MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Out the Womb Dehydrated

Episode Date: June 11, 2021

It's just Sydnee and Marie this week! They're talking about their review of "Cruella," a review of the podcast, and feeling gratitude during this weird time.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever yes ladies and gentlemen welcome back we're doing it well what you don't know is that i'm very very close to marie right now she's touching my leg literally i'm inside of her hello hello anybody there inside sydney is inside yeah i came on over to marie's house because you know the zoom the zoom zoom zoom don't be boom boom booming sometimes yeah we were we tried to record this episode uh yesterday and uh i wasn't feeling it i said you know what i don't think this is a good episode and sydney being the team player that she is was like what you need beach what you need us to cut out should i come over there and i was like nah my apartment looks crazy it don't look bad now I finally unpacked my suitcase from New Orleans last night I'm almost

there I have like four articles in the suitcase for maybe like a shirt a pair of panties and like some random jeans or whatever but I just refuse to take everything out of my suitcase I don't know I'm like I know that I'm not gonna be getting it I'm not gonna be using the suitcase anytime soon but is it clean stuff or is it dirty stuff no what i what happens is when we go away right and come back i take out all the dirty clothes i wash those anything that's clean i leave it in the suitcase right i always take the dirty clothes out because nine times out of ten i need those dirty ass clothes because those the cute stuff yeah you know what i mean yeah i was living out of the suitcase i would take stuff out put it on put it back in the suitcase it it actually feels

like you're on the road on the road again on the road again no i just i was stepping over it i was listen my apartment is what i what i realized yesterday is my apartment is too small it's perfect for me right now as a as a single person but i need to live in live in a bigger place so that it won't feel so cluttered right but then i feel like if i had more space i would just get more stuff and that's where you have your good friend exhibit a sydney has two bedrooms yes and i have a whole room that is the miscellaneous vanity office it was the cat room it's oh it's still the cat room low-key and uh i find myself throwing things in there putting things in a corner it's it's it's cluttered it's your girl is giving hoarder with a lowercase h but uh an

uppercase r hoarders with a z yeah z z bourgeoisie i'm a bougie hoarder yeah yeah and so i have more space but yeah i i find a way to add more things to it and but what kind of stuff are we talking about like close so so you're buying more clothes or close you're putting clothes that is clean in there or dirty like what's close every just close i find a way to get more clothes i say i don't have any clothes then i get on the good old www.net www yeah and i find more things to pile into a corner or to lay on top of my bed and i always buy items that i'm like let me get that top but i don't know what bottom's gonna go with it but i know i'm gonna figure something out and then and you do you always figure it out i do but there's always a time where i'm like i have this

top but i don't have a bottom to go with this or i have a bottom that's like a weird style it's a specific thing and i don't have a top for it so i have a lot of like mitch mack shit and you're good at mismatching I love a mismatch yeah that's not me green snake print and what is that cheetah yeah I love a mismatch my brain is mismatched I don't need my clothes to reflect what's going on in my head so that's a strong no for me and yet you got statement pieces all up and through that house and if if only I could find those statement pieces when I actually need them let me tell you what happens um what happens i know that i'll have something to do later on in the night time or like a show or whatnot and i'm like oh i think i know what i'm gonna wear yep and by the time

it's time to get ready i'm already late i'm already an hour in right so i'm looking for this one thing that's gonna go with the pants or go with the shoes or i had it in my i can't fucking find it so then i'm flipping over you know couches and underneath rugs and fucking up a beautiful space that was just cleaned by our beautiful our buff man six two manuel and it's it's a nightmare it's a nightmare it's just like hang your shit up or maybe i need a bigger closet i actually have two and a half closets and i'm still like two and a half two and a half closets a hat are you counting the bathroom as a hat no i i have like a friend that's like trying to set up another closet space for me and it's just set up another what is it if you get in a storage

unit what does that mean yeah it's kind of like a rack that i can use up against the wall that kind of like what carolina has in her place and it's just like in my head i'm like i'm gonna plan to be a more organized person yeah but the outcome is always like it's a big old peanut butter and jelly mess it's a mess you know it's a mess but i think that um we're pushing through sis we are yesterday or no on sunday i came home from the knit and my house was in such disarray yes dishes i had i had to repot some plants so the plants was in the middle of the floor i had little stacks of laundry piles all over the place in my living room and it was just like I was like I gotta go to bed I can't look at this right now I was like I need to lay down because I will

leave things in my path on purpose because I'll be like if I leave this right by the door I have to it's going to be in the way so I'm going to have to deal with it and I'll just hurdle over it for week and that's what you're called the textbook high functioning depressed person see like you look on the outside like oh you're getting everything done are you getting pieces you're you're returning some things you're you're getting things done right at the like second or maybe you're 20 minutes late but you're still doing it so you are still moving around when I move you move just like that um so nobody really sees how like rough it is but then you come into your place and shambles it's just like damn somebody came in and robbed you but left everything

yes sydney said you said your room looked like somebody robbed you it didn't take anything yeah they ransacked it they ransacked it and i i had nothing for them to take but it also looks worse when I have to get dressed to go somewhere. If I have to get dressed, the outfit in my brain usually doesn't look how I want it to look. So I'm remixing it and trying on other things. And after I try something on, it's going on the couch.

