MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Just Because I Don't Have Feet Doesn't Mean I Can't Judge Yours w/ Danielle Perez

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

This week Sydnee and Marie chat with friend and LA Comedian Danielle Perez about Bachelorette party MESS. These three messties dish stories, plan their own bachelorette trips, and of course get into you your listener mess!    Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're listening to mess rolling with the homie oh my god we're back look at her butt we are here we are there we are everywhere wow yes we are now we are then we are tomorrow we are tomorrow we are today and we are tomorrow wow yes the future of podcasting ah girl can i just get right into yes my freaking mess yeah okay i hate when i take a risk with these small businesses because the unprofessionalism of it all like i'm i'm here supporting you i work i work day and night and everything in between day and night day and night day we podcast night stand up i order this hat. I think over a month ago.

I just received it. And I bought it over a month ago because it was for the weather. Is this a live unboxing? Oh yeah. We're opening it now. First of all, they spelled my name fucking wrong.

So I didn't even know it was mine. I said Sidney with an R. Shredney? They said Sidney with a hard R. Snyder Snyder yeah I was like that can't be me that that must not be mine you know I'm in I'm in the mail room I'm like that that's not mine it is mine this hat oh oh that's a hat oh it's cute right it's very like anime girly very Velveteen Rabbit comic con it's cute right

it's hot now it's hot today is hot i got this march 5th i got i ordered this i think at the end of january oh babe oh i don't i don't want to yell the person out because and then i was looking at their stories because you know they was posting i said so you you're out you're it seems like you're out every night you don't want to just send me my hat you i know you're back order, babe. First of all, the hat is back order. It's on back order. She's cute. It's cute. I like it a lot. But listen,

friend, it's late for this year, but early for next year. There you go. That's what I was thinking. I was like, should I sell it to someone or just wait? I think you have to wait. I don't think the market is really bullish. It looks like you spent a huge amount of coin on it.

I said my heart on money that I work day and night. Day and night. She said day and night. It's not real fur, though. Fine. So, yeah, that's a mess. It's just like, yo, what took so long? Did you ask them in the DMs?

I didn't want to be one of those people that then they start making a story about me. Because, you know, when I start writing and it's late at night, then I have some coffee, then I'm saying anything and everything. Hey, what's up? When I start checking it, hey, following up, following up. I see people do it all the time under posts for brands in the comments. I see you at the club when you sit in the hat, babe. I bought makeup from an Instagram account, and I was definitely in those comments. Like, where is my order?

It's been months. I sent you my money. I need my glitter. I need my glitter eyeshadow. I think people do that. People are in the comments all the time like, hey, I ordered this yesterday, and I still haven't gotten it today. You ain't got lotion. my chest is dry. Girl, we are

not lotioning your chest for a podcast where people can see. No, no, no. How is your chest dry, girl? This is New York weather. What the ears do? Hey, I guess we'll just bring in this guest who just, I mean, we were having a conversation. You just jumped right in. I didn't know. I was like, wait, are they just like

talking without me like I'm not in the room? Yes, that's what we do here at Mess. We have a full-blown conversation. So you, you know, so you can be an audience member and, you know, Chime in when we'd be like, and now, back to you, bitch. Back to me.

No, no, no. Well, Marie has messed this week as well. We forgot to prep you and say, hey, we do our mess up top. This is what the podcast is called, mess. Well, this feels very unbranded. Good for you. This feels right. Bet you're getting this experience.

Unauthentic mess. Take a seat, bitch. Roll in. Always taking a seat. Always seated, always sat. Authentic mess experience. Now, I have a delivery dilemma as well. So a few weeks ago, I mentioned I ordered some boots online that did not fit me properly.

So I returned them. Right. And the website was like, well, we can't accept these because you wore them. And I only wore them in my house to see if they fit. So I said, no, I can't. They're like, well, the bottom of the shoes is unacceptable. I said, well, that's a quality issue. That's not a me issue.

And so they've tried to deliver the boots now twice. And both times I was not home. So I know that there's like a third time that they're supposed to try to deliver them. So every time my buzzer goes off, I'm in the window like Malcolm X with his gun. Is it those boots? Because if I can't take them, they have to send them back. So, or at least I think that's how. But they still have your money.

uh yeah i think so sister okay because i mean technically the boots are mine but i think once they get returned to sender as undeliverable then i get my money back they can't send because a signature is required they can't just leave the boots at my in my building so and i don't want them because i sent them back they don't fit so every time trying to deliver them again even though you sent them back yeah because they were like we can't accept these because you wore them. Oh, so they sent them back to you. Right, they sent the boots back to me.

I sent it to them and they were like, no, we can't take these. And it's like, but I can't take them. Sorry. Okay. You know what I mean? So you're... So we're at a standstill.

Yeah, but what Marie doesn't understand is that they have her money. And so even if they're like, you don't want to take the boots, we're not giving you your money. Well, then she can file a claim with her credit card being like it was never delivered. Call it already.

I just filed a claim for Claire. Allegedly. No. I can't keep filing these claims. Yes, you can. They're like, it's a Marie problem. It's not a business problem. I'm going to have to get a new credit card.

And you know what? The way that my credit is set up in 2025, I don't know if that's going to be possible. No. We are not saying that. We are toxic positivity here. And your credit is already at 800, babe. It's already all the way up. It's more than 800.

Can it be more than 800? Yes, it can. What's the top? 1,000? No. I don't know. It's just bonus points, I think. It's not 900?

Is that a credit score? You think any of us have more than 800 in the room? Exactly. I'm trying to get to seven, baby. We just heard about this. I'm trying to get to seven. Rumor has it. I'm trying to get back to 650.

Now, we have a guest. Obviously, she's been chit-chatting. She's a chatty Cathy. Danielle Perez is in this bitch. Yes. Hello. From L.A. Thank you.

Hi, Dani. LA, I know. I'm here in New York City, braving the streets. Are you braving or aren't you living, laughing, loving? Babe, New York is not, I'm not built for this. I'm not built for tough. Hold on now. Why?

This city is too, it's just, it's crowded. And there's people and the sidewalks are cracked. Yes. And there's sounds. Yeah, we do that here. It's so much. And smells. It's all five senses you get assaulted with hair.

Yes, an assault. It's an assault on the senses. I would call it a play. You're in a play. You're at the theater when you're in New York. Babe, no. I want to be in the audience. I don't want to be a witness.

I don't want to be immersed in it. I feel like I am. You know one of those plays where you're surprised now you're part of it? That's what this feels like. Is that Sleep No More? Is Sleep No More a part of... Is that a play? Yeah, is that when you're like at a...

Immersive. You're like at a house and the actors are all around you, something like that? I don't, mm-mm. Yeah, they can touch you. Oh, no. It's giving eyes wide shut. It's not. I do not consent.

You know what I'm saying? That's what's happening here. Yeah. So where are you from originally that New York is too loud and quiet? L.A., Los Angeles. Born and raised Los Angeles. That's rare. I'm sorry to hear that.

Dominican, can you believe? A Dominican born and raised in L.A.? That's why I sound like this. Dominicans don't believe. They talk to me in Spanish out here. They're like, something's wrong with her. Exactly. Como se dice liar?

