MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Just S&M - Gold Diggers Vs. Goal Diggers

Episode Date: November 3, 2017

Does Sydnee have diabetes? In this update episode, we're talking 4K cameras, expensive yeast infection, Viacom refusing to pay comedians and a hair company that sent Marie crappy Brazilian hair bundles. Take an insulin shot & pull up a chair!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hey hello welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with sydney and marie samuel hi guys hey what's up sydney why did you laugh like that's not my real name i know but it's just you know it took you so long to get to where you are right now before you didn't even want to tell people your last name well they still don't know my last name that's they do you they don't even know how to spell what i just said uh listeners if you know how to spell what i just said please slide in my dms and uh find me on instagram at reesey r-e-e-e-c-y and uh just type it out or underneath our most recent photo on the unofficial expert page just spell or if you know my middle name at me at uh just said bw j-u-s-t-s-y-d-b-w at me and tell me what

my middle name is i usually never tell anybody what my middle name means means i mean i guess i don't know what it means but i know what it is yeah anyway guys sydney how are you doing you know the holidays are coming up it's it's a tough time for me really yeah why is it tough because you don't like buying gifts for people well every time this year comes around either i make a ton of money or no money at all it's so weird it's like a back and forth like last year i had coins coming in because i had two jobs one for the clothes one for my friends i had so much money last year and now this holiday zero i feel like for me this year started out good financially right we had that show on mtv and we did a bunch of episodes for that and it went like

it was like international i was like look at me making money and then after i got that last check in march yeah my money was like we're estranged yes and i'm like but i but i need you and i right now i'm singing how did you get here i'm here looking at my finances like nobody's supposed to be here do you look at your finances though i do because i'm constantly looking at my city bank account because i never want to go somewhere and get embarrassed ever really yes because waitressing i see people get their cards declined and then i gotta slide them a note like if you reading this your card it's too late call the bank did somebody's card ever get declined and you went over and you were like excuse me uh did you like say out loud to embarrass them or did

you normally like whisper no excuse me i swiped it i ran it three times i always am like understanding because maybe you do have the money there and it just yes i'm not saying are you understanding i'm saying do you say real loud no decline no because people are crazy they don't want to be embarrassed in front of their friends that they probably don't even know that well yeah that's true so i tapped them on the shoulder and i let them know and then by the third card by the third car i said sir uh i'm not gonna be going back give you a card that one won't work and then they'll give you a third car uh-huh you actually be like give me the whole wallet and as a matter of fact come with me come with me let's call the bank because i don't have time to be going back and forth with you is this

a new card because there's still a sticker on it no there'll be no sticker it'll be like broken in half i'm like sir what am i gonna do with this is a puzzle right sir is this elmer's is this elmer's glue are you holding this with a stick of butter scotch tape yeah i can't what's the craziest excuse someone's ever given you about their car being declined um the craziest there's no excuse but somebody will literally show me how much money they have in their account how much money they have in their account oh and then i'll look at it it'll be a screenshot no no they'll go in their account and look the money's there the money one time it's not coming through one time somebody had over nine hundred thousand dollars in their 900 and that was just one of the cards so and the

card got declined yes you see listeners just because they got a little bit more money don't mean they doing better than you so it's still getting declined yeah but he was like oh i just came back from overseas blah blah blah so you know it's probably the bank or whatever and he's like i could show you another card i was like yeah show me another card and they give me another card and then that doesn't go through he ended up having a fucking freeze on all his accounts oh all because the bank was like you're not in new york yes it's fraudulent accounts and so finally he gets the money for me and he he got all this money but he gave me a 15 tip my nigga well tell people you don't have 25 you got 25 but his accounts were just frozen you were there yeah but you got

the money so give me that 25 for wasting my time well that's true and you probably after saw after seeing how much money he had you were like oh well let me be a little bit more patient with bruce listen this is what i would sing when i would when i would have to like drop the check i'm like when i drop that check i hope it's 55 55 55 when i drop the check i hope i get 55 i don't know that song did you just make that up no this is what i would say like sometimes it would work too this is something you made up this is on the radio yeah this is i would hope that i would get more oh okay 25 or like 20 tip i would want to get 55 55 is half of what it is yes plus five percent yes so if the check is 200 you want me to give you 110 yes tip yes

and it has happened before i'm sure it has but i don't owe you 55 yes yes marie you're talking about somebody who's frugal and you know they don't know when their money is coming in i'm talking about people who are extra wealthy who can just give it away yeah but people who are wealthy don't give their money away that's why they're still rich you'd be surprised listen no you'd be surprised i've been seeing people with money and i like so we have a friend i'm not gonna put this friend on blast yes yes so we have a friend who uh works with a real housewife of new york or something like that right so the real housewife husband is sick she talks about it on the show so we not revealing

client doctor confidentiality or whatever the hell that word is okay so she said that the woman's husband has cancer right and she needed a hospital bed for him oh i remember that she was like uh the bed the hospital bed was gonna cost five thousand dollars and she was like i'm just gonna call the place and have them give me a free bed so she called the place to get like a like a high-end luxurious like fancy people soho house bed that was gonna cost us five thousand dollars and she called and she says hi i'm so-and-so from the real housewives of new york and the person on the other line don't know who she is she hangs up and then she calls back and says it again until somebody who recognizes her picks up the phone she got the bed for free what she got the five thousand dollar

hospital bed for free and then her like go-to line is i'm worth 36 million dollars apparently that's what she screams on the show i'm worth 36 million dollars i don't have time for this that's her like line my dude the husband is worth 36 million dollars not her but she got the bed for free like so i mean imagine what a real basketball a real basketball wife or a shiba charrette what they're saying what they're saying when they call some place like hey uh i'm shot i'm calling from chateau charrette i should be getting a free black top from my chateau right so that's how people keep their money they they literally make sure they get shit for free that's true right and people who are famous are used to getting things for free right because