It's going on the couch. It's going on the floor. It's becoming a little bed for jelly and jam. It's a, I want to know if anybody is really keeping their place clean. Like, how are they doing it? How are they getting ready? and then putting things away.

I don't, I can't do that. People who do that are the same people who cook and while they cook, they wash their dishes. Because it's like, what sorcery is that? And those people are not coming when they have sex. Ooh. Yeah. Ooh.

Yeah. Ooh. I said it. You heard it here first. If you clean up after yourself while you're making a mess, you ain't coming. Yeah, because you're micromanaging. That's what I think.

but also what do i know i i've had a pile of uh um laundry that's been on an ottoman for four months now an ottoman yeah that's nice well in order to kind of figure out my life a little bit i ordered a whiteboard from um that evil website yeah we will not say we will not say but you know what it is we're not gonna discuss it you know what it is yeah so i got that and i feel like if i write everything out like one first of all i'm gonna write stuff that i've already done on the board so i can cross it off just so i can feel good about myself the first thing i'm gonna write on the board is unpack the board yeah um and then i'm gonna hang it up right there or maybe i'll move the easel back and i'll put it on the easel but i just you got to see the things

that you accomplish because we get so overwhelmed about the things that we have to do in the future that we don't acknowledge the actual things that's currently happening so i mean it just feels like a an emotional dump of anxiety that you're like well I'm I'm never gonna get through this nope so I'm gonna go to sleep yeah I'm gonna go to sleep I'd be like well I guess I'll lay down I think that's what like you know I feel like I heard about like somebody like when you're really hungry when you're like family doesn't have any food if you're hungry you just go to bed yeah poverty that's yeah that I'm like ah it's too much clutter in here I'm gonna lay down yeah well that's what I call a depression nap because it's like if I take this nap I think that I'll feel

better when I get up but the problems are still there well you wake up and you fall into that pile of clothes yeah damn well we're managing we at least you look fantastic friend and that's the that's the great thing about a cover you know I have a I have a good cover the cover the presentation is is amazing but you know what kind of cover you have one of those like plastic science project covers that you had like slid the little plastic color piece on you know i'm talking about yes i do know the book report yeah covers that's what you're giving the see-through the see-through okay yeah shiny yeah you know and i used to do it in school i would have the i would buy those covers because what's inside is trash but at least i presented the trash cute you know

right right right if they're whatever the rubrics say if it says something about presentation you getting a 10 on it exactly yeah that's how I feel um so you didn't do well with your book reports when you were a kid no no I I think that you know low-key high-key I had some learning disabilities I it took me a while to comprehend things reading just reading is fundamental and I was missing the fun and the fundamental part you're missing the demental part yeah that too that too the i had it nothing was fun and there was no men the mental i was mental yes um my dad used to do my book reports for me what were my school products for me and i'd be like yo i want to do it and he'd be like i gotta get it perfect and he would like draw my book report covers for

me he like we used to do the dioramas you know that like shoebox thing with the strings and like you know what i'm talking about i've never been more jealous my dad used to do my time i would be jealous because i wanted to do him and he but no i gotta do it i know how to glue it down and it was like but i want to do my project yeah so that's so sweet yeah shout out to samuel good man yeah father's day is coming up so yeah you know i don't really fuck with father's day because i don't have a father or whatnot with fathers i don't fuck with fathers you know i haven't i'm not fucking a father and you know i don't really have a father but you have banged a father before i have i have fucked a father and it was interesting because he didn't look like a

dad he had too many muscles yeah my ex was a trainer and you know he had a skateboard and i was just like what are you wait the dude that's missing a ceiling is a oh he is a father yes he is wow you're really putting the pieces together so yeah girl because you said you're doing this right you're doing the jessica fletcher work right here i'm doing the nancy drew right now yeah you are okay well if anybody has ever heard the story of me remind us girl it's a light-skinned man with a daughter but no ceiling yeah yeah that's it well no he moves into a he moves into the same the building like renovated so he has a ceiling now but when we first when we first hooked up it was pitch black so i couldn't see anything uh but when i woke up in the morning it looks

like something out of the candy man so it wasn't giving hey arnold skylight no okay no it was giving like i should be screaming i should be worried i should be worried if it's the type of ceiling that your body should be in a in a tub of ice because they took your organs out it's given salt yes very much so let's play a game hostile that too yeah um what floor was he on i can't even tell you this i cannot remember a thing this was so was it garden level or was it it wasn't it was not garden level because it was like nigga you should have all your ceiling together but you know shout out to um uh shout out to people with roofs no no no shout out to uh um oh i know what i was having i was having picklebacks oh yeah i would pick pickleback

shots jameson and pickle juice shout out to having you know seven eight of those and you don't really need to seal a ceiling when you're blackout okay wait so i did pickleback shots for the first time recently are you supposed to hold one in your mouth and then add the other to your mouth and then swallow yeah oh so then you're supposed to you're supposed to drink the jameson and then drink the pickleback but am i supposed to swallow them both at the same time you know you swallow one and then you swallow the other okay so yeah okay somebody was trying to tell me i was doing it wrong let me tell you drinking is so disgusting that we have to find ways to make it taste better but like the fact that we're drinking pickle juice like pregnant women um just lets you know

