MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Good Christian Gays

Episode Date: May 17, 2019

Hey hun! Were not interviewing anybody for this weeks Unofficial Expert. Its just us sis. But we do get a surprise call from a fan favorite past guest!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I don't fuck with you you have stupid ass bitch I ain't fucking with you wow after all that we've been through and you still don't know what my name is hi this is the last episode with uh sydney and marie this is the last sydney's dead to me after this yeah I'm so tired she's acting all brand new now no I'm crazy so tired of these paupers paupers paupers uh is is homeless people in the medieval times. Poppers. Look at all these princes. And some poppers.

Poppers. Poppers? Yeah, that's what Marie is now. But she's not. You're the best looking unemployed person I know. Yeah. I said to Sydney yesterday,

oh, you know, I went to a show and didn't have any makeup on and I made fun of the audience for having better skin than them. And Sydney was like, I could never do that. And I was like, Sydney,

you can and have done that before. Mm-mm. 100% shown up and done a show with no makeup on. The reason why I run out of makeup so much is because I be putting my face on even for these raggedy ass shows. So when people don't laugh, I go off because I'm like, yo, I just spent, I don't know what, how much my cap cost. But it was the makeup that I didn't put on.

Y'all gonna act better than this. Y'all gonna act like y'all see somebody who you can't see their pores. You better act like, oh, OK, she doing something. Even if it's not funny, you're like, nod, nod to let me know that you listening. Continue. you you better not have your arms crossed acting like i'm wasting your fucking time you better don't yeah yeah but i mean sometimes it's easy to sit with your arms crossed you know you're cradling your boobs maybe you're cold you know it's not a reflection on your your jokes maybe

you're cold sir you are 230 pounds wow i mean i don't know if that's a big bet andrew how much you weigh 140 140 no baby are you sick yeah you are sick because i weigh 122 and i'm a full foot shorter than you. Baby, you want me to get you some Shake Shack? Baby, Andrew, were you a preemie? You want me to get you some Shake Shack, baby? No, you need to get him some insure, sis. I got money

now. Okay, we didn't already know. Baby! I don't have any money. Oh, look at that. It's Molly Austin. Molly Austin. Molly, would you like some sausage? Podcasting right now. Here, put Molly on the mic. Hey, guys.

oh that mic's not on put it on yours okay can you guys hear molly austin she's facetiming us during the day like uh we ain't got she's butt naked too you okay first of all you don't have shit to do okay goodbye you have a good day good have a good day cut off her mic cut off her mic molly i will see you next week molly um a word for you unofficial expert starring sydney and marie bye molly bye molly um we're going to the Apollo oh for Amina for Amina girl what you think yeah yeah you gotta get tickets why didn't you tell me you're doing this I've been posting about it I've been the only one posting about it honestly I was like Amina you ain't got no friends yeah let me let

me reshare it you know for my friend I'm gonna share it today I've been messaging hey hey look Amina's doing something big and everybody's like, Apollo? Apollo? The movie? Apollo from Real Housewives of Atlanta? Don't change the subject. You didn't text me at all. I didn't text anybody. I posted it. She texted me, sis.

Oh, okay. So I'm just a fan now? I'm your friend. No, you're not a fan. Molly, if you were really a friend, if you were really Amina's fan, you would have bought your ticket before you FaceTimed us. Look at her face. Look at her face. Molly, your eyebrows look good, sis. Yeah. Molly, you laying in bed still says what what you got to do today no no i came home because i had a i had a phone

meeting a phone meeting this facetime with sydney yeah you know when i tell people i got errands quote quote you'll be at home you'll be home watching shrill i had a conference call yeah um molly we will facetime you right after the pod immediately after right i mean we might get food okay bye friend oh molly said bye podcast fans yeah molly got fans they came to the live show and they were like wow yeah they actually was like wow that white woman in a turtleneck is a hoe yes no they didn't say that molly okay you're going to you're going to vegas to be okay uh another uh sex date yes ma'am on a balcony what hotel you staying in caesar's palace baby

wow that's certified horror okay have a good day cut that hoe off we uh this is win hotel sex here oh my god i'm crying my eyes out right now see you know our friends are very disrespectful because they just message us during the day like we don't have anything to do listen my friend just sent me a text he said hey boo quick question do you and sydney still do those interviews i think he's talking about the podcast he said if so hold on if so can i be your leather boy expert andrew what you know about leather boys that's not just saying what is that is that david goldberg no it's my friend from college david goldberg already did the podcast yeah so he wouldn't say do you and sydney still do those

interviews it's like baby it's a podcast we got listeners oh my that interview thing do you and Sydney still do those interviews that little thing you got on going on over there you're still doing your little comedy skits yeah that's what it felt like yikes honestly I feel triggered hey guys well just to let you guys know

we really appreciate the DMs we've been getting more let me tell you what happened to me yesterday I came out of a meeting okay she's taking meetings because she needs another gig and as I come out of this building these two black girls were walking by and one of them was like and she gasped so hard that i thought like i had like a

booger coming out my nose that was like i thought one of my braids was falling out and she was like i love the podcast she was like and i'm on patreon so you know i'm a real fan um and sis i really wish that i remembered what your name was but it was something with a b and you said you lived in new jersey because i was like well come to the knitting factory sometime and she was like i live in new jersey and we'd be like ah sis we get it and i was like all right well you're so far away but enjoy the podcast and she was with her co-worker and her co-worker was looking at her like are you talking to this little tomboy

for and I was like thanks for listening to the podcast I had someone at a trivia the other night a trivia event that actually recognized me okay Andrew the producer has failed Andrew the gay intern

producer has failed tall tall sexy you are very sexy handsome absolutely sure Andrew I mean honestly

