MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Killing Yourself For Comedy

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

This week Sydnee and Marie catch up on some much needed solo time MESS! The two talk holiday mess, work mess, relationship and friendship mess, and more. Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're listening to mess wow we've never had a clap before yeah this is real real professional very professional let me go ahead and put my phone on dnd oh and i guess i i guess i gotta do that as well you're in a proper studio today it's so hard to put it on dnd because anything can happen i mean thank goodness i got those text messages when i did yesterday Which text messages? Oh, okay. Well, Marie, let's just get right into it. Let's get into it.

The message is that, oh, I feel like every time I don't have shows, I feel like I let you know. Like, hey, I'm off tonight. Okay. And usually you look like, are you sure? Because Sydney, nobody works as much as you. Like, no one is running around New York more than Sydney, Washington. That's not true. Not anymore.

This is a fact. Not anymore. I'm trying my best to sit down. I am. Okay, trying your best, but you forget to put stuff in your calendar all the time. You'll be like, I don't have nothing. You'll be like, I don't have nothing.

And then you'll be like, That's what you're going to say? Actually, they just tagged me in this thing. I got this thing. I thought I said no. I meant to cancel. I didn't. Yeah.

Well, I was doing good this week because I was canceling stuff left and right. I was like, I can't do that. nope that's not gonna work hey i said yes i really meant no when you say yeah yeah yeah yeah when it's really no no it's no the answer is no it's always it should always be no but sydney for you i can say that as a fact it should be no but you'll be like um i'm doing this thing for no money for the love of the game hold on now stop this person that i adore wait wait i need you to say something more positive into the mic saying that you are more likely to say yes to something

that you should have said no to than me okay this is true okay this is true but yeah so I tell you top of the day yeah you know I got I got the we had the podcast I had the room and then I was like you know what I'm gonna get my eyebrows done and and then I'm gonna go home and chill um yeah you did go i got my eyebrows done they look better now because they did give you know mo from the simpsons no they did they i just looked fucking angry and upset so they used they were too dark they were so dark and i told her i was like hey i have thin eyebrows and i have a small face i don't need overpowering brows i feel like i'm having a great day i'm feeling good i'm like got everything done I stopped by Mary Beth's place I come home oh yeah you had time for friendship I

did because I was like oh I'm I'm already you know further into the to it to Brooklyn I'm close to Williamsburg I'm gonna go say hi so mind you I saw you I said the last words I said to you were you got spots tonight and you were like no I'm off I'm off I was like I said I said it with my chest I said it with my my my head shoulder knees and toes knees and toes I was like I am and so I felt so good saying that I get home I'm I'm booty butt naked in my bed as one is yeah yeah yeah wait was I on the FaceTime with you no I think we spoke we talked early earlier maybe okay I might have called you after oh I called you after we talked while you were getting your brows done and then we talked after you got your we talked all day bitch we talked all day and then

i get a text at 11 50 damn near midnight yep lisa trager shout out to lisa trager that my only friend my only friend that works at this institution hey girl so i'm at mcdougal i'm come around and see you at the VU. What? You said the where? The who? Oh, shit. I was like,

wrong text. Did you respond wrong text? No, but in my head, I'm like, wrong text. Question mark, question mark. I run to my text messages

from the booker. Oh, yeah, girl. I had a spot. I had a spot. It was a spot at midnight. She had how many spots? I had not one spot, not two spots,

tres spots. Tres spots. for the for the night no one hit me up no one called me no one was like hey girl i saw you on a schedule i haven't seen you are you okay i could have been in a ditch dead that's what that's when i got upset you know so you were mad not that you missed the spots but that no one hit you up because you could have been dead could have been dead could have been dead but you weren't dead you were butt naked in your bed with your dark ass brows living your best black life i am panicking I am

I'm calling I'm sexting I'm hitting everybody up I call you I'm like girl can you believe and you're like yes I absolutely

can believe that that happened and it's almost like you don't want your job I didn't say that you pretty much said it I did not say you were you're doing so well

you got a writer's room you don't need you don't need your job at night and you got too many jobs have you ever met somebody who had too many jobs you're not even Jamaican

listen the way the economy is set up right now I need all of the jobs slash slash slash Slash. So you missed three shows. No one said nothing. Nobody said anything.

There's no way you can make it to the last one in time. If they would have hit me up when I missed my first one, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would have had, you know, the dark eyebrows, and I would have been in a hat and some sweatpants and a hoodie and crust in my eyes. But yeah. Crust. Crust, yeah.

