MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - I Don't See Diseases w/ Ian Lara

Episode Date: March 19, 2026

This week Sydnee and Marie bring on the MESS with friend and comedian Ian Lara! The three talk standup MESS, gifting MESS, dating MESS and more.  Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you want to watch the episode oh of course you do so click the link in the episode description oh you're listening to mess yes oh my god i'm so excited then you got lots of press last night i did i went to bed at like 11 something what that's early that's good i ordered some pizza hut and then went to sleep pizza pizza yeah i left you a Pizza Hut order so we can write it down. Listen, it was nothing crazy. It was just like

a personal pan pizza pepperoni. I also ordered a sausage one for today, but that's it. So two pizzas. Two Pizza Hut pizzas. Yeah. And you said Pizza Hut,

not Domino's? Not Domino's. I've moved on. No local pizzerias? No. No mom and pop shop? No mom and pop shop. No, I like Pizza Hut.

Pizza Hut, are you listening? What if I told you Pizza Hut owner is a Trump supporter? Would you still eat pizza? Is that true? I don't know. But Marie.

What if I said that? Well, then I'll be done. You would? You would? Okay. But girl, you still eat Chick-fil-A and they don't like the gays. Hey, come on now.

I think they're coming around to the gays. Like they're saying like they're okay now. Probably because they're stuck with it. Yeah, so it's getting better. They're asking the gays. They need all the votes they can get. So that's what it is. Okay, yeah.

They're putting gays in the mix. They're trying to convert us over. It's just like a cult. You know what I mean? you have you sometimes you beat people down and then you got to bring them up so they can be on your team i saw a gay chick-fil-a worker at the atlanta airport i thought it was gay they had color in their hair i got a vibe it was keeping my direct eye contact you started with homophobia this early no no i applauded i gave him money i supported i supported everything so atlanta

odds are they was all gay oh you too oh wow atlanta is you know they say this yeah yes yeah i don't know what pot i'm on but my thoughts doesn't reflect real housewives of atlanta you saw dwight in them mink pants at that function yeah i did mink can you can you imagine how hot your your balls would be fashion first in atlanta it doesn't matter the the weather fashion forward right yeah i don't know if i would say that's first in atlanta i feel like bbl's first i don't want to say i support the gays and all their oh is that what you've been thinking about i don't know if that's clear if that's coming off episode to come out i don't know if it's coming off but like whatever gays are doing i'm like how many gay friends i have a lot i have some

i have a few i have sydney no that doesn't count alex english yes akim okay it's getting shaky Mateo Yes And we're back up And I don't I don't even really count them This is just off the top of my head I mean but outside of comedy

Well I don't even have friends Outside of comedy Oh that's honest Like there's most That's real If you take that away from me It's just me and my family Oh

Are you close But y'all is Dominican I feel like Hispanic people They close We're close We're close Yeah for sure

For sure But comedy definitely has me Like with gay and trans friends Which is nice Are you running for You know Mayor What's going on

he's trying to hit all the boxes he said he didn't know i just i just want to know i support like if you know i support whatever a lot of people you know they don't support yes well let me tell you how i support yeah the gays yeah sydney's birthday that was gonna be my mess well i'm gonna i'm a segue for you okay sydney's birthday february 2nd right i know and support the gays as well. Me and you are like eye to eye. We're basically the same. With the support. Yeah. So I buy Sydney a necklace.

It says girls on it. That one. Mother of Pearl. I gave it to her weeks ago. Yeah. She's like, girl, what happened to the gift you said you got me for my birthday? Sydney, please tell him. Please finish your mess. Okay. This is not fair because

Marie, you also gave me a book with this necklace. Sydney, I thought this was a bookmarker. Oh, like one of the things you put in between the pages. Yes, because it kind of gives. Should I take it off and put it in between a book so you can see? No, I see what you mean. I don't need you to take it off.

There's a clasp on the back of the necklace. I thought you clasped it to the book. How small is the book? The book I gave you bigger than that necklace is. I think that's an honest mistake. I can see that. She was wearing it backwards when she came in. I'm clearly an idiot.

i'm a fucking idiot and i i friend you should have said this is a necklace i thought it was implied you gotta that's a crazy thing you gotta say you gotta friend it just it seemed very bookish this but now on my neck i'm like this is fashion i hope we can zoom in in the back the necklace says girls now was it in the book when she gave it to you no no it was it was on top of the book in a in a case like a necklace case sorry Maria's always saying girl

so I thought she even got this for Amina I thought it was for us because it said girls so I was like the girls Amina you date girls babe yeah

me and her support we support that you're just gonna be pleading your case the whole all right i'll let it go i just i just don't want i just don't want this to get clipped up in the wrong way you know that's not the clip we are not into clipping yet yeah no we're not doing you haven't even given us a clip worthy moment exactly all right just while you say in a necklace case bad i'm gonna give you a ring next year so were you using it as a book Margaret, you have it in the book.

Yeah, I had a picture of me using it in the book, and Amina was like, well, at least she's reading. That is fair. That's all that mattered. That is a good way of looking at it. The group chat was against me, because Carolina was like, well, what book is that? Yeah, what book was it? That's not what this is about.

I just want to paint the picture. How many pages? Because that matters. It was so many pages. Like over 200? Because if it was 100, you would know that's not a bookmark. you should read that no it was a big book okay you don't even need a bookmark you could literally just fold the i didn't want to do that i was changing my way okay i hear you real book people

don't do that they have bookmarkers that is a real book people don't call them bookmarkers they just call them bookmarks oh marie one day necklace looks good on you it looks good it looks great on you it's good it's great i'm sorry that i haven't been wearing it though marie the last time you got me a necklace i wore that bitch out i wore it out so much that i had to buy it wait up hold on hold on so it's already established that marie gets you necklaces okay that one looked like a necklace this one looks like a necklace no it does not marie if it's i'm gonna take it off you don't know it was so hard it was so hard to get it on you i'm opposed in the in the stories

that i think the fact that she has a reputation of getting you necklaces and then she hands you another necklace i think when you add those two things it wasn't gold if it was if this was gold it wasn't gold oh my god i need a minute it had been called you would have been like look i'm like marie's doing well i was like gold of course not gold-plated gold yeah you know i was like we did another year of friendship i i thought i was getting platinum i came to this necklace weeks ago she already worn it i was like i guess you don't like girls no more no no it's folded in a I feel like when you put the three things The fact that she gifts you necklaces

One necklace She gifted me one It's in a necklace case I wish I had the case to show It did not seem like a case It just seemed like It was a red long box That feel like jewelry babe

Like a jewelry box You didn't see Pretty Woman When he snapped It wasn't one of those friends No it was not Was it more like a Ziploc? Hey, I'm not answering any more questions unless I have my representative present.

