MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Let's Talk About It

Episode Date: August 9, 2019

We're back for another solo ep this week. We get real, we get wet, and then we get dry. This episode has it all.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

we are here wow we're here we're queer we're here and we are queer and we're gonna be a little bit mean this year no i want to i want to step back i don't want to be mean no more you can have it everybody can have it i don't want to be mean anymore i just want to be a good nice person okay so what steps are you gonna take to be a nice person let's talk about it I think I just technically can't be a nice person anymore. I think that I've gotten to the age where I'm just set in my shit and I'm just like, I'm not going to do more than I'm supposed to anymore. You're going to do the bare minimum? I'm just not going to go out of my way like that anymore.

It's just too much. Yeah. It's like I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I have my own shit going on and before like I don't know four years ago I could dedicate more time to helping

out friends or being there or Oh you reclaiming your time? Yeah I just don't have it I don't have it anymore and I think that's the cool thing about getting older is you become aware of what you no longer have time for things that you no longer gonna entertain

right? Like I feel like when we're younger we wanna please everybody, you wanna be friends with everybody you want to be out all the time and then you get a little bit older and you're like actually I'm going to stay home tonight and I feel good here or you're like this person doesn't bring anything of value

to my life so I'm not going to call them because they only talk about themselves for an hour you know oh oh oh I mean I don't feel like that with us I feel like it's very balanced but it's also like I mean

we just I have too many comedian friends you gotta dump some of them funny friends no it's just like we're very like into ourselves and very narcissistic and you know we're always performing and it's always a bit and it's always and it's just like yeah people who are

not in this they just are there better they can be there for you because this is their night this is their thing like they're into you but in comedy we can't necessarily be as obsessed with each other because I'm like I'm trying to be obsessed with myself, bitch.

Okay, okay. I am my own biggest fan. Yeah. Truly are. Truly are. Yeah. I don't know. This week was rough for me, though.

I don't... I don't know. I... Yes. We have to be our own biggest fans, but also we're our own harshest critics, too. Because we are with ourselves all the time, right? And I have nothing but time to sit in my brain, right?

So, you know, I have some shows, And I am somebody who is very good at not being prepared for stuff because that's kind of what my brand is. It's like, well, I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. And I have been lucky enough that like that sustained me for this long. I just like I don't really be ready, but like it works out and like I'm funny enough and I'm pretty enough and I'm mean enough and I'm blah, blah, blah enough. but like this week I half-assed it

for like most of the shows that I was on and it was very obvious and I don't like how I feel but I also don't want to be in this cycle that I'm in right now for much longer like I can't. Yeah Marie text me some shit I was like do you need me to call you

right now like I'll leave my colleagues and call you she just didn't sound like herself I was like what is going on? I feel like a crazy person I was like is this insanity that I'm still doing this thing that I've been doing for like the last six, six and a half, six years. You know what I mean?

It's just like, this is not, like I want to do something else. I want to grow. I want to keep making money, but I also want, I feel like I'm not challenging myself because I'm not, I'm not. It's not challenging for me to do comedy because I'm not really trying that hard.

Does that make sense? Yeah. Like I'm not fully committed to it. I've never fully been committed to any job I've had. So, like, if I stop doing comedy, I ain't got no skills. You have skills. I can't go anywhere else. I can't get an office job.

Marie, you have skills. I think that it's true about applying yourself. And that's the crazy thing about being at this job is, like, you need to write jokes. Like, we are funny people. But to write a joke is an actual skill. And it's not easy. And I try every fucking day. And I be in these pitch meetings like, oh, here's a joke.

You know, I do like four or five jokes and it'll be topical and it's stuff that I don't care about. And that's what's so annoying is I have the opportunity to do jokes about stuff that I care about. And I still half-ass that shit, too. And it's just like you have to be passionate regardless because it's going to get you to the next thing. And people can tell when you half-ass, when you don't really put the effort. Like I had 20 minutes on a show last night. sis when I tell you I went in there like

it was like and you did what you needed to do or you thought you had enough prepared and then you were like I still have time they were looking like yeah some of this is funny

but a lot of this is unprepared cause you're like working on new stuff and you're like trying to get thoughts together and you're like yeah but I could've I could've done that

so the next show I went to I was doing my set list I was actually trying to write stuff out and I was like take your time what are you actually saying and then the next show

it was like fucking fantastic it was only eight minutes it wasn't 20 so of course i'm gonna grand slam that yeah but it is truly about applying yourself and i just to have the drive is so annoying because i'll be at work and i'm like damn what the fuck are they working on like oh it looked like they like it and they don't but it's just you just have to get yourself in that wheel of okay this is this is writing this is a joke this is comedy this is work blah blah blah and i'm like i i want to get there that's how you grow you know what i mean that's how you sell something you can't you can't sell something on the first try you gotta like rewrite so you gotta fucking know how to write and so which is all stuff that this is all stuff that that i know

this is all stuff that we know but like also it's like i don't know like when i had that when i had that show on vice it was that was what my job was i had a thing that i was doing monday through thursday i knew what my day was right and then fridays i had off that was the first day of the week that i would take the subway i was like look at all these poor people taking the train like that was my week and then that was 12 weeks of my life and i had a taste of oh i can make money as a funny person i and i don't have to be in a bar or the back room of some theater blah blah blah like all night making people laugh that i don't know yeah i'm on tv with only seven people watching but like i wasn't i wasn't thinking like it's i wasn't proving

