MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "Entertaining The Law Expert" with Kelly D. Shapiro

Episode Date: August 25, 2017

Sydnee and Marie connect with Entertainment Lawyer Kelly D. Shapiro (@KelShap) to learn about law and everything in between.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hey hi guys welcome to the unofficial expert podcast this is marie and this is sydney yes this is what we're doing today uh and every week that you listen to this it's bomb right yes and definitely uh tune in to comedy hype for all your comedy news uh it's comedyhype.com uh they are the ones who sponsor the podcast essentially and help us do what we do the way that we do it that we do it for tv oh thank you comedy hype you the best you a genius you're so smart thank you uh so what's going on marie how you feeling you looking good the legs is out well yes the legs are out and uh and what that means is uh my shorts are real little today oh they sure are but i want people to see this little cut in the between the hamstring and the

quad i see y'all are hearing me but y'all not seeing me i'll post a picture of my insta stories later um but what that means is uh when i sit on the train seat my ass is on the dirty subway seat you usually have a little little flannel shirt yeah yeah yeah but i ran out on your waist today and the flannel it was too hot for the flannel around the waist so they gonna get these ass cheeks and i'm gonna you gonna get them uh them bussy bumps on your ass there's bum bumps bum bumps we got them homeless bumps on my butt uh but you know i feel like from a distance you can't see the bum bumps so i'm i'm feeling confident i feel good i see you got the overalls i do and they're kind of like the lesbian long ones so like my did you cut those i did these

were actually um pants why did you cut them because i didn't like them as pants they looked really like ash bagash real messy i couldn't i was like let me cut it so i could look like a young thot you look like an old lesbian fuck you you're so rude they're so long You wouldn't even cuff them. I can cuff them if I want to, but I'm just, you know, I'm conservative. You don't want to get bum bumps on your butt. Nope, exactly. And I took the train today.

Did you? Yes. In them long shorts? Hold on. Can I tell you what my expertise was this week? Yes. Okay, so I've been trying to do other transportation other than Ubers. Because the money's running out.

It really is. For all the listeners listening, your girl got laid off. your girl got laid off so i have to become uh the frugal expert but anyway i've been using my bike to actually get around so yesterday i went to a show i was all the way i went from brooklyn to the city and i went all the way from uh what was it the lower east side all the way to 72nd street for those of y'all who don't know what manhattan looks like the lower east side is like the bottom half of manhattan and you rode all the way up to 70 something street yeah it took me about 40 minutes um so what time of the day was this this was late this was like nine o'clock

was there money waiting for you on 72nd street no was there food i went yes was there dick waiting for you no there was no dick there was food i was there to go see my friend helen um with her family having a little family dinner so i'm going to i'm going to dinner on this bike so by the 40th by the 40th block i was like oh i'm gonna be a hot crunchy mess by the time i get to dinner so then i'm sweating i'm looking crazy and this dude pulls up on his in a car no no on his bike on his motorized bike and he's like oh you know where are you going i was like oh i gotta go all the way to 70 seconds he's like you got a long ways to go and i was like yeah i do and then for 40 blocks this man is trying to get my number wow where was he going oh you know where he was

going the bronx oh he was riding so i was telling him like farther than you so i'm telling him like oh man i gotta go all the way to 70 so he's like oh okay yeah that's far i was like where you got the bronx oh hell on a bike so he tries to get his head of motor he did he did so he's not doing that but he tried to get my number for 40 blocks and it was so sad like by the 30th block he was like well i don't look like drake but you got to give a dark-skinned dude some time i mean this is a public service announcement that you do need to give it yo he was like begging by the i was like bro you your bike has a motor on it you don't need me you don't need me you couldn't dude you're doing better than me why would you want to talk to me i want this struggle ass cruiser bike no you

guys are about on the same level he lives in the bronx his bike has a motor on it but he lives in the bronx okay so i gave him my number no you know you i didn't give him my number so wait hold on hold on so we i'm yelling out numbers while we in the bike lane and like there's other people trying to get past this and i'm like nine one seven and then i'm like and then when i get to one number i'm like new and so he's trying to get my fucking number and i'm like like i'm mumbling shit and then i'll throw in a wrong and then he starts calling me from the fucking bike i'm like yo y'all dudes gotta do better man the thirst will never be that real i'm telling you don't want this poom kasha's been on a bike for like 80 blocks like what's wrong with you man bike seat

do better he's like uh where are you from you're from the city you look uh very jamaican i was like jamaican wow that means you had bright colors yesterday you had on a yellow green combo girl when i tell you my wig wasn't even intact like it was lifting i was like yo we sound real jamaican the whole thing gonna lift off and i'm like he's not gonna call me after that so you made it to dinner yeah did he call you did you get did he get the right number yeah he did oh you're so dumb and he texted me this morning like did you sleep well my darling oh my god oh my god dude and then coming back somebody called me a hoe on the bike when i got back to call you a jamaican hoe no they called me a hoe so i was like man this is what i'm gonna do for the rest of the summer i'm just

gonna be riding a bike getting called a hoe people trying to get my number it's wow wow you are but i'm alive i'm here for this podcast wait i feel like people listening want to know if they paid did helen's family pay for your food on 72nd street you came out your own pockets after all but i got the family discount though that don't mean nothing the family discount is dad's paying i had branzino though that's why i couldn't pay for a cab because i was like oh i'm gonna get this fish how much was the branzino well i love some branzino it was mp for somebody who just got laid off you live in real lavish you know i'm hood rich hood rich real lavish what about you marie uh what were you an expert in this uh this week i was an expert at

keeping my mouth shut oh which is something that i have to work on i'm so proud of you thank you so much we learned a lot from this podcast actually actually it's not from the podcast that i learned to keep my mouth shut but like i appreciate what you're doing i'm sure other people listening learn a lot from the podcast but uh um so my sister's been staying with me for what feels like legit 28 years wait did she listen to the podcast no she don't okay keep it going also i'm scared okay so keep going staying with me for all this time and uh we got into an argument a couple weeks ago. No, I guess that was last Saturday.

