MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Eat Pray Hoe

Episode Date: July 12, 2019

Big things are happening on this weeks Unofficial Expert! Marie is BACK from her European exxxcursion and is telling us all about the dick she saw while abroad, and Sydnee reveals a surprising shift in her relationship!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog hey guys so good to be here you know on time what time did you arrive friend um at 12 20 wow and andrew you arrived exactly oh my god 11 for i arrived at 12 50 now yeah now so my apologies friend i'm so sorry and oh i was awake early today because i had an I was awake early. I don't have an excuse. I do not have one. You was awake early. I was.

I got up early this morning. What time did you get up? I got up at eight something. Why so early, Marie? Well, sis, I had an interesting evening and I had to wake up early to reflect my soul. What happened? My soul was like, now nigga. Oh my God.

You know you don't deserve all this rest. I can't even. Wow. Well, we'll get into it. But yeah, Marie's late and we text her like, hey, where are you? no I didn't get a text from you guys saying where are you not where are you but um no I hit you guys at 12

20 something and said I'll be there in 10 to 15 minutes oh yeah she oh Marie tell them what you told me to do well I mean you were like wow can't believe like you sent me a very mean emoji and I was like sorry record some ads or something

so the studio time is not going to waste you know right we in here I had already did that I was on I was listen I was vacationing out of the country didn't know when the ads got recorded, so... Well, I mean, if you listen to our episodes, you know that they've been recorded.

I don't know what you're saying, friend. Exactly. I have no idea what you're saying to me right now. You're coming in hot. It's too hot outside for all this heat in here. Anyways, Marie's back. We're so happy. We're so excited. You sound so stoked, friend. Oh, my God. We're so excited

to hear all of everything. The E-Preh-Ho. So, but wait, before you get into that, what happened last night? Well, sis, you speaking of eat, pray, hoe, I said, let me go get some dick tonight. And that was last night. And I matched with this dude earlier in the day and we had been talking and I was like, is he cute? And I sent his photo to Carolina and she was like, he's hot.

Can I see it? How come you, Maria always messages everybody else except me. I only message Carolina and Andre because they don't sex or dick shame me. You do that. I don't do that. you'd be dick shaming how do I dick shame you'd be like him that person ain't no black people so anyway Carolina and Andre are my two messiest friends because they have no standards they won't shame me no they don't shame her because they will literally fuck a wall it's not so she feels safe

it's not about well me banging a wall doesn't make me feel safe sis that unless there's a chair there anyway look listen so I matched with this dude and I got real high last night and it was really late in the it was like 11 o'clock and we had been talking back and forth and he was like um he was like so i guess you're not coming and i was like uh he was like or do you need me to come get you and i was like oh he's a uber driver and i was like oh if he hadn't if he didn't come pick me up i would not have gone wait can i see a picture how about i tell you who would play him in the movie okay oh my god he's missing both of his eyes who would play him in a movie mario will you say it's just a friend but like

bigger but like bigger like buff like buff but like when he took his shirt off wasn't buff like all you do is shoulders like you don't do no you don't do nothing else oh my god all right so this uh so he came to pick me up so this pillowcase looking uber driver came and picked you up pillowcase um braid my hair uh came and picked me up and i you know i made him wait for 10 minutes outside uh and then when i got down he i was like what kind of car you drive he was like a mustang and i was like oh so he 45 black dudes no his okay so his profile says 27 right uh so i get in the car and i'm and it's weird already it's weird i should not have gone right i don't know this man i'm trying to do vacation eat pray host stuff in my neighborhood and that doesn't

that's stupid it doesn't make sense but if we fucking love for the pod i mean for the podcast yes but oh my god no so you're the real mvp marie i'm in his car and it's like awkward silence you know so i'm like uh well what do you do he was like i'm a junior architect and i was like what does that mean he was like do you know what an architect is i was like yeah he was like i'm the junior that and i was like so what do you do he was definitely lying because he could not tell me what an architect did how come you didn't ask all this shit up top sis on his profile it says junior architect 27 so in the car i'm like what do you do but you just went in the car to verify listen sis everything that i did last night was foolish and i should not be alive right now right work

right so we get to his house he lives alone it's a studio but it looks like a uh like 15 minutes from my house so too close it's too close to me um we get there i'm like what what is this like a weird like halfway house thing it was weird uh everything uh everything was just awkward i think he was no shade to the people who are but i think he was a little bit on the spectrum because he was very awkward and very like couldn't make eye contact he also needed glasses he was very blind yeah but that them autistic got the strength dick dick is strong autistic well let me tell you about his autistic it was not uh good um we we we never kissed we never kissed oh my god which is strange i was there for like 15 minutes and then i was like i

gotta go home because he was like so he's like we're we're hooking up a little bit and he's like let me see your tongue and i was like sir i didn't come here to suck your dick so that's not gonna happen and he was like what and i was like here's a better idea how about i sit on your face and he was like how is that the same thing and i was like oh my god he's really he really is 27 you might be 22 i was like you know what my stomach hurts i gotta go he was like what you feel like you need no i this was me it was i was like i'm not gonna come tonight so i gotta go right if i'm not gonna come i'ma go so uh i was like uh my stomach hurts i don't feel good he was like you think you need to throw up i was like i think i need to poop and then i went to order an

uber but he dropped me off at my house so door-to-door service um but wait and then he's asking me all these questions like i see you had a blue check on your on your instagram what do you do i was like sir you are asking these questions too late you should have asked these before you were inside me so wait so he was inside you and then you were like no no it wasn't it wasn't good i was like i i was like i should not be here okay and this is not gonna end well for me one of us is gonna come and it's not gonna be me so i'm gonna leave immediately when you said you shouldn't be there i was like how did you get here now nobody's supposed to be here anyway so i left he dropped me off and uh i'm like is he a psycho like he knows where i live i deleted my tinder

last night that's what i did i deleted tinder that's how bad it was tinder is for vacations only i'm still on hinge i feel like back in new york what i want now is a summer fling right so I feel like on Hinge we have conversations then we go get a drink and then maybe we sleep together but last night was conversation car, house back in the car, home you're a reckless hoe

I know, I am reckless I got home and I was like you need supervision that's why you need to be messaging me bitch you messaging Carolina Andre I have not spoken to Andre about this yet so Carolina was we were on the phone all day yesterday

so she naturally is the person that I was talking to about this she was like call me in the morning when you get home after sex i called her literally an hour after that and she was like uh what happened wait so i was like nothing good i i am supportive of the hoeing girl if you would have dropped the pin i would have been there i would have been outside his house that's not the support i need friend i don't need you i don't need to drop a pin in you to be for you to be there when i come outside i don't need you walk of shame shaming i wasn't gonna share i'll be like ready to fight ready it's about to be girl fight no city he would literally blow on you and you would fall down the stairs sydney you would shat you humpty dumpty he

would humpty dumpty that ass oh i would have left eye his shit and you know i know how to light a match okay okay but your light is up shout out to little kim he says oh my god i'm still not done anyway so that was last night but all of the hoeing that i did internationally i think i was a little bit smarter i it doesn't matter you don't need to be smart it's just you need to make sure you're safe yeah smart doesn't have anything to do with safe yesterday no smart and safe do go hand in hand if you're not smart you're not safe if you if you're smart you might not fuck but if you're safe you might fucking get out safely no if you're smart you wouldn't go in the first place i should have stayed my high ass in the house and watched finished watching a thin line between

love and hate because that's what i was gonna do and then i was like i knew you was about to do something shady because i messed you i was like what you doing tonight silence i was like oh i started to text you back and i was on facetime with carolina so i was like silence i was like i know what that is she about to go out there and do her side gig now since this is my main gig you know i'm unemployed girl this is my main gig all right anyway i tried to repeat something that worked for me in Amsterdam and this was not that. All right.

