MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - No New Friends

Episode Date: August 21, 2020

Sydnee, Marie, and Andrew discuss all the things on this week's episode! Where to store your charge your vibrators, how to deal with fame, and what type of person our parents would set us up with. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever gone hello wow we're never in sync I love that it doesn't need to be at the same time Sydney matter of fact let's do it again you say it first and then I'll say it after you

hello I'm gonna do it and then you do it hello hi yeah that was nice that's the intro to our only fans page yeah

hello friend you look wonderful you look refreshed um yeah you know sometimes you'd be like do i have time to masturbate and you say you're like i can do this zoom at noon but it's 11 45 i got a little bit of time you know and then you know vaginas are tricky they don't you know they don't just work when you want it to work they do what they want to do wait but when sydney when sydney called you it seemed like you weren't even aware that we were we were doing oh no i was fully aware from when i woke up today at 11 a.m we had a zoom okay but i was like i need to do this and then i gotta make my smoothie because i hadn't had breakfast yet and i was like i don't want to be on the podcast for an hour hungry and not had an orgasm that makes sense

right so i was like smoothies and orgasms since i said two birds one clip i'm gonna do it and then sydney called and i was like hey just pretending to be casual but you know that's what's happening you know she books yeah she does she books things to do um but like has that ever happened to you have you ever been like i need to come oh hell yeah i'm always like trying to get one in right before i have something to do because that gives that it's like exciting to try to like rub it out before you make the time and it never works but you know i'm i'm willing to put myself first before i go into a meeting yes you better put that one in first yeah you better put that one Shout out to Jaheim.

Yeah. Jaheim. Yes. But, yeah. And then my two favorite vibrators are dead. Yes. Which ones are they? This purple one that I have.

From the Doc Johnson? No. It was one that I already had. I don't remember the name of it. And then the pink Doc Johnson one. Oh, that. i told you that one that's that's my favorite i put it on my i put it on my body today you know and uh nothing moving on the button you know sometimes like you know it's dead but you're

like let me maybe i didn't press it maybe i didn't press on hard enough that that happened to me last like not last night the night before we were using it and um it died like right in the in your hand in the like right when i was about to get there it was sucked i was like fuck there's got to be something in a vibrator that knows you're about to come that stops it from dying like it's got to be like a emergency like a backup generator yeah they they lose batteries so quickly where i'm like how why why isn't there more like juice in this you know but i don't think this should last a long time but i don't think that they lose battery quick like i'll be used like my i'm unemployed but my vibrator is fully employed so it's like yeah sis has been working the entire

core so it's you know maybe you know she's going to take a little summer break no i mean that my problem is that i don't charge it up enough like i'll be thinking it's gonna last me for like at least a week and a half but that's just that's just not how it goes you know especially if you take a little trip you out of town baby girl is is dying baby girl you didn't bring the uh you didn't bring the chart no no i have the charge but baby girl's been dying like left and right baby girl baby girl she's working yeah and where do you where do you set up like a vibrating charging station oh all over my house yeah everywhere anywhere countertops near the trash can i mean it's wherever there's an outlet yeah wherever there's an outlet that's where i think

for me especially now that i live alone stuff just be everywhere and like i sleep with my vibrators on the bed yep underneath the pillow since i don't even do under the pillow i mean i'll be seeing you at your house under the pillow mine mine will be like just like because you know I'm just the queen size of bed. I'm not that big. It'll be, like, just one of the bed. Yeah. And the way I sleep, diagonal style.

Like, I don't ever have to actually touch it. But, like, yesterday I was, like, cleaning, and I have my – and Andre came over here last night, and he was like, what's this on the table? And I was like, oh, that's lube. Let me go ahead and set that down on the ground. I just have stuff all over my house. Were you using lube to master?

