MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Skidmarks on the Sofa

Episode Date: July 24, 2020

On this week's Unofficial Expert, Marie plans for her wedding and Sydnee reminisces on past sugar daddy flames. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever, dog, hello, is it me you're looking for? I should have said that. Okay, let's start over. Let's do it again. No, no, no, no, no. We did it already. It's done. Next week.

No, you can do it next week. Next week. Hello. No, no, no, no. I already said it. No, no, no. Marie, come on. No.

Can you hear me? Yes. clearly because i can't really hear myself i can hear you baby yo when zoom dies that is the day that we dance yeah i don't want no more zooms a zoom zoom oh thank you i'm let me let me hear say way oh way oh what's that zoom zoom zoom and let me hear you say way oh well girl you're looking oh so fine let me lick you up and down these nasty ass songs in the 90s they were so gross so good that's real music right there but it was a better time it was a better now yeah i mean speaking of a better time last week i had a great time with you listening to the uh

episode my friend i just want you to know the people who reached out y'all nosy as nosy nosy and you need to just simmer down yeah um i wish i could provide that type of entertainment all the time weekly but weekly but i can't you know what are they saying what are they being nosy about uh they just want to know who the person is or um am i in a relationship now or um does my ex note like stuff like that and it's just like we're not friends guys like I know we say hey friends but we're not friends I mean we are friends I am I respond all the time but it's just like why you why you want to know all this stuff come on why can't I just tell my business and you just be okay with it this is why I don't ever want to tell my business yo speaking of telling

your business so that episode was so juicy that the person that i'm sleeping with listened to it and now and now he's actively listening to the podcast um he sent me a message today and said literally at literally 10 minutes ago don't know why but i want to do poppers all of a sudden tell me why i was mad but turned on listening oh by dead ass yes he listened to the eat pray whole episode which he told me he was not gonna listen to um so i i did some reflecting this week uh i had to listen to some old episodes too to see what what we've been talking about over the last like year what okay oh let's review friend i mean i feel like people of course people think that we're all friends we'd be we'd be very graphic on here very detailed what's the most graphic

thing that was said on the pod i mean anytime we say the word squirting that's pretty graphic friend that's like if i wanted to run for office in a couple of years we gotta scrub the internet of this episode all of these episodes i wouldn't recommend you running for office yeah why because i want i want my friend happy you know you don't you don't see me as city comptroller you don't see as ada faustin you don't see that no because you'll be miserable i think that's that's what I don't want I want a happy Maureen and I know that that won't happen with you doing any type of political anything Sydney you don't know my life maybe next year maybe this last year was whole year this year is sad year and next year is politics well you know obviously I'll support

whatever you're doing because I'm your better half but you know my better half yeah so I I am my worst half heard you thank you for breaking down the mathematics for me oh my god wow wow wow wow wow wow wow marie i want to ask you um wait i don't know if we do i remember have we talked about this what you want your wedding to look like no no i want my wedding you talked about your wedding yeah i want to know about you marie what what about can you give me a can you give me a recap on your wedding i don't remember what you said i don't remember either okay you talked about wanting marie to potentially walk you down the aisle i think did i say no she asked me to be her best man that's man okay i did say that and uh i said

i was gonna wear a little suit can i wear yellow can i wear like a yellow tuxedo like a yellow fitted suit to your wedding i think that feels like easter and no it's gonna be like uh no it would be hot i don't know it might be a little easter but it i look good in yellow i mean i also look good in red yeah but then i would have to have my wedding like the color coordinated like white and yellows okay okay so what's the wedding colors friends so i could pick out the suit i don't know yet but we we're not talking about me we talk about you what's your wedding gonna look like what would my wedding you get married what like what kind of dress how many people where are we gonna be as a destination um are you no i don't i don't think it's destination

i think it's here i think it's here in new york um can jam come hell no damn jam can't come jam is perched over sydney's shoulder like the angel and devil in like cartoon times he's both he's both the angel and the devil he is that's how much space he's taking up on sydney's shoulders um i think the wedding is here i think it is in my mind it's not big but you know it's gonna be a big deal because i'm gonna be super famous so everyone's gonna want to come that's um mm-hmm so you're thinking in the next five years no i mean i realistically don't know if i want to get married um but no i don't think in the next five years i don't want to get married until after i've been in a couple entanglements with some hollywood people you know i said in the next

five years is a lot of time friend five years is not enough time to really hoe it up in hollywood I feel like I need a good eight to ten years to like really be nasty, you know? Marie, you've already lived your life, okay? It's time to- No, I haven't. Sydney, no, I have not lived my life. No one's ever spit in my mouth. Wow, okay, I thought that was last week, babe. We're on to the next.

