MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Naomi Campbell Edges

Episode Date: September 20, 2019

On this week's solo episode, Marie and Sydnee talk their celebrity lookalikes, their AOL screen names, and Sydnee has a hair crisis.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh, hello. Howdy, howdy, friends. I've got the horses in the back. You guys can't see, but we're wearing pretty much the same outfit today. We're wearing denim tuxedos. Denim on denims, denims on denims. We look like Mexican cowboys or Canadian something else. Canadian thoughts.

Canadian thoughts. That's what we are. Rodeo drive. Yay. you know we hang out a lot but there's like rare occasions that we have similar outfits i don't know when we uh we hosted a show together that was monthly and we would show up and have on similar stuff often i'd be like says you also doing this both of us got over oh my god we both show up wearing plaid or we'd both show up wearing the same color shorts shorts with crop tops right

Or we'd both have on a blazer Like this You know This is what happens When you're cute Factual That's a fact These are facts

Solo episode week What's going on friend? You got your hair done I hate it It's not I mean it's false She always does a great job It's just

I try to do something different I try to get a different color On the top Like at first I wanted ombre First of all I came in there chaotic Like I didn't know

What the fuck I wanted It sounds chaotic Just by how you describe it And I didn't have an example of what I wanted her to do. You know you got to show up to the hair salon with a photo. It's wrong. As a black woman, you

got to rip the photo out of a magazine or you got to find a Google image or have the screenshot of the Instagram that you're talking about. You have to give them something to look at while they're doing your hair. And I gave her pretty much nothing. And at first, I was like,

oh, this color is going to look great. And then I realized that I want something drastic but I'm pretty much okay with being the same. Like, I've had the same hairstyle for 10 years. And then eventually you guys were so tired of my bangs and my wig. Okay, can we just say that when I met Sydney, she would never not have her forehead covered.

She was like, my forehead is too big. I can't not have bangs. She had straight across bangs across her forehead. I had Nicki Minaj. yeah china gal she had a like it was bumped

it wasn't like a flat and it wasn't like too short like remember when Beyonce had them above her eyebrows yuck when Jay Z

cheated on her sorry I ain't sorry those bangs I ain't sorry I'm sorry yeah definitely so then

we made fun of Sydney until she changed her hairstyle right is that what happened that's what happened you guys you and Adrienne

pressured me to like come on girl you ain't tired and even my hairstylist at the time she's like i'm so bored doing this and i was like okay well you guys are bored and i was like i thought it

was good it went with everything it was good but it's good to switch it up sometimes you know what i mean hit us with a middle part something drastic a long weave down to your knees maybe like a 57 inch you know something keep us on our toes it could still all be the same color but you take risk and it's that's great obviously i have no hair now yeah scalp is freezing and it's wonderful but I feel like I'm not that person like I want to I wish I could

be that person and sometimes I look at my Instagram page and I'm like am I this boring what are you talking about am I I have the same

face and hair and everything it's like oh so you couldn't do the DMX challenge ah yikes is that why you didn't

post one what was the DMX challenge you know that song with him and Cisco and he's saying all the women's names yeah yeah yeah it was Keisha

Tisha Marie Sydney about three Andrews so you're supposed to post a photo of you with a different hairstyle for every name that he says to the song that's what the DMX challenge is

but that's why you didn't do it because you had 10 years of the same bangs I have the same you don't have to change the color you could change the style you were hitting us with a year of wigs we could do a year in review of wigs

I hated every single last one of them because I went to the beauty supply store and I just I didn't have the budget or I did and I just wasn't budgeting correctly and I would have like the second second shelf wigs on which were not the first shelf okay so not well not a well not a well wig but also not a top not top shelf so it was in the middle so it's just like accessible so it's just like oh I'll go to a party and it's like four or five other seven bitches with the same wig on the same goddamn part oh my god is that are you wearing sensational No, we're wearing Tanya. Oh, mine's Tyra.

That's an old Tanya. That's the 2018 version. Or the ends were so raveled that you cut them yourself. And you're like, no, it's a Tyra. It's like, that's a Tanya with a little cut at the end. That's a jagged edged Tanya, okay? I Tanya, I can tell. Yes.

Okay, but then, so you stopped doing the wigs. And then you've been hitting us with these Pocahontas braids for a moment. But they look good. they look good and they just work with me and I'm like super lazy and I don't have time to be switching shit up every single week and now I'm right now I'm just miserable because it's like I I'm realizing I don't like change I need change and I don't like it and my hair is a reflection of who I am as a person that's so crazy because I'm all about change and on the cusp of so many changes in my life right now and i legit chopped all my hair off so like we are in two completely

different places right now like legit opposite places right now fascinating yeah this is deep it's awful it's not awful though your hair looks good i think so you said you wanted something ombre but you didn't come with ombre hair because the ombre hair i didn't i didn't like what they had at the beauty supply store i just waited too long yeah because ombre hair the good stuff you gotta order online beforehand yep that's and i didn't know that i didn't realize that and um because i i'm not a hair person there's some people who are just they live for it they research they got it like i feel like you're that type of you youtube you diy you got it together i'm not that because when i decide i want to change my hair i research excessively yeah like i'm on

pinterest boards i'm i'm looking at lipstick alley.com to see what they think i'm i'm googling things I'm putting hashtags in to Instagram because I need to know if I can do it myself and if I can't how much it's gonna cost yeah so I because I can't like my hair has always been such a statement for the last couple years that it was like it was almost consuming me too much at times like trying to figure out how to change it and how to do something different to it and how to still make it look big and how to still make it look natural and blah blah blah and it was like i was tired of having hair and i decided i wanted to cut it and everyone told me not to cut it and my mother still hates it she saw it on monday for the first time and she was like

