MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Penis Bagels

Episode Date: August 23, 2019

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forever dog hey hello friends wow we're in the studio and it's fucking hot and i'm not talking about temperature i'm talking about marie cut her damn hair she is bald and so hot she's steaming the bald and the beautiful the bald and the reckless i love it i'm overwhelmed yeah you're you're doing a lot i am how many for you to calm down i'm just giving you the energy that you knew I was going to give you. Yeah, but I spoke to you on the phone yesterday and you gave me this energy already. So I feel like I'm over it.

Really? And also when this episode comes out, it's going to have been two weeks. It's going to have been two weeks. So you don't want this. I need you to give me two weeks from now energy. So you don't want this. Two weeks from now energy.

Marie, you get attention every day. Is this too much? Sydney, you're too much. You. Sydney Elizabeth Washington is too much. Why? I don't know why. It feels like a lot.

You think I'm really turned on? No. I just think that you need to stop screaming. She's just complimenting you. I don't understand the problem. I said thank you to the compliment. I don't need more compliments from the same person about the same thing. Do you want it from me now?

I like your arms. Cindy, I'm about to call Adrienne right now and tell her to come pick you up. You look sexy, bitch. After work. Come get your friend, sis. Can you also not shoot on the microphone? right into the mic sorry my um my cute little make a wish right over there baby girl I will leave I will leave I will get up and go okay I'm not gonna say anything you talk Marie

hi guys welcome to this week's episode uh if you're listening to it now uh today is the day after I shaved my head so that's why she's excited uh but uh you know I'm out here I washed my hair in the shower for the first time last night and it was almost orgasmic. I was like, oh, hair is canceled. Like, I will never have hair again. It was beautiful. And then I shaved all of the hair on my body so I could

be fully bald. That's what I did last night. And she is so aerodynamic now. So the cat is bald too? You know, the cat got like whiskers. I got a little strip. Okay. I do the strip. So how do you do that? Do you

nair it or do you razor it in? I don't really have a lot of thick hair down here. If you could tell by my edges, that's exactly how my cat is. How you mean? Sparse. Sparse, my man. That cat is hungry, okay? It's like, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Your pussy looks like Jennifer Hudson in the Cats movie. Oh! Wow. Are we even friends? Yo, Jennifer Hudson look like an ashy homeless cat. it's so it's so problematic it's racist and homophobic oh my god it was so funny and taylor swift is in the movie yes yes but kid kid rock is upset about it or something why i don't know he tweeted that something about her i don't know he tweeted some mess about her uh being a doorknob

or something i don't know don't nobody feel bad about taylor swift but the movie looks terrible So you balled all the way Did you shave your crack too? No I don't know how to shave my crack I don't know how to do that Good Don't ever start How do you do that?

Well we were still supposed to get this Brazilian wax And we haven't This is true Well I feel like I gotta let some hair grow back And then we'll go? Okay I'm ready I mean you got a strip sis Where are you going?

Oh you just wanna get your ass waxed And you're using me as an excuse But also we need to be doing more like Simple life type things anyway simple life yeah like paris and hilton fish out of water i mean a paris and nikki paris and hilton i'm so on brand baby classic sydney sydney how are you doing this week what's going on baby i'm good i just gonna say this the podcast is canceled i can no longer say it's just like every time I meet somebody that I don't want to listen to the podcast they

listen fucking listen and it's just like why are you doing this to yourself if you want to know about me just talk to me personally yeah but people and and y'all are listening to this right now and I feel like y'all can probably y'all know this more than anybody else but people listen to this podcast and they think oh my god I listen to these girls every week for an hour I know them right we say stuff on here that we forget that we said something everything is a lie yeah we're just letting you know we say i haven't even i don't even have a passport and i've never left the country uh you pray home all made up baby no one's eating and all i do is pray yeah good christian gay love love love all the christian gay uh that's what you are thank you

so much because good is not the word uh but uh yeah same thing people that i don't want to find the podcast people that like i'll go out on a date with or hook up with or be like oh you know this he could join the rotation we'll find the podcast and listen and then I can't then I can't talk about them I'm not an evil person but like why

are y'all listening to what we're talking about go away leave this podcast for the people who live in Alaska and Arizona and New Jersey they deserve this this is for them this is not for people for them if you know

me stop listening to me at work people been sliding in my DMS and because I said like hit me up but the people who are hitting me up it's like wait what you mean

you said hit you up because remember I was just like oh you know I'm in this open relationship I'm looking for a slim butch hit me up a slim butch

everything but a slim butch is sliding in my DM so thin femmes no men stop it it's not funny no don't waste my fucking time

I feel like we only have six straight male listeners what men are sliding in your DM there's other straight men listening oh well maybe somebody

I shared the clip with them. It's the E-Pray Ho episode, the influx that a niggas is in. See, and that's the other thing. That E-Pray Ho episode was for us. What are y'all doing? I'm lowering my voice because I don't need people in my business. Like, what's happening? We were supposed to enjoy that episode together,

and then you were supposed to tell people about the next episode of the podcast. Don't all go to E-Pray Ho because, okay, also people have been messaging me since that episode, and everybody who listens to the podcast is a ho now. They all ho and sis. I mean, they were hoes anyway. But now when they're being a ho, they say eat, pray, ho. It's in your name.

Okay. In my name. Yeah. Well, you know, I don't know about that whole life, but I'm proud of you and everyone else that's following your journey. Sydney, I'm really upset with you right now. I'm very disappointed in you. Why are you disappointed in me?

Because of what you just said and what we know to be true. what's true is that you know I'm out here just I'm here you know and if you can read between the lines Sydney said she's out here I'm not out

here she's out listen she's out here I just feel like open relationships are dumb they're just dumb and if you're in an open relationship you should just tell people you're having an affair because it sounds more fun Okay, so do you want to tell your listeners that you have an affair?

I'm not having an affair. Is that what you want to say? No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that open relationships are weird if, like, I just wish I knew what was going on. Yes, yes, yes. I don't know what's going on. I wish we could all know what was going on, honestly. I have nothing to say.

I know, sis. You plead the fifth. I don't plead the fifth. I have nothing to say. but if somebody wants to you know take me up on my open relationship offer

they have been trying and you don't want the offers that you've been getting I told you what I like slim butch that's what I want what if it's just like a slim dude

he's 5'7 ew I will never go back to men he doesn't have any facial hair do you hear me what if his dick is little his dick is small I don't want a man

what if he has a micro penis I'm all set sis tic tac paddywhack dick I'm trying to get my credit together and I don't need a man messing my shit up Oh, my God.

