MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Let Go, Let Klarna w/ Jake Cornell

Episode Date: June 19, 2025

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by friend and TikTok STAR Jake Cornell! The MESS? Spending in the summer. Spending really any time, but ESPECIALLY when we're tryna be out in these streets.  Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're listening to mess hello hello hello spring has sprung oh it was it was too nice today i was not prepared i was not prepared i i literally was like oh i did i did ask for this but i'm not i'm not i'm not sorted yet you're not ready not sorted for the nice legs not shaved Toe's not done. No, Toe's is giving Jurassic Park. It's paradise for sure. Yep. I thought I had more time.

I mean, you do, because this is fake. It, like, gets warm, and then it's back to get your shawl back on. Get your call. You know, it's the season to spend more money, for sure. Truly. You know, I went to look at a couch a couple weeks ago, and this is my mess. This is actually a mess for the podcast listeners, because I walked in and I was like, oh i really like this couch but i don't like the price so i'm like flirting with this lady who's

like the ceo of something the c something cfo and i'm literally i'm flirting with this lady i'm trying to get her to give me this couch for free and um uh you know i was with this guy and he bought me a 60 candle just to give you a price point of like what the prices are in there okay and when we were walking out this girl was like marie and she holds up her phone and she was like I'm listening to Mess right now. That's crazy. She was like, I love you guys. And I was like, oh, you work here?

Uh-huh. And she was like, I work in the marketing department. Gorge. And she said, are you trying to get a couch? She goes, I know that you just fired your interior designer. And I was like, actually, she quit. But thank you for listening and changing the narrative. And she was like, yeah, if you want,

I can send your information to the marketing department. Maybe they'll, you know, maybe they'll, and she went like this. And I was like, yes, send them everything. Send them my materials. Anyway, that was a month ago. I still don't have a couch. That's crazy. Sis.

Wow. I feel bad for not remembering your name, but she was so cute. And I believe in you. I believe that we can get this couch to me. Make it work. Por favor. It's going to happen. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's put that in the messy universe. Yeah. I mean, put it on the prayer list, you know, you know, obviously get you the couch. I need some curtains. So if they got curtains there, I'll take that as well. I don't know if I saw curtains at the place, but. Okay.

What kind of curtains you want, friend? I'll get you some. I got some new linen curtains in the house. Ralph Laurence. I would love Ralph Laurence. Oh. Okay. You know, real plush, plush.

I don't want it black out, but, you know, I want it for blacks, for the black people. Well, go to Ralph Lauren. They're going to say black out. Yeah. And Marie's clocked in. She's on. You see, I got to be hot. I'm trying to get a new couch.

Yes. Sydney, what is your mess for us today? My mess. I get, you know, I'm addicted to Ubers. I keep just spending all the money that I'm making from, you know, working and doing my jokes. I'm just putting it right back into Uber. capitalism go to hell so I get in an Uber

I'm feeling good I'm ready to you know sit back relax guy is like oh hello you know driver yes hi you know because I don't want to be rude because I'm trying to get that rating up up up up I'm trying to I'm 4.6 1

4.61 I would love to be a 4.8 it still hasn't changed it actually went down So I'm saying hello, hope you had a good night, blah, blah, blah, da, da, da. And I'm trying to cut it. He's like, oh, yeah, you smell good. Tell me I smell good.

You know, something about the things that I've been wearing. People tell me I smell good. That's great. And then he's like, oh, you know, you live over here? I'm like, I don't want to tell him. I'm like, no, I don't live over here. You know, a visitor and a friend. He said, oh, where are you going now?

I said, I'm going to work. He said, oh, you go to work. It was late. It was late. So he was like, oh, you go to work. You go to work. And I was going to the village. So, you know, he obviously thought I was a streetwalker.

Clearly, you know, I have to be selling cooch. Can't be telling jokes. Got to be selling ass. And so he's like, oh, are you tired? You know, you take a nap. First of all, if I'm in a car and the driver says take a nap, I'm up. He said take a nap. Oh, yeah, fully up.

I'm in the backseat like this. Fully up. Then he's like, oh, you want music? You want good music? Lullaby and good night. He starts singing. No, bitch. Let me tell you what he starts playing.

Oh, you're going to play it for us. I said, oh, I have to tell all my friends to, hey, I'm not getting out this car. But if I go missing, it's because of this guy. This is what he starts playing. This man starts playing rain sounds, spa music. you know what you think his rain sounds that's him peeing in a bucket

truly he was in a white Toyota Sienna I took a picture of him then he rolls up the windows I was like oh he's definitely

putting some kind of what's his name dandelion some type of solution to make me pass out and and you know I'm an archaeletic

so I'm like did he put something in the car or am I just tired like I couldn't tell so I'm fighting for my life in that car. I'm fighting for my life.

I'm texting my girl. I'm like, hey, this guy asked me if I want to take a nap in the Uber and now he's playing this music. I sent her. She's like, send me his information. I'll kill him. I'm like, come on.

It's given John Wick. It's gay John Wick. I said, by the time you get here, you can just go to another country and I'll be dead. So messes, I stayed in the car because I was like, he ain't going to run me out

in this car I'm gonna stay up what are you gonna do I said I can fight I got these heels I got all types of random things in my purse I will fight for my life

in this in this car I could fight it's hilarious I can't I truly can't oh my god oh my god

I was like oh my god I said if this happens I was like I should go live right now just in case

he does pop off but he started playing other music too like music like from the Lion King it was it was crazy

like the circle of life no but it was music that could possibly be in the soundtrack just the instrumental not the action it's like mama wave

he said she's black let me play this song for her yeah no if he started playing the hyenas now that I'm like

you know what you're gonna lose your job sir I'm getting your badge number badge number badge number yes

That was my miss. Should we bring in our guests? Yeah, be our guest. Bring our guests. Oh, my God. A pillar of our community. A philanthropist. Taking over TikTok.

I mean, videos upon videos. Doing the work. Doing skin glowing arms just visible. or give it up for Jake Cornell is in the building. Hello. Hi, Jake. Jake, what is so funny? You two are killing me.

You're killing me. I was like, what? I'm praying for your couch. The thing is, when you buy a couch, it still takes three months. So getting it for free might really be a long haul for you. When you order a couch, they say, all right, we'll think about it.

But money's out of your account. But you have to think about it for a long time. Oh, my God. So that means I'm going to hold on to my current couch until I get the new couch. Until they send it. Like, here's your tracking number. And then you got to wait too much. And even then, they're shipping it from Denmark.

Yep. She's international. That's where you have to order from to get the good stuff. They're making it good up there. Yeah. That's right for the good products. Good quality control over there. Yeah.

And they're happy when they make the furniture. And they have health insurance if anything goes wrong. Right. It's really, they're covered on all bases. There's no tears on any of the cushions and stuff. Yeah. Okay. And so people who are making the couch that's got all their teeth, good for them.

Yeah. That's great. I want that. Yeah. Smell good, probably. What would you do if you were in an Uber and the driver was like, take a nap? I'd be like, do I look bad? Do I look sleepy?

What's going on there? Also, the thing is with- Gay man, obviously not fearing for his life. Do you know how many of my- I must look like shit. I mean, do you know how many of my gay guy friends have had sex with their Uber driver in the Uber? Most of them. So I think it'd be a very different situation if it happened to me.

