MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Emotional Support Dick

Episode Date: November 13, 2020

On this week's Unofficial Expert, we recap this past week in politics, Marie talks about the aftermath of her breakup, and Sydnee gets real with us. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever, dog. Wow. Whoa. I feel like I'm delirious right now. Did you just wake up before we started recording this episode? Yeah, but this is a different type of feeling discombobulated. I'm serious. One, because my mic situation is fucked up, but also, yeah,

I just feel out of it. I'd like I know today is what well, when this comes out, it's Friday. But today is actually Wednesday. But all of Monday, I thought it was Tuesday. All of Tuesday, I thought it was Wednesday. I've just been. I don't know, I'm given real drug addict energy right now. Well, friend, have you been outside in the last three days?

Yeah, of course. Of course, I went to the bank yesterday. Okay. You want to tell the listeners what happened at the bank? Sidney robbed a bank. Let's talk about that. No, imagine. Sidney, imagine if I robbed a bank.

I robbed it for the podcast. No, you robbed it for yourself. Don't put me in there. No, ma'ams. I went to the bank because y'all don't know this, but I've been banking with Venmo for several years now. several several years i i could not have a bank account because i owed the government money and i finally i'm in a good place good standing but people knew you banked with venmo because you

always say you bank with venmo new listeners what'd you say andrew i just i i completely forgot until you brought it up again i completely forgot thank you she says it on her instagram she says it on her she says it all the time but i do recall that you haven't like done your taxes since what 2009 or something a long time ago the reagan administration shut up marie uh but yeah i'm i'm finally i'm i'm finally in the process of you know paying everything that i owe off and i can have a bank account now and i went to the bank and they said in order to open up a bank account not only do you have to have one form of I.D.? You have to have two forms of I.D.

That's bullshit. Is it? Yes. If you have a passport, that's enough. Don't you have like a driver's license? No, no, no. Sydney's passport is her I.D. Wait. So in order to open an account to put money in it, you need two forms of I.D.

Yes. When I was little and my parents opened a bank account for me, I didn't have any ID or maybe I did. Maybe they went with my like social security card or something. They did. They did. So I didn't. So I came back to the house and I was freaking out because I could not find my social.

I couldn't find my birth certificate. And I was like, somebody is walking around with Sydney, Washington identity. But they would have been thrown in jail by now because they were like, you know, all the money I owed. But but Adrian had it. So I'm good. I'm in better. I feel better now. But Adrian has your I.D. still know what she still has your I.D.

No, she has my social security card and birth certificate. Why wait? When you said no, you should have said yes. Why did you have that? It was mixed in with her papers. And she moved. So I know you sending it to me today. Girl, the mess this is.

how are you doing marie oh you know where my social and my birth certificate are at my family's house yeah you don't have it on you i'd never have had that stuff on me i know where it is because at first my dad wouldn't give it to me and now i'm afraid to have that stuff in my house i mean i lost my headphones for this podcast so we're not gonna but the last time i was at my mom's house i found my birth certificate and i was looking at it and it said september 29th on it and i was like whoa is that my birthday and no it's i was born on the 23rd but it was issued on the 29th or something like that i don't know something weird but oh my gosh i almost had a little breakdown i've been celebrating on the 23rd all these wait what

if your birthday is on the 29th my birth certificate says the 23rd babe is what i'm saying to you but next year i'm gonna hit you on the 29th happy birthday babe well you know i was i was due in october but i came early so yo i was supposed to be born on um valentine's day but i was born on groundhog's day but they i got out of the hospital on valentine's day because i ate my mother's placenta starting early okay gay i i ate the placenta and the you know the poopoo and um i got really sick they had to shave my hair off i was they kept me in the hospital also starting early and i and i do like eating ass so oh wait what that has to do with placenta and being bald

well because i got sick people you like eating ass no shut up okay whatever marie how are you doing uh i'm okay friend um i was just telling andrew i woke up before my alarm today which always makes me feel like yay but but i'm already tired and it's i've been up what time was your alarm yeah your alarm isn't that early my alarm was for 8 45 but andrew you didn't ask me what time i went to bed okay okay what time did you go to bed go to bed at 2 a.m okay oh i like to do like i like my sleep to be like a round number like six and a half hours seven hours um but i woke up at like seven something um and um now i'm tired so i've been up for four hours and i'm already done okay honey well what did you do in the four hours um i shot a video for instagram

um that is i was trying to put up before we recorded this episode but i i didn't put it up yet so i'm gonna put it up after we get off this thing what is it about it's about skincare really yeah because i told you i was going to post about needing stuff for my face oh okay the face i told you about this this is not new information um but uh yeah so that's and i was trying to do it like in front of my window because you know it's about to rain and i couldn't post anything or shoot anything for the last couple days because they've been doing construction right below my window in front of my building so it's like caribbean people down there drilling in sandals it's very is very west indian down

there the same thing the same thing you're saying the same thing but we can see that you're looking at your phone so no no i meant like the same thing is going on over here they're doing construction in the actual building not across the street in the basement yeah mine is in in like the front of my building she's doing a step or something coming into the building so it's cut at the front door and you know my windows are right above the front of the building so well you look you look great marie you do look really great thank you friend did you put some makeup on no sydney stop asking me if i have on makeup and you always do it and it's always it's a backhand compliment no it's what are you wearing makeup like stop asking me that because you asked me before and

i ignored you and you asked me and it's like bitch please go lay down um there's this because you're not slick and you do it all the time no bitch it's just like what is it what is it like okay well let's let's if you want to be real you know we all have a little darkness under our eyes and you don't have any today so that's the only reason why i know your skin is perfect your skin is perfect you are perfect but i don't see no darkness under your eyes so i know you have a little bit of concealer underneath your eyes i know you so sydney stop asking me that question this is what i'm getting at you do this all the time okay i recorded the patreon a couple days ago and you're like marie's wearing concealer

