MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Sippin' Pussy & Capri-Sun

Episode Date: May 15, 2020

Marie and Sydnee are back this week for another solo episode! They talk smack on the people in their apartment, unemployment, Kardashians, what's on their sex playlists, and so much more!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog hi hi friend hi friend what's going on uh um what are we no are we on um day 52 i don't know how people are keeping track you know we're not keeping track of the dates what what's a day what's time what's a month what is we don't know it's it's erased time doesn't matter time after time time after time there's a delay that's why i said that's what it is um so i saw cindy yesterday in real life she came to do a patreon episode oh my god you're gonna tell the people are people are requesting pictures of these wigs that i was okay you have to

somebody was like i need to see the black boyfriend mixed babies you gotta listen to the patreon to know what we're talking about but just know that i got sent some stuff yo and then you took a picture in my phone that i didn't even know and it made me cry wait let me see the picture okay so the people can't see which is rude um So Sydney came over yesterday to do this episode, and I stepped out. I was like, oh, yeah, I'll shoot a video of you on your bike. And she was like, are you going to get locked out?

And I was like, no. Who is this guy? This looks like a villain. You look like a villain in this, because she has a hat on on top of it. It's like V for Vendetta. Yes, that's what you look like. The wig is. Anyway, so I got locked out of my apartment, because somebody came back into the building,

i guess when i was outside and locked me no and then you and i had no phone on me no i mean at least it was nice yesterday but i was i was like oh man but like not worried about it because i'm like everybody's yeah everybody's so i'm ringing the buzzer for the first floor and they never came to the door shady boots so i'm like i gotta hit the buzzer for the third floor she was upset she came down and she was tight she almost didn't know what she say she just was like because when you hear the buzzer ringing you think it's a package you got a package so I'm standing there and looking like the mask of Zorro in that wig with the hat and she was like she like stopped and I was like I got locked out yeah if you could

thank you thank you how do you feel about that people just being real hesitant about letting people into their building well i mean i could i get it like if somebody looks dainty like suspicious but what does suspicious look like what is this they look like they don't live there if you look like you don't live there to me i'm not letting you what does someone living there look like because honestly you yesterday didn't look like you had any home to live in hilarious we're gonna post the photo that oh that you just with this episode so people will be like no sis you look like you're selling really bad knives yeah but my my building only has four apartments right so i know you like recognize the people

that you live with so that's what i'm saying if somebody that i don't know is asking me to let them in i'm gonna be like you don't live here but that's you you know that's you making sure that you see the people that live in your building but there's tons of people who just walk out they don't try to get to know nobody and then be surprised when they're shady to somebody who actually lives in the building you're like you don't live here and it's like actually i've been here for two years right well when i lived in a bigger building i didn't i only knew like two of my neighbors that's true you can't remember everybody's face if your building is big but your building is smaller it's like oh that's 2f i mean i think i don't know anybody's name

building should do a better job of like having like one community meeting a month or something like like a party so that you can just community sydney everybody doesn't live where you live y'all every day is a community meeting in your building all the neighbors know each other is like where everybody's birthmark is everybody's birthstone y'all are that was too close i mean especially during this time during quarantine it's like you should be getting to know the people that's in your building you should see them you should do neighborhood watch or something like look outside your window see who's coming in and out of the building like you have the time i mean i don't know everybody who lives in the apartment below me

i know that one is a drunk white girl that refused to pay her taxi fare that one time did tell that story right but i don't know what she like if we passed each other on the street i wouldn't know what she looked like it was late at night but also like you know they'd be looking like oh that's what we're gonna say on the record oh shout out to all the beige listeners uh listening all over the world we appreciate you for being the allies and oh yeah i mean i finally saw my upstairs neighbor and there's literally just four tenants in this building i finally saw her i have not seen her wait you have two there's two apartments yes it's carolina and then the woman that lives i didn't know there was another apartment there's a woman that lives

with her son and i think somebody else lives there and then you know it's shara who lives on my floor but yeah i finally saw her and i've been here since when november october i have i'd never seen this woman and i was like ah hi i'm your i'm the gay woman downstairs you saw her getting in her apartment or coming out she was going in her apartment with her mask she had her her laundry and stuff she wasn't really that friendly but i i was like hi and she was sometimes when people are too friendly it makes you want to not be friendly why you should be come on now something it's something about like something like you know how like if somebody's like a morning person and you're the opposite of that when they morning neighbor like it's

something about somebody being very happy that sometimes makes us very angry so bitch you gotta grow up okay you gotta understand that there's people you gotta grow up there's people who have different personalities personalities than you and you have to just adjust hey no i'm applying apply that to yourself that's no logic you gotta grow up there are people who have different personalities than you and you need i'm radiating um positivity and light and your bitch ass is over there like grumpy cat with a bad wig you're radiating cocaine energy and have been up all night that's what you radiate in i'm trying to get in i got my mask on and i'm holding my dirty at my freshly steamed drawers and you're like hey what's going no hi and then I'm going inside

