MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Have You Met Sally? She’s A Bitch w/ Nick Smith

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

HOT off the press!!! This week Sydnee and Marie sit down with friend and fellow comedian Nick Smith chatting about EX mess! Is it Mess or Just Living to steal their reward points?? The three also talk chuckle f*ckers, dating, scammers, and MORE. The text is rich folks.  Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're listening to mess um all right well here we are it's mess um here yeah i uh i'm excited to be here today yeah friend i mean listen i feel like we haven't been in the studio for like two weeks girl okay yeah so that feels like forever no and so whenever i'm not with mess it's like Is there any mess going on? Sydney, you know your life is riddled with mess. No! I have pain. I have pain.

But the people around you is mess. This is true. You're right. I'm here. Mess. You know what? And you always provide, sister. Girl!

Girl! Should we bring in our guests and then... Yeah, we already started chatting with him. We might as well bring him in. Yeah. Doesn't respect the pod. I love when the guests talk before we bring them in. But that's OK, because he is a gay white man.

So that is very on brand for him. Yeah. Take, take, take. He has an amazing show called Hear Me Out. And you also have a podcast with Mateo Lane. What's it called, Ian? I Never Liked You. I Never Liked You.

What a fucking title. Give it up for our friend Nick Smith. You know, you say give it up like they're clapping. I hope you're listening and you've clapped in the car. I clap. If you're on the train, clap. If you're holding your baby, clap. If you got cheeks, clap them.

Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Anyway, it's a monsoon outside. Literally. That's what we're doing. Although you wouldn't know because you've not gotten any messages. The weather service hates you. Listen, I have the weather app. I checked Google.

I didn't even need to check the weather before I left the house. The sky was dark gray. True, but it could have been Baltimore. I said, I should probably grab a hat. But a tsunami doesn't really hit home for you because it's not like your hair is going to get messed up. A tsunami. Nothing. Although I would be washed away in a second.

Oh, we know. The wind washes me away in a second. I believe. A strong gust of wind is just. Nick, you are light as a feather, stiff as a board. No, this is true. The board is your soul. Literally.

And feather is what they called me in college. Now, if you guys get stuck and it's raining and you have no umbrella, no nothing, are you running? Are you risking it by running through the rain to get to where you're going? Or are you waiting it out? Or are you prepared? Do you usually have an umbrella on you? I almost always have an umbrella on me, but my Alexa's a bitch and lies to me, so I'm overprepared, and then she'll lie to me on the days that it does rain. And if I'm caught, I'll try to wait it out, but if I'm, like, running late to somewhere, I'm like, all right, guess I'm fucking getting wet today.

Guess I'm gonna be wet. Guess I'm getting wet today. You know what? I usually say that every day. I guess I'm getting wet today, you know? You say that every day. Every day. How wet do you be, sis?

Ooh, tsunami. Girl, I sound like you need to go to the doctor. What? Every day. Every day. I'm drinking a gallon of water a day. She's hydrated. I'm hydrated.

She's wet. She's wet. And look at you. Grab a bucket and a mop. Look at you with your Fiji. Shout out to Fiji. Fiji. Sponsor Fiji.

Sponsor, yeah. Yeah. This podcast, I don't know if this episode is, but you know, they sent me a couple cases. Yeah. They took care of us. All right. Okay, so, Nick, we usually hit the people with our mess of the week and then, you know, bring you right in. So you can also comment on whatever you hear.

I know you got a lot of commentary. Perfect. You like to chatty. I'm here. Chat it up. White guy. Marie, what's your mess for this week, honey? It's a couple things, but let's just start here.

I think I have a stalker. Nick gasped. Sydney said, because this is not new for you. No, it's not. People have had to be banned from the shows. Oh. but um about people having to be banned from shows you know the thing about me and this comic was talking to me yesterday he was like you do these videos and people feel like they know you

you do them as yourself and i was like is it me or like an exaggerated version he said it's you you do these videos as yourself you post them on socials so people feel like they know you and they have these relationships with you um and then when they meet you they you know they're too they act too familiar and um i mean it's cool sometimes i give you the girlies and stuff but not you know some man a man with a chest and arms and abs i mean not abs i'm sorry well now it could be that now you've swayed me i was like that sounds like you're you're dead man a straight man um a loner um that just you know they and when you really think about it men are kind of scary so anyway I have a stalker.

Is it a stalker if you don't see them, but they send you gifts? Are they gifts you don't want? You said yes? Well, wait a minute. They have your address? Well, this is somebody that I used to date. Girl, the way you took this to the next level. It's somebody I used to date.

Is it a stalker? Is it? I blocked them on all platforms. Is he pulling up to where you at? Girl, now he's emailing me. What is he saying? Okay, see, I had to block him on email. Next is going to be LinkedIn.

Now, that's when you know he means business. That's when he means business. You're hired. Send me a CV, baby. Listen, if somebody sends me, you know, a proposal to work at a, they make up a company for me to apply to. No. I'm like, listen, they really want me back. No.

They got a spreadsheet. I feel like that's here and now. They get everything on Convo. It's like, I actually have to sit down, put my button down on, and listen. A button down. Throwing a blouse. Throwing a blouse. Borrowing a blouse from Nick.

But what kind of things are being sent to you? Well, he sent me an air conditioner. He sent me some hats. He sent me, he sends me money. He sends me. I'm waiting for the problem. Well, it's just like, now the email was like, hey, you know, not now, but like, if you have some time, like, maybe we can go see a Broadway show.

Maybe we could da-da-da-da-da. I've blocked you on and I don't know if he's listening or not but you know I'm talking about you I've blocked him on his number, I've blocked him on all social media and now I've blocked his email so what part of that is making you feel like

I should reach out again just to invite her out? That is too much. If you're blocked on something don't reach out on something else get the memo. Thank you. Straight to the camera You shouldn't have to be blocked on numerous things. One block and you're out.

It's a chop. It's a chop. What did you block him on first? His number? Instagram. Okay. And so he'll know that he was blocked.

Right. He's a man of a particular age. I blocked him on Instagram and then I blocked him on TikTok to be safe. And then I said the number, well, the number was

the first block. I blocked, in the Uber going home, I was like. When you block someone's number, do they get a message being like? No. No, they don't get it.

Whatever they try to text you, it comes up green if it was blue. and it never went through. It wasn't delivered. It doesn't say delivered. Yeah. Gotcha.

But he has an iPhone, so it'll say it was never delivered. It'll just be green. Well, I got a Samsung. They're always green. Oh, and I'm glad to hear that for you. Wow. That is your mess.

That is your mess. We didn't ask you to say that out loud, but you did. I volunteered. And so that means there's no shame. There's no shame in Nick Smith's body. No shame. Samsung, I'll do a sponsorship.

uh so marie what you gonna do i have to move you do have to move you have to move well you do i gotta move you're gonna move i'm gonna move so now people we're looking for apartments for marie we are looking for apartments i'm gonna make a list of all the things that i wanted to have like sierra's prayer and i don't know put it under my pillow or maybe i'll make a list and I'll read it on the pod, you know, next episode or whatever, but yeah. You need something with central air so no one can send you a window AC anymore. That really

have been the problem. You not having central air, washer dryer in the unit. I want to live in a new development or like a recently renovated. I don't want to live in anything old. I've been in New York my whole life. Everything has been old the whole time and it's like new year, new me, new appliances.