like it was bro what what's happening what's wrong i was thinking and then this also might be a backhanded compliment oh my god andrew please don't add it if it's not add to it so we can i was thinking earlier and i refrained from saying it your boobs look huge today is that a backhanded compliment no i'm wearing a sports bra and there's like these weird these things oh okay i was like wow where have they been they do look big today but you know i'm wearing a sports bra with uh i don't know half a cup in it or something but you could have said that that's that's nice your boobs look huge today is a different thing than you are you wearing makeup especially if you know the answer to the question it's like you're just saying it because you want me to say

what what you want me to say friend that's true it's like anyway whatever i'm not gonna let sorry bring me down to uh i'm jealous i'm sorry i'm a mess i'm not gonna let you ruin my wednesday or my depending on what you listen to our wednesday friday okay so um we're 10 minutes And, you know, as you know, Biden is the president or projected president. I don't like that. I don't projected president. I don't like that bullshit. Wait, that's how it is every time.

He's the president elect until he's actually. No, no, no, no. You're saying because the count. Yeah. OK. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't like that. So what happens if Trump never concedes?

i don't think you can't say well yeah they didn't someone on biden's team say like we will use force if he doesn't like actually want to leave the white house well you know what i was just doing i was reading about the whole george bush al gore situation and because people are comparing the two to that and so well i don't remember what year that was it was like 2000 2000 what year was that i think that was like maybe in the late 90s no because obama became president in like 08 yes so george bush was like 2000 to 2008. right because he was president oh 9 11 yes okay oh al gore and george bush uh there was george bush won florida by 570 votes something real little like that and when it's that low you're allowed to like it's an automatic recount

and they and george bush's brother was the governor of florida so i was like oh this is fishy so they were recounting the the votes and the supreme court stopped it and that's how george bush became president in the year 2000. wow right so that's why people are like well because gore won the popular vote so it was like well isn't it the state where your brother works is the state where it's the anyway uh this is not that joe biden is beating him by like hundreds and thousands of votes right and he's still like it's a scam it's fake i'm still president and it's like the thing that makes me so upset so upset even though joe biden was winning by so many votes Right. We still looked at the map and we still saw the percentages and they took their Tory

Birch flats and these white women came in stronger this fucking time around. And it's like, yo, I remember when y'all bitches were putting up all these black squares and all this shit and then come to find out, come to find out y'all came back and vote. Is your husband beating you? Why are you voting for Trump? No, I'm flabbergasted. I just could not believe it. It doesn't make any sense to anybody. It does not make any sense.

Tell me that the numbers are wrong, please. No, more white women voted for him this time around than last time. But also mad Latinos. Yeah, Marie. Latinos for Trump. Latinos for Trump. Latinos for Donald Trump. It was insane.

Your post brought to my attention the Eva Longoria of it all. I had to look that up and I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. Eva Longoria of it all. She got her, she got her Adobo ass on MSNBC or whatever the website, whatever the- You know she still use Goya. You know she still use Goya products. You know she's still using them frijoles negros from Goya. And she said, yeah, we see what black women did in Georgia,

but Latinas were the real heroines of this election. And it's like, first of all, you didn't have to talk about black women at all. You could have, and then she tried to fix it and say she was talking about Latino women compared to Latino men. And it's like, you could, you didn't have to include black people in that at all.

You could have just started the sentence with Latino women are heroes. The fucking lies. And it's like, go to Florida then. don't backtrack and don't gaslight also what happened to the cubans because they didn't vote for uh they didn't vote for who you saying they voted for she said she said latinas that's different from cuban a latina is not a cuban it is but you know she's talking about like puerto rican um latinos latinas are i thought hispanic people as a whole were like it is it is but she

they you know they don't they don't want to claim the cubans right now it doesn't matter cubans belong to them cubans are theirs that's it they ride in with cubans on a bus like that's their that's it's hand in hand i'm still upset i'm still like babe how how jesse how how did you how did you do that how did you go down there and thought that it was the smartest idea like we're not gonna see that you bitches are voting for him i'm upset i'm upset it's just like y'all talk about women's rights and x y and z and blah blah blah and it's it's all for it's all for clout it's all social media and then the real the real tea is that no trump being president benefits you as well so sorry right but it's like ultimately it hurts you and people are like well biden is

this and biden is that and it's like we're not celebrating biden winning truly trump losing i just truly truly needed him and his family to feel like garbage like losers like losers for the weekend because people were dancing in the street on saturday like honking horns going ham buying with strangers and you know internationally people were like joyous partying because he lost paris rang bells germany had fireworks like everybody in the world was like oh my god thank you so much like people are happy everybody was happy but there was still it was still like not a far off race people still voted for him it just doesn't if all these people hate him per se then how is he still how is the race still not far off well because it's not that all these

people hate him 75 million people hate him but 70 people 71 million or whatever the number is million people love him and they agree with him and they're like trump you know latinos for trump but also like square states with no lakes for trump like all those if you look at the map it's all red oh and then the major cities are blue and yeah there's 13 million people in there's only a few major cities everything else is fucking east bumble fuck middle of the mall sketch your ass um mountain dew drinking like oh i can't stand it i'm so mad but if you look at like a map of pennsylvania it's all red and then there's blue in like the the big cities oh and let's let's get the realty um new york city yes blue upstate new york fucking red syracuse albany all those places