myself to people that i could see does that make sense yeah so coming out of that and then having to get back into comedy was a little bit rough for me because I was like I don't really want to be here but like it's like an ends to a mean a means to an end whatever I don't even know what both of those things mean so then when I was in Europe for them three weeks I wasn't

on stage I wasn't doing comedy and then I came back here. You were living your fucking life and having things to talk about I mean. Pray ho but I'm back here and I'm not really talking about the stuff that happened to me when I was gone. Okay. I've talked about like a couple things on stage but I'm not

using everything that happened to me in Europe. That's not what my material is about. Okay, so what else happened that we don't know about? I'm just saying, all I'm talking you've seen the set that I've been doing since I've been back. I'm talking about the dude in the wheelchair and I'm talking about the dude whose car got declined. You know what I mean? So

but a bunch of other things happened and I just, I don't I don't know. I did a show the other day and the crowd wasn't really reacting to me the way that I felt like I needed them to. And I was like I don't care about these people and they don't care about me like why am i here did you say that on stage no i thought that so loud in my head that i thought i said it out loud but it's like like what like what is the

purpose of this for me the purpose for me the purpose has always been do comedy until it turns into something else yeah right because i'm i'm not in it i'm not in it stand up forever like i'm not trying to be on my uh uh my kevin hart i'm trying to be on my eddie murphy do it pop never come back come back for after 25 years of not doing it make 70 million dollars like that goals so i don't know i just feel like a hamster on a wheel that's what this is what this week has felt like to me like sis this is what we doing still this well no i mean you're you're do you have a show tonight and so the shows that you were the reason why you said yes to the shows is because you were like oh let me kind of be prepped for like but but and i know then you wrote me that you're like i don't

Yeah, but I don't know if I spoke to you or to Carolina about this. When they were asking me to do the show, I didn't want to do it. And I kept letting the dates that they were sending me go away. And they'd be like, oh, it's already booked. And I'd be like, oh, darn. And then they would just give me new dates to come. And I was like, I don't want to go. And Carolina, I thought it was you, but Carolina was like, you should just go.

You're going to have a good time. You've done that theater before. You're going to have a good time. and I was like I'm not really forcing myself to do this longer you talk about 20 minutes less than it to do 45 minutes or an hour and it's like but I don't really

like I'm not even in love with comedy right now and now I gotta do this thing that I don't really want and it's like but sis what else you gonna do you gonna sit home it's not like you got something else to keep you busy that's what happened to me I truly I was I had booked that

thing for Boston and Could you do an hour? Yes. And I was like, oh, I'm going to get on a, I'm going to get a ride. And then my job was like, oh, you got to be at work. So I spent my money to take a plane to Boston. I remember that. Stupid.

Like, I couldn't believe, I was like, do I love standup this much? But I was like, oh, I don't want to be that person that cancels. And I do actually want to work on all this new material. Right. I get on the plane. I'm on the plane. I was like, this is so dumb. like out of all the decisions that you make this is stupid like why are you spending your pay

to come there so then you spent the money that they're paying you to perform to get there so then i'm there and i'm like writing out all the stuff that i want to talk about i'm like is this important like what is this what am i saying what what is funny about this this is what i'm writing out and i was like oh this is this gonna go bad this is gonna be a bad set i don't even know and then how was the show and then i got up there and honestly fucking one of the best sets i've had and i was like oh well because i was like i have to apply myself yeah when i just go up there and i'm gonna wing it with no purpose then yeah it's gonna be bad and i think that's just like life in general like when i was waitressing i was doing the same thing and i was making money and it was

if it looked like it was good but what am i doing what is my purpose what am i here for and so but that's such a real question yeah right every day you get up and you have 24 hours and what are you doing in them 24 hours like for me since i got back not really that much right because i don't have a day job and if i have stuff to do throughout the week it's so spread out that most of my days i'm just like essentially what is my purpose yeah like not all some like sad like suicidal type stuff just like sis like you just this whole what did you do today right is your whole day this show that you're doing tonight for these people that aren't even really engaged with you right now like that's what i've been feeling this week and it's like i've just got

to find some hobbies or like some type of creative outlet where i can learn something or like just grow as a human being because the because at the end like if i died tomorrow yeah it'd be like that was the last week of my this past week was the last week of my life i didn't even do anything right but i was out every day quote unquote doing stuff but like i didn't actually do anything so but i do feel like again we're very hard on ourselves because there's like months where it's like oh we're working working working with no no time no time to ourselves no time to think and so it's okay to to be in the moment and say hey i'm not really doing much something is going to come but you have to work towards what's that next thing and so

when you're saying hard as a comic yeah because you know it's freelance i work for myself right and some of the people that i'm like they're not that good but they working for themselves and that's why they are where they are and so whenever somebody's like ah that person's not funny or not talented it's like nigga they went they did something to get to where they are that you don't just get it they're not funny they're not talented well they're working what were you doing while they were not your unfunny ass is sitting here with me so or your funny ass is sitting here with me right i mean so i think i do think that we individually are together we need to do more shows that's for our people because then that is a purpose you are going out and working on stuff

that's like oh these people are coming out for us so it's gonna it's gonna go it's a it's a hit Yeah. And so when like people go on tour, like two friends go on tour and they go to these different shows. I mean, for the most part, they're like half of the people are going to be for them. So even half if half of the room is there that who genuinely like you, you already are doing something that feels like, oh, this is working. Right. I know some comedians who will not go to shows because they're like, I don't need that energy. which is good that's self-care sis if i like if i know that i'm gonna show up somewhere and it's the the host is gonna be like not able to keep the crowd together the crowd's not gonna be into what i'm saying it's gonna be a rowdy kind of unruly situation i'm just yeah look i can't