famous people get things for like sent to them right like people would be sending you stuff what's up with that i'm not famous yeah but people be sending you hair and yeah yeah yeah i mean tell the people about this uh this hair situation well let me tell you something my hair is you know it's doing what it needs to do for tv but this company sent me they were like oh we want to send you some virgin you know human hair it's gonna be dope shout out to this place that's terrible and so they're like here's our website and uh check it out i checked the website out i was like this looks like a scam right i said everybody all the models look like they got taken joanne the scammer it looks like a scam right because the pictures of the hair it was like stuff that they ripped

from other people's websites and then they put on the website because nothing matched the color gradient was off none of the filters were the same i was like this this looks like her hair this is like spanish people hair right but y'all are saying that it's a wig so they sent me the hair in my mind i was like oh this is probably gonna be really bad but it's gonna be a good video on youtube right and you're all for the story i mean wanted bad hair you told me and i was like yep i think i'm okay with that i think you should do it so you know you can get the hair like density you can get the wig thicker so i asked for the thickest that they had and they were like it's gonna take us an extra couple weeks to send that to you i said good send me

the thin hair so they sent me the hair via dhl okay so like dial up fedex the dhl guy comes i'm like oh he's cute but you work for dhl no thanks no bye he ain't got no money so i opened the hair And it looks like they put a bunch of pubes on a lace wig. Marie, you're doing a lot. That's not. No, it was not good hair. It looks like when you get your hair cut or you comb your hair, all the dead hair that falls out. Oh, the ends.

The ends were all broken and real straggly. At least three or four inches need to be cut off this wig. It needed some Moroccan oil. That's what it needed. It needed a hot oil treatment. It needed that hair cholesterol. That 9-1-1. That hair cholesterol that they sell at the beauty supply store.

Right. Or some carrot oil or whatever. So I tried to make it work. I did. I mean, I didn't try that hard. Sis, let me tell you. Listen, listeners, no. I saw the video.

Marie starts off with the hair wrapped around her neck. I tried it to my chin. You're like, let's get into it. When I saw it, I was like, I already know this shit is rude. Shady. And I was like, I don't know if we'll ever get. hairs. Free hair. Again. Nah, not from these people. I mean, they hit me up.

They tried it. They were like, our lawyers will contact you if you don't take this video down immediately. Why? You're the one sending the terrible ass hair. First of all, do you know how important it is? First of all, you're on TV. You're doing things. We're taking photos. We're on the gram. We got followers and likes and

whatnot. You can't have us out here looking crazy. I don't care if the hair is free. And then you want us to review it so we can lie and have our good brothers and sisters putting on terrible lace front exactly because you know i hate a terrible wig i mean i'll take a photo and post it in my ig okay and i will i will try to blur the lines out so good so you can't tell that my wig is cvs blurred lines i'll do what i can but whatever i hate a bad wig too it's bad but they

send me a bad and that the thing is the common misconception is when you're famous like online famous they send you the good stuff and then when people your followers order the same thing they send them the bad crap which they just sent me the bad stuff so i can't even imagine what they would send people who are actually spending money and the thing is is that i read a lot of like comments on like black women like blogs and stuff that's the first thing they do is go on the hair They go in on the fucking hair. They'll say, oh, well, it's not blended right. The hair looks crazy.

Well, remember Gabby Douglas? She was like 16 going to do the gymnastics at the Olympics. And people were like, her hair, she need a perm. Those people are ignorant. They look crazy. They're dumb. We're talking about love and hip hop. When I watch that show, I'm like, VH1, y'all have no budget.

Do these people show up with their own wigs? They do. Or they just have no budget for hair? They do. That's the whole budget. It is hair and eyelashes. I doubt it because these wigs are so beauty supply store. Oh, BSS.

Fungwa beauty supply store. It's the beauty supply store where you can get your nails done in the back as well. That's how bad the hair is. Shout out to VH1 perpetuating stereotypes. I see you, Mona Scott. Mona Scott apparently is Haitian. I think I read that. But her hair looks great.

Well, Mona's getting checks from several shows. Her hair looks great. her hair looks real does it i mean it does that could play into the her being haitian thing you know west west indians have better hair than everybody else let me just google it real quick um but i think that it's just a thing like when you watch real housewives of any of the housewives they all got fake hair pieces in they all wear too much makeup but no one wears more makeup than the atlanta housewives they be having like full beat face but kenya moore looks great though it's too much it's too much but this is what happens when you let gay men do your makeup

oh i'm telling you are we doing that now i'm doing it right now because like gay men yes a beat face for like a performance or an event but for like brunch at the olive tree okay or gonna see peter at his like mom's house if you don't have peter sleep now in regular life no you don't need a b face but these 4k cameras are ruthless they will pick up every crease and crack in your face it's the cameras are unnecessary this is my problem with tv nowadays yeah is that they have the camera so zoom the fuck in no give me some pixelated shit yeah like you don't need to get all up and through my face like that so this is why women are caking on makeup because the camp this camera is used for dude outdoors it's there's 4k makeup there's hd primers there's stuff that

you can use that'll make you look even but they their makeup be looking like waffle maker crumbs it'd be like thick it looks it's thick because the camera picks up every first of all the first of all 4k cameras was invented by a man a man who was like i don't know mountain climbing he was He's like, oh, I want to see the sky better. I want to see the trees better. He's like, I'm going to go see the northern lights. Yes. He's like, I want to see, I don't know, the skyline.

