cup for two seconds is not the same as you borrowing

my whole body borrow somebody's body like what well because the guy is gay and he's like i need i'm gonna need a body so i'm gonna need a body just throw it in the bag wrap that body up for me a paper and plastic thank you tie the body to the top of the car with some rope and so my girl was saying that she doesn't want to get sperm from a sperm bank because she was like what is the logic between these dudes that are just giving up their sperm is it because they're a good samaritan or because they need the money or are they sick nasty freaks that just want their babies all out here and about um like what i mean it's probably a combination of all those things they're they want they want their sick nasty babies all over the place and they need money

and they just had some time maybe they were waiting to meet somebody across the street and they were like oh i could just go donate some sperm for 22 dollars how much how much do you get paid for donating sperm i know that like you get you get a lot of money for like getting a vasectomy like you get thousands and thousands of dollars if you donate your your testicles donate your testicles what I thought a vasectomy was just snipping like

a oh wait whatever if you actually get rid sorry if you actually get rid of the nuts and there's just like just the dick and then it goes right to the butthole so you get money if you get castrate yourself yeah

which I mean like you know if I'm ever in a hard place fall back on that i'm not using them for anything if you give your balls up can you ever be in a hard place again after that oh i think that you can still you can still produce um come i feel like there's gonna be so many people that are like no you can't yeah yeah yeah there's so many doctors who follow us on here so i think scootney is a doctor actually scootney dr scoot yeah but yeah i think that you still can't sperm okay so so what are the options then friend is you're you're going through your rolodex of uh rich uh successful friends to find a donor or

you know i don't know if he's listening he's probably not but duane perkins i would take his sperm i i think he is yes gorgeous he is he is so beautiful and very successful and smart And all those things And all of that Roll it up Also we love his personality Paper or plastic He has a great personality

Yeah He can dance He's so Just charming You know what I might ask But I would like him To be a little bit taller

Just a little bit But no no no He's perfect Perfect But I would like You know A taller baby If possible

You can just stretch Your baby's legs When you have the baby Sis Yeah You'll stretch them No I think the way

That you stretch The baby's legs You hold it by the ankles And then you spin in a circle And then the baby will elongate naturally and now this is why you are clearly not having kids

I don't think I want to have them which is why I suggested my brother's sperm so I could have you know baby with you but okay that's fine whatever you know we're not soulmates anymore we are soulmates Marie do you think your brother would give up

my brother gives up sperm everyday sis oh my god that's the title will your brother give me some sperm Can I borrow a cup of jizz, please? Okay, so you and this person, we've decided who's going to carry this baby? The first one? Me.

You? Oh, I can't even see. Yeah, just get it out the way. I mean, I think she's way more nurturing than me, so she can definitely do the hard work. And then if the first one goes good, I'm okay with having another one. But I think she wants to get pregnant as well, which is going to be really tough because i'm not good at that's not true you are nurturing you do take care of people that is a whole l-i-e-s that you just told on this podcast you do take care of people you do it every single

day um and now you go to the grocery store so like you also can go get some groceries for the person that is pregnant in your life that is sis progress get like dunkaroos but but still yes sydney you can't drink red bull i don't think you can drink red bull if you're pregnant fyi or when you're lactating i'm pretty sure you can't drink a red bull i'm positive and then give the baby you know red bull titties so i'm out no no we don't have a red bull intervention i'm tired go to bed um no so i i wanna kelly rowland is pregnant and she looks so cute i saw pictures it's so she's like oh that's what i want so you want to be pregnant so that you can look like kelly roland when you're pregnant i want to look like kelly roland come on girl she's so

gorgeous she she just makes pregnancy is a look it's a look how um old is her first baby i think she's got it wait she no isn't he like old like he's like at least like seven right no i feel like he's got it maybe he's like four seven i feel like he she's he's five five we were that's right in the middle she's she's 39 calandria roland serving as a body calandria okay let me see get the photos okay we love to see it oh look at the big the belly is she still kind of has abs a little bit i know i love it like a tight pregnant belly oh no no shade to people who are you know swell when they're pregnant but i love you know because i'm i'm petite so i i like to see like people who are i would i would say similar stature to me pregnant