I feel like y'all be arguing every time I'm there. And I'll be like, yo, I gotta go. I don't want to be in the middle of this. We got into an argument once because my sister needed to use the bathroom and I was like, if you get on the toilet while I'm in here doing my makeup, I'm gonna go live on Instagram. And then she was like, what if my stomach explodes?

And you were like, put your waist trainer on then. You're just a fucking mean sister. And then Sydney put her pants on and was like, I gotta go. I have to leave. that's how you get Sydney out of your house you just have to start yelling at your sister

about waist trainers so my sister and I got into this argument because she started yelling at some white dudes on the street the other day and I was like

yeah I'm not going to get punched in my face by a Chad or a Logan for you and she was like I know you would never fight for me Marie and I was like

I'm not even going to fight for myself so don't think I'm not trying to get punched in the face for what I say because we're trying to get these gigs girl

you need your face in text I need my face this is my resume like she's fucking up my money now like do i need to talk to her too so we got home and i called my mom because i was like i'm not arguing with you at two o'clock in the morning so i called my mother and then my sister was in the other room my mom called her my dad called me so we're on the phone with our parents

who are in the same room while we're in the same room and i hear my dad say i'm on the phone with my daughter like yelling at my mom that he was talking to me and then my mom's yelling at him that she's talking to her and so my sister was like i can't believe my own sister is kicking me out right because my sister was the expert at being dramatic as hell this weekend last week so now my sister's back in my apartment and i just i just look right through her like i don't even see her she'd be like morning i'd be like damn marie she'd be like what are you doing today i'd be like yo you trying to get hit are you trying to get hit well yeah if y'all get in a fight i'm not getting involved at all cindy i wouldn't expect you to get involved okay unless like i

use you as a shield as a legit body shit up speaking of shields this is great beautiful transition do you see that you see what i do speaking of shields uh our expert today is a shield of sorts um shield of law a shield thank you said a shield of law no that doesn't make okay start over do it again speaking of shields our guest this week is not a shield uh but she is our entertainment law expert uh she might actually be the only expert we've ever had on the podcast that's actually an expert she's for real though which i'm very uncomfortable like she's got a diploma and everything right she got papers she got papers uh she's uh she's in town from la so that's dope we're gonna talk about the sun and stuff like that we got people doing things

on the podcast okay this podcast real credit this is legit okay she's never been on conan or anything like that but she she got credits yeah put some respect on her name uh and her name is kelly shapiro hey kelly kelly happy to be here oh kelly how you doing you look stunning let's do a head to toe of kelly yes okay uh let's start at the toes uh the toes are light pink yes uh the heel is uh like a brown what kind of shoes are these this is like a tan michael kors you got a michael kors like a a tan suede but the toes are out the legs are long very long you're tall how tall are you five nine five nine you hear that listener wait are you single single yeah super single first of all she and she's a lawyer and she five nine she ain't got no man or you are or woman

i'm man but i'm dating i'm dating a lot you're dating okay she out here she in these streets oh hold on we didn't the dress is a uh a halter and it's like powder blue powder blue okay and then the hair is blonde okay very blonde very and you got a lash like the are those all yours that's not i'm from l.a no no no i yeah i yeah i was like she got some latisse in her life no i'm scared of that so you yeah because i heard it makes your lids darker yeah and if you don't if you stop using it your lashes fall out so yeah i'll put on my strip every morning yeah Every morning you do a strip? You got strips, girl?

Yeah. Do you wear strips to the gym? Those are beautiful. No, I don't wear anything to the gym. No, no, no. I'm fresh-faced. That's how you do it, y'all. If you have eyebrows on in the gym, you're doing the gym wrong.

Yeah. You just sweat. I sweat too much to have anything on. Wiping your whole brow off. No. So you're 5'9". You're a lawyer. You ain't got no man.

Why is that? I haven't met anyone I wanted to date seriously yet. What is your type? Just talk to the listeners. Tell them what you look like. I had a great date last night, actually. Oh, talk to me. Let's talk about it.

Let's hear about this. Let's get into it. You know, at this point, in my 30s and whatnot, I know what I want. But also, you have to become the partner you want to fall in love with. So it took me a while to become that person. Look at you, girl. But now I am, so now dating is amazing. Wait, I got to change for you to be good?

That don't make no sense. That sounds wrong. Marie, be the partner that you want to have. So I got to be rich and tall and have a beard? Yes, girl. That's terrible. Get it together. no they got a snapchat filter for that i could get you a beard and everything

but can you make my bank account match my face yeah i can't do that for you currently i feel like it batches so talk about this date yeah yes where did you guys meet was it an online situation uh yeah of course yeah which one happened what is that okay oh i've had great success with happen yes okay write that down and i travel so much it's when you cross paths with people so when i south by southwest you can run into some especially if you're my one girlfriend she encouraged me to do it in december um because i was used to be super anti-dating i'm like no i'm out here yeah i'm in these streets but then my friend was like well how's that working for you and i'm like okay so but happen is good because it's if you're in the same like area so you know

if you're a neighbor or if you work in the same so at least you have something in common already okay um and so that is great for la but uh dating in new york is much better than la we know girl it's everybody's on top of each other there's more people here there's just more numbers but i do have to say i think there's less of um you know pressure to invest in one person here because there are so many other opportunities where in la you kind of can just everybody hoeing everybody is hoeing in new york city right so la is kind of different to the bios though so like people say what they're looking for so if you don't watch i'm gonna smash today on my way to the world i need it on the go-ho no this one guy and that's my trouble is

