MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - RE-RELEASE: Birthdays Are For Popping Molly w/ Devon Walker

Episode Date: January 8, 2026

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by friend of the podcast and comedian Devon Walker! Their mess this week? TRAVEL MESS!  Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ooh, you listening to Mess. Girl. Uh-huh. All righty. Hi. Mess. Wow, that's the theme song. Yeah.

When we do the next iteration, we could do this. Mess. That sounds like a church hymn. It does. A slave song. We sound like John Legend. We do. Or Anthony Hamilton.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of him, you got some slave mess? No. Wow. Marie, what? Whoa. Hey, speaking of him, what's the segue? What are we going into? He sang at Angie Stone's funeral. And I was I got on, you know, Angie Stone funeral talk and funeral talk. Yeah. And they said that he was wiped out, you know, because he had to do Atlanta funeral because, you know, she had two spots. She had two funerals. Oh. Yeah, she had like Atlanta and I think South Carolina or something like that. A lot of people could have drove to South Carolina. And I'm like, that's kind of dope, you know, just going on tour with the body. Dead body. Didn't Aretha Franklin have like three funerals?

I thought she just had one and it was very long. I think it was like 24 hours. There was an outfit change, though. Yes, and I'm here for that. I would actually like to do three outfit changes, one for the morning, one for the evening, one for the night. So you're going to get dead and you're going to have to get dead. Right. That's what you got. You got to get dead and get dead and do three outfits for the funeral. Well, I'm thinking about the outfits, but it's more importantly who's speaking and who's talking, who's singing.

Because the singing, the singing, Kiki Wyatt killed it. So you want singers? Yes, I think I deserve some singing. Or I was thinking about you guys doing time. Oh, but I just I just know I can't trust. I can't because I don't want it to be a roast. Well, if you have comics speaking at your funeral, it's going to be a roast. It's embarrassing. And so I'd rather have singers.

So you should start learning now. I don't know. Oh. Get your notes out. I'm learning how to play guitar for the funeral. I'm doing it. What? It could all be so simple.

I could see you doing like a little John Mayer. You'd be black John Mayer. What song? Your body is a wonderland. Your dead body is a wonderland. first of all money is a wonderland i don't even know the words i don't know it i don't even know the tune i'm obviously tone deaf right now give me a sweet dream or a beautiful night on guitar you know actually yeah yeah but watching that tiktok of everybody singing

and like talking i was like it did it was like oh these are serious people you know i i know too many unserious folks so that that's why i would be afraid to have a wedding or a funeral well you gotta have one you you gotta okay okay and we'll figure out which one we gonna be disrespectful at um i don't know if i need outfit change at the funeral but i do want an outfit reveal so like i'm in the casket i got something on yeah rip something off and it's like Oh, and everyone claps. Yeah. I could see you in, like, track pants that also rip and you, they're shorts now.

Yeah. Shorts? Yeah. And at a funeral feel disrespectful. No, not at all. Dead lady knees? Yes. Show the legs.

No. You have beautiful legs. Sidney, please. Stunning. Stunning. Stunning. Now, if you were going to go on tour as a dead body. Oh, my God.

What cities would you do? Like, an Oakland funeral and a New York? Like, would you do a Brooklyn and a Harlem? Well, I would have to look at my ticket sales from when I used to do stand up and whichever ones I sold out, which I did in D.C., I did in Chicago. OK, so Chicago and D.C., the cities that you don't live in. That I don't live in. Maybe Boston. No. No.

No one is going to a funeral in Boston. No. The Depatted. No. No. Maria, do you have any mess for us? I do have mess for y'all today. So, as you know, being a content creator looks very easy, but it's hard.

It doesn't look easy. Oh, it don't look easy? It looks very hard. I think people watch people post things and they're like, I want to go on a brand trip and I want to get paid to talk about champagne or whatever. So this brand had reached out to me a month ago and they were like, we want you to do this many videos for this much money. And I was like, that's a lot of videos and not enough money. So we figured out where we wanted to meet. And I did a video for them, and then they were like, where's the rest?

We need them tonight, like tomorrow. And I'm like, this feels hard. So I was like, I hit my lawyer up. I was like, how do I get out of this contract? Girl. I called all my friends. I was like, how do I? My lawyer was like, you're going to be in reach.

And I was like, right. But like, am I going to get paid for the ones that I did? I said, Marie, you're going to do the videos. It got so bad that I talked to my mom about this. My mom don't know nothing about content. Nothing about content creation. Nothing about content, nothing about creation. Maybe she'll hold the camera for you.

No. She was like, my mom was like, how much they paying you? I told her the amount. She was like, how many videos? I told her. We did the math to see, like, how much I was getting paid per video. And then we both were like, yeah, you got to do the videos. You got to do the videos.

You got to figure out how to make it happen. So that's what I'm doing. I had a call with the brand today, and they were like, you know, because I think they could tell that I don't want to do them anymore. And they were like, well, here's all the ideas that you sent us that we like.

And I was like... Marie, you know, you are a good actress, but when you don't want to act, it is very clear that you're like, clocked out for me, sweetie. When I'm done, I'm done.

Like, have you ever seen someone put a cat on a leash and they try to walk the cat and the cat just like lets them drag the cat body? You've never seen this? I've seen them. I've seen a dog do that.

I don't really see the cat. Cats definitely, like, you put something on a cat and it'll, like, be like, it'll tip over, like, timber, real dramatic-like. That's me when I don't want to do something. Right. But after going through the mathematics with my mother, I've decided I will be doing the videos. So, thank God. Thanks, God. I mean, honestly, I was like, what are you talking about?

You're not going to do the videos. You're doing the videos. This is the year of doing, 2025. You said yes. We're going through it. We're doing it. We're going through with it. It's not you're going to close your eyes.

You're going to boop, did it, bop. There you go. Boop, boop, boop. Yeah, but sometimes taking something from the page to the screen can be very hard. And that's why we have to just remove ourselves. What we put in our pages has nothing to do with us. Oh, yeah. What's on my pages?

None of my business. You post it. You say, hey, that's what having fans are about. That's what you have to learn. It's like we're thinking about the people who know us. They're not fans. but the fans are like oh my god this is amazing i'm gonna buy it i'm gonna show up i love you i'm around the corner i'm at your house what's up girl you know you know how your fans do so uh

yes yeah yeah yeah you'll be you me randomly in a like just a store just looking real loose real real loose and disheveled you got barbie stories no i don't know who that girl is i'm not giving I'm not giving Barbie story right now. Girl, this man ran up on me in the meat section at Trader Joe's last week. You know, I'm there looking regular. I'm high, so I probably look a little bit crazy. And this guy comes up. He's, Marie?

Are you Marie Faustin? I was like, yes. And he was, like, big and, like, buff and had little shorts on. And I was like, yes. I thought I was about to get served. He said, Marie Faustin? And I was like, hmm. And he was like, love your stuff.

Big fan of your work. Turned out to be gay, which made me feel safe. Yes. Yeah, I was by the cheese, you know, the string cheeses and stuff. And I was like, I should have put some sunglasses on. I know I'm tired. No, it's good. It's a good feeling when somebody, like, recognizes you.

I was with Helen, and I was in Union Square. And this guy was like, Sydney. And he's like, I love your work. And I was like, Helen, look at that, bitch. My work. I'm doing it. Look at my work. She was like, you can get lunch.

And you were like, no. Oh, no, I can't. I can't do that luncheon. No, my work don't. Yeah. Sydney, what's your mess for the week? My mess is, I think I've tapped out of, like, I don't know if I can show up for people anymore. I think I'm good on.

Oh, you and your selfish era. I think I want to tune in. I want to tap into that. It's very hard because I am an empath and I care and I, you know, I always put myself in other people's shoes. And I treat people how I want to be treated, which is really kind of narcissistic because it's like I'm only treating these people good because I want to be treated like that. I don't think that's what a narcissist is, but well, it's not. OK, well, great. Well, awesome.

I'm not a narcissist. No, but you're about to be about to be one because I need to be like, no, absolutely not. Does this benefit me? No, then I won't be doing it. That's not being mean. That's not being nasty. You could just say no and be cool with it. It's hard. People, you know, people ask me, can you do this? Can you do that? And I'm like, I wouldn't like my first word is yes. When it should be. Hold on. Wait a minute. Let me see. I need to say let me see first. And so that's that's my general mess is that I'm constantly like available. My ear, my ear, my mouth.

your whole your whole oh I got different itch ear mouth heart hole merch that's the new

live love laugh that might be the title though ear mouth heart hole yes that might be the title of the episode

so yeah I just need to I need to put me first and that's hard and I need to say I need a moment or

sometimes I don't want to talk you know sometimes I don't want to talk to you I don't have space for this right now yeah no space

let's talk at another time Whenever somebody needs to talk, I start singing that and let them know. Shout it in their face. Yeah, there's no space. And you got to make sure you hold eye contact when you go. Yeah. But you know who we do have space for? Our motherfucking guest today.

