MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Name Dropping

Episode Date: March 29, 2019

Wendy Williams reign is over. Its all about us now. With Sydnee now back from LA, her and Marie are ready to talk smack on just about anyone. Whether thats A-Rod, Cardi B, or Jussie; were naming names this week. No reservations.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sydney Washington. Hi! That's my brother. Hey, Sydney. She's backity-back-back-back. Sydney's back, Sydney's back, Sydney's back. Hey, guys. So, Sydney, you've been back for a couple of days.

And I am so sad. Yeah, no, I'm back. And this weather is garbage. And the weather wasn't that nice in L.A., though. Yeah, because I spoke to you, and you were like, it's cold. I have to wear my leather jacket. Yeah, I was like. And I was like, that's not cold then.

Yeah, it was cold. I was like, that's not what I'm here for. I'm here to show all of my neck, all of my back, all of my crack. Pussy and your crack. I was trying to show my labias, and that did not happen. Your labias. Well, friend, it's going to be 64 degrees on Saturday. That's not enough to show.

You could put one labia lip out. No, it's not enough. It's not enough for a short. Nope. No, it's not enough for shorts. Of course not. But, you know, spring has sprung, friend. It was beautiful.

I had a great time. Honestly, I didn't anticipate how amazing it was going to be. I really didn't. Right, because you've never been in L.A. long term. No, I didn't. I didn't at all. And it was just, wow. Like, people really took me in and was like, oh, my God.

Let's do this. Let's do that. Let's do shows. That's the greatest feeling. Yeah, it was just like I was appreciated and loved. and I was like and you were like do I even have friends

in New York honestly I swear to God I was like damn you swear swear to God I was like do I even know

what a friend is wow I can't believe you said that to me on my podcast The Unofficial Expert honey I was out there promote promote promote

I know I saw you met Star I was doing so much out there you met a bunch of people who listen to the podcast I did there was so

oh fuck I forgot every single name I just said Star I don't know not Star we already know you ride or die sis like you basically

gonna live in the mansion okay okay you gonna live in you gonna live in the pool house uh huh but there were so many people who were like coming and they would come

hey DM me hey I was here you listen to the podcast like why don't you come up to me and hug me I love hugs and they're like you're so scary

oh no you're so pretty and you're so mean on stage and you made fun of that white guy for wearing bootcut jeans yeah I did do that I did a lot of that a lot of slander

yes of the straight men but they were here for it It was just so exciting. I mean, I wish I knew how to drive because that would have made things better. What would you have driven, friend? A car. I would have rented a car.

Oh, okay. I would have rented a car. And, you know, it wasn't like I was drinking or anything like that. So driving wouldn't have been an issue. Everybody in L.A. drinks and drives, though. So there's that. Well, I'm not everybody. Okay?

You're different. You can't drive. I can't drive. So also that. And so things were far out. You know, there was Burbank, Santa Monica. I was just like, why is everything an hour apart? It was a lot.

But for people who've never been to L.A., L.A. is like, if you look at the city of New York and all the tall buildings, you smush it and everything spreads out. That's what L.A. is. Because it's kind of like a city and kind of like a suburb. It's like Queens, basically. L.A. is like Queens. No, for me, in terms of how far everything was, it was just like Harlem to Brooklyn. That everything was so fucking far Like on the map

It looks like it's close But then it was like Oh why is this an hour Then when you zoom out You're like oh This is an hour Because of traffic And it's just like

People were setting meetings Around three o'clock I was like why Why is anything after three Okay Because it's going to take me Two hours to get there You sound so LA right now

Girl I took the 405 To the 106 in park Baby I had Listen I had a $9 smoothie I'm in a different tax bracket Oh really

a nine dollar smoothie and it had flax seeds in it ooh baby I drank half of it and I was like I don't even want the rest that's how rich I was that was the first week

and then I was like damn I wish I would've never do that other half of the smoothie damn I spent all my money on that smoothie I was in Equinox like ah

this is my life now and then I was like I'll never be back I'll never be back I only brought one pair of like gym clothes and I wore that to every hike

oh I thought you had different I thought it was one a series like a photo shoot series oh you just had dirty ass pants on oh no

my friend had a washer and dryer so I washed everything every day it was fine people were attractive there but there was nobody to cheat with like just nobody

I was like damn I really must love Adrienne there was nobody to cheat with? no nobody you didn't see no attractive black women? no nobody

no attractive white women? nobody that I was like ooh this is worth it no cute taco? no nope truck girls?

no there was no lady I wanted to fiddle with nothing wow I love my girlfriend I love her I love her

there's literally I'm not attracted or I'm asexual it's either I love my girlfriend or I don't want anyone at all I feel like people

listening are like you love her but you were talking about her like she didn't exist for like three months oh yeah absolutely

absolutely I did it for the for a job for the pilot for a job that we turned down yeah I said actually no

actually you know what and aka they said no so it's fine it worked out um you know people people are sad in LA y'all don't get it fucked up people are sad they just have cars and so they have cars to be sad in yeah so it and then it was just so weird because it's like I had all this energy and everybody's like why are you so happy they're like what cocaine you got on you right now I'm not in fucking New York that's why I'm just excited

to be here I'm so happy but the cool thing about being out there right now is so many people from here have moved there and it's like oh, it's like New York with palm trees. It's helpful. Yeah. Because it's hard to be in a different city where you don't know nobody but like when you know and Sydney has more friends than any person that I know. That's what they said in LA.

