MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - MESS LIVE w/ Usama Siddiquee

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

This week's episode is from the MESS Live show at OnAir Fest! Sydnee and Marie are joined by comedian Usama Siddiquee -- the three chat broke MESS, comment section MESS, go through audience MESS, and more!  Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you want to watch the episode oh of course you do so click the link in the episode description four for four you're listening to mess yes wow they got the light right oh marie you're you are glowing oh that's a little bit of sweat yeah It's Dewey. It's giving Dewey. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm just eating hot chips backstage. Hi. Oh, wow. Everybody's beautiful. Okay. This is our crowd for sure. Wow. Hold on.

Let them get the shot. Thank you. Anyway. Thank you for the people who laugh. You look better when people laugh. I know. Don't you, when you take the photos and then somebody in the audience is just like this, it's like, you're not the vibe.

Yeah. Now I'm not going to get enough light. Yeah. Because you hated it. Mm-hmm. Anyway, everybody, thank you for being here on a... What day is it? Thursday.

Thursday. Thursday. Wow. And this is just like chatting with your besties. We're messed, but like good mess, but also bad mess. Oh, no. Even bad mess is good mess. Yes, it is.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I feel like we got to celebrate the messy moments in our lives. The world is about to end in like two weeks. So, right? Like it's more It's more important now than ever To just like

Live your life Yeah When you're masked You're family That's where we are right here Yeah Cindy you look high bitch Thank you

I did a little 3am You know shopping With one eye open And I thought this was a set It's not But it's gonna work It's gonna work right It looks like a sex movie

It looks like a sex movie What Yeah If you squint it though Yeah If you color blind Yeah it doesn't matter It's fine

Listen I got a stigmatism I can't even really Oh I love that I thought it was a jumpsuit yeah thank you oh see this is how you compliment your good sis mm-hmm yeah um so what we do is you know we talk about our mess up top and then we get into um some of the messages you guys have your cards that you wrote on it already yeah don't be shy oh this is in 4k look how you did that marie you put that together yeah honestly some of my finest work i just want you

us to know okay so yeah so make sure you put your mask down it's anonymous unless you know we say it out loud and you feel compelled to be like that's mine right it's it's giving daytime energy so i feel like y'all are shy right now this is not the view yeah because you sitting you sitting real straight see you know what like yeah well you know the heel is a little fucked up you know when you walk into new york streets and then it just tears up your jeffrey campbell's that's where it is right now you can see the skin i just see the skin i think we should flip this chair you should sit on it backwards that's gonna really put them at ease big substitute teacher energy okay i was thinking pussycat dolls loosen up your fun man uh-huh yeah um so uh you want to get into your

mess or you want me to start it up what you got i don't know i got messes i don't know if we need to start with my mess okay you want to do your mess i'll do my mess real quick okay great yeah okay so i don't know if y'all know but mercury is in retrograde today today it happened today today yeah they write it down write that down today so if anything has been messed up since the beginning of the morning it's it's mercury mercury is on ketamine it's in uh micro locks or whatever it is mercury is fucked up right now so um i was having a meltdown around yeah today yeah because it's mercury and retrograde so i i had a little breakdown around you know 11 a.m so then i i hop in the shower and i just i'm just overthink everything i have a lot going on yeah

I'm booked, I'm busy, I'm blessed, maybe bipolar. I don't know, it's a lot of Bs going on right now. Black. Yeah, and black. We're at the end of the month. And so I'm in the shower just trying to unpack everything that's going on in my life right now. And I don't know if anybody knows about the everything shower, but I'm scrubbing, I'm scraping, I'm shaving. Paint the picture.

Loofah, sponge, washcloth, what are we using? All of them. I'm using all of them. Yes, because sometimes, you know, a wash rag, white people, we use that on our legs and our backs. Hold on, hold on. Legs are a thing you should be washing in the shower. I start with the legs and then I move up. Oh.

Yeah. That's wild. Legs and hips and body, body. You start showering from the bottom up? Yes, because that's where the dirt be, no? No, you got to start up. I feel like I always start with this arm. i feel like i always start with this arm and then work my way down whenever i start to the at the

top i'll be so tired by the time i get to the bottom so that's why i'm real just letting the water hit it you know i'm saying so i put all my power in the legs because i got a lot of calf where my where my wide calf baddies at yeah yeah i'm i'm an eight i'm an eight but the calf is a Are the wide-calf baddies starting the shower at the lair? No, they're not. Well, I'm not here to be relatable, ho. I just wanted to check. This is my story.

