MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Salt n Pepper Coochie Hair w/ Jazmyn W

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

This week Sydnee and Marie are joined by comedian Jazmyn W! The three chat parenthood MESS,  men MESS, divorce MESS, and more . Don't forget to check out this episode and more on our NEW YOUTUBE!  https://www.youtube.com/@oohmess And as always, write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

you want to watch the episode oh of course you do so click the link in the episode description oh you're listening to mess oh my god we are in the building it's very melanated very very moisturized i mean everybody was looking like it's giving girl group yeah it is you're watching the visuals right now, you're welcome. Crazy, sexy, cool. Yeah, T-Boss. T-Boss. And y'all are... I'm left eye. And I guess I'm chilly.

Why you do that? She always had the wavy, the wet. Her hair always looked wet. Constantly. But it looked good. It looked good, but it was like, girl, did you just get out of the shower and then you was like, I'm going on stage? That was the look for her. Yeah, I know. She's anti-wet and wavy. No, no, no. I just, you know, at that

age, my family was like hey you gotta make sure you're dry when you leave the house especially your hair you could get sick so I was like I know Chili is battling colds left and right mind you T-Bot is the one that has sickle cell

she was the sick one crazy thing I do have the trait I got the trait you do you have the sickle cell trait really if I procreate with a man who also has the trait the odds that my child would have it are high yeah you can't procreate with somebody who has the sickle cell trait

you just can't do it I'm not procreating with nobody at this moment at the present moment but definitely not you're not practicing or a comedian

practicing oh practicing oh my bad I like to I like to be like well let's just practice

and when you say practice you mean like practicing pulling out no no just leave it in there no

we definitely you wear condoms you protect yourself but you just practice like if we were to how would we do it oh you a freak that's a threat

oh let's just try let's see what it would be like if we didn't what if we didn't I mean I personally cannot do that as a lesbian because it has thrown people off for sure what do you mean like I've said I wish you

could come inside me and that was just bad yeah that was wait you're a lesbian how does a lesbian no no i wish you could come inside i know it's crazy that i would say such a thing yeah you say that to the strap yes that's how good it is but like not how good it is in terms of like um connecting it to you know a man yeah but just how good it is it's like it makes you say things that you would not normally say yeah because if there was a man really involved i wouldn't say come inside

me i'll be like i know get your ass yeah lol i don't i never tell a man that actually okay good yeah i feel like if i'm not a lesbian i don't know if i can say this but if i was a lesbian and you said that to me i'd be like now i gotta stop yeah no it was that it was that it was very much so that i and i the thing is is that it was so good and so we just had to be like all right Well, get your clothes on. Put your clothes on. You know with women, like, we got to be in the right headspace. The temperature got to be right.

Our boobs got to be laying a certain way. The comforter got to be, you know, a silk sheet. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, the direct pot got to hit. All those stuff has to be in order. The scars got to align. Yeah. The fragrances have to be right.

Can't smell funny in here. Listen, listen. I got to have a toast of strudel waiting for me after. If I could see your shoes by the door and I don't like your shoes, ah i'm out of here um it's true what size you wear that's my train of thought smell is wrong you know oh yeah no yeah what flavor toasted strudel strawberry okay well i didn't know they came in different flavors yeah i do apple myself oh yeah classy i feel yeah apple feels like it feels motherly what it does apple is just my favorite oh it is yeah

Is that your favorite fruit of all time, you think? No, my favorite fruit is pomegranate. Okay, that's tropical. Yeah. That's exotic. Are you Caribbean? No, I'm Black American. Black American.

Same as I. Simply Black. Simply Black. Original flavor. Yeah. Actually, original flavor is definitely some type of African. Oh, yes. Well, y'all the remix.

Well, people saying that we was here already. I don't know what to believe. You got Indian in your family? You Iroquois? Navajo Cherokee. Yeah. So I love the hair. The hair is great.

You're in the building. Different hairstyle. Yes. Yes. I had to fix it. I had to remix it. I will say I got this thing yesterday. My neck hurts because I slept.

Oh, really? Like this. I didn't want to crush the sides. Being a black girl is hard. It is. why didn't you put like i think you could have put like a a scarf around i did put a scarf around and then i still slept you did like this so i woke up this morning and my you know so my whole back actually hurts i don't know what's going on maybe i gotta chiropractic it but i don't want it to

feel worse when i leave you need an airplane pillow tonight yeah because that's what's going to support your neck if you want to sleep on your back like that. Come on, MD! Yeah! Dr. Jasmine. W-M-D, okay? Jasmine W-M-D. I love that. I love that. Everybody's hair looks great. Your hair looks fantastic. Thank you.

Moisturized. Does it look moisturized? My mama always say it looks dry. No. She's like, it looks dry. It looks so dry. I'm like, that's how Negro hair looks. The doctor, educate her. Yes. Gotta let her know. Your hair is the original flavor. Right. You know, so she don't

get it because her hair is curly and stuff so she don't get it but she got she got a 3b yeah something like that you know so she don't get it but i'm like girl this is how it look this is how it's supposed to look it looks moisturized it's not even wet like chili thank you and then sydney you already know how we feel about this hair red yeah it's doing great i had to wash it last night and you know this is a rinse and so i have to put on gloves while i wash it really but you know he my girlfriend has said she's like why do you wash it with it on your head because it just that's a good question it feels better does it like I feel like I'm really getting in it but she's just like you can just do it in the sink sis yeah yeah but then I'm getting

the dye in the sink so I'd rather just do it in the shower with the gloves on and then I feel like a hairstylist myself I said shit I don't need that you feel like a like a shampoo commercial you feel like yes i know i wanted to be in an herbal essence commercial so bad growing up first of all herbal essence always smelled bomb yeah like smell like pomegranate it did yes and my and my family would never let me use herbal essence it would be like suave oh or yeah very old school very suave or something that smelled like with like like a menthol i forgot what it's called but yeah it was just like girl suave suave suave yeah or v05 yeah you could get those at the dollar tree i know that's what we used to get no that used to be premium hair care though back in

the day like in the early 90s yeah that was that was that stuff was nice yeah but that's not the stuff that the hairstylist was using like no they wasn't that was the white that was the white diet the black was mazani oh yeah yeah yeah yeah very expensive so yeah i was doing this and then trying to do that and so i did a little rinse on your on your kitty cat yeah so it can match the carpet match the your kitty cat ring too no no i don't want to say that it's salt and pepper now so so so here so is it salt and pepper for real yeah there really hit it with a little rinse That's paprika. I know.