Because it's true. They said that too. They were like Sydney, you are popular. Popular. Popular. Regina George. That's me. No, maybe you're not. Maybe you're Gretchen Wieners. Why Gretchen? Because you're not mean enough to be Regina George. I am pretty damn

mean. The way that you're saying I'm pretty damn mean is not very mean. You're right. You see this? You hear the bass in my voice? I'm Regina George. No, bitch. You just want to be Regina George. Okay, then fine. I'll be somebody else, but you definitely not Regina George, friend. Whatever. Andrew, who is Regina George?

You're being a little bit meaner lately. It's because I got a new phone. You got a new phone? Because I got a job? No. Oh my god. I was being mean because Sidney wasn't here to keep to balance out the mean this the she the yin to my yang if i'm by myself i'm just me but if sydney's next to me she's like marie and then the person that i'm being mean to is like

oh okay they see you too yeah okay i'm not alone she's really mean i know it was weird because i was like i was still in the group chats you know i was still in yeah we still spoke every single day i was still in the new york group chats but it was just it was different you know what I mean time difference and just you know she was sending different

like reaction shots it was like Sydney why did you say that I know I was off it was a little off but it was fine it was Amina was like

oh you gonna FaceTime me every day you gonna call and I didn't and she was just like sis when you gonna call I was like you said

I was gonna call and do all this shit and I was like I'm not doing it I'm not doing it I had to let my you ran out of data no I did

the data was gone yo when you run out of data and then try to get your Uber yo it's gonna take forever cause it doesn't upload it takes like a long time to get an Uber and then when the Uber's coming

it doesn't sync up so it says that it's 5 minutes away when it's really 3 minutes away or say it's 3 minutes away when it's really 20 minutes away. No no no the Uber app has been slacking because it'll say that it's 5 minutes away and the car will be outside. Yeah it's true like anytime I order an Uber now

if I look out the window the app will still say it's a minute away and the car will be waiting for me yikes and you know But, you know, they're paying for it. So I just, I wait a little bit. I should have asked the listeners to send me, you know. Uber rides? Uber rides.

That's what I should have really fucking asked for. So they could track you? No, just like send me Ubers. I've been to, I took so many freaking Ubers. And it was just like, the drivers were all horrible. Every single last one of them. Well, because all the Uber drivers in LA also want to be performers. So they're like, oh, I want to be where you are.

Oh, you're going to Netflix? Wow. Can you get me a meeting with the, and it's like, no. brian two stars shout out to caesar and netflix he's obsessed with the pod and we had lunch and we chatted for like i literally want to live with him so really text him after this and be like caesar i'm at the pod and we miss you shout out to everybody named caesar yeah a2 caesar yeah um yes yes yes but i was close it was brutus but thank you um you know marie and amina still did the Knitting Factory

without me and it was weird three or four phenomenal weeks without Sydney and then Sydney came back this week and it was like

wow did we even have shows when she was gone cause Sydney got on stage and the crowd was like a little bit like hey and she was like

oh I didn't fly 3,000 miles for this raggedy ass energy and she got them together real quick the show was great it was so fun

on Sunday if y'all haven't been to the Knitting Factory yet you're dead to us why would you not It's a free show. It's on a Sunday at 9 p.m. And if you don't have a day job, I will have a day job next week.

But if you don't have a day job, you should be out. That means you're not coming to the diner this Sunday? I am coming. I will definitely be there. Nothing will stop the diner. Nothing will stop. Nothing will stop him all the way up. I love the diner.

And we recap everything there. Do you guys have a place where you recap shit? The diner is our cheers. Is our central perk. Is our, I don't know. cafeteria and in set it not set it off in sex in the city yeah is cafeteria where they know they were in a different place every time they met up really yeah sex in the city they like were never in the same restaurant more than twice no that's not true they had one cafe that they would go to

all the time they went to all the cafes all the time in sex in the city listeners listeners i've We need someone to Google that. Tall, sexy, gay producer Andrew. You do look very tall and very sexy today. You have a skin tea jean on today. You look great. Are people sliding into your DMs from the show? Oh, otherwise?

Okay, well, listeners, I want you to slide into gay producer intern DMs. You forgot the word tall. Oh, well. Gay, tall producer, sexy intern. It's fine. Andrew. Yeah, the episode. Last week, or whatever week we talked about Clay Aiken sliding in your DMs was hilarious to me.

The dick was beautiful. It was great. Listen, you think Clay Aiken's dick looks one way, and then you see it and you're like, oh. It was quite nice. And then I saw another dick when I was in L.A. I saw James Franco, and damn, it was... James Franco got good dick? It was delicious.

It looked like this one by one. As a lesbian, I was like... Delicious. It was... How did you see James Franco's dick? Don't be skipping out on details. Someone had a dick pic with his face in it. Oh, he's so dumb.

And there was like semen coming out of it. It was crazy. Do we need to bleep this out? Should we bleep it out? It was beautiful. This is a family podcast. Who got a James Franco jerk off dick pic? It looked like a thick kielbasa.

Wow. It was beautiful. Pork sausage realness? James Franco is problematic, Andrew says. He is problematic, but I was definitely like, he likes, like, little girls. Oh. Like, college sophomores. Fuck.

Who is not a perv? At, like, 17. Yes. I was just, like, trying to get girls to come after he was, like, on a Broadway show or something. Didn't he teach a class at, like, NYU for, like, a semester so he could bang his students? Yeah. I have some tea on James. Okay.

