MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Found Love in a Homeless Place w/ Jourdain Fisher

Episode Date: July 23, 2026

This week Sydnee and Marie chat with Jourdain Fisher! The three chat COVID dating MESS, comedy MESS, dating MESS, and more.  Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you want to watch the episode oh of course you do so click the link in the episode description oh you listening to mess yes yeah freak a leak was yeah freak a leak was pete pablo that was his one yeah it's literally raise up and yeah those are the two ones shake your ass shake your ass and there were two different songs yes well see to me i thought mystical had like two songs yeah and pete pablo had two songs know your history yeah everybody was making that same kind of they were they could have done a versus together they really could have all four songs between the two of them very short y'all they would start it late and they would end it early oh you know it and i like a function like

that i i truly like guys i'll wrap it up no no i am so tired of people are like so it's going to be from two two to seven and they're really starting at two no you're not no you're not you're not starting at two it's starting at 3 30 ish no two o'clock who is coming there at two people be weird not me that's a weird not not you definitely not me yeah because if something starts at two the time that i need to be arriving for me 3 30 yes that's why i said it's really gonna start at 3 30 yeah but the people that are starting the event they started at two and people are showing up at two.

That's the caterers. I agree. They have to be there. You are so prompt. You're getting there. Was I not here? You got there early. I was here.

With your rolling in backpack and your clothes. Why are you saying my backpack do not have wheels? My backpack do not have wheels. Hold on on that. It just sounded like a lot of stuff was moving

when you came in. In 30 years, my backpack has not rolled. You used to have a backpack that rolled. We were all six at the time. I never had a rolly backpack. I had a rolly backpack in middle school.

Oh, my God. We had so many books. Yeah. We had so many books. I was trying to save my posture for later. I had scoliosis, so I had to. I have it, but I didn't have that backpack. Because you didn't have the backpack.

That's why your back fucked up. And even when the bag was heavy, I said, one arm because I'm cool. Right. I feel you. And now my spine is like this. Now your spine. Scoliosis. Scoliosis.

Yeah, but the most, the really diabolical thing of having a rolling backpack is to be in New York City, go down the stairs, go up the stairs. You got to drag it through the train station. You're talking about the grandma car type shit. No, no, no, not the grandma, I'm the rolling backpack. Oh, I'm keeping it rolling. I'm not putting it back on my back until I get into the school. Oh, you're talking about back then? That's right.

Okay, see. I rolled it the whole time. So I was tripping people. I was in the way. People were like, get out of here, kid. like i was so annoying yeah see i mean i grew up in the south so it's just like it's the bus and then right there to the front door i wasn't going on subways with the rolling walking the rolly backpack to the bus

no so you roll it out the front door to the to the curve and set it down then you throw that shit on your shoulder and walk to the back of the bus damn you was rolling it out the front door i guess so down a gravelly driveway that shit twisted all yeah but when you're rolling your backpack when you're leaving home it kind of feels like you're running away you're like well isn't school basically your home away from home low-key you spend most of your time there during the week when you're young babysitters that indoctrinate you i will say that i in you know shout out to the teachers who really looked out for me because they could they could see i was a lost child and i was just trying to find my way you yes really when you say lost child you mean

like you didn't know where your class was because you had glasses no because you needed glasses hold on wait a minute stop take a moment see how i feel no i was i was lost because i grew up with elders so i didn't know how to fit in with the kids and they like my teachers could tell they would be the ones like you're an old soul it's like you see who the fuck is raising me stop saying that i feel like they don't make teachers how they used to make them teachers now we're like different they don't make kids how they used to make them either that's true that's that's a give and take you know there's a different problem there your kid come out two years right into an ipad you know so it don't have any attention span and it's like a movie day ain't impressive to a

kid no more it's like i got screens yo when they rolled out that fucking tv in the bcr we're like yo how long is this nap time oh i would nap i would nap i would never watch during the movie i would be so excited uh yeah yeah they're not those it's the little things that had us excited he's not excited about nothing no more no i think that's why kids are so like nonchalant now like nothing impresses them they seem too much they are yeah they seem too much a teen or whatever and they were like no i don't care also because like they they're it used to just be like you had to be cool in school now you gotta be cool out of school online like you gotta get your followers up like imagine being 13 worrying about like how many followers you got hey i'm over 35

and i'm worried about my followers but you've grown though are you worried about your followers yeah but that's a grown person problem in the industry too but to be a child being like yo how am i getting my content out right being a kid and even thinking the word content like but we also are from before that time yeah so that but that's crazy i can't i can't imagine growing up in 2026 to be a child like no way no way and so also i feel for them but at the same time it's like hey they're they're kids they'll grow out of it right they're like they have their whole lives to like worry about the personality and they don't grow out of it they don't know how to read they can't do simple math like this is all this is all they got you know i was i was watching this video

on youtube which means i was reading an article and this this lady was talking about how all of the fashion houses have changed their font like burberry used to look a certain way and ysl used to look a certain way and um all of the brands and they all over the last few years have like changed to this like black lettering that looks exactly the same yeah Balenciaga Fendi like all of them like YSL used to be in script so they dropped the eaves and now it's just Saint Laurent and it looks just like yeah it looks just like Balenciaga yeah everything's just molding into the same thing like even people are looking the same as far as like how they dress like how they act like the talk like and it's all over the world yeah because the internet just took like

basically our culture and turned it into internet culture and then now everybody's trying to do what they think the internet is which is really just trying to be black yeah it's pretty crazy you know but like yeah you used to go to like paris or tokyo or new york and then people would be all dressed different and now the style is pretty like yeah uniform because everybody at tiktok is like yo these are the things to wear also wearing the big jean shorts yeah and they keep in heels everywhere right well let me tell you one thing where the people are just like living free it is the um all-inclusive resorts in mexico baby i ain't never seen that many crocs in my fucking life crocs at the pool by the beach we gotta stop like the the outfits are so cute two pieces

and then these doofy ass Crocs no offense Crocs I love y'all down no you don't but there's a love them down there's a time

and a place there was one there was a lot of restaurants that put in no Crocs allowed really that's how bad it was

that's how bad it is but where are Crocs appropriate like cause I feel like on the beach that's the place to have your throw away shoes

