MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Give Your Boobs Back

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

This week the ladies are SOLO DOLO! Marie is back from Japan talking all things travel MESS and Sydnee catches us up on life while Marie was playing where in the world is carmen sandiego.  Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're listening to mess sydney i feel like i haven't seen you in like weeks i know i know you i mean this honestly this episode is all dedicated to you sis you yes you gotta you gotta fill us in you could talk about the adventures of watashi rasta yeah thank you um yeah i i'm a little bit jet lagged i think i'm sure um because japan is like 10 hours ahead what or something like that yeah when we flew back we left on the ninth one was on the plane for 13 hours and it was the ninth when i landed like that's how far away japan is damn yeah that's crazy we flew back into time back to the future I love that so you kind of you kind of catch you

catch up you go forward but move back that's I mean I wish that was life in general you could like rewind time oh yeah I would go the day ahead and then everything that I did not do that day I'll go back the next day and do what I need to do how many days you think you would do that um I almost every other day now if you could only go back if you you could go back in time but you could only go back one time you going back to do errands um it's gonna be something money related it's gonna be like i bought it i'm gonna return it i'm returning it so i can get that money back you can go back at the time once in your lifetime and you you taking it back so in the 30 days of your return policy that's what you're doing i might i might return the titties yeah absolutely

Return the titties? Yeah, I'll return the titties. What? And then do what with the money instead? Start an LLC? No, no. I think that, like, you know, I thought I needed them. But I have them, and it's like I'm not really utilizing them.

So I want to give time back to the room. So I'll probably give my boobs back. Girl, give your boobs back. It's crazy. Give your boobs back. Title of the episode. Title of the episode. Girl.

Okay. Yeah, I I don't know. I think I will go back to like a childhood thing, like, you know, like when I had to make a decision and I did this instead of doing this. I think I would go back and like make a smarter choice, you know, a childhood thing. Yeah. Like when I was in, I don't know what a day that I got like a chain letter and I didn't send it out. You know what I'm saying? Like I will go back to like a day like that and send it out. And I think I'd be in a better place now. You are unserious. Girl.

I don't know why we put these hypotheticals. You always going to go with something that you know it don't. Those chain letters. Okay. So I will go back. I will go back. The chain letters. Come on.

Girl, I will go back and, I don't know, run for student body president or something. I don't know. And where are those people? I don't know. I don't know. But I feel like that's where the performance aspect of my life could have began. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't remember when I started doing stand-up.

It was after I graduated from college and everything like that. But I feel like, I don't know, being on stage and lying about putting soda in a water fountain, that's performance. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is why you should vote for me. And then that changes, I don't know, the trajectory of my life. You didn't see The Butterfly Effect, that movie? Yes, yes.

I mean, everybody's talking about it on TikTok, The Butterfly Effect. Really? Yeah, yeah. Now they're talking about it? Well, they're talking about the butterfly effect. It's like everything is in connection to how things are supposed to meet up. So, like, this one girl who is now engaged to this guy, she was like, I met this guy at a party and I just so happened to be at this party because of something. I got to the party late and then we locked eyes.

i gave him my number but i didn't um i didn't put his name down so i didn't even have his number to meet up with him but then she saw him again and they was they like they exchanged something like words but she she never really met up with him and then she got on a motorcycle with her friend or moped she bought a moped and she was driving with her friend okay and then these guys drove by on mopeds as well and her friend was like ooh those guys are hot like we need to

we need to roll up on them this is in Italy this is in Miami oh you said moped I'm thinking something else yeah no it sounds like

it's like international no it's very local no no no it's Miami and then when they got to the light the one guy looked

and she turns and she's like wait I know that guy right and then I don't know they stopped

at a place and then I don't know I forgot the rest of the story. Yeah, girl, there's a lot of holes in the story. It's a lot of holes in the story, but each time she wasn't that pressed, she thought about him,

but she was never going after him. Right. And he was never going after her, but each time it was like they kept meeting up. Yeah. And then this final thing with the moped. And then when they, she had this moped or whatever,

but soon as he proposed to her, somebody stole the moped. Oh. So it was like. the universe said you don't got nowhere else to be babe yes the moped brought her to him and now that he proposed to her she's like the universe was like oh we got to get this moped out of here because this moped was only there listen to connect his guy you said they're getting married yep they're getting married no baby seat on no moped no no but it's i mean she she was like this

moped is like my independence me woman like you know she would wear a certain outfit on these And she just looked real chic or whatever. And so, I mean, I could see men throwing themselves at her because she looked really cool on the moped. So what I'm hearing is I need to go back in time, get a moped. That's what I'm hearing. I never said that. I need to get a moped. I never said that.

But, like, yeah, when you put yourself out there, you're in places where people who wouldn't normally see you, see you. Yes. That's me running for president. not of america but oh my god okay sure you get it yeah yeah yeah sure i'm i'm i'm with you marie for press listen let's talk about mopeds real quick because there was a time uh-huh i was in paris remember i was in paris for like a month yes a couple years ago and um i would save places on my phone that i wanted to go like eat at or whatever and then i would i get into these like doom scrolls of like going through all the reviews before I make a decision on where I want to eat

and I would do this in Paris I do this at my house now but I would do it for like way too long and like by the time I finally would decide where to go these places would be like getting ready to close so there was a day that I was in Paris and I was like I'm not doing that today I'm gonna pick a place and I'm gonna go I'm gonna pick a place and I'm gonna go so I picked the place and I went and I get there and you know I got there too early right like I I was too decisive about where I wanted to go so I got there too early so it wasn't like lit like I was expecting it to be but everybody was like really nice and like chatting with me and there was this guy I don't remember where he was from like Algeria or Serbia or I don't know I don't something

Something over there One of them places Something between Asia And Europe You know over there Where you're like You spicy white Okay

The hair was kinky But the skin is a little bit fair You know So He might have been Moroccan Anyway So

Me and him are talking And he's like Oh he had just He'd been in Paris For like He worked at this place Oh wait I think I remember this story

He worked at this place Yes He had been in Paris For a couple of years Yes I do remember He had to learn French But that's how we're talking We're speaking to

each other in french and he's like what are you doing tomorrow and i was like i don't really have a plan and because you know i'll be loose the itinerary be imaginary we never have an itinerary oh what please i can't it's choose your own adventure when i get one yes so he's like okay he's like i have this moped this scooter he was like i'll come get you and i'll take you around the city and i was like oh yeah this is you know this is what they do in the movies uh-huh this is a dream serena so um i was like yeah and remember he had like a bracelet a beaded bracelet on the balal beads the balal beads he had the beaded bracelet on and he was like um i was like talking about it and he let me wear it and i was like oh your bracelet and he was like no no you'll give

it to me tomorrow and i was like oh okay that means i'm gonna see this guy tomorrow yeah mind you it wasn't like oh this is the hottest person in the world this is my soulmate you know it's just it was like a nice it would have been a nice experience so the next day I wake up and I'm like man I'm not about to I'm not about to get on my scooter like what do I look like what do I look like Lizzie McGuire Luca like who who am I Jennifer Lopez in a rom-com come on right but I I was very in my head about like I was like he was nice yesterday at nighttime but what if he drives me off a cliff or what if he drives me to a bad neighborhood or what if whatever whatever whatever and I was like I'm not gonna go and so I didn't go crazy I didn't go I still have that bracelet

it's in my apartment right now okay well we have to take a picture to put it in the dump but also I mean this was during Eat Pray Ho right this was Eat Pray Ho all the eating and praying and ho you was doing you were like a moped that's where I stopped that's where the boundaries are But that truly, because I was trying to plan all of that stuff out. But that would have been peak eat, pray, hoe. Yes. You know what I'm saying? The cherry on top of praying that I don't die, but being a hoe and him eating.

