MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - No Eggs Left w/ Alex English

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

This week Syd and Marie are joined by their dear friend Alex English! They recount a recent trip, debate the trials of roommates and unreliable coworkers, and tackle social media virality.  Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you listening to mess okay hello hello hello wow we really i mean i don't know starting with some mess yeah well it's a lot i first of all i just want to say right uh we had an incredible weekend together sure uh we were in dc on our honeymoon on our honeymoon one bed uh two girls one bed you wouldn't let me turn the heat up to 75 degrees why does the heat need to be 75 when you in the bed you woke up sweating at and it was at 70 so at 75 you was gonna drown when I get in the bed I'm chilly I'm anemic I my feet get cold but you don't sleep in socks I don't sleep in socks and then you got me a pair of socks so I was like come on husband like girl you the man And I want me.

Men don't be cold. They be hot. Men should also always have on socks. So that's why I believe you should be the man. Sydney, you was Beyonce at the rally. Hello. So you're saying I'm Kelly? Marie was Kelly Rowland in the big-ass suit.

Excuse me. With the bob popping up. With the bob. Yes, but if anybody's doing a bob, it's Sydney. Yes, Sydney, do love a bob. Yes, did we put you in yet? I miss. Listen.

I'm nervous now. They see what the name is on the title of the episode. It's not like y'all really surprised me. They know when they click. Just let us introduce you. See, this is why you can't have your friends on the show. This podcast is crazy. Good as Michael.

A whole thing. A whole little preamble. And I'm like, I see the person's name. Well, damn, baby. You know what, Sydney? This is why it's a mess. We should have came early. We could have recorded the intro.

Talk about it. That's okay. Because you know what? Once you leave this bitch, we'll be able to do things professionally. like we usually do. Well, we all leaving at the same time. Okay, wait. So, Marie, do you want us to bring our guests in

and then do our masks? I'm going to walk out. I'm going to come out. No, no, no. You're going to come out like Aretha. Drop your coat on the floor. Put your purse on the piano. Don't you dare, Alex.

Your head is already in frame. It's okay. Your head is in the shot. Yep. Well, yeah, let's introduce him. Sidney's already said his name, So and you've heard his voice. You know who he is. And if you've listened to The Unofficial Expert, then you already know. I don't know how many times you did that podcast, but here you are doing the very first first guest.

Unless you do terrible and this will bump you. We'll bump you to like four. Keep it honest now. I love that. We keep things very transparent at mess. Anyway, it's the one and only Alex English. Hi, Alex. Yes, it's Alex. Elizabeth English. Alex, we're so happy to have you. I mean, you are one of our most successful friends. And most disrespected by YouTube. Oh, that's crazy.

I was told to be here at 2.30 p.m. And what time did you get here? What time did these mic's get cut on? Oh, my God. 3 o'clock. But what time did you pull up? I pulled up well before. In fact, I had enough time to go downstairs and get me this really wonderful smoothie.

And still had about, I'd say give or take three minutes to spare, you know. Okay, well, let's talk about it. I was expecting a what, but. Let's talk about it. You have known us for how many years? Tell them. And you said, let me show up on time? That was wild.

this is really your fault well you know you know you could've came at 2.40 and you would've been right and you still would've had time for a coffee a sandwich at that

by the time I got here something in my spirit said they not here you did text us like where are you and Emery was like where are you and he's like

I'm here I was getting ready to start the podcast and y'all was gonna come in as the guest hi this is Alex English y'all listening to Mess oh here they are

ladies and gentlemen our guests claim to be the host for this we are the hosts we're on the cover they click the pod they see us

actually this podcast is my idea that's what they won't tell you I knew Alex was going to come in so tell us how was your idea

we're having the conversation I don't have to tell you no no no tell the listeners I gave this to y'all actually so if y'all ever start

making money 10% 10% is on the floor 10% producer Becca hold on Alex is fresh off of you know

he was employed at SNL and now he's you know a free agent He's trying to collect everywhere I see Listen, I'm handing out forms I'm sending out reminders

I'm trying to niggas upside down I'm sending Venmo requests I'm like, I need every one of my dollars Alex, how much is your smoothie? I'll pay for that today No, you're good, it's already been paid for He said he's walking in abundance Yeah, I am blessed

And highly favored Okay, so you said you came up with this idea Talk about it I just came up with the name of the show But you also came up with, ooh, you're listening to mess. So, Alex, I need you to say that in the same way that, like, if young Metro don't get your own Metro, what are some of the other ones that people say? Maybach music. So, yeah.

Stop playing with it, Riley. Ooh, you're listening to music. You're listening to music. No, Alex, go ahead. Give us three different variations and then we'll use one of them. Ooh, you're listening to mess. Mm-mm. Ooh, ooh, you listening to mess.

Okay, come on, Unc. Ooh, you listening to mess. Give me one more that doesn't start with ooh. Start deeper. Yeah. Mm-hmm, you listening to mess. That might be it. That might be it.

That might be the one, babe. Okay, so how we do the show, we talk about our mess up top, you know, to just get a little warm. Oh, yeah. So you can feel open to, like, divulge your stuff. So chime in whenever. But I guess you went last time, Marie. So I'm OK with opening with this one. That means she came prepared.

I did. I did. The thing is, is that something is always happening to me. I don't know why people look at my face and think they can say anything to me. And that's my problem. Like, I don't get in a car. I don't get in Ubers. And I don't have that face that looks like, don't fucking talk to me.

It's always like, hey, we family. What up, cousin? Yeah, Sydney, you get in the car and you be like, in the car, we all fam. In the car, we all fam. Yeah, you're asking for the ox. You're like, oh, what's that smell? Did you just eat lunch in here? Like, of course people talk to you in the car.

You talk to them. Well, I'm trying to get a higher rating. I'm still at a 4.6, and I just really think that I see a 4.8 on my horizon. If I'm nicer to them, maybe they'll give me five stars. I think if you stop talking to them, your rate will go up. It's not me. They start off with it. OK, so anyway, I'm leaving from South Carolina at five o'clock in the morning.

