MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - RE- RELEASE: Eat Pray Hoe

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

Big things are happening on this week's Unofficial Expert! Marie is BACK from her European exxxcursion and is telling us all about the dick she saw while abroad, and Sydnee reveals a surprising shift in her relationship!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog hey guys so good to be here you know on time what time did you arrive friend um at 12 20 wow and andrew you arrived exactly oh my god 11 for i arrived at 12 50 now yeah now so my apologies friend i'm so sorry and oh i was awake early today because i had an I was awake early. I don't have an excuse. I do not have one. You was awake early. I was.

I got up early this morning. What time did you get up? I got up at eight something. Why so early, Marie? Well, sis, I had an interesting evening and I had to wake up early to reflect my soul. What happened? My soul was like, now nigga. Oh my God.

You know you don't deserve all this rest. I can't even. Wow. Well, we'll get into it. But yeah, Marie's late and we text her like, hey, where are you? no I didn't get a text from you guys saying where are you not where are you but um no I hit you guys at 12

20 something and said I'll be there in 10 to 15 minutes oh yeah she oh Marie tell them what you told me to do well I mean you were like wow can't believe like you sent me a very mean emoji and I was like sorry record some ads or something

so the studio time is not going to waste you know right we in here I had already did that I was on I was listen I was vacationing out of the country didn't know when the ads got recorded, so... Well, I mean, if you listen to our episodes, you know that they've been recorded.

I don't know what you're saying, friend. Exactly. I have no idea what you're saying to me right now. You're coming in hot. It's too hot outside for all this heat in here. Anyways, Marie's back. We're so happy. We're so excited. You sound so stoked, friend. Oh, my God. We're so excited

to hear all of everything. The E-Preh-Ho. So, but wait, before you get into that, what happened last night? Well, sis, speaking of Eat Pray Ho, I said, let me go get some dick tonight. And that was last night. And I matched with this dude earlier in the day and we had been talking and I was like, is he cute? And I sent his photo to Carolina and she was like, he's hot.

Can I see it? How come you? Maria always messages everybody else except me. I only message Carolina and Andre because they don't sex or dick shame me. You do that. I don't do that. you'd be dick shaming how do you be like you'd be like him that person ain't no black people so anyway carolina and andre are my two messiest friends because they have no standards they won't

shame me no they don't shame her because they will literally fuck a wall it's not it's so she feels safe it's not about well me banging a wall doesn't make me feel safe sis that unless there's a chair there anyway look listen so i matched with this dude and i got real high last night and it was really late and it was like 11 o'clock and we had been talking back and forth and he was like so I guess you're not coming

and I was like or do you need me to come get you and I was like it's an Uber driver it's a Lyft driver and I was like if he didn't come pick me up I would not have gone

wait can I see a picture how about i tell you who would play him in the movie okay oh my god he's missing no he has both of his eyes who would play him in a movie mario will you say it's just a friend but like bigger but like bigger like buff like buff but like when he took his shirt off wasn't buff like all you do is shoulders like you don't do no you don't do nothing else oh my god all right so this uh so he came to pick me up so this pillowcase looking uber driver came and picked you up pillowcase um braid my hair uh came and picked me up and i you know i made him wait for 10 minutes outside uh and then when i got down he i was like what kind of car you drive he was like a mustang

and i was like oh so he 45 black boots no his okay so his profile says 27 right uh so i get in the car and i'm and it's weird already it's weird i should not have gone right i don't know this man i'm trying to do vacation eat pray host stuff in my neighborhood and that doesn't that's stupid doesn't make sense but if we fucking love for the pod i mean for the podcast yes but oh my god no so you're the real mvp marie i'm in his car and it's like awkward silence you know so i'm like uh well what do you do he was like i'm a junior architect and i was like what does that mean he He was like, do you know what an architect is? I was like, yeah.

He was like, I'm the junior that. And I was like, so what do you do? He was definitely lying because he could not tell me what an architect did. How come you didn't ask all this shit up top? Sis, on his profile it says junior architect 27. So in the car I'm like, well, what do you do? You just went in the car to verify? Listen, sis, everything that I did last night was foolish and I should not be here right now.

Right. Right. right so we get to his house he lives alone it's a studio but it looks like a uh like 15 minutes from my house so too close it's too close to me um we get there i'm like what is this like a weird like halfway house thing it was weird uh everything uh everything was just awkward i think he was no shade to the people who are but i think he was a little bit on the spectrum because he was very awkward and very like couldn't make eye contact he also needed glasses he was very blind yeah but that them autistic got the strength dick the dick is strong autistic

well let me tell you about his autistic it was not uh good um we we we never kissed we never kissed oh my god which is strange i was there for like 15 minutes and then i was like i gotta go home because he was like so he's like we're we're hooking up a little bit and he's like let me see your tongue and i was like sir i didn't come here to suck your dick so that's not gonna happen and he was like what and i was like here's a better idea how about i sit on your face and he was like how is that the same thing and i was like oh my god he's really he really is 27 you might be 22 i was like you know what my stomach hurts i gotta go he was like what you feel like you need about to sit on his face no i this was me it was i was like i'm not gonna come tonight so i gotta go

right if i'm not gonna come i'ma go so uh i was like uh what my stomach hurts i don't feel good he was like you think you need to throw up i was like i think i need to poop and then i went to order an uber but he dropped me off at my house so door-to-door service um but wait and then he's asking me all these questions like i see you had a blue check on your on your instagram what do you do i was like sir you are asking these questions too late you should have asked these before you were inside me so wait so he was inside you and then you were like no no it wasn't it wasn't good i was like i i was like i should not be here okay and this is not gonna end well for me one of us is gonna come and it's not gonna be me so i'm gonna leave

Immediately when you said you shouldn't be there, I was like, how did you get here? Nobody's supposed to be here. Anyway, so I left. He dropped me off. And I'm like, is he a psycho? He knows where I live. I deleted my Tinder last night. That's what I did.

I deleted Tinder. That's how bad it was. Tinder is for vacations only. I'm still on Hinge. I feel like back in New York, what I want now is a summer fling. Right? so I feel like on hand if we have conversations

then we go get a drink and then maybe we sleep together but last night was conversation car house back in the car

home so you're a reckless hoe I know I am reckless and I I got home and I was like

you need supervision that's why you need to be messaging me bitch you messaging Carolina I did message Carolina I didn't I have not spoken to Andre about this yet

so Carolina was we were on the phone all day yesterday so she naturally is the person that I was talking to about this she was like call me in the morning when you get home after sex i called her literally an hour after

that and she was like uh what happened wait so i was like nothing good i i am supportive of the hoeing girl if you would have dropped the pin i would have been there i would have been outside his house that's not the support i need friend i don't need you i don't need to drop a pin in you to be for you to be there when i come outside i don't need you walk of shame shaming i wasn't gonna share i'll be like ready to fight ready it's about to be girl fight city he would literally blow on you and you would fall down the stairs Sidney you would humpty dumpty he would humpty dumpty

that ass oh I would have left eye his shit and you know I know how to light a match okay put your lighters up shout out to Lil Kim the album still not done anyway so that was last night but all of the hoeing that I did internationally I think I was a little bit

smarter it doesn't matter you don't need to be smart it's just you need to make sure you're safe yeah smart doesn't have anything to do with safe yesterday no smart and safe do go hand in hand if you're not smart you're not safe if you if you're smart you might not fuck but if you're safe you might fucking get out safely no if you're smart you wouldn't go in the first place i should have stayed i should have stayed my high ass in the house and watched finished watching a thin line between love and hate because that's what I was going to do.