Julia Roberts would have reached out to you if you would have done that. Reese with her spoon would have hit me up. Well. But I was like, I didn't go because I stopped myself from going. The fear. Truly. but it was like I could have just went

I was in Paris I wasn't there with anybody I should have just been like yeah let's go see what happens get a nice time so is that where you would change

you're saying that's where I should take the time machine back to yeah no that's fine yeah that's where I'd take it back to 2017

with the beads on my wrist like hey okay I'm not mad at that okay but now keep going let's go you get to japan okay boom so i was in japan for like i don't know eight to ten days

um i just got back everyone was like oh my god is this a solo trip are you alone girl i love this for you let's meet up no i was with somebody i was with somebody who um is in love with me and uh that's it was a it was a it was a trip like that okay and um you know i went i said Listen, I'm here to have a good time. No negativity. Like, I'm open to all the possibilities of what Japan has to offer. And that's just the attitude that I went with. And I think that's how you should travel the world just in general.

Anytime you leave your house, I'm open to all the possibilities. I think, yeah, I think that's what you, I mean, you, besides saying no to the moped, I feel like you say yes to a lot. I say no to more than I say yes. Really? Yes. I don't, not, every time we've gone on a trip, it's been like, yo, we doing this. yes we doing that

no that's whack we can't do that but yes we doing this yeah but that's when I'm with my friends like traveling with y'all is different

yeah because y'all are down like we just like yeah let's do it like okay cool we doing ATVs we getting in the water we can't swim

we can't swim but we're jumping off a boat yep and we trusting these white people oh my god oh my god every time but look we didn't die

we didn't die you just we gotta be you gotta be really loud if you can't swim hey listen captain time out

I can't swim I need every single person on this boat to know that I can't swim the captain drunk all the other people on the side of the boat is drunk

everybody was sick people's moms and aunties were throwing up off the boat open bar okay they did not give a damn but they was like

go go go yes get her in there it's like hold on hold on no no no I need a pool float between my thighs is the unit secure

I'm not secure right the vest is not secure hold on and then you just get in you're like oh my god I can't believe it's this

you know what the secret is to the unit being secure, put the swim cap on first. I would never. Then put the wig on top of the cap. I would never do that. Now, if the wig pops off, you got a swim cap on.

No, ma'am. If the unit comes off, the trip is over. Oh, the trip is off. The trip is done. That happened when I was in Jamaica. We was on one of those, when they pull you,

you're on those inner tubes. Yeah. And like the way I had the grip of the claws of life onto the handle and then onto my head. And they were like, no, you need to put both hands on the... I said, no, no, no. If this comes off, I'm dead

because I'm going into the water after it. So, yeah. Anyways, so you go there, you... Japan is living in... Like, they're living in the future. Right. It's honestly, truly one of my favorite places I've ever been. They're better than us.

They're, oh, girl, better than us. In any way that you can be better than us, which is every single way possible, they're better than us. They're cleaner. They're just. They don't have any trash cans on the street, but there's no trash. Wow. Here in New York, we put the trash by the trash. We'd be like, hey, Kobe.

And then we drop it 10 feet and we'd be like, that's where that chicken bone lives now. You know? It's just, it's so clean. The trains come on time. Crickets are bigger than ours, cleaner than ours, and nobody talks. They just kind of like quiet, enjoying the ride. I was afraid to speak on the subway. I don't believe that.

Girl! I was like, I don't believe that. I was like, tee-hee-hee, like a little schoolgirl. But all of the things that I've watched, all the movies, Spirited Away, and all the anime that I've seen, that's what the neighborhoods look like. It just, it feels really good to be in Japan. Wow. And I'm saying that as a black woman. It just felt they weren't paying me no attention.

I did my hair like this. I was like, they're going to think it's cool. They didn't even see me, girl. They were like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And everybody's dressed well. They all have their own individual style, like, from head to toe. Like, they're doing cool things with their hair. They're doing cool things with their platforms.

And everybody could dress their ass off in Japan. Tokyo is the fashion capital of the world. I don't know what nobody says. That's what everybody was saying. It was like, yo, there's going to be so many options. options i mean clothes galore like and clean and tailored and just watching like just stand outside and watch a bunch of people walk by everyone's dressed different or it's a bunch of girls dressed the same like a girl group and it like worked with every single person that i saw and

it was like they would some of them would wear like the traditional clothes like with the robe and the thing around it and it was like that's normal but then right next to her you would see a girl with like panty shorts on and like stockings and pigtails and like butterfly things on her face and that was also normal okay like neither of them was like looking at the other and disgust it was just like this is just what we know judgment that's that's all that japan was so we're moving to japan we're moving we're moving to japan yo okay i'm down with i mean because my because my girl was like oh you want to go and i was like i mean it sounds like it's a lot of money like you you don't want to cut corners and when duane

said he went he told me how much you spent there and i said oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i have no idea how much i spent i said oh wow i was just giving them the card for the stuff that i was buying but also like you know I didn't pay for the flight I have no idea how much that cost yeah yeah no no I mean he was telling me everything that he was doing yeah and he's like this how you got to do it yep like you can't even think about it you just got to be like we're doing it yep because that's what kind of experience it is and I said yeah I want to go there when I feel like that comfortable because I don't want to I don't want to cut corners on such a cool trip But also, I'll say this, all they do in Japan is spend money.

If you go to Tokyo and you ain't got it, don't go. That's what I'm saying. No Tokyo for you. I remember working at, when I was working at the bars, the people who would put the money down for reals, the Japanese. Japanese businessmen. Oh, they are buying anything, everything. And they barely touching the drinks. They having a good time.

Oh, because you know, they got low tolerance for alcohol. Yeah, so they just bind it just to pop off. I'm telling you, like everywhere we went, I was like, this is like a mall. This is like, you know how, like when we be in Soho or when we used to be in Soho, it's always a lot of Asian people down there because that's what Tokyo is. It feels like giant Soho everywhere you go. But I guess they come here now and they're like, this what y'all got? No.

Because I was talking to this dude at the Adidas store and he was like, oh, you're from New York? Oh, New York is so cool. And I was like, Tokyo is cooler than there. And he was like, no, for me, New York is the coolest city.

And I was like, yeah, no. Well, I can say with my full chest, yeah, New York ain't hitting like that no more. No. It's not hitting like that. No. Post pandemic,

New York is New Jersey. New York is Nashville. Listen, I walked by the place that was supposed to be G-Star. that shit is gone I said New York is a wrap okay

oh all the stores that used to be cool that I'm like oh my god this is a staple you got it you have to go here

it's not there no more we don't have to talk about the stores let's talk about the streets I saw some somebody posted a video today about St. Mark's street you know St. Mark's

people doing drugs I can't I can't people cutting class people you know throwing up and peeing and pooping

and shitting themselves on the street that's St. Mark's showed a video it's all it's like all um tables on either side just white people drinking Aperol spritzes disgusting it's not disgusting to the white people hello white listeners not disgusting to y'all disgusting for what you turned my disgusting St. Mark's is not an Aperol spritz location no it's not no it's for uh um bottomless bottomless mimosas uh margaritas it's for a drink in a bag in your hand that too that too and it's heroin as well heroin not Aperol Spritz

Aperol Spritz heroin take that down to Soho somewhere West Village take it uptown uptown Take it uptown where your mom and dad live. Upper East Side. Do that. St. Mark's. It's where the heroin and the bags of juice with liquor in it would play. And now where do they go? That's where you would get a piercing that your mother didn't know about.