This wasn't it. I mean, the people have literally be on the edge of their seats about what the fuck happened. So tell everybody about the stories. This is, this story, this episode is, it's all about Marie,

Marie, Marie, Marie, Marie. Forget about me, me, me, me. I'm sorry, sis. If we just go back a couple of weeks, there was an episode that was all about you and it was about you being arrested and we sat through

that hilarious story of your struggle and it was all about you, you, you, you, you. I was just singing. I'm on the same key as you, sis. I want to hear everything. Same note. I don't know. I truly know nothing.

Oh, you know some. I don't know enough. You know that when I went to London, I matched with this man. Hold on. Start exactly off where you started with the Eat, Pray, Host trip. They want to know where you started.

Okay, so I started. I thought I was going to be in the same part of France for the whole three weeks, But after four days, I was like, I got to get the hell out of here. This place sucks. My sis got options. Okay. Sis went to Switzerland.

Okay. Yum. Chocolate factory, cheese museum, doing all that cool Swiss stuff. But that doesn't matter. I didn't bang nobody in none of those places. Okay. I get to London. I match with this guy.

He's like, his profile said Fridays are for shopping and eating. And I was like, ah, today's Friday. Yeah. So I matched with him. And he's like, what are you doing today? I was like, eating and shopping. and he was like you look like you need some new agent provocateur and I was like yes I do you buying $900 panties stupid I was like yes I do absolutely obviously so we were supposed to meet

up and am I telling the story how I told you the story am I telling the story how you told me the story how I told you okay great got it so meet up with this guy and he's exactly what you think he is he's exactly what you think a man who would offer to buy a stranger panties is he's white so and short and we go in and uh it's kind of awkward but also like sis you know when when in rome or when in london so i'm picking up all the stuff that i think is attractive and uh everything that i think is gonna make my butt look big and i'm like sir do you need me to see do you need to see me trying this stuff on you know i got time i lotioned my butt today um so you know It's a little bit of a fashion show for him.

We get to the register, thousands upon thousands of dollars, and his card gets declined. So that was fun for me. I think that the whole ruse there is his card always gets declined, and he just wants to see people in lingerie for free. It's so smart. He's brilliant. Genius.

And I'm going to do that. Are you? Yes. But not at Agent Provocateur. No. You're going to do it at Claire's Accessories? No, no, no. We're going to be at Rainbow.

Rainbow got a lingerie section, too. Baby. Okay, so then I matched with this black dude. Beautiful, bearded. He has all his hair, like, hot. He tells me that I'm beautiful. I'm like, thank you, sir. You're beautiful also.

He asked me how long I'm in London for. I'm like, oh, for two more days or something stupid like that. He unmatched me. He unmatched me. so that I match with this German dude who's like tall and looks like a model, right? He German, the date was boring, but we go to this bar to get some drinks

and this like hotel lobby and we sit down and as soon as we sit down, the bartender is the black dude who unmatched me. Oh my fucking God. Looking sexy as ever, just. So hot. Oh, so beautiful, like beautiful. He had all his teeth and everything.

I was like, ah, ah. but i already sat down and i can't i mean there's no way that i in my mind that i can play off us moving hey a guy that i don't really care about a guy that i do like is here uh can we leave i didn't say that instead i sat there in this bartender's line of sight and laughed really hard all night just oh my funniest joke i've ever heard screaming so finally this white dude goes the way to go to the bathroom and i'm like well i'm gonna pop up and talk to my friend so i jump up and i go to the bar and i'm like hey can i have my tab so i can close out and he's like yeah what's next after this what are your plans i'm like what are my plans uh and i start to say to

him you look really familiar i think it's because you unmatched me oh my god and right when i start to say that the the white dude comes back upstairs and he's like what's going on and i'm like oh freaking hate white dude so I let him walk me back to my hotel and I was like I was gonna double back and go see that bartender but I was like well what if it wasn't him it was definitely

it was him yeah Marie what the fuck how did you drop the ball in that Kobe I'm so dumb you could have definitely made a three pointer right there yeah but he unmatched me so what and I was so upset about it it was him

playing hard to get bitch no he he wants like a wife he's he's trying to get his Idris Elba on he wants a wife anyway so I ended up having sex with somebody else and it was the worst sex in my life okay please explain it was uh this little Italian man and I know and I know I did it wrong right I'm in London I should have banged a dude from the UK I banged an Italian that don't speak no English his name was Giuseppe his hair was too long for him to be like laying on top of me um it was the worst sex I've ever had in my life literally while it was happening I was like is he inside me I was like this this ain't sex this is wrong right and his body was squishy I was like he had no idea what he was doing I'm pretty sure he was a virgin he was 26 years old he must

have been a virgin there's no way you're that bad at sex because he tricked me right like the kisses were like good you were like oh okay wow he might he might could know what he doing right oh my god because italians are good at flirting what does top lip look like though what does top lip look like i don't remember sis i don't remember but he looks like do y'all remember the tarzan cartoon he looked like that like if tarzan that's who yes but i didn't say that the guy was ugly i said the dick was ugly like the sex was bad that's what i'm saying um but he was short he was maybe like five six five seven five seven five eight if you guys can't hear andrew he said that's tragic honestly i think all men are short though so he might have been five nine but i'm

saying he wasn't tall okay um he spoke no english and just kept saying i love you and i was like You have to. Oh, that's gross. You gotta go. So after it's over. After he give you that basura dick. Sis, sis, in my hotel room, I was like, I should get out of here. Like, I gotta go.

Like, that's how bad it was. I was like, I should leave. And the next day I left. So what kept happening is I would have sex with these people and then fly out the day after. Because I was like, I don't want to see this again. You're so brilliant. So after London, I went to Amsterdam, had the best sex of my life there. Okay, finally, something we could get into.