I feel like Crocs are appropriate like when you're running down to check the mail when you run to the corner to get a soda

yes uh maybe the airport you get a little shaky on the airport because you got ventilation in the he's like your toes still kind of not even in sport but crocs with socks is also like oh crocs with socks you're too comfortable yeah you're too comfortable walking about anyway nothing saying that i do that at the airport but um she does i watched a video today this lady was she jumped off a cliff into the water and you know had like a pov of like what's happening underwater i don't know what kind of phone or metal ass that she had on and she had on crocs and i said oh i guess maybe a croc is a water shoe it's supposed to be that's what i'm saying like the beach feels like a croc shoe like it's like oh i'm not trying to be fashionable like i don't want to bring some

fashionable shoes out on the sand sydney was on the beach you know no i wasn't i was in javiana's just regular flip-flops but it was something about she said javiana i'm in mexico first of all they're brazilian but you were in mexico but you were in mexico so she hit that soft j hard hey hey hola i just for me the mess was like being on the trip and everyone like obviously you come on your trip and you have your trip wear. Your trip wear. But the Crocs just felt so domestic.

It felt like we still at home. And I didn't like that. I was very against that. What kind of footwear would you prefer the vacationers? Well, my girlfriend was trying to wear a Burberry slide. I said, no, you have to put on a flip-flop because... Which is just a name brand Crocs. Why do you put these in shoes at the...

She can't wear a Burberry flip slide? I feel a Burberry Slide is for, like, you know, a pool party in Miami. It's not from Mexico. She packed them from Mexico because they're for Mexico. No. You went out all-inclusive. Like, that's as good as it gets. That's actually a dressy shoe.

That's a dressy, yeah. Well, next to a crock, yeah. How'd you feel? What part of Mexico? Playa de Carmen. How was that? It was really nice. But I was just like, people talk about how there's a deficit in terms of dating.

And then there's so many. It was only couples there. It was literally only couples, all types of couples, tall, short, whatever, you know, whatever body type. Well, a lot of interracial, a lot of interracial. What was the main demographic for that? A lot of interracial. What was the, what were they? they look like jordan and uh they're not why am i getting why am i getting a white woman emoji

white woman emoji jordan and then a white woman emoji yeah so all the all the people look like they their kids names was jaylen possibly a bunch of jaylen's running around and but no i just being on i was like oh people are in relationships it's just the people who are talking aren't they in situationships i went to mexico with a situation that's what i'm saying i went i went to mexico with a situation shit so whose idea was it to go on vacation together it was kind of like a collective thing like somebody was like we should go on a trip you should get out of here and you just is that how she sound no no let's blow this popsicle sound no yeah but i had never been to mexico oh yeah so you were in college no this was a year or two ago

damn yeah listen jordan what yo millie was right what are the stamps you got on your passport um i've done portugal portugal was my first okay so i did lisbon uh porto and centra and then uh 2024 i did a run through the uk so i did london cardiff birmingham uh glasgow um paris rotterdam yeah standard yeah yeah and then so mexico was just just to do it was just to do okay it was just to do i wanted to get out of the relationship now talk to us yeah get us get us how did we get how yeah how yeah why because i mean it's like like we get along well enough like we see each other enough that it's like oh yeah it's the summer let's get up but it was bad timing because we went to um damn i can't remember

i can't remember which part of mexico it was now cocoon or tulum tulum oh money yeah you spent some first time in mexico yeah yeah points yeah points yes went to tulum okay my bad went to tulum and i did not realize like there's a certain time of year in tulum that you should be going oh yeah there's high season and low season yeah so we went for a high seaweed season whatever that was yeah so we did two for playa right nobody was in the beach yeah because the water was so you were just there yep yeah it was so bad july is bad like you get out there and it's just seaweed up to your eyeballs everywhere and they're trying to clear it off but the seaweed just comes back in it'd be like trying to dry off a paper towel that's running under the faucet like it

makes it makes no sense where does all the seaweed come from um a lot of loosens it i guess well basically uh one it's just like how the world works with el nino and all that kind of stuff but also the way they do like um offshore like uh oil and all that kind of stuff now yeah the drilling kind of gets it uh you know it's not the shifting of the platonics of the platon we done doing that you know yeah that that's every year you think the platonics is shifting so much that the seaweed is the plate tectonics she said the platonics she threw two words together it's the shifting of the platonics yeah platonic friends the platonic friend place when i tell you if i was on love

island oh they run me down that was very that was very much in compromise compromise hey can i pull you for a chat sydney can i pull you for a chat sydney it's the platonics oh this is a smoothie i saw a comment about um love island somebody said you could tell that everybody that's on love island went to zoom school yo they went to college i mean or high school yeah they got their degree online yeah okay everybody is english professors everyone's no no no it's not it's not about the language it's about the way that they communicate oh it's about the things that upset them it's not like okay using a platonic yeah dudes are on there saying oh you a ball of fresh air a ball of fresh air no they didn't that is verbatim sincere

see it's a breath of fresh air i'm like what is he speaking in random ass uh colloquialisms yeah colloquialisms that don't make any sense because he'd be lying which is so funny to have the name sincere and be lying your ass yes yeah but wasn't anna banana saying all types of mixed up with... Who, Anna Banana? Anna Banana's from the last season. No, it was Amaya Papaya. Amaya Papaya. Sidney, you also went to Zoom School.