You know when your eyes like water from, it's so windy, and you're like crying. And then the water dries the crust? Yes. well the tears the tears well you know my my tears are dehydrated dehydrated tears yo i don't even know what i would do girl i was panicking yeah what's the first thing that goes i know your stomach drops i just was like well i guess i might as well just jump out this window and then i'll be dead and i'll say see y'all didn't call you didn't check

i missed my three spots and i was dead you would kill yourself for comedy kill yourself for comedy i for comedy no that'd be a cute documentary no you'll be on this couch right here you'll be have a hat on i'd be like this this is me wiping my tears back you know i told her to put stuff in her calendar and she just refused i told her i told her to color coordinate everything and she just couldn't comedy can you believe it yeah i was stressed friend and so yeah i and then we was at the podcast having a grand old time a blast just with aaron jackson and uh then i got that text like hey what happened last night you missed all your spots you didn't even call i should have been like dead i am hey the caller you're trying to

reach is dead yeah and then I sent her a voice note like oh my god oh my god I didn't even know I was I was home I would have come to the shows and she was like it was a mess absolutely was a mess you need to be be more careful yeah girl you really can't make no more mistakes I can't make no more at least into the next calendar year like you got six months you want probation you friend i i don't know it's just something about you know for so long i wasn't putting things in the calendar because i didn't have anything going on and then when you least expect it now everything is just that is a lie i've never known you to not have nothing going on that's a lie you got birthdays you got baby showers you got work you got other work you

got community service because you do like to give your time to people that you're like like you all you got hair appointments you got brows you got beans greens tomatoes potatoes you got all this stuff going on you name it it's so beautiful like i didn't have anything in the calendar i've been telling you to put stuff in your calendar since second obama administration shut the f up hey is anybody listening who are just like it's the calendar is so hard i get overwhelmed no girl what's overwhelming is forgetting some three things that you're supposed to do that's more overwhelming I feel like but let's really get into it why didn't anybody hit me up the host is my friend posted and text me be like hey where you at you okay

I had a friend who was supposed to be after me on the lineup did not text me then I had then I called another friend I called Antonio and I said yo man what happened he said what you mean we we were on the same show you didn't even call me he's like you know what I thought you just like peaced out. Why would I do that? When do I ever just go straight home? I'm always looking for my friends at work. I mean, I think a lot of people, when they get to work, after they finish doing their spots, they just leave. What about friendship? That's the problem with everybody. Everybody's just all caught up in their own things. And I got to get home. I got to rush. I got to do this. Why don't you take a moment, take a beat and see if your friend is where

they're supposed to be. Check on your friends. Check on your late friends. No, check on your strongest, latest friends. Check on your black friends. Check on your black friends. I mean, if you're not checking on your black friends, do you even have a black friend? Do you even have?

And it's crazy because there's people who are at those shows. I am their black friend. And Liza Trager, I'm her black friend and she checked on me. Thank you, Liza Trager. Everybody follow Liza Trager. Watch her special.

She's the only one. She's a real one. She is a real one. Sydney, I started putting stuff in my Google calendars this year. And I love it. I color coordinate. You see this? You see that?

What's the colors? The red means a show. Okay. So if the color is very, very clear like that, I know I gots to go. Okay. Yellow is travel. Okay. So like I know where I'm going to be when I'm going to be there.

The light pink is personal to me. Okay. My toes, my wax, going to the Tony's, getting a massage. I got death becomes her in here. Remember, we thought we were going to see that? We were supposed to go. We didn't go. We didn't.

It's not that we didn't go. We didn't. Yeah. We got tickets for the Nicole Dolls one. Yeah, Nicole's. Shishir, shishir. Shishir, shishir. Shishir.

And we missed it. We did. And then the Tony's was the next day, and she won. Wow, this actress. We were like, I'm going to go. I couldn't believe it. It was in the calendar, though. It was in the calendar.

Yeah. Yeah, and then green is like people's birthdays. Damn, I need to do that too. Yeah, I think it's cool to do it this way. And then blue is, I don't know what the hell blue is, but. Well, my girlfriend said, hey, can you please forward your schedule? Like when you get your spots, can you forward? And I'll put it in a calendar and we'll share it.

So now your girlfriend is your secretary? No. No. We're in collaboration. We're, you know. She's making a calendar and she's putting both of y'all's stuff in it? or just yours it's fine so that's just secretary no never what in the mad men is going on here no what in the l word okay that's what the l word does we look out for each other

well unfortunately none of the people on the shows that you missed were lesbians no not one not one i need i'm marie i need more lesbian friends i'm just letting you know okay i'm in In 2026, I'm going to venture out and I'm going to be looking for a lesbian best friend. Oh. That's my show. Looking for an L best friend. LBFF. LBFF.

Are you the one? Okay. Yeah. I like that. Why? Why for me? Earn me. I like that you need a lesbian best friend.

I love that. Are you just going to let me just go out there and look for somebody? I'm not about to be gay for your friendship. girl yes you go queen go be gay in 2026 yo marie won't fight for me and that's fine girl what do you let's list the things that you really realistically think that i'll fight for i'm barely fighting for me you know i'll fight for a refund there you do you're good for that i'll be right on the phone representative yo if i wait there too long i'm clicking over and i'm like fuck it i guess it's

gone you know sometimes like if the if the hold is too long they'll be like we'll call you back i'll be like i'll wait no no i'll tell them to call me back i'll put it on speaker and i'll wash my apartment from top to bottom and then be like they're like i'm like yes yes so i'm trying to Get my $14.99 back. Your mother taught you well. Yeah, girl. I don't know. You're right.