Talk about that. fabulous okay so it was the same thing right i'm on tinder i'm leaving the next day i'm like i gotta get some amsterdick right so uh i had went out on a date okay so i was standing on the canal looking at the dirty ass water i heard a voice behind me go it's beautiful isn't it i was like there's about to be some made in manhattan type bs i turn around it's a white man who's way too confident to be talking to me like way too cocky to be like that comfortable talking to me and i'm like um yeah it's beautiful and he asked to take me to dinner i let him and then he's boring so i let him pay and then i was like i'm going home right to jump on tinder right

i let him feed me and then i was going home smart right genius so i he's like oh i'll walk you it's no problem and i'm like all right i'm leaving him at the door okay right so we get to my house and i'm like all right thanks for walking me he's like you're not gonna invite me in i was like absolutely not and i left him on the sidewalk right beautiful he was like i'll call you tomorrow i was like no we're not gonna speak my phone is gonna be cut off i said i don't have any data for the rest of my trip so i jumped on tinder and i matched with this dude who's very attractive like a sexy movie star type man right you have a picture no so i very i deleted tinder right right right so i matched with this guy we're talking i'm like all right well what

you know you close right because i'm like i have to get this done before i leave he's like oh before you come over here i need to tell you that i used to be a professional skateboarder or something stupid like that he's like and i broke my back he's like i could still walk and stuff but you know i'd be tired so i'd be in a wheelchair i was like ah this crippled nigga hits you with the best dick of your life no no no listen i said i'm not coming he was like what he's like everything still works i was like i don't care he was like i'll prove it i said you don't have anything to prove to me i've had bad sex with people with good backs i'm not about to have you tell me or try to prove to me with your bad back that you got good dick i was like it's it's you don't have

to prove anything no thank you he's like oh you're i think he's like i feel like you're you're gonna miss out on something i was like i'm not coming to your broken house no i'm not coming i'm not come on i'm not walking up the ramp to your house it's not in a wheelchair he's in a wheelchair so i match with this other dude okay that dude unmatched me the one in the chair you thought i got good dick from a dude from professor x that's what i thought hey this has been up and down bitch this has been a roller coaster i know i'm trying to tell you the story so i match with this guy he's the most dutch looking person that you could probably imagine in the world his name has like mad consonants in it and like a vowel and he's like was it all sex drugs and rock and

roll for you this trip or did you have time for some culture and i was like i got some culture i did some drugs haven't done any sex stuff yet and he was like well what are you waiting for i was like you to send me your address and he was like right marie when did you become i said that And I dropped my phone and was like, I like left it. I typed it because I was like, that's what I soon as he said, what are you waiting for? I was like, I got something for that ass. Oh, my God. When did you become such a professional at this in Amsterdam?

So anyway, he's like, if I send you my address, you'll come to my house. I was like, yep. Was he hot? He was. OK. And he was like, and you don't have a picture of him. Sydney I deleted Tinder

you didn't screenshot nobody screenshots anymore I screenshot everything I have a picture of this white man I'm gonna show it to you right now anyway so

oh my god so Andre and I wasn't gonna go okay I wasn't gonna go Andre was like he was like yo Dutch dudes

got the have the best sex game and I was like shut up Andre like you a hoe shut up yeah and he's like

no he should know Andre's no but Andre was like he was like no he was like He's going to have a big dick and he's going to have, it's going to be good sex. I was like, all right, whatever, Andre.

I'm going to go. My flight was early in the morning, but I was like, I'm going to make time. I get there and we talk. We have some tea. He builds boats. That's some real like Amsterdam job. He builds boats. Okay, listeners, you regular ass dusty American men.

Y'all don't do shit. You don't do anything. Y'all don't build boats. Like what the fuck? That's why sex be bad with you guys. Y'all need to start building some boats. find a fucking hobby y'all need to start building some mother effing boats this is this is him so oh my god wow very dutch very dutch bitch he got a he got like two filters on it buddy i could

tell yeah yeah yeah andrew that's what he looks like i mean he was a little redder than this but that's what he looked like wow anyway so we start making out i'm like this is weird i don't really know this man but then he just knew what he was doing sis it was very good best sex i've ever had it was great in your entire life in my entire life so halfway through the sex right or like kind of in the beginning of the sex i hear him sniffing behind me and i'm like what you you doing cocaine and i turn around and he's he's like uh have you heard of poppers and i was like i said a straight white dude in amsterdam is not about to teach me about no damn poppers i said yeah i know about poppers oh my god and he was like do you want some and i was like yes

so we're doing these poppers sis magic andrew it's crazy it's crazy wait okay explain what poppers feel like i i don't i've never had poppers i don't even know how to explain it it felt i mean it doesn't last that long it just but also at least like it's kind of like a head high like a head body soul high it's cute sis anyway so tell the people what you were telling me on the phone don't

fucking hold back now bitch baby so I was like uh I was like oh my god I feel like I feel like you're gonna make me squirt and he was like oh am I sis destroyed the mattress I think he had to get a new mattress

also I think I ruined his TV it was going far you didn't tell me that the squirting no you told me about the squirting but the tv sis it was awesome after it's done we're all tired i'm all discombobulated right i floated above my body and i came back and your hair survived all that baby i mean he wasn't doing it in my hair sis it was great though like he knew exactly what he was doing every single thing that he did he did it with a purpose and i was like this is what sex should be like with everybody all the time right i'm like well what like what is so great about like how do you

know anyway did you do the poppers before he busted open or like uh since it was like throughout it was like it was like poppers that poppers that poppers so you guys did poppers the whole time squirt poppers squirt poppers poppers shout out to rush oh my god and then he was like um he was like you can stay here i'm not kicking you out whatever i was like i have a flight to catch in a couple hours i gotta go so i left and he had he was asking me what i did or whatever and i told him i was a comic but i wouldn't tell him my last name until after i left so he watched a bunch of my videos and he was like you're really funny and that was really fun so if you're ever in amsterdam him again holla at me he didn't say holla at me but he gave me his phone number and i sent him

mine i was like if you're ever in new york girl he'll be here next week i'll be here real soon yeah that was crazy so then i get on a plane i end up in france the sex in france was not good uh the dude was hot but he just couldn't get hard no he like rolled his dick up and tried to like throw it in me fuck out of here and i was like i have to go he gave you flaccid dick this also it was 97 degrees and there was no central air oh which is rude and very europe and he was very european sweating on top of me and i was like nah this i can't yuck and he's like he was like oh well i'm gonna take a shower took a shower and you were dashed no it was in my it was in the house that i was staying in so i had to stay there but he was but he was hot you know he was a rugby player

uh like six three sexy right like he came back to my house and he was on my balcony smoking a cigarette because everybody in europe smokes cigarettes and there were these there were all these like tourists below us that were like watching him and i got up and i was and i just stood to look at them and he was like oh you're making them jealous and i was like good they should be jealous they're not pretty like me so that's what europe was was a was back and forth me feeling like the hottest person in the world and then thinking am i ugly like that was what europe was for me wait why it's like walking through the streets like look at how amazing i look compared to everybody on this dirty ass street yeah and then am i ugly getting trashed

dick you're right okay is that why the dick is so bad oh no no no no it's just they can't keep up And they're probably like intimidated a little bit. They couldn't believe that. They probably thought you were a mirage. They're like, how is this stunning, wonderful person in my house or next to me and about to let me put my dick in her? They were blown away. I mean, the two people who came to me for sex sucked.