i'll put lube on my on my vibrators you just be putting on your body dry yeah i just be like because i already be wop you know yeah but i feel like i need the vibrator to get the wop you be wop already yes that's why i'm getting start yeah so how you get wop before you touch the clinic because i only use it when i'm horny i don't just use it just because oh oh girl you gotta grow up okay you gotta grow up you can't just no you gotta get because the more you use it you're just like wearing out your little girl down there you're wearing it out and then you're building up tolerance so that when you have any vibrations on it you can't come as fast so i just i i have to wait it out i can't use it all the time

that's not what your uh bed said i've seen wow what are you talking about toys on the bed yeah there's toys there but they just they're they be sleeping i don't really use it i don't really use it they you know they pay rent too so they're like i i can lay in the bed if i want that's so funny um speaking of paying rent how are your cats doing uh i i talked to um the person that is watching my cats and um she says that they she could tell that they miss me and that jelly is not really coming out at all like it's just not being responsive like she comes out at night because she's a little night owl but she's not really she misses me and but jam is jam and you know he's a he's a bum so he's just trying to get

trying to get treats what you talking about they miss you jelly don't never be out period no she misses me she don't never be out so that's literally the only thing i miss i'm in la and i miss my cats that's it would you bring the cats to la uh the person that i'm staying with said no she said for her self-care there can't be any cats in this space mom said no wow a woman yeah well she said because of the cat hair she's like i like the cat just not the cat hair so well that's it cat hair literally is like the biggest part of cats yeah well like also i feel like it's important to also notice that you're in a very nice apartment too wow notice this last sweet. Hold on. It's very, very nice.

A cat-free zone, yes. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's talk about this. My apartment now is a nice place, too. It is, yeah. I don't think your fridge looks like that. They look like the fridge dispenses ice. It does dispense ice. Yeah, you don't have that.

Your house is not. It has crushed ice. So hot. Crushed and, like, the cube? Yeah. I don't even fuck with the cube. It's all about the crushed. Really? You have a little slushy glass in your corner? Oh, yes. You do a little, ooh, especially if you do, like, a cream soda with the crushed ice. No, I haven't had cream soda in years.

Honey, I had one yesterday. Beautiful. You better live your life. You are thriving out there. Every time I see you now, I'm like, oh, she's not going to bed with me. I am. Don't you worry about a thing, mama. I'm holding best friend replacement auditions this weekend.

You should do that on Instagram You should do that I'm doing grossies They come in with their books I'm trying to see their looks You should do that on your stories And be like hi am I auditioning For a new best friend

Send me your height No that would be so funny It would be so funny Marie I'm telling you to do it You need to do that on Instagram live Like Lakeith Stanfield did a talent show on instagram live and like people would come with their talent and then like if he didn't like the talent he would just like exit them out maybe that's what that's what my friday will be maybe

look he has been going through it though is he okay yeah he did go through it yeah yeah why do you think he's going through it exactly happened he was like posting like pictures and videos of his like medication all these pills on his kitchen table and he's like i can't take it anymore none of this is real oh he deleted all his posts and pastes yeah the same um description battle like three times in a row when was this i don't know last week yeah he like he he really just like doesn't want to be famous though like he's like one of those famous people that really just, like, does not want to be famous. Well, then you need to stop working.

How do you know that? How do you know that? Well, like, he'll show up, like, on interviews, like, when he was promoting the photograph and everything, like, Issa's out there, and Issa knows how to, you know, do it, and, like, show face, whatever. Like, Lakeith doesn't want to be there, you know?

And it's like, whatever, that's fine. Like, it's unfortunate that he's a good actor, and also doesn't want to be in, like, the spotlight. So. Marie, is that something you're thinking about? Because, you know, You're going to be famous, so are you ready for that? Thank you, my future famous friend. I'm fine with being famous.

I don't think that, like, I think there's different levels of fame, right? There's fame where you, like, people know you and you're, like, niche and you can still go out and do things and make peace and, like, you might recognize you, which is us right now. Us right now. Literally us. You got Marie? No, actually, I'm Marie.

Yeah. and then there's people who cannot walk down the street without being recognized when they leave the house yeah um people who get like mobbed by fans you know michael jackson energy yeah but i um yeah i don't think i'm gonna be that i'm still gonna be able to leave my house i don't know i don't think so marie you have like like that energy of damn it's i want to know what she's doing where she's at what she's wearing who she's hanging out with that's you you want to know what i do i can't stop i even after all these years i'm still obsessed that's nice so so who would who do you want to like who would you compare yourself to

like level that you want to be at of fame okay good question um i'm gonna say i like uh i like what tessa thompson's trajectory is looking like um you know sis is not the world's greatest actress but she works regularly she's doing tv she's doing movies she's doing music videos it's like sis she's sending out political tweets it's like a good movie and a bad movie that makes money still um i just want to be working consistently that's it yeah you know like and then i want to get to a point where i don't really have to work until making money like the fresh prince is still making residuals still making residuals yeah jennifer aniston doesn't have to work she's not even drinking that smart water but she's making millions of dollars a year talking about

