MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - God's Favorite (Just Marie)

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

Welcome back, or for first-timers, welcome!! To Season TWO of MESS. This week, Sydnee and Marie have a very special, jam-packed, MESSY episode for you. The two catch you Messties up on Marie's birthday extravaganza and the London trip of a lifetime.  Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're listening to mess okay second season whoa strong coming in chaotic and strong yeah girl tell them what happened um well you know i'm i'm more late than usual uh dealing with a i don't even know if i want to know if it's a bug or um someone put a hex on me or it could just you know, taking five-hour energy shots, you know, a couple days in a row. It could have been that. So you're sick? Yeah. You did your hair today? I tried to do a

little wand situation. Girl, your hair truly has never looked better. Are you sick? I am. Now, when you're sick and you laying in bed, is the wig in the bed? Marie, I know you've been waiting for me, but take it easy.

Take it easy on me. I know you've been waiting. Yes, I have been waiting, but Your hair looks so great. It don't look like girl hair. It was in the bed with me as well. So you got out the bed and did your hair. I did. And then got in the car.

I did. I have nausea pills with me. I've just, I haven't been able to hold anything down. Yeah, so I'm skinny. Let me hold you down. Well, I'm here to hold you down for the pod. If anybody, if anybody's nauseous, I got you. You've already taken five of these.

Yes, girl. How many, like, how does it work? How many milligrams is this? I don't know, but I've just been throwing up since yesterday. And I had a podcast yesterday with Stravos in all the way from Boondocks, Queens. Did you throw up in Queens? I threw up before Queens and then violently after. Well, yeah.

Queens would make me sick to my stomach as well. No shade to the Queens girls. Queens gets it. I used to be on Jamaica Avenue with y'all. So let me comb my hair. Well, we have video now, full video. So, yeah, they should get to see you in all your glory. They should see me with my good bangs.

Yes. I am not sick, but my hair looks it. No, it doesn't. This is actually coming out today. It looks so good. Yeah, no, I don't. I can't scratch my scalp properly. It's got to go.

I thought you were taking it out already. I was planning, but I was like, but what am I going to? Yeah. You know, I have stuff to do and I haven't made a single appointment, but I am going to go look at some hair today. Okay, you're looking at some hair. Yeah, I'm going to go buy it. Okay, okay.

I'm going to buy some bundles today. All right. If all goes well. Everything is going well, okay? There's no way that you can be unwell as unwell as I am. You're doing great. So should we unpack how you're sick or what got you sick? Marie, we are here about you, okay?

And this was the emergency episode because so much has transpired. So much has happened. Yes. Wow. Thank you for keeping me on task. Yes. We don't want to bore them with my foolishness. Let's get into it.

Okay? Right. We had a birthday bash. It was phenomenal. We had a birthday party. The mullet was there. And, yeah, I had a good time. I don't think that I was as lit as I wanted to be, but everybody around me seemed to be

either pretty high or pretty drunk. No, wait. Hold on. Wait. What do you mean you weren't as high? or lit, as you would want to be. I felt like I was pretty sober at my birthday, actually. I think I had like two drinks.

I lost one of them when you bought the cake out. I gave it to a girl. And then after I blew the blunt candle out, I was like, where's my drink? And literally when the photographer sent me the photos, I went back and I was looking at, I have the glass here. Here it is in this other girl's hand. And then I never saw the glass again.

So that. Okay. But, yeah, I don't know. I feel good. I think birthdays are supposed to be, you know, the day that you do what makes you feel good and you're around people who make you happy. Absolutely. Somebody did ask Amina, why wasn't I invited to Marie's 40th?

Amina said, what? She said, what? She said, well, she had a party, so it must have been her 40th. No. And I said, whoa. Who hates you for saying that? I said, wow, first of all, you skipped so many decades. to land there

is hate speech. Yes, fully. I mean, geez louise. A gal can't have a party? Can't have a blast? Yeah, I mean, it was like,

well, we went to Morocco for her birthday last year. Exactly. And no one said anything about that. 10 days would have been like, you must be 40. 10 days?

Right. Nobody said that. Nobody said that. But I have a little party with a light up floor and people are like, she got an AARP card now. Must be.

And you know, they tried to get me on there, you know? the scammers they try to get me on AARP and I don't belong there either so it's no nice

it's no nice so next year I'm going to have an even bigger party and people are going to think I'm 50 so yeah

I love that yeah you can't go wrong yeah yeah yeah hopefully I'll have like a big sexy loft or something I'll have it at my house

for my close friends we're putting it it's in the universe again we have to get merch that's God's favorite and in parentheses, just Marie, because everything works out for you and you will have that loft. There's already a brand. It's called God's Favorite.