Right, right, right, right, right. I haven't done it. I haven't done it. But I've heard all the stories about it. Hey, no judgment. No judgment. You know, we listen. I mean, if you want to pop off in a black car, I'm not mad at you.

In a black car is the way to do it. In a black car. It has to be in a black car. I'm not doing that in a Camry. No, and not in somebody's mother's van. No, and not in a Sienna. You can't be doing that in a Sienna. Sex in a Sienna is not sexy.

Picking it up to escalate, and I want him to wear a tie and wearing a black suit. I'm trying Uber Shuttle for the first time tomorrow. What's that? That sounds sad. Sounds like a bus. I know. It's a Sprinter van that takes you to LaGuardia for $9.99. $9?

$9.99. Okay, but how many other people? It's a pool, babe. How many other people are getting picked up? So, okay, it's not. So apparently it is technically a pool, but no one uses it. I've had multiple people send me pictures alone in a Sprinter van. You have to just go to the pickup spot.

Where's the pickup spot? Atlantic Terminal. Hey, no. Yeah, that's not going to work for me. $9.99 to get to LaGuardia. But it's only LaGuardia. JFK leaves from City Point, where the Alamo Draft House is. Oh, that's harder to get to.

That's harder to get to, but I always fly out of LaGuardia because it's better. I don't want to go to JFK. Okay, but how long is it going to take you to get to the airport? So my roommate's going to drive me to... Atlantic. Yeah, because that's an easy ask. Why don't you just roommate? Just take you to the...

Because he's a meeting. It's a whole thing. It's too much. All right. Actually, you might have just blown this whole thing up because they're listening to this on the pod and people are like, $9.99. All right. Well, my flight's tomorrow, so this won't be out by then.

No, it won't. It won't. Tell us how it is. I will let you know. I'm excited. When we do the photo dump, give us photos. I'm trying to be responsible. I'm trying to be responsible.

Look, I'm normally paying $7. Because it's a short ride regardless, but if you take your own personal car, it's $75. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I pay like between $50 and $70. And if you're flying to LA, the car out of LAX is like $120. So now half the price of the flight, you're spending again on the cars. so it's just do they have Uber Shuttle

in LAX I don't want to try that there it's already you don't drive absolutely not why would I drive why would I drive honestly I need people to just it's okay if you don't know how to drive

no I think it is it's actually kind of chic just because you have your license that doesn't mean you can drive and I'm going to say that I have my license and I cannot drive Thank you, Freddie. Wow. I think that's beautiful to know.

I think that's beautiful to know. I just really wanted the card. I wanted the card. Yeah. Yeah. That's all. Fair enough. So we're here to talk about your mess.

What's your mess today? Well, my mess is spending money at all times. Okay. I'm trying to be better about it because I can't stop. So you spend money messy or you're saying that spending money in general is mess? Both. I spend money messy and it feels like there's no way to spend money that isn't messy anymore. everything costs money and it's kind of rude everything costs money things that try to save

you money cost money they're like you know what i mean they're like oh you're in high you're in high interest credit card debt we'll take out a loan there's gonna be interest on that loan it's like why would i do that why would i take out a loan i don't know i'm gonna be in debt some more why is my credit card company sending me an email at 4 30 that says hey your payments due and then at 4 45 saying do you want to finance a car what's happening why is that happening why is that happening yeah or why is credit karma saying hey your your credit went down 120 points hey but you still have chances you can open up another account and that will help the most abusive relationship i'm in is with intuit credit karma i'm getting they're literally they're like hey you could open

three more credit cards this one has fun rewards you are in a lot of debt though yeah yeah tell us i watched a tiktok video on how a bunch of people have taken their student loans off of their credit card statements they're like credit card um their credit report their credit report how do you do that and you have to like you have to i watched a couple videos and i went to is this a felony that feels legal experience or experience and i you had to open a dispute and be like this is are you sure this is right and a bunch of people said it fell off their credit report and their credit went up their score went up so i tried it i haven't heard anything back yet okay well we'll keep you guys uh informed i think i did that originally here's the thing it didn't work

that like it just it just was in the queue it was in the queue let me tell you something my credit score cannot get any lower than what it is right now that's not true because mine is lower than yours right now that's not true i'm sure mine's not mine's not great either so i try not to look at it too much they're sending you an email every week that's like hey it went up hey it went down i'm like it's probably fine yeah or whatever it's going down because i'm still refusing to pay my student loans and every time i they're like it's still going down and i'm like that's you should probably just start paying hold on did you pay my student loans yeah it's 130 a month the privilege how dare you 130 a month i refinanced so what does that mean i took all the little loans i'd

taken out into one big loan that had a lower payment oh so you consolidated you can tell oh that's what i did you consolidate yeah and then it went down to 130 yeah and i'll be paying it until i'm like 55 but whatever listen at this point they're not gonna get the money uh they're not gonna get all of it when i die so does well here's the thing if we're claiming if the if the if the what is if filing the claim is being like hey like that wasn't me that took out those loans that wasn't me that took out that loan i don't know her not 2000 what 2000 whatever me absolutely not me she don't even go here no also let died let's really get into it the building is still standing they don't need my money it are is the building getting repossessed it's not no it's

still standing so what what are you knocking on my door like technically you borrowed it from the u.s government and that building's not still standing so this is true on that but the u.s government doesn't pay its debt yeah that's the tea so you have to leave me alone yeah you're 30 trillion they were forgiving them i was like it's over yeah i can never no one's gonna pay these back now right and now but they forgave like three people's loans and then they said never mind yeah yeah but now because trump is in office he's making sure he's like everybody come paid him paid him student loans they're coming back hard yeah oh it was you know they can start taking it out of your tax return if you don't pay it well they can't take it out of my return if i

don't file my taxes shut up marie checkmate stop laughing at this queen's gambit no do not laugh at this we need both halves of the podcast not in jail okay no i think it could be cute one mic on the other side of the plexi no we've talked about this the mic is on the glass Anyway, we have workshopped this and I'm thinking, no, not for now. Not for now? Yeah. Okay, fair enough. It's just like, so what?

There's good debt and there's bad debt, right? Allegedly? Yeah. So let's just pretend all of mine is good or is bad for me, but I'm not paying it. Jake, are you in a lot of debt? Not like crazy, but I'm in debt. Like I have a little credit card debt and student debt. What are you buying with your credit card?

well I put everything on the credit card because it takes you to the points once I found out the points like the air miles how many points

do you have right now well I just I use all my points to book all my tour flights so I'm down to so I'm down to 13,000 points but I had like

100 something but I like now I'm flying to like Chicago Mexico I'm flying all over that's all on that's all on

your credit card you're doing a show in Mexico no I'm seeing Lady Gaga this is how I this is how I think about money

I'm flying to Chicago to do a show Then I have 10 days off before I do my next show in Dallas. So then Lady Gaga, right in between, as though she was speaking directly to me, directly in between my Chicago show and my Dallas show, she announces a show in Mexico City. Now I'm thinking, I already have to fly out to Chicago, back to New York, back out to Dallas. If I just fly from Chicago to Mexico, that saves a flight. Now every dollar I spend in Mexico is actually a dollar I saved on that one flight back to New York. Come on, boy.