make it out i'm a triple book tonight yeah look i where'd you say queens yeah i'm not gonna make the queens tonight but this is why i think the podcast when i asked you guys on the instagram where y'all are from we need to know that so we need to know where we can go yeah because like we got people in arizona we got straight married white ladies in arizona we got lesbian black women in texas we got people in all our holes in all our holes in toronto a bunch of hoes in toronto but we got people in st louis and and in miami like so we need to know where y'all are so when we do decide to do a show we know that we're going there with a purpose yeah and we know that we're going to be talking to our people a lot of times we go out and do these shows as comics and

it's like these people don't know us they they're there maybe for somebody else or maybe for the host or maybe for the venue or blah blah blah but you know for the most part comedy is something that i enjoy doing but this past week i was like ah this is this sucks yeah but again um when i watch people who like just accelerate when they people come out you're just constantly getting people who are obsessed with you or like obsessed with your work that helps you and your confidence it feeds into your crazy yeah it feeds your crazy but hey i'm here i got fans i'm here for the craze let's go merch merch i i mean i love it i mean the fact that everybody has been hitting us up in the last three weeks

it felt great I was like look at the pod just just jump starting another career okay and everybody has a podcast now

I know you've seen everybody okay I'm laughing at everybody who thinks I'm talking about the podcast oh my god your palm trees

those so shady palm trees anyway so that's what my week was you went to Boston you had this awesome show that you thought was gonna go badly

and then you took The bus back? I took the, I took the, my humble ass took the bus back and then I'm sitting there and I'm just like thinking about like, yeah, what, what else? And, and so this week I've just been like, damn, what are you really good at? You know, people. Did you make a list? I did not make a list, but I definitely, the top three things is that like, cause I had

a evaluation at work too. Cause like a check-in. How did that go? hey you're valued here like you work well with others like your perspective matters like you're needed all those things are great

is there a but? there's no but but there's no but but but there's no but but but but but I don't trust people in the industry I don't trust anybody because

I've seen like with my bare eyes someone not laugh at someone's whole shit and then they come off and say you were great what bitch how how do you fix your lips to say some shit like that you're a liar

and so I just I just don't trust when y'all come up to us after a show I'll be like it's real we believe y'all when they hit us in the DM's and be like Andrew needs a mic I'm like they fuck with Andrew they fuck with the producer

they want him they want him to talk yeah they're engaged Andrew didn't you feel some type of way when they were like we need Andrew on the mic oh my god

it's just so great I love it yeah because I loved engaging with you guys for the past like few months and just like

to get that response to be given a microphone an honor an honor but the honor is is that hey man you fucking come in here

and deal with this craziness every week so like it's an honor Saturday mornings Saturday it's great for you to come in

yeah people don't realize Because we record the podcast on Saturday mornings. Yeah. And then we upload them on Friday mornings. So the fact that you even get this energy from us, it's insane. That's how you know we're professionals. Professionals. But yeah, I just, you know, I see a lot of people on DHBO.

They like selling stuff. They doing things. It's like, hey, man, I want to get to that too. But you can't do that unless you're not in your way. Yeah, you got to get out of your own way. And as black women, you know, it's we hot right now, but very trendy, very trendy. But you you have to be a certain type to even get as far as you think you can get. You can go.

Interesting. It's weird. You got to be a certain type of black woman to get to where you think you got to go. I mean, I'm not going to say what's going on, but, you know, there was a festival. I mean, it sounds like you don't say what's going on. you might as well and I was like the gay women

that they picked I was like that's a specific gay what gay women what festival you talking about we gonna need some details sis

I'll talk about it I'll talk about it on the page offline offline but I will say me my type of gay

is not as like accepted because I don't look gay I look a certain way you present as like a straight

feminine female yeah is what you're saying and the things that I talk about not the same and it's just it's annoying you know

I all every time I get on stage I have to prove myself three times that I'm a black woman that I'm queer and also about my depression

it's a lot of stuff that I have to like you have to prove that you're black enough and gay enough and depressed enough yep absolutely

wow yeah you think that that's not what audiences are thinking about but if they're not in love with you like we said that this is what's going through people's yeah but i mean i went to some shows last week and the audience doesn't necessarily have to

love you though sometimes they if they hate you enough they'll laugh like i there are comedians that are not uh uh revered because they're lovable they're like mean like like liza not Liza Minnelli who Lisa what's her face this is a comedian yeah she like her and like Joan Rivers and all these people like they built their careers on just being like mean mean witty smart women you know what I mean people some people like that you don't have to be lovable for people to like you Marie I know but this week I think I was too mean on stage because I just was over it so I was up there like just like this one particular show where where I was like why am I here in my mind I was like

I was like oh I sound real angry what'd you say I was like I gotta I was doing my set it just was

and I was working on some new stuff that I had just written so I was trying to remember it I don't know it was bad you had one show

that changed your whole life no the whole week I'm telling you is how I like I just been like like what is this

like what's the next level of my career you know like what's next well as a friend let's get to writing this as a friend

And and I mean, Andrew can attest to this, like you undeniably are hilarious off the fly. I haven't seen people just be so on it like ever. You're always on it. And so it's not like you're not capable of being the best that you you're remarkable. And so that's a good word. Thank you so much. Yeah. And and just it's like effortless.