Yeah. Right. How you Ubering some dick to me and it's like one star? One star. No, I only Ubered one. okay so the the italian dude in london just walked he didn't uber he was poor he just walked yikes to the hotel well the girl now you know i know how to dick was the way it was if he walking to you walk this way yeah so that was give me a kiss that was bad i ubered to the dutch dick and

And that, you know, best six euros I ever spent. And then the French dude had a scooter. So he scooted to me. Zip, zip, zip. And then he tried to say that he loved me too and tried to invite himself to New York and was like, I could be there in August. And I was like, you could be where in August?

I bet you he'll come. But you're like, where are you going to stay? You're not staying with me. Mind you, also, the French dude don't really speak no English. so like our whole conversation was like me listening to him and trying to catch everything he was saying and then throwing

six French words back at him so he's like oh she's such a good listener meanwhile the whole time I'm just trying to figure out when he's gonna stop talking yeah yeah yeah yeah and then I was like alright well let me see if I get some black dick before I get out of here cause you know I haven't done that for the break yet

and then it didn't happen so last night I was like oh I'm gonna get some I'm gonna sleep with this black dude and it was not good so honestly that's what I get for trying to like right the right the wrongs trying to balance it out I'm so annoyed about which part the guy last night and just that bartender you slipped on that shit I definitely did you should have fucking million percent you totally should have let that nigga walk you somewhere wrong and then walk you to the wrong place and then

walk fucking back and be like hey boo what were you wearing I want to know some of the looks but the thing about that is that the guy that I went on that date with and saw the bartender he lived in that neighborhood so I was afraid if I came back outside

I was going to bump into him and I was like it don't matter you're a free agent bitch you're a free agent it's like you don't answer to nobody you know i don't answer to nobody but germans is crazy and we know this and i was like i don't want no problem they can't be crazier than the dude you went to place last night oh that dude that sis honestly and truly i cannot believe i did that that is the craziest thing i've ever done can you offer iprejo excursion you got that same energy nigga

yeah but i i can't do that here this is i'm i'm home i can't be doing international host stuff Are you looking at my nipple right now? You're looking at my nipple real hard. Is it out? I mean, is it a problem? I didn't go on a trip. I need something, too. I need to get mine.

Yes. Any questions? Andrew, do you have any questions about the trip? Wait, hold on. Nope. Andrew, you got to get a mic because I got a message about you needing to be on the mic. Yeah, you have to be on a microphone. I mean, we can no longer speak from afar.

It's not right. Okay, we're doing it. Andrew is at a microphone. Hello. Hello. It's I see it. I'm moving now. Okay.

Oh, my God. Wow. Andrew is finally on the pod right now. Let's talk about what Andrew's wearing first because people would like when we give a full rundown of the look. Andrew's giving us Hampton's carnival shirt. No, he's giving Banana Republic resort. I got it in Zara.

Zara. But it's very slim. Zara. It's very slim. is black and blue horizontal stripes and a tiny khaki short. Tiny. And he's got both shoes on.

Oh, yeah. These are the worst shoes, though. He's got a little van, a little kit. I need to get new ones. Okay, so the floor is open. If anybody has any questions about what I've just discussed, I will answer truthfully and honestly

and to the best of my ability. So that means all lies. Ready, go. I'm actually so ecstatic. I mean, when I spoke to her, I was screaming because I was just so happy. Sydney was like you squirted

yeah she was just so free out there and I was like work I did feel very free and it was beautiful and so you know

I would have went back for that bartender I should have I mean obviously it was a mistake was he tall he was tall like who would he

play in a movie who would play him in a movie I don't know he was light skin his hair was not low like not a fro

okay Michael Ealy michael like a young not tired michael yeah yeah yeah because he'd be looking real weird yeah no we know he works like a book right that's why he's tired right right right right right he's but do you know who michael ely is i have no idea absolutely you could tell by andrew's hairline he don't know who fucking michael is and we're going to take a minute to google michael ely i'm letting y'all do it now uh hold on a little i just wish i had kind of that kind of that but more okay but more like manly younger less pretty less pretty more like shoulders he had a bigger he had a

nicer body uh viewers i mean listeners i hope you're out there googling who michael ely is look at that less tired younger but also more manly more of a full beard okay the only thing that him and Michael Ealy have in common is the complexion, sis, honestly. Oh, no. He didn't really look like this, but like in the movie, sure. Does he have blue eyes? Michael Ealy? Yeah. Yeah. You like black dudes that have

blue eyes? No. I mean, I've been seeing all the dick Andrew's getting. I mean, this is... It is wild. This is a very two-sided conversation over here. Andrew, you've been getting a lot of dick too, babe. Let's talk about it. What dick you been, sis? Um, well, there's a... Uh-huh. Name names. West Village.

I was just telling Sydney It's this guy who has an Airbnb It's a Mr. B&B So it's for gay people exclusively A Mr. B&B? That's the app? Yeah and so when gay people come to your area The host will show them

This is the queer places to go to This is the neighborhoods not to go to Oh it's like a little tour guide But you live in New York what do you need that for? You want an Airbnb? So this is him I've shown you him before bomb dick

you heard that he made me a pizza last week and then gave me a full body massage and then ate me out wild ate you out? you mean tossed your salad? after after you cooked

after he made me food too he cooked and then ate your ass absolutely unheard of he's like oh now I'm ready for the entree The pizza was the app And your ass was the entree That was dessert sis

That was a tiramisu And I was layered in that coconut Lubricant, whatever, the body massage oil Yeah I got a little massage too That's cute It was really cute Andrew, y'all got all types of yeast infections

Oh my god, stop The pillow got coconut oil in it still But anyway He has Mr. B&B And he doesn't He was like I have this like Lesbian couple

That requested to stay with me Sydney and Adrian Yeah Sydney and Adrian As a matter of fact Right right right And so he was like I'm really scared about it I'm like

I don't see the connection here And so he explains it like I just think that women Are disgusting They're gonna expect me To buy them tampons And everything I'm like

These are grown ass women That are That probably Have gone through menopause Yeah Oh shut up It was two Hillary Clintons They just gonna have their pants suits

That's it that's all they need I am just absolutely dumbfounded They're disgusting Well he's ignorant and disgusting This is the salad guy And so he said I just don't want them to throw out the bloody tampon In my trash can because that's disgusting

I'm like you put your dick a raw penis Into a fucking man's butthole Raw you're talking about yourself I'm talking about my Only once Don't backpedal now. So you had unprotected sex with Ass Eater.

Well, he was like, well, there's no way. His dick is dirty. He just ate my butt. Mr. Pizza Hut himself. Pizza and a salad. Pizza and a tossed salad. He did you a little Olive Garden.