I know, but this one is in parentheses, just Marie. So people have all these God's favorites out there, but you truly, truly top five. Well, let's talk about it because, you know, I went to London and I said, I feel like this trip is going to be like a really great trip. you know yes i i said i always have a good time when i go i i know i'm gonna have a great time you need a better time so i stayed in a different hotel but like same block that i always stay on and um when i got to the hotel they um oh first of all from the beginning of the trip everything was looking real good for me yes the box that i was waiting on with my clothes got delivered before i had to leave my house right before nick of time just in the nick of time um i left my house late

Got to the airport Went through security In literally 10 minutes I mean when do you not You have pre-check You But I had But you know pre-check

We're in priority Pre-check closes after a certain time At the airport Who knew That's a mess Who knew they could just go TSA pre-check What y'all gotta do

What y'all gotta do On any day That isn't a day that Pre-check works Like if it's open It should be open 24 hours I believe It really didn't make any sense

But they were there when i got there um my driver was very slow i did ask him to step on it and i think he slowed down he was like because i couldn't check in on my phone so i had to check in at the desk oh i had to drop a bag okay so that's where the drama so i was scared but i made it and then i got to the gate i said is it a full flight because i was in the middle seat and they were like no it's not full and they bumped me up to the row that had no seats in front of it and i said Look at God. Look at God.

Okay, come on. We are getting these t-shirts. Just Marie, okay? Just Marie. I don't know. I feel like you want a God's face. Oh, no. No.

This is, I've honestly, I've had food poisoning so many times. Yeah. This is not food poisoning. I'm positive that this isn't food poisoning because food poisoning, I'm able to shake. I went to the beach. I went to the beach with food poisoning. I was throwing up out of my mouth and my butt, and I still managed to go to the beach with y'all in Tulum. This is something completely different.

So what we think it is, sis? My body is fully rejecting everything, anything. The reason why I was taking five-hour energy shots, because once you get to the point of sobriety, You're like, what is so close to cocaine, but not cocaine that just feels like, oh, I'll be able to sleep at night knowing that I didn't relapse. And that was what a five hour shot was for me. A five hour energy feel like cocaine? I want the feeling of like being able to be up and doing things without the feeling of cocaine. Yeah.

Without feeling like cracker, you know. so yeah I took those it started when I was in Vegas because I was like ooh live in La Vida, Vegas

I'm gonna have these late spots I don't understand so much judgment coming from the mullet ooh so much judgment from the bang

yeah let me the bang is doing a weird thing I'm trying to split it should I part it down the middle please don't

Marie I I cannot listen Y'all not here for a stringy bang. Oh, listen. And that was me when I was in the club back in the day. Oh, when I was.

Oh, girl, we saw the pictures of you in the shower. Oh, yes. When I was like, you know what? If I just swoop it all the way to the side, you won't notice that this was actually a blunt Nicki Minaj bang the whole time. Oh, you just chopped it. Did you cut it yourself? No. No, don't play me like that.

I don't know. I didn't know you back in the day. I was not DIY at that time at all. You watched a YouTube tutorial. No, I was like, somebody else will do it. I went all the way to Long Island and got my hair done. I would get a sew-in at that time. So really good hair quality, sew-ins.

Obviously, I was able to be in the showers in Pachita. So, yeah. Anyway, so I land in London. And they don't give me no stamp. I feel like some of these countries don't give stamps no more in the passport. Girl, you live there. Why would they give you a stamp when you're basically a resident? The last time I went, they gave me a stamp because I did six shows.

So I guess you had to be like, I'm here for work. Didn't even, nobody asked me no questions. Nobody said, where are you going to be? I mean, maybe I just skipped customs completely. Nobody spoke to me. No, that's when you come back. They also, when I came back, they didn't ask me nothing. I was like, do I have global entry?

I walked through so fast. I think I have a stamp from when I went to London last time. Yeah, last time they stamped me. This time nobody even touched my passport. But they said the stamps are out now. They're not going to be doing that. It's all going to be in the system. I'm going to fill these pages, though.

Yeah, that's done, sis. You might as well just get the passport card. Okay, so now you touched down in London. I took a car to my hotel. Of course. It takes an hour and change. Oh, I bumped into Jake Cornell. Oh, yes, he was doing it.

Right, I bumped into him. His flight left an hour before me. My flight landed an hour early. I don't know how, but we landed an hour early, and me and him were walking out to get a cab at the same time. God's Favorite Jess Marie. That's the title because I swear to God. I think we jumped on a jet stream or something.

I don't know. But like, I was like, oh, we teleported an hour early is crazy. Never heard of that. Not going to London. Usually it's like late, at least like 25. Nope. Girl, we left on time. We got there an hour early.

So my hotel, I get there. They're like, oh, your room is not ready. It's like 1.15. They're like, it'll be ready by 3. I was like, by 3? I said, what am I supposed to do until that time? They were like, well, you know, you get something to eat. There's a bar here.

I was like, all right. So I left my bags with them. I went across the street. I went and got something to eat, right? I don't even remember what I ate. I come back. Room is ready. I'm upstairs.