This is gay math. This is gay math. The gayest map that you've ever had in your life. Because have I spent three times the amount of money on this trip that I would have spent on a flight? Yeah. But I did save a little bit. But it's Mexico City, so you're going to be eating really well. Yes.

And as I told you earlier, I did put the Airbnb on. Say it with me. One, two, three. Klarna. Yes, the whites are doing it. We're bringing it here to the pot. It's not just us. That Airbnb is on Klarna.

They are doing it as well. White gays. And here's the thing. I had the money to pay for it. I had the money to pay for it. The white gays. I had the money to pay for the Airbnb. I could have afforded it in that moment, but I was like, I would like the idea of this

money being in my account and $60 just coming out a little bit over the next year because it will feel free. Hey, baby, we all have the money in quotation marks. We all have the money. Some of us haven't made it yet, but we have the money. Queen of that. The money is on the way. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. Net 45. Sorry, my love. Oh, my God. Net 90, baby. Net 120. I'm pulling up and fighting you. Net 90?

I'm like, that's, net 90 is out at this point. If someone does net 90, I'm like, you should go. That is a felony. Net 90. If I'm getting paid 90 days after I booked a job, I forgot what I'm getting paid for. I'm looking at my account like, what? No, I used the money already. I'm actually in debt now that I didn't get it before the 90 days.

Oh, yeah. So I've already used the money double time. And by the time they get it, I'm still like trying to make up for the time they didn't give me my money. So it's like if you are paying me in 90 days, that means you don't have any of the money. That's a quarter. You're waiting for your money to give me my money. I'm doing summer work, getting paid in the fall. It's not, the money's the wrong temperature.

Everything about it's off. It really bothers you. You're an intern. That's what you are. Yes. Pro bono. I'm on Klarna. You're putting me on Klarna.

Yes, literally. It's crazy. I can't do it. The story of our lives. It's the number one. So how does Klarna work, specifically for Airbnb? You have the amount of money that you need for this Airbnb. So this Airbnb was like $500.

Okay. It's you and how many people? it's just me Jake you ain't had it no no I had it he has it he just doesn't want to

pay it all at once I had okay I had just booked everything for my tour so it's like I've booked all the all the flights

all the hotels and stuff so I've just paid a bunch of money for other stuff I was like having a day where I was like I've spent a lot of money today you do it all on the same day

could never so it's all organized could never I'd be like do I have a flight to Toronto that's crazy wait the assistants we messaged

so you're spending money his mask maybe mine's not no we just we just break it down until like the thing is is that somebody will keep emailing me like hey we need that flight information and i'll wait and wait and wait and then they'll finally corner me and then i'll buy it and then the next flight they're like hey what about this other flight and it's like oh my god i just did all this work i just did this first thing no i have to rip the band-aid off like that long band-aid i sit down i do all the flights at once and all the hotels good for you oh wow okay and then i looked and it said it was i went to check out i i went to check out and i was like oh i could just put it on clarna and then this is

this won't feel like i spent this much that amount of money today right let's come out in this week and and it was also because i was waiting for like a i was waiting for a net 90 payment so i was like oh we're getting tight before the next 90 comes in question yeah when you do clarna don't they put like um it was 60 extra for the whole thing yes like there's what do you call it interest interest yeah there was 60 interest on the whole thing so i went from I'm paying $540,000 to $600,000. Oh, okay. But that split up.

Again, GameHath, that split up. That $60 split up over 12 months. So that's $5. 12 months? You're going to do 12 months? You're paying that $512,000 in 12 months? Come on, Jake. You're better than that.

Tell me that $50 a month doesn't feel free and now I have a free Airbnb. What are you guys mad at? I'm not mad. I'm just like, baby. I'm entertained. Yeah. I'm sure Klarna's laughing too. They're like, 12 months?

12 months? It felt free. Well, that's like people who don't. I thought it sounded fun. It doesn't hurt my credit score. I was like, yeah, let's do it. It'll feel free. It'll make me feel a little more cushy.

I'll buy us Domino's when we're on the road. You did get us Domino's when we're on the road. Yeah, because I'm feeling flush because I got shit on Karna. Yeah, you did. Right, right. Because that money is sitting in the account. You got us two pizzas. Imagine if I put the Domino's.

You can put Domino's on Karna. Shut up. No, you can't. No, you can't. No, you can't. If you put, what's the interest on Domino's? Sydney, they announced like two weeks ago, you can put Chipotle on Karna. I'm not there, baby.

You can't put your diarrhea on Karna. I'll tell you what it ain't. That would put you on layaway, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby. Hey, aliens, whenever y'all want to do that Independence Day, I'm ready. Yeah. Take us out of our misery, please. But let us first so we can put everything on Kleiner and then boom.

Just give me a six-month heads up and I'll run Kleiner up. But I think that's kind of, if you can, how you should be looking at spending money because, like, the world is going to end. That's my thing. Either they're dropping a bomb on us, or the aliens are coming, or... Or my world's going to end, at least. You know what I mean? So it's like, do the stuff. Spend the money.

Look good doing it. Hey, guys. I know y'all are saying all this stuff, but I just got my tooth. I need to be thinking about the future. Why did I wait so long to get this tooth just to know, oh, this shit is about to end? I would have gone without the tooth. Now you're going to die in style. Oh, girl.

With a smile. It's going to be close. This is you. No, but like, you really want to be, when you went. Mouth closed. Sydney, you ought to die like this. I will not. I will not.

But do you want to be, when the aliens find us in a million years, do you want them to find your skull and be like, all right, so she was missing a tooth? Like, you want to have a full set. It doesn't matter at that time. It doesn't matter. I will be here. You don't want to have a full set for ET? No.

I want a full set for that. They don't even have teeth. They don't even have good dental. Oh, you guys are extraterrestrial, but you ain't got no teeth? Sounds like you're behind. No, the aliens find your skull first. They think, oh, the humans had these many teeth. And then they find out, like, oh, no, she was just kind of busted up.

That's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. They're going to be on their podcast talking about mess. You think the aliens have a podcast? I think they do. I think they have whatever we don't have. Do you think they have, like, podcast bros? I couldn't see the aliens doing something.

No, I don't think they can have masculinity like that and reach the level of, like, advancement to get to other planets. That. You know what I mean? I think aliens are all women. Yes. Yes. And you know what? There are women that have ADHD, and that's why they haven't taken over yet.

No, no, no. Because they were like, oh, I was going to do it. And then you're like, you know what? Yes. I think I'm going to make a computer. No. No. You know what?

Override. Maybe there's just a really good space mall between all the aliens and us, and they all just stop off there and get distracted. And that's why no one's got it. No, you guys are missing it. There's a growth. They said, ew, the ghetto. They said, everything the light touches is ours, and that we don't want.

The light doesn't touch that. They're like, ugh. I do think every day more and more, I think that we're a Sims being played by like a 13-year-old boy. Yeah. I think that's more and more what makes sense to me. It feels scary. But also, it's like the more I know about what's going on in the world, it's like the more I should be like, well, fuck it. Let me just spend.