Salt and pepper paprika. I know, yeah. Why are you looking like that? I just, I didn't know. You didn't know that it could change colors. I didn't know that it could change color, but the fact that you have a salt and pepper coochie hair is crazy. I don't like how you said it all.

Salt and pepper coochie hair is the name of that. That is. Salt and pepper coochie hair is throwing me. It is. It's throwing me too. Every time I see it, I'm like, no, it's not right. It's wrong. It is.

There's no reason why all of our body hair can change. Yes. I want to change color. Yeah. Who is that for? Like, I already know I'm a woman of a particular age. My back hurts. Knees, knees bent.

I'm going gray here a little bit on the side. I'm going gray. Actually, I have quite a few gray hairs, but you just can't tell my hair's like this. You just started going gray? Uh-huh. Well, I'll be, I'm just, I'll be 37 on Monday. What? My God.

Girl, I've been gray since I was 12. I've been going gray since I was a little kid. Really? Yes. Jasmine, why was I over here thinking you were 30? 30 what, girl? 30. No.

She said, look, 7. Yes, girl. I'll be 37. Look at God. Blessings. Look at God. Yeah. And how old are you?

Because I'm like, you guys saw Peppa Coochie here. We'll be talking about you, though. I'm 37 as well. I'm 73. You know what? I lie to white women about my age all the time. Up or down? Up.

Because I want them to think I'm older when they meet me on the street. They're like, oh, my God, you're so gorgeous. I'm like, oh, my God, I just had a birthday. Thank you. They're like, how old are you? I'm like, I'm 44. They'll be like, yo, 44 is such a good random number to say. My brother and sister does that a lot, too.

She loves telling other people that she's, like, 70. I love that. Yeah, it's fun. Maybe that's what I should start doing is lying all the way up. Yeah, but 44 is not a random number if you're close to that. So that's great that you're using 44. It's random if you're not in. Yeah.

Yeah, it's random. You're not in, see? No, no. Nobody in this room is in. Come on, son. It's not me. Okay. You 24?

Yeah. Definitely 24. Yeah. Okay, so, Maureen, you got any mess for us? Yeah. I feel like my mess is that I'm only using like,

I'm working at like 75% of my potential, I feel. I just, I feel like, I feel myself not trying. But I've been feeling myself not trying for a really long term but then it's like the world about to end in three weeks should i even try harder is that mess okay y'all judging me no i think uh working at 75 percent is trying that's actually a passing okay so it's not an a it's not an a but you can't you can't

give a hundred percent all the time i don't give a hundred percent any of the time well you're just in your not right now, 100%. But that's okay. When I think back to high school, I have been given 75% for 75% of my life. You're new here, so don't let her figure it out.

You want to get to 100? I'm just saying I feel like, I'm asking y'all. I gave this to the council. She's trying to help and you let her figure it out. What is this, honey? And you're like, no. You're new.

Let her not apply herself. Well, because the thing is, is that that might enable you to be like, well, I'm not going to try harder. You know what I mean? Or not even try. It's just apply. That's all. I think I need to be medicated.

How? Because there's no way that the people who are operating at their full potential are not on drugs. They are on drugs. Yeah, they are. So many people are on Vyvanse, Marie. I don't even know what that is. What's Vyvanse?

It's another form of aphetamine. it's aphetamine that's what that's what adderall is yeah that's what adderall is wow i need some adderall i think yeah yeah no hey i just want to tell you jasmine the stuff that you are constantly posting you're live you you're working you're taking care of a child you're doing so much there's no way there's no way i was like what would you do if you were medicated Exactly. What would you do if your son was at home crying all alone on the bedroom floor? Because he's hungry.

But, you know, I wouldn't make a song about it. I know that. Would you sleep with a man for a little bit of money? Not a little bit. No. It'd have to be a lot. But I sleep with men for free, so I don't need money. That's less than a little bit of money.

Yeah. Yeah. So maybe I'm lying. Yeah. And TikTok has been pushing a lot of ADHD content my way. And so, yeah, maybe I shouldn't. I don't know. I have no idea.

Is the shortage over? Is the art attack still on? No, it's still short. But what can you tell us? What do you think it would look like if you were applying yourself 90%? Yeah. You ever see those pictures where it's like floating, flying cars and Wakanda and they be like, this is what the world would look like.

that's it would look like my house would look like wakanda i was thinking about limitless remember that yeah me slash bradley cooper that's what it would look like really but i will say marie is so good at like making it happen at the nick of time yeah like if you did a solo show at the nick of time you could do so many instances i did a solo show and it was not ready night of And I did have to figure it out in real time. And it was phenomenal. It was so good. So it's like, Marie, you are really good off the cuff.

You're really good at chaos. You're good at when things are running late or when people are falling apart. You're like, bam. And then you pull it together. So, yeah, but that's like at 75%. If I was operating at my full potential, she, we wouldn't even be sitting here right now. Why? I don't know. I would have been one of the ladies that went to space with Gail.

You know what I'm saying? You don't want to be one of those ladies. Those ladies are stupid. You don't want to be one of those. They didn't even go to space. They went to the edge and came right back. Yeah. Foolish. Wasting money. But that's such a good question.

