MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Orange Is The New Mess w/ Sonia Denis

Episode Date: July 24, 2025

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by friend, comedian, and TV writer Sonia Denis! The three chat neighborhood dating MESS, and also a little bit of Hoodoo???  Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh, you're listening to Mess. Hello. The fake laugh coming into it. Yes. You're always doing that. Janet Jackson. T. Yeah.

Don't do that. Stop touching me there. Okay, you touch me there. Hello. We're at Mess. We are doing it. You said hellers. Tyler Perry.

Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry He's You know He always got something going on There's always something going on It's never a dull moment with him And I thank him for that

Really? You're thanking Tyler Perry? Um I don't usually do that But um He does Contribute to the mess And so

Since we're good at that Here I We have to You know Uplift these people who Provide for mess Constantly

This is true People have been providing for mess I mean Summer 2025 I think a lot of people are just like, you know, they're just like, I'm going to do whatever. I think it's important. Well, I think sometimes the wrong people are doing whatever. I think certain people should do whatever, and I trust them with their whateverness.

But I feel like you're a safe person to do whatever. It's exciting. It's a story. It's exciting, but it'd be a little bit unhinged at times. What do you mean? Talk about it. It's not the most professional. But it's professional mess.

Yeah, yeah. You're a professional at mess. At mess. But what do you mean not professional? Like, do you have an example, sister? I don't have an example for you, actually. I don't. I feel like my mess now is me trying to come up with, like, little cute scams.

You know what I'm saying? Okay. Like, so I ordered, I told you, I got this, like, storage bench. Yes. From Facebook Marketplace Right When I get there This lady had two little chihuahuas

Yes Nowhere in the post did it say she had dogs Okay But the thing was cute It was the right size And so I got it Yep I bring it all the way home

The next day I'm like What is that smell? And I feel like I can smell the dogs On the bench Yes you told this story before Right So I like

I got Febreze I've been spraying the crap out of it And I'm like And I'm like So yesterday I was laying on it And I got up Because I can still smell it. I've had this bench now for like a month and a half.

Yes. So, but the smell is not going away. The Febreze is done. I've sprayed the whole thing. So, I was online yesterday and I was looking and I was like, oh my gosh, you got this bench from Amazon? Mm-hmm. And I was like, if I order it from Amazon and then can I return this bench back to Amazon? That's what I mean when I say little baby scammers.

You're scamming the corporation. I'm like, they will get the bench back. It's just going to be the dog bench. But then I'll be in a home that's dog smell free. I mean, I don't, the thing is, is that you could try it. There's nothing wrong with trying, but that feels like a lot of work. Right. Because now I got to like, because it's a, you've been on it.

It's like two people, two, two and a half people could sit on this bench. Why don't you hit her up and be like, yo, I've had this for a month and a half. It smells like dog. What is she going to say? Okay, well, it's out of my apartment and you already paid for it. Sister, can you run me my money back or like run me some money back? Because now I have to actually buy a bench that doesn't smell like, you know, Snoopy. So your solution, thank you, Snoopy.

So your solution is you think I should hit this lady up. You don't think too much time has passed for me to hit this lady up and be like, hey, you deceived me. You and them smelly ass dogs tricked me. I don't even know if I could find her contact. it's been that long I might have had this bench for like two months

damn yeah sometimes there's where it transpired where you're like you just gotta take that L but smelling like dog nothing

since we don't have dogs it's a no I'm like did the dogs live in this thing I think so that might have been their spot did the dog pee on it like it

the smell never went away so are you gonna get another bench Marie cause you don't well my fear now is cause you know sometimes when you order something on Amazon

they be like We'll give you a refund, but keep it. My fear is I'm going to have two of the same bench. I guess I could put one outside. You could. There's a will, there's a way. But I think that, see, that's the thing with late Facebook marketplaces. And they always be taking these pictures and lighting.

You're like, oh, yeah, this is bomb. And you get there, you're like, this is broken down. This is ashy. Did somebody die on this? Mm-hmm. And I think that—and it's so hard to call people out on it after you be like, oh, yeah, I'm going to buy this. Thank you.

But— That's what I'm saying. Like, so I'm— I think you should get another one, friend, because something smelling like a dog— you don't even care for dogs like that. I don't even believe in dogs. All dogs do go to heaven. Well, these dogs went to the bathroom on his bench.

All dogs peed on his bench. Yes, ma'am. So that's what I'm talking about. I'm here for the small little scams by Reezy. But then, like, everything is not a scam, but that, a scam. Everything's not a scam, right? Okay, boom. So I dropped off a bunch of clothing that I got in Japan or for Japan at the dry cleaners.

Okay. One of the things that I got is this little mini skirt that I got from Revolve that costs way too much money. Okay. I truly didn't even know if I was going to keep it because it was, I was like, it's that much fabric. and it cost how much it was like a hundred and something dollars what made you get that skirt because i was like i'm living in abundance it's like i got rid of a bunch of stuff that are like low quality fast fashion let me pay for something let me pay this price for this thing and maybe it'll be quality living in abundance but the skirt is this much that the fabric is not abundant is

that what you know it's not abundant but but the the budget for the skirt i was like i'm living abundantly the skirt came i tried it on it looked good with some of the outfits and i was like yeah japanese school girl in japan and like i wore the skirt one time yeah i bought it to the drag leaners when i got back and when i went to pick up all my crap they were like we can't find the skirt you lost the skirt i said i wore that skirt one time do you know how much that skirt cost hey call us tomorrow or call us on a couple in a couple days we gonna see if the the cleaners lost it because they send the stuff out. No, the daughter of the cleaners got that

skirt. She's at Club Azuli right now. Cafe Azuli. I've been to this dry cleaners now like maybe five or six times. Skirt is gone. They're like, oh yeah, we never found it. She put me on the phone

with the guy. He's like, listen, send us the receipt. Yes, send a receipt. I sent the receipt. He said? I sent, I texted the receipt. No response. I'm like, hello? No response. I sent a screenshot of the email, me scrolling through so he could see that it's like legit.

Like I'm not scamming them. No response. Sis, pull up. You got to pull. I'm queen. Pull up. Don't wait for nobody. I'm going to the cleaner.

Girl, pull up to the cleaner. The lady is like, well, we send the stuff out. They must have lost it. And the person that I'm talking to is the guy that I sent the receipts to is now not. I'll call him because I have his number. I'm going to call him because I've been texting. But what happens? You want my number?

Yes, I do want you to call from a different number. Let's do that. And I'll be like, I'm your representative. Yeah. Hi, this is on behalf of my client. Washkowitz and Washington legal firm. And my client here says that you misplaced a skirt. Was it $500?

No, it was like $100. It's a $580 skirt, which is insane for me to say. The skirt was $500, sir, and we're going to need that money. I can't believe it. And you know me. I'm not spending that on a skirt. And then I spent it, and I was like, I don't even know if I'm going to keep this. Maybe I'll wear it in Japan, and I'll bring it back.

And then I wore it in Japan, and I got back, and I was like, I'm just going to keep it. I already wore it. I'm going to keep it. But I should just go with your gut. If I had sent it back, I wouldn't have had it. I didn't send it back, and now I still don't have it. Friend, you know what that means. You got to stop spending money.

That's where the root of this is. I got to stop scamming. Oh. Okay. My mess, my mess is that I'm, you know, still on my fitness journey. I'm working out twice a day. My body hurts. My back aches.

It's a lot. It's a lot. I don't have, I don't have a gym unit. I don't have the hair for the gym. You also have to work out outside. Crazy, crazy. So we usually walk the track at night. That's cute.

That's cute. Today, we said we're going to switch it up. We're going to switch it up. We're going to play basketball. We're playing basketball. We don't know how to play basketball, but Dwayne bought a basketball that was small size. It was not the-

Like a baby basketball? I don't know. It's not a Dave and Buster's size, but it's a neck size above. Like a WNBA basketball? Don't do that. don't do that because we go to the park and there's all these girls doing drills what it's a whole team of high school uh lady basketball player lady basketball players yeah we're doing

drills working out i don't know if it's a class or a team whatever they're doing it they're killing it they're killing it and me in tight biker shorts like can't wait to play loving hip-hop living basketball all of that and so me and duane are in sunglasses playing basketball missing missing the hoop constantly and it's also a thousand degrees outside now when you say playing basketball y'all playing a game or y'all just shooting the ball we're just shooting the ball we're just trying we're like for then we're youtubing how to do the drills we're youtubing how to play basketball it's it's embarrassing it's too it's it's the gays are not doing it right when it comes to this sport and so these young girls are watching us be so unserious and they're

like they're not gonna make it to the finals no baby we're not even in the practice don't even put us in the game and so first we go up to them like can we use the other the other court they're like for now for now we know we know you know about not about nothing so we we're going also we put sunscreen on right it's important we are cooking cooking it's the white is coming down my face his face the braids that are underneath the braids that are underneath they oh my god it's so it's i honestly it's my fault i should have just came in a bonnet or a scar for something. I looked insane with it. And it's, it's shifting. It's shifting while I'm dribbling the ball and I'm holding onto the hair while I'm dribbling. And then I'm trying to make

the hoop and it's, wait, please show me how you shot the ball. I just want to see, cause it looked like you gave us the Elon Musk. No, no, no. We have video. Do your hand one more time. How did you shoot it? Wow. That's the dribble. Yeah. Yeah. Now show us how you threw it in. That's how I'm doing it and it's these nails the nails are in the way so we're trying to we're trying to make we're doing like 10 we need to make 10 shots it's so I will we're gonna put it in the dump that it's so bad please so we're just trying to diversify our portfolio with our workouts and yeah I don't know that I have if you guys can give me options like for other things for workouts for workouts Now, like activities.