You know what? We about to get you on Platonic Peninsula. A ball of interesting air. You're a ball of fresh air. And that's what the problem with y'all are. But you know what it is? It's because people are

repeating things that they may be read you know sometimes you'll like read something or see something in passing but you never say it out loud well people are talking in comment sections that's what they're they're talking in comment section verbiage yeah that's all it is people are just doing internet quotables all the time and they don't have their own sincere thoughts you know what i'm saying you know what i'm saying i mean i love the comment section online sometimes i won't i won't even watch the thing i'm just going straight to the comments that's what i do too what we talking about yeah i talk about it on stage but it's not good like what was wrong with it because sometimes

we're not forming our own opinions i feel like you're watching something and before you even take it into your own account you'd be like but what do people say and then you're like oh yeah yeah right like even when i like look for like an instructional video like because like i'll be at my girl's my girl place or like her her uh sink was clogged recently and she was like oh i'm gonna get a task rabbit i was like you better not have no motherfucker in this house damn so that made you be like well let me be a man and you have to do sometimes you have to do that kind of shit like as a man you'd be like no this is my time to be a man and honestly right i'm not mad at that i'm not mad at all make them become men yeah i'll make a man out of you yeah just be like i'm gonna get

a task right and see what he says right if he's if he sits down and be like what time you're gonna be here exactly no i can't put up the tv yeah i can't have that i can't have this man walking out of the bathroom talking about i cleaned your girl's pipes you know what i'm saying and he's wiping his hands right yeah he's like pipes clean dog i'd be like hey get up out my house this feels like a scenario so so yeah and then the plumber comes hey it's martin i also write scripts okay true um so i was like all right i'll figure it out but then you go to youtube and i barely watch the video at all i go to the comments immediately to see if the person in the comment is just like man this dude taking too long he don't even know how to fix it the right way and i'm like see i

knew he don't have fixed the right way so now i'm looking for the right comment concoction yeah people being like he got right to the point yeah the comment that's like video starts at six minutes and 59 seconds and that dude's a legend thank you that person is a legend because i don't have time for all this setup give me the blue time stamp yeah but it's a little community in the comment section and sometimes it's like it i for for myself obviously i have my thoughts and i'm like okay this is my thought and then i go to the comment section i'm like i'm validated or i'm Like, oh shit, thank God I didn't write none because I would be wrong.

No, no, no. See, you should be okay being wrong sometimes. No, because then I say platonics and everybody's like, oh, you went to Zoom school. And then you learn something. But that, because you know that's not what the word is. Yeah. But I mean, I agree.

That's all. I mean, Zoom school, we know you didn't go to Zoom school. Sid can cook was, you know. Yeah. Was my British empire or whatever that was. Roman. My Roman empire. Listen, listen, everybody's learning a lot today on this podcast.

It's literally happening. People are learning a lot today on this podcast. It was my British Empire. Roman Empire. I mean, listen, they also had a hell of an empire. anyway jordan you're in here what's your mess uh i've been teaching online school stop stop i'm available for hire my office hours um okay i'm gonna take my mess back to pandemic oh the panini um i went back to north carolina i went back home for the whole for a year and a

half oh wow i was not expecting to be down there you know my dad called me the night that they said like like bars and restaurants are going to be closed this is what march 13th 14th he's like you coming home i was like i think i'll be there this weekend he goes no you need to be here tomorrow oh that's hot your dad's like hey that's my dad y'all look at me and then just add 30 years That's literally what my dad looks like. I need you here. Yeah, yeah. My dad was like, you need to come home tomorrow.

And what's your dad's name? Elijah. Elijah. Yeah. Elijah. He likes that. Yeah. What'd you say, Becca?

Does he watch Louis Farrakhan? No. Oh, okay. No. But no, my dad was like, you need to come home tomorrow. He was like, you don't know how the city's going to get if people get desperate for supplies and all that kind of shit. He'll just be watching 28 Days Later.

Yeah. But my dad, he'll get a little paranoid about shit, but whenever he has that kind of feeling, he's usually right yeah so i was like all right so i packed the bag thinking i'd be home for two weeks to flatten the curve and then i was there for a year and a half so you never came back even to like pick up your stuff i came back like a month later to pick up my stuff because my lease was up like in april so the timing was perfect but anyway doesn't it feel good to be like i have a dad and i i can go to i could go home right i have a dad and i have a home yeah like privilege yeah but here's the thing about that my dad was expecting me to stay with him because my parents

split up when i was five right so my dad saw yeah so you have two homes uh yeah more or less i guess oh you don't have a room in one of the homes no it's just the the the mom stepdad situation was a little rocky at that time so i wasn't really trying to go over there okay so because the stepdad felt threatened by you trying to clean your mother's pipes no she said the only person cleaning what what type of relationship y'all think i got with my parents yo i don't know why i'm talking about pipes okay i don't know what she's talking about she's over here hey your dad talking mad hot no i don't even sound like that stop it okay okay okay your dad sounds so uh so yeah my dad like was like oh it's father son adventure time you coming home like you know

i didn't get to like i only had you on weekends when you were as kids so now you get to live with mean all this so i come back home i'm like yeah dad i'm actually gonna live over here with my friend oh which is only like 30 minutes away he's like you're gonna live over there i was like yeah i'm only 30 minutes away that friend was actually the person i lost my virginity to excuse me listen way in like like at prom like i was a late bloomer oh so in college yeah 25 22 okay oh wow you know that's so crazy I thought I was a late bloomer and look at me

right where I needed to be on my 18th birthday where I got a whole college degree before I got one credit of pussy and that's how it should be done

and Sydney did you have a credit of pussy when did you get I was a child left behind wait when did you lose I was ahead

of everybody else your V when did you lose your LV I think 14 your lesbian virginity is what you're saying my lesbian virginity yeah lv uh oh i think i was like 27 okay so also late bloomer yeah yeah but her but with women yeah with men sure yeah but you

came into yourself came into herself well what you're trying to say like she came into who she wanted to be for real like at 27 right well no that didn't really just happen to like 35 i think i really came into myself oh word okay i'm a late the latest yeah so so you and this person that you lost your v2 yeah i move in because they have uh a place right and the whole upstairs is unused but it's it's furnished okay because the the plan for them they were gonna airbnb out the house that's what i was so they had a bunch they had three bedrooms up top that were furnished so i was like yo can i just rent out one of these bedrooms and they were like yeah so i was like cool so move in it's all cool like it's it's platonic how long were you at your dad's house

a month damn so longer than i thought okay yeah but the thing is like you go but you move back in with your parents they look at you like you 16 yeah so they're like do these chores do this and that and you're like chores yeah i'm like pay somebody to not have it yeah at the time i was like i'm 30 so nah like i'm not about to be out here cutting this but also you're like i'll wash my own dishes and then you do what you do and then you know my dad been single a long time so i was like yo where's like the chef's knife like where's the knife that i can like give you a butter knife yeah he like just used it yeah oh my dad your dad is me your dad is me oh let me talk to him right elijah yeah and i'm not speaking ill of my dad but this is just what the situation was

So I was like, man, I got to go to Costco and get these these supplies. Yeah. Help your dad out. So you got your dad a late house housewarming gift. Yeah, legit. Even in the house. Got him the knife block. 15 years.