Yes, and I'm just saying that that's never happened to me. so like how can i settle down if i've never wanted someone to do that like have i ever been in love you know like i feel like that is something i feel like you said that you might be last week yeah yes yes yes yes yes but that's that's we're talking about the past and you have up until this point had i ever been in love and to have them put their spit in my mouth i mean they're already doing it though by making out with you yeah that's true yes yes yes yes but that's not the same as oh it's not like that friend it's it's way more sexy oh it's it's no no it's it's a just a like a one two you know

stop doing that to the microphone sorry Um, okay, so, uh, I don't know, I've been to some really cool weddings, um, we're going to one, uh, Carolina's wedding is going to be a picnic wedding and everyone has to wear white. I like that. Um, I just, I, you know, you want the photos to look good realistically, that's all that matters. Um, is do the photos look good after the wedding is over?

yeah it's just i feel like people spend so much money on weddings and it's just one day you know but not every wedding has to be crazy expensive you know you set a budget that's realistic and then you just gotta stick to it i think weddings are expensive typically because people invite too many people yeah we're inviting people because our mom is like oh well your my your sister's cousin's aunt first grade teacher wants to come you have to invite her and it's like no no I don't but to be honest it's like after this pandemic people really have figured out what exactly they want to do and where they want to go and if they don't feel like going to your wedding they're not going so I actually think people are more inclined to say no now to weddings

I mean were you not saying no to weddings before this oh definitely I mean but there was a couple of years that I was just like saying yes yes yes yes yes and it's like why am I going all the way to Maine like why am I doing this like I love that you're in love but I don't know I can't I can only go to like my best friend's weddings right now I think that's where I'm at it's so funny that you described a whole destination wedding that you want us to go to um feels very aggressive for you to think that i got it like that you will because you will be famous and rich it sounded like the wedding was in may so i don't know who's famous in may you will marie you're gonna blow up you you keep putting out content on instagram that i'm like i can't even believe

were friends oh yes the wig video i'm gonna do yeah you're so funny i'm like i'm gonna do a series i think you should it's really really good writing you look great you're so funny i mean i can't even keep up i was like i'm gonna do a video and i was like you know what no never mind but i think that's what social media is now right like or for me anyway like i'll see somebody post put something up or post something and I'm like oh yeah I too should post and then it's like it's like do I maybe tomorrow and then it's like it's not peak posting hours let me wait till uh Thursday at 10 a.m you know it's and then I won't post anything for like two weeks but everything that you do put up is gold and I it's really inspiring and it makes me feel like

wow i'm we're thriving when i see your posts do well i'm like that was us look at us thriving yes yes we're doing very well um you know i write real sappy transparent posts that go that do really well and then you do funny stuff and i'm like this is why we work what's the last sappy post that you posted about my three-year anniversary and just like really happy that you know i made it and i know that there's tons of people who didn't make it through the quarantine either with sobriety or just like they didn't live so i'm like just really blessed to be where i'm at and i'm i'm like hoping and praying that anybody who's reading it is like can still go on because there is hope you said all that while you were sending a text it's amazing no i said you're

petting jam i'm petting jam i'm petting jam but i'm saying that i that still is valid i can pet my cat and hit you with some philosophical i can pet my cat and hit you with some facts um that's what i thought you were gonna say uh last night i was up watching the dmx snoop dog versus it was i love your transition bitch it was that because because what were we just talking about we were talking about no i was talking about my sappy post yes yes yes and then i said pet my cat and i rapped and i was like oh dmx anyway it was really it was really good uh they're like such old ass uncles like it was fun to watch these two guys like i mean dmx is out of shape uh but uh he was up there do you expect him to be yeah but he he's he's really funny we should get

him on the knit we should get dmx wait he's really funny the two of them together like funny old dudes why were they so funny like give me some lines that was funny um i mean i saw snoop dog dancing and i was like okay yes uncle snoop um i his eyes i was like does he have a thyroid problem i don't know i just no i think maybe we just are used to him always having sunglasses on maybe and then when he takes his sunglasses off you're like oh snap he got the wendy williams eyes but like yes ma'am no offense to anybody listening out here who is battling thyroid problems and has wendy williams eyes shout out to y'all shout out to you look at my eyes i wish you guys could see them um andrew what would your wedding look like i don't i was thinking about that i've seen some

like really cute uh weddings like on top of like brooklyn um rooftops i think that's cute like small intimate sydney's making the case she doesn't agree no no no me and marie went to a rooftop wedding yeah whose wedding did we go to that was on ryan oh that was nice yeah it was really pretty yeah yeah that would be cute i don't want how many you think you're thinking like 50 people you're thinking 100 people you're thinking less i'm 20 people people is enough i feel like 50 is like more than enough right it's like think about like how many people like you actually like can like chill with like it's not more than 50 people right but that's you we're not what what does your man bring into the relationship how many people is he bringing