that you're like i got a cabin for the weekend them niggas they don't want no parts them niggas thank you oh i love msnbc sid oh my god i just could not believe it i just couldn't i just was like are we really serious here and then the main one it's a it's about abortion it's about abortion it's like is it about abortion because the ones who are voting sis sis you are 55 55 hitting 60 you can't even get pregnant no more what do you get that menopause vote but also why do people care so much about what other women choose to do with their bodies like physically i can sit on 16 dirty dicks and that's my business you know what i mean i've never had an abortion but like i would drive myself to an abortion if i needed it well i wouldn't drive

myself i would hope that the person to me would have a car you know that's that's the only way that would work for me but like let people do what people want to do because when that baby is born you don't give a damn about that kid when he's here so y'all don't really care about lives because if y'all did care about lives when it said black lives matter you wouldn't be like no no no no no all lives matter it's like well these are the lives that i'm not saying are more important than the baby in someone's stomach but these this person was actually like living this person is here and you don't hear out of the uterus living for several years for so many years and you don't care about them speaking of uterus uh no i was uh i spent the night at somebody's house on friday

god bless thank you and it was cute and in the morning uh it was different i don't know if this has happened to you guys but like at night the night before it's like you know it's affection it's hot sweaty sex and in the morning it was like distant it was like and i'm not saying that we need to like cuddle i'm not saying that we gotta sleep spooned up in a spork but i'm saying that like uh like I know what it feels like when somebody wants you at their house and it felt like this person did not want me at their house so uh I woke up in the morning and he was like oh I gotta do I gotta send out some some emails I was like okay cool I stayed in the bed this person uh went into the living room and after a while I was like well I guess I'll go into the living room too like

I'm lonely so I get up and I go into the living room and he's like oh I gotta go to Target to go pick something up for somebody and i was like right now we're doing runs to target oh i didn't know you did door dash but he left and i was like all right well he was like do you need anything from the store i was like yes i need this this this because i was hungry and then he brings me a snack and uh he's like oh i gotta walk my dog and it was like wait i would not ask you to leave at this point or is he just continuing to leave but he didn't ask me to like walk the dog with i was watching a movie in his living room and it was a terrible movie it was the keanu reeves knock knock if you haven't seen it don't watch it it's trash um but it was like i was in the house like

am i going crazy like should i have gone with him to walk the dog yeah i left like usually he drops me off at my house like he'll be like all right let's let's go or he'll get me a car or whatever but I was just in his house yeah the longer I'm in the house the angrier I'm getting and I'm like I'm putting my clothes on I'm putting my my assless panties on because I'm like I've spent the night at at people's houses before and it's completely different you wake up in the morning you know maybe it's a little you know it's a little morning sex or it's like some kissing or it's like you want some tea you want some coffee or I'm pretending to act like I'm a cook for you right but we're having a conversation it's like well what you got planned for the day

oh okay well like i gotta get to work so like i'll see you x whatever day you know what i mean but this was none of that and me and this person have been doing this for long enough that it's it wouldn't have been a problem if he was like oh i gotta do this or i gotta do that or can i get you a car home but i was like well this is what i get because i knew i shouldn't have spent the night so i'm like angrily putting my clothes on and i'm stomping down the stairs and on my way out of the building him and the dog are coming back inside he's like where are you going i was like i'm going home you are gone for mad long and he's like oh you know my dog is old and you know i gotta wait for him and it was like it doesn't matter i'm just gonna leave wait so did he want you to

stay or not it didn't feel like he wanted me to stay he was gone for like i want to say a full hour because i watched the whole movie i mean i watched an hour of it and then i skipped to the end because i was like this show is pissing me off but he was like where are you going and it was like it doesn't matter what you're saying with your face right now everything that you did this morning didn't feel like what you're trying to give me at this doorway right now and then i left and i and also i again we you know that that word gaslight i don't like when someone is like not acknowledging like how i feel or what i think is going on like just say you know what i did take a while my bad you know the time slipped i didn't know that i like i just you know the dog was slow

i don't know it just feels like you could see the time that this person left and like when you came back it was a long time it's not just that him and the dog took mad long it was every little thing like i'm butt naked in your bed this is priority number one boo-boo like i'm in your bed right now with my titties out so what are we can i can i ask wait did he get like a morning nut what or not no no he's next he oh i gotta send out stuff it was like okay well i'm i'ma hang and then he was like but like did you not have anything to do today on that day or andrew i'm sorry it was a fucking saturday and it was a saturday morning it was a saturday morning cartoons how dare you you woke up at 9 a.m on a saturday okay i had stuff to do with

me i'm sorry it was an honest question i just no no no worse than me you worse than me marie jump on him and he's like you unemployed welfare i was like okay you have time to watch this movie just be naked in this man's bed literally the alarm went off at nine o'clock in the morning and the thing about this person is they're also like very much in their phone all the time and it's like when i like i'll be on my phone when i'm in my house by myself but when people are at my house i'm not staring at my phone the entire time i'm like being present with my friends or my lover or whoever but like but also i i didn't need to be there and honestly that that's on me um but i text him in the car because i was so mad and i was like am i being crazy damn it sounds

sis it sounds like you're still mad well i mean i'm talking about it now and i am still upset not upset but like it's irritating but anyway i texted him and i was like i shouldn't have spent the night take care and he was like emoji peace sign i said take care because this is not something that like i'm we're not together um so uh he was like he's something along the lines of being with me is stressful and i was like i i'm not gonna respond i'm gonna turn to the council to the group chat and they'll talk me off this ledge and that's what you know sydney amina and carolina did for me because i was like am i insane is this a lifetime movie that i'm in right now like no girl no girl it's like okay but like backstory is i mean you you kind of had ended things with

this person yes and so we broke up like two weeks ago three right however many weeks the backstory okay well that's what happened and then we had been sexting for a week right all right well i guess because i knew i was gonna see him before the end of the year because you have you have to go back one time when you say something is done at least once you go back and then you say oh or you say this is why i left and that's what that's what it was you know the friday night was cool and then the saturday morning was not and i was like and i'll never be here again this is that's why i was like take care um and then he was like it's stressful and i was like okay well i will say marie um that one you're not stressful but it does feel like i mean you know