um I don't know or maybe she was robbing the place you don't even know who she is you don't even know if that is the person who lives in that apartment yo I do know that you know since I'm here all the time I be hearing the people upstairs I guess though no well because it's it's the woman and her son but i have heard somebody having sex up there like i've heard something i've heard my neighbors have sex before oh how was it let's chat it don't sound good well how do you know if the sex is good or not you could tell by the rhythm of how the thing is banging like if it if it if there's like a constant beat like if it if it's on beat then it's good if it's not on beat and it's like it's not on the it's not an eight count but it's like a

you know what i mean like you can tell it's on ones and threes yeah it's on the one and three not the two okay heard you so you have heard your neighbors have sex before well i wonder if he brought somebody in there or maybe they were moving stuff i don't know but oh during the yes but whenever i get nosy because you know i do i just want to be like so how did it start set this set the scene for us like how did the sex start were they talking before did you want to talk to your neighbors about how the yeah yeah yeah yeah i want to get involved you know it's like make a little porno for me an audio porno sydney you need to go outside because everything you're talking right now sounds

insane i need you to take a lap put a mask on take a lap well for the listeners who don't have patreon i you know i have my bike and my bike is back in business babies the back is bike bike is back bike is back bike is back yeah and you know i i am going to make sure that i stay more active because it kind of was disgusting that i hadn't gone to the gym not not one time this year have not worked out not one time this year well i mean the last time most of us went to the gym was the very beginning of march or the last week of february so no you only you only had like a month and a half to go two months to go to the gym but he's like you still work out marie tell people about your um your little workouts you got you got your sister helping you on the side

talk to the people about what you're doing no my sister did one workout with me because i got some booty bands for my butt um we did that one time and i have not worked out since in like the last week i don't know i go on like a run like once a week that's how i've been working out and then i'll come home and try to do some sit-ups so that i can still kind of have like ab lines if i suck your body is disgusting it should be like motivational for me but then you just see me and you're like well does she really need it you know there's people because your body is fine that's why like if you were like really scrawny wait as i was saying wait wait wait what are you saying what are you saying if you what you're saying for me as i said it i was like well she

kind of is if you are really scrawny or you were like really really big and like out of shape then i don't know maybe you would feel like you needed some motivation but because you're still slim you slim thick and like everything is where it's supposed to be sitting like of course you're not pressed to work out ready you're fine do you find my body attractive um it's not my type but yeah whoa whoa whoa okay well let's chat like what the fuck is your type a female body oh a lady body i hate the word female well i hate when people call people females but a female body like a that's how you say that sentence no i would say a woman a woman's body well i wouldn't call a woman a female but i'm

saying okay the female form i'm a woman the male girl bye bye um anyway you don't need inspiration friend you're fine no but what you you want me to gain weight you want me a little bit bigger sydney i don't need i don't want you to do anything do what you need to do for you type though i just want to know what i don't i'm not attracted to women what do i want what's your ideal female body friend go ahead and describe it for me a minute it'll help me figure out what mine is janelle monae janelle monae's body i wish she was taller but you know look at you she's got height shaming she's got really a really nice bosom i'm into that um you like big boobs uh i i like i like because i feel like you said it

before but i like boobs but it's not like necessary you know because i you know my ex didn't have a lot but you know totes fine yeah janelle mona has enough that i could put something in my mouth you know but i do like you only need a little i do like squeezing them a lot but you know you said you like squeezing them a lot so the size does matter because you started up top and said it didn't but then you were like i put them in my mouth yeah and i like squeezing yeah but you know what you could put a chocolate chip in your mouth too so as long as you have but that's not what that's long as you have it you can't squeeze the chocolate if you listen if you only have one

nipple out there i'm still here for it you know i don't need to shout out to the one nipple community listening yo when i was in freaking middle school this chick only had one nipple how do you know because she was i mean she showed all of us she showed what did the other nipple look like what was it was just flat it was just like i think like inverted like it was all the inside and um one boob like had like some weight on it another one was really flat and um you know we were obviously we had questions but we didn't ask because we were just like well if she wants to come out and tell us what happened she can't in middle school y'all were this diplomatic you guys were this funny nobody was like what happened to your titties no nobody said that everybody was

pretty pretty nice um but yo she was bagging all the dudes really yeah all the dudes i mean she with that those scoliosis titties she had a she had i guess a decent enough face that they were like who cares titties don't matter they don't i mean there's more to life i mean some people got personality some people got ass um some people got you know nice ankles some people got like a solid calf muscle i like a nice leg a nice some people have like a really good face and um you know they're only missing one tooth so me you just you just described me marie is that your type no still not my type well it's well the thing is is that um somebody was saying sydney you're somebody was telling me sydney you're so vain like all you care about is your looks like

what else what else what else and it's like okay first of all we already know that i have an outstanding personality we know that i'm funny we know that i am likable i and i'm smart and i'm outgoing and i have other things to offer don't shame me for caring about how i look i put real time into it it is an investment for me yes but you're not investing money to make yourself pretty you are yes that's what that is you're investing stuff to like add to that and i think that's what people think is vain god or if i if i can't i you can't get mad at me that god provided the finances for me to finance some titties that's not my fault i don't think anybody's jostling your titties friend