So they get these cameras that are built for, I don't know, buildings and bricks and wood and leaves and shit. And then they put that on somebody's face. Somebody who's 35. Do you know life is hard? Canon, I will kill you. Canon, Sony, Nikon, all you people are terrible. Because I look at myself, you know, we did that, you know, we're doing videos and stuff. I've been looking and I'm like, ooh, give me an old camera.

Don't give me this new updated shit. Put a little Vaseline on the lens to blur it out. Because I, honestly, it will make me overanalyze my freaking face. I understand, Sydney. First of all, all the cameras that are used are not 4K cameras. They were not using 4K cameras for us. That was not what that was. Are you sure?

A 4K camera is a $30,000 camera. the checks that we were getting from them there was not thirty thousand dollar camera budget money but vh1 does vh1 vicom period cheap they're not spending thirty thousand dollars on cameras they might be hearing they're not listening to the podcast and i will stand by them being cheap because when my lawyer reached out listen all i'm going to say is you don't need that much makeup like i'll watch a youtube tutorial and it'll be like no makeup makeup quick instant look and then you'd be like am i watching the video still 18 minutes later we still doing the face we got a highlighter well i'm tired of the contour it's like your face is already 3d boo

like you're trying to make your face come out more well that's for people with like round cheeks like mariah carey stay with a contour but it does stop drinking vodka girl but she got them chipmunk cheeks and with a line across that's vodka and percocets that has nothing to do her face was never that round before it wasn't she used to be really really thin i remember oh visions of love mariah carey's face is life that's life on her right now speaking of life uh i'm giving all my haitian listeners life right now mona scott is indeed haitian american she's also 50 years old she was born she looks great she was born in queens amazing did you see jocelyn like quit the show and like try to read her what'd she say i watched this on the wendy it was wendy williams

played the clip can we talk about wendy real quick wait what do we want to talk about first okay so when he just played the clip and it was like jocelyn was like i quit that show i'm not doing the show no more because mona scott and she was like you know it was very uh mona scott can suck my dick basically basically and she like jumped in her car and like the window rolled up but she like didn't have a button she like cranked it by hand i feel like anyway you gotta watch it on wendy yeah but wendy fainted this week marie that shit ain't funny people are sick out here yeah sydney people are sick yeah actually i just found out that one of my friends merriman i have diabetes you know what marie honestly i'm so through with you nothing is

sacred i didn't say any names i didn't say my friend sydney might have diabetes you have no friends every time you say my friend they're like sydney i said one of my friends my friend one of my friends are like oh no sydney you're saying that you doing that they don't got friends like i at least how many episodes have we done 53 i have at least 53 friends listen uh r.i.p to uh wendy williams and her wigs i think she was overheated she was just overheated her sugar was probably low i watched the video many times when people faint their eyes roll in the back of their head they fall down she looks scared she slurred her words she backed up she fell down so what do you think it is people are saying that they think she had a mini stroke or like a baby heart attack

because when you faint you don't have time to look scared your body just drops so you think she had a stroke i think she had a little mini stroke well she looked like she got a stroke already so i could i could see that oh see oh okay well she has thyroid problems also apparently she is what's the she she's she don't have good equilibrium whatever that word vertigo vertigo she got vertigo she's like six feet tall six feet plus in heels she got a lot going on um you know my prayers are out with you thoughts and prayers thoughts and prayers for whitney williams i hope you get well uh get your vitamins up e you got a lot of nerve i know d a b c d i need all of that too i i actually had to do some blood work i'm going through some shit too damn dude do you want

to get into it i mean i feel like the listeners need to know more about us yeah go ahead sis um you know i had some numbness some tingleness going in my foot in my sis if the erection lasts longer than six hours you gotta go to the doctor i don't take cialis bitch no i had like something was going on with my hands and my feet so what did it feel like it felt like you know when your foot falls asleep it felt like that in my feet and in my hands in my arms so you're so like if you if your feet were numb if you poked them did you feel that yeah i felt it i don't know what web md did you web md this way they were like it could be diabetes but it also was like i had a lot of caffeine that weekend i had a whole bunch of espresso

so that you can you can send me i don't have to be a doctor to tell you too much coffee too much espresso you can od on caffeine you can od on water it's called drowning and water is good for you yeah you can give yourself like pneumonia dude so what you gonna do we waiting for the blood work waiting for the blood work thoughts and prayers for your thoughts and prayers yeah for your girl for my friend who may or may not have diabetes i mean And honestly, when I went, my blood pressure is low. Yes. So I was like, oh, I can't have diabetes.

I feel like your blood pressure has to be high. Yeah. I don't know how that works, blood pressure and stuff like that. But I know that when your blood pressure is low, the doctor be like, are you tired? That means you're probably tired a lot. Yes. That's a symptom of having low blood pressure. Yes, I am always tired.

i needed a nap in the middle of the day today you sure did i was getting ready i was here doing work in the studio and city was like uh the studio today is at my house uh with my fucking cats my kitty litter uh i'm in the cat house y'all it's a lot of cats they were just like meowing on the other episode yeah you're gonna hear them in the background they're screaming because they're trying to find out if i have diabetes you know they say animals sense things before they do before humans they can sense the diabetes dude i hope that i'm okay because honestly i can't afford diabetes if anything that's my main i just want to just a quick flashback uh who's like oh you know what let me do my finances this

you know i could afford diabetes or some sort of illness you know what my budget is right now yeast infection yeah i got yeast infection because that goes away in like a couple days i actually have never had a yeast infection i don't know how much they cost it's like a you gotta drink something to clear that out antibiotics yeah take a couple pills you take some cranberry juice cranberry pills you flush it flush it down i don't know that's a uti down get up shut up i think it's a uti is uh cranberry juice i have no idea what's the difference between a uti and a uh and your yeast infection well yeast is the actual dough yeah like the material if you i legit i almost said call us now but we can't we can't have you guys call us but

one of these days y'all gonna be able to call us we're gonna do a live podcast honestly i really feel like people calling us would be dope you know and pick up first of all be like hello hello I'm like, may I speak to Sidney? I'm like, hold on. Hey, Sid! She can't come to the phone right now. Or, yeah, what's up? And it's like, I know that was you.