courtney cox yeah but courtney cox i think still has a show right yeah she was on cougar town for a few years what was the other no but then she was like on something more recently too yeah you're right she must have been bored courtney cox like is in and out and working phoebe i feel like they keep on giving phoebe a little franchise and her shows keep failing and then joey too i feel like they kept trying to make joey i just want to david david schwimmer was uh in the oj um miniseries where he played rob kardashian he got like a lot of praise for that that's it that's it that's a downgrade that's it you go from friends to robert kardashian that's it yeah um but like yeah he i don't know he's not gonna be working he did like the madagascar movies he did the madagascar movies

No, I'm looking for Ross. Sydney, what do you want? What level of thing do you want? One that, like, people are not in my fucking business every moment. Like, I don't want to be on Media Takeout. I don't want to be on Boss Up. I don't want to be on Perez Hilton or whatever like that. Oh, my God, Perez Hilton.

He's still a thing? He's still a thing. Yeah. He's still a thing. Well. i i want to be able to go to a restaurant and motherfuckers are not in my face honestly right now i would like to go to a restaurant and sit and have dinner but i can't because of freaking coronas so coronas i mean but i remember when i remember

when we went to afropunk and we were in the we were outside and this girl came up to us and she's like you guys are from the unofficial expert sydney marie sydney marie and it we felt like that was actually cool so it is fun to be recognized a couple times but like all day no thank you no not all day like not when you like with your family you find them like get the stroller in the car yeah car seat not clean like that yes i understand that being annoying but yeah um the people who listen to us are and come up to us are usually chill about it yeah um but like i remember people would recognize me from like youtube and i remember because it would be people here in New York

like sis you see me trying to steal this lotion at Walgreens like why are you coming up to me talking about these videos let me steal these but what would they even want to say like they just want to acknowledge the video or do they have questions or what no they're not even talking about a specific video

they'll just come up and be like I love your stuff you're so funny I love the podcast I was on French Beat once and it was like fake night my old apartment and this guy was like he was talking to me

and I'm like it's late I'm not stopping to talk to you sir and after I passed him he was like you gave Azalea the business and I was like oh I saw me drag Azalea a friend

a friend of the family and then I slowed down and the more he talked I was like I'm safe yeah this is this is a safe space um but like i'm not out here just trying to talk to some strange man on the street at the sunset i was like i'm sorry i don't have any money i remember when i took the train and i it was one of the rare occasions that i took the train but i was on there six times in the last seven years and i you know had no makeup on i i think i had just

hooked up i don't know what was going on but i i had you know my beautiful bright yellow coat on and i'm in my phone looking at pictures of myself and this woman like very loudly are you sydney washington wow my whole government sis my whole government the whole thing you can't just why not promote the pot from the unofficial expert like if you're gonna say my whole name just say the unofficial expert on spotify and apple wherever you can get podcasts rate comment subscribe yeah like and and she was very nice and i was like oh thank you but then i was like damn of course you caught me when i don't look like how i do in my photos so i hated that yeah and then she uh she commented on my like the jacket is even more beautiful in person i was like oh that's so sweet

no you had to reverse it you had to inside out it no it was when you get on everybody that listens to the podcast and then sees us and we're like they're so sweet and just so cute and i love when they were come to the knitting factory i'm like hi everybody's so young and fun i know everybody is very young and has like big shiny anime eyes or you guys would show up in your merch ah merch oh we miss those days we fucking miss those days it is weird though it's cool to be recognized and yeah it's cool for people to be like oh i like listening to you and i enjoy your work or whatever but sometimes most of the time it's weird like i had somebody get on the train and recognize her and the reaction was too big right like she was

it was so big that people were like taking their headphones out who is that yeah and it's like It's just like, I'm just trying to get back to Brooklyn. Like, come on. Like, shut up. Like, wait. Yeah, but that's the thing that there's so many people who are famous on Instagram and TikTok and stuff like that. I see it all the time, like, pre-corona, where these kids would be waiting outside of the store for somebody. I'm like, who the fuck are they waiting outside?