I have an Uber. He he picks me up. He looks like an older gentleman. I get in. He's like, oh, you smell good. I'm like, all right. I already know. What you like on that five o'clock in the morning?

What you with a little Moroccan oils? Nah, girl. You had a little. You tossed on some curves. You had a little love spell on, babe. Just some white diamonds. You know how I do. Amber romance for the morning.

some little body splash yeah but yeah so he already compliment me on smelling good great and then uh we're chatting he's like oh you know what were you doing here i said i was doing you know a college gig he's like oh you made it you big time i'm like oh that's where you messed up already you should have lied yeah why are you telling people that you do stand-up comedy right you should have lied yeah i lied to everybody about that i'm like uh uh when i worked at snl I was like, I work at NBC. That's not so far. But it ain't.

But it ain't. I'm like, oh, I work in the building. Well, sometimes they'll ask me what I do. And I make up a different thing every time. I'll be like, I'm a singer. I'm a teacher. A singer. I'm a lawyer.

A singer, yeah. I sing at the church. Now, what happens when they be like, bust out a song? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I'll be like, I'm on vocal rights. Ah, yes, I love that. OK, so. So that was my first mistake.

So that, first of all, I'm just an honest person. I'm sorry that I tell the truth. You need to, number one, you need to start lying. Let me write that down. Yeah, write that down. Sydney needs to lie. Sydney needs to lie more. So then I was like, yeah, you know, I don't usually talk to people who are 18, 19, 20 or whatever.

And he's like, well, what? Is that how old he was? No, no, no. He was 67. But I was telling him about being with the college. I was like, I don't talk to people that young. And so he was like, well, how old are you? And then again, I told the truth again.

I told the truth again. And he was like, whoa. He was like, damn, you ain't got no eggs left. Wait a minute. He said, you got about four, five, six, seven eggs. I will not take this from y'all. Yeah, I will not have y'all being ages. I will not have you shaming my eggs.

How fucking dare you? Well, for the listeners off the camera, I did say to Sydney, you don't look like you don't got no head. Every time Alex says something shady. I have a pardon, okay? Every time Alex says something shady, please put the drop there. Ooh, you listening to me. I like that. I like how this is edited or drop a bomb on it.

So he's like, oh, okay. You know, he's giving me a compliment like, oh, you don't look good or whatever. And he's like, are you married? You have kids? I was like, nah, I'm married. It's like, start at this point. Get out of my business. No way.

He's up. He tilted the rearview mirror all the way up. He was like. He stopped the car. Pretty much. But his eyes were wide open. He's like, as soon as I said I'm no married, no kids, he's like, girl, you better open up that pocket and let somebody have it.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Did you tell him somebody do got it? Did you tell him she got it? I didn't even want to get into that. You got into everything else. I could just tell by the tone that if I would have said I'm gay, he's like, no, you're not. You just you just haven't had the right man.

He would have pulled the car over. He would have put it in your pocket. When he said, give that pocket up. I said, oh, I have to give him one star. And I said, sir, you're doing a lot. It's not the sun is not even up yet. I don't know you. He's like, listen, I don't want none from you.

I'm married. I said, so now he said, you're not even my type. First of all, Miss Ma'am, he put his ring in your face like this. He double ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am with no man and no kid. He said queen, but like that dude from the Poppin' Balloon video. Queen, you're not qualified. He said, I'm a licensed plumber. So, yeah, that that was the mess that I was just like.

Did you make it to the airport? Of course I made it to the airport. And luckily, our friend Larry FaceTimed me randomly at this hour. At 5 o'clock in the morning. This is when, yeah, you know where you messed up also? You just didn't pretend to be on the phone. Yeah. I'm great at pretending.

Listen, here's how you pretend how to be. Well, Sidney doesn't need to pretend. No, no, no, sure. But that's, Sidney calls everybody. So, of course, everybody going to call her. Don't do that. Don't say my mouth is for the street. I call everybody.

This is how you fake. You do call everybody. Hold on, this is the perfect fake conversation on the phone. This is how I handle that. Okay, show us. I'm in the car. Oh, sorry, hold on. Hey, what's up?

Nothing. I'm on my way to the airport. You look like a fucking loser. How about that? Put the phone down and just tell them you don't want to speak. But you didn't do that, Sidney. You didn't have a phone, and you didn't tell them you didn't want to speak. No, I didn't hear about that.

Alex, I don't care. Sidney doesn't need to fake it. She can just call somebody. Well, call me. I'll call you when I get to the airport. Okay, and this is why you got all the screen time you did on SNL. Shout out to you, actor, method. Love it.

Okay, cool. All right. All right, thank you. Love you, too. Oh, my God. That's how you know you lying, because you ain't saying I love you to nobody. That was perfect. Bye.

That was my mama. That was great. No, but yeah, Larry called me. I didn't have no AirPods in. He's talking. And so it seemed like Larry was my man. So my question. No, it didn't.

He heard. He heard. He can hear you through the air pod. He can hear Larry through the air pod. She said she didn't have no air pods. Larry's like, bitch, queen, gunk, oh. He did not. But here's my question.

Y'all are messed. You both are messed. Here's my question. Yes. What was Larry doing calling you at 530 in the morning? He was up. What is that? But he was, hey, Alex, when you have friends and you're up and you think about them, you call them.

Have you thought about that? That's 5 a.m. Yes, this is an open door policy, bitch. Have you heard of it? No, no, no, no, no. Open door, closed pocket. That's the title of the pod today. Open door, closed pocket.

Okay. So thank you guys for all of your suggestions. Yeah. Things that I'll do better. But also, Uber does have a feature where you can request that the car is silent. That's the next level. I'm doing the basic. I don't think that works in the South.