Who's your representative? Yes, an Amina. I need somebody to speak on behalf of me because obviously I'm not good at speaking for myself. Sidney, when I tell you for the last, I don't know, three weeks, I've been staring at your neck like she don't got no jewelry on or nothing. Yeah. I stay stacked.

How'd you bring it up? Sidney said, remember when you said you had a gift for me? Did it ever come? she already had it though she had it oh she asked me this yesterday i said girl i gave it to you i'll show you the the text messages this is very embarrassing i feel bad i see that yeah i'm sorry i'm i'm gonna get you again and you're gonna know what it is get her a complicated one though like get her one that could be confusing i am i'm gonna do that don't you worry darling give this put it in a pizza box a pizza box put it in a box well that was gonna be my mess too so we had a

combo mess today so no no no that's just your mess oh that's not my mess oh you're speaking on behalf of me of my mess yeah because i think it's mess all right as a curator of mess of a liver of mess it felt like you know i'm just doing what i can for the pod and so you can't say that i don't do hey i actually can't say that you you do bring mess every week thank you let me just get into my mess real quick and then we'll you know we'll talk to we didn't even introduce yeah we didn't ian lara is here ian lara our our king our dominican daddy yeah he is one of daddy well because i didn't want to i don't want to be too on the nose so i already said he's dominican okay okay that's fair poppy lara poppy lara that is cute should we get merch yeah it's not bad

yeah i need a rebrand ian has been a part of our comedy journey since the beginning from the beginning from the beginning so we are so glad to have you back in a in a nice studio properly yeah because i think the last time you recorded up with us we were at one of our houses yes we were at yes we were at the apartment and i did over zoom too you did it over zoom yeah we did you dirty i did i reiterate yeah but now you're here baby in your own chair look at that so i'm so happy to be here i love you guys i was just in atlanta and somebody came to my show and they brought you up they said they came to we they went to your show in atlanta oh they did oh my solo show yeah and they were like it was great okay are you are you saying that or no how would

i know you had a show in atlanta okay i just want to make sure she it was a girl she told me that she went to see you and i was like oh yeah i know sid from the beginning okay thank you yeah marie finish your mess so you know it's warm in new york finally it's fake spring fake spring yeah So I've been outside all weekend. Okay. I've been outside. The other day I was out at this event at the Brooklyn Museum and they were doing like salsa lessons. Yeah.

And I said, okay. So I'm, you know, I'm walking close to the stage so I can see. And at one point I look and it's like all the salsa people is around me twirling, dipping, doing the feet. Can you salsa? Yeah. I was like, Ian, you weren't there? No, I was out of town, but I heard about this. Yeah.

This guy taps me to salsa with me. I turn. I'm like, no, thank you. You know, like, I, you know. You're supposed to say, no, gracias. Yeah. No bueno. No bueno.

Now, was the guy Latino? I need to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In the same way that I am. Yeah. No.

You Afro. He was like the beige. Yeah. Oh, the. He's like Latinos for Trump. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just kidding. Me and Dolatina.

And he asked you. Yes. That's very progressive of him. Oh. By who he is. Oh. I think he was trying to do better. Oh.

And he saw you. He's like, all right. Is that a backhanded compliment? That's a fronthanded compliment. Yeah. Not an Ike. I'm saying he saw a beautiful black girl. He was like, I'm going to go for it.

OK. Look at you. They're trying to get the clip. Come on. he's working hard over there but i didn't want to dance i i can't salsa the way these people was doing they're dancing with the stars i say it's given very professional oh i hate that yeah right so i said i'm just i'm here to observe right so uh i don't know how but we get to talking and now i'm looking at him because i'm like oh wait a minute maybe he's maybe i maybe i misjudged

him physically it was giving um tommy from the pat rangers do you remember him green ranger yeah yeah a ponytail it was like low it was shaved in the back oh that's hot yeah nice like lashes his eyes are really pretty i was like he looks like the guy that would be at the salsa class in the museum right but he's talking to me he got a little accent i'm like oh okay spanish hey i said what what is this who is this okay but before you didn't have any preguntas preguntas yeah question because i was waiting on my home girls and i had like half an hour like an hour to kill sure so me and him you were early well because i was there shooting something else oh okay i was there shooting something else okay that's about it ian no no i was just one of those

no ad you did the right thing because you do know us because she was late today no she thought it was an hour to kill i don't think you've ever had an hour to kill to be fair i was there to shoot something earlier i was late to that oh you was late to that all right okay that wrapped okay then i'm waiting for my people to show up so we're talking about exhibits happening in the museum currently. He's like, have you seen such and such? My favorite is da-da-da-da-da. You and the Green Ranger. Me and the Green Ranger. Who else did he say? Green Verde.

Verde Ranger. Look at me. I'm at Spania. I'm... Come on. You're on fire. Coming through. Yeah, yeah. You're on fire. Y todo. So we, like, now we on like a little mini date in the museum. Right? He's taking me... He's showing you

around? He's showing me this exhibit that he had just seen that he really liked. That's very romantic. Oh, wow. It was cute. I feel like I was in a rock Yeah that's very romantic I'm like I was in a He goes What's your name by the way

We hadn't even exchanged names Oh okay Now that is romance That's romance I said Marie He says his name I said that don't sound Spanish I don't know

A single But we talking Whatever He's asking me what I do I say I'm a comic No I don't even say comic I don't say comedian I say voiceover

I'm a voiceover artist With that raspy ass voice Yeah I do voiceover I talk for a living I speak for a living He's asking me all these follow-up questions i'm done answering them because i don't have the answers i i do

voiceovers but that's not what i do for a living when you say you're done answering them do you mean like you just stop answering i was like that's a lot of questions oh you hit him with that okay what are we doing a podcast what do you do he tells me he is a salsa instructor i knew this yeah friend i got that right yeah from how you described that i got that yeah i said oh okay we're talking we vibing I go so what are you he said oh I'm white

that's the mess that's the mess Hunter did you alert the museum you have to I said I would ask for the manager I said I got I have to go meet my friends but those be the ones they're the ones that always teaching they're the ones that's in the

in the sushi restaurant now they're the head chefs oh they're in the i had this yesterday i had this yesterday yeah i went to a korean restaurant my waiter white i'm like what i don't i don't i'm not paying for this the way it's different it was no because it was one of those korean uh uh where they cook the the they cook so i just had a white man cooking korean barbecue for me i did i i i didn't like that i don't like that it was medium raw it was ceviche pretty much meat was pinker than him yeah i did not i did not like that yeah I was like, where are the Koreans, you know?

Listen, I know it's white people who will listen to this. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with y'all. No. I am. Today, this episode, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you. I'm saying there's nothing wrong with it. What I'm saying is I'm not dating white dudes no more. You did that.