And they're like, such and such. And it's like, who's this? I'm from TikTok. and then I look in and I'm like oh that person in that regular ass white tee oh god

like yeah be like a 12 year old girl you know my TikToks um but yeah it is it was really cool when uh

on New Year's Eve this past this past year walking down the the street I was on the phone and someone recognized my voice

that was really cool and I thought you know going into 2020 I was like well it's gonna be my year you know we all thought that

Andrew we all thought that this is my year no no no it's my yeah oh my gosh that is that's what I'm talking about like people are listening

and recognize your voice and then they come up to you and they're like remember in episode 62 when you said oh my god I do not remember that I saw that someone tweeted at Jay Jordan the other day asking if he ever fucked me

and I'm like oh my god you want to follow up on this wait hold on hold on what did Jay say I think he just responded like lol it was a very neutral response but yeah it's like crazy

here's my name crazy what did they call you Andrew producer they said i think it just like uh maybe a tall producer andrew from unofficial expert or something like that did you ever like smash like with the what was it the uh paper plates did you ever smash them cheeks okay it's like this is vile i love that they follow us this is great it's funny guys keep doing great work okay it is great um we keep saying hi don't be weird about it

and if you're gay and you're a man say that first because I'm not talking about you but this is actual factual like you know these men can be very impressive and it's like dude I'm okay I'm all set

all set so that's it I don't need any more straight male friends I just want to add more cool gay people yeah Yeah. And there there's that is the new development going forward that we don't want any friends like we've we've obtained every friend that we could possibly have during the quarantine. We had several, several, many months to cultivate friendships with people that we old friends that we were ignoring because of our lifestyle.

so going forward if you are talking to someone on a a dating level and you hit them with a but i want to be your friend don't don't i don't want to hear that i want to be your unless it's like i want to get married fuck out of my face like we have gone through enough we don't need that that that feeling of like now you're trying to friend zone there is no friend zoning right now it's off it's canceled okay you mean like if you're talking with somebody yeah and they you are no longer interested in you but they hit you the first time you should still be friends no no no if you've seen the inside of my body yeah you cannot be my friend if i've sent if i've sent you a nude if if you know like sydney you send friends don't be that your friends

yeah but if i've sent it in a like a like a a friend a non-friendly way no what's a hostile news this what's a non-friendly a non-friendly mood my my my nudes are give very top energy but i'm just saying it's like everybody has enough going on we don't need to add new people to the roster it's like either you want it or you don't that's it but also if we've had sex we can't be just friends anymore yeah now you're somebody that i have sex with yep you're on that list that's the list and you know you're on the list you're on the list but that doesn't mean that you like on the list you're not on the list on my life like in my life on a regular basis you

on the list but you're not on the list yeah you're not on the list um yeah so i agree with you on that kind of why i mean who is really trying to be it is almost it's mid-august if we have not been in enough conversations for me to already like establish a friendship no no what do you mean i mean you should have you should have shot your shot in march in april to be my friend oh to be your yeah no no no no no no no i feel like okay maybe because this morning i woke up and i like messaged like seven or eight people who i haven't spoken to since probably like April let's give it up

hey you good yeah I don't have time to do that with your friends no you gotta wait for the new students no I'm done I'm clocked out no more friends

it's just too much it's too many fucking birthdays it's too many baby showers it's overwhelming at this point it's like who is this for please stop celebrating the birthday speaking of my birthday's coming up exactly a month september 23rd yeah and um it wait it's the 23rd today no it's the 20th you said exactly oh it comes out tomorrow the 21st yes i know it's lucky okay okay thank you but somebody might be

listening to this episode on sunday so okay um anyway my birthday's coming up and my sister was like what are you doing and I hadn't even thought about it and she's like we're trying to party on somebody's roof or somebody's backyard and then I was at Instagram and I see a million and two people are in Mexico right now and then you went in the group chat and was like and everybody in the group was like yeah yeah I'm down let's go yeah um so that's exciting I'm loving it i mean but carolina can't like carolina can't come to mexico is she coming to mexico i mean she just it will be right after her wedding pretty much what that got to do with my birthday she can't do anything after her wedding is what you're saying i mean maybe

since you gotta ask her husband for permission to come to my birthday well don't they have to have a like a honeymoon and stuff like that i wish i wish my wife would i wish my wife would get married to me and she's like so i'm going on a girl's trip bye what well when i'm a girl too i'm girl i'm going on a trip with you no and i think like sydney you are exactly that type of person we're going out with our friends i feel like that's the energy that people have going into the rest of our lives i feel it i feel it sydney would be with a girl So, it's a girl's trip. It's not the same.