Oh, my God. Ear, mouth, heart, hole. Oh, my God. He's back. I mean, he's one of our faves. Friend of the pod. Friend of the pod. SNL star, baby.

Devin Walker is in the b-b-b-b-building that's such a long time to not talk I know as a man isn't that hard yeah

it's hard to do it was challenging also I had little things that I wanted to comment now is your time y'all brought up the departed and one time

do y'all remember my birthday party that we had at my old apartment and the department was on the department was on in the background

and the thing that me and my homies still quote to each other is the whole time the movie would be on and Marie kept being like I am not a quop. I am not a quop.

I'm not a quop. I am not a quop. I am not a quop. Are you a quop? I'm not a quop. I still quote that. I still quote that. I almost said it today when I said the depatted, but I was like, they know it.

They get it. They don't need that from me right now. Is that the birthday that y'all did Molly? Yes. Okay. All birthdays are for Molly. I do think that. I do think whoever's out there, if y'all got a birthday coming up, go ahead and pop a little

Molly on your birthday. No. Molly, you sweating. That was the most late I've ever seen you, Devin. I've seen you usually handle your stuff, but that night. I think that's because when we see each other, we're not full partying. You know what I'm saying? I feel like when I'm around my coworkers, I'm not going all the way up.

No. You know what I'm saying? We're all like... We're not coworkers. We're peers. We're peers? And friends as well. I would make friends first.

Isn't a peer a friend? No. It can be. It's like how a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square Or which one is that? I was right A square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square A square is not a rectangle

No a square is a rectangle I think you're thinking of parallelograms A square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square A square has to have 4 equals 5 Yep We learned so much here It's one of those One of the listeners

Comment below Comment below if it's a rectangle is a square squares a rectangle we'll talk about this y'all got some math people in there i'm sure yeah we got some some hidden figures listening to the pod right now i just think that like a peer i feel like if we met in an office and then like we're peer co-workers but because we met at like i don't know an open mic or whatever it just feels more loose okay and like we can do a show together but we might not and then even if you stop doing comedy i think i would still be your friend so that's why i separate you from a peer because what about an acquaintance acquaintance is more

removed yes that's less than a peer yeah that's less than a peer that's like i don't really know you but i know you but you around acquaintance is like you we're not really affiliated no like maybe i met you through somebody or i see you in passing but i don't know your name yeah that's what we we were at the same show last night and did y'all the remember the dude came up to me when y'all got in the uber yes remember y'all got in the uber and a dude came up that dude came up and talked to me and he was like yeah he was like you went to high school with my nephew oh and i was like oh who is it and he said a kid's name that like i was like that's an acquaintance like when he said the name i was like oh yeah i guess that was a person yeah definitely wasn't my friend and

he was like yeah he said he had spanish class with you i was like oh my god hey buddy you gotta let That's how you know you made it when people are trying to piece together little things that they can be like, oh, this is my opening line on how we can chat. Our lockers were in the same wing. I don't know if that's I mean, maybe it is true, but that man had you talking for that long. You almost missed the car. You did. We were about to leave. And they're over here talking about I almost missed the car. I called the car.

It was your car. And the driver was ready to go. The driver was like, bye. I ordered the car. Somebody came to talk to me. These two got in the car immediately. And then I turned to the left. Were we supposed to wait for you in the cold?

And the car was driving up the block. I did say, Devin, we in the car. You did say that. And then the driver was like, you know, he had the seatbelt on. He had his 1010 winds on. He was driving up the street. I said, wait, my friend. Yeah.

I mean, Devin, that's what happens when you get into stardom, when you're on TV on a regular basis. I am on TV. Do you feel like a star? I don't know. Whoa. Devin I feel cool didn't someone run up to you and be like Michael Chase

exactly exactly that's that that's how I feel that's how I feel is like a bunch of people being like oh oh uh that's uh you I know you from uh baby what's the thing that be baby what's he be doing uh you know

like baby who is that like that's how I feel I was in I uh I was I was opening for somebody this past weekend and we did a casino show out in Philly and we were staying in the hotel and I like turned a corner and this dude was a little lit.

He definitely has some drinks. He's an older white man. So like whiskey. He was drinking something dark. He was drinking dark whiskey. No ice cube in it. Just straight. It might have been bullet. It might have been bullet bourbon. He looked rich though so he was probably

not Greek. He was some special top level. Blantons. Blantons is good. We don't even know him. I never heard of Blanton. I've never heard of Blanton. See, I ain't there yet. I'm here to help.

But I literally, I turned a quarter, and he goes, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I was like, yeah, yeah. And before I could say my name, he goes, that's Michael Che. That's Michael Che. He's telling his wife, baby, baby, look, that's Michael Che. He cannot believe it. He can't believe it because his brain is like, is it Michael Che?

I don't think he ever doubted for a minute that I could be Michael Che. He knew it in his whole spirit that I was Michael Che. And he literally was taking his camera out, be like, baby, I can't believe I saw a column before. And now this is Michael Che right here in front of me. Weekend update. I could see. I mean, y'all are both tall. And black.

And black. And, you know, wear hats. That's kind of where it ends. That's it. That's kind of where it ends. But it's like, even the way we wear our hats is different. It is very different. You know what I'm saying?

Like, he don't have, Che don't have like a this. No, he does not wear his hat like that. I've never seen Che wear his hat. That's embarrassing. He'd be turning his hat to the side. No, I've never seen him wear his hat like that. Michael Che, if you wear your hat like that, stop it. Stop it.

We do not like that. He'd be wearing his hat like that sometimes. No, I've never seen him wear his hat like that. That's true. Is he a flunky in school? Who turns their hats around like that? A flunky? What does that mean?

Girl, what's that? That's like somebody who isn't doing well in school, but it's like cool with the kid. Girl, that might be from before our time. Oh, my God. Yeah, don't do that to me. Is that a West Coast thing? Is that something that y'all say that? That's like a too short type of phrase?

Go to hell. You know what? I've had enough here. That sounds very E-40. You know what? You're trying to punk me. I ain't no flunky. Skip it, not punk me.

Thank you, Michael Che. That sounds very E-40 to me. I can't wait to go to the blogs. Cindy's going on Reddit to talk about this after. Absolutely. but yes that's the level that I feel

where people definitely recognize me but sometimes they think I'm Michael Che so what I hear is we gotta get something

you gotta do something that pops huge that puts you on the map like can we come up with a character

that you could do on Weekend Update that they'll make you have to come back can you be can you be like they don't make me have to come back

yeah like they have to like a recurring thing like they have no choice can you be like Che's alter ego Can we write that? Maybe we, me and Michael Longfellow wrote a thing once where it was me and we were playing the reboot, like how they're rebooting all these movies.

We played the reboot of Michael Che and Colin Jost. Okay. Oh, I love that. It didn't make it on TV. Damn. Was it the writing? Was it the writing? May probably.

Writing, performance, something like, you know what it was really is we, there was like a choreographed version of it. Basically our whole bit was that we were making it sexy. Oh. That we were like, oh. You're hotter than this? Y'all just do the news. We actually doing it sexy.

And then we would say, we would like turn to the camera, say a joke, and then we do like a little body roll. They said our roles was not coordinated. Yeah, the roles. Because you can look at us. We not moving in this. Y'all saw a long fellow yesterday. Yeah.

And I love my boy, but our bodies just move different. Yeah, but it's not on beat. First of all, a white body don't move how a black body move. Speak on that. And a long white body don't move how a tall black body. Like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it just wasn't. He's on the one and the three.

You on the two and the four. But also, it's like y'all are also not in sync. Like, y'all are friends, but it's not like y'all do the same. Y'all are peers. That is exactly right. Because y'all are in the office. Michael Longfellow, if you're listening, you're my friend. You're my friend.

You're my friend. You're also my coworker. Y'all are colleagues. We are colleagues. Yeah, colleagues. Capital C. You're more than just my peer, friend. Aw.

okay so uh devon you came in here you got some mess for us what is it what do you want to yeah what do you want to talk about i i ran this bio before because i thought i was like i was like is this a hacky thing for comedians to talk about but i really want to talk about uh my mess is planes planes planes just plane travel planes in general plane travel airports as well okay sort of everything that go along with the tsa line um the little the little now the little tsa thing where they try to take your picture before you go through the security yeah i'm not fucking with that wait whoa why because what are they doing why do they need that they say it gets deleted as soon as you get yeah that's what they would say that's what they that's like

that's exactly what they would like you to think you know what it is i feel like it's like 21 and me where like if you give them your DNA they use it for something else so maybe they're

taking your photo I think it's 23 and me it is 23 and me you might be thinking about forever 21 you know where the minds the meeting of the minds happens

and you know I have so much to give and so much knowledge sometimes they cross yeah no I know so don't hold that against you

I would never I did I'm afraid when people be like don't correct me you know what I mean you said it and then I was like

no you knew i'm like my brother and me shut up oh yeah my brother and me yeah shut up yeah but maybe they're using the photo for like like some ai generating stuff probably also have y'all ever signed up for clear before i did it just expired okay i didn't i one time like i don't know why i just i guess i had extra time at the airport and they got me to sign up for the clear and i really didn't like that process fingerprint photo situation they do a photo they do a retina scan They do. And I was like, that can't be good. And they were asking questions that were so specific in a way that I was like, this is really scary to me.