You get a tattoo. You also get an infection. Oh, 100%. Your earlobe is falling off. Yes, yes, yes. You couldn't go to Claire's Accessories. You go to St. Mark's. Yes.

You get a dollar slice and you might get sick. Every single time. That's St. Mark's. That's not St. Mark's no more. Girl, I mean, New York is completely different. It hurts. There's this article that people were talking about this week. Oh, about the gentrification.

The cut. Oh, yeah, everybody's upset. The West Village white girls. Everybody's upset. Because it's like, you can afford a publicist, and that's why you're on the cover of this magazine. We don't know you. And you don't represent New York. You just got here.

Just got here. But you're on the cover of The New Yorker? Wild. That's crazy. To not be a New Yorker and just get to New Yorker and then be on the cover of The New Yorker, it's pretty weird. It's wild. Anyway, they're not doing that in Japan. They're not doing that.

I don't know what the Tokyo Magazine look like, but they're not putting me on the cover. Or maybe they would, but I don't know. But yeah, it's an awesome city and I would 100% go back. I would go back this year. Okay. Well, hopefully I'll get that money together so I can go because I really do want to go. But yeah, I would want to experience it like a tourist. But also, if I knew somebody there so I could find the spots that nobody knows about, I also want to do that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The underground spots. They still have that in a way that New York does not. Like, I mean, I guess New York has stuff, but like, you know, somebody finds something cool in a city that they're not from and they blast it on TikTok and it wasn't his TikTok. It's not cool no more. Y'all got to stop. Listen, gay keep the cool.

The stuff that you don't care about, put it on TikTok. But if it's a spot that you're like, oh, this food is really bomb. And I had a really, now, okay, hold on now. Wait, wait, let me. Small business. The thing is, is that Keith Lee was doing this with like different restaurants that obviously needed the help. Boom. That's cool.

But if the spot is already doing well, it doesn't need extra business. hey why are you flooding them with people who don't even know how to give you know proper they don't have proper etiquette they being rude to the servers they don't tip those people don't need to come they messing up the vibe you know the vibe works cause there's not

no influencers here get ready with me while I go destroy a small cool business no stay home you putting your Alex Earl light on the lamb chops you're fucking up the vibes the music is playing

And then all of a sudden you're blasting music from the TikTok that you just did. No, no, no, no, no. We can't have that. So I think we definitely should gatekeep. But also I do find places on TikTok. But then I get into the comments and the tea is they're like, yes, this place used to be good. Not no more. Right.

There's a bar that's right across the street from. They said it's trash now. What's the name of the bar? I don't want to say. I can't say I'm gonna say it I'm gonna say it offline to you but it's supposed and then we'll swing by do a video at that bar yeah I can't even say I can't even believe I said but um it's like the bougie cousin of that and I was like oh I saw it and I said oh we should go there and then recently I saw a uh tiktok and everybody said the doormans are mean the line is long they charging

$500 to get in to get a table I said wait and this is on Myrtle Avenue bottle service on Myrtle Avenue? $500 for table service

on Myrtle? Let me tell you that is a recession indicator when a hole in the wall spot off the J train is like we doing bottle service? Who told you?

What white man in a top hat said yeah let's do this? Who said that? I can't I can't Yeah, New York is... You said white man in a top hat? In a top hat.

You know, those be the one that's, they're like, oh, this is how you make this place more upscale. And it's like, no, this is how you run away the cool people. Because they're like, first of all, I'm not doing no lines. No, I don't know how to spell lines. As a New Yorker, why would I wait on a line? Girl. When I see people online waiting for Kith, I said, oh, this can't be good.

Kith, Supreme. Anytime I see any of those people waiting on line, I'm... I'm already like, this is not for me. I can't help but laugh. Yeah. Because you wait in a line to wear some stuff that don't even look good on you, honestly. That's a mess. You saw it looking good on somebody else, and now you're trying to put it—you look bad.

You know what? Lines are a mess. Lines are a mess. And then making people wait outside to make a place look cooler, that's also a mess. It is. Just have everybody come in, have a good time, and then the word of mouth will let everybody know that this is the place to go. But people do lines because everybody knows that people are sheep, and they got to think that, oh, this is cool. So let's be a little bit more selective about the lines.

Because the bouncers, you know, bouncers in New York have been mean since the beginning of Velvet Ropes, right? That's just kind of what it is. I'm here for a mean doorman. Oh, I'm not mad at it. Especially when you used to work at Rose Bar and I used to pop in

and I used to watch the doorman shut the people down. And I'm just, hey. And they're like, hey, baby, how you doing? Like, there's no greater feeling than knowing a doorman and watching somebody else don't know a doorman. I saw our doorman shut down Q-Tip. I said, the vibrant, vibrant, vibrant, breathe and stop? For real?

So give me what you got. I saw the doorman. I said, no, no, no, you have to let him in. How many dudes was Q-Tip with? He was just with one other guy. And he said, no, we're at capacity. And I said, no, we're not. No, we're not.

Let him in. Because I was in the front bar because I wasn't in the cool bar yet. But I said, hey, hey, hey, this is actually against my whole heritage that you're not letting this man in. It's anti-black? It's very anti-black. It's anti-rap? It's anti-all of that.

And you know what? Q-tip had to leave. He didn't let him in. Well, what was he wearing? He looked good. Oh. He looked amazing. Skin was glowing.

No, no, no. What was the shoes? Like, what was he wearing? He was wearing a Q-tip outfit. I don't know. A big shoe, jeans. A big shoe like a Kanye boot? Like a, not a combat, but, you know,

just something that, you know, the guys, the short guys, you know, lifts he's wearing a shoe that got a lift he's not a tall man Q-tip had on wedges yeah no I didn't say that don't don't switch my words up like that wedges a wedge shoe is a mess it is but I'm aware but it is a mess because I'm thinking I'm like yo I want something I want to look taller but I don't want to wear a heel you got to get a wedge or a platform you know maybe Q-tip was in a platform I could be wrong. Don't quote me, y'all.

Don't quote me. And don't tag him, because y'all really be messy. They be like, Q-Tip, stand up and show the shoes for the dump. Breathe and stop, okay? You got to stop. Okay, so best thing that happened in Japan. Best thing that happened in Japan. Oh, I don't know.

That's crazy. That's crazy. The best thing that happened in Japan. Yeah. We asked this question when you went to Morocco too. What was the best thing that I said happened to me in Morocco? I didn't die when the camel kicked me off. i think when we walked when we got to the top and we're like oh my god this is so fucking beautiful

and i'm with my friends but you guys also were on mushrooms and i didn't even know that oh i was also on mushrooms in tokyo okay so that may be what did i do when i was on the shrooms in tokyo i don't remember where we went hmm i gotta check my phone oh we went to this um exhibit called team labs uh-huh and it was like lights and like projections and sounds you know that's my thing yeah yeah yeah that was a good thing to do on shrooms i can't there's a lot of kids there too i was like yuck um they kind of blown it but there were some sober people there and that i don't understand how can you be not a child or not on shrooms and then you're here like that was weird oh because your mind it just it expands and for somebody who has

adhd all this stuff is happening so yes i'm over simulated but then when i lock in well one thing on the wall i'm in it and i almost feel like i'm going into a different dimension it's really cool it was that it was a lot of that but after we left there we were trying to get pizza from this place they're like this is the best pizza place in japan you have to go here and of course they were closing everything closed pretty early food wise um so we went to this neighborhood that i was like oh this place is open um it's on my list of places i want to try let's go there we get there the cab he like bye they just leave you they'd be like okay you know they don't wait for you to get in at all no they the i ordered the uber and the uber dropped us off and was like later and so we

get there and there's this like little bar with people at the window and you know we're in the middle of a neighborhood that look like it's not really nothing else going on so we're going back and forth trying to find this place can't find it there's a lady sitting at the bar who was watching us and she's like she's like what you're looking for and I was she's like the bar and I was like no we're trying to find food so she jump up she's like I'm from Brazil and I'm like okay yeah I'm From New York. So she's running up and down the street trying to help us find a place to eat. Everything's closed.