And then I was like, ah. I knew you was about to do something shady because I messaged you. I was like, what you doing tonight? Silence. Oh, I started to text you back and I was on FaceTime with Carolina. I was like, silence.

I was like, I know what that is. She about to go out there and do her side gig now. Since this is my main gig. You know I'm unemployed. Girl. This is my main gig. But anyway, I tried to repeat something that worked for me in Amsterdam

and this was not that. All right. This wasn't it. I mean, the people have literally be on the edge of their seats about what the fuck happened. So tell everybody about the stories. This is this story. This episode is it's all about Marie. Forget about me, me, me, me, me.

If we just go back a couple of weeks, there was an episode that was all about you and it was about you being arrested. And we sat through that hilarious story of your struggle. And it was all about you, you, you, you, you. I was just singing. I'm on the same key as you I want to hear everything same note I truly know nothing

you know some you know that when I went to London I matched with this man hold on start exactly off where you started with the E-Pray host trip they want to know where you started I thought I was going to be in the same part of France for the whole three weeks

but after four days I was like I got to get the hell out of here this place sucks my sis got options okay sis went to switzerland okay yum uh chocolate factory cheese museum doing all that cool swiss stuff but that doesn't matter i didn't bang nobody in none of those places okay i get to london i match with this guy he's like his profile said fridays are for shopping and eating and i was like ah today's friday yeah so i matched with him and he's like what are you doing today i was like eating and shopping and he was like you look like you need some new agent provocateur and i was like

yes i do you're buying 900 panties stupid i was like yes i do absolutely obviously so we were supposed to meet up and am i telling the story how i told you the story am i telling the story how you told me the story how i told you okay great got it so meet up with this guy and he's exactly what you think he is but he's exactly what you think a man who would offer to buy a stranger panties is he's white so and short and we go in and uh it's kind of awkward but also like sis you know when when in rome or when in london so i'm picking up all the stuff that i think is attractive and uh everything that i think is gonna make my butt look big and i'm like sir do you need me to see do you need to see me trying this stuff on you know i got time i lotioned my butt today

so you know it's a little bit of a fashion show for him we get to the register thousands upon thousands of dollars and his card

gets declined so that was fun for me I think that the whole ruse there is his card always gets declined

and he just wants to see people in lingerie for free it's so smart he's brilliant genius

and I'm gonna do that are you? yes but not at Agent Provocateur no you're gonna do it But Claire's accessories?

No, no, no. We're going to be at Rainbow. Rainbow got a lingerie section too, baby. Okay, so then I match with this black dude. Beautiful, bearded. He has all his hair, like, hot. He tells me that I'm beautiful. I'm like, thank you, sir.

You're beautiful also. He asked me how long I'm in London for. I'm like, oh, for two more days or something stupid like that. He unmatched me. He unmatched me. so that I match with this German dude who's like tall and looks like a model, right? He German, the date was boring,

but we go to this bar to get some drinks and this like hotel lobby and we sit down and as soon as we sit down, the bartender is the black dude who unmatched me. Oh my fucking God. Looking sexy as ever, just- So hot. Oh, so beautiful, like beautiful.

He had all his teeth and everything. I was like, ah, ah. but I already sat down and I can't I mean there's no way that I in my mind that I can play off us moving hey a guy that I don't really care about a guy that I do like is here uh can we leave I didn't say that instead I sat there in this bartender's line of sight and laughed really hard all night just oh my funniest joke I've ever heard screaming so finally this white dude goes away to go to the bathroom and i'm like well i'm gonna pop up and talk to my friend so i jump up and i go to the bar and i'm like hey can i have my tabs so i can close out and he's like yeah

what's next after this what are your plans i'm like what are my plans uh and i start to say to him you look really familiar i think it's because you unmatched me oh my god and right when i start to say that the white dude comes back upstairs and he's like what's going on and i'm like ah freaking hate white dude so i let him walk me back to my hotel and i was like i was gonna double back and go see that bartender but i was like well what if it wasn't him it was definitely it was him yeah marie what the fuck how did you drop the ball in that kobe oh i'm so dumb you could have definitely made a three-pointer right there Yeah, but he unmatched me.

So what? And I was so upset about it. It was him playing hard to get, bitch. No, he wants like a wife. He's trying to get his Idris Elba on. He wants a wife. Anyway, so I ended up having sex with somebody else and it was the worst sex in my life.

Okay, please explain. It was this little Italian man and I know I did it wrong, right? I'm in London. I should have banged a dude from the UK. I banged an Italian that don't speak no English. His name was Giuseppe. His hair was too long for him to be like laying on top of me.

It was the worst sex I've ever had in my life. Literally while it was happening, I was like, is he inside me? I was like, this ain't sex. This is wrong, right? And his body was squishy. I was like. He had no idea what he was doing. I'm pretty sure he was a virgin.

He was 26 years old. He must have been a virgin. There's no way you're that bad at sex. because he tricked me right like the kisses were like good you were like oh okay wow he might he might could know what he doing right oh my god because italians are good at flirting what does top lip look like though what does top lip look like i don't remember sis i don't remember but he looks like do y'all remember the tarzan cartoon he looked like that like if tarzan that's who yes but i didn't say that the guy was ugly i said the dick was ugly like the sex was bad that's what

i'm saying um but he was short he was maybe like five six five seven five seven five eight if you guys can't hear andrew he said that's tragic honestly i think all men are short though so he might have been five nine but i'm saying he wasn't tall okay um he spoke no english and just kept saying i love you and i was like you have to oh that's gross you gotta go so after it's over After he would give you that basura dick. Sis, in my hotel room, I was like, I should get out of here. Like, I got to go. Like, that's how bad it was.

I was like, I should leave. And the next day I left. So what kept happening is I would have sex with these people and then fly out the day after. Because I was like, I don't want to see this again. You're so brilliant. So after London, I went to Amsterdam, had the best sex of my life there. Okay, finally, something we could get into. Talk about that.

Fabulous. Okay, so it was the same thing, right? I'm on Tinder. I'm leaving the next day. I'm like, I've got to get some Amsterdam dick, right? So I had went out on a date. Okay, so I was standing on the canal looking at the dirty ass water. I heard a voice behind me go, it's beautiful, isn't it?