What's one thing that you ought to be doing that you're not doing because you're not working at a 90% or 100%? Going to bed early. going to bed early i feel like that's the first thing on the list yeah because when i if i don't go to bed early then i won't wake up early or i'm waking up late because i'm trying to get my as close to seven hours as possible and now the whole day is off because instead of getting up at eight or nine i got up at 10 30 okay you understand what i'm saying yeah so if i was going to bed early then it's like now all the all the lollygagging i was doing the night before you know it's not no cobwebs in my brain i'm just ready to go you work at night though you know

that right yes and i spoke to you when i got home and you called sydney literally called me when i was walking into my apartment it was like 12 30 so you wasn't gonna go to bed early anyway yeah you're working but i was when i spoke to you i was like i'm gonna go to bed at if i if i'm in bed by 1 30 then i can go to the gym each ask me what time i went to sleep probably the same time as me oh 3 30 baby i went to bed at 4 i went to bed at 3 30 this morning oh my goodness That's crazy. Why did you go to bed at 3.30? Because I'm, I don't know if you know this about me,

but I have a lot of shopping carts all over the internet. I like to visit my carts to see what I like, add new things to the carts. I'm shopping all over the world, baby. That's true. And then, so that's what I was doing. I literally was like putting stuff in various shopping carts. Like, is that the shirt that I want? Okay, well, let me see what these pants would look like with that shirt.

Like, it's dumb. I'm dumb. I'm not staying up to like find a cure for nothing I'm up late and then I'm like it's 1.30 and I saw it hit that time and then I was like 4.02 I'm going to be in the shower and then it was like

2.02 and then because I can't get in my bed until I get in the shower and I think maybe the first step is showering as soon as I get home you got to remember you don't need nothing

I want everything girl it's about to be a world war world war 3 about to start what you wearing to the war I'll make it up to you girl when we pregame it for world war 3 I went to bed late and my mess is that yo we gotta get off the phones

it really do be the phones I went to bed bawling my eyes out There's this guy who works at a, like, you know, an animal sanctuary and this flamingo named Mango partner died. He'd been with his partner for 45 years. So he was mean, just like, but not, it was like hard for the handlers to like touch him or catch him or feed him. He would nip out the fish and the butterflies and just angry, angry, angry man, like the old man and up. And then this this one guy kind of like eases way into Mango's heart and they like into Mango's heart and they're like, like cuddling.

He's like, I really took a liking to him. And I could not stop crying because I would be Mango, too, if I lost my partner or 45 years. Yeah. And then I stopped crying because the comments was like, yeah, I would be upset if I lost my wife. They're like Mango's gay. They said partner. and that's why and and then and then the guy they were like that guy does look like he would he would um be cool with a bird because the guy kind of looked birdish oh he looked like he had a big

how old do flamingos live for 45 years it's a long ass time to have a partner that you met when they was chicks pretty much but it was so sweet i've just like loved these sweet videos i was crying again i posted it in my close stories of these two old ladies who've been friends since like high school that made me cry this morning yeah the black lady and the asian lady candace and dana oh my god candace candace has cancer and that they asked her like how long you been best friend she's like oh forever it's my best friend she's like why is she your best friend she's so sweet she has a good heart and then candace is like she's there for me she's there for me for my cancer treatments i cried candace and dana yeah yes it was so beautiful and she's

like i'm gonna keep her alive she's gonna have to put her wig on and we're gonna go to barbados every year yeah and then they showed old pictures of them with their kids and that's what made me cry for real i was like damn jasmine yeah my eyes were soaking wet yeah i was like this is what it's about yeah everybody wants to i need a i need a lover i didn't know sisterhood friendship that is like it's untouchable yeah oh you know you contradicting yourself right now sisterhood friendship is untouchable but mango had a partner bae that's a bird it's different yeah i don't have a lot of sympathy animal stuff don't really make me cry oh black black i saw a guy that was like um like getting rid of a dam because it was like the beavers had

Oh, they was. They said the beavers must be pissed. And I was like, fuck them beavers. Yeah. Why was he getting rid of it? Obviously, it was inconvenience in him. It was inconvenience in like the, I don't know, all the water that wasn't flowing was messing up the stuff up there.

But it was a dam. That wasn't there. It's there for the beavers, not for the humans. So he just took down their habitat, asshole. He kicked it down. Sure did. And Sidney would be one of the people in the comments that's like, the beavers worked so hard on that.

That's my mess. but it's whatever obviously it's not you know touching anybody's hearts in here that's me well the the dana and candace thing touched her heart that's because they're humans they're real yeah humans humans if it's still up there i'm gonna watch oh my god i like you're gonna cry you're gonna cry yeah because in the comments was just like everybody's looking for their dana everybody's looking for their candace yeah and the woman like candace was literally crying she's She's like, she is my best friend. And I was like, that's how I feel about my friends.

I'm like, what would I do without them? Girl, out of the tears, she was sobbing into the pillowcase. And it was just like, yes, yes. She's like, I'm there. I don't want anything to happen to Candace. I come to her treatments. I was like, come to the treatments every time. Now who are you going to have a friend that comes to all the treatments?

We got something to do. You got a hair appointment. The cab is late. I'm trying to wheel the chemo to the hair appointment. so yeah that's that's my mess but um damn how do y'all feel about people who cannot or people who say i have a hard time making friends i have i don't have community i have a hard time making friends how do y'all feel about people like that some people do have a hard time making friends some people don't know how to make them you know it's a lot of it's a lot of walls up

you know I I I don't know I don't know I wasn't allowed to have friends come over my house as a kid yeah I remember my my first friend this girl named Shakira uh we talked in school and I was like she was like uh we should play catch and I was like yeah yeah you should you should come to my house to play catch yeah we set a date I didn't talk to nobody I didn't I didn't check with my parental units i just said shakira's coming to play catch on saturday right that we we made up a little like a tuesday yeah saturday comes i'm i'm in my house minding my black ass business it's a knock at the door it's shakira and her dad i'm like my dad is like we we don't have any money in here to donate to whatever you he like he said no no no i just want the you know

so the girls could play. And my dad was like, play? My mom was like, play? Like, so I'm saying that's my origin story.

Yeah. Me too. Right? So, yeah, but I feel like you can go either way with it. Some people just be like

closed off and some people they didn't, they couldn't get it so they're really open. Hmm. Hmm. Did y'all play that day?