I don't want to just be in the gym. I don't want to just walk the track. I don't want to just run. There's different types of workout classes you can take. Talk to me nicely. You know, you can take like a Chabada Fitness. Chabada? Chabada.

It's called Chabada, not Chabada. My bad. You've done that? Orange Theory. Yeah. Okay. You can do Orange Theory. Okay.

You can do butts and guts, abs and ass. There's all these classes that'll work very specific things in your body. Since you're living in abundance, You want to gift me a class? No, sis. I lost $180. Actually, if I had the price of the bench to what I've lost, no. You said since I'm living in abundance, do I want to gift you a gym class?

Girl, I need a gym class. That's great. Why don't you get us a gym class? Am I your man? Woo! I don't have a man. I have a woman. And thank God for our guest today.

We were losing things, but we're winning here today. we're winning here with our fabulous guests fresh off of everything that's going on for you you're going to be in

Ironheart yes that's on Disney yes can't wait to see it Sonia Denise in the building hi Sonia

hi Sonia I call you Sonia every time I see you not Sonia it's noise at this point like I just mean like so many people

say it wrong right it just if I corrected everyone what does Sonia mean like what's the what's the what's the definition

I don't know Oh you don't know But what I do know Is every time I get In an Uber or Lyft A Russian will tell me It's Russian A person from South America

Tell me it's South American Like Someone who's Indian Will be like Oh are you A lie So it's a universal name I have no idea

Oh ethnic Yes You can go with anything That's math ethnic right now You're all-purpose that name Yes Obey Obey

Now Obey That's math It is not all-purpose Right Obey I'm from Maryland So I feel like Yeah they put it on seafood

They put it on vegetables They put it on wings They put it in burgers That's mess Seafood It's not for the meats Crab See I'm not a crab person

I know that's going like Gimme show It's just so much That is mess It's so much work I'm not really a crab person either I don't get it And that yellow thing

What yellow thing? You know the yellow stuff That's in crabs You don't get the I don't do the whole body In the body I think yeah I think the

Can I curse on that? That's the It's shit Yes Shit Crab shit I think it's crab shit No no no

Can people be eating the crab shit? I do the legs I do the leg and it's so much work you're cracking and you get what this much total meat and it be mad

like shell and you gotta like dick with it you gotta put a bib on gloves hazmat tools to get this much meat

y'all saying all this and y'all date men okay which is a lot of work and you get little out of that that's why I have no energy that's why I have no energy for cops

stop the drama sometimes I get what I need to get Cindy you're dating a woman and you can't get her to pay for the gym class so oh I can

if I ask I can so ask her your girlfriend's treating you know what you should get I was thinking when y'all were talking class pass

have you heard of that you can do you get like 50 60 credits I got it for free that's actually a scam how you got it for free because I'll send you the link you can like

you can find a link and it'll be like dermatologica or something like that and it'll be like they want you to get one month free but I got like

I took a bunch of classes and it was like back to back to back I took Pilates I took spin class I took a dance class I took whining 101 one did not recommend whining what who was teaching it a white lady no a whole whiner like a like a

person from the caribbean and she was really good at it she was so but she would be like but she wasn't teaching you how to do it no she would be like her do it like i don't know how i do it but and i'm like and i got a stiff back which i i thought i'd be good i was not good so you have a stiff back but you look so flexible so i mean i i that day i was not and she kept there's a whole white woman next to me doing it oh she was what she was in there but she wasn't doing it well but she was she was doing something and i think i felt like i was being singled out because i looked like i should be able to do it but i was like can you show us the hips from no girl i walked out of there i put my head down i said i'm never seeing these people ever again in my life

because at one point she gives us choreo i thought it was just gonna be like one two like yeah you know one two step like she's out here like and i want and a two and and then and then And then she split the class up. She's like, all right, one half is going to watch y'all. My brain went blank. I was in there like, I'm out. I took a Haitian dance class once. I said, let's see what this is about.

First time I said, my boulet. It was somebody's like old uncle. It was a man teaching it. So I was like, okay. And he was like, and you do it like this. And I was like, no, I'm not. He wasn't teaching us either. It's the same thing.

It's like, babe, what? But it was funny. I had a good time. But it's like something like that. Yeah, I was in my head. It's trying to be loose and something. Yeah, you should do this. 45 minutes to an hour.

I just need to be moving my body. Sydney, I would go back to the Haitian dance class with you. I would even pay for it. Oh, now that is so unserious. I would even pay for it. Girl, you would be laughing because you know I'm going to be bad at it. Girl, we would be bad at it. But then it was like, he was like, this and this and this and this.

And I was like, I've never seen my dad do this. but okay we have to go is it on class pass no okay there's that on class pass too because i went to a second class i was like maybe it was a fluke no it was you it was you i just can't do choreo i can do like if you give me my my brain my memory span is like this but once he got through the third step i'm like but you're an actress and you you book that's my mind it's like the mind body connection like my brain would be like hold up i need 10 minutes to go practice this by myself without y'all looking at me i can't do choreo and then i come back i i watch them do it and i'm like okay yeah and then they're like do it and i'm like how's you i just did it one time

so confusing in my like what i think my body is like yes fully against it yes it's like i'll know it in my head yes then when i try to actually do it the body's like oh let's do the opposite of that the signal does not go and then but that's why we're funny like i feel like it's not you my friend was like yo you can't be good at everything girl i know funny people who can dance i know duane perkins you're right i mean it's so good some people got it some people have it all but sydney you i see you freestyle you can you can make it up and build it yourself a little bit absolutely not i mean the best time of my life is obviously when i was on molly and cocaine oh and liquor you know that because you don't know inhibitions i i'm just my body is

loose yeah and so it's kind of like this is a bad analogy but it's kind of like you know drunk drivers when they get an accident their body is just going anyway so that's why a lot of times they don't die because they're just going with it yeah that's a bad example but a good bad example good bad example but for me like because i'm so conscious of me dancing sober yeah it just is i'm stopping myself every time i'm not just letting it go no you know what i mean and then i'm trying to remember on top of that and like do i look sexy yeah it's like i'm thinking i'm moving my head like this and looking like you know yes but it's also just like shakira where are you looking at what are you doing the mirror is too much it is i don't want to see no i don't like the mirror

No, because it makes it worse because then, like you said, there's the disconnect. You think, oh, I can do what he does. And you see yourself, you're like, no, you need the mirror to be like, oh, actually, I'm not doing it. I like the mirror when I do workout classes because or like, you know, like the instructors up there doing it. And I'm I'm not even like I'm like. And then when I did ballet last year, I like ballet. Yeah. The bar or like actual like the bar.

But we also did like floor stuff. But, you know, I'm I get it, Sydney. Like all last year, I was trying to like trick myself into working out because going to the gym is boring and expensive. And once you join a gym, you can't cancel that membership. No, they make you do everything. But you got to email corporate. You got to send your last four. You're social.

Your mom got to write a note. Your doctor got to say you got a bad back. Is there a bird here? Like, because, you know, it is so many people quit things. They started. They quit. They started. They quit.

And people said, no, no, no, no. Fuck that. And the gym is probably one of the biggest places where people are like, you know what? At the beginning of the year, I am going to get abs. I'm going to be better than ever. I'm going to turn up. I'm going to make sure my exes are mad and miss me. And then by February, they're like, actually, I've worked enough.

You know, I mean, I get my uncle Charles died. Like, I just can't get there. So they're like, they're like, if you really want to cancel, you're going to have to really be about it. You got to move. And I kind of. They be like, you got to, like, I learned the contract once because I wanted to get out of it. It was like, you need to be at least 100 miles away from here, period. So how did you cancel?

What gym is this? Planet Fitness. Oh, yeah. You can't get out. They really, I will never. I went into collections. With Planet Fitness for $10 a month? I went into collections.