because it makes me feel like oh oh i love it she looks great i love it so much and that that'll that'll be me hopefully everybody's body is different sis some people don't look pregnant for like the first six months and then like they wake up and their stomach is like and it's like well sis you what happened the baby dropped um you know everybody's bodies are different and it's a boy or they say girls steal your beauty so if you like your nose swells and your feet are swollen they're like you're having a girl but if you still look cute and pregnant they're like you're having a boy like i don't know how truth how truthful that is but that's what they like to say um sydney how would you do your gender reveal don't do it i'm not i'm not

here i don't care i just want to have a healthy happy baby that's all that matters will you let me plan both baby showers oh yeah of course if you want if that's something that you want to do i i won't stop you but i will feel like it will be low-key thrown together okay wow wow because You know I'm going to be on set of my several movies and I'm going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but realistically, I would probably not plan it for you. I would pay somebody to do it. I'd be like, I'm gifting you Jennifer Lopez

from Monster and Law or whatever the hell that movie is. I'm gifting you Jennifer Lopez and she's going to plan your baby shower. Maureen, I cannot. I think that it could be fun. I was looking at pictures recently of Tiana Taylor's baby shower and Karen Civil and Carucci or whoever planned

it and you know I just gotta get you some sponsorships sis that's it I gotta get somebody to sponsor the baby shower so we don't have to spend none of our money and then it be that's it I think that's smart Maria and I'm I trust you in that and I think you have enough friends who will

pull it together and help you as well if you were like hey I need help like yeah I'm the planner of this but i also do also need help but i feel like in two to three years i'ma i'ma be uh in a in a better place than i am right now yeah you're just gonna pay somebody and i'll take that i'm a data man with lots of money and be like my friend is having a baby and they need this this this this this here's the registry get everything on the list i love that for us can you believe we're talking about this shit this is disgusting cut cut cut cut cut no this is actually andrew we're

gonna need you to take all this out baby sweetie take it out we're good actually babies are canceled so if you could just yeah just not um i saw what did you guys end up with what are what are the top three things the most important things that you guys need to um discuss or figure out about this baby thing um well obviously when we get married i'm i'll i'll have to yeah i have to be in la because she just feels like i hate this for everybody on the call it's terrible yeah yeah that's i think that's what i'm having an issue with it's just like my family is here and my family is my friends and i just want to have enough money if that's the case if i'm moving to la to be able to fly like you out or amina out if i need to yeah i

mean and we love that i love that you're thinking about flying us out but i also i i find solace and find pride in knowing that we're only going to be more and more successful as time goes on so will also be able to be like you're i'm outside and you're gonna be like wait what and i flew myself out i wanted to see you or you sounded sad on the phone so i came to la but i mean you have to think about your future friend and if your future is with this person and y'all are gonna have a family are the cats gonna be in la because the problem is that boo bae got a dog and it's like you clearly weren't thinking about jelly and jam and not one bit so jelly and jam are gonna go up for uh you re-retiring marie would you take them no sydney i take the cat with no hesitation

i will not take your cats i'm not taking your cats i would take a cat but i'm not in in two years they're gonna be seven eight they middle-aged sis i want a young sexy cat not an old middle-aged cat you ageist black bitch you are you yourself that's okay in two years i'm gonna say that's a anyway what is what is we crack ourselves up why are we so fun is it 40 is it 50 what age is middle age now feels like right now it feels like where i'm at right now middle age for me and my family is probably like 60 because i have people in my family who live to be 112 years old so it's problematic you guys be lifting weights and freaking doing all the activities to be healthy to live that long i'm not working out now so i um i actually got into

it with my gym today because they've charged me now for the month of september and they're getting ready to charge me for october and they refuse to freeze my account and i said oh wow so you are stealing money from me during a global pandemic i will be contacting my bank go on sis so that's that's the conversation i had to have with my bank this morning um i hope you get your money back it's $15 a month so it's $30 but i want my $30 back um it's mine you know new development friend um so also last thing uh the babe was like i need you to um mark off january 28th to february 7th and i was like what she's like yes those you're gonna be with me and i was like wait my birthday is on the second though and she's like yeah you're gonna be