I just wanted to check your math on that real quick. So I am, like, I'm stressed. I'm scrubbing. I'm scraping. I pull out the razor. I'm shaving or whatever. And while in between, like, overthinking and stressing and shaving, I'm like near the butt and so I accidentally yes y'all want me to do the outline on the on the

projector for y'all so you accidentally shaved your booty hole yes I did I did yeah that's my mess my personal so everybody who being all tight in here I just I just opened it wide open it's ass wide open right now so write down write down whatever you got how do you accidentally shave your ass hey listen what kind of razor you got at the house it's um it's it's uh what is it glad glade what glade yeah glade isn't that a plug-in no maybe maybe gillette yes it's gillette it's whatever it's whatever my good sis said up front yeah i don't i don't look at you know what the product is i just know what it is um so yeah you ever look down and you be like damn man whoo I've been walking around like that

and so I started there and then I said well I might as well if it's like this in the front I know it's like that in the back I don't know how to shave my butt well it's a lot of judgment in here and I'm sweating so maybe we should move on from my mess this doesn't

feel like a safe space I'm out well because it's not clear I feel like the people are like okay I was like this girl that's your camera right there that's your camera right there i was like this maybe we should do this show at like 10 p.m it's a little early yeah yeah it's giving christian mingle in here this is mess after dark yeah it is yeah but you were doing this at 11 a.m yeah 11 a.m

Before lunch. Retrograde, yeah. What stuff before lunch? So raised. Hey, I'm an entrepreneur. I'm out here. I'm free. You shave your butt any day when you're like me.

When you got a 1099, you know what I'm saying? Y'all 9 to 5s don't know about that. Ooh, that's everybody in the room. 9 to 5s get Brazilian waxes. That's fine. I see y'all. They write it off on their taxes. Okay, Marie, what's your mess?

I know you're going to hook us up. Okay, so my mess is this week, I hooked up with one of my exes. Bitch! Are we on glory now? Yeah, I didn't, I'm not going to tell you which, I'm not going to tell you which one. Hey, 24 inches fell. Zoran was out there paying people $30 an hour. And you know I may or may not have texted somebody from my past

You know what? You were quiet this weekend, bitch You were quiet No, it wasn't this weekend It was this week I was quiet this weekend because I was doing what? Working Y'all talk to her, I'm done

Marie, tell me who Was it Ninja Turtle? I'm not telling you who Was it Ninja Turtle? No, it was definitely not Ninja Turtle Okay, my bad We got names for, you know for the roster.

It was one of the tall black ones. Oh. So, you know, that could be anybody. Oh, yeah. That is your type, sis. Anyway. Damn, is anybody

hooking up with an ex in here? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You got a story, huh? Your story different than my story, sis. You said what? You told her, okay. Okay, you don't want

to repeat the story. You still, you just talked about it on another show and now you're back here talking to us again. Sound like you want to talk about it, sis.

So it sounds like you do want to talk about it. Well, get comfortable. I mean, we could push our guests back. You said he's really short? No, long story short. Oh, okay.

Marie. Long story short. Long story short, he was living with me but he had another woman under the impression they were dating for three years. three years

girl a jury of your peers who would play this man in a movie we need to see what he looks like yeah who would play him Forrest Whitaker but it's given though she's thinking about it

do you know who Forrest Whitaker is Do you know who Forrest Whitaker is? You think Forrest Whitaker has four skin tones? Hey, don't let that eye fool you now. He had a wandering eye, not a Forrest Whitaker eye. Mess!

So who would play him in a movie? Honestly, he was a white dude. Oh! Let's move on. Let's move on. Get up. Girl, you have to stop talking about this. Yeah.

It is Black History Month. Yeah. Not with the alabaster bread. Come on. Never again. Never again. That's what she said today. No, trust me.

Never again. Well, let's... You let a white man live with you? For three years? No. He was dating another girl for three years. Oh, I mixed it up. Hold on, he was dating her for three years

And he was dating you for one Girl, you would have sawed shit Right, in conclusion Okay, what's more a mess? My butt bleeding Or her Her letting her white Broke ex live with her

You see, this is a mess It's fun yeah sydney's butt bleeding or her heart bleeding oh that's good see you work you work all that to say my mess not that bad yeah it is it my best listen easy the pantagonia is too tight in here y'all gotta loosen up like my butt okay anyway Shall we? Shall we? Okay, so let's dive into some messy moments from, I mean, 2026.

Well, no, it's messages. Did anybody write anything down that they want to share? Oh, great. Pass the cards up. Yeah. Pass the cards up and we'll... Oh, but they don't want to show themselves. No, no, no.

It's two people at least. So just pass... Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she already shared her mess. Yes. If she can share hers, you can share yours. People are clutching their turtlenecks? Come on, y'all.

Just put it on a corporate card. Thank you, Joway. Appreciate you. Okay, yours must be one of the folded ones. What? Haven't talked to my 77-year-old mother in four years. Well, you know what kind of phone she got. If my mom had an Android.

Actually, my mother does. You know, anyway, whatever. my man had eaten a spicy burrito oh no emphasis on spicy and a little drippy we then proceeded to get a little intimate you don't want to say it a finger may have been near girl you saw him eat the burrito yeah eat near the time what and immediately set my shit on fire This feels very Bushwick energy. We're in Williamsburg, okay?

Did you find one? No, I can't read none of this. Y'all be on a laptop too much. I can't see what the scribble is. I tried to spotlight my mom's LGBTQIA biases. And at the end, she said, Happy Valentine's Day. Fuck you.