I'm doing the upper. I'm doing the basic. Oh, you did get Uber in the South, which is like, yo, car not getting there for like 17 minutes. Oh, no, I scheduled it. I scheduled it. So he knew in advance he was coming to pick me up. He saw your profile ahead of time. He was like, oh, I'm picking up a baddie with an attitude.

A baddie. A baddie with an attitude. Because, no, no, no. 4.6. Hold on. That means you've been doing something. I was on Lyft, so I have a high. I want to Lyft low on Uber.

Lyft is where the people who Uber rejects go. So that's what the drivers in Lyft are doing. Because you don't even need to have four windows or four doors. You could have two tires. His car was very nice. It smelled good. All the seats were, you know, plush or whatever. It was a nice car.

Had all the windows. He just was annoying. No plastic in the window. He said, I'm 67. I travel. I live life. You know, I'm retired. I'm just doing.

And he gave me so much in 15 minutes. You should have pretended to fall asleep. Well, that would have been dangerous. That would have been dangerous. But he ain't want you. He ain't got no wife. To pretend to fall asleep. But then he kept saying, girl.

He was like, girl, girl, girl. I was like, I don't think he knows what he is or what he's doing, but I need him to stop. One time I was in a car and I straight up said to a chatty driver, I was like, I would like a silent ride, please. What your face looks like silent ride. Marie what's your mess this week how about well honestly I don't even really know if this is mess or not but let's get into it yes it's like it's it's mess yeah um so uh I posted a video years ago about me saying like you know don't depend on men to make you happy go buy something to make you feel better and so some little boy who looked like bobby hill said that my the front of my hair

looks like a tricep pulled like ropes at the gym and he did a video about it people have been sending me this video for months months and i've never responded to it and finally i was like i have to respond because now people are there's like spinoffs there's spoofs of this same exact video right so he got orange hair so i ordered a troll from amazon on a monday brilliant it came on a tuesday i did the video on a wednesday posted it on a thursday now people are in the comments you know the people who follow me are like queen you got them but now the video has bought in all of these in-cell basement living. Engagement.

Engagement. Zero post-haven. It's okay. Engagement. It's all about going up. Sure, but I'm blocking people in real time. I'm not arguing with people. I learned my lesson off that Azalea Banks beef in 2015 or whatever.

Legendary, iconic. I'm the bottom of the bag prize. Talk about a mess. I'm not going back and forth with anybody's minions or fans or nothing like that. You pulled the rock up from the ground and the roaches came.

You turned the lights on. They all like... You know what's crazy? I had seen that video a bunch of times, but I was like, I'm not getting ready to send this to Marie. I don't want to lose my friend. People have been sending it to me

and they've been tagging me in his video. I've never seen it. But people are like, oh, you beefing with a child. Oh, you beefing with a 12-year-old. That's how you know you lost. Anybody that's commented more than one time, blocked.

Anybody that's like, you fighting with a kid block anybody that looks like did you view did you view that video did you take that video in jest

or did you just like take it as like I just think it's silly it's dumb it was silly right so yeah there's this idea that you making a response to that video

is like you being mad about it I'm not mad but I think that's probably what the whole I think that's what the tone from them from these people responding to you being like

well cause she's a black woman that's why they think when black women do things it's aggressive it's mean it's rude and it's not

people are like oh the blacks are mad again oh blacky black black oh like the comments are correct it's like 3,500 comments but it's 3,500 comments that's amazing and I've blocked 750 people already so good Marie that I just feel like a win is a win I've blocked 750 people already that's crazy or you could say or there's a there's a feature on Instagram that if people say things it already blocks I'm about to say is it already it's just it's just in your request because you don't follow these people right no they're not sending me oh they're not dming me they're sending me comments yeah

oh shit and so i'm just blocking them as i see them like i'll wake up i'll just scroll and i'll be like i'm gonna delete 10 comments right now and i'll be like not even i'm not even deleting the comments i'm blocking the people and when i block them i think their comments go away so interesting yeah honestly it just shows you are a comedian the people who think it's funny we all came together and ha ha ha he he he and the losers who you know they drink mountain dew and they ain't got no friends they're upset and all they do is all they can do is type i engage with some of that shit sometimes i did it you're toxic i mean you know whatever i mean the engagement is bots too i'm just like it is i don't think about the internet like that i don't care about these

people no you know i did a i did a tiktok about donald trump and i started getting some mega people and everyone i did see that but i was like okay i can say whatever y'all want i don't really what is the tell us the tell us the joke what was it it wasn't even a joke i was just talking about his bum ass being a Madison Square Garden and I was like yeah I was like yeah it did feel a little heavier

on the island but smelled a little different yeah the air quality was a little orange yeah it was a little orange and then like a bunch of them just kind of like

a little bit of them were just like oh he's gonna win I'm like he's not gonna win in New York that's what I say and that's the crazy thing is like even if he does show up

which is it was a ton of people from Long Island and Staten Island you know where in New Jersey I'm going to miss his messy ass. What?

Now, this is mad. Hold on now. The jokes. Hold on. The other day, like a week or two ago, he was at Mar-a-Lago, and this bitch, he was having some event, and you shouted out to the audience, he was like, where are my gays for Trump? And this guy was like, right here, and Trump pointed at him and was like, you don't look

gay. That was very Trump-ing. Now, me, that's a compliment. well at least you always look a little bit gay always well my shirt look at the colors the fit the last time i wore this nemesh patel called me a gay gate a gay gate what does that mean it does give a little gay gay it's like let my people go let my people go y'all trying to get y'all singing careers No, we are.

I'm break my... Let me tell you something. Sometimes people hear me talking in public and they just assume I sing. Just because of the, you know, the alto quality of my voice. So I'm about to start taking some singing lessons. You're about to be on your Matt Rogers and have a Christmas album. Yeah, I'm down for that. It's going to be a Kwanzaa.

And I'll be like... I'll be in the back like... You'll be singing all the classics. On the fifth day of Christmas My true love gave to me Five golden rings All right, Marie. Yeah, I see it coming for you.