that jameson is disgusting yes it's all a little tiny bit gross yeah but you know when you're in college you drink dumb stuff um or you know outside of college whatever i'm drinking rum yeah i drank that in college i used to drink remy in college i was like a dark liquor person i was i was hypnotic i was uh stoli razz oh any flavored vodka 99 apples um oh and i love like the ocean spray crayon razz juice you mix oh you're making like a jungle juice oh yeah i mean we the the amount of hangovers we would have because there was just like so much sugar in anything that we were drinking i didn't get hangovers in college you're an alien maria i didn't nobody that i knew was getting hung over in or maybe just me maybe it's just you we would

have tequila night every tuesday and i would wake up and be like y'all want to go to nathan's you guys want to go get some burgers it was just hangovers for me is something that is fairly recent and and it's still not what it is in the movies for me. I think I started Out the Womb Dehydrated so that's why. Out the Womb Dehydrated

is a great title. Out the Womb Dehydrated. Yes. Andrew's not here to write that down. Write that down please friend. Is there a pen on the table? Yeah we have a pen on the table. Out the Womb Dehydrated. Yeah this is it's crazy that we're missing Andrew. How many minutes are we in? We're like

20 minutes in and we just acknowledge that Andrew isn't here. Well, the birds are outside or chirping really loud and it's like, oh, it almost feels like there is a third person here. Yes. Hey, hey, all day long. Singing that song

out the womb. Dehydrated? Yeah. I don't know why this made me think of Cruella, but me and Sydney went to the movies the other day and we saw Cruella with Emma, what's her face? Stone. Both of their names were Emma.

Emma Stone. In real life. Oh. Emma Stone and Emma Thompson. You know, I'm not a movie buff or anything like that, but I did not fall asleep. So I don't know if that means anything. I think it does.

Sydney was awake. I do be falling asleep in movie theaters, and it's unfortunate because it's like I did pay for the ticket. Well, I didn't buy the ticket on this one, but I stayed up, and it was cool, but I'm not an Emma Stone fan. where are the emma stone fans at please uh please show yourself right the the east stone hive please hit us in the comments yeah yeah the east the stone hive um i don't know that i've ever met anybody who's an emma stone fan so that but the movie was fun um they tried to pc cruella up

she didn't wear no fur no animal skin in the whole movie and that's bullshit because we'll see movie after movie where niggas are hanging from the trees they're beating women they're shooting they're gorging people's eyes out what movie is this is this Saw still no this like every like slavery or like

police brutality film we'll see the brutality in that but it's like skin the dogs skin the fucking dogs Sidney said skin the dogs is that a good title skin the dogs I'm gonna write it down pita gonna come for us skin the dogs but like the way pita comes to the rescue of these animals

is wild pita is like the nra in terms of like they just lobby they just got all this money behind them and they can say whatever they want to whoever they want um but that's why it was so absurd because i like we can't hate uh cruella because the reason why we were so mad is because she was evil and she was skinning the dogs she wanted to kill them dogs I so after we came home from watching Cruella I had to watch the Glenn Close version to cleanse my

palate and not gonna lie had actually never seen the Glenn Close version but she's wearing like a whole leopard like a leopard body and the head on her shoulder in the movie and it's like yeah

she went and got that legit fur for the movie yeah we need to see that i mean we saw tiger king which was an eight part fucking docu-series and you know they're literally treating the the tiger so bad they're eating they're feeding them um expired meat they were giving them meat from costco or something like that right just just ratatata but we can't see in cruella the the dalmatians we don't even fuck with dalmatians like that they actually don't like kids dalmatians don't like kids no i guess i am a dalmatian i too identify as a dalmatian je suis dalmatian that's a good title thank you je suis dalmatian thank you um i mean i think her not killing the dog in the movie uh makes sense

because she was so excited about the dog coat in 101 dalmatians so maybe that makes sense but i just didn't believe emma stone as a villain um the other lady i thought played a better villain than she did running laps around her oh my god and i was like i was like sis what i mean it's a fun movie to watch but it's definitely too long it's like two and a half hours long yeah i was um i was all right i didn't i didn't need to see it i was glad i saw it with the gang with some friends it was it was a great thing and a great outing i was appreciative of that but first time i've been to the movie and like the movies in like over a year yeah again it was ice cold you know the popcorn was fresh but stale at the same time and it was a great feeling i was glad to be

back and um you know would i recommend anybody pay the money to go see the movie no no but if you just want to experience with some friends and maybe somebody who's got a you know a business card they want to sign off they want to oh like a corporate card corporate card and buy the tickets for y'all then go off king a corporate card wow i went to get um i was at a comedy show the other day and this guy came over it was me paris sachet friend of the pod and then like two or three other people people people who names that don't matter right now and this guy came over and was like paris you want me to get you something to drink and she said no but i think everybody else might be thirsty or she was like i'm not sure yet but what does everybody else want so she volunteered

this man's card corporate card for our drinks and everybody ordered a drink and he tried to run out on the tab at the end of the night we'd love to see it i mean the now that the things are open and people are out here splurging and thriving and hopping and bopping i mean yeah it wouldn't be old new york if people weren't skimming and scamming on the on the on the tabs but sir if you got the corporate card on you use the corporate card just there might be a limit they might have a budget well then he shouldn't have came over to ask for the drinks honestly if i asked somebody what they wanted to drink and they you would never volunteered my card never for four other niggas i'd be like yeah babe i was just asking for you exactly no but you know what

