MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Enema of the State

Episode Date: July 17, 2020

We're filling all the holes on this week's episode in what Marie calls, part 2 of our infamous Eat Pray Hoe episode from last year! Sydnee gives up some pandemic pussy, sucks on some toes, and Marie admits she might finally be in love. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog hello wow wow wow okay wow i am stoked stoked you heard that word that i just said well stoked about the episode today marie initially was upset because i was late tell them how late you were i was an hour late an hour i was waiting for a package she's making marie faustin moves a package sydney i was waiting for a package the package that you were waiting for I don't remember when I was waiting for a package. I don't believe you. Something from Amazon. Anywho, so she was very upset because she's hungry.

She's hangry. She's been waiting on me. We have plans to go to the park. So we have a lot to do. But some new developments happened. And it's time to talk about them on the pod. You know, you guys don't know my business. And I'm here to spill.

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Do you remember 365 days ago, plus maybe like 15, 20 days, I went on an Eat Pray Ho trip. This is the part two of that episode, I think. Yes? You think? Yes, I do.

Well, I don't want people to think I'm out here traveling during COVID, you know, just giving up, you know, pandemic pussy. Pandemic pussy. That's the name of the episode. Got it. Okay. um so you know you guys heard me talk about you know my FaceTime escapades and uh your FaceTime phone sex yes and now it's in real life I I'm physically with this person and it is the best

i've ever had in my entire life the best what oh well i mean we've we've done some role play oh okay i've squirted cindy you're telling the story wrong i think like you gotta hit us with like a like a linear situation like you know can we can we start somewhere and then end somewhere or you're just gonna give us yeah we'll start okay didn't god i can't believe you gave away the squirt okay didn't see this person in person this was all through facetime but we finally saw each other and they walk into my apartment okay and this is the first time for everything okay so this person and sydney had never met yes in real life it was love is blind and we hit the door and we make out for 15 minutes 15 minutes soon as they walk in door still got their shoes

on yeah doors doors wide open door is wide open yeah okay wow in this economy in your neighborhood yes let the door oh no no this is the door in my apartment not the door to yes yes yes it was like the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me just kissing at the door while it's wide open in brownsville you know a tree grows in brooklyn but also you know lesbian love it's when you guys were kissing when she walked into the front door did your leg kick up a little bit like a rom-com it did not but my heart was beating so fast we were hugging well yeah your heart is beating fast you're like nervous so nervous you're meeting this person for the first time yeah um this person had grills on grills do rag it's just everything that i want

and more oh my god is this person me i think so a little bit this person i guess yes yes could be you but you see the photos it's you squint a little bit you're anyway bitch we don't need to go into details about anything but just know that it was it was it was beautiful i've i've never i've never felt like this before okay so after the 15 minute makeout session cut to the next memorable moment with this person obviously you know people take showers or whatnot i slip into you know a little savage fenty number a little more comfortable a little savage fenty moment and you know I have the sex lights so yes Sydney sex lights

shout out to Sydney sex lights hashtag Sydney sex lights I might put a link in you know the unofficial expert I really don't want to be given this devil money but it is a beautiful sex light Marie has it I got one I ordered it the night

after I left your house and did you use it yet to have sex no but it's on at night time when I'm here by myself have you masturbated with it on no the light is in the living room oh you never met somebody in the living room yes all the time but i haven't listen i've had the light for two days one day today will be the second day okay it hasn't even been 48 hours just give me all right give me and my cooch and the sydney sex light sometime okay

so so you have the sex light we have a sex light i'm i will have to say that i've never been more in love with my body until now it was i looked in the mirror and i was like fuck like it was like a stella got her groove back groove back type moment no winston no she's she was old in the movie yeah but i mean i'm not old but i just felt like revitalized okay okay you see yourself you love yourself i have you ever not loved your body was not obsessed people want to know not obsessed with it even though i'm thin or whatever i still was like felt like i was lacking but that was just self-love I was missing self-love inside and um also extremely depressed I also thought I was asexual like there was just so many things that um were contributing to like why I was

not loving all of me and so I look in the mirror I got the Sash Fenty the sex light and um music explain what song are we playing oh I have I have a playlist but I don't I don't remember what was the first song that was on but it might have been something with sir sir okay sir has sexy music is there a candle give us we try to get the whole five senses okay i had like four or five candles on i had candles on all in the apartment i mean it was like a fire hazard yes wanted to burn the place down again burn yeah okay so you gave us uh you you gave us most of the five senses yeah now your guest yeah

hold on fire truck your guest comes out of the shower yeah you sit in there what pose are you choosing

for when they first step out and see you in the bedroom are you are the legs open are you demure yeah I'm laying on the bed kind of like

um Burt Reynolds style like legs out like you know when you're in front of like a rug or something like that like I'm sprawled out like that

in front of a fireplace a broken doll yes Burt Reynolds yes very brown chestnuts roasting on an open fire

I'm just trying to give you guys everything I think I'm asking all the right questions so you know I don't want to say everything but I'm we can cut to the next scene if you need to but the person walks in has no do-rag

but the grill's still and I mean we are making I am dripping. Wet. Clean up on aisle 17, honey. Tsunami. Spill.

