MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Stalkers, Dentists and Bears. Oh My

Episode Date: November 2, 2018

Sydnee and Marie kick it solo on this weeks Unofficial Experts!They dish on the latest Cardi B/ Nicki Minaj drama, the struggles of pursuing acting, and they give back to the fans! Also, Sydnee provides updates on her continuously thrilling teeth saga.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys. Hello, hello, hello. Happy Friday or Saturday or Thursday, whatever you're listening to this podcast. Yes. Happy day. Oh, happy day. When Jesus washed.

Not all of our followers believe in Jesus. He washed my sins away. Oh, happy day. They don't believe in Jesus, but they should believe in Sister Act. Yes, they should. Because that was a good movie. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

No, it's actually Sister Act 2. That's the one. Is that the one with Lauryn Hill? Lauryn Hill, yes. That's the one that. And Jesus, why? He taught me how. Anywho, oh my God.

It's days after Halloween. Oh my God, let's get into it. First of all, if you're not following us on social media, you're trash. Yeah. But more importantly, you're missing out. You're just hurting yourself. Yeah, we don't post a lot, but our Insta stories be pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ping

Orville Redden-Bacher pa-pa-pa-pa-ping. Okay, we got Nicki Minaj in the studio today. Wow-izers. We'll circle back to Nicki Minaj in a moment. Anyway, so Sydney, like we post joke things on our Insta

stories, right? Like I was like, a couple weeks ago I was like, oh, there's this costume. It's like Instagram, social media star. It was like leggings, a crop top, a blonde wig, and a hat. And like a Starbucks coffee cup. I was like, I'm going to be this. And then I was like, no, I'm going to be Suzy from the Rugrats.

Sydney's been posting stuff all week, too. And she's like, she posted Roger Klotz from Doug Funny. And, you know, I just saw it. Sydney walks into this party in full green face. Oh, my God. Yo, when I was putting it on, I was like, I should stop. In full green face. I looked in the mirror.

I said, this is a no. But she put it all over her face. I feel like she got the bottom of her ears. She got her neck and her hands. And then she threw a V-neck white shirt. She threw a V-neck on and a leather. So the Roger uniform. And she showed up and we just couldn't stop laughing

because she looked ashy. But then she also, she looked like young Jock when he got that perm. She looked like Tyrone Copple. She looked like Chappelle Show newscaster. Lisa was like, are you Jack Nicholson? I was like, what? They said I look like the mask.

they said they called her the mask somebody called her wicked yeah uh if you haven't seen that on broadway yet you trash as am i because i haven't seen it someone called her the incredible hulk before he turns into the hulk yeah it was just listen everybody was having a field day even like white women that don't be roasting at all white women that have no right yeah white women that rescue dogs and we're like oh my god wow was this your first choice yeah bitch it was plan a i love it it was so good i mean i hate halloween because when i used to love it i was making money on halloween i was working on halloween i was waitressing so i was making $1,800 sometimes.

It was crazy. $1,800? Yeah, because people go wild out. They get bottles. They get specials. They do mollies. Crazy. People be fucked up

and they're like, oh yes, give me that $5,000 champagne that I'm not even going to drink because I'm too fucked up. $1,800 and how many hours of work? I mean, I would work from 11.30 till 4.

I'm not going to do the math. Somebody, can you do the math? 11.30 to 4. How many hours of work is that? five hours not enough hours for what i made eighteen hundred dollars in five hours that's beautiful i miss you having money oh girl listen i reminisce all the time i just walk in stores and touch things that i used to buy somebody that i used to know i go in and look at items that are like full price and i'm like i remember when i could afford things that were full price

now I'm like anything over $20 I'm like no no no no I'm gonna wait for the sale okay or you damage it a little bit and you're like

can I get anything off of this you just have a black pen on you just mark it can I get a couple dollars off of this they'd be like it's final sale you'd be like

yeah that's fine you fucking have a knife putting holes in shit I guess you guys have a moth in here this button is loose you have a moth with a razor

sharp tongue yeah they're like miss you could just get the one that doesn't have a hole in it like no no no this is my size

this was my size one time I was like hid the ones that were my size just so I could get one that had like makeup on it so I could get did you wipe your face on something? no it had makeup on it and they ended up going downstairs

and they're like oh actually oh bitch bitch and then what do you do? you're like I want the dirty one also if I'm working the cash register and you come up with something And I'm going to be like, you could just soak this, spray it with some shout and it'll come right out. Yeah, but nobody's leaving a store with stains like nobody wants that.