Mess. Mess, yeah. Is that why you haven't spoken to your 77-year-old mother in four years? okay all i read right okay the person who wrote this serial killer had a selena gomez moment and you gave up your liver no somebody gave a liberty oh kidney you only have one liver oh kidney okay had a selena gomez moment and my ex married his best friend two months after we broke up oh it's okay though he had a small penis anyways

that's how you save it living okay so should we bring our our guests out yeah cause that's what's next yeah so they can go through

this mess with us and then share their mess with us as well yeah he is one of the best comedians we know he's all over the city and he's touring

give it up for Usama Siddiqui look at that Osama what's going on hello you got a new jacket for the show I'm on the real real now

so I buy oh you're on the real real I found the real real oh are you you have a brand partnership with

no I just buy the clothes now okay he got money I have more than zero money now I took a long time but now

finally something doesn't it feel good to have a little bit of money uh yeah i was i mean i was so poor for so long in new york y'all have the the years right when you first come here like four or five years yeah first four or five years right i just got up back on my feet a year ago well y'all i've known y'all for maybe 11 years at this point okay yeah but we were all living the open mic lifestyle sure we were in the open mic life but we wasn't poor yeah i was ubering everywhere right sydney was actually too rich when i met him yeah that's you know sydney you were a bottle girl like a year before i met you yeah right so you i you started rich

in my mind and then you got poorer as time went on when i first met you i was like this is this this is the straightest richest girl i've ever met in my life yeah and the and the less money i got the more i was like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well yeah we were i remember i when i first moved to New York, I was like living in a crack house and like squatting. Oh.

Is that what it was? It was a house in Canarsie foreclosed and so nobody knew we were there. So yes. Oh, crack house. No, no.

It was a crack home. It wasn't a crack house. It was a crack villa. A villa. Yes. Okay. It was on my violin. A new crack house

entered the villa. Yes. Okay. But you got money now. You on the real, real. I love that. Yeah. It took a long time

but I think who's still poor here? Who's still like Clap if you're poor. Okay. I love that. I'm hearing some rich claps, though. I don't know.

Y'all trying to be relatable. My culture is not your costume. Y'all are killing it now. I feel like y'all are straight up. Yeah, we have a couch. This is crazy. Yeah. I mean, I've just decided that, you know,

there's really no reason to wait or to save. because well because realistically the future's not promised so you know you might as well just like do what you want and if you don't want to do it don't do it yeah yeah literally how i do my taxes every year yo i've the fact that you even do your taxes blows my mind well i haven't i still need to do them for 24 and 25 i took everything out of my uh irr irr i just cleaned it out i took your one after what that would be the scooby-doo or a very offensive asian accent yeah took it all out i cleaned it out so i'm getting people's drinks at the end if y'all want a ginger beer i got you sis i'm sorry before we continue girl you gotta put this

coat down you're holding this coat in your arm she's about to leave she said i heard she's like i heard a story too many times i gotta go sis do you have any thoughts on any of the mess that you've heard thus far yeah the bleeding butt was crazy

it was crazy what'd y'all think y'all are a good crowd cause that was 5pm 5pm they heard that me too sis no they didn't

they actually left me up here by myself it was just but you they did a whole act out and everything I didn't see it can I

he did a whole act out I said, I didn't even know Sidney was a physical comedian. You don't realize, like, Sidney, gorgeous, tan, all that, right? You don't realize some of the crazy shit that her life is. You never seen her toes before, have y'all? Whoa, okay. This show is about you? You don't realize.

That is messed. Messed. Bringing up Sidney's messy toes. I thought y'all talked about this already. No, we didn't. It's episode, like, 375. I know. The toes never came up in one of the episodes.

The toes have ended up on the Gram City. They have. They was in a dump one time. Yes, they just look like knuckles. That's what they are right now. But I've lived a life. What do you want? See, they got ballerina feet.

Exactly. But that's why I like y'all so much is because y'all are so gorgeous and so fun, but also there's like that darkness, that goofiness. Darkness? Whoa. There's the craziness.

That's a backhanded compliment. Not at all. Darkness. Y'all are down for the goof. Y'all are down for the crazy. What's my darkness? Can't say I love you. Oh, that don't feel like a...

No, he's not saying he can't say that about me. No, no, no. He's saying that I don't say I love you. Am I right? I don't feel that dark. That's okay. Where are my Haitians in the building? Immigrants?

Yeah? Haitians don't say I love you. They say, did you eat? They said, did you eat? Exactly. That's who I mange, right? Yeah. Tu mange?

Tu mange? Tu mange? Are you flirting with my friend? No. Okay. Well, he's trying to see my feet since. She does have a nice seat So yeah

Not this one I need a pedicure Anyway Usama Should we get into Usama's mess Or should we get into These little slides

No no no We should do his mess first And then we'll do the slides Yes What did you come here for In Turner Mess It's a lot of online mess So basically

Anytime I post something online I get like a slew of death threats From a bunch of Old Muslim uncles who a slew how many is a slew a slew

a plethora a plethora a cornucopia a slew is like ten it's you know I delete everything as it comes in

I just I don't want no negativity in my life so I just I get it delete right but it's like if I do like a race joke

about like brown people or something like that and it's like got Islam in it Ramadan is in this month right so I'm doing some pop off Ramadan

stuff sometimes then I'll get like a DM from like some dude it's never someone with a face it's always like a scimitar with Arabic on the avatar.