yuck and my mother needs to chop her hair off but she she'd rather hold on to them strands then that's what we do that's the title of the fucking episode holding on to the strands because it's just like i i want to evolve as a person grasping at strands but at the same well edge is gone edge snatched edges edges deceit naomi campbell edges that's the name of the episode yeah that's what it is that's what's going on and so um but change is good and but if you're not ready for it you could there's different types of things that you can change you know i think your hair looks nice i i think that the braids look good i think the color is fine if you don't like it i still would say give it a week i don't have time four days i don't have

time because you know i'm going to that thing where i have to be on the red carpet and i have to look fucking fantastic okay well then that means you need to take it out i'm taking it i'm getting it done on thursday but it's just because you're gonna watch those videos later and be mad that you're furious oh i don't play those games yeah i need to be a thousand percent comfortable because sometimes i'll say it i don't mind putting it on record but sometimes uh you know my work is a little thrown together so but if i look impeccable impeccable impeccably dressed you'll be like I can't really tell

what she's saying cause she's fucking wow stunning gorgeous and you know what that is also a tactic of mine when it comes

to comedy and it's so sad but it's just like it's the truth of mine no no but it's not sad because my logic

when I do it is well even if they don't think I'm funny they don't think I look fantastic so you're not gonna be able to call me ugly but you might not

laugh at anything that I say yeah but when I put when there was a video of me that like I did a set and they like No one called me ugly, but also no one called me funny.

I was just waiting for an ugly. I was like, somebody make fun of me. Nothing. It was just like, wow, women are funny. Oh, this is garbage. No, people, some people thought I was funny, but for the most part, I was like, ooh, she's comments are. But nobody called you ugly, friend.

Yeah. And truthfully, that's what they see when you walk down the street, friend, or when you jump from your Uber to the door, because they can't tell how funny you are or you are not when you're walking down the street but they can see how good you look and that is a compliment yeah but this is my this is my job my job is to be funny and it's my passion to make people that I don't know fucking laugh even when they're having a bad day so um yeah do you think that in the moments when you're not funny you're still interesting oh I'm very interesting I'm somebody that you're like oh I have a friend like that or or I would like to be her friend or I would get

to know her more or we can hang out like I'm I'm one of those people that's like yes she needs to be at the party she's on the list right right but I'm saying because for me as a as a viewer and as a performer of comedy I feel like even if people aren't laughing at you if they're still interesting in what you're interested in what you're saying you're still doing your job if they're listening because they like well what's he about to say after this even if they're not and the room is not you know erupting in laughter if they're still interested in you you're still doing your job listeners is that true this is facts listeners do y'all agree when they lose interest in you that means you failed it's hard but when it's good it's good and if you're not happy with what

your hair looks like change it now because when you get on camera and you're sitting and you're talking to people and you're going to be thinking about you just take it out yeah it feels bad and Amina does a fantastic job. This was not even on her. This was me. I changed what it was last minute. I got in the chair and she definitely gave me that face like, ah, bitch, you knew you was getting your fucking hair done for weeks.

You didn't realize what you, but I looked at pictures of me and I was like, damn, I'm so tired of looking at my face. I'm so fucking boring. I have the same hairstyle all the time. It's either straight down or a fucking ponytail. Do not look in the mirror and say that you're boring. You need to chill. I know.

Oh, anxiety and complaining about your Instagrams, too. That's mess. She's a mess. She'd be getting legit 90,000 likes. Exactly. And she's like, my Instagram is so boring. Who am I? What is this? You are you are a person that needs to hush because your photos are fantastic and your face is fine. So like what is like what's the what's the problem? I think it's an internalized thing. It's a thing where it's even if whatever I put whatever pictures up, I think that I'm essentially like, what am I offering? right now I'm going through it I'm I'm like I'm writing this new solo show and I'm just trying to figure out oh what's funny what is this all about and it's it's about me being an open book

like I've been an open book since most people have met me they're like I'm immediately just having like a diary of the mouth telling all my business diarrhea of the mouth or did you say diary of the mouth no diarrhea of the mouth okay but you're also diary works because you'll be telling people all of your business yeah which we like I mean it makes us trust you but also it makes us think she crazy but I might be able to use her for something later I might need to run up on somebody next week I'm gonna keep this crazy girl close yeah yeah yeah um yeah but people like that about you so your your new solo show is about you being an open book yeah so you're gonna be revealing some secrets that you haven't shared with anybody yet uh no just going into depth about

like um like how I grew up um just I guess not demons it's just things that I'm like oh I should talk about this more because I don't um just talking about how like I didn't grow up with my mother and I grew up with three senior citizens and I think growing up with them has has put me in the place that I am now with like oh I feel like they held back a lot and they never told people how they felt or like what they were going through and that's why I am such a let me say everything that I'm thinking and show you how like messy and sad and and crazy I can be up top yeah and if you want to deal with me you will and if not you'll you'll find something else I mean that's kind of refreshing I think that most of us are the opposite of that right you're

a great critic that's refreshing oh well you see me since okay she's been reading uh also this is the podcast this is uh refreshing because i feel like a lot of people hide themselves hide them true selves from other people because they don't want you to see how crazy and messy and and wild and reckless they are they want you to like them so they so they pretend yeah they they don't talk they you get their the interview version of them you get the first date version of them and you're just like no this is who i am and this is what you're gonna get yeah and it's a gift and a curse it's a gift and a curse i mean i mean it's yeah because it's kind of crazy it's a little bit wild to just be so open have you ever met somebody who uh like hugged you and you didn't know them