Hurricane Katrina. And I will say that I stopped drinking Red Bull because I wanted my poonkash to taste incredible. Like alkaline water. That's what I wanted to taste like. But then what happened with the Red Bulls? I relapsed because I needed energy that day because I had a lot going on. Got it. I had Sid can't cook.

I didn't sleep that well. It was a lot going on. So I had a Red Bull, but the reviews are in. Pussy tastes amazing. Pussy tastes like coconut water. Woo. Swish, swish, splish, splash. Swish, swish.

Oh, the sun is going away. See? It's fine. We're fine. We're going to the park. I don't care. We'll be fine. I have to put on pants.

It'll be cute. Okay. So, yes. The pussy's wet. Drip, drip, drip. Love the person's body. Just incredible. But more importantly, when they walked in, I was like, oh, like, I am in love with this person.

When they walked in. Yeah, when they walked in. Somebody that you've never met before, that moment. Yep. Have you ever felt that before, love at first sight? No. No. Okay.

So many things have happened. Definitely been in love, but not love at first sight. Okay. So, you do the do. You do the do. Are there snacks? There's no snacks. Well, you know, I had my flautas that night, and we had some of the flautas.

Oh. We ate them in front of the refrigerator while the door was open. While you guys were making out? No, after we were finished. Oh. But we were, I mean, that was the most open I've ever been, ever. And it was just fun to just not care and do whatever and feel free. And I mean, I have mirrors on both sides of the bed.

In front of the bed. Prostitution whore. Prostitution whore. Yes. If you can't see yourself from the front and from the side, bitch, you're doing it all the way wrong. Okay, so I know what your bedroom looks like. I know where the mirrors are.

You guys are on the edge of the bed? We're all over the bed. The bed is all over the bed. That was a good answer right there. I love that for you. We're all over the bed. Also, maybe a title for the episode. um okay so it's it's long like it takes a long time or it's kind of quick no we are it's hours

hours oh my god look at you working on your cardio yeah person brought backup and the backup was incredible options and just when you say backup it sounds like they bought another person no that's what i'm just saying you say person bought back just things just things were involved and like yeah i mean every every every hole was touched every hole oh y'all was doing no stuff should i take that out the box no also i don't know how to edit because we're doing this by ourselves right shout out to andrew hey boo we miss you uh but we're recording this at the house i wanted to see sydney's eyes while she told me about this do i look like i'm in love no you look you were an hour late to the podcast i'm sorry okay so um what else do you want to hit friend what

what else what other moments were memorable that you feel i mean i realized that i i i i could be down for anything like i want to get spanked i want my hair pulled you want the braids yeah but i was like not from the front hit it hit it in the back the back because i got my braids touched up in the front and the the other old ones are in the back so those loose ones the loose ones hit the loose ones so you had a half up half down um and she just pulled down she pulled the ones that were down yeah yeah nasty i mean yeah it was i just thinking about i have chills um you know i'm down for foot play like everything footplay well what is footplay because you know like i know what it is when like

like with a guy i put it in my mouth that's what i'm saying oh yeah oh that's what i say you down to suck some toes okay whatever footplay sounds like you jerking somebody off with your foot well maybe yeah well i could do anything i could be down for anything but i don't even know who this person is crazy because i bought the savage fenty stuff in the middle of a pandemic and I just was like, these are never going to be used. And now, used up. I got to throw them away. They can stand up on their own, honey.