A Dominican should be in Nueva York. How about that? It's the coast. No, my parents said, absolutely not. They said it's cold in New York. It's warm in Los Angeles. I had to leave my hotel with a coat and a sweater because I don't know. Because at any moment, it's nice out now.

Yeah. Could turn on a dime. I know you're not saying that from L.A. That is not okay. That is what happens in L.A. It's not. It's nice. it's nice all day

and then when the sun sets it's cold which is 3pm no people only wear jackets for fashion in Los Angeles that's funny that's your

that's a funny sentence that's a real it's real life and it's it's what's happening fashion is non-existent in LA exactly

y'all cannot dress when you said fashion in LA I said that don't go so be worried about how I'm talking about fashion right now it's killing me yes and this happens

to me what are you talking about what you giving what you talking what this goes in Paris This is Milan I saw Dochi in there

She was in this Anxiety Anxiety Not you dragging the new hat After the unboxing I know That's very See you in the play

I love it You're in the play You're doing good I've never seen you laugh this hard In LA friend Yeah People in LA don't laugh I'll say it with my chest

Wow You know LA LA is really nice Because you get to be depressed and it's sunny out. That's nice. But that's what was depressing for me in L.A.

Really? I missed rainy days. I was like, it's bright out. I gotta go back outside. I can't lay here and do nothing. Yeah.

Tony, Tony, Tony. It never rains in Southern California. I think that's, our fans are too young for that. Oh. Too young and too beige for that. Let them know.

Learn your history, bitch. You're here to each one teach one. So wait, What do you think about our mess? Do you have any input? Deliveries or packages? Deliveries. No, that's a real thing.

I have deliveries. I have packages. Oh, my God. My, I had a little bit of a shopping addiction. I don't know. I feel like you are that person. What were you shopping for? Home things?

Body things? I was, like, big on eBay back in the day. So, you were bidding. You're bidding. I was bidding. So, that was, I think, part of it where it's, like, I'm watching. I'm bidding. I gotta wait

to like put in how much how high I want to go at the very end oh I remember that I remember I was going to get a watch on eBay did you really just the serotonin of like I'm going to get this I'm going to win and then someone else comes in and it's like

you raise it by one cent you know at the very end you just have to go big or go home how much do you want and I don't really want to go up that high but sometimes you But sometimes you just do just to beat that other person. So I was really big on eBay. So I was doing that a lot.

What were you getting? So give us the top, you know, three or whatever. Top couple things that you got from eBay. Tupperware? On eBay? No. Wow. So you said you have a house you can buy Tupperware for.

From eBay? Yeah. I know, truly. No, no, no. Hold on. I think you would get like glass design, like real chic Tupperware. That's Etsy. Oh, chic Tupperware.

She's talking about cheap Tupperware. I'm like, in what world has Tupperware ever been called chic? That's an oxymoron. I just, I need a visual aid because. I didn't know we was against Tupperware over here. What are you guys putting it in old Chinese food containers? Girl, I put the whole pot in the food with the Tupperware. It's called a Pyrex.

Oh, Pyrex. That's what it's called. Oh, girl, you up a crust. Pyrex. She hates Pyrex. I've been to your family's place. Yes. You had a pool and everything.

Yes. My mom has a pool. You have a pool. Well, it's my mom's pool. It's your pool. After that pool party, she said, it's not your pool anymore. That's true. Y'all was doing bumps in the pool?

What? No. We did. It did. It was a lot of people. My mom was taking photos of everyone in the pool. She was a crime scene, documenting it on Law & Order SVU. She told me that we're going to be only inviting 25 people.

and she's like and look at that there's 25 people in the hot tub yeah she's pissed you did go over it did well i mean if you give a mouse a cookie it's gonna have a party or whatever basically and we brought stuff right you know it's like everyone contributed to making it a good time also her friends came that's what she doesn't want to tell anyone that like she was talking about this party and then like one of her friends showed up and then her friends started calling people like come over it's popping at maria's your mom invited 25 people herself i'm sure she did that's the thing about having a house right i i don't want that many people over like i would five tops but having all these random people you gotta take your shoes off then you get the

footprints then they touching stuff your walls yeah i don't want that so you you wouldn't have a party if you had a house no we going to somebody else's house for a party not mine If I had a house, I would have a party. No. 100%. I love to throw a party. Big, sexy dinner party. Big, sexy birthday party.

Absolutely. No, not on my own. I'd rather rent a house out. Wow. Okay. The cleanup, the marks, the people. Who is marking up your house? People don't give a fuck about people when they're in somebody else's home.

Girl, what? They put their greasy-ass hands, put it all over the countertop. Girl, what children you friends with? No. I see adults at other people's homes, and I'm like, mm-mm. well don't invite them to the party but everybody else can come I saw so many people at your place

not everybody was house friends she said some of them had grubby hands and that's why they had to say outside my mom said nobody inside she's absolutely not a single person inside right you gotta go around the back the fence

she had the side gate open she's like that's it he was giving whites only I mean Dominicana only LOL I see that so what is your mess what do you want to talk about today

Oh my God, my mess. What's messy to you? Bachelorette parties. Ladies. We did, we just had somebody on talk about bachelorette parties. So we got bachelorette parties. Bachelorette. I don't believe that bachelorette parties are all that messy.

I feel, men planning things. Exactly. It's like, they're barely going to be able to like get to a place on time and like congregate in an area. I feel like men will be able to get to places on time because it's not like they prepping. They just showing up in whatever they, like a wrinkled shirt. And you know what I'm saying? Men anyway. Like women getting ready to go somewhere is going to take a little bit more time.

It is. Especially if we're sharing, multiple people are sharing a bathroom. Also, I think men, I've never really heard stories about men. Yeah, and then Eric came and he had no money. Like it's only with women. Like one guy puts his car down and then they're all fucking buying bottles and getting hookers. Like, I mean, sex workers, but like women, it's like, you know, I put in for the, you know, the bottle, but now we're at brunch.

We went over, somebody got a boat, but like we all couldn't get on the boat. It's always so extended. It's like, wait, I thought we just wanted to have a good time. That's what most bachelorette parties are not about having a good time. Bachelorette parties are never about having a good time. And bachelorette parties are always very interesting to me because, like, I feel there's, you know, ostensibly, like, the maid of honor is supposed to be planning the bachelorette party. But usually that's not the fun friend. It's the organized friend.

Do you know what I'm saying? We saying it's all a mess. Maid of honor, you ain't fun. The maid of honor is not fun. The maid of honor, she gets to places on time and she has a spreadsheet. That's what the maid of honor is good at. Damn. That's what the maid of honor is doing.

Who would be my maid of honor? Do you know what I'm saying, though? Real talk. Yeah, but my sister's a Capricorn, so she'll figure it out. She would, yeah. But also, my sister and Sydney will have to put their hands together. We could actually be a combined thing. Yeah.

It would be more sharing on each other. Because you're fun, and she's like, we got to get it done. She'll keep it done. And I'll tell, oh, these are all the people we reach out. We can get this for free here. Oh, I know we could go to this place. And just like that, I found my maids of honor. You're like, maids of honor.

