MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Good Dewayne Gone Bad w/ Dewayne Perkins

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by THE Dwayne Perkins! The three have group therapy as Dwayne imparts some much needed wisdom, and get into some MESS. What MESS you ask? Being too nice!  Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're listening to mess welcome to mess but remember um there was a song that i was singing because you woman let me be a woman okay messy messy woman okay i don't remember you singing you don't remember that no you don't remember anything whoa you gotta stop smoking weed friend Why? I remember to smoke weed. Okay. And that's on period. I didn't smoke today, though.

Good for you. Yeah. If the listeners don't know, I mean, this is coming out afterwards, but it's Juneteenth. It's Juneteenth, and they got us in the studio working. And every person in the studio that's working for us, also black. Black. Black. Black.

Black on black on black on black on black. I haven't seen a white person all day. Yeah, the trains were very empty. Maybe that's what Juneteenth is all about It's like white erasure You're saying that with your chest, mamas With my 32C Maybe that's what it is

We get a break from the beige Well, I will say we do have some beige listeners We appreciate y'all Y'all not like the rest of them, you know what I'm saying? Sure, but they also not like us So it's different I was talking to my mom about what Juneteenth means today And

She was like She was like What amendment I was like I think it's the 13th I'm like Google She's like

What year 1913 I was like I think it was 18 something We got there though We got there No child left behind huh Well my mom is from Haiti

She don't know nothing About Juneteenth Juneteenth is new It just came out I hope Ice is not listening Why Ice wouldn't be listening to us You never know

I was born here I'm a citizen Ice Come get me where are you gonna send me back to new york back to new york so you know how i ordered some boots from essence that didn't really fit me yes and so i sent them back and they sent me a picture of the bottom of the boots and they said hey you wore these we can't accept them okay i wore them from my bedroom to my kitchen yes and they were like uh-uh you wore them out so i've been dodging

the ups man for a couple of months i was away a few weeks ago the package was waiting for me at the dough when i got home so i've been trying to figure out if i can just return the package to sender by writing return to sender on the box is that does that work like that girl it don't matter if you send the boots back have they taken have they given you your money back somebody else paid for the boots i just don't want them in my they don't fit me they're a little bit too small and the box is massive we'll just sell them just sell them what are you talking about you didn't pay for deep hop that feels like more steps than getting a sharpie and writing return to sender or and you can go on your page and be like giveaway who has who has the size giveaway

Meaning I then gotta pay to ship it to them If I write return to sender It's gonna go for free No, no, no, no They have to be in New York How about that? So they gotta come get it Yes

Maybe give them away at your next show Sydney, I gotta bring this big ass This is a These are over the knee boots Oh I gotta bring these long boots You didn't say that You didn't say that

These long Mind you, it's about to be July These long boots in July Girl, give it to an unhoused person I don't know That's mess Why is that a mess? What size you wear?

You seem like you got a small foot. Oh, yeah, they'll fit you then. Okay. Yeah, look at that. Wow. You going to come get them? Wow. I'll put them in an Uber package.

Maria is always finding a way. Like, how can I give away something or get something? No, Sydney, I wasn't trying to give them away. I was trying to send them back. Okay. You trying to get me to give them away. I was workshopping something. You're right.

That's mess. Wow. Absolutely. Sydney, Mother Teresa, Washington. Yeah, maybe you're not messed Maybe I'm messed for not thinking about giving them away I just want to get the big-ass box out of my house Totally understand

It's like a small college refrigerator Hey, you know what? I know how hard it is to, like, task Tasks are very hard That's why I'm so bad at Newly Because once I'm done with it I have to send it back And that's my issue

I'll just keep it in my apartment for months And they're charging me each month What? Yes I thought if you had one, they didn't charge you for the next month. No, they charge you for the next month. Girl. They want to cancel it.

Yes. No, and that's another task. Or pause it. And that's another task. Listen, I paused my Nuuly a couple months ago, and then I lost my card. I lost my card that it was on, and they unpaused it. But they were like, hey, we can't. The card's not working.

They just did that to me, too. The card is not working. They said, hey, it's not going through. And it's like, if the card's not working. Cancel it. Then I guess you can't get your money. And they did. They canceled it.

God's plan. Okay. I think that's going to happen to me. See, everything works in our favor. We are God's favorite. Yeah. For sure. Amen.

Boop. Speaking of God's favorites. What's my mess? Yeah. Girl, you were there for it. And so were you. Share it. The listeners were not there.

We have a monthly show with Amina. It's called Sundays. and you know we get up there we host we have a good time I'm on stage minding my business

doing my jokes who do I see? an ex in the audience an ex was in the audience didn't give me the heads up didn't text me bought a ticket

so cute cute for you because you are a fan but I think there's gotta be some protocol you can't just show up at somebody's job

And he was dressed Very peculiar Like a geisha An African geisha He was giving Mortal Kombat You know Yes

Thank you for supporting the arts But It was It was strange Like if you're gonna come To my Job Right

You gotta be in the shadows You gotta be in the back You gotta be by the bar I shouldn't be able to see you He was so close Yeah And then, I'm not even going to say the second part. Well, I'll talk about it on the Patreon, the second part of it, because it was actually

very rude, because then he made a post. I ain't going to say the rest. But yeah, it was really upsetting because, first of all, I just need to, this is what I'm going to put out there. If I dated you and you were a man, I'm gay now. So that don't even count. I don't even know what, who's this man? Sidney said it fell off her credit report.

It fell off my credit report. And that's how I should have addressed it. I should have treated him like, oh, hello. What's your name? No, but that's not what you did. I was actually fake with it. It was kind of a mess. Marie, do it.

Sydney was like, my ex is here. And then she pointed to him and she's like, you look good. And me and Amina were gagged. Yeah. You look good? Anytime you bump into your ex after you've left them, you want them to look distraught, disheveled. You want them to be dragging their leg behind them. You just want them to be doing bad.

Well, girl, first of all, the issue is, is that I just was, I had no words to speak. Well, first of all, I don't know how to be mean. That's my problem. That's a lie. I don't know how to be mean. You don't know how to be mean? I don't know how to be mean. Can you believe it?

Sydney, I've seen you be mean before. I'm such a sweetheart. That's a lie. You're lying. When have I been mean? You've been mean to people that you've decided that you no longer want in your life. Is that mean or is that creating a boundary and standing on business? Period.

So when I'm mean, am I being mean or am I setting a boundary and standing on business? Marie. Sydney. Do you lead with your heart? I lead with my mouth. Okay. Love that. B-b-b-boundary.

Yeah, so I couldn't believe it. And then he reached out. I haven't written back, but he apologized. So the number hasn't changed? No, it hasn't. And you never blocked him? I don't block exes. For what?

I mean, he broke up with me. So there's that. I'm saying that on the record. Wow. Humble. Whoa. Well, there was a time where I wasn't ate shit. You wasn't ate shit?

Yeah. You ate wasn't shit? I ate non-shit. Shit wasn't ate you. Shit wasn't me. I was shit. Yes. I was shitting.

I was shitting on these hoes. Well, he broke up with you. He looked wild. Is that how he used to dress when you dated him? No, no, no. He's a trainer, so he would dress like a trainer. He'd have his little duffel bag and muscles showing, teeth, whatever. He had a job, and he had a skateboard.

I met him with a skateboard. That's how you know. Just times were so tough. and he tried to get me to be on his skateboard to go to his house that's a rom-com for poor people no kick push i love that send that to tyler perry well tyler's busy right now he got a lot of allegations happening he's got so much going on in the in the kitchen they're leaking a bunch of his text messages i don't know if you guys have seen them oh no i don't i'm busy i'm busy okay I can't.

Is the water in the shot? I just want to know. Is the jug in the shot? Yes. She's busy doing this. Yeah. I'm still doing it hard 75, 75 hard. Girl, you can't even pick it up off the table.