I think you should have an Easter special, actually. Easter? Yeah. Like Jesus? Talking about, you can put like a gospel apple? It's gonna come out with a

Beans, greens, tomatoes, tomatoes Beans, greens, tomatoes And I'm gonna layer my voice. Yeah, and I'll be like, you name it. Let's get into the mess that we prepared Yes, that concludes the mess Of our personal mess

Let's move on For mess of the week Can we start with little mess before we get into Big Mass? Okay, start it off for us. So Subway is getting sued for using too little meat in their sandwiches.

Well, you know, it's probably because of the listeria. No. They want more listeria. The people are saying in the pictures and on the commercial,

the bread, it can't even close. It's so much meat. And then when you get there, the meat be thinner than a sheet of paper. I don't even know You know why I think that is?

Because people are getting Uber Eats More. And I feel like If you go into the Subway and, like, order it in the store, there's a higher chance that you'll get a bigger sandwich. I feel like I used to work at Subway. Whoa. When I was in college. Were you working there where Jussie Smolet was a tech?

Smolet. Remember, it never happened. It never happened. Alex, the more you know. Our Alex, Alex English was at Subway. I was in college. A sandwich artist. I was a sandwich artist, yeah.

Now, what they say in the rule book. Does it say you got to fold it? Does it say you got to drape it? How do you put the meat on the bread? There's a certain number of slices of whichever meat it is or even like the meatballs of how many scoops of it you put on it. What's the number of slices for like honey ham? Well, for a foot long, a foot long I think used to be like six or seven slices. That's not enough slicing.

But you got to request double meat then. Alex, you don't even look like a Subway guy. You look more Quizno. I feel like you were like a hot sandwich. Quizno's is better, though. Yeah. Or it was. I don't know what the sandwiches are talking about.

You seem like you would make a hot sandwich. I mean, they all making $7 an hour. It's really not. It's not. There was not. I don't know what y'all think is going on at these restaurants, but they all doing the same thing. So we get one slice of meat per dollar, you make an hour? You know, the thing is, is that we are in this age of, we're just gluttonous.

We want too much. Yeah, exactly. I was about to say. We're layering too much. We're making things too stuffed. It's true. We're eating too much. We eat too much.

Body positivity. But what about your heart? Ooh, Sidney called y'all big. No, I'm not. Sidney said, Unbake your back. Unbake your back. Say you're hungry again.

No, I get it. I get it. What Sidney said is that, you know, we are clogging our arteries. Our blood pressure is high. My blood pressure is good. But beyond that, though,

there's also waste happening, too. because people don't be finishing their food like that and you just throw all that shit away. We eat far too much. I mean, we didn't bend to other countries. We all see how other people in other countries eat food. Hold on, hold on, hold on. This is the real issue.

It's the marketing. It's the marketing. Hold on, hold on, hold on. When you see a McDonald's burger in an ad, there's a food stylist that injected the bread with air to make it puffy. They hit it with like some type of oil or petroleum to make it shiny.

Or ice cream. They put stuff on it to make it look a way that you can't even eat the thing in the picture. But in the picture, it looks so appetizing. But that's artistry. That's marketing. Why would they show you what it's supposed to look like? Yeah, but the nigga that's working there that's 19 ain't doing that, boy. She's just throwing that shit in the sink.

He's not putting ice cream on the bread. So is that what you want in the commercial? Give me 19 making the sandwiches. That's how they presented those when we were saying. But that's not, the nigga that's 17 that work at, he's not making your sandwich. He making your sandwich with the energy of, I need this $7. Right. I'm trying to get a Chrome Hearts belt.

he ain't boo-beying the salt and pepper he's shaking that shit out of the goddamn shaker girl so what do y'all want i mean not even i'm not complaining about it i don't eat it that much i haven't had subway in years but i'm saying i put that in the doc because i don't know you could sue somebody for something being ugly or not being well and think of all the people we could sue that we used to date it is false advertisement and that's what and that's the thing about hinge hinge is nothing but people putting the commercials of themselves and then you show up and you're like oh is this the team move version like what's up i want i want what you put on on paper well i see that's the thing because you were on hinge as a single woman for

i don't know how long were you on here for like a month don't do that it didn't feel like you were on there for that long i said this what y'all doing yuck and then she left i just said i can't keep up with all the lies because i'm a truthful woman how do you know their lies though well she You said all the women use filters. A lot. What about the men? Alex. Come on, Alex.

Alex, no. Let's talk about it, Alex. Listen, because let's put it out there. Let's put it out there. I did a little stick. I did a... A shift. I did a relapse with men.

You know, I spun the block with them. And you know, the person who just couldn't let it go. You just you could have let everybody know. Oh, yeah. Sidney with men. She back with men. Sidney with men now. She not a lesbian. Lesbian? Who? Not Sidney. Not Sidney. Every time we be in a conversation. Is the lesbian in the room with us? Alex said I'm the only gay here tonight. Thank you for being allies. Sidney is just an ally now. It's wild. You wouldn't even call me bisexual. You're like, oh, she's with men. That's who she that's who she was meant to be with. it was like she is delivered that's how it felt alex did you tell your mom that sydney was um whitman yep and my mom was like praise the lord no her prayer her prayers she was praying for you ever since she met you she put you on the prayer list man ever since you seen ever since you sang her happy birthday at the knitting factory she was like she said that beautiful game i'm gonna go pray for her alex what's your what was but i was trying to figure out what was your

thing because it's like i'm not even i'm not even what you're looking for why were you so invested what you mean because you are straight because you are taking the straight you are messing you you are taking the straight men that alex be hooking up with now you competition nigga i met you straight you met me in a transition just like i met marie with a white man whoa that's what we doing this close to thanksgiving i'm shooting black women Go ahead and cut his mic off Somebody cue Somebody cue the TikTok

You need to leave Right now You met me with a white man and when's the last time you saw me with one Actually you know what Do you really want to have that conversation You know I recuse Myself from this conversation Whatever jacket this is