well let's say that on the record because it's just like i spent so much money not one person is like damn i wish i had those titties i don't know i don't know that's i don't think that's what it is i think it's it's your it's your physical appearance like your act your face and maybe you're like you're like fashion aesthetic because i feel like you have like a really good style um so maybe people are like look at her wearing a cropped you know what i mean uh people could be envious of that and then when you come to and then you come to my apartment it's like oh but you don't you don't have style because what is this no you come to city department and you're like oh everything is synthetic oh fuck you all of this is flammable

you're like this doesn't feel like ikea like it's not an ikea aesthetic and it's you're like is this particle board is this wait is this a rena center like what is going on no i was talking about your clothes being synthetic but oh you talking about your furniture being so big you know you'd be wearing like blends and stuff it'd be like polyester and two percent cotton or whatever i'm not rich you know well i mean i didn't realize that i really didn't realize that most of the clothes that we wore didn't have cotton in them it'd be a lot of lycra and stuff a lot of american apparel over here um well i i am against um spending too much money on clothes i am against that that i think that's silly like i think well i i refuse to pay

full retail price for my yeah i think that's ridiculous i'm gonna get it on sale or i'm gonna get it thrifted especially during this time because you're you're like buying clothes and i'm just like for what marie but i i see what you're doing sis i'm not only my buying clothes i bought two bathing suits last week ask me where i'm going i didn't even go to the beach last year but i was like i need two swimsuits for covid i don't know what's because you never know i can't stop spending money i know but i can't you know i'm still having issues with uh my unemployment still haven't gotten that and you know by the time i actually get it uh covid will be over but they said they will give me all this back pay so that's all that matters so what's

happening with your unemployment you calling you texting you how what where are you at in the process let me tell you i woke up yesterday and today at 7 a.m to call unemployment mm-hmm dim dim niggas is not picking up i don't even know how anybody got in contact with anyone how i called i called twice no no i've been yeah but i don't understand why you need to be on why do you have to talk to somebody because i didn't have to because they said online it says that you're partially your application is partially in there you have to follow up with somebody to get the rest oh that just sounds like they don't want to pay you friend you think yeah if they're saying your thing is partial like everything that is on the website is what

you filled out yep i filled it out right i mean but i when do they is based on your taxes though right the last time you filed no because you can get unemployment if you didn't file your taxes that i think is why you're having a hard time friend because you didn't file your taxes because it's i thought it was based on your last the last time you filed your taxes no that's the money that you make is no your unemployment the amount that you receive is based on what you used to get paid at your last job if you didn't file your taxes they don't know what you made at your last job it is based on your taxes so i think that's why you're having a hard time because you ain't been doing your tax that's true and they're like well we need to

figure out what she made last because we have she hasn't worked since 1998 according to our records okay all right because stimulus everybody's getting the same amount of money so can i get stimulus even if i didn't do my taxes well I don't know oh no but that's also based on your taxes though

I mean you have to make under a certain amount of money to get the stimulus if you make too much money then you're not

going to get it how much money that's also I think you have to make under a hundred thousand dollars or something like that okay but that again

is based on the last taxes that you filed all right so I guess when I get off this podcast I'm going to call someone about some taxes and see if we can sydney i feel like you've been saying that for a while to me no

no no i have and this is this is what this episode is about repeating ourselves no it's not it's about moving forward we no longer can be in the past my friend oh yes yesterday yesterday is gone you know back in the day i was i was dry and barely drinking water and now and now you're moisturized and barely drinking no now i'm now i'm swimming in pussy and capri suns okay that's what i'm pussy and capri sun that's the name of the episode right there swimming in pussy and capri suns there it goes write that down that's it that's merch are you guys still buying merch it would be nice to know what's going on with that we need i mean i think people are trying to be smart with how they spend their money as well i mean are they because i keep seeing ads for everything well that's because

you googling everything that you need to buy right i feel like ads are directed to you based on what you looked at last yes yeah i was thinking is that what cookies do when you go on a website it and it says it stores cookies is that what cookies are on your computer i don't know i'm not for sure i i wouldn't know i'm not um tech savvy i'm not you're not a scientist i'm not i'm not into this this world and that's what another thing i want to get back into handwriting i want to write things on paper city i've seen your hair my penmanship is so doo-doo and it's because i don't write enough and that's what i want to get into as well yeah i mean sometimes i'll because i'll try to do like morning pages whenever when i feel like it which is when you wake up in the

morning and the first thing you do is you write a page of something well let me see your hand free free thought yeah but i'm like my handwriting is i mean i was i was gonna say sometimes i oh wow that's kind of sometimes i uh sometimes i don't write for so long with a pencil or a pen that when i hold one finally in my hand it hurts okay right you just be like it just sits you might have tendonitis nah i just how do you hold a pencil a pen sitting i know some people who write like oh those are the people like this that suck dick the best people who yes the girls in high school who used to yeah they used to slob on a knob So you're trying to fix your handwriting.

