MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Rock, Scissor, Sisters

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

This week Sydnee and Marie are BACK in the studio talking all things life MESS, but most importantly -- go through y'alls MESSages!    Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you're listening to mess yo you've been seeing the cardi b yes i watched a bunch of those clips today she's doing work over there she's like the fuck i was like yes she's like the courtroom is your homeroom she was like well i was 130 pounds at the time so she has security built i said no she looked like she could she could guard a building i said this is crazy they have to Strike that from the record. No, I love it. But then the lawyer's doing a terrible job, too. He's so bad.

He's like, is this a wig? Your hair was short yesterday. Today it's long. He said, no, it's a good wig day. He said, it's a good wig day. I said, sir, he cannot say that in the court of law. He can. She's been cursing on the stand.

I love it. If you can't curse on the stand as a celebrity, what can you do? You know? It's really funny. She's actually being her true self. What is she in court for? Apparently, the woman is, the security is suing her for $24 million because she said Cardi B attacked her, scratched her. She had to get plastic surgery.

She don't have no photo evidence. She has all these bills from all these treatments she had to get. She has PTSD, all the lies. I wish they took it to Judge Judy instead. They said this actually should go to Judge Judy. Yeah. Yeah. But also, $24 million for a scratch?

And it happened seven years ago. Oh, so she was so disfigured from the scratch that she just now coming out. It's crazy. Well, we'll get into it. We'll talk about it. Yes, we started the mess right up top, and I love that for you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sydney, how you feeling?

I mean, you know, fresh off a vacation. A vacation. Vacation. So, you know, I'm glowing and feeling good. What would you say is the biggest difference between a vacation and a vacation? Vacation is like you're taking a break from reality. And it's about you. You know what I mean?

A vacation is about us. Yeah, it's about a couple things. I don't think I've ever taken a vacation. Really? No. Like a tropical one? Yeah. No.

You sure we haven't taken it? I said a vacation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have, we have. Many times we didn't go into the tropics. Many times we've been on the beach. I mean, yeah, remember we did Costa Rica? That was kind of a vacation. It was, because we were in the boutique, a boutique hotel.

We was in the little honeymoon suite. It was. It was such a good time. We were watching music videos. We were being loud. Girls, girls, girls. Yeah, you got to get friends that you can travel with. Yeah, yeah, it was a good time.

Man, when I got sun poisoning, the whole hotel knew about it. And they were laughing because you, you were on a thousand. Well, Sydney had that Finding Nemo whale hump forehead. Yeah. Damn. You said, girl, did you get bit by a spider? What's up? The spider didn't lay eggs in your head.

Like, you were going crazy. Because, you know, I was laying next to my bae every night, and I was like, that could have been me. Girl. And then you went out to eat, and they were like, is she okay? She's like, yeah, yeah, she's fine. She got to ice it. She got to lay it down. I said, I'm just going to put a hat on.

We'll take a bag of peas. Yeah, it was so bad because you were fine, but you wore a hat the whole time. Did I? Yes. Yes. I don't know why you don't like wearing hats in the sun before that. Because I was just like, it's my birthday. I want to be glowing.

I want to have an even tan or whatever. Yeah, but the hat is not going to keep you from having an even tan, babe. It felt like it because sometimes my face will be lighter than, you know, my body. So I was like, let me get some sun. Tell your body to chew, chew, chew, chew, chew. Oh, that, listen, that lump, that lump of coal on my forehead told me to chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. And now you wear hats. And now I wear hats.

And I'm just like, now I got to match the hat with the bathing suit. It's a lot of work. But you don't have to match the hat with the, like, I feel like mismatch is in right now, okay? If it don't go, if it's giving party on the top and business on the bottom, people are like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Actually, the worse you look, the worse the fit, the better you look. I will say that, especially with the men. Like, you could go out looking, like, head to toe, perfectly put together, iron, smelling good, looking good, nothing.

Iron, okay, classy. Nobody's saying anything. When I'm telling you, hair is flipped, edges is rough, crusting, oh my God, God has blessed you, mama. Excuse me, can I have a moment of your time? You may not. Yeah, toes looking all rolled over, linked over. Girl, I saw a man smoking crack. Hold on.

Wait a minute. Wait, let me put a pin in the crack. That's a crazy opening line. Put a pin in the crack. But not for New York. Put a pin in the crack. But I haven't heard that in a while. Well, I might have.

I don't know. Maybe it's something different. I don't know what they smoking on stoops in 2025. What's the new crack? Crack is like vintage. Which is insane because I just watched a documentary about the Toronto mayor who was caught smoking crack on camera. The fat white guy? Yeah.

Ron. Ron. Ron something. Crack on camera is crazy. Yeah, you said they don't have it. They're lying. That's the name of a porn. Crack on camera is insane.

And it will be on Tubi. Crack on camera. By Tyler Perry. Okay. Now, what were you going to say? Well, no, I wanted to first say, I think men like women that look kind of crusty, dusty, bland, because it makes you more relatable to them. Approachable.

Yeah, but I mean, even if you're wearing Bottega Veneta from head to toe, and you ironed, as you said, and everything in your life is in order, a man is still going to come up to you and be like, excuse me, queen, I didn't mean to. Please. Yeah. Please. I try not to even, I can't even give direct eye contact anymore.

Good. You need glasses? No, because people think that I'm eye-fucking them, and that's just not the case. I'm dissociating. I'm dissociating. I'm looking at you, but something else is going on in the brain. I'm not really focused on you. You're just in the way.

You're just in the way. You're just in the way. Another great film title. You're just in the way. It's about Caitlyn Jenner hitting someone with her car. Oh, my God. also by Lizzy Grubman shout out to my girl Liz

what's up I'm screaming anyway so this guy was smoking crack and I was crossing the street I was leaving the cellar to buy a Powerball lotto ticket because I keep seeing the same couple numbers over and over again and

somebody was like you have to buy it you should play that and I was like okay play that where and she was like the Powerball and I was like what's it at and she was like the lottery and I was like no what's it at and she was like It's the lottery. And I was like, what's the number? I think it's at like $800 million now because no one won.

Yeah. And you know what? I never play the lotto. My dad used to play it all the time because he swore he was going to win. He hasn't won yet. But I would play it for $800-something million. Yeah, but they said it's probably going to be some like retire a couple in the Keys or something like that. Yeah.

They said it won't be. It's going to be a grandma and her grandson, and she's going to sue him for his half. I know. I remember that. It was so good. And I was like, you sue Charlie. Sue him now. No.

But also, if you win $800 million, you're going to get 400 aftertags. Well, the thing is, which I've told the people, it's like, first of all, get a financial advisor. Second of all, don't get it all at once. Get it over time. But what if the lotto runs out of money? What do you mean? Then where's my money? What if the whole thing collapses and I only got, you know, like $10 million?

See, you're not thinking in abundance, sis. You just won the lotto. You're already thinking, oh, what if this, you got, the money's coming. Let me tell you how I would do it. If I won that much money, I want it all at the same time in change. I'm jumping in and out of it like Aladdin in the Cave of Wonders, sis. I'm Scrooge McDuck. You want to be Scrooge McDuck.

And, you know, he was also really shy with his money. So that's the problem. Yeah. I don't think he was very generous. I think, you know, history has shown people with the most money is like, Mr. Burns, this is mine. No, no, no. I mean, if I have $400 million, I think I'd be pretty generous. I'd give you a million dollars.

You would? Absolutely. Girl, you gots to win this $800 million. Emily, make it happen, baby. Yo, we still haven't hit Emily up. I know, I know, we're so unserious. But I told someone else about it, and I think they did it. Okay, well, let me know how their life is going.

I'll let you know. So, so far, I haven't seen any signs. But, you know. They still doing bad? No, I never said that. I never said that. Yeah, no, I would give everybody. Everybody?

In my family. Wow, you didn't even let me finish. Okay, yeah. Mom a million, dad a million, brother a million, sister a million, Sidney a million. I would give my aunt a million. I would give away like the first ten. Yeah, Tati. And after that, don't say nothing to me.