also if i'm attracted to them physically a lot of time that doesn't we don't also we're not evenly yoked intellectually right and i'm no one's business advisor like i'm no one's like you just want to chill when you're in the relationship yeah and i'm also i turn the lawyer hat off i'm super chill in my personal life yeah so you have to find a you know partner that can compliment you and but you know yeah like i'm not being intimidated by like i like also handle some big you know matters and stuff but yeah but you want to do hood red things with your hood red friends right okay absolutely come on this is my type of girl right here kelly why how do you think i listen to you guys i'm like these are just i'm listening to my buddies oh

my god you're ratchet adjacent i love it let's talk about how you got to law school yes sure How, where did you go? Where are you from? I was born and raised in Hermosa Beach, California. But my, so I'm, my mother is black from Chester, Pennsylvania, south side of Philly. And she left when she was very young, went to LA, was an air traffic controller there.

And my father actually is originally from Brooklyn, but left years, years, years ago and always wanted to be in California. So I was raised there, but my household was East Coast black woman. So I feel like I'm just, I was raised by the beach, but in my mother's household. So people don't, they make assumptions on what my background is, but it's pretty unique. So your mother wouldn't let you go to the beach all the time. Negative. But your dad was like, come on, put some more shorts on.

Your dad wanted you to surf. But he's doing so, so they're not as, you know, it's crazy beach, but a lot of racquetball. Racquetball. Kelly got money. Wow. Your dad was playing racquetball with you? No, no, no. He got a coin.

Mr. Shapiro got some money. Let me find out Kelly lived the clueless life. It's funny. I have a friend. We have a shared beyond kind of thing. I can see it. But no, not now. I have grown into my Malibu taste.

But Hermosa Beach is more small beach town. And I was very sheltered. Didn't party or learn anything ratchet and so much later. College was great for that. Yeah. I mean, that's why people go to college. That's why you go. Yeah.

I went to USC. And I was an athlete there, which was great. Oh, what'd you play, girl? Track and field. Look at that. Did you run? Were you a jumper? You got them long legs.

No, I was also much thicker back then, so I was a thrower. What? Yeah, a javelin and a hammer. You were thicker than what you already ate? Oh, a good 40 pounds more. Oh, yes. What? Was they able to handle you?

I wasn't able to handle you. I wasn't comfortable in the actual way. I wasn't. That was like more, you know. But it was salad, though. Huh? It was salad. No, I had a sweet tooth back in the day.

I ate a lot of treats and popcorn and cereal at dinner. cindy loves cereal oh my god lucky charms my face but i had my roommate in college she was a um a tri is not triathlete what is it the heptathlete heptathlon and heptathlon yeah so she could eat any like you know but like me i have like two yogurts and i put on like heptathlon that's like eight events ten of them seven yeah what's that seven they do like mad things yes no thank you in a that was my uh my roommate yeah so i was a throes but any i knew i wanted to go to law school though and so i why why did you want to go to law school in high school things like that and then actually follow no but i remember growing up everybody either wanted to be a lawyer or a

doctor that's what i'm saying who thinks like that and then follows through i didn't when i was a kid i wanted to do you know random stuff like top gun came out so like i want to be a fight like shut up but you know when i was 15 and um i remember in history class um in high school learning about the civil rights movement and thurgood marshall and that's when i found out what harvard law school was and i ended and i went to harvard law school wow let's clap it up for kelly we are not worthy oh my goodness do you get it thank you kelly why the hell do you listen to this podcast yo harvard law do you hear that listeners we got harvard law graduates all right you know i feel like that's it podcast is that's it we got our credit all right can we put that in

our credits like i'm gonna put next to my bike i'm gonna put on my late in harvard law school adjacent reviewed by the harvard loss well that's what i'm gonna do what is it like being a black woman at harvard law school what is that experience like because in my mind it's probably not that fun um well no they get i feel like lawyers get lit i was the social committee chair of the black law students school the black law student association so i got to throw the party so we get fun but of course you're nerdy and like nerd if you have to be extremely driven extremely focused ambitious and smart so yeah your number one thing isn't going to be partying yeah but you made some time oh i made some time yeah yeah yeah i can tell by that part in your head you

made some time that was my first time on the east coast i grew up being obsessed with the east coast and i finally you know at 21 moved to um to cambridge and i was just this it was my east fantasy had begun what the what the black dudes at harvard law school what do they like what they like what they like shout out to all my male friends but it was a little interesting the dynamic because also i i'm coming from la right so everything is different but um you know coming from a big jock school like usc to this purely you know the rules of you know of ranking in terms of like like the cool kids were the nerdy kids with no muscles i didn't like that especially amongst the black community i remember my best girlfriend um dorothy who was at harvard undergrad she said

kelly word to the wise don't date it at harvard because it's such a small community so everybody know your business exactly so i never did but i also wasn't i just wasn't as friends yes but i think it's just another like people can be conceited because i'm the you know head football player but there it's like a different thing that i'm like well it's money it's like class elitism top of my class or like oh i'm a black man and like yeah and i'm at harvard or black woman whatever and it's more like yeah but so am i yeah like we're on we're all here we're all here this sounds like let's build let's build empires together this sounds like uh dear white people in my mind as soon as you said it i was like as soon as you were talking about writers on that

show because that i was like oh great i was like sam were you sam you were definitely sam you're saying i think i have a combo though what's it with that what's the combo salmon but i don't have as much i think i'm i'm more um since i was just raised by my mom i have less i think of a uh of a i i don't know i i think i'm i'm more i don't know dude you said the head of the social chair and i am now with the harvard law school association of new york city and um la i'm on the board and i'm planning an event in the fall all right well some regular holes come through can we get no we can come through i invite all of my meetups what's the date let me just check my calendar real quick i try to get all of my networks cool i invite like

black women in tech in la i held a entrepreneurs happy hour um with the harvard law school association because i want them to have no you should be in the room with these investors too Yo, we might be ending this podcast after this event. I might be like, yo, I can't do a podcast no more. You know, I know investors now. I know people last name Shapiro. Oh my goodness.