I almost want to just talk to you for this episode but we want you to do like a proper one but like could you talk to us for this one day we want to have you you know on the pod

and also getting dicked down at the same time on the pod oh by the by the leather voices baby 2-1-1 one of those

one of those interviews yo people are rude this is my job now yeah it's it's uh you know i don't get to see you guys in the streets because i don't take public well i actually do okay the lies actually i do sit maybe on the subway miserable as hell she's like look at these paupers and peasants and homeless whores i didn't know how bad sydney you're from new york you've been on the train before i've never felt misery this close to home

okay okay come on merrill street this close to home but it's fine i would like to see more of I just think I'm so so eager that people well no actually I went to Wilmington North Carolina okay shout out to y'all who the three people that I saw that weekend that listened to the podcast right but the show was sold out yes wow friend I can't believe you sold out I mean the first three rows were full I said we were out yeah we were out at the at the club yeah um definitely not sold out but you know I got some fans now and uh it's working it's working this way to be three of them sis yeah i mean i don't hit in north carolina like that where my followers in new york la florida places that are warm and the people ain't got enough clothes on

got a couple people in taranto but also we knew then that girl hit us up from um belarus not belarus bulgaria bulgaria no australia we got some australians too we got australians so crikey is are they are they the crikeys crikey people i don't know what they say crikey no i know what you mean but dingo ate my baby marie that was kind of hot oh oh thank you friend i saw okay i didn't want to interrupt you so you did these shows in north carolina you did three shows four two on friday two on saturday dos dos i saw you threw a little blouse on i said look i said you look like a substitute teacher in north carolina really a silk plum blouse i look like a substitute teacher you did look like a substitute teacher you lie i'm not saying you look bad but

you look like somebody who bangs they students that's what you looked like yeah that outfit that you had on that's and the blouse was tucked in it's a body suit it's a body suit blouse yeah what the bottoms look like are they're also silk yeah wow damn marie right now i gotta throw the whole thing away no i mean i was looking at the comments people like that blouse i'm saying that you look like a substitute teacher they're hot though i i already said that they're hot and she didn't but she didn't hear that i don't think substitute teachers are hot but it's fine yeah But I didn't say you look like a teacher. That's, I think, the insult there.

Yeah, but I was there, and I asked a lot of the audience, do y'all got social media? And a lot of them was like, no. And I said, that's crazy. And I said, do you guys— Were they old? It was an older crowd. Everybody was over 30.

There was, like, two— It was an older crowd. Everyone was over 30. Yeah. No, they were— Oh, my God. Fossil cysts? Yeah, mainly 40s.

But there were, like, two bachelorette parties, and they were in their like very young like 21 was 26 and then another one was like 24 24 and one girl i was like what's your man's name she was like jake and i was like you giving up your whole life for a nigga named jake wow that's rough jake and all her friends laughed because they were like yeah yeah i didn't even think about it like that yeah jake wears them tiny frat boy shorts also known as chubbies yeah shout out to andrew tall sexy gay producer yeah but if you're in wilmington north carolina like you can get booed up real quick because it's like what else well that's what they do they go to school and then they marry their the person they went

to prom with yeah or they get knocked up at prom or they most of the people who stay in these small towns they get married pretty young because you know everybody that lives in your neighborhood and it's like you know cliff's son is back from the war and it's like oh cliff's son the stepmom was at the bachelorette party i said what why'd they do that the stepmom this not the stepmom i mean the mother-in-law was at they do that they do that in Wilmington that's where they do that the mother-in-law was there at the bachelorette mother of the groom and you dragged her son like that yes she laughed she gave me a big ass hug I actually got pictures I had to actually people were taking pictures of us and I had to take my own pictures because I was like I'll never see

these photos a couple people like emailed me photos and email that's how I know they was in they for Verizon.net Netscape and I loved it I was like oh I feel so special thank you guys I really had a good time I could tell by the photos that you had a good time people people were cool and I didn't think they were gonna fuck with me because you know I got a loose mouth loose butt and loose cooch hey don't stop cooch very tight um okay but everything else you got that you got that vaginoplasty? Yeah, I did. I went to North Carolina.

I got a new cooch. You listen. My friend said that he is going to Columbia to get his teeth done. I said, you saying teeth? But I feel like you mean your butt. I want to get my teeth done. In Columbia?

I feel like I'm going to get my teeth done. Also, what does getting my teeth done mean? I'm going to come back with some big ass chiclet veneers? Veneers, dude. I bet you. I'll be looking at my self-tapes like, you know what's holding me back?