Wait, how long did you not pay? Oh, I wasn't paying. I said, I went there. I said I'm canceling Yeah And they said Oh okay Sure sure sure

They said that I canceled But then apparently You can't cancel Inside the gym But they told me I did Yeah So then I'm thinking I'm canceled

But I was still getting Charged but I had moved I did have I did move But I wasn't I don't know if I was 100 miles Because I don't know

Yeah Distance or whatever How miles work I mean we knew Planet Fitness was evil They bring pizza on Tuesdays To the gym Right

And like bagels on Mondays And fries on Friday Like every day they bring in something And you're like I don't think that people They want you to stay in there Planet Fitness They'll never want you to make those goals

You are a mess Mess Ports adjourned Trash Trash You said trash Yes Trash

okay so Sonia yeah what are you coming in here what's your mess what do you want to try do both the messes or one of well tell us what's messy to you and then we'll work our way through it yeah We could probably do both. Okay, okay. So I'll start with the more interesting one, maybe. I moved to Flatbush, which I think people shouldn't stop moving to Flatbush. Yes, no more. There's enough people in Flatbush.

We're done. Too much. Loud Caribbean people, but also now a lot of white people with little dogs. The gentrification of it all. The gentrification of it all. Like, I was walking past the juice stand, and there's a white lady with her dog. I'm like, what is this? But that's not why.

So I moved to Flatbush. I'm excited. I used to live in East Williamsburg, which was very, like, yuppie. Dusty. Yeah, dusty. factory yes I'm in Flatbush like oh my god so I I was like uh just two years ago so I'm like really like trying to I don't want to be on the apps but I'm like I feel like I'm in the mood to like meet somebody and I had been like like I'm like a woo type person I do tarot I have crystals

and I started getting into like I'm a crystal girl crystal yeah you got rose quartz on you right now I usually kept travel with a black obsidian oh what's that for yeah calmness put it on your third eye oh i need that also antidepressants anxiety medication zoloft it works okay should i get some black obsidian and just tape it to my forehead you could i was on the train when stressed about something like this people were looking at me like and you're like i have anxiety people watching so um i started getting into hoodoo y'all you know how in sinners Y'all know how in Sinners Stack had the mojo bag

Yeah That's Winnie Was it Winnie? I think her name was Winnie That may be the actress's name But yeah Yes She gave him the mojo bag

That's for protection So it's like in the realm of that There's a spell There's spells you can do For love specifically Okay Ciara's Prayer Let me get my pen out

You are saying this on the The secular We appreciate you What's not secular? So you could do spells For love For love. Okay, so there's like categories.

So there's like attract love and like things to me. There's all types of stuff. You can do it for wealth, protection, blah, blah, blah. But for love specifically, attract someone to me. Make someone specifically, like you could do a general, I want to find someone. You could do specifically some, a specific person that you are into. But that's a little creepy because you got to go to their doorstep and pour like, I forget what the water is. I haven't looked at it in a while.

But like you have to pour something on their doorstep or like put something in their path. and then there's a third one that's like keep me on his mind like make him obsessed with me so I did the first the third one

so you did the third one no I did the first I was not a specific person I don't know if I need the third one but the second one you already got that girl you good for that

girl you got a man obsessed with you or many abundance yes but see this is a cautionary tale I do the first one

where I'm like I'm trying to attract energy I'm seeing all these beautiful Caribbean men not anybody but like what I want I'm saying, y'all.

It feel like for the streets. No, no, no, no, no. Anybody is crazy. No, of course not. Anybody. Y'all walk down the street, a man will talk to you. No, no, no.

I wanted, I was trying to be specific. I was like, I want someone I find attractive, kind, generous. Did you make a list? I did, I did. But the list was not thorough enough.

What's the list? Tell us everything that was on the list. Black. Black. Why you don't have to whisper it? Black. Black.

Kind, generous, open-minded. Open minded Not obsessed with gender I don't want to have to Talk to you about Queer trends You just gotta be cool with it

Not a man who's gonna be like Pause when he eats a hot dog Like I don't No homo He's gonna be like I gotta cut the popsicle Before I eat it Like with a knife

He's gonna be like Porn on the cob The other day Somebody was like Oh and then my doctor Touched me Pause I was like

Touch? Your doctor touched you That's a pause? What do I look like as a man Letting another man Give me a prostate exam You look like a man That needs a prostate exam

No Cancer is like What I look like As a man Letting paper towel Touch my butt After I go to the bathroom Wipe your ass

Yes I really feel like They're in the shower Like pause hold up Yo What do I as a man Who would want a sheet Over a pillow

To touch my face And be in my mouth How do I look as a man Putting on lotion It's ashy It's masculine Yeah, okay Because that's feminine to be moisturized

And also, I feel like if a woman does it to you They really be like, it's not gay You're with a woman Right But also, take care of your skin Yes So many men don't do that They need hyaluronic acid on the balls

I'm just going to let y'all know now On the balls Hyaluronic acid on the balls? On the balls What do you know about the balls? Hyaluronic acid can be dangerous if you do too much So why the balls? That's thin skin

Because smooth balls? They always look angry when I've seen them Sidney, when's the last time you saw some balls? Yeah, when's the last time you saw some balls? When's the last time? Like two years. Two years ago. And they were mad.

They were mad balls. But when I was in the genre of balls, whenever I've seen them, they always looked like they had an attitude and all that. They were like, why I ought to? Like they look so old. Sidney. They're like, when they're. Oh, because he was probably cold. Well, I think balls grow.

Do the balls grow? I think they shrink and go up. Like, if they're cold, then it looks really weird. The wrinkles are, it's more wrinkly when it's cold. Yeah. Or less wrinkly when it's hot. That's probably what it was. Or when they release.

Yeah. When they empty out. Then you ever blow up a balloon and then it, like, it's all stretched out and then it comes back. And that's how the skirt looks like. Sidney, for two years ago of balls, you got a lot of ball research. A lot of ball thoughts. A lot of balls. All thoughts, that might be the title of the episode.

I'm back, baby. I'm back. I'm telling the title. Oh, and you played basketball. A ball. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Yes.

What are we playing for? My heart. Sidney. What you playing for? My balls. I just imagine you with your man putting chironic acid. No, no, no. And he burns.

You know you got to pat it. She's going to put it in and she's going to pat it at the ball. No, I would use the road milk serum. No. You need toner on it. You want to waste facial shit on balls? On balls. Just so they can look a little less.

They don't look the same. You ain't like this man. You don't like this man. I don't like the men. That's what it is. She don't like none of them. The men. How'd you find yourself?

You were just like, let me try it out and see. Maybe I'm not gay. Well, you know, we go through this every other episode. no every pride every other episode I was I was down bad I went through

a breakup my money was low my self esteem even lower my living situation just not right and so I said

since I'm doing this bad this is the perfect time to be with a man let me add to it yeah you said let me add to it it's not enough

let me tip this over Again with a man I said I can't go to women Being this Like trash But men This is right up their alley

He was like You opened up You shouldn't have He said Have you met my balls He surely did say that I'm cold but Maybe you can wait me warm

You can warm me up I'll take you back To some hyaluronic acid And get back He said Fix your life With my balls And did it get better

Oh it got worse It got very much worse It got worse Or it gave you perspective that your life is not that bad. Oh, Darity. You could be dating men.

You could be dating men. Okay, let's talk about this love spell bag. Yes. Okay, so the spell, I did it,

it's like basically, like you take, you get an orange, you get red thread, you get pins. Okay. Now, should you be telling everybody

because you know, in the wrong hand. No, tell everybody. Okay. Well, at least it's high level. Like,

you still got to read up on it. Okay. These people don't read, girl. Okay, I'm not telling y'all about the one where you make someone

obsessed with you. This is literally, I just want to attract energy. Dax, are you cock-blocking the listeners? Sorry. She don't trust y'all. I don't trust y'all. I see your messages. No, because there is a cautionary.

I read this book. It was a cautionary tale. It was like, don't do this. You don't want to attract the wrong energy. So make sure if you're going to attract a specific person that you know that this is what it should be in your life. I'm looking out for y'all. I'm the fine print. That's me.

So orange, red thread. Red thread. Eight pins. I forgot how many. eight pins but you you burrow a hole into the um orange you cut a piece of your hair oh you put it inside the orange you put the pins on it gotta be my real hair or could it be hair that's attached no you can't do you can't do that you gotta do you gotta snip a little baby hair put it in there and then you um you like put the pins on the side so you kind of like weave the thread through it

and then close it up and then uh i might be forgetting some stuff but you then you bury it Y'all can't even use this. Then I got to bury it. Yeah, but I don't live, I live in an apartment, so obviously this is for someone who, so I just, I had a plant, and I just put a bunch of dirt

in the potter. That's why your spills all fucked up. You got to have land, baby. That's what it is. I'm too poor. I live in New York. You need acres for love.

