MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Laptop Porn is Having a Moment

Episode Date: April 17, 2020

Sydnee, Marie and Andrew are quarantined on this week's Unofficial Expert. They talk how they're holding up, what shows they're watching, sex toys and so much more! Listen now!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hey everyone hey hey marie hey andrew how are we how are we doing i'm doing great um good to see your faces on zoom again again um i'm not gonna complain this episode because i'm working on myself that's what i'm doing this episode i'm gonna be a better me okay wow big turtleneck that first step i just want to be i want to have a positive outlook and i just want to smash any negativity that comes my way today okay what kind of negativity has been coming your way sis i mean when people keep telling me the updates it's like

sis i already know i know that people are dying i know that people are broke i know that our economy and president is trash i know all this stuff i can't i can't hear it every day i can hear it i think once or twice a week once or twice a week sis it's seven days and with this quarantine seven days now feels like literally half a month so you only need one or two times a week to hear updates about the court about the coronas? Monday and Friday. We're going to start the week off.

Tell me about it. Towards the end of the week, let me know what happened. Today is Friday. Yeah. Okay, it's Friday. And I'm ready to swing. Also, sorry,

you want to start the week with the news and then end with the news, but Saturday, Sunday, not really that much is going to change this. Only two days have passed since you last got your update. I need a break. You know, we just received.

Did you receive the news yet today? Yeah, yeah, someone someone's our friend Amina sent us something in the group chat and I was like, OK, thank you. They're pushing back the date, the quarantine date. Wait, when? To March 20th, May 20th. Sounds like you haven't gotten your news today, Andrew. I know I didn't I'm getting it through Amina May 20th okay I mean yeah that's that's what we were thinking anyway in my mind the number that I have in my mind is June 1st I don't know why but that's just what I feel so May 20th is an

upgrade for me I'm like okay we can go out before Memorial Day maybe but even then even then when they let us out do you think we are really want to be out with a whole bunch of people absolutely not absolutely yes we do there's gonna be people who stay home because they're like it's like when they the update for the iphone comes out there's people who get it right away and there's people who wait a little bit because they're like i gotta let them work out the kinks that's what's gonna happen with this whole corona thing people who are itching to go home out are in the windows with their shoes tied they're gonna sprint outside and then there are people who are just gonna be like i'm gonna give it a week or two just to see um i'm going outside

i already had it i'm going right outside um no i'm gonna take a i'm gonna take a minute it's fine what's the rush it's not like it's not like i have a day job i don't believe that that's they're gonna give us us free and you're gonna be the first person out doing six shows in one night you're gonna be at you're gonna be at everybody's uh welcome back party you are the most you are the most non-staying home nigga i know and you telling me you're gonna stay in well now i'm in the house nigga nigga okay nigga whatever nigga Not you, Andrew, nigger. No, but Sydney actually seems okay.

I'm getting really great vibes from you. Thank you, baby. The home life is working. That's so interesting that you say otherwise. Well, I just need to clean my apartment. That's my problem. I haven't really been working on that. I need to just, like, buy paintings.

I need to draw. maybe like make get some pottery barn up in here do you do you feel like this is what you're expected to do or is this what you actually want to do this is what i want to do i want to get some arts and craft up and through alabama ave you know wow i want to get i want to get some like bougie bougie brownsville aesthetic going on so society six heard you some empty pieces yeah i just just like why not why the fuck not you know i don't even want to show y'all what the other side of this room look like but i will because why not but

oh oh wow oh my god andrew show us your little corner friend what's happening over there this is cute um it looks like you're in a waiting room i know it literally looks like a therapist waiting room so i have a little like cute oh i like that long mirror where's that from i don't know my mom is an interior designer so she just had well that's what i'm saying send me some things, Andrew. What the fuck? So, your one imports. Love it. A little fold-out table.

Oh, you got, wait, you got a bunk bed, bitch? Yeah, I have a lofted bed. You have sex on that bed? Yes. Do you see it? I love it! How do people get, like, a good, like, thrusting stance from

That's where you be fucking, Andrew? You know what the crazy part is? You have sex on that couch. You have sex on that couch. fucking on you be fucking in the ceiling it's usually taller men than I so it gets real crazy wait a minute what kind of leg positions you be doing

this is y'all no there is a high ceiling so it really you can kneel I can kneel comfortably I can kneel comfortably I gotta go I'ma head out

Andrew don't lie to us You have sex on the couch you're sitting on right now. You're like. We do, we do. We do that here a lot. And this is a pull-out bed as well, so. Oh, work. And don't nobody be pulling out the .

I like that. Don't nobody pull us out here. Don't nobody be pulling out on that pull-out. Okay, baby. Where are you right now, Sydney? What is that? Is that a couch, bed? That look like a futon.

Yeah, it is. It's college vibes, and I love. Can everybody put their leg up at the same time? Andrew, waiting for you. Five, six, seven, eight. Look at them gams. Leg day, he do leg day. No, we do not do leg day.

No, we do not. Okay, so we've, Andrew's doing better than everybody over here. Oh, I'm not. I'm totally not. Well, yeah, let's talk about it. How have you been doing? Because we, okay, well, let's give people a little bit of a behind the actor studio.