You're not really a fighter. But I'll fight for you in the best way that an anemic, empath, pushover, people pleaser could do. Anemic, empath, pushover, people pleaser. That's what you want to put on your tombstone. Cat mother, anemic, empath. Yes. Push over. Wow.

So you feel everything. You feel the cold that you feel for people. I do. And you would think as many feelings I feel for people would make me warm. It does not. It just, brr, so cold. I need a Snuggie. So we got you a Snuggie for Christmas.

Let's figure out what we need to get you for Christmas. Marie, I want you to fight for me. Fight for me for Christmas. I fight with you for Christmas? No. I can do that? I can't fight because, look, I'm an empath and I'm a pushover. Yo, they are dragging me in the comments on Spotify.

Why? I don't know when this comes out. I mean, I'm sure this will come out like after. Well, it will. But Jay, they just misunderstood what I was saying when we were talking with Jay Jordan about fighting with people, not fighting with people, but like calling out people or saying people are not funny or all this. So they thought that I said, oh, don't call out racists and homophobics and transphobics and all. I never said don't call them out. I'm just saying if somebody's not funny, they're not funny.

I don't care. That's what I was saying. Ooh, Jay's a very funny comedian, but this was not a very funny episode. Can you believe that? First of all, we have range. Everything is not going to be funny. Some things are going to be informative. Yeah, it was funny when they got off topic, but they stayed too long on just one topic.

and it felt very inside baseball. Well, we playing ball here. sometimes we spend a lot of time talking ish about people places and things and our focus in ourselves. I want people to know about me. My thing about it is this. If you've taken

all of this time out of your day to talk about other comedians and what they're doing and not doing well and it just feels like you must not have

much going on in your own life. Which is crazy because he's so booked, busy, married. I mean,

I think they poly. I mean, that feels like a very full calendar. Well, you know they got a calendar for the couple. For the couple.

for the house but yeah what do you think they use the color on the calendar for like a poly lookup uh pink pink why pink feels poly my pussy pink my booty whole brown maybe it's brown I don't know if they have brown but maybe it's brown so yeah I don't I don't want people to think that I'm here for all of those phobias and being like bad people I'm not here for that I just try not to spend my time racked up in... What other people talking about.

Yeah. Because I have so much going on. I'm barely putting shit in my calendar. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And we know this. I have a friend

that I'm vicariously living through you. I'm busy. You living through me? Yes. Beach. Absolutely. I said, girl,

do all the places. Go to all the things. Plus one me. Don't plus one me. Text me after. FaceTime me in. Buzz me in. Biz me in.

right i don't know i feel like life is short yes it's literally the world is about to end in three weeks so you gotta do the stuff that you want to do today and none of the stuff that i want to do involves other comedians careers ever and you know some people you know they got a lot of time to see to swipe to look you spend too much i was looking at this uh video uh on tiktok you know that's where where i reside that's what she was doing when you were missing them spot bitch just let me tell you the art the thumb has carpal tunnel the way it's looking and you know i'm laying on my back just with the phone up yeah and so this this girl's like we have got to stop scrolling we are wasting our time all we do is scroll we are on the internet day in day out we wake up we go to sleep

we we eat internet we're on the toilet internet we're on the train we're in the car we're in conversations we're at dinner we're looking on our phones it's the entire time it's sick she's like when do we stop when do we take when we sleep break even in even in my sleep i'm thinking about some of the tiktoks no don't you um we use it for reference every on everything it is crazy Like, to break it down like that, yes, we do scroll all day. I mean, I feel like, you know, back when I had a family computer, it was like I was on the Internet once a day. And I had to, it was a long process to get on the Internet.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, mom. Did somebody pick up the phone? Mom, I know you're talking to Alice. Get off. I need homework. I have homework. I know you heard that. I'm trying to connect.

Trying to get on AIM. and now it's like you literally like you're just always on the internet now yeah for everything well i mean we google to be like oh i'm finding out a fact before we had to get in a book but get a book and look it up the encyclopedia encyclopedia thesaurus now what happened to all the encyclopedias that were in the world did they in a landfill they in the library of congress like where they at no they're in people's you know bookcase people still have them yeah do they make new like updated encyclopedias i don't know i think they're in people's attics i think they're in people's uh basements i think they're in people's random you know that room that

you just throw things and you're like i want to keep this but i'm not using this you got a room where you just throw stuff sydney i used to remember when i used to live in carolina's building i had the dulce bedroom that i was like yeah i have my dressing my uh what is it the the vanity. I had an extra closet. That was the printer room, too. It was a printer. Oh, remember when I had a printer room? Marie, I was like, yo, would it be crazy if I... Marie, let

me get that printer back. No take back. Let me get that printer back. No take back. I'm like, you don't even get the ink for the printer, so you might as well just give it to me. Let me talk to you about the scheme, the scam of printers, okay? First of all, you get ink for them. You've got to spend like $900