What did you eat last Thursday? Was it the brand Xeno? They legitimately asked, like, what car my stepmom was driving in, like, 2016. But maybe that's like a password thing. But how did they know that? Exactly. And that's why I was like, how do they know that? And they had the car that she was driving back then.

And I was like, and they were like, which of these addresses did you live at from this date to this date? And I guess the information is already out there, but I don't like that they're holding on to it, and I deactivated my clear right after that. I will say this. If you don't have your ID, right, or you don't have your ID, you could do clear. And I know you'd be in that situation. Oh, baby, hold on now. One second.

You don't have my eyeballs. Go ahead. I don't know, Cindy. Sometimes you leave your passport on the vanity. Cindy be using her passport as her identification on a regular basis. I'm standing 10 toes down. I'm okay with that. We talk about this on the podcast.

I don't mind. Y'all talk about it a lot. It's a personality type. A person who just like. What's the personality? Somebody who never has their actual ID and always got to use their passport. You know who else is like that? Michael Longfellow.

Oh. Y'all actually. I'm a young white guy then. Y'all actually got something. Y'all got something in common. Also, I was talking to him. Look at the privilege. I was talking to him the other day and we went out and we were about to split something.

And I was like, oh, you want to just put your card down? He was like, hey, man, I'm not going to hold you. He didn't say I'm not going to hold you. He said it in his. Yeah. He said, not going to pull your leg. My man goes, I ain't had a card in like a year and a half. And he just using his Apple Pay.

I feel like you might. Do you relate to that? I do have a card that I don't know where it is. And I've been using the Apple Pay for three years now. Okay. So y'all more like. Y'all more like that people might realize. I'm sure it's going to cancel.

Like, I have to know when it's expired. It says it on the card. She don't have the card. But it says it on the Apple Pay, I think. It does? I think it says when it expires. Really? I think so.

Okay, maybe. When your Apple Pay card, is it the same card? Yes, yeah. Is it the house? No, it's not. Remember I moved to L.A.? After I moved to L.A., I couldn't. Yeah, it doesn't say when it expires.

Oh. No. Well, it still swipes. I'll know when it's done. I guess one day. One day when it'll be like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. The server's going to be like, yeah, it got kicked back. Yeah.

And you're going to be like, oh. Well, that's my main card. I need that one more time so yeah so you don't like clear

I don't like any of it but you also do private you know about that I occasionally when I open for certain people

on the road brother you say you want to be a celebrity you're doing private just end it at that you're private yeah no because if I see you

on an economy like if I see you on a regular plane I'm going to be like I know that ain't Michael Che i think he does i think he does i think he does private i think he does both i think he does both it's i think a lot of these people do both because you can't be flying your own plane all the time

it's eighty thousand dollars for one hour for one exactly so it's like i i've done it with other when i'm with the rich homies i've been on the pj but like me personally i'm in comfort plus okay you're not even doing first class sometimes i do first class it depends on and this is going to be one of the more uh unlikable and unrelatable things i say on a podcast is that i i will get first class if it's less than like three hundred dollars more than the comfort plus i can't sit in economy no more oh i don't like how they treat me back there well because you're tall and so it's like you're a tall person in the back that you know you already look insane is this your gender reveal size yes exactly i got a baby girl yeah you i i can't stand a really tall

person in the back it's just it honestly you have to get your your tickets in advance you can't be like oh my get it two days no no no you know you're flying a month out you get that ticket right now you should be picking your seat yes you should i have to pick my seat as soon as i could afford to not sit in the back of the plane that was like one of the first things that i was like I can't I can't be in row 26 I can't be in group I was and I used to always be in group F group

Z group R I was always whatever the most fucked up group was I was always in that and then I was sitting one time I went to Hawaii and like barely could afford that you went to Hawaii with no money I had one of the one of the rich homies okay okay

got me out there he was flewed out I was flewed out by a homie economy economy He said, we're not doing way too much. He said, economy, we can go ahead and put you back there. I'm sitting back by the restrooms. Seats don't even recline. Seats don't recline because you're all the way back up against the wall.

I don't know about that life. I can't live like that. Cindy, you ain't never been on no economy. Don't listen to her. Exactly. Don't listen to her. This is about you, brother. What am I going to be?

You're trying to put me down here. No, I'm not trying. You put yourself down there. You said you was in Z. Cindy, you're going to say we ain't. I said you was on private. This is what I'm talking about. Okay, what I'm talking about.

See, because you're trying to put me down here like you wasn't down here before. I mean, I'm moving. Like, we wasn't. Like, y'all not peers. You know what I'm saying? Like, we not peers. I don't know the past. She's trying to treat me like an acquaintance.

I know the present. Look at that. I know the present. Huh? I only know the present. You only know the present. I don't know the past. You don't remember the past.

See, she forgot her roots. I have amnesia. That's great. Excuse me, where are we? Who are you? You said S-N-L-I-L? Yeah? Yo, flying in the back of the plane is trash, especially after you've flown better.

That's true. Now, I've never flown on a private jet before. I know that's going to ruin planes for me. That's coming for you. I'm surprised you've never been on a private jet. I'm surprised as well. It's kind of crazy. I'm surprised.

You've been on a PJ. It depends. It's not like private, private. It depends. Yeah. If you want to say, like, it was one of those, like, chartered planes, but it just felt like maybe it was the first iteration of a private plane. It just felt very old.

Was you on a TikTok plane? I don't know. I don't quite understand what you're describing. yeah like it didn't seem as upscale as it should have been how about that how about that was it private though it was private okay like you didn't have to go through security no i didn't have to go through security that part is fly that part is fly when you get on those when you literally you take the car right up you drive right up to the joint walk straight up the stairs and then you just take off wow security is really what makes you feel pedestrian that you're having to having

to take your shoes off in cleveland oh i don't do that oh we have we have pre-check you don't have that yeah you gotta get pre-checked brother oh devon you're still taking your shoes off yeah devon you're bending your long back no hold on sometimes i fly first class and i also don't and i don't have pre-check devon we have to stop that right now you have to sign up right now that's the thing though every i guess i've just been too lazy to actually do it because everybody will pay for it because everybody's always like oh you got to go to the airport and like do an appointment and that always is like, that's the hurdle

that I haven't been. I didn't have to go to the airport to make an appointment. You didn't have to do that. That's for a global entry. I went to a place in like Bed-Stuy.

Right near my house. I live there. Yeah. Yeah. I went to a place in Bed-Stuy and the guy, like a Jamaican guy

took my picture and asked me a question and then I left. Oh, that sounds nice actually. Devin, you can do this, friend. I love a Jamaican guy to take my picture. You're better than this.

You're so tall. This doesn't give tall energy. It feels like very 5'7". What about when I'm in the front of the plane you still have to take your things off here's here's what i will say another unlikable thing we're about to say when you get the when you get the first class flight then you get to go through the priority the priority we know about that but also every every airport don't have the priority boarding line you know like new york got that i fly from

austin a lot they got that la like san francisco certain cities got it but like chicago o'hare they don't got no priority no they don't have a priority lane honestly normally we go to chicago the lines it's not that bad anyway but they don't have no priority line so sometimes you get the first class thing you'd be taking off your shoes taking your laptop out the bed devin you don't have to live like that no more baby it's humiliating you can leave the laptop in the bag and leave your shoes also also you have like your your people have assistants and stuff tell them to set it up for you oh pre-check yeah is that yes do that yes they take in 10 they could do 10 they can absolutely do that that's we should talk about that next that should be that needs to be a podcast

Yeah. Because, look, I got some notes for some representatives. I'll say that. Well, all of them are listening. They're all listening. Well, look, and they know what's up. WME3R, CAA, they're on the call right now. UTA.

UTA, yeah. Sometimes you'll be breaking down them fees and you'll be like, huh, huh, huh. Right. You'll be like, okay, I paid you. Huh, huh, huh. And you ain't called me back last week. Last week is crazy. Last week is insanity.