i did do something nice for somebody yesterday yesterday i was feeling really like in a kind of um crappy mood i didn't feel good or whatever whatever and i went to i went to the grocery store because i needed to get milk okay and when i walked in there was a like a guy outside the supermarket begging people to get him something to eat so i removed one airpod you know because i had to pause the music i said what was that and he was like can you please get me something to eat can you help me get something to eat and i was like yeah yeah maybe and i went in and i was looking around and i was like maybe i should get him something to eat because i'm having a bad day but i'm really having a very good life yes so i was like maybe i should get him bad day good life

great bad day good life i love that bitch that's perfect yeah and so i tried to sneak out because i was like yeah the thing the myth that i wanted it was too much i was gonna go somewhere else um and he was like miss can you please give me something to eat and i was like all right all right all right i said did you want like a sandwich or something and he was like yes they do sandwiches in there he was like i want a salami it was like salami pepper pepper something and pickles and i was like okay i went back in i ordered his man said he was hungry he didn't say he had taste no okay i went in and then i was like should i get him some chips and then i was like nah i should get him something healthy like an apple okay so i'm in the supermarket

i got him a bottle of water like a big ass water because it was hot yesterday i got him a sandwich and i got him like a little you know a little macintosh a gala or whatever the hell the the apple was oh those are good yeah i got this man a little and i put it in a bag for him and i went back in and i got him some napkins it was like i was in the supermarket for mad long getting this man his lunch and i gave it to him and it was like nice you feel better i felt better when i left yeah good yeah yeah you pass it on look at me yeah look at me that's what i can for the community that's what you got to do you got on one end you got to have somebody running out on the tab and then on the other end it's got to be you um passing it on and getting someone lunch and we love that

it was like the pursuit of happiness girl if they ever do a movie on that man's life there's gonna be there's gonna be a scene with with me in it it's gonna be you it's not gonna be me but it's no no it's gonna be a it's gonna be a light-skinned girl probably uh in the movie it's gonna be willow smith light-skinned girl well imagine if drake light-skinned girl imagine uh so yeah that that happened i i've been kind of busy during the day i have like a little you have a job now i have little job um i'm in a little writer's room or whatever yes booked it's uh it's cool because it's on zoom we can't get enough of zoom um you know i just follow whatever the other black people leads are and if they have their camera off i'm turning mine off too ah it's so good it feels

good it's a it's a great gig because what hold on okay yeah it just the screen went i was like oh oh okay yo we on my laptop yeah anyway go ahead you follow what the black people are doing if their cameras are off yours is off too yeah because it's i i think we're at the point of um r.i.p zoom we're good on it uh we just don't have that attention span anymore we also don't want to go to the motherfucking office so we're we're it's a slippery slope it's like do you want to take your raggedy ass to the job or do you want to be in the house and uh also do the raggedy ass job in the comfort of your dusty living room i don't know it's it's uh you can't have it all you can't have it all and you can't have it your way it's not it's not working but apparently a lot

of people are starting to quit their jobs that are asking them to come back into the office people would rather stay home and not work than go into the office to work i i don't know if this is a this might be a controversial take but we don't want to fucking work well we don't want to work that's not controversial I think that's we don't want to work we get mad at people who are like no I don't I don't mind being a stay-at-home mom or yeah I want to be taken care of or whatever you're like oh that's not you know that's not feminism or x y no I don't give a fuck what you want to put a label on yeah I want to sit my ass at home I want to take care of whatever kids or non-kids imaginary kids that I have jams yeah I yeah I don't want to work for one

anybody that to a beige person three a man i mean it's a list of people i don't want to fucking work for and right now they they want us to do that yeah but the cool thing about us is we do work for ourselves ultimately we work for ourselves and we're in a good place to be like you know if we don't get it done then we don't get it done and the only person that we have to blame for not making our coins is us okay gratitude thank you i'm not saying gratitude i'm saying we work for ourselves yeah so um yeah i mean at times there are things that we need to do for other people other people's projects that we're working on and that's whoo that can be hard because you know the team that they hire might not be the team that we would have hired

right right in terms of like hair and makeup or the writers or whatever whatever whatever um but I don't know it doesn't get easier no working working for yourself versus working for somebody else well when you work for yourself you kind of have a vision of what you want to be doing and what your POV is and what you think should be out there like whether a show or you know comedy you know etc etc so you're in charge of that when you you know get hired for somebody else's gig yes you are going to be play whatever you think is best for you but overall they're going to edit it the way they want to to make them look whatever you know you don't have that say no so that's another reason why i don't really like other people's projects because they get

to do whatever the fuck they want. And you'll be there for mad hours and then you watch the final thing and you'll be like, what? You cut it down to 30 seconds? You know what I mean? Like, I had to get up early,

get there on time, took a car to the location and then you watch the actual video or you watch the clip and you're like, I'm barely in this thing at all. But it's a blessing. It's a blessing

because it's a credit and it's a thing. Come on, gratitude. Yeah, it's gratitude. Gratitude, gratitude. Gratitude, gratitude. That's a great title. gratitude gratitude like mary mary or gratitude gratitude attitude gratitude attitude attitude