It should be more than one person. It should be. one responsible person and one fun person yes but usually made of honor not fun usually made of honor not fun and then it's such a random mix of people because you got like work friends do you know what i mean like luckily all my friends are basically work friends yeah no but you have a cool job like right right you're not like working like at an office yeah i'm not like sending out tps reports email yeah so it's just a very it's like there's work friends there's high school friends there's college friends there's like it's the mix of aversions of you

that all the eras of you no it's not it's not a vibe stop it are you have you been a part of a lot of wedding parties i've never actually been in a wedding party oh yeah how dare you come on here and drag bachelorette parties but you weren't in a party? I'm always at the bachelorette party though. That's the thing. You're getting in there. Because I'm the fun friend. Because you got the drugs. Okay, right. Because I'm saying, hey, how about we go to

VIP? How about we do that? How come the maid of honor didn't figure that out before we got to Puerto Vallarta? I feel like you are connected. VIP in Puerto Vallarta feels like we can all afford that. Exactly. We got VIP and

PV money. you know so it's the bachelorette party vibe it there's a lot going on but yes right the split wise i don't ever want to see a split wise again in my life i don't want to eat your heart split wise is everyone puts how much they spent on this and that and then everyone's it divvies it up for you oh girl you don't really like part of that sounds like that's genius you don't want any part of that because then someone will close out, be like, oh, right, I did it. And then it's like, no, not everyone put all their

shit in yet. So now we got to all put it back in. That person really wants their $42. Yeah. They said, oh, actually, I'm going to really need that $275 from that Uber that we all split with eight people. It's like, charge it to the game. I think that's what's like so frustrating. It's like no one understands about charging it to the game.

You can't charge it to the game because it's like those college hoes, I don't know them. I know the three people on this corner who I was like, oh, I'm going to see her yeah that that girl from high school i first of all i didn't even know y'all was friends i've never seen that bitch in my life right but you said this girl has to be on your wedding party well i've never met her in 10 years right and then all of a sudden she's coming from around the corner hey y'all no absolutely not and she's always doing too much hey how you doing hey sis

um you're white why are you calling me sis oh my god i don't need it i don't want it i went to a bachelorette party that was literally rebranded as a birthday party because by the time we got to the bachelorette party location, the wedding was canceled. Go to jail. That's wild.

We were all in route. That sounds good. While you were flying to the bachelorette party. Driving. While you were driving to the bachelorette party, the wedding was called off. We were notified like, oh, actually someone's not getting married.

Who called it off? The bride. And why? He was being mess. Oh. He was being mess. The groom was being mess. The grooms do be mess.

Grooms, they be mess. But are we breaking up because he cheated during the bachelor party? I said, no, no, no. I don't know if it happened during the... No, no, no. She just got married. Hear me out. It's Sydney and these ears.

Sydney said, reclaiming my time. But Bunny Ear Sid said, are we really canceling the wedding if he cheated? I need to know the circumstances. Did he cheat? Did he cheat bachelor party? No, not bachelor party. Like real life. Oh, yeah.

No, he got to go. You know what I mean? He got to go. And honestly, very proud. It don't count if it's during the bachelor party? The bachelor party. First of all, y'all are guzzling Patron and bottles of Dom Perignon. And you're at the strip club.

A titty falls in your mouth. oh now you hard it's all she said hey for a mere 800 we could do anal i mean what are you gonna do a mere what are you gonna do is that the going rate for anal hold on hold on is that the butt price that's what i'm trying to figure out i'm like it's 800 like a good like market value for anal maybe for the alliteration of it all eight eight eight eight for anal. $800 for anal. Wow.

Sydney, what? Alex, I'll take $800 for anal. Come on. Come on. $800 for anal, that's... Is it too low? You know, in my... If he spent more than $800

for anal, I'm like, you could've gave me the money and you could've did anal with me. Whoa. oh now we're drawing the line why is your mind automatically why is your mind automatically anal that he always said is the groom was being messy yeah and all of a sudden you just jumped to anal am i not providing for the pod or what that caffeine hit that cappuccino the caffeine and the meds bam it's good it's anal it's anal so the groom was being messy and she called it off she called it off and i mean we're talking like wedding invitations sent yeah you know what i

mean obviously we are there on the bachelorette party i'm mad i'm furious and her birthday was like close enough that we were like it's your birthday party did she cry the whole time no but her so this is what's crazy not her maid of honor but this girl that is her friend inserted herself as the maid of honor how do you do that how do you do that how you started acting like it she started acting like it she picked the airbnb you know what i mean she started she started encroaching she picked the airbnb she got matching bathing suits with the bride and then changed every hour on the hour into a new bathing suit with the bride it was like she do that she's not the one getting married it was like just tell her you love her like you know what i mean he was like

i don't know i was like are we on your honeymoon like i don't are you just like very happy that this wedding is canceled because now you can make your move and i love that lesbian rom-com bring it to the table somebody write it i own the ip Marie This might be genius We gotta get in the lab sis In my mind She went to the bachelor party

In a disguise Got the groom to cheat She took She drugged him it's Hustlers It's Cardi B allegedly JLo allegedly And she Caught you know took evidence

Polaroids in compromising positions mailed them to the bride. Yeah. Anonymously. Anonymously. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Wow, we're utilizing the U.S. Postal Service in this.

Like, we have government organizations. We're putting off orders, baby. Right. This is how we work. She bought a wig, disguise, glasses, hat, trench coat. Like enough.

Showed up at the work, dropped them off. Acting like enough. J-Lo. She crashed into the bride unknowingly and dropped the photos in her stuff.

J-Lo. Yeah. And then she went online and ordered a bunch of matching bathing suits for the bride. Because she's like, oh, my plan is working. The plan is working.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the movie. We'll see it in theaters. Yeah. So we're seeing y'all, her change bathing suits every hour. Every hour. How many people are in the party?

God, there was like, there wasn't even that many of us. There were like six of us. That's sad. There were enough of us to be like, actually, this is, we hate this. We hate this woman. Six is not enough. Yes, this doesn't feel like a lot of people for a bachelorette party. No, that's not enough for a bachelorette party.

That's a good amount of people for a wedding party. Yes, but bachelorette party, no. Bachelorette party, 10 or more. 10 or more? 10 or more, yes. Part of why they're so messy is like 10 or more people, that's so many people. 10 or more, but that's why you, first of all, 10 or more, that's why you bring most of the party who are people or who are about a party, and then you get the people who are pretty

kind of serious, you sprinkle them in. Because you're like, you're already a part of the wedding. But you bring the people who are serious about an event. It's all about bringing people who know how to hang. Well, then you get married and have a bachelorette party because you know how to have a bachelorette party. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, when I get married, first of all, I'm going to elope. Nobody's going to know. I might text Marie in Invisible Inc. Yeah, girl. And that's it. The text in Invisible Inc. is key. We did it. You're not going to FaceTime me for the elopement? No. We did it. I'm going to FaceTime you in you just gotta prop me up we need a witness she just holds up a picture of maureen

l-o-l i went to i went to a bachelor party in vegas and it by far there's a couple people who are like are they partying they doing cocaine they cool but they don't have the connects we in vegas so now we so now we're drinking all day all night no drugs oh no i already don't like y'all because we should have played beforehand this is i know that and that's like part of it It's like, why is no one ready? No one's ready. Come on. Why is no one ready?