So what you, you journaling? You know. You got a diary like Doug? You know, I think I need to get back into writing my emotions down. Because when I type it in my phone on the notes, it just feels like work, you know? Because it's like cold. yeah there's like um it's not it's not as like hurt like a person exactly exactly where i want to feel like dear diary you know to myself so get you a little composition book and do it that you

just have to start doing it i should have done that more during this quarantine i can't believe that two months went by and i was like what the fuck i haven't written anything what what are we going through you know so california said that they might extend it for three more months did you see no i did not talk about it marie you are now the news three more three more months was trending on twitter yesterday and i was like what is that about wow and i was like is that new york and it is california so i don't know i'm i can't do three more months of this i don't want to it's already been two months not only that not only that we can't do three months i i can't do three months and it's just mentally we can't do three months mentally i feel so scared for people

who are dealing with mental illness and they're dealing with addiction because there's just so much time in your fucking hands especially if you're living by yourself it's scary they they can't do this to us and yet they will do it to us they will hold on i'm on twitter right now and chloe kardashian is pregnant by tristan thompson again again you see the again do you see the range that we fucking have on this fucking podcast one minute we're giving you news on news and then We're giving you fucking gossip on gossip news. We're giving you unemployment advice and just trashy gossip right now.

Unemployment, mental illness, sobriety, Kardashian. Titty talk. We all talk about boobs. I mean, we... Nipple play. This is swimming in pussy and Capri Suns. I mean... Capri Sun, we're giving you guys

a healthy, high fructose corn syrup snack. The fact that we're not famous is insanity, you know? honestly it's the fact that Michelle Obama's not like in my call history is like what well what if you had her number would you hit her up all the time or like would you text her I wouldn't hit her up all the time but like I would text her on Mother's Day okay I would message her on her birthday what would you say on her birthday let's get a little little sample oh I would just be like happy birthday queen you know that's it Michelle Obama's number that's what you're gonna be real basic like every fucking body else yes i am because you have to understand that somebody

who's that famous somebody who's that respected is getting a million messages on both of those days she's not gonna sit and be like she's not dwelling on none of them like that like she's not going in depth into my text message to her you know what i mean like think about the people whose phone numbers you have in your phone people who are like low-key famous or people who like host television shows or whatever you don't be texting them like that or why maybe you do i don't know you you hit people different when you call it something i don't know maybe the way my communication slaps it hits the way your communication is set up is a little bit different than mine i mean i first of all i wouldn't i wouldn't hit her up on those days i think that's

silly because i've seen people who like hit me up on my birthday it's funny you scroll through everybody who writes you and then you focus on the people who don't like how come i did not hear from such and such and it's like girl you just got 50 or 100 text messages that day why are you focusing on this one person but yeah i would text i would just text her like on a random wednesday like hey was thinking about you you know hope all you're trying to you trying to smash michelle hey i woke up thinking about you this morning well that doesn't happen you don't you don't just wake up and think of like a friend randomly that never happened to you yes randomly honestly i feel like your method of being friends with michelle obama is probably

better than mine friend sure hey i just was thinking about you i'm jill scott hey i woke up i was just thinking about you the other day let's take a long walk into a room after okay so if you and i were jill scott and um erica badu who would be who who would be jill and who would be erica i'm gonna say that you're absolutely erica and i'm jill why am i absolutely erica um because you're so cool you're so cool you're you're out of this worlds you're like spacey you have like your own sayings you know and jill is just like next door neighbor like hi you're nobody's next door neighbor you are nobody's wb11 girl are you are you serious you are the meme in the movie you're the black cheerleader best friend that's

mean to everybody are you fucking kidding me i think you need you owe me an apology i'm actually the nicest person that you know when you met me i opened my arms wide i put my titty literally into your heart and was like friends forever i've i've never been mean to you and when i've been mean to someone else it was funny when you're meeting somebody else it's funny no when and now sydney you are gabrielle union and bring it oh i totally disagree and i want to weigh in on the people who are who are listening i need to know you want them to weigh in i need you guys to to dm us i need you to repost okay yeah is sydney is sydney the girl next door the girl that like you in the movie the girl that's your best friend a little bit of an outsider or is sydney

the mean black cheerleader gabrielle union the dion dion was not dion was not mean i don't think she was mean DR wasn't really nice um I think she was protective of the space of the circle that's what the that's what the black girl best friend is supposed to do she protects the circle and she's like the kind of the enforcer a little bit that's who you are friend you the black Regina George oh that is that's the meanest thing that you've said to me and I am hurt and it feels wrong Andrew said Sydney is nice shut up Andrew but do you also also see Sydney as the cheerleader he doesn't because you know what when i talk to alex it's nothing but love it's nothing but how are you how are you feeling bud you know i know who you really are i know who you are so you know

um i feel like marie we're just two different people or two two different planets sydney we're not that different though we are marie first of all you don't show emotion at all the only emotion you show is shade that's the most important that's the most nutritious emotion is shade honestly i don't even eat food i just i drink shade we're we're six years in a friendship and again i think i've said this every time on the podcast i could count on my hands how many times you said i love you i've cried in public in front of you and you were like visibly disturbed and upset that i would cry in a starbucks in front of other people in front of a vanilla bean frappuccino it's crazy but yes sydney you are more emotional than i