with me and i was like but wait i like my friends she was like tell your friends you're gonna be with me on your birthday and i was like no no i i want to do i want to do what marie did july hold on january what 28th no january january 28th to the 7th of february okay so what's the what she got planned i don't know she can you find out can you text if i text her what do you have planned she's she's going to know that i'm going to talk to you about it okay sis just just between well will you find out and just promise not to tell me but just yeah can you do that you're like well how can i jump on this train how can i wait so you have no idea what it is no she won't tell me i love that it's october it's i know i did get wet

i know i'm gonna be sucking the solar asshole i tell you that much tossing that salad into the Gap It's so sweet But Marie find out Cause I was like I want to do something with my friend Well I mean I don't know what her plan is But maybe we can all do something Scootney is that okay babe

Can we all do something January 28th Scootney to sign on the doctor's signature And Fabawawi Is that cool with you boo Also I mean Scoot No all jokes aside We appreciate you listening to the podcast and being so Yeah we really do

I'm sorry if we came off too hard If you're still listening I'm not apologizing for coming off hard You came at me hard and I'm going to do what I need to do Sydney actually it's going to be interesting To see what type of mama bear instincts You develop after you have a baby Because I feel like you're going to be

Maybe meaner Like more protective of those that are important to you Because you're a mom Well I'm already protective Yes but you're nice But I think you might turn you know i don't know you know when mom's babies are trapped under a car they have like super strength they can like lift the car you know what i mean it's stuff like that so it'll be it will

be interesting to see what your personality develops into after you have a baby i'm tired of growing up i don't want to do this anymore you're the one that's like bringing up having a baby yes now you sound like a baby i was like i can't believe i'm talking about this this is cuckoo bananas i can't believe you said it oh my god coca loco uh all right well this was so much fun we really had something to talk about thank you for divulging your whole uh meet up with that guy my encounter with the dusty denim dead tooth yes dusty denim dusty denims and dead i think that should be there is a few there is okay so yeah so the first one was fall into the gap which i think got a lot of applause um can i borrow a cup of jizz please

that was very good and then there was dead tooth and denim but there was but what you rephrase it right now is dusty tooth the dusty dusty denim and dead tooth dusty denim dead tooth okay or fall like that dusty denim and dead tooth i like can i borrow a couple you're giving me way too many options let's solidify one i think we gotta take the couple out only because i feel like a lot of our titles are very sexually explicit they they they are but that's why people tune in that's okay that's why they get okay well let's see but um i like i like dusty denims dusty denims and dead tooth feels good as well yeah i like that yeah um okay i love this i think that we had a very productive um zoom meeting today um we did i feel really good about

it actually the best episode we've done in uh the month of october the last couple months oh okay i was gonna say the last couple months but sure sure sure we talked about everything um yeah um anyway shout out to dr scootney um my physician and um i hope that i get my $30 back from Blink Fitness this week. You'll be in our prayers, our good sis Marie. Don't forget to keep reviewing us,

rating us, keep it going. We love that. If you got bad things to say, DM us. DM us though. Just leave the good stuff on there, man. If you have bad stuff to say, I still want to hear what it is. I just don't want to read it on iTunes. Just find our DMs so we can block you.

No kidding. Andrew is right we're not afraid of a negative review we're gonna talk about it on here so you know if you're bored and you want to hear us talk about you on the pod and you feel like I want to say this mean thing to them then you would try

just as long as it's still five stars because if it's a mean review that's one star no don't leave it right because the review had nothing to do with the podcast it had to do with us leaving the country truly didn't that was a morality thing did you have a good time listening you did so that's why you should give us five

I need you to jump on in the DM so we can see what you look like scoot over to the DMs baby scoot over to the DMs anyway bye guys see you love you bye forever

dog this has been a forever dog production the unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio and Alex Ramsey Senior Producer Tracy Sorin Produced by Andrew McGuire

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