that's true i'm yes i'm like how could you only think about you andrew andrew all andrew you're already ready for marriage talk thinking about you and not even thinking about him i think you're ready i'm clearly so ready um it's like a hundred seems like maybe maybe 75 no i think 100 people is proper i i don't like i want my husband to bring more people than i do i think that okay so then maybe maybe you don't bring you're not bringing 50 maybe you bring in 25 people 25 yeah maybe less maybe you're bringing 30 you're inviting 30 people to the wedding right yeah i mean exclusive yeah i feel like 75 to 100 people feels like more than enough wedding guests yeah cuz you gotta feed these people and you have to pay at least a hundred per per

plate at least I mean I mean I guess it depends on what the catering situation is like I went to a wedding in San Francisco a couple years ago and they got married in their backyard and then we like had like a parade route to some park and it was like food trucks like all over the place and that's what the reception was was us like eating outside that's so cute right that i don't feel like that was a hundred dollars a person but again i don't know how much food trucks cost you know but it was nice they had like a band come and they we marched down like through the streets how many people that's really beautiful now how expensive was it for you to like go to this wedding well i was with somebody

at the time and i feel like he paid for my plane ticket so it was free for me um also i think he paid for the airbnb so it was like ah this wedding this wedding you just showed up i just showed up i just showed up and and called the bride the wrong name okay now do you iconic do you believe that if like your partner or whatever is invited to a wedding and you're there plus one do they have to pay for you they don't have to pay for you but if you're if i'm saying oh i don't know if i want to go like if i'm saying oh i don't know if i want to go to this wedding i don't know if i have it and you want me to come then yeah get it come up out those pockets right because i wasn't planning to fly to san francisco these are his friends

yeah we're his people and i was like i've met them once or twice but like not enough to jump on a plane for them yeah and then san francisco is not cheap no like the city itself is not cheap right hey san francisco remember when we were there in january doesn't that feel like nine years ago nine fucking years ago i saw the pictures and i was like damn man we did not realize how beautiful this moment was until now shout out to byron bowers oh we miss him ah i should we should reach out to him he was so funny and bizarre yeah he was really great he was talking about mushrooms and banging old ladies yes yeah he did talk about that and i was like hmm do i want to be that person i mean marie what's the oldest you've ever been with

10 years older than me okay that's not that's not 10 years older than me i was i was like 22 it was 32 and now thinking about it first of all i would never date a man that was that much younger than me a 22 year old doesn't know anything to the 22 year olds that are listening to this you guys are smart um but like what are you talking to a 21 or a 20 hey andrew uh what are you talking to a 21 or a 22 year old about like i don't know i don't know oh my laptop is gonna die i need to charge it um sydney what's the oldest that you um not not that not that old uh maybe when i was younger probably 10 probably 10 i mean i was i was pulling stunts when i was in college i i was making not great choices

and now looking back on the people that were i remember when i dated this guy because i thought he was rich because oh my god remember dating people because you thought they had money i thought i i his name was i forgot about that his name was james and i actually remember his last name too this no when i tell you he bamboozled the fuck out why did you why did you think he was rich he had on prada sneakers one well one he lived on um west end avenue and that's a that's a really good avenue that's like old money in new york city okay so you know he he was a he was a butler no he worked for i think like finance or something like that okay so like finance or like jp morgan or something and uh you know oh more money more

money but he was going through a divorce and i think i think his wife or whatever ex or whatever would taken him for everything everything and he lived he lived in a in a brownstone so brownstone finance older dude he has a car West End money I was like oh go to his place fucking dungeon

like it was a brownstone but it needed to be re re I know a word you want to say I can't remember how to say it renovated renovated

it needed to be gutted it was disgusting and i was like please don't turn on the lights please don't turn on the lights turn on the lights yikes is that a bug wait you said please don't turn on the lights i need to see what's happening in here turn on all of the lights no lights no gracias but um yo we and then i obviously had sex with him because i was like oh on the floor i was no one is really really yucky velvet green couch that looked like it could possibly be in like a vampire's like apartment or whatever a velvet green couch says he found that couch on the street yes he did he did he was on stooping on stooping nyc that's where he found yo that was a

bed bug couch hilarious hooked up with him bad like penis flaccid like just flaccid yuck like but i was like you know what i don't have a lot of money right now and this guy is gonna take care of me yo when i tell you he asked me for money oh how much money i wanted to throw my whole body away how much money did he ask you for for like 400 for what yeah rent um something didn't like go through and like he had like paid for alimony or something like that i don't know and so his account was frozen and he needed to pay for something for his son yeah his son for his son that was the same age as you girl pretty much basically and i was working at victoria's secret at the time did you give him four hundred dollars bitch absolutely not are you