on ink. I don't know how much ink costs. I agree. And then it'll be like you'll print a couple pages they'll be jet black you know a la your eyebrows right and then uh after like a couple pages get printed it'd be like it's low it's like no i just added into this thing and then it says it's low for the rest of the year but it still prints i've been printing it's been telling me i need new ink and every time i print i'm like i don't we'll see how it comes out it's black every time I mean something light black dark gray it's gray the darkest of grays yeah the darkest gray ever yeah and you know what as long as I can still

send my packages out with the label that I print from the printer I'm not replenishing the ink is that what you're using it for labels Marie labels inside and scripts what would you be using your printer for a friend I feel like for you to use it a couple times and it's already saying low ink you're printing out flyers bitch flyers you're you're you're printing out missing cat you know i'm not printing i do that by hand you seen a cat call me 718 can you do that that would be that'd be that but it'd be funny i want to see how you would draw a cat by by memory draw draw george by memory just the fat black and white cat uh-huh yeah you know yes tuxedo cat his name is george or it was george marie like no let me just get the printer on the weekends man

you want to share custody of the printer it's been years but it's like friend sydney what what you trying to print out i know it's not your calendar it's not like and it's crazy you know what amina bought me a calendar that have pictures of you guys for each month like whatever month somebody's birthday is coming up. And it was so beautiful. And so I use it for part 75 and I have not looked back. I use it for those three months.

And then I said, well, what do you use like a physical calendar for to like actually write things in it? I was I was saying, you know, what day I'm on and how I'm feeling, how I felt yesterday,

how I'm feeling right now and how I hope to feel the next day. All that was sitting in that little ass box. What day I'm on, how I'm feeling, how I felt yesterday, how I'm going to feel tomorrow.

It would be like washed but hopeful legs hips and body damn yeah so i feel like what are we gonna do i i want to remove myself like right now i i haven't been on instagram in like almost two weeks so i have to get back home and no i'm missing everything people will be like oh have you seen this have you seen that no i have not i've not seen none of that but you're on tiktok every day because it's just it actually feels like it's feeding me i feel like instagram is depleting me tiktok is feeding you because you're doing recipes no you know i don't cook okay i do send recipes though i send them to uh to duane and i feel like i want to start sending them to you because i know you cook too

yeah let's send me some yeah you're gonna be cooking when you go and uh to london yeah no why he cooks well i want to see y'all do a little you know what's that what's that uh movie where they're like chefs not the bear ratatouille no not ratatouille so you want me to sit on his shoulders i don't want you to be ratatouille it's a it's a movie about two people who learn that they're in a culinary school and then they like have a romantic it's like rom-com somebody's got to find it becca what you doing over there is it the one where they're on a truck the bradley the bradley cooper one no no is it the menu no it's not the man from scratch maybe from scratch is the zoe saldana one oh no no that was that she's in like italy or something no i think it's i think it's

no reservations so you want me to cook with this man and call you that's what you're saying i mean Hey, I will hope y'all be doing more than just cooking. Roll you up, baby. You gotta stretch the dough. Yeah, I think it's no reservation. Okay. Marie. All right.

You have to, and you still haven't texted me your options. What options? Oh, for the stuff? Yeah. Well, because I've been ordering stuff. What have you been ordering? Cindy's trying to get me to get lingerie. Yes, you have to.

there's this brand called fleur du mal oh that's really nice so i'm trying to spend money i mean i feel like i might as well invest in some sexy stuff for me okay you know what i mean oh here i am trying to give you like my membership discount and you're like nah i'm gonna pay full price that's good no no no no no listen hey you got it listen listen listen i'm listening okay but i feel I feel like the time has passed. No, because you can have, like, two-day shipping. It's fine. Whatever.

Here I am trying to. So, you have a lot of things planned when you go to London to see. What am I going to do? You, Kay, hun. I want to go to afternoon tea. Yeah. Right? I don't know if that's something that straight men are into, but I would like to do that.

I want to eat tiny sandwiches and judge the table next to me quietly, but, like, loudly. You know what I mean? I want I couldn't see you Judging somebody quietly Friends You can't You've never seen me

Cut my eyes To somebody And be like No girl Even when the eyes Are cutting I can hear You're saying

My eyes are loud Yes Very There's a couple Like modern museums That I want to go to Like modern art Okay

Yeah yeah yeah There's a cafe That has cats A cat cafe Now you know That is my whole thing How They have those here

Sid we should just go and catch up in here. Have you taken me on a date? Whoa. When's the last time you dated me? Every day we go to work together.

Fight for me. Sydney. Take me out. Your girlfriend is going to fight me if you keep talking to me like this. No, no, no.

Why does Marie need to earn you? Why don't you call me your secretary? And she's going to be like, do I sound like that? We both did the voice. She does. Hey, girl.