I was like, this is about to be some made in Manhattan type BS. I turn around. It's a white man who's way too confident to be talking to me. Like way too cocky to be like that comfortable talking to me. And I'm like, yeah, it's beautiful. And he asked to take me to dinner. I let him. and then he's boring so i let him pay and then i was like i'm going home right to jump on tinder

right i let him feed me and then i was going home smart right genius so i he's like oh i'll walk you it's no problem and i'm like all right i'm leaving him at the door okay right so we get to my house and i'm like all right thanks for walking me he's like you're not gonna invite me in i was like absolutely not and i left him on the sidewalk right beautiful he was like i'll call you tomorrow i was like no we're not gonna speak my phone is gonna be cut off i said i don't have any data for the rest of my trip so i jump on tinder and i match with this dude who's very attractive like a sexy movie star type man right you have a picture no so i very i deleted tinder right right right so i matched with this guy we're talking i'm like all right well what you know you close right because

i'm like i have to get this done before i leave he's like oh before you come over here i need to tell you that i used to be a professional skateboarder or something stupid like that he's like and i broke my back he's like i could still walk and stuff but you know i'd be tired so i'd be in a wheelchair i was like ah this crippled nigga hits you with the best dick in your life no no no listen i said i'm not coming he was like what he's like everything still works i was like i don't care he was like i'll prove it i said you don't have anything to prove to me i've had bad sex with people with good backs i'm not about to have you tell me or try to prove to me with your bad back that you got good dick i was like it's it's you don't have to prove anything

no thank you he's like oh you're i think he's like i feel like you're you're gonna miss out on something i was like i'm not coming to your broken house no i'm not coming i'm not coming i'm not walking up the ramp to your house it's not he's in a wheelchair he's in a wheelchair So I matched with this other dude, okay? That dude unmatched me, the one in the chair. You thought I got good dick from a dude from Professor X? That's what I thought. Hey, this has been up and down, bitch.

This has been a roller coaster. I know, I'm trying to tell you the story. So I matched with this guy. He's the most Dutch-looking person that you could probably imagine in the world. His name has, like, mad consonants in it and, like, a vowel. And he's like, was it all sex, drugs, and rock and roll for you this trip? Or did you have time for some culture? and i was like i got some culture i did some drugs haven't done any sex stuff yet and he was

like well what are you waiting for i was like you to send me your address and he was like right marie when did you become i said that and i dropped my phone it was like i like left it i typed it because i was like that's what i as soon as he said what are you waiting for i was like i got something for that ass oh my god when did you become such a like professional at this in amsterdam so anyway uh he's like if i send you my address you'll come to my house i was like yep was he hot he was okay and he was like um and you don't have a picture of him sydney i deleted tinder you didn't screenshot nobody screenshots anymore i screenshot everything I have a picture of this white man.

I'm going to show it to you right now. Anyway, so. Oh, my God. And I wasn't going to go. Okay. I wasn't going to go. Andre was like, he was like, yo, Dutch dudes have the best sex game. And I was like, shut up, Andre.

Like, you a hoe. Shut up. Yeah. But he a hoe. He should know. No, but Andre was like, he was like, no. He was like, he's going to have a big dick and he's going to have, it's going to be good sex.

I was like, all right, whatever, Andre. I'm going to go. My flight was early in the morning, but I was like, I'm going to make time. i get there and we talk we have some tea he builds boats that's some real like amsterdam job he builds boats okay listeners you regular ass dusty american men y'all don't do shit you don't do anything i don't build boats like what the fuck that's what sex be bad with you guys y'all need to start building some boats find a fucking hobby y'all need to start building some mother effing boats this is this is him so oh my god wow very dutch very dutch

bitch he got a he got like two filters on it buddy i could tell yeah yeah yeah andrew that's what he looks like i mean he was a little redder than this but that's what he looked like wow anyway so we start making out i'm like this is weird i don't really know this man but then he just knew what he was doing sis it was very good best sex i've ever had it was great in your entire life in my entire life so halfway through the sex right or like kind of in the beginning of the sex i hear him sniffing behind me and i'm like what you you doing cocaine and i turn around and he's he's like uh have you heard of poppers and i was like i said a straight white dude in amsterdam is not about to teach me about no damn poppers

i said yeah i know about poppers oh my god and he was like do you want some and i was like yes so we're doing these poppers sis magic andrew it's crazy it's crazy wait okay explain what poppers feel like i i don't i've never had poppers i don't even know how to explain it it felt i mean it doesn't last that long it just but also at least like it's kind of like a head high like a head body soul high it's cute sis anyway so tell the people what you were telling me

on the phone don't fucking hold back now bitch baby so I was like uh I was like oh my god I feel like I feel like you're gonna make me squirt and he was like oh am I sis destroyed the mattress

I think he had to get a new mattress also I think I ruined his tv it was going far you didn't tell me that the squirting no you told me about the squirting but the tv sis it was awesome after it's done we're all tired i'm all discombobulated right i floated above my body and i came back and your hair survived all that baby i mean he wasn't doing it in my hair sis it was great though like he knew exactly what he was doing every single thing that he did he did it with a purpose and i was like this is what sex should be like with everybody all the time right i'm like well what like what is so great about like how do you

know anyway did you do the poppers before he busted open or like uh since it was like throughout it was like it was like poppers that poppers that poppers so you guys did poppers the whole time squirt poppers squirt poppers poppers shout out to rush oh my god and then he was like um he was like you can stay here i'm not kicking you out whatever i was like i have a flight to catch in a couple hours i gotta go so i left and he had he was asking me what i did or whatever and i told him i was a comic but i wouldn't tell him my last name until after i left so he watched a bunch of my videos and he was like you're really funny and that was really fun so if you're ever in amsterdam him again holla at me he didn't say holla at me but he gave me his phone number and i sent him

mine i was like if you're ever in new york girl he'll be here next week i'll be here real soon yeah that was crazy so then i get on a plane i end up in france the sex in france was not good uh the dude was hot but he just couldn't get hard no he like rolled his dick up and tried to like throw it in me. Fuck out of here. And I was like, I have to go. He gave you flaccid dick? Also, it was 97 degrees and there was no central air. Oh, which is rude.