like they hugged you when they introduced themselves that's me right i am that person it's like i don't i don't know you i don't need your your chest touching my chest i don't need our faces that close like i don't know what your hygiene is that's how people know that i'm loony i give hugs immediately they'll give me their hand i'm like no no i'm a hugging person she's slapping people's hands out of the way it's wild yeah and i will legit i'm starting to like it's like a cha-cha it's like a dance because i'm starting to back up when people lean in to hug me now because it's like well i don't really you're not about to me too me to me with your clothes on don't touch your synthetic fibers to my cotton your poor body against my broke

body yeah pass them off to sydney and sit but but when me and sydney meet people together if she talks to them first she'll hug them and then they'll expect me to hug them too no but if anybody knows our relationship they're like sydney is the one that hugs marie is the one that's yeah but it's like new it's like new people like people who don't like not necessarily comics that we like we grew up with and we've been working with for a while but like new people will come meet us and they'll sydney will hug them and then i have to hug them too even though I don't really want to yeah and I need to work on that too it's like bitch you should hold back why are you giving everybody you it's draining well there are things that you should keep for

yourself yes obviously for your sanity and stuff but like you can be open people I think do like that and they respond to it that's why you got so many freaking friends because people like how open you are otherwise they wouldn't you you wouldn't have any friends you have so many people that you're like oh i spoke to so-and-so today i called so-and-so today i facetimed such and such and i'm like when do you have time to talk to all of these people on the phone sis i have time when i'm fucking avoiding the things that i need to be doing wow procrastination is a good friendship tool it if it wasn't for procrastination who knows you haven't you'd have an egot friend you'd be a john legend friend yeah

definitely yeah well so i'm just i'm going through a crisis right now and it's just it it sounds silly and you know just minimal but in my head it's it's literally like me falling down a flight no like several flights of stairs oh like the stairs from wayside high yeah i remember that book stories from oh my god yeah throwback yeah that's crazy yes i don't know why that popped into my head but uh that uh yeah but you're saying that it's minimal but is that what you said you said it's small yeah it's not small everything that happens to us is huge is a big deal to us knowing everyone else is going through their own big deal crisis as well yeah like what you worried about them for it's big it's a big deal you're working on some stuff you're thinking

about some stuff thinking is hard I'm ready for my brain to turn off I mean I sound like death yeah it does it's so weird it's like I want to be alive but also like I'm not working this week and Sydney you've been home off for like two days two days and already you're going this crazy Fucking nuts. I'm like, I need structure. I need to get up and know that I'm going somewhere, that I have a purpose. Even if I'm bullshit network, just being there makes me fucking feel stable. And I need that. So I'm just two days and I'm already like, okay, what am I doing? Okay, I'm not doing anything. Oh, I have nothing going on. Oh, I'm a bum. Oh, okay. I'm not making any money, which I'm still getting paid this week, which is like, okay, wait, what? oh wow i need to get a job so i can go on vacation and i can pay for a week but sydney that's wild because this job is not going to last forever i know so now you know how you feel when you're not working and i think that should be motivating you to figure out what your next thing is gonna be yeah okay make some munties gather some coins because it's so crazy because

we've we've all we were with you when you started that job because you were complaining about it on the podcast and now it's like well i need to get back to work shout out to comedy central i love y'all i'm one of those people that we in a relationship i can't fucking stand but i truly thank you i want to give you a big hug when i see you when i get back to work on whatever day it is tuesday yeah i totally want that and it's you know it just you need a purpose and you need to feel like you're doing something and uh if you could be doing anything in the world for money what would that be that's what i've been thinking about i'm i've been thinking so hard that it's just like damn i go crazy when i'm not doing anything but i am best at doing absolutely

nothing truthfully same laying in my bed just like we'll see what we'll see what happens i'll check my email we'll figure it out something will something will come oh I love oh I love a we'll figure it out from the heart yeah right have you ever heard somebody say it and know that they meant it like yeah we'll figure it out like that is the most je ne sais quoi phrase in the English yeah but that's the problem like I did the you know we'll figure it out when I went to Ibiza and then we we were displaced I'm on the side of the road throwing up um we had no money it was just Yes, but that was in Ibiza, baby. You were poor amongst the richest people in the world.

Which is sadder, friend. Which is fine. You did figure it out because you made it back to New York and there's no throw up in your braids right now. Right, but that's why we love New York because we feel like we're amongst people who are also doing bad. Oh, there's people doing worse than you at every corner. Yes, but that's why New York feels so safe

because it's like, well, if I just open my eyes a little bit wider, there's somebody who phone just fell in the tracks and the bitch went in the tracks and almost got hit by a train. Yes, come on, phone suicide. It's a new phone. Okay, kill yourself. Exactly.

So, I mean, I'm just trying to figure out what's more. I watched Dave Chappelle's special on Netflix and was truly blown away by, you know, that's the point of I already know that I got everybody in the palm of my hands and I'm literally just going to push it to the limit. I'm not going to do shit for you to like me. I'm doing stuff that I truly believe is funny to me.

Well, and it's great. That's what you can do when you're Dave Chappelle. You know, when you're rich and you're a black man and you've people have said the worst thing they could possibly say about you already. And you're just doing stuff for the love of doing stuff. You know what I mean? But besides that, I mean, remember when he walked away from 50 million dollars and people said he was insane. Yeah. So it's just I love seeing the special, knowing how far he's come to get to where he is right now. OK, well, I have to see it because I've heard good things.

Yeah. I mean, it's problematic. Well, we love a problematic person or piece. It's Arch. It's definitely that uncle that's at the end of the Thanksgiving table saying everything. Oh, what? Is he sick? They're like, did he drink brown liquor? Oh, my God. They bought Hennessy? Oh, my goodness. Problematic. But it's great.

Every bit, I was like, he's such a good storyteller. He's such a, in his own right, just beyond a genius. He's the Beyonce of comedy. Yeah, yeah, I would say that. Except he doesn't dress as well as she does when she performs. He doesn't have to. It's comedy, you know? No.