You know what I'm talking about? Then like a Quran verse or something, right? And then they're trying to hate on me but their English is so bad that it's not really scary.

So this is one guy I think he was trying to write I will choke you with my bare hands called Lost in Translation. What he wrote was you'll be in my arms. Okay?

That's the kind of shit I get. I love that. It's like they're so hateful it's gay again. I think. You don't realize, like, brown uncles, when they're so angry, they sound gay. They're like, is it English well enough? So instead of being, like, cocksucker, they'd be like, I'll suck your cock up the wall.

I'll eat your ass from the back. I'll eat your ass from the back. With gusto. Wait, where are those uncles at? These uncles are crazy. Not for me. For my friends. Take the 7 train and get up at any stop.

Okay. They're there. Are you going to Queens? They are there. No. After Roosevelt Avenue, they are there. i don't want that so like anytime you post them it's like online hate comes anything it's just not just that but anytime something goes viral you know i'm saying if whatever

whatever like a video goes viral it's the wrong people that always see y'all experiences right yeah where it's like something like you're shitting on a one one time i'm shitting on like the british empire as you do right as you do and then it went viral and you think it'd be a bunch of people who think that's funny it's never that it's always like you know preston shaggy bottom so what the fuck the white british guy with like no head you know and he's like oh we won because we superior in fby in it and it's like why did you find my video yeah that makes sense well it went across the pond that's why it's viral and went across the water the water the bro the innit it's what it is they come ahead they're like all right you fucking and hook it

any brits in the building no good no let's talk about them yeah but i feel like but i feel like messages like my stuff usually it's it's all love i feel like when i released yeah for the most part but every once in a while a video will end on the wrong side and it'd be people that like have never seen me and that i i never want to see i can't assume you would ever get affected by it you seem very unaffected by all that kind of shit oh you know i had a video where i talk about uh i say imagine thinking a man is gonna make you happy and then i cackle like the evil villain the marie the marie cackle and uh they were making fun of me because they said my two bangs look like tricep pull down um things so some little goofy like child made a video about it

and i responded and that is the video that like i'm like i don't know none of these yeah literal mouth breathers it was it was kids it was a lot of like children and people in countries that whatever anyway so from that video i think i blocked like a thousand people i'm a blocker i'm a quick blocker that video made me realize oh i actually don't have to engage i could just blocking is amazing and but and also you shouldn't read the comments i remember i did a A very famous viral video. I mean, everybody in McDonald's knew who I was. I was on a dildo hoverboard, and I was in the park.

You remember that video? And it went very viral, and the comments were brutal. She's on a hoverboard. Yeah. There's a thing attached, and it's going up and down. Okay. Thank you for the act out, sis. Anything for the art.

And people watching the video thought it was real. Yeah, they were like, this is the problem with black women. They were like, I'm taking down the whole genre of black women. They're like, you look like Cam Newton with a wig on. It was just so brutal. And wishes. Yeah. And then I would go into McDonald's and they were like, I love your stuff.

And then they would give me an apple pie for free. So I was like. Yo, that really be like the biggest haters just kind of love you so much. I'm sure if I went to Britain, they're like, I might. We'll actually love you. It's like really nice. like they really do we just like

they don't know how to express their love that's going around babe you know sometimes you yeah sometimes bye

bye oh bye we'll miss you it's my birthday I have to go get oh my god happy birthday and she didn't waste

no time yeah look at that my friend get drunk tonight bye looking cute looking great

you know she has been the best audience member too she's been laughing I know she was very attentive. I know. I miss her dearly. But with a silence for, let's say, Janine. Janine, yeah.

She did give Janine. Was there any comments online that you were like, caught your eye? Like something that you were like, ooh, maybe I'll slide in this girl's DM? I know girls be in your DMs. Girls be in the DMs, but it's like, these are, the same way guys be in the DMs, are you like, ooh. Guys be in your DMs? Sometimes. What they be saying?

he's like he's like i can make your butt bleed no sydney oh i'm sorry i thought that was quick no inshallah is it sundown yet no what what are the ladies saying to you uh yeah i want to know how the girls sliding guys dms yeah um you know it's a very it's a very because i'm 34 now so it's like it's not just like club people now it's like mom sometimes who are like hey before we fuck you want a nice meal you know so they'll be like hey I live in Detroit

come fuck and get a nice meal oh in Detroit? in Detroit I don't need a meal that bad no offense we're on a flight

it's cheap we got a nice meal for $77 I can't get a local plate why would I gotta get on a flight yeah what's a Detroit delicacy

yeah I feel like I feel like DM people who DM sex shit immediately are not people you wanna go after

right? you ever have somebody whoa you ever have somebody oh go your dms is different than our dms is look at Cindy's face she's blushing when you you got out with somebody off of out of pocket dm i had already i had already met them before and so we're going back and forth with dms and the person posted like you know shrimp fried rice and i was like oh i can't wait to have some of that shrimp fried rice and he's like no i can't wait to have you and i said okay and i said well i would like the shrimp