Right before I, after I take a shower, right before I take a nap, I'm like, let me jump on Hinge, see what Hinge talking about. Because I said, bitch, we don't give a fuck what you ate. We don't care about the lobby. We don't care about your sheets. what is up give us why we're here right so this guy

I had changed my location to London a week before the trip you gotta be ahead of it you gotta be ahead of it cause it it filters out kind of the riff raff

for that first couple days and then when you get to the nitty gritty that's when people you know what I'm saying your king your prince your highness

your highness my lord my lord so this guy really nice smile here I'll show you cause I don't think you saw his profile

no but no you sent me a picture no I think you sent me pictures from his profile okay boom so Sydney saw the profile but you can show me again so I can get them

refresh they need to see how I was like oh y'all so this is that's what he looks like nice smile you know

he's giving AI hey this is a good fucking photo I mean that's why that photo is first he's like hey if you're

look at that arm now I know those are stamped those arms are stamped baby Good God. Those arms stemmed my passport.

Does he work out with your sister? Girl, I don't know who he is. Oh, he's in overalls. The ash gosh be gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. Is that guy Cavs? Is he a soccer player?

Probably. Bitch. This is good. Very nice. So. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. For the video.

So, he's like, hey, if you're free tonight or tomorrow and you want to go see some jazz, we can go to this place or this place. I love that Jazz in London Jazz Jazz Jazz Or it could be Love Jones

Boom boom boom Boom boom boom Brother to the Night Is that alright You remember that No That's fine Anybody who knows the movie knows what I'm talking about

Is that alright Yeah I think I just saw that movie for the first time this year Did you like it? i don't remember the movie really he actually kind of looks like no i'm kidding joking okay okay anyway yeah so i say yeah i said yeah let's go let's do tonight mind you already had plans for that night i was gonna go see music with another with another friend but i was like yeah i could probably i could do too much music never hurt nobody so um yeah i and then i

went to sleep i went to sleep i woke up i had two dates booked for that night you have to rest Right. I mean, I was tired. I just flew across the floor. Just flew in. Yeah. You know, I slept for like an hour. Hang out with my friend.

And he's texting me. Hey, what time are we meeting? Da-da-da-da-da. I get to the place. I don't have no service for whatever reason. When he was texting me. Wait, you don't have any service because your phone is still... No, I had an eSIM.

Okay. So I had service the whole time I was in London. But while he was waiting for me at the place, I didn't have... I had no service. So wait, so you had service, but your bubbles were green. Yeah. Sis, I had service for WhatsApp and Google Maps and social media. Just the important things.

I can't text. Your bubbles were green. Somebody was like, did Marie get an Android? I did not. That was almost as hurtful as somebody calling me, you know, a woman of a particular age. So anyway, I meet him. He's sitting like right at the bottom front of the stage. I was like, oh, that's aggressive.

But we had a good time. He was cute. He smelled good. The arms was arming. Yeah, no, I see it. I mean, I think those greeted you first. It was definitely his teeth. He has really nice teeth.

Damn. Smile might be nicer than mine. No, I don't believe that. They are nice. I think it goes with the whole face. But you have an amazing smile. So no one's better than yours. Girl, the place that we went to see jazz was like around the corner from my hotel.

I was like, do you want to take a walk? And he was like, yeah. He said, well, let's just get my car. I was like, it's literally, it said it's a four-minute walk or a five-minute drive. And he was like, no, let's get my car. I was like, oh, okay. You know the car is good. If somebody's like, I need you to see my car, it's a good car.

It's a great car. I was like, okay. We get to the car, a little Jag. You know, a little, I said. Yeah, the Jag. A little Jag. I said, oh, I haven't seen one of these in a while. This is a classic.

Of course, I walked to the wrong side of the car. He like, no, no, no, it's this side. You've never been in a Jag before? No. I've never been in an English Jag. Okay. It was giving James Bond? Kind of, sort of, yeah.

Okay. It was kind of sexy, actually. His music cuts on. Sydney, first of all, the song that was playing was called Pussy Reaper. Stop it. Stop it. Have you heard of this? Pussy Reaper?

I said, what is this? People, the name of the artist, Toxic Chemistry. I said, is this you? Is this you? We might, that actually might need to be the title. That might need to be the title. Toxic Chemistry is the name of the song. Okay, wait, no, that, that, because I was like, Pussy Reaper?

No, Toxic Chemistry. Oh, not Pussy Reaper, Coochie Reaper. Oh, because I was like, that's, I'm the Coochie Reaper. I was like, what? I don't like that. I said, what is this song? But that's what was playing for the five minutes that it took for us to drive back to the hotel. Okay, here we go.