Tati. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I still wouldn't pay my student loans. Of course not. Why would I? they didn't work for that money

go ahead and garnish my wages babe but the thing is is that you're gonna give the million dollars and then when we go out to eat and stuff you're like

oh yeah no you got the money 100% you pay for your own meal and actually pay for mine as well nah yeah yeah

I'm like come on now we could every other it you know I'm not above I got this time oh you got last time I got the you know what I mean I feel like that's

how it should be and I don't know how fast you would blow through your million but just know that I had another $390 million left. I would have to get a financial advisor. I would have to start investing in stocks and bonds.

Sure. Would you start a business? Would I start a business? Yeah. A million dollars is not enough to start a business. Well, I was saying if you won the whole thing. If I won the whole thing, I would have to talk to my financial advisor first,

and then we work through that. I am not doing anything on my own. And you also know that because my mind is always running and racing, I'm going to already be like, well, there's three businesses we have to start up top. Okay. And those are? One business is going to be obviously a dating, a dating. Oh, a dating business.

A dating. We helping y'all with your love lives. A dating business because I think we have two different opinions on dating and everybody needs both of those opinions. and then at the end we do rock, paper, scissors to see what advice you take? Oh, that business sounds like

it's booming, sis. It's booming, okay? Who doesn't want that? Rock, paper, scissors? Yes, rock, paper, scissors. Rock, paper, sisters. Rock, paper, sisters. That would be the name of the app.

Rock, paper, sisters. Bitch. How many people would download that? Rock, paper, sisters. Rock, paper, sisters. It has a ring to it. Sis, should we get tattoos?

Rock, paper, scissors? Yes, a picture of a rock. A picture of paper. Rock, paper, scissors. No, sisters. Sisters. Sorry, I'm a lesbian, so I'm thinking about the scissors. Right, rock, paper, scissors.

My bad. You know what? Do that. That's for the gays. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, that's the lesbian dating app. Rock, paper, scissors. We're going to have the two emojis with the two girls that's like twins.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The girls from The Shining. Yes. No. Okay, okay. so wait you saw a guy smoking crack and that was it

oh damn wow okay we're still on crack I saw this guy smoking and I was crossing the street so I just like smiled over at him and I was like

look at this man laid out on the porch like smoking he was wrapped in a like a powerpuff girls blanket and I was walking by and he saw me

smile at him and he said hey wait let me talk to you for a second hey come let's talk I said

I didn't even slow my stride down we have nothing to discuss you never know what you think he's a financial advisor in another lifetime in another lifetime hey let me talk to you hey come here let me talk to you i said no damn no so y'all didn't talk about anything what do i have to talk to about with a man that's laid out on literally on the stoop on west fourth smoking in a blanket sydney the thing is is that Marie. Threat count? You again, you're not thinking in abundance. For me, for me, I'm open to many

conversations because it will lead you somewhere that you didn't even know. Yeah, girl. You're under a bridge sucking a dick. No, hold up. See, that's and I think we have to I think crack has had such a bad PR run. Whoa. Because I don't think everybody is underneath a bridge doing that for crack. What do you think they do? And most times I think people are actually doing that underneath a bridge for love and not for crack for the love of the crack babe no for the love of love no no i love you so much let's go under this bridge like two trolls no so i could suck it yes nazis it it has happened not not to me not to me you said it has happened like it was something like you definitely not to me or been a part i just heard the stories i've heard the stories and

And, you know, I've been in a park before. I've been on a bench. Oh. Yeah. What you was doing on the bench? I didn't do that, but things transpired. And I did that for love. And no drugs were involved.

So I think this is a non-judgment zone. No, no, no. Over there where you're sitting is non-judgmental. And this is why we need rock, paper, sisters in all things dating. Sydney, you think I should have stopped to talk to the people on the porch smoking? It was more than one. It was a guy sitting next to him, and there was a guy leading over the railing. It was three people.

Look at that friendship. You understand? Some people can't even get one friend to meet up with them during the week. There's three friends meeting up? Girl. And they're involved in a community-based activity. The community is crack? I'm not doing this.

They decided to meet up and do something together. Not a lot of people can say they do that. Every day people decide to do something and then they get together, Sydney. Literally every day. Okay. Well, let me tell you about my get together, my vacation, the mess of it all. Vacation was so good that Sydney is trying to put a positive spin on crack. I know.

That's how you know I'm happy. That's how you know. Or also, I just want to let everybody know, I upped my medication. The meds are medding. The meds are medding. That was my second. That was going to be my second guess. I told him, shoot them up.

Well, not shoot them up, but I told the psychiatrist, I said, hey, my ADHD is out of control. I'm really having a hard time. Is there anything you can prescribe me? Because I was hoping for. For the good stuff. Let's say it with me. ADD medication. Oh.

Oh, I was right there with you, sis. Okay, yeah. I said the long version. Vyvanse, whatever. I was like, I was open to it. And he said, well, there's a shortage. And I said, that sounds ghetto. What do you mean there's a shortage?

This is big pharma. Because everybody got ADHD now. Big pharma. Big pharma. This is big pharma. Y'all, this is a billion dollar company. What do you mean you're out of it? You're out of it.

This is not like, you know, a bakery. You should have tons and tons and tons of this stuff. They said, hey, we can't even start you on this because you might get the first batch and then next month you have nothing. And I was like, well, I'm only going to use it when I need it. Which is, say it with me, every day. Every day. And then I told him about, you know, I used to, you know, drink and do drugs and, you know, I have an addictive personality.

And he said, yeah. Why do you tell your psychiatrist this? Well, because you can't lie. You have to tell the truth, Marie. Yeah, but did he ask? If he didn't ask, did you have to tell him? Yeah, he said, thank you for telling me that and then wrote it down. He crossed it right out there.

He was like, you will not be getting that. That shortage is going to be forever, babe. He said, no way. He said, well, thank you for being honest. I really appreciate that. Most people wouldn't. And I said, fuck. I messed up.

Girl, he ripped the sheet up. He went like this. He put the prescription right in the trash. So he said, listen, what you're on, we're just going to bump that up. And that should actually help you focus. What? Mm-hmm. Oh.

Yeah. A buy one, get one anxiety medication? Yeah, I think I'm on 120-something now. What were you on before? Not enough. Not enough, friend. Damn, girl. Slide me a couple cubes.

Oh, I'm on 150. Oh. Yeah. He said, actually, that's not a lot. 150 out of what? Like, what's the max? I mean, he said some people are on 37, and he said that's nothing. That's really just like a placebo at that point.

All I'm saying is on the pod, I am here for medication, prescription, therapy, psychiatrist. Get all the help. You can't do it alone. Yeah, people who raw dog life, shocking to me. And I know people who like try to push through with no weed, no prescription, nothing, no nothing. And they, I don't know how they do it. I really don't. I say this.

Listen, if getting out of the bed feels like a chore, you might need a little something. You might also maybe need to go to bed earlier. No. No. Yeah. Uh-uh. No. It's never about that.

I'm getting all the rest I need. It's never something you can change. If I feel like if you wake up and it feels like a golden retriever, like a hard-ass, dirty golden retriever is laying on your chest, you might need to call somebody. Girl, you might need to stop sleeping in that weighted vest. I didn't get a weighted vest. Why? I didn't get a weighted vest. 16 pounds.

Stop sleeping in it. 16 carriages. You got to take. I'm on my chest when I do my walks. Girl. Yeah. So anyway, wait, did you have any mess? Well, I mean, I guess we should start with y'all should come see me in London.

Yes, we do. That's not mess. No, that's not mess. That's just living. You should absolutely come see me. That is just living. You know, I come to London every year. I do my little.

She lives there. I do my little residency. Sydney thinks my soulmate might be in London. Hey. Hey. She said that's where he's at. Hey. And you know what?

I received that. I'm putting it out there. And then I'm going to need you to pull up on Emily in real life. Oh. Because I think she's in the UK, too. She is. But I don't think her address is listed nowhere, sis. Okay, never mind.

Never mind. Like a regular psychic. Okay, never mind. Never mind. Okay, so your man is in London. That's what Sydney said. And he should be at these shows. Now, where are the shows at?

What are the dates? Underground. Oh, that's crazy. Underbelly Boulevard. That's the name. My shows are in Soho. I'm doing a bunch. You should definitely come see me.

In the years prior, I've done it. And the tickets have sold very quickly. Yeah. This year, y'all taking y'all time. Like, what's happening? Is it a recession over there? Is it a terrace? Is it a terrace?