So I think that's where it comes from. it's like well sis it just comes out you know right but i need to i need to channel that yeah you're just doing some work you're just like you just got it and you look the way you do bitch your feet are not ugly i don't have it this week i'm telling you it is it is crazy to sit here sometimes and just like see like the guests feed you something and in a half second come up with like that like your responses are just like constantly on point yay andrew that was a good response that was on point yes uh thank you of course beautiful words that you guys are saying and i and i know all this to be true i just i gotta i have to apply myself in a different way

yeah this is is all the thing is is that acting do we do we want to act we like i don't have that drive i i don't i didn't grow up loving any of that i want to watch it but that's not me per se and then every time i go into an audition or thinking about acting i like turn into a different person yeah because it's like not uh a skill set that that we have naturally because you gotta learn how to act yes uh and there are people that were going in on these same auditions with that have been acting for years yeah you know they went to a conservatory Yale School of Drama or whatever

and then we show up and we're just like yeah I'm a comedic performer and it's like nah you just memorized some words and now you think

you're acting you know but yeah and it's like and that's why I like started writing this bit about how

I love actors but I would never trust them like I would never be their friend like their close friend it's cause you are

professional at being other people you don't what is you you spend if you spend like three months on like a character

that's you now like so how and you can cry and evoke emotions and all this shit on a whim yeah but not all actors is doing this sis

I said great actors I'm not nah I don't trust great actors somebody that I'm like I see them on screen I'm like

oh that bitch nailed it to the T I can't I can never be your friend this is what you're saying while you're watching Viola Davis rip her wig off

i will never be her friend i will stand from afar love you viola from here from here no yeah that's far enough okay thank you yeah but like zoe kravitz i'll be her friend i mean oh wait wait so i shot an episode of her show on hulu oh they invited me to the like the cast party or something i have a show that night so i'm not gonna probably go right but like if you know i'll rzp with a plus one we can go hang out with zoe and you can be like we're gonna be friends sis i'll see you i don't know i didn't see big little lies season two you haven't seen it no do you watch it i watch it and it's just like y'all are like reaching so like the first season was so effortless and i was based on a book yeah they all they had to do was write do what the the author wrote and then they

were like, well, we're going to remix it and do something else. I don't know. It's forced to the T. No, well, the original author did write the second season, like a manuscript that they adapted. But then, once they got Meryl Streep on it, they were like, we got to do it. That's what I think happened.

But Zoe Kravitz is absolutely going to get an Emmy nom for that. For the second season? Yeah, she was fantastic in the second season. You need to check it out. I'm going to say no. Sidney said, but she digressed. Wait, you didn't see it? Wait, are you up to date? I'm up to date.

And I feel like maybe they're not giving her character enough. He thinks she was amazing and he's going to get a nomination for an Emmy for it. She's done indie films that are better. What indie films? She's done indie films where she's like a prostitute. She like murdered someone. I think I started watching that on a plane. And it was that I've seen her act.

this is not her best acting i thought she was great phenomenal i'm gonna say no but see that's the thing about being an artist is you can do something and y'all just proved this point and you and one person receives it and it's like this is amazing incredible you're so great at your job and then there's that other person it's 99 people in the room and one person doesn't like it acting is it's you truly have to transform and like the greatest people in in the acting world they can get a script that's shitty and and make it their own and they make it better than what it is that's greatness just acting like yeah like what like what i'll be doing yeah and that's what i think zoe is doing like even where like her facial

expressions it's just it's not hitting with me she'd just be coasting i don't know because like she was like hardly in the first season she was really sort of a background player yeah kind of yeah yeah but then in the second season and i see she's a main you know what she's absolutely i mean like she's the they bumped her up to uh uh co-star well i think she was recurring character her people her people fought for that they were like if you want zoe well at the end of first season no shit she's going to be at the top of second season. Yeah, of course. Maybe number three on the call sheet

because they're not putting Zoe's name above Nicole Kidman. I'm sorry. Or Meryl Streep. I'm seeing Meryl Streep in this and it's like she had time. She had time. She did have time. I don't feel, I know she's great, but she's not giving me Meryl.

She's not giving you Miranda Priestly. She's giving me, I'm in here. Y'all know what it is. I don't need, I'm like. She's here for her chick. Were you blown away by any performances in the show? For the second season Yeah

Well who did Who did you like For the first season Everybody Everybody Everything made sense How about Adam Scott In the second season

Adam Scott He plays Reese Witherspoon's Husband Oh the husband Yeah I don't mean I don't really care about him He's involved Because his shit is like

Fucked up Yes Damn alright well There's so much invested In where his emotions Can come from Because one he's a man And he's probably like

Yo if this happened to me In real life I would love for the season To end and he killed her. She got to die. She'd be rude to him. She is.

She's so annoying. Yeah. And she's like not appreciative. Reese Witherspoon? No. In the show. Reese Witherspoon, no,

but she plays annoying really well. She does. She must be annoying in real life. See, that's why. The perfect amount of annoying

in Legally Blonde. Instagram? I do not, but I feel like she's entertaining. The gifs on her stories, it's just too much. Also, her name is Reese Witherspoon.

Witherspoon. Witherspoon. But the name sounds irritating. It's like, oh, hi. Hey, guys. Warner, I go to Hartford now. What? Like it was hard?