Woo! Woosh! Woosh, honey. I mean, I didn't know that I could stay wet that long. That's crazy. Some of us knew these things already about our bodies. but i think when you're really into somebody you just be like instant lubrication yeah it's like there's because when i think about the people that i've been with that

like because your body knows you gotta listen to your body right like i was with this dude and it was like arabiana it was like the that the song in aladdin with the desert and stuff it just was like but also like if there's not enough foreplay there's not enough like oh warm it up like you gotta you know you gotta put in work before you could put the foreplay the foreplay was insane like i gotta give this person your address oh we're we're checking text messages oh sorry i just want to give you that give the address but whatever um so uh yeah i i was gushing the whole time gushing and this i mean a professional like it was a job but it was a job that like this person got a promotion yes and loved it passionate about the job those are the best if you're listening to

this and you've never had sex with somebody who like worships your body you are having sex wrong wrong because like when somebody like wants to be there they love every part of your body you'll be like yeah my elbow everything like everything and you know obviously this is like i'm talking sexual but we've spoken all these other times and we talk about everything so it was just great to be like mentally in tune with someone and spiritually too spiritually i was in there praying y'all were in there numbing killing no but i'm just saying like everything that we've talked about before and things that we want and it just like it aligns it's just the universe is insane and you know i don't want to say this out loud but i i am happy and why do you not want to

say that sometimes when you say it out loud then it like ruins it and then something bad happens ah yes yeah but you know we we don't have any room for that here i feel like i'm glad that you're happy i'm glad that it was good i can't believe i squirted i'm glad you didn't get kidnapped um okay so tell us about the squirt sydney text the group yesterday was it yesterday yes and was like i squirted at 1 15 p.m and i was like congratulations it's a squirt it's like you know how people know when their babies are born like the exact time she knew the exact time yeah were you looking at the clock yeah okay so how did it happen if you want to tell us i mean it's just been days of this days so days of squirting yeah no not squirting but that's my

girl that's my type nigga that's my type no we just been just ravishing in each other hold on let me clap for you because we've all been listening to me talk about it so much that i was like i don't want to talk about squirting anymore but i talked to this person and asked if it was okay to chat about the stuff and yes yes you got their consent to discuss on the pod yeah shout out to this person for being a cool ass you should always ask if it's okay marie did you do that i've never asked i've never asked a single man if i could talk about their dick and or sex with them on this podcast well you never mentioned their name so or where they live or what they do so it's i literally don't say anything about them yeah uh i will say every

time i post andre on my stories people are like is this the guy that you're banging and i'm like i tagged him in the stories and he is clearly gay it's beautiful that they think he's trained though i love it um so yeah so we had been already hooking up for at least 40 minutes just like the oh just the everything is just any little thing is chef's kiss um but this person enjoys pleasing me and i mean i just love everything that they do and oh my god it was a moment her eyes uh just vulnerability and talking everything that's on our mind and stuff and like locking eyes oh my god and a lot of my content and very like multitasking this person doing all types of things okay and i was like oh i'm about to you know come

and why you hesitate when you said come like you didn't shout squirt right a couple minutes right but it was just like it's getting there and getting there and it's like the gates of my vagina opened the fuck up okay and it just came out pouring out and did you think you peed or did you think you came I know what coming feels like and this wasn't the same and I know what pee feels like and that was not it wasn't that

and then I tasted it to make sure it wasn't pee I mean you gotta check yeah just in case and I was like oh wow it tastes good I'm not saying I was surprised but I was like she's healthy she's COVID free tastes like flautas

a little a little uh saison yes yes yes yeah um but not goya brand we don't use we don't do that they're canceled yeah no it it was wonderful and this person obviously enjoyed looking at that you know in the splash zone and um you know it was we we held hands after you guys here you held hands after yay did you guys hear my friend squirted for the first time this week at 1 15 p.m so wherever you are whatever you're doing well they don't know it's this could be any week you know this is backlogged yes yes yes yes whatever it doesn't matter uh yes whatever you're doing today stop at 1 15 and have a glass of water yeah sip it and yeah you should cheers to me

have some water on me and celebrate splash it on your private parts now I think all the listeners want to know were there poppers involved no no poppers I'm completely sober this person is sober oh well they're not

sober but they were sober when all of this was happening I love this for you friend this is like I feel like you put some stuff into the universe that you wanted it i did and you got back the stuff that you put out into the universe yeah and who knows what's gonna happen i don't know what well i don't know what's gonna come of this but i'm just gonna stay positive and have a good time and you know anything can happen yes anything is possible anything is

possible and you know it's i deserve this i deserve it i'm trusting i'm trusting in god to provide more squirt squirty things and uh just beautiful sex things and love things for you friend i think that this is awesome i watched myself come in the mirror and sometimes i'm like oh i come in so ugly but what yeah because i'm like you know i'm missing a tooth and i'm like things things you know i can't control my face if you're missing a tooth sis you got everything else that you need where you need it to be that tooth was bringing you down sis we needed

you to lose the tooth so you could gain some squirt okay gain some love yeah people with all their teeth lose the tooth gain a squirt yes another title for the episode I am not writing these down we are not doing it Andrew