We get to this bar and the guy's like, yeah, the place you're looking for is the place where that lady is sitting. But they're not doing food no more. So I'm devastated. I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day. You know how that goes. And there was a guy across the street at like a vegan place. That is just, I can't, that's hate speech.

A vegan place? So we're not even looking over there. Why would I do that on my travels? We're not even looking at the vegan spot, right? On vacation, yeah. And the guy that was like, that's the place that you're trying to go to. He was like, well, you guys can come here. And I'm like, ugh.

And, you know, he's like, yeah, well, Marie, let's try it. Like, it might be. And I was like, it's vegan. And I'm like, what kind of food do you guys have here? He was like, I make pasta. We make whatever you want. And I'm like, ugh, okay. So we go in, and he's like, I'm like, can I see a menu?

He's like, we don't have a menu. Okay, this is kind of cool. He's like, what do you want? I'm like, what do you make? And he was like, anything. And I was like, this is, I can't. You can't tell me I can order anything and not tell me what you're good at making. So I'm like, what are you good at?

And he was like, everything. And I was like. So I said, I'm out. I like this guy. I'm hungry. My high has crashed. I'm not. I'm done answering questions now.

So the guy I'm with is like, all right, we'll do this. with a red sauce and we'll do it with this and the guy's like great he's like it's gonna take me at least 20 minutes

and he's like well do you have wine and he's like yes I was like bring us the wine right so he brings the wine he's like

oh we don't have Sauvignon Blanc but this is better I'm like whatever whatever you got we'll have so we're drinking it

and I'm calming down and it's smelling good he's like do you guys want vegetables in it I'm like yes whatever he's doing that

the wine is delicious Girl, the best wine I've ever had in my life. Really? It's vegan wine? No. I'm like, what is this so different? It's just a nice, crisp, white Italian wine. In Japan?

In Japan. Okay. And so he comes out. Oh, and he brings us this like soft garlic bread that he just. Mind you, I'm sitting there and I'm like, I think I hear the microwave. I said, I don't know what he's making, but the microwave just dinged. and you know dude's like he's like marie just relax like this could be like a really unforgettable night and i'm like i'm ready to be disappointed what i'm like we in this vegan place this man

is good at everything there's no way it's gonna be good yeah so it's the vegan that threw you off but if it wasn't vegan you would be all in well when we got there he was like do y'all want me y'all want like a bolognese shut the fuck up is this vegan or not and he was like i mean i can make whatever that's what he said you can make whatever but do you have whatever the signs say vegan but it wasn't vegan no girl i'm confused i'm confused the confusion has has hit me girl anyway the we on our second glass of wine the bread comes out i'm like that must be a special microwave because the bread don't microwave like this in america so it's not gluten free no okay Because all I'm thinking about is everything it's missing.

No, the sign said vegan, but he was like, this is whatever you wanted to be tonight. It was a trick. And it was raining outside. That's romantic. And it's just me and this guy at this restaurant downing wine. Girl, you keep saying this guy. Well, it's a guy. Me and this man.

Me and the gentleman. She keeps saying this guy, this man. My travel buddy. and what what you're talking about you know who i was with sydney i'm talking i'm here for the people i i know this i'm here with the man oh i wouldn't say the man that's too on the nose girl you have to stop So I'm there with, you know, my travel buddy.

Okay, sure. Sure, sure, sure. And the guy, he brings the food out, and it's good. I'm also very hungry, but it's good. He's like, do y'all need more bread? Do y'all need this? He's hitting it with the cheese. I'm like, the cheese is not vegan.

But it doesn't matter. It was a lie. No, I think vegan must mean something else in Tokyo. Did it say vegan in English? It said vegan in English. Did you take a picture? You know, I don't think I did. Bitch, you the most taken picture ass bitch and you don't take a picture of this place?

I didn't think I was going to eat there, sis. You know what? Travel show shut down because this is a part of the show that you're supposed to be letting us know about. I'm telling you, it's not vegan. So, you know, I'll tell you what it's across from. Okay. I know what it's across from. So you took a picture across the street?

No, no, no, no. We were trying to go across the street. That's the original destination. And then they said, no, we're not doing food no more. We're just doing drinks. Okay, let's get to the good part. So what do people look like? Was there like attractive, like hotties?

Was the booties out? Everybody's demure? No, they dress pretty conservative over there. Like they be covered. But it's like flowy things. It's stuff that's like tailored to their bodies. It's like they don't really like to show their arms. It was sunny out.

Everybody had a little parasol out. In the sun, I'm like, ah, okay. Because the sun is good, but it's also bad. No, the sun is good. The sun is good, but it's not amazing for your skin. Right, and that's probably another reason why they be looking like raisin in the sun. All the Americanas, they stay sizzling, sizzling fajitas. In the summertime, in the fall, whenever they get a chance, they burning, burning, burning, burning.

And so whenever I see them ladies with the little umbrella, I say, you know what? You got it, mama. And they got bangs because the bangs is covering the forehead. but everybody doesn't have bangs a lot of them be having bangs they're covering the forehead girl they were dressed real cute all the women stunning

the men what about was there black people there were there Spanish people there there were some black people there and like when I was in Thailand like when I was in Thailand

and I saw black people I'd be like hey black people and they'd be like hey black girl but in Tokyo it wasn't the same energy I'd see people and like you know

smile at them and they'd be like So I don't know where they're from. They might not have been from New York. Hello? They must have been the other blacks from somewhere else. Has Tokyo entered the chat? What the hell?

No, no, no. It's a universal thing. If you're a black person in another place and you see another black person, you give them the head nod and the smile. Oh, girl. Whole conversations. Hey, girl. What you doing here? But I will also say there's a lot of tourists in Tokyo.

A lot. It's like comparatively to being here. So it's Times Square. basically it's one big time square i don't i don't know if i'm vibing with that but you know you don't have to stay in those areas where it's that touristy but i googled it because there was a lot about tokyo that i didn't know about they have a tower a tokyo tower and i was like oh that looks like an orange eiffel tower and i said but the eiffel tower is bigger and the person i was with was like no they they're the same size and i was like no the person you was with sydney you

the person i was with the description is killing these titles it's like i keep saying the person i was with this person continue to say the person that i was with i'm trying to i'm this man this man the man this person that i was with travel buddy anything else my emergency contact is that so lol oh the switch up happened quick to that man to emergency contact to be fair he's not my emergency contact um my sister is my okay yeah yeah yeah because you know she's liable to pick up her phone oh yeah no she's good i mean the chart the bubble but the bubble's gonna be green but that's okay but why would you be texting my emergency contact you have to pick up the phone and call them marie you would have typed to text an emergency contact like text in

emergency if you had to if you had to reach out to like my emergency contact i would call them i would call girl it's an emergency who has time to be like hey you don't know me but sydney hold on sydney first of all you're not typing you sit in a you sit in a voice note oh yeah if they don't pick up i'm sitting in a voice note hey girl you don't know me but uh sydney uh what do you mean you don't know me it would be carolina carolina carolina is your emergency contact yes carolina Carolina is your emergency contact. Carolina is my emergency contact. Well, girl, you need to get a new emergency contact.