So I checked my credit score for the first time yesterday. What is it? And I had never. Andrew, do you know what your credit score is? I don't honestly don't know what a credit score is. Well, because I'm getting ready to move. I'm looking for apartments and I'm asking people like I'm talking to realtors and they're like, well, what's your credit score?

And I'm like, I feel like it's good. And they're like, but what is it? And I'm like, well, the only thing on there are my student loans. And they're like, what is it? So I never I don't know my blood type and I don't know. I didn't know my credit score. So I went on creditkarma.com, and then I went back, backspace, and was like, is this safe? You know, because you got to put, like, your social and your birth date and, like, the information people would need to, like, steal your identity.

So I checked my credit score. It's six. Sydney, do you know what yours is? Ah. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Nigga.

Like, listen, if anybody ever try to take my information and do something with it, the cops are coming. Wait, is your credit score, it's in the 600s? Is it in the 500s? It's in the four. I can't get an apartment. Okay, but you can't get an apartment if it's in some sixes, you know? I can't get an apartment. Just know that.

My credit score is 682. Well, that's not bad. It said fair. The website said fair. It didn't say good. That's fair. So what is a really good one then? Eight.

Eight. Eight. Right. So the realtors that I've been talking to are like, oh, you need to have like a 700 and up. And I'm like, I'm just going to lie and tell everybody I got a 698. put a curve on my credit score throw a curve on it

so how are you going to do that how are you going to lie I'm just going to tell them I'm just going to lie when I tell them when they ask me what my credit score is then they're going to run it but I'm going to have to also include last two seasons of taxes I didn't even do my taxes

last year so I'm doing them now well I'm doing them now because I applied for the extension but I have to and I didn't make no money last year or the year before So it's like, do I have money to get an apartment? The answer is yes. Shout out to Vice Live. But yeah, you need a bio.

I was like, I'm just going to print out my website. You need your last two tax returns, a bank statement, a letter from your landlord. I'm never getting an apartment. And a letter of employment. I'm never getting an apartment. Just to let you guys know. I was like, this book report is going to be thick. I'm a chic vagabond

I will be jumping from home to home in the stylish way with a plastic bag with all your stuff in it it would be a tote honey several totes

it would actually be an away luggage that you have at your home that's a lot the away luggage is tiny it's a carry on away come send us some more stuff

please you gave us one suitcase we need another one we're going away we're going to Miami for a weekend Actually, me and Amina are going. I'm going too.

Sydney ain't booked a flight yet. I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. And you know you need ID to get on the plane. Oh, let's talk about my story, how I lost my passport. Right? Lost it, fell out of my bag because, you know, I'm bag lady. This is really loud. This is too much.

This is loud. Can we turn this down? Actually. Or maybe I'll turn my headphones off. Wow, the haters from the sidelines. How do I click my headphones down? Do you hear them? Do you hear the...

The hate is steaming off both of their backs. Thank you so much. Because I'm thriving over here. You're thriving with your lost passport. Okay, well, first of all, Sydney, the entire five years that I've known her has exclusively been using her passport as her ID. She ain't got no license. That's all. She ain't got no non-driver's license.

That's it. I feel like you always have your social security card on you, too. No, no, no, no. Anyway, so passport is her ID. Ready? Go. Lost it, right? didn't realize it was gone until

I needed it, like, several days later. So you know where you lost it? You think you know where you lost it? Oh, I know where I lost it. Where did you lose it, Sid? I'm not saying. You lost it in a hotel! Hotel. Motel. Holiday Inn.

Wow, my little whore. Go ahead. You lost it in somebody's cat? No. Anyway, so, lost my passport and I'm freaking out because I needed it to get because I'm going away

next week as well and I need my ID to get on the plane and so I'm looking through it and I'm stressing out and then I post on Instagram that I lost my passport and people are like

hitting me up like where were you last? Where were the areas? Like maybe like we could repost this or something like that. What? Like the people who follow

they be looking out yo. I really fucking appreciate the people who ride or die for us. Anywho, a day later, I get a DM mad late, like after midnight. Hey, I have your password.

I click on the girl's page. Foyne. I was like, this is a setup. This is God. No, I was like, this is not real. You thought you was getting catfished. Yeah, I thought I was getting catfished. What would she look like?

Who would play her in a movie? Describe her. Was she slim? She looked like a video model. A video. not a video hoe like a video model like she's the main girl

that okay so she look like she's Spanish or something like that yes that's what you're saying okay just say she light skinned friend don't do that to me

a video hoe connect the dots yeah her dad white her mother Dominican or something like that yeah something like that

it's just okay she's Brazilian let me show you let me show you this is a lot of yeah

no she look black yeah yeah She look like she maybe has hooked up with Drake before Yes I'm gonna tell you guys what she looks like She looks like A mix of

The girl from What was that show Not My Wife and Kids Was it My Wife and Kids? With the Wayne's brother dad I don't know You guys know what show I'm talking about? No, we have no clue

She looks like the daughter from Oh, Adriana sent you a message and said Wanna hit the strip club tonight Wow We're going out We're bringing the bald head out To the strip club she looks

she's pretty okay go ahead that looks real to me she don't look fake no she looked like that in real life and so she's

giving me all this information and I was like oh shit you do have my passport where did she find your passport she found it

in Clinton Hill oh okay that's where she found it and I was in I was in an Uber pool and I think

like it came out of my purse and like the person came out and, like, slid it. That's what happened. Okay. And so she's like, I'm here until the 15th or whatever.

So I meet her the next day. Okay, in a public place? No, at her house. Sydney, you trying to get kidnapped? She gave me her apartment number. I need my passport. Yeah, but I'd be like, since we can be at a Starbucks catty corner to where you live.

I said, what are you going to be doing at 7 p.m.? She said, I'm going to be at my house. And you went at nighttime? Wow, Sydney, truly. I needed it before I got into Union Hall. And it was perfect because her house was by Union Hall. Okay. So go there.

She's in a robe. Yeah. Dripping wet. She's like, sorry, I was in the shower. She had a whipped cream bikini on, varsity blue style. I was like, ay, ay, ay. Ay, Dios mio. Dios mio.

Ay. Ay, papi. Oh, ay, mami. Ay, mami. And she's like, sorry, I was in the shower. Well, what were you wearing? Like, what did you wear to the date? Oh, I looked great.

I had like a white blouse on. I had like my makeup was flawless. I had jeans. I looked pretty. But she see my, but you know, my passport picture is not that great. Okay, because you started to say it and I was like, but is it a good photo?