Yeah. The scissors in it and shit. So moving with with this person, I lost my vision. It's cool. Everything's fine. Like we riding it out like through the pandemic because it's like at that time, it's like you need anybody. Yeah.

So I match with somebody on an app. and you really matching during people are dying jordan and you're like it was in north carolina them rules was loose and that's the problem that's why people were dying i'm here now how many of your matches are still here they dead to me okay so y'all yeah so we match right and then we go on a date go on a second date i'm like oh i might i might be feeling this situation right we're on we're i'm at her place right and this is early into it this is maybe like a couple weeks into it we're about to hook up like we in the bedroom like clothes coming off take covid test jordan covid test i'm gonna swab your nose

before i beat get out of here yes that actually i think they should be doing that today she ain't she ain't coughed one time around me i was like we good you didn't make her cough i didn't hear her cough at all i was breathing great finances cleared up you do a breathalyzer i was like you got great lung capacity so so we hooking up right here knock at the door and i'm like yo somebody knocking on your door she's like no no no it's the bed and i'm like nah i hear the knock again and we ain't moving it's it's the door i'm like she's like okay so i go out there i go to the peephole right there's a dude standing outside he's faded right and he's just yammering just saying all types of weird shit he's like oh man like come on bro like this ain't even right this

ain't even fair blah blah blah i just want to see my keys right yeah so i'm like yo there's a dude outside of the door and she's like really i'm like yeah and she looks and she's like oh i'm like who is that she's like i don't even know oh i was like okay like should we do anything she's like no no no no just just leave it alone i was like okay bet whatever we let it go go back to hooking up whatever now how quiet was it in the room that you could hear the knocks yeah it was early into it was literally like yeah we weren't like fucking yet yeah you know so you can say hooking up we wasn't fucking sydney you christian yeah what's up i was not hooking good yeah yeah good christian

gang nobody was hooking up in a pandemic we were everybody fucking up our lives you were hugging up no no no um so fast forward we start like seeing each other a lot then we're hanging out another night another knock at the door i go to the door yo that dude is back faded again lying right faded again she's like i'm like yo like what should we do she's like i don't even know i mean you can see she's kind of like nervous right so i'm like okay um and at that that night i had a show at elon the college right so i was like they had like yeah they had these social distance shows early where people were masked up and stuff yeah so you were still getting your coin huh hey man i was i was doing zoom and live like when i said you didn't need

that's six hundred dollars a week huh no i did that's six hundred dollars got me right yeah yeah yeah it was it was a week yo yes it's like oh so y'all could do reparations so i'm like all right clearly the situation is a little weird right now i was like how about you come with me to elon just come to my show like we'll get out of here because this dude's lingering around like we don't know what this this weirdo's about so she's like yeah yeah let's go so we go to Elon do my show come back cool man now we're in a couple now we're dating you're yeah that's your bubble we're like for real for real mind you also in the middle of this situation my the person I lost my virginity to yes let's call her your your roommate my my my roommate landlord yeah virgin

uh she found out i was dating the girl right and she was like what you dating somebody i was like yeah she was like so you're just gonna date them and then like up and leave to new york again and i was like um i don't know like i don't know what the plan is because she was feeling a little type of way because basically that's what happened with us you know you was hooking up with me and the girl i lost my virginity to and i was like yeah i don't know what that's gonna be so the girls over uh my my ex is over at like me and my landlord's place one night right oh i don't i never have them interact with each other like i'm trying to be respectful they never see each other or anything like that i'm never flaunting anybody in any anybody's face but you're a tenant

you're paying rent no you don't fuck in your house no she hooks up yeah you bring people to your house that you pay rent yeah yeah you're paying rent so but i'm like why would you not have them interact like make it chill you know no because it was like i'm not even trying to to get shit you know whatever yeah so she found out like i was hooking up and like my my girl was over uh one night they never saw each other but the next day i'm like all right let's get out of here right and um i'm walking outside my landlord's outside like watering some shit down right and i go oh hey how you doing and she looks at me with this death stare and throws the water hose down and stomps into the house and i get in the car with my girl i said we gotta go i said let's just

go somewhere we drove to virginia that day and just had a day out right then i'm like he scared you like that no well it's just the it's not even it's just the energy where i'm like yeah yo like this is the person i have to go back home and live with right so we just go like have a day and i get my mind right i'm like okay i call my dad i'm like yo this is a situation that happened he was like you need to leave that house yeah my dad was like you gotta get out that house it sounded like some unresolved yeah exactly because she thought when you moved in y'all was gonna be hanging and banging but you're but you're up in another level like you're not with her yeah but she's still on the bottom floor where the kitchen is so you gotta you know i gotta be making breakfast

while she's standing there over me like you gotta hear fucking other people location location location okay

right okay so that day I see my landlord on Instagram she at the beach

right so I I go back home and it's like a Tyler Perry movie I'm like getting all my shit together

to put in the car to pack up to escape my house what escape now what if it was a later gram

what if she posted that nah it was right now gram it was Instagram so so i was like yo let me get this shit out the house because the energy was not right like the look she gave me i was like oh this is bad like this this won't get any better okay so like i go to that i pack all my shit up and then like take it to my ex's uh apartment right and you know i

was cool about it i went to i went to target i got a card wrote her a card i was like yo thanks for like allowing me in your space during this scary time appreciate you all that kind of stuff Thoughtful. Marie. Elijah taught you to do that? Just me. Did you make your dad a card when you left his place too? Oh, I got my dad housewarming supplies.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that would make me even more angry. It's like, so you don't have the fucking decency to look me in my face and be like, thank you so much. I'm going to leave. Blah, blah, blah. She didn't have the decency to look at me. She didn't have the decency to look at me and say, hey, I don't like that you're having sex with somebody else and I have residual feelings. you threw your you threw the water hose down and stomped your ass into the house

so i'm gonna get up out your house and here's a thank you card good luck to you i mean it's better than sending a text right or making a phone call yeah i mean do you know how many people i've broken up with over the phone right not even a facetime yeah so i was like no car yeah so now i'm at my pandemic relationships place yeah and every time i'm trying to go home to my dad now because that's where i thought i was about to be again she's like no stay here and i'm like oh you done messed up right and i'm like yeah okay you didn't mess up so now we together together yeah right right you moved in basically you did y'all are living together yeah i'm cooking all that shit what you cooking everything you see them gangsta shit videos i can cook oh you know like that's where

that's where it kind of started because i was watching bon appetit videos and uh binging with Babish Learning how to cook Right Cause it's the pandemic I would watch these videos I'd be like That look good