I saw a place yesterday, white white refrigerator, white stove. I said, why would you? they're like do you know me and not the samsung white no it was like it was like a it was like a ge white like the ghetto the ghetto they were like honey let's find you a home and and the price wasn't right and he was like yeah but this is a great neighborhood you know it's all this stuff around i was like i would be living here not out there right therefore none of that matters to me yeah yeah it's bad he was like they're gonna paint everything i was like are they

gonna make it better and put in stainless steel oh now that is it is it a walk-up yep wait which I must go third floor my ears are bleeding third floor I am not huffing and puffing and oh I said you know hot air rises it's hot up here no it's like yeah you could put a window unit a window unit you've got one that's not on the prayer list and quiet as it's kept Marie gives those away she gives them every year i give away every year i give away my ac i i think i'm don't give this one away yet well we don't know if we're gonna need it no i'm giving it away if i hold on to it that's that's implying to the universe that i am going to want to use true no that's a good call i never keep them and i always get a new one thank you that's a good call the universe

the white refrigerator that's a deal breaker right and then he so he then he brings me he was like well we can see the unit right below this one i go to see it it looks a little bit better but it's more money and I was like yeah the price that upstairs is charging this should be charging right

and then he was like you want to see the first floor I was like I'm not really a garden level floor level beach and he was like

you have a backyard and a shed as a single female in New York you do not need that and that's just more work because you gotta keep that up

because otherwise it's gonna be weeds and Jack and the Beanstalk is gonna be in the back you're gonna buy a lawnmower yeah you know they make

Roombas for the backyard They do? Yes, I saw yesterday. And do you know how much Roombas are? Yes. I feel like we need them. Very expensive. You get a sponsorship.

Roomba. Hey, Roomba girl. I'm going to have a girl. She'll move into the ground floor. She gets a sponsorship. Roomba. No, I don't want to be on the ground floor. That's where the rats hang out.

Yeah, the rats. And it's not safe for single females in New York. Also, easy access for the stalkers. Right. That's what I mean. It's not safe. Marie, are you in there? No, you need a doorman.

I mean, that would be a nice little touch. I'll take a doorman. I'll take a package room. I'll take all of these things. I don't know what it's going to cost, but I'll take them. It'll cost. Okay, but you work in, like, the real estate world, realm. I do.

I do. One bedroom, let's say more than 750 square feet. I don't want to be that girl. Be that girl. I only handle sales. I don't know anything about that. Girl, he calls you poor. That's crazy, Nick.

You just got here. You better cover your clavicles and get you some Let me say this I only handle sale I don't know about rental You said dry sears You said white refrigerator

I wouldn't know her She don't even go here She does not go here Okay, so a one bedroom in New York What's the average price that it's going for? Sale In Brooklyn? Yep.

I mean, for everything that you want, new building and everything. The doorman don't have to be there, but yeah. But a newer building? Yep. It's probably going to be like $800,000-ish. Oh, yeah. I think if every listener, for just the dollar a day, you can sponsor my lifestyle. Actually, you really only need 20%.

Then you can take out a mortgage. What's 20% of $800,000? $160,000. So if you have $160,000, hey, now we're in business. And now how does a mortgage work? That's like rent, but I own it, but I pay it every month. But you're paying the bank because they technically own it. So it's not even yours.

Right. I mean, it is until you default and then it's not yours. Now, how do you default? Let's talk about that. You're not paying. Oh, I mean, I am known to not pay. So they're not paying your monthly payments. They're taking it.

Like foreclosure. Anytime you see something foreclosure, they weren't paying. But let's talk. after something gets foreclosed do i just owe what's left or i gotta start from the beginning no when something's foreclosed you're out no no but i'm saying if i'm trying to like rent a foreclosed or buy a foreclosed oh so that you can get a good deal because if something's foreclosed the bank usually sells it for really cheap because they're just trying to make back their money quick um but usually it's like bidding wars and all of that because it's so cheap

And at that point, whoever the prior tenant is really fucks the place up to screw them over. Oh. They'll, like, trash the place and stuff like that. It's like when you evict someone and the tenant, like, trashes it. Oh, I wouldn't know about that. I don't know nothing about that. Yeah. Evict, that's not in our vocabulary.

Same. Evict. Yeah. Don't know her. She don't go here. Okay. And then there's, like, a lot of programs in the city of New York for, like, women who are first-time homeowners. Mm-hmm.

So, like, I might be able to get it for even cheaper than that. Anyway, Nick, you put a little something in my ear. I'm going to Google default when I get home. But everyone watching and listening, a dollar a day. It'll add up. But $160,000 is a lot. It'll add up. We have faith in you, Marie.

You're putting in the universe. Girl, the universe need to give me $160,000. Lord. And then I'll pay the rent. Then I thought. True. If you were given $160,000 right now, do you think you would use it to buy a house? That's a good question.

I know. Because I think about that, too, where I'm like, say I won the lottery tomorrow. But not like the crazy. You just like did a scratch off and won $200,000 or $250,000. For sure. And I'm like, would I actually go and buy a house then? Or would I? Maybe.

If it costs. If I could buy it with a hundred and something thousand. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. But then I got to use my own money to pay for it for the rest. And then like bags and stuff like that is more fun. And travel. And travel.

Y'all are both unserious. Sydney, if you got $200,000 tomorrow, what would you do with that money? I don't know. I just, there's a lot of things that are, I need to pay off. Oh. For real. Oh, yeah. I'm not even thinking about that.

Your money is my money. That's the first thing I'm thinking about. I was like, it's my money, and I need it now. You're right. Call J.G. Wentworth. 877-CASH-NOW. Bleep that out until they sponsor. You're calling nobody.

So, Sydney, what debt are you paying off first? My student loans. I have my student loans. And they're coming after us. They're not playing around. They want their money. And so they will. They want it now.

Yeah, and they will garnish your shit. Yeah. if I won the lottery I'm not paying off my student loans I'm sorry that didn't even cross my mind at first but now you said it I'm like fuck it's what I should be doing

they don't but it's better I do it on my terms than them just take it I guess they said do you want it the easy way or we can do this the hard way the hard way is you get a check for a good amount of money

and it's on your social security and they snatch that shit. Yeah, but social security doesn't even exist anymore. And it's not going to exist when we need it. It's the fitment of the imagination in America now.

I would rather you garnish my wages while I'm sitting in a house that I own than an apartment that I'm renting from a landlord that I hate. There you go. But the thing is, is that the apartment,

they can't take the apartment away from you. Exactly. Because it's not yours. But they can take away your home. What? You ever, you never seen people's home

be repossessed? Girl, We were talking about eviction earlier. I still don't know. They freeze the assets. They freeze the assets. They do. And that is an asset.

But if I already sold the house, you can't freeze the assets. The money is gone. Now you're selling the house before they get you? I'm saying, I'm sorry, bought. If I already bought the house, I spent the money on the house. What are they going to do? They're going to take the house. They're going to come and be like, you got to do that.

Sally Mae is not taking my house. The student loan people, they gangsta like that. have you met sally she's a bitch have you met sally she's a bitch is the title of the episode i'm back she's messy sydney what is your mess what you want to talk about um my mess is uh i am i'm feeling good about r75 i'm 60 days in today yes and so i'm loving the changes in my body and i don't know i don't know but my mental hmm it could do i could do some more numbers on that but uh i am you know fitting into things differently but i do have this thing i don't know if y'all ladies no one ever heard of it but it's

cellulite cellulite cellulite I have a little bit of cellulite on the legs and the buttocks and so

you know I'm up late at night googling for machines to get rid of that oh girl do they have that you order something they do

they have everything for anything of course I order well what Kim K you of course I order what do the Kardashians use I know that's good American Express

that's what they use or they get hooked up they probably from Dr. Jung or whatever so Who? Dr. Jung. He does all the BBLs.

You haven't heard? I don't know him since. Yes, look it up. Dr. Jung. Some of y'all have him remarked. They love him. He does all the BBLs. Anyway, I'm not getting a BBL.