My teeth. Also, I can't act. But you know what I mean? the level of confidence that you have i'm like looking at the i'm like you know what they would not be paying attention to my acting if my teeth were in order nah because i feel like most often when people get their teeth done they look too big well they met and they're like unnaturally white it's like dude nothing you got dust in the corner of your eyes there's no way your teeth should be that way well let me tell you the way my money's set up there's no way i'm getting the

big teeth i'm getting like you get the mediums the mediums extra smalls yeah i'm getting whatever they got left over says the baby the toddler teeth yeah that's what i want the toddlers and tiara veneers honestly if they could just like you know put some stuff in between the spaces y'all ain't even gotta give me veneers nah you gotta get you know have you ever seen toddlers and tiaras yeah they put like a full thing of like a retainer of teeth foolish i'm not just do that for yourself tapes and then you're gonna be like uh sydney washington reading for the role of velma you're like something is clearly wrong with you i have so much um just time now you know it's crazy let's can we drag vice for like you know a little bit drag them because the last time

i tried to drag the best no no the first time i tried to drag them it got cut because the audio was warped oh that's right remember because i was i was i was naming names and i was dragging them And the producer was like, oh, I don't know what happened to it. It's like, I know what you did. You're trying to protect. Vice, one of the, they bought some ad time. They bought some ad revenue. You know they're not buying ads.

They ain't got that kind of money. All they're doing is canceling shows. They're like, I don't fuck with you. I mean, Sydney, let's brainstorm possible other jobs that we can do. Okay. yeah I mean we've been we've been getting hit up from people but it's all little things that were like I ain't doing that nigga

it's like hey so BET no so hey and I'm like nope somebody from someone from BET sent me an email like two days ago and I was like they got a lot of nerve really you don't like BET Viacom

is the problem for those of y'all who are listening I don't really got a problem with you BET it's Viacom it's the bigger business that's holding y'all back. Viacom owns MTV, VH1, BET, and then a bunch of other crap. And they just cheat, and it's problematic.

So, that being said, like, I got a little bit of time this summer if y'all need me to, like, host something real quick. MTV's Beach House. Cribs. If y'all bring MTV Cribs back, I'm here for that. But Sydney and I had a conversation yesterday, and we talked about how we want to

invest our Patreon funds into ourselves. Let's talk about it. for y'all yes okay so what we want to do is um ask you what you would like to see us do and where you'd like to see us go because we'll document it and then upload it to the patreon so you could be like oh my god sydney and marie went and did i don't know paintballing or something yeah if we had enough money to travel like we i feel like we we do i do so i'm talking about on the patreon oh for us yeah well we have enough to take a trip to like

Detroit sis we have money for that we can go back to Delaware I mean Wilmington North Carolina and talk to your fans we have paid your own money for that can we go back to Miami we can go back to Miami I want some what did we have paella

we went to mangoes yeah we had a good time in Miami we should go back did we have a good time in Miami I feel like there was a lot of drama going on that's why it was fun oh yeah we went there like a couple years ago and we went with um molly austin molly austin who you know famously from the unofficial expert podcast yes we went with another front we won't say names but there was other people there and it got real um oh you're talking about all the cocaine that

they was doing yes yeah let's talk about that uh i'm like cocaine is terrifying to me it's scary to me so like i just like when i see people doing it i'm like you gonna get in the pool and i mean i guess cocaine makes you float because uh they were having the time of their lives in that pool it was like 11 a.m and it's like they got lines out this early just doing full not no bumps just full lines like we went into their hotel room it was like just just ready to go for the day and i said y'all gonna have it out no loose okay just loose just raw okay you don't have no like mirror for it since you ain't got no case no no case you had a quality in doing it off of the the bureau no off the ship ropes wait no case touch me tease me

oh i like that song yeah i don't know the words but i like it um yeah so that's uh that's what miami was yeah but a bunch of people who listen to the podcast came out to see us do some shows there yo that was the first time that i was like oh man yo me we can't do a little tour this shit was cute yeah but i'm not listen listeners listen i'm not trying to do a tour if only x like 10 people come yeah we don't have any people there because you know me and sydney will give y'all a real show yeah um we'll uh we will pull some people up on stage you know we're gonna give y'all looks real conversations looks sydney's not gonna have no sneakers on she's gonna have one uh uh uh she's gonna have on a clear heel probably oh lucite lucite that's what i got now i i got a

day job i got lucite heels now hey baby baby she got the uh she got the the strip club uh professional shoes yeah i know that or we could go to canada if we went to toronto that shit would be lit too oh that might be cool yeah but how long will we go for and like i don't have any connections with clubs or bookers in toronto see that's where you're saying it right now but if we put it in the universe it will happen we got putting in the atmosphere hey do we know anybody in toronto listen that's a real thing because like saying stuff and just having it in the air is powerful right like and i'm not one of these people that like you know collects crystals or anything like that but i said to my manager no i said to someone at a meeting yesterday i would

like to do a kid's show like some sesame street type stuff and then immediately after i walked out i got a text from my manager and she was like sesame street is talking to comedians this week are you available or interested and i was like yes i am oh yeah a hundred percent i will i will go to sesame street yes what are they doing i have no idea sis they're just chatting with them girl remember when katie perry was talking to elmo when she had her boobs out yeah i don't know maybe that maybe that okay um chess uh fran did something for sesame street too at some point they you know they just be having people come on but i would love to like host a kid's show like blues clues or something stupid like that really i feel like the money would be cute for a little

a little daytime kids gig i'm not kid no you don't have to work with them directly but like a show that airs on like nick jr or something stupid like that i can't i probably have to be nicer on my instagram yeah that's why i'm like i'm not altering who i am for nobody yes and you stay true to you sis i'm gonna do what i'm gonna do what would sydney do merch wwst what would sydney do that would yeah and we really have to get merch we if y'all if y'all just give more money on a patreon we can actually start this merch situation let's just all our merch is just gonna say merch on it yeah oh my god we gotta get this merch and then the dash unofficial expert it'll be a little on the front it'll say unofficial expert and on the back it'll just say merch yeah we gotta get