Because that was this week. You know what I'm saying? But I saw you posting on the ground, though. I saw you was having fun. You was, oh, no, you posted, I saw you posting your clients. I saw you, but you didn't write back. Doesn't that, doesn't that, and now we're like, doesn't that shit feel crazy? And this is like a very niche industry shit or whatever, but like, don't it feel crazy

when you like follow one of your reps and then you see them like big up in somebody else that's like maybe your friend, they'll be like so excited for like that. And I'll be like, well, I did something cool last week, why you ain't? I don't really follow any of my friends. And that is why Marie is doing the work. They follow me, and if they comment on something, I'll go to their page and double tap and be like, oh, I just saw your wedding pics from last year.

That's true. That's smart. I don't follow them. That's mostly the way I live now. But that's how you put up a boundary so that you're like, I don't think I know you more than I do. Because that's the messed up thing about being online is like, you think you're more chummy with people than what you really are

Because at the end of the day, you know too much. It's like, I shouldn't have to see your baby. I don't need to see your baby. At the end of the day, the content don't mean that you know me. I don't even really post my actual business online. Yeah. Me neither. Everything I say is fabricated.

It's actually grade A storytelling. Not only is Cindy not showing her real life, she's lying. Oh, lying. No, no, no, no, no. Fabrication is different from outright lying. You sound like a politician. No. She sounds like a 38-year-old.

You sound like a senator right now. Fabrication is like a... That's literally what lying is. Where are my glasses? Hold on. Where are my glasses? I can't be seen. What is this?

A fabrication is a professional lie. Oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah. It's art. It's art. Lying, there's no zhuzh to it. It's just flat out nasty, gross. Fabrication.

You feel cheated. You feel cheated. You feel lied to. Sidney's talking like Johnny Cochran. Sidney's talking like a straight man. baby i didn't lie to you it was a fabrication yeah baby you know i'm an artist antonio kareem showed me the way thank you brother he talked to you about how to lie no no yeah i found out what a fuck boy was okay and i was like oh that's not then that's not you

and then people were in the comments like well how do you know he didn't gaslight you to make you think that he's not and i said fuck whoa that's deep yeah that's so good yeah um but yeah yeah putting stuff on social media doesn't make us cool but uh that's real yeah that's a bar but you follow do you follow people your reps and stuff uh not really not at this point yeah put them to work not at this point make them do the stuff yeah i'm just like there needs to be a separation between church and state yeah i don't really need to know what they i don't need to know y'all went on vacation i literally i had a rep who like literally i was like calling her about like some kind of something we were trying to figure out and uh she was like well you know i'm about

to go on maternity leave and i was like what you said are you i said you pregnant i was like i said not only i knew she was married she had one baby but i was like not only are you married i was like you i did not only you're pregnant you're so pregnant you're about to go on maternity like and you did not know at all that mean you're like nine months pregnant right now today you had no clue not even a little bit damn but i think that's the right type of distance i think i think No, that's insanity. I'm going to need you to know a little something. My rep texted me a couple weeks ago to tell me she's pregnant.

And I said, oh, congrats. Is she pregnant, like she's about to pop? I think she's due in the summertime. Oh, wow. I'm still here for you, though. And I was like, hmm. They don't even tell me. I get the little, I didn't wrote something, and then they'll bounce back,

hey, such and such is on the phone. They'll be back, blah, blah, blah. I said, what the, I could have, I could have got it. I could have got a text. You know, I'm one of the girls. That would have been nice. I guess you're not one of the girls, girl. I guess I'm not one of the girls.

I need to get on SNL maybe. Then they'll, then they'll let me know. Well, come on, come on over to the side and you'll see. Yes. Wow. It's Lauren Michaels, Suge Knight. I'll tell you what Lauren Michaels is. He's a good, he's a good man.

that's a good that's a good guy that's a good guy and he provided me with an awesome opportunity thank you so much that's right and that's not fabrication or fabrication or lie that's just that's the truth ain't no mess about that the truth and the whole truth nothing but the truth yeah that's right so help you lauren you know what devon i have some mess what's that for you yes um when you first uh came on unofficial expert oh you were like uh you came on as like a reformed hoe or something like that like you don't hoe no more not at that point and you came on and you was real like you was real pussyfooting about it yeah and about i didn't want to get all the way into it yeah that's because i had situations i was juggling around oh you know

what i'm saying that's because i had situations something interesting to me last night in the car he said um oh yeah oh when we were i love that we pull out receipts here because you saying that It made me remember. You know my memory, not to agree. You said when you were on the podcast, I was the first person to ask you if you get girls' cars to and from your house after a hookup or something like that. Back when I was really outside, that's what we talked about on the podcast. Also, I keep getting distracted because this guy looks like the dude who plays Mark Zuckerberg

in the social network. Okay. He looks like an older version. And he keeps seeing us look at him. Yeah. We're looking directly at him in the face. That does look like him And to me that is Mark Zuckerberg

That's Mark Zuckerberg in like 15 years Well apparently he's buff now He got muscles I don't like anything that he's got going on He got a little chain on I don't like that He looking mad Dominican right now I love when people do the revamp

Because it's like why you got all this money To look the same sir Fix it You're giving rough draft I need you to get to the final draft The final draft. Do it. I do agree that he should look different, but I think the different he chose is the wrong different.

Does that make sense? Yeah, we don't need a buff nerd billionaire. Exactly. I'm not mad at that. You don't need traps. I don't think he does. Jeff Bezos, when he rebranded, too, I was like, no, that's not the right. No.

You're not going in the right direction. Because they look eviler. Yes, exactly. They look more. The more muscular that they get. Yeah. If anything, I'm ready. Hey, that's the point.

I'm like a fat billionaire, actually. No. Big old boy. Big. Big old country fat boy. Disagree on that. Yeah, but a fat billionaire is like the back-in-the-day, like the oil tycoons. Ooh, I didn't meet one of those.

What? Like a J.P. Morgan Chase. Like a Rockefeller. I'm interested in that. Fat cat. I'm interested. I like, yeah, like a real fat. He's just like smoking a cigar and like stroking a cat.

And stinking on a skinny poor person. Exactly. That's how you should look. But I think if you look like an evil billionaire, then that is, that's what you're supposed to look like. I want to know that you're bad. Yeah. I don't want you looking like a meek, like, oh, I'm one of you people. You're not.

You're not. I want you to pull up. You don't want him wearing, like, the American apparel hoodie. I want you to show off. I want you to have that. You don't want the American apparel hoodie. I want you that Johnny Bravo squared-ass head. I want you to be block head, block body.

I need to know that you're not one of us. Well, if we're going to talk about it, Rihanna, billionaire. Oprah, billionaire. Yes. Neither of them look, I mean, neither of them are buff. No. I think Oprah tried to be buff. I don't know what Oprah's got going on.

I think she just did the Weight Watchers Ozempic pipeline. Oprah's like, she's like Luther Vandross, you know, where it's like, you can kind of

track different world or mind. Yes, I saw that. Never too much, never too much, never too much. But that's not what

she's saying when you're putting food on her plate. But also, you got to understand that black billionaires are different than white billionaires.

I don't want to say anything bad about Oprah because I'm so scared of her. I'm so, I'm really afraid of her. Oprah, I too like bread. But if you think that

Oprah's listening to Mess, you're insane. Gail is. Gail is listening to Mess. Is she? No, Stedman is listening to Mess. Well, if Stedman is listening to Stedman, you're doing great work over there. Yeah, man.

You seem like you're living nice. Well, I mean, you don't know who's listening, and they might not be listening now, but when something pop off for us, we're going to be listening. You saw what happened to Ayo. You saw what happened to Ayo. She didn't think she was ever going to. She talking about J-Lo. She was talking that talk about J-Lo.

She didn't think that she was ever going to come back for her. Hold on now. Hold on. And then what happened? On SNL. On SNL, she came to the show. J-Lo was on the same episode as J-Lo. I was there that day.

I was there that day. We were there that day. I was there the day when the news dropped, which was on like a Thursday or Friday. And I remember, like, everybody just being like. Well, you know, she's trying to put that behind her. So try not to bring it up too much. I mean, of course. I think that if you're in the industry, you should be okay.

Somebody might have said something in jest. We're all, we're doing comedy here. What did Ayo say about J-Lo? Oh, Lord Jesus. She said she couldn't sing. She said she couldn't sing. I feel like she's not the first or the last person to say that Hey JLo if you

If you listening to this Waiting for tonight I don't think I don't think JLo is listening to this She's gonna be listening when this goes viral Wait this guy right here I used to be an intern For his show Sir you're ADHD you have to lock in

I'm sorry There's a lot of stuff going on They got a lot of screens out here That's what y'all can't see out here There's a whole office You're on live TV every Saturday You know how to lock in. Don't do that.