I've done that before. Oh, me too. You pick up and you're like, who? And then you're like, I'm going to call her. The 1-800 numbers that we call in, they be like, may I speak to Sidney? I'm like, oh, you have the wrong number. I don't even pick up a 1-800 number. Dude, you picking up 800 numbers?

Sometimes they do from a six for six and I pick up. dude i got sally may blocked on my phone how do you do that sis oh listen i upgraded i updated my phone so it looks like i have a brand new iphone it's the same raggedy 6s yes it is and thank you so much and there's a thing you can like block people from calling you on your phone it's beautiful it's great sydney speaking of great harvey weinstein oh let's talk about it it's honestly i'm not i'm not surprised i'm not surprised by in 2017 has been so motherfucking predictable every time something come up i'll be like uh yeah yeah that fits with the year yeah yeah yeah like 2017 has been like that drunk fucking friend that calls you the next

day after she had a crazy night and it's like i'm never drinking again yeah and she's like she tells you something else you're like girl what else can you shit on you literally have shit on everything everything what else can you do it's like 2007 it's like so bad but i don't know what the number is harvey weinstein's going for the record the the white r kelly uh the white bill cosby's trying to beat bill cosby he is he is bill cosby except bill cosby was using drugs harvey weinstein was just like i'm white and powerful he was using his white privilege which is worse than rufy hello okay because i can see it i see the white privilege hello i just wake up and i'm like why my butt sore with the pills he said you know what he's like i don't need drugs he said that he said

that but the thing with me about it because i'm not surprised about the harvey weinstein stuff the thing about me that that got me was when he the lupita stuff came out because you know in my mind she's like my sister like legit my mom acts like she's one of her kids i said get the gun get the motherfucking gun i called my mom i was like mommy he came for lupita he didn't touch her though listen to what happened i'm gonna tell you guys a story real quick i'm gonna give you the little synopsis so lupita wrote an article for the new york times it's it's there or one of those magazines or newspapers it was it was well written it was well i mean she educated but apparently what happened was when she was still a student at yale she met harvey weinstein at

some event and he was like oh you're an actress yeah we should connect and she was like he a little creepy and people were like yeah he's creepy but he's you know the most powerful person to hollywood so he invited her to his house she went to go see a movie that he was showing her his kids was there she's like cool this is safe this is super safe 15 minutes into the movie he's like uh i want to show you something she's like i'm watching the movie he's like um knowing lupita she probably said film i'm watching the film and he's like we'll be right back they go up to his bedroom he's like i'm gonna give you a massage she said she panicked but she didn't want him to touch her so she was like what if i give you a massage and he was like ah yeah and then he was

like i'm gonna take off my pants and she was like i'm gonna leave so he never touched her but then it was like everything every time she saw him after that he was like listen i got a room in this hotel upstairs let's just get the food to go like it was like every time it was like a little bit more creepy but do you know what this anglo-saxon dusty musty get into it dishrag looking dude he ended up saying oh i i recall something else i would never yeah he he he denied her specifically like he was like oh no i that never i never i never touched her like dude you at the bottom of the barrel right now you said you shutting down a queen yeah he's like i wouldn't why would i do that why like of all the things that you should be denying that's the one that

you denying everybody he said yes yes yes white holes i didn't even have heard of didn't even know they was actresses okay lupita lupita oscar award winning he said yeah no that's not gonna work he said no actually i don't recall it happening like that i don't he was like i don't know her and that's and then that's the fucked up thing about hollywood is like now we got a bet for our sister like wait are you saying that she's not good enough your your perv penis is too good for her yeah so it's it's fucking it's just it's so annoying and like it's crazy because i've i've met him several times like i've waited on him can we talk about this um everything you say to say allegedly allegedly so we don't get sued allegedly i

served him okay uh allegedly penelope cruz was there oh how was she is she pretty she was she was crying i think something had happened like a friend had passed away but or he was like i got a room upstairs let me uh no no no no it wasn't like that it was several people were at the table okay all right but she was crying she had a thick ass accent um yeah she's like super spanish she's very spaniard uh but that was cool he he was like trying to make sure that she was okay he was comforting her he was making sure where were his hands uh on her shoulders gross he touched her shoulder um he made sure i kept getting her like diet coke or whatever um next time i see him he's at my job he's getting punched in the fucking face by who allegedly allegedly he got punched in

the face by a dj that worked there oh a female you know a male dj that was about 4 11 i was like a lot of rage i was like you need a stool just to get to his face my man but he stood on the turntable he bus driver uppercut that man you go learn today that allegedly the story was about the dj had touched his friend's butt a female but i i don't i don't think that's what exactly happened but whatever the case is he got uppercutted uh the table flipped over it was a mess it was a real fight there was a scuffle the dj left got fired no oh that's cute your job is cute he didn't get fired he still had a job which i was like wait that's what happens when two he was he was white yeah and i was like this is when two white people fight it's when white worlds

collide when the white on white crime there's so much power that like nobody nobody pressing charges nobody pressing charges we're like let's just act like this didn't happen and then it was in page six and it was a mess oh it was in page six well i think that's the thing when when when white worlds collide what happens is they're like i don't have time to fight you right now i'm rich and they walk away but the crazy thing is that it was a dj like you work here son how you can't just hit somebody that's true like if you as a server hit somebody you would get fired no no me as a black server would get fired i'm sorry they would jazzy that was a they would jazzy jeff my ass any minute in a minute well that was a silent black i said you as a actress right i see that