You're giving Pow pow pow you came to assassinate I mean I mean you shooting better than whoever's trying to assassinate Trump period

period allegedly allegedly I'm not about to get this podcast taken off the air no no no allegedly

we trying to go viral baby that's a mess well I don't know if it's going to be with this but y'all are funny crazy

I forgot what we was even talking about we were talking about messy food people who lie in photos who else lies

or what other things did we put in here that's like false advertising well okay so well on this profile thing nobody wants to be online looking crazy yeah don't look crazy but don't use a snapchat filter and then go to instagram and use a instagram filter and then come right come to the date looking like how you look like babe okay but if the women on there were like they all had on makeup yes so yeah but if you wait hold on now what is that no i'm saying i'm saying there's nothing wrong with that but if they're if the women on hench have makeup on and those pictures are good but what about like when they take it off is that still gonna because i mean makeup is well i sort of a filter hold on i'ma say if you do if you have makeup on in your pictures then

show up on the date with the makeup still looking like that because then because then i know that you look how you look in your picture hey i just want everybody everybody take a beat If you don't come to the date with no makeup on, I matched you because I like your face here. Can you imagine seeing somebody's makeup on and you show up to the date. Regular face. No, they got all, just like, just drag. No, no, no. Real housewife reunion makeup.

And they have the lighting and everything. They bring the lighting with them. One of these. Yeah. No, honestly, the thing that makes me so annoyed about this conversation is everybody acts like they freaking top model. They got a Ford. They signed a Ford model in and they're like, yeah, because, you know, you you ugly when they show up. And it's just like, no, this is what a human being looks like.

I don't. I mean, I guess when I was using the apps, I didn't. I guess maybe it is a woman thing. I didn't encounter too many men. I mean, well, you're a skinny white boy. You're a man. a lot of skinny white boys use filters to do what

to look plump filters to like make them I've seen it less men less less black guys oh yeah cause you know

that's not your type so you met me with a white man I met you with several y'all the same we are not the same now sis I am delivered

nah we built I'm back to black that deliverance happened recently that deliverance been happened I broke up with that white man

during black history month and haven't been back since. I'm broke up with that white man during Black History Month. And that's exactly how Rosa Parks would have wanted it, okay? I said, we throwing chairs. I threw a hat in the air. I said, that's it. I'm done.

I'm not doing this with him no more. If he does it, did I let him bring me an air conditioner for the summer? Sure did. And you deserve it. And then I did what? Blocked him. Self-care. Messy, messy self-care.

well i mean you know hey you're no longer on the app i'm no longer on the app okay i did what i needed to do on there i got all the information i i studied your research yeah i did i did the finals you got your masters i was like the test is trash won't be doing that again are there any lesbian apps um yeah and why are you going up what's it called i have it pocket but it's like missing a letter Polly Pocket I went on her before that

her there's another one called Tammy Tammy yeah there's a few that's a lesbian name Tammy

I don't know Tammy with a Y or an I I just want to say it doesn't matter what gender or sexuality you are Tamics Tamics

like Latinx I just want to let y'all know it doesn't matter what gender or sexuality you are people are weird on every app everybody's weird

nobody has it together when you say weird what do you mean what are your expectations when interacting with people on dating apps well I will say

with the lesbians it's just too much like you're telling me too much it's a lot of paragraphs it's getting into it too quickly

I feel like it's supposed to be light and chill like talking the thing about talking to dudes on an app is very simple

yeah they're very simple W-Y-A Maria look at her she miss it no I don't miss it She's been talking to the men on the app. All the men on the app are talking about is, I went to the gym today.

W-Y-D, what you doing? It sounds like, it feels like you're talking to a teenager. So you're never having any sort of like, do you send a message first on the app? Marie, no. I send a couple smiley faces. I send the same smiley face to all the men. So what do you expect a message to be from a man on it? like what's something like reacting to something that I've posted yeah I too am no longer on the

if man sends you three smiley faces will you accept that maybe I'll respond with another smiley face and now y'all just emoji now we just send an emoji y'all love wasting people's time until y'all get to eggplants and uh peaches no thank you I don't speak an emoji that's not my language so what are you what do you like opening what kind of what kind of what's the best kind of message that you can give well yeah or for me for me is oh what's up i'm i'm feeling i'm feeling this photo or i'll like comment on something that they put in a caption or whatever oh i think this is funny and then that's move from there have you ever had any conversations that were like cool even though it might not have happened sure yeah but then after after a day of us talking i'm

not on the apps every day i'm i'm not on them at all now but like if we're going back and forth and it's like ha ha ha lol like we gotta move it off the app now yeah how many days how long do you give it before you do that it really depends on if i ever come back well like i might not be on the app for a week at a time and then i come back and it's like oh i missed all these messages i don't have my notifications turned on do you think that if come on dr bill do you think that seeing as how you aren't on the app actively enough that i guess you reached this point because you deleted them uh that you just not you're not looking to date anybody right now no not on an app but i've always felt like i was going to meet somebody in real life real life is

the place to be out you see them you already know the vibe i think um on apps people are creating energies and connections that are not real it's a lot of limerence they it's the idea of wanting to like that person or wanting to be into that person and that's it. That is what a lot of people are coasting on.

The idea of somebody and then as soon as they meet them and get to know them, then they're like, ugh. You know what I mean? That's why I always,

I've always fallen for people I know a little bit about. Listen. As soon as I start knowing more, I dry up. Listen, I matched with this guy

and I was looking at his profile. I said, oh, look, he looks like he got a nice house. Oh, okay. He looks like,

oh, what's this? He's in a nice kitchen. It looks like he must cook. I was looking at all these things. I said, oh, wow, he's doing great. He seems healthy. I get there. The pictures were all a little bit old, right?

He was older than what he looked like on his pictures. What were y'all talking about in the messages? I don't remember. I just was like, he look rich. All you saw was his pictures. He look rich and fun. He look rich and fun. I'll go.