Exactly. You need an estate to do this spell. You're supposed to bury it near your phone. Near your phone. I don't know, yeah. Near your phone?

It's very modern. This list is hoodoo. it's up to date for sure yeah yeah yeah modern who yes yeah so then within a couple weeks i was like you know it's the regular people who are like you know a man will talk to you especially in new york hey hey especially in flatbush girl actually in flat okay you really need somebody to attract no but that's what i'm saying i was trying to attract because i'm not on the apps i also was going through a depression period where i was not leaving my neighborhood okay so it was like where am I going to meet this man I don't go to events I don't I just I'm home sad like you

like you I thought a man could fix this he did I didn't say a man could fix it you said you were like I'm down bad I said I am trash I must be amongst it right now so I'm not messing up you know the the good women that are out there I see I see now does it have to be an orange can it be a tangerine no it's got to be an orange but you know what the thing about hoodoo is is because But since it was created, it was brought over by like enslaved Africans. It's like you do what you can, you know. So if you do only have a tangerine, use what you have. I know, but that might be a little something to spell.

That might attract somebody else. Yeah. An orange is big, a tangerine is little. So an orange, I feel like that's a big man. It might be smooth, tiny balls though, you know. What if you, can we use a clementine? Grapefruit? They're going to be a little bit bigger.

citrus lemon yeah yeah lemon he's a sour man no i don't want a sour man i'm a sweet man yes yes okay so i do it i and it's like the regular shit but now i'm starting i feel like i'm starting to meet people that actually are in the strain of man that i'm into oh where are you that's what it was but like random like cafe gym prospect park um but like none of these things are working out Like, first person was, like, this dude I met at Prospect Park. I was, like, doing yoga. And, like, I had seen him there before. Like, we'll go to the same spot.

He kind of looked like Andre 3000-ish in that his style was very specific. Okay, let me ask you about that. Yeah, like, he had, like, his style and stuff. So I was like, you know. So you're doing your downward-facing dog, and he was like, namaste, queen. Yeah, we, like, were walking out around the same time. And he was like, hey, I like your something, something, something, or blah, blah, blah. We started talking about meditation.

Oh, what he was doing, he was standing with his feet and shoes off. He was grounding. So I was like, oh, I saw you. Were you grounding? So I was like, okay, this is, we're into the same, yes, we're into the same thing. Kindred spirits. Yes. So I thought, so we exchanged.

He's like, oh, can I get your Instagram? Which is always like. That's the red flag. That's the red flag. I'm not on there. Take my number. That's a red flag. That's a red flag.

But I was like, but also I was starting to be like, maybe like something was, there was a little something that was like, I was like, wow, this person's really attractive. I'm into them. But there was something that was like, just, just take this. Yeah. Yeah. Just take this. So he hits me up.

I see in the request, I pull up his page. This man's a rapper. Oh, well you said Andre 3000, so. But not a good rapper. Oh. And also he has a post. I couldn't move my luck, bro. like he has a post talking about how candace owens oh no baby no throw it away candace owens

is making valid points like that it was like that strain of kanye like you know how like people be like of kanye yes that man who's so open that he gets like right back around like the white supremacy swoops him back around like he's so like nah i don't believe the government's like this you're like the government is messed up he's like and also didn't you're like that's true and then he's like and the earth is flat you're like what and he's like

and the world is flat and the knives and da da da and it was just like I'm like scrolling and I'm like wow like no talent no

like the raps too I can't tell y'all his name because I don't want him to find out but it was a terrible name so you're saying if he was a good rapper you're like

maybe I'll deal with this flat ass earth nigga no no no the can is always always like an eh but it was also like I don't know

if y'all feel like this because I hell no but I don't know if y'all feel like this but I don't know if I could like Date someone who's like Ambitions I can't support

Yeah Like if you're a person Like would you date somebody If they were like I'm a musician I'm an actor I'm a da-da-da-da But they're bad at it

And then you gotta like What pretend But maybe they're Gonna get better It's But how You're good You're at this level

You want somebody At your level Or better Yeah Somebody here That's still trying to figure Who thinks it's good Yeah

We gotta wait for them To figure out that it's bad Yeah We're afraid to get better No And it wasn't even like mid, it was like, I was like, yo, turn this shit off. Whose mans is this? He looked worse in the video.

Like he was shooting a music video and I was like. Shooting a music video on what kind of camera? The Galaxy 68. I was like, how are you uglier in the video? I showed it to my friend. She was like, well, you said Andre 3000. He was like, Andre 50. I'm like, what?

It was awful. I was like, yo, this is crazy. Yo, I'm sorry to hear that. You have to show us his IG at the end of this, just so we can see it. I will show y'all his IG. Okay, okay. And the name?

Crazy. Yeah. I can't tell y'all the name, but I was like, Cage, this name. The Chosen One. You know how they do. Oh, it's worse than that?

Brother to the son. But then what's bad about this? Next. Next. Yeah. Nah, it's like one name, and it's like, it's one word,

and it kind of, it just seems like, how do I say what I was saying? it it's like it's like something like it's like a motion you could do to somebody but it's like one word and it also doesn't seem very much like rapper like i don't think any rapper would choose this name mush something like that wave worse but yeah but it's like a word where you're like huh wave to me is too cool oh it's like giving like hmm yeah hmm yeah so but the bad thing about this spell is i so i see this he messages me i look at his page i'm like hell no no it's a dub

no forget it yeah now i gotta go to a different part of the park but a month later i'm on the phone with my friend i look down i see somebody ride up with a bike i look up it's him no see that is him that's the dangers of dating someone in your neighborhood i couldn't believe it because you you gonna get smoothies at the same place you don't want no mr rogers ass dude yes and i wasn't even near the park i was a whole different i was like a block down from my apartment you gotta live like you gotta be joking you gotta move to my landlord i messed up i messed up but i was like he was like i've been looking for you oh i was like yeah

and he was like yo give me your number no you should have gotten my number before you got my IG. Hey friend the fact that you haven't gotten my number yet that is the sign. That is the sign. Read between the lines. Read between. I never accepted it. It just stayed as a request.

But I did say to him I was like can I be real? What's up with Candace Owen? And what did he say? This is why you don't want peace because why did you do that? Because I'm like you're cornering. I'm literally starting to open my phone. I'm like okay I I can't, but that's the thing.

If I, if I, this was somebody I just saw randomly and like, I don't know, Bushwick, whatever. I might never see you again. Right. But you might see him again. But I'm like minding my business. I've gone to a different part. I'm changing my life. Not going to the same part of the park.

And I still ran into you. And you running up on me like, I've been looking for you. So I'm like, I got to go. Girl, he also has a hoodoo bag. He planted a banana. He put it on me. The love spell. But yeah, he was like, I just, she's for like, she, she just has.

like good ideas on black people but he was like listen just text me because I have to I have to escape like blah blah blah but he's like for real

really like text me blah blah blah and I was like yeah yeah yeah so you took his number down I took it I was like uh huh I was putting it

in a notes app 3223 yeah got it 55555 I'm on my phone dying 55555 no I've I've taken numbers

people numbered and I'm just putting 1 1 2 2 yes I'm just hitting numbers and there's nothing getting saved

nothing nothing You said, what's your name, Derek? Uh-huh. With two R's? Nothing. R? No.

CK? No. So then what's the next guy? Okay, so then, this is the one I just told y'all is the most recent one. The one before that, I was at the gym. I got to stop working out and meet people. I think people who work out are toxic. No disrespect to you, because you're working out twice a day.

But I'm like, this is not working out for me. Hold on now. You think people who work out are toxic? I mean, I work out too, but I'm like, this keeps, well, I just, I think that I'm just meeting people in workout settings and this is gone but you're at planet fitness now babe same thing it is same thing it's not a blink is a little it's a little bit yeah you're not doing better it's like a b minus and a plus maybe a c minus and a c plus yeah no planet fitness is a c yes blink is a b yes because they're not serving pizza at blink and it's like newer this episode

Sponsored by Blink Blink Fitness I would love to get some free It is very cheap though So that's probably part of it But yeah so I'm like Working out One day and like there's this like

I was like working out And there was this guy who was like doing this like lift stuff And I was just really impressed He was like really my type and I was really like Damn like he looks really good And then he caught me looking at him in the mirror And then I looked away You was drooling you was wiping your mouth

You got to stop being so vain, sis. Girl, you got to start wearing glasses. No, I really got a date for personality. You got to start wearing glasses to the gym. No. So they can't see your eyes. Your eyes give it away. Oh, wait, you're usually wearing a low hat, but I didn't wear a low hat that day.