am but but our personalities i was gonna say are not that different but they are but we as people are not that you're very confident we enjoy the same sydney you just said that you confident you you don't you don't think that you're a confident person guys where do you get your confidence from is it is it about the way you look and feel or is it like inside you work you work the way that people treat you is it do you get your validation from others does that make you feel good i mean that makes everybody is it the likes is it the likes because you know when something go viral on twitter for me i'd be like you next level you can't tell me shit that day how much did your black and white uh gap ad nude get on twitter yesterday oh let's see um

hmm sydney put her uh boobs on uh on twitter yesterday it was just it was a little it was a taste it was not you know because that's where we're at now it's like either it was a either you're putting high quality content up or you just you just really thoughten it out for the folks you know and it's fine i mean but everything is not high quality it's a lot of bad quality stuff out there i think there are people now who are trying to figure out okay i haven't been on stage i don't have comedy stand-up pictures to post what is my content right what they're they're watching other people like people are watching movies and watching tv shows and like commenting on that in their stories people are cooking people are posting a plant content people are doing a

bunch of different things but not all of it is high quality some of it is some of it is cringy it's like oh this oh you thought that this was a funny meme or this is a sketch that you did with your neighbor and your dad you gotta throw things at the wall friends it's just what it is you gotta fail yeah you have to be open to failure and that's how you get better and that's how you find your groove and you'd be like, boom. Also, I think that for me anyway, I felt like I was putting too much stress on what

I was posting on Instagram and Instagram was starting to be hard for me to do. It was like, ugh. I would triple think of a caption and then I would be like, ugh, is this good? What do my other posts look like?

Instagram used to just be like, oh, I took a picture of this, I put a filter on it and now I'm putting it in. but now i'm i feel like i overthink posts so much so that it's like i just won't post do you look at the old stuff the old stuff they used to post like back in the day oh my god it's like a picture of my sneakers on the on the bed mat like there was so many times i posted when i was working at the bar and like it was obvious i was on coke it was like eyes fucking out there you used a coke filter there was no it was no filter honey it was no stylist no style and nobody told me that i looked fucking crazy no one said hey that bang is very stringy and it looks like you're sweating yeah

but at that time everybody looked a little bit crazy friend like in in 2018 or 2016 we was all little bit a little bit yeah 2018 you mean 2010 or 2000 and oh i wasn't on instagram in 2010 well when were you on there 2000 with them years that i said 2018 and 2016 no we we were on instagram right but 2010 i didn't know you friend that was 10 years ago there was no instagram 10 years ago 2010 2010 sydney there was instagram then in 2010 guys when did you when did you alexa when did instagram get created instagram was founded on october 6 2010 by kevin cistern and mike krieger look at that it's nine years old andrew said it popped off in 2012

look at that so sydney you were trailblazer you was on instagram in 2010 i mean yeah i was like i mean i worked in nightlife and i had so many friends and it was like necessary and now i archived a ton of photos from back in the or now i just deleted them because i was like oh people don't need to see the old me that's do you think anybody doesn't get embarrassed when they look at old pictures of them like you think anybody sees a picture of them from 10 years ago and they're like everything that i did here is right still the thing is is that you want to be in control you want to curate your own um story so it's funny when you do a tbt because you're in power you're like ah i'm gonna post this at my own will and make fun of it but

when somebody's just scrolling back to 2010 it's hurtful it feels like what are you looking for i know but i also so so yes on one hand i feel like i'm i was taking instagram way too serious but on the other hand it's not that serious well i mean we get some business through instagram we get you know yes but i mean like this like it doesn't need to be the perfect like what is the perfect post you know what i mean like what is the perfect perfect caption what what are all those things actually look like yeah if you post what you want one time then it'll be easier to post what you want the next time i'm going through all this old shit wow we really evolved goodness gracious i can't believe you let me out with them bangs man sydney i met you with those bangs don't

do that yeah but those bangs were there long before rizzi was girl you could have said something i mean you did eventually you were like i really just don't think this suits you i you were like you didn't say it to me but you're like you said it a lot you're like i hate a bang and some wavy hair and i was like wow i've always i've always i mean i've said that i said that to you in real life once i was like wow she's directly because you were like how do you what do you think of my hair and i was like well because i hate bangs with a straight bang with curly hair i've been on i've been on instagram since 2013 okay i've been on instagram hold on let me scroll because i remember joining it before before i went to la or when i was in la and i would never

post i posted a picture of me at the bus stop once it was like my toes or something okay wow and i used to post a lot more memes okay so i've been doing i've been doing comedy for seven years because i have a photo of me doing doing comedy oh my god there's a picture of me of honey nut cheerios there's a picture of me eating oreos and milk we need the old we need old reesey back i think that's what you do okay this okay remember i said i took a picture of me in la at the bus stop it was my my toes this is the photo and this picture is from october 13th 2012 okay so we okay sis you're trying to act like i was a trailblazer bitch we was in the same time let me see let me see the whole oh wow well you know you do have nice feet i really think you

shouldn't i don't have nice you do i think from a distance no i think you should try to see if you can get some money for your feet marie oh friend you know i like feet and i wouldn't lie to you if i if i didn't think people would give you you know money for your for toe photos i wouldn't tell you to do it i don't want you to be embarrassed you know i'm gonna i'm gonna put some uh i'm gonna fix my i'm gonna put some nail polish on after we get off this call okay and i think you should i think you should put in your stories and be like hey guys what do you think are my toes worthy of getting you know thirty dollars a pop a hundred dollars especially when you paint them well i think when you paint them that's when they look the best i even when i paint my toes i'm still