No, it's not. It's a bad photo. But she's seen you on the Gram. She understands what it is. Yes. So she saw me and I like, she looked so good that I was like, this can't be real.

But she's not gay. She's just, you know, she's just like a hot girl that, she's got like over 300 and something 300,000 followers. She's like low-key famous. She's a violinist. She's great. Oh, a violinist. Why did you say that?

Why did you call her a video hoe? Honestly, this is not feminism. I did not say she was a video hoe. I asked you to describe her. She doesn't look like a violinist. I asked you to describe her. I asked you to tell us. Oh my God. Literally, all you said was she looked like a video chick. You didn't say...

If she said that she looked like a violinist, would that be a mental picture for you? Thank you, Andrew. Thank you. But Sydney could have described her fully and given us a round image of who this person was. That's your fault for thinking video girls are like one-dimensional, bitch. They are one-dimensional. They are not.

They're out here doing things. Yes, they're doing video ho things. I didn't call her a video ho. That was you. Yes, but okay. I feel like there are people who are listening to this who are on my side right now. Because we asked you to describe her and tell us about her. And all you said was that she was hot and she looked like a video ho.

I'm not descriptive. Y'all know how I am. You didn't say he would play her in a movie. My brain cells are gone. It's okay. And we have another pod after this, so I have to save my energy. So fuck both of you.

Wow. I just gave you half of my bagel. You did give me your bagel. Sydney is a cunty-ass, hairy-ass bitch. I'm going to kiss you in the mouth, Andrew. Sydney, you're mean. Don't do that. That would be even worse.

He said that's a hate crime. If you put your gay-ass lips on his gay-ass lips, that's a hate crime. Cancels out. Andrew, you're telling me you wouldn't kiss me? Absolutely not, sis. No, I don't think so, no. would you kiss marie no well maybe i don't have hair now you would kiss marie

i cannot breathe i can't believe it's not butter right now i don't know i'm just not feeling your vibe right now yes sydney you're being mean and you got here later than all of us and your shorts are super short today and you hugged me and i think you me too'd me a little bit and you put cream cheese on Andrew's shoes and you didn't even apologize. Yeah, you took my bagel. And you just took the bagel and left. You took the bagel

and dripped cream cheese on my shoes. I said, thank you. When I tell y'all that Sydney is the Regina George of the group, y'all don't be believing me. Marie must have said something mean. Oh my God, I'm so tired of you.

Sydney never has on a bra and she never has on any manners. Okay? Rude. This is a black American behavior right here. See, I got culture because my family is not from here. Okay, let me reel this back in.

So she gave me my passport and I said, can I get you a drink or coffee or anything? She's like, no, that's fine. But I do want to come to a show. And I said, so you did Google me. You did get into it.

I mean, Sydney, how do you think she found your Instagram and slid in your DMs if not by looking you up, friend? She said she tried to friend me on Facebook, but I had too many friends. I said, that's just because you were a Facebook whore. No. I do not be accepting people's shit unless I know them. From now on, I only accept people I know.

Yes, but you're already at your limit. So that means every time you add new people, you have to delete old people. I do. So if you fuck up, if I don't like your post, delete. Well, also, you're following a lot of people on Instagram. Sydney's following like 3,000 people. No, I'm not. How many people are you following?

Like 2,000 and... 690. 700 and something. I feel like it's too much. A lot of it is friends from like college. Sydney, you have 2,700 friends from college and from work. No. I used to be a bottle waitress, bitch.

Sydney, I know that, but I've seen you follow people that you don't know, just cut. That's how you use your Instagram. Most of those people, you don't know. 2,700-something people. So you're telling me I need to clean the whole thing? Nah, Andrew thinks you should purge. I actually don't care. I purge like a few months ago, and it felt great.

How many people are you following? I'm following like 900 people. I feel like if you're following over 1,000 people, it's just too much. It feels like too much. I don't know. I'm following 770 people. Yeah. I like to keep it right in the sevens.

Seven, seven, seven. I'm going to add seven more people. Would you help me? I don't know how to unfollow people. You just hit that little button until it turns blue. No, I know. Then it turns blue. And then it'll say follow back.

And then you just don't. But, you know, I follow things that make my timeline look interesting. But I also don't really browse Instagram anymore. I'll post my thing and then log out. Or I'll hit my story and then I'll log out. i don't like i feel like i spent too much i was wasting too much time on instagram but not enough that i need to be deleting the app from my phone you know yeah you need it well i'll do a little purge and i'll figure out who i gotta delete i mean you have to delete at least

1700 people you're not gonna do that yes you need to you're you're about to hit 3000 you're saying you don't have that many but you're about to hit it well i get bored if like i have the same fucking people posting the same shit. Like, that's why I have a variety of motherfuckers. I have hot girls.

I have hot girls I don't know. I have like a little bit of celebrities. I have comedians. Way too many. That's why I need to unfollow the comedians.

I don't follow anybody famous. I don't follow any celebrities. You don't follow any celebrities? I follow famous people because I don't want to be on the train underground with the rats looking at you

jumping in and out of a helicopter to your Mercedes Benz truck. No man. You should follow Mariah Carey. Her shit is hilarious. Her shit is really funny. She is wacky.

Yeah. What does she do? I feel like she does a lot of like post. She was walking down the street the other day and she did like a viral challenge or something. Did you see that? Yeah. But she did it wrong.

She did it wrong. And she couldn't even sing her own song. Oh, it was like the Why You So Obsessed With Me dance. Why you so... It was just like, Mariah Carey, you're such an auntie, but also you're delusional because you don't understand how corny this is. It's the champs, baby.

Yes. You know she boozy. Hey, Mariah. Me and Mariah. Go back like babies in pacifiers So back to Back to the bald How do you think

No no no back to the passport You offered to take her for a drink She says no She says I want to come to her show I told her about the knitting factory on Sundays She's coming tomorrow Who knows but I said every Sunday boo Every Sunday is free I got you

For you Everybody else pays but you On my list If you want to do a little time with your little violin I got you also shout out to those women from

where were they from Arizona yeah it was like a bunch of them and then a girl from Texas yeah it was she was really really cute y'all are coming through

oh she was so beautiful yeah we were like you listen to us we were like why do you listen to us she was so hot yo her baby hairs

I was like oh you have both of your parents in your life and you might have it back she was stunting stunning we were like

you might be the hottest listener that we've ever had come up to us at a show and she was like and she was like stop

and we were like truly top top five most hottest unofficial expert listeners we've ever seen it's true gorge

without a doubt love it and then what else and then that's it I mean she didn't follow me back on Instagram

so that well that's also that you do be fast to follow somebody and of course they're not going to follow you back you got 3,000

the people that you follow. That's true. Okay, but, you know, from our Philly show, I forgot to shout out a couple people. Nick Mitchell. God bless you.