You found Coochie Reaper? that's the intro you didn't tell me that on the phone girl because i was like that on the phone i was like what it was like funny but also i was like what is happening i'm the coochie reaper loud no no wait sound wait toxic chemistry is definitely it's definitely the title for sure Coochie Reaper is insane

that would be an ick for me cause that I don't know it did give ick a little bit that's a little ick Coochie Reaper

Coochie Reaper how many if you say Coochie Reaper in the mirror three times does he pop up I don't know I'm gonna try okay keep going

keep going so that's what's playing we get back to my hotel room and you know like we're making out and da da da da da what he taste like what he taste like

he tasted like beans and toasts shut the fuck up you're a liar what kind of drink did he have uh he had um i think he had a margarita a margarita now that's also an ick jazz and margaritas don't go really yeah i i would think like an old-fashioned maybe you know um makers mark manhattan no i think i think it was a margarita it was like a certain type of margarita but I think it was it might have been a mezcal margarita but it was

oh mezcal cause you know what that unlocks something else the coochie reaper so I'm like is this your sex playlist now is this medicine girl

I was like is this your sex playlist we in the car cackling we get upstairs I have a speaker with me I said put your sex playlist on that's the song

that Toxic Chemistry's Top Hits is playing while we in the room I'm in my head about it I'm like this is weird this is weird this is weird

Guys, I don't know if anybody's listening, but guys, specifically straight men, Coochie Reaper is an ick and it's a mess. Yeah. It's funny for us as friends. It's funny, comedy, but like just linguistically, Coochie Reaper is, because Coochie is gross in terms of if somebody's like, ooh, what that Coochie doing? Like, I don't want to hear that. Yeah, but Coochie is classier than pussy. Oh. Pussy Reaper is worse.

I don't know. But Coochie Reaper feels like, okay, this person, they don't curse in front of their mom. You know what? You're right. You're right. Because I don't want to, actually, I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear the P word and I don't want to hear Coochie when we're having sex. But like, use the other word.

Use your words. Like, oh. You don't want to hear Coochie. What word do you want to hear when you're having sex? Is it mine? Okay. It's wet. Sorry.

I apologize. This is a lot. Apologies. apologies sorry sorry dad um okay forget about next what so okay so y'all kissing it's getting hot and heavy I said do you have a condom he does not I don't what do I look like what do you mean what do you look like you look like a woman on the go right exactly you're you sound like a woman who's who would put your pussy first right yes but if I don't have condoms then I can't have sex with you okay and I love that for me it's kind of like but like if you got him it's like

Oh, okay. Well, let's see what happens. But I don't travel with them. I don't have them. I've never bought condoms in my life. You're a liar. Me? I've never purchased a condom in my life.

Why not? Because if you're the man, you should have them. That should be in your tool kit. Yes, but sometimes we got to take the power back and have the condom money. A hundred percent. I get that, but I'm just saying, I'm not Samantha Jones in that way. Okay. They not falling out my purse.

All right, so she don't have no condoms. So now we got to go find some. But not you on the journey now for the condo. Making our way downtown, and we're walking on the wrong side of the street. Of course. But he's like, I got them at my house. I said, oh. He said, by the time we get them at the store, we could have already been at my house.

I said, oh. Girl, now this is another thing. He got to show you the car. He got to show you the house. That's how flexing goes. I said, oh, we back in the chat. Let's go back, man. Sit in the car, but don't touch nothing.

Sit in the car. and don't touch nothing. Either we live in or I'll see you tomorrow. Okay. Well, girl, we loved. Okay. I got to the house.

Nice, clean, washer, dryer, townhouse. He got the whole whatever. And it's just him. Of course. He's a grown up. He's the coochie reaper. You can't be the coochie reaper.

You cannot say this. We've hit the quota for the coochie reaper. Cindy, you cannot be the coochie reaper and have a roommate. But why does he have a townhouse? That just feels like

a lot of space. Uh, I don't know. I didn't ask that question. I just was like, oh, this is nice. Everything was clean. It wasn't no dishes in the sink. Ah, ah, now that is mess. That's mess when you're, like, trying to impress,

and it's like, it looks like those dishes been there for days. Nothing was in the sink? He had a dishwasher. No, I think he washed them by hand. Oh, even hotter. Manual? Oh, they don't make them like that anymore, sis.

Not that I would know. you know that's not that's that's not even my category anymore but I'm saying I've never heard a girl say oh I was at this guy's house he was washing dishes by hand you know yeah I mean I didn't even know men knew how to wash dishes the way that maybe that is weaponizing their incompetence but now the vibe has changed we're not listening to toxic chemistry no more we're listening to I don't know like a melange that means mix in French we're listening to a mix of like kind of like just like vibey stuff and it's much sexier it's much elevated it's much like oh this is nice girl listen when i tell you i'm gonna go back to the house and i'm gonna see