okay sis well what's something that you're grateful for right now what's your gratitude attitude um to be honest i i think i am missing gratitude i'm missing it yeah oh it's easy to sit back and think about the stuff that you don't have and where you're not at and where you should be and and especially now yeah because we are surrounded by friends with shows who got billboards like i went to the bank i went to chase a couple weeks ago and there was a giant billboard like a giant z-way billboard across from my bank shout out to z-way doing her damn thing i was like yeah damn like wow yeah and then you know then you come home and you watch sam jay show and you're like wow

another person with a TV show shout out to Sam Jay pause shout out to everybody with a show but like it's easier I feel like now to not be grateful for what you have because you're looking at what everybody else has

and it's really visible yeah but if you think about it there's somebody that's you know four steps away from you that's thinking they would love to be in your spot oh you mean Johnny Dragon okay johnny dragon johnny dragon we had a review yeah remember we dragged the person who wrote us about you know how we can get them closer to the a-list celebrities that are our friends yeah yeah

how do we how do we get him closer so he could work with them yeah you know he wrote a review on itunes and it was very honest for him yeah and uh marie why don't you read it okay first of all the title is good pod but don't email them okay four stars this is funny they do seem cool this is informative too you'll learn things about lifestyles and situations you've never heard of or been in before i'd even say it's probably one of the best women-led pods out there but don't email them unless you have good self-esteem and traditionally attractive features wow so great. They're not as nice as you think they are. If Marie reads it, she won't read the whole thing and they won't say anything about your picture if you look a certain way. I will say their advice

will push you and sometimes even help. And there's definitely value in that. But this ain't no soft touch. If you email them, you better really think about what you're saying. They're not your friends. They're your hosts. I guess we should already know that. Probably what they would say and agree with but i'm positive not all of us do and this is a warning for those people other than that it's mostly top notch but maybe don't ask them for advice at least for now four stars so it was like kind of kind of what do you think about that sis um i mean i feel like this review is kind of like his email that he sent us yeah it's a little bit of good and a little bit of bad but ultimately the way you're wording things honey it's not us yeah you it's a little

backhanded he said if you email them you better really think about what you're saying they're not your friends i mean we let me just let's just say this okay so we get a lot of positive reviews there's tons of people who write us nice things and we read them and we look at them and get the dms and it feels good it feels great but you know we also are people and you know we're doing comedy every night and we have comedy online and there's sometimes people say things to us that we're like what the fuck like we are human beings too we have blood pumping through our veins we are sensitiva we like sensitiva yes i like that we are just like you so our feelings get hurt as well so if we ever feel slighted or we read things whenever we can read something we will reread

them until it's like ingrained in us until we actually have a problem with it listen like the great erica badu once said keep in mind i'm an artist and i'm sensitive about my shit amen snap okay so for you to send an email that is worded kind of like a backhanded compliment yeah babe we gonna read it and feel a way about it but also if the email got 17 paragraphs and this is double spaced and it's 12 point font and it's times new roman like i'm gonna read the whole thing yeah i try i try i read the whole thing and obviously you know i you know hooked on phonics didn't work for me works for me you said it didn't work didn't work for me and so you know it's it's a little it's a rough to see more than two paragraphs but yeah it happened johnny let's

start over you know i send us another photo i don't remember your picture but we said that everybody who writes us is attractive everyone hot hot listeners every single right we always give glowing um reviews of people's faces five stars actually so johnny you saying that you sent us that five page letter and a photo and we didn't say nothing about your photo well because we were too upset about the first two paragraphs honey i'm sorry i didn't get to your photo so please resend yeah to recap he said we were medium famous or something like that like not famous but almost yeah um basically called us kathy griffin let's start over johnny dragons and you know let's move forward it happens we're people and we were learning and growing and i think this is

going to be an outstanding summer and i don't want to make enemies you know i already have enough people who've been inside me who are enemies now okay enemies of the state yeah so i don't need i don't need that from somebody like you who's probably very lovely you know also what was the bad advice what we gave you advice we answered your question you asked i don't i don't remember what he asked how how does he get in touch with people who are on the rise oh yeah stars on the rise and i said you have to start working with the people who are on the same level as you and as y'all become more successful that's who is the next you know the next group of famous people or medium famous people or whatever the hell he had asked us about yeah work with the

people on your level don't don't work up work debt work lateral horizontal horizontal yeah whatever um anyway that was the review that we wanted to read and recap but it is what it is we're starting over yeah we're friends again hey boo you look so good i i can already tell your forehead is very moisturized your hairline is intact and you don't have black elbows or black knees no and the same color as the rest of your body and you're the type of person that orders rose and you don't drink with a straw okay and that's my favorite type of person you order shishito peppers for the table class culture culture culture yes culture um so for me uh you know in other news you know i i miss my girlfriend tremendously tremendously i miss her

so much and it sucks i don't really do lds um it's not really for me long distance yeah um I do long Z, but not long Z. Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. Yeah, and I just, it's tough. I mean, we're both working and we get it. That's the thing about being with somebody in the industry. It's just like, we're going to be busy. If I wasn't busy, I would already be where I need to be.

If you weren't busy, you would be unbooked and you would be available. And that don't get nobody's panties wet, does it? No. Everybody's dry. Yeah, so I got to work. She got to work. And so it is truly tough, truly tough. When I tell you, I haven't missed anybody like this ever.