I mean, I like Legally Blonde, so, you know, no shade. But, you know, with a name like that, of course you're going to be irritating. Yeah, so that's why, I mean. You don't trust actors. If they're really, really good. If they're really good, it's just like, how can you break it down and be a normal person? I think I told the story about how I hung out

with Denzel Washington yes tell it again because it's new people here oh yeah we were at Cipriani's I'm like name of names how did you meet

Denzel Washington I met him through another friend I'm not going to mention well you don't have to say that friend's name but yes so Sidney has famous friends who have famous friends

it wasn't me because I don't know Denzel got it great your friend invited you and she was cool with him and she had went to the play like when he was in the actual Fences

on Broadway and we like we're all meeting up and we go to cipriani's and he's with his friend and it was insane cipriani is like rich people italian food it's rich people olive garden it's not rich people olive garden it's a scene honey it's not even about the food how dare you i only go for the food it's anyway it's a big it's like a place that like you would see in like a sex in the city or something yeah like they go to an event at a place like that he's there i mean the whole room on him this man is in a tracksuit haggard just not not even fully shaved yeah he can't even i was like there's no

way how could you be yourself sir like you are denzel motherfucking washington mother fucking washington so he's just talking in washington oh wow just watch a mistake coincidence oh sydney you know i didn't mention my last name until at the end of the night when when he drove me home oh no okay let's go back so you're there people are all over him he got on a tracksuit what color is the track suit like navy black black that is his okay that's his brand yeah got it okay so he smells good i'm looking at him and i was like everybody says denzel is so fine but i don't see it he looks like an uncle to me i didn't i didn't see it but i'm listening to him and i was like man this just totally feels like training day like his voice like it just i'm like that's

the character from training day the way he's talking and then we go to this nightclub and someone tries to take a picture of him and he pulls up on this dude and snatches the phone and he's like i said no pictures and he it felt like we were in the movie training day i thought he was that guy wow yeah you thought he was alonzo i thought he was gonna pop the fuck off And it was just insane to be there, but also see his energy. And it's like, oh, he is a phenomenal actor. Because not only was this something real that felt like this was planned, this is not real. But he's also a person because he drove me home.

He drove me home and he was just like so freaking cool. Just you? No. Yeah, who else was in the car? What kind of car was it? Honey, I'm the friend of the friend. I'm always the plus one. Was he driving?

He was actually driving the car? Yeah, he drove. It was crazy to see him drive. Because I'm like, you're Denzel Washington. He is so damn cool. Because he knows how loved he is. And he knows how insanely talented he is. Man, cut to us in 15 years.

That lovable and that famous. It's not going to be the same story. They're going to be like, Marie was cool, but she wasn't cool. But the way he was talking to people, it was just like, is he in? Is this a bit? Because you didn't think that he was being sincere when he was talking to people. Not sincere. Just like he's in this play and you're in a play for you do the run.

And so, yes, you cut off when you're like not in the show. You're yourself again, but not really. It's like you kind of have to stay. You got to be on. You got to be in this role. Well, not the role, but you got to be on as a famous person. right like because everybody's looking at you you're out all eyeballs are on you you have to be like this is your public persona you have to maybe not be who you are i will say he eat like

a nigga i will say that i will eat like a what like a nigga what was he eating just like the way he was the fork in the plate and just the fork it felt missy it it wasn't one of those like divine oh my god like a refined celebrity like eating out chipriyanis it was like oh this could be hometown buffet as well from yonkers or like mount vernon or something they real hood up there so yeah of course he was eating messy he didn't go to prep school charm school shout out to denzel hi come to our podcast i'm scared that he'll pull up on me well i mean you don't live in the same place so where are you gonna pull up on you from i'm outside forever doll you know his his wife his wife as well she's outstanding i met her when i was um and uh the soho house and i was

not a Soho house excuse me Soho house the Soho grand I was a hostess and she tried to hook me up with her son

who's out here making movies and getting nominated for Oscars now but I thought she was just being nice because I was like I'm a hostess

she was showing me pictures of him everything like this is when he was in school and he was a football player he's cute though and I was like

the pictures I was seeing I was like he looks a lot better now what is his name again? John David Washington he love his mother he will fight you that's how all guys

should be about their moms I will fight you on sight what hands this actually sounds like we're having sex he's 5'9 actually

he's 5'9 but Sidney's 5'4 so I want somebody tall I'm saying it's a good height sis I mean Adrian also 5'4 ah

so let's talk about this sis so you went can we talk about this you don't want to talk about this yes no sounds like a no it's a no

okay well I was going I was trying to give y'all the content but Cindy shut it down I mean I talked to Adrienne last night and she's like so how was the episode what episode the one that went out yesterday she was like how was it

and she never asked about the episodes does she I was like it was cool she's like what y'all talk about she already knew somebody told her or she saw the title said pop your top and she was like I'm gonna listen to this I wanna hear what this is about

well she heard the clip she's like I mean you did post she's like watch you and Marie hook up I said we would never oh interesting

she thinks that we're gonna hook up in real life yeah that explains sister that's what she reacted to the most

no well she said she said are you talking about our relationship and I said yeah I was talking about open relationships

and us and I said that you talk a whole bunch of shit about this open relationship but I don't think anything is gonna go down

okay And she laughed. She said, ha ha. And I was like, oh. Oh. Oh. So something, oh, something already went down? No.

No. Gasp. It didn't. Gasp again. Oh, Adrienne thinks I'm trying to steal her girlfriend and that's why she's been acting real funny to me. No, that's not why. Okay, I understand.

Oh, that's not why? That's not why. So what's the real reason then, sis? That's definitely not it. Hmm. Interesting. We'll talk about it. We'll talk.

We'll talk off-line. Yeah. For the Patreon. We'll talk off-site. No, we'll talk right after Andrew says cut. It's a wrap. I mean, Andrew never says that, but, you know, if he did, it's a wrap. Do you want me to say that?