In the UK, hun. What's going on? Let's have a chat. Why you not buying these tickets? What's going on? Anyway, I'll be there. The first three days are listed. You should absolutely come see me.

I feel like this is the year that I have the most fun in London. When none of your friends are there? I just feel like I, I mean, who said my friends not going to be there? What you doing on October 2nd? 16 carriages. I mean, honestly, honestly, you know, if I hard deposit here too, you know what, I might, I might be there. My sister said she might come to London too. Oh, that's so nice.

But I just, I feel like it's going to be the most fun because I just, I want to explore. I'm going to find the cool black people with disposable income and we're going to have a good ass time yes so if you're listening right now

what I want you and need you to do I need you to go to that website I need you to get those tickets I need you to www

how many w's was that too many .instagram.com okay just go to my page the link is in my bio go to her page get those tickets

and then on top of that I need you to tell a friend to tell a friend to tell a friend bring all the hoes and hopefully one of the hoes got a man

that they on the rocks with and they might break up at the show. It don't even need to, I don't want a rebound British man. I'm just saying like, come to the shows. My bad. In your good clothes.

So like after the show's over and I'm like, what we doing after this? You're like, we going. Yeah. And then I'll come with you. Just, you know,

don't kidnap me. Yeah. I'm honestly, I'm very excited about this. You're going to have a blast. Every time we've gone to London, it's been so much fun. And just, you're so funny there.

You're a star. And, yeah, sell that bitch out. Wow. Thank you, friend. Yeah. Yeah. Sydney came to London last year for, like, three days. I did.

I said, bitch. I did hop on that plane, and I said, you know what? I'm going to see my sis. And then you were like, you want to do some time? And I said, what? Get out of here. I didn't even come here to do comedy. I mean, that's crazy.

I just came to see you, bitch. LOL. And I was like, oh, my God. Look at my friend. And then a little tear came out. And I was like, oh, my God. And they wrote about us in The Guardian. They said that you were great.

They said they thought I made a mistake by making you go before me because you were such a funny comedian. And then they said I was great, too. Yes! Actually, honestly, what you should do is you should repost that review. Oh. Yes, baby. You always listen. Come on.

Always be promoting. Sid GPT. Sidney, you're so smart. Here for you. all right well sis what's your mess let's get into that what's my mess i got two messes cool okay first mess is i'm back on instagram i am back yes i'm back that is a mess to come back to be gone for so long and think everything is going to be cute.

It's not. You got to get back in. You see the DMs. I'm stressed. I see the DMs. I say, I think I'm going to close the app. I'm going to close the app. What are people DMing you?

Well, I had a, you know, something that's not messed, but also messed. I had a half hour come out on Hulu and for Kevin Hart, go watch it. People are DMing me. Hey, this popped up.

Why are you not promoting this? hey what's going on why are you not question mark is this you yes it says City Washington is this you

yes this you yeah yeah they're like why aren't you promoting this I was like

hey I just got back online so you know maybe I'm not in the algo you know they hate they hate on a but also

on a brown skin girl girl but if they go to your page they see that you have posted about it well

no no no I posted after the fact. After the fact. Yeah. Gun to head. Gun to head. Hey, man.

So what did you do for all these years? So you just not, this is what we do this for. Yeah. Gun to head. So you're just not going to post? And I said,

you know what? I got to be more free. Yeah, what's, what do you think is the hardest thing about posting for you? Like, what is the hang up now? That's what I,

if I could focus. You need Adderall to post. Yeah, to get the pictures out because what happens is I start trying to put things together and then three hours and pass and I have not pressed send.

Oh, I get that. But you know what? My new thing about that is I'll assemble all my stuff and then I'll save it to drafts and then I'll go away and come back to it. And when I come back,

I'll be like, actually, I don't like that there. Or, you know what? I think I should put, like, because what happens is if I don't do that, I'll post

and then I'll be like, oh, I should have added this photo. I should have put that in. I should have. So I save it to drafts and then come back to it. That's smart. Sometimes even like sleep on it. And then when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, sleep on it.

And I get back with you when I wanna. You, you, people, trust in me. You, you, people, trust in me. And I must say, I've never even heard that song. I've only ever seen it on Making the Band. Really? Yes. Can we get into

Danity Kane Both albums Bangers It was two albums? Two albums Bangers Do you have a first aid kit handy? Yeah

Oh we sounded good We should be in Danity Kane Damage Damage Damage Damage I thought that I should let you know Damage

Yeah so Okay so back on I gotta do that that's fine but now they've upped your dosage so you should be good we'll see because he said two weeks oh okay why is everything so two why is it not immediate because whenever I would take

you know a line of cocaine that's quick how long does it take for coke to hit do I need to crush it and then snap no see this is why if I told my psychiatrist he would actually take all my medication away but it might hit you faster I can't I actually have time

release i have time release oh so it's going okay so it releases slowly slowly yeah okay girl so that's why it's two weeks i know yeah yeah i gotta take some time and it's fine you know i'm in a rush because i'm like we don't have time for this i wasted you know five months not being in the mix you know no but you didn't waste any time sydney social media is not going anywhere people are literally on it every single day do you hear that every day do you check it all day marie motivational speaker put that in your bio you know why

because my time release capsule just hit wait a minute my time release also just released 25 milligrams

no just 5 today oh just 5 just a cute 5 a cute 5 yeah just 5 today just 5

is that the title of the episode just 5 I got 5 on it I like that too yeah that's nice anyway

people are online every single day all day long like I I feel myself do it I wake up in the morning, I check my email, I check my messages, I check Instagram. Then I go back to my email, then I check my messages, then maybe I'll check X. Then I go back.

It's like, and I'm doing it in a loop. There's nothing changing. And it's like, hey, babe, let me step away from this and go brush my teeth. Ooh, okay. And that's crazy because I got an email today about eight morning habits everybody should be doing. Okay, let's start. And one of them is not picking up your fucking phone. Well, my phone is my alarm, so I got to touch that first.

Norton antivirus anti-scan right now happening. Oh, on the phone? I didn't even know that's still a thing. Oh, no. Not Norton. I got it. Norton, no! So it says you need to drink a glass of water.

Sure. That's the first thing you need to do when you wake up. Drink a glass of water. Heard. Hydrating daily intake water bottle that helps you. So take a sip. If everybody's listening right now Take that sip

You're listening to the pod So that actually is the first thing You should be doing in the morning Listening to the pod We should be your alarm We should be your alarm Yeah so you listen to the pod Right

And then write a review Don't forget that That's the second thing Skip the snooze button Skip the snooze You got to stop doing that snooze Five more minutes for what? Get up now

Well let me tell you You know what? Let's finish your list Okay exercise for 30 minutes okay you lost me there the third thing I'm not doing that

look sustains energy throughout the day boosts mood improves focus supports better sleeping habits if going to the gym

isn't your thing you don't need much to work out at home you heard listen yoga mat dumbbells

resistance bands listen yoga with Adrian yoga with Nicole Drew Santoya bodies by Raven Pilates by Raven There you go

Like it's mad things And you can You can structure it Based on like You wanna do 10 minutes You wanna do 20 minutes You wanna do 30 An hour

Like all good stuff Yes I'll stand by all of those people Perfect Okay You gotta eat the right breakfast You gotta eat Y'all gotta stop being

On an empty stomach And then texting And tweeting And posting Responding to emails You posting on E And that's why The shit be looking

The way it do That's why I don't Be getting enough likes Exactly You gotta eat Before you post Yes you gotta What's a good breakfast?

So it says overnight oats. Oh, no. Yeah. No, that's not going to work for her. Becca Ramos said that she's got a good overnight oats recipe. You're going to have to send it to us. You just let it sit in what? Milk?

Waters? You put it in a little jar. You put it in a jar. I put protein powder, like a scoop of vanilla protein powder. Okay. A scoop of oats, coconut milk. Okay. And then sunflower butter or whatever.

No, no, no. No, no. Sunflower butter. No, we don't have. We don't. You can do peanut butter. You can do almond butter. Whatever you want.

I like sunflower butter. And then cinnamon and banana. Oh, that sounds good. Banana. No, that sounds nice. You put the, you chop the banana up and you put it in there and then it. I actually mash the banana with the cinnamon. Ooh.