Spill it. Okay. My friend used to hang out with him. they were making out or whatever they were supposed to hook up but he never had sex with her and he would read

his book to her that was like supposed to be his like sexy time he would read to the bitch and I was like and she kept telling me

oh I think he's gay and I was like no girl he just don't want to fuck you but they would like hang out he was trying to teach you how to read

yeah he's like he thinks you're illiterate he's just trying to read you a bedtime story I know somebody who knows somebody who banged Leonardo DiCaprio he only has sex

with headphones in from the back. Like, he will not let you make eye contact with him while you have sex. That's not true. My friend actually had sex with him as well, and she said the dick was not strong. I know the dick is weak. The dick looked like soggy dad dick.

It was like, you know those little boats that you, on Titanic, that are supposed to put- Life rafts. Yeah, life rafts. That's what she said the dick was like. You know, Titanic didn't have enough life rafts, and Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't have enough dick. I mean, honestly.

There it is. Yeah. You heard it here first, folks. Leo! But James Franco, goodness. He, I was really surprised. I was blown away. Strong dick, but doesn't want to use it.

No, he uses it, just not on my friend. Yeah. Is your friend also being Leonardo DiCaprio? Yeah, actually. Ah! And Teresante! She's got a good record. Where is she meeting these rich beige dudes?

I can't say, but she has a great record of people. You can't say. Let me see who she took pictures with on Instagram. She doesn't take pictures. She doesn't do that. No, no, no, you. I'm trying to see who you took pictures with. Oh, no, all of my friends are off, except you and Amina.

I have to take everyone off, you know? You deleted all your friends on Instagram. Does anybody else have a, do we have another famous celebrity sex story? No. Well, actually. Since this is a time and a place to tell it, the listeners haven't heard your voice in seven days. In a full week, friend.

I heard Reggie Bush smells like the penis was smelly. Oh, it had cheese on it? Yeah. Before the baby, before the wife, and all this other stuff. So while he was with Kim Kardashian? Around that time? No, I think before. Oh, so he smelled before Kim?

Yeah, and I heard that he's really cheap. Very cheap. Well, you know, these professional athletes, football is a full contact sport, sis. He knows he's not going to play forever. He's got to save the money. Yeah. Also, what does that mean? He was getting Uber pools for the girls?

What is really cheap? They didn't have XL? He went to the Bahamas with this chick and, like, he was cutting corners. What do you mean, cutting corners? Like, he didn't want to tip. He was just very, very. Well, that's just niggas. Oh, my God.

He didn't want to tip. Niggas. Wait, I have. Oh, there's another one. Yes. My legs are open, friend. What's the story? A-Rod.

I read recently. Shlong Long. Did you see it? did not see it but the friend was definitely like probably one of the biggest she's ever been with

Alex Rodriguez what's for Jennifer Lopez you know because she deserves it she deserves biggest ring cause you know Mark Anthony

Mark Anthony might could have a big dick I think he does you could tell he got that like skeleton face yes he's got the lazy eye it always be those

lazy ass dudes that just like I can't believe it yeah but I feel it you think that's what he was singing when he

when he said on me you know he gave her two twins he gave her twins yeah so but wasn't that by in vitro

you don't think they were having sex I think they were having sex but I think didn't like J-Lo no I think she got

you know like a healthy like strong uterus yeah but I think he's got lazy swimmers though really yeah

like his eyes yeah actually why do you think Marc Anthony is lazy sperm I think they bachata

to the fallopian tube you're so dumb wait wait wait okay so it came out recently some porn star said that um a rod was in her like he was texting her up until when he proposed to jennifer lopez asking for threesomes and sending sending her videos of him jerking off yikes up until he proposed to jennifer well that's why the ring's so big he's like you know i gotta love baggage bitch you know what i mean the ring gotta be huge for you to not look at that no more

not even care no anyway and I heard that A-Rod likes when you play with his butt okay good for him

like playing it little butt play little light butt play like butt plugs okay I'm lying about that that's a lie on the record

it sounds hilarious and then as we all know Derek Jeter when he has sex with you he gives you a gift bag and a signed baseball well I will say

how many signed baseballs of Derek Jeter do you think are floating around New York right now well I will say this I was there on his first date

when he was with his now wife you were there I was there I was there on the first date he was so nervous I've never seen

someone more nervous to meet someone cause she's like a sports illustrator model she's gorgeous she's young they all date models

I'm not I'm not understanding why this particular Maybe he was on drugs? No, no, no. That's how I knew that he really liked her. How nervous he was.

Derek Jeter wife. Yeah. And she was playing. Her? Let me see. Hannah? Yes. Yes.

I mean, Hannah looked regular. No. Maybe she's hotter than how she photographs, but she don't look like somebody that like somebody. She's pretty, but she's not somebody that I feel like I'd be sweating over at a bar. She's stunning in real life. She's gorgeous. Maybe she photographs not as good.

Let me see that picture. I think this is a shitty picture. Just go through the Google images and you're like, eh. Oh, yeah. This is a tie. She looked tired there. This is probably after the baby. She was coming down from Molly or something.

Yeah, but look how he look. He got no neck. I mean, he looked puffy. He got a bunch of sodium in him now. He's not in the gym no more. Yeah. Dad face. No, she looked better than this.

This is definitely like after baby look. But whatever. He was so nervous. He was drinking so many vodka sodas. His hands were shaking like they were talking. And I could just tell, oh, this is when a guy really likes you. He acts like this. He acts a little autistic.

She looks kind of like our friend Jess. Yeah, she does actually. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead, Jess. Yeah, but he's a nice guy. He was cool. I heard he has herpes.