Wow. Yeah. That's wild. But like, you've never been in love like this. Love like this before. I never knew there was a love like this before. I couldn't hit the note to show me your love

love like this before yeah you've never been in love like this before yeah yeah I could I just I haven't had this type of love at this time in my life so when you move away

and leave me 3,000 miles away what what's gonna happen to me what's gonna happen to us because then we're gonna be in a long-distance relationship i know i will have to you'll get flewed out okay damn you're gonna have to get you're gonna be in a long-distance relationship with somebody for the rest of your life well not the rest of your life because i'll probably be in la for a little bit yeah i'll find a way to get you over to la and you know there's gonna be other rooms in the place so yes yes yes yes i'm not trying to be roommates with y'all i'm just you don't want to three's

company it no oh my god the lesbian three's company is hot we need to make that fucking show okay so what was three is company because i didn't watch that show three's company was like two girls and a guy and i think the guy was into one of the girls or something like that okay it was a base show i wasn't really into it but i i think that that was a premise let's look it up the ria's company the other day i saw a poster for mad about you and that was another show that i had not watched but it looked like older white people right it was giving people in the late 30s early 40s the story revolves around three single roommates janet wood chrissy snow jack tripper who all platonically live in a santa monica california apartment complex owned by stanley

roper and helen roper after norman fell and audrey lindley left the series in 1979 for their own sitcom don knots joined the cast as the roommate's new building manager okay so the show chronicles the escapades and hijinks of the trio's constant misunderstandings social lives and financial struggles a top 10 hit from 1977 to 1983 the series has remained popular in syndication and through dvd releases the show also spawned similar spinoffs that man about the house had the robbers and threes a crowd based upon george and mildred and robin's nest respectively i hate all the words all the names you just said george mildred janet no yep yuck 1970 what to 1980 what no was never born that's before all of our time

yeah shout out to the older listeners though because i know we got some people who did watch respect the elders yeah shout out to y'all respect your elders shout out to people listening in santa monica too because you know santa monica santa monica um okay so you trying to get me to do uh three as company with you and i don't know if i could do that but okay i don't know marie i think you can you'll get more miles um you know occasionally you'll get first class i'll work it out you've flown first class before right i have how was that what airline was that i don't know it was fine i when i was there i was like the salmon was or no it was locks or something it was smoked salmon oh like it was a little appetizer and it was so fucking good and then

they had like a steak and it was it was yummy it was cool i had a good time but like i don't like traveling it's not really for me i like i just want to get there you want to teleport yeah if we could get in a private jet pj that'd be lovely because then i don't want to do what i don't want to be amongst them the crowd commoners wow yeah sydney is pedestrians pedestrians sydney is giving diet cruella deville it's giving young melanated cruella deville you don't want to be with the wars you don't want to be with the commoners you don't want to be with the plebeians plebeians i feel like the word is right that i just used i don't know write that down plebeians i don't know how to write it but i think there's a u in it plebeians okay so you're you miss your boo um

sis i i had a moment yesterday where i missed my old dude too what yeah and i think it's the first time that i truly felt like i missed him and i was in the back of this uber listening to a ballad tearing and crying into my mask that's some of the best tears i've ever had in the back of an uber oh and don't let it be a pool bitch oh my god there's been times where i was crying in a pool and the other person was passed out laid up on the on the window just mouth breathing just breathing And the fog is coming up. Stank. Nasty.

And I'm just like. And the drivers could see. I know that he saw me in his rearview mirror crying and didn't even ask me. Hey, ma'am. Hey, miss. You good? None of that. He minded his fucking business.

And then he turned the radio up. Yes. He turned it up. That's an ally. Turn the music up. I don't want to talk about what I feel. Yeah. Let me feel what I feel.

And, you know, otherwise, cut the cameras off. Dead ass. Dead ass. But, no, it was silent. i think maybe three tears fell it might have been two one on each eye and then um the first tear made my mask soggy and i was mad i was mad that i was crying i was mad that my mask was wet i was mad that i was able to admit to myself in the back seat of this funky ass uber because i got in the car and it smelled the car smelled but i couldn't roll my window down because the ac was

on and it was just like trapped in this like fart uber with my tears and fart uber with tears good fart uber with my tears yeah it smelled like ass maybe that's why I was crying because the fart was in my eyes

maybe you had like a hints of onion so that's why you were crying yeah it was giving salami onions and gizzard I can't believe but yeah last night after I don't know how many months it's been however many months is the first time that i was like wow i miss blank yeah blank uh that's blank blank blank blank blank i miss blank i miss blank it's a good

title too i miss dot dot dot i miss blank well what okay well you miss somebody i missed somebody I'm using the past tense I don't know if you hit that note friend but yeah I'm trying to do the total part When it went away What a life to bring What a fun to bring