crazy i gave him a hundred anyway so it was such a bad situation and i'm just so glad that i got out of it knowing my worth so your worth is a hundred dollars your worth is negative three hundred dollars yo his car was so beat up he was like this is like vintage and i was like does that mean you need to throw it away like what it's such a not a cute car it was that's not how you do an old dude and that's definitely not how you try to get a like be a sugar baby but the way he presented himself it it seemed like oh he's he's got it coins on coins on coins that didn't happen it was really embarrassing and it reminded me of like how i need to do better yeah um well that reminds me of the time i went to this man's house because i also thought

he was rich um it might have been the same no this guy lived in brooklyn and that your guy was white no he was black don't do that don't do that okay don't you don't don't alex english me okay sorry this guy was black and he was like honestly thinking about it now he might have been like a cool one like so yeah this okay so i i revised my answer about the oldest person that i but i we didn't okay so i go to his house i think we met on like black the scene bitch set the scene i think we met on black planet or myspace or something it might have been myspace and um i was staying i was staying in brooklyn at the time at my aunt's house and he sent me his address and i think i had to am i dating myself right now i had to like google it on the computer because i

have data on my phone and um i get to his house he had a brownstone also and i think he was also going through a divorce but i go it be these dudes yeah predators yes yes because like when i was in my early 20s i looked like i was in my early 20s like i i didn't look older like i've never looked older than what i am so yeah it's like if i'm if i'm 20 or i'm 21 then i look 19 um and this guy was like kind of like a mario whining situation like i don't want to know yeah but like he had like a salt and pepper beard and he was i want to say he was bald ish um but like he was he had like a big strong maybe retired from some sport body um and i remember going to his house and his like walls were painted all like really bright colors i remember that like i remember it was like

lime green or something i was like oh this he must be jamaican um or from grenada or something it was very bright obnoxious colors um and i don't know what the hell i expected when i went to his i had never even met this man before there's so many so many instances where i just went to some man's house just for the sake of like bonus like i don't see what i don't know what's gonna happen but i'm gonna go like not necessarily for sex but like yeah he asked me to come over i'm coming over oh my god i should have been which is fine which is fine i should have been murdered so many times oh we all should be dead i should yeah i should have died like at least 16 times um but i just had like a my my instincts like my instincts were like tingling like i felt like i needed to get out

there like i we gotta trust our gut at all times i i left i made up some excuse and i left um because it was like awkward and he was he had used some old ass photos of himself on his profile what kind of filter did he use i think this is before as well this is back when you had to like take a picture and then scan it oh no girl upload it into the computer all grainy like i feel like he did one of those things but he did it with like his like yikes high school football photo or something like that because yeah i got there and i was like is your son he was like 44 um but yeah you gotta go with your gut if your instincts are saying i gotta get out of here or i don't want to be here then you make up that excuse and you leave you you dip

because i'm i'd rather be safe and seem a little bit crazy than like spare your feelings and then be caught up and then have sex on a dusty green velvet couch and then have him ask you for like 400 fuck and the sex with those people is never good it was so bad like it felt like sex remember when jada pinkett and set it off sony was having sex with that oh my god i'm in a bind Nate yeah Nate yep I'm gonna buy Nate I'm gonna buy Nate yeah and she's just in that

dirty ass hotel and he's on top of her he's greasy looking that's exact he was this guy was bald it was yuck yeah the sheet is only on like half the mattress I never I think she was at his house I'm so no they were in a hotel

it's disgusting I'm so glad that I'm that'll never happen to me again never I'll never be i'll never be in a bind like that nate okay so cut cut fast forward six years um you are up for the role of the lead of some movie the director or one of the producers asked you to meet him at his hotel for for lunch something like that like you actually eat with them yeah they say uh okay uh i'm gonna run up and get the script i'm gonna run up and get the blank right actually yeah you want to run up and come come get it with me we'll come right back

down you going up to the room to get the script to get the script no you're saying no they're my they will send the script to my people you know okay okay you've had you've just had a a great lunch yeah maybe you had a niçoise a salad or something like that whatever I'm sorry as a sober person food just tastes like food there's never enough food to be like yeah let me go up to this nigga's hotel room like whenever I've had such a great lunch it's because I've been blasted so wasted out of my mind like 12 glasses of champagne no you've never had a good sober lunch no never what it's a great i've had great lunches with you marie i was gonna say i find that offensive we've had no we've had great lunches together but not i'm gonna have sex with you