the cunt and gaunt um marie hi hon marie recently just replied back to somebody and said hey hon and i was like wow that was hi hon um just lock me in it was a professional email and marie was like hey hon or was it amina no it was neither of us sis it was someone that we're making fun of right now oh who hit us with a hey hon and we were like this is aggressive she don't even know us if you don't know me like that don't call me hun that's not gonna work she said mommy yeah we're not here for that it's just there should be some etiquette when you're asking for things or when you're trying to build a rapport with someone i see when you're trying to be cool like hey girl but it's just like respect it'll be g-u-r-l girl yeah um i don't

think you normally speak like that so and also you're asking me for something so it should be like the answer is no that's what the answer is okay hun hey hun bye hun um hun is such a i i do feel like hey hun can be condescending it is in a way but it's also that siren is loud yeah i feel like we're recording back at my house that's how loud that siren is yeah the this place this area is not being gentrified anymore you hear that gentrified yeah but it's going reverse we can hear the sirens but no one listening to the podcast right now is going to be able to hear don't we're talking about. Okay.

It sounds like this. See, this is why we should be on a kid's show. But you don't want to do it. I know. I would just be there for sound effects. I'd be like, hey, gang. Today, we're going to learn about letters. A is for ashy.

You know, when you have that little dry, scabby part? It's because you're dry. D is for dusty, like your dad. Like your dad. not your dad john he's yo yeah uh yeah i mean i feel like i could do a kid show for a little bit full season i probably can't do it because i'm gonna say something mean to a child or something no not when the money's involved i mean whatever i'll i'll meet with these sesame street people only if the meeting is near sesame street do they tape here where's sesame street i don't know how

to get there sis does anybody know how to get to sesame street chicago it's in queens oh i'm not going to Sesame Street if it's in Queens. Yes, yes, it's an Astoria. They film in the same lot as Orange is the New Black. So, well, I mean, Elma was touching kids, so he needed to go to jail where Sesame Street films on the same lot, apparently, as Orange is the New Black.

That's a yikes right there. That's a yikes, but also, I mean, you'll go to Queens if they give you money. It's fine. I'll go to Queens if they send a car for me. Don't come for me unless I send you. Your manager will make sure they get it. Yes, yes, yes.

Sydney so you have a job now you got this 40 hour a week situation you are complaining like a single mom but you got am I I'm not complaining you're like I am so weary they didn't defrost the chicken out the freezer you be complaining like a single mom is that true

you're like oh these cats I'm just tired my girlfriend wants to give the cats away okay yay are we we're not clapping for that no it's just rude and it's just like but they're expensive and they're needy expensive but cat food that your cat spoiled cats that's her fault nobody they could have got

friskies well them niggas kind of got noodles and noodles them niggas since you got to get rid of the cats because you call them them niggas they could have had oodles and noodles like that's her fault for trying to give them some vegan shit they got automatic feeders that are like voice activated they got a a caesar's palace of cat wonders it's actually the taj mahal okay sure at Taj Mahal of Cat Wonders, the ninth wonder of the world, Sydney's Cat's Playground. That's her fault.

She started all that bullshit and now the cats are like that. They're high-end cats that were found in a Bushwick basement. It's like nerve. You got basement cats living with penthouse attitude? How you look getting gourmet food

for some cats that was damn near dead? How dare you? Some under the car cats? Yeah. some cardboard cats no thanks some will work for food cats wow sis it's foolish so you don't want her to get rid of these cats but you complain about them all the time i don't complain about them when do i complain about you complain about the cats i don't complain about the cats because i don't do shit for them that's why you're saying they're not expensive because you're not doing

nothing for them i know she started listening how much is this and how much is that i was like i don't know but i know that i give you checks and i say take money out of them yeah but she's not saying the money that you give her is for y'all to live and eat and thrive not for the cats to have cats are involved may price club that's her fault okay well that's why she's getting rid of them because it's her fault that they're spoiled and now she's like well i'm done paying for this until you do right by me sydney and so now she wants to give the cats to a mutual friend And well, my friend, our friend, our friend. And it's like, no, I don't want to.

And I know Carolina, she's going to have them cats on fucking Instagram every single day. And so just mute her. I'm not going to mute her. I'm not going to just meet. You've never muted any of your friends. She's going to name them like Adobo and Saison. She's going to change their name. It's going to be Arroz con Pollo.

It's going to be real trashy. And I'm not here for it. I'd rather throw them, throw the cats out to the streets. Wow. I mean, send them home, sis. if they come back then they're yours otherwise like what are we talking about i say open the door because you do have one cat that likes to be in the hallway for some reason he'd be purring like i'm gonna go outside my friends are out there and then adrian will open the door and

he'll stand in the hallway he just likes being out there which is kind of cool it's a cool cat but let him go down the stairs and out the door he will not go downstairs jam just wants to you know get out it gets stuffy in the apartment it's real like lesbian infested so it's a lot so he's like i just need some air i want to chill lesbian infested yeah but christian good christian gays yes that's what we are oh that's merch good christian gays we need that just christian gays um andrew can you just write down the the names that we need for our merch just write merch and then christian gays christian good christian good caught and gone i don't know if we need good christian good there i just like christian gay you know what let's take it to the to the phone

lines i say good christian gays that's what i say good christian gays or christian gays right do a poll i'll do i'll throw it in the stories good christian gays or just christian gays good christian gays sounds funny christian gays christian gays is the first thing you said and i thought that was hilarious you know i'm a i'm a christian gay i'm a good christian gay that's what i am so but are you a good i am good i don't do anything wrong what else you a gay i but a good christian that's merch that's merch as well a gay a gay a just hey i'm a gay hey hey hon hey hon i'm a gay uh i'm a gay a good christian gay that's the whole line is merch right there merch merch merch merch um so yeah she wants to get rid of the cat so i'm going through that