Why? First of all, she's with child. Hold on now. Wait. Secondly, her phone be dead. That's a lie. Her phone be dead. Sometimes.

Girl, I've been on. But during the day, and that's usually when an emergency would happen for me. No. She be up. Girl, emergencies happen all the time. Like, any time. An emergency for me is going to happen during the day. I already put it out there in the universe.

Any emergency that would happen. If you're getting a call at 8 a.m., friend, I hope you're sitting down because that's when the emergency would be happening. That's when my D&D is on, 8 a.m. That's why you're not my emergency contact. Carolina, we're on D&D. You don't answer your phone, and you don't answer text messages. Sydney, you have to get a new emergency contact.

No. Carolina is about to have a baby. I know. We're about to have her on a podcast. She's not going to have time for this. We're about to have a podcast. She will make time. For your emergency?

Hell, yeah. Carolina is her own emergency. No, she is not. Hamadei is her emergency. Hey, we need to, it takes a village. And I just want to put this out there to the mothers, to the mothers that are about to have kids, already have kids.

Yeah, keep singing that. They still want to be in the mix. And you taking them off a list, that hurts their heart. So she actually would be so distraught if I took her off my emergency contact list. First of all, she don't have to know. It's not like she gets a notification, and, hey, you have been removed as Sidney's emergency contact.

Nobody knows except you. Marie, you had one time to be emergency contact, and you picked up and you said, hey, girl, I'm having my job. Y'all playing too much, and then hung up. So you can't be an emergency contact. What was I supposed to do? I don't know, friend, but not answer like that. And, and.

That's mess. Listen. That's mess. Sidney, Carolina was your emergency contact. Wait. I got the call from Carolina and she also didn't help you in that

you were second on the list but she also didn't help you in that time what do you mean? what did Carolina do for you in that emergency? she got on her plane and left I can't wait for her to get back here on the pod because she has to clear her name

because she did what she could she did more than you you hung up on her I was at work literally I was on camera I was like girl we live live from New York

I'm at work mess marie being emergency contact listen i am not available to be an emergency contact during the day i'm a nighttime emergency contact i'm a night owl wait are you are you your sister's emergency contact probably i actually don't i don't know i should i call her why she's at work you know what yeah whenever i call your sister she do pick up i don't call her often but when I do she'll pick up she'll be like hey

that's why if you're calling my sister she's like something must have happened oh my god you think no she's like

oh what's this but also you cool if you call her she's like hey girl yes like if you were like a nerd she'd be like

I'm gonna set up the voicemail when you gonna work on being an emergency contact how about that I have to work on being an emergency

contact yes absolutely well I gotta go to the gym how do I I gotta practice picking up the phone on the third

before the third ring What's that mean? Guys, if you're listening to this, I need you to put in the comments things to be an emergency contact. Like, how do you be an emergency contact? I got to have a gold bag ready to go? Well, first of all, you got to have bail money. Do you got that? Sure.

They take card? Apple Pay for you. You pull up like, hey, I ain't got the card. Can I swipe my phone? Absolutely. Do they take Apple Pay at the jail? At the hospital? Oh, at the hospital.

Now, you know what? Honestly, we can count on you to make a video. You'll make a video. But if there's time constraints, you're going to turn the video in late. If we're making a We Are The World, there comes a time when we heed a certain call. I'm there. I'm there. And the world must come together as one.

I'm there for the We Are The World. we making money for this cause my friend needs new whatever. Sure. Alright. I'm there for that. If we're doing a benefit show, I'll be there. You're showing up late. Oh, yeah, but I'm showing up. I'm going to be late when I get here.

Late and great. Hey, as we all know, my friend got hit by a moped. Oh my god. And the show is here to raise money. I would be so lucky to get hit by a moped because that then, like, there's not too much damages. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'll be up in the hospital for like a week or so and then we good i mean remember we know that that comedian

got hit by a train oh a train she didn't get hit i think the train ran her over what's her name lisa yes lisa yeah yes and there was like all these people did stuff to raise money for her and yada yada yada and she's you know she's she's alive and well and walking she got it she got a page on instagram it's like for the gays and she's yeah for the gays it's not called for the gays but I think her name is Liza Dye or Liza Day. Gays. Something. But she has a really funny lesbian, like, gay page.

Oh, she's a lesbian. Yeah, she tags. Sometimes she has tagged me and stuff and, like, you know, people that I've dated and whatnot. Like, she's in the mix. Right. And they took care of her. The community stepped up and took care of her. They did.

But that was at a different time. We're in recession number what? Dos. Yeah, but people still donating to GoFundMes. People still asking for money. Hold on. Let's talk about the biggest mess of this freaking month. Okay.

A white woman called a young black boy, the N-word, hard ER several times. And then she decided to make a GoFundMe or whatever. She's at a million dollars right now. She raised a million dollars because she was like, now I have to move out of my neighborhood because I'm getting death threats. Where did she call this black boy? On a playground. On a playground?

On a playground because allegedly a four-year-old or five-year-old took her son's toy or something. That's what kids do. They take toys. Her son's toy got took and she called this kid that word? Yeah. And she said, if he wasn't acting like one, I wouldn't call him that. And then the guy who had her on camera was saying stuff to her. And I don't think he was black.

And she called him the N-word as well. Oh, she said you could get it to hard. Yeah, it was crazy. And I don't even think she was American. I think she was like like Russian or something like that. Oh, not a mail order. Racist. Stop it.

Yeah. That's crazy. Melania, what are you doing here? Oh, my God. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. And she what?

She lost her job? I don't even think she had a job. T. And now she has a million dollars. A million dollars. So now I need one of my good whites to step in and pull a stunt like that, get the money, and then give it to us. That might be our side hustle. We need a good white that's ready to turn into a bad white to get us a million dollars and we flip it.

Right, right. Is that crazy? When we say flip it, we mean we flip it into our accounts. And then maybe we give you a little something on the side. No, no, no. This is money that we have to, like, invest into things. We remember when we said we go back in time and I said I would, you know, not get my boobs. This is the thing where like if we if I'm going forward and this happens, I will put my money into like crypto or something like, you know, Bitcoin, Bitcoin, something.

Heard you. Yeah. OK. And we are we going to open up a small shops, a business, something, you know, we can invent the lash business. Yes. Yes. Or or we could be the business that if somebody called your child the N-word, we raise money to get that person thrown out of the community. OK, so we the Al Sharpton GoFundMes. Yeah. No, no, no. We are. Hmm. I might need to take this back to the lab. But oh, no, no, no. We're the business that shuts down the GoFundMe for the racist and we take their money. Whatever money they raise, we take it. Okay. Yeah, we confiscate.

We confiscate. Yeah, that's our business. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you in? You don't be riding for me, Marie. You don't be riding for me. I'm going to wait until I see the proposal. Yes, and, bitch.

Yes, and. Yes, but. Oh. I need to see the proposal. And that's where the improv doesn't work. You got to say. We're not improvisers. We're stand-up comedians.

You got to say, yes, and, bitch. That's what you got to say. No, but, bitch. yes but bitch that's the new that's the remix oh can we put that as a title

can bitch be in the title okay we gotta run this by okay Sydney what have you been doing the 10 days that I was gone let's talk

oh god cause we yeah well I was eating vegan not vegan pasta at 11pm what were you doing

I started medication again like a higher dose and just going through it, just sitting in the bed like, Lord Jesus, what have I done?