I think I'm about to let myself go. I wore sneakers for two weeks straight on stage. Is that letting yourself go? I was like, I might have to do that. That's like, what? did you just consider sneakers like stretch pants yeah when you put some sweatpants when you perform in some sweatpants then you've let yourself go but some sneakers that's how i feel baby it's comedy it's casual that's what we doing wow did you guys hear that yeah i did it went from ear to

ear i said casual and it went oh really yeah that's the power that you have marie casual i mean look god friend your hair is growing in cute it is growing in isn't it crazy wow so cute yeah it's working i just wanted to grow more i feel like in like it's gonna take me longer than i thought no it's to be able to dye it blonde i don't think so i think in like two weeks yeah yeah i feel like you got it actually want to dye blonde platinum blonde or like white like white blonde wow i'm not sure how that would look we don't know no one cares she could just dye it right back right if it's white then we'll just put some color on the white right literally sharpie it in there's this girl on instagram that i'm truly in love with and i mean she is your she is basically your hair inspo

because she had a really short haircut then she went bald she's dyed it every color i mean she's got the face right i feel like this is the length because i've never dyed my actual hair ever i've never dyed it i've never colored it because i'm like well you know i don't want it to fall out I don't want to because it was too much but now it's like it's gone if it falls out

then I'm just back to where I was literally two weeks ago which is so freeing you're like living everybody's dreams right now and you're just lucky that you have a good head

and you have a good face and it's just you're blessed you have a great hairline it's actually pretty rude you know to have a good hairline yeah

nah my hairline's not a good friend it's I massaged it today with some Haitian castor oil you know so that it can thicken back up

Andrew, do you know what edges are? No, you guys always talk about edges And I'm not really sure Edges is all of this Well, I'm lacking them And Marie, her shit is gone Okay, wait, why are you lacking them? Uh, just life

You know, she's been doing these tight-ass braids It's life, actually Oh, okay It's, um, it's simple It's the patriarchy It's taken out my edges Racism Racism has snatched her edges

Your edges are still intact Well, mine are, you know We're trying to fill them back in Okay they were sparse but now they're growing in because she shaved her head also like right here got it okay yeah yeah interesting i mean your hairline looks healthy you know i was thinking about like completely cutting off all my hair for like the past like two years i don't know really why i feel like my face is my head is like way too round though that i would look like a like

a basketball literally you do have a round face yeah so i think it would be weird it would be weird but i feel like also the same thing i keep on going back to the barber and it's just like the same thing he knows me now he's like okay we know what we're doing so okay so but if but i feel like for you if you shave if you buzz it short it'll still grow back properly oh yeah absolutely fast but i'm like sometimes when you look in the like when you're having like an episode and looking at your hair you want to get rid of that first you know yeah that's like that's what happened to angela bassett in waiting to exhale yeah she had beautiful hair and she was like cut it all off and loretta divine was like no and then she picked up the scissors and she threatened to do what her

herself and she was like sit in the damn chair angela bassett whatever her name was uh but yeah i mean i feel like start with your hair sydney switched hers up she ain't like it she's gonna change it again i need to switch something up but yeah maybe the hair is the good end there honestly but you do have a round face i know it's too round you're gonna look like a little baby i know truly but like that's cool right that's cool a lot of guys are Into babies Yeah we know We know all the pedophilia that's been going on

It's rampant The Kevin spaces It's weird yeah So Sydney you're getting ready to go to LA Let's talk about that Where you staying Who you staying with How long you gonna be there

Will you be back Just for a couple days I'll be at the Beverly Hills SLS baby SLS Very very nice Okay select bus service Very gorgeous Gorge

I will be going live in the room, just so people know. This episode is going to go out and I'm already going to be there. Yes, yes, yes. But Sydney will have had gone live and you missed it. If you're listening to this and you didn't see it, you missed it. You can save the live

stories though, right? Can you? You can save them for like 24 hours. They live in your stories. Right, right, right. Yes. I don't know why people do that. That's weird. Yeah. Like how lit was your live that you got to save it so the people who weren't here, the people who are at work can now see the live and it's like how many people were following you on this live anyway

maybe not enough that's why you're like that's why you're like well let me let it live in the stories unless something epic epic happened during your live why are you saving it nothing is epic happening it's so sad a lot of times people go live and it's like are you at a concert right is this church you you you live during the altar call like people are weird we're all looking for attention that's all it is I know like we're dying for it it's it's so important to be seen and felt seen and likes and comments and it's just like what am I here for and you you don't get that gratification anywhere else except social media it's instant well you want everybody to see how good you look or you want everybody to see them braids with the beads on it that you got

on your Jamaican vacation or whatever y'all be posting but I feel like some people the people i guess who keep their accounts all private don't care but they still care oh my i don't understand private accounts well private private is um if you have a stalker if you have people that you don't know are following you and you don't want them to follow you no because it's usually like the like most boring people that have private yeah it's like regular degular it'd be like your mom yeah here's a photo of sliced oranges for jackson but i'm not gonna put it publicly because i don't want anybody to see it i don't want anybody to know that i'm not home so they can't rob me when i'm at stop and shop yeah maybe that's what it is i don't know i have no idea what that is but

there are people who are on social media just to see what other people are doing they don't even post anything that's so weird and that's is that weirder than a private account you have an account just so you can see stuff that's that's strange why not i i mean i don't watch tv because i'll be watching insta stories i'm like ah okay on another episode of this bitch went out and uh none of her friends are hanging out with her and so she's in a corner just um you know mimicking all the lyrics in music videos or music songs music songs yes music music songs that's what mtv started with rap songs you know what i mean music songs uh yeah i mean a lot of people go out and they don't have a good time they just want you to see what they look like we were out last night

and i guess it's we were we discovered the new uh the new uh black people bbqs see see yeah but it was like everybody was dressed up and had a 22 inch yaki ponytail and they were all celebrating their birthday with a face full of mac makeup and it was like highlighter hard right and they were like highlighted the table next to us the girl just had her friend taking photos of her and her man and her man in his target t-shirt and it was like but she put a look on i said i never felt more sorry for anybody than me looking at that girl just taking pictures of this couple that it's like, I know she's not jealous of her friend,

but in the moment- Well, she didn't necessarily come here for that. Or maybe she did. Let me tell you, she was young. At 30-something, when you hand your friend to take a picture of you and your significant other at a restaurant celebrating your day, it's weird.

Get somebody else to do it. There's gotta be a- You're my friend. I gotta get somebody else to get- Yeah. The waiter gotta take it? Yes. What you talking about?

he gets minimum wage he's not here for this let me tell you what are the specials right his thumb gonna be in it the tray's gonna be in it his jacket sleeve

is gonna block the flash sis you're gonna ask me to take the photo and you're gonna tell I'm not gonna wanna really take the picture by the picture you ever see somebody

who just really truly doesn't wanna and they take it in shows so you should only have people who are very passionate about taking a photo not the waiter

at the restaurant that I'm at listen when I was hold on hold on when I was working and I thought that i was gonna get better tips bitch let me say oh girl fix your shoulder get your posture together get that swoop that hair i would do everything in any i'm like ah you see that extra dollar

$50 tip sis you saw the table in question was they gonna give an extra tip for a photo for photo for the gram seriously i'm just saying there comes a point where you you ask a friend to take photos of you and it gets it gets sad and disrespectful does it Sydney, I feel like you are queen of asking people to take photos of you. We both take pictures of each other and we are very passionate about taking pictures of each other. So there's that. No one is more passionate about photography than you are, friend. You are queen.

You're always ready to pose. You always got a look and a pose and a face and an angle ready to go. I disagree. These are lies. People have seen your Instagram. You're lying as well. You're always ready as well. Oh my God.

I'm not always ready. I don't take photos at the drop of a hat. this is something that you do friend you be prepared meanwhile we look on marie's insta let's go right now um photo pon photo pose pon pose nothing you don't have a regular photo in there okay because i shot a bunch of photos in a session you are at any given time already to take a picture at an applebee's and in a waiting room in a fitting room of a zara at the at the gynecologist's office you don't see that on my page at the bus stop okay but i'm not saying that you're posting photos all the time i'm saying that you are always taking them i don't know

i don't know if i agree with that all right i don't need you to agree i already know like i'll be sitting next to you and you'll be taking photos i'll be there disagree if anybody don't take or post photos it's andrew because his page hasn't been updated since 2016 oh my god and it's just like what are you using the the listeners for i'm trying to figure out like you're getting these listeners but what you giving them i i post on my story i like stories um what were we what were we doing before stories uh just posts yeah and they were boring stories is great they've changed yeah i haven't posted in a while no cute pics i don't have you guys around to take pictures of me all the time so well who are your friends who are not photographers i can tell you that

but wait who are your friends though who are my friends yeah did you want names no just like what kind of people are they because i i've met some of them but not like your core yeah i couldn't name i couldn't point them out in the lineup at all oh of course right um right so you know what that means they all got lazy eyes oh my god ugly friends right who like who's your going to fire island crew we're not going to fire island i don't have a fire line crew i don't have any gay male friends either which is like weird and i back and forth with it because i see all these gays and they all go to fire island they all go to and they have a group they all have a group yeah but i'm just like is it weird that i don't have that but i feel like a lot of gay men are

feeling that right now because like the people that do go to fire island they'll post up and make everyone else feel bad yeah but that's what the point is that's what some of these posts the purpose of them is so true and it's working every so you're watching it from your house or you're watching it from your cafeteria at work and you're like damn but why oh i'm just trying to figure out who are these friends andrew like who are the people so they're not gay yeah they're straight uh straight i think it's a lot of women it's uh mostly like queer women yeah uh but i have like a few straight male friends as well ah yuck but you gotta dump those people those are no they're fun are they fun yeah straight male friends oh so you definitely fucked him then no on your way

what you're thinking about it no they have girlfriends so what that mean good god no no no tony morrison would tell you about that tony morrison yeah apparently her husband was cheating on her with a man wait i thought that was the lady that wrote how stella got her groove back oh yes not tony morrison yeah no my bad not rest in peace okay cut that out cut that out you were being so generous with these cuts lately never before have you been like cut that out cut that out cut it out cut it out and maybe listeners aren't even hearing the cut it out that i'm hearing because we've cut out every other part that you say cut it out work oh andrew sometimes you know how long you've been doing the pod for

i'm coming up on a year so finally we're making you do a little bit of extra work come on now no no no i'm used to not doing work and i'm comfortable doing that okay well things have changed my hair has changed and you have as well and the pot as well well i'm not changing i'm not changing we're keeping it in oh wait so who i gotta talk to alex oh my god we're telling dad okay so let's go back to the part where we're not cutting um yeah uh it doesn't matter if somebody has a girlfriend they can still cheat with a gay man okay yeah that's the takeaway all right sure i mean i guess these things happen you know people feel how they feel we had a whole episode of this podcast where a woman had never been with a woman before and she

was with her boyfriend for i don't know how many years four or five years they got engaged and then She started hooking up with her best friend, her married best friend. Which is weird because it's just like if you all of a sudden have feelings for your best friend, did you always have feelings? It's just, I don't know. For you to hook up with your best friend right before you get married, that means you've been thinking about your best friend for a minute. It doesn't just all of a sudden happen.