When you're here, you're family. That's so true. Ooh, they got the best salad stove. I could just eat the breadsticks in a salad. Sydney, you eat ass? That's it. That's it. Not Andrews. Absolutely not. Never. Well, you're not Andrews type.

You ain't got no house. Wow. So rude. But then a few days ago there was someone else. A freaking body builder. Oh, so small dick? Small, yeah. Small dick, big back? But like huge.

Oh my god. He's very attractive. He looks like your type almost. No, his neck is too thick. what i feel like i know him he's a middle school english teacher i thought you were gonna say he's a middle schooler i was gonna say he is huge he's a middle schooler yeah oh yeah he's he's cute he's he's a little basic but you know what yeah just look at the i mean look at that abercrombie and fit shirt he got on that's oh he is basic he probably has nobody brown in his life nah i just feel like when his body if is he tall he doesn't look that uh no i i was fully

expecting him to be like 5'7 but he was like 5'11 he was tall that's a good little gotcha that's a good little gotcha please so he's got a great body he's corny he's corny and the dick is terrible well it happens you know it's very hard to just

be perfect it really is I don't need you to be perfect I don't need you to be perfect I just need you to have some type of technique I need you to know kind of what you're doing right yeah Like, if I'm coming in hot with, uh, I'm just wondering if you can give me your address. What's your skill?

That was very impressive. If I'm hitting you with that, I need you to hit me with some, like, but what's your technique, Marie? Fisting? No, that's how big your dick is. Fisting. I was like, wow, wow. What's my technique? So, when I was at my house before this beautiful French man ruined my trip, I was like, oh, you look like you give good massages.

because he was like stroking my leg and i was like you look like you give a good massage and he was like oh i could show you and i was like okay and we're talking and talking and he's like do you want this massage or not do you have body oil obviously the house that i was staying at had body oil thank you so much so we go into the bedroom and he's like uh i'm like should i take off my shorts i can't have a massage with these shorts on so i took them off but i also had on a bodysuit and he was like you should probably take that off too he's like because the straps gonna be in the way and i was like yeah yeah you right right so i'm like i'm like well don't look at me while i take it off turn around oh you're trying to be coy now bitch after you're like yeah

come on through nigga and now you're like actually hold on that but that situation was different because he had messaged we had been talking for a couple days right and he was like what are you doing today and i was like oh i just woke up i'm hungry and he was like i could come to you and we can get some food in your neighborhood i'm on my scooter i'm so he came over we ate he came to my house we met out of thing we ate came back butt naked got a massage and then we had sex but um the sex was terrible but i was also like but what is your technique my technique is um if it's not working for me i just leave my technique is also if you offer me poppers my technique is also uh you got a car and you're picking me up then i'm coming over

my technique is that like you know hot pocket okay your body is a vessel your body is a vessel to be used used properly you know I will say last night I had no makeup on and I just

showed up like I had looked all day so that was last night but do you have a picture of him that guy yeah I have a picture of him oh Marie see this is what I'm talking about when you went on your little like excursions I just wanted screenshots That's all I ask. Okay, I have screenshots of this particular guy.

Okay, okay, okay. Oh my God, I'm excited. I'm excited. Hold on. Wait, wait. Obsessed. Okay. Stressed out.

Look at Junior Architect. Oh, you showed me that though. We were talking. We were like, oh, he's not bad looking. But I was like, I didn't like the pictures that he was taking. No. I don't, these pictures of a man in a mirror. I hate that.

That's why I'm starting with you. The man in the mirror. yeah he's cute but there's nothing that I would be like blown away that I would be like no he is basic

yeah and then two mirror pictures back to back it was a lot of selfies it was all of them in a mirror and I was like that's why I was like

because he had friends yeah I was like he ain't got no friends no social skills anyway he was definitely lying about being a junior architect

and then at one point he pulled up a blueprint a random blueprint on his phone that was he did it that's Getty Images

I was like what is that and he was like, this is my job. And I was like, but what is it? What is this? I was like, but what is it? He was like, it's a school. And I was like, oh, this dude just got out of jail.

So he's a janitor. I was like, he just got out of jail. I was like, there's no way that this man. That is psychotic. Yeah. And then he was like, what are you doing tomorrow? And I was like, I don't know. I'm going to be busy though.

No, I asked, I said to him, what are you doing? And he was like, seeing you. And I was like, oh, no, no, no. He said, what do you have planned? I was like, stuff. I'm going to be busy. he was like like what you got and i was like stuff and he was like all right so he was like i'm gonna pull up he's inside of you for like what five minutes it was very brief it was very

brief because as it was happening i was like you know what like this is not like i have to go home after this when it was in amsterdam and when it was in london and when it was in france it was like oh whatever it doesn't matter but here i will potentially bump into that dude at trader joe's potentially and that's what I don't like and he saw your Instagram he can write on your shit he can write on your wall

he could but I could also block him block him now you should block him or you should let him listen to the pod first and then block him how did you get penetrated by him without kissing him ew Andrew we do not say penetrate here

we say penetration we just say say that because this is what happened he was like let me see your tongue and i was like i showed him i was like me like i showed him my tongue and he was like are you serious right now and i was like what do you mean this is my tongue and he was like he's like pointing to his dick he's trying to do sign language hey can he's trying to get a blow job with sign language ew gross disgusting he was doing the world's greatest i was like i didn't come over here to suck your dick flat out that's what i said i did not come over here to suck your dick and he was like what and i was like i did not come here and i was holding his

dick when i said this so i squeezed it i did not come here to suck your dick and he was like okay so what you're trying to do and i was like how about i sit on your face instead girl he was and his face he was so confused he was like he was like how is that the same thing and i was like It's literally the same exact thing. The same thing. And he was like, oh. And then I was like, do you have condoms? That's how he got inside me.

I asked if he had condoms. Oh. Yeah. Because I was like, well, I'm here. So we'll see what happens. So what size was it? He pulled out a Magnum condom. Oh, they all pull out Magnums.

They all pull out a little extra medium Magnum condom. And this is me watching him put it on. Just staring right at it. Were you that gif of the cat, like, filing its nails? Just looking like, mm, mm. Exactly. Yeah. I was filing my nails, sis.

I was like, mm, is that what we're doing? Yikes. Is that who you think you are? So you think you can dance? Yeah. Anyway, so we start having sex. It was just, the whole thing was bad. And he didn't kiss you.

That's weird. That is weird. Yeah, but he didn't kiss you. That's weird. He didn't even try to go in and kiss you. It is weird. But also, he probably was intimidated. he was like he's like she just yelled that she's not gonna suck my dick why would she kiss me yeah

but why are you asking me to suck your dick if you haven't even kissed me what are we talking about yeah you're listening listeners listeners it's called foreplay kissing as a part of the foreplay what sis when i tell you there was none because it was like oh well what what's on the table here well let's discuss what's happening here okay wait was there a playlist was there Any music? Any candles? A movie was playing. What movie?