Hey. I don't know. it's a lot. I would like to do one touristy thing. A day? No. Just for the whole, in the week. Okay. Just one. Because whenever I go, I travel I don't do too many touristy things because I live in New York and I don't like tourists here.

So when I go to another country, I'm not really thinking, let's go see Big Ben or the London Eye or hang out with the horses that can't move. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, no, no, no, no. I feel like if somebody is from there, you got to do what those people do. Don't do what the masses are doing.

And that's just, yeah. Yeah, we might go see a rugby match. Oh, my God. Football? You're going to see football? No, that's rugby, sis. Oh. It's a different thing.

What's rugby? Rugby is like European football. I'm excited. So you have a fit for all of these activities. You know, I don't. I don't. I'm going to figure it all out. Okay.

No, I trust in you. Yeah. Because I'm bringing my medium-sized suitcase. Well, because you might go shopping again. right girl what if you be like you know what i got a little extra something let me take you out that's the fantasy but i don't think men talk like that hey i got a little extra money do you want me to spend it on your clothes i don't think that actually sounds like a dad you know i got a bonus not my dad i'm like hey can you send me some money for books i just i remember calling my dad

once a week when i was in college i need money for books and then we'd be like i think i bought two books the whole semester i mean yeah i i hope that i feel like after the first couple days he gonna be like oh my god i don't even want to do anything i just want to look into your eyes and feed you chocolate well he did say send me a send me a list of all the things you like to eat so i can make sure that the house is like stocked with all the foods that you you need i was like and you know i'll be in my house snacking i was like now i gotta come up with a list of stuff that I like to eat. That's amazing.

That's what, you know, that's what my, that's how my girlfriend talks to me. So listen, if he's talking like a lesbian, you're in the right, you're doing it. Yeah, in the right place. Yeah. Thoughtful, Liz, what can I do? What would you like?

What do you need? What do you need? I love a what do you need? Cause usually I don't need anything, But now I got to come up with a list of stuff that I need. Yeah. But I think we should be doing that anyway. I think we should all be putting lists together.

What do we need? What do we want? Because those are two different things. Oh. Okay, sis. That's kind of deep. You smoked before the party? No, I did not.

What do we need? What do we want? Oh. You know, sometimes I am a philosopher. Come on, Sydney Socrates. You know. You call yourself Socrates? No.

Sydney Socrates? Sydney Socrates. I like that. That's not bad. But I would like to say Sydney Angelou. Angelou of She Rises. And he will rise as well. I'm so excited.

I'm going to try not to bother you. I'm going to do my best. Now, girl, you should check on me. You know, you should absolutely check on me. I'm going to send you his WhatsApp. You have to. And I'm going to text him and be like, just a face like,

girl. he'd be like yeah um he'll ask about you because you know of since that episode of the podcast with the coochie reaper you put it on a map friend he'd be pretending he don't know what the hell your name is i'll be like you know her name is sydney you know what it is sir if you're listening to this it's s-y-g-n-e-e two e's i i honestly i have come to the point where i am done i am done with anybody spelling my name wrong and these are people who are trying to work with me who are trying to be my friend you're like oh it's Siri it's Apple well you're gonna just be talking to Apple now and Siri because I'm not responding and then they'll realize oh my god you know what I'm

sorry I spelled it with an I and an extra Y at the end that's not even how that's nowhere near my name why is there an I some people spell it S-I-D-N-E-Y S-I-D-N-E-E just craziness do I look like there's a y in my an i in my name do i look like an s i a sydney like sydney port portier do i look like that no no no i'm sid s-y-d-n-e-e yeah sydney sydney oh should i put a little apostrophe yes that would be cute that's why they're doing a role yeah yeah um i i just want to get big enough that people start spelling my name right that's important well because you know i'm sure beyonce when she was walking around they didn't know how to spell her name when she was little and now we all know how to feel it.

My phone auto-corrects Beyonce now. It puts the accent on it and everything. Dude, the accent is important. The accent is important. It's like, the accent is like, you know, I am not like y'all hoes. I am different. I'm different.

I'm different. Okay. Sydney's different. And don't you guys forget that. It was something I wanted to say and I forgot what it was. Did you smoke before you left? I didn't, but I feel high.

You know what it is? I didn't eat. Me neither. You know, I have some snacks for us. I got from another. oh it's probably from the same thing we went last night last night yeah we went to um sometimes y'all say we are all like what is it we play ball or we're in the ball ball house or whatever like when we only talk about like comedy stuff um but we went to Michael Che's comedy show last

night sure and they had snacks from there yes oh I didn't get any snacks I took so many snacks If you want to know anything about me, I'm asking about a gift bag and I'm taking snacks. I have been to many a party or an event with Sydney. And when we're on our way in, she'll be like, will there be gift bags? I need it. I want it. Wasn't an event if I'm not leaving with something. I have to leave with something that said that I was here.

It's an event. You're spending all this money on advertisements and collaborations and whatnot. I want to leave with a lighter. I want a stupid cup. Cup. I want a shirt that I can wear. You want a tote bag. Yeah, I want a shirt that I can Winnie the Pooh when I'm in the house.