Yo, don't forget about us. Kelly, like, we friends now. Like, I'm going to text you like, hey girl, what's up with that part? One of your guys' next live tapings. I was mad that I missed that one. Oh, it was so fun. You guys should do one in LA. Oh, we want to.

Can we go to that party and get them investors? tickets we will be in la we will be there so you finish so you don't think you're sam no i identify with her yes i mean and the things that well the things that people project onto her and say to her i'm like yes because you light skin and like you know do you date white man beautiful well that is the other thing i bond with her on you do but i date both i well i date everything. Well, she dated both, too. Remember? She banged that dude. Yeah, but that was her, like, side piece, but her mane was white

back. And when she even, like, really got into him, I felt like... He was so much cuter. We're talking about Reggie, right? Yeah. Reggie was the cute one. I love Reggie. Reggie is super cute. Oh, but then you see his pictures on IMDb, and I'm like, he don't photograph the same. Yes, yes, yes, that's fine. He also photographs quite short. Yeah, he does.

He photographs 5'8". Okay, yeah. But he was so much cuter. I mean, the white dude that she was with was super forgettable, also. He looked like he skates boards all the time. I don't know. I heard his feelings, but I feel like it could have been casted a little. Yes. No, that's what I feel like they could have casted it a little bit better. Yeah, like a little hotter, like a little, yeah.

Oh, my God. What was the girl's name that was dating Troy? I took off my hair for you. Oh, she was too much. I gave up my hair for you. Wasn't her real name like Shaquita or something like that? Yeah, something like that, but she went by like Shay or something like that. Yeah, something crazy. I went to school to USC with a girl just like that.

I believe you. I remember. Who looked just like, it was everything. and yeah she had a blue contact lens oh that's a no from me she was as beautiful as this like gorgeous but i remember she just went into only the the white sorority and i wanted to be like and she had no you wanted to tap on the shoulder yeah but i'm like no we have something in common guys like hello and she just wasn't interested yeah but she went to one of the biggest yeah but hey that's her journey and she's probably happily married to biff kelly come through with the lost Jade right there.

Biff. No. Enjoy that. I'm going to write that name down. You better do that, Biff. Do it, girl. Biff Beauregard. Kelly, we're going to be great friends.

I can tell already. We're going to be hanging, girl. And you should direct the life that you want. She wants to wear that, then there it is. Speaking of colored contacts, what's the guy's name? Ty Dolla $ign? Ty Dolla $ign. Are those his real eyes?

Those are his real eyes. They're like a greenish gray color. Those are not contacts. Those are his real eyes. Kelly, can you confirm or deny? I can't recall what he looks like. He looks like... I don't know about the messy niggas.

He looks like clean Lil Wayne. He kind of looks like... Oh, I really don't know what he looks like. He does look like clean Lil Wayne, which is not that much. Or a little bit of future. He's got a baby future. It doesn't matter. Kelly.

Whatever. Kelly, so we're talking about celebrities now. You represent celebrities. Well, I represent artists. Artists. Some of them are very famous because of their celebrities because of it. But I represent mostly DJs. Wait, I might know some of the people you know

Probably Yeah, name all the names The biggest by far is DJ Jazzy Jeff And he has the most, the biggest Whenever he has a party Let us know about that And then we'll Jazzy Jeff ourselves out I'll take turns throwing Sydney on

And she'll take turns throwing me on We actually did a YouTube video of us DJ Jazzy Jeffing us out of places Really? Oh yes, just throwing each other out of places Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, we did that. So maybe you can slide that down.

How is Jeff doing? Oh, he's amazing. I mean, him and his, he has a whole squad that he tours with. And he DJs around the world. He's a very, very, very busy DJ around the world. Yeah, he's amazing. But he's also, what I love working with him is, he's at this point, he's also in a mentorship role.

So he brings together a lot of musicians and artists and producers. and they actually just came out with this amazing collaborative album called Chasing Goosebumps. Chasing Goosebumps. Is that on Spotify? It should be everywhere. I'm going to look for it. Every DJ you know, from Rich Medina to Ali Shahid Muhammad.

I met him last summer there. Aloe Blacc is a part of the fam. Oh, I like Aloe Blacc. I need a dollar. A dollar is what I need. Maimouna Youssef, that's one of my and through DJ Jazzy Jeffs, just that ecosystem i represent like everyone really beautiful that's great yeah and what other art artists besides wait hold on hold on hold on just want to so does that mean you've

met will smith no i used to live near him though in malibu she's the girl that's a credit right there i used to live near will smith okay if you go down 16 blocks uh i also live near famous people and then i was there but no i remember jogging though like around like mulholland drive it and if it's hoping maybe someone will come out of their compound and be like hey new black girl in the neighborhood like it never happened not even you're not always there that's why you catch a glimpse of willow's forehead or nothing i i saw one of them um you don't even know which one yeah they were out of driving some awesome car you know jayden came to my job before so yeah it's whatever jayden is like 12 he was at the bar he was at the bar you know these kids they

they come they can come and go with as they please he wasn't drinking he was just there you know with some models and whatnot and then he left was he wearing a batman costume or something terrible like that no but he had like his arms out and i was like look at them little eyes on chicken wings yeah well what is he like 17 yeah he wasn't drinking though he was just there i hope not he was just popping them pills hey jayden how you doing boo-boo so wait you have djs and then who else you have comedians yeah so i'm comedy hype's lawyer shout out to comedy hype we got your lawyer in the building we're gonna have them redo uh the contract sure is well the reason why i i you know became uh you know a legal service provider for uh comedy hype is because i am

active on twitter just in terms of the comics i follow i usually use twitter just to find out where my comics are okay or just to say i don't you know do anything political whatever right But anywho, the founder and CEO of Comedy Hype, John. Slid into your DMs? He did the same thing to us, girl. Just so you know. No, it was more. Well, I get.