No. I am hungry, and I do got to get some food in me. We got a long-ass bus ride to Philadelphia that I'm super excited about. Not the bus, but the actual. Everything else happening after that, I'm excited about. I will talk about, I mean, I have been fancying the idea of hooking up with somebody else, But I just, I literally just want to get wet again. It just has not happened.

You made direct eye contact with me when you said that. Not with you, Maureen. I mean, I just want the listeners to know that you looked right at me when you said the word wet. Wet again. Looking at you and saying wet, I'm actually the driest I've ever been in my entire life. You know what, sis? I'm a little wet right now. Clean up 1L7.

almost fell on my chair and the chairs are cloth that's how okay so we can make that happen not me personally but like we can try to find that feeling it's just it's a mental thing yes but it happened

before it can happen again I'm gonna look at the wall I just want you to know that with that short film I didn't get wet okay i don't like i just want people to know i was not moist with this other woman i just yo take a drink every time he says the word wet or moist i was not damp ah that that that would also that one but all the listeners are on the floor but the feeling of oh my god do you like me

i felt that but she was acting right but we can get that feeling from someone else is what i'm say sis write it write a little short film cast it and then hire her to be a co-star somebody was in my dms like yo you should have just shoot your shot with her i'm like are you fucking crazy i'm so tired of people what do you mean you making other people make bad decisions be a good friend no a good friend says oh you're obviously affected by this you felt a way you should have said something so she knows how you feel or

just so you can get it off your chest and be like alright well if something was gonna happen she knows where I stand it's not that's not dumb that is how I'm living my life until I die now as a single woman dealing with other people who are single it's totally different I'm saying in all aspects

of my life if I feel good about something or I don't feel good like I'm gonna say it moving forward now in in all things business and you know you'll be on them email threads that we be on together and it's like yeah this doesn't actually work for me um so no or sure i want to do this can we do like if you want to do something i feel like you got to tell the person that you want to do it to or with otherwise they will never know were you got anything you want to tell me uh no if you have any questions i will answer them candidly and honestly though i'm here to the floor is question

over there in the back wait uh when was the last time that you got dick down marie when was the wow andrew i mean you know i'm talking about life things and you're like well let's talk about the jamaican the um i don't want to call him that no more i'm what are we gonna call wow you like him no i we only hooked up that one time that's the last time no this is the other one the shampoo bottle dick oh okay which people have slated my dms for and they were like send me that dick and I sent it and I let it replay once.

That's revenge porn, Marie. It's not revenge porn. His face is not in none of the things. It's a shampoo bottle and a dick. People are like, okay, well send me that dick, sis.

A lesbian asked me for it. She was like, I'm gay, but I just want to see. Hey, rude. I was like, you're gay. I said,

you should slide in Cindy's DMs and tell her where to meet women. Nobody. I mean, the people who are messaging me, thank you so much. I truly appreciate it, but it just wasn't

the energy that I wanted I was I was hoping somebody would be like so I'll be listening to the podcast what's good

oh my god if somebody said that to you you'd be like ew I'm not gonna hook up with somebody who listens to my podcast I feel like that would be your response

that's a fact but I just want the the you know I want you want the offers the offers you want the requests yeah

I'm hot I looked at myself in the mirror today and I was like damn bitch like i love i took nudes i took nudes in zara and i was like oh you took nudes as zara it was a line around the store it was a line to get in to try on them discounted clothes let me show you and

you was in zara taking nudes well not nudes i had jeans on oh my i don't think i've ever seen my tits wow they're very perky let me see she paid good money for them to sit that way i mean yeah Wow. Look at that light. Did you get this green blouse? Because it's cute. I did not. Oh, wow.

That's cute. Did you send these to somebody? I hope you did. I did not. I'm too afraid. Of what? The dark? What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid that I'm not famous, but it's just, it would not be the look if something got leaked. But those pictures are cute. Remember when Rihanna's nudes leaked? It was just like, look at her body. Wow. all right well moving on well uh bella thorne in the past month that young actress she released her nudes before like the hacker could actually release wasn't no hacker bella bella thorne just wanted to put her tits out you think so yeah absolutely i feel like that's what these little

disney channel kids do now they're like i'm an i'm a woman now and i'm a badass also i date black dudes like i feel like all of them the miley the ashley simpsons all of them kind of go through the same it's the same thing yeah the ariana's you like my hair gee thanks just bought it okay white women in wigs just bragging about wigs now it's like it used to be like there's a there's a couple pieces in shh don't tell anybody but now it's like yeah i'm wearing a wig too right what girl bye shut up jessica anyway bella thorne leaked her nudes what did they look like i don't actually care to look i don't care to see what her body I don't even

Is she one of the Wow See that's what the fuck Would That's when I'm like Oh I'm burning shit down When somebody's like Oh I don't want

I don't really want to see What she look like naked I'm gonna fight you Okay you're not Bella Thorne Okay I'm just saying He wanted to see your boobs sis Yeah I was excited at the prospect

Were you turned on I don't know if you know this Sydney But he is a gay So And I wanted to see Your naked body Why would he want to see Bella Thorne's baby ass body

Ew Yeah you're right I'm gonna google the news I just want to see What they look like Because she got, like, Kool-Aid red hair or something, right? Oh, my God, Marie. I want to see if the carpet matches the drapes.