And very Europe. It's very European. And he was sweating on top of me and I was like, nah. Gross. I can't. Yuck. And he's like, oh well, I'm gonna take a shower. Took a shower. And you were dashed. No, it was in the house that I was staying in, so I had

to stay there. But he was hot you know he was a rugby player uh like 6'3 sexy right like he came back to my house and he was on my balcony smoking a cigarette because everybody in Europe smokes cigarettes and there were these there were all these like tourists below us that were like watching him and I got up and I was and I just stood to look at them and he was like oh you're making them jealous and I was like good they should be jealous they're not pretty like me so that's what Europe was was a was back and forth me feeling like the hottest person in the world and then thinking am i ugly like that was what europe was for me wait why it's like walking through the streets like look at how

amazing i look compared to everybody on this dirty ass street yeah and then am i ugly getting trash dick you're right okay am i ugly is that why the dick is so bad oh no no no no it's just they can't keep up and they're probably like intimidated a little bit they couldn't believe that they probably thought you were a mirage they're like how is this stunning wonderful person in my house or next to me and about to let me put my dick in her they're blown away i mean the two people who came to me for sex sucked yeah right how you uber in some dick to me and it's like one star one star no i i only ubered one okay so the the italian dude in london just walked he didn't uber he was poor he just walked yikes to the hotel well the girl now you know i know

the way it was if you walk into you walk this way yeah so that was give me a kiss that was bad i ubered to the dutch dick and that you know best Six euros I have spent. And then the French dude had a scooter. So he scooted to me. Zip, zip, zip. And then he tried to say that he loved me too and tried to invite himself to New York

and was like, I could be there in August. And I was like, you could be where in August? I bet you he'll come. But you're like, where are you going to stay? You're not staying with me. Mind you, also, the French dude don't really speak no English. So like our whole conversation was like me listening to him and trying to catch everything he was saying

and then throwing six French words back at him. So he's like, oh, she's such a good listener. Meanwhile, the whole time I'm just trying to figure out when he's going to stop talking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I was like, all right, well, let me see if I get some black dick before I get out of here. Because, you know, I haven't done that for the break yet. And then it didn't happen. So last night I was like, oh, I'm going to sleep with this black dude. And it was not good.

So honestly, that's what I get for trying to like right the right the wrongs, trying to balance it out. I'm so annoyed about which part. The guy last night and just that bartender, you slipped on that. I definitely did. You should have a million percent. You totally should have let that nigga walk you somewhere wrong and then walk you to the wrong place and then walk fucking back and be like, hey, boo, what were you wearing? I want to know some of the looks. But the thing about that is that the guy, that guy that I went on that date with and saw the bartender, he lived in that neighborhood.

So I was afraid if I came back outside, I was going to bump into him. And I was like, it don't matter. You're a free agent, bitch. You're a free agent. It's like you don't answer to nobody. You're not from here. I don't answer to nobody. But Germans is crazy.

And we know this. And I was like, I don't want no problems. They can't be crazier than the dude you went to place last night. Oh, that dude, that sis, honestly and truly, I cannot believe I did that. That is the craziest thing I've ever done. I can. You off an Iprejo excursion. Nah, sis.

You got that same energy, nigga. Yeah, but I can't do that here. This is, I'm home. I can't be doing international ho stuff. Are you looking at my nipple right now? You looking at my nipple real hard. Is it out? I mean, is it a problem?

I didn't go on a trip. I need something, too. I need to get mine yes any questions Andrew do you have any questions about the trip

or wait hold on nope Andrew you gotta get a mic because I got a message about you

needing to be on the mic yeah you have to be on a microphone I mean we can no longer speak from afar

it's not right okay we're doing it Andrew is at a microphone hello hello it's I see it

I'm moving now okay oh my god wow Andrew is finally on the pod right now. Let's talk about what Andrew's wearing first because people would like when we give a full rundown of the look. Andrew's giving us Hampton's carnival shirt.

No, he's giving Banana Republic resort. It looks good. Zara. Zara. But it's very slim. Zara. It's very slim. It's black and blue horizontal stripes

and a tiny khaki short. Tiny. And he's got both shoes on. Oh, yeah. These are the worst shoes, though. A little van, a little kit. I need to get new ones. Okay, so the floor is open.

If anybody has any questions about what I've just discussed, I will answer truthfully and honestly and to the best of my ability so that means all lies ready go I'm actually so ecstatic I mean when I spoke to her

I was screaming because I was just so happy that she she was like you squirted she was just so free out there and I was like work and it was beautiful I would have went back for that bartender I should have signed back

I mean, obviously it was a mistake. Was he tall? He was tall. Who would he play in a movie? Who would play him in a movie? I don't know. He was light skinned. His hair was not low, but not a fro.

Michael Ealy. Like a young, not tired Michael Ealy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he'd be looking real weird. Yeah, no, we know. He works. He's booked. That's why he's tired.

Right, right, right, right. Do you know who Michael Ealy is? I have no idea. Absolutely not. You could tell by Andrew's hairline. He don't know who fucking Michael Ealy is. We're going to take a minute to Google Michael Ealy. I'm letting y'all do it now.

Hold on. Wow. I just wish I had. Kind of that. Kind of that, but more. Oh, okay. But more like manly. Younger.

Less pretty. Less pretty. He had bigger shoulders? He had a nicer body. Viewers. I mean, listeners. I hope you're out there Googling who Michael Ealy is. Look at that.

Less tired, younger, but also more manly. More of a full beard. Okay. The only thing that him and Michael Ealy have in common is the complexion, sis. Honestly. Literally. He didn't really look like this, but like in the movie, sure. Does he have blue eyes?

Michael Ealy? Yeah. Yeah. You like black dudes that have blue eyes? No. I mean, I've been seeing all the dick Andrew is getting. I mean, this is wild. This is a very two-sided conversation over here.

Andrew, you've been getting a lot of dick, too, babe. Let's talk about it. What dick you been, sis? Well, there's a West Village. West Village. I was just telling Sydney that it's this guy who has an Airbnb. It's a Mr. B&B, so it's for gay people exclusively. A Mr. B&B?

That's the app? Yeah, and so when gay people come to your area, the host will show them, like, this is the queer places to go to. This is like the neighborhood's not to go to. Oh, it's like a little tour guide. It's cute. But you live in New York. What you need that for?

I don't know. You want an Airbnb? So this is him. I've shown you him before. Bomb Dick. Absolutely. You heard that? You heard that, listener?

Bomb Dick. He made me a pizza last week and then gave me a full body massage and then ate me out wild. Oh, that's what the French- Ate you out? Ate you out. You mean tossed your salad? After, after-

After you cooked. after he made me food too he cooked and then ate your ass I know he's like I'm still hungry he's like oh now I'm ready for the entree wait the pizza was the app and your ass

was the entree that was dessert sis that was the tiramisu and I was layered in that coconut whatever lubricant whatever the body massage oil yeah I got a little massage too that's cute it is it was really cute

yeah andrew y'all got all types of yeast infections it's fine yeah yeah yeah the pillow got uh coconut oil in it still but anyway uh he has mr b&b and uh he doesn't he was like i'm i have this like lesbian couple that requested to stay with me sydney and adrian yeah sydney and adrian as a matter of fact right right right and um and so he was like i'm really scared about it i'm like i don't see the connection here and so he explains it like i just think that women are disgusting oh they're gonna expect me to buy them tampons and everything i'm like these are grown-ass women that are probably have gone through menopause yeah oh shut up it was two hillary clintons they just gonna have their pantsuits that's it that's all they need i am just absolutely

dumbfounded and then he's just i they're disgusting well he's ignorant and disgusting this guy this is the salad guy this is the salad guy yes and so he said um i just don't want them to throw out the like bloody tampon in my trash can because that's disgusting i'm like you put your dick a raw penis into a fucking man's butthole raw you're talking about yourself I'm talking about my only once

don't backpedal now so you had unprotected sex with ass eater well he was like well there's no way his dick is dirty he just ate my butt Mr. Pizza Hut himself pizza and a salad

pizza and a Toast, salad, ale. Oh, he did you a little olive garden, huh? Okay, when you're here, you're family. That's so true. Oh, they got the best salads, though. I could just eat the breadsticks and the salad. Sydney, you eat ass?