Feelings develop. It takes time. Sure, but it happened. but it needs to boil up to that yeah sure absolutely but they had never they had never hooked up and they were friends from college and what the the friend has a has a child and a husband and a house and a mortgage i mean i don't know she's still got all the things now wait so do you consider that cheating yes yes you said before that it wasn't cheating oh when did she when did i say that you said that if um one of like the straight guy friends like cheated on

their girlfriend ah with a guy you said that that was okay i did not say that she's saying that's okay for you when did i say that i feel like you had i've never said that i've never said that i said it's it's cheating it's cheating it's cheating he's a cheater okay cheaters that's why there's a show called cheaters because you cheat you cheat wait hold on wait but what was the point that you were trying to make before then. About what? Yeah, didn't you, you definitely said something along those lines.

I've never said that. Right? Are you with me on this? He said that his friends are straight, but they have girlfriends. And you said, so? So, yeah, that doesn't, just because they have a girlfriend, that doesn't mean that they can't cheat on them with you.

Ah, that's what she said. She didn't say cheating was okay. She didn't say it wasn't cheating. She's saying they can cheat. That's what I heard. You heard what you wanted to hear, baby. I heard what I wanted to hear. Andrew was like, oh, it's not cheating.

Oh my God, great. Fine. Such a relief. oh anyway did we talk about anything today have we accomplished anything we're accomplishing so much i'm really i'm proud of what we're doing it's just you know i i've never had feelings for a friend that's i think that's strange there'll be movies where that happens like right before the person gets married their best friend is like but i love you and it's just like what but in those movies they've always had a crush

yeah or or they they've always just been really really cool and the other person was like a play boy or something you know like an ashton kutcher or something stupid like that and then uh when they see that their friend is getting married that's when all the feelings come rushing in and it's like oh i'm about to lose my best friend love of my life i'm here for a rom-com i'm here for it i'm not one of my friends because i knew you had sex with one of your friends yeah because what is off limits andrew one of your straight friends oh no no no okay but he he was uh he is bisexual got it um and i knew that he like had a crush on me we were like going out and everything we never really addressed it and then we had sex that night and it was like literally one of the

best sexual encounters i've ever had and then what happened what happened and then roughly we never hung out again oh it was one more time but it was like it's weird now but it was like that's why you're not supposed to hook up with your friends i know but it was it was great though it was fantastic so did you ever reach out to him well yeah we we texted a little bit and we tried like hanging out again we were like no we don't want to have sex again we don't even want to have we don't want to go out again we don't want to be friends again no and he also moved so oh well that's why what did he move to somewhere gross like seattle okay portland there we go there we up there we go baby dead weight there we go dead weight here we go well i've never hooked up with

a friend that was great because i was like because i feel like i was like banking in on like the fact that he had a crush on me for so long so like that was like a added excitement but what about you know someone has had a crush on you for so long you hook up with them and it's bad what about that oh yeah but that was not the experience though i had great sex if we're friends friendship is more important no friendship is more important than penis yeah friendship is more important than a hookup especially if you've had hookups before you know what's you know what it is is it worth it but if andrew's life was a was a rom-com okay this is weird if andrew's life was a rom-com then he would hook up with his friend it'd be the best sex he ever had and then they

would get married them shits ain't real though so there's that i didn't value sorry i didn't You didn't value the friendship enough? Sorry. Sorry, Cody. I'm assuming his name was like Corbin or something like that. We're off, but we're not revealing it either. Okay, Kyle. We're very off with that one.

It's a Colin. Wait, wait, wait. Colin was someone else. Andrew liked black dudes. It was not a black guy. Ah, so I was right with the Colin, the Corbins. Colin was the black guy. I can't tell it.

Why am I saying this? Yes, Colin was the black guy. Colin was the guy. See, now you got to do your own cuts. no no no he said he stopped listening to the podcast oh that's what he told you

baby ooh baby when people say they don't listen to the podcast look okay so let's just say this we love talking to we love talking to each other

and then y'all listening and enjoy it that's awesome I think that that's fantastic because we would be having these conversations without you guys if we didn't have a podcast

anyways yeah which we do and the conversations that we have when we're not recording whoo so much hotter and sweeter than this

but when people tell us they're listening to the podcast it makes us feel like like when people we know or that we're dealing with or we're hooking up or whatever it makes us feel like damn they gonna hear this and judge me for it or damn no I can't say I can't say I can't talk about this specific person I don't care about getting judged because people are gonna judge you anyway it's just more about like oh I feel like you know too much you know what I mean like that exists yeah I don't want you to know that side of me that's all it is

which is it happens everybody gets different sides if you think you're getting all of one person all the time you're fucking crazy

and you're delusional nah you're John Legend you think he's not getting all of Chrissy Teigen cause I love me

yeah I loves all of her John Legend all of it well people can be with somebody every single day and still not know something is going on

that's wrong i'm just saying it's back on it sounds like we're getting into something no i'm just saying that you know that is true yes there's people you know when i was an alcoholic there's people who didn't even know that i was fucking struggling so okay there's that there's also that here we are telling the truth tell the truth and shame the devil shame the devil the lies will never thrive on the unofficial expert i don't know lying is fun so keep doing it if you're doing it uh is it fun if it brings you joy and it's protecting the people that you love lie to them you gotta be really good at lying that's the thing like if you're just um

an inconsiderate liar and you don't fact check any of your lies then it's just it gets too complicated and then you get caught and then it boils over it's just bad i think i want you to be good about your lying it sounds like that movie that diane lane movie which one unfaithful Unfaithful. Yeah. That was a good movie. Have you seen that movie? I've not seen Unfaithful, no.

Ooh, Richard Gere. Diane Lane is a baddie. She's a baddie. She was great. She was so sexy. She's banging Halle Berry's baby daddy in the movie. Pierre something. Olivier something.