we've been we've been friends for a minute now and like you're that kind of person yeah I don't really want to let you down like yeah I can I could let down tons of people but you're one of the you're one of the people that I'm like fuck I would hate for you to be disappointed with me that's so so that is that is a little stressful at times interesting i i just think i mean it's i think it's good that you you did this you have this experience as like sort of closure and like uh it's validating it seems uh that it's just like okay this person doesn't but i feel like evil angoria butt coming but but i don't know if you needed to stay as long as you did to be like infuriated and i mean andrew we were having sex all night long yes but wouldn't you roll out

i'm supposed to run i'm like a whore in the night at five o'clock in the morning or whatever what it's not at five o'clock in the morning it's nine a.m and i think that's it no i'm telling you when we stopped having we it was like four a.m okay so you're telling me that at that time me my bra my zoo rag everything has to leave after right i'm just saying that i would be rather be pissed in my own apartment than someone someone's apartment while they're at target i don't know that's just me yeah i mean i guess you're right but i honestly i didn't think i don't know it doesn't matter because i don't want to be with this person and i didn't want to be with that like but you know sometimes it'd be people's ego though because i will say that um uh before

before I was all the way gay, you know, I was in a relationship with a man for, I don't know, like a year and a half or two. And I broke up with him because I didn't like his moves and I felt like he needed to do better. And then of course I hit him up, I don't know, like a month after and with the, you know, let's hook up. And the next morning he was like distant. He was like, okay. He wasn't treating me the same because in his eyes it's like, well you don't want to be with me and now you just coming over here because you want to hook up so i'm supposed to be all over you but like i still think i think that there's some of that he's like i still feel a type of way you leaving me out to dry yeah i i get that and i think that

there could have been some ego there as well but like i mean if you're trying to get back with me which is what the situation was then you should or that's or which is what i thought the situation was that's what you thought did is that what he said girl we don't have conversations like that no more because we're not together so it's like i i went there on friday thinking oh we're gonna have a conversation like we're gonna talk and when i was at his house i was like i don't actually i don't want to talk about this because i don't want to get back together like i just i was literally there just to have sex so andrew's right i should have left at 4 a.m like thank you yes like mary i mean andrew does have a point he does and i and i think that's why i was so

mad in the morning because i was like i shouldn't be here i should not be here and i'm like putting my stuff on to leave and i'm like i'm like well i'm not gonna see him i'm not gonna say that i'm leaving i'm just gonna leave and then i bumped into him at the front door and i was like god damn like i didn't have nothing prepared to say i was just mad um you know how do you spend the rest of your day i mean it was saturday we got well saturday we got the news well when i was waiting for my uber i heard all the horns honking and people screaming in the street and i was like what's happening and then my uber driver was like what's up and i was like i think maybe the trump thing and he turned the radio on and we started screaming in the car together so

the rest of my saturday was lovely it was a good saturday yeah snl oh my god sydney's name on on i know i just noticed did you just change it and then um to uh the snl taping to see chappelle oh my god how was that first of all they made us do our own um i changed my name too they made us do our own um covid tests oh that shit was i i don't want to do stuff to i don't to be honest i don't really like masturbating i want somebody else to do it so that's how i felt i felt like i had to take care of myself and i didn't i didn't want that yeah you said i don't know what does it have to do with it yo my now all the way off does anybody prefer masturbating over actual intercourse

right girl what word i want somebody else to do it i don't really want you know to do it myself anybody prefers masturbating over it yeah i don't know i've talked to some men and they're like yeah i'd rather masturbate than have sex with a human being uh yeah there are a lot of people that don't know what they're doing so it's like let me just finish the job and it's like you know what you want and it's gonna be like boom boom thank you bam ma'am ma'am you know no not me anywho yeah we went to snl and that was dope that was cool you know just to get to see comedy again and people doing what they love or they're actually getting paid to do a career based thing that isn't in the confines of their home it was it was nice to see that

um but also it was just great to to be with my friends and like hug each other yeah and it was a nice night and we had a nice little group together but you know we had to leave our on the entire time from like when we walked into 30 rock to when we left um i was like but you made me take a test like i should be able to take this off everybody in here is negative and it was like no put it on um and then they sat us in the the nosebleeds in the dark corner shadows of snl studios and i was like well i'm not gonna clap for any of this brie was so mad she was like i'm glad i didn't waste an outfit how many people are there in this in the um audience

um it seemed like a lot it wasn't a lot because they took a bunch of the seats out But everybody that was there had to be in a group of eight. So I don't know. Maybe it was like eight groups of eight. I don't have no idea. You don't know. I don't do numbers. Yeah, I'm not really a numerologist.