Oh, I heard that too. Okay, I heard his dick is burning. Are we turning to Wendy Williams? she's stepping down and we're just turning up did you hear that she relapsed this week

yeah I heard about that she got drunk she'd been sober for X amount of but she relapsed because allegedly her husband's mistress had a baby this week

yep and he and his mistress have been together for 10 years yeah he and Wendy been together for 21 so

if you're with somebody for that long they gotta have a whole family on the side that's just what it is no they don't gotta nothing they got to you gotta leave them

no you're not allowed to bang me and then bang somebody who's not me. Well, if you have enough money, you should be able to do both. Just saying. But it's not his money.

It's her money. Oh, he's just being broke? He's her manager. So he's making money too. But it's still her money. He's getting 10% of her money. Okay, okay. She need to cut his dick off.

Ooh, Lorena Bobbitt. I'm here for it. Lorena Bobbitt it. That being said, I mean, they said that she relapsed on Monday after her show and she still showed up on Tuesday and did her show.

So, shout out to her. Black women are quirking. we're always showing up and showing out you know what I mean I mean truly she wanted that check the part of the wig

wasn't crooked or nothing it wasn't askew it was straight well I will tell you when I relapsed the next day I looked magnificent I was glowing

friend I didn't even know you didn't know I had no idea yeah so the week after it'll hit her it'll hit her

and you'll be like ooh eyes are sunken in you know she even came back after commercial after she had the stroke she did

remember when she fainted on stage in the in the the lady liberty costume she came right back strong black woman i mean she fainted they went to commercial everybody was like oh and then we came back and she was like hey guys i overheated and it was like did you did you overheat friend she's like you know my insulin was low she just needed a little you know i got the graves disease and my eyes popped and it was like

okay but her show is not live yes or it's live it tapes i don't think her show is live it's not live no it's not because remember we we watched it they pre-taped the one that we were on no i wasn't i was on the show but i didn't do i would i've never gone to see the show we did we went to go see i didn't go with all of you guys it was all the female comics that when i wasn't there you don't even remember what black friend you was with wow yikes i think it's live out of new york or maybe it's live to tape they do some pre-tape stuff they do yeah It's pre-taped because they record Monday through Thursday, but then on Friday... The Friday is taped.

Yeah. Yeah, okay, so they shoot. Okay, thank you, producer, Wendy expert, Wendy watcher. How you doing? Okay, more in the gossip news. So Cardi B was drugging and robbing dudes when she was a stripper. Okay. Let's snap for that.

Let's talk about this for a moment because... Do you remember when I auditioned for that movie to be a stripper last summer? Yes. And I didn't get it because my butt's too small. um and my boobs are also too small anyway shut up also because i can't really act um i was in there reading and they were like you're so funny are you a comedian i was like this is not a comedy like i was trying to act and they didn't think i was good but um the movie is um starring jennifer lopez and cardi b was just added to the cast of that movie and the movie's about

it based on a true story about these strippers in new york that were drugging men I know them and stealing their money I know those strippers Sydney got some good ass friends I have good gossip

on them now let me tell you I will say this on the record these guys that were going into these specific strip clubs

strip clubs were not shit they were not shit do I think that men should be drugged and robbed yes absolutely

yes in a strip club 100% yes outside of a strip club absolutely not but But, but, but, but, but, but people were commenting because Cardi B is in this movie now, but she was saying that she was doing this also.

She admitted to it. Girl, you need to publish this. She was like, I had to do this to survive. And it was like, to survive? Nah, you were already making- You could have just clocked in and then went home. Yeah, she was making a lot of money as a stripper anyway. Right.

Girl, you didn't have to drug anybody. She was problematic. But the guys that were going there that I, there was one time, ooh, and the girls who were drugging these dudes were bricks. Right. It wasn't Derek Jeter's wife. No, no, no, no, no. These were unattractive women doing the stunts.

And you're just like, this guy is getting a dance from this chick. Why would you even? Anyway, the eyebrows were so thin. Why would you even trust this stripper? So like a 1990s brow. Yes, yes. Very, very thin. A Julia Stiles save the last dance brow.

Yes. But I would hear, and I'm actually low-key extended friend of the stripper who used to do it. Extended friend. Okay. So you went to the cookout. No, no, no. You shared some meals? No, I heard about the cookouts.

Okay. I heard about it via phone. Via phone? And they would, this is what they do. Via email? Sometimes it would be ketamine. It was mainly ketamine. They would get them K'd out.

So if you do K, which is horse or cat tranquilizer. No, no, no, Cindy, stop saying it's cat because you did it that one time. It's horse tranquilizer. It was the one, the ketamine I was doing was cat. Meow, meow. Meow, meow. Meow, meow. They don't give cats ketamine, friend.

Yes, they do. You have to put cats to sleep, too. There's something else, sis. Anyway, but how do you know? Because ketamine is horse tranquilizer. If you Google it right now, sis, it's horse tranquilizer. A cat is tiny compared to a horse. They're not giving them the same thing.

Oh, shut the fuck up. Maybe they were giving them ketamine. Ketamine. It was not ketamine. I had the ketamine. I had the ketamine. Whatever. So they were getting them K'd up.

the type of drugging that they were doing they were not putting roofie in their drinks they were not doing that they were these guys were

asking for the drugs and they just would get fucked up they would get too fucked up well one of the men that they did this to was like a dentist or something

they would get them drunk drugged up and then they would max out their credit card yes they would have black cards right

so they ran this poor dentist his Amex all the way up he was not poor messed up his credit and I think he lost his kids I don't know

he had a wife A lot of these dudes would come in and they would have fucking other families and they would not admit to what was going down because they're like, I shouldn't have been there anyway. Yes, but just because I go to a strip club doesn't mean that I'm going to be cheating on my wife. I might just want to see some titties. So why don't you just stay in the main room? Why do you need a champagne room to see these titties? I don't know what their thought process on that was, but like maybe they were drugging them in the main room and walking them into the champagne room. Okay, but some of these guys would actually, it would be an ongoing thing.