You messy. You messy down. You brought... Is he the one who brought poppers? Is that the black guy? I think so. It might be him or Ted. Oh, yeah.

So, two weeks ago, the episode came out. No, several weeks ago. Two weeks ago, the episode came out about me not liking comedy no more. Yeah. And then that same night

we went to Philly. the show was sold out a bunch of people who listened to the podcast came and everybody was so cool some of y'all was a little bit creepy but everybody was so cool and this is one of the people who we hung out with that night Nick Mitchell, Nora Feinberg

and Ted Wilson and there was other people but I couldn't catch their fucking names but shout out to y'all for coming through and then hanging out after and just being like awesome just good old people yeah somebody bought me poppers

I came out I was like hey thanks for coming he's like love your podcast poppers bam and I was like yeah I'm not we not banging tonight and this is not Amsterdam so thank you but no thanks and he was gay too oh I said I love a reckless gay a messy gay who just got no qualms

j'adore a messy gay yes yes it's great we're here for it but yeah the shows have been good she's coming to see us back to the bald I don't know I don't know I didn't think about my ears at all before I shaved my head. I didn't know what my ears

were going to look like. They're fine. Yeah, they're fine. But now I feel like my ears are really low on my head. Oh, no. I feel like a cartoon. I feel like Skeeter from Doug or Gerald from Hey Arnold. You have like cute little small ears. Yeah. It's so good. I have my mother's ears. My father's waist

though. It's so good. My grandma's ass. She did, so it's dead. something is wrong with you Sydney your nails look so healthy and long yeah honestly your nails on your butt the two parts of your body thriving the most yeah but these these are not good nails to be a lesbian in though yeah they're a little square since you got a round yeah I'm a round amount I'm gonna get the little oval shape and uh you know

just I'm just trying to live my life man that's all that you can do friend yeah there was like a couple people who like hit me up to like hang out and i was just like come on now which people from the podcast or like people there's just like i feel like if you're a comedian you should never ever ever talk to me i will never like hang out with a comedian yeah that's gross and i'm like if you see what my girl look like if you are not better than then i just can't it's just like a waste yeah yeah if i can't ask you to join me and my girlfriend if my girlfriend will say no to you then yeah wow that is wow sydney wow wow the patreon is gonna be lit when we actually do it when we do it it's gonna be uh you guys

gonna lose your minds actually i don't know if people listening to the patreon they probably shouldn't be listening to that either what do we do about this how do we make we have to start another podcast no this is what we do we we gotta okay so we have a bunch of live shows coming up and this is truthfully and honestly super exciting yes uh places that we're definitely coming to definitely maybe uh we're gonna be we're doing a live show in new york in october in brooklyn and then we may or may not be doing like a ludlow house or a soho house or like a dumbo house We are doing that For the wealthy friends

And then Chicago in November And then Toronto is coming Toronto is gonna happen But also like We are actively About to start With this merch thing for real Oh we have to do it

Because we found the palm tree Palm tree necklaces Those are fucking so good This woman walked by and she had A little tiny palm tree Gold necklace And I was like, we need that for the podcast. We were like, where do you get that from?

She was like, it was free. My mom got it for me. Yeah, maybe we go on Etsy and just get a bunch of them. And then we'll sell them at the show for $100 each. I mean, if we buy them on Etsy, you know we're paying $99 for them. So it's going to be gold-plated. Real gold. Gold-plated.

And we put a little S&M in it. No, the palm tree is so tiny. Yeah. Okay, I mean, you tried. I did. Thank you for your contribution that we don't need. I thought about it. I'm sorry.

I'm the worst yeah but like I just want to do like when we go to Miami we're not going to do comedy right? I'm not playing that's comedic to me that you think I'm going to go to Miami

to do comedy no I just want to fucking have fun we're in Miami okay for the people who are listening for the papichulos for the mamacitas

and the video hoes that listen to us down there we'll be there the 15th no the 13th to the 15th yeah 13th just a little long weekend

you know invite us to your your beach side condo and make a paella for us. But the thing is that Miami, I've done it so many times and not like it's played out but Miami is one of those places

like your body gotta be right you gotta have low expectations like if you're trying to do it up and go to Star Island, that's not your lane. Let me tell you what I want to do in Miami when we're there. I want to go to the beach just for like 10 minutes. Yeah. Take a couple photos. Because we don't like the beach like that.

No ma'ams. I hate the sand in my feet. I don't. In your feet? Yeah because it makes me look like 12 years a slave and like my I look so gross it's just not my brand so Elsa

and I don't swim oh my god I can learn how to swim now I said as soon as I shaved my head I was gonna start taking classes so I mean

Amina can teach you cause she is a swim instructor so I think I'll catch that I'll catch that I'll do a little like cinematography of you

struggling to swim no I mean I need to learn can I learn how to swim in two weeks is that is that realistic no I think she could teach you

Before Miami? Before Miami? I don't know. I just feel like Amina is good enough to train you while we're in Miami and we can learn. I don't want to learn how to swim in Miami. I want to learn how to swim for Miami. I don't know if that's going to happen, friend. I mean, since you know I'm an employee, I got time to take some swim classes.

If you want to go to YMCA and do it with Amina, you can. I think she should teach you. She's a friend. You trust her. She went to Howard on a swim scholarship. Yeah, she has a son. He never died. She's a black woman.

I'm supporting black business. I mean, even though you're not going to pay her. No, no, no. But, you know, I'll bring her like an Ensure or like a Pedialyte for the baby. Do five-year-olds drink Pedialyte? Nah. I think I'm never going to know how to swim, and I don't know if I'm ever going to learn how to drive.

Not with that attitude. Oh, my God. Not with that attitude. Sydney, that is the simple life. is me teaching you how to drive. But you don't know how to fucking drive. But I have a license, sis. So I did once know how to drive.

I don't know. That sounds like a nightmare. It sounds like it is one of those situations where the ambulance is going to be called. It's going to be an accident. I might lose an arm. I mean, with that attitude, you might. Yeah.