No, it's not the same, Angie. It's not the same. And that's what I did. When you're with your friends. I did that in my last relationship, and it was very upsetting for Marie, to be honest. Well, because, you know, you feel like, I'm hanging out with my friend, we're going to let loose, we're going to talk about everything and anything. When you show up with your girlfriend and your boyfriend, the friends that were waiting

waiting for you and looking at you like duh what is she doing here because you know that means the tone of the conversation but then it's different like she's not going to be as like as as open or as loose or as free with her words because she her girl is right there like am i like that yes it's not the same when your significant other is there we can't talk the city we did this yesterday we were on the phone and you called and she was sitting next to you and it's like sis we can't talk we can't talk how we want to talk if she's sitting right there and you're like what are we talking about that's crazy because i'm just trying to figure out when y'all not y'all are the loosest lips i've ever encountered it's not yes but you can't talk about you guys oh we can't talk about

that and you're like we're talking about we still talk we're still crazy but it's like we want to know what's going on on the trip we want to know who's eating who's ass she's sitting right there you not talking about it you're like babe it's not the same and i mean i guess it's a tiny bit different like if i'm bringing some food around but like i don't know you see how we are with him i would love their dude well you know he's he's cool and he's fun to be around but it's like i'm not bringing him on a Girl's trip. No.

But his his curl pattern very girl's trip. The texture on his hair is very girl's trip. Yeah, it's really nice. I like it. I like that for us. The growth that's going on.

Oh my God, Marie. Wow. It must be all the oils and the serums that you're using. we're not putting anything in it anymore we should drive okay so Sydney what have you been watching

how have you been passing your time I got into Indian Matchmaker the most problematic show in like on Netflix right now but we can't call it it's it's like it's traditional

it's cultural they usually have people matchmaking like through the families to find people's significant other or like spouses or whatever so who is the indian magic um what's her name it's a different person every episode no it's it's just the same it's like the same woman she's from mumbai um yeah but she is you could tell she's making good money she's take she's taking all the coins because she's the one if she's the one and i like the way she talks and i like her demeanor and um she just she just seems like she knows what she's doing uh but when they ask the people what are you looking for um it's always the same

shit oh her name is sima tapera sima tapara or something like that so um the people are asking for people to come from a good home you know to have money to be a good person to be fair skin these people are always asking for someone to look fair and that's that is where i'm like say what but that's that's colorism across the world yeah because i think in most cultures if you have light skin that means you are in the house and if it's dark and you work outside and it's like what i'm just blessed and nominated and they're like four um yeah i don't like that they they're all like she even keeps promoting fair skin like oh she's fair she's great like it's like i mean there's no one of my complexion there's a girl who's guyanese and had to explain

that she's she's not she's guyanese but she's from indian descent and so she is very hard to match her with people because she's Guyanese why don't you just go back to Guyanese because she's I want a nice Indian boy but even that it's like what's wrong with being Guyanese and she is she is darker skinned she's not like my complexion but and she's beautiful she's stunning she's so far she's the best looking one that I've seen on the show and she's like I don't know why I'm single and it's like sis

you Guyanese and you know how they feel it's so wild to me because it's the same in like in like Asian culture too like in like Korea and like China and stuff like that like if you're like lighter Asian

it's like better I don't know it's anyway skin bleaching is like a really big thing oh yeah yeah but then it's like then you go online and everybody's getting a fucking tan it's confusing

what the fuck do y'all want you don't want dark skin but you're putting on bronzer yeah now you don't need an angled jaw contouring is low key adjacent to blackface just saying just putting it out there

okay contouring your black face why are you putting my color foundation on the sides of your cheeks and forehead and in your nose to structure your face to give you a jaw line to give you some cheekbones a black face well there was a whole um like scandal on twitter a couple months ago about like all these like instagram girls who like kink up their hair and like do make it really dark so that they look mixed mixed race oh yeah and they were uh fishing fishing yes um that's uh pretty much um we didn't talk about that um but uh yeah it's all these girls that like you look at a picture of them from like a year ago or two years ago and they look very caucasian but then even i mean you look at kylie jenner she does it she was like the epitome