I've been missing you Somebody tell me why Oh, that's such a good song for karaoke. Ugh, I'm telling you. Okay, so we should, that's a good song for karaoke. Yeah, me and my sister sang that at karaoke once and it was a performance. Next time we go to karaoke,

that i think that'll be that'll be our hits we need a third person though to do the ditty parts uh amina it's kind of hard would you not around okay okay okay so we miss things whatever we're gonna get work done we're writing things down we're we're trying to get laundry done uh my therapist told me that instead of saving all of my laundry for once a month to do it i should do laundry once a week and i was like that sounds like a lot that's what i do once a week i do i drop it off like they come and pick it up it costs twelve dollars and yeah sometimes my panties are missing but whatever panties are missing yeah the fenty's no not the good ones just like the regular black ones from uh rainbows when i come

in a pack yeah wow the panties missing that's a good title panties missing yeah we should actually use that title because people will click on that well hold on let's let's look at what we have so far okay we have panties missing i miss blank fart ubers uh bad day good life gratitude attitude je suis dalmatians um out the womb dehydrated oh out the womb dehydrated death slap out the womb dehydrated that sounds like that's a bop panties missing bad day good life i love all of this yeah i think it's i think it's great i'm glad that you were able to come over so we can do this episode again the one that we recorded it felt like we weren't really friends on that episode really yeah i was like are we cool like what is this well i think

what it is it's like if we're talking about our personal lives then it's easy to be on the same page because it's like i'm not going to say that's wrong that's right but when we have opinions about um topical stuff i mean usually we are we don't have the same opinion we don't no i i i i hear what you're saying but it just it didn't feel like something that i would want to listen to okay it was like ah it just felt like fun fact marie doesn't listen to podcasts so that's hilarious that you say it's not something that you would want to listen but when we when we record a fire ass episode yeah i will go back and listen to it when it comes out okay that's good i don't listen to a podcast because i don't like listening to my voice me neither um oh excuse me

i oh i i legit actually i've gotten to the point of i'm at that level of oh do i despise my voice oh i hate like i'm like oh my god i think i'm i know why the girls i know other girlies don't talk on instagram because they might have annoying voices and that takes away you know from their their appeal you know i heard laurie harvey's voice the other day voice it's irregular right but she doesn't talk on instagram at all but i heard her voice for the first time she did like one of those vogue makeup videos yeah she's fine and everyone in the comments was like i'm just here to see what she sounds like yeah she's cool like sounds fine she doesn't she doesn't have a vocal fry she doesn't sound like a kardashian or anything like that she's got like a normal voice

it's it's like it's not too sexy but it's it's it's like chill she seems like a a chill girl yeah like she does seem she's not doing too much and she's not like you're she's not pulling up being she's not billy eilish yeah she's not so weighty she's oh sweetie high streets the streets are calling us right now pause pause for uh street sounds um i mean i think that i am gonna be one of these people who stops talking on instagram what yeah marie i love i should be mysterious no you are so funny i mean i say it all the time and it's like okay get off marie's dick oh that's a good title get off marie's dick but um uh that's merch get off marie's dick yeah it's merch i'm just uh i'm just one of your biggest fans so anytime you say something honestly

Sydney I truly when you say that I like truly believe that I am like my biggest cheerleader and I love that for me and honestly I feel like I should be a better cheerleader to you I should be nicer to you I'm gonna be nicer to you moving forward until we die what do you mean I just feel like I could be nicer to you Sydney you are very nice I'm nice as I'm as nice as I could be to you you know but I just feel like you are like you know when people are boxing in the ring and there's like that like manager dude that like gives them the shoulder rub and gives them a pep talk

when they're pouring Gatorade in their voice I'm in these drinks I'm running my mouth I'm boxing Floyd Mayweather and you're like girl you do it great out there you're spraying water you're giving me gum you're like you know you're putting

Vaseline on my eyebrow that is such a great visual but that's who you are for me you're like that that would be amazing sketch of you in the ring and me i'm getting my ass whooped in my life it's just life in the ring and you and me in the sidelines it's just i'm fighting anxiety and i'm losing and you're like you're doing great sweetie yeah you look great your body looks good you're going live i'm like look at my friend look at the she's getting her

ass whooped but look at them fucking abs look at my friend she's doing it she's and yeah that so i feel like i should be like if you were the boxer in this analogy then i'm like kind of your don king i'm like helping you get stuff done but i'm also like doing things for me you know you're insane you're don king i'm writing don king down yeah as a possible you're my don king that's a great title please take a picture of all that so i can put it in the notes and post it that's so funny um yeah i don't i think that's uh i i don't know anything else but to be that because when i was working as a waitress that's the that's the vibes that we had of each other we just kind of like the girls always showed up to my shows they were like

number one fans and told everybody about me and because they showed me that i was like oh i have to it felt good you may it made me feel like special you know so it reminds me of like yeah i like when people do that for me but i also i truly love doing it for my friends because it makes me feel good but that's what's so cool about when you do it sydney is you do it because you don't know how to not do it yeah it's beautiful yeah i feel like you're gonna be an awesome mom really yeah because you i mean you might not teach him how to like read that well or nothing like that but shut up you're gonna be wow you're gonna be trying to read the words together son of a bitch y'all both gonna be sounding things out but every game every science

fair every girl scout meeting like you're gonna be the mom that is like you know you know how like at graduations they always say hold your applause until all the names have been called and none of the black families ever listen you're gonna be that mom that has like the bullhorn and you're gonna have like a shirt with your kid's face on it and you're gonna be you know yeah Taraji P Henson my friend yeah that's what I have to do I mean it it's sometimes I'm like oh my god it's so obnoxious but like i just i think that the world is like hard and especially what we're doing is even harder and sometimes i remember like having a tough go on stage but if i hear y'all laughing it it makes me feel safe and feel good yeah so and also it's like grounding to hear