It's full. I have not been. Oh. Speaking of hard 75. Yeah. We have a guest in here tonight. We do have a guest in here. Wow.

He is writer, actor, influencer. Philanthropist Yes he is I do be helping folks You do Some would call him The ASPCA Cause I be helping bitches

He's our dear dear friend And my guarantor Give it up For Dwayne Perkins Thank you for having me Yes baby It was so hard not to talk When y'all were talking

Well what do you have Like now is your chance To respond to anything That you heard Oh That whole ex thing Was crazy It was

Because I wanted to leave. And I was like, why are you talking to this man? Yes, Sydney. You were talking to him after the show for quite a while. Yes. And then I felt like I had to be mean because you weren't. And I was like, can we go? And then I was like, I got to actually walk outside because your lack of mean is manifesting in me in a way that I didn't want to showcase.

You're picking up all the mean that she's dropping. Yes, that she was not dropping. Because we moved rooms. We left rooms and y'all were still talking. It was three different occasions. I hadn't seen him in so long. Which is crazy, because then what is there to talk about? I mean, I'm doing well.

Okay, there's so much to talk about. Okay, see, now that's how you flip it. She's talking to him about how great she's doing. I love everything you're doing. I'm proud of you. I mean, he was there when I started comedy, actually. So that was like an ego boost? I don't know.

Hey, I don't understand men. I don't speak men. I don't know. he was he was about for you oh what do you mean talking to him you were just talking to him to like boost yourself up to tell him how great you were doing you know thank you for unpacking all of this these are great questions i cannot come back to them can we put a pin let's circle back let's circle back yeah put a pin um what about marie what about her mess oh the boots yeah i forgot what my mess was oh yeah she i don't know why you just couldn't leave him on the street

it's new york just like right free somebody would take it i could do that but becca might want him I would marry J. Blige. Yeah. Yeah. That's better. Yes. I'd rather a stylish person put them on and then it's their problem. Yeah.

Or you could have put it out on the street and then one day saw them and maybe, maybe you could have made it to Mary J. Blige or something. She could have had. You think Mary J. Blige is going to end up with my street boots? Yeah. You never know. You never know. She has a bigger, she has a bigger foot than you for sure.

It's New York City. You never know. The city of dreams. Concrete jungle. In New York. Now, I just want to put both things of water side by side, because y'all are doing Hard 75 together. Yes, I convinced Sydney to do it with me because I did not want to do it by myself. So you are the originator.

Yes, accountability is better when there's an accountability partner. That's true. It's better to do it with somebody, I think. We live in the same house, so if she wasn't doing it, I would have been very upset every time I saw her eat a piece of bread. Okay, so let's talk about it. Y'all can't eat no bread? well she can't i gave up bread fried food sugars uh and also i'm sober while i'm in new york oh terrible time sober like california sober no just like no alcohol no weed no drugs no nothing no joy yeah marie it's been hard there's joy in sobriety yeah with practice um but this is new for me so there are like in the summertime i have to it's hard like there's moments where i'm like

damn this is when i would smoke and i gotta go do something else like exercise yeah sleep uh sleeping is good i think sleeping is a great way like otherwise you said what go to a nigga oh well i don't know i can't do that but yes i agree just anything like i tried to read thumbs down Whoa, yeah. That's a part of the hard 75 is you got to read 10 pages a day. Yeah, I didn't do that part. I started that with you, Sydney. I read, I made it to like 30, maybe 40 something pages.

And the book, you know what it is? The book sucked. I said, I hate this book. What book is it? Put it out there. You don't even remember. It's a book that I got for free. That's how bad it is.

And then like, I'd be writing. So I consider me reading my own writing to be reading. And I'm getting paid for this. I actually have a better program. yeah i'm reading the artist's way and um it's i mean whenever i can i'm reading the artist's way okay yeah as you go i tried to read it it was a little difficult for me why is it difficult i think it's for a certain type of person one that believes in god no one that's a little insecure oh it's a lot of like believe in yourself and i'm like i already have that part

girl get to the task like what are we doing yeah um the task is doing the uh solo dates and you know doing the morning pages yeah but to get there is her being like i help this banker be happy again and i was like i don't give a fuck about this banker low-key like it's just it feels very self-congratulatory in a way that i just don't care like the voice of the book is not my favorite yeah a white lady wrote it yeah come on you know you like the book i mean i he says for someone who's insecure i wouldn't say that i'm insecure i think that because i'm working through did you just did you move did you make a face i looked at my finger i looked at my hand because you know you're shady i am not you are no i don't mean insecure in like a bad way i just

you mean like insecure how did he say it they're not for somebody who's insecure yeah that they're not secure in their artistry literally that's why they're reading a book about how to work their artistry so why were you doing it to see if there was new ways to expand my artistry not to create it so it's very different come on lovers quarrel we're just at different places and i'm looking for more like pitches not necessarily like oh you're a garbage man you want to find some artistic way to live that's like not i don't need that you're not a garbage man yeah and i already like have an artistic way i'm just trying to see if there are other ways to expand that to see if i can glean something from well then the title would be the other artist way and that's

why i stopped reading it i got a book it's called steal like an artist marie that's so on brand for you whoa what that mean it's true most art is like and i would say like as a screenwriter that's all it is you just look at somebody's movie then you just do that oh this is why we struggle is why we we're trying to be original and we don't steal i told you so many times i said we can do something so quick duane i don't think you told me this a bunch of times you might have told sydney this no he told both of us when you're not listening since you can't remember we were in la we were both in a car we were outside of um your ex's house and i remember we were talking this is this it's the case of the x with me every single time

and we're talking about like pilots and writing and y'all are both just like i don't want to and i was like but let me tell it's not it's easy all you gotta do is steal i don't remember that's what you're saying on the podcast as a writer i mean still like an art like as an artist like what do you like everything's what there was like 12 steve jobs movies you think they were different was there 12 jobs and they all came out at the same time there's like one how many well that's 12 to duane how many cinderellas have there been there was like four snow whites like it's all the same shit structure story structure is the same so you watch a movie and you know act three some bad shit's gonna happen because they gotta overcome sitting let's rewrite sinners really

this is what you want okay but we were supposed to be twins and we don't look this is the rewrite yeah yeah and this is the comedy it'll be a comedy well i mean it'll be like vampires in brooklyn meet sinners see but that's too close right we gotta do is change vampires yes or like mummies or something like just you want us to be mummies but then we'll be covered and the whole thing is that you don't look yeah but we'll be mummies that have bought so it's like yeah yeah so you're the month like you are unwrapped at the beginning that people are like oh they are black lady mummies mummies yeah that's the name that's the name of it how do they know that the the mummies are black because you're gonna see our bundles through

in between your wraps and a do-rag oh marie i'm a mummy but i have a doobie you know what i mean it's a full and it just goes around your whole body right that's what i'm gonna have a new yorker chain and everything i'm gonna be wearing thames that's yeah that's how they know yeah yeah yeah Sinners. I like this. Sinners, but mummy. This is Ryan Coogler right here. I told you.

We're doing pitches right now. That's how you win Hollywood, baby. These glasses are giving. The glasses with the sleeveless sweater vest is giving Hollywood. Thank you so much. It's giving secure in his artistry. I think that is the biggest issue in the world right now. What?

Well, for me. Okay. What's the biggest issue? People being insecure. People not having a strong sense of self, and it causes a lot of issues. Yeah. I think a lot of insecurities start like wars and battles and da-da-da-da-da. Like if you knew who you were, then little things would bother you less.

Maybe even some big things because you'd be like, you did that and I don't like it, but I'm too busy to care. You just say it how you feel. Yeah. It was real. Yeah. That's like my, ugh, that's what I struggle with now. I was telling Sydney that I don't want to be nice anymore. Okay.