I can do this shit Yeah Right Ain't no task rabbits in here Okay So Did you learn how to make Anything from watching

Sid can cook No I remember I remember Like tuning in one day And Dulce was teaching you How to make Shrimp fried rice

Yeah And then she was like No no no no no You gotta put the shrimp With the rice Cause the flavor gets together I was like okay Oh wait

Wait What's wrong with that no it was the right thing to do it's the fact that she had to tell you that i was like okay what anyway i learned how to make stuff from sick and cook yeah yeah so now we're living together fast forward this dude shows up again right now at this point have a conversation at this point i'm like and you gotta open the door with she's hello sir yeah what's up so at this point right i go who is that she goes i don't know i said you don't know who that is she said no this dude now is not in the front of now he's at the the front of the apartment complex oh right i can

see him out of the window bmw i know her x drives a bmw i'm like yo that man right there with that bmw you don't know who that is no i said okay okay i'm scared i said no i'm like when you're so calm i'm like wait wait jordan's like and i let it go i said all right if that's what you want to tell me i'm gonna choose to believe you been telling you this and you keep asking her the same thing right you don't know that man right i said that's if that's what the truth is that's what the truth is yeah a day or two later babe can we talk so i said what's up she said that guy that was my ex and i just didn't want you to think i was crazy because he's crazy and like he used to do things like he used to try to like climb up on the second floor and jump through the

the the balcony and get inside and like he was like abusive not like like crazy physical abusive but he was like emotionally abusive and like that's why i have a gun and i'm like see girl you gotta say that up top yeah yeah but her saying she didn't say anything because she doesn't want you to think she was crazy like him but waiting three visits to say something makes me feel like you are as crazy yeah over a few months too yeah because at this point we really we locked in this is the person no no no this is the person like i'm like we like this yo no you're like yes no you're like this yeah yeah yeah yeah we like we like this but okay but her not telling you the truth you could you could get in some kind of like

exactly with this guy that part so that's why i told her i said i said she goes that was my ex i didn't want you to think i was crazy i'm sorry blah blah blah and i was like all right i don't think you're crazy but i think you're a liar yeah i think you're a liar because it was the ease of which how she lied who is that i don't know i don't know she's like i don't i don't know this is before the first time you guys had sex the very first time the first time the first time i let it slide because you don't know me right even if this is your ex you don't have to tell me we've known each other a week or two you don't have to tell me when you're having sex during the pandemic yes girl we all might die you gotta get it in tomorrow's not promised

today it's just i'm just trying to point out the what's the word that i'm looking for here sydney the the yeah the situation of the fact that it's the a world i don't really know you but i'm about to be up in there yeah how long do you usually wait i don't know what's the mess okay marie so how long is it because i was even trying not to have sex like the first couple times we saw each other the first couple times yeah why because i liked her oh you know so you waited six days no i waited two was second date second date i went over there and i was like what is the pandemic date what are y'all doing yeah where y'all going in north carolina on a pandemic day like they were like

driving never never they were like breweries that were like open or like an ice cream spot yeah ice cream spot were you in charlotte no i was in uh like durham raleigh apex yeah yeah yeah So, anyway, I go, you know, I go, all right, all right. When she tells me that it's her ex, I was like, all right. And she could see it in my face. She was like, you know what? Like, how about you just go ahead and take your space? Like, I'm going to get out of here.

And I was like, yeah. So you dipped? I dipped. You left her house? Yeah, I left. So you moved out? You packed your bags? No, I didn't pack my bags.

You went to your dad's? I went to my dad's, and I told him the situation. I was like, look, I need fatherly advice right now. Like, here's the situation. And, you know, he broke it down for me, you know. He said, you could have been here the whole time. Right. You were here hopping and bopping at these different hoes' house.

You know where home at. You're talking to your dad and he like this. What did I say? Yeah. What did I say? But I wouldn't have been fucking, though. You chasing these floozies. You wouldn't have been fucking?

I wouldn't have been fucking. You think your dad was having sex during the pandemic? You wouldn't have sex in your dad's place? No. Wait, was your dad having sex during the pandemic? he don't know nobody at the church yeah yeah i think so i think he probably was yeah yeah he was that's nice he was good for elijah yeah good for elijah i think he has some situation shits going on okay yeah but y'all are grown men so it's like yeah but the thing is like my childhood bedroom

didn't have a lot of furniture on it and like and then me and my dad's room are not too far away oh so like when you don't have furniture to pad the room the sound reverberate so you're doing pound town yeah all right yeah yeah well just left maybe you just do some christian pumps no no no no no no no no i want i want the lord to know what i'm doing okay but not your dad but not my dad all right yeah what happens on earth okay so so so my dad was like you know blah blah blah and you know i talked to her i was like look this dude's obviously a problem like one you ain't thinking about my safety or your safety i was like if i come home and this dude's outside and then he's like waiting for me or you then we got a problem also i got a career i don't even live

here like that yeah so yeah that's not even my whole life ain't even my whole life yo like and and i was like dude's got to get a restraining order like for your safety alone like you can't have this dude showing up all the time so did that but the thing is when something like that happens for me when i see you do something like that everything else gets magnified so every other thing that would happen in a relationship you start looking like hmm what else you lying about yeah right or just like little subtle shit she didn't lie until after we broke up so oh so that's when you lie no but here's the thing like we lied during after that you can be honest yeah no it's like i don't owe you the truth i'm lying okay i mean i guess i see your logic yeah i didn't like

how we broke up i didn't like the timing of how we broke up though because you didn't have another place lined up no because i did have another place lined up that's the problem no it's worse because i did have another place lined up jordan got home she changed her locks yeah now i'm like him yeah hey man come on let me in come on this ain't right right so me and my me and my best friend he's moving out of his place he's moving to the same city i'm like yo let's get a spot together because mind you i wasn't supposed to be living with it wasn't my intention to be living with the person I was in a relationship with. Why don't you just go back to New York?