And maybe I should have sent one of those chain letters that maybe, you know, I broke a mirror and this is... You stepped on a crack. I didn't break my mother's back. I broke my soul. Oh, right.

I'm cursed. Right. Ooh, not cursed. That's how it feels. But maybe, did a black cat run by you when you were seven? You know, I get black cats. I love black cats.

No, but they be tuxedo cats. They have little socks on and stuff. No, you're right. But my first cat, Albert, was all black. Albert? Albert, yes. I've never met an Albert that was black. He was an all black cat.

And he did not like my sister. And he did not like my niece. And now how are their lives going? Oh, bad. Okay, Albert, curse them. Albert is the reason. Yeah, black cats are bad luck. I don't like that.

I take that back. Why? I'm a black cat. You have a black cat. I sure do. she's kind of salt and pepper right now but yeah oh yeah i'm sorry girl we're getting waxes after this yeah let's make appointments for um what's that place no the other one unique wax oh that's where we went the first time we got wax

yeah that was in there screaming yeah it was I was doing the most everybody was like getting their wax being quiet and then okay so your first wax that was the first time you got wax your first wax was my second wax yeah yeah it's it doesn't get easier I thought it was our boat for our first time but I know I went I think I went one time before you because the way you were screaming I was like I I don't remember being that loud the first time i went but you know i have a small throat did that man say that lol so you've been in the bed for 10 days uh pretty much i couldn't do anything i've i've been like yeah it's been rough i was like holding on to dear life so what do you mean you can't do

Like, you don't want, you sleepy, you're not motivated. I'm sleepy, I can't form a sentence, I, like, will wake up and then I'm like, I'll, you know, scroll on TikTok for a little bit and then go back to sleep and then wake up and then, I mean. Is the dose too high? No, it's just like, this is how it is every time I start a new dose. Every time I start something new, my body has to recalibrate or whatever the fuck it is. And I'm like, I'm so tired of it. It's so annoying. And it like ruins everything.

And I remember last week I was like, okay, if this doesn't work, I think I will just, I'll just get off medication. Because I can't, this is, this is like my life. I said, what did I, Lord, what did I do? Tell me. Is it because I'm gay? It's Albert, sis. I'm telling you. It's not the black cat.

It might be the gay. I feel like maybe it's double time. Maybe it's black, cat, and gay. It could be that because I do see the gays out here doing pretty well, some of them. Not all y'all. A lot of them are thriving. Well, not this year. This is a bad year for gays.

Is some gays doing great? Yes. Yes, but as a whole? As a community. As a community, I would say no. All right, listen. And I'm I'm gonna let you have that, even though I don't agree with that. But instead of completely going off your meds, why not just go down a little bit in dose?

I could do that. But it's like then I was I like did a show on Sunday and I was on stage talking about, you know, the brain fog, the feeling like out of body, like sad. And so this other guy, he's like, oh, that happened to me. I had to take another medication to like even everything out and it's like all these damn pills I'm already taking two pills then I got vitamins

then I got to drink water what's the second pill? well one pill is like a certain amount and then another pill is a smaller dose they got you doing math?

yes bitch maybe cut the small one in half no you can't cut the big one in half no because it's like time release yeah it's foolish

all of it is like oh my god like all of this just to be like mentally stable to like have a conversation outside this is fucking whack yeah all this to be mentally stable and you have a conversation with somebody who is not mentally stable this is true a lot of us be doing the work and then we gotta go back out there and then talk to the people that's unhinged not doing it and not medicated in a mess and they look like they thriving having a good time and i'm like so what What what what do I have to do? Because I'm sober. I'm sober. I gave up the dick. I'm not out there running the streets. You know, I'm trying to pay things off.

I'm trying to be that person. I'm trying. I'm trying, God. But it looked like everything I was doing better when I was bad. That's what I know. You said a bunch of things that you did and you gave up. Maybe you got to re pick up the dick. Excuse me. that is the craziest thing that you said on the podcast in many years you said you're sober and you gave up the dick i cannot believe you said that marie you have you now you now you need to run this by lydia oh what you just said to me what pick up the dick that's a crazy thing to say to your very uppercase l friend well you you know you said you you said it first you legit said

Maybe it's the gay. Maybe it's the gay. Yeah, but just because I blame it on the gay, that don't mean I'm going to give it up. No, obviously, you're gay to the bone. Yeah. But now, if, you know, the angel of whatever came down and was like, hey, you're going to have the life of your dreams.

Everything you want, you'll have. The money that you deserve, you will get. Your edges is going to fill, like everything. They said everything you want, you're going to get. But you got to give up the gay. Would you do that? This feels homophobic, this hypothetical. And no, I would not.

Now ask me the question. No. I'm not going to ask you the question. I would be gay. No, you wouldn't. If somebody was like, listen, everything that you want in your life, you're going to get it. But you got to be a lesbian. I'd be like.

Marie, your first day as a lesbian, you would be like, actually, you know what? I guess I'm going to be homeless because you would not know what to do. I still don't know. Somebody would give you all of the feelings all at once and talking all the time and want to be on top of you and be like, let's hold hands. PDA. Let's let's. I have that now. I have that now.

And it's interesting. It's very interesting. Yeah. We're going to do a Patreon because this is crazy. You're really tight lipped. And I like this for you. Actually, I support this. Transparency is off the table, y'all.

I just want to let y'all know we're not telling our business no more. We're going to give you everything around the business, but you ain't getting the business. Let me tell you why I'm not telling my business. This person that I'm talking to has people who listens to this podcast. Oh, we actually visited this. And they have multiple times hit him up and been like, hey, did you see what she said? Have you seen this? Are you talking to her?

or or flat out sent him the episode so well can he hear can he hear can't he hear he's in the room with us right now sis the hills have eyes this is yeah so i said i'm not going to talk about you on the podcast anymore i like that and he was like you don't have to do that i'm just never going to listen and i said you said that before you listened and you listened we're not here to uplift straight men no we don't want to feature them i mean we have but we we don't want to it's against our will actually it's literally our hands are tied i mean they they tell us they send us the update they say hey we gonna throw a straight in there straight man and it's like ah you know but we do it you know jump scare yeah every time and then every time we get messages like hey i don't

know about these straight men and i said i say the same thing sis the same thing but we trying to diversify our portfolio or whatever. Also, we've had good straights on. We don't have, you know, the bad ones on.

Hey, and I just want to put this on the table. I will not vouch for any straight man ever. If they said they did it, they did it. That's what it is.

I'm saying that. I'm saying on the record, what y'all say about that man? I don't know that man. I don't know him. When he was on Mess, I don't remember that. They could show me a picture

of us on the pod with that man. I'm like, I don't know him. In his lap. And that was AI generated. That's a deep fake. Yep. Absolutely.

I don't even look like that. Who is that woman? She wish she could be me. Her wig is crooked and all. I don't know her. Yeah. Mine is straight. I don't wear fake hair.