No. She had to go home. Really? That was like, they got school work. School work. Oh my goodness. That's terrible.

why they didn't let y'all and i never saw shakira again wow i mean i did in school but i never saw her outside again yeah is that crazy that's crazy um i don't know if that's where you were going with your question um but no but you started with childhood so maybe that was a good place yeah it really do stem from that yeah but maybe that's why i don't i don't really understand when people say that because my parents house was always open my parents it was the type of parents is like oh they want to come over here yeah because my parents preferred my friends to come over versus me going to their house but i had a couple of good friends in high school like you know three or four friends we go to each other's houses our parents knew each other our parents

trusted each other like and those were the only those the nucleus that's that's how it should be yeah i didn't trust nobody yeah it was in the window with the blonde lady yep well who's coming down the driveway yeah don't trust nobody don't be with nobody just be with your family it's like some of your family is you shouldn't trust them either though but also it's like y'all don't even like some of y'all families why do i need to like y'all yeah it's true but like that's i think that's a great way to when you have community early then you're not searching for it yeah as an adult and that's scary because you know in this i think in this era people want a village they don't know how to be a villager right and also people are going through so many like mental illnesses that

It's like, how can you show up even 70 percent for people when you're you can't even show up for yourself at 20? Yeah. So and people genuinely need like 70 percent. Like people being there for them. Yeah, it's pretty wild. I mean, that so that I understand a little bit better than the people who are like girls that are like, you know, I don't have any female friends. Girls just don't like me. I don't. Those people are. I'm not listening you got all these male friends you don't have no female friends

yeah see this is why I don't like hanging out with a lot of women I'd be like oh we're done talking you lost me yeah I'ma stop you right there

I'ma let you finish but I'm not but sometimes you gotta have them say it out loud like you have to repeat back everything they're saying like do you hear this

yeah so this these people that oh you trust the men who are also cheating on their girlfriends they're gonna be loyal to you

right that's what you think yeah that's nice crazy that's nice you know yeah

good for you sometimes people don't know what they sound like until they say stuff out loud have y'all been watching Blue Therapy on Netflix no

is that the British people yes oh okay yeah I just started that there's a lesbian episode I said the lesbians is having problems too like this

always oh my god we have problems oh yeah I know what you mean you know I have a lot of lesbian friends they always breaking up and stuff they have the same problem like straight people yeah yeah yeah relations and

relationships exactly why are you so surprised why are you trying to fight what's up sis you are the spokesperson for the lesbians in the room but you just said they have problems and she agreed and you said you were like you were like you were like yeah they be having problems and i was like oh is that so when i said it's okay when you said it i was like yeah You're my best friend, Shirley. Yeah. Yeah. Who are they?

Okay. So, Jasmine, please tell us your mess. Oh, my mess. Because, you know, we could talk forever. Okay. Well, you know what? I was I wanted to talk about being divorced, but I also want to say that I think my mess is that something that people always want to argue with me about all the time is I think

marriage is a business and people don't understand that. And divorce is a business, too. So, yeah, that's my mess for the week. Like, that's my mess for today. Because you've been divorced. I've been divorced. You don't look like you've been through it. No, thank God.

Right. OK, I don't look like what I've been through. You went girl, you went into divorce. i think that um actually leaving a relationship that doesn't serve you keeps you looking good yes yeah because if you stay in it it ages you oh yeah it would if you're in anything that's taking and taking you're not you're gonna look a mess for sure and you're and you're not drinking water oh yeah oh yeah girl okay let's circle right back real quick to blue therapy yes okay yeah because there's a couple on there this the girl makes more money than him the white

girl the yeah the white girl and then she with the black guy she would well they saw it's all black guys oh yeah i don't know why the show is like that but oh apparently all the black men in in london they have an issue okay allegedly okay so uh she makes she's the breadwinner and he has a lot of debt okay comes out on comes out to the to the therapist and says you know how I told you they were reorganizing or restructuring my job at work I was let go okay but he gets up every day with her to get dressed like he's going to work they leave the house at the same time he waits for her to be at work circles back comes home he'd been unemployed for the last two two months okay no well you have to give it to him he's a great actor how you act like you have a job

it's getting legion it's getting yeah he's a liar did i marry him yeah you were unemployed and you he's still spending money crazy oh no i would leave him immediately crazy and she's still with him she's still with him no because why you could have just told me you lost your job but the fact that you didn't i just can't trust you and you've been spending money and you've been getting dress like all of this is too much no you're a liar liar not helping her at home yeah because now that it came out that he doesn't have a job the therapist is like has anything changed at home she said no oh my god he's not cooking dinner he's not washing dishes he's like it's he's like it's everything that she says it feels like she's going through more than me she is she is because

she's working and then coming home to take care of your age like i'm going through it too i'm unemployed and i have to act like i have a job that does feel like a lot of weight on his shoulders oh yeah i would leave him yeah but but talk about the the business aspect of it for marriage how long were you married for i was married for well we were together for 12 years 12 years a slave oh my god yeah were you right out of college yeah yeah well we got together before i graduated college damn okay so also young very young you know well i thought you know i really did think sometimes people be like you have it's because you chose no i didn't choose wrong no i've known the person half my life no i we we dated we we moved in together we had we got better jobs we

save the money you buy a house you know you do all the things you think you're supposed to do you get education you you know and then um yeah we were married about half the time and um yeah and so we were we were married and I I got pregnant and then I decided that the relationship was going to be over when I got pregnant really yeah just wasn't giving supportive there were you know what there were signs there will be signs there were there were definitely signs There were there was a lot of reasons, actually. But I was like, you know what? I'm going to move out. And while you were pregnant. Yeah. I have a baby to take care of. So I'm going to make sure my mental health and everything is good.