I've done it in the past. Yes. So that was the mess. But I've never, thank you, but I've never been with a Spanish dude. So when he was talking to me, I was like, this could be, you know. Yeah. And then he said, I said, I don't like that name. Yeah, because when you said that, I was trying to translate it.

How would his grandma say that if she was Hispanic? How would she say that? And there was no translation for it. So that's what gave it away for me. Because it does not exist. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I found my friends.

How'd you make the exit? I was like, I got to go meet my friends. So he walked me down. Like, after he said, you didn't even have one follow-up question to make it seem like it wasn't that question that... My heart fell. My heart fell. So he said, I'm white.

And you said, I got to go meet my friends. That's fair. You didn't ask a filler question. No, you don't need that. That was enough. That's the answer. You look like Tommy from Power Rangers because you are Tommy from Power Rangers. oh okay i see but the accent he had a little bit of an accent so i was like what it was given are

you sure it wasn't like bushwick bushwick no bushwick accent the bushwick white accent yeah okay yeah hello hey here yeah was he was he off put like did he feel like was he like what did i did i say something he's a man so i went downstairs to find my friends and i'm like taking laps i'm Trying to find them I know they're not there I still have Mad time left to kill He catches me

Taking a lap Grabs me And says Let's dance It's a black lady Behind him Girl you better Dance with him

Yeah They will talk like that Yeah So you dance with him But I got a tote bag Like I'll hold the tote So you dance with him Yeah

I mean That's a mess No I understand Because she's not used to Like being an hour early So she doesn't even know Where to go That's the clip

That's the clip No, she's walking around. She don't know what to do with her hands. Yeah, she's on a date. This is not like normal people. You go sit down. I'm a little early. Let me answer my email.

She's a fish out of water. Thank you. I get it. I understand. This is why I can't be early. Yeah, because you go on dates with white men. Accidentally on purpose. I understand now.

I see how the joke just came together. But Marie, you got to be on time. Oh. We got to be on time. I don't think she's going to. i'm gonna be honest i was telling somebody that yes i don't think she's gonna i said i said do you know marie they're like yo i said you have to lie to her you have to lie to her about the time but then she'll get mad if she's there on time and it's not and she's not do you

really know her because he does know me i'm i hate i know these i know this art archetype oh he said you're not even doing that indifference no no this is a type this is a type of person I have my mother's daughter. Is it a person or a disease? Oh, girl. I don't see disease. That's not me. I need you to get tested.

I'm very... It's very fluid, but I think this is the type of person... I don't see diseases. And that makes sense because he's a man, so... Is this an anti-man? Well, you see shit like girls. No, I support it. I'm just asking. I just want to know where we're going so we can go together.

That's what men do. They be like, I'm clean. You clean? That's the test right there. Are you clean or not? I don't do this. I don't do this. You wrap it up every time.

Yeah. Let me see your wallet. There's no condom in there. Why? Because I'm 35 years old. So what that mean? I'm not walking around with a condom. I'm not like...

You'll just go get it. I'm not... Like, my life doesn't end in sex enough that requires me to walk around with a condom frequently. Your life doesn't end with sex. Marie. Yeah. I think I should just do this podcast with you

Because what? You're lying No, no, no I'll say my mess now Ian I'll say my mess His mess is he don't wear condoms No, no, no Don't even put that out into the universe

Now he getting serious You don't see disease, baby You did say that I wasn't talking about sexually transmitted I see those What is that? Why do I look like that? Turn the lights on.

Put the flashlight on. And Beyonce. Turn the lights on. Every night I get up there. I got a mess. I got a mess. Okay. so this happened to me recently

I was on the road there was a girl who lived there who I was friends with since college now we didn't go to the same college we met we actually met on spring break and just became cool and we were cool like we never had nothing it was not like that we were just cool and we became friends that was over

now 15 years ago I just happened to be in her city she's now a mom with children I just happened to be in her city she wanted to come to the show she came to the show she brought some friends with her after the show her and her friend group of friends it was like five girls and me they invited me out to like a place to have a drink i said sure we'll go we all went together to the bar to have a drink

um after the bar she uh drove me back to my to where i was staying it was your friend yeah it was all airbnb the club the club that got me an airbnb for me in the future yeah she drove me there when when she got there we stood in the car like talking like just kind of like catching up for like maybe like an hour she told me like what she was going to yes it was a place where Like things close early So it wasn't too late What time? It might have been like

Maybe like midnight To one Midnight? Yeah That's pretty late She didn't have to Relieve the babysitter? Yeah

I don't know And she's married Well she was She was separated She wasn't with her guy She was separated Oh no no Keep going

So we're up We're there for like an hour We're having conversation Or whatever She leaves Okay I go in Like the Christian that I am

I go to sleep I take a shower I go to sleep Don't think nothing of it In the morning time comes my feature is white guy comes knocking on my door boom boom boom was it tommy he it could have been he's like hey man he knocks on the door i open up he's like hey man like he's whispering i'm like what's up he's like do you have a girl in there and i'm like no and he's

like oh because there's a guy outside that said that he's looking for his wife he thinks she's in here and i'm like i'm putting two and two together i'm like what so i'm like no i mean there's nobody in here so just like just tell him no whatever he'll go away and he's like i have to tell him he's like i'll handle it so he goes you let this white guy speak on behalf of you it was better this way i'll tell i'll explain so he goes out there he handles it right he comes back in he's like all right the guy left i took care of it i'm like cool i text the girl i'm like hey some guy just showed up here looking for his wife my friend she goes oh yeah i forgot to tell you that's my ex-husband we're separated like he just got out of prison he's he's had there's a warrant

a warrant out for like his arrest like the cops been looking for me he's been stalking me and i was gonna she was like i was gonna tell you i think last night when i was out he broke into the house and tracked me on the ipad and that's how he got the address from where i dropped you off at because the car was there for like a substantial amount of time so that's how he showed up she was like but look don't worry about it i'm gonna call the police and don't worry about it she knew he broke into the house and she hadn't called the cops yet well she had i don't know what she had no she hadn't thought that it was relevant to me yet she hadn't put that together she had just saw you yeah but she didn't put that together that he had tracked because the night

there was mad different movements and he didn't show up like she thought if he broke in last night he would have found where the car is show up last night so she thought he broke in and like you know just whatever he broke in i'm calling the cop but also he broke in he didn't take anything okay it gets messy okay so she's like look don't worry about it like whatever like i'm just gonna call the cops and i'm like don't worry about it this is an open carry state you know so it's like i'm not exactly i don't know i'm from new york we don't have guns if we're not criminals usually and i and i was he's that and he's a criminal so i was like i mean is he armed and she was like well possibly but to them it's not like a thing as it is to us to them is like she's like yeah