That's it. That's it. Not Andrew's. Absolutely not, never. Well, you're not Andrew's type. You ain't got no house. Wow, so rude. But then a few days ago, there was someone else, a freaking body builder.

Oh, so small dick or... Small, yeah. Small dick, big back? But, like, huge. He's so attractive. Oh, my God. He's very attractive. He looks like your type almost.

No, his neck is too thick. What? I feel like I know him. Hold on. He's a middle school English teacher. I thought you were going to say he's a middle schooler. I was going to say he is huge. He's a middle schooler.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's cute. He's a little basic, but you know what? Why is he basic? Oh, my God. Look at that tank top. Yeah, just look at the...

I mean, look at that Abercrombie and Fitz shirt he got on. That's basic. Oh, he is basic. He probably has nobody brown in his life. Nah. I just feel like when his body, is he tall? He doesn't look that tall. No, I was fully expecting him to be like 5'7", but he was like 5'11".

He was tall. That's a good little gotcha. That's a good little gotcha. Gotcha, please. Yes. So he's got a great body. He's corny. He's corny.

And the dick is terrible. And the dick is terrible. Well, it happens. You know, it's very hard to just be perfect. It really is. I don't need you to be perfect I don't need you to be perfect I just need you to

Have some type of technique I need you to know Kind of what you're doing Right Yeah Like if I'm If I'm coming in hot with Yeah Marie what's your skill

I'm just waiting for you To give me your address What's your skill If I'm hitting you with that That was very impressive If I'm hitting you with that I need you to hit me with some like But what's your technique Marie

Fisting No that's That's how big your dick is Fisting I was like wow wow What's my technique Like, so when I was at my house before this beautiful French man ruined my trip, I was like, oh, you look like you give good massages because he was like stroking my leg.

And I was like, you look like you give a good massage. And he was like, oh, I could show you. And I was like, OK. And we're talking and talking. And he's like, do you want this massage or not? Do you have body oil? Obviously, the house that I was staying at had body oil. Thank you so much.

so we go into the bedroom and he's like uh i'm like should i take off my shorts i can't have a massage with these shorts on so i took them off but i also had on a bodysuit and he was like you should probably take that off too he's like because the straps gonna be in the way and i was like yeah yeah you right right so i'm like i'm like well don't look at me while i take it off turn around oh you're trying to be coy now bitch after you're like yeah come on through nigga and And now you're like, actually, hold on. But that situation was different because he had messaged. We had been talking for a couple of days.

Right. And he was like, what are you doing today? And I was like, oh, I just woke up. I'm hungry. And he was like, I could come to you and we can get some food in your neighborhood. I'm on my scooter. I'm like, zoop, zoop, skrrt, skrrt. So we came over.

We ate. He came to my house. We met at a thing. We ate, came back, butt naked, got a massage. And then we had sex. The sex was terrible. But I was also like, but what is your technique? my technique is um if it's not working for me i just leave my technique is also if you offer me

poppers my technique is also uh you got a car and you're picking me up then i'm coming over my technique is that like you know hot pocket okay your body your body is a vessel your body is a vessel to be used used properly you know I will say last night I had no makeup on and I just showed up like I had looked all day so that was last night but do you have a picture

of him that guy yeah I have a picture of him oh Marie see this is what I'm talking about when you went on your little like excursions I just wanted screenshots that's all I ask okay I have screenshots of this particular guy okay okay oh my god I'm excited I'm excited hold on wait wait obsessed

okay stressed out look Look at Junior Architect Oh you showed me that though We were talking We were like oh he's not bad looking But I was like I didn't like the pictures that he was taking No These pictures of a man in a mirror

I hate that That's why I'm starting with you In the mirror Yeah he's cute but there's nothing That I would be like blown away No he is basic And then two mirror pictures back to back It was a lot of selfies

in a mirror and I was like that's why that's why I was like just have friends yeah I was like he ain't got no friends

no social skills anyway he was definitely lying about being a junior architect and then at one point he pulled up a blueprint a random blueprint

on his face that was he did it that's Getty Images I was like what is that and he was like this is my job

and I was like but what is it what is this I was like but what is it he was like it's a school and I was like

oh this dude just had a chance so he's a janitor i was like he just got out of jail i was like there's no way that this man that is psychotic yeah and then he was like what are you doing tomorrow and i was like i don't know i'm gonna be busy though no i asked i said to him what are you doing and he was like seeing you and i was like oh no no no he said what do you have planned i was like stuff i'm gonna be busy he was like like what you got and i was like stuff and he was like all right so he was he was like i'm gonna pull up he's inside of you for like what five minutes it was very brief it was very brief

because as it was happening, I was like, you know what? Like, this is not, like, I have to go home after this. When it was in Amsterdam and when it was in London and when it was in France, it was like, oh, whatever. It doesn't matter. But here, I will potentially bump into that dude at Trader Joe's. Yeah. Potentially.

Yeah. And that's what I don't like. And he saw your Instagram. Yeah. He did. Yeah, he can write on your shit. He can write on your wall. He could, but I could also block him.

Block him now. I should block him now. You should block him. Wait, I was confused. How did, because. Or you should let him listen to the pod first and then block him. You know what I mean? How did you get penetrated by him without kissing him?

Ew, Andrew, we do not say penetrate here on the pod. We say penetration. We say penetration. Well, I did not say that. Because this is what happened. He was like, let me see your tongue. And I was like, I showed him, I was like, meh. Like I showed him my tongue and he was like, are you serious right now?

And I was like, what do you mean? This is my tongue. and he was like he's like pointing to his dick he's trying to do sign language hey can he's trying to get a blow job with sign language ew gross disgusting he was doing the world's greatest i was like i didn't come over here to suck your dick flat out that's what i said i did not come over here to suck your dick and he was like what and i was like i did not come here and i was holding his dick when i said this so i squeezed it i did not come here to suck your dick and he was like okay so what you trying to do and i was like how about i sit on your face instead girl he

was and his face he was so confused he was like he was like how is that the same thing and i was like it's literally the same exact thing the same thing and he was like oh and then i was like do you have condoms that's how he got inside me i asked if he had condoms oh yeah because i was like well i'm here so we'll see what happens so what what what size was it uh he pulled out a magnum condom oh they all pull out they all pull out a little extra medium condom and this is me watching him put it on just just staring right at you that that gif of the cat like uh filing its nails like just looking like yeah exactly yeah i was filing my nails sis i was like Is that what we're doing

Is that who you think you are So you think you can dance Anyway so we start having sex The whole thing was bad And he didn't kiss you But he didn't kiss you that's weird He didn't even try to go in and kiss you But also he probably was intimidated

He was like She just yelled and she's not gonna suck my dick Why would she kiss me Yeah but why are you asking me to suck your dick If you haven't even kissed me What are we talking about Yeah, you're skipping a lot of steps. Listeners, listeners, it's called foreplay.