of a pale beige girl and now she's dark orange and her body is different like everything that we're that we see is like oh we want black features and black adjacent things but we don't want to be you guys it's like what do you look like a black yeah yeah but that's not how they feel in india i'll tell you that much they don't so how does the show work every episode is a yeah yeah the where well they look they go by horoscope they the the uh sema she goes or sema or whatever she goes and meets the families because matchmaking is it's very heavily with like the family has to be involved it's not just like the two adults it's like the mother the sister everybody's gotta like this person and i'm like you know but i'm but it and that's because

their parents are also like married and stuff like so they would know like what's a good marriage or what marriage is supposed to be but I wish Ramona would try to be around when there's some matchmaking going on in my life it's like sis when's

the last time you had somebody I'm not listening to you if your mom was going to match make for you what type of person do you think your mother would have some guy that I met I won't say his name but he still calls her and she loves him she's like he checks on me i'm gonna say

i'm gonna just say he has a little bit of lazy eye and um he's a little love on the spectrum which is fine which is wait wait wait wait wait wait which eye so you'll be you'll get your fourth which eye i'm gonna i think it's the right but i haven't seen him in like 20 years well you guys i haven't seen eye to eye in 20 years shut the fuck up you said that it's the eye of the tiger okay wait so this is a guy that your mom that you used to date or just some like a family friend that she's always been no i i just i don't even know how it came about but it came about because you know when i was a young gal i was handing out my number left and right because i was just so happy to remember my number by heart yeah but sydney you're i mean

you're still young now but you still give your number to people that you have no intention of talking to like men on the street so mean come be like like andrew sydney will be like oh this guy is calling me and but then you'll pick up or you'll text back and it's like you're a whole lesbian you met this stranger danger in these fubu jeans on the street and you gave him your phone before he asked you could have said no you could even have a fake phone number sydney gives the real phone number to strangers on the street isn't that crazy it's yeah it's really not safe but i think that it's ultimately like a really good trait to have why that you're like you're just like i don't know just like so like willing to just be like friendly to anybody no i don't

That's how people get kidnapped. That's how JonBenet Ramsey went missing. No, we're not. No. I said it wasn't safe. They're not attracted. Look at it. Look at people who are eager and nice.

It are harder for them to date because people don't like that energy. They want to feel like someone is hard to get. Yeah, but when you're hot and you're nice, it's fine for you to date. Don't do that. Don't do that. Not on my Zoom. I'm telling you. Not on a me and Andrew Zoom today at noon.

It's different. Because when people are, like, not, like, ugly and eager, that's something else. That's like, oh, no, what is that? Don't do that, Marie. Don't do that. You've been eager. I've been eager, and I've got shut down. I've gotten the, I just want to be friends.

Yes, but, Sammy, you, but you, but I feel like your eagerness is next level sometimes. Excuse me? you 50 cupcakes eat sometimes it can be a lot but you're a nice person but you hot sis people are always going to be like yeah she might be a little crazy but she hot like look at them duties like you're you're fine you are always going to be fine like i don't know somebody who you're not attracted to is like calling you or like wishing like good morning beautiful you're like this person it's progressed i never say i never say that no i'm not talking i'm okay sydney yes in the scenario you're the eager one that's it oh okay but i'm saying the flip side of you is the

person who is not as cute and as eager people are like that can be a turnoff but i'm not but if you talk to men they know that they shoot their shot so much and they get rejected all the time and it's just a numbers game so they they don't after the the second hello then i don't respond they move on it's fine that's not true it's easier it's it's easier for me to just give the number out and just go on my merry way than me to be like stop and no thank you and this but you know i'm saying i'm just trying to be i don't want to hear all that so if i don't want to hear it i definitely want to hear it on my phone when you call me i just i definitely want to hear it when you text me i don't want to hear it on the street face to face i don't want to hear it on

my iphone a lot of times i've given my number they haven't even called i'm still waiting where's my call you you are crazy yeah you're a wild and crazy kid i don't mind but yeah but i watch india matchmaker and it shows me that people have um the things that they want in people is like you are not at a restaurant you're not on amazon like you can't just click off these things and assume that you're going to get them you have to compromise so are people compromising on the show uh the the sema is showing you like yeah you're gonna have to make some changes like if you really want to find your match and also i know best because i've been doing this over 130 30-something families.