It wouldn't like they would get drugged once and then they're gone. They can't come back. They would come back. And then some of them would actually, hey, I'll meet you at the store and buy these things. Like, guys change stories all the time. Men be lying. There was tons of times in the nightclub where they said that we drugged them. And it's like, no, dude, you had five bottles of Grey Goose, okay?

We did not drug you. You drugged your damn self. He's like, well, I'm going to call Amex and have them dispute the charge. Okay, we'll talk to Amex then. Talk to them. Tell them to take it off. We still getting our money. I mean.

Do your charge back if you want to. Listen, I don't believe in drugging and robbing men. Unless. I will say that if men were drugging women, they're not going to just rob them. They're going to rape them. Yes, that's Bill Cosby. They were calling,

the hashtag on Twitter was surviving Cardi B. And they're like, how is this any different than what Bill Cosby did? Because it's different. She wasn't raping them. Because it's different. She was taking their money. Money that they already had.

They had a plethora of money. You know, money doesn't grow. You can't take it with you when you die, friend. She was just helping you take some of the money off your shoulders. I'm not saying that you should drug men and take their money. But, like, you should definitely be taking men's money if you're a woman. Absolutely. If they're coming in the strip club, they're there to get.

It's a business, right? And so when you go in the champagne room, that is a different life altogether. Like, you're not just there to see some titties. You almost low-key want to get your dick sucked, right? Almost low-key. I feel like most men wake up in the morning and their first thought is, I'm going to get my dick sucked today. And there's men who don't even walk out the house with money and they're like,

I'm going to get my dick sucked. Abso-freaking-lutely. Listen, let me tell you, when they go in that champagne room, it's not like, oh, I just want to see some titties in my face. I want to get to know Amber. Yeah, it's like, oh, if my dick come out and then all of a sudden it's in your ass, then that's what it is. That's what we do in the champagne?

That's what they paint. Wow. That's why they're paying extra money. Wow. And so then, okay, so then here's the insider trade. So then they would have the waitress, right? The waitress would be in cahoots with this, like. Right, because she was bringing the drinks. She would bring the drinks. No, no, no. But you can't just get

drinks in the champagne room. You have to buy bottles. There's a minimum. Oh, you want to be in the room for this? You got to pay, like, $1,200 or $1,500. Yep. So they would get the waitresses who are really good at, like, coercing them you should get this dom and you should do this and so they're getting extra

champagne that they don't need and then that's when oh well we also want to get coke so they would get coke but it would really be ketamine and then they would be k'd out so it was a lot of stunts it sounds like you worked one of these shifts i wasn't there you came in to pick your purse up one time i wasn't there but i heard everything i was getting the low down dirty shame I was low down dirty and I would say that these girls were definitely greedy they're definitely they could have done it for a little while and then stopped but you do it and it works and you get away with it so you just keep doing it right so but then they would tell me stories about the guys who would come in and think that they own them and they would be like they would

just assume that oh you can put your finger in me and all those things and so it's like a back and forth it's like you do this job you know what you're supposed to do you know these guys are gonna be touching you but then there's guys that get out of hand too there just listen just because the security guard is there doesn't mean that there's security since the beginning of time men have been problematic yes they get out of hand they do what they do what they want and let's think let's talk about these strippers for a second right some strippers really are just stripping to go to college they do it they leave so some strippers can't get out of it they have no other choice that's what they're doing um that being said i'm not going to be in the movie but kiki

palmer i think got my role and you know she dead to us um because i feel like me people have said that i resemble you know akilah and the b so it's like wow is that me in the movie if you see the movie it's me um yeah but kiki's a little she's a little ticky ticky bull yeah so i don't see that in you i don't see that in your future oh you don't see the ticky ticky no no no i see you as mean you're very mean mean but grounded yes yeah it seems like you get half hugs at home half oh We don't touch at my house. No, okay. We don't touch there.

So, yeah, so now all these guys are coming at Cardi B, and they're like, oh, you know, all about the R. Kelly and the Michael Jackson and da-da-da-da. It's like, have that same energy for Cardi, and it's like, absolutely not. I like it like that. I'm blasting that shit like that. She said all she wants is money.

She made a whole song about it. She trademarked it, and people were upset with her about that because they were like the Kardashians were saying it first and it's like no they weren't they can't even

roll their R's okay shut the fuck up I was like I've never watched the Kardashians but I feel like they've never

I know for a fact that they didn't come up with the phrasing black folks gay drag drag queens have been saying it

black folks in New York have been saying it when the cops come like that's just something that has always been like our vernacular yeah people are saying

that the Kardashians where Chloe used to say it on the show apparently. I don't know. I don't watch it. I have no idea. When was the first time you heard it? Do you remember? It was gay people. It was the gays. And the gays took it from the blacks. We know

how it goes. We know the pyramid. This is the scheme. It's black women that come up. Black folks come up with culture. Then the gays take it. Then white gays take it. And then white women take it from the white gays. And then they say it's boxer

breaks. Yeah, and once the white women take it then it's like, cancel it. Then we stop saying it. We gotta cancel it and it's all the way corny. Listen, I heard a group of white dudes say throwing shade the other day and I was like, shade is cancelled. They have a whole show called... We're not saying that. They have a show called Throwing Shade. It's been cancelled.