I was on the mission. I was on the mission. And at that time, I didn't even have titties. You got a spreadsheet and you haven't organized that? That is, I think that's what drives me nuts about the bachelorette party. It's like, we want to do the wine tasting. We want to go to this restaurant. What about the party?

The actual party. The debauchery. The reason we are here. So you got me in Vegas. I'm flat chested trying to find drugs. But the rest of y'all hoes? we're not getting it and we didn't

we were dry the whole weekend and we're doing nobody bought nothing nothing not a crumb of nothing you should have brought me girl I'm like a truffle pig

I sniffed that shit out should have had you girl wish you were there LOL what you gotta do is you gotta find you gotta find a white girl in a satin dress

you know but a fake satin a little spaghetti strap a little pretty little thing yep we had that on the trip they didn't have nothing for us we was and the thing is

is that bachelorette parties you gotta have a couple bad bitches that are going to do the dirty work. They're going to flirt with the guy

who's got a lazy eye but got like bottles and a table. There's going to be a girl who might fuck in the bathroom. We need those girls. Taking it for the team. And understanding

this is a group endeavor. We are all here to celebrate the bride. Yes. But I feel like nobody wants to work anymore. Nobody wants to work. No one's trying to carry

their weight, right? They didn't want to work back then either. I'll tell you that much. I was in a BB dress fighting for my life, giving prom. I have the photo.

I actually have the photo of me in Vegas. I had a side swoop bang that should have been brushed to the front, but I swooped it for Vegas. And I was out there

trying my best, trying to get the party started, get the drugs, trying to make sure, hey, we not paying too much. And in Vegas, I had one friend

who she was trying to speak on behalf of everybody. And it was like, hey girl, they don't care that there's a bachelorette party. There's 300 bachelorette parties here. Literally.

A dime a dozen. They said, actually, you can leave with the bachelorette party. You can leave. We don't want you here. More trouble than it's worth. Yes.

We at capacity. We're closed for a private event. They said, we don't, we're not going to be splitting the bill 10 ways, babe. Yeah. That's not going to be

happening here. And the group was so rough that they made us go to Tao Beach Club at 10 a.m. No. Yes. That's how you know.

That group was rough. Rough. That's early. Yeah, because they wanted to be able to turn the table over. Yeah. But they didn't know.

We're from New York, bitch. We not leave until it's closing. We got there at 10 a.m. We did not leave until 7 p.m. We preserved this. We were falling on, and we only got the amount of bottles that we were supposed to get, which was three. Oh, and so we sat there from 10 to 7 with three bottles? Three bottles.

That's crazy. Yes, girls were going to the bar getting individual drinks. It was bad. They wanted us gone, baby. Gone. that's why they put time moments on tables now so you're not gonna have

a bachelorette party would you want me to have I mean you know you should have a bachelorette party it's for the people a farewell for the of your singleness

right goodbye to single Sid for what did you know me single come on now this is true I've only ever known Sidney in relationships

and I've been a damn good friend locked up they won't let me out oh they won't let me out Danielle do you see this I see

a bearing witness when I met Sid Sid was all about like I'd be like oh I'm hanging out with my friend today Sid was all about bringing her person

to the thing to the function oh you were always bringing them now you don't bring them around now you said my couple times is my couple times

now she doesn't but like when I met Sid it was like now me and my friend are like what was what she wanted to

well I couldn't now bring she's right every time she's right it was like more more often than that that's a lot

I apologize I would like to a mess a mess exclusive oh I apologize for 2004 it's too late to apologize

a first a mess first a mess exclusive apologizing for what 2012 I think I mean 2012 we all have something

to apologize for I barely remember what happened that year I don't know actress at a white belt that was me I'm apologizing for that you did a white belt

a white belt and a sock dress honey I really thought I was doing something and a sock dress but all of that is back I know the girls are wearing

the white belts it's so ugly it's like babe you got body you got titties you got ass we've worked so hard

and it's like hide it hide the body hide the body hide the body like it's a documentary ballet flats are back oh I can't

the Amy Winehouse flats I the back to blacks I can't I've never been a fan of them I don't even have feet and I'm like I'm telling you right now.

Absolutely not. I don't want to see it. I'm throwing you away. Shut up. I don't want to see it. Shut up. Just because I can't wear shoes doesn't mean I can't judge yours.

Now that is merch and we are putting that as a title. That's a bar. That is top of the line line. I do like the Louboutin ballet flat heels. Those are cute.

Wait, explain that again. A ballet flat heel? Yeah. Are you talking about a little kitten heel? A little baby two inch kitten heel? It's a Louboutin. So it's like a proper heel

but it has the ballet flat Oh, the square, the like, the toe shoe. Yeah. But that's a vibe. But they said it's made poorly because you can tell the gap and it's like the foot is not in the shoe. Yeah, Christian Louboutins are famously very uncomfortable shoes. Not for no $1,400. I'm sorry.

That's crazy. I want my feet to just like look like they were supposed to be in that shoe. No. Well, I mean, he has like a very famous quote where he says, I make the shoes to look good, not feel good or something like that. He's like, I make the shoes for women who like to dance. I'm not dancing in those. He makes them for women who like to sit. Carlos Santana made shoes for bitches who want to dance, okay?

Oh, you got his part in Santana? Yeah. Exclusively at Macy's? Yeah. Yes, indeed. At Macy's? No, they sold them at like Marshalls and TJ Maxx. No, they were at Macy's.

They were at Macy's. That was a brand deal. That's called Synergy. Okay. That's crazy. Bringing the powers together. Yes. I worked at Macy's as a holiday employee.

How was that experience? It was terrible. But, you know, I was there for my however many hours for my three weeks. Did you get a good discount? I don't remember, probably. But that's what we got to do things for. We got to do it for the discount. So a lot of times we were doing jobs because we're like, hey, this is not the best job I can get, but I'm going to get what I want from the job.

We need more perks, better perks in 2025. Yeah. Need good perks. No, my, I have a friend, a friend of a friend. Where's that Casper? The mattress place. Mattress? I got a discount.

Hold on. You didn't tell us about this. You should have led with Casper. Well, the pod should be sponsored by Casper. I already thought. You know what I mean? I thought you were having those connections. To be fair, Sydney did get a Casper mattress from this podcast once.

Girl. It was actually Helix. Oh. Thank you. Helix. And then I gave the mattress away. Oh, wow. Didn't you just have giving?

No, it was Helix. And then I looked it up. It was a $1,500 mattress. Can't believe. So dumb. Who you gave it to? Sydney just giving mattresses away. I didn't know you had it like that.

In abundance. Okay. Sid Mattress, Oprah Winfrey, Washington. You get a bed. You get a bed. Everybody get a bed. We're all getting, well, we're all on this podcast and we love Casper Mattress. So we're all getting a bed.