everyone's armed so i uh i'm like can you speak to him and she's like well there's a restraining order and i'm not really allowed to speak to him by the courts for the courts but she's like but for you because it's you i'll give him a call and i'm like i'm like oh thank you thank you for you're far too kind yeah thank you so she gives him a call she calls back and she's like hey like she's being like she's like hey so and i'm like yeah what's up she's like uh she's like so he knows who you are and i'm like how how does he know who you are you're famous she's like well he tracked my locations yesterday so he found out that you were the comedian at the club because i was at the comedy club and i imagine she goes i imagine he looked at the lineup and saw that the

other two comics were white and you're the only black guy and she he knew that i wouldn't be hanging out or talking to any white guy so he knows who you are and i'm like so what i mean should i be worried and she's like he should be he should he should be a detective he's doing great work no he's i'm impressed yeah she's like she's like worried what's worried really amongst men like she's being like she's being like coy about it she's like worried what is worried really life is what life is right so i'm like yeah i was just about to ask that so i call the club i call the club manager and it's one of these he's a nut job like you know one of these club managers who's also nuts

so i call the club and the club is like yesterday when we left some guy came looking asking for her asking for a girl and then asking for me so wait they didn't even so no one is contacting you about any of this until you contacted them so exactly so i hate that people haven't put it together yet so i tell the club manager what's going on the club manager's like don't worry i'm armed and i'm like that doesn't make me feel safe hey yeah yeah yeah he's like i got it i was like can we get police involved yeah can police be there for my shows tonight because i have a very specific time that i'll be there and he's aware of that like if you're looking for me there's a very specific time where you can find me do you think he would come before the show or after the show i think during

i would like police this is where i'm at i'm in a foreign state uh i don't feel comfortable i don't know anybody here i would like police so i get off the phone with him he's like no don't he's like no problem i know the cops i'm like i don't even know what that means like we all know the cop like what do you mean he's like they'll be here no problem the cop to 9-1-1 i'll just go like it's not that hard exactly that's what i'm saying like i don't know what that means i get off the phone i go to my feature i'm like hey man so what happened with the guy and the feature is like okay so i was cleaning my van he's like when he lived in a van the feature he was like so i was cleaning his home yeah he's cleaning my whole story is a mess clearly

so the guy comes out he's like i was he's like i'm like so tell me what happened he's like i'm cleaning my van right some guy pulls up in like a car and i'm like what did the guy look like i'm thinking maybe i could take him he was like like a football player and i'm like like with dreads he was like yeah i said black yeah he's like yeah black dredge like big i'm like all right cool and i'm like so so what did he say he was like well he got off the car and he came up to me and he was like hey is my wife in there and i was like so what'd you say he was like i played the scared white guy card i was like hey man like it's just me here like i don't know what you're talking about he's like i played like the the white guy in distress card you know and and and

the guy's like at first he didn't believe me but then he saw me and he's like there's no way my girl would be with this guy he's like a big nerdy white guy so he believed me he was like hey man i don't want any problem he's like he act like he was panicked he's like then i ran in and i told you and uh and then the guy left wait he said it's just me here so you're then he ran in and told you what did he tell the man he was running to do no he was just like he was scared like he's running inside like scared that makes sense like like somebody come up on me i'm i'm going in the house yeah like he's panicking i'm just saying like if i'm like it's just me here and then i go in and the guy still has like what you want to say what i'm saying he said he was playing to like oh

no like i just don't know like i don't i don't speak to black people let me see if there's anybody in there i think he was just like i'm going inside like i don't feel safe here i'm going inside like he told him that and the guy at that point he's like yeah my girl wouldn't fuck you so he's he's he's taking a liking to him and i'm sure your friend i'm sure your opener didn't feel no type of way he's like thank god i wasn't black yeah i think he was i think he said that probably before in other times in life but here for sure this was like here was like definitely a time where yeah yeah he screamed it into his van yeah right right right he said thank god for my dirty sketches so so i i go so i do the show right i'm thinking like maybe i need to get out

of this show but i'm like the girl like throughout the day she's updating me she's like hey i spoke to the cops like they're looking for him she's like i really wouldn't worry about it i don't think he wants to go back to prison i think like he just got out and i don't think he's so i wouldn't worry about it so i'm like well just tell him that the cops know and that i'm gonna have police so if he comes he's gonna get arrested and he's back so he'd probably get shot why would you tell her to tell him that so he knows he don't but let him come up and get just get shot if he needs to be i don't even want i mean i don't want to get shot i don't want another black man getting killed on my behalf no i don't marie wow look at you flip-flopping again no girl coming out of black

history well he was gonna take out my short king like a uh call a bluff situation you know it's like if ian says that then he won't show up he won't show up yeah yeah yeah because he's because they're looking for him already yeah they're looking for him right he's like he's avoiding them if he's doing all these if he's making all these rounds it's clear he wants to go back to jail it's clear it's uh it's the lines are blurred oh look at you having empathy for somebody who's trying to track you down pathetic guy i'm afraid that's my thing are you a pisces virgo oh thank you so i go i do my shows right i'm scared i'm on stage i'm like so you ever been in an uber the mic the mic is shaking i'm looking out yeah i'm looking out for i'm like keep the lights on

in the room i'm looking out for murderers trying to kill me you know i'm and i have two shows this saturday i'm doing the show i get off stage i i go hide in the back like i'm trying to avoid because i'm i'm out of town if i was in new york i wouldn't have felt that way like i would have just yeah i would have just yeah i would have been good if i'm where the show's packed i think they were but it was not in a good way okay you know you ever seen you ever know you know those shows that they're packed but it's not the good like the good like you could you it's not the people Let's just say I was in a part of the country. You could probably count the amount of teeth in the audience, if you know what I mean.

Were you in Arizona? No, no. Arizona's great. No, it was the deep south. It was deep south. Oh, wow. Deep south. Shout out to them, too.

You don't need teeth to cut on my shows. You can cut. I'll take whatever I can get. They was laughing like this? Yeah, it's a lot of gums. A lot of gum laughers. Or like one that one. Yeah, and I don't judge.

I'm like, thank you. Thank you for coming out. It sounds like you judged a little bit just now. I just want to paint the picture so you guys get it. You're doing a great job. I don't want you guys to miss anything. You're a great storyteller. I don't want you guys to miss anything.

So, by the way, I'm backstage in the green room. The manager, he keeps coming in. He's on that job. He's like, just so you know, I got it on me. I'm like, that doesn't make me feel any better at all. Please get out. Please don't stand in here with your gun. It's the wild, wild west at your show.

This is deep south. Deep south. I mean, this is like, I think this thing's KKK place. And you love comedy that much. So you're like, I'll risk my life to tell some jokes. Yeah, what's up? Well, I think I was convinced that I wasn't risking my life. I don't think I went in there thinking that I was risking my life.