So sliding into mine is. That's how I get. I get so many clients off of Instagram and Twitter. Do you hear that? You can conduct real business through the DM ladies. So actually, you should check it on a regular. Well, I also. It depends what kind of energy you're putting out.

I don't get disrespectful DMs. I think before I did. But like. What's your Instagram handle? Malibu Kelly and do not send. Don't challenge that. Malibu Kelly. Malibu Kelly.

Don't challenge that. She's not playing with y'all. People will say, hey, but I also don't take new clients except by referral only. Do you hear that, people? I'm looking you up right now. But with John, I was a fan already. If I'm already a fan of the work, it's very easy for me to say, okay, I would love to be, you know, a representative for you. but it has to be a mutual respect like i can't represent people i don't find funny

oh i don't like their mute but a lot of lawyers you know they'll just they don't care they just because they're getting the money yeah they're getting the money that's it i'm a different kind of i'm glad that you're about your business and you have integrity kelly you look like a playmate on your wait let me see let me check it out let me check it out kelly you go wow so you're saying that that's not the energy you put out i don't think that i put out dick pic receiving energy but i've been getting a lot of dick pics recently like in the last week and i had never gotten them before she said it on a podcast and she was looking for them dick pics no but we didn't even air that episode yet and the dick slid into my dm you put that in the universe though okay

well i don't want those pictures no more please also i'm an attorney i feel like some people probably be like i don't want her to sue me because you can't do that she gonna sue my balls off so who are some of the comedians that you uh work with well um blake wexler is one of my that's my main comic client he was a writer with Key and Peel he's done a bunch

of comedy he does his specials he's actually performing in Philly no he was just in Philly at Helium but I know him because I'm a legit

comedy nerd and that's how John found me yeah it's I don't really talk about it a lot because it's a very

no but name some of the people that you like really really like some of your favorite comics to watch I was happy to sit in on a live taping

of Todd Glass's podcast it was insane What's Todd's podcast? The Todd Glass Show. Of course, it would be his name. Of course. What would it be, something called The Individual Expert? With Todd Glass.

That's hilarious. But I'm a comedy podcast nerd. So some comics I like more on their podcast than I like their stand-up. Or like them on TV. It just depends. I like Ron Funches a lot. He's actually working with what I also advise,

a comedy producer. Is that how you say his last name? Yeah, I was wondering. I would see it and I'd... What did you think it was? Fuchs? I did too. Oh, my God.

Did you guys just pass over the end? I thought it was Fuchs. That's so weird, Marie. He also has a joke or something like, you know, bunches of funches or something. Like, there's also something. Oh, yeah. No, I legit thought it was Fuchs.

I didn't even see the end. It was there. Me neither. Shout out to Ron. Yeah. Hey, Ron. Who else? Name some more.

People that you like to watch. Oh, that I like to watch? Yeah. kim rie lee davis she's also an actress she was on um scandal before the last season she's great i know her because i know in the entertainment and you know you just start can we go back to scandal briefly uh i never watched it okay so first season of scandal i thought it was amazing i was i was living in la at the time it was like seven episodes incredible then after that i think they didn't know that it was gonna blow up the way that it did so they like just threw a bunch

of crap at the first season and they were like we just gonna do whatever we want and then they had to like live up to that and the show just got too crazy after the first season i couldn't watch anymore it's crazy now and then carrie washington who i love is very annoying on the show but i think that's her that's her character though her character is really yeah i don't like watching annoying people like no no she's super needy yeah yeah i don't but like her character supposed to be like very well put together but she's so needy on the show wow that sounds like me yeah oh that's probably why i never watched it that sounds like me kelly i'm so needy kelly but you know gabrielle union auditioned for that role

and didn't get it but i could see her being that character as well because she is really annoying i'm not gonna say that because i might meet her one day so like i'm pretty sure gabrielle union is not gonna listen to this one episode if you do hey gabby uh you could be our uh super bougie black expert because you're perfect at that in every yo she really is like i've served her before and i was like did she almost call me a nigga what's going on she was great who was she with do you remember uh who is she with who does she was she there with duane duane way no she wasn't this was like this was like eight years ago she was with a lot of actors like hollywood actors was sitting out there because i've heard not that good thing no she wasn't there she wasn't there

but i've i've seen her as well and she's really beautiful in person she's stunning like stunning like i was like damn girl you should be everywhere like a cool like she's in her mid-40s or something now right so now we don't speak of age here so yeah we do uh let's check her imdb i mean we don't speak about hard to hide from age so wait you have all these clients you're a comedy sob like do you have any advice to like for people who are starting out because we get a lot of contracts and they'd be trash and it's mainly because we're just starting out and they feel like they can box us in this thing for a long time and then we're like what we out here we we free agents baby yeah we got a contract uh we're not gonna say what network it was but they doing

terrible now and uh they rhymes with lice rhymes with lice lice man yeah and the contract essentially they wanted to own all of our catchphrases they wanted to own our likeness and they wanted to like not pay us they didn't want to pay for travel or makeup or wardrobe and if we got anything from the show we would have to give like another gig off top of that we would have to pay them like 25 25 or something like that you're you're shaking your head like yeah that's that's normal you know i didn't want to go into entertainment for a very long time no i was a corporate lawyer just by day at a big law firm

starting my career in Philadelphia and I did entertainment law pro bono for my artist friends when I moved to Philly I happened to live

two blocks away from my friend Amir who's better known as Questlove right so get out of here that's how I got into

the whole like music just by no just being the homie like but I wasn't an entertainment lawyer back then but I'd advise who I advise now