And you're fighting with her all the way through that. Yeah. I'm like, if you give those cats away, we're breaking up. And she's like, well, I hope you have somewhere to live. Yes, Sydney. I hope you do. You can't stay with me. You know, I'm unemployed.

Andrew, you live in Chelsea? I just want the listeners to know that Marie is the most dramatic unemployed person I know. I'm having a really great time screaming I'm unemployed. As if I haven't been unemployed my entire life. Oh, that's merch right there. That's merch. I'm unemployed. Sorry, I'm unemployed.

yo that's it's so crazy because i grew up hearing my dad say i just got laid off and he was always lying but he would say that to telemarketers on the phone yeah and now here i am just you know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree i'm unemployed you're do we say you're laid off or do we say i like saying unemployed late i mean i guess technically i was laid off the show was canceled i was fired i was terminated you were not fired i was the show was canceled the show was canceled but you weren't fired from the show from the show i mean it doesn't really matter anymore does it nobody watched the show i mean marie has been getting that vice live on insta stories and twitter so hard that it's just like wow i've never seen someone have so much ammunition

well i mean making fun of vice is basically i think punching down so it's not like it's hard to do it i'm just like making fun of them for being trash all right i mean i don't think that i signed a contract that said i couldn't talk about them after i got fired i gotta check but i don't think i did yeah you gotta check i don't think i did i mean i feel like if i said something truly foul my manager would be like hey hon um what we're not gonna do is this but she hasn't messaged me that she messaged me about sesame street ah whatever what about um when you went live you were you were on set and you went live about a makeup artist did i go live you went live yes about the hair person no the makeup artist you were you were on a you were on a

shoot and the makeup artist did something you were like what the fuck are you doing and then advice no for um something else yeah oh because i'm gonna say i liked my makeup artist advice um I don't know what you're talking about for Zoe Kravitz ah yes thank you friend Zoe Kravitz okay so see she's out here she's working with big names yeah adjacent to Lenny Kravitz's daughter uh-huh um so I shot this thing um and the makeup artist was this old like very nice white lady that like you know she had like a rocking chair on her porch or like a porch swing and as soon as I got in the trailer and I was like because I thought okay I got on it was a black woman and a white woman and i was like oh the black lady's gonna do makeup the white lady's

gonna do hair i was wrong about both my joy have a braid so it's not like i needed the black lady to do my my hair anyway um she was happy she's like but i was trying to put my hair back and she was like my boss likes it down and i was like oh okay and then we got on set and i put it up and she was like i see you ended up putting it up and i was like i did so maybe marie's a little bit difficult to work with who knows whatever we'll see what happens you know on set of a movie in four years diva we love diva is a version of a female hustler we stan we stan a little diva moment yeah a little oh we saw little it was so good it was a good movie it was a good movie and i was shocked that i enjoyed it as much as i did it just reminded me of wow i didn't do shit in my

childhood i i mean you burned a house down that's kind of a lot yeah but that's nothing that i want to be i'm not proud of that i'm like who's proud of things that they do as children you're that's when you're supposed to make mistakes and like a producer a producer uh yeah well she's a kid and she okay shut up andrew that's what i mean she's making moves you mean that person who produced the movie and is the youngest producer she's young and i was like not like i'm saying like oh i could have been the next young like producer i'm not saying that i'm just saying like kids nowadays they just their parents are molding them into some real shit yeah but not all children not all plenty of bummy ass latchkey kids not saying that latchkey kids are bad but then there

are kids that like people's drive is different like i like jordan temple he did our podcast he was our i actually don't remember what expert he was but he projects he was in the projects he lived in the projects but he was saying that he doesn't watch like tv he doesn't watch shows i was like so how do you procrastinate and he was like i don't know but he is somebody who's always working also like when people work and they and when people waste time you can kind of tell really yeah let's talk about it well look at like people like jabuki and people like mitra and like these are all people they're mad young so but they've like jack knight like all these people they started writing and working kind of early and they don't spend all day binge watching shows and they you like

how old are you 2022 23 what when you think about what you were doing at that age you were like partying and living your best worst life but there are people who you know the nerds and stuff they or whatever people who are motivated in a different way than we are they can just sit and write for hours pitch something sells and now jabuki's on the daily show yeah so he's gonna be in another he's gonna be in a movie what movie he gonna be in i don't know but i saw his deadline i watched a terrible movie the other day that he was in it was uh oh you better not you better not do it we're not doing it he's not the main character of the movie i know the movie is not good okay let's talk about it the black is three friends that they cast that are not believable as friends

It's called Someone Great. Someone Great? Just so we can get it right. Did you watch the movie? Girl, I auditioned twice. I had a callback and everything. For the black girl role? For the black girl role and her love interest.