It's not like, oh, ma'am. Numbers make me quit. You know, but I want to go back to Marie. You know, this is a great time for you and other people like yourself. it's like the holidays are coming up we don't need to pretend that things are closer than they are you know either either i'm gonna run free or i'll be by myself but this is like that gray area during the hellish year that we have we don't need we can pick pick you know that dating relationship thing back up in february the 16th you know cuffing season is among us and uh you

know we uh i am back to getting my little roster together for the 2021 school year so don't don't say that um no no that's different because that that's you're like openly dating but you're not looking for the one but i don't think that i was ever looking for the one i was having fun with one and it was like oh this is cool and then it wasn't cool no more and then he went to target so that is what happened with that but i um and i also like that text about it being stressful and not knowing what i want and not knowing what i need is like well you should if it's stressful to be with somebody why are you with that person can we be adults about this like if somebody is is like anytime you're getting ready to see somebody your like heart is beating and your palms are sweaty

and you feel like eminem in eight miles then maybe you need to sit and think about why you feel like that before you link up with somebody no friend i don't think i think he used stressful and it might have been the moment that he was talking to you but i don't think he means like i'm anxious when i'm around you i think that no sydney that's exactly what he meant because in the text he was like i feel like i'm gonna disappoint you and blah blah blah and it's like well the language is wrong here you could have just said i'm not going to disappoint you i'm going to try my best to blah like but the language was ah this is hard you you are hard this is hard and it's like okay well if it's hard then stop doing it because I'm done it's it's really not that it's actually quite easy

like yes relationships overall take work but if all you feel like is ah I'm afraid to do this because that might be the wrong move or I don't want to say the wrong thing because that might upset her or is this okay then that's not the person that you're supposed to be with dude like relax and step back stand by and step back like what are you what are you doing this to yourself for i mean i will say i will say you know you guys remember when i was in a long long relationship and i i felt like that but it had nothing to do with her it was just like i was mismanaging my life and my emotions. And it was like, I can't really be in a relationship right now. I need to focus on me and work the work that I have to do within myself. So I don't necessarily think that

like the last person that I was with was stressful, but me trying to make someone, um, not make them happy, but me just trying to be a present person when I really couldn't, that is stressful okay i i received that friend but i also don't care yeah i mean you know these things happen and we have instincts and intuition and we have them for a reason and everything in my mind was like like i knew and i shouldn't have been there on friday i was just being a horny little Haitian and I was like you was litty you were litty I was like I just sit on it and then leave and then he was like we're ready girl I was fully prepared so like what you're saying

about being in a relationship with somebody and being you know dealing with depression and like being on edge about making somebody happy when you're not happy is all valid but and that may or may not be the case here with with him but it it also doesn't matter he's not my man no more and uh we're you know we're moving onward with that boyfriend and it is what it is you know i'm a grown-up i mean you're taking this here different here different here different here different i i just right now i mean just this would be tough for me to like let go of somebody because it feels good to like know that somebody is available and can talk to you and eventually like wasn't available babe this person was at tarjay so that's unavailable to me you know

and you i mean honey if your emotions are still in the uber we can't work this is not gonna work if you forgot your emotions in the uber just get back in the uber babe babe andrew you have i don't know i'm just like i i just think it's really great that you had this experience where it's like you're able to talk about it and be like okay it it happened and i know this is not what i like you know uh he still left you um at his apartment he didn't rightfully like he not rightfully he didn't like tell you to like leave his apartment you know while he was gone you know so yes okay okay so i don't know i i don't think he's as villainous as maybe we're making him out to be i'm not saying that he's the villain i'm saying that i knew i shouldn't

been there and i went asking this person to spin out of the night right because that's because that's less scary than meeting up with someone else that would be insane you know i'm back out here wendy williams says the best way to get over a man is to get under another man so we are taking relationship advice from wendy williams no no offense we just can't and we won't and we shouldn't and i don't know what y'all should take from wendy williams is that is how to get over somebody is to get under somebody i say take i'd say take her tea and even that is like girl misinformation all the time sources say that's wrong she doesn't even know how to pronounce corona she pronounces it cornova hilarious full mess well she's a mess um i hope she gets the help

that she needs but um these things happen and it's fine um sometimes i wish that i i wish i wasn't a serial monogamous person i wish i like i haven't had a well i did have a like an eat pray local hoe situation you know years ago but i i never really got to like go off as an adult adult like my own apartment you know just having different people up in my in my crib doing what i want i didn't have a uh she's gotta have it nola darling type of life and so sometimes i'm like damn but also i'm like yo i'm tired i am exhausted i can't and the apps are stupid and people are dumb and not in good places right now this is just i i commend you i salute you i am tipping my motherfucking hat for you because you're doing

the work you're doing the work now the wording that you're using makes it seem like i got a revolving ass door of an apartment no no no no no no no no no no doing the work babe and it's like oh i mean like you're like you some people act like oh my god it didn't work out with somebody what am i gonna do oh i'm stuck and you were like actually no i'm gonna get my i'm gonna get my hoe adjacent cape back on and get back in the streets it's a hoe cloak uh well yeah i think it's because uh as we said i stopped seeing this person i broke up with this dude like three weeks ago yeah I've had time to think about why I needed to do that before I did it because it was like a build-up and then after it happened it was like I felt lighter it was like oh that that was what

I needed to do it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders yeah that doesn't mean I didn't miss you know banging them but I I ultimately like know that I did the right thing by ending things he's not in like we're not in the right place our lives are in two completely different lanes right now and it's like i don't have to actually be here i chose to be here and now i feel dumb and i'm mad about it and i'm leaving so that's it's not that i'm like i'm more mature and also like i don't when somebody chose shows you their true colors you just got to believe them sis and it was like i knew what you were when i got here on friday so marie what's my true colors uh it's like uh your aura is very shady um it's an it's an air

yeah we talked full circle sis let's go back to uh the beginning of the episode it's a little orange but i mean i don't know i feel like sydney you're a nice person and you sometimes put people above yourself um and you could take better care of yourself but you don't want to um but i feel like you're doing some of the work and you just got to keep doing that work that's all and you like being in relationships you love a long-ass relationship sydney monogamous bitch i'm i'm i just it's not that i don't get complacent it's just like i know that i have adhd and i can't i can't have all these you know that you know what i tried to do in the beginning of the quarantine

and that was just dumb um so i gotta stay more focused well we're not all built the same some people like being in relationships they find what they like they find what makes them feel good and And they, they're there. Other people, you know, they, it's like a buffet. They want a little bit of everything. They want somebody to do this. They want somebody to do that. They're like, well, I need this person for that. This person eats my ass. This person has a car that, you know what I mean? Like people, some people like to do a little bit of everything.