your friends laughing at you yeah because you're like especially if you're trying something new yeah and the room is like unsure when you get the end i feel like when you laugh first of all it fills the room because you got a loud rude laugh yeah and i know that my laugh is doing the same thing so it's you know it's encouragement yeah it's comedy encouragement but also like my friend is funny yeah if y'all ain't laughing at my friend it's something wrong with the room yeah let's reset the room y'all are giving me seven o'clock energy seven o'clock energy we need that late show energy yeah and speaking of shows thank you guys so much for you're coming through to the knit every fucking sunday and you're giving us hugs and you're so sweet and

you're saying kind things and you're but you're hugging us and you smell good yeah that's really all that matters to me you're so beautiful and really everybody who is a fan of the pod um molly i'm gonna get back to you molly she wants to be our assistant um i promise i'm gonna call you back i hope you're listening she called you no she emailed she emailed me because i gave her the email but you know i i am bad with emails and i emailed her and i was like i'm gonna call her and then i didn't call her yeah molly had some words for me the other day i said okay sis let me let me take a step back she was like i messaged you already and i was like well message me again i got a lot of dms send me another message and she was like i'm gonna message you and if you don't

respond and she i said sis you clearly do listen to the podcast because you sound like me yeah but also maybe you don't listen to the podcast because you're talking to me like me so said you guys need me and i said oh okay all right well i like your energy yeah maybe we maybe we do need her because she said that i mean the way she wrote the email i what did she say in the email um can you read like not the whole thing shout out to johnny dragon um read like a couple of the cliff notes and then i have to call her and then you gotta call her and we'll and hopefully we'll have a assistant for the unofficial expert and we'll be able

to give y'all the quality and the quantity of stuff that y'all need. Okay, look at this. It's long. Okay. Alright. Well give us you know, the spark notes. Hey Sydney, thank you so much for giving thank you so much for being so nice to me and giving me your email and also for being

fucking hilarious and making my life better from unofficial expert to Sid Can't Cook. To be honest, Sid, you cannot cook, but neither can I. So good for you for being vulnerable with the world about it. You and Marie need me as your free assistant. I'm for real. Attached is my resume and I'll give you a quick rundown on my stats.

So you know I am a cool person and perfect for the job. My name is Molly blank blank. I am 21 years old. I was born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah. I'm not a Mormon though. Don't worry. L-M-N-O. Oh no, laughing my ass off.

I'm actually Jewish. Okay, holla. we love it um and kind of my whole schlick stick basically i'm the alana glazer of salt lake city and everyone knows me would confirm this okay the alana glazer of salt lake so what that means is you sexually free you funny yeah as your free assistant intern i will be your little bitch seriously i will get your coffee i will get your dry cleaning right i will clean your dirty ass refrigerator. Sorry, Sid, not trying to drag you. I will answer emails. I will schedule things for you. I will help however you need me to. There is no catch here. I will not make you guys pay

me down the road. I am not trying to use you guys to leverage my career. I will never try to slide in. Oh, can you guys get me into the comedy show? I simply and wholeheartedly just want to be paid in spending time with you guys and soaking up your knowledge and hilarity. Marie, you can pay me in smoke sessions or not i can just watch marie get high and then go get her some munchies from the bodega i am literally down to get paid and hanging out with y'all oh okay that is so that's really nice i'm molly i'm calling you if you're listening molly i have already called you molly you better be listening you raggedy so freaking sweet please don't single white female us though that's what i was thinking about all i'm you're saying all those nice things and i'm

getting um lifetime movie channel chills up and down my spine she's not what the resume look like she do excel and powerpoint yeah yeah she does she's yeah yeah yeah but what else does it say let me see i just want to because i told her to send me her resume and i told her i was going to read it on my live um okay she worked volunteered for hillary clinton okay okay gorgeous graduated when oh 2000 what uh-uh dean's list okay cool okay i like this for us yeah uh guys listening to the pod we're gonna um post um some stuff on the uh instagram obviously when this episode comes out tomorrow yeah and we just want you guys to um i don't know i want to figure out we gotta like test molly or something we gotta figure out a way to like see if she's gonna be

a good assistant so leave us comments um what makes somebody a good assistant right and how can we properly test somebody to be an assistant for the unofficial expert um you know and if there's something that you heard today that you felt like is a red flag let us know so we know what to look out for but honestly she seems sweet and she listens to the pod and anybody who listens of the pod and then can approach us afterwards is is a friend of mine so push through sis never thought that i'd have an assistant named molly though so doesn't matter i just love the energy yes keep the same energy sis when you're doing the assistant work though so um yeah i think that's it we made it to the end of the podcast made it fucking through we did it guys i'm so fucking

happy i'm glad that i brought my black ass over here to give you a better episode yeah the episode you deserve the one that you love yeah and see us in our shining but also you know dry light it's great yeah it's great well the sun is setting and it's very dark in this apartment so we gotta go just so i can cut the lights on but um sydney i'm glad you came over and i'm glad that you anything for you friend that you are more than my don king sis you are the wind beneath my wings beach i i will try it will be an anemic wing but i got you no i'm the wing you're the wind oh okay well the my my weak wind will definitely lift you up thank you friend anyway bye guys bye molly bye love you guys

forever dog this has been a forever dog production the unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio

and Alex Ramsey senior producer Tracy Soren produced by Andrew McGuire cover art by Sandy Honig to listen to this

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