Olivier something, yeah. Okay, now close, yeah. That French little Spanish man, he look like Legolas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Olivier Martinez. Yeah, okay, see? French, Spanish, Mexican. He was hot.

The whole thing was gorgeous. The movie is such a good movie. Look, I love, I love like a little thriller, a little unfaithful, a little she's too young, you know, one of those Lifetime movie originals. I'm here for that. That's a good, that's entertaining to me. And then like a bad action movie. Anyway, I'm here for it. I'd say lie if you need to lie.

Save yourself. Small lies, though. Not big lies. Pretty little lies. Pretty, yeah. Big little lies. Big Little Lies. Big Little Lies.

Yes, Big Little Lies. Big Little Lies sans Zoe Kravitz. That's what I want. Why are you saying, oh God, why? What's the problem? You love Zoe Kravitz? I love Zoe Kravitz. I hate that you hated her in Big Little Lies.

We're not going to get into that. Well, we don't really need her in Big Little Lies. And we definitely didn't need a second season of that. I have not seen it. You haven't even seen it. I know. So for me, the show was over. It ended beautifully.

Yeah, it was a good first season. Second season, not as good. Oh, but I could have told you that. They had Meryl in that terrible wig. Oh, my God. That Miss Frizzle wig. I think she had, like, prosthetic teeth. There was something going on with her teeth, too.

They were, like, big. Yeah. They gave her dentures. Yeah. I mean, Meryl, I mean, this is somebody who's doing it truly for the love of the game, you know? She just, she likes it. Yeah.

She's like, I'm going to do this. She doesn't care. Yeah. Here's hoping that one day I'll be that good of an actor. I'm talking about Zoe Kravitz, not Meryl Streep. Top tier. I'm not talking about Zoe Kravitz not Miss Streep

not black not white Viola Davis Viola's playing Michelle Obama I know and I'm just in what movie? I forget what it was I just saw like the headline

that she's playing Michelle Obama in something and I'm like oh my god I love it but I'm also like they look nothing alike they don't well neither did Zoe Saldana

and she played Nina Simone let's talk about the black face of that okay Viola Davis Well who would you want to play Michelle I don't know if I need a Michelle Obama movie Oh it's a drama series at Showtime Called First Ladies

An anthology series So we gonna get a Barbara Bush movie too Episode two A boring ass Barbara Bush A Nancy Reagan A messy ass Nancy Reagan episode And then those are the only First Ladies that I know The three that I just

Hillary Clinton Did you say Mary Tyler Moore Mary Todd Lincoln Oh Abraham Lincoln's beard Yeah Exactly I can't name any others though Oh here's Michelle Obama

With a little blonde ombre Okay See Come on Beyonce I mean She looks great But Viola doesn't look nothing like

No damn Michelle Obama No They're reaching And it's fine But who would play Michelle Obama Who looks like Michelle Kelly Gary

I don't Actually, the more I look at these photos, the more they look exactly the same. I see it. I see it now. Which two pictures? All of the pictures. Viola Davis looks like Michelle Obama in all of the pictures to me. Sydney, who would you want to play you in a movie?

Gabrielle Union. Really? Because I feel like... That level of acting? Yeah. I don't think you deserve a better... I actually love Gabrielle Union. She's following me on Twitter and shout out to you.

Wow. My gal. There was one week that you came in that you looked exactly like Tika Sumpter. We like Tika. We like Tika. Tika Sumpter? That's a compliment, friend. I mean, I don't know what her acting is, but.

She was in that Tiffany Haddish and Whoopi Goldberg movie in the fall. Tiffany Haddish and Whoopi Goldberg movie. Wasn't she? She played Tiffany Haddish's sister. Oh. Right? Yeah, she did. And I was like, I don't even see how they made that work.

And it didn't because the movie didn't do well, so it's fine. So. yeah it happens you me um who would play me in a movie i don't know but uh probably some small sexy black boy uh the dude from moonlight so cute the the the middle version one not the baby and not trivante the one actually i see it right or your brother your brother would play you in a movie yeah yeah Yeah, and it'd be that level of acting, too. It'd be that.

Oh, my God. Yeah, my brother, he doesn't have any facial... We have the same amount of facial hair, so that's who would play me in a movie. Andrew, who would play you in a movie of your life? I always get, like, the actors with, like, the really, like, fat faces, bringing it back to round heads.

Sure, sure, sure. Like, the Mark Wahlberg or Matt Damon. They have, like, a lot of meat on their face. Matt Damon, you reach. Now, that's like Viola Davis playing Michelle Obama. Okay, then I want to hear a better idea. Do you have any better ideas? Honey.

Oh, Sidney, I got to go. Honey. Yo, this energy that you're bringing to the podcast table. Let's talk about today. I know. Should I just leave? Mark Wahlberg? Bitch.

Okay, who else do you have? Bitch. He's got a stronger jaw, friend. I'm just saying. I'm not saying that we're twins. I am crying right now. Okay, let me look. Yo, Sidney is evil.

I think one of those Stranger Things kids. One of those. Literal 12-year-olds? Yeah. You look young. Thank you. You're a baby. You're a baby.

You're such a stranger. She said one of the buddies. She said somebody from all that. That's a little bit of a great op. Riverdale. Riverdale. CW, that's sexy. There's sexy on anybody that's in Gossip Girl.

I see it. Okay, I'll take that. So a CW. None of the leads. Somebody, you know, Jason. Like an extra or something. A friend of a lead. Two episodes.