I'm tired of being nice. Well, let's rewind. Dwayne. Yes. you're here what's your mess i am um my mess is uh i niceness i think has to go i think as a nation as a people we've moved past nice as a nation as a nation as a people as a people as a society but a lot of people aren't nice exactly that's what i was like wait what a lot i think the attempt at trying to be nice like i think that's like is what's ruining it because i think that the people

that are not nice they're living in their truth and the people that are trying to be nice are not and it creates a situation to where like if you're not nice i know this similar to like racism we're like overt racism just be like oh you hate niggas cool but the people that pretend like they don't then it's like oh you see why'd you waste my time when i know you hate niggas similar to that i've been like nice if you're not nice i know that immediately because you're not nice it's people who hate niggas that have black kids navigate that it's crazy yeah it's people who don't like black people and they have black children and i hate it and i feel like i've been in a lot of situations where people were being nice and i was like i'd rather you not because this is not helping

the situation this is actually not serving us you trying to be nice you're actually wasting my fucking time so if you had all the rings and you could snap your finger and erase niceness in the world you would do that probably not that wouldn't be the first thing what's the first thing you would psoriasis no i'm kidding psoriasis that's what you have dry skin that's what came to mind okay no i would the first thing would probably be um insecurity oh yeah yeah that's good i think that that would really help no no no i think the wrong people are insecure and the people who should be insecure are not they're the ones that are like you know i'm gonna make a business and i'm gonna tell everybody to

do this and i'm not qualified but you know what i should be president like things of that sort those people should be insecure but i hear what you're saying but everybody is insecure about something every single person alive confident or not has at least one insecurity something that they don't and i think if we replace that with simply discernment then we could be solution based instead of just having any motion now for the people listening who don't know what discernment mean what that means that's the word of the day discernment guys the ability to discern what is discern alexa what's discern that is the ability to see and process something oh that's what discernment meant this whole time yeah to like have like a knowledgeable

opinion based off information so instead of being like oh i'm insecure like i feel insecure about the situation you're like oh this situation makes me feel this and because of that i feel this way versus just having an emotion you know what's the point of having that you're looking for the origin of that and then finding a solution versus just yeah feeling it i'm not gonna lie to you friend i'm confused but what you're saying feels right it feels right yeah sydney and i we lack discernment for example okay so something that i said in the car when we were talking about uh pilots for example um you're like oh i know people who who are like doing stuff and writing pilots yeah and because i have not like comparing yourself to them and i was like you haven't written a pilot

so you should compare yourself to people who also have not written pilots okay because why would you compare yourself to somebody who you're not even doing the same thing that's right it doesn't make sense if i haven't done it i should be comparing myself to people who also haven't done it yeah and if you do you should feel normal because y'all at the same place i actually feel i actually feel better than them but i feel worse than the others you know what i'm saying that's what i say always compare yourself to the worst why are you comparing yourself to the best that's crazy you set yourself up for failure no because i feel like if i compare myself to the best and it's gonna make me want to be better but if i compare myself to the worst then it's like

i'm good where i'm at yeah and i don't want to be good where i'm at and that's why you now have to have discernment about who you are some people if you do compare yourself to the best it may be create a thing where you're like oh they're too far there's no point in me trying to reach that so you have to know yourself to know what's the best way to accomplish do you have a master's degree i know i just have had therapy since i was like in kindergarten because i had a speech impediment therapy for people with a stutter that's yes because my stutter was attached to my emotions so i had to know myself in order to be able to speak oh so you get like so angry or like so i was just anxious all the time so like my body would like go into fight or flight and

situations so i had to like mentally and emotionally control my emotions to be able to tell my body like oh it's okay to speak because my i think that's what i have my literal larynx were like i literally think i have that close you do cindy absolutely i think i have a speech impediment when i'm like anxious or what i'm thinking it's like going so fast that when i speak i my words jumble up you're not agreeing you don't get it same thing that duane jr had but i just had like a really bad stutter where like i actually like was like like it wouldn't come out oh yeah no no i I don't have a stutter I just I guess

I guess I got a thick tongue maybe is the tongue that's why your ex is out the show he said he said hey how that tongue doing

he did say she was a good time so there he said that said people y'all know y'all know that was

that was a yup review five stars oh that mouth now that mouth is all messed I'm delivered I don't do this

no more okay I'm not with Metro no more I'm with AT&T okay so now you have all the discernment you need and you're just trying to find i'm like like it's just it's it's a constant thing but i just feel like so i had this like situation like a work situation where i was talking to somebody about a note just and it was like just very blunt

just been like oh i don't agree with this for this reason this is kind of and then we had a call afterwards to be like hey i think we should like talk nicer to each other and i was like hey i think nice is pretty subjective um because you think it's language and i think is in using my time well and so we had that conversation and he and they were like okay that makes sense because I was like, you are worried about like the observation, like what it looks like. And you think just me talking softer to you is nice. And I think, hey, actually, if we weren't so worried about being nice and we just got to the point, I can go live my life. I don't want to be here.

You're wasting my time. You think that's nice? He's a boss. Dwayne, you kind of cunty. He's a boss. Happy pride. Are you the gay Ava DuVernay? No.

No, he's Wilhelmina Slater. That's a deep cut if you used to watch. It's just like I came back to New York from L.A. because I felt like work was just like overtaking my life. And I think like life has to be lived in order to produce good work. So I'm trying to live life. And the way that these systems work, they just want work to be your life. And that's just not my thing.

Like I don't. But also, if all you do is work and not live, then the work suffers. because like I know comics that only do comedy and they never are not on stage they're never taking trips they're never going on vacation and it's like how are you pulling source material how are you finding stuff to talk about and connect with people on if all you ever do is be on stage and be around comedians if all you are you know what I'm saying yeah it's just not a useful time of like creating memories and writing new jokes or some people just write based off like the current events but then that's my issue is like you're always talking and making jokes about what

other people are doing but you're not doing you why don't you focus on your own events and situations so you'll have something to talk about and have also we making money duane is making money imagine being rich and not being able to enjoy being rich because you got to work for more money and that's literally what like that's capitalism just want you to know like up until the writer's strike i got my first job in 2017 and my first break was the writer's strike and i was like yo my life has been all work and it like i had to like change a bunch of shit uh because it was just not fulfilling and so now i'm at this place where i'm like yeah work has to exist because we live in a place where that's important but like it could be done in

a way that's just like better like i don't want to like do a and and i like and i don't want to get it wrong like i'm not saying like be mean there's a spectrum and i think the emphasis on like nice is just not as significant to me in terms of like i could just be neutral and i think people want me to perform yes and i'm like i think this is unnecessary like can we just like get to the point like we're adults we can have a conversation like let's just say what we need to say so we can like yeah but our skedaddle huh but i was gonna say like not everybody has the same communication skills and not everybody has been brought up with the same like uh basis of communication so what you think is straightforward for somebody else is like mean and what somebody

else is um straightforward it's like oh you're you're being too nice so you never know what it is depending on the people you're working with yes and that's why i think it's just a conversation to be like hey like what do we like what is the best way to do this especially if it's like business like if we're talking about productivity yeah like what is the best way to be productive but when you think about businessmen right people who are considered bosses they don't have to be nice they're not expected to be nice they're a boss yeah they show up they say what they want you you you know what their standard of like their standard is of what they expect to be done when they get there and when they're talking to you and then they go off and they do their thing

and you'd be like whoo i did it i survived that but like women not to make this about women but i mean i will women when women are assertive and women know what they want and women are like kind of very like concise and cutthroat it's like whoa that she was a bitch or she don't know what she's talking about or she could have been nicer and yada yada yada but what i learned watching all the beyonce documentaries like beyonce knows what she wants and she's a perfectionist she's not she's not being nasty but she's being very like kind of curt yes and i feel like that's the energy that i bring and i think because my like lived personality is like fine bubbly cute people expect that in business and i'm like no this is business and then they be gagged and be like mom be like

gay and happier and i'm like oh no but wait what what's the difference between that and ellen degenerate. Was she really being mean? I heard she was being mean. Yes. Okay. Like, she was being, like, mean. And that's the thing, like, there's mean. Can you give me the example so that we know what mean is and we know what, like, being straightforward is? I mean, she lost her whole job.