We recorded one episode of the podcast on Zoom yesterday, but we didn't really get to talk for the three of us in depth, you know? Right. So technically, this is going to be the first real Zoom episode that we... This is. This is it. so andrew sydney how have you guys been doing andrew what you've been up to um i was like okay like the first week i feel like a lot of people were uh and you know i've been i like completely

deleted my hinge account re-downloaded just to like talk to guys and like just give them time you know to make because i would love i like love the attention you know having someone text me constantly and then they're like oh hey like we're gonna hang out after quarantine i'm like when this is over this is also over uh right because don't nobody want to meet you in real life i just need somebody to tell me i need some yeah because i'm going i think you're gonna talk to somebody that you might want to meet in real life no he's saying he doesn't want to meet anybody um but it feels nice to like get good morning texts and good nights and like oh like if i like say like oh i'm just not having the best day like i like a concerned a concerned man

in the messages um i think a lot of people are doing that though most of the women anyway that follow me on instagram are doing that oh really yeah they're talking to multiple men that they have no desire to actually meet in real life but you know having someone to talk to and get to know and facetime and get a good morning text from is nice it's nice while we're locked up but it's also like yes it's nice but don't you feel like in the back of your head a little bit this is just dead air this is dead space this is why am i doing this what is that what most of the face times we've been doing are sydney dead air you're talking to people that you haven't spoke to since second grade i feel like that's how bored we all are right now is i mean you have two options

right or maybe you have three options you can talk to your family and your friends that you speak to every day yeah every day you can speak to people that you can tbt and speak to people that you haven't spoken to since art class or home ec in ninth grade or you can go on dates with people that you don't know learn something new get to know somebody and then they're dead to you and we can go outside like yeah I feel like it's like a different a couple different ways that you can do it I mean I've just been talking to my friends so you know that has been helpful I mean I talk to Larry Owens like every day for you know hours at a time sometimes we just have the phone on each other and we're using our laptops just to feel like oh

somebody else is here you know um but yeah i'm not on hinge and i wasn't good at it before this so i just don't feel like the best of me is gonna come out right now but that i think is the beauty of what our current situation is is they don't have to be the best people are so bored that they'll take the mediocre version of you they'll take the version that's trying they'll be like oh okay well I mean not everybody not everybody's gonna take mediocre version Sidney but I don't know

the hinge thing I oh and wait let's just just get it right the mediocre Sidney is the best of y'all you know the people listening right now okay all right thank you thank you so much everyone

left the chat these people haven't been listening to you talk about how perfect you are for the last two years. Right. Ain't no use, sis. I don't know. I had no interest in being on

Hinge or Tinder. The first week of the quarantine, somebody was like, do you want to hang out? And I was like, what? And he was like, do you want to come over? That's so alarming to me. That is scary to me.

I was brushing my teeth and I almost choked on my quick toothbrush and i was like ah no i feel like for you to be inviting somebody that you don't know to your house in the middle of all this means that you either got it you got it you about to kill me no you got it or your dick is non-existent you got it anybody who's saying let's do something got it that's how we that's how we knew who's saying let's do something got it yeah if you're like if it's somebody that you already hooked up with since the quarantine started or before it started like you're allowed to still do that okay marie's got loopholes over there

dig down in the loophole am i the only person on this call with a loophole no um andrew have you hooked up with anybody since this started no uh there was this guy like second week that was like it seemed like okay like he was like proposing an idea like hey like i would just like someone to hook up with during this time and i'm like just like one person and i was like yeah that'd be okay like i think i'd be okay with that yeah live far away but i never met him before and then he sent me dick pic in the morning and i'm like not settling for that during quarantine what did it look like describe it if describe it with a fruit uh a real skinny pear

so wait so it was skinny on the top and fat on the bottom so here's the thing he sent like a disappearing image on instagram first of it like poking out of his jockstrap and i was and then i just liked it and he's like he got mad that i just liked it because i was like oh whatever you just liked it to be like polite yeah i didn't want to make it go crazy but that is me i i don't like when someone likes a comment that i that i put in the replies so i'm definitely if i show you a gen a genital of mine and you're just like thumbs up it was like literally his penis creeping out of undergarments like like

just the head and I was like what the fuck is this so he gave you a little mushroom exactly you should be happy with this and I was like that wasn't really he got mad and I was like well did he give you a sneak peek of the dick tells me everything I need to know about what the dick looks like so he sent me like another one of a full

a full image and it was just it was exactly what you thought it was gonna be someone that would hide their trash Sydney your hair looks good like this you like yeah I never really wear it I never wear it up

you got a you got a clip you got one of them like white girl clips in it yeah I got a little clippy clip in it I got one of them like little Dwayne Reed little jump offs the thing is is that it's like this is the time to let yourself go or build yourself up so I've I'm in a conflict because I have a lace front on and we're going we're going into month one

I have a lace front on during quarantine and I'm getting dragged left and right it's like sis let your edges breathe sis let's see the real you tell me no no no no no no no no no no you gotta tell them the truth sis why are we telling you to let your edges breathe because the wig is already that once you pop the top is already popped sis we're just like sydney just she's like well what am i gonna do with my hair when they when i if i take this wig off and it's like sis the same thing gabrielle union's doing with hers is rich she's not doing anything with her hair though nobody's coming to her house to do her hair she's washing it and she's hanging out with her little daughter you know her little husband i i should you know just embrace what

i look like and just be happy but you might get a call you might get a call to you might need to be on facetime with a boo thing and i just i don't want to be in a bonnet the whole time You got a boo thing that you want to tell us about, sis? No, I'm just saying, like, what if that happens? What if, you know? What if that happens? Your boo thing's also going to have a bonnet on, sis. That's what's going to happen.