So I moved out and I was actually hoping that it would work for a really long time. And then like a year later, I found out something that was that actually made me in the relationship. Gasp. He on the S-team list? Girl, he on the list? oh my god i was like i was like cheating or gay no no but this is my thing it's like this is i'm gonna lose a lot of people yeah let me lean this way if someone is in a relationship and they are married or whether they're straight and they cheat and they're gay it's like they were in the closet battling

something and yes this cheating is bad but now you finally could be who you are I'm it's a slippery slope because I'm like why did you have to find out through me yeah but also I'm like well I'm glad you weren't you don't have to live a lie anymore yeah be out and about because that I know what kind of turmoil you're probably going through having to pretend that you want to be with this gender and you don't yeah I think I probably would have felt a little bit better if he was gay but he not oh no he was with a white woman no girl it is trash yeah no he's definitely not gay but uh well there's i think maybe gay is still up for debate who knows um there's always up for debate i guess like um but um yeah so that is mess i feel like it's

It's definitely a mess to lose your pregnant wife before your baby is born. That's a mess. Yeah. But you know what's not a mess? Putting yourself first, putting your baby first, regardless of the title, regardless of how many people are like, but girl, you're this, you're that, it's going to get better, blah, blah. Because a lot of times, well, this is another thing that's a slippery slope because marriage

vows for better or worse, sickness or health, richer or poorer, right? Yeah. First of all, we got to revise this. I didn't even agree to none of that. We wrote our own vows. No, but I think that's, like, that's the basis. That's the basis of it. And so, because it's binding.

It's like, yeah, you can't just leave when things are bad. Yeah. But at the same time, it's like, hey, you're not going to dig this hole so far down that, like, now we both can't get out. Yeah. So. And a lot of people say, too, like, oh, well, if my partner betrayed me, then I would. like listen I gave I gave my partner an opportunity to correct things as well but if things are not corrected to the in the ways that I wish they think that I think they should be or you're not

really showing me that you you know want to be with me then I'm gonna leave so a lot a lot of times he would be like oh well you didn't give it a they people I've had some people say many mean things to me on the line online about being divorced about how I broke up my family or I didn't try I'm like you don't even know me fuck the family I try to help face them they fuck my husband obviously I don't have all the words but yeah but it's like what's all this thing about family I mean yeah obviously it's good when people are together and because I wish I would have come from a more stable home I think I would have less issues than I have now yeah but at the same time it's like I would hate for my mother had been with someone who was making her miserable yeah

And ruining her life and taking the soul out of her. You know what I mean? She did that on her own. She didn't need a man to do that. But I'm just saying. She was taking her own soul out of herself? Yes. Yes.

I don't even. But it's like you see people stay together just for this child. I'm like, I'd rather you do it early. Yeah. Don't wait and wait and wait until they're like 15 and they're conscious. Yeah. Get them up out of there. For a lot of people.

Get them banned. you don't do that norm yeah that's a lot of people that's the norm like historically like you just the woman can leave so she stayed yes or you know whatever like my parents are still together and should they be that's how my parents are too oh they still together though yeah shutting Shakira down at the door no I think that me and um my baby daddy separate is a more stable for my for my child it's it's much more stable we have a schedule um we actually even agree that we're gonna have dinner with our child uh next week wow yeah at a place at a place and that's growth that's growth he was like uh hey you know because my kids almost four and they go mama sometimes

they say well why don't we hang out with dada you know like why don't and i'm like you have your time with your dad and you have time with me it's quality time and so he was like the kid mentioned it do you want to like have dinner I was like yeah but I'm not gonna plan it so you plan it and he planned it but I'm not gonna plan it I'm not gonna plan it I love that yeah nothing I'm not calling nobody hey where you want to go I'm sure you're a fun mom I think I like that's another thing that I have now like knowing like my friends who have kids and just seeing how like funny and cool they are and like they're just girls it's like I'm sure your kid sees you in all your glory and I'm like that's that's what I would have wanted just a little bit because you

seem like I'm sure you're putting the rules down but you're also like doing some cute shit yeah I'm a why not mom that's that's what I'm on right now when my kids say can I do this or can we do this i'd be like why not yo i too am a why not mom to myself something gets offered to me i'll be like why not that was me in all my 20s really yeah oh it i that was the i feel like i was the most free in my 20s why aren't you free now because i have a conscious oh i'm sober that ghost is i'm sober i'm like i'm thinking i'm an overthinker yeah like i think now that i broke down all the reasons why i kind of got caught up in like drinking and drugs or whatever it's just like

i was using it as an escape to really find myself and be myself and let the the walls down some people have walls and my walls were different yeah what they look like uh do the walls match drapes and the material it's the material some people have you know cement walls yeah some people have wooden walls some people have paper mache walls i think i think my walls were like double layered i think i had like cement and wood and so i needed to do cocaine to to get to where i am right now cocaine bought the bought the wall oh that's so funny

girl what are you talking about you gotta let me hit the bank girl oh my god yeah it was just like I don't know I feel like because when you are restricted as a kid and like you're a family

also they're not living their life they're not finding their dreams and doing that what they want to do that's what you're used to it you're so like humbled you have your head down and you don't have confidence and then you start doing molly and cocaine people are like oh my god but you're so fun like you can't dance oh my god why don't you be a go-go dancer why don't you do this why don't you do that you can do anything you want i'm like yeah the fuck i can and then that's the dream babe yeah 10 years later you're you're doing cocaine at 11 a.m on tuesday and you're like yeah i don't know i don't know if uh i don't think i should be everything i need i need some structure yeah i need some structure in my life well i'm not why not that extreme

you're not you're not hitting you no we have one cookie okay you know one cookie you're not blowing the smoke in the baby's face a cookie an edible no no no no regular chocolate chip I feel like I'm the opposite I feel like when I was in my 20s I was very naive and I grew up like a little bit protected so I was kind of like oh my god like that's why I was kind of like oh I'm so free I don't have any walls up and I have a man and he's never gonna betray me like I'm happy and then now that I'm in my 30s more walls have come up and now I'm like very protected like of my energy my friends my community my whoever I date like I feel very like very like I have walls up but I think they protect me they do I feel like as you get older you learn

you know what the world is and and who you are and what you need and don't need in your life yeah this is like an interesting like I feel like I'm right in the middle of them yeah Well, the crazy thing is, is that to both of you, I feel like have, you know, like some walls up. But when I when I met both of y'all both time, I never felt like there was a wall ever. Like it was so effortless. Yeah. And you I was like, I don't even remember when we exactly met. But as soon as we like linked up in real life, I was like, oh, yeah, this makes sense.