read but yeah it was it was just crazy because now coming back to 2017 i'm like oh he deserved to get uppercutted like it don't matter what happened now knowing i was like i bet you that dj is like yeah i did it yeah yeah it's a proud moment i mean but all the stuff that's coming out it's not surprising to me that's how hollywood has always worked like i would hear things stories about like the casting couch like that is just like code for you we gonna you gonna lay on this couch and give me some and i'm gonna put you in my movie but this is what it all boils down to is power when people have something that you want yeah it's crazy you don't know people don't know what to do with it i mean this is us just regular us sitting on couches well hold on hold on hold

regular maybe let's not regular not regular but well i feel like we're down to earth right now right now yo catch us in three years sis i'm gonna be like right now but also we are women when men have power it is sick like i would i need men to have supervisor because that's how sick they are with their power where's the hollywood hr the academy there's none there's none well no because terry cruz you know the big black terry cruz said he was at a party and some hollywood producer came and grabbed his dick or squeezed his butt i don't remember which side of his body it was but grabbed some but terry crew's always doing some cool i don't want to say but he always started doing whether he's doing coon stuff or not he's still a six foot something

black man and a white executive came up and just grabbed him and thought it was hilarious and walked away and terry said he couldn't even say nothing because he was like well how would it look me as a black man putting some white men in the face in the middle of like all these hollywood elites and it's like you ain't got no jewish lawyer like a jew boo that could like shut this debt like somebody told him i'm sure he went to somebody i'm sure he went to his people and they were like listen terry listen you know white chicks that was the last good movie you were in so like i really feel like you should just play your cards right just you know they're like listen terry do you want to do who wants to be a millionaire for a season or not yeah that's

what it is i mean and and the entertainment is so freaking fickle it's so fickle you one minute you're in the next minute you're out you never know if you're gonna get another job like that weinstein was in for like 40 years but people wanted the end well yeah because all the women that are talking now are like they he tried but i didn't but i want to know what women he tried and they let him like those are women that i'm like well what what are they stories well they're quiet because it's the stigma is that women are always fucking to get to the top so if they mention that like yeah i was slept with harvey they're like well that's why you got where you are yeah is your career really valid so it's a man that sleep that way to the top too allegedly will smith got

on the casting couch for the fresh prince of bel-air are you serious allegedly i don't believe that oh my goodness sis get into it it's probably all over lipstick alley or whatever the hell y'all are getting y'all news from now like this is something that like people say john travolta like this like these are names that like when you when i hear them i'm like oh i heard that this person did this to get what they got this is something that i hear here let me i'm gonna throw this out there okay right now go ahead me at where i am right now at this age i'm not fucking because i didn't fuck so much and i got nothing out of it i'm not confident in my fucking and i'm like oh i'm gonna nail this so i'm not gonna call myself caught out there but if i was 24

per se if i was 24 and i had the opportunity to just like hey bang somebody for your career to be no no play my chips right to like maybe finagle a situation to make them think that oh maybe i would men are dumb men are they're stupid that's why i just i just feel like women are so powerful in so many outlets that if we just came together and put some shit together that's like we could take this stuff over if we really wanted to that's not going to happen because women in general don't tend to stick together because white women and this hear me out white women that are listening white women tend to not stand up for other women they stand up for themselves they speak when something affects them specifically that's what it is and then if a black woman talks

they're gonna be like nah nah nah like lupita wrote a whole article about something and he was like nah i don't know and then where are the feminists where are they at exactly exactly i mean meanwhile me as a regular degular black woman i was at a barnes a barnes and nobly a couple years ago and i was uh charging my phone because you know i was not in there reading no damn books i'm at the barnes and nobly and uh this like fat white dude walked by looked at me it kept moving and then came back the other direction and he comes up to me and he's like hey i'm a director i'm james tobeck this story like this is real is this alleged i'm not trying to get sued this happened for real he's also he it came out that he did a bunch of crazy stuff to

women too but he came up to me and was like hey allegedly uh i want you got a really great look i'm a director i just directed this movie about mike tyson it's a documentary blah blah blah none of that is alleged because he really did that's what those are real things and he was like here's my dvd here and i was like you just got the dvd just in your nap bag you gotta have it ready it's like a mixtape you got it in your book you're my man you're my man you like documentaries so he gives it to me he's like i i feel like i got some things that are about to pop off i feel like you'd be a good fit for something that i'm doing allegedly so he's like i was like okay and he's like are you hungry do you have time to get something to eat of course i got time for food

i might have just ate but i'm still hungry for your food so we go we get something to eat simple simple dimple and he's like oh you know he's telling me all about his life he's telling me all these terrible things that he's done not like oh i'll be touching women but like just he seems like a terrible person just the way he's talking to me i'm like oh you used to like people who are way above your penis grade talking to you like women who are too attractive for you are friends with you right that's that's all they want and need so he's like oh you know when i when i get ready to cast things i like to like sit in a dark room with the person one-on-one that's a no to get to know them i said that sounds like something that i'm not gonna do but okay whatever

i'm gonna let you keep talking because they haven't dropped the check yet and he was like oh uh you know something about like just revealing your true self to me i'm like that sounds like i gotta take my clothes off he's like well all day if you're not comfortable nude in front of me how will you do a sex scene in front of a crew of people how about i won't be how about we just started talking we already talked about a sex scene i'm not even an actress no thank you what i look like hallie berry so i said okay we've changed numbers at the end of the night because i'm like i'm gonna be hungry on thursday so we part ways he hits me up and was like hey i'm having lunch i'm having dinner with tom cruise tonight i was like oh what do i have that i can wear what's your dinner you