So you're telling me I need to be positive for everything? I mean, as positive as you are about me being bald when you walked in here is how you should be about everything else. we gotta do a helicopter ride that too yeah apparently I'm in the exclusive

Uber helicopter club that's crazy that's crazy how did you get into this sis I'm a platinum Uber member how I pay I pay more than you

in Uber yeah that's true but something sis your rating must be trash because I don't know Uber helicopter

to JFK I mean I would never but imagine what's your rating it's like a 4.8 something i'm gonna offer to give somebody head in the fucking uber so i could get your ratings gonna go even lower he's gonna be like her mouth was so dry let me see actually i've been told the opposite oh wet wet give me that wood wood cindy you are nasty i heard i don't even know

who you are right now other things you know the level of grossness oozing from that side of the microphone i mean i just i'm just saying i'm proud of the things that i can do if i can do them you know yeah dude i believe disgusting why is it disgusting oh i'm a i'm a 4.73 3.73 wow you need that 4.8 to get the helicopter is that what it is i have no idea it's such a nightmare i have no idea i hate when there's things that i want to get into that i'm not even going to use. I just, that's just how I am. I want what everybody else has. Yeah, you're that,

you're like that only child that wasn't allowed to go outside when everybody else was playing. But the thing is, is that like, you you know, you're being a hoe and shaving your head. I'm not trying to do that. Well, you're trying to do me. Oh my gosh!

Don't be so weird. You weird. Don't be so gay, Sydney. Damn. i told you i have standards so you are you saying don't be gay but honestly i'm very picky and very particular slim butch and i feel like that is what marie is giving now i got an off the shoulder one shoulder situation yeah but she's got that like off the shoulder blouse like r&b thing like that's not slim butch i need like a tank top like a regular black tank top and your shorts okay Actually, if you change your top, I would be like, yo, my man.

Just take off the top. Yeah, I'd be like, yo, my sir. I can't take the top. Yo, sir ma'am. My sir. I can't take my shirt off. I don't have a bra on. The way you flirt with me, Rene.

Sydney, the way your nipples are looking at me right now, it's not even in the bra. Sydney has the most extensive collection of knit summer wear. It is legit a knit tank top. It's a sweater top. And my bra doesn't even fit. I know. I see. Oh, I have a shirt for you.

I have a shirt. I'll bring it to you later. I got it in the wrong size. I don't know if it's going to fit you, but I think it'll fit you, actually. What does it look like? It's a black tank top, but it has a deep V right here, and it has a little underwire, and it's supposed to push your boobs together. Slim butch.

Slim butch butch. And you got this for work, or you had it for dance? I mean, I have a shopping problem. I shop too much. When money is in my hand, like, my hand is on fire. I have to spend. I went to Sephora, spent almost $200. On what things, friend?

I had to re-up on some things. I got Giorgio Armani Foundation, which is. Why? It just, it's so good. Really? Yeah. It's so. The Black Girl Collection?

Ah, it's so, like, smooth, and it just, it feels right. Okay, how much did that cost? Like, almost $70. For foundation? For foundation. How many ounces? I have a problem. Yeah, it sounds like you do.

I need somebody to help me not buy anything. Yes, by buying her stuff, okay? You heard it here first, folks. Cindy has a problem, and we need you to help us. Oh, my God, let's read some of these questions that people have sent us. Yes, yes, yes. That we're supposed to help them answer. Okay, I have none of these prepared because I didn't know we was going to do this today.

I have one. It's a lot of dead air on the podcast today. No, it's not. It's not. We got it. I have it. I already, because I hit the guy up and I was like, oh, I'm using this. I'm using this today.

Okay. Here we have. Hi, guys. I need help. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We met in college. Boring. The last two of those three years, we have been in a long distance, about 1.5 hours apart.

So not too bad. My boyfriend just moved about four hours away from me for a job. I'm so happy for him, but I'm getting a little frustrated at our relationship as I can't tell if he fucking wants to be in the same place or not. Like when we moved away from each other, finding a job reasons, unsure what to do, what else? I thought that we would eventually formulate a plan to get back together in the same damn city but that literally isn't happening so far

I've tried to bring this up several times to him but we can't seem to figure out anything I'm 25 and need to figure out my next move in life and I can't tell if it's going to be with him or not basically tell me if I'm a dumb bitch or not but by the way you both are great and I'm from the midwest and I need to get out anyways

anyways love you both the pod is so fucking funny and brings me so much joy and fuck all those other pods. Yeah, can we both at the same time say what we think about her? One, two, three. You're a dumb bitch. Girl, you're 25.

How long did you say they've been together? Five years? Three years. Sis, you should be out and thriving and like showing people your side boob. What are you worried about this guy for? You guys are not going to get married and I'm telling you that

with 100% certainty in my heart because you're so young and you guys have been apart for so long. at this point he has a whole life that you don't know nothing about and you are doing things that he's not experiencing with you and every time you're bringing up like okay so how are we gonna get back together the and he's not trying to formulate anything with you that's his answer him telling you what what you mean he's like who it is he's like out with other people not thinking about you you need to move on yeah move on sis yeah i can't i can't see your photo i didn't look

at the Abbey, but I feel like you're too cute for this. I feel like you got that dimple or something. He's got a nice hairline. You're better than this. Yeah. Please go. I don't believe in long distance relationships. I just don't. They're dumb. Not that they're dumb. No, they're dumb. There's too much

There's too many people out here in this world for you to be stuck worrying about somebody on the other side of the world. Or on the other side of the coast. Whatever. Listen, if I'm in New York and you're in New Jersey, first of all we not gonna date yeah if i'm in brooklyn and you in queens also long distance relationship not gonna happen yeah it's not we don't live off the same train line yeah and you don't live closer

to the city it's not convenient for me to stay at your house to go to work and stuff no that's i don't need that if my uber has to cross the bridge to get to you so sorry not happening if you're young and you have a boyfriend the best thing about having boyfriends is uh hopefully good dick but also like going out and like getting drunk at a bar on a tuesday or like eating lunch or dinner with their friends and, like, remembering goofy conversations that y'all are having. Having somebody who's four hours away,

you don't have that with them. And you're 25. Like, you're wasting good years. You're so fucking young. Like, you should be having a dick in your mouth and in your ass at the same time. You should not be worrying about somebody that you don't see enough.

What are you, FaceTiming? I don't have enough Wi-Fi for that shit. I don't have enough data. I don't have enough time. I can't do it. You don't have enough manners. Sidney's legs are open and there's a hole in her crotch. I can see it.

Okay. Somebody else. Question number dose. Somebody said, this is a Hispanic person from Texas trying to have a hot girl summer, but I'm not dating and I'm not catching feels, but I am, but a free lunch.