You're mad cool. Like, you know what I mean? You just meet people you just click with. Yeah. I met you. I was like, click. Yeah. Lover.

Lover to death. Yeah. When can I? Girl, I got to see more of you, girl. We got to spend more time together. You know, and that's just, sometimes you don't meet people like that. Vibes don't lie. So, but I do think it is smart to have walls up with your energy.

Energy is important, especially if, you know, you're in a marriage or if you're dating or just like, just being a person because, you know, people will take, they will take, take, take, take, take. Yeah. This is the, for me, this summer, 2026 is the summer of why not? Why not? That's a good title too. I'm not mad.

I'm not mad at why not. I'm not mad at why not either. I love a good why not. Because like, girl, what are we doing? Yeah. The world is mad. The world about to end. Girl, what are you going to do?

But you can't have that like mindset that the world's about to end because you're, you're a mom. You got to think about the future, no? Well, I personally don't recommend having kids because I think it is a distraction. I do not recommend having kids. I want to say into the camera. It is a distraction to prevent especially black women from revolting against the government and starting a revolution because you can't think the world is going to end because you're a mom. It consumes so much of your time, energy, resources. So that's why I don't recommend doing it. But I still, I don't, I actually don't think the world is going to end within our lifetime.

And when I'm dead and gone, baby, what I'm supposed to do about that? So I'm just going to prepare my child with all the tools and resources I can. And I actually don't think it will end in my lifetime. Hey, when it ends, it's really none of my business. Right. I'm going to keep recycling a little bit. I'm going to keep separating the glass. And let me tell you, when the world ends, I'm going to already be asleep.

That's why I sleep a lot. That's why I like sleep in weird positions and situations where you're like, it's so loud. Everything is moving. I want to be able, if something is going down, if there's a boom, I was already eyes closed. I don't want to be up and then, you know, I don't need to know that one millisecond of what life was right before it ended. I don't, I'm already knocked the fuck out. How long, if there was a, somebody asked me this the other day, if there was like a zombie apocalypse type situation, how long do you think you would last? Oh, I'm dead immediately.

Or I would try to, I would like, say for instance, I'm with you, right? And this is what I was thinking we need to write. If there is the zombie apocalypse, I feel like we should try to seduce them.

I think we should be like baddies. How do you seduce a zombie? I don't know, but that's why we gotta, we gotta like, yo, we can't go out like this. We are like, Cindy's like,

you like gang? Yeah. You gay? I know you a woman in there. What's that? Yeah. Before you eat my head, why don't you eat my coochie?

Like, I feel like if a zombie eat your coochie, you a zombie. you are a zombie I'd rather be a zombie that came than a zombie that didn't the zombies came

and so did I the non-zombies can't even make some of us cry is that crazy? I don't think that's crazy it's a little crazy it's a little crazy they're going to gnaw your coochie

that's going to be the worst thing I'm going to have this brisket, man. Girl, you want them to gnaw the salt and pepper? Sometimes it don't fall off the bone. That's the reason. Me getting up with my coochie fall off the bone. You got a little greater. I don't know.

I just, me, I'm not a fighter. I'm not a fighter. I mean, I'm a fighter in the sense of, like, spiritually, I'll be fighting for my life. And I'm like, obviously, I want to keep going. But, like, physically, no. I'm not doing it. Just, you know, I don't like, like, dirt. I don't like dirty germs and stuff.

Yeah, I probably last, like. I can't run. Like, it's just. When the showers stop running and I don't have no clean water. When the brittle run out. Take me. If there's no more Red Bull, baby, end it. Like, how will I have the energy to go to the next town if we got to go there?

Yeah. I feel like I would last. I don't know if you think you would last. I think I will probably last at least a year. A year? That sounds like a terrible year. Jasmine, that sounds like I am legend. That's what you're giving.

You Will Smith now? You going to have a dog? Well, I have a kid. I don't want no dog. That just sounds like a bill to me. I don't want no animal. There's no one helping you, letting you know when there's zombies around

when you can't see them. The kid is letting the zombies know where you at. The dog, well, my kid's older. My kid's four. They listen. Yeah, but they're going to be like, oh my God, I'm tired of walking, Mom. I'm tired, Grandpa.

I mean, I'm I'm exhausted now in the world. I don't know if it's going to be a full year, though. The world is what it is. Yeah. And I'm I'm exhausted. But like that fight or flight situation, I really for what? I don't want to see it through. What if we were together?

How long do you think? Like what if all three of us were together? Is the baby with us? no okay um let's say the baby's safe and we're trying to get to greenland okay i think obviously you would be leading because it seems like you know direction you make you make you make snacks it feels like you cook yeah you brown bag yeah marie marie i think you're like obviously entertainment you're gonna keep it light quick thinker

if I lose a foot you're like girl that foot was ugly anyway that was your bad foot it didn't look good in photos anyway she'll keep it funny and then I I'm trying to figure out what my role is

hugs? I'm good at cuddling I think you're a realist Sydney's role during the pandemic I mean the apocalypse would be it's a Sephora right up the street yeah let's pop in real quick pick up some supplies. That's when you dwindle it down

to Sephora for me? Yeah, girl. Nothing else? What you think you're going to be doing, sis? Panicking. Sleeping. Girl, you can't sleep. The zombies,

they're going to already think I'm dead. Sydney, you can't sleep. We're trying to get to, we're walking to Greenland. I'm like, hey guys, I'm up here. I'm going to put blood all over me. They're going to think I'm already got that.