I really hope you listen to the episode I don't know he just is gonna trust in his lord as well to believe that this is gonna be right son of it beach and uh i i realized that like love comes in all forms and i know i was talking shit about all these people on these down that stupid ass tv show and i'm like i guess i see what they're what tv show love is blind oh i was making fun of them and now i'm like i'm them and yes but you you know what this you've known what this person looked like the entire time yes you just hadn't like physically been in the same place well you don't need but i'm

saying like but you don't need to be near someone to have these feelings i do what yes girl no you haven't even told your person you love them no but but stop stop stop hold on hold on wait wait hold on wait okay are we together yeah look into my eyes in the mirror yeah uh we were hooking up the other day yes and i was like why does this always feel so good like so good yeah and he was like well it's you guys like because we smoking weed yes we be smoking weedy the weed is always good uh but whatever that's neither here are there i was like why does this feel so good and he was like it's because we love each other and i didn't correct him i mean i i was like i guess it is what it is i think that's what it is

but i didn't say that i just was like and then i squirted on his face uh i didn't do that i and then we prayed together uh tell me tell me what y'all prayed what was the prayer like uh our father who art in heaven obviously hallowed be thy name uh give us this day by kingdom come by kingdom come i'm not even catholic i don't even know the actual prayer uh and then i was like uh the lord is my shepherd i shall not want whatever and then i we prayed for you sydney we prayed for you we prayed for you wow in the middle of me having sex with this man i prayed for my friend well you well you know i like him a lot and i care about him and i think he's really sweet and uh he is the male version of me um actually he sounds like the male version of uh your oh that too it's a no it's a

mix of he is a mix of both of you guys my partner you said partner for the first time it's my partner i i just want to do nice things you guys could see sydney's face are you about to cry no i want to do nice things for this person and i stop it i i care about them them a lot and they're so sweet and just i think that's the best type of person yeah right somebody who is sweet but also nasty oh so nasty oh my god you'd be like did you just spit on me yeah yeah yeah Yeah, I asked for that, actually. You asked? Yeah.

Did she spit in your mouth? Yep. She spit in your mouth? Yes. Oh, I didn't. And you came to my house to drink out of my water glasses? Sorry. You dirty, spit-mouthed, saliva beach.

I brushed my teeth. In my bathroom just now? No. With my toothbrush? No. Oh, man. The spanking that was going. Spanking.

My butt is nice. Let me see. Oh, I thought you said that your butt was sore. No, it is. Your butt is nice. The whole body is sore. Okay. You know I don't work out.

I have a foam roller here. You can roll out. I think I need that. Can you help me? Can you stretch me out? No, but I will show you how to use the roller. Stretch me out. No.

You sound like you've already been stretched out. Oh, darling. Okay. I mean, putting in extra work. Okay, so talk about the spanking. What does she use? Her hand? Her hand.

She's really good at it. Her hand work is. She got calloused hands? No. Very nice hands. just everything about this person is my friend is in love y'all hear this absolutely divine and it's weird because you know i was like i'm not ready to be in a relationship i'm not ready for this i'm not ready for that i'm not and i wasn't ready and now i think i'm in a different place

because i had to go through everything that i went yo sydney to get to where i am watch me four episodes ago you were like yeah i'm not ready i can't do it i don't want to and i said i said you're gonna meet somebody and you're gonna be in a relationship and look at us i know you told me you were like sydney you should just meet some meet people several people and just have sex with everybody my friend wanted me to hoard up hoard up watch it all out that's what i wanted i wanted your uterus to fall out yeah but i can't do that right now like i need to be with someone that i trust and i don't even trust myself friend but i trust this person that is gorgeous gorge are you talking into the microphone right now i am i'm always talking into the mic okay i

just wanted to make sure because i saw you know the garage band is uh is on a delay well you know you know you you live where you live but your computer is from where it's from what what you know you got it it's refurbished no i got this laptop when i had a tv show okay rant new we a show that will not be named um and uh you know whatever it doesn't matter um okay so next steps people want to what are some questions that you think people are going to have for you in the comments who is this person who is not person we're not telling you this person is just know that they are perfect everything that i want and more and more yeah stuff that you didn't want you didn't expect the stuff that you didn't know you needed i didn't think i was gonna get something

like this oh my god i know yes sydney i will be your best man that's what i asked you i was like will you and i got you know i got upset because i was like damn i'm not gonna have if i have a wedding ever you know i don't have a dad to walk me down the aisle uh you know my mother is blocked banned blocked banned uh never coming back yeah and uh i you know i'll probably invite my brother and my sister but you think they gonna come yeah probably you think they're gonna bring your mom no no no no yuck you know i talked about my mom last week and i was just like yeah i wish i could repair this but it's it's not worth it for me yeah but if only one person wants to repair it then she says she wants to repair it but she's doing the bullshit she don't want to