Like, give me something. Give me a magnet. Give me, give me, you know, emergency contraceptive. That's what you had in your bag. I did. Your gift bag. I did have for your birthday. Plan B.

And you know what? Thank you for reminding me. Thank you. I will be packing the Plan B. Yes. And you can, I don't think you can mix Plan B with chocolate. What? I think something about it makes it not affect it.

I can't. Plan B and chocolate don't pair well? No. But I'm chocolate. I think I saw that on TikTok. Maybe you can't eat it at the same time. No, no. Okay, so you're doing that.

I'm going to be. Yeah, let's talk about your Thanksgiving plans. Oh, I'm going to be with her and her family because, you know, I don't have one. So, yeah, I'm going to be with her. Doesn't your family listen to this podcast? My brother. Hey, Jay. Well, sometimes he just looks at the clips.

But other times he texts me and he's like, you're a mess. He's like, oh, I love Rizzi. She's so funny. And I'm like, well, what am I? He's like, you're a mess. Oh, thank you. Okay. Hey, Jay.

Bye. Bye, Jay. Fight for me. Earn me. Sidney's funny as hell. No. Don't write it in the comments. No, he knows.

He knows. He's always commenting on stuff. But yeah, I'm going to her house. And so we're going to do our own Thanksgiving. Are you prepping something? She told me I don't have to cook anything. But she doesn't trust me. There is no trust when I'm in the kitchen.

I feel that. But that's not true, Marie, because you've had some of my cooking and it was good. Yeah, but that was years ago, Sydney. When's the last time you cooked something? I made breakfast like a month ago. That's not Thanksgiving food. Do turkeys lay eggs? No, I don't think.

Do they? They must. It's a bird. Do they? It's gotta. Turkeys lay eggs. Oh, I thought the turkeys just. Slid out?

like a mammal baby Sydney please Sydney please Sydney with an I please chickens lay eggs all day bloody ass birds watch your mouth I love me some chicken

I'll wipe up a chicken right now that's crazy that a turkey just drops out another chicken like a giraffe baby like a giraffe I just saw a couple of goats be born birth yeah where did you see that it's great tiktok friend sydney you have to put the you know what my algo is babies being born babies being born now it's like i see otters

people are having otters as pets like little baby otters um did i mention donkeys i mentioned donkey donkey in the house yo bitch they got donkeys donkey and they did you know when donkeys are born they have like little bowl cuts they're so cute they're so i didn't know that donkeys were so fucking cute i'm like i need a donkey now i don't like donkey mouths they do it's a lot a lot of mouth the teeth yeah very george washington slave teeth i don't like that marie what watch your mouth what what the teeth look wooden yeah oh yeah i just think they need a visalign and a good dentist girl please and i you and you shouldn't talk like that because you once had a best friend that needed a good dentist and and look she found in a tooth and she found and I did

those things and I still am not satisfied I I have to get Invisalign or braces I might do braces Marie damn since you might get braces for 2026 I might do braces because they're just like Invisalign your teeth can shift anyway and it might not work you don't wear your retainer after you get your braces off your teeth will shift so really yeah but let's talk Sydney with braces whoever's editing this can they edit some braces in my mouth yes sydney braceface washington sydney brace we just got braces she did and she's rocking them no she put they're not off yet they came off already she just got them this year how long are you supposed to have braces however much you need to get your teeth to shift into space damn do you know i have braces for like two and a half

years oh i don't think i could do that i cannot do i cannot be my age and do that no no but you but if you put the braces in people won't think you're younger yeah probably oh but remember when Miranda had braces that was bad that was not good

and then stuff was getting in her teeth and she was like yeah but Miranda was I am Miranda you are not Miranda I really do feel

the spirit of Miranda because she wants to be cool she wants to be fun but she is kind of like stern by the book Sydney you are not

no no no I am you are not a Miranda I am if anything you are Charlotte what you're a charlotte i am more than you think i'm a charlotte you're a lover girl yes you're a lover girl i'm not prude and we're not calling you we're not calling you you picking the stuff about charlotte that you don't like but as a whole you're a charlotte you're showing up

to a baby shower with a big ass basket you're bringing flowers to everybody's birthday you are charlotte sis you're right okay thank you for getting me in order and obviously you are i'm a samantha carrie bradshaw yes samantha jones bradshaw yeah yeah yeah and it's you're fun samantha was the best so she's the best oh honey when brandon had that baby and she threw her in that cab she was like bye yeah that is you Actually, a friend of ours just had a baby and she thinks that I haven't gotten to see her because I hate kids that much. Now let's get into it. Do you hate kids? I don't hate kids. I just don't want to see them in certain places.

in first class when I'm walking to the back. I don't want to see a kid there. No. Where else? Literally on any type of public transportation. I don't really think

the kids need to be there. I agree. You know? It's like, are you being a good parent if you have your kid on the train? Where is your car? On a bus?