All this stuff. It wasn't open. The cellar wasn't open like that. I'm not about to be here paying $2,000 in rent, not getting money, not working. How much is rent in where you at? South North Carolina. Like two biscuits and

Shut up, Bojangles. A two piece biscuit. Damn, should I move the door? No, it's gone up. It's low key gone up a lot it's gone up a lot everywhere expensive now but anyway so me and my homie we like go look for townhouses right his girl's like gonna move in with him so i'm like yo let's just get a townhouse together are you a third so yep yeah this is my best friend so i'm

like whatever you're like that's our girl yeah legit so we me and him find a townhouse we all move in and then me and a girl break up i break up with her which doesn't look good like i didn't like the fact that it was like oh this happened now i got this new place and now i'm breaking up with you because i don't want to look like a hobo sexual because that's what you were you were right i wasn't trying to do that though but you were jordan but i was on paper you were on paper i was in the group chat you were a hobo yeah but but the group chat doesn't know about the lies either oh okay right exactly no they might the group chat might have told her to lie that's worse oh that's worse okay so then what were the other lies so we break up now she doing

the same shit old boy was doing to her she's showing up at the townhouse she's showing up to the townhouse no yeah yeah dropping wine off at the the door and shit oh that's is that was Was that y'all things? Pina Grigio? No. On Thursday? No. No.

No. Sanceres on Saturdays. No. Sanceres on Saturdays. Sid, you just told, you just said it. I take them to pound town. Oh. Show it up with wine.

Yeah. So the wine is, this is a, you know, I'm like a leaf. An olive branch. An olive branch. Yeah. For that dick? Hey, I bought some Merlot for your dick. Yeah, for real.

Merlot Monday. like and you know in honest like we did have like a good relationship like it was like a strong like we had we were vibing yeah we had a bond so especially during the pandemic yeah people was locked in you know yeah oh marie i seen i seen you in ways i ain't never seen you girl you was in love i mean i had like i was locked in with somebody for the pandemic yeah but i also lived by myself so i was alone for most of the pandemic yeah until sydney uh came to see me and he was like wellness chat and then and then he showed up at the door like then he had a bub she left the wine at the door i brought toaster strudels for you you did bring

toaster strudels ragged me yeah because i'm checking in on you making sure you're okay everybody that's a good friend everybody online was very excited about that they're like they're together reunited and it feels so good so so she drops off wine she drops off wine

is there a note attached I'm like hey you can't I saw her like I'm driving into my townhouse she's driving

away from my town we we both like she's like we both locking eyes passing but how does she know that you moved there

you gave her the address that's a rookie move yeah I don't know if I gave her air tag on you how does she know where it went she asked your boy yo you're just now thinking about that that's crazy that's insane i'm scared this is what it is to be a man how she know where you live i don't know how she knew how i live you're the coordinates and everything remember now oh maybe no no no no my bad okay we were still together she had come to the townhouse before

all right oh so you really didn't cut things off yeah yeah yeah no no no no like in other words we were still together in the relationship when i had moved into the townhouse and then you broke up with yes after you signed the lease and you were like all right i put the deposit and all this stuff down yep so now she's still trying to get in contact with me and shit right reaching out calling all this kind of shit texting all this one weekend i'm away i hear a family member has a an emergency health care crisis right she's also blowing me up that day and then after a while after I don't respond she's like never mind the moment's passed I'm like all right and I respond I was like look I'm going through some stuff right now with my family like I can't really

be on this type of time and she's like oh actually yeah I was going through uh some health related stuff too I thought I had COVID I was like uh-huh yeah so then she keeps like trying to call and all this kind of shit hey we need to talk about something we need to talk I'm like yo then what is it just tell me what it is she's like I'd rather talk about it in person I'm like see no this feels like that netflix show um worst ex ever yeah because but nothing really has gone down though yeah but it feels like leading up yeah but did you does she cut you or not like what's up so finally about it or not finally i call her i'm like yo what's up because you keep like hitting me up and you dangling this carrot and you're trying to get me to see you in person

and i'm not really trying to do that and she's like well you don't have to come in i'm like no what is it now she's like well i wanted to tell you about my ectopic pregnancy i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew i know why did i know that you know it's gonna be ectopic no okay but i was gonna say yeah yeah so i'm like you always get it with that you always never heard that word before pregnancy ever well you're a man so of course you wouldn't yeah so i'm like ectopic pregnancy i'm like you were like alexa what's that topic literally yeah i'm like all right i'll be over there so well now we on the phone we might as well just talk about it on the phone right i'm like i'll come over there so

i go over there also this egg topic pregnancy she had whatever weekend that was like on her socials she's out living up she camping and all this type of shit she out with her like her friends and all this like doing hiking and shit so i'm like ain't no way you had an egg topic pregnancy in the woods that's not true you know casey no no because it was like a whole week no the whole weekend she was doing blah her kid wasn't missing she knew what that yeah yeah so i go over there i'm like Give me the story. She's like, yeah, I was feeling this type of way. And, you know, like I had this pain and then I went to the hospital and they did this and that.

I'm looking around like the apartment. I'm like, where the wristband at? Where the medical bills? Anything. Where the medical bills? You want an invoice, bitch? You want to log into the portal? I do.