Don't look at that screen. I thought this was a free-flowing conversation. I thought it could go wherever we wanted it to. Nope. It is a free-flowing conversation. I used to be an intern for this guy. I used to be a radio intern. Oh, my God.

Okay. This is also what happened. Marie did my podcast, which is probably not out yet. I don't know when this is coming out. But Marie did my podcast, and it's supposed to be about music and lyrics and albums and stuff like that. Oh, I know y'all didn't say on television. No, not at all.

No. We talked about it, and I kept trying to reroute it back. No, you can't do that. We never did. You think you're going to come back and do that here? Huh? So that's what you thought? You were going to be petty?

This is revenge. This is revenge. But when Simi did it, y'all was on track. We was on track. We was talking about Lil' Kim. Yeah. So I need you to be 50% focused. 50% because I came.

Okay. I'm back. I'm back. What's the worst thing about flying? The worst thing about flying. Or maybe the worst thing that has happened to you while you were flying. I missed a flight. go i i missed a flight going to the super bowl this year what with your dad yeah i brought my

dad to the super bowl i ended up making it but okay i did i was like i was like me me and my dad are eagles fans my dad's from pennsylvania and he uh you know was like oh you know super bowl this year it was in new orleans which is closed my dad lives in texas and i was like you know what that's an easy flight for my guy like my dad getting older you know what i'm saying he getting that age where it's like he not moving around as much i was like and you know i've been i had a solid year so i was like you know what i'm gonna buy some super bowl tickets buy some super bowl tickets get a little place for me and my dad to stay out i'm gonna take my dad to the super bowl cute oh you dropped bread it was not yes no it's not cheap not at all it was not cheap

okay but you know it's for the it's the memories yes it's the memories yeah but that was also it was a good super bowl uh-huh it was a good super it was a good super i got you know i got to take my dad who's a lifetime eagles fan to watch the eagles win the superbowl like that's like you know that's what it's about he's gotta always mention your name in conversation i got i got what devon is he's doing it i got three siblings a nigga's at the top of the leaderboard yeah in a big way yeah in a big way i love that if my brothers any of my sisters are listening y'all ain't over y'all ain't gonna catch that y'all no longer in the will yeah it's all devon top it again are you the oldest uh i'm the second youngest so i'm second to last

First place. I'm second to last. Second to last. First place. Wait, how many siblings? I have three. I have three, but it was like my dad. My dad had a kid in high school.

Oh, fast. My dad, yeah, yeah. Your dad was dropping it off. My dad was moving around. Yes, he was. Also, I don't think they was really doing condoms back then. This was like the 70s. I feel like condoms was not really.

Condoms is not. I feel like condoms didn't really pop off to like the 80s. Or now you're a condom historian. But in the 80s, they also weren't using condoms. But then, you know what I'm saying? Exactly. Then Magic Johnson made the announcement, and then I feel like that's when niggas was like, okay, we got it. So in the 90s is when people was using condoms as well?

Maybe so. Maybe in the 90s is when it really popped off. My dad's, you know, he was a teenager in the 70s, and I feel like at that point it was not really. So your dad had his flares on. Yeah. Big old hair. No, he had his Kendrick Lamar's on. He did.

He did. Now they not like us. He had them Kung Fu Kings on. He had all those. Kendrick. That was crazy to see, too. I was there. Oh, that's right.

To bring us back. Yes, bring us back. Take us home. I misread the flight times for my flight leaving out. My flight coming back from the Super Bowl was at 8 p.m., but I just read the 8. And my flight leaving out was at 7 a.m. And so I was literally, I had not even left my house yet, looked at the clock. Sorry, got a text from the airline.

And the airline was just like, oh, your flight is now boarding. And you were like, oh. At this point, it's like 6.20. And I was like, that's weird. Why would it? It's an 8 a.m. flight. like why would they be da da da i'm literally i was like let me get in the car real quick get in the car literally like re-look at the flights i was like fuck i'm not gonna get to the airport

till like 6 41 flight's supposed to leave at 7 a.m i go through secure there's no security line run straight through okay at this point it's 6 44 6 46 by the time you're sweating baby your neck is going to the super bowl you know i already bought this ticket i'm running i was like okay what gate am i it's gate like it's all the way back there that's always the way it goes no it's never the gate right by where you at i'm hitting a dead sprint i mean i'm running as fast as i possibly can like a movie a woman sees me and she's got one of those things yeah she goes what she go what gate you going to i was like 155 she was like okay 150 come on yeah puts me on the thing she's driving drives me through gets me to the gate i get to the gate they go they go oh are

you are you walk at this point it's flights at 7 a.m at this point it's 653 oh they were like are you walker i was like yeah they were like you just missed it oh damn you took us there we were like maybe but you had already told me you just told that story and that was great great storytelling i'm pretty perpetually like i like cutting it close for flights because i don't like it i don't like being at the airport this is why you have to get pre-checked yeah i get through the airport five minutes i'm at the gate from from where the car drops me off to the gate five minutes they tired of us they tired of us being like everybody's already settled and i'm coming in ran through the airport i run through the airport all the time nine times out of ten okay see so we're all on

the same page yeah but that's pre-check you're you're giving you're doing the pre-check but but you're not pre-checked no so you have to get on board i just be hoping for the best you know i know you i know you want to god's favorites but you got to do more work and get that pre-check that's true yeah god's plan so you missed the flight and then what do you what's the flight that you get so so at this point it's like it's 7 a.m it's 6 59 or something like that the plane's still there which is the part that really bothers me the most once they shut that door and i feel I feel like that should be a vibe check. Once they shut the door, it shouldn't be a hard and fast rule that you can't get in.

It should be like, oh, do you got a good vibe? Is this an important trip for you? Do you have the right type of spirit to come through the door? Is it Super Bowl Sunday? Is it Super Bowl Sunday and you're trying to bring your dad and have a nice moment for all the niggas in your family that never got to go to the Super Bowl? Are you Michael Che? Potentially. Could be.

Could be. Maybe. If you want to be. Could be. If you turn your head the right way. If you squint. You're right. If you close your eyes and take Molly.

If you ain't got your prescription updated. Hey. Could be. If you look through the little readers instead of the big part, Michael J. Could be. If you Stevie Wonder, yeah, sure. Whoa. I know Stevie Wonder.

Stevie listening. I know Stevie listening to the pod. Stevie listening to the pod. My bad. Yeah, my bad. Come on, man. I'm sorry. Isn't it crazy?

Sorry. Yeah, go ahead. Isn't it crazy that Stevie Wonder has a song called Isn't She Lovely? Yes, because you could be lovely without seeing somebody. No. Yes. No. Yes.

No. What she looks like He's talking about her spirit Yeah Isn't she wonderful Isn't she precious Oh he's also talking about his daughter I think

That song's about a baby Isn't she precious less than one minute old Oh yeah I think he's talking about when he saw his daughter You can't say saw his daughter You can't say that When he held his daughter When he held his daughter.

When he heard his daughter. When he heard his daughter. Yeah, there's other senses, friend. That's true. Anyway, shout out to all the visually impaired people listening to the pod right now. Thank you. Shout out to, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to. You don't want to ruffle any feathers.

Listen. You've probably been canceled a couple times. She don't want to lift any lids. Marie's probably been canceled a couple times. Isn't she lovely? Marie's the most uncancelable person. I do believe that. Yeah, you have to be likable.

Then Marie's too likable to get canceled. oh, I did a whole Helen Keller joke and somebody was like, oh, no. And everybody was like, shut up, bitch. But whatever. That's popular girl privilege. Now? Yes.

I wasn't popular as a kid. But that's why you're popular now. I'm barely popular now. Duh. I don't know. They're all like Trader Joe's, Butter Pro- Right, exactly.

You got buff gay dudes coming up too. Is there any other type of gay dude? Yes. Yes. There's a wide variety. We know them all. Shout out to the skinny gays. Shout out Alex English

Oh my friend He's buff in his mind No he is buff What are you talking about He's not buff He is He just started doing Some pushups

And when a skinny nigga Start doing pushups Then they Also Alex If you're listening The quickness with which You stopped You stopped wearing shirts

In the summertime Once this nigga Got an Equinox membership For like four months I ain't seen him With a shirt That whole summer Good for him

That whole summer You have to show off The process You're like listen I am not where I am right now, but I will be, and you will see that progress. No, when people put up those pictures, like, this is how I used to be in the before and after, that's nice. But I actually like to visually see it in real time. So I like what he was doing because there was a moment where he was wearing a tank top, and I saw his clavicles and his bicep.

I said, whoa. No, he was— Whoa. Whoa. You're doing a lot better. He was doing a lot. He had a personal trainer. He did.

Wait till Alex starts, you know, increasing his protein intake. Then he's really, he'll be buff. That's what I want. Then he'll be buff. I want to do that for me. I want to like, you know, take off a sweater and you're like, what the fuck? What you been doing? You know what I mean?