I went to see some apartments this week. I went to see, like, two or three. They were both trash. They were on the same block. I was like, this is small and dark, and it's not no natural light in here. But I did learn from one of the realtors that I spoke to that you can negotiate your rent. Did you know that? The price that they post it as, if you say, is it negotiable?

they can take fifty dollars a hundred dollars off a month look at what i learned i'm glad that you're doing this marie i'm doing this for us i don't know about other places but in new york you can negotiate your rent down you're doing a lot for us i met this uh this realtor this black woman and she was like oh yeah i have a lot of buildings that are owned by black folks you know they bought them early when before brooklyn was cool and uh for black tenants they're willing to uh typically bring the rent down what yeah so i went to see this building that i couldn't afford this apartment was like twenty three hundred dollars she just wanted me to see it and i went and it was like this really nice building it's a brownstone in bed stye and the owner was a black dude and she

was like well i'll talk to him about bringing your rent down i was like well it's too high either way i'm not paying yeah twenty three hundred twenty three hundred what does she introduce you time he's single he's hot he's old it was an oh okay since nicholas sparks I was like, are we writing a movie? Or what if she brings you to the apartment, gets you the apartment on her own and be like, I would love to take you out. What do you mean she gets me the apartment on her own? Yeah. Like she buys it for me?

Yeah. In my name or in her name? Because it sounds like, I need to know, am I covered? If we break up, can I stay there? Real questions. Anyway, this guy took $150 off the rent. It's still too much. But he just was like, oh, is it a sister?

And she was like, yeah. And he was like, all right, well, we could do 2150. Still too much. Yeah, it was, which is why I didn't take it. Fuck. Also, I'm not ready to move until the beginning of September. Yeah. But that's what I learned.

So quick tip, if you're thinking about moving to New York, also, they're more willing to take money off the rent. If you look like Marie. No, if you're willing to move in earlier. so like if i was like i'm ready to go august 1st now they'd be like okay well we took off 100 200 that's what i learned real estate expert real estate expert thank you unofficial expert real estate you're hot marie i just want to get like a nice bright apartment with windows that's hot and like you know maybe not a lot of neighbors it's gonna happen i want to live in a

building with like three other people i want to live above a pizza place and below a pizza place That's annoying And that's not going to work I want to live above a bowling alley But underneath a bowling alley You want a sandwich of noise? Strike I don't even like bowling

I know, I was like What are you talking about? Okay, I want to live above a dry cleaners Marie, can we get a helicopter ride? What? Let's do that Let's get a helicopter ride Is that a sex move?

What is a helicopter ride? No, it's like a real helicopter ride You weirdo Oh, okay To where? from where you got a groupon for helicopter ride should i get one honestly a helicopter with a groupon i don't know i don't trust that pilot license that pilot license is uh made in clip art remember clip art who's the psycho marie you marie you want to take a helicopter ride what

she's trying to kill me y'all y'all we're trying to do something different cindy's gonna be like Well, I got my pilot's license, like a young JFK. And then what happens to us? We're going to die at Martha's Vineyard. We should go to Martha's Vineyard. You think? No. I don't think it's anybody with big dicks in Martha's Vineyard.

Marie. Okay. Listeners who have anybody who's in Martha's Vineyard with big dicks. Tiny penises. Can you let us know? Andrew, how do you feel? About Martha's Vineyard? Yeah, absolutely.

I feel like small dick energy in Martha's Vineyard. Marie, we've been so, like, everything has been about sex the last episodes. last couple of episodes. But we spoke up top about very real life changes that are happening. So don't do that, sis. No, you're right.

Don't make it seem like I'm a... I'm not slut shaming. I'm just saying we've done this podcast for so many years where we like barely talk about physical stuff and now it's just like...

Wow, listeners, you see? I'm trying to give y'all the content that y'all want. Somebody slid in my DMs and was like, as a lesbian woman, when you talk about sitting on men's face,

it brings me joy because that's what I like when my wife does to me. And I was like, okay, sis, you asking me to join y'all? Like, what's happening? But also, Sydney, I'm not really sure what tone you would like the podcast.

Like, what direction you would like us to take it? A direction where we, like, book in deals, okay? Okay. That's the direction I want. Well, you know, dicks close deals. Dicks closes deals? What? Dicks close deals.

Dick closes deals. Exactly. Is that merch? That means two things. So what do we do? We have to talk to Forever Dog about making this merch for us? What do you want on it?

It's a cut and gone? Cut and gone. Cut and gone and then merch. Just the word merch. That's so funny, yes. Because I feel like that, you know, we could do, you know,

a black shirt, white letters, merch. I'll send an email. And then I want like a little drawing of a palm tree on like a white tee. We have some more.

I know, but I feel like we can't do everything all at the same time. We got to hit them with like the classics See how they do And then we'll move on To like sandals

Cut and gaunt And then that's merch Or just say merch Merch Merch Merch Is it in quotations Or just merch

No it just says merch Like a shirt that says Security on the front But just merch Okay Right Yeah And then underneath

Unofficial expert Or maybe it's on the back You know We gotta get our tour gear together We gotta get the tour together We gotta get that One Toronto show together first Then the tour

Then the merch And then, then y'all can get all the stuff that you want. We're here for you guys. We'll be there for you. Yuck. Yeah. I'm sorry that I sang that. I know.

Well, this has been the episode, you know? We got real. Then we got wet. Then we got dry. And then Marie sang the Friends theme song. And that's like everything. That sums it up. There was something for everybody on this episode.

Shout out to everybody who's been listening. i feel like i would like to say some people's names yeah say some name i mean let me pop it the thing open when we shout them out also when we say we know our listeners are all gay or black women we know that there are at least four straight dudes listening and we know that there are white women who listen because y'all be approaching us as shows so it's just it's it's too uh mouth it's too much of a mouthful to say all of that so we say the gays and the blacks so because that's who we are is gay and black.

So, you know, shout out to everybody. I can't find it. Just shout out to all y'all for listening. Hold on. You know, all the episodes is not going to be

ha, ha, ha, ha. Some of them got to be, well, you know, this is serious. I have a crush on somebody who listens to the podcast. Who's in comedy. Who does comedy?

Yeah. Is it Wanda Sykes? No, Wanda Sykes. That's what I was about to say. Something is fucking wrong. You saw Jay Jordan was on a show with Wanda Sykes in Montreal.

I was like, look at old friends getting back together. I know. It's so like full circle. Friendship. Romina. Romina said,

hello, listener from Canada. Just thought I would suggest that you guys do a listener's questions sort of segment in the podcast sort of like they do

at the... Okay, see, what we don't, what we not going to do is mention other podcasts. Why are you trying to give us? Well, you could have just not said the name

when you were reading it. Let's blick that out. Okay, cut that out. All right, let me start over. But leave everything in that she said after that. Yeah. Let me do it again. Romina said,

Hey, yo, listener from Canada. Just thought I would suggest that you guys do a listeners questions sort of segment in the podcast. Like having people write their dilemmas or crazy stories and you guys give them advice. I think it would be so funny. Just a suggestion. I'm into that.

I've always been into something like that. I ask y'all to send us things. And some of y'all do. And some of y'all don't. But yes, we should definitely add that segment to the show. Send us your questions about all things work related, relationship related, and life related. And we will answer them as honestly as we can here. Okay, we got a Patty Morales.

Because, you know, we on the Instagram, we said, like, how did you find us? She said, I saw a shout out on Alana Glazer's Insta story a few months ago. And now I can't stop listening. you guys make me laugh during my daily commute okay Patti thank you and then shout out

to our baby Alana Glazer for you know shouting us out and getting us some of them broad city hoes Patti LaBelle here's a message

from Brittany L. Jones okay she said Marie I wanted to tell you I love you which you know sis already not my brand

you and Sydney crack me up hands down the best podcast I'm constantly laughing out loud at work shout out to Brittany L. Jones because that

is how you send a message. Okay. And then we have one last one. There's many more but we're just, you know, we're trying to get...

Also, this episode is going to come out in two cool weeks. Yeah. So, these messages are going to be buried under new messages. Yes.

Ashley Goodwin. Okay. Like, I'm so late to listening. Being overseas in the military, I cannot access the pod so if you're going

to get waxed, get sugared. Okay, I don't know where that came from. Pulling hair... When we were talking about the Brazilian... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Pulling hair is going to hurt but when you have hot wax it burns your skin too and then your cooch is bleeding and it's pretty it's not a pretty sight what but also get the butthole wax too that's the part that hurts the least full brazilian every four weeks y'all are amazing and i'm glad i can listen now okay ash thanks for giving us tmi but also very informative i responded to her because she messaged me also And I said, sis, who are you getting waxes for every four weeks? She said, her girlfriend.

So shout out to you, sis. I'm not waxing my butthole every four weeks. I haven't done it in 24 years. Got him. Cindy, we got to go. I'm hungry. I have a thing. We got to go.

We got to go. We got to go. All right. What do you want to leave the listeners with for the next week? You know, whatever you're doing is cute for you. It's cute for you. That sounds like shade. It's cute for you.

Like, everything that you do is not for me, but I appreciate you. So that's cute for you. Okay. That sounded not that nice, but thank you. I think it's, wait, Andrew. It was a little backhanded. It was a little, but you were like, it's cute for you, but it's not for me. I would never do it, but it's cute.

Well, I can't do it. I can't do it because I'm not you. So it's cute for you. Yeah, but saying it, just say it's cute. Whatever you're doing, whatever you're trying to do, it's cute. Even that seems a little condescending. No, I won't say it's cute. it's cute for you

okay wow Andrew do you have anything you want to leave the listeners with Andrew those shorts cute for you I hate you I love that you're following me

all the people there's some new followers and I love Andrew said slide in his DMs and keep following him and send him dick pics he said there's too many of y'all listening and commenting

for y'all not to be following him and sending him dick pics yes I need way more of that he said if your face ain't cute but the dick is cute send that crop your face out

that's what Andrew said that's what he said he said it's cute for you but I don't want your face for you and then what am I what am I uh leaving y'all with um I don't I didn't have anything when I started this thing around the room uh so I'm just gonna say the first thing that pops into my mind and that is uh it's okay to not like what you do sometimes it's completely okay to like have a passion and some days wake up and like not really want to do that thing that you you're that is your livelihood or is your passion uh take a break sis step away from that job or that relationship or that baby okay drop that baby and go do something for you and then maybe come back and you'll have like a

renewed sense of self please don't drop i mean come back to the baby if you feel like you must but don't drop the baby put the baby down safely leave the baby there's a video of the the bride getting ready to throw her bouquet at a wedding and this woman has a baby and when the woman throws the bouquet she dropped the toddler so she could try to grab the bouquet it's hilarious I'm going to try to find it I'm going to put it in the stories

we love stuff like this shout out to all the people who try to google twerking at an abortion and didn't find it apparently there's more than one video of course there is the one that keeps popping up is not the one I was talking about but we j'adore y'all for

listening. Obsessed. And J'Adore y'all for listening to me also. And you know, have a great week. Yeah. Have a great week. I'm so hungry. That's what it is. I'm famished. We're going to Shake Shack. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Forever

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