I don't. Those look like bundles. girl summer's coming what the hell are we gonna do what are we gonna do with our hair what what shoes are we gonna be running the streets in like girl do these things not matter everything matters everything matters but there's just too many recession indicators that's letting me know hey maybe i should slow down and not get crazy but oh i hear what you're saying yeah but i of course the way my fingers just like slip and press you know pay confirm it's confirmed payment confirm the payment you know the worst thing that happened to me the worst thing that happened to me

i should have brought i should have brought them to the pot maybe you would have um bought them off of me um i bought these cool ass jeans i've been waiting for them for weeks weeks weeks weeks weeks weeks weeks ask me if they fit me booty too big? everything

it's crazy like they're so cool what I'm so mad so the return policy non-existent

girl it took like a month for them to get here well they can wait a month to get them back no I want them now I need them now I don't have time

for this shit the world is ending I need my pants today they're my end of the world pants You're saying multiple things right now, right? You're talking about the recession, how money is la-da-da-da.

But then you're also talking about the world is ending. So blow all the money because it's ending or save all the money because it's a recession. What are you trying to do? Let me ask you, if it is apocalypse or whatever, would you try to survive or you would just be like, take me now, Lord. Take me to the king. Well, what's the apocalypse? Is it bombs? Is it zombies?

Is it aliens? It depends. Aliens, vampires, spiritual warfare, all that shit. Oh, sinners. Sinners, yeah. Oh, okay. I'm staying in the house for sure. I'm definitely not going to be like, come get me, motherfucker.

Like, I'm not doing that. I'm not, come on in. Did you see Sinners? I did. Finally. It was so fucking good. I want to watch it again. Okay, let's go see it.

It was amazing. yeah it was great Michael B. Jordan he did that first of all the acting throughout

for everybody I was let me just say this I went into that movie blind I didn't watch no trailers I didn't know what it was about I was like sinners

it sounded like maybe like a Mormon like a church thing I don't know the movie started I was like slaves I said

I'm not going to like this at all and then I'm watching it a little bit longer and I'm like twins You know I can't stand. What in the freaky Friday? When I saw the cotton, I almost flipped the fucking chairs.

I said, hey, hey, we don't need this no more. I don't want to see none of that shit. I don't want to see the plantation. Nope. I don't want to see the house. Nope. I don't want to see massive. Nope.

Every time I see that in a movie, a little bit of me dies. And I'm already dead inside. Oh, I was pissed. And then I was like. And you know who I was sitting next to? The Connors. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

You know, I was in Williamsburg, so they was all lined up just watching. The one guy, he fidgeted in. He came in late, and I said, what a nerve. And he was in his business slacks. I said, it's Saturday, sir. Like, do you look crazy? A business slack. He had on J. Crew to watch Sinners.

I said, he probably had no idea. And then he was on his Apple Watch the whole time. Excuse me. Bryson. I said, hey, do you need to take that meeting out there? Because we're watching this right now. This is historical. This is a historical moment right now.

Yeah. For Kugler and them. Yeah. Kugler and them. Kugler and them. I was very upset. Yeah. And then there was like two, I think they were LGBTQ people behind us just talking, talking, talking.

What they was talking about? Girl. The movie or their stuff? Honestly, it was giving a little bit of you, a little bit of Mina, a little bit of me. Oh, now you got a dose of your own medicine as sinners. It was fucked up. It was fucked up. I was so mad and I could not turn around and be like, hey, can y'all shut up?

Because I said, honestly, you is me, I is you. You want like this? I said, I have to give, I have to give them grace as I would want somebody to give me grace. Well, that's the wrong way to see sinners. You've got to see sinners with black people, you know, with like maybe a couple beige scattered amongst us. But I saw it in, I saw it on the Lower East Side and, you know, it was black people all up and through there. and stuff would happen and you would hear somebody

every once in a while be like, uh, uh, uh, now she know she wrong for that. Like it was a lot of that, but also we laughed

at all the same stuff and I don't know, it was a pleasant viewing experience and I definitely want to see the movie again. The people behind me, I like,

if I was with them, I might have been having a good time, but just hearing them in the back, because the one guy was like, Michael B. Jordan,

he could, I'll take stack in, I'll take stack in smoke choo-choo like they were saying they were being nasty it was like sir like we watching a movie you gotta take that outside it was giving freaky friday and he was trying to get freaky with smoke and stack yo when when she was drooling she was like you want some and the guy was like absolutely not so you have to shut the fuck up nah you say you seems like you watched the movie with a little extra seasoning.

I did not ask for that. But, you know, I took it. I took it. And I said, you know what? It's all about accepting people for who they are. And we want people to accept us. So I accepted them. But did I want to get up and turn around and say,

hey, we're not in your fucking house. I wanted to say that. But I said, you know what? My ancestors said, take a seat and let them be. Yeah. I've decided that I want to do that. I want to host a movie night, like in a theater or something, if possible, and talk through it. I want to host the night.

We can pick the movie, invite some of my funny, chatty friends. And, I mean, only I would have maybe a microphone. Everybody else would just use their diaphragm. And while we watched, I would just make commentary throughout the night. That's what Wyatt Cenac does. Does he still do that? I feel like once in a while Right, right, right

Well, I'm here to pick that up Yeah Do you know where he was doing it? At Nighthawk Okay, okay Nighthawk Nighthawk Yeah

The one in Williamsburg Yeah, it was cute But like, you know Obviously you would have a different spin on it And so Did you go? I did it You did it?

Yeah It's a comedy show Yeah, it's basically like It would be me, him and Don Will and we would but it was it's like old

old ass movies like black black exploitation movies it wasn't like of this time so a lot of random stuff that's happening that you're like

yo this is unnecessary like what are we doing here and then Max Witter did another show like that and it was pretty cool it was actually a small space that would be that you would like as well

it was like a little small but like four of us did it and then we would each have sections and then we would stop and then we would say shit in between

and it was good okay yeah yeah yeah yeah I wanna do it I would like to to get this organized

and do at least one for the summer and then maybe do another one if it goes well but yeah somebody sent me

they were like you gotta go to this black owned theater in New York and I was like well they already they already got people talking they don't really need me there um but but i'm gonna shoot them a

message and see if i can make it happen what is it called stewart cinema something like that okay i've never heard of it but i think it might be a cool way to sit in some ac and like spend two hours of our lives yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm down with that yeah um wait do we have any messages oh all right yeah we've been holding y'all hostage for i don't even know how long this episode has been oh this person said keep me anonymous please no why would we do that this is why we do that okay it says popping that puss for beyonce already we in we locked in love it living hi marie and sydney long time listeners since unofficial expert days so so happy you guys are back with mass you two are hilarious and i love seeing my fellow black women winning

Y'all deserve to be way more famous. Anywho. OK, period. Here's my mess. There's this man who has his own car washing and detailing business and he washes cars in the parking lot complex of my job. OK, he's got a business. He is CEO. He always waves and comes over to say hello and eventually began to ask me out on a date. But I never really paid him any mind because, one, I'm on the way into work and it's hot out here, even in the a.m. I live in Miami. And two, I don't know you and I'm not attracted to you. No shade. L.O.L.O.L. This went on for about four months. so about three months ago he noticed how the whole front bumper of my car was missing okay bitch how wait how he noticed your whole bumper was missing but you didn't yeah yeah yeah she said

he he happened to notice does the hill have eyes how do you not see how do you how did you not see that um okay he asked me if i needed help finding someone to get it fixed for me i said yes and within a week i had a brand new bumper on the car okay pull up to my bumper baby he asked me out again and i was still kind of giving him the runaround see this is what's wrong with y'all ladies now okay a good man come around giving you a bumper and you're like let me see what else is out there anyway fast forward three weeks later he noticed one of my tires is super low on air girl and before the day is up he came back with a new tire put it on for me three days later i see him in the lot and i said you know what hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah he's doing more for

what some of these miami hot boys are doing so let me see what's up have my first day with him this saturday he um let me give y'all a visual he's dark skinned okay top five teeth are gold missing a side tooth on the top okay sis you should have started with this because this is why you weren't talking to him wait no she wasn't talking to him because he was washing cars in the parking lot of her job no but the first top five teeth are gold and missing a side tooth that means they're all gold and then the one right after it is a space and then his regular teeth start that's crazy bottom five teeth are grills too but just go outlines of the teeth he's straight up Florida hood born and raised.