It's two white folks. I keep seeing the bus ads. It's a podcast called Throwing Shade. Don't listen to it! You're listening to this podcast. Meanwhile, what is the unofficial expert doing? We're not on a bus. What's up with that? We're not on a bus but we are number 62

on the top we're number listen we we were top 100 comedy podcasts so you guys need to you know keep commenting

and subscribing so that we can be on the side of a bus I low key heard that Oprah's listening to the pod that's what I heard Oprah and her you know Gail's best friend

yeah hey Gail Stedman I heard is a big fan he's a huge fan of Sidney talking about ketamine oh my god he loves he loves

he writes me all the time he slides in my DMs and was like, keep up the good work. Daughter. Daughter. I'm his daughter. Wow, Stedman is your dad? Yeah.

Crazy. Stedman Washington. I never knew his last name. I love. He changed his last name because when he was with Oprah, he's like- Does anybody know Stedman's last name?

No. He is like Cher. Yeah. Or Beyonce. Cher. Look it up, Andrew. Stedman Graham? I feel like it's Graham.

I'm gonna, yeah, I'm putting all my- Stedman Graham. Ah, see? I put all my chips on Graham. It was Graham. how did you know I feel like maybe I heard it one time

that's so weird you don't remember the names of people that you actually fucking know but you know Stedman's last name that's so weird

Stedman Graham Sidney's dad that's the strangest thing Sidney Elizabeth Washington Graham Marie back to us so did you miss me

did you miss me friend Sidney of course not of course I missed you but like also I've been really busy and it's been kind of crazy

I feel like I've been doing this show for a year and it's been five weeks and it's like seven more weeks left yeah

wow yeah seven more weeks it's a lot of work I'm very proud of you I couldn't do it it's you could do it

no absolutely not though I see what you're doing and I was like nope I would not I would not

eventually you would see on my face that I'm like I don't want to be here I don't want to do this oh I already had we already did that episode of the show

where I was like this is dumb and I don't want to be here and it's just me sitting there arms crossed you know we have a little earpiece

and I keep taking it out they're yelling at me I can't even hear them I'm like I don't I'm not doing this yes Beyonce I'm going off the prompter I don't care

I yelled at them in my earpiece the other day what'd you say because the the segments that they had us doing we didn't want to do

and I was like why are you guys pushing stuff on us that the hosts don't want to do like this is if it's a talent driven show it should be

our voice like if we're not happy about something and we're not excited about something, it's very obvious. Drag them. Okay. Drag that job.

That being said, you know, I'm just trying to do this job until it turns into a better job. Oh, my God. Hey, Disney. Marvel. Y'all need somebody? Because Disney has that new streaming service

that's about to launch. It's going to be the new Netflix. Yes. They're pulling all, and Disney just bought 21st Century Fox. So Disney owns everything now. So all those Fox movies and all the Disney stuff,

all the Marvel stuff, everything ABC is Disney. So they're pulling everything off of Hulu and Spotify. Disney, I am sober and I'm a Christian gay. Are you a Christian gay? I'm perfect for Disney. Is that what citywashington.com says? A Christian gay?

A Christian gay. I'm a Christian gay that also Uber pools and donates to the poor. Delivered. Sydney is safe. Delivered. Yes, Lord. A Christian gay?

Yes, God. Merch. We're going to put that on a back of hoodies. A Christian gay. We need a merch, Marie. I know. We need merch. We need catchphrases.

How do we make? We have catchphrases. We don't have merch. Listen, listeners, because people have been messaging me about the cunt and gaunt shirts. Yeah, we should have cunt and gaunt. As soon as we get below the iTunes. Top, top. Listen, top 20?

Yeah. That's how we got to do it. That's when you guys will get some merch. That you have to buy We're not giving away merch But I did learn in LA It's all about cross promotion It's all about getting on podcasts that have a lot of viewers

I mean a lot of listeners And in LA the way they do pods It's a freaking business It's not casual It's not like show up with no makeup on With your ponytails and what not People are done I feel personally attacked

You pointed to me for both of those things Are you wearing makeup friend? I have my eyebrows on OK, because some of us have high self-esteem and we don't need brows. OK, you left your house with brows drawn on. I have quite high confidence after L.A. It was pressed. All right. They called me every queen in the book.

Empress. All of that. They didn't call you Duchess? No, no, I didn't get that. No, no Duchess. I was all set with that. You know, Meghan is a Duchess. Who cares? She's pregs. It's fine. No, but they do it like a business. It's like it's insane.

Like, every podcast I went to, I was like, oh, this is all y'all do. Y'all just. And the host just be letting the guests just do the work. Y'all just. No, I don't even believe that. I believe you went to these podcasts and they thought they were going to be able to run it. And you just took over all these podcasts. They weren't trying to let you do all the work.

You just stole all these people's podcasts. That's not true. Those are Sydney's podcasts now. That's not. I don't do that. That's yours. That's what you do. We have done podcasts together, and we took over plenty of podcasts together.

Maria is a takeover type person. Shut up, Sydney. I'm awesome. Sydney, you were in L.A. doing coup de tas of these people's podcasts. You went out there, and they're like, welcome, I guess. And you were like, well, let me see what you're doing. Let's talk about who you are. Just switching.

Because I think you missed doing this podcast so much while you were in L.A. I think you missed doing the podcast with me. I did miss doing the podcast with you. Okay. But I'm saying, Sydney, it's not an insult. But I know for a fact, when you get on a microphone with somebody who's unprepared, you steal their light. I don't steal. Andre, I mean, Andrew, can I call you Andre now?

Yes, our producer Andre. I'm just going to call him Andre now. A2 Andrew. Shaquana Andre. Shaquana Hot Sauce. Okay. No, that wasn't the case. It was just like, I want to make sure that I'm selling myself.