Or, you know, tie up your tits. Andrew's like, I can't relate. I'm going to head out. And a bonnet. I thought that was a bit Amish. Amish. You heard me, Sidney. I said, tie a fitted sheet around your head.

I will not. Salute. Thank you so much. Thank you. So, yeah. So there's that. I'm trying to figure out if I should work out. That's another thing that I have, like, a conflict in.

Because I'm laying in the bed all day. Laying in the bed. I'm laying down most of the day. I'm going to get bed sores. so what's the what you're trying to figure out whether you want bed sores or not yeah okay well do you want them or do you not that's an easy uh are you working out andrew no i do want to point out that you're talking about being in the bed the entire day while drinking a red bull something that would energize you also let's talk about how the fact that she's

not supposed to be drinking red bulls but she's been drinking them non-stop since at least 1993 three so yeah some people vape i do red bull red bull is equivalent to vaping it's it's so not good for you what is it doing for you though um for me uh i'm so andrew hold on andrew i just want to point out that you're talking about laying down all day energy beverage what is it doing for you yes quarantine andrew qt andrew anyway sydney yes what is it doing answer the question it's doing absolutely nothing

it's just soothing me for some reason it's a it's the security blanket why do you like red bull do you like the way it makes you feel do you it makes me feel like i'm paying attention in conversations and in while i'm watching things it gives me a sense of direction to stay present i've seen you drink red bulls and be completely clocked out what are you saying i don't feel that way but thank you for telling me how you feel marie sydney i've seen you drink red bull in the studio and not and be on your phone well what am i doing now though she's focusing on the phone

okay i mean sydney i think there's i don't think that there's a right way or a wrong way to do anything right now everything that we've gone through is like unprecedented this is gonna be in textbooks like this people are going to read about this in social studies and history class like everything that's happening so far in my mind it's just gonna get worse but it's whatever you do what you want to do at your own pace you watch instagram workout videos or you don't you go for a run or you don't just roll over when you in the bed sis so your body don't get so like you You know, stores on one side. You know what's so funny?

There's going to be people who were conceived during quarantine time. Those babies are going to be ugly. Quarantine babies are going to be hideous. And they're all going to be born around Christmas and New Year's. Because they're being conceived through boredom. So it's just like the face is going to be lazy. It's going to be real rough drag. Lazy face.

The baby's going to look like Mickey Rourke. No! Rourke? Wait, is that Mickey Rourke who was in Nine and a Half Weeks or like after all the bad plastic surgery? I didn't see Nine and a Half Weeks.

Oh, you got to watch it, sis. Watch it. I've seen Two Weeks Notice. Is that the name of the movie? With Sandra Bullock? What is that? two weeks notice notice i think it's her and ryan reynolds am i making this up you're thinking of the proposal that's her and ryan reynolds but there's a there's a movie called two and a half weeks or two weeks yeah very familiar but sydney finish your mickey row row rorick rowick story

yeah well because i i hit up um rosebud last night and i was like girl are y'all are you and andy that's her boyfriend i'm like her fiance oh her fiance that's right i was like are y'all still having sex and she said yeah we just finished and i said wait ah we just finished i'm like y'all are just having sex every day during the quarantine y'all not tired of each other like the positions don't change like sydney you just sound horny and jealous sis that's what you sound like if you had somebody to have sex with every day you would be having sex every day i would not have sex every day i'm sorry that's not that's not my brand i don't have sex every day i would have sex you know three times in one night and then i'm good for a couple days and then the next time lesbian sex

is different i just want you to know it is draining it's so much emotion built up it's not just physical every lesbian does not have sex the same way there are lesbians a la lena waithe that do what they want and do who they want and then they leave their future hendrix lesbians um to the listeners out there who's lesbians let me know how y'all y'all sexing during the quarantine is it is it passionate is it like we don't this is the quarantine strap on we got so like it it's not expensive it's like makeshift you you made it out of some shit it's a zucchini squash yeah like what are y'all doing let me know because i just feel like i i wouldn't be able to get into it like i'm horny but i feel like if i actually had sex

it would be bad why well with that attitude it's gonna be trash friend because i'm restless you know it's like restless energy because you're drinking red bulls on the couch i'm restless because you drink an energy drink and not doing shit andrew when you get out of here you think the sex is gonna be good or no i think it will be great i'm looking forward to summer if we get out for summertime it's gonna be wild crazy messy because people are like well i haven't done anything in a month i'm just gonna go balls to the wall do everything that i yeah i really think like the gays are gonna create new stds i believe you guys will get back locked in the house there's gonna be

something new two weeks notice with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant a movie that I did not see but I thought that I knew it I knew Sandra was in it unprotected sex

unprotected gay sex only once with someone that I like planned to do it with you know not like going out to a bar and meeting someone a tbt yeah a tbt uh see me unprotected sex i mean nobody's putting condoms on their fingers who's gonna finger me so i'm always unprotected have you ever been with anybody that has used like a dental dam or anything no never nobody i'm nobody's using saran wrap next to my kitty cat that's just

not happening no cling wrap for the cooch no i it's it's just like either you either you trust it or you don't you do the taste test what's the taste test this walk us through it you take a pinky uh-huh and you hit it from the you go inside and then hit it up up to the to the where the clit is you knock it a few times and then you taste it at the end and if it tastes like uh no no if it tastes like stainless steel wait still is good or bad stainless steel is no bueno well i don't want it to taste like white refrigerator that sounds awesome that's that's what mine tastes like white refrigerator down She got a white refrigerator