So did. I mean, like, if... But I was like, that's the homophobia of it all. Because if she was a straight man, I don't know if she would have lost everything. No. Because we know so many people in the industry or just at regular jobs that are being mean and they still

have it yeah but i think that's the problem that everybody's comparing themselves to the best worst person and they're like what they doing it and it's like okay and you want to be them like you just want power so that you can abuse it right like nah pick a better hobby like just do it better like especially when we're entering these spaces where we are something that i hate is when people is it the glasses because the glasses really got you like you you i don't see you like this in the house you are very much so like okay they said Ellen DeGeneres was just a really mean boss right there's a list of small complaints like people being told to never ever make eye contact with her now we know plenty of celebrities you can't look at them in the eye JLo is one of

these people I think Nicki Minaj is one of these people like you're not supposed to look in their eyeballs that's and I think that reaches a line of like I think all I'm thinking about is through like a regular human lens of like we are humans this is a human experience i think that's crazy to be like don't look me in the eye how successful duane do you need to be to be like don't don't look at me i don't think i will ever that feels great like i feel like that reaches that point of being like oh you're just now doing shit because you can like and i don't think that i'll ever be at a place to where i feel like i need to control people in that way ellen tried to have a lady fired

for serving food with chipped nail polish. Okay, that's really insane. And like, and you will have those thoughts, but you just can't actually,

like I remember I went to a dance class once like years ago and this man was wearing a blazer. A blazer at the dance class? Yes. While he was performing.

It made me irrationally upset. Please explain the blazer. Five, six, seven, eight. And we were doing hip hop and I said, business cash? Crazy. Did it, wait,

did it have shoulder pads like what it was and i said what the hell and in my mind i said arrested jail get him out of here yeah immediately but if i had power i could actually do that that would be crazy excuse me you have to leave well what was under the blazer was it buttoned all the way was it shorts where's he wearing he was kind of wearing like shorts and then like a business like it was like party on the bottom business on top and i was like maybe he came from like an interview or something like i don't know but i just was like this is for sure i don't like this but also that's his business i feel like him just like that is for him and it's not for anybody else and you can't be like hey you got to get out of here and that's the thing and that's why i had

to let it go because i said this is a this is irrational you can't really you can't really pop off in a blazer in a dance class was he dancing well no it wasn't giving like boom cack no it was giving i'm at the office he's like where's the fax machine maybe it was a dare maybe somebody was like i dare you to do this dance class honestly i get that i would i would participate in something like that i love daring people to do things okay i'm glad that you're silly yes bring it out and so i just like if i actually were to exercise that in real life that would make me like a crazy person being like yeah but you got chipped nail polish get out of here Get your unkempt ass out of here.

But sometimes I think, but there is like the thing with J-Lo. I remember, allegedly, she was having her, you know, baby shower at a rooftop at a hotel. And you were there? I don't, this is all alleged. Sidney was having a baby shower with a plus one. Was it meatballs? Deviled eggs? It was not that.

It was, it was very like with caviar. It was, it was salads, you know, a lot of garnish and things of that sort, you know, light, light, light, light, light, but she didn't want, it was, there was no tapas there. It was not Zoe Zaldana there, but she didn't want like the people who were working to talk to her. Like they have to talk to, I guess, the liaison. And yes, that's kind of bitchy, but you also have to understand people be mad, unprofessional with celebrities and they just be getting real chummy and it'd be doing too much. And the next thing you know, you talk to them. Oh, can you take a picture for my cousin who's in, you know, Puerto Rico? No, no, I get that. I get, hey, first of all, it's my baby shower. Why are you talking to me?

There's a, there's a wedding planner, not a wedding planner. That's J-Lo. it's a an event planner everything should go through them anyway but like if we randomly happen to be in the same space for a second i should be able to say i think you like those are just boundaries and i think that like people are like individuals like yeah and those people who are crazy are just crazy people and there are people who are just like normal that you're like oh and i don't think you i mean i guess if you are at a that level of fame where it's more common for crazy people to interact with you i guess you would have stronger boundaries but like like

don't look at me like that kind of stuff like at your like at your place of employment like you are hiring these people yeah that feels like that feels crazy i can see if you're like just on the street in a crowd being like oh i have to have stronger boundaries for like safety but if you are the person curating the space and that's how you're doing it be better at curating the space don't hire fucking crazy people and then you don't have to be crazy no i disagree with that i just You said don't hire crazy people as if crazy people don't walk amongst us. Yeah, what do you mean? There's so many people.

People are not doing background checks. And also people appear that they got it together. And then three weeks in, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Who is this? And then you fire them. You don't match their crazy. Right.

I get what you're saying. But we were at SNL when J-Lo was there. And I was like this. Hey, girl. Hey. and were you like talking to her no i mean i didn't well i didn't have what was i gonna talk to j-lo about exactly girl love made in manhattan like what that's like i was i went to like a party like a mad gal like after party and i just found myself at one point

standing next to zendaya and i'm obsessed with her and i said oh like i looked over there we locked eyes and i said oh hello and then i was like i literally and rose i said i don't know what else like what i don't know what to say like i don't i don't she say hello back yeah but but that was kind of like the end of the interaction because i was like i don't well because at the end of the day what else is there to say famous people are just people yeah they're people that more people know i agree i feel like it's cooler to treat them normal than to fawn all over them and and i mean this whole doja cat with the shirt situation she like bumped into a fan she liked his shirt he took it off his body and gave it to her that's strange i'm not gonna lie that's that's

it's odd he had been in the club he had been in the club i don't want your shirt that i don't want the shirt off the back off your back i don't need it and that was a whole conversation like was she like was was she fake and blah blah blah and i'm like like i think i have a lot more empathy for like marginalized people so like as a woman i'm like maybe she could have been like oh maybe if she was like no actually i don't want to fuck with you and maybe she did feel more pressure to like play along they hugged a bunch of times he kissed her on the cheek she was like manhandled he grabbed her arm and put his face next to her and that's the thing and like maybe in real time is like not you're just like kind of roll with the punches but later like i don't want that

fucking man she did a whole video about it you give a man an inch and then the next thing he's giving you his shirt that's weird so like i do think like even as like i do more like i was i was doing like a uh like a talk with like this mentor group and this woman was like oh like i saw you at a mall and came up to you and was like telling you about the blackening and like how i liked it and you were so nice no and then i i asked her like how was it and then she's like oh no like you were very nice and then i was like cool like i am like i'm not i talk to strangers all the time but there's nothing to like i'm just very grateful but i feel like if that would happen all the time like i remember the first weekend the movie came out i went to a party in la and i was

so overwhelmed because it was just like a new feeling i was like oh my is this what oh who are these people like fans and and i just never experienced that until then and i was like i hope i'm doing this right like like just i i think i'm gaining a little bit more empathy for famous people just because i'm seeing that it's just an experience yeah he's definitely gonna be throwing a cell phone at somebody and they're gonna have to carry you everywhere you're gonna be like no pictures please don't look at me don't look at me i think that like there is a like man i guess it's not controllable but i think there is a level of control that you can try to have yeah you don't you want to get not too famous yeah i mean yeah like i just don't really yeah i don't

think it's the fame like i want money i want access i want power i want to be able to do what i want to do creatively yeah i think somebody who i think is a the perfect amount of famous to me is seth rogan i think that like he people know him and he does what he like does but it's all like work based i don't know shit about the man's life like i know like he's cool to work with he make cool shit he has a weed company like but if i see him on the street i'm like oh that's seth rogan and i've seen people like oh that's like i've seen jordan peele but i think it wasn't like people running up to him it was just like you have to think about who these people's fans are yes exactly i think seth rogan is gonna be a slow stoner yeah and that's what i'm saying

jordan peele fan is gonna be somebody who probably has a dark accent wall in the apartment and they don't make eye contact with people when they be outside like what is that based off their work It's like their fans are components of their work. I feel like a lot of, mainly like pop stars, it feels like there's a different vibe. Yeah, the pop stars have stans. And I don't think I'll ever be that fan. And that's the thing. I don't think I'm in the lane where I will have that kind of thing.