Yamin All World he's his MC that if you go to Brooklyn Bowl he's there every Thursday um yummy yummy yummy you know yummy yummy say what's up to y'all me you know me i'm like kelly sent me you've been served and it's just the receipt from the bar

that's hilarious exactly no so so that's kind of how um like a lot of now you know years later i get the cosign because I was just but but I'd also give you know free pro bono advice to artists there um I've been a volunteer lawyer with the Philadelphia Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts wow so you like volunteer with people who work in like the creative space yeah so I started that and that was a long you can talk about age but that was 11 years ago was the first time I took my little hotline call um and just someone needed an hour of advice about you know whatever I'm I want to come out with a line of t-shirts or I want to or hey I need help getting out of this contract because I'm a small independent production company or theater company and

they're trying and I'm like okay I'll help you get out of it so it's just helping so do you still do pro bono work yeah yeah but it's now it's more supervised because I have to do it like as a you know requirements for your license but you know S&M got a lawyer but we could take some pro bono advice as well right so i did that while i had my day my day job that paid the bills because also the artist friends usually you know depending on you know we ain't got the money now but it's coming girl it's gonna come yeah we're on the way to money i'm like i want to grow with you i like the brand is strong i love the band i like what you're doing i like the audience that you're serving i want to grow with you and so you just have to find the right lawyer that believes

in you as much and you can work together the lawyer that we're working with currently like she believes in everything that we're doing yeah shout out to julie yeah that's why we that's why we chose her julie murray we love her she does great work like with lawyers or doctors you gotta feel who are you comfortable with and also don't just call them when you're in a jam you should keep them kind of a prize of what you got kind of cooking you know what so i was at a christmas party and uh somebody grabbed me and was like marie and i was like yes and they're like julie and i was like julie who and she's like your lawyer and i was like oh my god it was crazy i didn't even recognize her when you told me that i was like but i had we had only ever met her one

time at the office yeah at the office but we always email her we're like always going back and forth we talked to her all the time but i didn't know what she looked like anymore and i was like oh hey julie and i think she was done up didn't she have like a different lip color she had a lipstick on she also was drinking champagne yeah you know two flutes in her hand of course lawyers know how to drink y'all job is hard it is yeah i mean what's the hardest thing you'd say about being a lawyer i think so i love being a transactional attorney i never wanted to be a litigator i don't like courtrooms i don't i don't want to fight i want to make a good agreement so there is no fighting down the road so there's no ambiguity so i like that however

some of my matters are handling disputes and settlement agreements and handling essentially like breakups but in the business world what's a really bad but good breakup that you've been you don't have to name it a thousand percent can't talk about it oh you can't damn what's a what's a what's a breakup that you were not a part of that you saw happening right like because like companies break all the time yeah and then like i know i feel like verizon just bought i don't know something like people buy things all the time right like yeah what's a breakup that you feel made real big waves in the industry? How about that? That's a good

question. Shut up, Marie. Let me think. A breakup? I don't know. Like a dispute? I think one of the latest issues in just respecting

intellectual property rights and there's so much appropriation now. Speak on it, Kelly, please. Well, I got personally offended as an attorney when say, you know, the Jenner people put their likeness on

top of these. Oh, Tupac and Biggie. Tupac and Biggie. Yeah. But the audacity of you to think that you know at this point, you know you need to get a license to use someone else. Like, you are a multi-billion dollar corporation there. Oh, yeah. Kris Jenner knows. So,

that's what the offensive part is, that you didn't respect the states I'm offended I'm offended that you think that your face deserves to be anywhere near Tupac's face and I was talking to someone actually on my date last night he's of course I like him because

he's Jewish from here and I think I do better with New York guys because they're just more real so you was on a date with a Jewish dude? yeah they say girls grow up to date their father and I don't date a lot I mean I date mostly if I date white men

they're usually British or sometimes Irish. I think mostly British. You said international bae? You said, or Irish? A couple have been Irish, but no, British for sure. Did you listen to the episode

where I kissed that Irish dude? Which one was that? It was a couple weeks ago, but then it turned out that I didn't actually kiss him. It wasn't even an Irish dude, Marie. I got real drunk, I pried. It probably was that black dude.

In my mind, I'm saying that it was a black dude because I'm back to black now. Was this when he had an edible? I don't know. No. So maybe this was like, this was a couple weeks ago.

I was talking about it on the podcast. i don't remember who our guest was she went to pride it wasn't with you i got real drunk and then i made out with the bartender who was this little irish man and then i saw him a couple days later and we talked and he was like no we never kissed you kissed somebody else and i was like and he still wanted to meet up with you he still wanted to meet up with you even though you kiss somebody else good my kissing game he was like i would like her to do that on me whoopsies so okay so you'd be dating like you date like irish dudes who are like from ireland

there are a lot here but um when i was in the uk met a great guy you know british but i think you'd be out here kelly i love it this is what that harvard law will get you in another country i love it no but i think um uh you know americans have there's such just weighted issues around race and stuff with with the british folks it's just less of an issue like white american men sometimes they always they talk to you they're like you're so exotic

are you Asian are you but I'm like who cares I mean you look like you might be a little bit Asian you do I see it

I see it too depending on how unless you got a winged eye on you got a little cat eye you guys are trying to figure out what uh you look kind of like Karuchi

or light skin Trina light skin Trina I will take that doesn't she look like the baddest thank you that's why cause you know Nan

you do look you know Nan I think she's so pretty I've been sitting here trying to figure out who you look like And it's freaking Trina Rockstar. And I think she still has contacts in her eyes.