But now I'm like, actually, but what if that's not the case? What if things are not ending soon? I don't want to be that person that's like, well, I gave it all. I gave it all up. I did it my way. here's my thing because none of us really grew up with

a ton of money right I feel like no I didn't grow up with money at all like I feel like it was I feel like that notion of like save your money

save your money save your money it's like okay well I don't make that much money I don't come from that much money and so it's like

it's like no I want to go make a bunch of money you know what I mean I don't want to be frugal I want to be rich like let's be real you know what I mean

and you have you do but the rich do stay rich because they don't really spend their money but they have so much to not spend right

they always leave that part out that's very true Jake I don't want to be messy now I don't want to be messy but like you got some numbers on TikTok and Instagram so you say I mean you're doing

but like I know you're getting deals now no you're not in the creative phase you're not in the creative phase

I'm being wait I was being honest I could afford the Airbnb I kind of just was like this is fun I think I need to check the numbers

wait this is where do you no no Jacob's doing well wait we were we went to a show and we were in the hotel

and they recognized you they recognized you and they recognized you they recognized both of us but the only embarrassing thing was I was holding a box dominoes two boxes of dominoes and then they took a picture with me and you could not even see me it looked like a shadow but yeah they were wasted drunk we were in a we were staying in a hotel with

a big wedding it was they were real bombed but they were having a good time if you're not black out at a wedding even if it's not yours are you at a wedding no i will the couple make it if there if i don't think the wedding counts if it was a cash bar i'll tell you that oh who is doing that We talked about that. They need a clarna bar. Who is doing- Who is doing- Clarna bar at the wedding.

Somebody was talking about how they had like a no alcohol wedding. And I said, we are not showing up. And you're sober. I was going to say, you're sober. Even as a sober person, I don't want to be around that. That's weird. Because the guests are going to be miserable. Miserable.

It's going to be, unless everyone you know is sober. Or like the vast majority of your people are sober. Hey, if we're all sober, we don't need this wedding. let's just let's go down the city hall you can elope yeah

just elope no I don't disagree I don't disagree cash bar is it's like do you hate us I know I know

like you I don't want to be like hey you don't have enough money to get married but you don't have enough money for this event you sure don't

yeah especially when it's like if you do a big wedding with a cash bar it's like oh you had 200 people that you couldn't whittle down

to get it to 50 that you could do open bar for right Because you could have done it a different way. Everybody doesn't need to be at the wedding. And everybody doesn't like 200 people. Everybody doesn't need to be at the wedding.

Most people don't. None of us do. No. We have to scale back. We all don't want to be at that wedding. And that wedding is lasting the whole weekend, babe. You could cut it down to 100. You can cut it down.

It gets complicated because I feel like when you get married young, it's like you haven't gone out and made all your friends yet. So you still have to invite all the family because it's like that was. Yeah, your mom's like, your aunt's niece, baby's cousin, the babysitter. I'm going to be in my mid to late 30s by the time I get married, probably. Knock on wood. But it's like, some of those people I haven't talked to in 20 years. Oh, they're good to you.

They're not coming. They're not coming. And you said they're dead to you. Most of my family's dead. So there's that. There's that. I took it down. I'm sorry.

No, it's all good. I don't have to invite them because they're not here. No, they get a little picture on that table. We don't have any good photos. We don't have any good photos. The dead family table? You don't have the Dia de las Muertos table? Have you never been, have you never been, have you never been, my favorite thing at

the wedding, when you're at the wedding and there's the table for the dead relative photos and someone puts their present on it, they think it's the gift table? No. No, I have not seen that. I've not seen the dead relative table. Wait, am I not, you've seen the dead, is it a New England thing? No. Okay, no, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but did people put gifts on it?

No, we, more like gifts are over here. You said no, no, okay. Directions. these two pictures of my grandmother and my grandfather yeah no don't put don't put your gift there

from William Sonoma please don't move that move that to the side where do I leave my envelope full of cash you can leave that on grandma's face

yeah she would love that wedding wedding registries you want to talk about spending money mass you do that well yes because it's people have stuff

on their registry that you be like girl now you know y'all not this classy no that's the real treat cause you have to like at home why are you

need these plates for? Yeah, you've been living with the guy for two years already. Why do you need a whole new set? Because we need new plates. You need new plates, but you don't need this. You don't need Prada plates. You know what I mean? Hey, we're going, we're, hey, we're spending a lot of money on this wedding. We need some, like, return.

No, I hear that. I hear that. Keep that same energy when you see my registry. Let me tell you that. If that's how your registry looks like, you better have an open bar. You better have an open bar. Cash bar and a high-end registry? Prison. Yeah. Yeah. that's rude. That's really unacceptable. Klarna should sponsor the whole thing

I feel like you're really jogging me for putting this Airbnb on Klarna. I just thought it was fun to have $600 stay in my account for a little bit longer. Hold on wait you know what I did drag let me give you something that I did last year went to Puerto Rico on Klarna. Yes! Wait wait

wait did not have the money I was waiting on three direct deposits three and I was calling them every day in Puerto Rico I've been there so you know

I called you yesterday do you have it today como se dice where's my money where's my money yeah if the gigs line up right and you're like

I'm making more money than I've ever made in my life but none of it's coming for the next three months you're broke yes you're cash poor talk about it

cash poor house poor cash poor that happens that happens and that was that was a little bit of what this is

I had the money but I was like because the thing is I did not have the money I just want to let you know I respect that I can't stress this enough I didn't have it

and then we said it at a show and the girls in the front judged the fuck out of me they were like then don't go on the trip to do what be in my room sad and turning up I'm going to be fake rich for my birthday exactly you girls go to hell

do you feel better now I feel better now I'm going to dog on net 45 again they'll be like you'll wait the 48 days I'll call my agent and my agent will be like they come back they said that their net 45

count started five days after it's like what are you talking about like they just it's yeah I signed a contract on this day or I did the job on this day where is

I'm like the federal government looking for my student loans I'm hunting people down I'm asking for money it's ridiculous you're Sally Mae I'm calling Sally Mae Sally Mae for your own money

if they're one day late on my payment I'm Sally Mae down oh you should I have all my student loan people when they call me on D&D it goes straight to voicemail yeah Delta Management

you are blocked you have multiple people I feel like they call me from a bunch of different numbers probably because I keep blocking them. Yeah, they'll do 9-1-7, 2-1-2, 3-4-7, Pennsylvania, all this shit. It's like, hey, babe, I'm dead. I'm not living anymore.