I think she was like, look, don't worry about it. He's harmless. I'm like, you got a restraining order on him, though. I don't think that's harmless. Right. Right. But long story short, I do all the shows. I end the show.

Like, I get police escorted back to the condo. Everything is good. I'm on the first thing smoking out of there. I get back home. I'm like, whoo. You're holding your baggy like surprise, nigga. Yeah. Bop, bop, bop.

i'm good i'm like i made it i'm on a flight as soon as you take off i'm like imagine he looks back he's on the plane like yeah i'm thinking he's gonna like tap me on my shoulder long story short i'm like i gotta i gotta do better with life you know this isn't the life that my parents wanted for me so i i i completely erased it out of my mind and a couple weeks go by i get a call from the girl she's like and i'm like what is it now you know your phone ringing i start i'm like trembling i'm like um i wouldn't pick up you don't have to text me i'm too curious i need a close i need that's the thing i need closure to stories like and i like a lot of times when i shouldn't i'd still do so she called me i pick up she's like hey i'm like what up yeah

she's like no good news just wanted to tell you just got a call from the police they apprehended the suspect so you got nothing to worry about he's gonna be locked up so you're good and i was like thank you well i feel like that's the closure you need babe but what about this all you want another black man in jail again what happened what about no i want no no i didn't say no yeah i want another black man in jail i don't want him shot yeah i don't want him shot but but prison time i think it's so he should go to jail for following you around well he violated her restraining order into her home and broke into her home that's right yeah remind me remind me i forgot you're not you're not following the case yeah yeah it wasn't because of me

you're not you're not following the detective i don't want to be a detective i'm good first of all she said the word apprehended that's a good yeah it was very law and order vibes like she was like that the suspect has been apprehended i was like what are you talking about she's like they they arrested my husband so now he's her husband again he was like he was they were married but they were separated yeah because he went to jail yeah yeah and and she should you should tell her like hey girl you should start all conversations like that like hey my ex just got out of jail and he's stalking me you know what it was he's big you know what it was she was one of these girls that you would not you would never think was involved in a in a life like this like she was

like a scientist and she just dated like a hood guy those be the ones i know i'm saying to her She was just like I'm so embarrassed Those good girls But they love them Some bad men Yeah yeah Like her family

Was all like doctors Yeah they leave the suburbs Then they go to the Yeah yeah So I think she was just like Embarrassed to be part of that But um That coochie not embarrassed

She was Pop I can't drop it Like No she wasn't No she didn't do that She didn't do that She said you got her

Confused with somebody else No no She didn't do none of that He didn't do none Yeah cause he might be Watching the podcast Yeah I don't know What he's watching

I don't know if in jail They got YouTube They do They go live in jail So they definitely have YouTube She didn't do that Yeah We had to talk in the car

And then stop If you're watching this in prison I want you to know It didn't happen Okay If you're watching this from prison When you get out Come on mess

Yeah So you're saying That y'all didn't hook up Because people are listening But y'all have hooked up No we didn't hook up Okay We didn't hook up

You stick Yeah no we didn't hook up Okay Cause she likes bad guys And you're a good guy yes yeah but do you think like girls who like bad guys they'll still i could i could read bad if you don't know anything about me if you don't speak you think it's the talking that gives it away yeah you sound like you got books at the house you know what i'm saying bookstoppers you

got the bellow beads the bellow beads is giving i'm a good guy is it yeah incense in the house yeah i do have incense in my house in my house and in my car so yeah people good guy bad guys don't have diffusers yeah no that's right they can't even spell they don't care about the air they don't even know what it is yeah they smoke in the house with the yeah yeah i have bad guys don't have apple watches no i'm monitoring my sleep yeah that's not a thing yeah they're definitely not a bad guy yeah monitor your sleep yeah that's not the night that you thought that man wanted you dead i was i was nervous i thought maybe i should get a gun i thought maybe i should get a gun for the two days that you was in town but it was in one of those cities where you could

just go to walmart and get one so i told me what you had to leave i didn't think it that far through Can you tell us what city that is so we don't go there? I'm good. I don't need... I'll tell you off, man. No, say it. That's where my family's from. Yeah.

Oh, baby. Do you know... They have like AK-47s. Yeah. People just be walking... Do you get the story now? Oh, my God. Ian, you should have said that up top.

I'm so glad you made it out. Oh, thank you so much. No, no, no. There's so many cousins of mine who got murdered in broad daylight. Yeah, that was going to be me. I was going to be one of your cousins. Oh, my God. Ian.

the roaches are big as horses there life comes at you fast my uncle sugar dude used to lock the refrigerator door for the roaches um no or for the gangsters which I don't get

I don't know the roaches was open in the fridge or they was shooting up they was shooting up his fridge his grandkids who was shooting up his fridge their grandkids they would come in and like Just, like, drink him out of, you know, eat and drink out of house and home, you know?

So he started locking the refrigerator. I don't think that's specific to Arkansas. I think that's just, like, a thing that grandkids do. You kind of just threw it in there like it had to do with... He used to lock up the fridge. Because his grandkids? But you said the horses... She said he used to put chains around the fridge.

I thought you had some strong-ass roaches down there. Your stories don't follow each other. The roaches are as big as horses, my uncle used to... No, no, this is how you told the story. You said, oh my God, they have AK-47s out there. Yes. I've lost a lot of cousins. The roaches are as big as horses.

My grandfather used to lock up the fridge. Logically, it's safe for me to assume it's either for the roaches or the AK-47s. You've taken an English class or two. Okay. All right. I didn't know I was here with Professor Laura. I like how you tell stories It didn't feel like they was related

You just start throwing out facts This is all the stuff that happens These are bullet points We hearing it in paragraph No I appreciate that I kind of like the way you tell stories I just need follow ups I'm done y'all talk