I just want to roll out like, you know, like a, you know, patty cake, patty cake, baker's man. So basically it's this machine that basically it's like lymphatic drainage, but it actually is like hitting all the pockets of cellulite in your legs and in your butt. and so you have to put your thighs in between it and uh and roll it back and it hurts so you got it already so i got it right and so i'm rolling it and it for how long for like two minutes but it makes your legs real ashy and dry and are you supposed to do it with it's like a a gua sha for your thighs it's different because gua sha doesn't hurt this hurts because it's really

needling out all of the... It's a needle. No, it's not a needle, but it has little bitty, like... Bumps. Bumps to roll it out, right? This sounds like something that you can go to Queens,

to the Colombians for, and they'll roll your body out. Again, I'm not paying that. So this is why I was online looking for a do-it-yourself. Okay, so here's the mess. The mess is I show my girlfriend this gadget, and I say,

oh you know i need to get it i need to do it on my butt but um i think i'm gonna ask you know duane to do it right when he gets back and she's like you would ask him to do that and i said yeah she's like why why would you because i'm like because he'll be here he's gonna do it yeah she's like do you think that's appropriate oh well he's not gonna fuck you with it that's what i did i didn't say fuck but i was like he's a gay man yes are you naked while he's doing your butt well he would be seeing my butt so you are naked you can't wear a bikini I wouldn't be butt naked I would I would be covered but I would have to be on my back and he would roll it out first of all she's not spread I just want you to know rolling out cellulite is not it doesn't

feel sexy it doesn't look sexy and I just want you to know I am great when by the time I'm done with it it's it's giving the the ghost of christmas pet yes that's exactly what it is it's it's casper i look like casper same you look like the story of my life the blue girls from uh proud family yeah that's exactly who i look like and so there's nothing sexual there's nothing i said i would ask marie or amina and she's like you think that's appropriate to ask them yeah so who does she want to do it I don't think she wants anybody touching me like that yeah but it's not in a sexual way I think that's messed damn Sydney that's that's what it is she said the body is too good yo I'm telling you after this after this weekend baby she was like

nah you can't be having this all out here like I know what temptation is well because Sydney is going to be laying flat on a towel with her poussoir against the terrycloth. It's not. I'm going to be covered up. I'm going to wear a panty. She's not spread eagle. Maybe you ought to be spread eagle for the cellulite to dissipate. Stop it. You can't be tight for cellulite.

Tight for cellulite. Actually, you do because that's what it's squeezing it through. It's squeezing it through. Ooh, girl. Y'all tell me if I'm... And we already know she's going to be wet. No, you have to be dry. You have to be dry. No, you said you wet every day. Yeah, you're wet every day.

every day so cellulite day you're just dried up the secretions will go back inside if a friend is present I'm not gonna lie I get that

Sydney I think if I did it you would be wetter than you've ever been in your life okay girl splish splash I know you got

your confidence is real high high high but I need you to take it down a bit cause I would not you'd be like stop no

I would be embarrassed I'm like Marie stop looking at it I would be like this is gross it's not this is not it doesn't look good

I'm gonna show y'all Would you let me light a candle if I was? No, we need all we need the overhead lights on for you to really get into it. What about some light music? What music? What if we dim the lights? Lo-fi. Lo-fi elevator music.

Concentration jams. You know what? We will listen to the podcast. You know what? There you go. And that's it. That's my mess. Hey, Nick, thank you so much for coming in and listening to all of this chaos.

Well, before you pivot. Yeah. Where did y'all leave it? Yeah. Is he going to do it or not? Well, he hasn't been back to the house, so I have to ask him. But also, I don't think she doesn't want it, so I don't think I can. That's what dating is?

Dwayne want to do it. Also, that's what Dwayne might be like. Does Dwayne want to do it? Yeah, he might be like, should I call him? Well, you got to explain what it is. We don't have time to catch him up. I think he would do it for you. Send him the Tracee Ellis Ross video.

Would you do this to my bud if I was naked? Wait. Just call him one second. I'm going to call him. I spoke to him yesterday. I didn't even bring it up to him yesterday. I should have. But I think it's because I'm embarrassed because I'm like, I'm not that hot.

I don't think I could ask anybody to do that for me. I would, like, tape it to the wall and rub my butt. That's because you're an independent Haitian woman. That's because I live by myself. I would just rub my butt. Hello, Dwayne. Hi, you're on the pod. Hi, Dwayne.

Hi, Dwayne. Nick is here. Marie's here. We have an important question for you. This is like a set up It's not a set up Take it in Say hi to the pod

Hello pod Dwayne's in Chicago right now So I have this machine That rolls out The cellulite that's on my legs And on my butt If I needed you to do it Like to roll out the cellulite

On my butt Would you? Do you gotta be naked? Yes Hell yeah no Dwayne that's not what Brittany wants to hear

I was gonna say that was certainly not Dwayne you hate when I have booty shorts on in the house you're like put put some pants on whore that's what you say to me

does he say that yes there's a tight ship over there Sydney's roommate is straight her girlfriend is straight I love you Dwayne goodbye

I gotta walk around with a turtleneck in your arm She gotta wear a Snuggie I do I do actually need to buy one of those things It's just a whole bodysuit situation I guess that's a good point Do you have to be naked I don't know but Marie

What if you're just in booty shorts Marie what if I show you I think she's gotta be in a thong I gotta be in a thong Cause you can't have the fabric on your butt So a thong Maybe it is too intimate I actually see what she's saying now.

Would you do it for me, Marie? You got to be naked. No! If she's in a thong. If she's in a thong. Nick, you are here today. We have such a bright young guest. We are gathered here today.

Bright young guest. Definitely young, but I don't know about bright. When I say bright, I meant white. I was going to say, I am bouncing off the white. Literally. This is alabaster. The same as this table. It's electric white.

Yeah, and when you go on vacation, you wear a big floppy sun hat. Big floppy hat. Big sunglasses. And if it's a beach, there's got to be an umbrella as well. And a towel. On your legs. Or on all of me. What SPF do you wear?

1,000. A hundred, I have. Yeah. I just went to the beach the other day. I had a can of SPF 100. We cannot tell. I was in L.A. and I went to the beach. You can't tell?

No. Can not tell. It seemed like you went to the Antarctic, for sure. You were in the Icelandic beach. In L.A., I don't even think I ever went outside, other than to, like, get into the car. But, you know, they're all on, like, carports. Yeah, they got smog and stuff. You don't want to.

Yeah. And the beach, I never left from under the umbrella. Look at you. You never have to worry. You never have to worry about your skin just crackling like the Crypt Keeper. It seems like you're going to be pretty set over. You see how white people age. It will crackle.

Shout out to all the Steve Buscemi's that are listening to the pod right now. White people's skin does go from zero to 100 real quick. I think it's, you know, all the atrocities in y'all's past. Ooh, it's called reparations. Catches up to us. When you say a wrinkled, wrinkled black person, that person is in their mid to late hundreds. FYI. Shout out to Cicely Tyson.

I mean, she is passed on. She has passed on. Rest in peace. R.I.P. Nick, what is your mess? What do we want to talk about today? So my mess, I don't think is mess, but I was told is messy. OK, so, you know, loyalty programs that like CVS or Duane Reade or all that, where you type in your number and you get points and then they give you like coupons or discounts.

So I still use all of my exes. Oh, you. So I'll type in their phone number and use their points. How many exes? Two. Two. But one for each store. So they they don't know.

So hold on. Like, I always put my mother's number in so she gets the points, but I never use the stuff. You type the number in, and then you take the reward if there's one available? Well, so, in my defense, I type the number in so they get the points. Okay. Oh, okay, yeah. But then you go back, and you use those points. But then eventually, you rack up enough points, and they're like, oh, you have $10 off.