Please stop contacting me. You know what's messy about spending money? Rent. I got to pay all of this money to live here. How am I supposed to enjoy living here? Why does it cost so much to live and be an adult? Can I also say, maybe you guys will disagree with me on this. why are people paying the amount of money it costs to live in new york city to and then doing it

inside luxury buildings that you will like never want to leave like why are you paying so much money for this building that has like an arcade a library a pool a gym it's like then just live in that facility in connecticut like you're in the new york like the point is that it's everything around it like why are you paying seven thousand dollars a month for that one bedroom in that luxury building you could live in a nice apartment for four thousand dollars a month three thousand dollars a month and if we weren't like doing this and then if you wanted that luxury building you could just live in connecticut like live in a luxury neighborhood people in connecticut are not the same like you need to be in a building in new york to get that experience of new york even if

you're not really doing but they aren't new york people either and then they're not we're not getting that experience they're not new york people that live in those buildings no um they're like overland graduates yeah i went to a friend's house she lives in like a nice luxury building and I just spent the afternoon with them and I said damn should I move to Boston oh that's how you know it's crazy I said the building is nice oh wait was it Kanisha?

yes her building is nice it's so beautiful how's she thinking you should move to Boston I said Boston is cute tell them to check for a gas leak that's crazy the luxury building was so nice that it was like this is the life

but you need that in Boston because otherwise you're living in Boston. This is my point. I'm in New York. I don't need a luxury building. I'm in a luxury city. Well, no, you're not. This is not a luxury city.

This is the streets. We are literally in the streets. To me, that is culturally luxurious. Culturally luxurious. Culturally, yes, we are rich. Everything else, poor. So, therefore, if I could get a little doorman that's kind of sleeping,

yeah, it makes me feel better. Doorman has, like, safety. I'm talking about, like... It's never about safety, babe. I never feel secure about anybody who's at the front. Because let me tell you what they're doing. They are here. They are here.

Yeah, yeah. They are there. You're like, hey, I'm on the phone. I'm here for 12F. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I will say luxury building, package room. Package just won't get stolen.

We like that. That's not true because I am on my apartment's group chat on WhatsApp. And they're like, hey, do you know about this package? I get it every other. I said they're like always messaging like I think

someone took my package but then T UPS they be getting their apartments wrong and they just be dropping people's stuff

I had somebody's stuff I brought it right back down I said this is not mine I don't live in this building I live in the basement I found a building once the basement

you've been to my apartment no with the backyard you guys have been there yes you've been there it's cute well backyard

it makes it seem and it's got it's got windows it's not underground it's like it's whatever it's a garden garden

yeah yeah my point is I found a package on the fourth floor like your package my package oh yeah

they don't care no they'll put it anywhere how did you know it was up there my the super texted me he was like he was like

I think I saw him go upstairs I was like because I texted him be like where's this package and he was like he was like

he walked straight and went straight upstairs I went upstairs it was on the fourth floor oh you don't track him what do you mean track the guy no track like

when it says it's about to be delivered like you're right there MMM MMM when you they sometimes

they message you and be like hey your driver's coming make sure you don't have any pets or whatever sure sure I'm tracking

knowing they're coming right now I'm not tracking though I'm not tracking I'm not that diligent there's too many things going on I can't be on it

oh y'all busy okay cool that's great yeah I'm trying to keep track of all my karma payments even things coming out things are coming in

I gotta keep it tight the buzzers of my building aren't labeled so they just hit everybody's buzzer I also don't have a buzzer so it's like that's the

well you don't have a buzzer he was like I'm going upstairs with this box yeah now question are you spending more money online or are you doing

it in real time? I'm an in-person spender. It's all in-person. How retro. Talk about this because I'm not that. Oh, I'm all in-person. Where are you going to spend money? I'm going to, I mean we're entering the really dangerous season because again, we don't have

normal jobs. I can meet a friend for lunch. Oops, $120. You know what I mean? Oops. We had a cocktail, whatever. Oh, that restaurant is near a store we like. Oops, now I'm walking around New York City with a shopping bag. That feels fun. I want another shopping bag.

I want to have that fantasy. You know what I mean? It's like, oops, these bags are heavy. Gotta get a car. Gotta get a car. Yeah,

gotta get a car. But also, after a day of shopping, should we get another drink? Yes, we should. We gotta get another drink. Well,

the most fun, this is the thing, the most fun day in New York City is the day that accidentally just keeps going and going. Love it. That's when you know you're a real New Yorker.

That's the best feeling in the world is when you met up for plans at like 1230 and at 1230, you're still going and none of it was planned out beforehand. It's the best feeling in the world.

You will spend $1,100. Like, you will. You got to get the car home, drop the bags. Ooh, we made the reservation for dinner last minute and it's too soon. We got to get a car there. You know what I mean? Oh, we missed it.

We're 15 minutes late. They're having us wait. We're going to have a cocktail while we wait. Like, everything about it costs money. It's the best feeling in the world. It feels so fun. But sometimes you're not even going home. You're bringing the bags to the club.

That's why a coat check is very imperative. I've brought a shopping bag. When you got the Sephora, Zara, Mango combo. 100%. At 12.30 a.m.? I've gotten a drink at a bar where I know my friends are working so that I can coat check behind that bar in their storage room. You know what I mean? Not worry about it.

And then I'll go to the place I actually wanted to go to, come back at the end of the night to get my stuff. Yeah. But this is what we mean when we say New York is the best. The best city. This is a city where you can do that. You don't need to know anybody in New York, but you bump into one drunk girl in a bathroom. And now you have a whole adventure for the rest of the night. Absolutely.

You pump in like you. If you're out for if I'm out for drinks and I run into Melissa Rich, I'll see you. And I'll see you in 36 hours. You're going to Greece tomorrow. You're going. Do you know what I mean? You're taking out the lights. It's like you're getting on the plane.

You know, it's like. But that's the best. But that's New York. But that's spending money. And it's the best thing ever. And summer is the best season for that. Spring summer is the best season for that. Oh, yeah.

When it's warm out. I used to love we're black and we need light I used to love going to Balthazar, going there early you're in Soho, dangerous going to Intermix, dropping

a thousand dollars in cash everyone looking like, oh, are you a Rockefeller? it's crazy and then hopping and bopping around going to the club upstairs later on that night, still has your bags from Steven, Steven from Steve Madden y'all remember Steven

Steven y'all don't remember Steven Madden Steven was the upscale Steve Madden oh I didn't realize that I just always saw it as Steve Madden

nope it was Steven Steven Madden they spelled it with a skinnier S skinnier it's a very it was like

Steven Steven Steven you know the gay guy who worked there you work at Steve Madden no I work at Steven Steven

yeah different I actually work at Steven what's your biggest purchase recently I'm seeing Lady Gaga three times this year three times okay see when you you buried the lead when you said you were gonna see her in mexico city so you want to hear the gay math yes yes i text okay so i'm going with my friend alex right he lives in mexico city so he was like i'll handle getting the tickets like

whatever whatever okay i was like okay cool i had told him for the first ticket i was like i'm down to probably spend because like you know like when they're talking this was like after the cowboy carter tutor like went on sale like everyone's talking about ticket prices everything's like five six hundred dollars i was like i'm not doing that i was like i would love to spend like 250 oh okay like i'll maybe three you know what i mean because i'm like flying there whatever he texted he's like i got tickets 80 dollars where you guys are in the parking lot are y'all sitting on her bus no we're running the lights we're running the spotlights but um no but it's there's like a ga section behind the floor seating so he was like he was like yeah they

were 80 bucks and i was like perfect she announces it sells out she announces a second show the next night he was like i know from the first show that like the front section is only 300 i was like well we because we got the first night for 80 i can spend 300 on the second night and then i have a so you're gonna see her in the back for 80 and then in the front for three then you're getting a different view yeah okay that's full circle yeah okay and i also didn't see her on her last two or three tours because i was out of town because i couldn't see them so the money that wasn't spent on those is also going towards this so it's actually almost no money i'm spending yeah but now what's the third time you've seen her madison square garden because you have to