Kissing is a part of the foreplay. Sis, when I tell you there was none, because it was like, well, what's on the table here? Let's discuss what's happening here. Okay, wait, was there a playlist? Was there any music, any candles? A movie was playing. What movie? Oh, I don't even know.

I don't even know what the movie was. So he hit you with a tired Netflix and chill background music. Sis, it wasn't even music. It was like an Italian film playing. Oh, my God, I almost forgot to tell you guys this. So when I was in Amsterdam, I matched with this dude, some old dude. He was like 44, right? And the first thing he says to me is, he was like, hey, you ever fuck a man?

And I was like, no, but I want to. And he was like, oh, well. He was like, tonight's your night. And I was like, tonight's my night. I'm going to go beg this man. I'm going to pick a man. he's 44 this australian man freaking messy a disaster because he started sending me videos he was like you want me to send you some videos and stuff that i do and i was like yes i do yes

i do send me videos and how were they they were nasty i'm blown away so he's talking to me and he's like so he's like well he's like i can send a car to come get you i was like okay he was like before you come over let's discuss what's on the table he was like kissing i was like no i'm not kissing you gross i'm just coming to peg you and then i'm leaving that's all that i want you got to do foreplay before you pack no don't be such an asshole he was like he was like you do drugs you need some drugs i got cocaine i'm on cocaine right now i was like poppers where's the poppers the poppers guy was after he used to provide you wait will you do poppers in the states now will i do states poppers domestic poppers i'm not i'm not i'm not going to purchase poppers

But if poppers are available in the home, then I'll do that. Shout out to Joel Kim Booster. Baby! Joel Kim Booster, Bowen Yang, everybody. Whoever got the poppers, let's go. Pull up. Pull up. Anyway, this guy and I did not.

I never met him. But I was fully prepared to peg this dude. And then he was like, okay. So he was like, I want to be able to kiss you on the mouth open, like with tongue. And I was like, oh, yeah. that's how you're not gonna get me to peg you sir he was like and then you're gonna peg me and then i'm gonna have sex with you and i was like no you just lost one you lost one right so that is what you just lost one i was fully prepared to peg this man though you might win some but

you just lost one because i was like it's gonna be bad but i was like at least i'm in amsterdam and I'm getting in work for when the picking matters. That's wild. Friends, the confidence, the stories, this has been out of control. I know. I should have done better. No, I did what I could for this first trip.

I think you did great. I think your next go-round, you're going to level up. You're going to put some more stank on it. But I'm proud of everything that you've accomplished in three weeks. The four people that I had sex with I mean I knew you for like The TV squirt was really honorable

Really Honorable Yeah I mean I I just watched it just kind of like Sly It was on the TV Are you serious

Are you You're lying You're gassing It was on the window sis No it was not It was freaking everywhere He sent me a text A message after I left

And was like Next time you gotta give up your mattress Cause It was like a big You see the size of this table That's how big the wet spot was Oh my god Maria I don't believe you

Alright You peed on that man. I guess I peed on him then. You fucking peed on him. Okay, because after I was done, I was like, oh, I have to go pee. And he was like, still. I was like, that's not what squirting is. It's not white pee.

You definitely peed. Sure. Maybe I did, sis, but I had to pee when I was done. So it's a lot of pee. You drank water and you did poppers. Poppers make you pee? Andrew? Sure.

Are poppers expert? I'm not a poppers expert by any means. Oh, you haven't done poppers? I've done poppers like a few times. I'm not on the bandwagon though. I'm out of the motherfucking loop. Let me introduce you to Sven or whatever the hell his name was. I mean, wow, this is the time of my life where I'm like, fuck, man, this is a bad time to be sober.

You want to do some poppers right now? Oh, I can't, friend. Let me get my clutch. I'm coming up on two years. If I was 30 days in, I would do some poppers. If I'd be like, I might as well relapse. It's just been 30 days. Well, I was like, well, what is poppers?

It's like keyboard cleaner or something. yeah they sell that like yeah like the hardware store i mean technically i could do poppers it's not a drug drug it's like huffing paint get you to me more on sis uh listeners if i'm a sober person can i do poppers the answer is no friend are you sure you gotta be sober all the way through no poppers for you what are you you gonna do poppers and bang somebody i don't know you know you know i'm in an open relationship so free agent open relationship can you tell the listeners what you're talking about, sis? I mean, I'll drop this bomb

like 10 minutes before the pot is over, but yeah, I'm in an open relationship. Just in case you see Adrian out there, don't text me. Don't send me no pictures,

no nothing. I don't want... Don't do it. Fully. And you know that was going to happen. People are going to be like, oh, that looks like...

That looks like Sidney's girlfriend. I'm famous. Yeah, I'm famous. I got a blue check. New York is small. Somebody was going to text me something

and I was going to be ready to fight. So, yeah, she's out here. She's going to have a hot girl summer. I'm allowing it. Yes, hot girl summer! I'm allowing it. Let Adrienne be free and fun.

Are you going to have a hot girl summer? What's happening, sis? You trying to do these poppers or nah? No, I'm all set. I'm just going to be real boring like I have been, you know, being consistent. Wow. Well, friend, listen, I am on, I bought, I didn't bring any gifts for anybody back from Europe, But I did bring

Slutty Reezy back So Slutty Reezy is here Yeah The whole centennial Has started with Six months left For the end of the year Yeah

But we out here Okay That's worth it Hot Girl Summer Act up Smacked up Andrew Hot Girl Summer

Yeah you're usually So private About all your sex stuff Yeah it's a lot All of it is on here And I'm going to We're editing it all out Not listen to this episode

We're def not editing Any of this out Take it all out We cannot All of it Every time I say That word dick Censor

Say Put like a And then I saw his Women That's our brand To not take anything out Of the pod So

Sydney Please We barely do any edits Hardly Yeah It makes my job so easy I mean I've literally Never asked for an edit

But I feel like Sydney Oh no You asked for one What did I ask you to take out About someone at work I said something mean About somebody at my You did

At my old job And now thinking about it You should have left it in You should have left it in You gotta leave it in It's so dumb It's so stupid It's total

Wait I have a couple of Shout outs Cause that's what We're gonna do now Oh yeah Wow I had Kathleen From Oregon

Send me Some Biscoff to go Gracias for you Kathleen You're amazing She wrote a little note To the Biscoff Queen Sydney