Do you want to use it? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not a mess. but technically it's their account and they're also racking up points so it really is cvs duane reed all of those your exes get medicine and q-tips and stuff i mean they're going to the stores and they get an email every time i use it now that's mess that is mess so

they're being alerted i have gotten a message before like did you just use my ten dollars off did you use my ten dollars at first I would respond you sound poor I don't know right did I use your ten dollars

and also that's the least that I deserve okay it's ten dollars now walk us through these breakups who broke up

with who I'm actually still really good friends with both of them oh so like what's the problem right I don't think

it's that messy but I am basically using their reward points and money well let's get back into this so you're friends

with your exes like how close are you friends with them so i talked to the one almost every day every day nick every day you got a stalker too yeah well i mean we're friends they're friends how wait like we go to dinner we go to the movies you're going to dinner with your ex but it's multiple but it's also gay man it's different right it's different and my other ex is we dated in college so we were so young that like we're friends now i don't see him or hang out with him as much as the more current one like we were just like so young and it's just like we're just friends he had a cvs he had a cvs rewards card in college i guess i think after seven years

of someone being your ex that also falls off your credit so that you it doesn't matter y'all could still be friends for sure the most recent ex it's only been a little over a year since we broke up But we're still hanging out. That's interesting. He's dating other people. I date other people. And now what kind of people do you date? Yeah.

Talk about that. It's really, I hate dating. Do you? You don't like anything. So that's not surprising. Right. I mean, I just, how do I say this without seeming like a heinous person? Just say it.

I just don't like getting to know people. That's fair. I don't like small talk. I don't, like, if I could, in an ideal world, fast forward three months into a relationship, so I already know all of the standards about you, where you're from, what you do, family, friends, everything. If I have to go on a date and be like, so, how many siblings do you have? It makes my skin crawl.

But you don't actually have to ask about the siblings. Yeah, but it's like, they're basic questions to get to know someone. So it's like, ugh, I hate all of that stuff. Okay, here's some questions for you to skip that. How do you think you're going to die? Ooh, good one. Yeah. What's the last thing you text someone?

Let me see it. The last, well, I actually am talking to someone right now. That's a question. I'm saying that's the question to do on a date. Oh, I was going to say, I actually am talking to someone right now. But I also was like, is this a question? No, no, no, it's not a question. Well, but the person I'm talking to now, we met up through a hookup.

Okay. So I feel like we bypassed a lot. Is that the, that's the loophole? Because if you meet someone just straight up like, let's go on a date, And it just feels so formal and official. And I hate that. Hate it. But have you seen the movie Click?

With Adam Sandler? Yeah. Not a long time. Sure. Also, me neither. But if you could fast forward three months into a relationship, and after you did that, every time you met somebody, you'd fast forward three months into that relationship, would you do that?

A hundred percent. I disagree with this. I don't like the early stages. I don't like them. But that's three months of your life that you're also losing. You fast forward three months so that you don't have to lose most of it. I don't get what the problem is. Your life would be so short.

I'm just talking. So you don't want to live. Is that what we really— Should we talk? What do we need to call? What do you mean? I guess in that sense, I didn't think about it like, I was also losing three months of my own life.

Right. So in that, I really hate the early stages. Don't you think about the three months that you're getting to know someone, that's when you get kind of wrapped up and interested. The butterflies and all that. Yeah, that's the fun part. That's the buildup. After the three to, like, six months, then you're kind of settled and content.

But that's what I like. I like comfortability and settled and content, and it's just like— You don't want the butterflies. I don't. I don't need them. I need the comfortability. I need to—I just need it loosey-goosey. I don't need the like nerves or the like butterflies or the oh I wonder if I should text should I text now or should I wait another like I don't know I feel like in my mind the way that I approach dating now is if I feel like there's something that I want to say like if I start to text something and I'd be like I shouldn't say that and I delete it I'd be like no I'm gonna send it because I just feel like the thing that the the when you think about the person and the things that you think about them I feel like that's when you should reach out to them yeah that's how I feel

Yeah. But I sometimes do it too much. And then it's like, it's too much. So then I'm like, okay, but I don't know the happy balance. Because in my mind, and I have talked about this with Mateo on the podcast, I get myself in trouble because some people view dating that you're supposed to let the person find out about you and figure things out and you don't need to be everything all at once. Whereas I'm like, no, no, they're getting everything all at once. I'm not wasting time. They're going to hear I hate this, this, this, this, and this. I like this, this, and this.

And I'm crazy about this or this. So you're dumping. Is that what you're saying? A hundred percent. But not in like a trauma dump, but just more so like I am who I am from the get-go. Yeah. Like I'm wearing three-foot brim sun hats on the beach. And you're going to see that picture from the get-go.

I'm not hiding like some pictures so they don't see them right away. You're putting that in your dating profile. A hundred percent. That's the first one. The floppy hat is in the profile. Let me see your dating profile. Pull up whatever one it is that you use the most. I need to see it.

I mean, there's pluses and minuses of doing it that way. But like the people who are into that, you have to find them and hope that you dump it on the right person. Other people might be like, this is too much. The hat is the first pick. That is so good, Nick. It's actually so much character. But it's me.

And it's good. Yeah, it looks good. But that's my thing is like, this is what you're getting. We need that for the dump. That's the cover. That's like you truly. Yes. This is what you're getting.

Model. Model. That's superb. Long lean and might break his spleen. Yeah. Daddy long legs. I see it. But that's where I'm like, I'm not trying to like hide things or like, that's what you're

getting. I'm going to be in sun hats. I'm going to look like a vampire. I don't like kids. I don't like animals. You don't like kids or animals. You don't like cooking. I don't like cooking.

I don't like direct sunlight. I don't like outdoor activities. I don't like working out. I only eat fast food. Like, you're getting all of this from the get-go. Because if something doesn't work for you, why are we wasting our time? Yeah, but letting someone get to know you, letting somebody get to know you kind of slowly and naturally, they'll learn to, like, be like, oh, that's like a quirky, cute thing about them.

As opposed to you being like, I don't like this, I don't like that. And then they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's they don't know you enough to like you yet. They just hear what you don't like and they don't like you now. You understand? Fair. Would you consider yourself neurotic? A bit.

Are you Jewish? No. Oh, Marie. Well, I say neurotic. You say Jewish. Well, they got anxiety. I definitely have anxiety. That runs in the family.

Woo. OK. Hello, mess. We're here. You can't say that we're not bringing it today. Listen. We're bringing it. Listen, run that back and listen to what just happened if you missed it.

But, okay, like, okay, yeah, I'm sorry. You asked if he was Jewish? No, I asked if he was neurotic. That's what I asked. Marie, don't push that on me, bitch. Wow, the way you just threw me under the bus. Whoa. You started it.

And what is your relationship to challah bread? You like challah bread. Shalom. So, my brother, it seems like you don't want to do much and you don't like much, But you want to date other people who also have the similar interests as you, which is nothing. That's why I have a hard time dating. I have a very hard time dating because I'm a very, I always say this to everyone, I'm a very specific person. Most people that meet me and get to know me, they're like, you are very specific.

I have people in my life where they're like, it's hard to explain you to other people. They just have to like meet you to actually know what you're talking about. Squidward. You're literally the human form of Squidward. He hates everything. He does. But that's what I'm saying. He really does. But to say that to someone, it's almost like they have to meet me to know.

But a lot of people don't want to meet me because they're like, I don't know about that. But now that you and Mateo have this pod, he brings you out on the road. I mean, I've been on shows with him where he's like, I'm going to call Nick. And the whole theater is like going crazy. They love you. So now that you're more visible, do you find that it's easier to date? Because people already kind of. Harder.

It's harder. Way harder. Why? Because gays are messy. I'm looking to the camera for this. There are some apps specifically meant for hooking up. And if you are on that app, let's not beat around the bush. We're there to fuck.