fried rice but then y'all fucked after yes okay and then was there shrimp fried rice no oh god damn and i specifically asked for it that's crazy yeah you need to tell that you need to talk to your congressman i call 311 immediately hello yeah but never somebody who's like out of nowhere never met him or her her her yeah never met her you would never like haven't met her said something out of pocket i'ma eat you out tonight is that out of pocket i don't know i'm sorry i don't know how girls would do it i'ma i'ma eat that ass no they'll say can i take you like my girlfriend now she said hey wherever you want to go to dinner i'll take you like anywhere in that was the opening dm in the yeah that's so cute in the usa in the usa in the continental u.s yeah yeah you were like

detroit you're going to detroit nope i got an x there so no yeah she bought two homes she's doing great what is that two drink tickets what is that real real jacket y'all laughing too hard over there the Detroit audience tonight good it feel like it yeah I mean but that was very sweet that was a very sweet DM yeah that's not out of pocket you would never date someone who was out of pocket from the first DM I mean that was my whole all my 20s I mean everybody was out of pocket that's what your 20s is for yeah I had somebody I was at the bar and I was you know drinking my drink and they literally put a straw in my drink and started drinking from it he said whatever a roofie you got.

I want both of you. He said, let me taste that for you. I'm a roofie patrol. He said, I'm going to taste this and then I'm going to taste you. Marie is really good

at thinking of weird DMs. You got them all locked in. Listen, I mean, because these are things that I would say, but I don't. I don't say these things

and people don't be in my DMs talking, not crazy. I know, it's crazy. More people should be in your DMs, Marie. I think people are afraid

that I'm going to put them on blast, so they just, they be like, yes, you will. let me chill that is also

she do green screen I think also as a man random man you seem unattainable that don't stop them ask everybody else in this room

it's stopping them so no you're right because I ain't been attained yet okay no you're right my bad

I seem unattainable as well I think even the dirtiest man can see someone with true radiance and be like oh you heard that

true radiance you know you are flirting with me I was like wait hold up now You don't see the radiance? No, I know, absolutely.

I see the radiance. Oil of Olay. Like, I see it. You're glowing. But I'm just saying, that doesn't stop, that doesn't stop me. But that don't stop the riffraff on the train, but it stops the ones, it stops the ones with profiles that I can go to. Yeah.

So, whatever. It don't matter. That blows my mind that no one's coming out. That's crazy to me. Real talk. Hey, what are you going to do? He wants to take you out, Marie. That's what it sounds like.

I got to make myself attainable? I asked Marie like 20 years ago. What? A long time ago. Wow, man. Okay. Is that why you said yes to the show? You were like, I'm going to ask her out in front of the audience.

I don't call that. This is like 11 years ago. I'm like 23. What did you say? You said, hey, you want to get some wings? No, I was like, not even that. I was like, it was a pit or something 11 years ago. And I was like, what's up, Marie?

And you were like, we ain't never going to bang. Okay, no, I don't like that act out. I don't like that actor. I remember, it was just like, yeah, it ain't gonna happen. I knew.

I don't remember that conversation. I don't remember that conversation, but it does sound like something I would say. Years ago. Yeah.

Maybe I was even flirting. I was like, what's up? And you're like, all this? Already? I was like, what's up, Marie?

Marie, you need to start an e-book. How to shut him down. Shut him down, open up. Shut him down in 10 days. Marie, Marie.

How to kill a man in 10 days. But Marie, Maria is so good at turning you down as I'm walking away I'm like well that's a new friend well that's a good friend now there is that has gotten me in trouble in the past

because like when I was young I was in high school and there was this loud crazy messy family across the street and the son was like you know wild like the craziest of all of them and he came across the street and he was like hey Marie I like you

and I want to date you and I was like oh uh you know um i'm really focused on my studies i think i'm gonna use that one that's good it's not i can't say yes it's not a no but i definitely can't say yes and then he skipped across the street he was like okay and he left and uh a couple weeks later my homegirl was like marie um so-and-so is in the calf talking about how y'all dated and i was like so i go in there and he's holding court right like shakespeare and around and i'm like why you tell people that you dated me and he was like you can't deny your love and i was like oh my god yeah i'm sorry that's why i was too nice when i

shut him down and this is why you got to be mean to men just a little bit but y'all learn you how What's the worst curve you've ever given a man? Like, what's the hardest, like, oh, my God, this is intense? I think a guy came up to me once, and I was like, yeah. Dude, I felt that for him. Maybe, like, the worst thing she could say is no. Damn. No, that's not right.

Because she landed on the CK hard. She was like, yeah. Yeah. That became Hebrew at that point. Yeah. damn a curve a curve can hurt you you can think about it for a while okay can i ask a question like wouldn't wouldn't the yuck come in after some disrespect like you'd have to have energetically something negative if you look how he look and you and i look how i look you are approaching me

is the disrespect and a lot of time i don't think y'all be looking in the mirrors when y'all leave the house y'all just roll out y'all just fumble out of bed and then just skip out like men don't have full length mirrors we don't we don't it's just a little mirror above the the sink we we don't have mirrors that show our waist down yeah but i have a female roommate and i go to her room and i use the full length you just be like hey i just need to see what my pants look like no worse i know i know guys who stand on top of their toilets and then they see their outfit

from the mirror. And what the hell fits me looking like, sis? A mess. A fucking mess. Really? Yeah. They have the shoes on too?