Like, I want to look so. People say that when they see your butt. You know what? Yeah. No, but. At the show last night, I was like, yeah. Really? Yeah.

Maria, it's been going down. It's from the antidepressants. You know, whenever I take it, I lose the butt. no I don't know that oh okay well you know she's a respectful sister thank you so much

she's not looking yeah you're giving me Stevie Wonder when it comes to isn't she lovely that's what I said I see your butt

isn't she precious okay so Devin yes you deflected so well because I was asking you about when you was a hoe and now you're not

And then he was like, I used to intern for that guy. You saw what you did to me? I did. I'm getting you back on track. He's on iHeart. Also, wait, I never finished the plane story. Girl. Which one do y'all want to talk about?

Just tell us what time you are on the next flight. Long story short, I'm at the airport. Door's closed. You see the deflection again? It's fine. Finish it. Finish it. No, go, go, go.

He not in it. He not in it. You don't see him. Come on. He working. Come on, bro. He's a player. so

come on so you the door's closed the plane is still there you wanted to argue for your life and it was like it was a Caribbean woman

and she was not she was having she was having none of it she was having none she ain't care where I needed to go oh no no no no I like it's the thing is

it's like I love when I see you know black people working at the airport but I know when they had to they're like they're not

they're black but they're not black like they're like hey sis it's like no no no I'm a TSA it's like it's like OJ Simpson I'm Sheila yeah it's like oh we got it there's actually a distance here yes absolutely I'm doing

my job and I'm not I'm not losing my job for you I don't care what your color is and I say you know what you should care a little just a little bit but not they don't no Candace Owens behavior I wouldn't say that no that it's just like I don't know you and if I do see you with

a police baton in your purse you're going to jail like that's just what it is that was fair you're going to jail that's different than opening the door Also, I have had someone open the door for me before. Really? The door's closed and they opened them for you? Yeah, the door was closed.

Was it a private jet? No, it was not a private, because there ain't no door on the private. You know what I'm saying? They just pull it. Don't the stairs fold up? No, I'm talking about the door, not the door to the plane, the door to the little walkway that goes to the plane. That was shut.

That was shut. And they opened it for me one time. I forget where I was going. Did you fall off the other side of it? Because I think when it's closed, that means the plane has. attached no no no that doesn't mean that that means that they've closed like once they close that that just means they're not letting any new people on the plane but the plane is usually still there like when i when they wouldn't let me on this super bowl flight i could still see the plane

out the window like they want to let you know they were there they just not letting you in exactly uh but anyway in that moment i was like fuck this is like i'm lost the super bowl starts at 5 p.m i was supposed to land it's like maybe like a three and a half hour flight so i was like if i would have left at seven i would have got there at like seven or like 10 in the morning something like that what I end up doing is I was like okay in this moment I'm about to buy an extra flight and so I was at JFK I think I bought a flight at LaGuardia for like 10 30 and so I was like okay I could go straight to LaGuardia and then as an insurance I bought an extra flight oh at JFK at like 12 yeah like 1 30 or something like that oh you hate your money you hate your money give me

the money, brother. It's clear. You need the money. I'm about to get you something. Oh. You know, I'm about to get you that soda machine. Oh. Yeah. From yesterday. You want to buy it for her? Oh, my God. It's for housewarming gifts.

Cindy don't really need soda. Get her a water machine. You can put water in it. Oh, Cindy don't be drinking water. You know she does. I gotta have water right here. And it's full. Somebody catch me. That's really, this is how I know God's real

Cassini don't be drinking water She don't be going to sleep She don't exercise She don't go to sleep, she don't have a passport One of God's favorites for real God loves this woman for real She in the top 30 Of the world

Why does it look like it hurts? That's crazy, you look like you was drinking Dimetaps It did yo Devin I hate you you've been so unprofessional

you have not been a peer or a colleague or a friend I don't know what Dimetap is make sure we put that in the caption Dimetap or Robitussin

it's like one of those cough syrup medicines that you get over the counter Robitussin was good I actually enjoyed it I like Dimetap

that's what my mom used to give me I don't know if I'm a Robitussin Robitussin was nasty no it was good you had that little cup and you were like

like it's wine you're like on the nose it's giving stuffy okay so you made a flight uh i made the second flight but the second flight got delayed like two separate times and then i was literally i was about to get on the second flight i was about to get on the second flight and then like literally they were like calling like i don't whatever they call for us people in wheelchairs and like military people and stuff like that people yeah pregnant women they call that group uh like one or two people get up and get on the plane and then there's like a 15 minute gap and i was like what the fuck is this like what's going on and they were like hey uh actually we've had to shut this plane down uh we're gonna have

to get a different plane i was like well where would you even find that like where's where are the other where are the other planes you bought that other flight well but i didn't end up needing it they did end up finding another they were like you know when they're like when you're like oh i'm about to get on the flight, and then they're like, oh, a part doesn't work on this plane. They'd be like, oh, I don't know. They'd be like, oh, we got to do maintenance on this plane. And then they just shut down the whole plane. When I was going to Brazil, they loaded everybody in.

They said, yeah, the pilot's not here. He's running late, you know, da-da-da-da-da. But, you know, he going to get here. And then 40 minutes, they were like, yeah, we just going to have to not fly tonight because I'm like, did the pilot not show up? Right. I mean, and this is when flights was falling. I keep on falling.

Out of the sky. Out of the sky. And so I was like, you know what? If he ain't here, don't even try to find a new one. It's just, let's go to bed and start over tomorrow. Because I don't want to have to deal with any of this. Respect. Yeah.

Sometimes that's how I have to look at stuff. If I miss a flight, I'd be like, well, this is the one that was going to fall out of the sky. Or I wasn't meant to be on this. This is the finest thing you should wear. You were supposed to be on that Toronto flight that flipped upside down? No. No. Because you know I'm not wearing seatbelts, so I would have been the one that went up.

You know what I will say? I used to be like that. I used to be very indignant about not wearing the seatbelt because I was like, what the fuck? I need the seatbelt for like, and then I talked to this lady. I talked to this lady after a show. I don't know how this came up. I randomly.

A flight attendant? I don't know how this came up. I don't know. I really don't know how it came up in conversation, but it was like, I like, it doesn't matter. I was going to give the backstory to what show I was doing. You don't need that. I was doing, I dropped it on a Mary Beth show. Okay.

and uh literally this lady who's like her aunt's friend was just like oh you gotta wear the seat belt and i was like why she was like i know somebody who like she was like it's not for if the plane crashes it's like if the plane drops unexpectedly all of a sudden and she was like she was like i knew a lady who like like flew up to the top of the plane and like fucked her like neck and her back up all crazy yeah and i was like after i heard that i was like okay i'm putting And you can't sue because you were supposed to wear a seatbelt on. Okay. That's all I need to hear.

Exactly. And once I heard that, I was like, they should have said that. They should have said that. They should have talked about the cup falling out and put your mask on before somebody else. Put your seatbelt on in case we drop you and you mess your neck up. Unexpectedly drop out of the sky, then you go to the top of the plane. Well, dropping out of the sky, the seatbelt is the least of my problems. I think that's when you really need it.

The most important, Marie. I think that's when it's the most important. You know what I'm saying? Like in the movies when it just goes, and you're like, yeah, exactly. Which has happened before. You've hit the big drop? Yes. And I was.

You had your seatbelt on? I was, no. But I didn't hit, I didn't hit the ceiling. What'd you do? I mean, we dropped, but like I went up a little bit, but not like hit the ceiling, go up. But it could have went down like that. But it could have, but it could have. But I was like.

Again, God's favorites. You know, I can't think about what could have happened. I'm thinking about what happened and we good. And you really can't be hitting the top of the plane because I already know you dehydrated. You know what I'm saying? Excuse me? So your bones brittle. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, exactly. And this is perfect. We need to be sponsored by somebody who's water. Water. I would love that. By somebody who's water. By somebody who's water. This podcast is sponsored by the Gulf of Mexico.

Let's read some messages. Yes, but I had some. Oh, you want to do it? I wanted to mess versus living. Oh, let's go. Come on. Mess versus living. Do you think it's messy to not talk to the person that you're dating every day?

Not talk, like, at all? Yeah, like, say, for instance, there's a day. Do you think you have to talk every day? On some level, yeah. Like, check in. Yeah, you need to. every day you at least need to like send a little you saying every day like you don't do that she does but i'm asking what if what if what if you don't talk for a day is that messy or living

if that's that's that's messy you could not talk to the homies every day that's fine that's totally Oh, no, I got to talk to my friends every day. When I don't talk to my friends, I'm like, what's going on? And I'd be at the house like, ooh. Damn, bitch. Now, that's mess. Now, that's what I call mess. No, you got to at least check in and be like, what's up?