I don't know. Dwayne, you dance, you write, you act, you're going to direct. And tell me, how many dancers, how many writers, how many directors are niggas running up to? it's gonna be you're also hot it's gonna be somebody in a blazer and some booty shorts a big fan of your work truly every now and again it's cool i'm sure some people come up to jordan but it's not like beyonce ariana grande like that shit sounds crazy like i don't understand that sounds different yeah like i don't just think i i don't think that that is like a path i don't think i'm on that path it just doesn't you never know but you also have to look at who

we're talking about it's all women that we're talking about that people are like I love you so much. People don't respect women's boundaries. People don't respect women's boundaries. And that's a good thing about what your mess is about being nice is because when you're a woman, you don't know how to tote the line of like, I want to be a boss, but also I want to be nice to my fans. I don't want people to think I'm a bitch, but I also want to get things done. And I want to make sure people understand I have compassion. but then if you think i have compassion then you're gonna think i'm a joke yeah i mean you're

gonna take advantage of me literally talking about the beyonce when she was asking about like something and then they're like that's impossible and then she was like literally i just go like what are you talking like and even seeing that i was like this is so important to like see somebody at that level to be able to see like this is beyonce and they're still like ah she don't know what you're talking about which is fucking nuts but that's another level or layer of why she is the way she is because as a woman as a black woman even as the person who's at the top of their game and she's a perfectionist so she likes things done a certain way so that it looks a certain way you a dusty man in the union of whatever it is that you do i'm telling you i

want this and you're like that's impossible well i don't think he's a dusty man i'm sure he's a I'm sure he's the best of the best. Sydney, I'm calling him Dusty. You're calling him Dusty. You can call him whatever you want to call him. He's the best Dusty person on the team. But for you to look me in my eyes and be like, oh, no, that's impossible. Like, that means you either don't know, right?

So you can't be the best if you don't know. Or you know, but you don't want to do it, but you're working for me. So, again, you can't be the best. How are you saying no to Beyonce if you're supposed to be the best? I don't know. You should be like, we'll figure it out. Because the best makes mistakes. I don't know that.

I mean, yes to this guy, but that's where my empathy is and my niceness is that even the best makes mistakes. People fall. People don't know. He didn't make a mistake. He discredited her. Like, he didn't have the information. That's the thing. The information.

He's just working. Like, you didn't look. She Googled it. She picked her phone up and Googled what she asked him for and found it. So, like, it wasn't based on anything but his opinion of what he thought she knew. right and that's the thing he wanted to do he didn't want yeah like and so that's like sydney that brings us back you can't be the best if you're like no and that's what i'm saying like the this kind of like grace that i'm i'm just giving less grace these days because i think

people deserve less and i think so like yikes yikes deserve less less of you less of my grace personally in a sense of like i also think that like there's a certain specificity to being like black and gay in this industry and i don't think people see it because they don't see black gay people like especially black gay men i think there's such a invisibility that people just don't really consider because within the sphere of like black and then gender it kind of is like a subset but like i feel like there's a lot of pressure because people don't know how to um how to view them because there's not a larger representation so i feel like in this industry i met with all these preconceived notions of like who i am or i should be and when i present who i

am people literally are like how do i interact with this because i thought because you were gay that i can treat you differently than what i would treat the straight black man this is true now i can't but because i you're gay i could treat you like a woman and me being like but that just means you want to mistreat me like it's it's really an insane you're a black gay man so they want to treat you like a black lady and they treat us like what sheet so yeah what you say it's just like a weird which i can't imagine imagine that the best the best and that's why i don't think you should be a nice as you are because i don't think people deserve as much grace because i don't think you are being given that in return because we will

further the fuck along that's why you gotta sprinkle the meanness throughout your content you hear what i'm saying yes that's why when i do what i do people are like she's funny but i can see that she's somebody that you probably shouldn't play with and therefore when me and sydney do what we do it's it's content gaunt right sydney is the skinny nice one and i'm like the funny kind of feisty one but it's like certain things that i feel like people might take liberties with sydney on they won't be so quick to do it with me yes quite people who understand our dynamic and i don't think that like i'm like on the spectrum of like mean i think i come off as kind of like somebody told me recently that i was uh mysterious and esoteric and i was like oh another word we

got another word write it down y'all esoteric which just means like specific to a small group of people uh which means basically that like i'm gonna be me which is like and i've been told like i remember and that i've been told that i'm that i can come off as like standoffish or that i don't necessarily exude like please come talk to me and i think it's a combination of like me being like a true like introvert but also like that is i don't think people just know they don't know how to perceive me because i'm not giving that much out because i that's the thing of like i love relationships and my friends like y'all know a version of me that most people don't right because like that's just not what i present that's what friends are for you should be you with your

friends and everybody else gets the business the the the linkedin the professional the interview version of yourself yes but i think that version is the version that's like difficult to like be because it's perceived is so wily like people can really be like oh that's mean and i'm like if i was mean you'd fucking die like i'm just being like fucking like neutral like i'm just not giving anything like i approach a lot of things just like neutral and people are like because it's not nice it's mean yeah i'm like nah it's not so i feel like if less people were for neutral i could exist in a place that would make me more comfortable can you tell us about a time that you were nice and it it came back and it kind of blew up in your face or it like

wasn't good for you because like i think we've all had moments like that like were you really nice that you helped somebody with a bag at the airport and then you missed your flight like um um i i recently helped someone they were living in my place like let them stay there and then um i they i basically i'm like i don't i like my space is very important to me um and then like i don't like people in my house especially my bedroom i came back to my house and there was like a used condom on my floor and they basically fucked someone in my bed. But then when I confronted them,

they were like, oh, we didn't really fuck because they were really drunk and they peed. They peed where? In my bed. In the bed? In my bed. I'd rather you have sex in my bed

than you pee in my bed. But that's why I would be like, hey, you got to get the air mattress. You got to be on the couch. And that's the thing. He was in my guest room, peed on that one first and then he went to my bedroom.

And this is your fault for having a guest room? How? Was it a dog? How? what grown person peeing why you got a guest room two beds one night um and i said oh okay you said okay oh no just me being not like oh like no they had to like i'm they had to get out and then i'm no longer yeah of course like you know you can't stay after that like switch you've been like oh no like i will this is done but it was just one of those moments i've been like how

did how did we get here for me just like being nice like that was it's like that's how did how did the pee get there and then you didn't clean it up what how did that happen did you send them a bill for two new mattresses uh they uh paid for somebody to clean my bed and now i need a new mattress just just take it all out give me like a new like mattress topper and did all these like but it was just i would it i've never experienced something like that that is When's the last time you peed in the bed? I have not. He said the person was really drunk.

Some say squirt is pee, but. Well, then in that case, I'd be peeing in the bed. There it is. Same, same, same. Oops, I did it again. Gag, man. I can't believe that happened. But this is a series of you probably being nice to this person over and over and over again.