Kind of like a paste. Okay. See, that feels like a lot of steps. Okay. So when you. It's supposed to be easy. Becca, when you make that, can you take a picture of it so we can put it in the dump? Okay, cool.

All right. So we need breakfast because it boosts your metabolism, controls your blood sugar, provides fuel for the day, prevents hangover. We be hangry, yo. I'm sorry that I yelled at Marie. Marie, I was hungry. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I, too, was hungry.

Okay. But I've been boiling eggs now. I love them. Today, I did two hard-boiled eggs. Yes. I cut them up. I ate them with a little salt, a little pepper. A little salt and pepper.

I put a little garlic salt on there, too. Oh, sure, sure, sure. For two salts. Yeah. But yeah, like that's, we need the protein, first of all. We're not getting enough of that in our daily day. I'm doing protein shakes now. I love a protein shake.

Those are good. That's a meal replacement. That's not a mess. You got to do that. Okay. You got to start a dream journal. Oh. So that, you know, you do morning pages and things of that sort.

That's good. And I had to do them today. Yeah. So those are important. And it's just like, you know, writing down things that you thought about. This feels like a lot. Yeah. So drink water.

Yep. don't hit snooze yep work out for 30 minutes dream journal and eat breakfast that's five things

yep what's the last couple it says you got to play a brain game oh Wordle yeah like

Sudoku Crossword you gotta keep your brain in tip top shape my shit is like wobbity wobbity drop it like it's hot

cause I'm not playing enough games that make my brain really think you know You got to play games with your girl, though. Play games. Play games with your girl.

This sounds like I got to wake up three hours earlier than I already wake up. Coochie giving Sudoku. Coochie giving Sudoku? Sudoku? The Coochie's giving that? I don't know what I'm saying. All right. Okay, and then the last thing is eat the frog.

What? Eat the frog. What is that? Yes. Do my Duolingo? No, it's the thing is, Whatever the thing is the hardest that you have to do for the day, you got to do that first. That's called eating the frog.

Yeah, eat the frog. White people, y'all come up with something new every day. It's by Mark Twain. Yeah, he was white. If the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that it's probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long. If the first thing I do in the morning is eat a live frog, I'm feeling my lungs getting kicked in by this frog for the whole day. Yeah, that WB, nigga. That's a WB.

Yeah, no, I'm all set to that. But yeah, if you do the hardest thing first, you've accomplished it. And you're like, oh, I did that. I know I can do more. If I do the hardest thing first, that's my whole day. There's nothing else is getting done if I do the hardest thing first. You could take a nap. What?

You can take it after you do the hard... I can't take a nap until I... Girl, first of all, I got to do my taxes still. That's the hardest thing. Me too, bitch. Damn. I don't know what you...

I was like, what? You can't read lips? It sounded like you were saying bindu. Take the glasses off. I said bindu. I said, what? God. Why would you not...

This is an audio platform. Why would you not say me too for the audience? Because I was not trying to tell the audience. I was trying to talk... Oh, you're trying to leave me out here by myself. Yes, girl. Just lonely one is the loneliest number out there. Because it's like, what would Reezy do?

Oh, we should get bracelets. What would Reezy do? What would Reezy do? Okay, Reezy is going to be 30 minutes late. She's going to avoid, avoid, avoid. And I'm not going to eat that frog. And she's not going to eat that frog. No, ma'am.

Have you ever had frog legs? No. I heard they're very good. I'm all set. They're like, it tastes like chicken. Just eat chicken. Just eat chicken. Just eat chicken.

Just eat chicken. Yeah. Yeah, I'm tired of the alternatives. Oh, it's like this, it's like that. No, just get the home base. Like, get it where it's supposed to be. How do you feel about an Impossible Burger? You know, those are slamming.

I actually do like those. Remember we went to that ASOS event at, what's that place? At the flower shop? Yep. And they had them Impossible Burgers. Yo, we slammed them down. I said, did they cook this next to a cow? Yeah.

Why it tastes like that? I said it's not a cow, but it was made by a cow. It was made with cow love. Yeah, because the cow was like, don't eat me. Eating me? That's impossible. Ooh, impossible. Impossible.

Impossible. We are really giving y'all a playlist this time. We are. Like, so many hits. If somebody can make a list of all the songs we sang throughout the pod. I mean, we did a couple of Beyonce's. We did. We did.

Danity Kane. Danity Kane. Yeah. And we did Cinderella. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, okay. We're worried.

We were talking about your mess. We were talking about my mess. And I don't remember what it was. It was about posting online. We've moved on to that. Yeah. The second thing was, this is something serious. Oh.

This is something serious. Hold on. Let me fix my glasses. And I think we need to talk about this. Okay. Whenever you have something serious to say to somebody, you should ask them, hey, do you have space? Do you have space to be serious?

Because the first thing, the first thing, no. Well, because I'm going to, I'm going to lean into the funny. I'm, I'm unserious. I don't like, I don't like when it's, you know, too, too scary, too heavy. Heavy, heavy. You are so heavy on me. I don't know that song. Dreamgirls.

Oh. In your dreamgirls. That's you wearing your 16 pound vest. Heavy, heavy. yeah so wait if someone says do you have space

to be serious I'm gonna laugh if someone's like if we're like having a good time we out we eating you know

salmon avocado rolls and they're like hey do you have space to be serious I'd be like oh yes I do

put that put that on a in the list of what would Reezy do put that in another thing I'm gonna laugh because it's gonna catch me off guard you know what's gonna catch me off guard

you being fucking serious and I wasn't ready for it. You know what I mean? Like, you know, if you tell me something like, hey, Sydney, you know, they might overturn gay marriage. What do you think about that? I'd be like, I ain't married. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm saying that joking. But also, what are you supposed to feel about that? I should be worried because I'm gay. and you want to get married I do want to get married I do I do so like

we got to do it today before they overturn like if they overturn it and you got married like does it still count or the new ones won't count well that's why

you got to get it in before they overturn it but if it's if they overturn it does your marriage still count I think it does in certain places I think in a place

like New York yes but this is the things that I need to be talking about and the thing is is that I hang out with all you straight motherfuckers that you know sometimes my brain is not tunneled into like gay gay rights oh uh-uh

hold on don't do that don't yeah don't put that on on a straight i'm no i'm saying i am i'm standing 10 toes down no nine toes pinky up on this because it's true no because you'll be around friends are are unfortunately straight unfortunately straight and you know i hear about what y'all are talking about y'all don't want to have no kids yeah you know whoa whoa whoa yeah i'm gonna stand up for straight people right now oh you said you're gonna stand up for i'm gonna stand for the straight title of the episode i'm gonna stand for the straights in this moment right now okay okay yeah eight toes down because my two big toes is up okay because when you be around us you still are you're still gay yes we don't take away from the gay

well matter of fact whoa because oh actually actually you do take away from the gay because if there's two straights in the room the room is straight now there could be a hundred straights in a room if there's a gay one gay person in there that room is gay no it's not enough we need more gay energy please sydney people tell me that i give lesbian all the time so anything i'm adding to the gay well it might be because i've rubbed off on you okay let's get into it or because you want to rub off on that i do not you're my sister heavy heavy yeah but no but you guys didn't come to me like hey how do you feel about gay marriage do you watch the news or not well i don't love watching the news so you would if hey don't blame

the straights for you not being informed babe because the straights I'm also not watching the news I didn't know that I didn't know they were about to overturn

gay marriage you have to think this affects all of us Sydney I don't know what's happening Trump is just making stuff up now that I didn't even

know you could do so every time I hear something I'm like oh I didn't even know presidents could do that so you saying that to me

is keeping me informed but also like the news it's heavy heavy heavy heavy it is But you've got to be informed because, friend, you know, my marriage, future marriage affects our future, you know, friendship.

Because you would be officiating the wedding. Oh, so you're saying now I've got to go to officiant school. Yes, absolutely. Whoa. Yeah. You know, Mary Beth is ordained. She could probably do it. I love her down.

You don't want that white lady to do it for you? I never said that. Oh. that's that's that's my girl oh okay that's my girl and if you just so happen to get sick and could not show up that day absolutely mary she's an understudy no she's not the understudy mary beth you heard that sis it's another m it's not it's not m mf it's mbb mbb yes um so yeah But me getting, you would have to, you have to ordain it. So, yeah, you got to be, you got to be ready.