Don't let Marie Shame you Biscoff is Fucking delish Thank you And Marie For making me laugh so much

especially on the hard days XX Kathleen from Oregon oh you're so Kathleen shout out to you sister Kathleen you're so

so sweet we also have messages in our DMs as well on the unofficial expert page thank you guys for actually

you know listening to us and taking directions quite well honestly and truly you guys are the real I was really surprised I was like

oh look at them sending us stories wait somebody had an Uber story that was really funny um let me try to find that uh it was you have it queued up i didn't have it queued up boot up i wasn't i wasn't even thinking because i was just like oh i'm not gonna do this and then i'm like

actually i should because i did ask them um oh somebody wrote from london i think her name is sasha sasha hey girls i hope you're doing both i know i hope you're both shining and doing well just letting you know that i'm listening from my kitchen in sunny london oh that's That's just where we was Okay sis If you're in sunny London Go down to Shore Ditch And the hotel that I

The bartender works at Is called Actually I don't remember The name of the hotel Fuck Can you find out Yeah I'm gonna find out right now Okay

Let me continue Work's been a madness Work has been madness today So you two are bringing me Joy whilst I cook dinner You're both so witty And razor sharp Keep it up ladies

You're winning Alexandra X So sorry Alexandra from London Thank you baby Baby You're fantastic Let's do it

Oh and then We had Tiara send us A bad Uber experience I guess it's from the last Episode that we just put up Yep Last summer My mother and I

Went to go to the Met In NYC We caught an Uber Back to Penn Station And this guy Was the worst driver I've ever had When we got to the station

We tried to get out And he yelled at us To stay in the car Because he wanted to drop us around the corner what he then tries to take off and the taxi lane in front of the station and almost hits another taxi the taxi man starts yelling and our uber keeps moving forward and crashes into the taxi this is a battle of uber versus taxi that's what's really happening then the taxi man gets out of the car comes over and opens the backseat door and starts screaming

at us what ladies my mother and i were shook and i had to jump out and run away because of a full brawl i was about to happen the police ran over and eventually the police ran over eventually but my mom and i was out of there i wonder if they paid it's an uber they of course they paid yeah but i would have just wrote like oh my god here's my experience and uber was going to give them five dollars you know that's what uber does no no no real people wait hold on i got an uber like three weeks three days ago and my uber got in an accident i took pictures and everything boo i got out in the front i was taking photos send it to uber they sent me all my money back well it sounds like it sounds like they ran out and jumped on the long island railroad so i don't think that they they

took pictures of the uber crash there's other stuff but i can't find it right now uh you know there's you know i love that you guys are sending us stuff we feel way more official just keep sending this. If you guys have more than Biscoff, send that as well. Y'all got bathing suits? Bathing suits! Y'all got bathing suits? You got dick? Listen, I wear a size 2 in bathing suits, and I wear a size 12

in dick. And I'll take whatever she's having. I love the same. Some of the listeners are real cute in the DMs, too. What are they saying to you? Open your DMs. This is what they're talking about. Hey, Producer Andrew, love you on the

podcast in the background in the background well i made it bitch okay okay i know this is a big deal marie talking about her excursions and then andrew on the microphone like we're really just elevating as a group yeah this feels like a patreon episode honestly truly this is so free and it's stupid it should have been on patreon this is so free you know what marie said marie was like oh no no no i have to i have to tell all of this on the on the pod and i was like you know what's funny we got some more stories to put on the patreon anal in the ace we got that anal in the ace anal in the ace yeah marie you got another story that you didn't put on here oh wow you see how i do sis you see how i plug the baby

The Patreon. There's something wrong with you, dude. It is. Yeah, Sydney was like, save all your stories for the Patreon. And I was like, sis, it's too many people listening that know that I'm gone and want to know what's happening. Yeah. Eat, pray, hoe is a movement, sis. It's a mood.

Did you miss us? Miss who? The podcast? No, us. Like, all your friends, your family. Yeah, you know, some of the days. Some of the nights when I was out and I was like, ugh, I got to be out here by myself. I gotta be social out here

I'm not I'm not built to travel by myself You're not? I'm not built to be like traveling by myself if I'm meeting people who live in different cities yes but actually being on the road alone I was like this sucks

You had some companions though I had three companions and one of them was trash I mean one of them was nice but he's trash too Every time I saw you post something I was like, damn, Marie needs me. Because I was like, I know she has looks. Who can take pictures of her?

Honestly, and that was like the most upsetting part about the whole trip. It's like, who's going to take all these photos? No, you had some really cute photos. Yeah, that I took. Yeah. That I took, like the dude from last night, in a mirror. Which is fine. You're an influencer, and that's like our brand.

To have a mirror pic. It was crazy. but i um i left my my airbnb like 20 days earlier 21 days early and the chick was not trying to give me my money back what so i had it was this whole thing wait there's drama and my yeah and my grandfather had died the day before i left remember yeah i know and so um airbnb was like well if there's an extenuating sick circumstance then you'll get we'll get you your money back somebody died and I was like somebody did die. Actually somebody did die.

Actually yeah. So the trip was not at all planned because I thought oh three weeks one place I made no plans no arrangements to go nowhere else. Marie, Adrian just called. Hey Adrian you're on the pod. Oh I thought you were ringing the doorbell. Goodbye.

Oh my god. Ding dong. Wow do you hear that Oprah relationship energy? Oh my god. I just thought you were at the door. goodbye wow did you see how my own girlfriend curved me on my fucking podcast sydney what you gonna do you you need to have a hot girl summer too she's in an open relation you in an open relationship now we're gonna get you some hoes sis no i don't want to get you some hoes some

young boys no i don't want anybody i'm all set i'm i don't have the mental capacity janelle monet walks in right now lifts her skirt up what you doing sis i don't like these hypothetical cool scenarios. No, she's literally outside. She's coming in. Janelle Monáe is coming in to do seek treatment after this. She's coming to do La Folgerista after this. Ding dong.

Ding dong. Ding dong. So, no? No. She pulls up. You bump into her at the Ace Hotel, sis. What's happening? I really love that tightrope song that you had back years ago.

That's the game you're spitting, sis? Really love that song. Nothing from the new album. Nothing about hidden figures. Just that song that you released 19 years ago. I really loved your eyebrows in Moonlight. Wow. I have no game.

I know that I have no game. People message me in my DMs, and they're very respectful and friendly. And just there will be a couple people who will say, like, damn, no disrespect, but damn, you fine. No disrespect, but damn, them titties. no they don't say that they don't even say that they're very like they I'm

everybody's aunt it's crazy because I'm younger than everyone hilarious people don't say anything disrespectful to me and my DMs

either so there's that yeah well Marie you're fucking ruthless especially now you know I'm a hoe now so I really have

no filter no qualms about shutting down a man in a wheelchair sir I'm not sitting on you or that shit oh Merge

I'm not spitting on you He wore that chair He was like everything works Wait how did you not see that he was in a chair I wish I hadn't deleted Well he unmatched me but How did I not see he's not One of the pictures was like him laying in like a hammock

Yeah How did he get in a hammock He rolled He rolled up on a hammock and threw his body at it He was like This is the most problematic thing I think I've heard. Oh, we're all... This whole episode is problematic.

I feel like we'll have more to talk about as well going forward. We're going to try to get some A-list guests coming up. Oh. It's in the works. Oh. Merch, A-list guests coming soon. In the works. In the works.