It's the text. The text thing. Hope you had a good day. But I'm talking about being on the phone. Oh, no, you don't got to get on the phone every day. No, no, no. No, that's too much. Okay.

Is it messy or just living to not talk to the person that you're sitting next to on a flight? Should you acknowledge them at all? Or is it cool to just. I would say that's just living. That's just, you don't need to talk to the person that's next to you. Cause it's like, I don't know.

Cause what if they really want to keep talking and that's not, and you don't have that type of vibe with them. But I will say I have had some cool interactions. I like met this lady. Who's like a, she was like a therapist on TV or she, she was like a black lady too. She was like a black lady therapist.

What's her name? What's her fix my life? No, it was not her. She was on like, i want to say she did like couples counseling for like some people on like love and hip-hop atlanta or something something like that and you said she's a therapist she's a therapist okay and she was and i was talking to her and she was like back in chicago for like her sorority you know

like reunion or whatever sometimes you meet some cool people but does she help you give you anything she said she would i haven't reached out to her but she i got her card i have her card okay nice if i ever wanted she was like i do family therapy too so i might take you know what i'm saying and you're having a girl so yeah and you're having my baby oh mess versus living

yes get on the flight middle seat that's that's mess middle seat is mess yeah but the

the elbow rest do they get both of them um I think that's a first comes first serve thing I think if you want both arm rests I think you gotta

yeah you gotta fight you gotta get on as soon as you put I think that's messy as soon as you put your body down don't read no book If you really want the armrest, if you really want the armrest, you got to adjust the air. Don't adjust nothing.

Don't give up that space. That's your turf. That's where you live. But when can you, like, move it? You don't. You're just like this the whole flight. How bad do you want it? Well, because when you think about it, the window seat can lean on the window.

Yeah. But the aisle seat, they got to get a little bit of that armrest. They have to. I think that's messy not sharing the rest. Or, like, at least you go back and I go front. No, we're not splitting it. It's not that we're not doing we're not doing shared custody. It's like I got it or you got it.

We're not doing a weekend. You sound like somebody with some big forearm. Yeah, I mean, I will say. And that's why you guys need to be in the front pre-check as well. That's true. I did. I was on a plane yesterday. I was in I was in the seat number one, one A.

One A. And that's I like that. Except you don't got the little you don't got no under underlegs. No, you got to put all your stuff up at the top. But when you get in, when you in the front of the plane, it's a lot of space up there. It is. You know what I'm saying? that's also another thing this is the thing that i don't fuck with is how come they don't plan for

everybody bringing a bag right no in the overhead store how and how come every time they're like oh yeah you just got you got to check your bag and they make it seem like they're doing you a favor they're like oh we'll do a complimentary bag they're lying they're lying they are lying they're lying every time i've ever been like at the gate and they're like you have to check it i'm like i know there's still room on that flight and i always bring my bag on the plane do you bring you got one of them little rolly bags yeah i got a little you know a little away and she takes a little tag off and slide it right in there bro yeah one time i was flying to go see my mom and uh oh i love her she's so sweet she's a sweetheart shout out my mom yeah i was flying

to go see my mom and it was these two like kind of mean older black ladies and they were saying like hey you gotta like they were saying you gotta check your stuff and as i was getting on the plane they were like they were like we see you trying to hide that bag you don't have to check i was like it's just a duffel bag i could probably sit i thought this was for the role they said and they made me they made me check a duffel bag and then they often they called they called security on me they called security they called security on michael che yes that's crazy they did i don't even know if i was on the show yet but yes yes it was like one of them north face it was a normal it was a normal duffel bag but i think

it's because they thought that i was trying to like pull something over on them and then i was just like hey like i bet you i could fit this and they're like oh okay so you're gonna do it like that you're gonna get bucked and then they and then they straight they called like an agent they're calling an agent to the gate and then i had to sit like a kid in time out while like somebody came he's like sir you got any problems here and you're like yeah i'm trying I was like, I just want to get on the plane, man. I'm just trying to fly to Virginia. And you know how they are.

A duffel bag, you can roll it up and throw it up there. That's what I'm saying. I was going for like a weekend. I could have literally, I could have smushed my little bag. You should have said, move that windbreaker in that little bag that somebody's got a gift in. Move that out if I have to put my duffel bag in. That's true. That's true.

People who use the overhead for an ugly jacket or a backpack, that's all under the seat. What is this little tone you got? get the tote out put it on sit on the tote and get out of here this kind of stuff this is really making

a point for us getting rich enough that we can fly private because that is really the actual flying process is like fine but it is like

just dealing with all of the other people and whatever shit they got going on I also think like you know they have separate they used to have

like separate sections for smoking like on the plane and stuff like that back in the day yeah like back in the day like I remember being like how old are you Devin

what do you mean talking about back in the day well like they used to have y'all you were on a flight I don't know what I'm talking about. You were on a flight that they were smoking? Stop leaning to him.

He is not your straight man delegate over here. He mostly hasn't helped me, I'll say that. I keep looking at him and he's trying to absolve himself of what I'm talking about. He can't be worried about your shenanigans. He's mostly been unhelpful. He's been helpful to us. Yeah, exactly. That's crazy.

He's making sure that, you know, the hair is right and the cheekbones are shining. Get out of here. Stop getting in the way of that. Okay. Getting in the way. You know how they used to have smoking sections at different places. They used to have smoking sections in the bowling alley. They used to have smoking sections at IHOP.

I think they should have that, but for babies. A baby section. I think there should be a baby section that has a closed door. Oh, I'm not mad at a door. And it's soundproofed. And it's like nine seats. It's like if you got a baby, you sit in this special section and can't nobody else hear you. I think we should talk to some airlines about that.

I think we got to implement that. Delta? Delta? I do be fine in Delta. What's your status? I'm a gold medallion. Okay. Gold medallion.

Yeah. Talk to us when you're platinum. We going to get diamond this year. I want that sort of one. I don't, but it's also like, what happens when you get that stuff? Lots of perks. Yeah. You'll never fly in the back again.

Yeah. I don't fly in the back. They respect you. I ain't never flying in the back. Let me tell you something. I'm Rosa Parks. I ain't going back there. Oh, my God.

I ain't getting back there. I done been back there and not today. I ain't going back there. Nuh-uh. The first time I flew first class, I was like, this is decadent. It's like crazy. And it was a short flight. I was flying to Texas.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, my God, I was eating good. I was laying flat. I almost died up there. I was eating so fast. I remember, like, when I first got hired at SNL, I remember somebody, I want to say it was like, I want to say it was like Chloe Fineman. We were talking about flying and I was just like, oh, like, I just get like a comfort

plus, like, da, da, da. And she was like, are you not flying first class? And I was like. She was judging you. I was like, nah, like, it's too much extra money. Like, da, da, da. she was like well she was like i don't think you should start because once you start doing that it's hard to go back and then i and then i've done it like a handful of times sometimes i'll

get the free upgrade or whatever when i realized it was really different when they offer you a drink when you're still on the ground yeah when you're still you're still on the ground and i'm like oh actually yeah let me get a uh let me get a let me get a mimosa before we before we take off beach that's you're trying to roll your duffel bag up to throw it at the top and they're like anything to drink and you'd be like, huh? Yes.

No, first time they take the stuff for you, let's put it up there for you. Just lay down. One time I was going to a wedding and they're like, oh, you want us to put this

in a special closet? They got a little closet where they got a suit. I had a suit. They took my suit, they put it in a little special captain's closet. Even the pasta is different.

When I was going in first class to LA, they had this tortellini that had lobster in it. Oh my God. Oh, plain lobster. Hold on, let's talk about

the bathroom in first class has a floor-length mirror. Sure does. a full I've not seen that oh the flights that I've been on maybe

it's more so international I'm sorry damn Devin you gotta do better brother she said you look like

you ain't got no passport do you have shams or not no I've not seen the full I will say

the like plain mirrors or plain bathrooms are tough for me because I'm tall so like I'm six foot three

and he's taken ladies he's got a girl. AZ, love ya. Okay, let's get into mess.

Yeah, let's read some of our messages and then we'll let you go, Devin. You've given us so much today. Sorry. Sorry. You're having a good time.

Yeah, I mean, you really derailed us a few times, but that's fine. Do you want to ask your whole question, Cindy? No, no,

no, we're done with that. We're done with that. You don't want to get into that? No. I'm curious to know what you wanted to ask. I'm good. Okay.

Yep. Okay. Mess Queens. Long time fan gets the herp. Hello, Sid and Marie. I'm a longtime fan. I want to thank you both personally for getting me through COVID. Two things before we get into the mess.

One, I need to see y'all as zombies for the season finale of Search Party. And two, please start uploading these videos. You're right, friend. You're right. All right. So, bam. After COVID, I gained a lot of weight and my sex life changed dramatically. I'm black and gay and now I am fat.