Girl, you should be in the gym like this. No, now I am. Now I would never. I would never not date people from the gym. It's a mistake. Okay. So that was one day, and then I see him the next day. And then we like, you know, glance, glance, glance.

I'm like, oh, okay, I'm getting looked back. next week same another weekend I'm walking he walks past me and he goes hey

um I forget he said something something something he was like I would love to take you out to dinner and I said

oh you said I eat off the rip okay okay what's your number okay okay

very tall I'm like this is great sure that night that night that night you didn't have

nothing to do sis okay my plans got canceled he hit me up he was like what you up to i said forget it yeah man so fun yeah the spell's working out yeah we go bowling shout out to the orange yes yes the orange i threw this shit out after but uh it's in the garbage now i didn't get it far away from me you ripped it i was like i waited for the trash man i said take it but yeah i go on this date as fun as cute we hang

out we hang out we hang out then i start noticing like i feel like he was like it was like he was like giving love bombing a little bit like it was very like every time like wow sis so pretty and then I started feeling like I don't know about this you know I was feeling weird like there was just like little things here and there that I'm noticing had a conversation about trans things he went from being a I'm an ally which also was like a weird word to say to one day we had a whole conversation about it and I was like why don't you be an ally so I was like I feel like this person maybe like it's not fully everything they're saying they're saying and I'm kind of losing interest, whatever. So I

sent him a message about something, and then he ignored it. I said, oh, okay, cool. It's dead. Then, I'm at the gym one day. I see his shoes. Like, no, first off, I've seen him a few times, too. I'm at the gym. I'm like, I walk in.

Now I gotta go to different parts of the gym. I gotta walk around. I'm like, uncomfortable, even though I didn't do anything. Tanya, you gotta stop shitting where you eat. This is a problem. No, I love it. If I go somewhere regularly, I need her to do it more. I gotta stop going.

No. Why? This is terrible. No, this is perfect. This great concert. The pod is going great. It's perfect for the pod, but I'm saying it's bad for the way that you're trying to live your life.

Not for me, babe. You're doing great work. Now I gotta go different times because I know he goes on the weekend at such and such times, so I'm going later. I'm going earlier. I'm going to different parts of the... I'm going downstairs in the leg area. I never go down there.

You can't even do yoga in the park no more. You have to... You're ducking and dodging now. Okay. so you see his shoes I look down he tells me some story I'm also scared

he's going to see this but are you scared there's a problem you got to see these people again if it was just a stranger you think he listened

to this podcast you right it's women so he probably not but I don't know but yeah he had like a story about like

his ex-girlfriend and like she deleted my number and blah blah blah how did she get his phone at some like party that time and blah blah

I don't know he can't even lie right his ex-girlfriend deleted your number so that's why he didn't respond to your text he can't even lie right

so she also deleted the text she like like CIA erased everything allegedly she put it back to factory settings

allegedly at a party and then they dated so say that say that say your girlfriend months okay months

so you hadn't seen him for months yeah So you could work out in peace for months. For months. No, but then I started not seeing him. I would go in different times, and I was like, look at God. And then one time I did see him, and the eye contact was made, and I was like, I don't

have no beef. So I just went, and it was fine. But then the conversation, da, da, da. But I'm like, uh, okay. Cool. Cool. No worries. Love that for you, babe.

That's amazing. But even then, it was like, this is so weird. Like, what? Are we supposed to, like, hang out again now? No. Are we supposed to, like? no but I'm not thinking I'm just like wondering

like why we're having this conversation right like it's just going to like but even that now it's like okay but I felt like he was

kind of hitting it like if you if your bird ass is trying to pop back in if your bird ass tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet babe and

yeah I was like okay yeah no that's crazy so y'all so y'all never but cool y'all never kissed or anything

oh before yeah yeah we kissed no we didn't we did not we kissed he was hot like he's honest

even when as he's telling me these lies I'm like oh it's a shame he's so hot we all been there part of me is like

could I just do this for boredom no you cannot you're gonna regret it you're gonna get a blink membership that you're not gonna be able to cancel

right exactly also this alleged girlfriend will come fight me I was like I'm not she gonna delete your number she gonna delete your life yeah

you don't want that I'm gonna be like babe take me out I'm ready to go but also I'm not fighting you over this man that I don't want yeah

I don't want him keep him that's you that's you that's all you that's all you you got him he's yours

and then the final third guy third guy there's a cafe I guess used to at this point I damn you run you

you run you at the cafe no I still go back we're cool we made a mess you can't go to the park the gym where can you go I guess you gotta go to church

you gotta go to Bella Noche's girl where can you go no i go to this cafe all the time i was like writing working on a script like you know trying to get out the house and then like his friend one day was like uh i was like because i'm in the cafe actually i went with another person that i used to date oh it doesn't it's you you are the mess sonia everyone has exes though yeah but okay so you was with your ex at the cafe yes but i wasn't expecting to meet nobody there this was like

again actually no this person this ex i met him before i lived in flatbush and he happened to live in flatbush like there's a problem it's flatbush i think no it's the orange it's you it's it's it's you and the orange or is it flat orange is the new mess orange is the new mess i love that title we're gonna go with that orange is the new mess yes but yeah so i'm in that person leaves and then another there's another dude that works there and then as i go to the bathroom i come back he's like hey like such and such has a crush on you and i was like huh who somebody who works at the cafe works at the cafe and it was the dude i'd seen at the cafe turned out like yeah so he was like you should talk to him blah blah i was like okay he's cute sure yeah but this such

and such got a crush on you like if you can't come say what up like what are we doing that's why i can't even look at her i'm looking at you the barista is your wingman he owns it oh now That's what you should have started with. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on. The guy that has a crush owns it? Or the person who came to talk to you owns it? The one who has a crush.

Owns it. Owns it. Well, then he definitely should have came. He should have sent an iced turmeric latte or whatever. Yeah. A golden latte to the table. Send her a matcha. Matcha, double it.

Extra syrup. Oat milk. Yeah. But then. In the house. But also, if I was the owner or something, I'd be like, somebody do my light work. You know what I'm saying? Go home.

Yeah. Well, he was like, I can't believe he did that. blah blah blah like I just mentioned that I thought you were pretty for a while like cause you come in here

da da da you know can I get your number blah blah blah but not so sure with that it was like more like I don't know

he's just like really busy running a whole cafe girl you mad that this businessman don't have time no I live but it's also

can we go on like real dates oh he would be like come to the shop come to the cafe what is the date and then we gonna go

we gonna go somewhere after but it was just like too it was too like like like i'm busy all the time and if i it's like i don't know if i if it's benefiting me personally like this somebody you're married to or in a relationship with where like you know financially you are benefiting then i support your dream right but if it's like every time

it's like oh or you could come to taco tuesday or you could come to blah blah and then we'll go to such such such or i'm running late because of work and blah blah i was just like yeah i could see you being like tiresome doesn't really seem oh you said hire somebody tiresome or hire i mean that's the thing too but it's like i can't because i gotta i get it like i i that was an attractive thing to me like you're ambitious black owned it's like a really pop in place like oh yeah how many outlets they got down there because i put my laptop in work should we write on over there there's a lot of cute people in there too because i was really like In Flatbush.

In Flatbush. Okay. Is it ***? You going to edit that out? Oh, because it is. Yeah, but you're going to edit that out. Girl, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to edit that out.

You got to edit that out. No, no, they didn't hear me. Okay. Because we're like, I heard you and I heard you. And she heard you. I heard you. Leave it out. No, just leave it out.

Just leave it out. But we're going to leave it out. Leave it out. Yeah, it is. Yo, that place is popping. That place is popping. And the people do be cute over there. And the people do be cute over there.

And I love it. Tiffany, why you ain't ever invite me there? You should go. That's crazy. The people be cute there and it be popping and it's black-owned

and black-owned. Food, drinks. It's very tiny. You're saying I'm too big for the cafe? No, I didn't say that. It's just, you have to get there early

to get a seat. Yeah, yeah, you got to get there by noon to get a seat. But it might be worse. I used to be in there like... You said early. She said by noon.

That's not early. No, it be packed all the time. Noon is the middle of the day. Their ginger lemonade is... They got good food, too. Caribbean food. I'm not doing this with y'all.

Wait. Okay. We'll talk. Should we go? Yeah, let's go. I don't want nobody, but... Let's go see Sonia's man. Sonia's got a man at home.

She's like, no, I don't. The moral of the story is not my man. And then now when it fell off for reasons, like it was just like, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. I don't know if I could tell this story because this is a person that will actually like watch this. You think so? What do you mean? They fans of Miss? No, they're just like an online person and they would actually.

They're not online, they at work. If they're so busy, how are they online? Hey, clock in for me, sweetie. Okay, their friend. Okay. Oh, the friend of the person. The friend who was like, hey, hey, hey, you got a, my friend has a crush, da, da, da. So I'm dating this person for a little bit, right?