what this coochie reaper playlist is talking about please send it to your boo oh no she already has she has a really good playlist but it's very like love like but um yeah i want to hear what coochie reaper is talking about okay well i just it felt like two completely different dates well what happened in my hotel versus what happened at his house it felt like two completely different it made it better it was i was like this is what it should have been the whole time okay so maybe was it something like this hold on yes did he wish you there yes okay so what do you take your clothes off or he takes them off for you i think he helped me take my clothes off am i damn i gotta turn this off this is too much should we shut some candles yeah he might have lit a candle it was a little

lamp it was ambient it was nice oh my god i'm sorry i'm sick i'm about to throw up please don't throw up i'm about to throw up in a good way okay so we help you take your clothes off what were you what was i wearing i was wearing these like long oversized corduroy pants um I'm like, she, you don't want to have this white shirt on, actually. And I had on, I don't know, I had on stuff that was kind of casual because I changed out of my clothes when I got back to my hotel. So did you cancel the other meeting? No, I was with my friend.

I hung out with her. You hung out with her first and then met everyone else. I hung out with her first. We watched a bunch of professional background singers do karaoke, essentially. It was really dope. It was really, really cool. like good singers of course

okay we've got to put that in the dump it was just like good singers singing like if I was a boy like whatever and me being in the audience

like yeah hello hello hello but you know when like somebody who can sing can sing

they like kind of change it a little bit you know what I mean yes they'll sing like I'm getting out of your shit yeah they like

put their own little like their little pizzazz on it so it was a couple people doing that it was really it was it's every wednesday well i obviously i can't sing but no you would have killed it at the mic okay all right so your clothes we did that right anyway sydney we hooked up it was beautiful i was like is this it felt like whoo like i needed that right up top i needed that something to take the edge off

girl ah nice okay so did you did you spend the night no no you got up and went and left yeah I think I left I left this that would have happened and been in the bed like so you just gonna go I had stuff to do so I went back I went back home he dropped me off and that night you had stuff to do I had to be up in the morning I had stuff to do I don't even remember what the what all the details were but I had to get back to back to the crib honestly that is that's hot too when you have something to do and it's like you're not just saying because when you spend the night with somebody and then they just act like okay so this is my day now that's no that's gross also he had he he wears a lot of jewelry he had left a bunch of jewelry at the hotel so he needed

to get his stuff okay so that's truly the real reason why i was like all right well let's go so that was the first night that i was in london right girl that's you're starting so high that i'm like can it get better girl so then i had i had shows he had asked me what i did i told i was a comedian he wanted to come i said no not to the first show because i need to figure out the set but i talked about him the second show happens i talk about him about him at the second show too they in the crowd like is he here london was wet for this information same um right now and then so he was like how about i come to the show on saturday uh-huh and then we spend the night together and then we can do brunch on sunday i'll take you to the flower market and we can girl this

is giving love jones we can go to the cinema have you been to the cinema in london i was like no what happened bitch wait hold up so he goes to the show obviously you kill he's obsessed he comes to the show

I tried to talk about him but knowing he was there made me not really want to talk about him so I mentioned him and then didn't talk about him it was a bunch of people

who listened to the pod that were at the shows in London shout out to them hey messies overseas our UK mess yeah Sydney they said you have to come

you gotta come back we should do a mess live in the UK 100% that would be nice they got mess out there I'm about to tell you the rest of mine

So we spend all Sunday together Me and this man We go to the movies We see the new Leonardo DiCaprio Tiana Taylor join It's cute, we're having a good time The movie ends He walks me back to my hotel

We say our goodbyes He's like damn He said I'm going to miss you for real And I was like Now Marie As a Haitian queen How did you feel about that? I was like yeah

I feel like you should I feel like we had a nice little connection, you know? It felt like, why would you not miss me? You know what I mean? Now, but what about you? I was like, I'll be back. I'll be back. When I tell you, I would tuck my dick in so quick and be like, well, nice meeting you.

Bye. You saying, I'll be back. I'll be back. Like your fucking dad. I'll be back, kids. No worries. Then I'd never come back. But I'm in London.

I love London. And meeting him was like, oh, now when I come back here, I hit him on the one set. Right? but he was like you should really come back for the holidays um Europe

during the Christmas season is really really nice like we can go to the holiday he's like making plans for us in the future you got a boyfriend you basically he said you have to come

for the holidays which is like you know family lights trees girl you married hold on

hold on so he he leaves he leaves and I'm like damn I'm hungry Like, I should go get something to eat. And there was this place.

There's this place called Duck and Waffle. And it's like a 24-hour diner. And it's supposed to be really, really good. And the last two times I've been in London, I haven't been able to go. So I was like, I'm going. Right? I still got all my clothes from the movies. But, you know, I look cute.