I'm always down for, but he started catching feelings after two lunches and I cannot, he's nice and all, but how do I curve him without being too harsh? Because I still want these lunches. This is a question. Okay. how do you tell somebody you don't really want them without hurting them and they still take

you to get food sorry it's impossible that's not true don't do that because i did it for years remember remember that and it paid for every meal yeah but i don't think he i think that he realized that you guys were never gonna date because i told him at the beginning you got to do it at the beginning i don't remember what i said to him but uh i am a kind of harsh person so you're very harsh people are not surprised when i talk to them a certain way they're just like oh well that's just marie being marie um i feel like it's it's the language that you use you gotta hit him with uh i feel like when you put somebody in the friend zone you do that by talking about stuff

that men don't expect you to say like like uh you're sitting with him and you're talking and you're like, oh, I went on this date with this dude last night, and this, this, this happened. You know what I mean? Tell him what you're doing with other people and treat him like a friend. Make him realize, uh-oh. Oh, no, because then she's going to have to start paying for the lunches. Well, I mean, that's a risk you have to take.

But that lunch that she says that to him at, he going to pay for that one still. I know. But also, why is she stopping at lunches? I would go for the dinner. Dinners are more expensive. Why is she not doing that? Well, maybe they're colleagues and they get the same lunch break or something. I don't know.

I don't know. Y'all hoes got to stop being users. Like, you can't pay for lunch, sis. Like, get your own shit. Oh, my God. You just took my bagel. You also took his breakfast. The audacity of you.

I'm just saying, though, like, how old are you? You can't afford lunch? I'm just at the time of my life that if I don't want to be next to you, if I don't like you, the food can never be that good. She didn't say that she didn't like him. She's not interested in him. He could very well be a nice guy. Like, sis, I does this. I've been on plenty of date and plenty of lunch, dinner, drink

with somebody that I didn't give a damn about, but I was like, the food cute, and something's going to happen. Yeah, but do you do a repeat? Is it like three and four? I've done plenty of repeats. I'm here for a round two and a round three. That's why you ain't shit. Okay, and I'm fine with that.

And I will continue to be into shit, but I will also be food. That's merch. ain't shit i love it but also i'll be full you know yeah what what do you mean it's 2019 if a chick wants to let somebody pay for something let him pay let him pay bring enough money don't bring no cash don't bring no money on you just bring your phone make sure it's fully charged just in case you got to pay for that uber to hightail it out of there just want to let you know y'all talking to marie who has like a fucking symmetrical stunning face if that's not your if that's just not your vibe I don't know I don't think

anybody could just pull that off Marie also you're very charismatic and even if somebody wasn't looking at you you could hold many of conversations at the table and they feel like they're not getting robbed well the girl who sent this question she's cute she's cute you know she look like some people should be out trying to date her

and she looks young let me look at her she look like she like in her teens aww like 1920 she is a cutie yeah girl oh you better laugh at his stupid ass jokes, touch his hand, but tell him about other dudes that you be with. That's what you gotta do. You gotta be like, and then

gently touch his hand when he says something stupid and then you gotta be like, you know what that reminds me of? This guy Tyler that I went out with on Thursday. Let him know that you out here. Marie. Teach a class, friend. Teach a class. Ho coach. Ho coach.

Ho coach. Okay. Another one. My friend recently had this exchange with his neighbor. Their relationship has basically just been casual conversations in passing they have never hung up they have never hung out how would you handle this okay so this is the conversation she sent me the screenshot of the fucking conversation y'all better come through with these motherfucking receipts y'all giving me a storyline i love i stand okay so there's a beginning a middle and an end yes here's the conversation are you home

can i maybe crash at your place tonight my power just turned off i've been on a dispute with the Con Ed, from my last apartment. It's going to be turned back on tomorrow morning, but I won't be able to sleep tonight with an AC. I won't be able to sleep tonight with an AC or fan or anything. Okay. Okay, so then her friend writes, Hey, sorry I didn't have my phone near me.

Lies. I just saw that call. Extra lies. Yeah. My partner works nights, and I work during the day. So we're unable to have anyone stay the night. And our dog has been having issues, so we're trying to have her

in a consistent environment. Sorry about that. Yo, the lies upon lies upon lies. Lies upon lies upon lies. It's all past issues. Listen, they started a sentence with, well, my partner, in case you didn't know.

These fables and fallacies y'all got going on. Tuna wouldn't have to stay. I just have lupus and I have to, and I would flare up with this. What? Okay.

Is this Naima from America's Next Top Model? Sorry, I'm sorry to hear. I understand, but we just unfortunately cannot have anyone over. Wow, okay. Yeah, nigga.

Like, no. Like, first of all, we never hung out and you asked him to stay in my apartment. That's a no from me, dog. Like, my neighbors in my apartment,

they're not that nice. Like, they barely speak when I speak to them. And the lady next door to me is a hoarder, so I would never stay there. Yeah, so it's just like, first of all,

I have a person that I'm living with. They not cool with you staying. And then I have a dog that got all these, like, issues. It's a hypochondriac or whatever. Yeah, yeah, the dog

is biting people. Yes. So like if I'm hitting you with all these these things that it sounds like lies, that means that's a no. I think your friend handled it fine. But the next thing it'd be like, no, dude, I just don't. I'm not cool with you like that. I don't just be having anybody stay in my place. I'm sorry. Have you never seen Unsolved Mysteries or Snapped or a Law and Order SVU episode? People are insane. I don't know you. The fact that we've never hung out and you messaging me with a, can I spend the night at your house? Because I'm in a dispute with Con Ed.

First of all, too much information. I know that you got bad credit now because you haven't paid Con Ed one. But, like, I'm just going to assume you don't have a single friend that you can contact? Yeah. You don't have an aunt or another person that you're close with? You can't, honestly, sis. Yeah. I think you should just, I'd be like, jump on an app, match with somebody, spend the night at their house that has AC.

You think? If I was the neighbor, I would have responded like that. Like, just jump on Tinder and go crash somebody else. Who got AC? You'll pair with me on tomorrow. My partner and I. That sounds like a lot of work. Because you're like working to survive at someone's place.

Like, you have to lay it on thick so that they feel comfortable enough with you staying at their place. You don't have to lay anything on thick. Like, if you're good at what you do or you pretend to fall asleep after you guys have sex, then they might let you stay. Honestly. Oh, yeah. I've had a long day. Marie, is that what you do? You be letting people stay over?

No, sis. When I host, I be like, all right, well, see you next time. What time you ought to be up in the morning? Oh, wow. You're working the late shift? Well, I got an early call time, so yikes. Gotta go. Wowzers.

Okay, got another question. Is this a short one or a long one? It's a short one. Hey, from Canada. My question is, how to avoid clingy guys? Love the podcast. Y'all funny as fuck. How to avoid clingy guys?