like you could what about when you get you walk in fresh manicure i mean pedicure do you think that's when your feet are the best after they've been like scrubbed and lotioned and soaked and they peel calluses off and they hit it with a little pet egg even after a pedicure my toes still look like morgan freeland well that's because the actual structure of the toe is funny but the foot the foot be like moisturized right it's not like a dry brick right right some people are just not toe savvy and it's fine it's fine nobody sees feet like that that's not you you are not your feet no but when you're on the train and somebody got some sandals on you look at their toes you like look to see i always look at people's feet not how you look at

people's feet but like i always like look to see what the toes are doing you know the best thing that being said men have ugly feet you know what i would do this is what i do i i'm sick i'm the type of person that looks at the feet first and then try to picture who the person is like up top what yes that's a little game i play especially when i'm like so you don't make eye contact yeah i look at the feet and i'm like i wonder what this person looks like and i'll try to picture like what they who they are and what they do and then i look up to see if it matches my sister sent me a video yesterday on instagram it's called um it's like people try to judge other people's salary based on what they're dressed like and um there's like four people that were

guessing and everybody was like you look like you work in the service industry so $19,000 a year like it was so shady so mean yeah that's not nice I don't want to be a part of that but I would love to be a part of that but I'm also not good at judging people's age I'm not I don't know how I don't I have zero concept of what you're supposed to look like when you're a certain age that's true especially since you know we still don't know Marie's age and you know we have Marie is 24 um but also based on how people dress like people who have the most money dress like they don't have any money really i learned that working at the bar i learned that like just seeing certain celebrities come in it's like oh they're chillaxing like unless they have an event

to go to they it's not necessary for them to be in like or or like the guy who like ab rosen who who owns the building for the grand receipt park hotel and uh and other properties he would come in like black turtleneck black jeans black shoes maybe a gray blazer and like the same time he would wear the same thing every time he would come in and i was like that like i can't tell if that turtleneck is $2,000 or it's from Eulaclo. I just have no idea. Yeah, I mean, if Mark Zuckerberg

or, um, who's the Apple guy? Steve Jobs. If Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg have taught us anything, it's, they love a t-shirt or a turtleneck and some denims. And, like, an ugly new balance.

But then, like, people who are on, like, Love & Hip Hop or on, like, um, real housewives of atlanta flashy flashy flashy flashy and it's like your house is rented sure oh no the chateau is empty it's done you don't want she by charade stop that chateau charade i don't know i feel like i need to find a happy medium of that and maybe being in quarantine is helping me figure out what that is well girl you you love some athleisure you love some lounge wear that is so you is athleisure is a way of life honey it is a lifestyle it has

nothing to do with going to the gym it's just like hey i want to look i want to look like i'm getting up but also i want to be able to lay down but also like have you worn jeans since the quarantine i wore jeans twice see you can count how many times yeah i wore jeans like you in leggings or a sweatband yes yeah and i on that note i'm like i'm just running out of things to wear in the house because i'm not really a lounge loungy kind of girl i'm gonna get up and go i'm like we're out we're making errands we're faking errands we're going to meetings we're we're meeting up with friends we're grabbing drinks we're eating like i'm on stage like that's what my clothes are for when i put my clothes on in the house during this this queue time it's just

it feels purposeless because it is but i go on instagram live and i was like let me throw this look together yeah but you know what yes that is true when you're on instagram live you do always have a little look on but are you wearing a shoe no never it's the footwear i haven't put on heels in months and i'm afraid that my feet are going to be shocked when it's time to put on some actual they are it's going to take it's going to take a little i think my feet have become flat-footed because we're not in heels yeah i try to put on regular because i've been wearing sneakers me too but i try to put on like a like a structured shoe the other day to walk to the supermarket or something and my feet hurt like heels shoes hurt my feet no just like like a shoe

like a boot like like because i've been wearing my converse those are not like a structured shoe they're like socks speaking of going out and going to the store i am so tired and maybe this is just my neighborhood but the men that are trying to talk to me while i have a fucking mask on it's like bruh you have got to get a grip i know that you have not you know fornicated i don't know what's going on but i am i am trying to go on my merry way to just get my weekly groceries i don't have time to chat with you i was on my bike going yo people were stopping me at the stop at the stoplight trying to talk to me either through the car or they're on a bike and it's like wait first what you don't have a mask on back up no no you know i gave my number to like two people because

i just was like you gave your you're giving your phone number to dudes on the street screaming out my number just screaming it out i was like let me see what they talk about let's just wait you're giving your phone number to dudes on the street let's have some fun but i'm bored but your real phone number real fun let's chat this guy's just texting me uh music he's not that bad wait you what friend you don't even like men don't this is why it's funny this is my comedy you know i gotta i gotta create drama for myself you know i'm not writing i'm not writing the drama but i'm making it you're starring in it i'm not writing i'm not writing the show that i want to be in i'm actually being the show you're living it yes be the show that you want to see on tv and i have like so