If your first message is about Mateo, our podcast, my YouTube videos, or whatever topic we talked about that week. you're getting blocked i'm there to fuck not talk about my podcast or mateo i'm there to fuck why your voice quiver when you said that well hold on nick what if i want to fuck and talk about mateo we can't do both no damn you strict over there it's real strict what if it's the best sex of your life but we will never know we will never know so it's not that it's made it hard because truly like if I get a match on a dating app

or a message on a hookup app at this point nine times out of ten it's always like are you with Mateo right now or like if we're in another city

they'll be like just saw the show oh my god love you two are you two together right now it'll be stuff like that that's so sick I think people

gays are sick yeah no I didn't say gays are sick people are sick it's like you can't even you can't even hide your admiration

you have to let people know you're too transparent which is gross it like if you can't even pretend that you're like hey i'm not really here uh to you know fuck you and meet mateo then i can't trust you but we live we live in times of people just want to be like it's all about the proximity to fame yeah if they're not famous they want to be neck they want to touch the hem of a famous person's garment or they want to know a famous person's sister or a famous person's stylist or you know what i'm saying like it's all who you know, and who knows you.

And it's like, just because they famous doesn't mean that they cool. I'm not saying that about you, Nick. To quote Caleb Heron, I'm not opposed to fucking a fan, but it's how you approach it. Like, if you're a fan, fine, but if you approach it like a normal conversation, it's not

your first message, and then eventually like someone did this, and they said, hey, I just want to let you know, I absolutely know who you are, but it doesn't need to be a thing. I just want to let you know so it's not weird. Fine. It wasn't your first message. We had already established a bond, yada, yada, yada.

We can get down to business. But your first message is about my best friend or the podcast or the fact that I fucking dressed up as Woody and passed out in a haunted house. Like, we're not doing anything at that point. Dating as a famous person is hard. It is. Right, it is. Because, like, when you really, really think about it, like, everybody, like, the more known you are, I guess the more successful you are in what you do, the more people can come up to you and be like, loved you in blank, which is, you're probably a turnoff for anybody. And then, or it's like, I'm a big fan of this.

Or they listen to your podcast and they talk to you like they know you. I met a guy last night. I met a man last night. And he was like, he was at the show and we had a nice little conversation, but he was like, I watched every single thing that you've done. And I was like, oh. That's too much. And he was like, you're a podcast with, what's her name?

I said, you know, it's Sydney. Right. But here, had he said, hey, I've seen your videos before. They're really funny. You would have been like, great. Thanks. But the fact that he took it too far and said, I watch every single one of your things. Oh, he was naming things that I've done.

that's where it crosses the line if you're a fan great I don't blame you but also wait hold on I just want to give you this tea if I'm a fan and you want to fuck me then I'm worried about you I'm like oh so you for the streets

you fucking fans you not taking it to the next level no because fans want to fuck or want to be close if it's someone hot and you have a connection but that's what I'm saying you have to build that connection first Don't just come out the gate and be like, I watch every single one of your videos.

I'm obsessed with you and Mateo. Then it's like, what response did you think that was going to get? But what's the whole point of being famous? It's not to be amongst the pedestrians and to fuck fans. But you're saying this as if rock stars and rappers and people like that haven't been banging their fans since the beginning of fandom. And I've been side-eyeing them. And every time they do it, they get in fucking trouble. Girl, I'm talking.

People used to. You're not wrong on that. But it happens every day. Like basketball players, like professional athletes roll into cities and fans want to have sex with them. And because they're famous, they get to pick the hottest one or the one with the biggest ass or the one with the gua sha for the thighs. You know what I'm saying? And then whenever they roll through that city, that is the fan that they see or they pick a different one and they see that person. Maybe you get flewed out.

But, like, fans have always been a thing, and banging them is not new. And now there's an article on TMZ saying, oh, this girl in, like, Ohio said that she was sexually assaulted. By who? By the person who's a celebrity, and it was a fan. Yes, in Ohio. You mean about Matt Rife? No, I— Who you talking about?

Girl, what? He's from Ohio. Bitch. Yo. He look like he banged fans. Every time I say something, you take it. Sydney, say the name. I'm just making something up.

Oh, she's creating a scenario. Girl, you too good today. Y'all strict in here. I say neurotic. You say Jewish. I say Ohio. Sexual assault. You said Matt, right?

Like, what? You say tomato. I said Whoopi Goldberg. Like, Marie, this is out of pocket. But I love it. I love it. We're keeping everything in. We're keeping everything in.

Leave it all in there. Nothing is getting edited today. I knew what you were doing. You know what I was saying. You're creating a scenario. But clearly, I'm not speaking. She was a private investigator over here. Well, when she said, what's the last text you sent?

I knew she was asking a question for the date, but you reached for your phone. It's me. I'm clearly the problem. I'm throwing everybody off. I'm throwing everybody off today. But would you fuck a fan or date a fan? No, no. If they outwardly said, I've been watching, da, da, da, da.

Even like people who've gone to a show and then they want to hang out afterwards and then they're interested in me. I said, so I said all that stuff on stage for an hour. And you like, I'm the one? You want to be with me? That's weird. Right? I said I burned down my house, kissed a cousin. Like, you want to be with that?

And now I'm in a relationship with one of those people. So it's good. I don't think she's a fan. I don't think so. But you hope she's somewhat of a fan. Yeah. But I do. I do have a story about I was watching this guy on TV and he was on one of these shows and he was a model or whatever. And I ended up like low key stalking him on Facebook and all these things. Oh, and he ended. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, this is a long time ago. And also said a man. So it's also a long time ago.

Did you send him an air conditioner? No, I did not. I'm not sending men nothing. OK. Let them sweat, bitch. I'm not sending them nothing, okay? They lucky, you know, good for me. I didn't send them to the clinic, but there's that. Anyway, so I strike that from the record. Strike that from the record. Put that in there.

But I end up, like, getting a picture of him from, like, I don't know, one of the campaigns he did, and I put it on my BlackBerry. That was my back. That was my, you know, cover screen or whatever. And I ended up meeting him at an after hours. It was like six o'clock in the morning and I'm rolling on Molly. I go up to him and I said, is this you? And he said, that is me.

And then he proceeds to give me his number. Oh, OK. Well, I'm going to stop you right there. Straight men. They have no cooth in any way. They'll fuck a fan, a friend, a dead body, a friend's girlfriend. they're the worst yeah you think straight men are worse than gay men yes in terms of hooking up culture in terms of that in terms of fans right i think the gay men i know that are

well known all feel somewhat similarly they'll fuck a fan but if you're a fangirl from the jump it's out a straight man we'll you're right we'll hook up with somebody these rock stars these athletes everything they're like oh no no i'll i'll fuck you right here i'm your favorite athlete great my room is 6 32 that's what i'm saying i'm like i don't think it i i think it's a no on the fans if you want to if you want to f you you're in another bracket it's kind of like if you were you know successful rich why would you go down to the boondocks and hook up with somebody who ain't got nothing going on for themselves yeah but i think it's fuck a fan but not date a fan right you know i think that's the difference they want to date they still want to date laurie harvey

they still want to date other famous people they're sliding in celebrity or sydney sweeney's dms they're not you know what i mean like they'll hook up with somebody in tennessee on a bus right you know what it sounds like it sounds like being in first class and you hanging out with all these people in first class and you're like you know what let me go let me go back to 32d who back there that's who i want to be with no no i worked so hard to get my miles up i'm i'm in diamond status yeah now i'm going all the way next to the bathroom to go have a chat and pussy pop with somebody no way but it's just a chat because when you land where you going you back in first class And you never look back at that person that was in 32D.

That's the difference. It's all sick. And that's why I'm glad I'm out the game. I'm glad that I hung my cloak up and y'all could have it. Y'all could have the streets because it just, it sounds exhausting. It is. It's messy. It is exhausting.