i'm a new yorker she's a new yorker i have to see her in new york and how much are those tickets 120 now where are you sitting for that so the shows at msg i'll be at barclays they're screaming no but it's i know it's like the last row like our seats are not good you're gonna be in the sky but msg's not that big msg's not that big like it's not it's not it's not met life it's not a stadium it's an arena right it's not a it's not a stadium it's not like but madison square garden is huge it's big and we're in the we were in the box or wwe and i still was like damn i i'm not i'm just watching this on tv yeah sure no i know you sorry i'm not trying to rain on your parade none of it's on clarna okay paid off front hey that was an hour ago i've moved on you are living

life you gotta let it go you gotta let it go let go and let karma no but i've spent probably in total six hundred dollars on gaga tickets but that's not bad but i know people that have spent people have spent six hundred on one show i said six hundred on three where are you sitting for beyonce what section you're on the floor how much you just spent four figures is it four figures yeah oh shout out to big money players Big money players Big money players for Becca The points though

That balances out So you only spend I would say you only spend 500 bucks Did you put Beyonce on Klarna? Some of y'all listening Put Beyonce on Klarna MX does not have layaway

Hush your mouth They do depending on your credit card Yeah they do Oh yeah pay What is it called? Pay later Pay next Hey guys

We've lost the plot Lost the plot of everything, just so you know. If you have an American Express card, you're not better than me. You still use layaway. Hey, that. Yeah. okay so I feel like

Lady Gaga that's worth it that's an experience you're gonna have photos you're gonna be a friend you're having a good time you're gonna feel her sweat on you maybe

do you want me like last I accidentally spent $450 on a light jacket. Like a windbreaker? Wait a minute. Let's unpack that sentence. First of all, accidentally spent $450 on a light jacket. You can do that.

Was it 4 a.m.? No, it wasn't 4 a.m. During the day you made this purchase? But can I explain why? I think you might understand. I think you might understand. In the 45 minutes directly after I got a really good, really long massage, I'm loopy

I'm dazed I'm loopy so you got a 45 minute massage hour and a half massage oh 90 minutes I hurt my neck I hurt my neck

I hurt my neck so you're literally unconscious with your phone in your hand when you got in person I don't do the online

here's what happened so you knew it was a light jacket you felt the fabric and I put it so here's the thing I leave the massage parlor

I'm I'm in my daze I'm like I got I got rubbed out I'm like really like I'm in that kind of like so you came no I did no happy ending okay no happy ending but like the oils are still smelling like I'm like in the days I go to a store I like near the massage parlor I see the guy working behind the counter he's the owner and he's one of the

designers and I'm like and I he's like he's the owner and designer and he's doing good or doing bad I don't know and he's working behind the counter it's like a small little boutique yeah it's just him no it's his a couple people that's why the jack is 450 yeah he's literally you're bang everything I love him but I oh you got the jacket because you were trying to flirt with him no so I'm like talking to him and I'm like oh my god this jacket's gorgeous I do love the jacket I'm like oh my god this jacket's gorgeous he's like I know we just got those in I'm talking I do this whole like rigmarole I try it on it fits perfect we do this whole show about how it's perfect it never once occurs to me to look at the price tag to see how much it is because then

I'll do the thing of like you know what I actually have something at home that looks just like like I can come up with something, whatever. So I bring, I just, I, in my little massage haze, I go up, he brings it up. And I also was like, oh, and I'll get my friend that hat. So he brings it up and he goes, he's like, he's like, all right, $5.25. And I have to like hold my face because at this point I can't be like, it's his shop. I can't be like, I can't be like, how much, you know? You absolutely can.

You know what? Bring back, bring back, how much? Yes, we need that. But also, I'm going to check the price before I decide if I love it. Normally I am, but I just, the blood flow was off. I had just been rubbed out too hard. It was just, I was not in the right headspace. I wear the jacket all the time.

Please send us a picture of the jacket for the photo dump. But let me tell you what could work, right? What's up? The owner was there. He's at the cashier register, right? You'd be like, I would love to, but I don't know. He's the owner. Discount.

If you really need this. Yeah, but this is the thing. I get in my headspace where I'm like, you know what? This is truly the mindset I had. I was like, I was like, I was a small business owner, queer owned. I'm doing this is a good ethical purchase. I believe in the business. Karma will come back to me.

Not black. Oh, yeah. No, that's not ethical for me. A white small business owner? Yeah. But I don't think about it like this. You're a small business. Yes, you are.

You are also queer. You also should get hooked up. So that can't stop. Okay, I'll wear it on stage. I'll write it off. Now it's a business expense. I mean, you should be writing your clothes off anyway. Well, sweetie, let's be serious.

You should write all that massage, too. Your juice is off. I didn't pay for those. Yes, please. Do you want the receipt? Do you want the receipt? I'll give it to you. I'll pass it right along.

Send me a screenshot. What's the last thing that you bought that you regret that you had to pay for? What was the last thing I bought that I regret? That you were like, ugh, actually. Ooh, that's a good question. What about you, Sydney? Oh, I bought, I went to this, I went to a sample sale recently and bought, like, I bought three pairs of pants, two of which objectively don't fit.

like I put them on now and I'm like these actually don't fit like I I was so excited by the discount and the whole like they're too big

one is one is too long and like I can hem it and I think they'll actually be cute like I just have to go to a tailor yeah but I've waited so long to get them hemmed

that now they're out of season they're like a winter pant so now I'm gonna have to do it for next year so whatever yes keep them or sell them I might

one pair is like it's just everything's wrong ass is wrong thigh is wrong everything about them is wrong I just don't understand what was happening

That's how the sample cell people get you. They get you. Because you're like, oh, my God, this is normally $9.90, and today I could get it for $100? Right, it was like normally $500, and it was like $120. And I was like, well, I have to. It's like they don't look good on your body. That's why they're in the sample cell, honey. That's why they're there.

They did a sample, and they said no. No. That's why it is. That's why they're doing it. It's like I don't learn. I know, but learning is hard. You know what? And then you become boring if you learn all your lessons.

No, you have to take risks. You got to do silly stuff. You got to take a nap in the Uber. Yes, you got to. I did not take a nap. I was up, honey. I had my eyes like this. You had a forehead on the window like.

Yeah, I was never going to sleep. But you know what I do regret sometimes? Sometimes I regret going out to dinner with people. Oh. Sometimes I really do because I'm not a foodie. And like I can get something that's so small that like it doesn't really cost that much. much and I'll be full, I'll be good but then I'll go

like, ooh, okay, so I went to dinner with Liza Traeger, so you already know. Liza knows how to go spend money. We should have called her for this. And she's picking places many dollar signs. Four dollar signs. Liza has

taste. I adore Liza. She does. Liza's not worried about what it costs. She's not checking the price tag. She's like, I want this, I need this, it's mine. I think that whoever invented clarinet was probably a fan of Liza and was watching how she's living and said, do you know?