Oh, I don't even know. I don't even know what the movie was. So he hit you with a tired Netflix and chill background music. It wasn't even music. It was like an Italian film playing. Oh, my God. I almost forgot to tell you guys this. So when I was in Amsterdam, I matched with this dude, some like old dude.

He was like 44, right? And he's like, the first thing he says to me is, he was like, hey, you ever fuck a man? And I was like, no, but I want to. And he was like, oh, well. He was like, tonight's your night. And I was like, tonight's my night. I'm going to go make this man. I'm going to pick a man.

He's 44, this Australian man, freaking messy, a disaster. Because he started sending me videos. He was like, you want me to send you some videos of stuff that I do? And I was like, yes, I do. Yes, I do. Send me videos. And how were they? They were nasty.

I'm blown away. So he's talking to me. And he's like, so he's like, well, he's like, I can send a car to come get you. I was like, OK. He was like, but before you come over, let's discuss what's on the table. He was like kissing. I was like, no, I'm not kissing you. Gross.

I'm just coming to peg you. And then I'm leaving. That's all that I want. Marie, you got to do foreplay before you peg. No. Don't be such an asshole. He was like, you do drugs. You need some drugs.

I got cocaine. I'm on cocaine right now. I was like, yeah. Poppers. Where's the poppers? The poppers guy was after this. Yeah, I know. He used to provide you.

Wait, will you do poppers in the States now? Will I do States poppers? Domestic poppers? I'm not going to purchase poppers, but if poppers are available in the home, then I'll do that. Shout out to Joel Kim Booster. Baby!

Joel Kim Booster, Bowen Yang, everybody. Whoever got the poppers, let's go. Pull up. Pull up. Anyway, this guy and I did not. I never met him, but i was fully prepared to peg this dude and then he was like okay so he was like i want to be able to kiss you on the mouth open like with tongue and i was like that's how you're not gonna

get me to peg you sir he was like and then you're gonna peg me and then i'm gonna have sex with you and i was like no you just you just lost one you lost one right so that is what you just lost one I was fully prepared to peg this man, though. You might win some, but you just lost one. Because I was like, it's going to be bad. But I was like, at least I'm in Amsterdam and I'm getting in work for when the pegging matters. That's wild. Friends, the confidence, the stories, this has been out of control.

I know. I should have done better. No, I did what I could for this first trip. I think you did great. I think your next go around, you're going to level up. You know, you're going to put some more stank on it. But I'm proud of everything that you've accomplished in three weeks. The four people that I had sex with.

I mean, I knew you for like. The TV squirt was really honorable, really. Honorable, yeah. I mean, I just watched it just kind of like slide. It was on the TV? Are you serious? You're lying. You're gassing.

It was on the window, sis. No, it was not. It was freaking everywhere. He sent me a text, a message after I left and was like, Next time you gotta give up your mattress Cause it was like a big You see the size of this table? That's how big the wet spot was Oh my god

I don't believe you You peed on that man I guess I peed on him Okay because after I was done I was like oh I have to go pee And he was like still I was like that's not what squirting is It's not white pee You definitely peed

Sure maybe I did sis but I had to pee when I was done So it's a lot of pee You drank water and you did poppers Poppers make you pee? Andrew? Are poppers expert? I'm not a poppers expert By any means

Oh you haven't done poppers? I've done poppers Like a few times I'm not I'm not on the bandwagon though I'm out of the Motherfucking loop Let me introduce you to

Sven Or whatever the hell His name was I mean wow This is the time of my life Where I'm like Fuck man This is a bad time

To be sober You wanna do some Poppers right now? Oh I can't friend Let me get my clutch I'm coming up on two years If I was 30 days in, I would do some poppers. If I'd be like, I might as well relapse.

It's just been 30 days. Well, I was like, well, what is poppers? It's like keyboard cleaner or something. Yeah. They sell that at like, yeah, like the hardware store. I mean, technically I could do poppers. It's not a drug, drug. It's like huffing paint.

Get your Demi Moore on, sis. Listeners, if I'm a sober person, can I do poppers? The answer is no, friend. Are you sure? You got to be sober all the way through. No poppers for you What are you You gonna do poppers

And bang somebody I don't know You know I'm You know I'm in An open relationship So Free agent Open relationship

Can you tell the listeners What you're talking about sis I mean I'll drop this bomb Like ten minutes Before the pot is over But yeah I'm in an open relationship Just in case you see

Adrian out there Don't text me Don't Don't Don't be sending me No pictures No nothing I don't want

Don't Don't do it Fully And you know that Was gonna happen People are gonna be like that looks like yeah

that looks like City's girlfriend I'm famous yeah I'm famous I got a blue check New York is small somebody was gonna

text me something and I was gonna be ready to fight so yeah she's out here she's gonna have a hot girl summer

I'm allowing it hot girl summer I'm allowing it let Adrienne be free and fun are you gonna have a hot girl summer

what's happening is she trying to do these poppers or not no I'm all set I'm just gonna be real boring like I have been, you know, being consistent.

Wow. Well, friend, listen, I am on, I bought, I didn't bring any gifts for anybody back from Europe, but I did bring Slutty Reezy back. So Slutty Reezy is here. Yeah. The hostentennial has started with six months left for the end of the year.

Yeah. But we out here, okay? That's worth it. Hot Girl Summer, act up, smacked up. Andrew, Hot Girl Summer? Yeah, you're usually so private about all your sex stuff. Yeah, it's a lot. All of it is on here and I'm going to

not listen to this episode. We're def not editing any of this out. Take it all out! We cannot. Every time I say that word, dick. Censor. Put like a... And then I saw his women. That's our brand to not take anything out

of the pod. Sydney, please. We barely do any edits. Hardly. It makes my job so easy. I literally never ask for an edit, but I feel like Sydney has. Oh no, you asked for one. What did I ask you to take out? about someone at work.

I said something mean about somebody at my old job. And now thinking about it, you should have left it in. You should have left it in. You gotta leave it in. It's so dumb. It's so stupid.

It's total. Wait, I have a couple of shout outs because that's what we're going to do now. Oh, yeah. Wow. I had Kathleen from Oregon send me some Biscoff to go.

Gracias for you, Kathleen. You're amazing. She wrote a little note To the Biscoff Queen, Sydney, don't let Marie shame you. Biscoff is fucking delish. Thank you and Marie for making me laugh so much, especially on the hard days. XX, Kathleen from Oregon. Oh, you're so sweet.

Kathleen, shout out to you, sister. Kathleen, you're so, so sweet. We also have messages in our DMs as well on the unofficial expert page. Thank you guys for actually, you know, listening to us and taking directions quite well. Honestly and truly, you guys are the real MVPs. I was really surprised. I was like, oh, look at them sending us stories. Wait, somebody had an Uber story that was really funny.