You can't, you couldn't, it's not a hot car. You could have rolled the window down and let the baby sit in while he's here. I think there's Uber family. I think there's like a,

there's a section where you could just like get a little van for the family. Get that. Yeah. And it's shared. So they pick up other,

oh no if you're on a budget uber pool family yes no girl somebody might leave with the wrong but no i don't hate children i i like kids actually i take that back i don't hate them okay i'm not gonna say that i like them but i don't hate them i don't i don't hate them i don't dislike them they're kids they they don't they don't know it's not their fault that they're in the world you know i'm actually i got beef with the with the parents it's really the parents i mean i don't i don't love like a in your face goofy child though you know what i mean what i look those that they have a goofy baby they have my heart they really just like a kid that's like they got that one big tooth uh-huh it's like looking at you like drooling and whatnot i love

that it's so cute yeah but that's like you're talking about like a baby i'm talking about like a like a toddler and up like an eight-year-old that's missing their two front teeth that's like My mom said that sometimes, like, no, you have to. I don't like that. I don't like that. I love that. That's so cute. It reminds me of, like, that's, I feel like who I am.

On the inside. On the inside. A goofy child. Yes, absolutely. A goofy child that's like, take care of me. Like, I don't know where to go. What's today, what today is. I feel like, yeah, that's, a little bit of that is you.

Give me money. Don't give me money. I'm going to lose all the money. Like, I'm a kid. Feed me. Yeah, you're a little bit that. I can't pick. Pick for me.

At our core, we're all kids. Nobody knows what's going on. The people who you think have it figured out, they're also guessing. It's true. And sometimes it's like, sometimes it's okay to not know what you're doing. We'll figure it out. Not if you're trying to run a country, but you know. But it's clear there's just so much room to grow and learn, I guess.

Or not. I don't know. I feel like we're in the beginning of a movie. like a like a movie that's about to go left you know independence day no because the aliens don't want to be here the aliens are like no day that planet is everything the light touches we're in the dark shadowy part it's true i think aliens actually they have like better taste now and they're like i think there's something else we could take over this is not really this is not really the vibe you know what i was wondering the other day do aliens have pets what like humans

have dogs and cats and donkeys now do aliens have pets is there like a smaller alien thing that like they take care of well the jetsons had a had a pet robot so the jetsons yeah were not aliens Well, what the hell were they? People in the future. No. They were not aliens. They were aliens. They're not aliens.

Are you sure? They were people. The Jetsons? Yeah. Because they were in space, so they had to be aliens. They were us in the future. Well, that was stupid. I didn't get it.

I missed it. And I'm sure there's other people who didn't think the Jetsons were people. I think most people think the Jetsons were people. Weren't the Jetsons on the moon? they had a robot made you can't breathe in in space without it's the cartoon what is orbit city they're aliens you can't if they're not on earth they're not human how about that if they're not in a space suit or whatever on another planet they're not human they're aliens okay the justins are aliens i see the logic the haircuts the the shoes they're aliens

yes the shoes they were little sneakers i feel like alien okay so how you feel about the flintstones sis the flintstones were what are they those were those were human because they were i can make the bedrock girl maybe wait what do you want to be when you're reincarnated that's really important for me when i'm reincarnated yeah okay yes you never thought about that i mean i don't know if i need to do this again what you mean come back and redo this yeah because there's hey what we see through our eyes is totally different if somebody else sure but then if reincarnation is real then we've already done this before right that's right i'm definitely gonna come back as a human a tree but maybe i've already been a bird i definitely in my past life i was a sloth i see them and i

really be like oh family they're so cute too have you seen them marie we have to go not that cute we have to go to a zoo we have to take a trip where we can just we have to go to safari can we do that i thought you were saying sephora but oh i don't need to go there as well but let's do a safari and then vlog can we do that that'll be so fun i don't know if i want to go on a safari like rich white people who get mad that their wives get trampled by a rhino like different you want to go on a black safari we are not yeah we're not going to be like that we're not coming in like with our stethoscopes like trying to hear their heartbeats and whatnot we're not trying to mess things up from afar from afar yeah okay if you're listening to this and you know uh

black owned safari there's no such thing Tyler Perry presents safari there's no such thing Africa by Africans Africa by Africans that might be a good title F-A-B-A

that's what we need should we read some messages I think we haven't done that in a while let's do that we haven't done that in a while messy marriage hello you are both so beautiful and funny thank you so much okay so here's the story a couple of years ago i got invited to a wedding via whatsapp group chat

the message basically said we're getting married next weekend next weekend please come the groom's mom and my mom are friends so i got the lowdown on the situation turns out the couple had met on a dating app the week before got engaged a few days later over the phone and then he flew across the country to meet her in person what she packed up her whole dang life and came back with him the wedding was exactly what you'd expect from strangers who've had two weeks to planned no one was invited to the ceremony itself but i went to the reception because i love romance and joy and drama it was not good the food was bad there was no music the bride would only talk to her parents and sister because she didn't know anyone else plus her dress was ugly baby blue

and patchily sequined dress does not say wedding to me, but you do you, I guess. Then everyone went home by 10.30. The whole thing was already wild to me. And then I found out that the wife was doing nothing. She would not get a job

because she wanted to go back to school, but also wasn't a citizen. So she couldn't afford international student fees. So she was just vibing. At the time, he was 37 and she was 24. Oh, no. I'm a nosy bitch.