You the distraction. Yeah. Sydney, you want to be the decoy? Then you got to run out of the girl. please sit me in front of the zombies I'm like do you want me wanna love me like that

like like that honestly we're doing the outline for the movie and I'm not mad at it I'm not mad at it the walking dead the walking dead but it's different it's different the walking baddies

dead baddies maybe we'll work on the title I'm not amazing with the title, but we'll get there. But yeah, I think that like, but also it's just so exhausting as a Black woman to always like having to figure it out and be strong and be independent. And I don't want to do that anymore, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know, my girlfriend does stuff and I'm like, yeah, do it. Like, she's a woman and I feel bad. Is she not Black? She is Black. Oh, she's Black. So you're putting Black women to work as well. oh my god give me your girlfriend inclusion inclusion baby no no no candace and daisy

wait hold on do we have messages You guys have a voicemail. We do. We have a voicemail. We want you to listen to it and let us know. Jasmine, wait. I'm like,

you're so good. I love when we like just really mesh well with the guests. It's just like, you talk forever. Is this a carrot juice that you drink?

Carrot, orange, and ginger. I love y'all. I like you as a friend. that used to hurt my feelings in middle school oh my god hey messies um just want to say i love you both love the pod i listen every week and you have me cackling in my car by myself um so i have a question is it mess or just living i hosted a valentines i you know i had a i had a welcome cocktail i had a themed cocktail i had themed

appetizers i had i served dinner um somebody brought a bottle of wine to my house for this event and then when they left they took it home with them i'm low-key offended and bothered by it is it is it mess or is it just living things you know what um it's tacky for them to take the bottle of wine back home with them yes it's very tacky um but i grow up with hood cousins who take their shit back every every time they come to my mom and daddy house and i don't it's not that big of a deal to me i would i wouldn't cut nobody off or be pissed off about it or nothing like that like it's like you you tacky and i'm not bringing nothing to your house actually because if you If you bring the bottle and take it back, you brought nothing.

So next time you invite me, I'm bringing nothing. I'm just showing up with a smile. But it's not something I would stop being friends over. If you bought the bottle and take it back, you brought nothing. You brought nothing. Yeah. But I could see both. I could see both sides of that.

Is that so, Marie? Yes. You disagree with me. I could see both sides of that. One, I spent all this money to feed and provide libations. honestly truly when somebody brings something to the house just open it so they won't leave with it because it's already open just open it hey we already we didn't touch it but we touched it no don't we have a friend that was at a situation and took it like it was open but

it wasn't all the way and they took it they took their last big wine back wine back but they they brought alcohol yeah but like sometimes people bring stuff to a party because they know that they they assume that the situation the function won't have but they like so that's they they're the only ones drinking it right so if you drink if that's all you're drinking and you're not touching nothing else then whatever whatever yeah it's it is still tacky yeah i think you hey this is why people don't want to host no more because it is a community-based thing if someone is opening up their home they're providing food they're giving a look they're like i don't want nobody i don't want that many feet and shoes in

my apartment anyway so you already opened your shit up that's amazing it's not about you it's like what can i add and you say i'm not gonna stop being somebody's friend if they like take the bottle yeah you think that bottle is just the bottle it represents who they are as a person you shysty you did take smack seeds like it's weird it's like what am i gonna why do i need to take this back you know i mean i've left so many things that i'm like that was expensive i know nobody's gonna eat that i made that nobody touched it and you move on it comes back to you you know what I mean like I remember I had a like a big party at uh my apartment I lived in Harlem and I'm talking about I'm like 20 people 20 something people everybody bought a bottle yeah

and you know we didn't all get through that yo I had bottles every nobody took anything yeah it was like thank you we was in the backyard we had we had skewers the scrimp skewers we got the ketamine we got we put the cat in the room like you were dipped in ketamine yeah ketamine provided juices and whatnot like they was like yeah no thank you because we would have never had 20 people up in this fucking in my place and so i'm like yeah you're right yeah but when you think about it that way you had all these bottles all this stuff left over now you have another party this is true for the next thing and when people say what should i bring say nothing yeah exactly we got stuff left over we got enough bring yourself I took a big bottle of like a

weed drink to a friend's house they were having a um game night which they often have game night game night and nobody touched the weed drink and I was thinking you know what um I never thought to take it with me but I was thinking I hope they enjoy that later like at a different date and they think about oh jazz brought this you know and just enjoy it and you know text me in three months and be like we finally got to that weed drink and we liked it you know what I mean so I would never take anything that i brought but what we drink was it i can't remember the name they need to pay me anyway i can't remember the name i talk about it all the time on my instagram it's very good and they do send it to me i dm them i'll be like can y'all send me some more and they do

no it's um man it should send marie some she's oh it's called nowadays nowadays nowadays hit us up Oh, for real, they should. It's very good. I remember I went to a party. I think it was in L.A. I went with this guy, my man at the time, and he bought a big-ass case of beers. And, you know, we all hanging out. We had to leave.

The case was still pretty much full. I think he had one beer. And I go, y'all keep the beers. He had a guy. He was so mad at me For offering his beers To these people I said what

He was gonna take it You gonna take the box Right I'm not gonna drink this with you What you gonna do With all these beers Was he gonna take it He was gonna take it

He said But it wasn't He said it wasn't my place To offer his beers To these people That's true That's true Nah

But you with me And they know me They don't know you Right Marie Remember when I offered A friend of ours One of your edibles

You were like Ah ah This is not yours I was like bet that's different they was in her bird my edible marie got drugs out in your 20s that's how you was moving no we was keeping it on the love now if you took the edibles out and laid them on the table that's different they're in my bag exactly my my external charger she like marie got them listen you gotta live in abundance

I don't have an abundance of edibles, babe Marie, that's a lie As many people be shipping it to you First of all, stop telling people about me In front of Jasmine She's a mother I had an edible last night Marie be on our Instagram