Supporting cast. Somebody with a lager near one of the main characters. That's so rude Yo Sydney's such a cunt dude But you're the cunt And I'm the gaunt Yeah but you cunty today sis I'm more gaunt than you

Look how big your butt is You're now cunt and I'm gaunt Wow how the tables have turned Wow how the cunt and gaunt tables Have shifted Sydney I needed that thank you so much It was so mean Was Sydney roasting me

It was not mean you literally told me that I look like Stranger Things that's a reach those kids are cute you think Mark Wahlberg would play I am not saying that she's saying she don't need a degree of separation from Gabrielle Union

let me get Matt Damon hold on I don't think Matt Damon isn't hot though you said it's not about the hotness it's that you guys don't look like each other let me google Stranger Things because I need to see what these kids look like Stranger literally none of them look like me

things the little black boy he's doing well he got like a million followers on instagram he's doing great uh oh yeah andrew you might could be one of the stranger things it's like three little brunette boys you could be any of them oh my god actually the black boy stranger things could play me sydney wait which one do you think i look like then out of them any of them in particular um oh that's so rude but you looked at it and you know that they all have bangs too they have all have like very like coconut heads but you got little coconuts around and we've already established you have around heads sis i mean you could be the girl listeners 11 listeners i want y'all to tell us who would play y'all in a freaking movie and

then i'm gonna hit your freaking profile pic and let you know if we agree yeah send us a photo of the person that you think you look like your doppelganger yeah and then i will read you like i did andrew yeah ah i love this should we answer any listener questions before we go or are we are we just gonna leave them on that we want you guys to send us a photo of who you think your doppelganger is and we'll put it in the stories we'll all put it in the stories that'll be fun like a little poll like yes or no that'll be fun 100 i really enjoy enjoy that that's great send us the photo you think you look most like this celebrity yeah and don't and don't try it don't be telling us scarlett johansson when you look like shrek wow marie that's ruder

than what i just did to andrew no it's not because i'm talking about abstract ugly people also scar joe said that she can play anybody she sure did she said i am an asian man did you see the list the highest paid actresses of uh 2019 all white women you're surprised about this white no i'm not but it just it was like damn on there though oh honey she's she's so close to the dimensions of a white woman yeah yeah what you talking about you said that like she had a little bit of melanin in her skin he was like sofia vergara she's number two or three yeah she makes so much money from modern family and then where else is her money coming from her sponsorships and stuff oh she does like all the sponsorship she does pepsi she does ah yes pepsi and something else and you know

the pepsi checks cute because they pay the super bowl halftime show they're the ones who pay the celebrities or i'm assuming mind you the people who are sponsored by pepsi probably haven't had a pepsi in the most time yeah pepsi is just like if i'm at a football game i guess i'll drink i haven't had pepsi in legit years it's not really my thing my first screen name when i was uh when i was on aim was pepsi player i don't believe that i don't even know what that means i don't believe that i just liked alliteration yeah i just wanted two p's and a player at and my second screen name was sister girl zero three zero oh my god do you remember what your screen name was so problematic it was chinky latte oh oh my god yeah i didn't realize it was so bad

until my Korean friend was like, do you know what chinky means? And I was like, yeah. And you were like, yeah, pretty eyes. Yeah, that's what I said. And she was like, well, I know that you're better than this and I think you should change your name.

Well, your Korean friend was woke. So then I changed my name to Coco Loco something else. Coco Loso? No, Coco Loco Sid. Coco Loco Sid or something like that. Hilarious. Andrew, did you have a screen name? Yeah, McGuire dude.

So basically what your IG is now? no my ig is at mcgui guy mcgui underscore gui okay you better get them followers that plug uh okay so below the post for this podcast uh this episode leave your screen name below it so that's your two you got two assignments uh comment below tell us what your screen name was under this the post for this episode and then slide in our dms and send us a photo of who you think would play you in a movie in a movie yeah and be real be honest i mean some of you are going to be silly because i see the stuff that y'all send us that are ridiculous but who will play you as a kid and who play you as an adult yeah that should be fun is that too much work i think no

just say the adult i feel a kid and adults too much yeah you know there's adult adult yeah sure sure sure it's different versions of people's faces you know wendy williams apparently has a biopic coming out oh my god have you seen her post lately no full mask what do they say she's doing like so much effects on her face it's crazy and she spent the other night with nini yeah she's hanging out with all her these like celebrity women now she's like she's like i'm i'm single and i'm off of work because they want to help her that's what it is but they really are just gonna no it's not that they want to help her i think she just wants to seem like she's fine she's just trying to seem like i'm unaffected by my she took it down since but i just found it

You screenshot it? Both these wigs look atrocious. Let me see. They have too much money to have wigs like this. Well, also, like, look at Nene's nose, you know? You get the wrong nose job one time, and then you try to fix it a second time. Two times.

Two times, yeah. You can't add cartilage after you take it off. Why is real life so funny? Renewed girls are the best time. Let me see. Let me see what the hell Miss Wendy talking about. Wendy's crazy I can't but I'm crazy too so it's fine I see you sis I see you

in myself sans the thyroid issue the wig that okay so you know you get a wig you get a part you gotta put concealer in the part so it looks like your skin is showing through the top of the wig but NeNe Leakes line goes down her forehead

she has a team of people that could have brushed the line off her like well she's so mean she won't let anybody fix that shit for her Oh my God, that line is, that's not even her color. That's a white woman shade. Like, what is happening? Sis, you know what it is?

That's her, that's her I'm going to the supermarket wig. You know how you just throw something on top of you like, ah, you know, I just need something to go out in. That's what that is. That's her errands wig. She was just hanging out with Wendy. She's like, oh, you know, we just getting something at Dallas BBQ. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you know the two of them went somewhere where they could be seen. They went to a scene, honey. Yeah. You know. They went to see. They went to see. well speaking of C I gotta pee

so I'm gonna go do that you too guys thank you for listening to this podcast we gonna have some hopefully by the time this comes up some Patreons

some new episodes will have been oh we gotta get to it and leave more reviews we're loving the reviews on iTunes keep it going push those reviews

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that's what that is bye guys bye forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced

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