I get to Duck and Waffle. They say, hey, we're closed. We're not open 24 hours on Sundays. I was like, what? That's insane. Why would you do that? While they're talking to me, this white lady comes up. Do you have a lighter?

have you got a light i did i gave it to her she goes outside the guy the man at the front desk is like yeah you go to sushi samba they still open for 15 more minutes hey first of all i'm not getting last minute sushi at the end of the night yeah the skimpy ass tempura no i'm girl sad shrimp nah so i'm like he's like if you're going you gotta go now you gotta go now but i'm like i want my lighter back yeah the lady's outside with my lighter talking to these three black dudes i said well let's see so i walk over there and they're super tall six six six four six three i'm like girl can i get my lighter back she gives it to me they hear my accent they say oh american i said i'm from new york one of them is from virginia one of them is from oakland the

third one is from um london so we're laughing and talking to each other they're like you got to come out with us tonight you coming out so they kidnapped you i said no they literally you're coming with us, girl. They kind of did kidnap me, but I let them kidnap me because I was like, they're all very attractive. They're all dressed very well.

I think I'll be okay. They're like, we're getting in a cab. We're going to Soho. Come get a drink. Now, Marie, that's mess. So you're saying

kidnappers can't dress? Yeah, if they dress bad, that's the kidnapper. If they fashionable, if he's, he had on a tweed coat. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't seen a movie

with a kidnapper in a tweed coat. That's what happened. Exactly. No Jack the Ripper there. No. You're right. Okay.

So also it was like we jumping in a cab, like one of these like black taxis in London. You know, the classic Mr. Bean joints. That are very expensive. Right. It's like $5, like, every second. I'm like, they not going to kill me. This ride is too expensive. Right.

So we get to Soho. Because they're so tall, we walked in. Everyone thought that they were, like, professional athletes and or celebrities. So everybody's in love with them. The men stopping them to take pictures. The women, the white women throwing themselves at these dudes. This is insane. Sydney, it was crazy.

And it's just me. It's me and three people that actually was four dudes because a fourth friend came. I don't know these people. I don't know anybody's name, but they like, they buying drinks. And if anything, they should have thought that you were the celebrity because there's all these security guards guarding you. Right. Thank you. Thank you, Sydney.

That's how I see it. A woman's perspective. Anyway, that club closes. We go to another place. We pick up a girl along the way. Because you got to. Well, yeah, because, you know, she sees the material. She sees what they're doing.

And they're just, the group is getting bigger. So it's like me, these four guys, and now it's two other women. Cute girls. Cute girls. We go to this other bar in Soho. They buying drinks. They're like, it's 10 pounds to get in. There's a lady at the front door.

She's upset. She don't want to pay to get in. The guys on the way, they're like, that's nothing. 10 pounds? 10 pounds? I think that's like 12. That's pennies to them. I think that's like 12 or 15 US dollars.

He was like, we got that. They pay. They're buying drinks. We still taking shots. Now we're going to a third location Marie, y'all are on tour Mind you, I still need to eat Sis, on an empty stomach?

You wasn't full from Mr. You know, Lorenz Tate over there? Well, he didn't feed me He made me breakfast He cooked me breakfast that morning He made you breakfast, Marie? He did, he made me breakfast He said, have you had a proper English breakfast yet?

I was like, no So he made me eggs and beans and toast It sounds like you're the penis reaper I'm the penis anyway he cooked for me but that was it yeah that was hours upon hours ago the sun has set by now so we in this third club they don't want to let us in because all the girls got on sneakers you can't get in because of the trainers so what were you wearing i had the i had these sneakers on but they didn't but those weren't trainers they were like these are sneakers that's what

they call but you said they didn't want to let the girls in like it was the girls and not you All of us, all three of us had on sneakers. And they're like, you can't come in with the trainers. And one of the guys I'm with is like, listen, we about to go in there and spend a lot of money. What do we need to do to get them in? They like. They shaking ass with their hands out. They buying bottles.

They got the sparklers. Oh, my God. That's me my whole life. That's Cynthia. Bottle girls. They buying bottles. Oh, my God. I'm dancing on the booth.

They bring food out. I don't even know what it is. Rib tips, pork dicks. Rib tips at the club? I have no idea what it was. At 2 a.m., sis? That's crazy. Barbecue chicken bites.

I have no idea. For your stomach? That's insane. Girl, I'm tequila here and then little chicken riblets or whatever giblets in my mouth. I did like one of the dudes, but one of the other dudes liked me instead. You had your eye on the tweed. I had my eye on the tweed. Because you got good taste.

Well. And then, you know, the one with the skinny jeans was looking at me. So I was like. Sis, you kept calling him Despicable Me, and I could not stop laughing. And then I was like, no, no, no. He had a turtleneck on, so he reminded me of Frozone from The Incredibles. Yes. He had a turtleneck, a vest, and skinny jeans.

And he looked exactly like him. Evil villain, Chelsea pointy boots. Yes. So then what'd you do? You posted him online. I did. But only in the stories. So you had 24 hours to see that mess.