I have an edible Marie, she's always on our Instagram Something with a cute tin Something with nice colors, very bright I think it looks like candy Nope I'm mad I don't have any I'm mad I don't have any on me right now

but yes Sydney it's not your place to be like Marie got them I also feel like Sydney offered it to somebody that I'm not really cool with you were cool with them not cool enough for me to be like yes you were very cool with them you must have said that multiple times

no I said it and you were like and I said let me move to the side I'm Homer Simpson in the book because Marie was upset you're watching this we can do drugs together anytime

just not what I guess that time when Sydney you know I didn't have my shareables on me right

sometimes you got the personal on you and then sometimes you bring the shareable out yeah and it's like well y'all can have these these don't

I like the wild y'all can have some of these wild right but these my you know what I mean yeah sometimes you bring

the extra flavor that you don't really really mess with you know what I'm saying those are for everybody y'all like raspberries yeah that's for the table

right okay okay you know we learned a lot today my bad sis I won't do that no more but I feel like you're gonna do it to me no no the thing is no I I just I like sharing and whatnot because it just feel it like it fills me up and I like I don't know whenever I when somebody has something for me and I'm like I don't want it I always think of you and I'm like I don't do weed but I'm like there's weed here at this point I'm gonna take it and bring it to you because it's like

Well, I know somebody will have some, you know, I don't, I don't do crack, but there's somebody on my corner that does it. I'll bring it to them. You know what I mean? Right. Semi-Washington drug mule. So would you stop being friends with the person who, who took their wine back home? I'd still be their friend.

I mean, I'm, I'm friends with some questionable people at times, but you know, I try my best to put it out there. That's like, Hey man, we can't be living in a stingy mindset. Yeah. You know what I mean? like look it like obviously it's a recession but not with my heart right girl is that where we should end the episode jasmine where can people find you we need to have you back you need a part due

oh my god let me host or something yes i would love to we host we yeah well i mean let me bring y'all out oh yeah you know what i mean that's what i mean yeah you have a license yes she does i'll pick y'all up i have a car i'll pick y'all up and then i'll do say wonderful things about you and bring you up on stage oh and jasmine is very funny she's a stand-up as well if jasmine comes to pick us up and she's in a cyber truck you still want to be her friend i don't have a cyber truck i was just her hair doesn't go with cyber truck it don't pair well with ugly doors Yeah. No way.

And a random freak accident. Exactly. Oh, my God. Yeah. You do give Waymo energy, though. I've been in a Waymo one time, but I had a coupon. A coupon? That's what you would do with a Waymo?

I'm not doing a coupon Waymo. I don't want to do a Waymo, but I definitely don't want one that's on a budget. I had a promo code. So. Mm-hmm. Okay. So, yeah. Where can people find you?

And what do you have coming up? And, like, where can people listen to you? Okay. Yeah. Y'all can find me on Instagram and TikTok at J-A-Z-M-Y-N-J-W. I have a YouTube as well where I talk about mainly dating shows. I have a podcast with my really good friend, Amber Wallen. It's called Quit Plan with Jasmine and Amber.

Quit Plan. And I'm on tour this summer. It's called the Soft and Dangerous Tour because I'm still soft after getting divorced, but I'm dangerous as well. So that's where you can find me. We outside. She's outside. I'm very outside. when you're coming back to New York

are you going to be here at all for the summer yes she definitely should do your show your why are you single yes I would love to do that and I'll be in New York on June 26 I think love it at the city winery Marie you should have your

what is it the talk show a lot of parties the shroom picnic I do a shroom picnic she's still giving away my drugs people bring their own bring your own drug oh my god invite me to the next thing i will come back to new york for any

reason i love new york great yeah yeah i don't have a date for the shroom picnic yet but you said you'll be here in june i listen whenever you do it i'll be back that's what i that's all i'm saying i'm sorry i'm just trying to connect the folks whenever you do it yes the meaning of the walls i don't know i'm sorry marie the meaning of the blacks yeah i love it you're the best you know i gave you a little bit of a hard time today but you really are the best oh my goodness y'all are so beautiful do people just stop you guys on the street sometimes they got to sometimes they got not always but i don't i don't always feel beautiful but like sometimes i like when i get a compliment from a woman because that's how i know it's really real

they be like right she gets a lot of compliments and you don't have to feel beautiful this is just factual whether you feel it or not it's just reality you don't look even if you don't look You feel like you don't look your best, Marie. Your energy, the way you walk outside, the way you hold your head up high. That is what people are like. Because I'm frantic. I'm late to the thing I'm going to do.

I'm outside. My presence is felt because people are like, she's important. She got somewhere to be. No, babe, I'm 23 minutes late. Write this down. Write this down. And don't believe her because then she'll,

whatever frantic energy you have, she'll walk into the building. Hey, y'all, what's up? Oh, yeah, you know I'm talking about these ladies. Run, and then I walk in. Yeah. She don't see it. There's no sense of urgency when she's coming in the building.

Wow. Yeah, when you came around the corner, you looked cool, collected. Not a beat of sweat. I saw Becca. I took my coat off. What's happening? Meanwhile, I begged her. I said, Marie, please be on.

Girl, I got you. I'm going to be on time. Sis, we're going to get you out of here so you can make your home. Yeah, you're going to make it. I have time to spare. You do. You have time to spare. She does.

Five minutes. do you want to run the clock out with me no no no I would love to give you guys a hug off off camera and you know leave leave with a nice exit yeah yeah leave with a nice exit a sachet

bye hoes y'all have fun y'all local stuff zooming on Sydney's butt anyway goodbye y'all thank you so much Jasmine you the best pow pow pow I didn't even know she had all that Sydney

People stop Sydney from the front And from the back I can't lie Girl Okay Okay so please keep leaving Comments and reviews And our YouTube we gotta hit 10k

So we can get merch And the Spotify is popping but we need more More more Telefriend Five stars Love you much Bye and marie faustin is a production by will ferrell's big money players and iheart radio podcast created

and hosted by sydney washington and marie faustin executive produced by olivia aguilar and han sani super produced by becca ramos edited and mixed by brian jeffries if you would like your messages read on air please email us at mess the podcast at gmail.com or call for your messages to be played at 763-280-6588