repair it she wants to stay stuck in her ways yeah and it's like you're upset about me being gay but i'm like this is the most beautiful time i've ever had and sometimes i get sad because i'm like damn you know the last relationship i wish i could be who i am right now because that's what i feel like that person deserves but it just i guess that wasn't in the car you can't live your life thinking about the people that you had to let go right because you had to let those people go for a reason you hear me you hear me sounding like dr phil you have to let those people go for a reason you know sometimes you gotta let something go and maybe you it'll come back yeah who knows but for now you have grown and you are i mean this time last year i asked sydney when's the

last time she went to the supermarket and she couldn't even answer the question and now you're in the supermarket every sunday for sid can cook every freaking sunday look at the gift of corona and growth you call that a breakthrough a breakthrough gift of growth that might be a title or is that just that's not that just sounds like something that you're dealing with oh you know you are growing too you're in love you don't want to say it but i'm here i'll say it for you marie's in love that's the title of the podcast marie's in love there we go yes andrew because he's gonna listen you think he's gonna see that title on the podcast and he's gonna be like well you're not gonna repost it i'll repost it i'm gonna put it in the stories i know and it's

gonna be in the instant well you know what thinking talking about it now he might listen oh i almost said his name hi we love you we do we do we love you we do love you i i we love this person yes this is the the sweetest i've ever seen you and you're always smiling and you're not a bitch and i remember you're a fucking bitch oh yeah you're a cunt just yesterday cunt and gaunt we've changed and well now you're cunt and i'm going no yes we're neither of us are gaunt but we are cunts cute no cunt and cute wow i mean you guys have seen us just transform over and over and over again and shout out to everybody who's been listening to us from day one beginning yes i have a beautiful review that i have a really great review that just made

me so happy oh wait let me go get my phone as well because somebody sent me a message that i was like i'm gonna read it and then i yeah i'm gonna read this um this person i wrote i wrote her back but um let's see okay hi my name is kendall i'm 21 living in chicago i just wanted to say that i really appreciate the pod and the existence of you two and andrew i stumbled upon your pod somehow on spotify and ended up listening to an episode or two a day and still end up craving more not enough to pay for the patreon because we out here broke but once i find some spare change i promise to contribute i listen to you both anytime any day especially when i'm in a bad place sid i don't know you but i feel so close to you i never see another vulnerable yet strong

black femme queer person be themselves so much it makes me feel seen i appreciate how you talk about your mental illness and family issues so openly i wish i had the courage marie i simply want to be unbothered and thriving as you well i know you got stuff going on just like everybody but you never show it and i wish you the best oh that's nice so sweet and i want to send her um some uh episodes some patreon episodes for free so how you do that um i don't know but i'll figure it out i'll figure it out and i'm gonna send it i'm gonna send it through like we transfer or something like that oh you go download them to your laptop and then send them you're gonna slow down your new laptop yes and send it for this listener or i can just open it up i'll see

i'll look on the patreon if i could just send a link oh yeah send a link and let it be available oh yeah honestly the message that i was trying to read is really really long so no it's like look how long that is okay well you see that okay just read some of it okay the best parts okay hi sydney and marie not sure how you guys consistently have recorded this show throughout the pandemic i can barely answer an email at this point let alone wash my own ass daily you dirty beach oh she said do not worry i'm not white she said i do don't worry not white so major props to both of you okay um but this is a okay but this is a story about a breakup do we want to read this sure okay so this person dated

a guy from 2016 to 2018 in college they stayed friends let's call him yertle okay yertle the turtle and i initially had a rough breakup she cheated on him really early in the relationship because she didn't want to tell him she wanted to be young and wild and have a college hoe experience okay yeah um we were both black students in white sororities and frats so we stayed friends probably out of loneliness and trauma bonding okay um these are not in order damn i should have prepared i didn't know he was reading things good job son of a beach okay uh we only hooked up once after our breakup and would mainly study together on campus fast forward a few months i started dating someone else a white guy another huge regret haha yeah she lying she loved it uh

you love that pink thing yertle and i remained friends but one night he confessed that he loved me while i was dating this other guy uh i told him i cheated on you and was not a good girlfriend so what the f are you even on and he was like yeah never mind just kidding and then he didn't show to the class that they had for weeks come to find out yertle himself was dating this girl that he failed to mention to me oh okay she said i didn't really care at all because this girl wasn't as cute as me okay okay we don't i love it okay love it flex and that's all that matters when your ex starts dating someone else hello okay from there they graduated talked on the phone occasionally but never really consistently until her