But Lisa's not using Clarna, honey. No, she's not. She's spending every dime at that moment. No, she's killing it. We go. Literally.

Yeah. I forgot. We went to the steakhouse. Somebody canceled on her and she's like, hey, you want to go to the steakhouse? So she had already planned

to spend this money. Not me. I wasn't ready, but I said, you know what? I love friendship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I a steak lover?

Maybe. We get there. Listen, we get in crab cakes. Okay. We get in, We're getting oysters Okay

I think we I think we got like Like the shrimp cocktail She's getting You know drinks She's getting I think martinis Yeah I mean it's a steakhouse

You're getting a martini And we're getting sides And what not We're doing a surf Cream spinach We're doing a surf and turf Yeah We're doing a surf and turf

Hey Her steak Her steak is pretty much like Like her Her steak is talking Lisa Call me next time This is how I like to go

Yeah No She has to go with you Lisa call me we'll be there you like steak and all this this is how I want to live my life I love a steakhouse

I don't want to think about what the price is anymore I just want to do it oh yeah I wasn't thinking about the price oh the check case girl it is Tuesday I'm not celebrating a damn thing this is just how you do well you know

everything's so good it's melting in our mouths and I was like yeah that was Lisa That was Lisa. You know, we had one of these. And then, you know, that has to go with that. And you know what? You know what?

I did have two extra drinks. So you know what? I'm going to get the drinks. And I'm like, yeah, every time. And then it's like, Sydney, you just sold 425. Yeah, that's it. Wow. Oh, I love when a friend is at dinner and they just saw how I, like,

moved some stuff around. They're like, you know what? I got it. Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, that's the best. Yeah.

And then after you hear that, you know what? I'm just going to take it. Can I say, I don't know if you guys agree with me, I'm in, I'm like, if I'm out to dinner with like a large group of people and like the vast majority of the, of the drinks, of the check was drinks and there's one sober person at the table, I'm usually like, let's just cover them. It makes the math easier. Speak up.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, you probably, I'm like, I'm like, they're what they paid for in like dealing with our drunk asses, I think kind of covers like the fact that like I had four martinis, like I can cover your spinach dip or whatever you got. And a martini is like $22. $22. Like, yeah. They don't speak up for us. If I don't say anything,

oh, they be like, yeah, we're all splitting. And I'm like, I had two ginger beers, friend. This is not the same. Cindy be like, um, yes. That's crazy.

I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. I'm usually like, let's just cover the sober. If we can afford to be this irresponsible with ourselves, let's be responsible for them. Thank you.

All right. Let's, yeah, let's, that's living. That's not mess. I mean, if you order like two lobster tails and go crazy, maybe it's a different conversation. But like, I think if you're like

ordering a normal amount, if I'm a sober person, Do you think I'm ordering two lobster tails? I don't know. Maybe a lobster claw? Yeah. Like, claw? But, oh, wait, Marie, what was that place that we went to that I did order X?

Like, did we get, I forgot what I ordered extra something. But it was like, oh, damn, that was good. What's that place we went to? Oh, we had extra corn. The Midtown place. I thought you were going to say, like, caviar. No, no, no. It's really good.

Sydney went crazy on the corn. It's like corn ribs. It's corn ribs. Oh, the esquites. They're so good. And I was like, Reed, do you want to get, should we get another one? I was like, yeah. And I was like, dang, Sydney, you got a big back.

Shut up. No, the corn is good. And then the corn came and I was like, let me just see them. Yeah, the corn was good. Should we do a messages? Oh, yeah, let's read a message. The people have something they would like to say. And let's read what it is.

Damn, I've got to make a payment on my credit one bank. God damn it. How much? Yeah, damn. Is that a credit card? That's a credit card? Yeah. Yes.

That's tough. That's tough. I thought she was dragging me and be like, that's a credit card? No, I didn't know what you said. No, could you imagine? What's credit one? Yo, I was out with some gay guys. Honestly, I don't know what credit one is.

They accepted me and I said, sure. And I put in my information and they gave me, my credit limit was $500, but that's okay. That's fine. That's $500. that's a lunch with lisa yeah i was out with some gay guys who i'm not like i was in a group of gay guys that i don't know a ton of them all that well and like it just was like kind of how the shuffle happened one day we're in a store and one of them goes to pay he pulls out his credit card and the other one goes oh plastic oh we're plastic shaming can you believe a credit card yes oh

because it has to be hard it has to be like metal like a tin that's rude no it's very rude not Everybody has the Capital One Platinum card. That is hard. I do have a hard one. But I also have a lot of plastic as well. So the person who pulled out the plastic card, was it Discover? Oh, that's really what it is. If it's Discover, you shut it down.

Or is it Dining Dollars? Wait, what's that? Sounds like your meal plan at school. Yes, it's Dining Dollars. Those are that. Or the Visa gift cards. Yo. The Visa gift cards.

I heard the scammers are using that. I heard the scammers are using people's cards, getting the gift cards, and that's how they're going around because it's not connected to anybody. Yeah, they're also clearing out on Cash App. My debit card got hacked two weeks ago. On Cash App? Yeah. For how much? Well, I opened my bank account, and I had 14 Cash App charges all for a dollar.

And I was like, what is this? And I called my bank, and they were like, they get your account, and then they do a bunch of $1 charges so that they don't get flagged for fraud, and then they do a big charge. So they were like, shut it down now before they do the big charge. You stopped them before the big charge. Good for you. And they sent me the $14 back. $14. But then they sent me my debit card back.

Do you have an audio clip? Ooh. We have an audio. Let's put our headphones in. Oh, okay. Someone called us. Wow. I know.

I'm so excited. I hope it's good. We have no idea. Hi, Miss. Okay. So friend A was planning a birthday dinner for friend B. friend A texted and says let's move

the dinner to lunch does that work with you it kind of didn't work but I said yes anyways already bad and then I find out later that friend A who was planning the birthday was trying to get into this speed dating event

that friend B whose birthday it was also was trying to get into it was going to get accepted into this event for some reason and friend A moved birthday dinner to birthday lunch because she got into the speed dating event that friend B

birthday friend did not get into. Is this mess? Oh. Oh. Okay. Jake, tell us. Is this messy or is this just living? Mess. Mess. Mess. Mess.