And some people like to one person to do everything for them. So I think that's who we are friend. Yeah. Andrew, I'm surprised that you didn't change your name. oh i'll change it right now let's see thank you rename yeah because you know i'm taking a picture of it there we go marie has big boobs marie has big boobs today she does i like that i love that for you i'm gonna i'm gonna forget that i named myself this and go into the next zoom and fully be marie no no i think it'll go back to the default it'll go back to the default is that true yeah i think so it does all right yeah i don't want an hr complaint

have a zoom background it don't come back for the next thing i actually don't know how to do zoom background you're fine wait does this man listen to the podcast still surely do sure sure does okay just wanted to clarify okay well I didn't say anything bad anything bad and I said all things that I would say to him if I ever responded to his text but um you know also he shouldn't be listening to the podcast because I stressed him out so why are you listening why are you listening to me at work oh my god Marie Marie you feel some type of away feel some type of way you feel some type of way anyway i feel fine um anything uh else on the docket for the day andrew uh where are you in terms of single ass marie and monogamous acid

where oh i i'm leaning more toward the sydney of it all hey let's go let's go um okay yeah no it's been it started off like you know a week before quarantine meeting up um and i was like oh i don't know if i would like typically like still see that person but like just the fact that uh you know we were like comforting each other during the craziness of march and april comforting each other exactly yes and okay i love a support uh dog type of situation or dog dick yes support dog dick yes um i hate that visual that's disgusting i will write it down if you'd like uh but yeah no it's it's going well emotional support dick yeah emotional support dick okay that's what it is um we're talking about the dog's dick and that's yeah and that's we don't want to we don't

want to talk about that yeah but we do want people to click so just saying emotional support dick i i think they'll come out for okay okay so go ahead andrew you were comforting each other emotionally yeah and um and i don't know how much i want to like i guess talk about it in a public format but wow things have changed pre-corona so that's how you know that's how you know like i care yeah yep so what the fuck are me and marie we care uh yeah marie's pretty complacent about this man listening to this entire episode. So, yeah, no, it's going well.

He met my mom and sister the other day. Oh, bitch! Oh, wow. You're Beyonce. You are, you get in a ring. He went to jail. Okay, no, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Over the weekend, while everyone

was celebrating in their giant cities, I was at home in Red County. You know what I mean? I can't believe i'm blown away that you would take you would take your gay ass all the way to long island no i'm not from long island for the last time sydney from new jersey long island from like the southern point of new jersey and uh and so like no one was celebrating on saturday it's like another day no one it was whatever and so i wanted to come back to the city even kathy kathy

wasn't Kathy yeah I mean we we went to the beach uh and we had she had her first white claw on the beach it was cute um and so that was a celebration then on Sunday uh my mom obviously doesn't want to drive all the way back to New York City that's like a two and a half hour drive one way um and so um my you know uh emotional support dick uh he uh texted and he said I can pick you up and I was like you're not coming all the way either i can pick you now that gets me wet i can pick you up and so we met halfway yeah list so your mom drove you an hour he drove an hour yes oh you guys are in college that's so cute did you have a bag of laundry in the car oh yeah of course yeah one car to the other so it's going well so he has a car well he's here's he's from new jersey he lives in

new jersey it's a little bit of a downgrade but you know that means he has a really nice did you say a downgrade no we're at a lower volume than the rest of the way that should be the title uh dating in new jersey is a downgrade it's getting a little long that's good you're right you're right okay sorry oh but i mean you're trying to alienate the new jerseyans absolutely especially if they're voting for fucking trump did jersey go blue or red blue they're blue but there's like you know it's there's parts that are red obviously yes well most of the country is red

the major pop the majorly populated cities are blue and that's what turns the state red i mean so wow what a time to be alive everybody's in love and living their very best lives this week i love this for us i mean i saw marie on saturday and i was like wow marie looks so good i would date her thank you sydney emotionally support cooch i was like damn i saturday i almost tried to try to hold your hand when we were in the park. Well, that's because your fingers were cold and you were anemic. And so I was

holding Devin's hand. I was so cold. First of all, it was hot on Saturday. Yeah, it wasn't cold. What are you talking about? We were outside in no coats. The park felt

very I am legend, but like instead of zombies, it was young drunk white people and at one point they started which are also zombies this drunk girl came over to us and she's like when I say Biden

you say Harris and we just looked at her and she's like what the fuck really so you voted for Trump and it was like bitch if you don't take you and your skippies out of here goodbye you don't get them rolled up Tory Burch flats up out my face

but yeah she's very drunk everybody in the park was wasted and at one point somebody started lighting fireworks and we were like we gotta go some some some white guy was burning a flag it was crazy i was like what is this are we gonna die here tonight we gotta go i said i'm not sprinklers the sprinklers went on and caught people and that was so funny yeah they were that i loved i love to see i do actually love that um all in all a beautiful saturday oh but before uh well not before we go but oh i i have an update that um you know my lover's gonna be here for a while and um i'm really excited because

i think when i get in the house by myself like i love my space because i know that i'm gonna procrastinate i'm gonna bullshit procrastinate bullshit i'm gonna get in a really dark place and i don't have to worry about somebody hovering over me and so i think it's probably best that somebody is here making sure i'm like getting up and i'm eating and i'm making sure there's lights on in the house and not being in the dark i feel like there's always lights on at your house don't do that you definitely don't need nobody to wasn't the like that pink like UV light he doesn't turn them off so what are you saying no but I think I need to stop I like love when it hits five o'clock because then it's like yay I can make it look like a nightclub in here and it's