later or go to your place well he's not implying that you're gonna have sex with him he's just saying i'm assuming if you're talking about a script it's in quotations the script is yeah because the script is also digital pull it up on your phone yeah email me the script okay so maybe he needs to get i don't know what what director is that the storyboard i don't know he needs to go get something upstairs and he says he says oh yeah i'll meet you back down here and then he goes oh actually no just come right up we'll be right back you're going upstairs i would like test it out and like see like what happens when you say no you know like how they sort of respond to that like are they would they be okay with you saying no to that i mean they have to be

i don't think that they have a choice if i'm telling you if i say one time let me tell you another story okay so this was a dude oh girl this old old dude man i was so dumb in my early 20s this guy he had to be in his 50s and i i was in my early 20s and i met him through my like promoter friends and you know he would always be out and you're like oh he's got to be an investor he's got to be an investor of this club because why is his old ass here he he and that's how they that's how they get you sometimes right like you see somebody old or me anyway in new york and i'm like oh he must be like a financier or something like that he must have some money and then it's just like just an old person like living in a basement it's mean it's really mean and that's

why you just can't assume with these people but like he did have money but he wasn't gonna give it to me but he thought i was gonna give him some like just because just because i thought his status was enough for us to have sex and it's just like no sir so like i went up to his hotel and he's talking like he took me to dinner and it was just embarrassing being at dinner with him because it was clear everybody was looking at us like this bitch is a hooker a prostitution whore there was just no reason why me in this like american apparel tube dress that's like tangerine color yes that was that was your good dress you look like a honey a glass of feeling it in my steve maddens that are missing the middle part of me yes and the jessica simpson

you hear that tap tap tap when and then i would walk on just one heel and so you just oh i was struggling oh man i miss those fucking days no you don't yes i do okay so you go to his hotel room and it's clear that he wants to hook up and kiss and i'm like and then so how do you how do you dodge a kiss from an old rich person you know he's since i'm an actress like i can't book but i can't act when i want i started crying i was like i cried about something that went on that day that i was upset about i was i think i started crying about money actually oh and uh he was like oh well it looks like we're both trying to get each other right now and then um and then he told me he had cancer i was like what the fuck you how do you how do you beat me how do you beat

me with after he told you after he told you he had cancer you sucked his dick or no i did not i was like i started crying because he had cancer and then like years later he died so he really did have cancer because at first i was like he's lying and then later on he was not lying about the cancer yo well how do you hit throw cancer at somebody for sex since but you know anybody wet right it gets you dry so maybe that's maybe that's that's some somebody listening it's gonna be they get out of jail free card maybe you know you're in a situation with somebody that you don't have sex with and you you do a little bit of sydney and you do a little bit of this man you cry and then when they ask you why you're crying you say because you got canceled and then you don't

have sex with this person i'm truly disappointed in myself why you didn't wait did you have sex with him after no i didn't look but i really thought yo i was yo i was city girls but like the bad kind yeah i mean and i think that's the thing like fresh out of college you're like you're in you're in new york city you're like oh everybody here has money except me i'm gonna give some of this money um i remember i think i've told this story on here before i was at barns and nobles in union square so barnays and nobly and this i was in there charging my phone and this guy walked by the edge of the aisle and i think we made like eye contact for a second and then he kept going and then i saw him come back the other way and i'm like this man is watching me

this like slovenly like sloppy beige man is watching me and i guess he finally busted up the car to come over because he was like a he was like, hey, I just can't stop. Look, you are striking or whatever. And I was like, which is true. You are. Yes, yes, yes. I think I had straight back cornrows that day. So I

was like, who are you talking to? Obviously, Queen Latifah is your type. That's a look. That's a look, friend. Thank you so much. And he was like, oh, he's a director or a producer or something. And he's working on something. He just finished some movie

some mike tyson documentary or something and he's like can i take you to lunch he was like i'm working on something that i feel like you're like a really good look for and you know i'm young and hungry and my phone is almost charged now so i'm like yeah i'll go to lunch so we went somewhere like around the corner so not even nothing fancy i was like oh this man must be poor uh are we shouldn't like splitting this rap we sharing this rap um and so we're talking and he's like gross he's like big and sweaty and i was like hey hey hey it's okay to be big and sweaty some of our closest listeners are big and sweaty yeah it's hot some of them don't have acs okay i'm not talking about any of the people who are listening just imagine sloppy sweaty patchy beard creepy white

man that's nobody that's listening is that is all of those things at the same time right so he's talking to me he's like I have a script I'm gonna send it to you blah blah blah he's like oh I'm having lunch with Tom Cruise or dinner with Tom Cruise tonight or tomorrow and I was like oh okay I'm having I too am having dinner with Tom Cruise what am I gonna wear to Tom Cruise I went to like Strawberry and Rainbow and Marshalls no you hate those places do we okay so the next day he called me and he was like okay so i'm i'm meeting up with tom at such and such time i think it was a text i'm meeting up with tom and such and such time and i'm like okay well i'm waiting for the address he's like um okay so after we're done eating then i'm gonna hit you up and you can come by the hotel