Rich and fun. Marie. Alex, rich and fun. That's what she's looking for. I don't remember. But you said the conversation wasn't really giving anything. I said, well, we'll talk over oysters, right? I get to the date.

He's smaller than he looks in the pictures. And he's telling me that he got long COVID. So I'm like, well, they're going to help me. He got long COVID, so he can't even really breathe right. Who even got COVID anymore? Who even got COVID anymore? You can't get COVID if you don't get tested. We are not promoting that here on Mass.

It's over. That is too long to know. You just have a cold. He said he had long COVID. He hasn't been able to work out and walk up the stairs like he used to. I said, yeah, damn. How old was this man? Who was president when he was 10?

What's he on the Titanic? But then he was like, he was like, yeah, you know, I said, oh, well, your apartment looks cute or whatever I said. And he was like, yeah, you know, it's a nice little studio. I said studio. How do you set the studio to look more like it has about four or five rooms? He must have taken the picture in the lobby because it wasn't given studio in the background of the photo. But everything he said, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. He must have been using the apartment building, you know, conference room.

The common area. The common area. now wait more importantly Alex you are here we want to get into your mess

we need to know more about it it was nice talking to y'all no Alex I feel like you say a lot of polarizing things

I feel like you you got a lot of opinions you got a weird way of moving and it's time to talk about it weird way of moving

yeah weird way of moving yes absolutely Alex Alex I'm tired I'm tired of being gay ooh everybody can be gay

that's the act that's the it's just a bit that's not how you feel you love being gay I do tell jokes for a living on a scale of one to ten how much do you like being gay

yes ten being the most that's a great question Marie good job ten being the most what's this face for I thought you said it was a bit on a scale from one to ten

how much do you like being gay who said I was gay you are gay are you a homosexual listen a homosexual there's so you're there's no number then there's no number oh okay i feel nothing about it you feel nothing that's how it should be have you talked to a therapist about no that's how it

should be like no straight person has asked that on a scale from because straight is just like straight is trash yeah but you still do it well because you know not all dick is trash some of it is really good sure yeah but i'm like it's not something i don't i don't i can't look at it as just like i love it or hate it this much it's just who you are it's just what you do it's it's what i do it's not who i am it's not who you are well who are you alex t-shirt yeah well when people say alex english they'd be like yeah you know alex the comedian the gay one alex english i don't love that yeah they said gay chapelle that's what i heard on the streets i do love that yeah why do you why do you love that you stay you stay saying i'm good oh yeah but he hasn't

been good in a little while yeah i mean you know what you mean you have a whole joke about i heard it said i heard it said not too long ago and i was like oh well he kind of back to being funny oh you heard it here first you heard it here first ladies and gentlemen people are gonna hate it but I laugh at it well and I think that's the thing about you

yo when he when he when he was hosting whichever season that was I was there oh at SNL yeah

I went to the stand on the Monday of the week of the show to watch him run his monologue and when he came down I was talking to him

cause earlier I had seen him when we were doing like our pitch meeting with him so he knows you no but

but he but he looked he he looked at me down before he got on stage and i was like oh i just wanted to tell you i know that when i was pitching my idea to you earlier today i know that in your head you were calling me all types of gay and he was like i wasn't calling you gay i was calling you a and then he got on stage and was like uh forgive me everyone for being late i was busy having a conversation off stage with my gay colleague for the week oh I'm like that's an honor this that's an honor your brand yeah it's mess it is but I think like sometimes people get caught up

in the the attention they get from being messy and saying like off-brand things that sometimes I don't even know who you are anymore because now you're so I don't before I felt like I kind of knew who somebody like Chappelle was, but now it's like I think he's so caught up in the he's going to be the opposite of what everybody wants. He's just old. That's all. That is what it is.

He's old and he's rich and he's a man and he's out of touch. And I think that we live in a time where people just feel like you want to know what I'm thinking because I'm famous. And it's like, no. It's regular people who are not famous and they feel like people want to know what they got going on. And I'm tired of that.

You sent And there was a family on TikTok that went viral. There's Resilient Jenkins. Six of them. What? Resilient? Yeah, Resilient Jenkins. That's their name?

Her name is Resilient? Resilient Jenkins. That's the name of the- Black people. No, Resilient is a white lady. It's a biracial couple. Jenkins is the black. Yes.

That sounds like Black Daddy, White Mama. Anyway, it's a family of six, soon to be seven, living in a studio in a one-bedroom apartment. One-bedroom apartment. And this is where the kids got to sleep in the kitchen. In the kitchen and the living room. And they're showing, they're vlogging. Do they not have money? They don't have no sense.

How you live in a one bedroom and you guys, well, no, it's seven people total. Is this like low income housing? Oh, and she's got, I think she has another kid on the way. Yes, she's pregnant. She's pregnant. Soon to be seven. Soon to be seven. Sound like they need to be sleeping in the fucking kitchen and the kids need to be sleeping in the bed.

That's what I'm saying. You go into the bedroom, they got the sex lights, and then they got a PS5, they got a brand new TV propped up. Right, but the kids need to be in the bedroom because you got too much privacy. Y'all don't need no more privacy. Y'all don't need to be having that much sex, too. But they're going to go fuck in the kitchen. Oh. Like that 112 song.

We can do it anywhere. Yo, that album is coming out soon, baby. Yeah, but they're vlogging. The mother is putting everything out. And it's like, what happened to, like, shame and secrecy? So are they making money off TikTok? No, that's what I think is the thing. I think they're trying to make money off of TikTok.

She got a wig line coming out? Like, what money is she making? People are dragging her. How do her wigs look? She doesn't have a wig. It's in Costco hair. She doesn't look like Alabama Barker at all. It's not giving that.

It's very natural. She's in her natural 4B. So they got five kids, and they got two cats. You got the nerve. You have two cats in this one-bedroom apartment, and you got all these kids sleeping on the floor. Why are the cats here? It sounds like they need some condoms.