And I'm the same way, Nick. If somebody, like, messages me on an app and they're like, oh, I think you're really funny or, oh, I saw you at the knitting factory, I'm automatically turned off. Right. And I'm not matching with that person. Well, and immediately in my head, any romance or sexual chemistry has immediately clicked off because now I'm like, OK, so I talk to this person as if they're a fan or I ignore them or treat them like someone trying to get into comedy or whatever to come and be like, oh, I was at your show or go to your monthly show every month or I watch every single one of your podcast episodes. What reaction do you think I'm going to have? I don't like when anybody when I send it on Instagram and I'll say thank you. Sure, I'll double tap.

Right. Or I'll look at it. It'll stay in the request. Well, that. But I just, I don't like anything where it feels like the other person knows more about me than I know about them. And that's why the fan thing is a turnoff for me. Because it's like, you've seen me perform, so you know how I talk. You maybe know a small anecdote about me.

I know nothing about you. I don't know what you look like. I don't know how tall you are. I don't know what under your nails look like. But you know something about me because you listen to me? Yeah. No. Yeah, I don't like that stuff either because it is very much so much of our lives is online.

Yeah. So people do know so much about us and even stuff like we don't even realize we're saying on a podcast or something. And then they pick up on it and then you're like, how do you know that? Oh, right. I said that. But then we know literally nothing about this. Nothing. Well, the crazy thing is, is that this guy said he listened to everything, but he obviously wasn't listening hard enough because you said, I don't like when people do this.

tell me that they watch all my shit and they into me or do comedy he said i listened to an episode and a half of the pod i said which episode and he was like um and i was like he's probably lying yeah and then um he probably could quote everything bar for bar word for word yeah it was still on a tab on his phone you know when you like pause spotify and you open your phone back up and it's still on the window and it would have been mess but yeah he was like i've seen this you on stavi's podcast and your humor is similar to mine and i was like he's a comic he said i i want to start getting into comedy and he was a good looking man then fuck him and i don't but i can't i can't he's listening to the podcast he's seen me perform live he's watched all my videos on

youtube going back it sounds like he wants a mentor that's it it does kind of give that i mean i don't want to be a mentor little sister little brother or whatever the hell that program was called i'm gonna throw up how old i i don't know late 20s early 30s it was a black man so he could have been 60 i have no idea okay so nick what do you like though you you mentioned to all the stuff that you can't stand, what are you into? Top three favorite things.

So I'll put it under an umbrella like fast food. I love fast food. Nick, you've got to grow up. Dunkin, Chipotle, Taco Bell. You've got to grow up. I said something

that you like and you say Dunkin? That's the top? He said Dunkin, Chipotle, Taco Bell. You missed the Taco Bell. Yeah, I'll start at fast food. I want to see who's trying to talk to you

in your DMs after this because that for me, I would have... Hopefully one of those companies offering me a sponsorship. Taco Bell, girl. Literally. I'm walking away.

I'm walking away. Other things. I genuinely, this is going to sound sappy. This isn't a place for it. Not after you said Chipotle, Taco Bell, and Dunkin' Donuts. You're Donald Trump's son. He likes all of that. And he likes Diet Coke, and that's my favorite drink.

Diet Coke is. Okay, something that I really like or love is I genuinely love spending time with my friends. Like, it's hands down favorite. If I could do it every day. That is so gay. If I was into you and you told me all this stuff, I was like, well, I have no chance. I'm not Dunkin' Donuts. I'm not an iced coffee.

And I'm not Matteo Lane. So what the hell would they want to do with me? I didn't say Matteo. I said friends. Very clear. Very clear. Crystal clear. If that is a colleague, I said friend.

You said co-worker? Right. Uh-huh. One of my favorite things to do is whenever Mateo posts something, it's to look for Nick's comment. It's always the shadiest, meanest. Did you see the post that he did yesterday of us, too? I was writing up the comments, and it was cracking me. Someone was like, what's this smiling without teeth?

I wrote, they're wooden. Okay, Abraham Lincoln. You know, this is such a healthy friendship. I said, healthy? Yeah, Mateo was like, happy for International Friend Day. Like, he wrote this, like, whole caption. Damn! And Nick goes, Nick goes, who are you?

It was yesterday? Yeah, we missed it. Yeah, it was yesterday. International Friendship Day. This is what I care for. I did not know that on TikTok. July 30th. It's only on Instagram.

Mateo's post is the only one I saw about it. I said, oh. Well, the reason we saw it is because Nicole Byer and Sasheer made us re-up to their podcast, Best Friends. and they said in honor of International Friendship Day, our new episode of Best Friends is out. Oh. We celebrate belated.

Belated. That was white. Tomorrow is black. Not even today? Tomorrow. Well, we found out about it today. You need a buffer. Tomorrow is International Black Friend Day.

There we go. Marie saw that post and wasn't like, well, I started going, I went to the comments, I saw Nick's comment, I got distracted, and then I went away. Isn't that nice?

Happy belated international. Oh, my God. Black and brown. I got to get back in the mix. This is crazy. Yes, Sydney, when do you think you're going to dip your toe back into Instagram? um i think i think i'm i think i'm there i think i'm pretty much there because i've shedded this i want to reinvent honestly i feel like i should come yes i honestly you've been enlightened

amina's shaving her hair off like going dark doing all this stuff and then coming back and now she like vlogs she's a white and yes it was actually it's pretty inspiring um i mean she does send us stuff in the group and i was like yeah i just like it because i'm like this i can't but i can but are you talking about the inspirational stuff that she drops no no no she'll just like have a picture of she'll have a video of her dancing like with her son and she's like this is content for the day and i'm like i'm like damn do i need to get a son like what is gonna get me to go you have a son it's right there shut the fuck up that's your content yeah you're really good at it nick you're i mean you could do a whole video series of sydney and her water baby

in weird spots my buddy should i start getting it close should is this my laboo now should i draw faces on it and like put a little vest on it lashes on it print out a picture of a laboos stick it on there oh that's see i love that we're brainstorming workshopping here content And corner. Okay. Content corner. So I'm going to have to go to Marie and print out something from the printer. Well.

You have a whole bit about printing. I gave my printer to Marie. And it doesn't have any ink. International friends gave my ass. No ink. My ass. Wait, no, but we have, we're going to dinner. We got dinner and a show tomorrow for international friends.

Yes, we are. A show? What show? Oh, we get to see the original cast of. What's this? The original cast of Blank. Is it a

What is it? You don't know what it is. Hamilton. Hamilton. The original cast. The original cast. Okay, that's a big deal. It is.

For Friends Day. For Friends Day. Wait, where is that happening? You're not on the list. Yeah. Well, obviously. You're not on the list. That's for sure.

Yeah, we're going to like a dinner and then I guess I think they're going to sing. I don't know. Wow. That's pretty amazing. Chase Sapphire is hosting it. By Chase Sapphire.

Hopefully, I'll get a new account. There you go. Putting it in the universe. $160,000 deposited the next day. The next day, so we can get us a house, a home. Okay, can I tell you guys something that I heard about today that I have to talk to y'all about? Okay, yes. Is today international or something?

So, no, apparently, I was talking to one of my managers, and she was, apparently, there's a girl on Etsy that you can buy a spell from her. Okay. And then she, or Three Wishes, I said, it's a genie. Who is it, Will Smith? Yeah, it's a lady on Etsy. And she, you could buy a spell or a witch from, I mean, whatever from her. And people pay money. And then she does the spell and it's supposed to be like about someone?

No, like people, people use it and get like, you have like money coming or like love or like, I don't know, like random blessings and stuff like that. She charges $15 a spell. $15? $15 a spell. And she has 104,000 sales. Marie, did you do it? No. Should we do it?

I just wanted to talk to y'all about it. Should we do it? Does everybody want to do their own? Can we? I think I'm in. I'm in. It's only $15? $15 a spell and 104,000 sales?

104,000 sales. $1.5 million. She's made from make-believe. But you know what? She manifested this. And I'm here for it. And we're signing up, bitch. I'm not mad at her.

People are dumb enough to pay it. Mind you, look at the reviews. Thank you very much. Very satisfied by results. Very satisfied. I purchased the spell from Emily. That's not a good witch name. I purchased the spell from Emily.

And slowly over the past few months, I've seen amazing changes. Changes that I wouldn't think could be possible before. But do they give examples? No. My other requests were received and help quickly. I'm excited with this one. I don't, it doesn't say. I mean, I guess we could see if anybody's more specific.

Do we know what she looks like? No, because I asked. You know I asked. And now that I know her name is Emily, I saw white British girl. We already know what it is. Well, that's what she's labeled. She's in the UK. The UK.

What if it's some like- So is she making USD? She making USD. She making USD. And Manchester. And the dollar's stronger than the pound right now. The dollar is stronger. So she's cashing out.

You said $1.4 million. One point? She's been doing these spells on Etsy since 2020. And that's when all the fools came out in 2020. You know, that pandemic had us going wild. We were believing in anything. Why wouldn't we do this? When?

No. I hear shit like this. Hold on. I'm like, whoa. Here. I could have done that. Wealth and prosperity cleanse. Road opener cleanse.

Health. Yo, look at this. This is crazy. Marie, we got to do this tonight. Love and reconciliation. Cleansing and protection. Wealth and prosperity Self love and growth

And she has like 21 things I'm gonna do it And I'll get back to y'all Do it But I won't say If the results happen They just gonna happen

And y'all better Have your eyes open You have your eyes open There will be signs And your mouth wide Okay Hey Watch this space

Yes There will be signs There will be signs There will be signs There will be signs I'm not gonna say But there will be signs There will be signs

So that's not messed to y'all No I mean No It's good mess. It's messy that she does it because it's obviously not real. And if she even is a she, it could be a 300-pound guy in his basement somewhere saying he's Emily doing spells. 14,000 ratings.

14,000 ratings? 14. She has 104,000 sales. But she has 14,000 ratings. 4.9. Yo, we got to do it. 4.9. 4.9.

That means nobody is saying they're not satisfied. One person was like, three stars. Yeah. Because they probably didn't get with Brad Pitt. Can you filter and read the lowest rated one? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lowest rated. Let's go.

Hold on. Oh, no. It's either suggested or most recent. Damn. Damn. So we can't. Maybe just try to scroll through and see if you could get anything but a low. I mean, there's.

I'm on page five and this is July 30th, 2025. Fuck. That was yesterday. Yeah. That's crazy. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Well, Emily, hey, we'll get back to y'all. We'll let you know how it is. She is cashing in. How many spells are we going to do this? She's amazing. 10 out of 10. Definitely life-changing. Very accurate and on point.

The mannerisms of the people I was asking about were completely accurate, and I appreciate the clarity. She also knew tarot, so if you need her, yo, she getting on my mind. She's got a crystal ball. Any, any. She's got voodoo. Is this happening on Zoom? It came fast, and when I say some roads opened right away, truly. They're talking about anal.

I knew it. I knew this is a wild for me. Emily was very prompt with communication. I'm hoping for good things with the abundance casting. I'm looking forward to more abundance in my life. What does abundance? What do you mean abundance? Is it money?

Is it love? Is it health? Is it ass? Abundance is like, I just want a lot of something. But abundance is like your cup is full and running over. That's abundance. Okay. Just tell me the specific things I need to ask for when I hit up this bitch, Emily.

All I'm going to say is this actually works. I paired it with a road opener so that it may have, that may have enhanced it. I definitely got money that was much needed to pay my rent. My rent was covered for three months. Buy this now. I'm buying a house, Emily! Girl, I'm going to her immediately. We got to end the pod right now because I'm about to go off.

Marie, send this to us and send the link. No, actually, I don't want to send a link to the people. No, no, no. We need to see if it works for us. Yeah, we need to see. Then we'll add y'all. And you're not getting money to promote it. No.

Exactly. Because we're not helping Emily unless you want to come on the pod. Girl, we should start our own spell casting. That's the thing. Wait, hold on. That's the thing. No one would know. Anyone could say it.

She's a witch. That's cool now. What's so frustrating, what's so frustrating, you know what's a mess? It's just like not believing in yourself, not believing in the bullshit. because you will be thinking, oh, this is a dumb idea. I can't do this. I'm not going to go forward with it.

Or you don't want to hurt people. You're like, I don't want to take these people money, but why not? If they're giving it away, you might as well. Oh, let me tell you about the story that I just heard yesterday.

Okay. Now we're not ending the pod. Now we're not ending the pod. Okay, Nick. Let me cross my legs. I wonder if it crossed your timeline. Okay. So this guy, bipolar,

like a massive bipolar manic person, right? He's from Ghana. he's an artist right he's had so much like dysfunction and stress all his life he's decided he looked it up he wants assisted suicide in in in switzerland and they do that they do assisted sui suicide and so um suicide so he's like oh i'm gonna sign up for this side because it's switzerland okay thank you switz switz side switz side right and so you you have to sign up for this how much this costs yeah i don't i i don't know what it is i don't let me finish let me finish i don't know how much it costs but you sign up for it or whatever um so he puts online

he's like hey i've decided this is what i'm gonna do you know it's nice knowing y'all this is what i figured out so then 2 000 people hit him up and they're like wait i want to go to lunch with you i want to go to dinner with you let me cook for you let me do this so he's like you know what boom so before i head out i'm gonna do this project called the last supper yes and so i'm gonna meet up with all these people who want to make food for me who want to take me to dinner and i'm gonna document it right yeah great idea i'm like actually what would be your last meal before you die people were like so is this a podcast no no no no he's just like getting visuals he's recording what he's having conversation right so if you want to do it on

Zoom, it's $21 because that's what, like, a decent meal he could buy for himself, right? But if you don't do Zoom and if you meet up, I think he charges, like, $150. Wait, so I gotta pay for the food and I gotta pay for your time? Yes. And for his life.

Yes, if you want him to come to you, you gotta pay for his transportation and all the other stuff if you want him to come. So, people are paying. Now he racked up about 300,000 followers on Instagram, right? I'm still on My little 80, 80K, just being normal living person, regular, regular, regular.

Have you tried? He about to die, $300,000. But that's the catch. He has over 300,000 followers or whatever, but he has so many people wanting to do this. It has now extended him. His life. His life. His life by years because he has to do every single one.

No, no, no. Hold on, hold on. Catch this. Then SZA finds out. Now SZA is in the mix. If you're wondering if I hate you, I do. Yes, SZA. So she's like, hey, I'm doing a show in Amsterdam.

I got VIP tickets, all this other stuff. Backstage, all this stuff. Mind you, somebody had already bought him SZA tickets. They got him VIP tickets. He got another friend who's going to die, who already set up. He's got a date. He already got a date in Switzerland. So it's him and his other friend, two peas in a dead pod, go to SZA's concert.

SZA takes a photo with him and everything. He posts this. This man is posting three times a day. Well, girl, he got to get this material. He's got to get this material. This content's not going to post itself. Do you think he'll ever go through with it? Hold on now.

Hold on. No. So last year, he gets engaged. What? To who? Some guy. To who, Lizzo? Some guy in a wheelchair.

Oh, he's gay? Yes, he's gay. And Ghanaian. And Ghanaian. Breaks up with that guy. Then last month, he's engaged again to another guy, right? Come to find out, this is where I'm like, damn, I'm too good of a person. Apparently in Ghana, he set up some kind of like gallery art exhibition, got all these

Ghanaian artists involved. He sells all their work. He owes him $300,000. That's why he left Ghana. Also, his family are millionaires. so now he oh also he's saying that he's he's got a date uh to die he's not a you have to be a citizen of switzerland or the netherlands or whatever you got to be a citizen to even it can't just be you can't be anybody you can't just go there paperwork so this was a scam i don't want

to say because they we're saying no no no the people are coming after the people who are like this is fucked up and then he put in the caption he's like so if i change my mind am i a bad person Yes! Send me more in the comments. Are you going to do it or not? What's up? Pull the trigger, buddy. Are you going to die or not?