much music that i would want to put in my like pilot episode oh yeah you think about that yeah i have like songs that like like soundtrack yeah like oh this is a song when i'm gonna go meet up with my friend this is a song when i'm in my room and i was like oh fuck i had an epiphany epiphany this is a song that's like oh my god i'm at rock bottom and i feel like this is my moment to to either change my life or go really into a dark place i have so many songs it's the turning point yeah it's the intro this is the song we driving down the street this is the song when i'm like you know you hooking up with that person in that scene oh yeah do you have you have a song for a sex scene in your in your show i mean yeah i'm sure i do i just gotta go to my sex playlist you

got a sex playlist it's not a sex playlist so much as songs that like i like to listen to when i'm high okay and they're also songs that i would also want to have and have had sex oh three songs that you've had sex to and go hold on let me look let me look let me look oh this is good yeah yeah just want them to feel good oh no romance so you don't want anything that says love or anything in there no it's not like love so many things it's not like that yeah it's just like this is on and we bang it okay well i'm sorry i don't uh i can't relate because i don't you don't have three you Can you pull up three songs that you listened to when you were having sex? No.

No, because I, one, haven't had sex, and two, had sex with music on. That has not happened for me. You have not had sex with music on? No, that has not happened to me. Well, we got to put the music on in my apartment and put it really loud to drown out all the screaming that we have. What? Marie, you be screaming.

Not me screaming. them screaming wait hilarious them yeah the people who have had sex with me in this apartment they be screaming let's just say yes marie would you be surprised though if they were but what like what is hold on i need to know what these screams are are they like um you know it's like dude screams i think that's just breathing yeah i i have not had sex with a man in over seven years so i don't even know what or maybe wait if i started comedy seven years ago i definitely had yeah what's the last

you guys have learned it yeah so six years five years two years no shut up it's got to be the last guy i hooked up with was literally when i was in open mics so yeah it was probably seven seven years ago last guy i hooked up with has a netflix special and there's that Nope. Nope. Nope. Wanna talk about it? How that feels? No. The show's almost over, so there's no need to talk about that. Okay, did you find the song? Can you tell us the song?

Oh, okay, here. I like Yuna, Creep. Hold on. Yuna, Creep. Yeah, I like her. Okay. Yuna, Creep. Okay, hold on. Let me write that down. Everybody, write it down. Yuna. Oh, I do know Yuna, and it's Creep.

this is off this is my high this is off my high playlist yeah Creep it's her it's TLC Creep oh okay

what else um Buss It by Dreamville and Ari Lennox Buss It never is that like a

well-known song I mean I don't know Fram is also on my Spotify okay all right keep it going it's on my list of

songs that I've had okay another song um and then abra a v r a oh yes yep thinking of you or fruit because they're both right there on the playlist okay thinking of you those are three separate songs that i have had sex to in my apartment abra i am they're not necessarily sex songs but they are songs that no wait wait say how do you spell it abra a a b r a a b r a fruit and thinking of you fruit or um thinking of you fruit or thinking of you yeah girl what are you doing for the community we sis i'm just trying to help you guys have songs to uh

well i think i'm gonna change that in 2020 i i'm gonna try to have music on when i have Sydney, you always have music on. How do you not have music on? I don't know. I really, really don't know. I have not made a playlist or anything like that. This is crazy that Alex is hearing what's going on in my life. It's not Alex.

This is Andrew. Oh, sorry. But it says from Alex Ramsey. But okay, this is Andrew. Got it. You put it under. So sorry. My bad.

But it's not like you getting up to put music on for sex. It's just playing when they get it. No, that's the thing. there is no music that's what i'm there's no music the music is always well i haven't had sex in my apartment so that's what it is so sorry for you yeah so i i have to change that you know that's unfortunate yeah i'm gonna change my ways um i made at um weed butter last night i made weed butter last night and this morning i woke up and i fried an egg in the weed butter and i am making chocolate chip cookies i'm making edibles and what else did i put the wheat oh i put it on toast

so i'm starting to feel it kind of like a little bit in my body you're like the martha stewart snoop doggie dog mix that we need right now even though they already exist as a duo they do but i'm saying you're one as an edible you're one you're the i'm both of them you're smushing you together yeah i'm snoop lion martha stewart i love snoop lion it's very soft okay well i uh you know i think i gotta dash soon um where are you going fern i have a meeting in your bedroom there's a meeting in my bedroom put that on the so girl please don't be late there's a meeting in my bed

there's a meeting in my bed yo that is one of the greatest songs that have ever been made into something Okay, so that is the goal for this year. Have sex. It's a meeting in my bedroom. I don't know if it's going to be good sex, but... My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my.