I was like, I need to be very on brand. These people don't know me. I have to come with it. I have to make sure that people want more. I know. I know. I literally just did the podcast for us. Literally.

I'm always thinking about you, Marie. Always. Thinking about me? Yeah. The pod. Thinking about me. Thinking about the pod. Okay.

Me, though. I think about you. Okay. You know, we had that episode with Alana, and I felt like we were trying to have a breakthrough, but you were still, you know. A breakthrough? Yeah. Oh. You know, Marie still won't say I love you.

She just won't say it. I don't know why you need that from me, friend. What do you mean? Because we're best friends, man. We're best friends. You're evil. Who's evil? You.

Girl. You started to give me real hugs lately, and it feels good. What are you talking about? it feels good I can't admit when you're like being nice it makes you weird

what? you recoil Sydney I don't know why what you're doing and like what this tactic is that you got

for the last 20 minutes of the podcast but it's very weird why is it weird? I mean Sydney let's let's unpack this okay let's

let's talk about it when was the last time somebody said I love you to you? oh everybody says I love you except you

you're the only one The Uber drivers say I love you more than you. You're the only fucking one, Marie. Wow, I feel... And we're coming up on five years, friend. Is it five years? Five years. Okay, well, hold on.

Let me see. Five years. I have to go on Facebook when we became friends. What? I think it's in July. What? It might have been in July. Five years?

We might have started being friends in June. How long have you and Adrian been together? It'll be five years in August. Okay, well, there we go. We met in like July, June. It was like early summer. Yes. It might have been May.

What are we going to do for our anniversary? It's our anniversary. Well, our producer Andre said he was going to cook for us. It's our anniversary. Andrew, can you cook? We don't trust you anyway. Yeah, Andrew look like you be boiling meat. And you don't wash your hands.

You just be tossing salads with your hands that you haven't washed. You washed the salad, but you didn't wash your hands. You washed the salad, but you don't wash your hands. Wait, more Marie. Marie Slander. Marie, you've been looking great on the show. Listen. Can we talk about this?

Oh, you look incredible. Can we discuss? Okay, first of all, none of my co-hosts want to put makeup or put no looks on. I'm like, give me makeup. Give me hair. Yeah. And I will wear that $850 off-white jacket. You are a star.

I feel like it's easy to look better than them because they don't care. They're just like, I'm going to just wear these sweatpants. And I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wear that. But you're with two men and Sandy's like mad chill. Yeah, she's very relaxed. She's chill.

She's super alt-y. She's very like consignment shop. She's not going to throw a heel on. And I'm like, whoa, I'll put those Balenciagas on. Let's do it. That's the only reason why I would want to do it with you is just to like the looks. Did you see Issa Rae's Essence magazine cover?

Let's talk about it. Sis is engaged to an Afrikan. Afrikan. Afrikan. Afrikan't. And I'm just so happy for her. She's glowing. So is that what it says in the article?

She's engaged? No, it doesn't say. I had to do my Google. I had to be on my young, black, and fabulous tip. I had to go to the blogs. They said she's been with him for 10 years. Imagine having a secret boo for 10 years. He was in the shadows.

and then all of a sudden you just pull out this ring in a cover like boop it's like crazy wait is she wearing the ring on the cover

yes she's wearing the ring see people are saying it's not JLo ring Oprah magazine said nobody's confirming sis I read her alleged fiance

Louis something I sent you a picture Louis Diem I sent you a picture they definitely look together I sent it to the group I did not see

the photo friend you know you ain't got no data so maybe it ain't going through shut up Anyway, I'm happy for her. I'm glad that she's with somebody who understands the business.

Oh, yeah. He is attractive. He's not all up and through. Like, he's not trying to be in her stories. He's nice looking. He's very attractive. Oh, not when he's bald, though. He look, yeah.

Oh, the hairline was receding. I see. Okay, great. Oh, my God. He's nice looking. This guy? Let me see. Yeah, that's him.

That's him. You know, when you're like a public figure. That's going to be you, Marie. You're going to have a whole boo and nobody's going to. He's not even going to know he's my man. You got to keep it under wraps, you know? Like I mentioned, Carrie Washington, she's married. She got two kids.

We've never seen the kids. We only see her husband. He was like a football player. I guess he's retired now. I guess he wasn't that good. But you only see them together on red carpets when she's like at the White House. He don't walk the carpet with her any other time. He'll meet her at the seat.

He'll be like, I'll meet you inside. That's beautiful. I mean, everybody doesn't need to be in your business all the time. Adrienne would not stand for it. She would not go for it. I feel like Adrienne doesn't like taking pictures like that, though. She doesn't like taking pictures, but it's all about the, well, I want you to want to show me around.