Somebody messaged me on Instagram and was like, every time you guys say merch, is somebody writing down the stuff for merch and I was like I was for a while but then I realized that it was like you were saying merch after every single thing that I was like I can't keep up you can't keep up that right there is merch

yeah we fucking need merch but someone wrote me they were like yeah I think you guys saying merch is the bit is merch yeah it's merch I'm like yeah if you can make a shirt this is and then one person wrote me was like if you guys don't fucking make

something that is merch worthy already. I'm so tired of you saying merch. Just fucking do it already. What would be the one thing that you would... I was like, yeah, put some fire underneath my ass, bitch. Yeah, talk to me crazy. I love it. Okay, come on, hot girl of summer. Oh, I'm so fucking moist. Yeah.

Stick a bisque off in my ass. Yeah. I hate that. Stick a bisque off in my ass. Girl, that's crazier than anything that I've said on the radio. That actually is the most problematic. That's crazier than pizza and salad tossing. That's it. That's merch. Bisque off in my ass. I'm not wearing that shirt.

That's not coming to my side. Merch. What did you say, Andrew? What was your question? No, no, no. What would be the one thing that you would put on the merch? Cut and gaunt. And then literally the word merch.

I like merch. Merch is so funny. It's merch. Yeah. I mean, that's what we do. In Ariel font. Just big bold. Ariel, live action.

What do we think? So I don't care about these live actions. I was like, we are so bored. We literally cannot, we can't do new content. We have to go back in the vault and make things revamped. But there's new stuff there. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about a black mermaid.

I feel like they gave her red locks and it's like. Was that a real photo? Yeah. Was it? Yeah. We put her on set in like a vintage not mermaid outfit. I don't know. I feel like it's going to look bad.

I have a lot of thoughts about it. But somebody was like, yeah, but Brandy gave us Cinderella. and it was like the best Cinderella ever. And I was like, oh, I forgot we had a black Cinderella and Whoopi was in it and the prince was Asian. They gave us everything. They gave us multicultural

Cinderella. So maybe they'll do it up. That's what I'm saying. Maybe they'll do it well. No, but the Melissa McCarthy of it all. Oh, Melissa McCarthy is Ursula and that I think is problematic. Why? Because Ursula, in my mind, is either a big black woman or

a big black drag queen. Like, Ursula is not a funny, goofy white lady, right? Melissa McCarthy's not going to play. She's not going to give us drama. She's going to give us kind of like silly Ursula. Yeah, also she can't sing. And she can't sing! Yeah.

Mass. Yeah, but I'm not here for black Ursula taking a white woman's voice. I'm not here for that. I mean, I feel like a drag queen could have done it and would have done it. Yeah, they should have had a drag queen. Right? I would have been here for a drag queen. That would have been so much fun.

It would have been great. Rob the Drag Queen would have nailed it. Disney would never do that. Disney would never. The one character in live action, Beauty and the Beast, was supposed to be gay. And then people were like, we're not even showing it at the theater. We can't even show it to the children. They can't watch this.

Who's supposed to be gay? The one that's in love with Gaston? Yes, yeah. That little one. I think it was like Josh Gad. So was he gay in the movie? I didn't watch it. I just read all the headlines.

Why are they so complicated? It's a fucking animation. Yeah, but people like what they like. Like when the Hunger Games movie came out, people were like, Rue is black in the movie? In the book? It doesn't say she's black. And it was like, she's not even a main character, sis. Like, let this little black girl get her little check.

And they were like, no. People get super upset about this movie stuff. Yeah. It is wild. I saw the new Spider-Man and Zendaya is Mary Jane. That's cute. Is she good? What character is this?

Was she good in it? Is this black girl playing I mean I don't She's taller than Spider-Man Work Don't make no I was like

They could have picked Feminism Kirsten Dunst back here Oh my god With her fucked up teeth Oh my god Hey hey hey hey Hey she has character

Merch Merch Well Did we learn anything today So much I'm just like I'm exhausted from Everything that you told us

Marie I'm so glad that you You're like You're turning a new leaf you're telling us your business you're fucking left and right yes yes yes no condom

oh condoms every time what you talking about baggy magnums no condoms why is this one time you nasty whore you nasty bitch you nasty

you disgusting you cunty whore you don't wash your mouth out with soap ya bitch I'm never coming back cross the ocean whore up the table Andrew you could keep

telling us your business and you know there's always a chair for you at the podcast if there's nobody sitting in it oh of course this is the first time I've ever sat in this shirt.

It feels so weird. Well, you know, now... Because your butt is still moist from the salad, Dawson? Last week, yeah, it still follows up. Well, the good thing is, is that people were already sliding in your DMs before,

but now it's like, y'all should just flood that shit. Or put Shady Palm Trees all over his fucking Instagram. How about that? Can we Jack Knight Andrew, please? Can we do that? Shady Palm Trees all over his shit.

I need it. And for those of you who have not yet done this, and I'm sure it's many of you. Go ahead and go to Jack Knight's page on Instagram. We can. He just bought a Tesla. He has money.

He just bought a Tesla. He bought a Tesla? Yeah, he just texted me. He rented a Tesla or he bought a Tesla? No, he bought a Tesla. Well, that's what happens when you make that grownish money, that blackish. He's making ABC money.

It's fucking stupid, man. I know. I can't wait. To ride in that Tesla? No, no, no, no. I can't wait for us to get that kind of money. if I had that type of money then I would we still wouldn't buy that car

I wouldn't buy that car but I would be even meaner to men and meaner to me so I would not be meaner to you sis I'd be meaner to men I would literally you'd be nicer to me in the app I'd be the same level of mean to you consistent level mean

slash nice would you take me to dinner sis were we not talking about us both having money and you're asking You know what, Sydney, you have a job now and I'm unemployed and you have not taken me to dinner with your corporate card. So honestly, I don't have one. Honestly, let's not forget when I was you when I was a waitress, I was like Marie was my girlfriend. Whatever you want. You want to Ubers? I got you.

Let's get food. You want drinks? Oh, yeah. Remember on Valentine's Day when you saved me, you sent me that Uber. I was on a date with this dude and he was. Oh, my God. I got an Uber all the way from the Upper East Side and brought you to my job. I am fucking grade A we are

I'm so glad we're together here give me your hand I missed you I got chips I got bisque off you're such a bitch I got bisque off in my hand

give me your hand I love you alright bye guys thank you so much thank you so much for listening to the pod make sure you rate subscribe

review all that shit and don't be ho shaming okay eat pray ho

and if you get there and you feel like you not gonna come tell him I didn't come here to suck your dick yeah that's merch that's the line

I didn't come here to suck your dick is merch. Can that be our second shirt? That's our second shirt. The first one is merch. Merch. The second one is I didn't come here to suck your dick. Can we get stickers? Oh, my God.

Stickers. I love it. License plates. All right. Bye, guys. Thank you. Love your terrible faces. Bye, friends.

Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram,

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