And once you extend and they feel like, oh, I probably could just pull some a stunt like this. They do it. Yeah. This is why I just feel like I've been approaching more situations from a more neutral place. So then I have to have more discernment on who I should give this level of nice and kindness and consideration to. Yeah. I have a friend who had somebody that was working for her and she was traveling. She's on vacation or whatever.

and this person was supposed to like watch her house and like you know water plans or whatever whatever and um they like had a party they took it upon themselves to have a party in her home while she was gone it makes sense and stuff got damaged i don't know if anybody peed on anything but maybe maybe like stuff like and she had like stuff that they were supposed to take care of that didn't get taken care of because this person was busy having a you know a drug-fueled party in her home and then when she called them out on it they tried to like deny deny deny but like the house was damaged like how do you want to throw a party or have a guest or blah blah like if you won't do it you got to do it and then leave no trace evidence exactly i would be so

i would not have known like i you never would have known i just and and if it would have stayed in the guest room fuck how you want like i'm not a dictator like i'm not telling you who the fuck you're not dick watching yeah i'm just like this is just my space and i expressed like what this means to me and like and that was just shitted on and it's just it's a very simple like i try to live life like treat people how you want to be treated it's very simple but like it's such a easy thing to do like and i'm just like i would never do that's crazy to me like i just wouldn't do that also fuck somebody who has a house like i don't know like pick better people Or diapers.

Ladder control. Yeah, somebody who needs a diaper. I don't know. That just seems so. And even then, I'm like, if this person is drunk enough to where they piss in, why are you fucking anyway? Why would you want to be with that? What's that about? Do better.

What's that about? So you don't know how to. Let's unpack that. And I will say this. Sometimes who people date, it runs off and the spillage hits their friends and stuff. And so that's why sometimes you can't be nice about how people date. It's like, if you're dating all these loosey-goosey people who ain't got no sense, I mean, it's going to hit home eventually. You said you had a police who people date.

Not police. But if it's like someone's constantly coming to you with the, can you believe this person did this and they did that? And it's like, so now I have to hear the trauma dumping of your dating life. When it's like, yes, I know these people are trash. Absolutely. The dating pool is basura. But you have to have discernment so that we're not, sometimes you don't want to hear this stuff all the time. Sometimes I hear these TikToks where people are constantly talking about these dates and I'm like, again?

Sister, it's been four dates in the month and all of it is, every single thing is bad and they never say what they're doing. So you're just dating bad people. You don't do nothing. But you got to take TikTok with a grain of salt because people do dumb stuff to go viral on TikTok. That's true. They're like, yeah, I'm going to go on this girl's trip and I'm only going to bring $17. Get ready with me to go ruin my friend's birthday.

You know what I'm saying? Yes, absolutely. They just want to go viral. They're like, yeah, so I'm about to get evicted, but I'm going to go on this date and I'm going to see if this guy's going to pay my bills. Like, what? So, like, with, like, real people, I'm, like, and I'm very okay with my friends, like, making bad choices, having flaws. I just need them to know that, like, once you come to me, I'm going to tell you how I feel.

And then after that, I'm going to stop caring. I'm done. I'm just like, oh, no, like, do it. Like, when you moved to Los Angeles, I said, don't. You said, don't. Literally. He did not say, don't. I literally said, don't give up the cats and don't go.

I don't know. You said, don't give up the cats and don't go. Yeah. And you were like, I don't know if you're going to like L.A., but also you were just like, don't give it the cap. I was like, I don't know. Like, just based off who I know you to be, I think this will create a situation where you might be unhappy. And then she said, no, like, I'm going to do it. And then I said, OK, like, that's all we could do.

And it was what it was. Like, you still, like, had your time. You, like, had a good time. You, like, moved for love. Yes. And then later you were like, damn, like, maybe I shouldn't have did that. And then I was like, yes. Uh-huh.

But like, if you're choosing to have this person in your life, I'm just like, oh, like I'm choosing to have you like and flaws and all. Send you what I did to the cats. I did not. I really did not. No, no, no. That's not what happened. No, no, no. I made sure that they were rehomed properly with a responsible person.

Don't do that. But also it's like, why play everything safe? Like you're not going to do everything right. So I made that risk. and I said hey this is what love does love makes you be like I'm packing up all my stuff and I'm I'm going to LA and and the only thing like if you would have came to me again and that's the thing like if I did that again you didn't like well I did it again everybody that knows you would be like now sis yes but I don't think that you would do that again no no no no and I and I think like

people have to live the life that they live in terms of like the relationship like I don't want to be the like like the trauma dump like in order for us to have like a symbiotic relationship if you a fuck up i know that cool but then you have to know that like i'm very solution oriented so how are we going to meet in the middle you can keep fucking up but if you come to me talking about how many times you're going to keep fucking up and you don't want a solution don't come to me so i feel like my friends know like i've had friends like come to me like hey i'm just like looking to talk and i'm like great i know how to be there but if you're coming for a solution i'm like cool i know how to do that too but like some some of my friends don't talk to me about certain

things because they're like oh i know who you are and i'm like in this way we have a good friendship because you're not expecting me to fill a role you know i'm not going to fill just like i'm not expecting you to be on time if i know you always late who are you talking to yeah that was great that was wild doing i can't shots fired on june yes take the day that was general well you were looking directly at her and i felt she's across from me oh you but you didn't look my way because i was just simply talking wow across i don't have a problem with you being late this is true i've never kept duane waiting for really we've never like and that's not an issue like and that doesn't matter to me but like then there's like because i had a friend who really hated that when

when i was late and i was like okay this really matters how late are you though doing not very late like i just think she just thought it was disrespectful i need some i need time time you're supposed to be there two o'clock what time you getting there probably like 2 15 2 30 2 30 now yeah no that's mesh that's mesh duane no no no no no take it back take it back i hated when i was yeah not really that late 2 30 2 30 okay you're pushing it but i heard her and i said okay this matters to you so for her everybody everybody it don't okay so if you're saying this is an la2 an la2 means 230 yeah and this is why sometimes when i talk to people now i'd be like oh two ish and then once we get closer i'll give you a more definitive time don't do that two ish for me is

like 215 yeah exactly it's just giving room it's giving a little let it breathe let it aerate okay you get a 15 minute grace period for reservations that's it it's 15 minutes that's it after 15 minutes you are being the table's being let go yes you're being rude and the person should leave i think i think more people need to leave when people are that late get up and go that would be fair like the friend the expert and the piss in my bed we had a post conversation i was like oh i don't want to be a friend and they were like but why and i said no no no like this was a boundary that was big enough for me that was crossed

I don't think I want to have a further relationship not but why you and or somebody else peed in my in two of my beds don't ask me why and then they were like

oh well you've like crossed boundaries of mine and I've given you grace and then I said you shouldn't have then like don't judge me by the way that you you should not be my friend

if that was the case it's not tit for tat but also if you forgave me you can't now throw it back in my face yeah you forgave me already I don't know what you want from me

forgiveness is mess I will say that forgiving is mess because yes i'm like okay i'm not mad at it anymore right and we are moving forward but i have not forgotten and how can i forgive if i still remember the shit that you did because then when you do something else that's gonna trigger me that's a capital t for me and i'm like oh you back on your bullshit so now i gotta bring it up again but it's like i thought you forgave nah i did forgive but you want that bullshit and i i'm gonna mention it again now because yeah but like you open the door it becomes data but if it's still affecting you emotionally

then maybe you ain't working yeah it's just like if it's still like triggering you that is a sign that you ain't worked through that now i gotta work through it now i gotta work through something that you did to me no my thing is this if you tell me you forgave me and you still in it then you did not forgive me right you can't say I forgive you and it's good and then be like but I won't forget like sure you can remember it but if you've thrown it back in my face every time we have yeah any type of issue then babe you didn't forgive please you're harboring right harboring Dwayne you got a thesaurus at the end oh no he's very very intelligent you do a word of the day Wordle.