Well, actually some other brand just hit me up and said they wanted to send me a mattress. And I was like, I don't need a new mattress. And then I was talking to, I think I was talking to you. And you were like, bitch, if you don't get a new mattress. yeah has been bothering me Sydney was like maybe it's your mattress and I was like no it's not

and now I'm like maybe it is yeah how old is my mattress five years yeah like time to get a new mattress is it yeah so I'm not even really I'm not in the seven to ten but get rid of that old mattress you got old like old flames or whatever

in there start fresh I wanted like 600 thread counts sheets, new duvet, new pillows. That's what I was trying to get from these people instead. Tell them to throw that in there too. Yeah, they can throw it in. They have access to that. They have all

of it. They sell all of it. They have all of it. So what's the problem? Put your mom. Because I haven't had the mattress for seven to ten years. Oh, girl. Throw it away. No, give it away. Give it away. Be of generous and kind heart and give it to someone in need. Yes. It's New York. My old mattress. I feel like there's many people in need

in New York. Oh, my God. Give me the new mattress i if i get the new mattress i'm keeping the new mattress no see okay marie knows what's up because i got got because when i when i first like moved back home whatever i was living with my mom and she's like i'll give you my mattress if you buy me a new mattress i said okay and i didn't danielle that's so foolish so foolish it's like when i could have just bought myself a new mattress you bought a new mattress why would you just not sleep on it that's wild daniel i don't know how you your mom my mom got me your mom was like my daughter's not smart hey if you get me a new mattress i'll give you mine well wait does she have a really good

mattress already no if she did she would have kept it yes it was just an old mattress damn Girl, that means you sleeping on your mother's full flame of a mattress. Yes. That's nasty. You've had a threesome with your mother. You, your mom, and the mattress. Okay. You, your mom, and the mattress, also title of the episode.

Damn. Maurice said, I know that once upon a time, you stole that Hitachi from your mom. You took your mother's Hitachi? Wait, your mother was using Hitachi? My mom had a Hitachi? When I was young, I didn't know. I didn't know what it was. I was like.

So what did you use it for? I was like 13. I'm speechless. I wasn't even 13. I was like maybe like 10. And you used it for your back? Feels kind of nice. So your mother has rubbed off her thing for many years.

I didn't know. I didn't know. Because if you use a Hitachi, there's no way that your clit is working now in 2025. I know that. Here I stand before you. Silly functioning clit. I know. I was like, I feel like we're all testaments to the fact that, like, Hitachi is timeless.

And we love a closet. Timeless. Hitachi is forever. This episode is also sponsored by Hitachi. Hitachi Casper Collab. Helix as well. Throw everybody in there. Yes.

So you use your mother's Hitachi. I don't know. She never said that. She's saying it without saying it. We're looking for it. Cut the cameras, deadass. Yo, the mess, I didn't know. That's mess.

How many minutes are we in? I was not expecting this. I don't even know what a Hitachi is. I'm about to blow that hat off your head, girl. You're supposed to go straight up. Well, what? What you going to blow it off? Your clip?

What? She got the magic wand in her bag. Hey, sometimes we just like to take the wheel and go, and just drive it off the side of the cliff. Oh, yeah, no, I knew you did that. I'm aware of that. You said you're aware of that. Why you said that?

Driving off the cliff. Oh, have you done that? How do you think? No, I'm kidding. Oh, my God. Bitch. No worries. I was just hit by a train.

It's like, it's very chill. Wait, what? That's worse? You were hit by a train, Danielle? I didn't know that. In San Francisco. So, like, it's kind of like a subway train. So, you know, like the light rail, you know, like, you know, like it goes above ground.

It goes with traffic. Yeah. And in the tunnels is like a subway train. So I was crossing the street. Dude didn't stop. Well, the train can't just stop like it's not a car. I mean, the people on the train was like, you hit her. You should stop.

Well, I almost victim blamed you. I like what you do. Did you duck under the thing? Like what? Duck? Is there a thing? Like there was nothing to duck. No, it's like in the middle of the street, girl.

Have you been to San Francisco? You just catch it in the middle of the street. It's just running with traffic. Cars in front, cars behind. You went trying to cross the street. I was crossing the street to get to the island in the middle to catch the train. I saw it coming. And the train caught you.

Yep. Marie. Is that? Wow. Do you have space for us? Is this too much? No. Are we doing a lot here at Mess?

You talked about driving off a cliff and I was. you did throw that at us I told you I was like those ears are going to pop up any moment I honestly was like give me your hand I'm sorry now I think you need to apologize to me

I think you owe me an apology Danielle Sydney it has been a rollercoaster rollercoaster is a good word for it I am gagged a real Mr. Toad's wild ride surprises surprises you did you did mention about your accident yeah and um now i feel like you've

turned into like audie cornish you're like welcome back because they're not gonna get me in in the comments no no no they're not gonna get me on this you ableist no i'm not no no no no i'm gonna talk to you right now um would you say is somebody in a in a wheelchair or the people around you like are we accommodating or i want to know because i i want to know if i could be better can you I don't think I am, but I'm just, you know. I mean, everyone can be better. Everyone can be better. But, I mean, you know, it's fine.

I think, honestly, like, if anything, I think, like, my friends and people around me really, like, just, like, love a reason and excuse to kind of, like, go off on somebody. You know what I mean? And, like, yeah, I was like, this is not accessible. Where's the accessible entrance? Where's the accessible parking? Yeah. This is not, you know what I mean? They just love a reason to really, like, stand on something and be right.

A lot of shit is not accessible, though. I do love providing that. It's just not. No, this city is not. That's also part of why I hate New York City. I was like, oh, a five-story walk-up? I don't think so. No.

You said cracks on the sidewalk. Yuck. Yuck. Yeah, no. Yeah, New York City, the streets have seen a lot of my body on the ground. You'd be falling all out the chair. Oh, my God. I literally almost fell into, like, a rat.

I was, like, rolling down the street, and I hit a crack, and, babe, it went. I reared up. You know what I mean? Like, hind legs up. The back wheels. in the air to the front though and I was like we gotta get back we gotta get back

I made eye contact with a little rat tattooing I was like I hate New York not ratatouille girl well it's nasty I know cause I have to like crawl cause nothing's accessible it's all teeny tiny and it's all these little stairs

and stairs up and this city is nasty my hands touching the ground you would hate Europe. Everything in Europe is much smaller. This is true. I've been here. I did study abroad in Italy for three months. I loved Italy. They loved me.

Are you saying Italy is better than New York? I mean, here's the thing. They have streets so tiny, only like one car can fit in. They said, go right in with traffic, babe. You. I guess. You bumper to bumper. Just rolling in the street on that cobblestone to to beep beep. They knew my name. In Firenze. They said, oh, Jamil's

coming through. In Firenze. In Firenze. They said, okay, now we're going to lift her up. They said, we're going to get her in here. She's going to get thought ragu so there's a fiat you and another fiat basically girl you in the street again what happening it's you danielle yes you got to get out the street mama it's you yeah there's no sidewalks yeah they don't believe in sidewalks no you're right no they don't have that i will say for somebody who you know i you know the rudest thing you said to me when i was living in LA I was walking yeah girl and you were like why would you walk you're like I can't walk and even

I wouldn't walk in LA I said god damn because I was walking on the side you were like aren't you Emmy nominated and you're just walking in the street wow yeah okay she was walking in North Hollywood yeah yeah no that's not a vibe it's not cute when you said that to me I was on my I honestly I was on my last leg well I just knocked it right out babe so let me snatch I'm not doing this with you. That's mess. Yo, you should have seen the way Marie looked at me. She's like, girl, no, not today.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever. I know I had to pick you up, take you home in my car. I was like, see, Sydney, do you see how, do you see a car? Do you see how I drive? Do you see how there's air conditioning? Do you see how I'm not putting my feet on the ground? Girl, I was in North Hollywood. I didn't know how to drive.

What did you want me to do? I couldn't Uber everywhere. Sydney, Sydney. Are we going to ever get you a license? Just so you have one. Should we stop using your passport? I feel like you should get a license, honestly, just to have the photo. Yeah, for the photo.

Because they'll let you be cute in the photo. My photo's cute. Hey, I just want to let y'all know, my passport face, it's blowing everybody out of the water. My passport is pretty good. When does your passport expire? Oh, that's a good question. Okay, because they're going to make you retake their photo. Not Sydney having her passport on her, though.

It's a running joke here It's the messiest thing of all Cause I was like the girl with the passport Cause you know I lost my ID And then I lost my driver's license So then I was out out with the passport Sydney's never not having her passport on her That's crazy

2033 Oh You got time It's a real ID It's good It is good Let me see when did you take this photo It's a real ID?

Yes. I know. Remember? I was like, you get that Photoshop? Like, what'd you do? I got hate-crimed when I went to go take my photo. This lady ripped up a $100 bill and threw it right in my face. Why?

She ripped up a $100 bill? Did you tape that back together? You can. You know the guy next to me, he's like, so are we going to take it? Yeah, I mean. I said, you can. Carl. I said, I'm not touching that.

Wait, why did she throw a $100 in your face? And throw it at you. She was obviously mentally unwell. Sydney, you left $100 ripped in two pieces on the ground. You are also mentally unwell. No one's well in New York City, I'll tell you that. No one's well in New York City. It happened in L.A., babe.

So there's that. You owe me an apology. You know what? Probably in North Hollywood. And I was in North Hollywood. She said reverse uno. It happened where you're from. It did.

It did. Yes. That's crazy. So you said bachelorette parties. What else did you have on the list? What else is messy to you? Oh, my God. I mean, girls trip.

But it's very similar. Yeah, we've done that already. Yeah. I went on a girls trip. We got jet skis. We were in the Bahamas. I heard about that trip. Girl.

That was when you told me, I said, tell me no more. Talk about scary island. We were on the fire festival island in the Bahamas. Do you know what I'm saying? The actual fire festival island. During the off season. Okay. And it's like, honey, they made two documentaries about this.

Why are we going back? Why are we going back? It's murder. And it almost happened. You guys almost happened. We rented jet skis. We found like locals. We were like, we can hook you up with jet skis.

Why do I have to Venmo three different people to get these jet skis? What? They don't match. How much? Too much. That's too many people and too much money. You should have picked up a ripped hundred dollar bill and you would have, you know, and then that I'm sure they gladly would have taken that.

But literally they show up with the jet skis. None of them match. they just pull up to the dock at the house that we're staying at and we venture out into the ocean they don't they said this is how you turn it on they said bye-bye so bye-bye and they just let us go they didn't have nobody overseeing or no they said bye-bye life jackets i don't even know how to get a hold of any of these people i just have their venmo contact they drove them on the water is your phone waterproof no i didn't have my phone on me so i'm out on a jet ski with madison shepherd holding on to the back and we're going going going and she takes that turn a little too

hard and then we're in the fucking ocean off the jet ski how am i gonna get back on how am i gonna get girl nothing to push off of did they think dangling in the water but danielle i also want to ask you you've been on a jet ski before no danielle it sounds like you are the man it might be you, Danielle. You got on the jet ski. I feel like everyone was acting like a jet ski is a very normal thing, and this is very safe, and it's not going to be an issue.

You were with people who have legs, though. Oh, wow. Able-less. Able-less, Sydney. Wow. So people without legs can be John Jetskis. Were you on that jet ski? You almost died. How do you feel about it? You know what? I was

breaking boundaries. Okay? Breaking barriers. You're the first to ride a jet ski. The first bitch on a jet ski. Not for very long, but I was on it. But I was on it. Wait, wasn't Amina also on that jet ski? Yes.

That's three people on a jet ski. No, Amina was on a different jet ski that also flipped over. But that was a different jet ski. But Amina said she was traumatized. She said it was- I literally had to rescue Ranger with Amina. So me and Madison, we flipped on our jet ski. And like literally, I had-

So right now my gel extensions are a medium. They are a reasonable length, okay? am able to give things but i am able to do things my ass said we're going to the bahamas long yeah why is long double double the medium it just jumps okay and i'm crawling onto this jet ski with the middle of the ocean nails hardy b nails madison it's like we are like seesawing where She's like on it, standing, grounding, lifting. I mean, it was. And you're wet, so it's slippery.

The core strength I use. You do need it. You do need core strength. I deadlifted myself onto this jet ski. Okay. And then I'm standing on it on the back. Like I'm hugging it like a turtle because I don't want to fucking fall off again. Right.

And then Amina goes by like, ha ha. And then they fall over on their jet ski. And then their jet ski starts to sink in the ocean. That jet ski is taking on water. We're like, oh, my God, what's going on? We're in the middle of the ocean. And so then Amina and I get on the other jet ski to go back to our house to grab like a kayak to hook it on to our jet ski to bring it back. So y'all trying to be MacGyver in the middle of the ocean.

Fucking rescue rangers. OK, I was driving this jet ski because Amina has legs. And so she got, once we got back to the house, she tied that up. We drove it out and back in the water. It was giving Baywatch. That'd be the end of the trip for me. It was giving Baywatch. So the other jet ski was sinking slow?

It was sinking. Because it sounded like you guys had a lot of time to time. Well, so there were like these weird little islands, but they weren't inhabitable. So we like kind of jet skied around them and stuff. Like we could see them from like the house, but it's not like, there's not water. There's not electricity. It's just an island with bush. Yeah, but you're saying the jet ski was sinking.

It was sinking. And then they were just chilling on the island like, help. Girl. Girl. Let me tell you. So it sank. The kayak is to pick everybody else up. The kayak is to bring people back to shore.

Danielle. Yeah. How does the rest of the trip go? I was traumatized. Because we don't go from yay shots after that. I would be like, oh, I was saying yay shots. I said, shots, shots, shots. I said, Janelle needs a drink.

Sat. I showed up to dinner. I was drunk. Well, I mean, yeah. I said, I lived through a trauma. I said, I'm a first responder. You had a near-death jet ski experience. That's a pretty rich way to die.

Jet ski? Not in the fire festival islands. No. No. No. I mean, if we're going to rank rich deaths, though, I'm going to say helicopter. Helicopter number one. Right.

Or a private jet. No, I was going to say skiing in Aspen. Right. You got to have money, money, money to do that. Right. So, helicopter, skiing, jet ski? Jet ski. I feel like jet ski is.

Jet ski you can rent. No, no, because literally, like, people who, like, live on lakes can jet ski. I don't think jet ski is, like, that rich. No. Okay, okay. So, helicopter. So, a yacht capsizing. Do people die from that, though?

Yes, you can, because it's the. No, no, no. I got it. I got it. Okay. The third rich way to die is your children and or wife kill you for the inheritance, for the insurance, for the, you know what I'm saying? The life insurance. Okay, that's going to be number three.

Number one, we're changing it. Submarine. Oh, submarine, submarine. That's at the top. That's at the top. That's the craziest, richest, dumbest way to die. Yeah, that's the craziest, richest, crazy, dumb, rich people way to die. We should start a card game.

Crazy rich dumb people. Would you start a court game? Wait, and so after that happened, did everybody kind of like tend to you? No! And like take care of you and be like, whatever you want to do, Danielle. No, almost like four people almost died, so. Everyone almost died. They bought a new jet ski.

And then the, like when the people that like got stuck on it went back and jet skied some more. They replaced it. And I said, I'm not going back on that jet ski. Hell no. I'm in the house. I'm drinking. Yeah. Yeah.

But I think if we were on a trip, I would be like, well, Danielle, I mean, you trump everybody in terms of, I mean, I don't know how to swim. So I couldn't imagine. I know how to swim. Okay. Okay. Good for you. I thought you were out there and you didn't know how to swim.

No, babe. No, no, no, no. I know how to swim. I'm just thinking of the panic of trying to get my wet body on a wet jet ski. In the middle of the ocean where I can't swim. You're just bobbing. Because, yeah, you're wearing the life jackets, so it's like you're sinking into the ocean,

but you're floating like this. You're also, I would have had a wig on, girl. If the wig would have came off, kill me now. I would have been like this. Honestly, though, the pictures would have been. Do wigs float or do wigs sink? They sink, and I would have been too. I'd be holding my wig.

departed, departed, gone too soon. Gone too soon. We would have to put the mega program for Sydney and the wig. You know? Gotta put Sydney and the wig on a t-shirt. Yeah. You know what? I don't

want to call it a wig. It's a unit. The unit. Wigs are for poors. Units are for the bourgeois. I've never said wigs. I don't like when I say it's a wig, right? And then somebody else sees me.

Oh, I like your wig. No, no, no, no, no. You're out in public. First of all, lower your voice. Yes. You're very loud. You're very loud. And the maitre d' heard you.

So, no. Don't say that. The unit. Or you could say hair. I say hair because that's what it is. I mean, technically, it is hair. But sometimes, if it's a certain style, it's a unit. It's a unit.

Sure. Because I have all different types of styles. so units i don't mind let's call it and it's bundles also bundles you know how do you feel about um tapings clippings do you do that extensions i would love to do it i don't know how to do it i literally just learned how to do my hair curly in the pandemic we learned a lot we learned a lot youtube university got me youtube university tiktok university all of that we were learning i was learning and growing yeah no dominican obviously a blowout

stays with a blowout now this might be a little controversial but the you know the infamous Dominican blowout

it's pretty harsh on your hair it's well rumor has it sometimes they put a little relaxer in there that's what I saw

on skintalk I've seen that is that true? I don't know they put relaxer in the blowout? they put a little relaxer

in the shampoo or in the in the conditioner a little bit that's what I've heard but I don't know if it's true and I don't

this is a rumor allegedly allegedly I don't know some of the traditional salons uptown why would you put a little bit of

but it's not sitting in your hair for a long time but it's still chemically treating the hair and then all of a sudden yeah you

you're like but then when you go to wash it for the curls you would know that it's been relaxed because it's not the same

yeah curl pattern that's why that's why people said but I don't know I go to dry bar they don't do that

they don't have access to those kinds of chemicals there. No, they don't. I feel like they don't have access to a lot of stuff in there. I heard dry bar. I mean, dry bar sounds like they do it bone dry.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I heard the new thing is biotin. People doing biotin on their hair. Oh, like you're just taking like the gummies and stuff? No, no, no, not biotin. What?

Botox. Oh, yeah. Botox in your scalp. Botox in your hair. In your scalp. Oh, no, no, no. You ever try that? Microneedling.

No, no, no, no, no. Botox in the scalp. But why Botox? Because then your scalp doesn't sweat. It doesn't sweat. Oh, to preserve the blowout. I thought it meant to regenerate and hair growth. No, not like a shot of Botox.

No, no, no. Oh, that's cuckoo. Why is it cuckoo? Because I've heard, yeah, the girlies were doing it for their armpits and stuff. So you don't sweat? You sweat other places, though. That's what I hear. The sweat's going to come out somewhere.

So the back. The back? The back. The back, apparently. Because people have been shooting it up in the underarms for a long time. I mean, I heard that, so you sweat other places. When you say shooting it up, it sounds like something else. I mean, but that's what it is.

Insert it. I mean, it's a little. Insert it. If you're buying it by syringe, it's shooting it up. That is called shooting it up. Hey, there's people who have diabetes and they would not say they're shooting up the insulin. Well, you know, as someone with. Damn.

Double homicide. I'm just kidding. You know, as someone from that community. I'm getting everything wrong today. I've been off cue all episode. I apologize. It's the hat. I apologize to you.

It's the hat. The diabetes community. A woman of diabetes. A woman of diabetes. I want to apologize to the community. I want to apologize to anybody that I offended this episode. I'm sorry. Why would you assume you offended somebody?

Right, really? I'm still here. I haven't walked off yet. Ooh. Now it's her. It's her. And I just want you to know that Danielle speaks for herself. She's not speaking to anybody else that's missing.

I can't speak for the community. Nope. It's just you. She's speaking what she want to speak. Girl, do whatever you want to do here. Dismiss. If you want to flip the table over like that jet ski, flip it. Flip it over.

Flip it. As a survivor, you can flip this table if you like. Thank you. Thank you for seeing me. Yes. I'm carrying my trauma. I know. Expecting it.

should we do we have a mess first living do you want to do yes i do you want to do a message what would you like to do i do if you're um in a bachelorette party right or a bridal party yes Is it mess if everybody chips in for one gift, or is it living? You mean instead of individual gifts? Yeah. So, like, one big gift? One big gift. But what if the gift is only, like, $300, and then it's eight people?

What? Why are you pocket watching? What? Huh? I'm so confused. I saw that on a— How would you be pitching in on a gift? We're already pitching in on the trip.

People are doing that. We're pitching in to be here, bitch. we showed up so that's enough yes my presents a present I'm sorry you're getting

a wedding gift you have to get a bachelorette party gift too I mean it's like that's what I mean for the wedding gift

if the whole wedding party chips in on one gift is that that's weird that is weird get your own stuff get your own stuff they gotta registry

find something it's not this is it's all online like I don't why am I gonna coordinate with all these random people that I don't even know

half of them A bride said that she got a gift from the bridal party and the gift was only $300. So everybody split it and it was eight people. But like, why does she... What was the gift? I know, I'm like, what is this $300 gift? It was like, it was one of the lower, like the cheaper items on the registry. $300 is one of the cheaper items?

I mean, for someone that rich, you really are counting your coins a little too hard, you know? Perhaps you are not living the lifestyle you aspire to be. Okay, now, mess or just living, people who put really expensive things on their registry who don't already kind of live that lifestyle. Why are you putting stuff on your— That's mess. That's mess. I knew a girl, yeah, I went to her wedding, but she had, like, these Missoni—she had, like, Missoni brand, like, home flatware, like, plates and cups. And it's like, babe, this is not your lifestyle.

Mm-hmm. Like, we— Maybe she wants—maybe she wants better for herself. Babe. Do you get a spire? No. Not when we already know you live together. Please.

Do you know what I'm saying You already live together You already have a shared situation It's like That's the thing with the registries It's like don't act For the most part Everyone's already coupled up

They're already living together You already You already got what you need Real shit Or say This is for the honeymoon This is for the house Give that cash

Cash is king Stop putting dumb shit On your registry But also But hold on Sometimes we want gifts Sometimes I think sometimes cash

Is just like Oh you're throwing something At somebody But like I mean, a lot of cultures enjoy that. That's a big part of the wedding. Sydney hates cash. I do not hate cash.

He said, actually, don't give me cash. Don't give me cash. I never said that. But it is nice to go into my apartment and be like, oh, my friend got me this. Oh, look at when my friend got me here. Oh, look at this. This was something given to me when I got this. Like, I do like seeing thoughtful gifts given to me.

Like, obviously, it doesn't have to be expensive. but sometimes money is just like, it's not personal. It's cold. It is. So if you get, if you got married and my, and you're like,

look at this silverware. My friends got me for my, my wedding. That's, that's nice. That is the dead stare that you have in my fucking face. She said, you're not here for that.

I just, it's like, but when are you really bringing out that silverware? Cause you already said you're not having people over your house. So you're just like going to be, you just open the doors, look at the silverware, put it back. Come on, she don't have it in a China. A real good use of a gift. In a China cabinet. I hate an active listener. It's like, I'm just filling in stuff.

I'm just saying things. And now you running back the tapes. You're bored. Girl, I hate an active listener. It's wild. Cindy said, please don't engage me in conversation. I'm just trying to monologue she said first of all don't see me okay lol okay should we do a message yes we have a message from a listener and we are gonna read it and then you are gonna tell us if it's uh you know tell us what you think about it yes ma'am dear sydney and marie and guest it doesn't say yes but i threw you in there because i'm nice love you all love the show to get into this i just need somewhere to share this my girlfriend of four years cheated on me with best friend okay this feels like the wedding is not called off.

We needed this. I was in a healthy relationship for four years. I also lived with my best friend of eight to nine years. And then over time my girlfriend and he became friends as well. Oh, is this a male? Okay, well. A few months ago

I noticed something unusual between them, but dismissed it. You can't do that. You can't dismiss. Later, I came across some chats that made me dig deeper. Eventually my girlfriend admitted that she and my best friend had kissed and made out multiple times over several months while I was at work. She insists she never had feelings for him, but admitted she liked the extra attention. I have completely cut off my best friend because

I feel he betrayed me. As for my girlfriend, she says she regrets everything, has had panic attacks over it, and is willing to do anything to fix our relationship. She has been making efforts but i'm unsure if i should trust her again or move on i still care about her dumb but i'm struggling with whether to give this relationship another chance has anyone been in a similar situation how did you handle it my major concern is she lied until the point i confronted with proof that too she said make out two to three times but later said two to three times fondling and kiss and hugs were more.

Oh. So she lied about what happened and she lied about it happening. Mm-hmm. But it's been four, it was four years and the best friend was eight or nine.

They cut the best friend off. Wow, they already cut the best friend off. Right, but the girlfriend is still here. They need to cut the girlfriend off. Everybody got to go.

Cut the cord. Yeah, no. This like, oh, it was just kissing. Then it was kissing and hugs. Shut up. Then it was fondling. I'm at work.

It works with your privates. Like, what? Things are being inserted. Yeah. I think it's definitely more. But also, why are you- Also, while you're at work? Like, wow, no one has a job?

That's what I thought. Everybody's unemployed. I'm sorry, are you financially supporting these people to cheat on you? Listen, the unemployed people be locked in. They just have too much free time. Too much free time to be messed. Yeah. It's like, instead of you should have been looking for a job, you're too busy looking

at my girlfriend's coochie. That's upsetting. Looking for a job or looking for a hand job. Either way, I'm at work making money and y'all doing what? I don't understand how the girlfriend gets to skate off and still be with him and the best friend. That's so crazy. I don't like that. That's very strange. He must have didn't care about the best friend that bad. Yeah, there must have been something else going on with the best friend.

Just throw away that. That's like eight, nine years. I want to know how they found out, though, because it's like, did the best friend come clean? It says, a few months ago, I noticed something unusual, but dismissed it. So that means the girlfriend was at the sink washing dishes or something, and the best friend walked by and was like, excuse me, and grabbed the waist or something. Or he might have tapped her bottom just real lightly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A gray.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lingering stare. And then later, I came across some chats that made me dig deeper. Oh, so he was going through the text messages. Going through the phone. When you go through the phone, it's over. It's over. It's done.

The trust is gone Damn what would you do in that situation Leave the girlfriend The girlfriend's gotta go It's not like she's contributing to the house Right she's not working She's Allegedly

Damn so we just breaking up with Unemployed people Unemployed people shouldn't cheat They don't I'm sorry Unfortunately they don't have They don't have the leeway to cheat You gotta be employed to cheat

I'm sorry you can't buy me A gift to make up for the cheat You can't take me out to dinner Or on vacation to make up for the cheat If someone cheated on you, what would they have to get you as a gift for you to be like, okay, you know, people do, these things happen. Europe? Europe.

You want to be back in the streets of Europe. Honey, I had a good time. It feels like if you can't afford to cheat, then you can't afford to be in a relationship either. But rich people cheat all the time. Yeah. And it works out fine for them. And also, maybe she worked from home. That's true.

We're calling the girlfriend an employee, but she could just be. She might have a job. You know. She just had the Zoom camera. She gets to work remotely from the deck. And on that note, thank you so much, Danielle Perez, for everything that you brought to the table today. I mean, I probably said too much. Marie said just enough.

No, you said too much. Sydney, you could always say more. Drag me on my own podcast. Where can people find you, bitch? Find me online at Diva Deluxe, Instagram, Twitter. Got anything coming up? Well, I'm here in New York doing shows. This is coming out after, friend.

I know. Yeah. But I'm in Los Angeles. See me. Oh, actually, I'm on TV. Yeah. Tell people where. I'm on Netflix.

I'm on The Night Agent on Netflix. Yay. It's streaming now. Season two's out. Oh, yeah. Check that out. Number one show on Netflix for a long time. Yeah, my cousin was talking about it.

I almost watched it, but I was like, this feels like a lot of work. Tell your cousin you know a star. I know the night agent. Are you the night agent? No, he's a white man. No, not the night agent, but integral to the plot. Oh, number one on the call sheet. Look at that.

Number three? We love that, Danielle. All right. Well, thank you for being here. And, you know, keep being messy. Do what you do. Because I can tell you're pretty messy. Yeah, I'm going to say you're the treasurer of mess for us, for sure.

And keeping track of those invoices, receipts, and accounts payable. Miss payable. Anyway, bye, guys. Thank you, guys. Bye. Bye. Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. Created and hosted by Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin.

Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Han Sani. Super produced by Becca Ramos. Edited and mixed by Brian Jeffries. If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at messthepodcasts at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588.