got a tom cruise blouse or not a tom cruise shawl right so i'm like what do i have that i can wear for tom cruise with a scientology cardian right and he's like i'm gonna have dinner with tom cruise and then when that's done i'm gonna hit you up so you can come to my hotel room so we could go over these lines i was like nope not not not into it not into it we never spoke again right because i was like oh i'm not i'm not good enough for tom cruise but you're good enough for me allegedly what does he look like you could google him james tobeck t-o-b-a-c-k this is what this is what i don't know big and white and has glad he looks like danny he looks like penguin from batman but like tall james tobeck but if you look at what people are alleging about him now

he would invite women to his hotel room the motherfucking nerve right he would invite women to his hotel room and then tell them take their shirts off and then he would just start masturbating in front of them or when they try to leave he got a lazy eye he ain't got no hairline and like a tinted sunglass uh but he would if when they tried to leave he would rub his dick on their leg like a dog until he came you look like he got skin cancer i can't this guy but can you imagine if he's his and he's big like his big body on my little tiny virgin body gross i mean this is i'm to tell you as a woman who has gone up to the room before back to the crib girl you want to come to my hotel baby so you went up to the hotel motel holiday inn yes um but obviously this is not

somebody who was like a director who was it somebody who had he was a boom mic operator he had lots of coins he was a bus driver he was like he had lots of coins i went up because um he said had to talk to me and then he ended up telling me he had cancer wow wait what yeah so he like i was like so you didn't bring me up here to rape me you just came to tell me about the rapes it's just like you go there's so many ways going up to the hotel can something can happen i am too paranoid to go up to the hotel i went up and he told me and i ended up crying for the rest of the the stay and then while while he masturbated i'm sorry he did not masturbate you maybe that's maybe that's how he got he gets off on women's tears by telling them that he is cancer right did you

even know him to be crying yeah we had gone out on dates before he was an older older older white man older older older and i was 24 at the time okay so last year and uh yeah you know at the time i was young and i was like shit let me go out with these old rich people why not that's why you gotta do it at least once you have to try it you never know you did you like him have you ever had duck pate before duck pate uh i feel like i have yeah uh pate is like whatever but my question for you is if he had not told you he had cancer if he propositioned you in some way would you have maybe let that go would you have considered that because you went up to the hotel fuck no i was like absolutely not but you went up to the hotel i went up there but i just i

couldn't imagine me putting any type of skin that's like literally falling off into my mouth i can't i like my meat falling off the bone but i don't like my meat you don't like the meat falling off the bone you wasn't gonna suck the grizzle out no he wasn't gonna suck the marrow out i can't it's just you know i i hooked up with one guy who had money one time but he was black okay but what he looked like though he was like an older older black dude bald okay but ballpark the age here for me says paint the picture i'm gonna say he was 20 years older than me okay so he like 50 bitch you got a lot of fucking nerve i'm just saying like if you were 25 you're saying 20

years older than you i know that means at least 25 so i assume 50 does the math not check out because you said he was like 20 years older than you he was at least 32 years older than you because you were damn i think i was 22 at the time okay so he was 60 go had sis on but he you know he gave me a little money here and there but it wasn't a lot he what kind of money was he giving you because you know what i've never had a rich man just give me money i've had a poor man i'm not a man like a middle income man that sounds like a boyfriend that doesn't sound like it's a random man let me stop that's not funny that's hilarious is just like my diabetes i'm gonna need a commercial break to gather myself okay so you

had him giving you money but you didn't have him giving you money he was just giving you money no no no i would like have a story every time i'm on the phone bill oh you know i gotta pay a couple bills it's like where are those people that that are just giving people money like girl they are not here they're not here they all died either they're drug dealers i don't want to be a drug dealer because i don't want to get shot exactly but those are the ones that are really just just frivolous just dumb like drop they'll drop 10k on like luggage luggage luggage all at once yes i'm gonna get the whole set i'm gonna get the set i'm gonna get the whole set on i'm gonna get the the duffel who gets the whole set on the same day that's like that's a family a family needs a

whole set you pick pieces for the set yeah but if it's cheaper to purchase the set than just to get individual pieces it might be cheaper don't have a group sale bitch it's like these are the set prices but you want all the monograms to match i don't know sis i don't i don't buy luggage from louboutin i get my luggage from marshall's or tj maxx tj maxx got the luggage sis it's the same you get to me to me it's cute i don't know about to me but i know that uh i went and i was like is this a little little nautica suitcase and i was like but nautica don't even it's not known for making a luggage the wheels gonna fall off all you need to do all you need to know is that you need a suitcase get a suitcase okay you're trying to get our everlasting suitcase in tj mzaks yes i

i'm trying to get a suitcase that's gonna last me several trips a couple stamps in a passport right i can't just get the suitcase i'm rolling through the airport and the wheel fall off now i look poor dragging my suitcase through spain okay well back to me i'm glad that i made it through that time period okay let's get let's back up let's back up what were you doing for the money people listening want to know not a lot not i rather the thing is that at the time i'd rather just be with somebody who was broke and i like them no not me sis times have changed it's 2017 i'm still waiting on i'm not getting mona scott cardi b checks i'm not getting jocelyn checks i don't actually don't know how big that money is but i just i feel like i i i'm nice

ish i hate the term gold digger i got goals i make gold i hate would you rather we dig for coal like why like what is the problem wanting somebody to take care of you for the moment of time and then also for the most part rich people are attracted to other rich people if a rich person wants to give you know a 20 something year old haitian american girl some money to pay a bill here or there that's his business that's a charity he didn't donate the charity that's a tax write-off he's supporting the boys and girls club that's what it is the girl scouts thank you that's it that's all that it is i don't know i feel like i know we had the uh the sugar daddy expert on and she was talking um but her situation was a little bit different because the dude was married