Okay. so then what happened with that you both i think somebody sent it to him because he he liked it wait show me his page girl i don't follow him he don't follow me either though so god is good but he did see the post um so he like i'm going back with you i said oh i said well worst comes to worst i gotta ride back to my hotel yeah you know what give it up for these uk niggas who are super aggressive and they they know what they want they're like yeah you coming with us I'm going with you yeah I'm leaving here I'm leaving here with something yeah like that's crazy it was like four o'clock in the morning and we stumbling back to the hotel and yo the people at the front desk

like well well well they were watching me make out with this dude for a whole week and now this other guy come anyway whatever so those american girls really know how to get them huh you'll be my american love so yeah but he's lit he's lit i'm tired i'm leaving the next i'm literally leaving the next day i'm texting you on whatsapp see this i made a mistake yo you sent me the pictures i could not stop crying because him in your bed just mad comfortable sleep i said How could he be a doctor? And then that's the other thing. He's also a doctor.

He missed work. Somebody was coming for their annual checkup. They're like, whoa, you're just not getting checked today. Somebody was getting their gallbladder removed and eating. He's like, because when I met him, he was like, yeah, I got to be up at five. How are we getting back to my hotel at four? Also, sir, you're wasted. You're fucking wasted.

You're blasted. You don't even know what day it is. And then you're going to go to work like that? Girl, fully. Smelling like mezcal? Girl, fully, fully drunk. That is a mess. Yeah.

So, you know, we were hanging out. We were hooking up. But all again, it was like deja vu. I said, do you have a condom? Yo, bitch, that's your opening line. And honestly, more of you girls need to be like Reezy, okay? Do y'all have a condom? Cardi B?

No. Oh. Actually? Cardi? Cardi? Is she? party um but he did not so i was like cool bye good night i went i went to sleep for a couple hours woke up he gets up he's like i'm gonna go i'm gonna go find some condoms i said you

you know what i love the initiative that these people are taking and you you are that good they they get up they jump up out of the girl jumped up probably still drunk and i was like well when he leave i'm just gonna he's not gonna remember my room number he doesn't have my number he Before he leaves, he's like, okay, what's your number so we can, in case we get disconnected. Girl, he's a doctor. He's all about taking the notes. He took my number, and then he was like, and then what's the room number? And I was like, I'm going to throw up.

This is killing me right now. I was like, well, I don't have to open the door when he comes back. He's like, I'm leaving my coat in here so you know I'm coming back. So you're going out in the cold for the condoms? Man, sir, you're just too thirsty. Just too thirsty. Girl, the condoms kept him warm. Girl, girl, what doctor, what's his name?

So I know, hey, I ain't never seen him in the U.K. Girl. I don't want him nowhere near my esophagus. Well, I mean, I don't know how great of a doctor he is when he shows up. But when I posted him in the stories, people were like, oh, I know him from TV. And I was like, okay. So he's not a real doctor. Dr. Oz.

He's a doctor influencer or something like that. Yeah, but he's actually, I don't know. I haven't been to his offices. I wouldn't know. Okay. Anyway, he does come back. He comes back. He went to your office, though.

You were, ooh, ooh. Listen, I did have my annual. Check, check. Check and check. Check, check. But yeah, yeah, yeah. It was cool, you know. I showered.

Wow. After. He slept in my bed for like an hour and a half. And I was like, yo, I have to check out. You got to get out of here. We have to go. Yeah. And he was like, have you had a proper English breakfast?

And then he took me across the street. marie you were so unserious you wasn't trying to go nowhere you wasn't trying to go home didn't he to ask you you want to extend your trip he did ask me to extend my trip he said i'm very spontaneous i said listen um i'm not extending my trip hey sir as a doctor you cannot be spontaneous you really need to be by the books okay yo i'm gonna call hippo on it Do they got hip-hop in the U.K.? I don't know. Hip-hop-ah.

Hip-har. Hip-har. But, yeah, he was like, yeah, I'll get you a new flight. I said, well, I'm flying first class back, so you have to get me a first class seat back. He said, all right, all right. He said, I'll do it. I was like, no. We go across the street, and it's the same place I went when I got there.

The woman recognized me. The woman is like, welcome back. he go how many are your niggas you had in here i'm like girl you know i do now just sit me give me give me that table that i got my usual you are bitch how you be a regular you're there for how many days girl i was there for a week you already a regular yo in a week she was like welcome back in i was like oh girl i barely remembered the lady and that's mess i just want to let you know ladies when you're working hostesses maitre d's whatever you are if you see a gal come in with multiple niggas you don't know her you don't know her you have never seen her in

your day oh welcome first time yes that's exactly what you're supposed to say that's a girl's girl that's a girl's girl no anything other than that you're a hater you're an op you're not and be trusted you're goofy you were up she said welcome back doofus i walked and she said it that's some doofus ass shit yeah but he was like he was like yeah we're gonna do two english breakfasts breakfasts and and then he ordered a tequila i said is that a joke why would you get a tequila marie we have to report him i'm not i'm not playing like there's no reason why a doctor who's um uh that successful and well known should be having tequilas that early i was like what i said did you say tequila what