You just said log in. Let me see the portal. I do. So that's what I said. I literally said, yeah, I was like, pull it up. I was like, what's the, I was like, pull up your email. and then she she clicking on web md i'm saying i got access to this let me see your medical records for real you violating her hippa yeah i'm like where's the medical bills and she's like i mailed

them to my mom i said your mom exactly lying exactly also medical bills don't come for a few months anyway they sure do so she's she's lying lying yeah so she's lying lying so i'm like all good for her for what because if that's the only if an atopic pregnancy is the only way i'm going to get you over here so be it she didn't even know what the procedures were oh yeah well that happened to me because i i well it's not the same but i got i got in a bobo on my mom's assurance and um i thought you know i didn't know what happens after you put it on her assurance you get invoiced months later i'm minding my business i forgot that even happened and then i come in one day and my mom's like what is this five hundred dollars for an anesthesiologist i said what is it

what is it for she said well i haven't seen an anesthesiologist i said well neither have i and she said did you get an abortion i said well did you yo yeah that's crazy to throw it back at your mom to uno reverse card your mom on the abortion no she skipped oh she beat my ass okay and i said well maybe if you would have did that before i wouldn't have needed to go to plan parenthood yeah damn you don't talk about this on stage and you can see sydney's one woman show in edinburgh yeah so no i called her out on that shit and then later in the night i get a text from uh she sent me a pdf file with some bullshit signature on there oh yeah because i even talked to my mom about it my mom i showed my mom she's like no because my mom works in health care oh

yeah she was like no she didn't get it on canva so what was her plan she thought she was gonna tell you she had this this pregnancy scare and she had to get everything removed and i was gonna gonna be like we're gonna be like consoling her i guess and then have sex with her again like or just like i don't know maybe we get back together like but here's the thing like had had she not done that there is a space in which i would have thought like maybe we can talk and see what happens but when you do that when you lie about the x thing and then you lie about an ectopic pregnancy i'm like oh now you just you just doing the most so now you'll lie about anything so now I gotta get the fuck out of here

And I'm moving back to New York Well why are you Having such good sex With people you don't love Yeah Jordan That's a good No no no no I'm saying

Why are you That's a good question You need to be You don't need to be Putting it down Yeah As well No no no no

Diet No no no Diet dick Be a little bit Shitty with the dick Give her a diet dick Give her bad penis Every once in a while

And get roasted in the group chat Not me So But the thing is We were together for what Six seven months So we We were saying I love you

We were in love We were in a relationship were you in love or were you looking for shelter no were you trying to survive you crazy were you in love or were you i was looking for love in a homeless place yeah okay we found love in a homeless place jordan please no no i no i was legit and look i remember i remember like being on the couch and like being like i love you like just like you know you know how you don't know how to like bring it up nonchalantly so you're just like i just gotta get this out yeah so it was one of those situations so i was legit in love but you've never been in a situation that

like heightens things that makes you the world was ending yes that is the most situation of situations we were all in it and the kids was on zoom school yeah yeah i was i was telling jokes over zoom to college kids locked up with one other person doing all of our activities together cooking movies gym whatever it was we were doing together all day so naturally naked cooking naked movies yeah naturally them endorphins is going now had you moved in with a woman before or was this your first no oh so you know what this is diabolical on her part like she was like i'm gonna get i'm gonna get what i want and i'm gonna get it i'm gonna get it now by any means by any means that's a crazy setup yeah i mean now you know i'm gonna ask this question

here we go so no which color you know what's crazy like as soon as like when i knew i knew this shit was gonna happen when i was like this is what i'm gonna talk about i'm like inevitably this will be the question this is but i waited till the end i did it 50 minutes friend i let you drag it on for 50 minutes that's true we let the listeners form uh their own opinion of their own yeah and now we know what we what we're dealing with yeah but letting but letting a man move in after he was already living with another woman. Now, the landlord is what?

Yeah. Stop asking questions. Charlie, you two for two, baby. Yeah. Do we need to get Dr. Umar in here? When that nigga build a school. Then we can get him in here. He's in the process.

The papers are signed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got one trailer outside. Wait, a school can be anything, okay? it's a lot of it's a lot of red tape yeah maybe school is just the friends we made along the way are you his lawyer are you his lawyer are you his publicist what's going on that's so funny yeah damn that's scary jordan i mean there were so many red flags that you let i mean the first one no but that's the thing i i don't put up with red flags though

you know your hairline is saying other words no no honestly what'd you say i said i said your hairline is saying other words wow jesus no no no it's it's you have like a tiger woods hairline like like you let uh-huh no no no not like it's not like that it just means like you're like lax like you know some men who have those real oh the chocolate yeah and then the chalk line like strict that's not you okay that's what i mean i mean it's like you know how some girls feet is like real pretty and they can wear any type of shoe yeah and then others relax yeah i deserve that and i'll take it you're right i don't even know what i was gonna say but the thought is i had a follow-up question

i apologize so you don't like tiger woods i don't think anyone's ever said tiger woods has good hair before before the divorce is he had before the drunk driving before before the fourth for the fourth accident hey my man doing good okay he living is he you cartwheel a Range Rover down the road three four times he got out the car he said I'm friends with Trump Donald and I are good friends he called Trump he called Trump yo and Trump picked up hello hey yo hello so if you got it like that then you got it like that he still got arrested come down to mar-a-lago come play with me my shoe oh i'm sorry karma taking it back to the karma lounge so what do we learn jordan yeah um

so are you saying that pandemic relationships are a mess or ignoring mine was i mean the man knocked on the door three different times and you ignored like he was Goldilocks yeah I mean listen the first time I was like whatever because also it was pandemic so I was like oh and the way apartment complexes work in North Carolina it's not like you have to buzz into a building oh you know I'm saying so like you just walk up the stairs yeah yeah that's even scarier yeah have you watched first 48 oh my man every time those complexes where they don't have no elevators and And you're just walking upstairs. Yeah.

Bop, bop, bop, bop. Yeah. The gunshots are very loose. We've had a few episodes in Charlotte, North Carolina. I know. Now, let's talk about this. The boyfriend that was knocking on the door was. Okay.