But Ian I like how you tell stories Because you gave us details Yeah that was really good That was the whole episode Oh thank you thank you no that was i'm glad you you made it out dude i appreciate that i i i was no that's scary i was nervous i'm not gonna lie like all jokes aside part of me was like i was nervous i was hoping like if if he found me he wanted to talk because it'd be unfortunate for me to

get killed and not have gotten vagina off of it it wouldn't have been honestly that would have made it that would have been worth it i don't want to say worth it but you know like if you're gonna die me for something that i didn't get right you're killing me for something i didn't get why are you friends with her like i i'm no offense it's just like aside from the sociopathic husband she's a good person and that's not really her that wasn't really her choosing you know but the fact that he got out he's been stalking her and she didn't mention that at all and y'all had spent the whole evening together that's kind of crazy but it wasn't just them together it was like it was her homegirls like you think they didn't know that mr man was

out no well i think i think all the stars just aligned on that night it was like she had a restraining order and hadn't seen him for months oh okay it just so happened that that night he broke in found out where she was i was part of it it was just like the stars aligned okay so she was just trying to move on stars never aligned for me yeah i know i don't like them stars i know i i don't that's just why i don't deal with people like who are married that's why yeah that's why you don't deal people who are married yeah because their husbands get mad yeah because you with their wife yeah which is fair there's a fair i'm not even i'm not debating that that's like a fair reason to get mad he is like i'm so hot these men could not trust me around their wives because

look at these guns no other guns you got those i think he just shot me in the arm i'd have been on the floor crying literally just laying on the floor what the van was just gonna jump in his car no yeah he was not he was not gonna fight or do anything he was gonna jump in his house and drive away i asked him what would you have done if he attacked you and he was like he said he had like a like a two by four in the in the um in the van but i was like you to just beat you with the two by four yeah but also how was he gonna get he was gonna beat this football player by running to the he said he was kind of like moving towards the van in case he had to he could just get his two by four do you have a picture of the guy no i don't know what the guy looks like you so you didn't

even get she didn't even show you what this man no i don't know what the guy looks like but i can imagine it a football player from the south i know what they look like yeah with dreads you would know what he looks like i don't look at sports i don't know he was he didn't he had a low fade sure he had dreads even worse so you know he was a killer exactly football players you know that cte makes them really aggressive nine out of ten times guys with dreads do not play around when it comes to violence you want to say that on the pot i'm not that's that's like i'm giving them their credit you know how hard i thought about getting dreads one time when i was in college you know the process to get dredged is so difficult that if you've went through this

process and and and you've gotten dredged i tend to believe that you are about your business right that you don't play around because there is like an ugly phase of like two years yes and you sat through that and it wasn't a problem for you but so i don't think murder is a problem for you either men could sit through a lot you know what i'm saying like they can't sit through like marriage and children or whatever. A relationship, a girlfriend. Yeah, a relationship or jobs. Yeah, monogamy or jobs.

Or jobs, but like looking rough and thugging it out, they could do that. No problem. Just from, I don't really know anybody who has dreads who isn't serious. Do you? We have to think of a casual dreadhead.

I'm sure we know. Ethan Simmons Patterson. Oh, yeah. If the dreads is free form. But those are free form, exactly. And he's a nurse. You get it. This is why you make the big money.

The medium bucks. yeah because you understand i make money too i put you guys together when i say marie or sydney i mean you guys both we're different we're not a monolith no you're you're a duality come on you do my books at the house yeah i do i do i got a bookshelf now when she called you and said that he had been apprehended did that make you actually relax had you been uptight the whole time no once i got back to new york i was like i'm good one time in new and i had honestly i never went back to that club and i've been invited back and i never went back and then i found out that the manager the gun toting manager he ended up buying the club so

i was like i'm definitely not going back oh he bought it okay good for small business yeah no franchise owner but he's a nut job he's a nut job this is scary and that who work around comedy are kind of great yeah they are yeah but that's just that's the scary thing like you're dealing with that as a man imagine women like we're posting our dates all the time anybody who wants to just pull up on us who got a problem with us and wouldn't make a video about people we're talking shit we're just joking how's that happen somebody go to a show and and tell a joke and do crowd work on a dude a random man and he'll wait for you after the show yeah or send you a dm and be like hey so actually i'm not unemployed and i'm really that happened to y'all yes girl remember when we

were um we did a show we had you know the knitting factory on sundays this is yeah and unofficial expert days we had somebody on the podcast they wanted to be on the podcast right and it's not our fault that the way they presented themselves on the pod you're dumb you're you're you're you're stupid actually say he didn't have books no no it was a girl she didn't have she put out all that mess so then we had a patreon sign up for our patreon sign up for the patreon it's back it's back so you know we were obviously one way on unofficial expert on the main pot and then on on the patreon we were being messy and talking shit so you calling her dumb yes but fair but the comments was like she's dumb she's delusional blah blah blah blah and so she pulls up to the

show and walks up to me in the bathroom and was very aggressive and was like yeah you know what i'm saying like i thought y'all was here you know for black women blah blah blah blah had no beat no no smoke from Marie just me I didn't even see her she didn't even see her so the show starts this bitch sits in the front she's in the front of the show and I'm talking or whatever

and I was like you know what I'm not doing this security get her up out of here cause I said in the middle of your set yes I said she pulled up on me in the bathroom like she was about something but did she tackle you I believe something it was something was uncomfortable she said anything

While she was up there While Cindy was on stage But That's intimidation Yeah You coming up to me I thought y'all was all about Supporting black women

I heard what you said Da da da da da da Then you come and sit like But she didn't laugh or nothing Cause had she been laughing You'd have been like You didn't start the show I think you

You didn't start I don't think you started the show You had to remove We didn't Yeah That's a good move Because we're about to We're about to start

But then she was sitting in the front And I was like Actually I'm not doing this Yeah Get her up out of here That's fair I'm gonna get you up out of here

I had something similar just happened to me recently and this guy was in the front row drunk with his wife he was just so drunk and i was trying to be nice i did like 20 minutes of him just heckling and drunk and at the end i was like i didn't even kick him out i was just like there was room in the back i was like you don't got to leave but could you just go sit in the back you're sitting in the front it's disturbing the whole show no i just like go sit in the back security came to move on his way out he just starts yelling the n-word white guy like just yelling the n-word yeah but not even he not even what's the baffled who's guy baffled oh Tourette's Tourette's yeah no he wasn't even

yelling it at me he was saying it very matter-of-factly like he was saying it like to himself he was like now y'all want to kick niggas out and I'm like sir is the niggas with us in the room yeah like talking about himself well maybe he identified as a nigga yeah yeah I guess so I mean I should have did this as a mess this is a crazy story maybe it's biracial so they move They move him to the bat And he starts N-word this N-word that

But they're like Sir you gotta leave He said niggas can't laugh At the show Niggas can't even Chill at the show This is how he's talking Niggas can't drink

16 beers He said He said nigga what Nigga who Nigga nigga nigga Don't believe me Just watch The staff at

They're all like They didn't even know How to handle it They were like He wasn't saying it to you He was saying it to him Like wow Niggas can't laugh

At the show Wait he was in the Front row at So he was At the edge of the stage. Front row. At the edge of the stage. And I would say something, and he would do this.

Ah! Like this. Blocking out the whole thing. He's doing this on my setup. Maybe he's biracial. Maybe he's biracial. No, Bushwick White. Flannel beard, coffee shop job, I imagine.

Yeah, Seattle White. Right. So his wife, as we leave it, his wife is like, she's like, no, this is all I'm on stage. She's like, no, don't kick us out. I'm in nursing school. I have no idea what that has to do with anything. He said, it's my only night off, and I requested it.