time was it uh probably like 12 something disgusting yeah nasty he was already missed work it was monday sir get your life together clean yourself up we start in the week like that he said fuck it we ball he said the boys are uh you want to go hang out with the boys i said i got my bag with me because i'm leaving today oh my god yeah let's take the tube to the boys and then we'll get you to the airport i said no i'm not taking the tube i'm taking a car he said no no one takes a car to the airport in london yeah give me all his information i'm gonna report if you don't i will because this is ridiculous anyway he we he professed his love to me and he was like i can't

believe i met you so late and you know uh i think you could be the mother of my children and that's also mess sir i don't know you i was like you're a long-ass baby you're six foot six he's jack and the beanstalk girl i said listen next time i come back to london i don't want to see you in those pants i need to see you in a loose girl when i tell you i was like he basically had on yoga pants it looked like he had on aloe aloe yoga pants on lululemon and lululemon They got Lulu on their butt. Lulu. Lulu London.

Yeah, it was great. Lulu London. It was really great. That's also the title of the podcast. Yeah. Anyway, I had a great time. I texted the other one after the airport dropped me off. And I said, I'm on the train.

And he was like, I was trying to take you on the tube to the airport. And I was like, I know. But I went with another friend. And he was like, what friend? And I was like, a friend. Rory, when you told me, you told him that you're on the tube. I thought he was going, that's crazy. I'm on the tube right now.

I did keep thinking. I was like, what if he showed up to my hotel to surprise me and take me to the airport? And I'm lingering with Jack and the Beanstalk. Nobody would do that except somebody that you already know. Somebody that you used to know. Anyway, I didn't get murdered. I met two people that I like. I met a bunch of people that I liked, actually.

But, yeah, you know, they both have messaged me on WhatsApp since I've been back. One called me. Girl, listen, you that penis reaper. You got niggas like that. Like I said, they on the landline. Hey, yo, my lady. Hello. Please connect me to Maray.

Maray. Maray. Maray. Maray. Yo, when you got a nigga picking up the phone, I got to call. these dudes don't even know how to text he said well let me see what i gotta put a plus one plus one you got that good good and alcohol girl anyway all that to say it was a great trip and i want you guys to know when a woman says

she had a great trip that means she hooked up with somebody and didn't get kidnapped so that's what happened so I love that for me and my sister's now like oh I might go to Belgium for Thanksgiving and I said oh maybe I'll come with you cause that's not that far

maybe I'll go to London for a couple days so maybe I will maybe I won't we'll see I think you should we love when you do these adventures I mean they really just make my day and anybody who's listening I'm sure they at the edge of their seat like

yeah he called her what what did we learn here what we learned is if you're single always have a lighter on you and a condom because if you have it you're gonna be tempted to use it yes don't have it then you got to think about it you have time he won't give you enough time to think about he's already put his coat on and ran out to the damn store he left his coat he left his coat he's like i'll be right back i was like you're not coming back you're not gonna know the room number He was like, what is it, 3-1-3? I was like, whoo. So he might have been a little bit smarter than we thought he was

because he figured out all the things that were tricks that I was about to pull. But, yeah. Shout out to this mini Eat, Pray, Who situation. Eat, Pray, Do. Do. Eat, Pray, Do. Yeah. So the white woman who tried to steal my lighter really popped my final night off.

Good for her. In a really great way. What's her name? We don't know. we'll never know I got in the car with them and she never she might have been

my fairy godmother my fairy dick mother she never she's your fairy dick mother yeah another title on the Amazon thank you so much

for popping off our second season with one of the best we will catch up we will have another episode obviously

in episodes after that and so thank you for all that you do for us thank you for showing up to work sick you even get a sick day today we had to get the people I had to get this to them

because when I heard it I said everybody got to hear this Sydney was screaming on the phone I did keep in mind I did give her

more detailed explanation of everything y'all don't deserve okay but I don't know who's listening to this I mean it's a guy here

maybe we'll do some more stuff on the Patreon who knows come see us over there yep over there

over there alright well this is how we wanted to pop off the first one and we have much much more mess for y'all for the next year.

Yeah. And I'm excited to share that with y'all so you can see our faces while we talk. Yes. And I will stay away from the five-hour energy shot

so that I can be all that I can be when I come back to the next episode. Wow. Yeah. I believe in you, friend. Thanks, guys. Don't forget to rate, review.

I need more reviews. We should already be past 2,000 by now. We're not. So get them up, y'all. On what? Spotify? On Spotify and Apple. What y'all doing?

What y'all doing? What y'all doing? Y'all listening but not typing? Yeah. That's crazy. Y'all stay in the comments for Instagrams and TikToks. So do that work on where the reviews and comments matter. Okay?

Okay. Yay. See you next time. Bye. Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. Created and hosted by Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin. executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at

mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588