So it, just in case I need to get. You know what, I should get, I should get ordained. You should. I feel like that's kind of, I should do it. How long that take? Or do I just pay and they send me a thing? I think so. Is there a reading?

Is there like a workbook? Is Marie ordaining weddings, mess, or just living? I think that's actually genius. And why is that? My brand is dating. I should be getting people together It is You know what I mean

It is Yeah But would you take it seriously And would you show up on time Whoa Whoa Whoa You attacking me a lot

No I'm not I'm just asking What happens to the love at our heart I'm just asking These are things It feels like I hate Sis No it's I heart you

But I also know you Whoa And if we're waiting for you to pull up I would be on time to a wedding that I'm officiating I would be on time Marie you don't even want to be on time

for a podcast that you're hosting well first of all Sydney I got here before you today you did today you did today you did today you did today hey okay so you're gonna ordain I'm gonna take the class

I would like you to ordain a couple things before mine. You don't want to be my first? No. I don't want to be the open mic for your ordaining, okay? You'll be like, hey, yeah, strike that from the record. You'll be saying some wild shit. And it's like, yeah. Listen, I'm making an announcement right now.

I'm going to become ordained and I'm going to join Cameo. So I'm going to do both. I'm going to do weddings on Cameo, babe. You're going to do weddings on Cameo? I don't know if that's a thing, but I would do it. Probably. Damn. So how much is your fee?

For you? Free. Okay. So I need to hear. I don't even know you paid them. You paid them to do it. Don't you pay? I think it's free.

You know, it's mess. Not paying your friends. You got like if they're doing a service for you, pay your friends. You could pay me then. Oh, now you said, you know, you said for free. And then you said, pay your friends. Now I said, hey, I would pay you. But you had already said, no, no, no, for free.

Know your worth Know your worth I'm about to be like Cardi B in that courtroom babe Know your worth Free, say it My worth is free Cause I'm easy So wait

Okay, but This is what I'm thinking It's like Because someone talked to me about If gay marriage got overturned What would I do And I said my life would still be the way it is now, you know?

Yeah, your life wouldn't change. She was like, but you don't have health insurance. And it's like, yes, I still don't have health insurance, and I'm surviving, you know? And so now I have to think about that because I didn't respond properly. I didn't do that right. Yeah, but you responded how Sydney responds.

Yeah, and I should have. If you're listening to this, I just want to apologize again that you said you were worried. And I said, well, I'm going to hit Emily up on Etsy. And I'm going to do, which spell you think we should go with? Opening doors. Roadblockage. Roadblockage.

Love and light. Yes, yeah. And they didn't think that was funny. They did not think it was funny. I laughed. And if you can make a comedian laugh, that's tea. For you, I will, I will, I will, I will. Sydney, you literally crossed the ocean for me.

I did, I did. No mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough. You didn't bring me the stars and the moon, but you did cross the ocean for me. Oh, wait, Marie, look what I got. Oh, my God, she got the moon in her purse. I didn't get a moon, but I got you a keychain that says an M on it. M-M-M-M-M-M. This is cute, right?

Yeah. But you also got me a, oh, this is pretty. Thank you. You also got me a disco ball keychain. I did. My key's going to be real heavy, sis. What? Heavy, heavy.

Heavy on me. Okay, wait. So, Marie, you didn't have any mess? Yeah, you know what my mess is? You did have mess. What's heavy on me? Yes. Oh, sis, what mess you think I'm about to share?

Oh, I don't know. But I know I'm about to click, click. I'm about to get one of those. I'm about to get a gun. Yeah, so I bumped into my ex this week, like a block away from my house. I'm about to get a gun. And it's like, you don't live in this neighborhood. What you doing here?

Luckily, I was running late when I saw him, so I didn't have time to speak. Like, I knew my train was coming in three minutes, and I had exactly three minutes to get to the train station. My gun is overnight mailed, y'all, okay? Priority. It's going to be here, and I'm not playing. Should we take gun lessons? We should. So I'm going to get ordained, and you're going to get a gun?

Yeah. I'm not playing around. You laughing. Or should I first get a taser? I should get a taser and then a gun. I think you should get your police baton back. No. No.

No, I can't do that. Yes, but. But, you know, I did have pepper spray, and then I pepper sprayed myself at work. So I can't do that either. At work? Yes, girl. That's why I got a police baton in the first place, because I accidentally pepper sprayed myself in a locker room. And, yo, when I tell you that pepper spray was on on hot, spicy, like the highest level.

Because I was like, yo, I was going to die. And I was in that bathroom for 20 minutes. Girl. Yeah, I pepper spray the detective. Remember, I went on a date with the low and under SVU detective. The op. but I went on a date with a detective

and he got me pepper spray he said it's crazy out here that's sexy you need this that's sexy and I said oh my god that sounds like

you've seen some things and you care about me it's crazy out here you need this he said you need this what happened to him I don't want to date a cop Sydney

is he a cop or is he a detective he's a detective but he seen girl when he was talking to me about his job his eyes was far away and dark and small

I said whoa I don't need that rubbing off on me babe I'm light I'm happy I moved through the world like none of this is serious

none of this matters you telling me all the stuff that you see day in and day out you wanna stay like you gon' dope me sis

yeah yeah but now if you had that detective you would have protection well he did give me the pepper spray no but

where is he I don't know but I'm sure I'm sure I have him saved in my phone as the detective if I text him and say I think my ex is stalking me.

Yeah, you should be like, can you run these plates for me? Well, he don't have a car. Just give him. Can you run this bike for me? Hey, can you run these Nikes for me? Can you run this MetroCard for me, please? Can you run this MetroCard for me? Girl, I'm getting a gun.

I'm not playing. I just want people to know, hey, me, I'm, you know, all coy and shy. and meek and nervous about me, but Marie, click, clack, boom, if I have to. Come on, sis.

Now, at first, I'll be, you know, like, well, how do you do this thing? And I'm like, Marie, move out the way. You know, like... I can see Sydney shooting a gun

and not having her eyes open. Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. Fully closed, taking the shot, sending a prayer up to God. Yeah, I'm having one eye open. And I'm like... Bang, bang,

you shot me down. Bang, bang. Said, do you shot me, bitch? No, I wouldn't. Marie, no. Oh, my God. Girl, that's. I shoot you in the toe.

Girl. Harlem, Harlem. And that was my fear. That was my fear that the detective was going to, I was going to spend the night at his house. And I was going to get up and go to the bathroom. And he would, like, not remember that I was staying there. And he would shoot my baby pinky toe off. Well.

And now I got nine toes because I dated a detective one time. But honestly, the story is lit. but then would you can you walk straight if you're missing a toe and it depends on what toe you blow off and you know

flip flops are in now like the girls got their whole foot out now they're covering the big toe but leaving the outside toes uncovered and

what do I look like but you know they have their Marzella shoe that has like half the toes out but then one toe covered yeah and so you could just

only wear those yeah but what if the wrong toe gets blown off now I don't have balance my equilibrium is off you need all You need all ten toes to balance. And that's what cats need, their whiskers, because that also balances them out as well.

Oh, I also heard cat's whiskers are the width of their body, and that's how they know if they can fit through a hole. Yep. If their whiskers fit, they know that their body can go through. Yeah, and if somebody, like, takes off a whisker, it throws them all the way off. Yeah, they be walking like... Yeah, so don't fuck with a cat's whisker, and don't shoot my friend's toe off. Thank you. Yes.

That was a PSA from Sydney. I'm serious. Anyway, if you listening to this, I did bump into him and I didn't spend much time. I literally, I was like, I have to get on the train. He taking his AirPods out. I'm like, I gotta go. Bye. My train.

I got a show later. And I was wearing a hat that he bought me when I saw him. And I was like, damn, now he thinks I miss him. I told you to give me that hat. I was like, now he thinks I miss him. I was going to burn it. No, he was going to wear it. It's a cute hat.

It's a cute hat. Is it a stalker if they give you cute gifts? Should we be worried, Marie? I don't know. Should I have them run the thing? Should we be worried? Like, for real, you too unserious. Well, my sister told me I need to get, there's this thing that women who stay in hotel rooms alone typically get.