SZA's assistant is calling every day being like, has it happened? Are you dead yet? Right. Yes. People are putting that in the comments. And so people are going after those people. And it's just like, yo, why am I not brilliant enough for this? And then the three of us are just trying to do things the right way.

Yeah. You know what really blew my mind? They said, oh, you are so mentally ill. You got this debilitating bipolar, but you are posting three times a day, like, really good art. I said, I'm inspired. I said, why don't I have that type of mental illness? Why I got the mental illness that make me want to be off Instagram for five months? I'm like, do I need to die?

Like, what's going on? Well, it's not like you don't need to die. You need to say you're going to do it, and then people are going to raise you up, and then you never have to actually die. Literally. Nick. That's crazy. But doing things and putting it on social media. Or just say you'll do spells.

Do a few spells. Doing things and putting it on social media definitely makes things explode in a way that they wouldn't have been able to explode in the past. There was a girl in the Bay Area. She went to this restaurant to, like, review it. Oh, yes. And she checks in with the host. she goes to sit she's sitting at the

at the table she's getting ready to get her food the one of the owners and slash chef comes in he's like who's that and she's like

oh she's here to like review the plays blah blah blah he said how many followers does she have he looks it up he's like she doesn't have enough followers

to be here 15,000 that's all she got she had 15,000 15,000 he was like my daughter has 600,000 this is not enough

so the girl hears all this and she like gets up and she leaves and she talks about she makes a video about it on TikTok Of course, it goes viral. It explodes.

She doesn't say the restaurant name or the man's name. They find him immediately. Wait, I think she did say the name. No, she didn't. The people, the sloops were like, his daughter got- This is Taylor Swift's internet. They're going to find out. His daughter has 600K.

He said he had won like a James something Peabody Award, James Beard Award. So they found him. Now she has 300,000 followers, and now she can eat wherever she wants. That's so crazy. She didn't even have to say she was going to kill herself. Yeah. Nick, I need your thoughts. Which one of these are a mess and what's not a mess?

Honestly, they're all messy. You are taking the money of 104,000 people and telling them you're performing spells. That's a mess. I'm not saying I'm mad at it. She got 4.9 stars. I'm not saying I'm mad at it. It must be good, Nick. No, let me tell you.

You know the people buying those. No, let me tell you what it is. I'm about to be one of them people. Let me tell you what it is. This is what it is. You spend the $15 for prosperity or for roads opening up or whatever. So you're moving through your life now, kind of like waiting for it to happen. So you're more open to opportunities.

You're saying yes to stuff that you might not have said yes to if you hadn't paid for this spell. Because you're like, ooh, is this it? If I say yes to this? Like, that's what it is. It's all placebo effect. but also, like, you now are moving through the world differently because you think this lady is working for you. But in actuality, it's just you working for yourself.

I don't care, sis. $15? I got that. I'm doing it. Three spells. What you want one, too? I got enough money to get you a spell as well, sis. Christmas is coming up.

Yeah. And for International Black Friends Day, let's buy each other a spell. Do you want it or not? Cindy, I'm going to buy you a spell for Black Friends Day. You want a spell. That one's messy. You said that's messy. The boy who cried Switz side, that's mess.

Or business. Business mess. I think it was for clout. I think it was for business. And I think it was for art and attention. That's messy. Now, the restaurant one, that's not messy. No.

The girl seized an opportunity. She was just going to review. He wouldn't let her. She made a video about it. And then it exploded. Sometimes you can't help what explodes online. We got to do that more. We really just, we'll just walk out and they'll be like, oh, gee whiz, all right, never mind.

I'll flip a table over. I don't want to be in here anyway. Literally. Now I'm the one going viral because somebody else got a video of me, prostitution whore, flipping. Engaged 19 times. Exactly, exactly. I'm not getting followers for that. Listen.

That one's not messy. No, because you can't be afraid to prop your phone up and start talking. Just do it. Just prop it up. And if the situation doesn't go your way, still make the video. Yeah. Yeah. Still make the video.

When in doubt, make the content. I got to hire a team. Yeah. That's what it is. If I had like a little videographer that followed me around like I was a streamer. This guy doesn't have any of that. This guy who doesn't want to live, he don't have none of that. And if you go to his page, it's O Kuntakinte.

O Kuntakinte? O Kuntakinte, but his name is Joseph. How you spell it? It's O and then Kuntakinte. It's not called The Last Supper? No. Right. That's crazy.

That's crazy. Nick, you can't say, oh, Kunta Kinte. I don't want that coming out of your mouth. I'm not saying it. Okay. I'm not saying it. I'm just saying. Nick, one time for me, say Kunta Kinte.

No, do not. I'm not falling for that. Say, ooh, you're listening to Kunta Kinte. Girl, we got to call Emily right now. Right now. Yeah, okay. I guess we should wrap it up here. Yeah, we do it.

We got to go call Emily. Emily senses us coming. Nick, this is too good. Listen, we didn't have you in the building for a minute. It's here. It's 544, so in... Switzerland? No, where is Emily?

The UK? Yeah. It's 1144 there. Oh, so we got to wait until the morning. It's about a.m. Yeah. You're right. I got three spells coming.

Oh, but also, she's not available between like 2 and 9 p.m. Because that's when she's doing her work. No. And this lady is making money, and then you can't contact her from Seoul? She's got business hours. It's giving queer. That's what she's casting. I think she's queer.

That's what she reading. Or she might be Jamaican. Emily? Yeah, that might feel like. London. Not you, I get why. Yeah, but she might be Jamaican because it's a lot of Jamaicans in London. And honestly, I would like that more.

That makes it more real. I like that more. A Jamaican witch? What the bitch? Oh, Cleo, call me now. You don't need to say that, too. Calm me down. Calm me down.

Calm me down. Wait, we have a message. We have many messages. He's following me. No way. Oh, Kunta Kinte. Are you serious? Gang.

Oh, my God. Has he messaged you? Oh, let me look. No, he hasn't. He hasn't. Oh, my God. Who else is he following? My friend Ty.

Oh, my God. D-Nasty. D-Nasty? oh my god well he's following a lot of people we know you know who he's not following? Christ he's not following me girl you haven't been on Instagram in 5 months

I'm so sad I constantly say I want to die we should be bonding Cindy you haven't posted in 5 months he thinks you did he said that girl that wants a wife must be dead She said, oh, my God, rest in peace.

Let me follow her friend. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Hey, all right. We're not doing the message. We're not doing it. Yeah. Just come back with a mess next time.

I mean, you brought a lot of mess. Yo, Nick. A lot of mess. You brought something out of us that, man, I can't. I can't even talk about it right now. It's the spirit of Chipotle movement. It's my Jewish spirit. I guess I have to stand

besides Dunkin Donuts and Chipotle and Diet Coke because it's really it's really providing maybe this spell is already happening we don't even know ooh

Emily Emily's in the building she works in mysterious ways Emily works in mysterious ways is the title of the episode Nick tell everybody where they can find you Either at the Chelsea Clinic

Or my socials NickSmith09 Or my podcast with Mateo Lane Called I Never Liked You Or at Union Hall in Brooklyn Every month where I do my show Hear Me Out Is it the same week every month?

No, but it's once a month Once a month You heard it here first, folks By Okunta Call me I'm gagged that he follows you. I honestly, I'm about to go jump.

Wait, hold on, let me videotape this thing. Mess with Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. created and hosted by sydney washington and marie faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588