He said, I paid this with my money. Don't make me get kicked out. I'm in nursing school. Exactly. I'm like, I don't understand what that has to do with anything. He said, I'm an essential worker. Yeah, yeah. Right.

Social Security's like, you guys got to go. The guy runs out. He runs out. He was like, y'all want niggas to leave? Niggas to leave. this is not funny but this is funny I don't even know

how to feel about it like I'm dying laughing inside well you're like I know black so you're like yeah where are the niggas

by the way that's definitely not me and I resent that I resent that and I don't want that out there me and so black nobody's more black

than me so we enter Asante so the guy runs out runs out of this thing by this point I don't know what happened

he's left the noise is gone girl i hear ambulance you know when you're on stage you can hear what's going on in the street i hear ambulance but the ambulance not moving it's like standing like by the stage i'm like you're on stage the light keeps yeah yeah like the shit keep i'm trying to deliver a punch line i'm like uber pools are weird and then the light is flashing into the light in your eyes so the ambulance is there for like my last 15 minutes i get off stage i'm like what the fuck like what's

going on like you don't know what happened i'm like no i was like no i was bombing you didn't hear that's what i was focused on bombing for the last 20 minutes i was like and the only time you could hear what's going on is if the jokes are not hitting yeah i'm bombing like it's hard to focus i need the timing i need silence for timing i wasn't really bombing but it wasn't going great yeah yeah so robbie's like the guy starts yelling the n-word i'm like oh i heard that part and he's like then we kick him out he runs out of the club runs into the street got hit by a car you see god don't play about you okay got hit by a car i'm dying laughing i'm like you're making this up all the security comes in they're like no he's like that you they were like you didn't hear the

ambulance i was like didn't hear the ambulance i heard his heart i heard the heartbeat like they was taking his heart i heard clear yeah yeah what kind of car hit him so so wait so they take him they take him he's gone long story short because there's always a kicker i come back home i leave this is like two weeks ago i'm home uploading a video on youtube right and i'm looking at my other i'm looking at the comments on youtube i see a comment on one of the videos the comment is this was me and my wife's favorite comedian but we went to see him in chicago and he treated us like garbage never go to his show i said hmm it's time to respond a husband and wife i think i know who this is yeah i click on this page seattle

no i click on this page is the seattle white i see the beard i'm like i know who this guy is so i'm like let me comment back i said sir you showed up to my to my thursday seven o'clock show way too drunk to be let in i i told the staff to leave you thinking that you'll be okay i addressed it three times on stage i asked you to stop you did not stop when i asked you i didn't even kick you out i asked you to go sit in the back you got up and proceeded to start yelling the n-word as you walked out i said if you don't believe this is true i have the footage put it out please respond to me and i will be sure to share the footage and let everybody see it you should have Ben shared that.

Why you didn't share that? I don't think he wants that. I don't think the club will want that. I waited. I waited about five minutes. I go back to Caesar's Pond. Comment deleted. Clock it.

And I would be like, do it. But there's the big old sign and you can't. Yeah. Yeah. And it's also their footage. You know, but they sent you. I know. I know.

But they like they didn't send me that one. They didn't send you that one. So you don't even have to. I said, sir, I would like to get it, though. I feel like it's imperative that you send me that yeah yeah he got hit by a car

got hit by a car so y'all kicking out niggas and then niggas can't laugh no more alright I guess niggas gotta leave but the silver lining of him getting hit by a car

is his wife is in nursing school that is a good part about it so she could help him that is she kept his head I forgot I gave y'all two messes

all like not even Ian this live comedy is messed with you're doing great yeah it's a I'm like do you want us to pay us

pay you for all of this cause no when that's why when when your producer asked for a story I was like I'll just

I have so many of I have so much things that I'm just like you should've just wrote that you're like my life is a mess babe don't worry yeah my life is a disaster

like getting hit by a car I thought they was trolling me on that but they was serious am I elbow ashy maybe yeah this would be the way the sun hit

the light hit I don't wanna I mean I did just Nivea in your little pocket what a man what a man what a man

you worry about me having condoms what a mighty good man I got Nivea We on different type of time We all worried about you Mighty mighty good man I'm impressed

Wait you don't think it's weird if a guy has condoms No I think women should have condoms They don't fit in my purse How big these condoms Or how small is your purse Very small Our purse is big today

Condoms don't fit in that It's usually tiny. This is not about going out and spending the night bad. You spend the night bad, can't fit condoms? Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. Her bag is usually this big. You talking about a wallet. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

If it can fit in a wallet, put it in your bro's. I don't think women should have to buy condoms. The men should buy the condoms. Not buy. I'll buy them for you. I think you should just carry them. I think women should carry condoms. I'm not carrying condoms for the same reason you're not carrying condoms.

Hey. I'm not getting sex. Neither am I. I, too, am not having sex. It's a two way street. OK, everybody has them. You know, it's OK. You don't have to just run.

Hey, I know. But nobody wants to go through that awkward moment. You're at the bodega. You're like, can I get condoms? He's like the magnums. No, the other ones. Hey, well, that's why you have to be a car. No, the regular.

If you stay ready, you ain't got to get ready. The extra medium. The single ones, the NYC shit with the trains on. Let me get the trainer. Can I get the trainer condoms? I'm just starting out. free condom bowl right here let me just take a couple leaves i i had a i had a talk with i think i think women should carry condoms i think everybody should carry condoms how about that

i don't carry them but i think the perspective of women getting laid is higher than men most times right yeah but if i don't have them and you don't have them then i'm not having sex with you and i be like whoopsies but if i have them then it's like i guess we're having sex i don't know i feel like okay i'm like no no no actually i like that yeah i don't have them and you don't have them whoops guess we wasn't meant to yeah in my experience that's not how it happens well i'm saying that's that's my logic okay that's how i do it this sounds good in theory you're saying you don't see disease but i see disease on everything first of all just be clear you guys took out of context what i was saying i just wanted to be clear for the podcast that i wasn't

saying i don't see stds i was just saying like like physical ailments and stuff like that like i don't see that std is an example of a disease you see like herpes that's the std i see that no i thought you said an example of a disease i see yeah that one i see you've seen herpes in real life no i've never seen herpes in real life but i i've i've had uh i've had somebody tell me like before like hey just so you know i have that and what happened how do you get out of there how do you get out of there i pulled the fire alarm the stigma ian said gots to see it through my boy no no i was just like well i i felt that i felt that no it was fine i don't care but i just felt like it was not the time like right telling me right now we should have had

this talk before like oh it was kind of awkward for you to tell me right now and they understood that and it was cool wait what like they told you right when you were pulling your your your penis out yeah wow it's not now it's not yeah babe that that's wild i mean i don't think it's wild I'm glad that you told me For sure But you ever seen a A dick Rock hard

And then immediately Shrivel up Cause I know that's what happened No I mean I stood hard But I stood hard but But You stayed hard?