And yet there you are with the pants, with the makeup on them. Oh, man. Hot times. Yeah. So Halloween is overwhelming because, you know, people just they either go all out or they don't do anything at all. I'm glad you went all out last night because when Roger Klatt's walked in. at first I thought you were a Gumby with a wee oh my god how's that Gumby's here oh my god

and then Sydney kept going I'm doing this for y'all because I wanted to see you know I wanted you guys to feel pretty tonight for the one night of the year where y'all can roast me and it was like girl please

but like yeah there were a lot of uglies gathered around laughing at me and i was it was a lot of friends that carry coats i was like honey when i take this mask off i'm stunning what about you i mean oh god oh my god yeah but you know the thing is is that after a certain year it's like i'm not having my ass out no more like i'm not gonna be the slutty whatever and last night was the night to do it this Halloween it was like 70 degrees in New York yeah the hose was out it was it was like aggressively

warm it was that's global warming for that ass for that ass we don't have a really warm Christmas yeah we're the world is gonna end soon I know that's what it is and something big is coming I feel it so you know just you know get a bunch of cases of water in your house

so you can be ready when you when the world ends I know I'm just coming to your house no that's you I'm already saying that you can't come uh no thank yeah so you were marigos i was marigos uh because i was like this is an easy costume i just gotta wear what i have something blousy something with flowers on it and then i drew a bunch of tattoos on my face and i was gonna wear my hair like this anyway our friend amina does frugal fridays on her instagram and so it's basically like saving money and cutting corners and she did like uh on

instagram she did like a cat and so she tagged me for frugal fridays because it was very janky and i saved all the money my paint was on sale it was 50 cents 50 cents yeah it looked like it was 50 cents oh my god it didn't look like you went to michael's and splurged wow it felt very um this is super toxic oh wow this is lead-based yes body paint the paint got asbestos in it how How long did it take you to take that pain off your body? Let me see your neck. It took me some time. You said, girl, you're going to have to soak after this.

You have to soak in the tub overnight. No, I just, I had a makeup wipe. It took me like 35 minutes. It felt. Too much time. The commitment that you have to do for these costumes is too much. And it's like, if you wear a cape and then you have a thong on, it's like, where are you sitting? I'm sitting on my cape.

You're sitting on the cape all night? You got to drape the cape on the chair and plop your nasty ass on it. I'm surprised that nobody was a hoe at the Halloween party that we went to. I mean, it was hoes present. They just weren't dressed as hoes. I think people are getting mature. The people that we know, maturing it up.

Man, I mean, the people that were at that party weren't really the people that I would party with, though. Oh my God, Maria, I can't believe you said that on the podcast. No, I'm just saying, like, I invited Amina and I invited Calvin and I invited Carolina because I was like, I want to party with these people. but most of the people that were there

I didn't really know is what I'm saying and then the ones that I did know I don't really want to party with them so damn

you're ungrateful anyway whatever it was a great night Sydney gave me all the laughs I needed we just want to we want to catch up with you guys

we want to see well we want y'all to catch up with us honestly because we're not going to ask you guys how you're doing because we know

y'all be in our DMs yeah I like that you guys are reaching out reach out talk to us it's just we're so personable

we won't roast you I'm actually so nice in the DMs I'm so nice I like yeah but you'll be spelling things wrong no that's not true fuck you Marie I spell thing wrong in my insta stories but not when I'm DMing people you're rude

yeah but I'm really nice and I love to compliment other people and thanks for the compliments that you guys give it's great I love when people DM me because I feel like they want me to be mean someone wrote me that I need to stop being so mean to myself.

I mean, this is something that we said we was going to work on. Yeah, it's so hard. To be nice to yourself? She's like, you're so awesome. