MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Just S&M - Blac Chyna Goals And Drunk Summer Bodies

Episode Date: July 7, 2017

This time around Sydnee & Marie take a break from the interviews to go over their Summer Body goals, latest in pop culture, and being drunk in public.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hey wow hi welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with sydney and marie how you doing girl i'm doing really well you sound really excited to be on this couch right now well that's because i had uh some lucky charms so thank you very much okay you're such a good host i can't believe it sounds like you said ho for a second but you're that you're that as well yeah thank you thank you so much yeah yeah uh it it uh it's always surprising to me that you come here and eat cereal and then you tell me that you're lactose intolerant and i'm like this is not lactate this is real milk real gmo cow titty milk i like to uh challenge my body that's what i like to do what is a lactose intolerant that means like your body can't break down dairy but you'll

be eating cheese too oh girl when we went to that thing last night i was busting down that cheddar it was sharp cheddar too sharp cheddar vermont sharp oh man it was that crack creighton barrel what what is it i feel like creighton barrel sounds right it's cracker barrel cheese that's what it is what white person thought it would be a good idea to call their cheese cracker barrel i don't know but it's delicious i love this is not sponsored by cracker barrel or creighton barrel we don't have creighton barrel furniture in my house we have a craigslist ikea stuff though do you really trust craigslist i've had this couch for two years and i've never gotten sick have you gotten sick that's something that you in the ass

on this couch i feel like i broke out on my neck a couple times that's because your weave is because you wear cheap hair you got to move up to the 30 packs excuse me bitch this is on the third uh the third shelf so this is more than 30 that's a top show 34.99 my bass is no this is like 60 something you pay 60 for that hair are you saying i should have spent less yes i don't know why anybody pays 60 at the beauty supply store but also your hair it looks good you finally took them locks out can you walk us through that process i took my locks out oh can i tell you the edges were what missing moment of silence for those edges oh it's so hard to say goodbye yeah i am i waited too long i wore those locks for over two months and like you said i wasn't

greasing my scalp properly white people listening to this if you uh date black men or you date a black woman moisturizing your scalp is very important to us don't let your baby walk around looking like uh what was her name nala oh holly berry's daughter oh yeah it's very dry that white dad had her looking terribly in these streets oh he didn't even hit it with no water or nothing he just threw it in a messy bun he threw a rubber band around it he was like i don't care if the edges break out i said gabrielle that's why you got left yeah that's why holly is not with you oliver knew how to put some shea butter on the edges or something listen somebody get a note to madonna stat because she just adopted a little black baby also a little girl did she yeah she

has a little black son his shape up don't never be shaped up but come on you gotta let these kids live their best well i'm not a kid i'm a grown adult full-blown adult and yeah one side of my you know head is not looking right so i'm i gotta flip the hair so that people don't see that side but the fact that you have hair to flip is like tremendous oh well what happened is i cut my locks too short so i cut my actual hair so the hairstylist had to it like cut it into like a short r&b how much hair did you cut off oh girl like inches oh man i didn't know my hair was that long you know i had cut my hair last year so i'm thinking you know it was all uh shrinkage so i'm thinking my hair started closer to the scalp than but when your hair is braided it's stretched oh

man did not know so nothing so i got a little t-biz cut underneath this uh this wig and i'm trying to grow it out some more shut up stop singing that you could buy all the yeah but i took it out and i feel better my edges are gonna grow back i'm healthy i'm young sis you got to go to church and let an old lady put her hands on your edges lay hands on the i need a prayer circle that's what i need remember when i first cut my hair and they shaved the sides yeah and then we did videos on uh youtube and your the reezy fans were like her edge is gone i don't remember the people saying that those don't sound like my oh yes they def did the reehive is rude well i mean yeah but you know what people watch my videos from like all over the world it's crazy

like somebody from namibia hit me up the other day i was like i don't even know where that is sis listen namibia do you know where that is i think it's adjacent to kenya somebody from marrakesh hit me up i don't know where that i don't even know where that is either marrakesh sounds like like a like a pyramid scheme company like amway but i work for marrakesh uh if you sign up three friends then uh they pay me and then i make money and then they sign up three friends marrakech sounds it's in morocco oh so so fat from morocco what's that oh french montana's people yeah all the way up what did what was the marrakech game that they spit uh they were just like hi i uh i saw you on something i think a youtube video and he's like i just want to let

you know you're funny and let's fuck oh okay well you know what that mouth do what about you marie what's going on are you an expert anything this week oh wow it's pouring isn't it so great to be in the house yeah man shout out to all the homeless people living in soggy boxes right now marie sydney i'm sure they're not listening to this podcast right now i think we should start with your expertise this week what were you an expert at oh i was an expert at stunting on the gram yo stunting hard body okay but you don't really post on instagram i don't regularly i'm on the insta stories and people be lurking listen i don't know if you guys know this but we can see who watches our insta stories so you know i've been to the pool a couple times this summer like

back to back uh we've been doing day things because you know we ain't got no day job showing our entire ass cracks uh-huh so people are like very concerned trying to figure out like so how are you guys getting money what are you doing because it looks like you're doing a lot of day things um and night things that were as well uh it looks like you have income coming in but you don't what's up so i was sitting hard on my insta stories making sure i had something to do every freaking day there was not one day i didn't have somewhere to go all right let's go through it monday what did you do on monday monday monday was the day before july 4th uh we went to somebody's cookout okay uh and then on july 4th what did you do we went to somebody else's cookout on a

terrace on a terrace looking better than everybody yep and then they had like a real chef and they were had a real chef that was in their pan searing salmon yeah and they had a deconstructed apple pie it was ridiculous they had too good they had the grilled corn they had like two types of chicken yes yeah two types of chicken do you know how like much money they have you know how committed you gotta be to the cookout to get two types of but they threw them in the same pan i mean didn't matter it didn't matter i mean it looked it looked great it looked good and tasted good well it looked like the chicken was definitely from like one of those membership places like costco's or bj's or something like that i love bj's it looked very organic uh grass-fed grass

it looked like the chicken like summers in the hamptons you know so it was it was real supple it was real supple the meat oh the juice was great there was no blood coming out it was beautiful i see not a single baby vein or nothing so then what's the next day we did after oh before that we went to um like a little outdoor party called body and soul yes and it was it was a dust field okay well let's can we back back back back back back so y'all know coachella right y'all know burning man uh we did like the poor people version of that on governor's island here in the city um took a little ferry little little dusty boat little tugboat it was like a you're on the boat for like six minutes and then we got there and i threw on a sandal because i was like oh we gonna

be in the grass hanging out with the hippies listening to house music no it was legit like the dustiest cornfield in all of the east coast it was not a quarter it felt like a flattened cornfield oh my god there were literally people without their shoes on dance they were doing rain dances in the dust field and i don't know to what beats they were doing it was not dj kalad and people were so free like kevin you said you call him dj kalad kalad and i had white sneakers on too yeah but i feel like they when you left they still looked kind of white oh bitch they were done so really yes oh i had to soak them in oxyclean they still dirty um also on top of that had an edible let me tell you people edibles not only was i sitting on the gram but i also was high

on the gram so there was a couple things i posted i was like i should take that down i gotta take down i was fucking fucked up what were you posting the sunsets it's just you know those pictures of clouds you know those people who just like move the camera around while they're like looking in the sky it was like there was no yeah there was a lot of you doing that i do remember seeing you watching you do that it was so foolish and i was like that it was obvious that i was not in my right that edible hit me at the right time though like it hit me and then i uh i was being my dusty just queen of a self and people came up to me and they're this this gay guy came up to me and he was like i didn't even want to come talk to you i didn't even want to approach you because

you're so stunning and i was like and yet here you are in my face he had on a white skinny jean it was that guy that had on the white pants it's like i can't believe you wear white pants to a like a festival i think he didn't know what it was either but it was fun though it was i had a good time i mean and see because i'm greedy i did the edible and then did some more every time i do edibles with sydney she says oh you know what uh i think i should take more edible and i'm always like no dude this you can't no you're already high no no i think i'm gonna do every single time we take edibles together so we left we left it hit me on the ferry i literally passed out on your shoulder i like fell asleep we woke up i woke up not you and then i was like oh my friend

is having another thing so let's go to that we hopped off the ferry went to my other friend's place who has a terrace he had like chick the wings were he had wings i mean when i tell you people the fact it felt it felt like those wings were marinated for at least two days i think those wings were from whole foods i don't think he marinated anything overnight you know a white man don't know that you see the edible is the devil because it's making me think that this was like somebody cooked these wings they were store-bought wings they were store-bought and i know they fucking worked he just heated them on a grill or something sis come on but also he had ribs he had crab cake uh he had uh more watermelon salad it was watermelon feta yeah that's a

watermelon salad okay so i was so freaking high so all of a sudden i eat all this food people were trying to have real conversations with us and i was like and then i passed out on the couch it's a full-blown party going on and i pass out on the couch marie lets me sleep always i feel like i see you sleeping on that couch in that same position every time we go to his house so i fall asleep in uh on the couch have y'all ever seen a dead body you want to see a dead body marie left because she was like well i've gotten what i wanted i'm out also i'm not gonna sleep on some white man's couch surrounded by all these white women. I just, I don't feel safe.

I gotta go back home and sleep on my couch. Anywho, so I'm passed out on the couch for like an hour and then finally my friend... At a party y'all. There was music playing. There was a DJ. There were people doing probably cocaine. Oh yeah, people were doing both. And Sid is knocked out. Just

shoes off. Oh, the shoes was off. The shoes were off. The corns, the bunions were out. Exposed. Throbbing and thriving. that's what they were doing and then finally he wakes me up he's like people keep asking who's the dead girl so you gotta get up he's like you could sleep in my room and i was like no i'll go i stumble out i thought i saw my ex but then my friend i called her yesterday and she's like no that's my boyfriend's friend i was like are you sure your boyfriend's friend can't be your ex

that could be the same person no she said i asked what was his name and she was like that wasn't it I gasp, though. I like that. So you thought your ex-boyfriend saw you knocked out drooling with the corns out on the couch at a party? Yes, bitch. Isn't that a terrible way to see somebody, though? Like, he left. Well, I broke up with him.

But he left. You broke up with him and he, like, packed his things and left? No. I broke up with him, but that would be great for him to see. Like, oh, she broke up with me, but look at her passed out on the couch. She couldn't even get her feet fixed yet. how does one get their feet fixed um you can shave your bunions down you'll do that when you get some money i think so you'll shave your bunions down yeah i feel like you're not gonna

be able to walk like you have to wear like a boot or something anyway marie were you an expert in anything this week enough about me uh yes thank you so much i was like i don't even know how long this is gonna go on uh this week i was an expert at at saying yes without saying yes does that make sense no i was more open this week uh anytime somebody asked me for my phone number i was like you can follow me on the instagram and uh then the people slid into my dms and now i have all these new friends who are hopefully going to feed me but also come to our show tomorrow we have the warm-up tomorrow in um in manhattan um in the east village at 8 p.m yes at karma lounge at karma lounge and so anytime somebody asked me a question or invited me out somewhere or asked for my phone

number I gave it to them because I'm I was trying to be more open this week so so open that I was walking down the street and I needed to pee and I was like let me just dip into this bar real quick I've been here they they don't know me but I've been here before I know where the bathroom is and I went I went in and when I was on my way out pretending that I was like talking to friends in but i was like all right we'll see you guys later and nobody cared somebody grabbed me at the bar and that's not how you get a queen's attention you don't grab somebody by the arm or the shoulder or the wrist what i think that's what they did to nefertiti somebody grabbed her i'm pretty sure that's not what they did to nefertiti somebody grabbed me like yoked me up and you know i turned

around like oh no baby what is you doing and i looked and it was this like this black dude like all chocolatey and stuff was he attractive can't remember his face so that means no and he asked me where i was going and then i was intrigued because he had not the words that he said but the way he said it he sounded just like idris like he sounded this that edible hits you too it hits you twice his tone like he sounded just like idris he was like what i can't do the accent girl that Vodka, cranberry soda hits you right on time. I was drinking a vodka, cranberry soda.

Anyway, shut up, Sid. So this guy was talking to me, and he asked me for my number. He asked me where I was going, and I was like, oh, I'm going home. I have to be up early tomorrow. And he was like, oh, I love that you get up early. I get up every morning at 5.30 to meditate. And I was like, ah, I'm going to meditate on his ass. Oh, my God.

And then he asked me for my number, and I gave it to him, because he was like, maybe we can get some brunch or something, like some dinner sometime. And I was like, yes, and yes, because, nigga, brunch yes dinner absolutely so he takes my number down and he calls me like while i'm standing there because you know these fellas they're on to us they're so smart i did that like when i was in the laundromat i gave this uh fake producer ass thing in my number because i was like yeah come to the warm-up as well and uh i was like i'm not gonna call him he's like yeah yeah uh can you just

press the green green button so you can so you can call me i was like fuck you gotta be like my phone just died you have to you have to hit you gotta turn your phone off while you're talking to them lean on that button turn your phone off and then be like my phone is dead and hope that the number that you gave them the person doesn't actually pick up but i gave him the real number because he had this beautiful accent and he offered to get me food and he was english and he looked tall and then after my phone rang he smiled at me and he was missing all of his front teeth like he had no teeth in the front of his face that's impossible like okay so when i say missing all his front teeth like the four teeth on the top were gone girl you're fucking lying there's

no way he tucked his teeth and then exposed them so bitch it wasn't an accent he just no he was like i i wake up at 5 30 every morning yeah like i couldn't see nigga that's a lisp that was not a that's his tongue hitting his gums that's what that is there was no damn accent yo these dudes hey queen queen queen hey queen i anyway so i gave him my number i gave my number to a bunch of random people this week people that i want nothing from except you know maybe some drinks maybe some uh i'm you know what if i could black china the situation then i'm here for that can we talk about that he's speaking around just a little bit just touch on it real quick if y'all are busy or have jobs and are not millennials then you don't care about this

and you maybe don't know don't let this rob kardashian black china foolishness distract you from the point that like this podcast is popping okay this is popping subscribe and hit us with a five stairs but real quick i just want to do the math about because rob was on a rampage this week right he was like i spent a hundred thousand dollars on plastic surgery for her new body and he was like rob how much did you spend on your body you didn't even like enroll in the gym his fingers are so swollen i didn't know how he was able to his twitter fingers are like his twitter fingers were on a point he had like the kanye west twitter the meek mill twitter fingers oh he was tweeting like like a like a skinny man it was crazy it was nuts yes but he

was hurt like a fat vulnerable man um so he said that he bought her a lamborghini and he bought her a ferrari and he bought like a versace robe that she had some like several other men photographed black china do you know how cold you cold-blooded you are harder than any cement truck i know you harder than any fake ass a fixed flat ass oh my god that's like she had like the is the i mean versace i feel like you gotta dracoline that are you dracolining the robe picking it up and letting somebody else wear it no there's no way the nigga who's in the robe probably like what what cologne is this uh it's called kardashian it's called it's called catch a nigga uh but yeah so he he said that he spent all this money he leaked her nudes he was like sorry her nipples look funny he's like

she only breastfed for like three weeks because she wanted to start drinking it like he was like super hurt and ti responded and was like man you lost just calm down and rob was like oh i lost you and tiny paid china for a threesome oh you didn't see that and then ti just like faded to black to black to black hack he was like you paid her to have sex with y'all so don't come for me unless i send for you that was basically oh rob kadash he's losing all his friends because they're like nigga the way you spill i don't think that he has any friends he had an oil spill right there that was a bp like what the hell dude yeah but he was saying all this stuff and i'm sure he was sobbing like crying while he was typing this stuff and he was eating he was definitely eating like

chicken sausage like links and whatnot how many times you think he accidentally bit his sausage fingers oh the whole time it was like whoops i thought that was a whoops i thought that was another whoops and then he was like man only 140 characters like he was going off yeah well they deactivated his twitter uh his instagram like and apparently black china's getting ready to sue him now it was like dude you must not have any friends because everybody knew what was happening when she got with you oh that's nice oh god you know this is bill collectors they be calling i'm like i'm busy doing a podcast and not paying your ass you got you got you a rob kardashian where do i find a chubby dude with money and low self-esteem where where do those people live at where do

they reside if you're listening to this right now and you are like a kardashian-esque dude and you maybe just want to hang out with two cool black girls who will roast you incessantly but also entertain you significantly holla at us uh just leave us a comment on the uh unofficial expert instagram not instagram itunes well you know we had um wendy here and she was able wendy starling she was able to hit us off with the like sugar daddy thing but like i've been you know this person for years now and nobody has ever wanted to like just fully take care of no i had to buy my own titties you know how upset i am yes but my question for you now the follow-up and i think we're all wondering this is were you sucking dick were you willing to suck a dick

for some tits no i don't like breasts that much all right that's why you had to pay for them yourself that's crazy like i touched the tip to get the tits i mean at the time i had a boyfriend and he kept telling me like i don't need to get them because he loves me for me and i was like you think this is for you they for the next person you crazy you crazy bastard i feel like i see what his game was though he told you you didn't need them because he didn't want to pay for them oh well he knew he wasn't gonna pay he didn't have the coins he was gonna put it on the corporate card absolutely you can't put the the black boobs the black girl's boobs on the black card hilarious on the american express gold i had a dude uh actually it was a couple weeks ago

we went out and he put uh our wings on his corporate card i was like thank you i don't even know what you do dude he swept he charged the date i mean honestly i'm not mad at black china i don't even care about rob kardashian spending money spin all take everything cares about rob kardashian for everything they got nobody cares about rob kardashian which is why he's rob kardashian and he got played by like a 29 year old who like she's joanne the scammers apprentice he she said no he said that she had the baby and they immediately left yeah remember remember christmas he posted that sad video and he's like uh she took all the presents she under the tree he's like she took the crib but you have movers to take the tree like yo how

she's how hard are you she left one ornament like the grinch she took everything didn't he have a video of him showing the the the house yeah he's going around and he's like i don't know i mean i she took our new baby like it was a couch like it was a new couch whatever she took all the presents and left the baby would that have been better or worse um i think it's better that she took the baby because i don't even know if he knew what to do with it but i think he has the baby now i got the juice now i think he has the baby now really yeah well that's what probably what the fuck she wants she's like uh i want to go out and do ratchet things with my hood rat friend she's like also send me money so that i can uh pay for my other child because his dad is

broke the other one the other dad who's the dad taiga you know he ain't got no money so wait she got with rob because taiga got with kylie ah these people got so much time like they are not doing nothing yo he spent a hundred thousand dollars on her to get her body back and he's still fat how much did caitlin pay that's what i want to know i also want to know what caitlin paid i also they definitely didn't go to the same doctor at all i mean caitlin needs i mean please say much say actually don't say anything at all i'm gonna say all of it china is a is a young black woman and caitlin is white so the body is the snapback isn't caitlin what just term 70 70s i mean technically caitlin's like two but like caitlin's body the form is like a cool

60s the soul the soul is 70 is 70 so of course like the the skin elasticity ain't there for for her so marie would you uh block china somebody um if i was really down on my luck oh marie absolutely what do you mean down on your luck like if i was real desperate like china was like i didn't have anywhere to live and i didn't because i've never heard her speak and i watched a clip from the robin china show on instagram the other day and she she talks like this like she's like you know i graduated from high school and then couldn't afford to go to college so i started stripping and then paid my way through college i'm really proud of what i've accomplished because nobody taught me anything well that's i mean that is something right so that's how china

of talks yeah so i feel like the way that i just gotta take the base out of my voice and then maybe i can black china somebody girl you sound like you got confidence and you got both exactly exactly like exactly i know it's not gonna work yeah i mean i'm like a look take one look at you at the strip club like what is she doing here there'll be some drink watch her back so long there'll be some drink nigga and they're like we ain't got to do this breezy you ain't got to do this and Then I'll go to Junior's bachelor party and get beat up and then start working at a shoe store. Oh, my God. If you don't know that reference, it's from the Players Club.

Please pause the podcast and watch that movie. It's a cinematic masterpiece. I think it's on Netflix right now, actually. Really? Mm-hmm. So the Players Club is like Jamie Foxx, Lisa Rae. Lisa Rae. And actually, those are the people that are-

Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac is, yeah, yeah, yeah. Buggy Naked. Somebody else. I don't know. I just feel- Sydney, could you black China somebody? Me?

Yeah. Absolutely not. I'm, you know me as a person. Listeners, you guys know me. My heart full of gold. That you dig? My heart is full of Uber pool. Like, I can't.

So you've never bamboozled a man into giving you money that you didn't actually need? For something that you didn't need? I asked a friend for $600. I told him I would pay him back. I did not. How long ago was that? That was many years ago. many moons ago and it was to go to miami and he understood that he wasn't getting that money back

so that's the only time you've ever tricked somebody into giving you money i didn't trick him i asked i said hey i'm down on my luck and i need six hundred dollars for miami was good six hundred dollars for miami how many days were you in miami for three days that's a lot of money for three days what are you talking about did you buy your ticket and then you that was your that was my pocket money that's a lot of money for three days marie not everybody can go to miami and pay absolutely nothing okay i need to have something in mind and then i needed some money left over for when i get back exactly but that's a lot of money for three days like that's food i'm a good person i would never do that because first of all i can't be with

somebody that i don't like that's that's a lie what do you everybody listening to this right now has been with someone that they didn't really like that much no just because they were like maybe having a good time or maybe they like to travel or maybe they like to eat out no everybody that i've been with you actually like i actually liked really yeah do you know how many people i've been with that i did not like i i like have these connections with people and i i stay there wow the dick be that good huh sis no it's not even that i think it's be terrible i just really like you that's what it is wow i wish i could see my face right now because i am so confused something's wrong with me yeah what is wrong with me you can really like that many people

yes wow i don't think that there's anything wrong with me i feel like what happened well actually at the time i was also an alcoholic so so you might have thought that you liked somebody yeah that could have been the situation i would have liked to be with these people again sober and see if i could see what i saw in them because i don't right now at this moment i don't know why i was with them yeah alcohol does uh crazy things to people um i can't imagine being drunk all the time i remember being drunk recently and uh not remembering what the hell i was doing oh yeah what happened oh let me tell you what happened so uh i had what i remember to be three drinks uh possibly more but i know that i had three and i was out for pride um not out like out the closet

just like out with the gay people oh my god i just want to say that i need to clarify because people might be like i know marie was a lesbian or they'll be like i knew marie was a lesbian so i was out with my gay boo greg who has been on the show before he was our heartless romantic or hopeless hopeless romantic hopeless romantic and um i was like oh my god i made out with the bartender i don't know how i got home blah blah blah cut to last friday i spoke to said bartender and uh i was like when did we kiss and he was like what was that i was like when did i kiss you and he was like i'm not understanding the question i was like oh now your thick irish accent can't understand my normal ass new york accent and he was like i offered to get you some

food then i offered to get you a cab and you turned it down and i was like that don't sound like me at all yeah that's me so not you turn down a free taxi nah so uh he said he offered get me a cab and i turned it down and then i turned around and started kissing the dude next to me he was like we never touched you kissed somebody else and he spoke to you after that i was like well what did the nigga that i kissed look like was he black i'm gonna say a full no he was like i don't remember what he looked like i was like that means he was black because i said after i broke up with my ex-boyfriend that i was back to black there's no way that my god would forsake me let me kiss a beige dude even though you thought that you kissed the bartender and he

was irish right right right right but i was devastated about that i feel a little bit better now i feel like i kissed somebody named kwan or jason or jason the dude that you kissed i didn't get the bartender's number either he got mine which means there's something wrong with him because he told me kiss somebody else and then he texts me immediately oh he's just trying to you up he's just trying he's just trying to deal with you long enough before he kill you that's what that is i don't think irish people are violent men are violent well white men are violent no men men m-e-n men so you kiss somebody randomly you don't know who it is no but in my mine he was black and he had all his teeth i honestly feel like you don't even know i don't

know sydney i have no idea who it was i'm just projecting that it was a listeners now are gonna be like so what kind of drink it was so when they come to the warm-up they're like what it was a tito's vodka matter of fact i got the recipe right here because i took a picture of the menu when i was there drinking so it was tito's uh it was like a lemonade right yeah hold here's the recipe right here the name of the drink is just the tip and it's tito's vodka fresh lemonade blackberry syrup and home-brewed something home-brewed roofie that's what the fuck it was it was he sprinkled a little uh bill cosby in that bitch just to dash so you think the tip of cosby so you think that the bartender sprinkled some cosby in it and then i just used

it on somebody else no the dude who probably you kissed probably just he did the alley oop he did the kobe he did a fucking steph curry steph curry with the shot he just threw the pills listen i have no idea what happened he missed the dash but you were thank you so much but uh just the tip but you used to drink all the time would you black out regularly when i got home when i got home i was like so i had it so together until i walked out of the club when i walked out of the and got into the cab that's when shit got real gray and then somehow i was able to keep it together because i would roll down the window and literally stick my head outside the cab yeah like a dog yes like a dog i was like oh this wouldn't feel so good

do you remember what's the did we talk about this what's the craziest thing you've ever done drunk the craziest thing i've ever done yeah like the drunkest you think you've ever been oh oh i know this this is like this is outstanding so let me get um so went i had been day drinking all day day drinking is dangerous that's what got me caught up is day drinking with the gay people at pride okay so i'm day drinking or whatever and then uh went to a party then picked up a friend and the friend was like let's go get something to eat so i picked up these pierogies from vaselka and pierogies are like polish dumplings that it had like arugula and cheese or whatever arugula is the fanciest of all the salads oh it's delicious so i had like pierogies i had beets

i had sour cream i had like chives i had every fucking thing i'm inhaling this stuff right right so i'm fighting my friend like no i'm gonna pay for this so i paid for everything when i was drunk i would pay for everything so okay well you don't want to be drunk with me but i feel like you still be kind of paying for stuff sometimes okay but imagine that times 12 i wouldn't even let people pull out there do you want some cheetos shut up bitch so then i pay for the i pay for the food we get in the cab pay for the cab i get in the house i'm fucking lit like out my mind i was like you know what i need to do go to sleep so i lay down and i was like passed out and i felt good and then all of a sudden i think that i'm dreaming that i'm throwing up i was like oh this is a

terrible dream i threw up i was in the dream i threw up in my weave i like threw up on myself like all this like all the stuff that all the food that i just ate i said this is a fucking terrible dream you know what i need to do go back to sleep so so you knew you were awake because you no no no no in the dream in the dream it felt like i was awake throwing up but i was like it's a bad dream so i went back to sleep so five hours later i'm getting a phone call and it was like oh i was like somebody's calling me this is not a dream this is real yeah this is not a drill kids it's my roommate she's like hey do you want anything i'll be home in 10 minutes i was like no i'm good i hang up the phone and i was like screaming i was like oh my god it wasn't a dream

So I had threw up all over me and it had been sitting for five hours in my brand new weave. Like my brand new weave. Like it had just came in the mail. It had the new weave smell. Oh my God, it still had the tag on it. I was just, I was doing a 30 day trial. It wasn't even paid for. So I threw up in my hair.

I threw up all on the side of the bed. So I had 10 minutes to clean everything up before my roommate came. why did you need to clean up wait before your roommate came she was coming into the room with you because it smelled just like the whole house smelled disgusting oh dude there's no way that after sitting for five hours she got there and she couldn't smell the throw up even if you cleaned it up oh bitch i was using bleach on your weave bleaching the shit oh i did my i dunked my whole head in bleach that's what i did i was like yo the fact that i thought that it was a dream i was projectile vomiting and i thought it was a dream like exorcist style oh yeah i was like

man so what happened she came home and was like whoo somebody died in here i had a bucket i had a bucket from like cleaning everything up and i just threw stuff in the bucket and then uh i put it outside i was like i'm just let this air out and she's like some disgusting person has a bucket would like like throw up on it who would do that and i was like i don't know man this neighborhood's getting bad look all this gentrification they get his neighbor i was like somebody named rebecca did that like it was probably our upstairs neighbor you know she's real uh you know college dormish yo that is crazy i think but like i feel like i can maybe count on one hand the amount of times that i've thrown up drunk and i feel like you always the the more it happens the more prepared

you be like you'd have a bucket next to the bed or a trash can when i tell you i was so used to like going to bed blackout like just laying my lay my head on the pillow that's how i felt i was like i've always laid my head on the pillow and i'm like as long as you ate so much if i go to sleep i'll sleep it off i always have like a couple bottles of water yeah on the side of my bed yeah on a nightstand prepared a couple advils yeah i'm i'm i do this this was my life okay what you trying to say i wasn't prepared you were not prepared because you threw up all over yourself you probably got it on the ceiling oh my god it was like and at the time she had a fucking cat so the cat came in the room and was meowing because it was like is this bitch alive like

that's how passed out i was your best i think it's like imagine if my roommate walked in me passed out with throw up all over me what would she have said i feel like i used to go hard together she probably wouldn't judge you as much as you think she would have judged you oh you know another time oh i'm sure you have another story oh i have a great story oh this is great guys get another juice or a beverage i was at the fat black hanging out with the cellar comedians and i was like oh i'm the shit i was drinking a fireball yeah yeah yeah but i was drinking it like a real drink so i because i feel like you're supposed to take shots of shots no bitch i had like a cup and i was feeling it halfway and you're sipping it don't

know throwing it back oh so i'm doing all this i stumble out i feel like i brought my my wallet with me i had a big ass wallet i had like 500 in cash crazy i had my social security card i don't know why um you dumb i had a debit card i had all this stuff i had a bag of cocaine everything in his wallet that's why it was fat money the drugs and it was literally just the drugs that i cared about i mean the dumbest thing that you had on you though was the social security card yes and then they were like they could put this face to the bag of cocaine it's just bad anyway so i get in i get in the yellow cab and i'm fucking yelling at the taxi cab i'm like telling them life is terrible i hate everybody i fucking hate new york and it's a yellow cab and you know he just hit the

partition real hard he's like i'm not even listening to this bullshit i was like fuck this shit so then we get to harlem and i'm so you took a cab from the lower east side all the way up to harlem oh yeah bitch you don't give not a single damn oh no so we so he's knocking on the partition like basically get the fuck out and pay the tab so i'm looking for my money i pay him i know that i pay him for a fact in cash okay okay um or was it in a card it might have been a card anywho i do all this stuff um so i walk in and your roommate is covered i throw up no no my roommate is sleeping i go in the bathroom all of a sudden i get dizzy and i start um i was like i need to sit down for a little bit so i sit on the toilet and i look for my wallet the whole thing's gone

the whole fucking where did you look for your wallet in your vagina because you were sitting i was in my i was in my bubble coat with my purse on my shoulder on the toilet wait i want to complete the visual what color was the bubble coat uh black black and long so i lifted the whole thing up to my chest on the toilet so i freak out i run outside i was like maybe my wallet is on the ground but i'm fucked up so i'm like on my knees looking underneath cars for this wallet it's not there so i come back in i was like oh no fuck that i need that wallet like i need everything that's in it yeah yeah so i call 311 i'm wasted calling 311 i'm like i just took a cab from the low east side and my wallet is in the cab and 311 is like

I think you need more than just your wallet bitch and so I'm giving her all the info for some reason I can remember some things about the cab or whatever finally uh I throw up while I'm on 311 and the lady is like excuse me miss excuse me miss miss and I'm like hold on one second so I'm throwing up 311 hangs up on me while they're putting the whole thing in to get my wallet i have to call them back and they they were like they said something and then they hung up on me so i'm screaming with throw up on my jacket on the bubble coat on the bubble coat roxy wakes up because she hears you screaming yes and she's like babe babe what's the problem and i'm like laid out like a turtle you know on the street no in this in the bathroom you know how turtles when

you flip them over and they're just like struggling to that was me torturing her guys you need to see this video and she's the first time of day or night was it this is like 6 a.m do you know the first thing that came out of her fucking mouth she's like why do you still have your jacket on yo roxy is asking real questions listen roxy if you're listening to this episode you gotta come in and be our sydney washington expert because i got questions babe why do you have your jacket you're a mess she unzipped the jacket she's like oh i don't know if you can uh keep this this is pretty bad

mind you she was just talking about the quality of the coat she was like is this a south pole jacket no did you get this at a vim no girl i got a barney sells bubble coats i got it from bloomingdale's hoe it was like mark by mark jacobs okay i don't know if you can keep this it's pretty terrible it wasn't even mark jacobs it was mark by mark yeah anyway so that was some good days the drunkest that i have ever been in public i think i was in cancun and i was black out drunk but the drunkest i've ever been in new york city in public was probably this past weekend but the drunkest that i've ever been in new york city that i remember um my ex soosh was like hey let's go to a movie let's go see a place beyond the pines or something terrible like that and i

was like yeah yeah whatever i'm gonna go back i'm gonna go to my job have a couple drinks at the bar then i'll meet you back at the movies right so i go to my job where i used to like hostess and uh i was like you know i want to drink so i took a drink and i was there with somebody else we're just drinking at the bar just living our best service industry lives we are paying for drinks no oh do you definitely was going in drinking and then somebody comes over and they're like hey marie do you want something to eat i was like absolutely and they were like do you want um yuck i just saw something that i did not like somebody there was somebody came up to me and really want some queso fundido i was like i don't know what that is but it sounds cute

that's just just hot cheese oh i love that queso fundito oh it's delicious so i'm eating this melted cheese uh i don't know how many drinks i had i know that i had things to do so maybe i had like four so i go to stand up so i could leave to go to this movie and uh all the alcohol went straight to my feet like it was like like it just like and so i was like well let me just walk to union square so i can get on this train and go back to brooklyn i don't even know what train i jumped on i just jumped on a train and then the next thing i remember is standing on the edge of the platform of some subway station throwing up over the train tracks and somebody came up to me and they're like uh hey miss somebody stopped us they're afraid you're gonna fall on the tracks

can you please step over here and i look and it's the cops and i'm like i was like yeah so i'm like well maybe if i use big words they won't know that i'm drunk you're so stupid i'm so smart so the words that i was using i was like sedentarius september spontaneously say flabbergasted no that's such a good word to you is i used i was alliterating i used three words that started with s i was like sedentarius september and spontaneously okay and they were like yeah you drove yeah but you need the handcuffs get somebody get her to platinum bracelets right now they're like they're like get the get the bus yeah right and i said i gotta meet my boyfriend at atlantic we're going to the movie zone i got to meet him at atlantic terminal and

they were like this is atlantic terminal and i looked and i was like i made it to the right train station so i'm like dancing and enjoying myself and uh trying not to sway right because i'm i'm trying to look sober and i want them to let me leave and they were like we can't let you leave like this we can't let you and i was like what you mean you can't i'm gonna go see a place beyond the pines or whatever like they they always let me go like that that's probably because your nipples were out or something i don't know but i was everything was tucked in you know i got this church body so i uh my boyfriend had been calling me and lucky for me i have verizon and i pay a thousand dollars a month so my i had service underground and he was like hey where are you