to run these lines oh god excuse you i i'm not good enough to eat with tom cruise i'm not good enough to eat with tom elizabeth cruz but after he sent me that message i was like oh this is this man is disgusting like he really thinks that he is a shot with me and my straight back cornrows so i like i made up an excuse and i didn't go last year all this stuff like when all the me too stuff came out his name was in all the me too stuff no it was me too and people yes what's his name james tobek allegedly you did tell me about this guy i remember that story yeah if you google him right now like you'll see his face and you'll see what i'm talking about and none of our listeners look like that oh my god yeah that's unfortunate but what like all all the me too

stuff happened his name was like right there like at the top well underneath bill cosby and Weinstein but he was like oh he looks disgusting yikes can you imagine can you imagine young um sexy breezy and this man I'm gonna come back to the hotel uh yeah but what kind of dress were you wearing well when I was in Barnes and Nobles I don't even know if I had a dress on sis I might had on some you know coochie cutter shorts oh my god he walks by with his little fedora i'm like no sir no no fedora why does he look like i'm not gonna say who but somebody like a bigger who somebody from a festival oh yes yes yes yes he looks like a very prominent festival person that be booking people anyway like I mean we've all had sex that

we regret we've all had the hookups that we regret but that is something that I do not regret at all like there was no way I was letting that anywhere inside me or on top of me I'm proud of you friend you but it's but like realistically that you don't have to be proud of me about that for like I would never never hey man i've i've done some i can't talk about it on the pod but yeah you can okay you gonna save it for the patreon i think so i think i'll save it for the patreon but also it's just like you know i want somebody to to want me forever i need to start figuring out what i'm gonna put in the pod wait wait wait wait wait hold on hold on hold on hold on wait hold on shut it up what you want somebody to want you forever so you are not gonna you're gonna be more careful

about what you say on the podcast now so sounds like somebody might have got in trouble after no i didn't get in trouble but they were like you know is it some things you gotta keep for us yeah but this is and by us i mean me and the pod that's what i'm saying this is us i know but i have to act to be better i want you know i couldn't imagine someone i couldn't be i couldn't imagine being on the other side someone having a beautiful podcast with tons of listeners just hearing my you know every little secret and intimate moment it's just wrong we should actually go to jail for all of the stories that we've told someone thinks that they're sharing

a moment with us and it's like bam jeff jeff from minnesota heard everything jeff from minnesota look um these things happen um i mean i'm i'm with you now in that he's actively listening to the like episodes of the podcast and they'll send me screenshots of the episodes when he's listening and i'm like oh he's at 26 minutes in let me see what we said at 26 minutes in because i know that's good that he's sending you like uh time time slots or whatever no he's sending me screenshots of him of him listening he's not saying this is where i'm at i'm just i'm using my eyeballs and i'm like okay this is oh shit okay damn um but i mean we do say some wild things on here but i for the most part i stand by what we've said like it's out there and you stand by what you say you're a

monster what an alien what i resent that marie can do no wrong what are you talking about we can say mean things about people she can be problematic and everybody's like this is so funny i'm obsessed no so no yes i i can say mean things about people and people will be upset like people get upset when do they be upset maybe hurt and offended when we have one we have one person right here who has been upset by things that i've said before oh yes that was in the past i'm talking about recent it's always in the past when it's with me it's in the past andrew i thought i thought we got past that you know we're talking about marie's relationships with people and yeah it happened i'm sure it will happen again yeah yes oh i'm sure it's gonna happen again andrew what's

the what where did you ever have a situation where you were gonna hook up with somebody and you changed your mind at the last minute or you were like ah my spidey senses are telling me that i need to get like all the time i'm just like yeah i don't i don't want to be here i already sort of like got everything i needed i don't need to put myself at risk to just like for what exactly you know you just go home and then i mean you just masturbate and it's like that's the same that's the safest option so that is the safe option it's the safest option but it's not the funnest option yeah but wouldn't you rather hook up with someone that's like okay like you know you know i don't like thinking about like creepy guys being creepy with a bunch of other people you know because like

how many times does it work out yeah so i don't want to be another and guys that are creepy guys that are creepy do have sex all the time not all the time with everybody all the time though they are having sex well the problem is that creepy people pick and choose

when they're going to be creepy so they'll always be that one fucking bitch that's like he's not creepy to me yes they're creepy defenders for sure girl girl listen listen you are not you're the exception and also you don't know he's not creepy right now but you know uh 12 vodka tonics in who