just like girl you're the only person that's getting excited about it being pitch dark at five I hate this this is the worst yesterday I spent most of the day procrastinating because i was like oh i'm gonna do this and then i'm gonna go outside and then i looked and i was like why is this so dark it's nighttime and it was 5 p.m and i was like why did anybody tell me um and i mean i guess it was a little bit earlier than that but the sun starts to go down i think at like three it does it really really does so sydney you're gonna have somebody to chaperone you is what you're saying not chaperone but just hold me accountable and make sure that like you know because i i forgot that like oh i was already depressed right so then there's like

pandemic depression and then there's seasonal depression so it's like a depression sandwich in this bitch and i i can't have this not on not on this time not on not on my watch that's non-existent yeah you're definitely dealing with like double stuffed depression over there and I think that it's important to I mean I get it because I like to be in the house by myself and then sometimes somebody will call me and they'll be like or they'll text me and be like

girl I'm outside are you home and it's like I know the person wants to come in here and it's like yeah this is my space I mean it's up and down but usually I like to be here by myself

for the most part but every once in a while like my cousin will be like i'm downstairs with some banana pudding and i'll be like it's always nice to see him you know he like always makes me feel better because he's just nice um and then certain friends will come over and it's like i guess it's nice to see her too is she talking about me who knows uh you'll never know but you'll never fucking know but yeah i i think it's important to not isolate ourselves and i'm saying that as somebody who likes to be in the house by myself but I think it's important to even if you're giving yourself like maybe two days a week where you either one you go to somebody else's house or

two you invite someone into your space I think that that is very important you know safely of course but I mean I'm having y'all come over this weekend this weekend and I'm cooking for my friends I can't wait I'm gonna kiss you on the mouth what yeah I'm excited I don't know where you're cooking but whatever it is going to be like better yeah i'm looking at recipes on uh epicurious and uh new york times what should i cook for the week um do you have do you have something that you a suggestion friend that might get my creative cooking juices flowing something with noodles uh okay oh wait like a pasta when is sid can cook coming back oh can we talk about it or no maybe when is it coming back baby um yeah i think i i think i've

hit rock bottom right now in the sense that like i don't want to do anything like i stayed up all last night trying to finish this writing packet and i just don't i don't have it in me and so i i want to do sid can't cook but i'm also like i don't i don't have it i don't have it if somebody if carolina came down here and helped me set up i could probably do it but me having to do it on my own and like go to the grocery store and and then set everything marie you saw when you come here like i'm doing it all day and i'm going crazy and i'm making sure everything is on time and and she's in the oven at noon it's like sister's hot in here her oven is hot um but she's putting on a look she's bored she's encrusting her eyes with jewels she's sit can cook is an all-day

affair for real and i get it yeah i guess it's draining but i mean not really it's just one day it's like one day girl that actually you enjoy doing but i think i i i i definitely have to go get a therapist again because i think i'm in a i think i'm in a really not a good place i'm not i don't think i am okay actually well i mean i think that you just said that you're in a double triple stuffed uh depression sandwich a big mac if you will yeah but you know i had been doing a lot of research on depression recently because of you know my current situation and um it's more than just antidepressants it's you have to make lifestyle changes the food that you eat affects your mood um the like working out is also something that like makes people happy when you're done

doing it. Like it's stuff that's going to like give you dopamine and serotonin and like bring you joy, but you have to change more than just, you know, whether or not you're on antidepressants in order to actually be happy when it comes to depression. Yeah, no, absolutely. And I know that from just like personal experience because yeah, I'm on antidepressants and I'm doing better than I was last year but oh my god like I'm still struggling so I don't even know how I was managing last year to be honest yeah goodness gracious you know like I still feel blah like I got I got some kind of good news yesterday and I felt nothing I was just like okay and What good news you got here today?

Oh, about that podcast for, um. Sydney is cheating on this podcast with yet another podcast. I'm not cheating. I'm trying to double the numbers, honey. Okay. I love that for us. And I'm trying to get Marie more money. I love that for me even more.

I'm trying to get, and I'm trying to get Andrew some work. okay so sydney what are you gonna do what are i mean today it the week is almost over what are some things you're gonna do maybe give me like two give me something you're gonna do this week to combat this feeling of blindness i have to clean my house like my house is just uh i i hate like it's probably the worst it's ever been at this moment really let me see yeah i feel like you just showed the other corner and looked okay it looks fine the living room is okay but like the second bedroom oh my god so rich the second bedroom is is a mess my bedroom i have like clothes on the floor remember when i took

those clothes out of my dresser they're still on the floor well no i i think i took out of the I don't remember that friend you took when you came over for turkey burgers I had clothes all over the floor right but I don't remember you taking them out I just feel like that's I was on the phone with you when I took them out of my dresser so to answer your question remember when I took those clothes out my dresser but you don't remember it's fine remember um but Sydney I feel like there's always clothes on your floor you you get back from a trip and the suitcase be on the floor with the cat laying in it i know i think the cat broke the microphone to be honest oh do not blame it on the cat don't do that jam is heavy so

jam also stole marie's headphones too yeah i think so dude wow damn guys wait so what you're saying that the cat laid on the microphone i think so or or i could have just stepped on it by accident but i think it's jam wow friend yeah i was i think i i think i cried twice this week and it's just wednesday so it's fine i'm gonna get my period soon so that's probably what it is too but what are you crying about yeah what am i crying about yes like you want me to be honest on the podcast yes that's all i want you to do on the podcast is be honest i'm honest here what were you crying about this is a safe space well we gotta wrap this up soon so i don't want

to i don't want to end on a sad note but like my existence it was so sad i was like why am i here i'm like oh my god i need you're crying about sydney yeah oh girl you gotta call a therapist tonight like yesterday like let's matter of fact let's zoom a therapist let's add them to this zoom yeah because like maybe they'll have headphones yeah maybe okay andrew he's a comedian but also sydney like that's something that you can't that can't be your every day you cried twice this week about your existence yeah yeah i just was like man i can't get it together like i really i really was like let me it's not about me wanting this job i just wanted to prove to myself like oh i can write this packet you know and so it just took me forever to start

and then i started it and then i was writing things down i was like okay i'm not i'm not stupid like i i do have ideas but then i was like am i even funny anymore i feel like such a different person than what i was maybe four months ago but we're and we're all different people than we were four months ago we've all changed in the last year we're coming out different they were going in but I think that the way that you're thinking about yourself is obviously not the best way to think about yourself no a lot of it's more normal right now than you think it is yeah but it just like like today is gray and I'm I'm just like and then I'm like I it has nothing to do with my age but I'm just like what am I doing

do i even want to do comedy anymore oh yeah girl i think about i think at least once a day people message me and they're like hey girl audition for and i'm like i don't i'm retired i said that i'm retired on instagram and somebody was like why and i was like girl don't nobody want to do a show outside in the rain on a sidewalk um and hearing the train pass by yeah no but sydney please don't bring this energy to my house on friday for this dinner i'm not i promise i won't but and i'm not saying that to be like insensitive if you feel like that i think all of us being together on friday is going to be good for us um so you know if that's how you feel then when then we'll deal with it when it gets here but no no no i get it but also it's like you don't

want to bring your i don't i don't want to bring nobody down right now everybody is already down where they are i'm just yeah it sounds like you need to call it sounds like you need to call nicole kidman and be undoing i feel like that she was a good therapist on that show so maybe you need to yeah but you can't think of yourself as a burden though i feel like that's what you're thinking about yourself yeah i went down i went down a bad rabbit hole on monday and so i think i'm still having the effects of that the rabbit hole what you were looking at stuff on social media uh sometimes some a friend of a friend um okay now it's really getting dark wow all right a friend of a friend had died and it was like the person died of suicide

and then there was all this stuff on the thread like this person is so selfish and how could you like now everybody is traumatized and they're thinking it's their fault like i'm reading all these these comments and i was like oh my god you don't even know like you're being selfish well you don't know what this person was freaking going through or how they feel like do you know how hard it is for somebody to get the strength to feel like they don't want to be here anymore like come on dude so i'm just i guess i'm just feeling conflicted from the stuff that i did okay well i don't want to say the wrong thing but you can never say the wrong thing i can't say the thing i have to i think you can't yeah

guys i'm saying on behalf of my friend she doesn't say wrong things to me she always makes me feel like i'm listened to and loved and she's only gonna say the thing that can push me in the right direction so except i feel like you called me on monday and i didn't pick up i was watching tv and i was like i don't want to be on facetime right now i'm watching something but i also didn't know you were you know going down a rabbit hole and i you know didn't want to be on facetime but no but that's fine you don't have to be on facetime it's good people need to take their time and they don't need to push themselves too much you deserve your time and your space and i i like to have boundaries too but do you have someone that you can actually

i mean i guess that's the thing about therapy friend you call your therapist when you really me to speak to somebody yeah oh yeah right in the mic what i said yeah right in the mic the yawn i'm sorry i remember when someone wrote on the the itunes review they're like when sydney yawns i yawn too but not because not because the podcast is boring but it just like it it's uh contagious um yeah apparently sometimes there are some people that when they see you yawn it makes them yawn too but i am not with people so i watched you do it with a straight face andrew did you yawn no it it does look really relaxing uh it does seem nice but i'm not gonna on as a result no okay sorry well yeah i'm gonna try to get to finding this therapist this week

the rest of the week um i'm kind of just gonna give up on this path packet and just email my agent like hey i i just i'm pressuring myself and it's like if i don't want to do something it's okay if i don't want to do it like there's other things that i do that it's fine it's like why am i breaking myself down for something that i'm i just don't have it in me right now exactly i mean also the packet that you're talking about my friend our friend i was telling you the other day he that's the packet that he was doing when he had a panic attack this weekend yeah um and it's sitting in my inbox on unread because because i'm not about to stress myself to like try to do something that i wasn't really able to do that well before the pandemic so

you know i think that it's okay to say no to stuff if something if something's not working don't force it just let it go yeah i think it's really yeah really commendable that you tried it yeah you know in the first place i think that you know that takes a lot of encouraged to even try it with the amount of things that you already have going on but like the fact that you already have so many things i feel like in your bucket right now that are positive i just right i would suggest holding on to those and and like really catering to the things that you already have going on instead of bringing in other forces thank you andrew A word from the wise, but truly.

Thank you, guys. I guess. Yeah. All right. This has been a lovely podcast. I'm glad that we did this. We do this every Friday. You know, hug your friends. Tell them you love them.

Break up if you need to. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Break up now. Break up now and only hug your friend. don't hug your trump supporter friends they keep saying be nice to them no you don't have to be nice to them um if they choose hate then you can leave that you can hate them they they're dead to us yeah say no if you have to and you know if you see someone that you have been dating and you think it's going in a good place let them meet your mom let them meet your mom yes oh yes yeah yeah

it was nice it was it was like a normal interaction i was concerned but it was good well like a freeway like a parking lot of a denny's like what it was in the parking lot of a you know like the the trucker stop you know a rest stop rest stop yes yeah so okay so there was a it was a an arby's yeah marie um okay guys well have a fabulous week please bring the energy from saturday uh into the rest of the week that you guys have coming up because yes at the end of the day trump did lose he's he's got the l he's got to take that l and if he doesn't take the l i'm gonna shove that l up his ass no okay more button some emotional support dick bye guys bye

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