Her love interest. Oh. Because she was like gay for like a high second. Okay, but the black chick was the chick from... Dewanda Wise. Dewanda Wise from She's Gotta Have It. Yep. She's way too mature for the role that they cast her in.

And she's friends with the chick from Jane the Virgin. What's her name? Regina Rodriguez. Problematic Gina Rodriguez. Is she problematic? Yeah, she'd be. She like, she'd be. If you just Google her in, if you search for her on Twitter,

anytime someone says something about like black women trying to like, like struggle to make it in the industry, she's like, but actually Latino women also. And it's like, sis, we're not talking about y'all right now. We're talking about like the struggles of a black woman in the entertainment industry like she just she'll try to belittle everything that we go through as entertainers just to be like but also i have also struggled and it's like sis you're on like your third or fourth show you're doing fine true okay um anyway yeah we watched that show yeah we watched the show

but it didn't make sense it's like three friends they're all the wrong age there's a black there's a black one that's also gay there's a white one that's super prude and there's gina rodriguez and it's like would three of y'all be friends maybe gina and dewanda but would would this girl this other girl be here you know there's always a random all three of them when you think about it though are random it's just like and the way that like the the way the script was written in the way that dewanda talks it's like it's like are you like they trying to make her like a little bit hood and like a little bit like of like a stoner and it was like i don't believe any of this It's not to be believable anymore

Seriously everything is You know Not a reality That being said Jaboukie was funny And I think they had him Playing a straight guy Yeah he was really good

In a scene Him and Michelle Buteau Oh Michelle Buteau yeah They had little special appearances And I was like Look at our friends Every time I see Michelle In something that I'm watching

I'm always surprised And extremely happy for her Yeah She just had two babies I know She's always so fun too It's like She's being herself

Yeah Somebody gave her the lines And she's like cut it i got it she was michelle uh buta was really really great in um that natasha leone oh russian dolls russian doll yeah she like she she maced somebody in the face she's perfect for it i was like she would definitely do that she was like you're not gonna take my titties or whatever the hell she said and she sprayed him in the eyes it's quite beautiful chef's kiss chef's kiss that's so you auditioned for that movie i mean it's it would have been better if

you were in it not as diwanda diwanda is absolutely strikingly gorgeous she's and she's gorgeous she's a great i think she's a good actress the acting in this movie sis was not good watch it i watched it i said oh i said she's not a she's not a good actress she was fine and something's got to get or she's got to have it but i think she is a good actress i think that drew please watch the movie and tell me and you couldn't make it through because it was so terrible or because the acting was bad oh yeah and it's lakeith stanfield right is that his last name stanfield he's uh my friend's baby daddy i like him he's not the greatest actor either but i like him i like him too yeah i think he's like he's cool he's cool and i think he's kind of cute in like a like a dirty bushwick way

yeah the camera loves him is he really petite though in my mind if andrew weighs 140 lakeith must weigh 110 pounds you're an idiot they're probably like the same they're the same is he tall because his energy is five six yeah my friend is pretty tall and so i'm assuming he's a little taller than her i think she's like 5 11 really like keith stanfield is in the sixes wow or maybe he's 5 11 or 5 10 5 10 maybe he's 5 9 5 9 yep 5 9 i don't know who knows i love um yeah i just uh you know i had um i ended up watching you know one of our friends kat cohen she was shooting something yesterday for comedy central and i was like oh this bitch can act like for real like oh it's a scripted thing yeah it was just like a promo for something but just sometimes you just

watch other people acting in the moment you're like oh that's why i'm not booking nothing oh this is what acting is oh okay word word word word word word word word yeah i was like i was like something's not connecting it's like i ain't acting that's what the cat there's the disconnect because you're not acting bitch okay well i mean also what does kat cohen's teeth look like because you had said that you wasn't looking because of your teeth what teeth look like she got good teeth yeah her teeth are cool yeah she got she got two pair of suburb teeth she looked great and um in person and definitely on camera i was watching on camera i was like that's my friend wow this is crazy but why are you surprised are you surprised that she's a good

actor she's such a performer on stage no no no i think it was more like just i was blown away i knew that she had it but when you see someone in real time doing some shit you're like oh fuck and then that's what made me realize yeah you just gotta be around people that inspire you that make you like feel like damn i need to be doing better you know but okay but i feel like you're somebody who is always around people though you'll be out ah yeah i'll be out but then i'll be like y'all be doing shit y'all still feel dusty though i still feel like the struggle is right on your shoulder it's like i don't i don't know you know what i'm saying like when i saw you on vice life i was like damn my friend is reading that teleprompter

wow when you did that ad just a second it's like damn now i see where she be getting booked again booked busy blessed fired i was like i was like wow you know you just hang out with people that just fucking ah okay so that's what we should do we should uh we but where would we meet more people who would inspire us the bank i mean technically we literally are hanging out with People inspire. We inspire each other. I just, I just, I gotta push myself, like, a little bit more. Because I am lax, you know?

It's so easy to be lax, though. It's so easy to just be like, you know, something's coming. I don't, I don't have to be here for it. I mean, when a nigga take a nap at your, at your job. Well, that's just, that's something else, friend. Okay? I tell them, I was like, my sugar low. They're like, oh, Sydney's diabetes flared up hard today.