She probably does. But I'm glad that you like that because that's a compliment. Yes. Kelly, what are you doing after this? We should go out. We should definitely go out. I feel like we can get out. We can go get some drinks.

I'll meet somebody with you two. Absolutely. I mean, not the way I'm currently dressed. Yeah. I was like, really? Not the way I'm dressed right. I got to go home and put on a face. Yeah, but we can get done, though.

We definitely clean up. You see our pictures on Instagram. When your pictures, I think you both were in, well, obviously both. you were together in miami oh yes we did oh yeah you saw those man we were playing no game so i i can never get too conceited because i always have this to kind of humble me i have a thick middle girl look at the stomach too i just use marie's abs that's all i say in a picture with her and you'll be looking at our abs looking great i'm working on it i'm working on i'm trying are you are you here this weekend no i fly to la tomorrow oh damn we caught you

Just in time, girl. Yeah, I've been here, though, for a week. You should have came to my sister's boot camp on Saturday. Oh, darn. I've been looking, so I do class fast. Almost died. So I pop around all the studios, and then I drop into a couple of gyms in Brooklyn. You see?

She's at the gym even when she's on vacation. Kelly. For work. I need your life. That's what I need. So how... Okay, so if I, as a young... And I'm listening to the podcast.

As a young 17-year-old girl living in, I don't know, Philadelphia, aspire to be an attorney, what should I be doing? Well, actually, so I also do a lot of mentoring with young girls. I have two mentees in L.A., an 8- and 13-year-old. But one of my mentees I've had for seven years, Chanel, she's a senior in college in Pittsburgh. I spoke to her class because the teacher was in my gym class, a black woman, and was like,

can you speak to a class like a leading ladies class for whatever oh that's great and then i talked just about you know what i did and then chanel at the time she was 16 and she she followed me basically afterwards was like i want to go to law school can you be and i've been her mentor now for seven years so one get yourself a mentor like try to figure out and sometimes it'll just you know she definitely didn't i didn't grow up my parents didn't go to college like i had to figure it out but you have to start seeing like who do you know that is even living a life that you're Like, I want to do that and not that. And then just, you know, try to find more.

Like, reach out to them. Yeah. And it's hard because at 17, I always felt so limited as a kid. Like, I couldn't wait to be an adult. Like, I couldn't wait to make my own decisions. I'm ready to be back to 17. Yeah. I'm definitely, a cool 24 would be cute for me.

I'm back. I'm cool with going back to, like, 22. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I also went to law school at 21, graduated at 24, so I've been a lawyer for, I was ready Look at you. Like, these are goals.

Hashtag goals right now. Kelly, let's run through the resume. I mean yes yes yes I mean we're doing my ass is on a subway seat today I got lesbian overall short time so you know what we're doing we're not doing that well

2018 is going to be our year not even 2018 I really see greatness with you two so I'm happy I got it early you know let the listeners know what do you see I told John I said no those two that is going to happen

you need to say yes Listen, if you listen to the podcast and you want to speak blessings upon blessings upon blessings. Yes, please lay your hand on my shoulder and hit me with some blessings. Obviously before the podcast happened, you know. So I was like, no, I'm a, I'd seen your guys' stuff. You know, I scout comics. Did you see us on VH1 talking about black female comedy? I think I saw that one.

I saw a few of your guys. We looked amazing. Yes, we did. I was very proud of that. And we did our own makeup, actually. Yeah, we did. Oh, I don't know if you, do you do any television at all? Like, do you like, when, when you do stuff for TV, do you like find that the makeup artists

like are good at doing your makeup or like nothing good at doing your makeup? Oh, at this point I know who's going to do it. Oh, you got some names? You got some names that you can hit us with? Oh yeah. No, I, um. If they want to do some pro bono, uh, makeup work. No, shout out to the technique agency who, um, I have their artists in New York and LA.

i've used for clients or um absolutely they're great especially with women of color because that's the thing when i tried one of these like you know makeup apps i'm not going to say which one and i'm like you don't get my skin tone because i look like i have jaundice right now yeah and so i took it all off and it's like i because i can do my own makeup right right they sometimes you know knowing how to do your own makeup is different than being a professional artist so yes i respect the craft makeup like it's really hard my own i don't do anyone else so i have some yeah so technique agency i recommend um technique camille or kill a glam that's her name kill a glam i'm pretty sure she did some makeup for it was perfect and the best

makeup artists give you tips like i was like how did you make my lips this supple and she's like oh well this is this nipple cream from paris that you use and i'm like what you know you find these tricks. Nipple cream? Because it makes it supple, like the nipple's supposed to be for suckling. It's called nipple cream? Instead of we all go to Sephora and get some nipple cream. It's probably called something, you know. Well, Kelly, find out for us, because my lips

be chapped and dry. Oh, super dry. Or you can use, there's a plumping gloss that I use, too. Yeah, my lips are already plump. You see this? Okay. You see my lips? I can barely speak. I like the extra. My lips big as hell. Go on, go on, go on. Like pillows, like a little, little, little

mark. Ooh, little pillows. Kelly, you're so freaky. I love makeup. I'd be a makeup or hairstylist if I wasn't a lawyer. Okay, that was my next question. Yeah, I was interested in that. What else would you do? Yeah, I've always liked that.

I think I'd actually be in health and wellness, probably, you know, psychologist. Really? So you would always be helping somebody somewhere, either helping somebody fix their eyebrows or helping somebody fix their life. To be the best you, yes. You have the heart.