Yeah baby The ghetto I mean I don't like I don't like when people are like Oh someone tastes like water That's just That's not real That's not water

That's not real That is real No some people taste Have a little a smidgen of something Yeah water with salt in it pasta water sis yeah you know that tastes like a red bull tastes like uh uh what's the energy potential energy that's what sometimes it's a little chalky you know feels like school like the school board don't say that chalky no sydney chalky is

bad no baby i'm kidding i'm kidding but it's just like it's okay if it has like a little taste to it yes i agree but white refrigerator is not the taste that we want anybody's cooch to have uh okay but wait did you guys have a highlight of the week though because that's what i think we should get into we should always have one thing that happened that's positive that you're grateful for that like lifted your spirits something okay so did you want to kick us off friend you got something you want to share i will say that someone that i think likes me you know wrote on my page and it was a cute comment and that i was like okay thank you i like that highlight of the week i like if you think someone has a crush on you or you

have a question on someone and they write on a post then you're like i need to make more pictures or videos that are just like this to get that attention oh wow yeah you don't you don't agree marie affecting what's on the grid okay you don't agree oh he was calling me oh no what you're still here oh okay you're screaming oh no into our faces i can't find you guys go to zoom okay and click on it Andrew. Oh, okay.

I'm a science, Andrew. What a bitch. You're such an asshole. Do you have anything, Marie, that you're happy about? Highlight of the week? Woo! I had sex this week, and it was fantastic. Give us the blow-by-blow, sis.

Highlight of the week. He came to pick me up in his car. um this is somebody that i had sex with like two weeks ago yeah two and a half weeks ago so it's like we've already we've already done this and i've been self-quarantining he's been self-quarantining so you know he came to pick me up uh you know he gave me a little foot massage uh it was the head was cute um the sex was good uh she squirted she came she had a great time and then she got dropped off which you first of all you always squirt you always come so it's not like there's nothing always come like i've been having sex for x amount of years and i don't always come and i don't

always squirt but i'm just saying as of recent you're you're doing well sexually sure but i hadn't had sex in like you know a couple of weeks and you know it was like riding a bike a beautiful bike with a key. Anyway, highlight of the week. And then he gave me ice cream and I went home. He got you ice cream?

He was in his freebie. Oh, he likes you. Yeah, I think he does. Do you like him? Do you like him? I like him. Highlight of the week, bitch! Highlight! Sydney, you know that I like him. I mean, Marie,

i've known you for x amount of years so this is andrew and we don't hear you say you liking someone you were on the phone yesterday and i told you that i liked him and also we have had this conversation about it on here i don't think you've ever said that you've liked someone on yes i have the guy the guy that i was the guy with the shampoo bottle shampoo bottle dick i said i liked him but i don't like him remember exactly that's not the same marie that's not the same i like him but i don't care about him um but yeah i love this guy it's cool it's fun until it's not but you know you throw that until it's not in there and it's just like but it's it's great right now so it is great right now uh he's not having sex with anybody else um i'm not having

sex with anybody else on the record well right now wait how often are you seeing him well i just saw him two days ago i might see him today i feel like why not you know i don't have to be up early for the podcast tomorrow god i'm so happy saying that but we have not discussed any of these things i'm just saying okay i'm probably gonna see him again in like the next couple days are you gonna cook dinner for him i'm gonna cook dinner for me and if there's some left i'll bring it to his house but i'm cooking dinner for myself sis andrew over there salty as fuck what's going on babe highlight of the week it's called not that um my highlight of the week i've been watching the people clap every day

i've even hearing the people clap every day at seven i heard it yesterday but nobody was coming down the street they just clap at seven that's it no they just clap at seven yeah uh and and so i'm looking into the middle of a city block and so i i see everybody come out onto their balconies and windows other windows and stuff and going out into their backyards and i think that is cute and i like it every day at seven what do you clap i don't clap i'll do like a little like a little one if someone like sees me watching you know oh yeah yeah they come down your block and clap bro you know where i live you know where they not even quarantining over here so

so you know yo sydney i'm just keeping it real well i mean maybe you should start it friend maybe you clap yes and they'll boo me over here bitch what you clapping about it really did catch me off guard the first day it happened i was like what the hell is going on i didn't get the memo but the clapping and so all of a sudden everyone's clapping it's insane and you're just like what what i literally thought it was like over i thought Like they were like, oh, you can come out of your houses and everyone was just clapping. And I was like, oh my God.