I mean, clingy people give you red flags up top. You know, they say things like, oh my God, like you so much. I'm having such a good time like they're very but not all boisterous about like their emotions but not all clingy people

are vocal some people they just they show up and they're quietly there and you guys go from one bar or one party to the next

and you turn around and that clingy person just happens to quietly be following y'all like they're tagging along you look behind you in the uber pool and they in the pool

with y'all like some clingy people just show up and don't leave they're not always very vocal I think the best way to avoid a clingy guy, though, is to be very clear with them about what you're not about to do. Right?

You just have to be very, like, hey, what's up? Okay. Or, you know, sometimes you see that one guy that you don't want to hug, but every time he see you, he wants a hug. You just got to hit him with the, actually, no, I don't want to. I don't want to hug. Say that. I don't want to hug. Or just don't respond to the text, right?

If they're, like, reaching out, why not just, like, ghost them? No, I'm tired of the ghosting. People got to grow up. You have to say. you need to say nah I'm good I'm not interested or exactly I'm good

if you're trying to like be nice about it then not be like oh I'm don't say I'm not good sometimes like the clinging people they will like find something in that response

and then be like oh my god let me try better like this is my opportunity to try more yes a million percent which is why I'm saying if you're listening to what I'm saying

like be very clear with them I'm not interested this is not happening yeah you cool don't touch me like we like if we're out and I see you

amongst a group of people I'll say hello to everybody but know that we are not hanging out yeah okay don't text me you shouldn't you don't have my phone number you shouldn't have my phone number in the first place so like I just think when you see them be clear because when I was and I've told this story before when I was in high school this guy that lived across the street from me asked me out and I didn't know how to say no to people when I was in high school so I would just be like um I'm not saying no but I'm not saying yes because I can't blah blah blah and I said that to this dude and then a couple months

later my homegirl runs into my class and she's like henry's telling everybody that y'all dated what and i was like what and i went out in the hallway and he was like screaming about it and i was like henry we were never a couple like what are you talking about and he was like yeah yes we were you can't deny our love and blah blah blah and i was like we never hung out we never went on no dates my parents don't even let me leave my yard like what are you talking about and he was scream and I was like but that would happen to me all the time because people would ask me out that I did not like and I didn't want to be mean to them so I wouldn't say no but I wouldn't say yes and they were like oh Marie likes me she's just not allowed to say that because she can't date

and it was like no now as a grown-ass person yeah you know my type or hey yeah you know I'm dating a bunch of other people and never want to see you naked so thanks I think I want to expose something a little bit um i think i'm a clingy person and uh i or have clingy tendencies and the more standoffish you are the more i'm like intrigued oh yeah that is that is also a thing that i've seen happen yes so it's it's hard to like i'm not saying i'm autistic and i don't know social cues or whatever but I'm just saying real clingy people even if you tell them

I'm good they're still like but they'll try to weasel their way back in that's what Andrew said but I again and I agree with that too because the meaner I am to some people the more they want me to like them

look at that and five years later look at us together wow five years later I'm like ah my friend it worked we are besties now no i'm no you i mean no no no you liked me from jump it wasn't like yes yes yes yes it was that was different but i'm saying that there are people and i'm agreeing with both what both of y'all are saying they're people that when you shut them down they want you to or when they're you're mean to them they want you to like them more yeah because you just desperately want to

be liked by everyone yeah that's so weird to me because there's somebody if somebody doesn't say bless you when I sneeze I'd be like oh I hate her she heard me sneeze didn't say bless you she's dead to me and then I'll hate that person forever and not even remember why I hate them I'm the opposite of you I do want to be accepted it sucks it's stupid

because the things that people accept at the end of the day you start questioning and you're like if all these people are liking it it might not be good what are you talking about just like you want to be accepted and it's just like why do you want to be accepted by these masses like sometimes they don't even

have good taste yeah but like i think that like human beings are we are social creatures right you want people to like us and you want to be liked so you just do what everybody else is doing the people who are out here sending trends and shaving their head and stuff those people do what they want and those are the people that are getting followed by clingy people so i don't remember what the question was but okay i feel like i answered it drag me drag me but also uplift yourself got it you raise me um no what was the question that you oh you said why do we do that why do we want to be why do we want to follow the masses because people don't want to stand out people want to be normal that's it they don't want to stand out they want to be normal

so if everybody else is doing it and everybody else likes it you like it too yeah but i don't want to get be normal because that's boring you get tired of yeah sydney exactly and then those people turn into rihanna you know oh wow i hope the navy comes after you hardcore what are you talking about i'm saying she's a trendsetter oh she's not somebody that is like people follow everything rihanna does people follow everything beyonce does even if it's wrong yeah she'd be over lining her lips with her lipstick and it always does and i was just like did she get her lips done it always looks bad and people are like yes queen you better serve them but i think but i think she i think she got her lips done i don't know if she did or she didn't i know that her

lipstick is never on her lips it's always above her lip line yeah and i'd be like who is the is she doing her lips herself i think she got some shit like enhanced i'm not even gonna lie well it looks bad i said it i'm on the record to say that i mean listen you don't even have to hold back because these fans they fickle they come and go one minute they're like i'll shoot you i'll kill you if you say anything about my fucking beyonce and then she comes out and does some stupid shit on her track and they're like ah she's problematic i don't know no people true beyonce fans will never say that she does anything wrong she stole that whole visual album music video whatever and from those african folks and people are like yeah she didn't steal that beyonce has

been doing these moves and giving us this choreo for years and they like went through all her videos and picked stuff out to like show she'd already done it before they make excuses once you have fans and people decide they like you they will like anything and everything that you do well that's what the fuck i want okay if you listen to the unofficial expert and you don't eat sleep shit hoe this fucking podcast leave leave now i just want oh yo when i saw you guys putting the palm trees underneath Selena Gomez's post. I was like,

y'all are insane. I said, y'all have absolutely lost your damn mind. Yes, Beyonce. I mean, Beyoncé. Beyoncé. Y'all were tagging him

and tagging us and I was like, well, they have no dams and no qualms. I love it. I love that. Who do we want to put palm trees under their photo this week?

Who do we need to throw some shade at? Who do I have problems with? Who do I have problems with? Honestly, I can't think of anybody. Andrew, is there anybody

that's bothering you or somebody who ghosted you or somebody who gave you that dick? I'm loving everybody. No, we're not doing that. Oh, you had to stop too? We're not doing that.