and they were having sex but he was giving her money but i just want to let you know most of these guys who are just giving their money away are most likely married well see and then there's no single dude is like let me just give you my money it's it's always a guy who's got something to lose it's like let me just give you my money just uh risk everything yeah let me put some alimony on the line yeah so like you know i'm in a point in my life where obviously i want to make my own money absolutely i i definitely want that to happen sooner than later that's the goal i think across the board well i mean maybe that's the difference between us and like a gold digger we want to make our own money but there's gold diggers out there that want to make their own

money too but they first of all they need to get an investor you gotta get a loan fund you gotta get it together you gotta start from the bottom to be here yes like i find uh like what's her name melania trump wasn't she technically a gold digger and people like to say melania trump allegedly uh is a self-made woman and it's like what they're like yeah she has her own business i'm like yeah but who gave her the startup money because she didn't come here with money she got money now and what is her business she makes suits girl you ain't got no job she's like tommy i i just feel like it's what's the big deal i was a big deal with somebody giving you money to start something right give me the little seed the seed if

somebody giving you money and you buying shoes and you getting your hair like that's dumb you starting to sound like amanda seals right now she said what did she say oh about the jordans if you got more than one pair of nikes but you never used your passport then you got wrong priorities or something well i agree with that i agree how old are you how you 33 sir and you got all them shoes and you telling me the the farthest you've gone is florida that's terrible yeah yeah yeah that's really bad you don't even need a passport for that and they be bringing it or you see pictures of people like their shoe collection and then you like zoom out of the photo and the mattress the mattress and the box spring are on the ground and it's like you ain't got no bed frame

what you got you ain't gonna see 28 pairs of jordans i'm all i totally agree with her on that i mean and for me as a woman who can literally find things for five dollars and make them look like a million dollars a million dollars i don't get it yeah i don't get the sneaker thing i don't i don't get it either i've in my entire life owned one pair of jordans and i got them for free shout out to jump man oh shut up doing what they can for the community i wear them i'm like look at look at my new shoes but i love a free shoe and i'm not spending i don't like paying full retail price for things because i know that they're not worth what people charge they are they fall apart yeah you wash them the the letters fall off you like dude the tag is hanging on by a thread dude i was

at zara yesterday looking at these little leather uh wedges brand new i was like i can see the glue like they didn't even sew this this was the the sole was glued on glued on but they had the it had the little thread marks i was like did they copy and paste the thread marks because they didn't know this since it was a filter they threw a filter on that dude it was like it was crazy i you could see if you look at what you're buying you see that it's not really worth what you pay it's not worth it but at the same time you're talking to somebody who's like financially unstable over here and i'll find other ways to be frivolous with my money but what i ain't gonna do is buy me some jordans from 150 sneaker so you're not gonna buy some yeezus shoes no thank you for

what some limited edition these shoes can't fix anything in my life it's not like when i step out of these shoes people are like oh my god you look amazing facts and even if they said that they're looking at your face and not your feet and then that's you no i don't need that i don't need no distraction exactly look at my face look at my eyes roll them it's true though it's like what are we doing i mean i just want i honestly want this is what i would like okay tell me what you would like tell me what you want from me more tv shows okay you get a little stack stack it up rig it up, rig it up. Give me some money.

I also want people to send me shit for free to review, like Maureen. But good stuff. Don't send me garbage to review. Send me quality products. Send me good stuff. I mean, I got some good stuff, too, but the hair was garbage.

What other good stuff you got? I've gotten, like, cool sweaters. Remember they sent me that quote-unquote cashmere hoodie that was ripped. Oh, yes. I talked about that in a video. Oh, you did.

You're so honest. And that's what I love. It's like, because you can see these reviews on YouTube and you're like, that bitch is lying. Sis, I could see your hairline. It looks terrible. Like, even when they're doing makeup tutorials, I'm like, girl, whatever light you got in your apartment, I could tell when you step outside, you look crazy.

Well, that's the thing. You look crazy. Girl, you look crazy when you're back to back. but that's the thing though right is that people will um you you watch these youtube videos you do that you follow the tutorial i'll be following these little uh tutorials yes yes i see you you show up two hours late i'm like okay girl would you smoke yeah yes yes yes yes but then i get there and i take pictures and it looks crazy in the photos so it looks good filter on it though yeah i guess maybe probably definitely but like i'm saying that like it still doesn't look as good

like even if the light is off in your bathroom it'll look different when you go outside right and that's something that people gotta take into consideration when they follow these little tutorials so anyway want some free things um you know i want to build portfolio i want to be doing things so like when we do this podcast when we do this live stuff when we out there people like yes that's my girl up there doing her thing you know like i want us to do big things i honestly i listened to the podcast over and over and over again i'm like how come more people don't know about us this is weird it is weird it's straight it's quite good aren't you laughing over and over and over again and sometimes yes the things are just silly but there's other things you're like

it's depth here it's depth well that's why we had a hit him with this one-on-one let y'all know that we out here talking about things but when you come to the unofficial expert it's just one hour to laugh and chill about some like silly stuff yeah i know you in your car listening are you on the train with your headphones in maybe you don't have a seat maybe you do but you're laughing and people think you're crazy yeah when they look at you just show them what you're listening to tell a friend i know there's a lot of holidays coming up you know there's gotta look you gotta have something to play in the background put the podcast on i mean i feel it might not be appropriate for your grandmother you know they might have a stroke but you know let people know