For months. I'm cool with the friend, too, because I still come into the cafe, get my little free matcha, da, da, da, da, da. Love it. I have a question, though. How are you dating if y'all not really seeing each other? No, we would see each other all the time, too. And in the cafe. And in the cafe, but also it would be like a date, like, it'd be like, why don't you come here?

I come once And I'm like Like for example There'd be like a day Where they have like Stretch therapy I come to stretch therapy It's a free session

Blah blah blah They have like events there It sounds like convenience But But he's like I'm ambitious I'm working This dream I have

And I'm trying to be supportive But then the next time We'll go to like bathhouse Or we'll go to A dinner or somewhere We'll do some stuff Oh so you had some dates We had dates

She says they was dating No we had dates But it would be like If we go on five dates Three of them you trying to make this thing or you're like hey like come through i'll come through after lunch or we'll go to daya which is a place that's around the corner from me but come here first and then i come in and you gotta go and work on this and do that and i'm like i could sit on the

phone and wait in my own home yeah you know i'm saying like yeah that's annoying yeah but if there's an expectation i'm guessing i was like yo all the girlies they're just fine with this yes they're just sitting around waiting on the couch. I'm like, I need to be an employee. At this point, you need to be paying me.

Put me on payroll. Put me on the payroll. I'm here. Yeah. He said he could have had you on a cashier. What's up? You ready?

Maybe I can make a little... No. I just want to sit. But yeah, so he, his friend, they would like tell inside jokes with me and blah, blah, blah.

He sent me, he showed me a text that they, a text thread they were in. They were like making fun of something or whatever. And then he's like,

he has, he let me hold his hand he's like you can scroll so I'm like oh I scroll and I see old boy talking about

I just bagged this this girl or something like that something bagged and there's an Instagram IG for this person and who is the person was it me

no it was some like random girl there's some random girl but I don't know that shit like set me off cause I was like oh so you're not like we weren't exclusive

but I was like you're not that busy cause you got time to bag girls Like, what? But yeah, so I'm like, oh. And then his friend's like, I can't believe you saw that. He did it on purpose.

You reacted to it. Yeah, because I went, oh. Oh, and he was like, huh? And he took his phone. He was like, fuck. I guess, I don't know. Dude just texted that and just sent that in the thread. But you shouldn't have shown.

You shouldn't have been showing me that. Anyway, I wouldn't have done it. I'm not showing. He was real. He was. Yeah. He said, go ahead and scroll. Yo, men are messy.

He did it on purpose. I'm just trying to let you know He was trying to He actually was trying to help you I thought he was like Why do Yeah He was trying to be

He was trying to be a bird And like send you the message Tweet tweet Tweet tweet I received that I said Tweet tweet So I text him

And I was like So I hear you out here Doing blah blah blah blah So I think we're done And then he was like What do you mean Where did you see What did you hear

But I didn't want to tell On the friend Because I felt bad Because bro was like But you didn't need to tell Where you saw it Yeah He knows he said it.

Yeah. Exactly. But then, of course, like, so I, the where this place is, if I go a certain way from the train, I'm going to run into it. This is so messy. This is so, girl. Yeah. As soon as I see him again, and the first question is, yo, so what was that about?

You really got to move, friend. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee. So I did tell him in the end. I ratted the friend out, and then they had it back and forth. But like, that's what I'm saying. Save yourself. That's none of your business.

Yeah, that's men's business. You got to save yourself. Yeah. that's how I look at it yeah so what you gonna do so the moral of the story is

don't do it in your neighborhood don't do it on work I mean it works but not not good I needed to be like really specific

I thought I was but I was not so you wanted ambitious you got ambitious it was that cafe dude you wanted creative

creative you got a rapper you wanted fit and take care of themselves you met somebody at the gym I gotta manage them if we could mix all of that

together the fourth guy i think would be the one that yeah he's gonna be on your travels you gotta go to like amsterdam or something yeah yeah you can't you gotta get out of that i gotta put some you gotta leave the neighborhood i gotta leave the neighbor flatbush i got to you gotta cross i got to now i'm outside now i'm outside are you i was going i was going through a period of depression so i was like i could i could do this here i could i could go in a two mile radius and it was like no question for you do you think

dating while depressed is productive no because I think that's honestly I think that's the energy I put into the orange you know what I'm saying

I put into the orange like I wasn't clear and my heart was heavy and I wasn't I think if I had done that spell from a place of like healed comfortable

cozy grounded did you use a blood orange it was giving blood orange blood orange it was giving blood Peri-blood orange. And that's why I got the energy I got.

Now, I am going to go get an orange after the pod. Marie, no. Make sure you're in a good place. I'm in a great place. Okay, yeah. I know where the orange is going to... I got to get like a Whole Foods orange. It got to be like a rich people orange.

Yes, it wasn't organic. I should have gotten organic. The pesticides were what got me. You got it from one of those like corner places in Lampoon. And you know what I got to do? You can't get the oranges in a bag. You got to get an individual orange. That's had it's own journal

You gotta go to the The food The market The farmer's market Farmer's market Yeah but then I feel like I'm gonna get a white dude Yeah you right

There's black owned ones Maybe I feel like if I get A farmer's market orange It's gonna be a White man that wear Birkenstocks Yes

And says things like I feel And I don't want that No Yeah it did not I threw that shit away after So now you're in a good place How are you going to

Unmess this dating situation What are What are your plans What have we learned Yeah What are you Going out Where are you going

So that you can meet So I've learned one Don't shit where you eat When I'm at the gym now Head down Head down Head down Low

Like Fabulous in 2002 You know Just This is you Yes literally that's me You can't see Nose

Eyelash Nothing This is what the gym I go in I be bumping into things but that's so because I'm not bumping into trouble

okay no bumping into trouble yes at the cafe I don't go to that cafe no more we're cool you don't go there

no more I keep I pop in and I still get a little pre-matcha it's cool but I also I work out

I write at the library now peaceful quiet I heard that no one I find attractive I don't I never see nobody attractive at the library

but maybe there is but it's harder because there's more people are like people are not interested it's not that people at this cafe are trying to be hot

but they just are They are definitely... Yeah. They're looking good for this cafe. They're looking fantastic. Yeah. But at the library, it's graduate students.

It's people who are just... It's people trying to get their thesis done. Exactly. So you're not finding nobody. But you might find a little... A young doctor. They might be ugly. That's the thing.

I'm trying to unshallow. Trying to get people... I'm trying to meet people in real life settings, maybe. You met somebody at the park. Ugh. That's real life. Ugh.

And I've asked you this off air, but I was like, What about women? And you're like, I'm sorry. The thing is, I would be. So I went to Magic City once. Right. And girl, you have to go.

You said, so I went to the strip club. And that. You went to the top strip club. So you went to Magic City. And what did you see? Well, we went when it was 8 p.m. So nobody. Because one of my friends that came with us, she used to dance.

And she was like, you got to go early when it's just like, it's a couple couples. The men are not there. It's just us four girls. And we were throwing it. And so, like, that was fun, but there was one girl who was really hot. What did she look like? She looked like if I was from Atlanta. Okay.

No, she actually had a little bikini. She was like a more demure dancer. She had no topless, but kept the bottoms on. Which I wouldn't have cared. I was like, show everything. Classy. Yes. But it was like, and that's what I'm saying.

It's just the last time I felt that way. But there are moments where I'm like, you know what? I could pull up on you. Or the opposite. that was high femme I could do like maybe like a masculine yeah

like you know so but it just like y'all know Natasha Cloud from the Liberty no but you know about the Google

I should know I should didn't you go to a game I did but I was I was too busy like taking videos yeah

of Ellie the elephant Ellie is so I love Ellie Ellie is dancing whipping her hair around wait I think I know who Natasha Cloud is yeah

I'm like they're like cute But I don't know. There's like, I think like, you know, I haven't been in a position or have been in positions where I could and I never. Oh, yeah. She kind of looks like Koi Larray. If she was brother. Yeah.

Brother. Yeah. She is problematic. She's like, I think it was either her or she's like, oh, the person she's dating who's isn't is another basketball player. She's like, she's not really gay. She's just into me Oh my god I just had this conversation

With one of my best friends She's dating a woman And she self identifies As a straight woman And she said that People are mad People are mad That she's

People are mad That like People don't like Gay Like the community Is not like that And yet Gays

Love a straight Person Yeah A specific Gay Yeah That does that You think it's toxic

I don't want it Yeah Cause what Well, I don't like a chase. I actually don't want to work at all. So why would I be with somebody who's like, it's clear that you're not really about this. And then those girls who are with somebody,

but they're like straight, they're not giving head. They're not giving head. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta give head. You gotta give head? You gotta give head. You gotta give head? You gotta give head.