They're like, what? Somebody get a spoon. Yo, I be keeping my whole shoes on, blanket all over me, shoes on, on the couch. Sydney, we've been friends for five years. I've seen you take naps at parties, like full on, like people are around talking, music is playing and Sydney's like, I'm just taking that real. Well, I'm a narcoleptic then. That's what it is.

Are you? Honestly, sis, it might be, what's a vitamin that you need that keeps you awake? Iron? You might just need to start taking some vitamins. honestly friend this is me trying to motivate you to be a better person of yourself dude man i was like am i am i sick like i don't know i was like every week i'm like yo i gotta take a nap every week every week every well every day i feel like i want to take a nap but then there's a co-worker who takes naps and that's a part of his content and i said oh what do you mean that's part

of his content he's sweet he has this um challenge that he takes a nap 15 minutes a day every day for 30 days and he how is that a challenge he records it he records it and he puts this on it on his instagram on his insta stories and it's like part of his thing and people are watching this and i was like how many followers he got that's what the thing oh not that many sis but it don't matter like no one wants to watch you sleep for 15 minutes yeah but it's all about crafting some shit just like nobody's gonna watch this it's all about the idea when i'll be at the pitch meeting i'm like ain't nobody doing this shit you just gotta keep having things bouncing off the wall it don't matter how dumb it is it don't matter if it's not gonna get made when you do it

in a room and somebody else hear it then somebody got else is like oh let me expand and you're like oh this is how shit get made yeah okay so we need to get into we need to start our own writers room is what you're saying like a feed tank yeah I did it with Roy Wood Jr love him

I don't know months ago he had like all these people there and he did his set like five minutes and then everybody just like helped him build off a joke where did he do at a club? no this was at like a studio rented out some room or whatever and then I saw

him do the set the next day he took all those notes and then the next day turn it around I was like boy he's been doing it forever he's a pro but it was just like fuck that's beautiful okay so you got a show today I'll critique your set I'll write some notes

you want to? no yes I mean I was gonna do it anyway I mean I don't know if I'm gonna come with you to the show though I know when we were at the when we were at the knitting factory on Sunday I was like Marie you need to do something with this bit about your dad it's really good

I'm gonna figure it out yeah I literally forgot about it until just now I know I was like I had reminded you at the show but then you brought it up again

I was like it's really freaking good and you did it on videos and I was like this is brilliant brilliant figure it out figure it out

figure it out so then you know I'm here now at the podcast and I just want I just want more I would like to

whatever we're doing I would like to have proof of it like the podcast is proof that we're doing stuff together but I would actually have something more tangible that I can... Oh, so you're trying to do a reality show?

You're trying to get a videographer? No, no, no, no. I just want, I want to put like a, I don't know, a clip on a fucking page or something. I don't know. Some visuals. We'll throw a clip on the page for y'all today. Matter of fact, by the time this goes up,

it'll be a bunch of clips on the thing. No, shut up, Marie. I'm talking about like, you know, visuals, like something non-scripted. I don't know. I'm just I'll be at the pitch meetings pitching stuff but then I'll be in my head like so what could work outside

so he's like well let me see if I can do this nap thing yeah in a half hour format pitch this to BET okay yeah just being at the job I see all this stuff that's behind the scenes and I'm like oh this is why people

either be blowing up or I'm going to the next level is just because they're not afraid to get feedback. Yeah, but you shouldn't ever be afraid to get feedback. You know who needs some serious feedback is Taylor Swift. Do you like my style?

She is unacceptable. She needs to be canceled. That's a problematic It's like, bitch, how do you see her do a whole documentary about her Coachella performance and then you try to have a performance that's like not even close to it. First of all,

okay, she messed up when she hired the band. Beyonce had a black had black marching bands right no offense nobody want to see a all beige marching band and i feel like the clothes were beige like the beat like they hit the drums different it was just weird it was like and then she came out and the very first pose that she hit i was like sis that wasn't on beat like it was like ain't nobody want to see so sorry yo degrassi ass band you got going on Your Degrassi-esque band? Yeah, it's just...

Your NSYNC-esque band. It was just... It was so tragic that it was like... Nobody on your team was like... Also, she didn't sound good. Like, can we go back? Like, she didn't sound good to me at all. It was like...

It's not a good song. Oh, the song. I had never heard the song until last night when I tried to watch the video. See, this is not just us being haters, okay? Andrew, producer, tall, sexy, and everything else just said that the song is trash. and so he's the delegate of y'all

of y'all right he's here as a representative of the listeners yeah so he said it's bad it's bad it's bad it's no good it's no bueno it's basura basura trash okay hot garbage in yeah put it in the tin

in the tin in the bin in the bin or tin I think in the UK they say the bin yeah whatever you know so it's just like but it's like okay yes Beyonce didn't invent marching bands right but and who knows when Taylor started rehearsing for I mean it wasn't like she was doing

no choreo so it was like arm things but she did have Brendan Urie come in on an umbrella who is Brendan Urie okay so because I saw him come in on it with the umbrella and I was like is this who is this gay Mary Poppins

so now y'all got the white fucking Farsworth Bentley stunt. It's like, it's Mary Poppins this. It's male. It's cis. Is he straight? It's a cisgendered Mary Poppins.