and this other guy broke up. Yertle's at a fancy law school and she used him. I admit I used him I admit I used him as a crutch during the breakup. Okay. Okay. New Year's, which we

do this. Sometimes, you know, you don't really like somebody but you need somebody to talk to and it happens. You don't really want to lean on your friends too much. You talk to Yertle. Yeah. New Year's Eve he confessed he loved me another time this time i explained that since i was going to graduate school there was no point in trying again i also mentioned the fact that he had a whole ass girlfriend and maybe you should focus on that and he sent a text that said i would break up

with my girlfriend in a second if you told me to okay that dang good okay that thing is wet wet um she said that wasn't fair and she said you know drop it here we go in whole ass june and this turtle is still trying to get back with me even though he's been dating this girl for about a year now on my birthday he asked if he was dating anybody and he failed to mention once again his ugly ass girlfriend he told me he was interning slash living in the city that i live in and she tried to shut it down. But I'm sick of his shitty behavior and don't want this girl to think he's a good guy.

I will admit I was kind of stringing him along early on because I was lonely and sad, but now I'm in a city where a lot of my friends live so he can simply just kick rocks. Damn, girl. Okay, wait. He's simply just bothering me and being a bad person. Should I send a DM to his current girlfriend,

the text of him saying he would break up with her in a second? Ooh. Or not? Okay. So they were dated in college from 2016 to 2018. Well, it is long-winded as fuck. I know. I'm just trying to summarize it.

They dated for two years. She didn't really like him like that. She had a man. He has a girlfriend. He keeps saying that he loves her. Heard you. And then he said, I will leave this girl in a second for you. You want to go?

No. No. Ah, yes. I got to put my phone back on the charger, too. Son of a bitch. Okay. So he has a girlfriend. he keeps proclaiming his love to this chick

should she send this girlfriend a screenshot of this text that he sent her do you care I mean do you want to be super save a hoe would you want somebody to do that for you I mean yes yeah I want somebody

to text me and say hey this man that you just said you love on the pod yeah is in my inbox saying he would leave you for me i would want to get that text i'm not saying i would like i'm not looking for that text but you need to know that your man is kind of trash yes yeah i guess if you yeah if you know that if you know who this girl is reach out reach out and be like hey i'm not really trying to be messy this is not really my it's not really what i'll do but i just want to give you the heads

up boom here to screenshot you do what you want with it but yeah i think that's and and then whatever she decides to do is her business but like wouldn't you rather know that your dude is has cheating potential yeah rather than find out later he is an actual cheater he didn't cheat but he's on his way well he's but it's also it's not that he's trying to cheat he's saying i'ma leave her to be with you yeah you fully ready to let me go i'm just like uh i'm on hold but what if what if marie what if you what if it was the other way around and this girl actually liked him and they were just supposed to belong together who liked him it the girl that sent the message the girl who missing the message what if she did like him back right was in love with him and they were

just supposed to be together but she doesn't like him yeah she said she doesn't like him but i'm saying if she did like him would she reach out anyway if she did like him then she would say oh yeah I love you too and then we would wait for him to break up with his girlfriend yeah yeah yeah but that no no no if you want this girl to know then she should know it didn't don't matter if you like him or not don't do it because it's convenient because you don't want to be with if you're doing it off the strength of i just want to let her know then you should be able to let her know regardless yeah but we don't even have to worry about the the opposite she doesn't like him yeah she they were friends and then she was kind of using him i mean she cheated on him

and then he came back but they are not a couple and haven't been a couple since 2018 friend two years have passed he can't find nobody else that's so weird he's but he's with somebody else that's what is the weirdest he's with somebody right now talking about i would leave her in a minute for you damn but y'all been together for a year plus this is a white man no he's black ah you know we gotta support black businesses his dick is a black business it's a small black business or a big black business i don't know it sounds like it's a small black business um she cheated on him um but yeah i think that you should just send the screenshot message her hey you know uh you don't know me or maybe she does because he be on your instagram so she knows who

you are yeah hey sis um you know i know you've been with this dude for a while but this is what he's been messaging me with that's it send the screenshot drop it let it go like you don't have to say anything else i don't think yeah i would want to know okay you don't agree what y'all think do you would you want to know would you would you leave would you do that would you go out and like send the message what if what if you were in love with the dude too would you still send the message what I don't why are you bringing that up if you were in love with him then you're looking out for yourself first if you if I love somebody and they tell me that they love me then we are big and Carrie Bradshaw problematic and his wife is whoever big was married to yeah but see I don't like that

I don't like that people make exceptions when it's like doing the right thing. The right thing is let this girl know no matter what. But are you just letting her know because you're like, well, I don't want him. That's not right. Well, I think she's letting her know because this girl could potentially marry this guy.