It's like a thing you wedge under the door, and if someone tries to open the door, this loud alarm goes off. She sent me the link again, and she was like, you need to get this for your apartment. You do. So I'm going to order it. Absolutely. And I think you need to start telling the neighbors, hey, man, if you see a guy like this trying to drop off a package, take the package and then push him away.

Be like, I'll take that. Thank you so much. I mean, I already told the people next door, like, hey, I'm not with him no more. So they were like, oh, but he was so nice. And I was like, he's dead to us now. Yeah. And that's the problem with you neighbors. Oh, my God.

But I used to eat ribs with him. No. He's a murderer. He's a bad guy. He rips with that dude. He's a bad guy. Yeah, but they don't know that. They're like, he brings you flowers all the time.

So? And you know when they need flowers for? Funerals. So, yeah, no, I don't want them damn flowers. Shit, you ride across from a place that you could get. It's too much. Yeah. You got to go.

I mean, he's gone, but he's still around. Yeah. Anyway, that's mess. That is mess. And so we might need to hire a bodyguard. Yes. We need a Kevin Costner in here today. Today.

Today. But I would like him to be. Ooh, let's have bodyguard auditions. You need a Julius. That is not messed. Yo, bodyguard auditions is genius. This is another show. Yes, yes.

Bodyguard. Yes. Auditions. Yes. Marie, Emery, Emery, and Sydney on the side. Like, now I'm going to need to see him without a jacket. You know, this is, honestly, I love this so much because I really am going to do this. Okay.

I'm going to hold bodyguard auditions. You should. I'm going to, so I'm starting a new show. Yes. Right? It's a late night show. It's my spin on a late night show. It's called Marie Faustin is Late.

Okay. Right? So the first one is on September 20th at Union Hall. Because I was like, I had the date and I was like, I'm just going to make that the show and we'll figure it out and make it perfect later. Yes. and I was going to do like a blind date segment

like where I like hid three people behind a curtain and like ask them questions but I think the segment needs to be a bodyguard audition I think you should

I think it's gotta be that yes contestant number one how much do you bench? this was a good segment can you carry me out of a burning building? this is a great segment

I love it love it Sydney you're so smart you on the team yes yes yes and just like that Sydney's on the team oh my god

Well, we still need to figure out mess, too. Mess live. A date. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where do you want to, when do you want to? I sent you the dates. I mean, we could do it at New York Comedy Club if you want. They sent me some dates.

Or. Because I was supposed to be running my hour there, but I'm like, maybe I'll just do this. Damn. But New York Comedy Club is not, it's not Union Hall. Yeah, it's not Union Hall. There's no projector. Okay, next time. Yeah.

Another time. Yeah. We could do something else at Union Hall. I mean, at New York Comedy Club. yeah i just want to run run some jokes with my girls oh we do yeah we do we need to we got to run those jokes yeah being a comedian is hard because like you know you're funny all day long and then you got to go to work and be funny for longer and it's like i guess i should have been working on material instead of just being funny with my friends in real life why you say that

i don't know you know you go to shows and you could tell these people spent the whole day writing material like set up punchline set up punchline and it's like I just I took a nap yesterday I went to my show I talked about the nap for 10 minutes like no way I love that that's how I prepared for my show last night that's not I got some rest I mean honestly we should do a segment here where we run a joke oh is this funny yeah That's the segment. Yeah. Is this funny?

Mess or just living? Funny or foe? Funny or fail. Funny or fail? We'll figure it out. Ha or nah? Oh! Ha or nah!

Yeah! LOL or go to hell. Yes! LOL or go to hell. I like that too. I like... Ha or nah? Ha?

Ha! Ha or nah? I actually like that. I like it a lot. Yeah. Okay. That's in the show too. Come see that on the 20th.

Oh no! That's here. Oh, Sidney, you are the number one writer. Ha, ha, ha, is for mess. Pish. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay, we have messages. We do.

let's read a couple because I actually love hearing other people's business and we haven't done that in a while yes okay read read the first one hey Marie and Sydney I wanted you guys opinion on my dating mess not sure if you remember Sydney but I was the guy sitting in the front row at the New Jersey show last month do you remember oh my god yes miss crazy okay okay oh my god I do remember him he was by himself all by myself i'm dating again after breaking up with my ex but here's the thing i got stood up on the first date met this girl online and i shot my shot in her dms and it worked and we've been talking and texting pretty consistently these last few weeks last few weeks that's too much time i asked her on a date and she agreed we decided on a place date and time

and communication was great up to the night before. The morning of, I texted her good morning and she read the text but didn't reply. Ooh. Couple hours later,

I sent the address to the place. Again, red, but no response. I thought it was odd. So he's self-aware. Odd is the word of the pod,

okay? I thought it was odd, but we just spoke the night before confirming everything, so I left it alone. Made it to the city. I live in Queens. by the agreed time

made the reservation 15 minutes after the agreed time just in case she was late texted her that I was there and again no response I waited until

it didn't make sense to wait anymore and I left drafted up a text ran it through chat GPT to clean it up basically saying

I wasn't sure if something came up or if she wasn't interested but she should have said something the activity was paid for in advance

oh and wished her the best. Fast forward to this morning and she texting me saying... Oh, girl, no. She texted me saying her grandmother passed away yesterday. Lord.

Come on. So... I'm going to need to see the obituary. Texting me wasn't at the top of her list. Okay, yeah. Send me the receipts. Yeah, I need to see it. I need to see the receipts for the body.

And show me a picture of the casket, too. Who did the body? Yeah. Is it messed that I understand that something like this is totally understandable but at the same time feeling like

you read my text at multiple points throughout the day you could have said something I plan to block her after the lack of consideration regardless of what her reasoning was

but grandma passing feels a bit harsh what do you think love the pod XOXO Ty block blocker

listen block party block block block block I'm sorry for your loss more loss block like that's it but also

So, yes, agreed, 100%. But also, babe, you read the text. Yeah. Grandma lived a long life. You could have said, hey, can't make it today. You don't even have to make an explanation. Hey, I actually can't do today. Sorry.

Boom. Yeah. Grandma did. You just said that. She did. And then I'm like, you're like, what? Who did? Like, you could have sent a meme of the casket that falls over.

So it was too much for you to text me yesterday. But you're texting me today. Right. But yesterday is when you should have texted me. Yeah, yeah. You're texting back today after the fact. She probably just didn't want to go on a date. Or she hit up a couple people to have dates on that same day.

And, you know, the one that she really wanted was available. You don't know. You don't know what these people are doing out here. Or you said you met her online. You had never met her in real life. She uses a lot of filters. She don't want you to see her real face. Oh.

Maybe it's that. Or she might have ordered a unit and it didn't come in that day. So she was like, well, the whole day is scrapped. Now, this person that you met at the front row of your show, what did he look like? Who played him in a movie? You think? I feel like Morris Chestnut. Oh, wow.

No. Because she would have went on the date with him. If he looked like Morris Chestnut and her grandma died, she would have bought the body to the date. Table for three. grandma be weak and at Bernie's anyway rest in peace to your grandma sis

I apologize I'm sorry girl but you know your grandma been dead you know she's still dead okay

yeah is there a reason why if you had a date with somebody that the day of the date you would start responding to them

like what I don't know it's like it's avoidant it's very avoidant and I am avoiding that time I wait till last minute

for a lot of things um but like yeah i i think it's just so easy to be like hey i can't make it but we have executive dysfunction so it's so hard to do a task and the task could be canceling on someone or explaining or showing up or doing that one that one email so i do understand girly pop but hey we all grown and we're making plans and i i hate when you just don't communicate hey i can't make it it's it's really not that hard you don't know even hey can we reschedule you don't notice man you can hurt his feelings if you need to hey i can't go hey no means no you could have said that she could have been like she really it was a million things She could have texted.

You know her phone was in her hand the entire day. That's how she was on the toilet with her phone. But the thing is, is that if you're going to ghost me, you better cast me right. Cast me down. Like, don't write back at all. Yeah. Don't ghost me and then text me the next day.