Shoes on as well. They be in the mirror like this. They be like, oh nah, this is cool, this is cool. The ho's gonna love it.

Hanging from the light. But anytime I stay in a hotel that doesn't have a full-length mirror in the room, I'm like a man designed this room. Yeah, they hate us.

I know right away. Because I'm walking out, the mirror should be right by the door. I agree. I agree. Yeah, when there's no mirror in your room, you go out of your room and you see the mirror like in the lobby and then you lock yourself out and then you got to come, go back down and then you don't have your ID and then you're like, you know what? I'm just going to leave.

Right. Right. We've all been. If I had a dollar. If I had a dollar every time that happened to me, sis, I would have $17. Wait, should we get into Messer Just Living? Yes, let's get into it. Let's do that.

Okay, so this is, it's kind of rapid, but not. I mean, we want to hear. We want to hear your thoughts. Yeah, hear your thoughts. Messy or just living. Okay. So, obviously, this is a little, I'm just going to trigger. It's a little sad.

Well, if you set it up like that, yeah, it's sad. Oh, my God. Okay, so. Oh, my God. Yeah. We didn't know this. No, I know this, but. James Van Der Beek died.

Yes. Sydney set it up to make it sad. That's not the way I want to do it. Okay, my bad. This is so sad. Let's go back. I was like, y'all didn't see that. Change that.

Because we on video, okay? So we're going to fix this and edit. We're going to fix it in part. What kind of goofy shit am I? Oh, no. That's so sad. I love the man. Big varsity blues fan.

He's never big. Girl, please. I'm sorry. Are y'all ready? Okay, message is living. Okay. Okay, so he died. He died, but he started a GoFundMe.

It's made $2.7 million. Yeah. Now, is it mess to do that? I think so. It's the same vibe as when the Notre Dame burned down and every white fucking actor was like, I'll give my entire life savings to save that stained glass window. The church?

They were donating to the church? Well, I think, I don't know, I think white culture likes to preserve itself more than anything. And I love David. I love him. But it's not about him. It's like one of our white stars. But I feel like if at the same point someone huge as black or brown died, they would not get fucking $2.7 million.

He didn't have life insurance. I mean, Denzel was good and all. He wasn't even that good. No, the craziest thing is like, obviously, he knew he was going to, you know, pass away. He bought like a ranch 30 days before his death. So, yeah, he bought a ranch for his family. He knew he was going to die. So the GoFundMe is really to pay off the ranch.

Whoa. Is this the ranch money? Yeah, this is ranch money. GoFundRanch? Yeah. GoRanch. That's what it is. Wait, hold on.

Is this mess? Go to the next slide. Whenever I go to a GoFundMe, I don't donate, but I always look. I rank it from top donors. You have to look at the donors. Look at this. Guardian Health. Steven Spielberg donated $25,000.

And I feel like he got more than that. So that's kind of crazy. That's really low. Who's anonymous? He's like a billionaire. Yeah, $50,000 anonymous. If I'm donating that, you're going to have my first middle class name. Yeah.

I'm going to have a picture in the little icon. Those are Epsteins, right? The fucking anonymous? That's Epstein. You said what? It's Epstein vibe. That's Prince Andrew up there. Mess.

Jesus Christ. Okay, so then this guy died, and then he also put up. What? Wait, you didn't know this? This is a thing. I did know this. Okay. But the lack of money is crazy to me.

we're in a recession and we had a strike hey look we had a writer strike an actor strike like kirsten drab said i got 50 for it kirsten drab the 50 right above the 27 000 is crazy marie you wouldn't do that for me if god forbid knock on i don't know where the wood the maybe the wood is on my boot uh if if i pass away you wouldn't start a gofundme for me sure how much you think your goal for me would make how many people in here well the person over there screamed it was missed so they're not gonna donate and the girl who left might could send a little bit of money as well how much money do you think you would make would you do a front-facing video or you would do the paragraph i would do a front-facing video with a green screen of you behind me

look at my hot ass dumb ass dead ass friend she ain't have no money y'all Go into your pocketbooks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go into your pocketbooks. We want to do open casket, but we also want to get our hair done. So, you know, put some money in the collection plate. If I've ever bought you joy, she's bought me joy. So please donate.

In the arms of an angel. How much do you think Yoko Fahmy would make? You're a tall, attractive brown man. after i died or just you mean you want like a living gofundme yeah yeah living you know like yeah like if you had a fire or something yeah like people do the living gofundmes you know i had a fire or like i need money please yeah i we i think we had a friend who had a fire and he i think he made like thirty thousand dollars and right and then the next week i saw him i said how you doing after the fight he said i still don't have a home i said oh that's crazy yeah but you

got that money before tax. Yes. Well, I think everyone gets one GoFundMe in their life. You're allowed to ask your friend.

You're allowed to ask all your friends for one GoFundMe. Like, if something happens to you, but that's your one GoFundMe. Damn. So, I remember one person,

she used the GoFundMe to, like, help her dog get, like, shoes or something. The dog needed braces? No, no. Then she got COVID after. Then she did the COVID GoFundMe.