Let me try to find that. Wow. You didn't have it queued up? I didn't have it queued up. Boot up. Queued up. I wasn't even thinking because I was just like, oh, I'm not going to do this. And then I'm like, actually, I should because I did ask them.

Oh, somebody wrote from London. I think her name is Sasha. Sasha. hey girls I hope you're doing both no I hope you're both shining and doing well just letting you know

that I'm listening from my kitchen in sunny London oh that's where we were that's where we was okay sis if you're in sunny London go down to Shore Ditch

and the hotel that I the bartender works at is called actually I don't remember the name of the hotel fuck can you find out yeah I'm gonna find out

right now okay let me continue work's been a madness work has been madness today So you two are bringing me joy whilst I cook dinner. You're both so witty and razor sharp.

Keep it up, ladies. You're winning. Alexandra X. So sorry. Alexandra from London. Thank you, baby. Baby. You're fantastic.

Let's do it. Oh, and then we had Tiara send us a bad Uber experience. I guess it's from the last episode that we just put up. Yep. Last summer, my mother and I went to go to the Met in NYC. We caught an Uber back to Penn Station, and this guy was the worst driver I've ever had. When we got to the station, we tried to get out, and he yelled at us to stay in the car because he wanted to drop us around the corner. What?

He then tries to take off in the taxi lane in front of the station and almost hits another taxi. The taxi man starts yelling, and our Uber keeps moving forward and crashes into the taxi. This is a battle of Uber versus taxi. That's what's really happening. Then the taxi man gets out of the car, comes over and opens the backseat door and starts screaming at us. What? Ladies, my mother and I were shook and I had to jump out and run away because of a full

brawl was about to happen. And the police ran over and eventually the police ran over eventually. But my mom and I was out of there. I wonder if they paid. It's an Uber. Of course they paid. Yeah, but I would have just wrote like, oh, my God, here's my experience. And Uber was going to give them five dollars.

You know, that's what Uber does. No, no, no, no. There's no real people here. Wait, hold on. I got in an Uber like three weeks, three days ago, and my Uber got in an accident. I took pictures and everything, boo. I got out in the front. I was taking photos.

Sent it to Uber. They sent me all my money back. It was $30. It sounds like they ran out and jumped on the Long Island Railroad, so I don't think that they took pictures of the Uber crash. There's other stuff, but I can't find it right now. But, you know, I love that you guys are sending us stuff. We feel way more official.

You'll just keep sending this. If you guys have more than Biscoff, send that as well. Y'all got bathing suits? Bathing suits! Y'all got bathing suits? You got dick? Listen, I wear a size 2 in bathing suits, and I wear a size 12 in dick. And I'll take whatever she's having.

I love the same. Some of the listeners are real cute in the DMs, too. What are they saying to you? Open your DMs. This is what they're talking about. hey producer andrew love you on the podcast in the background in the background well i made it bitch okay i know this is a big deal marie talking about her excursions and then andrew like we're really just elevating as a group yeah this feels like a patreon episode honestly

this is so free and it's stupid it should have been on patreon this is so free you know what marie said marie was like oh no no no i have to i have to tell all of this on the on the pod and i I was like, you know what's funny? We got some more stories to put on the Patreon. Anal in the Ace. We got that. Anal in the Ace? Anal in the Ace.

Yeah, Marie, you got another story that you didn't put on here. Oh, wow. Anal in the Ace. So you're going to put me on blast? So y'all got to slide on over to the Patreon if you want to hear Anal in the Ace. Oh, my God. You see how I do, sis? You see how I plug the baby?

The Patreon. There's something wrong with you, dude. It is. Yeah, Sydney was like, save all your stories for the Patreon. And I was like, sis, it's too many people listening that know that I'm gone and want to know what's happening. Yeah. Eat, Pray, Ho is a movement, sis. It's a mood.

Did you miss us? Miss who? The podcast? No, us. Like, all your friends, your family. Yeah, you know, some of the days. Some of the nights when I was out and I was like, ugh, I got to be out here by myself. I got to be social out here in these streets.

I'm not built to travel by myself. You're not? I'm not built to be, like, traveling by myself, if I'm meeting people who live in different cities, yes. But actually being on the road alone, I was like, this sucks. You had some companions, though. Huh? You had some companions out there.

I had three companions, and one of them was trash. Yeah. I mean, one of them was nice, but he's trash, too. Yeah, I just, every time I saw you post something, I was like, damn, Marie needs me. I was like I know she has looks who can take pictures of her honestly and that was like the most upsetting

part about the whole trip is like who's gonna take all these photos no you had some really cute photos yeah that I took yeah that I took like the dude from last night in a mirror which is fine you're an influencer and that's like our brand to have a mirror pic it was

it was crazy but I I left my Airbnb like 20 days earlier 21 days early and the chick was not trying to give me my money back what so i had it was this whole thing wait my grand there's drama and my yeah and my grandfather had died the day before i left remember yeah i know and so um airbnb was like well if there's an extenuating sick circumstance then you'll get we'll get you your money back somebody died and i was like somebody did actually somebody actually yeah so the trip was not at all planned because i thought

But, oh, three weeks, one place. I made no plans, no arrangements to go nowhere else. Marie, Adrian just called. Hey, Adrian, you're on the pod. Oh, I thought you rang the doorbell. Goodbye. Ding dong. Wow.

Do you hear that open relationship energy? Oh, my God. Just thought you were at the door. Goodbye. Wow. Did you see how my own girlfriend curved me on my fucking podcast? Sydney, what you going to do? You need to have a hot girl summer, too.

She's in an open relationship. You in an open relationship now. We're going to get you some hoes, sis. No, I don't want anybody. We're going to get you some hoes, some young ma's. Ooh. No, I don't want anybody. I'm all set.

I don't have the mental capacity. Janelle Monáe walks in right now, lifts her skirt up. What you doing, sis? I don't like these hypothetical scenarios. No, she's literally outside. She's coming in. See what I'm saying? Fuck you both.

Janelle Monáe is coming in to do seek treatment after this. I'm going to do La Folgerista's after this. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. So, no? No. She pulls up.

You bump into her at the Ace Hotel, sis. What's happening? I really love that tightrope song that you had back years ago. That's the game you spin, sis? Really love that song. Nothing from the new album. Nothing about hidden figures. That song that you released 19 years ago.

I really loved your eyebrows in Moonlight. Wow. I have no game. I know that I have no game. People message me in my DMs, and they're very respectful and friendly and just... There will be a couple people who will say, like, damn, no disrespect, but damn, you fine.