What's the first thing you guys are going to do when we get out? First thing you're going to spend that first dollar on when we get our freedom. I want to get some really good sushi from Sugarfish. That's my favorite spot. This is coming from the person who said she's going to wait. You're going to go straight to sushi.

no what what's wrong with that you're gonna go straight to fish what's wrong with that i'm just saying sydney of all the things that you could eat coming out the quarantine you're just gonna go right to sushi love it love that for you okay sush what kind of rolls you gonna get i love a crab crab hand roll that's my favorite okay um andrew what are you gonna do what's the first thing you're gonna spend money on when you get outside um i really just need to do laundry have you guys been doing laundry i ain't been wearing clothes yeah just like what do you need to go do laundry for my sheets and my towels and everything oh yes that is yeah and i'm like i just fucking want

to do that but like i only want to leave if i'm going to the grocery store you know you do or you don't no i only want to leave if i'm going to the grocery store i don't want to also go to the laundromat too you know so close off what is dropping your clothes off an option i guess so it is what's your parents doing they're all in separate homes within the same town my sister included so yeah and so they're all in like the same town so they can all like my entire family is in a town in New Jersey uh and so they're able to like meet up with each other and go for walks separated but then they all can go back to their respective partners so they're really just living it up they going out and standing six feet

apart and taking walks yeah and they just closed the beach in our town so they just closed the beach i'm trying to figure out why the beach was open it's like so many people were walking on the beach oh okay yeah and they weren't observing the social distancing and everything so cut it down like i don't give a damn yeah because i think like dogs were coming up to everyone and the dogs can like if you pet the dog the dog can go back it's just like yeah they got corona yeah and then the dogs are getting right in the bed with the sand on their fur on their bodies um i don't know what the first thing i'm gonna say oh i'm gonna get a pedicure that's what i'm gonna do first my feet are like

not stopping you from showing them to us Honestly I can't tell the difference That's what they looked like before the quarantine Bitch I think I might get a Brazilian I've never had one So I feel like I gotta do it Why do you feel like you gotta do it?

Well my I'm not gonna lie the ass is hairy that's how god wanted it you see this little piece right here this is no it's hanging out the thong just okay my my my rectum is growing out inches bundles babe yeah i think i'm gonna get a wax too i think can we do it together let's do it together no we can go together we can get brazilian yeah bloody brazilians bloody brazilians And you want one too, Andrew? Wait, does it hurt?

Sure, but relax. What do you expect? It hurts, but like I've done it once before and it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And it comes back and it's just smooth, yo, smooth. Yeah, but you gotta exfoliate so that you don't get like ingrown hairs and stuff. But it's like itchy when it grows in a little bit, no?

I mean, not- It's itchy when you, when you, when you shave. Yeah. Yeah. But like, you know, you rub it down with some rubbing alcohol or whatever and you're fine. Yeah. So, resilient to be some?

I'll consider it. I think that, I mean, like, I'm okay with my butt hole here actually. You wanna show us? You wanna show us your hole? Yeah, show us your hole. Stop it. I feel like this is your only pants.

you're my only two subscribers that is a lie don't you do that um there's also another producer on the call so hi how you doing this is such a professional podcast i mean what is a professional podcast that feels like uh an oxymoron yes yeah podcast like we're not talking about anything um i don't know i'm growing my hair out because i don't have a choice i really like this color thank you it's the uh semi-permanent color that i had in my house i love it it is this or pink i think you've made the right choice thank you i mean i can always go go back to the pink but

so what else is going on friend what have you been doing to pass the time me i mean both of you since i've been watching i've been watching so much tv and shows it's insane but i will say to all the listeners top three things you should be watching you have to watch unorthodox on netflix it's incredible it's about a woman who uh escapes the hasidic jewish community in brooklyn it's so fucking good um it's like it's four parts to it but i feel like i want it more definitely um another show is not scripted no it's not no it is scripted it's good okay that seems like so like off your brand to be watching that like i feel like i understand you know it's good well i understand why you're drinking the red bulls now to pay

attention to that boring it's what it sounds so boring every time you did not though times in the past week about this it's you talked about it yesterday and you talked about it the day before And everybody who has told to watch it, they were like, thank you so much. It is so fucking good. Not one person hit you with a hmm? Nope, not one person. I put it on Twitter, and people have still been hitting me up about it. Well, people are bored on Twitter.

Black people. Shut up. Anyway, and then I like this UK series called Top Boy. Watch that. top boy summer house you got to start with that it's like a whole bunch of skinny idris alba's selling drugs it's great um also not what i thought top boy was yeah that's like a grinder profile top boy b-o-i yeah have we mentioned this one yet uh little fires everywhere Oh, I watched this third episode yesterday, so I have, I think, one more episode left.

Right? No, girl, it's on the sixth episode now. You're way behind. I'm not way behind, sis. There's no time limit on when to watch these things. I need to space out my Kerry Washingtons, you know, because she's really annoying on the show. She is.

I'm like, sis, what the hell? Wait, she is the annoying one, not Reese? Oh, they're both. They're both annoying. They're both annoying, but I feel like Kerry Washington's character is so unlikable on the show. Uh-huh. Very unlikable.

Like, Reese has given us Big Little Lies Reese. She's given us Reese Witherspoon now, you know? Yeah, you know, Reese is typecast. She does the same character, like variations of it, but it's the same. She don't even change her hairstyle. That's how- No! She don't even give us a different color.

She's not giving you color. She's not changing no eyeshadows. She's not giving us a bun, a high pony, a clip back. Nothing. No extensions, hair thin as fuck. She don't care. She giving you same hair. I don't know if it's thin, but it's definitely thin.