Absolutely. Some girls don't want it though. Yeah. I want it. Okay. Why would I be with somebody who don't want to do it? Right. But I feel like, haven't you dated people who didn't want you to do it to them?

Yeah. Oh, that's fine. That's what I'm saying. That's fine. Some girls don't want it. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. No, no.

No, I've never been with somebody who didn't want to have it. They definitely want it. It don't matter what gender you are. Everybody I've been with, they want it. I feel like there's people I've dated where they like to give more than they like to receive. So maybe I did it a few times. But that's not our regular routine. Could you do that if she, like, dipped down there and was like, all right, I did it.

If she was like, yeah. Well, that'll make me feel like, so is it bad? Like, does it taste like pennies? What's going on? You said pennies? Penny. Not pennies. Does it taste like a Susan B. Anthony down there?

Girl, Sac-a-cho-il. Sac-a-cho-il. Yeah, but, like, so you're saying that, okay, okay. You're saying you could do it or you couldn't do it? Could I do it? Yeah. I feel like I want

you're stuttering you're stuttering you're stuttering you're stuttering on mass homophobic homophobic no I ain't

I feel like I want I want I want to have a relationship where you don't want to do it you don't want to do it no if I was in a relationship

I would want it to be 50 50 like I would want it to be some equity and I wouldn't want the person to feel like you where they're like damn so you just

you just never gonna do it so you're saying you wouldn't do it but you would get it If I was to go into that, I would try it. You're drooling. Am I drooling? No, I'm saying I would try.

If I found a girl who was like, you know, we here. Ain't nobody want you trying. I'm going to go in there and be like, if you want to be with a girl, the spell is instead of hair from your head, it's got to be hair from your pubes. No. No, that's a different kind of spell. I heard that's a spell that like get your man to be like obsessed or like that's a different type. That's like a witchery. Yeah.

Yeah. Yep. I think that was in Midsommar. I didn't see that. Yeah, Midsommar. It wasn't there. Yes. She put her pubes in the pie.

Yes. Nasty. In the pie. What kind of pie was it? Cherry pie. Some Nordic. I think it's like a Swedish. Apple pie?

Something. You wouldn't do an apple like that. Like strudel. Strudel? Toaster strudel? And it went in bad. And it went in bad. Put your pubes in the toaster strudel.

Ew, man. You in there like, da-da-da-da. But then you're like, my God, let me take them clothes off. I'm trying to dive in. They don't eat the strudel like that. Sonia, you doing that? No, thank you. I would be like, babe, all right, tonight's the night.

Girl, that's the best strudel I ever had. For real. Put a little honey on it. And by the act else, you could tell these women are straight. Absolutely. I'm lifting my fingers, babe. Oh, my God. Nobody's doing that.

And I've identified as straight the whole time. This is improv. They're just very great. Yes, ma'am. Except for when a lady comes up to me, I'm like, no, thanks. Yes, ma'am, but no. But no. Thank you so much.

I love your shoes. There's no version of a woman where you'd be like. Me? Me? Yeah. I feel like. Just a curiosity. Yeah, maybe, but I don't know.

I just, I don't know what she would have to look like. What? Excuse me? You ain't never said that. But see, yeah, because you popped into the dicks. Maybe she could pop into the dicks. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I need you to change the narrative.

Don't change that narrative. You saw the man's bones. I was in the sunken place. Okay, I didn't pop in it. You popped in. You sunk in? Fell off the chair. Where'd you meet this man?

I'm so curious oh god there's so many I was on not so many it was on I was on Hinge me

okay so you put effort into me well I I was like it wasn't brought to you it was a dark time it was a dark time I met one with Marie

yeah yeah we were out yeah I went to the bathroom when I came back and Sidney was talking to a whole man what

but I wasn't talking to him like talking I was just like he's still here chatting with me no no no no Sidney don't do that

don't do that Sidney is like Sydney is a flirt okay so he's like I was just talking to him no he was saying things

and she was like yeah blah blah blah like they're going back and forth they was going back and forth first of all Tyler was on stage

and was like make me sweat oh so this was recent no this was like two years ago okay okay I forget how long Tyler been out

I can't believe I'm putting my glasses on because I can't even believe Maria would say something like that you love throwing me underneath the bus girl

how did I throw you under the bus you were flirting with this dude I didn't think I was flirting with him. I thought I was being totally... Were you doing this? No, she was standing.

So she wasn't leaning on anything. Sydney, you are absolutely... Y'all were flirting. So much so, and this is not me throwing you under the bus, y'all exchanged information. Wait a minute. Instagrams.

That counts now. Instagrams. It counts. No, that's information. I'm an influencer. You said another one. You said another one. I'm trying to get my numbers up, baby.

Yeah, follow for follow. Follow for follow. No, no, no. How many people you got following you? No, he was cute. He was a very attractive guy. Okay. I didn't think that.

Nothing happened. Girl. Oh, something happened. Oh. Something happened. Wait, you offended. She said you were flirting, but something happened? But I wasn't flirting at that time.

You understand. Yeah. I thought she was going to be like, I didn't even. But you. Girl. Something happened. Well, at first I was like, Marie, look at this tall man. Yeah.

Look at that for you. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Sid. Mm-hmm. Yes. And then you, y'all, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, DM'd. Yeah. And then you met.

We were, you know, just DMing. And then I'll show you, I'll show you the DM that, but it was, it was very forward. And I was like. Oh. Oh. He was like, sexual? Yes. Oh.

And you said, make me sweat. But I threw her under the bus. Girl, you jumped on the bus. Yeah, wait a minute. I thought you was going to say. You drove the bus. It was a sea urchin that was talking to you. She jumped in front of the bus.

She put her hand out like. I wouldn't be there. It was those buses that do the tour around New York City. She was doing the tour of the bus. Let me tell you, if I had a, if I, since I was going back around, this time around, I was like, I would not be with no ugly dude. If I was, I said, if I'm going to do this, they can't be ugly. I already did that. I already did that when I really liked them.

Yeah, we got through that. No. No way. They have to. They at least look nice. Yeah, they have nice. Now, is their bedding together? No.

The bedding, it's going to be dark navy sheets. You're going to be like, what? Why you got It's gray It's black It's navy Is this frontal On the computer

Why are straight men Anti light sheets It's because you guys Don't like changing them Gotta wash them Oh you dirty We dirty Not if you wash

You dirty On a regular basis What color sheets What color are the sheets On your bed right now White Oh And how often

Do you change your sheets Well He's in a relationship Well Oh You're in a relationship There it is So her sheets are white

Yep Ooh, ooh, bloop, bloop. Oh. Because she got them for you. Exactly. How long have you had the sheets? Did you have them before you met her? Well, we got multiple pairs.

We. Right. We just. We. She said, let me, let me upgrade you. Let me, let me upgrade you. Partner, let me upgrade you. Egyptian count.

Wow. I love it. Wow. should we should we do some mess yes we should do a mess i'm gonna read a message okay i am jealous of my husband's barber never thought i would see a title like this this is crazy okay such a huge fan of you guys thank you girl this is not a serious problem but i'm curious what you two think and thank you so much

for writing this. My husband has been going to the same barber for years. He loves the way he, hey, oh, it's a woman.

He loves the way she does his curly hair. Okay. She's close to his job. She uses quality products and apparently they have great conversation and that's in quotation marks.

He should be sat there silent in my opinion, but. Sat there silent? I hear, no, no, no. Hold on. I can't stand the fact

That he goes to A female barber Now as a woman You saying female barber I don't like that either That's very toxic of you Yeah but how else Is she supposed to describe her

It's a female barber A lady barber No that's a woman Like when somebody Say female A female barber She didn't call her a female Yes she

It's a female barber Or a male barber It's the tone When people say female Female No y'all reading into that I don't agree Saying female barber

Is just living Living Okay Every time he comes back from getting his hair cut, I see a montage in my head of this woman running her fingers through his hair, massaging his head, touching his neck, etc. Well, I mean, she's, she's, is she a barber or is she like a hairstylist? She got to make sure the line is straight. You got to. No, but barbers, they're not washing.

People are coming in and they're just. No, they do facials and stuff now too. Oh, they're upscale. So he's not going to like the bum ass barber in the neighborhood. Cause he's really, he's really doing it. Okay. Um, it doesn't help that she is very pretty, straight and single. Oh, you've done research.

And she followed him on Instagram to confirm their appointments. Ooh. Okay. Even worse. He followed her back. Oh, baby. Now I really, now I don't really believe she's trying to seduce my husband. but he looks like

if Joe Jonas was South Asian and tall enough to ride the roller coasters at Six Flags well that's not that tall friend I'm sorry

five feet no don't do that five feet you don't have to be that tall they like kids on the roller coasters you don't have to be

that tall but I think she's trying to say Joe Jonas is short so how short is he okay so he okay oh he's tall enough

to ride the roller coasters okay so he's he's short He's a short king. Short king. He also has a great job and a charming personality. Okay. I have to be vigilant.