but tag us and stuff things that you hear you're like oh my god that reminds me of sydney and marie i mean we're like everybody's friends but not really but like listen if you're if you're listening to this and you're tagging us in things and you enjoy what you're what you're getting then like or here even more important if somebody's like yo i need like a hot funny black chick for this thing that i'm working on and with i don't know mona scott wigs not included exactly b-y-o-b-w yeah bring your own wig so like that's i just that's what i want i want us to grow i want us to keep growing where we are growing are growing shout out to everybody who's listening thank you we appreciate thank you for showing up to our shows catching us outside trying to catch a body

tapping us like hey sliding in there yes yes that is us um if you see a raggedy hoe with a cvs wig that ain't me that ain't me neither it is me but whatever we don't know her uh-huh uh but yeah just keep continuing to support us we're getting ready to shoot um uh our half hour specials to submit to netflix and or comedy central and that's going to be on wednesday november 29th that's the wednesday after thanksgiving so you got time to eat go shopping for black friday come see us bring us a gift bring a plate bring them bring a plate one or a gift to actually the plate could be the gift um i'll bring some tupperware so you just you can give me like a little fake plate and i'll put it in my tupperware and i have it you know on the side listen i'll take two styrofoam plates

wrapped in foil in a in a tote bag tape it up twice stack the plates though stack them up stack so they're sturdy um but yeah the show is going to be wednesday the 29th it's going it's going to be at 8 p.m doors at 7 30 here in brooklyn and park slope at union hall all the info will be on the unofficial expert page on Instagram and just keep continuing to support live comedy and if there's something specific

that you want us to talk about hit us up or a person that you think we should contact even if it's a famous person we know people who know people they just don't want to do the podcast because we're mean they're scared but then when they meet us they're like oh wait actually you girls are cool

yes we are cool this is all in fun when we're mean it's kind of like relative mean it's like that cousin that you're like oh why is she always giving me a hard time it's because i love you boo i mean our mean is subjective it really is i mean are we really that mean i don't think so i don't think so i could be meaner i mean marie we have side one-off conversations and i'm like marie you are mean and i'd be like shut up sydney yeah but in conversation with other people i'm like she's so mean no i think that people are attracted to that though they're like is she mean or is she just really honest well they want to figure out

what they like the mystery sydney if i was a man you wouldn't say i was mean you would say i was decisive you would say i was uh like a strong opinionated man that knows what i like and knows what i don't like if you're a man i'm like he gay and yet as a woman people are like is marie gay i'm like he flamboyant as fuck yes he's moving his neck a lot yes but shout out to everybody who's done the podcast recently we really appreciate you i mean everybody just makes it so much fun i mean we can honestly talk to each other for an hour and it still be hilarious but i love the guests they definitely keep up with our fast pace rudeness rudeness original rude gal if you guys have any other things if you if there's a specific type

of expertise you'd like to see hit us up uh you know where to find us unofficial expert um also what we're going to do is start putting bonus episodes up for you guys little treats little tricks treats little gift little merry christmas little ho ho ho for that ass uh and what that is gonna be is uh uh once a week we'll do a bonus episode um somebody said to us that uh when the episode ends we're always laughing at something and they want to know what happens at the end of the episode so you you're gonna get like a little bonus a little behind the scenes premium situation yeah and it's like you know i see y'all going to the beyonce concerts i see y'all out here paying for you know these yeezys i see you these four four four yeah i see you out here getting these

face masks and these threading and stuff you know take a break from that and then pay for some shit of ours you know yeah we're worth it are we not worth we worth it marie we are worth it we i mean we're entertainers you gotta start at the the ground up you know you gotta move it you gotta you listen we're asking y'all for the seed money in this episode right yeah listen for like a like even if it's a dollar a month just know that the premium episodes they're not gonna they're not gonna be free no you'll still get these guys this is a this is an audio go fund me right now yes it is like literally i mean after so we did the episode with the uh runaway bride it was amazing if you haven't heard it go right now april storm mess was hilarious

april tempest messes so she was super messy but the episode was so good and what happens a lot of times is people come on the podcast tell us all their business and then uh at the very end they're like so warmed up that they're like things are just falling out it's crazy so the bonus episodes will just be that the continuation of the stuff that you heard and you already enjoyed yeah and i feel like it's worth it i feel like there's always more to know um we might even get it juicier in these little bonus episodes some things that you're like oh shit i wanted to know about that you won't know we're gonna just put a little seat at the end like if you want to find out blah blah blah go to if you want to know more turn to page 17 if you want to go home turn to

page 12 you know like the choose your own adventure books yeah that's what our podcast is anyway i feel like i've said everything that i wanted to say me too are you ready for the guest this episode come on guess uh tonight we have a jelly and jam uh city's gross cats experts well sydney let people know listening where they can find you you can catch me outside how about that are people still saying that no no she got a record deal yeah but then she's also crying like in interviews she's having a hard time yeah she's like 12 for a baby about nothing but baby put your head on my bosom you could catch me on instagram just said bw g-u-s-t-s-y-d-b-w twitter uh just said nyc j-u-s-t-s-y-d-n-y-c and then catch us on the

facebook page the unofficial expert like comment we need to update that but you know i'm saying we do what we can yeah we need an intern we need an intern that's gonna work for free oh yeah we'll work for love i will i will i will listen you can find me on instagram at reesey r-e-e-e-z-y and then you can find me live at union hall on wednesday november 29th 8 p.m doing my half hour you gotta catch me before i'm famous before i start uh sexually assaulting dudes in hotel oh my god i want you to do and i want you to do it to like to like a white man oh yeah connor just put put a whole broomstick no oh my god i have to go i'm kidding you subscribe to the bonus episode you get everything that's gonna happen right after this bye guys