It's a little thin. Side part and it's swept with like a boop out. So yeah, both of the characters are annoying, but Kerry Washington is just, I'm like, Sid Mori, what did you do that for? i think you need to see carolina right now she looks show her you got the computer show her show her turn the camera around oh my god these are cracks

i'm sorry alex you know where are you going in this slutty ass outfit you got a date tonight No, I just was trying it on. I've never worn it before. Why are you wearing it? Because I can't show people it without the band. Carolina, go ahead and put that on the gram. Oh, my God! Wait! Marie! Marie!

Marie! Marie! Your mom, she says. Is that Savage Fenty? Yes. That's so funny. maybe i'll get some like some like slutty ass lingerie yeah should i do that too they look good you guys should get lingerie and do the show in lingerie

what show this one oh sis what sis this is just audio yeah this is not only fans how dare you yeah you're recording video as well i i thought i thought that you knew this yeah but we have But you're going to put a clip together, though, right? That we could use to promote? We'll put something together. Maybe that would just happen. Yeah, that was cute. We really adore that.

I thought, she said you were doing a shard, and I was like, take that long. I thought it was over. But we started at 1 o'clock. What did you do? We started at at least 1.30. Yeah. Oh.

How much time we on? 45. Sydney, you at somewhere else that you need to be right now? No, baby girl. you know I'm here I'm her for y'all but I'm just saying I'm saying do the people deserve a whole hour now like considering we ain't got a shit going on I got stuff going on Carolina I'm working well that's nice thank you sorry Carolina was the set expensive I don't remember there's this thing I want there's this set that I want but

i gotta get a man to buy it for me because i feel like it's too expensive how much is it i don't know but i feel like when i saw it i was like oh andrew do you want to see me in lingerie i feel like i do every other instagram who no did it did you laundry on instagram how dare you you posted something the other day he's got your titties be out what did i post you posted something cute let's find it something cute okay bring it back bring it back andrew i can't find my phone oh this wasn't laundry this was your back brace yeah that turned you on andrew had gotten you wet it is it's it's a good picture it's a great photo thank you guys i love i love when you're a good creative director for that

i know carolina helped me artistic director you know she's a whore so wow we don't use that word on this podcast um whore in the best way andrew i see you just like that post you saw it but you didn't like it initially i didn't like it he thought it was too scandalous yeah she doing she's showing all that back during the quarantine that's a whore and now he just saw carolina's craftless panties and he was like oh it's not that bad well i think i think that's the thing it's like whatever you weren't doing before this it's time to branch out and just do it you're nobody is going to judge you after this everything that's happening right now we forget about it girl bye i'm judging everybody every day all day

i'm writing notes i'm taking screenshots i'm judging everything yeah speak for yourself well you're that kind of person so and i don't even know why we're friends with you because we don't need that kind of energy and this in these trying trying times what kind of energy do you think we need right now what's the best energy for this quarantine take it day by day we we can't make no plans for the next day because we don't know what's going on tomorrow we only know what's what's happening right now we don't even know what's happening right now right we know nothing right we don't really know anything we don't have realistic timeline of anything we don't know like i spoke to my friend yesterday and her mom had corona she had it but she was

being she was trying to act like she didn't wait who a friend of mine you don't know her and she said that she's like yeah you know i was sick but it was i was fine i like a cold i was congested and then i lost my sense of taste and i was like sis you had it and she was like yeah yeah yeah but like you know like not that bad and then her boyfriend got it i was like everyone in her house had it i was like you guys gotta you got a social distance from your family sis that's insane but she said now because she's had it she feels like she's teflon and she can do whatever she wants and i was like that's true there's different there's different strands of it that's the thing right there are people who've had it that get it again get it again she's like

not me i'm like do you think that you had it me yeah i think marie had it i think i had it yeah you would answer that for me sydney thank you so much i think that i had something for sure i didn't lose taste smell or have a fever though i think i had it too i was like super congested and coughing um for like a week um yeah yeah yeah same right but also like this was peak it was like peak people getting sick time anyway and now i'm gonna think anything of it right and now i'm not like coughing or anything but like at night i get congested so i think that that's that's allergies because that's usually when that hits me at night but i think everyone's gonna get it or has already had it that's how i feel about yeah carlos

we're gonna get through this guys i'm not too worried i'm just like i'm gonna stay positive i'm lucky and blessed that i have such a cool circle of people that i can reach out to you know i love chatting with you guys andrew i mean we had a moment last week i made you buy something okay no no don't twist the story i called you for advice oh what did you advice with well because i was like it's getting real dry over here i don't have like a dildo or vibrate or anything uh and so i was like i went to sydney i thought maybe like she would be able to give some advice uh and she He sent me some cute links on Amazon, and I did purchase one of them,

and I'm happy with it. The first night, I was not happy with it. Yeah, wait, you're changing your tune now? Yeah, because it's nothing like the real thing, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, it never is. But the thing is is that I haven't had the real thing in like seven years, so for me, it's just another day. Right.