And she married? Yes. She's been married for 35 years. I think if my parents were going to set me up with somebody, it would probably be somebody right off the boat. It'd be somebody that maybe wears, like, a little too much color. Okay. It'd be somebody that was, like, maybe, like, went to, like, Bible camp

or, like, Bible school. Like, somebody that was, like, a little legit. Yeah. and it would be i mean probably somebody who like works hard around but like it's gonna be somebody that like i can't it would be somebody who probably couldn't listen to the podcast right i read a tweet and it said y'all need to start dating that's somebody that's not y'all type your your type is trash like y'all have bad taste or something like that i'm like that's the point that i it is a word sometimes you everything that you think that you want

um it might not just it might not work for you it might not be anything that you think that you everything that you think that you want is not necessarily with you that's what it is i think um but i don't really have a type i just don't want to be with anybody other or short wow um that's it vain bitch yeah but you don't know what's attractive to me like what's what's When I say ugly, everybody has a different definition of what short means. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I know what it is.

Everybody knows what short means. But I'm short. We don't need to be looking at it. That's what I'm saying. I am 5'4". I don't want to be with a man who's 5'4". No. That's all I'm saying.

They need to be above what height? 7 feet. 5'8"? 3'6". 6'6". six and over yeah but you know like a five like i dated dudes that were like five seven whatever it's fine it's just like you know if we go out we know that somebody might hit both of us that's all um i don't like that tone because as a lesbian they might hit both of us

but they're not gonna hit two women they gonna hit the short man with his short girlfriend no they will hit both of us what are you talking about who's gonna hit you guys if somebody wants it if wants to hit me and my person wants to come out and help i'm not saying that she wouldn't but she would she would try to de-escalate as much as possible i don't even i can't even imagine a scenario where somebody's so mad at you that they hit you i can't look at it that good but i'm just throwing it out there as an option um andrew are you giving your phone number out to people on the street uh well yeah well i mean famously uh i got railed by someone that i met

on the street we love it i did get it i did get his phone number and we've never we never hung out ever again of course um because he can't but he doesn't have a phone he doesn't have a phone friend stop that he does have a job i am convinced that this is not else's yeah he's not in this economy yeah okay well i'll join the club then i guess um but yeah no i was thinking about that was such a good question about like who your parents would like set you up with yeah like who would they set you up with um well my mom would like literally probably like choose like the gayest guy too like because like she

she's an interior designer and she just like just think about who she knows and like it's gonna be so fucking annoying yeah she definitely wouldn't pick she wouldn't pick a black man she would think like this musical theater type oh real glee energy yes yeah very

small peen yeah nothing you saying musical theater people have small penises I'm saying the louder they are typically the smaller the things, the louder they are the smarter the smaller the things that's what I've been finding

oh hey, a quiet man carries a big stick smudge yeah science suggests that what would we call you, Andrew? are you quiet? I don't know, you tell me I mean, I've told you before that

this is so bad my penis, it's nothing to really glow about it's average it's average it's average maybe it's just average yeah but it's okay because I'm not

that's not what I'm really bringing to the table what are you bringing to the table too? I'm bringing these paper plates he makes it clap everyone he makes it clap you know when you would be you would have a class thing and everyone

had to bring food and somebody would be like I'm gonna bring the plates that's me yes yeah thank you for that um yeah i i could see your i don't even know your mom but i feel like you have to remember that event that clay came to jason she yeah he would dress he would dress really well for sure um but yeah it would just he would be the most annoying person hmm okay well i mean i think that at the end of the day our parents have our best interest at heart but they don't know but our best interest is what they think our best interest is

their best interest yeah so that's why that's what you do with somebody who has a job and a house and it's not going to beat you and it's like okay but i'm trying to come sis yeah why is that not on the list well you guys need to tell us what your type tell us like if you could talk to the matchmaker put in the comments like what you're looking for in a partner well tell us what like give us an example of what people think uh they're saying like um it doesn't have to be funny i want them to be they don't have to be too attractive because i want to be the most attractive person in in the relationship has to come from a good home has a stable job we don't want any dreamers we want people who have solidified careers okay no dreamers just do it

yeah fair skin fair skin is on the list a lot of times wow damn okay well i mean i guess i have what also comes from a good home like what does that mean most money money yes but money but you might you might have had money but you were getting your ass beat you know like is that a good home then you're dealing with that trauma right you got trauma and money and money and trauma equals cocaine addiction so i don't know i need to talk about it and that triggering to me because that sounds like me money and trauma money power respect is that the title of the episode i don't know oh yeah you don't have a title yet we'll figure it out it's too long yeah that's too long um so what would you say city what