Wordle. He's a Wordle asshole for sure. I'm going to do my Wordle right now. Y'all get it for the day? No. Is it messed to do my Wordle during the pod? you know talking to you duane being with you i you know constantly i'm like damn maybe i do need to work on being less nice but i don't know sometimes being nice or empathetic whatever

it just it fills me up and be like okay yeah like this is not a bad thing i am going to get you know fucked over it sometimes and people are going to take advantage and you know that's just how the cookie crumbles but i do get a lot of people who you know i sometimes forget how we first met and they're like sydney yo i didn't know nobody and you were at this you were so nice you were just like made me feel comfortable and not like a stranger and it made me like feel like i was in and thank you for that and i'm like that's how i treat most people because anybody could be anybody and what's the what's the point of being you know reserved when it's like oh if we mesh then just cool but if you show me that you're you know you're

weird i might still be your friend but yeah like i'm not saying don't be empathetic and don't be nice at all i'm just saying the the expectation for me to perform niceness so that you feel better is what i'm saying i don't want to do you don't want to do it okay like if it feels organic to be nice i'm going to be nice because that's who i am but there's just like certain spaces where niceness is prioritized in a way where like other things could also be prioritized who's the nicest person you know sydney is like one of them foolish one of the one of the most fools that you know yes yeah there's like an innate just like and it's so funny to be living with her and seeing and like i feel like there's parts of me that she's now seeing that and we're like

interacting where i'm like oh you genuinely are really nice and we've been like stupid you don't have to be in this instance because like i also think i'm nice like i don't think i'm like like i think i'm very nice but then you watch sydney and you're like am i nice and that's the thing like i was talking to a friend no he has discernment that's what he has i'm nice in situations where i feel like i i am nice and then in certain situations i'm just like oh i don't think this like there was a moment earlier where i had to pick and choose when i was nice we were getting smoothies and this woman just ordered her smoothie before me and i was already there and i had to tell myself like this is a moment where i couldn't be like hey i was already here

i literally said this is not a moment where that is going i don't think that's going to serve me this is like a an older woman she's wearing floral leggings i'm like okay live your life lime green toe toenail polish you don't want it with her she was Jamaican I said you didn't want it with her

this don't matter but then yesterday I was like walking to Central Park there was a guy just like standing in the middle just like in the way

and me being like why are you sir oh I already know what he look like move everybody you talking about I know and that was a moment

where I was like ugh I want to be meaner than I'm going to be but I'm not because that also like I don't know this man but like

so what did you say to the man in the middle of the sidewalk up i said come on man oh god you're new york now you're a new yorker no a real new yorker would have been like get out of the way and that's what i want to say is get the fuck out the way yeah i was like oh this is like if i do that what now like i literally was uh walking with a friend we were in central park maybe a couple months ago and it was a situation where like some guy said something and he kind of like responded and the guy kind of snapped and i was like i'm from chicago

i've had situations where things have escalated to death quickly so i again discernment i've been like what is what does this moment call for do i get that energy i could but i'm not but i do think they're in certain situations where i'm like oh this this energy is called calls for and and it's never like i don't argue i'm not like i'm not that person but i do think there's like a curtness to me having to get my point across i was at some event in la and some some white lady turned around and shushed me in a very rude way were you watching the quiet place no i was at like a i was like at some like i like hosted this event the year before so they invited me the next year just to come there was like people behind me talking and she turned around and shushed me

like it was just so rude and i before i knew it i like rolled up on her and was like hey who the fuck are you talking to and i said it's so quiet like it wasn't like it was like like she had to be like she had to lean in to hear you curse her out and that's kind of like the way in which like i was like oh this is the energy i have to have because like i need her to know watch your fucking mouth like that's rude you don't know me thank you for that but i had to say it in a way that was not like rawr because that's not the energy i'm trying i just need you to know how i feel what did she say when you said that she was like exactly and and and literally i said exactly exactly then i walked away and the point was made there was not another moment and i said this is

and that was a moment where i was like okay this energy was needed in this moment to convey what i needed to convey i didn't need to do too much but i needed her to know quiet cursing i'm adding that to my toolbox i think it is so helpful hey that fuck are you talking i don't know i think i think that's a lot i think that's a that just feels like no a lot is screaming and no a lot a lot of energy to be like to go back to somebody like who the fuck you're talking to you is just hey exactly who the fuck and it was like and that was all and my friend that i was with he was like oh i've never seen you that way and i was just like i felt it was so rude for this woman to think that she has that level of control like authority you don't know me yeah that's really

rude and and it was like not it was just just like oh like can you quiet down it was like a shut up and me being like hey who the fuck are you talking to yeah that's crazy man i'm gonna i'm gonna quietly curse somebody out this week i'm putting that in my toolbox and i'm putting it in my tote because she had no she just was so shocked that i would say something back so you just thought you just oh so you thought like oh so you can just say anything without repercussions no actually you should think about what you say to people because i do all the time i have to yeah you don't was a problem so learn a lesson today and the lesson is watch your fucking mouth don't let it happen

again yeah but that's a lesson that she learned but i'm sure she's gonna do that shit again she ain't gonna do it to me and that's what matters and that's the lesson there might be another person that you i mean if every time it just feels like i have to do this every single time don't did i do it to the lady with the smoothie no did i do it to the man on the street no that that's what i'm talking about discernment i was walking down the street um yesterday and there was a group of um people on the sidewalk and you know they had on those clear raincoats so you can already visualize the people i'm talking about you know what i mean like the rain the rain poncho that goes over their clothes that they bought at cvs or whatever and i'm coming up and i'm coming

fast because i you know i'm late i'll be late and even when i'm not late to something i'm from new york so i walk quick so i'm walking fast and this guy just steps out just into the middle of the sidewalk so i had to kind of veer like at the last second around him and i i didn't say anything but i fully turned around and be like oh and he was like sometimes you don't even have to you don't have to say anything big but you gotta react yeah to be like hey i was like and he was like i just feel like there's so much of that in new york like that everybody's always making faces saying stuff like i feel like this is the city of people always getting they getting their shit off they telling people hey you in my way i don't like you around me you smell bad this is weird yeah this is ugly

like yeah so add your opinion to the mix yeah and i'm back and now i'm embracing it in a way that i just didn't before yeah i'm like there's a space for this and i think i i'm in a season where i'm glad i'm in new york right now because that's i'm feeling very new york right now and that i see it you've definitely encompassed all of that in this in this interview friends but just know i'm still very sweet very nice super sweet super sweet super nice tell the people listening the top three nicest things the sweetest things about you um i think i'm very considerate i think that when i'm doing stuff i consider how i'm going to affect the people the space um i think i'm very empathetic there's not much i can't talk about or like step in someone's shoes to see their point

of view and also i think i'm pretty like loose with my money oh we love loose with the money i'm trying to get better no no no keep it loose i have a lot of survivor's remorse and so somebody and you got it you got a lot of you you know when you have family when you're connected to family you feel like and money really be beating people's asses so yeah it's hard out here personally i do think that's like i think people put a lot on money and so if i like give somebody money i feel like they're really like oh this is so helpful and me being like i had to press two buttons on my phone that's so much better than being like can you help

me move i'm like no i gotta like do stuff like money is so easy like i send you a link to piece of cake movers yeah and so like I feel like that's just like an easy way to to help people and at a time where people really need help okay well we have a little we have a message wait no I wanted to ask you Marie what's the three nicest things you've done oh three nicest things I've done I had a show last night and this girl came up to me and she was like I'm a comedian I just moved to New York I've seen your reels online and I had to come meet you I had to come see you in real life And I said, oh, and I hugged her and she was shocked. She was like, oh, my God.