It sounds like they need to switch from the bedroom into the living room, and it sounds like he need to just get off her floor. Are the kids, like, are they fed? Well, that's what I was wondering. Are they taken care of? Because, I mean, I'm just like, well, you know, as crazy as that housing situation is, And I mean, if they're taking care of the kids and kids are going to school and shit.

Listen, we're not talking about Cardi B and Offset. Like Offset got mad kids. Cardi has three with him. Yeah, but those are very rich people. Exactly. These are not very rich people. That was the conversation on the on that TikTok was having was like, oh, you guys hate how poor people live. Yeah, we don't want no we don't want anybody living like that.

That's like, oh, you can't. It's a it's the idea that people are supposed to live a certain way. Like, if you're a child, I feel like having kids is a privilege. Like, I don't think that just because you can have kids that you should. I think that bringing kids into a situation where it's just going to bring trauma and misfortune. But where do you think that trauma is coming from in this scenario where they just all live in this one bedroom house? If I'm sleeping next to a stove, the trauma is the heat coming from the oven in the summertime. But here's, maybe there's perspective here where it's like, I'd rather be sleeping in the kitchen than on the street.

Yeah, but if you had less kids, you have more, because she was talking about resources. And they're obeying God's orders. Be truthful and multiply. They're ignoring everybody else. Everybody in the comments said. This is a heterosexual family. This is a heterosexual couple making. Everyone on the comments is like, get off her.

Leave her alone. Is she complaining? Nope. I don't know what the money situation is there, but you know the older kids is watching the younger kids. And you know every time she come out of that bedroom with a little pregnancy stick, the kids is probably like, yeah. But you know, it's crazy though, because the way I think people, it's perspective. It's like if you grew up in a house where you had your own room or you shared a room or whatever, you see that as the way you're supposed to live. But this, and I think that's the majority of people probably.

but in this scenario if I mean the kids don't see hold on hold on does it seem like they're being abused

if the kids are being abused though they're being neglected any sort of way I mean isn't there a little bit of neglect there is it though can you really give all of your attention

to like is everybody getting the right amount of attention if you got five kids running around well yeah if they're not running around it's not that much space

they all in the same they're rolling around they're all in the same living room yeah sure but then but I mean this is like you know five kids is you know a lot to us to us in this moment but five kids is a lot

period everywhere period i feel like one kid is a lot right exactly we're saying that now though but like back in the day how many families you heard where they had like they have four six seven back in the day black people weren't able to vote so i'm not listening to anything no but i'm saying though like this isn't like a new thing like people having more than one kid you know having but so it's and a lot of those stories aren't necessarily oh i grew up with a bunch of siblings and it was hell i think like like a fine example zaynab zaynab grew up with like 13 siblings yeah but how many bedrooms did they have well i'm not that's what i'm saying is regardless of the living situation doesn't necessarily always equate to how the family is how the kids are being treated i

think these i think these are people who we we view we view them as making poor decisions but if they are finding a way to take care of their children and it's not really as messy my issue is It's like, why are you putting the kids on the Internet? Maybe they don't want that. We can talk about that. They don't want to be on the Internet. Maybe they don't want people to see how they're living. And a lot of people who are commenting, they're like, hey, I grew up like this and I was embarrassed that people knew.

But that's also a projection. Because you're embarrassed by however you may have came up and this just might be normal to them. It's not normal. I mean, listen. To you. This is what I'm going to say. No, no, no. This is what I'm going to say.

this is what I'm going to say is in some places it's illegal to have that many people in a one bedroom apartment is it illegal where they are? it's a fire hazard it's absolutely a fire hazard

so I gotta fold the kitchen table up so you can lay down no I'm not as a mother I'm tired where is this baby when this baby comes

no one's getting any sleep because that's how close we sleeping together and the baby gonna be up everybody up you know the baby gonna be up you know they've been drinking Coca-Cola

on the weekend if these kids are growing up in this environment they probably see it as normal they probably don't view it as like traumatic for them i mean i'm sure as they get older but like if these are like if these kids are like in like single digits and shit they're they're just viewing it as like this is my house and i live i live with my parents and we sleep in the living room slash kitchen i i say i say i hear what you're saying but i think that they gotta the parents gotta get out of that bedroom i mean absolutely there should be more

space get some bunk beds something right needs to be more mattresses less bodies on the floor let the bodies hit the floor less air mattresses and what not get the kids some space also what's mess I don't want to know everybody's business I'm tired I have my own stuff going on but you know what that is though like it's TikTok

you can monetize anything this is where we are now in the world too it's like everybody but it's reality television's fault everybody wants to be famous for being famous it's exhausting we have to move on we got a segment called messy or just living so you will tell us we'll throw

something out and you'll let us know if that's mess or it's just a part of life. We don't have to have that much judgment against it. Okay, so is it messy or just living? Kicking my little sister out because she parties too much. She's 18. She comes home too

late. She's loud and she brings home randoms. So they live together and the sister who just turned 18 is like, living my life like it's golden. Living it. Well, I'm sure the sister that's 18 is not singing that song. it's 7 p.m. on Friday

added by the threes that's more so the sister is like the older sister is like 22 and she ended up having her little sister move in with her because you know

she just moved out of her parents house do you think it sounds like she gotta move back to her parents house I think the 18 year old is messy but also just living oh

why is that because we were all 18 at one point yeah but you know kicking her out probably is the right thing to do

just so it puts the pressure on her to get her shit together. She ain't gonna learn it any other way, obviously. Well, also, have you said something to her? Oh, yeah, every time. It's like, hey, girl.

This is what the person's saying? Yeah, you bringing in all these random people. You're not cleaning up. As long as there's like a warning. You late, you loud. It's a lot. You late, you loud.

I gotta go to work in the morning. I gotta go to work in the morning. My thing about that is why are you bringing people to my house that you don't know? You don't even know these people. This is not really your house, babe. You're a temp.