So you're saying you ordered one too, sis? No, but I, I was, I wanted to. Oh wait, is this what you sent to the group chat last week? Oh, I did send one to the group chat. Yeah, the one that you really liked, I was not really a fan of. I just bought like a, just like a beginner one, I feel. Andrew, you're not no beginner, sis. For, for this sort of plastic peen.

now did you get one that like sticks to the wall or like it's a lot like i i feel like it is i wish i had more hands during this time you know it's it's a lot to manage because that okay so because i like to watch my porn on my phone my question is why not watch the porn on your laptop so i've been switching to the laptop yeah for this babe it's 2020 winnie laptop porn oh yeah i think it's having a moment right now so that's the name of the episode is laptop porn laptop porn i like that i just i feel like yeah i feel like we we do it on our phones because it's like easy and it's like i'm already on it let me just open an incognito window but on the

laptop is easier because it's like i don't have to are you well the crazy thing is is that my old laptop was my work laptop and i was watching porn on that and then i know that they went through my tags they had to i know they they uh closed under your tabs is what you're saying when you dropped your laptop off huh you didn't close any of your tabs when you dropped your laptop off no ma'am that's on you yeah that's on you sister you had like 98 tabs open on one window so i did i will not i yeah that's me and i cannot deny that i i'm a multiple window person i'll have separate windows open and i'll just go back and forth to see you know what i'm saying like I'll have separate Google Chrome windows open.

Oh, like not tabs, like windows. No, it'll be windows with like six tabs each or four tabs each. But as opposed to just one window with like the tabs are so many that you can't even read what it is, you know what I mean? Yeah. You only have one window and one tab?

I have one, okay, no, no. I have the one window and a lot of tabs and I feel, oh wait, so when you create all these different windows and create all these different tabs within that window, are all the tabs catering to like one theme? That would be smart. That's kind of the direction that I'm in right now. Like I have one window that's all like Bank of America stuff

and it's all like bank statements that I'm supposed to be getting ready for my taxes. I have another one that's like all home things. So it's like my unemployment tabs are all there and my Home Depot tabs are there, okay? Home things. I don't know what the theme is for these windows, but they all kind of go.

No, that's smart. I like that. But then I lose track of which windows are what. Do you have a porn tab or no? I close my porn tab when I'm not watching porn. Also, I open a whole incognito window for porn. What's that? How do you do that?

Sydney, I'm just going to have to have you Google that because it's not something that I do. You go on incognito. I don't do it. I don't know. It's all there. Why? Yeah, like you're in dull.

Like nobody should be ashamed of what they're watching. It's not about being ashamed of what I'm watching. I just don't need my laptop to be in somebody else's hands and then it's auto-completing what I typed in. That's it. Multiple people use, well, not anymore, but like, you know, someone comes to your house and they're like, can I use your laptop real quick?

And they're like, let me just put in B. It's literally, it's any letter at this point. It's any letter. It's like, oh, you want Pornhub? Yeah. And you guys, the listeners, can you just sound off in the comments or add us what's in your incognito tab? I mean, what is this? Bank statements?

No. but if you have anything like that's lewd that's porn related like I want to know about it I want to know what kind of porn y'all are watching Sydney what kind of porn are you watching a lot of gangbangs like girl gangbangs

yes with trans women yeah that's what I'm into That's what you dropped off at Comedy Central last month? Yes. Gang bang gang bang? It's actually called, it's actually an orgy, so

it's not a gang bang. Why are you calling it a gang bang? Well, there was one that was a gang bang but the rest of them are just orgies. Yo, remember how we had plans for what we were going to do for the month of March? I know! That is gone you wrote stuff down i had to throw that piece of paper away the other day because i was

like it hurts what were you gonna do we had a list andrew you had a list of things too you were gonna stop paying for dates i mean oh oh that list oh my god yeah oh my god that's so sad That's our March list. Yeah. We will rise again. We will. We will eat out again. And still, I rise. We'll be fine.

We'll rise. Any goals for the next week? Things you guys want to accomplish? Or you're thinking about doing and you're like, eh, maybe not. I don't know. I I'm so conflicted with even like going for walks or like just being outside in general

because like I feel like I'm like guilting guilt tripping myself for just being outside in general you know and then you let someone know like oh like I went outside for something that wasn't essential then like they're also judging you oh no wow don't let people do that to you I feel like when I spoke to you however many weeks two weeks ago I was like take a walk yeah and that was like that was like okay that's when people were still like going for walks but even like when i walked outside this morning to go grocery shopping like it's such a difference the amount of people that are outside you know yeah no it's crazy it's safer for you to take a walk friend yeah i don't know yeah you're right i will i'll go for a walk today i mean why not

i haven't been actually haven't been outside um like i didn't go outside yesterday or the day before so i'm gonna walk by today too i'm gonna walk to the store i'm gonna go get some cheese i want to make an eggplant parmesan today i've never made one before i want to go get some apple pie from this bakery that i like if they're still open and then i want to come home and uh not leave my house again for 24 hours you know the walks are good are you wearing a mask that you do this every time that you do this we won't be able to use this clip for the promotional so if he's saying something good right now then it won't be able to be used no you know what use it if she's doing it use it i'm just like fuck i dare you to make a clip of me doing it

well maria is like giving this like inspiring message this is the attention that she wants i was just gonna keep ignoring it but you know she wants you to post it so post it put it up we'll see what instagram has to say about it oh yeah they're gonna take it down you're right never mind um okay well i don't really have any goals yet because every time i make a goal i don't really hit it i've i think i hit like one or two things that I was supposed to do this week so whatever but I'm going to

I think doing more than one thing that you're supposed to do this week is massive I truly think that like I started writing to do list and then like I was like I'm not crossing anything off so now if I do cross something off it's like I'll be

jogging the rest of the week off so you know make a list and pick a thing or don't you know where to live by Marie Faustin what am I gonna do

this week um I don't know I'm gonna I'm gonna stop complaining about cooking I'm gonna try to

love cooking cooking is great I have a cooking show on Sundays the last the finale show of it me and Marie

are gonna do a cook off so yes sis keep enjoying cooking because we're going to throw down. Yo, Sydney, those episodes have been so good so far.