No disrespect, but damn, them titties. No, they don't say that. They don't even say that. They're very, like... I'm everybody's aunt. It's crazy, because I'm younger than everyone. Hilarious. people don't say anything disrespectful to me and my dms either so there's that yeah well marie

you're fucking ruthless especially now you know i'm a hoe now so i really have no filter no qualms about shutting down a man in a wheelchair sir i'm not sitting on you or that he was like everything works wait how did you not see that he was in a chair i wish i hadn't deleted well he unblocked he unmatched me but how did i not see he's not one of the pictures was like him laying in like a hammock yeah with like how did he get a hammock sis he rolled he rolled up on a hammock and threw his body at it he was like this is the most problematic thing I think

I've heard this whole episode is problematic I feel like we'll have more to talk about as well going forward we're gonna try to get some A-list guests coming up it's in the works

merch A-list guests coming soon in the works somebody messaged me on Instagram and was like every time you guys say merch is somebody writing down the stuff for merch and I was like I was for a while but then I realized that

it was like you were saying merch after every single thing that I was like I can't keep up you can't keep up that right there is merch yeah we fucking need merch but someone wrote me they were like yeah I think you guys saying merch is the bit is merch yeah it's

merch I'm like yeah if you can make a shirt this is and then one person wrote me was like if you guys don't fucking make something that is merch worthy already i'm so tired of you saying merch just fucking do it already what would be the one thing that i was like yeah put some fire underneath my ass bitch yeah talk to me crazy i love it okay come on i'm so fucking moist yeah stick a bisque off in my ass yeah i hate that stuff in my ass Bro, that's crazier than anything that I've said on the radio. That actually is the most problematic.

That's crazier than pizza and salad tossing. That's merch. Biscuff in my ass. I'm not wearing that shirt. That's not coming to my side. Merch. What did you say, Andrew? What was your question?

No, no, no. What would be the one thing that you would put on the merch? Cut and gone. And then literally the word merch. I like merch. Merch is so funny. It's merch. Yeah.

I mean, that's what we do. In Ariel font. Just big bold. Ariel, live action. What do we think? So, I don't care about these live actions. I was like, we are so bored. We literally cannot reproduce.

We can't do new content. We have to go back in the vault and make things revamped. But there's new stuff there. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about a black mermaid. I feel like they gave her red locks and it's like. Was that a real photo? Yeah.

Was it? Yeah. We've heard on set in like a vintage, not mermaid outfit. I don't know. I feel like it's going to look bad. I have a lot of thoughts about it. But somebody was like, yeah, but Brandy gave us Cinderella. And it was like the best Cinderella ever.

And I was like, oh, I forgot. We had a black Cinderella. And Whoopi was in it. I didn't forget about it. And the prince was Asian. They gave us everything. They gave us multicultural Cinderella. So maybe they'll do it up.

That's what I'm saying. Maybe they'll do it well. but the Melissa McCarthy of it all. Oh, Melissa McCarthy is Ursula and that, I think, is problematic. Why? Because Ursula, in my mind, is either a big black woman

or a big black drag queen. Like, Ursula is not a funny, goofy white lady. Right? Melissa McCarthy is not going to play. She's not going to give us drama. She's going to give us kind of like silly Ursula. Yeah, also she can't sing. And she can't sing!

Yeah. Mass. I'm not here for black Ursula Taking a white woman's voice I'm not here for that I mean I feel like a drag queen could have done it and would have done it Yeah they should have had a drag queen I would have been here for a drag queen

Bob the drag queen would have nailed it Disney would never do that Disney would never The one character in live action Beauty and the Beast Was supposed to be gay and then people were like We're not even showing it at the theater We can't even show it to the children Who's supposed to be gay the one that's in love with Gaston

yes yeah that little one I think it was like Josh Gad so was he gay in the movie I didn't watch it I just read all the headlines why are they so complicated it's a fucking animation yeah but people like what they like like when the Hunger Games books movie came out people were like

Rue is black in the movie in the book it doesn't say she's black and it was like she's not even a main character sis like let this little black girl get her little check and they were like no people get super upset about

this movie stuff yeah it is wild I saw the new Spider-Man and Zendaya Zendaya is Mary Jane

that's cute is she good what character is this was she good in it what is this black girl playing I mean I don't she's taller than

Spider-Man work don't make no I was like they could have picked feminism Kirsten Dunst

back here oh my god with her fucked up teeth oh my god hey hey hey hey she has character merch merch

well did we learn anything today so much I'm just like I'm exhausted from everything that you told us Marie I'm so glad that you

you're like you're turning a new leaf you're telling us your business you're fucking left and right yes yes yes no condom

oh condoms every time what you talking about baggy man you gross nasty whore you nasty bitch you nasty

you disgusting you cunty whore you wash your mouth out with soap you bitch I'm never coming back prostagution whore Andrew you could keep telling us your business

And you know there's always a chair for you At the podcast if there's nobody sitting in it Oh of course this is the first time I've ever sat in this chair It feels so weird Well you know now Cause your butt is still moist from that salad Dawson Last week yeah Well the good thing is

Is that people were already sliding in your DMs Before but now it's like Y'all should just flood that shit Or put shady palm trees all over his fucking Instagram. How about that? Can we Jack Knight Andrew, please? Can we do that?

Shady palm trees all over his shit. And for those of you who have not yet done this, and I'm sure it's many of you, go ahead and go to Jack Knight's page on Instagram. We can. He just bought a Tesla. He has money. He just bought a Tesla.

He bought a Tesla. Yeah, he just texted me. He rented a Tesla or he bought a Tesla? No, he bought a Tesla. Well, that's what happens when you make that grown-ish money, that black-ish. he's making ABC money it's fucking stupid man

I know I can't wait to ride in that Tesla no no no I can't wait for us to get that kind of money if I had that type of money then I would

we still wouldn't buy that car we wouldn't buy that car I wouldn't buy that car we wouldn't buy that car but I would be even meaner to men and meaner to me so actually no I would not be meaner to you sis

I'd be meaner to men I would literally you'd be nicer to me in the app no I'd be the same level of mean to you consistent level mean slash nice. Would you take me to dinner? Sis, were we not talking about us both having money?

And you're asking me to, you know what, Sydney, you have a job now and I'm unemployed and you have not taken me to dinner with your corporate card. So honestly, I don't have one. Honestly. And let's not forget when I was a waitress, I was like, Marie, this is my girlfriend.

Whatever you want. You want an Ubers? I got you. Let's get food. You want drinks? Oh yeah, remember on Valentine's Day when you saved me, you sent me that Uber card. I was on a date with this dude and he was

I got an Uber all the way from the upper east side and brought you to my job I am fucking grade A I'm so glad we're together here give me your hand I missed you I got chips I got bisque off in his hand you're such a bitch I got bisque off in my hand give me your hand

I love you alright bye guys thanks so much for listening to the pod make sure you rate subscribe review all that shit and don't be ho shaming okay eat pray hoe and if you get there and you feel like you're not gonna come tell him i didn't come here to suck your dick yeah that's merch merch i didn't come here to suck your dick is merch can that be our second shirt that's our second shirt the first one is merch merch the

second one is i didn't come here to suck your dick can we get stickers oh my god stickers i I love it. License plates. All right. Bye, guys. Thank you. Love your terrible faces. Bye, friends.

Bye. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.