I love it. I love it. When we get to do karaoke, we got to do that song. Yo, and there's such... The karaoke that's right here. Have you been to Moe's? No. i've been to most but i haven't been to their karaoke their karaoke was always so lit it was

like it was just lit i mean because mainly because it was black people and we all like would sing songs that we knew so it was like it was like a group thing and it was free and the drinks were cheap and they had wings but it was always good and people would come that could actually sing or they would come in and sing their song right like this chick came in and did salt and pepper um uh what a man and you could tell that that was her jam because she knew all ad libs and she's like doing choreo it was really really good you have to be invested you don't have to like everybody that went wasn't good but like people come and sing like chris brown or mario and it was all songs that like we knew and we recognized so it was fun and then this old couple came last

time i was there and he was singing like luther and she was singing i don't know patty labelle but they both sounded like both of those no way so it was like i miss it it's like yeah he's singing he's singing a slow ass sad song but is that luther but you know i have a couple songs that i would like to have sex with sex sex too okay tell me what they are and i'm gonna find them on my phone ready okay it's andrew do you have songs you can you message them to us so we can read them okay okay i would like um conclusions with a k from oh i know yg and kalani yes that's a good one no no no no no that i got that song from you um i would like uh uh is it weird that i want to have sex to that tiktok song vibe

so what you wanna do no i think that's on my list too it is a good song okay um it's called say it by ebz the artist say it it's a good one say it ebz the artist you will like it oh okay you will you will i already do i have any crystal you would want to have i think you would have sex with that for sure okay adding it to the play i believe in you friend um i believe i would like doja cat streets yes yes also rules is a good song for for the sex playlist as well yeah streets i mean it's on the high list right i'm just gonna say okay i like um uh this is this is crazy that i'm gonna put this out here but uh okay go ahead tell us uh nia nia palm no naya palm n-a-i palm and it's called crossfire slash so into you

naya okay let me know if you like that one crossfire so into you adding it to the that was a recommendation from someone except that you were having sex no they were just they they really like that song so now i like that song a lot so andrew do you have um you don't have three songs i mean it's fine you don't oh and i like sir all in my head i love that song oh well sir i think is good sir is so good yeah sir's just like everything he put out there i'm like yes yeah and sir was on the episode of uh insecure this week who was i mean we about to go but that episode the last episode with molly and isa and the whole blowout thing is it the scene was annoying it was it honestly it was a waste of time for me because it's just like this would

not happen it's not I'm not first of all I'm not arguing with you during your event you're too busy but also you had plenty of time to talk to me before the event and this is when you want to talk to me is at now but it was because she found out that Issa went over her head to get the hook up with um you know what's that guy's name that was playing oh Vince Vince Staples and it's just like help your friend out help her out like just I mean she asked you for help months ago and you said no yeah but also if you said you're creating boundaries and you know how importance is just sit down and be like hey i'm gonna do this for you this is the one time i'm doing this yes in the in the past i feel like you fell through on a lot of things and i just don't

want to look bad so i'm gonna help you this time and trust and believe if you don't come through that's it don't ask me for nothing else and that's it that's how you set boundaries but you just don't like let your friend dangle on an edge if this is like this is an event this is not like a birthday party this is a block part this is huge she's been she's been trying to do this for a minute she had this idea for like two years ago like come on it was on molly at coachella which i think happens in september yeah uh or no no it's in april or something like that because coachella was so coachella happened in april or july in june april june july and now it's january to the actual block party and you she just it wasn't i was irritated yeah we're can't molly is canceled

and insecure we want no parts of her but molly's been canceled since she was banging drugs hey hey hey she's not canceled because she was having sex with somebody else's husband she was just canceled because she was annoying to me well she's she's probably one of the dumbest characters on on tv yeah pretty much like even her voice like yeah yeah she's but we like her as a person yeah we do like the actual actress just molly yeah no bueno yeah i fucks with her she's great um all right well this was great i had a great time chatting with you solo dolo with my main mojo um please message us and tell us uh in the comments or in uh just dm us what your three sex songs are or your three favorite songs to get high to because really when you think about it it's

the same thing it's the same thing yeah and as somebody who doesn't get high still feel it still feel the vibes so i hate that i have a song on repeat and i still don't know the words it does not matter what song it is you're not necessarily listening to all of the words the parts of the song that stick that matter they stick yeah you know what i mean it'd be like the bridge or that like one line that they say real fast like is it like is it fat enough can i back it up you know the song yeah i do with the ducks what you wanna do andrew would you have sex to this gonna freak it anyway that's the duck in the back remember on tiktok the duck

What you gonna do Get up Is it fast enough? Okay, well I need to preheat my I need to preheat my oven So I can make these cookies Okay, well I heard you friend It was really nice seeing you yesterday

For that quick moment in time And I will say that this This core has definitely brought us closer And I'm very blessed to have you in my life You said that on Patreon yesterday I did? Well, you know, the people deserve to hear this as well. They don't have to pay to hear me spill my

guts to you. No, they definitely don't. That's for free, friend. Emotions are free. But you know what's not free? This pussy. Okay. This pussy. Okay. Give me this pussy. Okay, make sure you, like, rate, comment, review,

subscribe, all that good stuff. Because I know we've kind of fell off with, like, our promoting and stuff. But we're tired. we're tired of being inside the whole thing is exhausting anyway stay strong friends see you very very very soon

we're going to get out of this soon and when we do I'm kissing everybody on the mouth and then you're going to be right back in it actually you're going to be in something else I will die for my listeners do you hear me die bye friend bye guys thank you

bye forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced by brett boehm joe cilio and alex ramsey for more original podcasts please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on apple podcasts spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on twitter and instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on facebook