It sounds like they've been together for maybe one or two years. So sis deserves to, she deserves a clean break. And she deserves to be with somebody who is in love with her yeah that's that's how i'm looking at it leaving out the girl who sent us the message the person who's in the relationship deserves to be as happy as you are right now yeah and she should be having as good sex as i'm having right now and both of us yes yes but not together yes us together so many

but that's all all i'm saying is the girl who he's with deserves to be with somebody who is obsessed with her that's it that's why i think that send us just drop the screenshot if she if she responds she responds if she doesn't then that's on her it doesn't matter if you love him or not i don't think he's a bum or tell him maybe that's maybe that's the right way to do it say a hit me up again and i will send this message to your girlfriend maybe that's maybe that's the way to do it yeah no we'd like to blindside these dudes fuck that we don't want to give them a heads up because then they could erase stuff and be like this bitch is psycho and she

you know she really want to be with me and blah blah blah they have too much time to figure out another story so no yeah but she got the screenshots anyway whatever that was a good message it was very long I wasn't going to read it but I was like

I want to read it well I appreciate everything that y'all are messaging us with you know we don't really be seeing all the messages um but i love it that y'all are still listening during the pandemic yeah it's it's hard to keep up and just do right by this podcast sometimes especially with everything that's gone on but we we've tried to keep it together um because we're still together and we we do enjoy like

talking our shit and being who we be and and being love and light for the people listening and we keep it real and we we keep it fun and it gets crazy and messy and you know sometimes feelings are hurt but on this podcast yes yes yes yes sure there's always a thin line between uh funny and wrong funny and wrong thin line between funny and wrong that's the name of the episode thin line between funny and wrong i like that yeah but that might be too long friend because you know you scrolling on the thing yeah that's true yeah yeah funny and wrong thing thin line between yeah this is funny and wrong ah funny and wrong yes that might be good we love that i wrote that's the only one that's the only one that i wrote that's the well it took us

almost the entire episode the whole episode um yes there's a thin line between funny and wrong but we're here for y'all i'm here for you friend i'm here for all your beautiful sex stories the way that cindy told the story here was the pg-13 version yeah i got the rated nc-17 version and it made me what well i will say that i i'm pretty messy on our group chat and uh yes sunday night i what are you doing decided to yo are you gonna tell them what you did on sunday night can you tell it sydney said i need to clean my butthole that's what you said yes yeah what are these called enemas sydney got on facetime with us no we were already on facetime and she got in the tub butt ass naked and on facetime we watched her give herself an enema enema on facetime enema

of the state anima anima of the state yeah that's a great title when i tell you i watched my home with the cat sitting on the toilet and the cat is obsessed with sydney oh well because that he had like a rough weekend yes oh bitch you gonna tell him that story too yes yes yes but let me finish the douche the thing douche Sydney the cat is on the toilet

like watching Sydney meowing walking her along the tub our friend is on her knees cleaning her butthole I hope it was worth it it was I'm glad

it was clean as a whistle and and then I was constipated for three days that's cause she cleaned your butt too well yeah

it was I couldn't I couldn't poop it sucked for three days for three days full of shit yes but

full of shit It came out today, because I had Jamaican food this morning. You had Jamaican food on Monday, too, friend. You know, leftovers. Oh. Leftovers from Monday. Sydney is, oh, and then the other day, my friend and I were at Sydney's house, and he bought his dog, and the dog walked into Sydney's apartment, and her cat freaked the fuck out.

never seen jam like that ever in my entire life mind you my friend's dog is a yorkie like a tiny old ass dog that's like like he just was walking in to say hi to sydney while she's doing a show on live on on i was on a zoom show doing what i do handling my business i was crushing too oh my god they were laughing they was laughing i heard people clapping standing innovations yep the dog is like oh let me see what she's talking about in there the cat runs into the window runs into that was like tom and jerry yeah you know how like time it like they like looney tunes they run through a wall and it's the shape of their body that's what the cat tried to do to the window knocked down a lamp a candle a plant and then was dangling from the curtain just

Ran up the curtain. Hickory dickory dock, the cat ran up the curtain. Yeah. And it was a sight to see. He looked like a pinata. Then he was growling. Like he was constipated. He was, it was sick.