I can feel your energy. I can see that you're a good person. I want everyone to thrive. and so like happy people like successful people are happy people and i want more people to be happy oh that is like number one goal i'm all about happiness a lot of celebrities though are not happy people i agree with you yeah why is that is it because the industry is wrapped in your head and you're not present i think you don't think about the big picture and you start also assuming the worst and god everyone whenever someone assumes anything it's always the wrong

conclusion oh i always assume the worst i'm a pessimist i always assume like the worst thing that can happen to me wasted energy preparing for an outcome that didn't happen and so um no in la i think it's um well the people i don't know i'm also from the beach i don't go inland a lot i do my friends know this i stay close they'd be like yeah come to this party and you're like where is it you're like no is it at a beach house no okay all right we can't make it west hollywood no yeah that's for special people only but it's because it's because it's different energy though and they have different um you know people move to la for certain motives yeah it's just you know i didn't move to la my parents are not in the business so i just stay also i'm staying

um beach adjacent because that's where a lot of the um startup and tech industry is silicon beach that's what they call it so i just but i'm just more of a beach vibe person i don't get i don't like going you sound real chill you sound like you say like dude a little bit maybe you say bro do you say bro i used to yes kelly you're a beach person but do you put on a contour for the beach or you're like natural okay what's your what are your go-to beach shades because i feel like you got some good i have four pairs of shades in my bag and they all have cases right because i got four pairs too but they just they're loose sunglasses new york i have just this one big one that can actually fit three so i lie there's you have a case that can fit three sunglasses

wow kelly that's that's goals right there i'm looking for a three in one gate case right there everybody listening i hope you all you can all aspire to be like kelly because damn you're like one of the best guests we've ever had i don't even have any questions for you i know i asked you we had donald rawlings here and then you like that was a good one i've seen him a bunch of times in la yeah he's he's such a nice guy he came and was like i thought i was gonna be the the ashy expert yeah we were like no he's a new dad expert right yeah but he came on and talked about lotion but i was like but you're ashy right now yeah he's like you gotta heat the lotion up you gotta put in the shower you gotta heat the oil i was like wow he heats up his oil and then he puts it on

right out of the shower yeah but only you're still dry dude like your ankles the like right in your hands he was he was a really nice guy though so nice we need more people so what's next for you what's next for uh kelly shapiro i don't i was gonna say dds but that's dentist yeah esquire um well i'll i'm in new york about half the time i'm bi-coastal um i just have you know my clients here actually shout out to my newest client stro elliott he's the newest member of the roots so he's on the Tonight Show every night. I didn't know the Roots were recruiting. I would have came to an audition.

There's a lot of people in there, so you never know. Okay. I would have came to a casting. He's an amazing... You should check out his Instagram because his work on the drum machine is sick. He's so talented. When he has a party or something, invite us, Kelly.

Just add us to the list. Just put us on the mailing list. We'll be out there. I have DJs. Shout out to Reggie B's in Boston. 96.9. I have DJs here I have DJs in Philly LA yeah

wherever you guys are I'll yes and you know we have a good instant snap story situation going on so

yeah I don't know if you saw us at the beach but I mean at the pool oh people were mad they were like what are you doing

what are you do you work yeah you're like yes this is our office we're working right now you are working we are working

I mean we're networking and trying to get people to buy us drinks so what did you say what's what's the next step like if you went after everything that you've accomplished already and everything that you're working on currently what's next oh i really just want to be i don't know if i have to be a billionaire philanthropist but i just want to do all like philanthropy by the time i'm 40 which is not too too far away like oh you got some time yeah you definitely have time yeah no i but i i love the doing what i do i love being a lawyer

for the clients that i believe in and i love protecting their interests so i want to keep doing that but probably less um less disputes just because you know that's taxing yeah it gets messy yeah and and also you know solving up someone's you know their their mistakes it's like what did you you know that can be a little taxing so i think um i'm launching actually a company for one of my rapper clients and then that's actually in the medical device accessories um medical so you're doing like blinged out hard monitors what not that but you know we can talk offline but um that's just also i love transitioning my um entertainment clients into the startup and tech world okay that's right you were into that as well yeah and i'm speaking on a bunch of panels

this fall about women and startups black and brown founders festival in philly this october yeah we'll be there okay we'll get on a chinatown bus and do that the greyhound bus I got the fun wall connect. Kelly, where can people listening catch you? You've already mentioned your Instagram, but maybe reiterate where you snap, where you... Everything. And your website as well. Oh, yeah.

Well, website is kellydshapiro.com. And then I'm Malibu Kelly on Instagram, Malibu Kells, with an S, just K-E-L-L-S, on Snap. And, you know, Twitter, what, Kellshop? Kellshop. Kel-shap. Kel-shap. Shap it up. Yeah. So that's basically, you know. Hopefully people will slide in your DMs. Maybe you'll get some work from us.

By referral only. And I don't work for free. They'll be like, the unofficial expert sent us. That's okay. That's better than just... They'll be like, we were referred by S&M. That's fine. And I'll be like, I don't know no niggas at all. I'm not really sure who that is.

Okay, so, but then also, where can... So you work with the foundation in Philly? for like you do pro bono stuff yeah so i through them um how do people philadelphia pvla you just if you're in philly you just um sign up to be a part of it excellent okay we are wrapping it up yes it is catch us on the unofficial expert or just unofficial expert on instagram or you can catch me at reesey r-e-e-e-z-y and you can catch me at just said bw on instagram make sure you listen and comment and subscribe please and uh like if you want to be a lawyer when you grow up

then you smarter than us because we're comedians and uh make sure you go to comedy hype for all your comedy news and to listen to the podcast thank you so much guys bye Thank you.