Did time in prison, X, Y, and Z. Yo. Girl. But, but. Huh? Did get your bumper within a week. Well, he was doing that in the pen. Working on cars.

Never mind. So he took me for a seafood boil. Okay, I'm in there with the crab legs. Let's go. Extra garlic butters. Had me meet some of his family and drove me around the hood all day. Oh. Okay, but I had a good time, not gonna lie,

because he got me hella weed to take home. Oh, we love it to go back. Girl, you a roundaway girl. Don't try to act all bougie and shit. You know you like all of this. Girl, I'm not hearing bougie. The tire was flat. The bumper was off.

Exactly. And you like your Hennessy neat, so stop it. I wanted to test something. So before the night was up, I let him know my birthday was coming up in about a week. He said, well, I gotta get you something, don't I? What do you want? And I said, well, I would really love to see Beyonce in Houston.

He said, yeah, I think I can handle that. Bitch, I wanted to go to Cowboy Carter tour. And I said I was going to go somehow, some way, even though I didn't know how I was going to pay for it. And look at God. Now, here's the thing. I'm not I'm not all that attracted to him, but he's really nice. he's not hideous but not that good looking either that's a conundrum right there not hideous you not really explaining but not really that good looking either so he medium ugly because hideous

is worse than ugly yeah so he medium ugly okay I really wish I continue I really wish I would include photos oh hold on now oh he told me today to look at the prices and let him know I looked up those prices on Ticketmaster and StubHub, and I said, baby! I'm absolutely gonna have to pop this pussy if he buys these tickets and flies us out to Houston for a long weekend. But, I really

really want to see Beyonce. I miss Renaissance, and I refuse to miss this. Is this mess, or just living? Love y'all. Here's a pic of me. I know how important pics are to y'all, but there's no pic of him, sis! You are cute. You're really, really cute.

Yeah, you deserve, sis. Um, so a man that's not that cute, but not ugly. No, no, no, no. Not hideous. He's not hideous. There's a difference. Yeah. Okay.

So a medium ugly dude wants to take you out of town for Cowboy Carter. You're going to have to pop some pee. Is that mess or just living? I'm going to say it's just living. Here's living. I think it's just living. But here's what the first of all, don't give don't pop the pee until you get to Houston. Pop it in Houston.

Pop it after the show. Pop it before the show? Because you got to get there. You got to see what seats y'all get. Because, like, if you get all the way there and you buy it. But I'm going to see the, you got to send me the tickets and all that information, the confirmation before I go to Houston, babe. Yeah, you right.

Right? Here's where the messy part of this is. Well, it's all messy. She didn't have no bumper. Here's the messiest. And he ain't got no teeth. Well, his teeth is the bumper. Okay.

There it is. Both of them missing grooves. Okay. Here's the messiest part of the whole situation. You don't like this man, but he is at the job. You're going to have to see this, that holy smile every time you go to work. Are you planning on leaving the job? Like, it's going to be impossible to dodge this dude if you don't want to do this with him after you get back.

He's going to see you every day. Hey, are you dodging Dick or dodging Beyonce? say. It's one or the other. Either you dodging dick or you dodging a diva. That's what it is. There it is. He ain't no diva. He ain't no diva.

What you gonna do? What would you do? These hips and this and him and I and taste what mine. I don't know. Back in the day, I mean, I pop pee for less. So, yeah, let's go.

If it's a good time, what's the problem? Hot pee for B. You're young. I mean, she looks young. She's living her life. I think she should, like, hang out with him more before she goes to Beyonce. I do think that. Like, but this problem is, is that you hang out with him, right?

Then you really don't like him. Then you got to go to Houston, have a good time, and then really not want to give it up. Yeah. We need an escape plan out of this situation. Like, can he send you to Beyonce and then you never see him again? Like, if he if he send you to Beyonce, can you like. Actually, girl, I'm not going to say that. Girl, who the fuck is doing that?

Oh, if you want to go. Here you go. Have fun. Bring whoever you want. Who's doing that? She didn't want to bring herself. So solo trip. Hey, girl, I got you the tickets.

Have fun in Houston. Or he goes to Houston, but he doesn't come to the show. He's there, but he not there. My girl was like, oh, you know what I mean? Because I was telling her, I was like, you know, because, you know, I wasn't with my friends on my my birthday. And, you know, they probably felt a way about that. She's like, well, you could have you could have gone to Brazil with with with your friends. I would have paid for it.

I said, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Get the hell you. Then why didn't you say that? Right. Why do you propose that? And what she said? Also, baby, I'm saying this for the pot.

You know, I'm exaggerating things. So, you know, this is for the story. I don't need you texting me later like, hey, that's not how to. Hey, this is for the people. Hey, this is creative license. I have to provide for the pod. That is my job. Right.

It's in the LLC. Provide for the pod. So what's the advice? Is she going to, do you want to kiss him? I think that's what I need to know. Like you described what his teeth and stuff look like. Is this somebody that you want to kiss? That, he's going to need a, he's going to have to sleep and mouthwash.

Well, we don't know what his breath is giving, his teeth look like, we just know he's missing one and the rest are gold. Hey, where's the missing tooth? There's probably gingivitis. There's, a lot of things is wrong, I'm sure. And you're wearing grills? Oh, hell no. There's no way it, there's no way it tastes good.

She's going to be sucking on pennies. Ooh, and? Something else? Penny Zampine. I don't know. Girl. I think, but the thing is, it's like, you should hang out with him one more time before y'all go to Beyonce. But, like, keep it light.

Keep it cute. Don't hook up, obviously. Try to avoid that. And then get to Houston. Have a good time. Give it up if you want to. If you don't, then it'd be like, yo, thank you for Beyonce. But I'm good.

And make sure you have enough money to, if he, like, cancels shit, cancels a hotel, all that stuff, you could get out. Yeah. That's a good plan. And also, maybe, do you have any friends in Houston? Because you got to have a friend. You got to have somebody where, like, just in case something go down. A backup. Like.

Emergency contact. Yeah. If you can, maybe get on a hinge, change your location to Houston. So then if anything goes up, you already got something lined up. Ew. That weekend. That's messed. But also, she's keeping you alive.

Okay? Change your location to Houston. Yeah. Or a hinge. Uh-huh. I'm not mad at it. I'm really not. love wow um all right well keep on sending us your mess and thank you i appreciate you sending

us a photo but i really wanted a picture if you can if you could just send us an email of that man and then also let us know about how houston goes if you go with him okay yep and this is messy because he might be listening mess okay because somebody this is what he listens to when he's back there at the detailing cars and that's definitely our demo somebody who got some grills dark skin missing a side tooth hey cousin that's

what you mean that's our demo that's our relative our demo is cute very very cute don't put that on them hey cousin all my cousins

got all they teeths oh god oh my as well come on Frank anyway don't forget to keep sending us your mess and if you have any

opinions on anything that you heard today share it yes we love when you you know comment on Spotify and you know reviews

you know we had one bad review oh what'd he say I'll read it at the next the next episode actually okay we'll come back to mess so you can

you know hear the bad one hear the bad one bye mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by

Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast created and hosted by Sydney Washington and marie faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588