Vigilant? Not vigilant. I have to be vigilant. Not vigilant. Girl, you're doing the work. Okay, my husband works in NYC, and I'm 100% sure he can find a straight male barber who is near his job and a curly hair expert. I brought this up to him, and he says, I'm being ridiculous. Now, that is toxic, saying ridiculous.

Because you are now discrediting my feelings. Okay. It is her job to touch him, so I shouldn't be jealous. Oh, he really about her. Oh, he'll go to work for her. Is that what he said? He said that? I think a lot of people, once they find somebody that does their hair how they like, they don't want to leave that person.

It is hard. And if he's not doing anything wrong, he's like, babe, you are being ridiculous. That's what I'm saying. It's her job to touch me because she cuts my hair. Yeah. Okay. We talked to our friends about it, and they were split. all the girls were on one hand they made the point that it's less about whether it's possible

to find another good stylist but more about all the bad haircuts he might have to suffer through to find this new person to do his hair so well internally i was like even better who was trying to impress with his hair oh damn she just she got you girl isn't he trying to impress you if he really loves me he'd bust it off when he leaves for work and grow it back when he comes okay like you are being ridiculous girl yeah you're being serious not me siding with a man yeah i know we don't want to do that here but one of my friends made the point that just because it's someone's job doesn't mean it's not crossing a boundary in a relationship she brought up massages and bikini waxes etc as examples i thought this was very interesting because i've

gotten massages before and my husband always asked me to request a female masseuse not only that my husband asked me to switch yoga studios because i mentioned offhand that the male instructor adjusted my form during the class i'm sorry is that not is that wait okay i'm sorry is that not his job so i'm writing the mess experts for an objective opinion am i messy for being jealous of my husband barber you answered your question friend you are jealous you're jealous you're being jealous very but sonia but i would say i was with him until he told you a yoga instructor adjusting you was too much i feel like he's already set the precedent then we can't even be tough like y'all on the train not even making eye contact with the other opposite sex it sounds like so like before that

though i was like girl it's hair like he if you if you can't if i if somebody wants to cheat on you if a man wants to cheat on you there it is they'll tell you he's going to church and pull up on somebody they're cheating in church they do oh yeah cheat the dude on the drums the pastors be having babies with barbara in the in the third pew yeah yes he does yeah amen yes sister barbara my bad i gotta have respect the soprano let me tell you what you gotta do so is it messy or just living for her being jealous i i think it's i think it's living because oh no i am only swayed I think that he already said to her, you cannot have a male,

I got to switch my yoga studio. Because that's also something where if you find a place you like, you like. If he had never said to her and set the precedent that we cannot, that if another sex touches

or looks at you crazy, I'm going to crash out. Then I'd be like, girl, that's too much. To me, I'd be like, okay, my man has a female barber, okay. Like, if he wants to cheat on me, he's going to cheat on me.

If he's touching my hair, like, she wants this man to be bald. She said, I'd rather you be bald Then you go see her Nice haircut He's been going for years To this lady Yeah

She's imagining that old girl Is like licking his head Or like Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah Popping her cooch on his head Here's what I think you should do sis Yeah Go with him to his next appointment

Sit on his lap While she cuts his hair Straddle him Bust it But it would be nice to meet her Cause then you could see the energy I mean if she's been He's been going there for years

She's probably met her Yeah she has She knows this lady She's pretty and all this stuff You're right I have a suggestion Girl You need to learn

How to do his hair Do his hair Become a barber Become a barber And he needs to be A yoga instructor Whatever things That y'all going out

For outsourcing Keep it in the house Y'all gotta learn Because If you're gonna be That jealous and weird Hey then you're gonna If I was him

I'd be like Do you know how to Line my shit up Do you know how to Make sure my curls are right Yeah but she might If she's a female barber She might be gay

She says she's straight Yeah Is she She says she's straight Well my bad But also it's like Just cause she's straight Don't mean she wants your man

Yeah That's another thing Some of y'all Some of y'all With y'all partners Or whoever you're with Nobody want them It's just you

That's why they That's why they want you Okay Y'all have to ease up Not everybody Cause when I was waitressing These women swore I was talking to Jim

And Todd And Thomas I don't want any of these men I just want that Amex Give me that Amex I just want to swipe this card and give me my 55% because that's what I deserve. Yes, yes. Okay?

Because 20% because that's standard. Everybody. And then all the other percentages because, you know, racism and sexism and misogyny on top of that. So it's 55%. Everybody doesn't want your man. And also her description of him wasn't like, I wasn't like, oh, not Joe Jonas, but tall enough to ride. So tan Joe Jonas, but tall. But Joe Jonas?

Maybe I don't know which one of the Jonas's that is. But also, y'all be scared about these women taking y'all, man. Some of these men Could take y'all men It could be a male barber That's really planned down What if some fine ass Gay man is doing

Then what You gonna pull up on him too Oh yeah Joe Jonas That's not It's fine No But I'm not like

If I'm a female barber I'm not like Not Joe Jonas He's not for me But okay Cool I think y'all need to re-evaluate Yeah

Y'all might have to do some What starts with a T Therapy Stalking follow her after work see where she at see what her lifestyle is she might be a little bit gay or she's with somebody yeah or she's you know she dates people who look completely opposite your husband or catfish her with a man that looks like your man and see if she goes for that man then you know she's into your man sis if you're doing this you got to get a job because that

sounds like you are very free and i don't want you doing that tell chat gpt to give you a remixed Joe Jonas' face. Yes. Make that the profile picture and then be like, you're... Eastern European instead of South Asian.

Right, right, right, right, right. And let's see what happens. Right. Let's see what happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if he goes for it. So we all gave you

three different things that you could do. I said, you know, stalk and or show up at the appointment. Sydney said, learn how to do his hair and sign what you said.

Catfish or, like, stop doing it. Like, everybody, y'all could, anybody could cheat. You can't put, like, you live in a world

where other people are going to be attracted you got to trust that your man wants you and nobody else and that if he does want somebody else well he

it just has to be the barber what about I don't know the secretary of work what about his cashier I think realistically you did make a good point at the top

it's he made you switch yoga studios you should just bring that back up yeah that's actually what I would do

I love this place and you told me I couldn't go here because this guy adjusted my form and I'm telling you I don't want this lady to have her tits

on your back when she's cutting your hair, so you can't have it both ways. Yep. It's one or the other. Pick and choose. And I bet he gonna be like, all right, fine,

I guess I'll let her go. Are you cool with having a man that looks a little bit, you know, his hair gonna be a little lopsided for a couple months? Oh, the hair's gonna be crazy. Oh, she's actually probably like,

so you're going to Greg? Greg's gonna be doing your hair now. Yeah. Greg's 78. Mm-hmm. Needs to leave the barber. Y'all should do like The Bachelor, but for barbers.

Ooh. Shark tank this. I like this. America's Next Top Barber. America's Next Top Barber probably got a show like that well I'm just saying like you gotta do it

in house like every they come to the house he gotta regrow it after every week ooh does she do house calls have her bring the kid

to the house yes and then you watch literally while you're holding your tea but then it's gonna look like so wait

if I was if I was the stylist of the bar I'd be like are they trying to they looking for a third I would totally go oh this might be

some Polly Pocket situation right now but then if she wants the Polly Pocket you gotta get her out of there because that means she was interested or maybe she wanted

me oh and she was a gay and she was queer yay welcome back to gay this was amazing you really did your thing sis

thank you for being I mean I think I think she might be in the top tier of mess top tier top tier mess Okay, I started off like a compliment, but now it doesn't smell like a compliment.

I'm saying this was top shelf mess. Top shelf mess. So like a black label mess. Black label mess. Black label mess. Aged at least 12 years. Or two. In a barrel?

Maybe just aged two. Two? Two years. Oh, yeah, because that's a two-year. In a cellar in Bushwick. Yes. Cellar in Bushwick. Oh, well, I'm glad you got out.

Yeah. Sonia, tell everybody. tell everybody where they can find you and what you got going on and coming up you can find me Sonny Denny

S-O-N-N-I D-E-N-I on everything and I have a show called I'm in a show called Iron Heart on Disney Plus coming out June 24th

hey alright if you're listening to this and you've made it this far learn how to cut hair just in case that's all yep

I keep leaving those reviews baby we love them send reviews and send us messages They're so good. We love you much. Don't forget the pictures.

Yep. Bye. Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast. Created and hosted by Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin. Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Han Sani. Super produced by Becca Ramos.

Edited and mixed by Brian Jeffries. If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at messthepodcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588.