That's weird. But it's not ghosting if you, like, you can't even ghost properly. But he, yeah. And also, don't you get the notifications that somebody texts you and it says what it says? You don't have to read it. why it's red now red you playing in my face it's actually mess that you got your red receipts on hey what is up with this red receipts thing like do you want a box like that's what it feels like

because i see the red and then you're not writing me back and then you're not writing me back and i know you saw it then i'm then i'm doing the the eyes you know i hit you with the eyes like i'm looking what's up you read that then i emailed you i know you got that email emailed me yeah Sometimes you got to email. I don't have my red receipts on, but I love that other people have them on. It's weird. It's weird. You're letting me know you read it.

Okay. But you're not responding. Grow up. Grow up. Cindy, your red receipts are on. What? No, they're not. You didn't know that?

They on. No, they're not. I can see when you read my texts. The girl was too stunned to speak. They're not on for me. They're not. They on for me. Hold on.

I'll fix that right now. Crazy. This is insane. Marie, what? I love that, though. Are you sure? Okay. Well, maybe I lied.

Maybe it's Maybelline. Wait. Okay, I'll just text you now. And now text me. Okay, hold on. Hi. Red Receipts is mess, and Apple, you a messy, messy bitch for that. Yeah, red at 132.

I thought you knew they were on. Yo and sometimes I be reading And I don't respond Because I don't want To look thirsty But that's fine That's okay

I read stuff While I'm doing stuff Or I'll ask Siri To read it to me And then I'll respond When my hands are free It's okay Well

Mess I don't like that How do I turn this off So friend If you're really as fine As Sydney says you are You can block that lady And you'll be fine

This is a terrible day Because you found out Your red receipt is on Terrible day Now I got to go through so many text messages and be like, hey, is this red? Is this red? Friendship mess. Hi, Sydney and Marie.

I'm having a dilemma with a friend and wanted your take on the situation. This friend and I have known each other for over 10 years and never really had any issues until now. We are the type of friends to catch up every once in a while, grab a brunch or dinner every few months, chat about relationships and life, show up for big life events. But we don't really talk in between those times. The past few months, we've tried to meet up a few times, but always either had a conflict in my schedule and once had to cancel. I could have put more effort in meeting up, but I had recently moved, dealing with family issues, and just didn't have much energy to hang out. I didn't think much of it until she sent me a long text.

Ooh, when you see that chunk, baby. That chunk. When you see that chunk. That block. It's never like a chill. hey baby because you know I love you down

no no no it's never that okay when she sent me that long text about little effort I put into our friendship how my excuses

weren't really enough because she was also busy this summer and overall just what a bad friend I was I felt it was unfair especially since

I've been a good friend up until now and I'm in a stage in my life where I'm not as available as I used to be what do y'all think how should I respond

love the show your favorite Mexican Mexican. We love the Mexicans. Mexicans. Thoughts? It sounds like it felt pretty balanced and even up until you canceled that one thing.

Or as she thought. She thought. Well, she said that we don't really talk much between. I mean, being an adult is hard. Making time for friends, especially if they live far, is hard. But is it mess? Which is mess here? like

she doesn't know how she should like approach this because she thought that she was doing a good job but she also was like

I don't have any friends like that I didn't know we was friends like that did you are we close oh you're not even

in my top 10 you wouldn't even come to my birthday dinner you know like I feel I think let me look at it

let me read it again well we've tried to meet a few times and it either didn't conflict, either there was a conflict on my schedule. Oh, oh, so it was you. But I always either had a conflict on my schedule

and once had to cancel. Hmm. It might be you. So she might just apologize. And she's like, but I, you know, I'm busy. I don't have the time. But it's like, hey, guys, we got to make the time. We got to make the time if you want to make the time.

And also, this is what I'm going to say to you, married people with kids. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. You got a job. You got a man.

You got a kid. But what were you doing before you had that man and that kid? I was hanging out with my friends. You were hanging out with your friends

and your friends were there and they were available and they were there for a lot of milestones to build you up to actually be available to meet this man and have these kids

and we go to these weddings and these baby showers and these birthdays and these plays and et cetera, et cetera. You sound like Carrie Bradshaw. We're available for those things, right? And you need your village.

Well, your village also needs you. And so you need to be like, husband, baby, y'all got to have some, I got to have some girl time. Come on, husband, baby. I'm busy this weekend. Hey, baby, you got to watch the husband. Husband got to watch the baby. And you got to make the time. And both of y'all got to watch the dog.

Yeah. We can't always come to you. We can't be like understanding all the time. Like, we get it. There's always these big changes. Everybody has big changes going on in their life. But you have to sit back and be like, am I really putting in enough effort? Would you pull that stunt on a job?

You wouldn't. Probably. Yeah, you. What would Reezy do? Okay. Am I going into the office? Probably not. But I didn't see nothing about marriage or babies in that mess, that message.

I just, sometimes I just, you know, I just throw that in there. You just went with your own. That was on your soul. Because it could be. It could be. But also, it's just like, even if you don't have marriage or baby or whatever, people make time for the things they want to make time for. And, like, no matter what, it is what it is.

There's a lot of times that I'm like, yo, I don't want to fucking pull up. But pull up, show face, okay, girl, hi, kisses, we eat a little bit of cake, and then peace out. Well, she says that they've been friends for 10 years. They don't talk every day, but they meet every once in a while for a brunch or a dinner. They show up for the life events and they go to they talk about like relationship and stuff together. So like maybe for her, it's kind of still surface level, but she's trying to like deepen the friendship and you're not making the time. Yeah. And also we have to keep it real. Let's let's really put it on here.

Catch up friends mess. That is not actually doing the friendship. That's meeting, talking about things that have happened, eating some eggs, Benedict, and then moving on. benedict that that is not that's not the activity of i'm sorry friendship building eating what kind of eggs benedict benedict benedict that's benedict arnold benedict down benedict benedict hey benedict i'm a benedict benedict eggs benedict yeah that's what it is and we like i don't talk to you most of the time right cool no worries but then how do i expect you to be more than what you are we're just catching up that's it right but a lot of people that's what they have time for i don't think that's and then you have your core

you got your core friends and then you got the catch you know that's an associate listen maybe she don't want to be an associate no more she want to move up she want to promote again hey do you have time for a serious question i gotta talk about something she should be talking like because it seems like she's getting upset but it's like there should have been a conversation hey you know we've been friends for a long time i think we've just you know we and you canceling on me a lot what's up or or it's like hey i know that we just meet up and get breakfast or brunch or whatever I would like to do more things that's not just this

I don't want to catch up I want to actually do some stuff okay so say that yeah so say that so the friend you know that

blowing up on people that wasn't just a one thing that's a build up of like shit over 10 years maybe yeah

alright should we read one more this one is long oh and it's photos well you could read so you should do that bro hopping rebounds

and polyamory I love the title Yeah. Dear Sidney and Marie. My dearest Sidney and Marie. I fear I've entered the messiest chapter of my romantic life. Come on. That's how you start a letter. OK. As a recently single 30 something, I got caught up dating my divorced friend Jamal. OK. And his divorced polyamorous friend Miguel. So two divorced. OK. OK. Uh huh. I usually, I'm usually a reasonable woman, but I've let my emotions, naivete, and hormones lead me astray. Is this Langston Hughes? I mean, started with a fear and then led astray?

Come on. Jamal and I have been friends for four years. There was some romantic interest at the start, but it was stunted once I learned of his recent divorce and emotional unavailability. Wait. Okay, they had been friends, and then it's, okay. He then got divorced. He stayed in the friend zone for a while, but things changed after my recent breakup. I was out drinking, trying not to think about my ex.

So I texted Jamal. He met up with me and introduced me to his friend, Miguel. The mess began. Jamal and I hooked up for the first time. Four years of built up sexual tension was released. And I'm happy to say it was not disappointing. Okay. that same night i had also danced with miguel who texted me while i was hooking up with jamal

miguel and i agreed to meet up a few days later okay chapter two our first meetup was almost five hours long and the night ended with a ride on his motorcycle hot he's incredibly attractive and charming which i am typically a little suspicious of same sis so i tried to stay aloof I also felt uncomfortable knowing I had just hooked up with Jamal. So and he is decently good friends with Jamal and I hooked up a second time. OK, I decided to tell him that Miguel and I had been chatting just to be transparent. Jamal responded by saying he wanted to explore something more with me. But you just you just got out of a divorce.