And she was like, and you smell good. And I was like, yeah, that was me being nice because I don't hug everybody and I don't want to be touched by everybody. Number two, nicest thing that you said, nicest thing that I did or things about me that are nice. Yeah, I mean, yeah, mixed. I've got to donate some boots to Becca. That's nice. OK. and um you know i was talking to my mom on the phone today and a lot of times i when we speak

to our parents sometimes they say things and it's like annoying to us and today we had a conversation and she said something that typically i would maybe be like what what are you talking about but i laughed and me and my mom and she laughed and we had this like really nice moment of like laughing together and i just had this moment of like oh my mom is like she's just a girl you know what i mean like you know what i'm like and and because she's somebody who i'm so we're so we're like the same personality we bump heads a lot and so when i laughed and she laughed i just felt like when's the last time last time we laughed together so that was it those are my three things it was just nice i'm just gonna you know she's not gonna be here forever so it was just

like a nice simple moment of like what she's just a girl sydney i don't think we need to ask you three nice things you're nice no yeah yeah but three mean things three mean things yeah three things that you were like uh you know i like i guess i had a falling out with a friend and i i could have like addressed it in a way where i'm like let's let's bring it back like i just it was just a straight like nah I'm not good that would be considered mean but it's like if I'm I feel like I am so nice and so understanding that if you get me to the point of like I'm not speaking to you no more you got to figure that out yeah because yeah because it's like I don't just cut people off or if you do something if you cross a boundary with me that's just like so weird it's

hard for me to like communicate how weird this was I'll just I'll just cut you off as well because It's just like, yeah, you did that, cool for you, but that's not going to rock with me. And so when I cut people off, it is a little mean because I'm like, I don't care anymore. I don't want to explain. I don't want to make it right. I just don't care. I'm like, bye, that's it. So that's how I would say it's my mean.

Yeah, and I've witnessed this. I've witnessed this like maybe two times, and I'm like, okay. You said, oh. And maybe sit up We not talking to them No more No Yeah

Okay Standing on business I'll do it Yeah I love that I mean you know You gotta stand on business And when Sydney stands on it

She actually stands on it With high heels In a cute In a cute boot In a cute Snake skin boot Alright we have a message From a listener

Yes we do I'm gonna read it And then you can tell us You know How you feel about it Okay You know Hey Sydney and Marie

I'm a big fan of you two End the podcast Thanks girl Thank you I listen religiously Each week Please do a show In STL soon

That's St. Louis right? I think so STL STL Oh yeah St. Louis St. Louis tics Yeah

Gimme gimme two per My mess is that I let a man Fuck me up During the first week Of pride month Whoa I've dated women

And men my entire adult life Every time I entertain a man It feels like a form Of self harm Oh Ooh, can relate. Okay. Bye-bye.

I met this man at a bar through a mutual friend. We exchanged Instagrams, but it didn't go anywhere. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I saw we were in the same part of town. I invited him to the bar to hang out with me and my friend. We hit it off. We had a sleepover that night, but didn't hook up. Okay. He took me to breakfast the next morning.

It was sweet. Next thing you know, we're talking, hanging out often, and hooking up. He told me he was insecure. I didn't see it as a red flag until he started commenting on my body. He made a comment about my breast implants, my pubic hair. Oh, he preferred a bush. Asked when I was going to get my hair done and if I liked wearing my hair up, insinuating that I looked better with it down. Preach.

Not the only straight man in the room laughing. He's like, that's funny. He said, you must have big ears. I knew something wasn't right But the final wake up call Was when I told my friend That he goes to therapy Four times a week

I didn't even know We could do that I didn't know That was possible It's not the same It can't be the same person There's no way So four different therapists

In a week Has to That's maybe worse Okay The part that fucked me up Is when I ended things He said he wanted to end it The night before

But he wanted me to speak my peace My sassy self said peace And he said And he said No it's peace peace as in p-i-e-c-e and then she said peace p-e-a-c-e and he said no it's p-i-e-c-e guy's an asshole yeah he got me good i attached a photo i'd attach a photo of him but he blocked me immediately on instagram this has been my gay awakening is it mess or just living

full full mess full mess never never give these men uh men any any chance to to pull a stunt like that that's that's crazy um he should be thankful i wonder if he was tall and his beard connected because he literally told her a red flag and she said that's fine yeah and i really wish we had a photo because i need to know yeah that's the problem is that um she she had an out and she didn't take it yeah yeah but i think the the first night kind of set the tone of it and i think that's why she had blinders on right because they had a good time they slept over but didn't hook up and then he took her to breakfast the next morning so it's like oh this is a nice guy yeah so all you you have this vision of him at up top sweet everything that he does after that is the

opposite of that but you still you remember him as sweet and i think that's the problem this is an evening and a morning girl you need more information yeah and then he told you you insecure and you don't put that into the other information like so as the idea of like putting so much emphasis on the good is because she wanted to right and that he must have been tall beard fully connected all the way around i need to see well i want to know did she find out he was in therapy four times a week before the comments or after like when did she when did she find out she found out after it says the final wake-up call was when i told my friend oh wait no she must have already known no she already knew when i told my friend that he goes

to therapy four times a week so you knew he went to therapy four times a week and then the friend was probably like bitch nah he might he might been a bit he might have been in one of those those uh rooms that's padded your friend said girl you dating hannibal lecter four times a week is wild i've never even heard of that i didn't even know you could do that that's when you were in speech when you were in kindergarten for the stutter how many times a week did you go to that i think that was like once a week max i think therapy is once a week and i couldn't even talk like that's four times a week very scary i think it's i think it's living giving people a chance i guess 24 times a month but it's it's wait that's 24 times a month yeah 30 days in a month

it's that yeah how is he affording this what is his insurance like yeah girl maybe he really has like some really deep trauma which is like okay like not like trying to really be empathetic okay look at you i think that like she should have recognized if that was something she was willing to put up with pretty early on like i just think people really deal with things that they don't have to uh because he was talking about her titties and all these other things like at what point like was that first night really that good that all this other shit just didn't matter like was that breakfast just like the bomb right ain't no grand slam good enough ain't no waffle or pancake he had you in the vip at denny's like why were you so

i hop is never that popping no way i mean and also if you're not like in it be one for that like i think like and maybe i'm just this is not your man you were hooking up maybe i'm too much of a realist but i'm like what are the stakes like and i'm always conscious of me like if you leave my life right now what would change and if it's anything more than just like joy then it's too much like and and that's the thing like it shouldn't the stakes don't feel that high like possibly like good sex good times you can get that from like multiple like multiple people i think that's just living i think that is the question that people need to ask themselves if you leave my life right now what would change a lot of people don't think like that they like

they see what they have and they want just that and it's like but if this person wasn't here you would still be good yeah so you might be you might be better literally still getting that you just have to find something else to do you would have you would have more free time yeah or you would have time to steal some art like this the saddest the saddest thing about this is that this is happening during pride why would you have all months to do this like i'm giving somebody a chance pride she was trying to be queer and be outside the box she had already put herself in you're a lesbian friend it's okay yeah but we learn we learn these hard lessons through and through some of us you know get called you know that their titties are weird or what and then

other people you know they go to a man's house and his he doesn't have electricity so who am i to judge yeah duane thank you so much for being so insightful i mean you really know you laid it on thick you were unapologetically yourself we need that at mass yeah i didn't think i was gonna give dr phil but you did you truly did you put it on dr uncle phil uh-huh dr umar uh phil iyanla van zandt uh not on my watch uh what do you have coming up duane where where can people catch you when is the blackening to come out uh-huh when i finish writing it y'all can i'll be in new york i'm doing stand-up again i'm doing some shows coming up i'm working on a one-man show that i'm excited to put up so i'll post about that you can find me on the grams

at dwayne perkins d-e-w-a-y-n-e d-w-a-y-n-e is another nigga do not do that no don't do it E-W-A-Y-N-E. Perkins. Love it. See you at dance class in our matching blazers. I won't be there. I'm going to bring you a blazer.

Okay, I'll be there. Bye. Bye. Mess with Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players

and iHeartRadio podcast. Created and hosted by Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin. Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Han Sani. Super produced by

Becca Ramos. Edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588