And it's like, we just gave you the money for the dog money. So I think people gave her a lot of money for the dog. But I think because she did the second GoFundMe, people were like, we already gave you the dog shit. Okay. So you get one, no matter what it is.

Okay, so I haven't used mine yet. You haven't used your one. I haven't used mine either. Does everybody have life insurance? Clap if you have that. Damn, that's good. This whole side ain't got it yet. Oh, my God.

All the artists are over here. All the writers and poets. All the baristas. this side said hey I'm a little both ways we walk across the street what about renter's insurance

do we have that renter's insurance get that okay they got that get renter's insurance cause like if there is a fire like

woo plus it costs like ten dollars a month it's actually a lot cheaper than you think is this an ad sis well because I have it cause when I first

moved into my apartment by myself I'd wake up at night like if I wake up and my apartment is on fire everything I own is in here

so I couldn't sleep and I was like what am I going to do? And then I got off the train once. There was a fire on my block. Holy shit. And I was like, oh, I need to call someone.

Oh my God. And I called State Farm. Also, you have so many clothes, it would blow up. You have flammable clothes, I feel like. Damn, he said, all your shit is polyester.

Yeah, your shit is polyester. Hold on. I feel like all clothes is flammable. All clothes is, anyway, shut up, Osama. Okay. Did you,

yes, Did you see the Olympic, I think, like, gold medal winner? Like, I think he might have been Norwegian, but he wins. And obviously, you know, you get that little camera time after. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said, yeah, I fumbled the biggest, you know, gold. I had gold. I was with this woman, but I, you know, cheated on her.

So he was taking this time to be like, I'm just trying to get her back. And it was like, this is not how you get her back, sir. This is while they're interviewing him after he won gold? Yes, after he won gold. He said, I fumbled the biggest gold medal ever. I cheated on my girlfriend, and she broke up with me. Did she take him back? I don't think he did.

At least he got gold. You were strong with that. She said, I am aware of the situation. I am aware of the situation. And you know what? Now, so are we. Yeah. Imagine crying on TV.

I think he was feeling himself because he got the gold. He was like, I think it's time. You know what I'm saying? What? He got bronze? He got bronze. That's why she said, wait a minute.

That's why she said, actually. So he didn't even really win. Coming at a girl after bronze. Six months ago, I met the love of my life, the world's most beautiful, sweetest person.

And three months ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life and cheated on her. And I got bronze. It's giving bronze a whole little blurb. It's giving a bronze.

Yeah. Instead of cheating, he should have been training. it okay write that down write that down like that um okay meta glasses mess or just living oh mess a little bit of living too though mess a little bit of living it's like how much more tech you need we're talking about how online is bad for us this is coming into your right there right there but it's really good sometimes it's really good i used it on i used it on um you know a vacation and you know sometimes you got like a your partner got shanky hands you know and so

they don't take the photos right they're not getting the right angles they're not vlogging so it's just on their it's just on your face and then all they have to do is walk around follow you and it just the glasses take pictures of you too yes yeah and you know that they're taking a picture of you because it's flashing like you see a light so you don't it's not that you don't know that you're getting filmed okay no i get this is how they get you you know they get you the thing that you want and then they slowly start getting into your life,

you know? What's next? You know, hey, girlfriend, sometimes ain't it annoying not to have a silicon chip in your wrist? Because your boyfriend

not be doing anything. So, you know. Hey, girlfriend, this is the black, the BT. Whatever it is. Girl, you know. Girl, you know how sometimes

you want a chip in your wrist? But like, they'll use the advertising and then get you like that. So, I don't trust any tech right now. They're all bad to me. Listen, I have Touch ID.

I use my phone. My DNA is on the razor. So they have me. What? It's on the what? On the razor. On a Motorola razor? No, no, no.

On a razor? The razor, the one that I cut my butt with. Y'all have forgot about it. I brought it back. I'm sorry. The butt razor. I'm like a razor scooter. What are you doing?

It's always me, y'all. I'm sorry Let's take you out Does anybody in here Have the Metaglasses? Okay What do you think? Some bros in the back

I like it You do? So you be at work like this? Yeah Listen to music Drag people out Listen to music? Yeah you can listen to music

It's great Headphones It's amazing Connected to the glasses? Yeah It's really It's actually clearer than Like if you had AirPods

How much these cost? About $400 I'm going to start a GoFundMe For the Metaglasses Okay we'll do one more one more yeah let's get one more and then get out of here oh latte art i don't i don't know why i put that there sorry uh and you know what that is mess yeah gatekeeping mess or just living so we'll move past that like that's not the most random thing ever you need to

keep your favorite coffee shop you're always doing this at 3 a.m like let me just throw let me throw in the coffee you know i'm saying you said what you know what i mean right now okay so gatekeeping you know coffees are drugs right it is hilarious okay i think it's important let's bring back gatekeeping everything don't need to be on tiktok yeah because if it's on tiktok if it was good it ain't gonna be good by the time you get it's gonna be messed up right yeah it's like yeah i mean on c-span i saw them going like this and i'm like it's c-span one guy was like you know what this means right i was like we need on c-span on c-span they were talking he said you

know it's t when you see these two fingers clapping t is it and i think if old people are finding all the everything all right it's too quick you gotta put down some locks yeah you see what happened to facebook yeah the old people found that and we were like i don't think anything's wrong with facebook what every racist on earth is like that's their like club penguin right now oh not my album it's racist It's called Penguin as well. Maybe with your people, not my people.