knows yeah but also everybody has different tastes right like somebody that's creepy to you might be mysterious to somebody else somebody that's that's nasty to you is might just be a tourist experienced to somebody else you said a tourist um yeah so yeah there's captain saver creeps out there they love that weird stuff but i'm i just want normal i want like normal like oh this this makes sense type behavior don't don't be creepy don't be gross don't be sweaty don't be james don't be that um i don't know yeah there's a there's a club promoter uh in new york that sort of like scoops up every like young gay that moves to manhattan for college and they just it just like scoops them all up and says come to my parties come to

my parties the parties like they are i guess like they're fun there's a lot of people there i've been to a few like when i was like freshly 21 i went a few times and then i quickly say you too old now i think i well you aged out also i didn't give the guy what he wanted he was like come come out to dinner before one of my parties like i have like i think he said i have a job for you and i'm like no we're a job you didn't even you didn't even go to see what the job was the i don't want to know because he was already like mean to me uh like a few points where he was like passive aggressive because he already had like hotter uh gay men like flaunting all over him some of my friends have like done sexual favors for him to just get women into his parties and

i'm like no uh wait wait wait wait what wait his friends have done your friends have done favors for him to get women into his parties it was like it was his new year's eve party uh i'm sure that's they love that one yeah i'm sure people that listen are familiar with them uh okay we gonna talk off the record then uh i would love to know who you're talking about no i mean he's a creep and everyone like everyone for the most part knows it but like i mean like when you were talking about like when we were talking about like creepy defenders there's so many creepy defenders because they help fly them out to like disney world and hawaii and they'll just like do all these like crazy things and what okay give us examples of what some of the crazy things that they're doing

for him i just want to know like how much hawaii is for me i i don't know because i haven't been on these trips pardon me wishes like i'm like that's a free trip you're like set the scene yeah you know but no i haven't been but like it's it's just a sex trip they have private jets it's just a sex trip there's no okay jeffrey epstein sex trip island okay literally that's the sex trip but think about the sex that you've had for free in brooklyn think about that that that's what i'm saying think about all the locally farmed dick that you had to sit on here at least a flight and yeah you know maybe a some burrata so you might get a nice you might get a night a nice continental breakfast too you know about the emotional scarring of doing something

like that yeah but think about all the bad sex that you've had here at least you get some passport stamps yes but bad i come out of bad sex being like okay like it wasn't like the worst thing in the world like now i know i don't like this thing you know where oh i'll avoid that in the future uh i don't need i don't need to go on this sex trip where i know that it's just going to be like a sex trip that i don't like having sex with a person if i know i'm already gonna not enjoy them why why do it I know I've done that I've done like I could tell the way this person is walking the stroke gonna be trash but it's like I gotta just I gotta just try it out and see because you know they made me laugh a couple of times but like you know life is crazy

I'm so glad I'm wearing it now I've learned a lot I think it's funny I I now at this point in my life i don't i'll take it back because i'm saying i think i don't i wouldn't get on a jet to have sex but i would i would get on somebody's jet to have sex in a different in international waters i would absolutely still do that at the age right now yes yeah i'm sorry that at least at least at least one time i wish i could you know to be your partner in crime with that that would be fun just to see just you know just and then we'd be in the same room and i see you getting bad dick and i'm there no no no no see that i'm not no if i'm getting on a plane it's if it's a private plane it's private room it's private balcony it's private everything but no but we're

supposed to be having like a tag team moment i have a question a tag team moment so so i'm having sex with this person and then i'm gonna tag you in that's what you're saying because that's what a tag team is friend oh i don't know what tag team means then i have a um a follow-up question from last week's episode yeah yes okay be talking about a group uh sex scenario between the two of you yes your current sexual partners um and both of your sexual partners have listened to the episode yes okay is there any updates on that oh my dude my dude is always ready to go so he said he could pull up he could be here in 10 minutes if we say yes sydney what did she say is she down she said do it

i don't think she got to that point of the episode oh yeah that was right at the end yes yep it was at the very end that yeah yeah drop a bomb at the end yeah yeah you know we always gotta have a twist for the listeners i don't know are we gonna have a twist are we gonna have a twist now because we're we're pretty much at the end yeah yeah we're at the end of the episode um I don't know I mean I asked the question last week um is there something that you want to ask this week for the twist or a question that you want the audience to answer for us is it okay to be butt naked on your couch what is it is it gross or is it is it what everybody's doing it's okay i think it's okay

because i do it here but are you putting a sheet down or a towel or sometimes are you sitting on a shirt like what i got a brand new cat brand new and ass has been on it several times and i'm like should i feel bad about this or are you you're not sitting on like a pair of folded shorts like what you're not sitting on i'm with sitting on this one that's too much work to put something down i'm fucking right behind me yes um yeah i mean if i put if i put a sheet on it i might as well just put some shorts on no not necessarily like i'll be i'll lay naked on the couch but i don't think i'm sitting naked so you're laying on the couch like you're dead in a casket that's what that's how you're laid laid out like titties smushed on the velvet like watching something or