Yeah, that's why I couldn't date no woman. Because I want you to want people to see me. It's like, I don't want you to. But she would be like, no, I don't want to. But she just wants the invitation. And I'd be like, well, I'm bringing Marie. yo i was in la and like five people thought that you were my girlfriend five people they're like oh so where's your girlfriend i was like she's in new york she's got a show she's like i mean

no no no wait i was like i was like adrian has a show no no i fucked that up but i was like no they're like you know it's so great that you guys are like so beautiful and talented and funny i was like adrian's funny no she is funny she's been actually she's funny and she's like the right amount of mean about it that's why i like her y'all get along too well and it's just annoying but anyway uh they thought it was you and i was like absolutely not i would not date somebody in comedy never and they wouldn't be haitian and they friend i i too would never date a haitian i too i was like that would be abusive relationship no way abusive because i'm haitian or because yes because you're

no because you're haitian i'm not abusive friend i've never struck you more than twice never have more than twice yeah um yeah i mean people see what they want to see i mean you post whole photos of you and Adrienne hugged up for her birthday and people are still like

oh Sydney's friend is nice oh Marie your girlfriend Marie the comedian and it's like they see what they want to see I was at a show and somebody was like

I'm so happy for your girlfriend I said why she's on Vice I said Marie I said that bitch no way I'm so happy for your girlfriend I was like why

you're like because she's with me no they're like no because she's on Vice and they're like I was like i was like my sister marie my sister my colleague yeah my business partner well i don't know what business we have but we have the what we have unofficial expert podcast and we're now at 25

on the charts on the itunes hot 100 charts honestly guys we are just you know all you gotta do is pick up the phone right next to you it don't even gotta be your phone and subscribe to the podcast subscribe and comment too we love comments uh the comments They've been really good. They've been really nice. I love when people are like, I almost got kicked out of class for listening to the podcast.

It was really beautiful. Why are you not learning nothing? I was very, very happy about the comments that I've been getting and just the love that people are blessing us with. We deserve it.

And I don't know if you watched Broad City last night, but we were in the program. Was our episode on last night? It's going to be tonight, but this is coming out tomorrow. Yes! If you watched it last night,

you saw us at the end. Sydney and I, I mean unless they cut us out but I don't know why no they didn't somebody messaged me and they were like I saw it at South by Southwest

we are in the very last episode of the last episode ever ever of Broad City and people are like oh my god Alana Glazer

was on the podcast no no no no S&M was on the show yeah okay but she was on the podcast she did a great job

and we had a good time wait are the title this should be name names name names yeah is that what it's gonna be you fucking did the name you yo

Name dropping. Name dropping. Should be the name. Name dropping. Name dropping. That's what we do. Because we, oh, so many celebs. We are fucking low-key Wendy Williams today.

Is there anybody that we, is there anything that we should, we miss? Disgusting. We miss like Lori Loughlin and stuff. Oh, the USC people. First of all, USC, remember I did the show there last year? Yeah. It's an expensive college, but why do all these celebrities want their kids to go there? It's not that good of a school.

it must be community college for rich people because they spent all that money for their kids to go Dr. Dre's daughter's going there Aunt Becky from Full House's kid is not going there anymore she got like kicked out and then the Desperate Housewives lady

shameless and also I mean hot topic, Jussie Jussie beat the case okay so they explained to me what happened Jigga not really guilty he's not guilty No, he's still guilty.

They dropped the charges. What does that mean? Okay, so the vice lawyer came and spoke to us about this. So what that means is if the case had gone to trial, most likely stuff about the Chicago Police Department would have came out that they don't want to come out. Because they're so messy and shady and nasty and gross. So the state attorney decided to drop the charges.

Oh, that's like OJ Simpson then. OJ Simpson went to trial and they said he was not guilty sis it's a completely different thing but he definitely did it sure but there was some loopholes that's a name I'm not throwing in I'm not gonna say nothing about Khloe Kardashian's dad

but they mishandled that case and that's why the jury was like he might have done it but the cops messed up here but Jesse was charged with 16 felonies he did some community service and then he was like he put up the $10,000

bond and he told them they could keep it and they were like oh okay we're going to keep it but also a lot of crazy crap that the Chicago Police Department has done was going to come out and they were like we'd rather not so the state the DA said that but the police

department and the mayor and all the people are upset because they're like well we worked you know 10,000 hours to solve this and blah blah blah and it's like yeah but y'all was probably planning stuff What about all those cases that you lied about? And it's like, hmm. Take this L.

Take this L. Take the L, Chicago police. Right. So, I mean, what's next for Jesse? Is he going to be in a movie? No, we can't trust him. He's so much more visible now, though. He's visible, but it's still like a bad taste in my mouth.

Really? Yeah, I'm kind of like, you are a drama queen. I mean, you know, the gays. Yeah, the gays. Y'all are dramatic. The gays, the blacks, very dramatic. I'm not the same gay as Jussie. So sorry.

I'd still take the train. So he's a different type of gay. But you're a Christian gay. He took the subway. He took the subway that fucking night. He did it for the role. So maybe I'm seeing some writing roles, maybe? Some directing roles opening up for Jussie?

The next Jordan Peele, maybe? Yeah. He called himself the gay Tupac. Maybe he's the gay Jordan Peele. I believe it. He wrote a terrible scene. the whole thing that unfolded

was terrible I live but you know I feel like more people know who he is now than would have ever known him

from just doing Empire absolutely because people who don't even have televisions know who Jesse is now he wanted the notoriety yeah

but that being said the FBI is still investigating that letter that he mailed to himself with fake

anthrax you know how much time that man had on his hands to do all these stunts he was not reading the script he wasn't memorizing shit

okay I tell you what he must not have been in no scenes yeah he wasn't at Vice Live speaking of Vice Live I gotta go to work yeah

okay so did we hit all the topics we hit everything we did we talked about Leonardo DiCaprio's dick we talked about

James Franco's dick we talked about Cardi B saving lives just keep subscribing we are gonna record more Patreon episodes because we are

we need them we need to yeah But people have been leaving really great comments about the stuff that you share on there because Sydney Beats is putting all her business on the Patreon. For $5, you can get my whole fucking life. You can get her social security number.

Bye, guys. Sydney, happy to have you back, friend. Did I hear I love you? If that's what you heard, then you got to go to the doctor. Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production.

Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook. Thanks for watching!