Because my first thought is if it's the nightmare, I think it is is the getting in based on looks oh you call friendly ugly like did they say friend bees doesn't have the face for it and you still are gonna go you say you also didn't get in if your friend says that they didn't get in to something because like they weren't told they were pretty enough you can't say you got in do but do you still go if it's far enough away from the house maybe but what if you it's speed dating it's speed dating what if you meet the person that you end up dating and then you have this friend where you're like where did you meet and you're

like um hinge um yeah it's gonna come out the lot trader joe now can you pass can a give it to b because it's b's birthday no you you just didn't get accepted yeah it's not allowed you just damn that's crazy but you know you might meet the love of your life at the speed dating event but you can't move but it's moving your friend's birthday dinner for a thing that your friend wanted to do but couldn't was not allowed so how is the friend

getting in anyway now well I guess the friend was going to move the birthday dinner yeah but my thing is first of all it's a mess to switch the dinner to lunch

I don't want a birthday lunch I don't want a birthday lunch it was a mess the second they said that that would hurt my feelings that's something you do with an agent I'm going to birthday lunch

with an agent I'm not going with a lawyer I'm not going with my friend with my mom yeah how dare you you're not celebrating me while the sun's up

that's really offensive absolutely not the sun is not my girl you're supposed to be my friend that's yeah I think it's mess all around one with the lunch

two with the fact that it's moving I think it's tacky to move something like to move a thing that you planned for something you would rather do

it's like no you designed this you created this it's your responsibility do you know what I mean Marie would you do that what would you do you gotta postpone

the speed dating to the next the next time they do it would you do that Marie first of all I'm not planning anything for a group you know I don't like planning

I'm not a group planner would you guys go to a speed dating event for the story yeah we need jokes yeah we need bits what do you mean

why not host a speed dating event yeah what's up uglies we got 60 seconds you get 60 seconds to find love when I was in Seattle

they were doing speed dating in the hotel I was staying in did you go no because it was already it was like halfway through when I got there and I was like what's going on

they were like you can't join it'll mess up the numbers it was also straight it was like straight speed dating so I wasn't gonna so how straight was it that's the twist

halfway through they throw in a man Temptation Island Ladies, every man you just flirted with is going to go on one date with a man and see how they feel. I would do that in a heartbeat. The girls are like, what? It's like traitors, but there's one gay amongst all the straights. I think they've done something like this before.

And it got shut down immediately. They did it. I remember when they did it. It was the bachelorette. Half the men were secretly gay. Half were straight. And if she picked a straight guy, great, you fell in love with a straight guy. if you picked a gay guy

he got like $100,000 or like money yeah he got money and she was absolutely heartbroken and devastated because she fell in love

with a gay guy and he hated himself because he like fucked with this woman for money and it was really bad yeah but he got all that money

think of all the clarinas he don't have to do now he did that for the community are you kidding this was in like 2002 he won $10,000

and he bought a house with it like that's like yeah yeah he was it was a different time he was in a luxury building in New York

yeah that he owns yeah he got it on the ground floor he bought a loft in Williamsburg in 2002 I love it I think it's important

to you know Sydney what would you do if that was oh you know my friends come first so I would babe you can't go

to the speed dating thing yeah I wouldn't go I would be like you can't go yeah but again she might meet the love of her life

that day it doesn't matter girl not today you gonna find something else it's gonna happen for you it's just not here

and not today not on my birthday let's go not on my watch not on my watch It's just not happening. It's like, to go is one thing. I wouldn't even tell my friend I got in.

Do you know what I mean? I would lie and say I got rejected. Well, after the lunch, the birthday person is probably like, what else is on the agenda for today? Of course. It's your birthday. It's an all-day thing. We just said the tumble of the plans. It's the best feeling in the world.

Right. And now friend A is like, I have a thing. What thing? Yeah. So if you got into something. Based on looks? like would you but would you still go but you're assuming it's based on looks what's what it's dating what else could be based on maybe her personality popped more on the application

she wrote a better essay she wrote a better entrance exam she sent the legally blonde uh video okay yeah if you think that you got in because of your act scores then maybe go but if you think it's based on looks if it's on a headshot like you can't tell your friend that You got in and they didn't. But would you still go? Even if there's no birthday, would you go? Just be dating. Again, depends on how far it is from my house.

If you could run into them on the way, if it's in the neighborhood, if this is a small town. Jake, you're going. Don't give me this bullshit. I would maybe go. No, you're going. You're absolutely going. Yeah, I'm probably going. I don't care as much.

It depends. Like, did I take a nap? Like, how long is it going to take me to get ready? I don't know. Sure. I don't know. A lunch is just not sexy. I would never do a birthday lunch.

And also, the person who called in said, they asked if it works. It doesn't really, but they said yes. So, nobody can actually even really make it to the lunch. Yeah. Wait, and you don't, like, oh, sorry, I'm going to be 15 minutes late and have to leave it, too. Like, that's, everything about that's bad. I hate when people have a hard out, but they show up late. Ooh.

Oh, wow. I do stay with a hard out, and I'm never going to, I have a loose end. Yeah. A hard out and a loose end. It's really upsetting because it's like, girl, you know that you have to be here at a certain time. Yes, but it took me a long time to leave. I have anxiety. I do the same thing.

I do it at shows. I'm like, hey, so, yeah, I'm going to need to get up there at 9. Show starts at 8. I got to get out at 9. Show starts at 8. I'm asking you to go up early. I'm getting there at 8.42. I'm like, I have to actually be out of here by 9.

so I should be on stage I used to make the mistake with my show that I run I used to make the mistake of telling people like well it starts at 7.30 but we really start at 7.45 watch not a single person

show up until 7.55 I was like hard start at 7.30 yeah doors at 7 starts at 7.30 they're still gonna show up at 8 they're still gonna be there

at 8 I don't know I think you do this long enough and you realize the time that it says it starts is not the time that it starts it never does and it's not always

because of us sometimes the house is not all the way full but Marie maybe if you thought that it started on time you would still you would still be ladies

I don't know I don't know what to do we take you as you are you know I am very lucky I'll see you deliver once you arrive that's it

I'm ready to go when I get there it's not like I'm like I need time to warm up I'm ready to go from the door like with my bag on I'm like

what's up like y'all use karma in here what up uglies you broke bitch like that yeah I heard there were

poor people in here we need to get you we need to get you hosting a speed dating event like immediately oh sure I think that would be phenomenal. I would do it and I would drag them

and then they would laugh and they'd be like, oh, I hate skinny black girls. And they'd be like, oh, me too. That's a match. A number of matches will go up. Wow.

This was fantastic. Jake. This was fun. Jake, where can the people follow you? You can follow me at Jake W. Cornell and you can check out my tour dates at punchup.live slash jakecornell. I'm coming to

Provincetown for Provincetown Pride and staying for a week to do shows there's a guy who owns a duck oh my god he has to come

to your show the duck is called Donnie I have to message him you want a duck at my show yes the duck wears a necklace and Sidney's obsessed

it has an anklet it's a cute it's a cute duck it won't make a lot of noise how do you know it won't make a lot of noise and then they get on stage and you guys can like

wave I just think me trying to post clips and people being like is there squawking in the laughter Yes, and I bet you it'll go viral. I bet you.

It'll put you on the map, friend. Duck heckles. Comedian heckled by duck. I'm coming to the UK and hopefully Europe in the fall, so get me there. Let people know, you know, maybe what your next big purchase is or the next thing you're going to spend some money on before we go. Oh, we're packing light for Mexico City to do some shopping while we're there. I'm going to do some clothes shopping for the summer in Mexico City in a big way.

Sydney, what's the next thing you think you're going to spend a chunk of change on? I don't want to spend any money. I want to be gifted. So that's a manifesting gifting. Curtains for Sid. We said that. Yeah, gifting sweets for Sid. Yeah, I deserve.

Gifting sweets for Sid. Okay, guys. Make sure that you send us your mess and keep reviewing us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. See you at all the live shows. Bye. Bye. mess with sydney washington and marie faustin is a production by will ferrell's big money players and iheart radio podcast created and hosted by sydney washington and marie faustin executive

produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588 you you Thank you.