would you ask your matchmaker for and then we'll go around we'll wrap up um i want i want somebody who's equally attractive as me um funny uh funny outgoing like someone that i don't have to worry about if we're at an event like they can they can hang out work a room they don't need me like by their side right and someone who i can grow with they're like not perfect but on their way to being perfect and is willing to uh be a work in progress with me yeah okay um what would i ask the matchmaker for i would ask for somebody who um uh has a job um but like also is like goal oriented um somebody who like has like a vision and wants to do the thing that they say they want to do because a lot of us think we want to do stuff and then we don't actually do it

um somebody who uh uh i guess you don't have to be that funny to you and me so yeah you gotta have a good laugh so obviously you need to have good teeth to do with me okay so somebody with a perfect smile um somebody who uh Honestly, I don't know. I want you to be nice, but I don't want you to be too nice. And I want you to be hot, and I want your penis to work. I don't know. I don't think I'm asking for too much. Somebody who's not poor and who doesn't have any roommates. I feel like the matchmaker lady can do that.

He's already kind of fair-skinned, so it's like... I guess I'll be dead by myself, but it doesn't matter. I like a black person. Okay. whatever shade they are i'm here for it um andrew i feel like you said like a lot of the things that like i was also thinking about yeah a black man with a good job and a good smile um but it doesn't doesn't need to be i i feel like i i don't i don't want actually someone that's like really like is like very attractive i feel like if someone having like being like slightly less

attractive you know it's sort of yeah because then you're not reaching all the time and i don't like being like introducing myself to their friends and i'm like oh like yeah i'm the person you know andrew that's that's how you're doing it wrong you show up and you say i am the person not i'm the person and they say you me me okay all right when you come into a room kind of tended like that people think that oh i'm right about this person there's nothing special about this person but if you're not coming and you like own the space that you're stepping into even if people don't really like what you look like they're like oh they stand it real straight something in them jeans or something like it i'm telling you like because people get me i get

comments from people all the time they're like i wish i was as confident as you how do i get disconfident. I'm like, just act disconfident. If you act disconfident, you are disconfident. And people think I'm confident, and I'm like, wow, far from it. But thank you. I project confidence, so that's all that matters. But I

have lots of self-doubt. And, you know, Marie hears it all the time. I have self-doubt every single day of the week. But I'm still a confident person. If you act confident, you are confident, and that's what people see. Marie's also patient, so

there's that. Yes, but they're shy to live in this place. You don't need to get into those people right now. I've never met one yet. What an episode. This was great. What another episode. I had a chat. Marie didn't have to tell me to get off my phone

and I'm proud of myself. Honestly, because I spoke to you yesterday and I said, Sydney, are you going to be on your phone on the podcast tomorrow? And she said, no, I am not. She did not ask. You did not ask me that yesterday. No, you didn't. What day did I ask you that, sis?

Because I did ask you. I don't know. No. You're saying that I did not ask you that question? You might have, but not yesterday. You definitely asked it last week, I feel. Last week. Yeah, last week.

Sydney, it doesn't matter what day I asked it. I didn't ask you. I said, is this what we're doing with Nicole? And she said, no. And look at her. And she's a woman of her word. I mean, the phone is off to the side of the laptop. She's looking at it.

But you know, she's not texting on it. No, but I could tell that Sydney, I feel like we're talking as like her parents right now. I could feel like Sydney was very attentive today. Thank you. I think Sydney in the an A

minus. I'll take it. There's room for improvements though. Thank you Professor Faustin. We love we love. Thank you. Please leave your homework assignments on the desk. Okay, well friends, anything you guys want to be listeners with

before we go uh word of word of the week or you know thought final thought i truly gotta go i'm i'm literally like uh 10 minutes late so eight minutes late okay well thank you so much you got the a minus yes i'm gonna give myself a b because i was late to the call because i was touching myself um but honestly you should touch yourself before the pod because i don't need you to have the sexual frustration while you're on the pod it's a great energy today yes thank you so much very light i feel good we're trying to keep it light last week was kind of like what why was it and pussy yeah yeah anyway guys thank you for listening uh if you see us in the street um you know you can say hi but don't scream too loud we don't want to scare them no especially if we don't

look that great if i didn't draw my eyebrows in don't say don't say much if i'm walking with my like don't look um anyway bye guys love you guys bye forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced by brett boehm joe cilio and alex ramsey for more original podcasts please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on apple podcasts spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on twitter and instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on facebook