We're going to redact it. Redacted. Jordan, I'm excited to see your special. I really, the bits and pieces, I really want to see it. Appreciate you. Because you are extremely funny. oh thank you yeah i see you at the cell and i'm like oh that's somebody who really right like you do really you be in the lab and you you really do jokes like sound refreshing you know i appreciate

that yeah they're really refreshing and likewise but y'all y'all have like this effortless funniness too you don't think that's because i'm not i won't be writing at the house yeah but y'all but y'all have what happens when i get on this stage but y'all have a a funny personality like you have good energy that's like inviting and people connect with you immediately they better connect to these tickets yeah tell me about it great on the voice because you're not saying their voice is bad but you're like you know what you can get people to listen no but i'm mad serious like because y'all be killing too but it's like i watch people like y'all and i'm like damn like that's that's an element i feel like i don't like naturally have as well

it's just being like oh this thing happened and i'm just going up here and i know how to just fucking just make it funny like telling this story immediately like i feel like because even watching you online i've told you this before like how you'll just do a front facing video and it's just like man she got this whole shit just like i don't want to post something if it doesn't make me laugh yeah if i posted it it made me laugh in my house and i can see you I feel like there's so many memes of a person just like

laughing at their own shit that's you that's how I feel about watching Yamanika get on stage and tell a story every time cause she'll get on stage she said to me

she was like did I tell you about the guy who stole tires on the way to my date and I said no and I guess it had just happened

and I said please talk about this on stage and she got on stage and told a story about how she was going on a date with this man and he called her while she was at the date

waiting for him and he said hey the cops just stopped me I don't think I'm going to be able to make it to the date. And she said, why? What happened? And he said, I just stole some tires. God damn.

I just stole some tires. He stole tires and I guess put them on his car. Tires are heavy. Have you picked up a tire? Maybe he's bummed. No. No, no, no, no. You need assistance to pick up a tire.

One tire? No. He said tires. Yeah, but if he stole them in real time, you could wheel him to the car. He just rolled each one of them down the street? Now that's even more sad. That's worse. Yeah.

But no, yeah, literally. The two of y'all, Yamanika, Amina, y'all all have the ability to just like, this happened to me. I got it. And I'm just going to go up here and tell it how I feel it. And it's immediately good. Thank you. I needed to hear that. Thank you.

Again, I'm sorry. See, see, see, people be coming for me. And it's like, I'd be big enough. No, you know, you're right. Jordan, I honestly, I've never apologized to a man on the pod, but I'm saying sorry today. And I accept that. And I appreciate that. And I'm glad you're here to tell the story because that was very scary.

No, yeah. She was looking dicey as hell. You knocked on the door and you were like, let's go back to the room. Yeah. I moved four times during the pandemic. Basically, from New York to North Carolina to this girl I was living with and then to the townhouse and then back to New York. Before we go, you said, because I asked you about love, because I think love is mess. like how do you know that you're really in love how many times have that has happened to you

i guess for real for real probably twice twice yeah but i think it's i mean it really is like as as ridiculous as it is to say it is the when you know you know i think it is like just being with somebody and being like oh i feel the vibe i feel a connection with this person like and i really don't want to entertain nobody else like i it when you're like yeah let's get these apps off the phone let's focus focus you know what i'm saying but you seem like such a type a focus part like that just feels you not dilly dally i'm type b though are you yeah i'm real type b i'm very like nonchalant i'm very laid back about shit like well that's true because she lied in your face and you were like yeah okay three times three times last time he was like but

i know her extra as a bmw who is that yeah i don't know him yeah the first well when she said i don't know him the third time it was like oh i know you do that's like when judas whoever denied jesus was it judas no yes it was judas double cross jesus no who's the one that like they asked him about jesus and he kept saying he didn't know him peter oh what bible is this marie they want but like version there won't be like 38 people on earth there was somebody one of the you know one of the disciples they asked him if he knew jesus and he said no and then they asked him again and he said no and then the third time he said no a rooster crowed or something and y'all y'all you don't know what i'm talking about ain't you from the bible belt i am but see i wasn't

really paying attention like that i don't think we got to that one i i don't know the story of jesus is dead i know that part but it was judas judas double cross for some silver hey siri who and that's why i don't wear silver in the bible i think it was paul peter peter wait is peter at the gates what peter's at the gates right he's a doorman the doorman the heaven's doorman yeah yeah right he's a doorman no so he denied jesus and then like he gets to heaven and then like they give him a job they give him the job they work in the door he had great references yeah that feels very new york honestly and he's like oh since you like denying people so much i got a job for you doorman anyway i'm tired i feel like i gotta look over my shoulder

when i leave my building yeah marie you definitely but i'm also i'm here for you i'll be anything goes down No, please. I'll give myself up for you. You jump in front of it? Yep. Knock on wood. We don't need to do that.

We don't need those problems. Let's go Jordan in front of the bullet. Why? I got to die. Well, because I don't want Sidney to die. I don't want you to die either. I mean, yeah. And as you as a man, why would you not?

Why would you not hit the bullet? Yeah. You just said we're great. Yeah. I got shit to do. This is true. You do have shit to do. Please promote.

Tell everybody where they can find you. Yeah. Watch my special bits and pieces on YouTube. Like, comment, subscribe. all that stuff find me online Jordan Fisher J-O-U-R-D-A-I-N

F-I-S-H-E-R Jourdain that's right French spelling not a single ounce of French lineage that I know of is that the French spelling

Jourdain Jourdain Jourdain Jourdain Fisher the way you said Jordan that is finally I was like

now it clicks it's like oh you probably do put down dick the way you said it say it one more time Jourdain I see it

are you putting it down on black women though Listen I'm an equal Equal opportunities Oh okay I mean 100% of the women

In the story Didn't get none And it was that That's just the story That's just the story I think the listeners Wanted to know They don't slide in

But he's in a relationship So that's all that matters I'd be getting put on trial But it's cool Trial I'm just saying Overall Sustained

Honestly And we waited until The end of the story To ask this question That's true but I tell my truth I ain't lying everyone go follow

Jordan Fisher please put hearts in his comment section and hopefully he'll have a lot of explaining to do when he has all these hearts in his comment section

hey don't don't fuck up my shit palm trees my bad no flamingos we got these flamingos back here oh yeah flamingos flamingos

oh and you have a great series that they need to watch as well oh yeah we have a series me and Max Manikoff another very funny comic called Second Hand Exchange. So you can watch that on Instagram right now.

Yeah. I've done the video. Sidney's is probably going to be on there soon. Yeah, we're going to get you on there, Sid. Anyway, Jordan. We have Elijah.

We said hi. Yeah, that's right. Tell Dad. I'll see him soon. He would love that. Yay. Bye. Mets with Sidney Washington

and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcast. Created and hosted by sydney washington and reed faulston executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on

please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages be played at 763-280-6588