You don't really get mail here anyway. So why are you bringing all these people here? And who are these men that they don't have a place to go that you can go to? They never have a place to go, honey. Can't host. Yeah, kick them out. Okay, messy or just living? So you said the sister is living, but the other sister is being messy.

Are we asking is the decision to kick her out messy? Yes. Oh, no, that's not messy. She's just living. she's trying to live she's trying to live live without her sister she's just trying to live

messing up her place listen living with sisters is hard I'm saying that as somebody who lived with my sister and she also had to go period

but it was different I was showing up late and she was going to bed early because she had to be up early so and you were living with her no she was living with me so I would come home

late after her show happy feeling good and she'd be like I was sleeping and it's like girl that's my house so that was the opposite I can't be loud here.

Messy or just living? Stopped giving a co-worker a ride to work, so he got fired. But whenever he would get a ride, he would leave trash in the car and never clean up after himself. Is that messy or just living? Wait, he got fired for not giving the co-worker? No, no, no. The co-worker got fired.

Because he was having a hard time getting to work. And this person was like a beloved co-worker. Everybody loved this guy. So it's like, it's not like they should have given him a ride. Everybody should give him a ride, right? But it was on this one friend to make sure that he was getting there. And then he was like, oh, you know what? I'm just going to let him, I'll let the trash pile up and see if he realized.

In the car. Yeah, that he was being, you know, nasty. He didn't, he never realized. And so the guy was like, you can't get no rides from me no more, babe. And then he had too many absences at work. And so he got fired. how old is this these people you think I saw the ages but then I forgot so far these stories are like the person who's making the decision to do something is just trying to live and the other

person is living their life it can be it can be split between like who's doing what to like it's like yeah I mean homeboy is obviously nasty probably lives bad and doesn't he probably live in a one bedroom with seven people as a person who I am a messy person and it's somewhat of a hoarder I understand if somebody has to you know let me know hey girl I can't be around this this is too chaotic for me you know I don't put things away I will have a wrapper and it fall out my purse like sometimes you have to remind them but then also the ADHD you're all over the place Your brain is so clogged that it's hard to, you know, pick up after yourself and be a regular adult. But also, the person giving the rides is ridiculous kind of a little bit in this, too, because it's like, why would you just let trash pile up in your car?

Just to see. I know you're trying to prove a point, but it's like, I'm not. To see if they would notice. But just say something. Well, I mean, maybe they did say something. I had a roommate one time. She would let stuff sit in the sink for days. And one day I was like, well, let me see how long this is going to go for.

It was like, it was like eight days. You should have did like my mama used to do and put the dishes in my bedroom. That's what my mom said. My mom said, take the dishes out and put them in her bed. And I said, I'm not doing that. So my mom said, well, take them all out and put them right on the counter. And I did that. And I heard her come in and she washed all the dishes that night.

Yeah. I wasn't going to put them in her bed. I think it's messy to just have this nonverbal communication. It's like, we're all adults. Tell somebody how you feel. If they don't get it, then you got to go. But I'm telling you how I feel. Also, you putting cups in the sink and pans that I need to use to cook with.

And when you need to use them, you'll wash that one thing and then put it back on the top of the pile. Like, babe, you know you got to wash this pile of crap. That feels like depression. First, I might have been going through it. Well, you know what? I'm glad to no longer have a roommate. Now, when stuff is in the sink, I'll be like, who put this here? Me.

Yeah, I do walk into my apartment like, why the fuck? Who lives here? Yeah, this is crazy. Who raised me? I know okay so we got some messages before we end this beautiful messy

episode yeah let's read a final message for the kids should I work with my friend my friend and I work in similar fields and we got pitched to do a job together as we're prepping for the job I just noticed how much they're sabotaging the work whether they want to

undersell our capabilities won't agree on rates etc I've noticed a pattern on jobs that we've been on together i love them and think they're so talented but their energy is very draining regarding work what do i do oh this is good because we all work with friends um alex are you speechless i think the the best way is to address address it yeah there's no other method i can think of address it and if y'all agree on you know a way to fix whatever the problem is if y'all don't then just agree that y'all can't do business together but you can still be friends

well that's the thing i think that everyone needs to know this and moving forward not not us but it's like you can't work with everybody that's your friend you just can't absolutely you could you guys can both be talented and then come together and somebody has too many flaws that you just want you guys won't you know rise to the top and that's okay you could still love them But there's no sense in getting into business and then things flop because y'all don't mesh well. And also, hey, okay to cut them off as a friend, too. Ooh. What?

Marie, would you do that? If you found a really big bag for us, like a million dollar bag, you know, like if they were like, you guys want to host the Emmys? A million dollars? Do you guys want to host the Emmys? And you were like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't think so, but maybe. I think our relationship is definitely worth more than a million dollars.

It's worth more than $100,000, but a million? I mean, but what under, like, I'm, listen, I'm saying this as, you know, someone who went through. Working with their friends? Working with someone I thought was a friend. But we not even, but we ain't got enough time to unpack that. Alex, now you're hitting us at the end. We're going to have a part two. Well, thank you, Alex English, for being here.

We love you. Obviously, you're- Where can people see your messy ass? MVP of odds. When does this podcast come out? You know. Y'all going to have to tell- Listen, I'm-

Just in time for Thanksgiving. If you live in Chicago, look at me plugging a show in January. Yeah. People will be listening to this in January. I'm going to be at Zany's in Chicago, January 2nd through, I think, the 4th. That was the whole weekend. No, it's Friday and Saturday. Zany's Chicago.

You can get tickets. Yes. To see me there. Let's sell this out. You deserve, Alex. Put prayers up. You will. That'll be good.

And you can, if you have Peacock, you can see me on New York After Dark. I have a set on there. And, yeah. And I love this for you. We love you. Thank you so much. God bless. Before we go, give us one more.

Ooh, you listening to this. Go ahead. Oh. Ooh. You sound so tired. And on that messy note, everybody, thank you so much. Love you down. Bye.

Bye. Mess with Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. Created and hosted by Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin. executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588