So I asked his mom why he married someone so much younger than him. And she said he didn't want kids right away, so he preferred someone who wasn't too old. Very much a mess. No surprise, it didn't last. Seven or eight months in, she withdrew $10,000 from his accounts and left the city.

And then literally days later, his mom shows up to my parents' house while I'm visiting and tells us that her son is getting divorced and she hates her ex-daughter-in-law. And in the same breath, this woman had the audacity to ask me to marry her son tell me why she said he's a nurse you're a nurse you're you get along so well first of all that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard and second that man is skeevy and boring and he's not cute and i'm not sorry i said it anyway love

the pod i would marry you both bye this is her this is him damn no no photo of the uh bride of the bride well she's gorgeous you're a stunning girl and I would love to marry you but this guy no gracias so they met on a dating app and then got engaged and then he met her yeah and then the marriage was the next week maybe it was like some arranged marriage situation but through the app but they arranged it I mean that this is a new age we're arranging things ourselves now we don't need we don't need our parents involved Sydney what would you do if I came back engaged um would you die would you die die die if I was like girl this guy that I've known for a month now I'm back and we're getting married would you freak out I would freak out

look at me I'm like my mouth would be open the whole time and I'm like well I haven't met him yet yeah how could you how could we be engaged yeah how could how I mean why would you do this to us i mean marie that i do i do think about that i'm like man this person doesn't live in the in the country what are you gonna do what if you fall what if i fall deep in love or low maybe you'll be deep in low i mean i don't know but luckily london is one of my favorite cities and i can work in that city so that but i don't want to move out of new york but you know the way the country going maybe i should leave for a little bit but my podcast is here my friends are here yes my apartment will remain here so i'm never not gonna be in new york okay even when i'm not

in new york you know what i'm not anxious but also i'm on like 150 milligrams of uh you know antidepressants so i i'm actually in a good place so if you just said hey i'm gonna be half in uk half and half you can armor this I would be like totally I mean we would be on you know different time schedules and literally I would never see you and I would be like what the fuck are we doing and I would be Aggie and I don't know I'll be texting you and oh wow the anxiety is coming back you feel it yeah anxiety well I'll look at my schedule and you know I'll see what you know months i can say you know does he have a another room he does on that note guys there is no mess we look this podcast is called mess and honestly this was the

un-messiest episode we've had you know i agree with you the messiest thing was that message that we got about that 37 year old man with a 24 year old girl i think i mean that's the thing about weddings it's like what are we doing this for like what is it like a ceremony five make it small have a little party but i'll be damned if people come to my shit and they judging it and saying my dress is ugly and the food is bad no no no i only want people who love me who actually know me to come and drag me that's you know i don't want no plus one random bitches only the ones i love can come and and judge that's the only people do you think you guys do you think you would do a wedding or like a justice of the peace situation i want justice of the peace i

I went to something cute and we'll have like a like a party a party I don't need I see these weddings I see these pictures and it's all nice it's nice but it's like I don't need that I don't need I like I think I'm so fulfilled in life that damn you heard that my sis is happy those 150 milligrams are working I'm so fulfilled I'm lying okay I'm just saying it out loud so that I can hopefully catch up to what i'm saying but you're powerful you said they are powerful but i just people are spending a hundred thousand dollars on a wedding and all these weddings that i've gone to those people are either not together or together unhappy and i or i don't really talk to them that much so it's like am i really seeing the benefits of me seeing y'all love no we were just there

We're just extras in your movie. It's for the parents. It's for the bridesmaid. I don't know who exactly it's for, but some people have just always dreamt about their weddings from when they were little and they just can't wait to get married. And it's like, this who you chose?

But even that, just have a party. Just do a party. You've done so many parties that it's like, that was better than any wedding I've gone to. Okay, sure. Thank you for bringing me back, Sydney. If I get married I'll do justice to the people

I'm wearing a little A little A short wedding dress Obviously yeah It's going to be Very razy coated It's going to be And then

Yeah I'll have a party Yeah I'm here for it Guys Please send more mess We need messages Somebody messaged me today And they asked for the number

Because they have something long They want to share Oh great I love that Tell them Give them the number now 763 280

6588 Yeah Call us Call us and email us your mess. Yeah. Email at messthepod at gmail.com. Oh my God, you're back, baby! That's not a mess.

We're going to get something to eat so we can get this energy back up. Please! Bye. Bye! Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast.

Created and hosted by Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin. Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Han Sani. super produced by Becca Ramos, edited and mixed by Brian Jeffries. If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at messthepodcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588.