His eyes were insane. I've never seen my cat so upset. He was growling at you. He hissed at you. He's never hissed at you. I didn't even hear the hiss. He was pissed. He was like, I hate it here.

these niggers these niggers he was so upset he was upset for at least an hour so how are jelly and jam doing with your guest jam loves loves him and uh jelly comes out like once a day and it's like meow and then goes back in um oh i've never heard jelly meow my guest said that jam is a bum ass nigga and he is yes jelly is depressed probably yes and he's like jam is jam is over here probably bullying jelly and jelly's like not getting the right attention and you thought that jam is depressed i thought that i was like maybe jam is depressed why did you think jam was depressed i don't know he keeps meowing he's just spoiled yo he watched you clean your butthole on live i mean on whatever facetime he's like he's like maybe you're depressed give the cat

What antidepressant are you on now? Venoflaxin. Venoflaxin. Give Jelly a little Venoflaxin tonight. Just to see. No, I can't. Just empty it. No, I won't.

But I'll Google. If you guys know about Kath, she does not come. She hides. She's skittish. She comes out a little bit. She meows. She lets me pet her here and there. But overall, she is not coming out.

She stays underneath the couch for most of her days. and just yeah friend the listeners are they know because they'd be like you're always talking about jam but they're like where's jelly hashtag where's jelly hashtag where's jelly like you're doing these sunday jam sessions where is the jelly session yeah sit has favorites i do i have favoritism is real and it's just because he gives me attention it pays he's like up my butt all the time and i love it up my butt that's aren't you glad i have these cats they've turned me into a different person i love them no you've had these cats for five years and i'm not happy that you have them yeah have never been happy that you have them um no anyway friend anything any final

parting word you want to leave the listeners with before we go i mean we hit them with everything we gave them explicit details of things that have happened uh to us in the last couple days um or the last couple months depending on when you're listening to this um a shout out to everybody all around the world that's listening to this because this episode is now my new favorite episode.

If the person that I'm talking to is listening which you shouldn't have been but you listened the whole freaking episode

so you've heard everything I know you know this but you're awesome and so happy that I met you and you make me smile

every single day and you put it down you put that shit down and now I am a new woman I want to clean

my house I want to cook I want to do all the things and I cleaned my house and you got plants yeah everything that you're doing right now I'm like wow look at the growth the growth now this is a question that I want to ask before we go and I want you to answer

honestly okay honestly can I have sex with this person to see if it's good Marie no I'll let you have sex with mine no I don't want to we get oh what if we had sex together like a like all of us together just in front of each other we don't have to have sex where would we do that whose house well you told me how his is set up

i mean you know he got a dog and it's a man so it's i mean i don't know you would have sex together yeah is that the oh are we gonna do this yo he would love that i'm sure he would I don't know if I would love it, but, like, are we ready for that, Steph, in our relationship? I would like you to see how amazing this person is. They really—I mean, I've—I watch lesbian porn, but I always feel it's fake, and this feels real. The real thing. And we look so good together. That's what he said about us the other day.

We look good together. You and him? Yeah. You do. I know. and i don't even like like skins but y'all are cute anyway it is what it is it is what it is we'll reconvene and figure out when the orgy's gonna happen if you guys think we should do it put it underneath the comments and be like do it do it do it do it and don't say what we're doing

it to but just say do it do it for the people in san francisco that came to an official expert do it do they will they were like kiss her kiss her kiss her yes do it do it do it you know i'm down to do it i mean i'm down listen i i'm in a new i'm in a new phase in my life let me say something real quick yeah he already suggested this oh weird like a week ago he was like oh we should we should all just have sex together he's gross disgusting you know what when a man wants something you don't give it to him so no if we if all three of us decided then maybe but because he said yes no he was not getting it only in his dreams and if you're listening to this sir you nasty but you'll be putting it down down down because she be cooking and cleaning in here too

okay yeah but i was cooking and cleaning in here before don't do that i've been a grown-up you know you change you change and we love you ah anyway uh love is beautiful it's so great the pandemic sucks 2020 is trash but we are living loving loving and fucking oh living loving and fucking and fucking fucking that might be the that fuck living loving fucking i love that that's cute let's put that on living isn't loving fucking but no loving is just love and living is just living. Oh, there's a difference between loving and pouring?

Okay. Great. Well, I am spent and I need a snack. Yes, we're so hungry. I'm going to go send this man a picture. Thank you so much.

A picture of my cooch. Yay! I'm going to do that right now. You want me to take it? In portrait mode? Yes. I got you. Keep leaving reviews,

commenting, sharing the pod. Yes. You know, let people know that this is the love and the light that you need in your life. Yes, and if that

bum ass nigga that you used to date is saying I would leave my current girlfriend for you punch him in the dick yeah he's just gonna give you syphilis dick and that's it anyway bye guys love you forever dog

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