Yeah I stood hard But she wasn't She didn't have an outbreak Okay She was just saying This is like Something I've had Yeah and so

You just said So you So you let it get soft and then you put it back put it away no honestly I'll tell y'all the truth what I said

I was like I got stuck and I was like I need to do some research honestly that's not bad that's good and yeah

she understood she was like okay she was like she was honestly it was very cool so wait hold on

so you so Dick Rockhart condom on she said I have herpes and then you were like I gotta do some research

then it got soft then you put it back you packed it back in you had to take the condom off and then you pack it up put it back into your suitcase i wouldn't say i was rock hard i mean i put your clothes back in and you're back on and you were like we can still cuddle or you were like i'm just you left

immediately afterwards no i wouldn't say i was rock hard i'm 35 i was mean i was medium you're alive that's it i was medium well as long as it wasn't medium rare babe yeah i was medium well you know three four i was i was almost there depending on how you like it you know but it wasn't rock hard and then when that happened i was like so she didn't go down on you or anything no no no so this is just you're literally what position were y'all i think we were sitting like this at that point yeah because it was like it was like from making out to like i gotta i gotta tell you something uh yes and i was like right now that wasn't the move and you were like do you do you always do this because that that's a weird play they'll be like hey she doesn't know she's a

good person i got yeah but maybe it's not a play maybe it's like no she was genuine you have her bees how when is when is the right time to tell somebody you right she i felt that honestly i felt for her in that situation i was like i understood completely that's such an awkward conversation to have and she didn't know when to bring it up but i totally respect that because she brought it up before we did anything and let me know about it and she was super cool about it she was like we don't have to do this right now we'll just find out like what you just do your research yeah do your research and i was like and did you do research yeah i did some research i asked a couple people and then what happened your research was you asked a couple people i asked a

couple of the comics i know with with it with it okay and what did they what did you learn tell the people because i would actually yeah well they were just like dude they was like it's nothing like they were like if you're not having an outbreak that it doesn't even matter wait were these men telling you that yeah but that is true though disease yo put that as the the title that's the title i don't see disease no i i asked this is true i asked chad gpt is true oh god okay chad gpt created by a man yeah no man also chad gpt will agree with anything that you say it does they tend to be on the agreeable side and they give you a butt though they'll be like this is great and the best thing i've ever seen but never show no one else baby like when you get my idea i

think the people who robbed the louvre use chat gbt oh recently yeah i think they use chat gbt and chat gbt was like hey you can do this yeah yeah yeah it's very supportive it's very supportive but i i don't i don't want her to shout out to her i think she's great no no no no listen this is mess babe he's doing a great job it's us it's our job to find the mess and to investigate so that was us yeah and you know what we we apprehended i gave y'all three messes for the price of one oh high five for the this yeah we do we we live laugh mess and you did that thank you i appreciate that what's something not messy about you about your life like what's going so well that you're like comedy nominee it is well he just told us about two shows no but he's got specials out

he's late night yeah yeah i'm doing making money you're selling stuff all the way around yeah yeah no the beard connects for sure i get a haircut every like five to six days that makes me feel good to six days no i'm probably like no i'm wrong i'm lying i get a haircut every seven to ten seven to ten that makes me feel good that's the highlight of your yeah your life still got my hairline hairline wow okay yeah so you know i'm not tall but like you can't have them i just see a video of this dude in like i don't know slovenia or something slovakia he got the knee surgery the extendo that's what and the comments under the video was crazy because people are like he's still walking like he's learning how to yeah yeah i can't get that i

don't know how to be tall no you you have tall energy but also i know but it would switch if i were tall it would it would switch no because the arms would still be the same length and And that's weird, yeah. It didn't look... You don't have long arms. No, I have... My arms are longer than yours. I mean, you have long arms, though.

Yeah. You have long limbs. Oh, thank you. Is that good? So you're saying I'm taller than you? Is that what you're saying? No, you have, like, long legs and long arms. Even if you were short,

your arms proportionate to your torso, they're long. Oh, okay. You know? Okay, yeah. So, yeah, so, like, things are going good, you know? I got a special out right now.

It's called Material Boy. Yes. It's streaming on YouTube for free. I got a special on HBO It's called Romantic Comedy That's streaming for like Ten dollars a month Okay

Like the membership You don't gotta pay me on it Right And all my late night sets Which is five of them Are on YouTube Whoa Talk about it

Yeah My Comedy Central half hours On YouTube You're doing great I'm doing okay I'm doing I'm grinding I feel like I've built

I feel like I've built Good momentum You have I'm bubbling Bubbling It feels like that Yeah I'm bubbling Can you see that

Yeah I feel that too I feel like I'm bubbling Yeah You're bubbling Yeah I've been bubbling I was bubbling from day one yeah but it's like it's taking a long time for the for the overflow well you got to be on time

whoa you know what i think that's a good time to stop that is a beautiful time to stop the pot in we absolutely love you come back anytime anytime i'll see when this gets released how early i'll see how much you love me no we got the next couple yeah but so far we have some other episodes like right after you this might be top we might let we might nobody's coming with three messes i guess no they're not they're not just by amount of messes i think i should that should move me to the top i'm i am came to win i'm impressed for sure i'm happy i'm happy you guys had me it's always so fun to we should take this on the road we should not where you'll be performing whenever i want to almost die i think we should go on the road yeah yeah i don't know

and you a dude so see men can be scared too but as a woman girl that might be the title of the men be scared men can be men can be scared yeah no i feel like i can see us doing this like and you know like beacon like these white girls they'll do like the beacon theater and just be sold out yeah and they're doing um what's the other one radio radio yeah radio city shout out to them that's great you know what the next time we do a live show we should have ian yeah i'm booked but i i would i would love to oh if you guys uh maybe for the next one after that yeah when like you're gone so you're going every weekend i'm on every weekend i'm on tour i'm on the road till july then i take a couple weeks off and then i'm back for the rest of the year

it's called the i'm in your city enjoy tour oh you know like when you hit up a old thing and you're like i'm in your city and she's not waiting no more she says enjoy but i'm saying it the whole i'm saying the whole thing i'm in your city enjoy i love that thank you so much yeah you said you're back in july for a couple weeks i'm gonna hit you up for marie faustin is late yes this was great yeah thank you guys for having me i love thanks appreciate it proud of you mess with sydney washington and marie faustin is a production by will ferrell's big money players and i heart radio podcast created and hosted by sydney washington and marie faustin executive produced by olivia Aguilar and Han Sani. Super produced by Becca Ramos. Edited and mixed by Brian Jeffries. If

you would like your messages read on air, please email us at messthepodcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588.