like laying on my back even but yes but sitting like with my butthole open like grazing the fabric i'm not like i i'll put some panties on and sit on the couch okay or i'm i'm if i like if i get out of the shower and i have a towel on i'll you know i'll take the towel off and i'll sit on my couch but no i'm not andrew yes yeah i'm with you because there's a huge difference between sitting and lying oh fuck you guys it's a couch like just wipe your ass well i mean like jelly and jam like already have their asses on top of it oh oh oh first of all as far as i know you know they don't sit on the couch that cats don't sit on the couch they don't they don't sit on the couch he's never been on top of the couch they're not into the couch they're like sitting on the floor

because it's hot in my apartment so they just they just want to be where it's cool wait but they were just on your headboard what's the difference this is this is they know that this is the the communal this is that's the climbing couch this is like the floor this couch sydney you're saying that they've never been on your couch no they haven't uh that must be because jam can't jump i mean jelly can't jump that they can jump they just it's too hot they don't want to be on that it's velvet okay we believe you look at me winking um so that's the answer that's the question for the pod this week is is it okay to sit butt naked on your couch yeah i think we should clarify sitting not sitting not laying yeah sitting i guess the answer for sydney is uh yes it

is okay but i've done it and but then i went back and i'm like is this all right but i feel like during like quarantine especially it's fine like who's gonna sit on this couch it's my couch i mean well my friends have come over and they sat on my yeah i was sitting on that sex couch uh yesterday did it look nice you liked it i mean now i know that it's it's comfortable now i know it's covered in skid marks but it's not because i wash my ass and then i get on the couch anyway this week was fun um i did not smoke but i feel high so look at that that's what that's what it feels like when you're when you're friends with your better half my better half andrew thank you so much oh we didn't we we didn't figure out a um a title

fuck yeah say it right now off the top of your head naked on the couch yeah butt naked on the couch butt naked on a velvet couch yeah or skid marks on the couch skid marks on the sofa yeah liberation i like that you know i love alliteration um or something about old people trying to have sex with young people Mr. Burns Daddy Warbucks Daddy Horbucks or

damn Sydney it was something that you said American Apparel dress or something like that like I think something along the lines of one of the things that y'all just said yeah we'll figure it out we'll figure it out okay we good

yes I just needed to take a sip of water um I don't really have any final words for you guys me neither I mean after last week I'm exhausted I'm still tired from what we're from last week you thirsty friend?

I've been having a blast so yeah I love this for you I do I really love this for you I'm do I look happy? you look a little tired sis okay someone wrote fuck you someone well rested but also like you've been up late nights i looked

at some of the yes they're extremely hilarious witty and shady as hell not to mention drop dead gorgeous hands down my favorite podcast i even pay for the patreon it's worth it to support these amazing women if you don't love marie and sydney you don't love yourself wait please read the one that you screenshot me the other day i love that review more than i think anything we've gotten in recent time you know what i'm talking about let me see hold on let me see what i wrote my friend hold on a second i mean oh okay here we go let's uh okay give them all your reviews and money i've been listening to sydney and marie for years i'm not super into podcasts but this one has my this one has my forever loyalty they are just

too funny for me to ever stop their repertoire of comedy seeps into every conversation they have with each other and their guests i'm cackling constantly a few years ago i got into a car accident i was fine but my car was gone totaled obliterated and yet my radio still worked sydney and marie voices were laughing at my wreckage that'd be enough trauma for one to stop listening but you're wrong i escaped death and i'm forever afraid of driving but i will forever give these two but i will never give these two up thank you both for the endless laughs even while sitting in the rubble of my destroyed car what a divine imagine getting into a car accident and it's us laughing yeah in the wreckage just cackling that visual is beautiful to me iconic i love it i love

it too i love it and i love this podcast um just keep reviewing guys keep reviewing i would love for us to get to a thousand reviews um we're almost there we're at nine uh 963 so keep it going anyway uh y'all keep those going we are gonna stop right here uh thank you for listening to this podcast if you have a story about a time that you had to trust your instincts or you went to have sex with somebody and you were like actually no we would love to hear it send those to us um and also send us maybe like a a quick description of what your wedding would look like oh yeah i would love that where for myself hit us with a who what where why where's it gonna be who's gonna be there how many guests yep and what your what your dream partner looks like

Like what celebrity it looks like. Yes, who would play them in a movie. If you're with that person, send us their picture so we can tell you who would play them in a movie. Yeah, that too. That's funny for the next episode, actually. Anyway, thanks, guys. Goodbye.

Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. for more original podcasts please visit forever dog podcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on apple podcasts spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on twitter and instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on facebook