Cisgendered Mary Poppins is merch. Cisgendered male Mary Poppins. It's so funny. Hello, my name is cisgendered Mary Poppins. We need to make pens. Pens. That's a pen right there. That's a patch. yeah maybe all our merch will just be patches that you can iron onto your clothes no we need

t-shirts i want a t-shirt a good christian gang yeah it's a good shirt i want that yeah okay so we all right so we got three things on the list we need to travel more so you guys need to get on the patreon so we could travel and do like a little travel show through patreon wow look at that we but we need enough money for three people to travel because we not gonna be we need a videographer oh yeah that's right i was like wait who oh but if we have a gopro but we got to get the gopro i mean we can get the gopro okay so if we get 80 listeners we can 80 more 80 more listeners today for the patreon we can pay for a gopro girl we can pay for the gopro right now see that's the see this you fucking up you gotta talk to these people like we ain't got nothing

going on and we gotta start from scratch plenty but there are plenty of people who are on the patreon and they want to know where their money is going so you have you can't say we ain't got it you gotta say we got it but we need more yeah um for y'all uh also we with them listening yeah sure oh yeah meanwhile you know i just want you to know that the money is safe because marie has the money yeah i do i i don't it doesn't go to my account the money ain't going to sephora sis oh my god did we learn anything today i don't even know what time it is uh andrew any questions you have for us before we go oh my gosh um so much he spent all day with us did you like anything about the taylor swift performance uh no at the billboard like pastel colors yeah they came out

with like a pastel briefcase. She had on like a chunky, like a kid's boot. It was like, girl, I don't know where you're going, but you're not going to my house. I had to cut it off. I didn't even watch the whole clip.

Hold on. Sidebar. So I watched Hair Wolf. Remember the thing that we auditioned for? Oh, yeah. Was it last year or the year before?

It might have been two years ago. Joanne did the wigs for that. Yes. I saw the girl Cara. Cara. She was at an audition that I was at and I was like

oh is she going in she got it I was like they don't even need me I'm out did you see Hair Wolf I did cause I got the HBO

and I finally saw it and I was like sis they wasn't looking for us but um we weren't gonna make it right so all you're saying

everybody is mixed or we just we not it's a different it's a light skin it's like a very like a Theodore type

you know just it wasn't us we were just too down to earth well what was the what was the plot of that movie white people as zombies coming over and taking the the the brain not brain but just warping the black people in the hair salon what so that they can have like

european hair like they they originally so white people as zombies yeah come to the beauty salon and all the people with natural hair end up with perms yeah like or blonde wigs Yeah, it was Wow I mean, we both auditioned for that And then we went to Shake Shack Yeah, we did Actually, it was quite nice, but I saw her

And I just was like Oh, I see you on Instagram And it's great, I see you're doing a lot of stuff And it's awesome, and she's like Girl, we gotta connect, and I was like She ain't never gonna see me again, it's fine I bumped into her on the street once Like a couple months ago

She's got good vibes, good energy she does have good energy she's she's like a cool chick yeah she's what Dewanda Wise is but younger yes because she to me would make more sense in that Jane the Virgin movie than absolutely it's true okay see Marie be watching things yeah and I just I could just hope and pray that I figure it out in acting it's it's very stressful sis Beyonce can't act and I'm on the record saying this many times but she's still getting cast in things so you just got to be famous enough that they will cast you in things no no no sis i want to be good i can't it's so cringeworthy to watch somebody act poorly obsession yes i kept watching it i watched the whole thing i've never seen that

movie but that's the one where she laughed but it was just like that's my husband it's like girl is it your husband what do you girl what do you get the hell out my house that's my husband that's my man

that's me just emotions taking me higher caught up in sorrow allegedly that song is 18 years old everything is 20 including me

it's crazy that's all I was playing when I was born and on that note kids it's been a beautiful Just Us episode just us

and you know take your vitamins eat your vegetables live your best lives make sure you hydrate and cleanse your skin properly we want you guys to be as sexy as possible

so when we meet you in public we can be like that's one of our listeners look at our listeners right you know if you got combination skin

make sure you hit the T's on we just want you to be the best you that you can be so that we can thrive on stage for y'all every time I see y'all I'm just like

look at you beautiful isn't it great yeah I really adore oh my god some and it's

I'm always shocked when a white woman comes up to me and tells me she likes the podcast because I'm always like sis I feel like I'm kind of mean to y'all

but I love it adore it you love it list it do it keep listening I love all of it

Marie is one of those bullies that you're just like but that's Marie she's my friend and it's like she's been traumatizing you the whole time

ma'am hilarious but I raise you up I knock you down to raise you up same sing it You raise me up.

You knew it was coming. You knew it was coming, baby. Shout out to Josh Groban. Ayo. Okay. Well, Sydney, any final words before we go? Really hungry. Right.

Sure. Love a sandwich or something. Okay. Sure. Maybe with your half of the Patreon money. I'm not going to Shake Shack, sis. I feel like I eat it too much. So I will not be joining you.

When did you have it? The last time I was with you guys and we went to Shake Shack. That was a month ago. That was like two weeks ago With Zach That was like two weeks ago With Zach Teague, our divorce expert

That was two weeks ago? I'm not doing this with y'all Guys, have a blessed And beautiful Afternoon or morning or whatever time you're listening To this and shout out to Sydney for becoming the greatest actress In the world, I'm putting that in the universes Viola Davis status

But you're not going to take your wig off on camera No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no not. Unacceptable. Bye, guys. Rate, comment, subscribe. See you on the Patreon. I love you. Bye. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog

production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your

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