Girl, you're doing. Come on. You have her. Yeah. He also said, you know, Miguel is polyamorous and he has a primary partner, right? I had no idea. Low key, it was petty of Jamal to put Miguel's business out there. But I didn't like that Miguel hid that info from me.

He had been going out of his way to hide his partner's existence, even after I asked direct questions about whether he was alone on a camping trip. He wasn't. He straight up lied. I distanced myself from him and focused on exploring things with Jamal. Well, that was a bust. Three dates in, Jamal said he was no longer interested in dating. Yeah, girl. I could have told you that.

She played. The dates were generally great, but the last one ended with a quickie that made me feel a tad used. So maybe I was petty to fall back on Miguel, but he was ready to receive me. Okay. After you shall receive The love bombing began He seemingly wanted to rope me back in After I ended things with him

To explore my connection with Jamal Miguel has sent me a random delivery Of ice cream and pie Gifted me earrings And bought me a couple's massage That he attended with me He drove me to the airport for a flight Now Miguel's trying to put that rang on air

Rang on air? Airport? He has a primary partner, though. But he sounds like a nice guy. But no. Okay, keep going. Keep going. Keep going.

He drove me to the airport for a flight I was taking to his home country and made a comment that he looked at flights to see if he could join me. He didn't seem to be joking. Despite being suspicious of his generosity, over-familiarity, and deception. This is some great writing. No, you should get a pubic to a beach. I find it hard to stop engaging with him Because I genuinely enjoy his company

And the gifts Yes And to top it off My attraction to him has grown so much What should I do? Is this mess or just living? I tried to keep it brief But it was hard

I heard y'all like photos So I attached Feel free to comment on the pod But please do not share Okay, this is Jamal In some little shorts Okay, he's doing the peace sign A millennial

And that's Miguel Okay, dimples Ah, girl That's, ooh Jamal and Miguel. So it sounds like you haven't hooked up

with Miguel yet. No. So what's the question here? Your mom was so cute, though. But he said, you're not going to waste my time. I know my value, sis. But he also was like,

I would like to explore things deeper with you because he heard his friend was going to, was in the run into Be Our America's next top mate. Like, what?

And I love that she's a natural hair baddie. Just like, she's like, girl, this is what it is. And they all over me. Okay, she got options. Erykah Badu.

I love it. come on sis so what's the question is it mess my attraction what should I do is this mess or just living

it feels like it's a little bit messy but it's definitely living it's very messy but you are single yeah I want to know how does Miguel

have all this time if he already has a primary partner how is he available to give and do all this stuff to you what is he doing

to the number one on the call sheet I mean he drove her to the airport that's a commitment right there that sounds like single behavior that sounds like I wanna know what love is girl you gonna give him something or not

like we need to know I say yes but also it's like sometimes people do all these things just to get you know what I mean so maybe don't give it up cause you don't know what else you can get so you're saying this should be

more transactional honestly you don't want to talk to me about because I'm a let's be together I don't want to play these games

I don't want to be in the streets no more let's do it let's hand in hand that's why you come to Rock Paper Sisters because I'm going to say do it

do it do it you're on the rebound as well sis you also just got out of a relationship he's in a relationship so it's not like

we're looking for something serious right now we're looking for something fun light easy satisfying plus

he drives a motorcycle you know what's light fun and easy doc johnson gets you a vibrator and take some time off from a sister that stays jumping to relationship okay like i'm in the witness protection of lesbians girl take a break put it on ice put it on ice put the heart on ice put the coochie on ice it's okay the heart can be on ice but the coochie should be outside

no I don't know how long you were in a relationship sis but like take a break clear your clear your slate clear your slate

no figure out what you want for you have fun while you figure it out also you know what so then I agree with Sidney keep taking the gifts

but don't sleep with him yet exactly yeah cause once you once you get intimate then you start getting clouded and then you you're just gonna be in another relationship uh open an open poly

pocket one at that so date as many people as you can you should also be open i feel take your time take your time take your time take your time take your time take your time take your time yeah i don't know friend i i'm like you know i'm i'm blessed i'm thankful you know somehow the universe drops me off in the streets and somebody pick me right back up. Like the taxis, the lights stay on for me. I can't get no yellow car on my own

in real life, but in the life of dating, another yellow car, another bus, another train, another plane is right there. That's crazy because in my dating life, the taxis see me standing there and they be like, we not going to Brooklyn! Or your car, your Uber come up

and you about to open the door and it grows stripes. Uber's like, nah, I'm not going to Brooklyn. Cancel, cancel, cancel. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Uptown only, babe. That's Upper West Side.

Upper West Side. So, yes, Sydney, that's in that analogy that I'm taking the train home. No, you're not. I got my hand out and I'm making my way downtown

and they not stopping for me. But that's not true because, wait, you just got out of a relationship and now you have a stalker. Do you understand? You elevated. Levels. Levels. My cab driver won't leave me alone. He's outside.

He's right outside. He's like, honk, honk, honk. Calm down. He's like, you got flowers. He's got the sign, will you marry me? He got the radio, the boombox on his head. I promise I won't kill you. Like that.

Oh, yeah. Anybody who says they promise they won't kill you, they going to kill you. Yeah. Yeah. I asked him if he was going to kill me. And I was so mad that you asked him that, Marie. I said, what are you thinking? I did ask this man that question.

You were already in Japan. Well, I mean, were you going to kill me in Japan or not? Do you know if I had the flight money or not? Like, I couldn't believe. When you said that to me, I said, well, I guess I got to get another credit card. I got to get a Chase Sapphire on the line. Thank you. Shout out to Chase Sapphire.

You in the building. Now, if you think somebody might kill you, you're not going to ask them if they're going to kill you? Marie. Hey, are you going to kill me? I ain't never seen that in Law & Order SVU. But isn't the warning that you feel the need to ask? Discernment, sis.

Discernment. Do you have it? Damn, Becca. But after I asked the question, I was like, now, did I plant the seed for the murder? Because maybe he wasn't going to do it, but then me asking it, like, planted. Marie.

Do you have space for me? I got something serious to say. Yeah, girl, I got space. And then we got to wrap this up. If I have to shoot somebody and then go to jail for a long time, like, it's not going to be good. Because I don't think we'll be able to get the mics on over at Rikers. You don't think we could talk through the glass? I don't know if iHeart is going to, you know, we are already trying to figure out lighting here.

I don't know what they're going to do. I Heart Rikers in my cell I Heart Rikers yo I bet you yo our pod would go crazy oh 100%

honestly I should go to jail for the pod and us like just trying to like record through the phone I don't

I don't know if you I mean they record full albums in jail we could do a podcast yeah whatever peace sign millennial okay we're done

we're done I'm like what we're done did he text that to you mess or just living Marie has a stalker I feel like living a little bit That's living a little bit

You're living now Oh This is true It's mess This is true Mess or living Sidney's got a gun That's mess

Sidney's got a gun And don't you forget it Don't you forget it Yeah Sidney But I mean It's 2025 If you don't have no stalkers This year

Like what you doing Exactly I don't have them or maybe I've had them and then you know I just let them in and they just then we start dating

I don't know friend and that also is a stunt that could be happening with you so now I have to vet these people

so every time somebody wants to talk to you I gotta go through I gotta show up and be like well can I get I need you to do

a background check you know what this is another segment on Marie Foster is late Sydney date my bestie and then you could be like

next and you're done with them anyway come see the show on September 20th here in New York and come see me in London in October and then Sydney

you got a lot going on too watch Sydney on Hulu yeah yeah and then what else I'm gonna do my black Barbie story in October

in Union Hall amazing so I'm gonna do a live Barbie story on the you know projector okay I'm working through it right now

you gonna do marionettes you gonna you gonna NSYNC it you gonna bye bye bye no Barbies I will not do that

but it We will be having a slide presentation, some narration from the audience. It'll be a communal story together. And I love the community. Anyway, this was a beautiful, messy episode. I hope you guys enjoyed it. We did so much. I don't know what the title is, but we gave y'all a lot.

We will go through it. We will. And I will not stop saying the title of the podcast. Thank you for listening to Rock, Scissor, Sisters. Rock, Scissor, Sisters! And review us, please! Bye! 763-280-6588.