Andrew, you was on one of those episodes, yes? On the Sim Can Cook? The first one. Sim Can Cook, yeah. Woo! Yeah. What a journey. It was fun. Are you doing, you said you were going to do another one? Yes, I have to send you the name so you can make the flyer. Okay.

I love it. Shout out to Andrew, artist of the flyer. Yes. He does everything. He's a producer. he's a graphic designer he's my therapist me love me love and you're my vibrator consultor okay

I'll take that I guess Andrew I can't believe you didn't hit me up about vibrator advice that's what Sydney said I just spelt Sydney would you have recommended a better one you think I don't know what you got you want me to show you yes

yes zoom call all i want to do is a zoom zoom zoom and i boom boom just check you're up shake baby shake baby shake it's just oh it's black and velvety what you think it's too big or too small i i think that this isn't okay like for a beginner one you know that's big is it big it look big to me it looks huge to me no like next to my face it's not that big because it's it's it's like thin how many inches is that i'd go get the tape measure wait can you can you put it next to your face again wait

wait what are you gonna andrew don't put it next to you what are you gonna do with the image if it gets me followers i'll do it it is it's a good six inches oh that's it let me see what this okay so that's what six inches looks like yeah it looked big i've seen six inch dicks before i don't feel like they look like that no they do they do because you have to like remember like you know it looks smaller because it's attached to a um body um does that make sense maybe can you stand up and put it in front of your body maybe that yeah no if you stand up in front of your body like i can say oh wait put it like where where your dick is no i'm not doing that

Oh, Marie, you're such a nightmare. He's like, it's not connected to a body. I'm like, okay, well, connect it to your body. Yeah, it's just, I feel like this is like an average. I wish it was a little girthier. That's the thing. But you didn't want to get something too big because you said you wanted a beginning. I wanted, yeah.

Yeah. Let's start the collection. Let's go big. Go bigger each time. Come on, Doc Johnson! Yeah. We love to see it. Well, I'm glad that you did that for us, Andrew.

I really wanted to see that. Yeah, that was very helpful. Wait, do you have one, Mairead? Do you want to show us? No, I just have a bunch of vibrators. I don't have any dildos. Yeah, Unbound sent us some vibrators. Shout out to them.

Well, oh yeah, I have a ring that's a vibrator, but I don't know how to work it. It's like a ring you put on your finger, like it gives you clitoral stimulation if you turn it on your door uh i want to wear it to meetings and stuff and they won't even know hey uh can you show me again on the brief hey can you show me where what we're doing again just me and then just start pointing at people with the vibrator and just like actually well there's some like people on only fans that like if you pay enough like you can have access to the butt plug and so you can make it vibrate

with like throughout the day you know like you have control over that so like subscribers can like affect your day-to-day life to let you know like hey i'm thinking of you oh i don't know if i would want it i don't trust that wait so subscribers have the butt plug in and they know the the the model would have the butt plug in and then the subscribers would have control of it to make it vibrate throughout the day we're assuming that they got the plug in all day but they don't yeah they're just leaving it on the dresser and it's just like, Marie,

you're a nightmare. This was great. I think I'm gonna go live after this, actually. Oh, good. Eat some food and pop in and see what the kids are doing on Instagram. Okay.

And then I'm, you know, I might just hop in on your little Instagram and say hello. Yeah. Why not? Let's do it. Andrew. Always happy to see you.

Nice to see you as well. i look forward to our next recording yeah this definitely this was also the highlight of the week this made me feel good oh my god i love this yeah we should play that more often actually no because we have to save stuff for the podcast yeah we do we actually cannot talk it's on record that we cannot talk to each other until we have the podcast because then we have more to chat about yep and i were on the phone yesterday we about to go live today we don't be on the phone again tomorrow um andrew please take a walk if you feel like going outside don't let anybody the sun feels so good on your skin yeah i know i miss it i mean i see you in the window and you're

just like oh my gosh the guy downstairs is doing a lot of remodeling to the backyard it looks beautiful and he still won't let you in you can't use now i'm just i have a great view but that's about it yeah and if you guys can you know leave a review on itunes because you got the time now so i've been looking at the reviews and they're they're so sweet but do some more like comment subscribe uh send us dms of your um of your uh what's what was it you just oh dildos those are your dildos and also sydney asked a question about lesbians before oh what kind of sex are you having during the quarantine yes please tell us are you having sex every day or you having sex every other day or you're not having sex at all because you hate each other

is it exciting like i don't know people are horny so enjoy what you got yeah um fab anyway thanks so much guys love you much bye bye forever dog this has been a forever dog production Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.