Aww. Aww, friend. I was striking out everywhere. That's a sentence. It's so funny. Yeah, I know, but so real. The only people who would fuck me were race chasers. So after a literal year of

no sex and trying, I finally gave in to a race chaser. Go ahead and drag me, but I needed to fuck. So what is a race chaser? Somebody who just wants to be with you because you're black? Yeah, I think so. Is this a man or a woman? It's giving man. It does feel man. It does feel man.

Oh, okay. well I can't see the images I'm so sorry friend I wish I could see them race chaser I've never heard that phrase before I've never heard of that

oh yeah I'm not about that typically if you are a person of color white men white gay men go after very specific communities

yeah black Asian and then it's like very like racialized experience in the bedroom where they'll like

say nasty shit to you oh like slave play yeah oh fascinating okay very specific We don't know until you get there. We won't know.

Until you find out. Well, this person seems like they knew they just wanted to have sex. Put on the kente cloth. Shut up, Devin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, boom. I had not fucked the entire year, so I stopped taking prep. So I met with this guy, and he's not my type.

I'm just horny and drunk. The whole time, the man is begging me to fuck him raw, and I'm like, nope, not on prep. Condoms only. So I wore a condom, and we fucked. While this man was not my type, he could—wow, okay. oh oh girl wow finish say it say it say it well this sorry Devin this is the this is the mess that you get okay um I'm sorry I apologize but you know you you an ally yeah I'm here okay so

a few days after come on you skipped over stuff okay you want me to read the whole thing yes Just read it The whole time The man is begging me To fuck him raw And I'm like Nope Not on prep

Condoms only So I wore a condom And we fucked While this man Was not my type He could grip your dick With his asshole While you were in his butt

And so I went back Another time Amen After the second time though A few days after I started getting Itchy bumps on my ballsack No no no no no no

Oh so the second time He did Yeah That's why he needed The condoms We all have been there We all have been there No

Not like this Not for the second part of the story, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, man. I ended up going to Planned Parenthood and getting tested. And of course, your boy got the herp. I asked the lady, like, why, my lord? I was wearing a condom.

What do I do with my outbreak zone outside of the condom zone? What? Oh, I see what you're saying. She was like, wearing a condom only makes it less likely. The only true form to avoid STDs is abstinence. I am pissed. I could not fuck for an entire year. What?

I caved to a race chaser, and even though I wore a condom, I still got herpes. I have found out that I'm not hot enough for people to want to risk herpes to fuck me. Oh, friend. This hurts. That's tough. So anyways, I go to the guy's apartment and confront him, and I'm like, I haven't had sex in a whole calendar year. You're the only person I fucked.

I know you gave me herpes. He denies, denies, denies, shows me a recent STD test where they could not test for herpes. That's funny. Do you know this man asked me to fuck him? I was pissed and basically saw this as confirmation that he gave me herpes so I fucked him raw and left and never spoke to him again girl now

now you gotta work on yourself well yes there's some self esteem things sure okay but like you got it from him so it's like at this point we already here you know what I'm saying that doesn't mean you won't get it again

something else that's very true wow Oh, what else he got? Yeah, damn, you really thought about that, sis. There's something to that. It's been about seven months, and I'm in a new city, so I am fresh meat, and I'm handling my weight gain better. Jesus Christ.

So there are some prospects now, but no one wants to meet with me because, once again, not had enough to risk herpes for a hookup. I always disclose, even if a hookup does not ask, because that is what I would want. I appreciate you. Well, my question to you, beautiful black queens. Yes. Should I stop disclosing if they don't ask? Jesus. Just so I can finally have sex?

Oh, my God. Or should I just invest in a lifetime supply of Vaseline and OnlyFans subscription? Oh. Or should I buy a strap-on and use that for sex? Or should I stop hooking up and get a partner who would like me for me and thus be okay working out how to not transfer my hair? Maybe that one. Help me.

Yeah. Help me, queens. Is this mess or just living? Pictures below for reference of how weight gain changed my appearance. Oh, my God. But you're so cute. You're so cute. Let me see.

Let me see. Aw. You're not even, come on now. We're not even big like that. Yeah. right you're not even big like that yeah you're not what that no but the way i'm saying yeah the way he said it yeah like it was like this is yeah this is like a normal guy way you're a cutie my advice is for you friend is to get as get as happy and healthy as you can get and then go back and

try to date don't do it when you you know not in a good place mentally yeah yeah but also there's apps for people who have herpes that will date other people who have herpes so it's like you on that i don't know but i know it exists everybody knows but don't nobody know no we know there's something for everything for everybody exactly that doesn't exist i can't do the footwork for you but you know ask footwork ask the legwork y'all knew what the hell i meant y'all knew what i meant i did what's your advice um man disclose or not disclose you definitely you gotta disclose i feel like that's just part of the deal i hooked up with somebody who didn't tell me until after one time and it was like that they had it yes and everything was like

fine but so how but how did you feel after you found out after I was like well I don't want to see you again yeah I'm just like it's I mean I guess I didn't have any outbreak like I didn't have any like symptoms or anything like that I like got tested or whatever but like it just felt like I was like that feels like a base level conversation to have I've also like I've hooked up with somebody who like told me before and like had the disclosure like oh I'm taking medications like da da da da it's herpes is a way less less of a big deal than i think we've thought of it to be you know what i'm saying like i think it's it's it's a it's a hurdle you could get over but i'm like we got to be able to like talk about it first and we got to destigmatize herpes i really do i

really do destigmatize herpes i didn't know that this was going to be on the bingo sheet today you look at you devon you this might have been a good one for you this is good this is great i think we got to distinguish that because obviously like nobody wants to get like obviously that's not what you want but then once you have it now we're so far along in the medicine and the treatment and stuff like that you can get it to a point where you're not transferring it to other people so i think we got to stop treating people with herpes like get on the non-transferable medicine yeah exactly that's what i'm saying because you're cute yeah and i mean just like they have prep they have that for herpes yeah and you can be like the magic johnson of herpes like you know

wow you know okay sydney i don't know because magic johnson is like successful and doing great and he's like showing you like you can you can live with um hiv and so he like he's also very rich yes so rich people get your money up friend different type of situation friend spend the whole year working getting money doing well and then get back out there with the with the new improved expensive herpes that you have now and you know do your thing expensive herpes yeah sure

I heard he's got that we have heard that you know that this is what I heard gotta let it burn we did hear about that he did he kind of said it yeah he said it multiple times he said you got it you got it bad

you're on the phone with the STD people you hang up and you call right back wait for real you know Wait, for real, you, for real, God, you know you're playing. Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up. Nah, nah, wait a minute. These are my confessions, yes. He had a lot of confessions to make.

Devin, this was a good time. It was a good time. We heart you much here. Love y'all. Where can they find you on the Instas and Twitter and stuff? And where can they find you? At the Delta Lounge? No, I don't go in the Delta Lounge.

I get there too late to go in the lounge. Well, I heard you running through the airport. Yeah, exactly. You can find me at CheThinks on Instagram. Just go ahead and check all my stuff out there. No, I'm at InternetDevin. I'm mostly on Instagram at this point. I'm about to start my own podcast.

It's going to be called My Favorite Lyrics. It's going to be probably out. I don't know when this is coming out, but it will probably be out in April at some point. Sydney and Marie both have episodes. They'll probably be in the first few episodes. Before we go, just tell the listeners real quick, your favorite song currently or your what is your favorite lyric oh uh i'll tell you a lyric that i like remembered recently that i'm about to talk about on the pod that really makes me laugh struck

with you stuck it's it's from the it's from the uh baby keem song orange soda where he goes he goes uh i hate a bitch that i can't impress when you come see the crib you better die ho yeah which is really it's such a funny bar to me where he's like he's like you better he's like I got all this shit. This better be, you better pass out when you see everything that I got going on.

I hate a bitch that I can't impress. When you come to the crib, you better die, ho. Anyway, listen to that. If we could add that to the outro. Yeah.

How much that gonna cost to get a little bit of that in there? Can we say the lyrics if we don't play the music? You can say everything. You can sing everything. In 15 seconds,

they can put it. So I'll ask Brian. Yeah, just that part. Shout out to Brian. Talk to Brian. Shout out to Men in Tech. Anyway, take care of yourselves

and always disclose whatever your status is yeah you got to keep sending messages y'all can cut it down just a smidge you know what I mean

y'all sending us four page letters and we love it and we love it but if you could condense it for me my moms please thank you for sending us

visual aids we love it yeah that might have been the wrong word visual aids visual aids anyway

that's mess bye mess with sydney washington and marie faustin is a production by will ferrell's big money players and iheart radio podcast created and hosted by sydney washington and marie faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588.