Oh, right. Mess. Okay. I mean, that was the show. Your Facebook is not problematic? Huh? Your Facebook is not problematic?

You have great Facebook posts? No, it's... Can we pass these cards up if we have any left? Oh, yeah. There's messages. Did anybody have any left? Just pass the rest of the cards up, please.

But yes, Sydney, what were you saying? I think Facebook is amazing because, I mean, I used to know everybody's birthday. I used to get those updates. We don't get that anymore. It was a bit of a community.

I would see people's babies, dogs. What? I feel like everyone is trying. Babies and dogs? I feel like everybody is trying to be too, like, have this aesthetic on Instagram and TikTok. Okay, so Metaglasses are cool. Facebook is chill. Lattes are all right.

Lattes are all right. Zuckerberg cute? What's next? Well, I think he did get a facelift. But Zuckerberg is cute? Ew. Ew. Oh, my God.

Only a lesbian would say that, I think. Oh, that one's a long one. Okay. Okay, a man asked me on a date, picked me up in a hoopty that he didn't know how to drive because it was stick shift. Damn, you're real strict over there. At the date, his phone was blowing up. He walks away to answer it, and for the next hour, he comes back and said his sister has a crisis at college, so that's who he was talking to. The waitress comes over to us and says, sir, are you blank?

And he says, yes. And she says, have you? Right, we're all like, what? Has he what? He said, what? But essentially, his girlfriend had just moved to London, and he left his location on on the phone, and she knew he was on a date. And so that's why the girlfriend called. So the girlfriend called the restaurant?

Yes. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Good for her. See? As they do on C-SPAN. Yeah.

You know it's tea. All right, I'm going to read one real quick. That's crazy. But that is crazy. That's why you can't share your location. No, you should share your location. If you're not cheating and being weird. I think share with two or three.

You don't got to share with 19 people. Some of them got like 20 shares. Right? Who are you sharing your location with? All my friends. All your friends. Cindy, do you have Usama's location? No.

I ain't got it. Y'all want my location? I don't know where you are most of the time. I feel like you're at work. I know. I know. Okay, now, Marie, you're flirting with him. Oh.

Listen, we ain't never going to bang. You know the key when you see. Your sneakers are white now You might be in the running For the next top model With Marie Not that white They got

That's a mess I want to be on top Oh my god We have to go Oh my god This has been so fun I just wanted to read One more

Yeah one more My best friend Is in love with me but I have a husband okay brag damn bitch every time we get in a fight it's so awkward

she is being such a bitch okay we actually me and her are soulmates sad face so you gonna leave your man or not yeah and wait

hold on was your best friend sitting next to you because it felt like you were writing one thing and you were like Oh, my God. All right.

She's my soulmate. Your friend was like, why would you want me a bitch? You my soulmate. You're right. Wait, okay. Whoever wrote this, do you want to be with your best friend?

She's going to yell it out. That's really, if you want, damn, that's very powerful. Be honest. Is it? She said,

but I have a husband in the first sentence. Well, that's what I'm asking the follow-up. Like, are you in love with her as well? Yeah, rank them. On a scale of one to ten, who's better, the husband or the girl or the friend? Get you a girl who can do both

Uh huh I mean it's We are in Bushwick You know what I mean He said this is Bushwick Yeah if you love her I don't know I don't know

I just realized I want to throw it out there I think I think I don't know Usama Fuck everybody I think everyone should marry

Their friend Yes And then have sex with people I think your real soulmate Can be your friend So you still No You won't keep that yes

I wrote this yes i think your soulmate is your friend that is real partnership friends and then sex whatever you you hook up with people you come as you go you know if if both parties you've been pushing this you've been pushing this little scheme oh yeah we gotta marry our friends i'll be like okay okay so so now you got this short haircut, Marie. Like, you coming on to me. Leave me alone.

Where is HR? Usama. So, I think if you asked me a couple years ago, I would be on Sidney's side. Like, yeah, just be fucking, fuck it out, fuck, fuck, fuck. But as the world gets crazier...

I did not say that. Fuck, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I did not say that. Right? But, like, as the world gets crazier, I see the value

in having one partner that you lock in with and you completely are one to one I see it more and more the more the world it gets more insane I'm not saying I'm

not as much as you do Molly now you see that you should be with one person as much as you do Molly I'm saying I see the concept Usama you ready

to settle down it sound like Maria stop texting me stop stop texting me you up I'm not up

I'm sleeping shut up Usama that's the best okay and that concludes our episode of Mess here at On Air Fast

yeah give it up for Osama Siddiqui Marie Boston and Cindy Washington Cindy Washington the best we did it

yeah follow us listen to the pod it's amazing yeah send us more messages we like reading them on the pod this is great

and if you want to bang your friend bang your friend wear the medical oh put it on my middle finger please it doesn't even fit I said no

mess with sydney washington and marie faustin is a production by will ferrell's big money players and iheart radio podcast created and hosted by sydney washington and marie faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588