You're no longer could talk on the pod about your business? Oh, no. It's just, yeah. We're not going to go to his profile. Oh, we can talk.

You just don't want to put the palm trees. Okay, well, tell us what happened and then we'll wrap up the episode. Did you guys break up? No, we're not talking about it.

It's okay. Andrew, you are such a whore. I will talk. So, Andrew, what's the point of being on a podcast if you can't put your microphone down yeah oh my god okay also you're eating a bagel and we also said that we're not doing this on the microphone sorry i literally no i can't tell you no i had

sex with someone off the street i was so wait wait wait you had somebody somebody wait wait you had sex on the street hold on you met someone on the street i left a bar and uh it was like two o'clock in the morning you were drunk you're wasted it's not your fault sure sure it's not your fault you're a victim and there is this guy uh that you've that you've seen around before no no the bartender it's a stranger danger it's absolutely a stranger this was a homeless man it was like literally what was i thinking uh inviting this man into my back to your place in chelsea i was literally i know listen the person that you had sex with that you met on the street was only wandering around because they was having a dispute with con ed and they

i know truly that yeah or it could be a psycho fan that listens to the podcast and was following you okay yeah i was like really back and forth with it because i was like okay this guy but he mentioned that he's traveling for work next week lies he ain't got no job no i don't know that where okay what did he look like who would play him in a movie um oh my god is he short or tall he was uh Maybe like a 5'10", slim, black guy. So you have a type, Andrew. Yes, it just took you this long to realize? You just noticed what Andrew's type is?

Just now? I just noticed. This is the revelation. I will say when you said you slept with somebody from the street, in my mind I was like it was a white man, but it was a black guy. That's what I thought. I literally, I was like, you know this. I'm a dirty homeless.

You know those stray dogs out there. Somebody that was out there feeding pigeons He got locked out of his house No but it was It was good And you didn't get murdered He probably stole some of your aspirin though Something

He left the used condom On the sink Ew Wait wait wait The kitchen sink or the bathroom sink The bathroom sink That's gross You have a trash can in your bathroom

Yes I have a trash can in my bathroom and I was like well don't try to act like oh yes I do like you have standards fuck you bitch uh but it was crazy I was I was so I was I just invited this complete stranger into my house and then and then into your house and yes what were you drinking uh just wine how many drinks did you have a bottle he had one glass of wine it was like oh I'm gonna that's all it takes yeah Wait, Andrew, do you think you're a sexaholic? After that moment, I was like, yeah. I think you're a little...

Okay, I'm not. No. Okay, what's the record of days that you've gone without having sex? That's hard to say. Because I was in a relationship for five years. And the last year of the relationship, we didn't have sex once. Okay. The whole last year?

Yeah. Okay, so you're having a reawakening. I guess so, yeah. Okay, so it's different. And you've been through some trauma. So you're a survivor. You're a survivor. I'm not going to give up.

You actually. Yeah, you're not going to give up. So how far from your house was this bar that you walked this stranger to? Okay, so the bar was two blocks north. Nigga. It was right around the corner. You literally had slides on you. You're like, I'm going to just run out.

I'm going to run out and have a nightcap. I left and I was walking to go get pizza. And then he just looked at me. And you got a penis instead? Yeah. That's the title of the pod. Went out for pizza and got penis instead. That's too long.

We gotta contempt that. Just penis bagels. Yeah. Like pizza bagels? Penis bagels. Tostino's penis rolls. Yeah. But it was good though.

When pizza's on a bagel, you can have penis anytime. I hate you. Yo, Andrew. Andrew, thank you so much for sharing your message. In the last four minutes, yo, what are you, Kobe Bryant? That was the move of the year No but you know he could have had sex With Kobe Bryant that night if Kobe was that

Homeless man Andrew when did he leave Uh what do you mean Like when like a time frame Did he stay how late Oh no it was like and see I don't know If I fully believe him either because he said He was going to meet his friends out at a bar

And I was like it is literally like 2.30 in the morning Why are you showing up This late Don't do that You were on your way To get pizza At two o'clock in the morning Because I was leaving the bar

Okay It's New York City He was going after Afties Yeah It wasn't like Four o'clock in the morning I don't know

Because like There are During the weekend There's just guys In the neighborhood That are cruising They truly are cruising Oh they from like

New Jersey They leave their families Back there He knew what he was doing At the cul-de-sac I don't know He had a He had a backpack as well

I don't know He was a vagabond He was totally He was a runaway yes he was you got God Andrew he probably took some of your mayo he probably took your soy sauce packets

and everything yo he was in there rifling through them cabinets he put that condom on the counter forgot about it I used the bathroom afterwards and I was so afraid to close the door so I literally

just left the door open as I was peeing and he just like fucking had to watch me pee because i was too afraid to just leave him alone in my apartment let me let me hold on andrew you are people who are listening to this right now if you're afraid of the person that you're banging you don't let them fuck him in oh no no he he did it right though andrew you too he did it right andrew said he said i almost died but worth it no it was it truly was die on the dick die on the dick that's merch die on the dick that's we're gonna get um graphic uh prints Andrew

let's see how long you can go without dick now starting stop I'm not playing that game we're playing the game let's play let's do the game

are you playing this game too oh I'm getting dick tonight okay cause you know are you I gotta get ball you know cause I got

wait what time are you gonna are you coming to the strip club or no well what time you're not going to the strip club after 10

okay I can get dick before 10 I can get like lunch dick brunch yeah brunch dick okay

Andrew yes please be safe out there i dare y'all to do a week without dick thank you i can do i did a week without dick literally last week or two weeks ago andrew please be careful i know yeah have a good time you need to drop a pan boo for us drop it because if you but he was home to you he was at home it would have happened at his house i don't know can you just let us know because if anything happens to you the pot is over i mean we'll probably we'll go dark we'll go dark for a week we'll turn the lights off like broadway memory andrew you are a rock star we love you you and your nipples always a pleasure

marie your bald ass head i love it literally i want to donate all the coins to you you know i'm gonna start a gofundme my mom was like did you take your hair with you when you left the barbershop and i was like no and she was like they're gonna take that and clean it and make wigs and I was like I didn't even want that hair nobody wants that hair and she was like you're dumb anyway voodoo doll of me coming out that's merch thank you

guys so much for keep writing us your questions and your dilemmas we'll like try to answer them the best messy way possible keep being dumb so we can be smart yes keep reviewing us on iTunes we see your messages every week and they're so great so positive five

stars blah blah blah and yeah have a blessed weekend. Blessed weekend. Yeah. Stay blessed. Stay blessed. Bye friends.

Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts,

please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.