i'm here and i was like i'm at atlantic and he was like that's not what we were supposed to meet and i was like but that's where i came and they won't let me leave uh you have to come get me and so i'm like my boyfriend's coming let's go upstairs and meet him upstairs so the cops walk me up and we're waiting it's two cops it's like a black dude and a white dude i think which is probably why i'm still alive and um stupid right hashtag say my name and so uh he comes in and i'm like that's him that's my boyfriend and at the time my boyfriend was this like little white dude with a beard and they were like that's your boyfriend and i was like yeah that's him and they were like that is your boyfriend i was like that is he and i think they thought that i was

just pointing to some random man and i was just trying to pretend that i was with him and so he comes over and he's like you know he rolling his eyes he's like marie what what happened i was like they won't let me leave without an escort or whatever i said and the cops were like cancel the bus like the guy like talked into his shoulder and was like cancel the bus and i walked out with him and i was too drunk to go to a movie so he had to go in and return the tickets oh fuck and then we went to his house and he's like super mad i'm in his kitchen being real loud uh i'm touching things and knocking pots down and i'm like i feel like i need a bucket just in case or whatever i said i was in the bathroom for several minutes oh you threw up no i didn't

throw up okay but when i woke up he had put like the garbage next to my head in the bedroom but there was no throw up in it and i was like look i didn't throw up and he was like i'm not impressed that's what jared did to molly jared and insecure oh langston yeah our light skin expert uh-huh he like put a little bucket that's like that's that means i'm thinking about you for the future no that means i'm thinking about my sheets in my mattress that's what that means or in his head he was like when she's sober up i'm gonna tear that ass up me and my regular ass body i'm gonna i'm gonna give her something to be drunk about yeah i don't know it's really interesting that the girl who plays molly on insecure is actually a virgin she's done like a bunch of ted talks

about it like she's waiting for marriage to have sex for the first time i feel like i'm a virgin she's 32 years old i'm totally a virgin i'm so virgin absolutely i've been told about how like my virginity is running things but it's fine did you want to talk about that i think we got a little bit of time i think we did a lot today um really proud of us this was very fun what goals you have for next week goals for next week yo so besides my insta stories we are working on stuff yeah we are at the pool and at these parties so like i mean we're just gathering material for our potential show listen if we don't go outside and experience trauma um or toothless niggas asking us for our phone numbers then where we're gonna get our material to entertain you guys yeah

how is that i mean just what staying in the house like there's no way sit on a computer and type at a starbucks come on now but anyway we're like trying to do this show so we got like a treatment for it and everything and like we're gonna where i'm next week i want to really dedicate my time to just that and like working on we we got a couple episodes that we thinking about we want to film things we actually want to do like a little sketch and whatnot because that's what you it's all about content y'all nobody cares about this voice stuff they were like i want to see you and then they see and then they see some of the people who have podcasts and like you know what just go back to doing the radio stuff but we're cute yeah we're cute we're not wearing

makeup we're adorable you know somebody saw me in the audition they probably got like spooked because they were like oh god they just got this pretty girl and i was what you don't know is i can't act yesterday we went to get tacos and these you should have seen these uh these dusty beige men who slid up in our uh faces they were like what you guys eating no the guy got me a glass of water before he asked what we were eating yeah he put uh the tip of his dick in that water just the tip just the tip oh no baby what is you doing that's what i want to name this episode i feel like yeah we're doing a lot of really awesome things we want you guys to continue rocking with us we want you guys to steal your mother's phone

your father's phone your baby daddy's phone just subscribe to the at this podcast on itunes on their phone and then leave us a little rating and tell a friend tell a friend tell a friend i know y'all be at work bored and not really working so you might as well listen to a fun podcast absolutely like this is what we do we're not new to this we are true to this it's an hour of your time it's not it's really not a lot it's listen you can take the train into the city and back home while you listen to this podcast you can uh do your friend's hair in your kitchen while you listen to this podcast you can wash your entire house while listening to this podcast you could be hooking up with somebody else's man while you listen to this podcast you could be filing your

bunions down while you listen to this podcast um i i'm excited about all other dope stuff we got going on um so we have the show tomorrow yes it's the second saturday of every month and we only have two of these shows left tomorrow the 8th of july and the last one is august the 12th and then we're going to continue to do uh weekly no monthly versions of the this live podcast show yes so if If you think you got a skill and you want to tweet us, you can tweet me at Miss Reezy, M-S-R-E-E-E-Z-Y or Sydney at JustSydNYC. So that's J-U-S-T-S-Y-D-N-Y-C. Right. And then you can hit us on Instagram at Just Unofficial Expert.

That's the name of the page. That's it. We be going live on that. We don't really. We be neglecting that page a little bit. We're going to try to. We're going to do more next week. Let's post more thirst trap photos.

Absolutely. And, you know, just get the followers up. So do what we got to do. Yes. So anyway, we're fresh at a time and we could not get to our guest today. Oh my God, man.

I can't believe you let us talk for this long. Matt Damon, I guess was Matt Damon. He was our Matt Damon expert. I thought it was a Samuel Jackson. Okay. Either way. No,

it's too quiet to be Sam. Matt, Matt, you're a white man. You'll be fine without this podcast. We're trying to get to you next week. We got some really dope things coming up. Please subscribe.

Please rate. and we will see you guys in a week. Yes. Bye-bye. Bye.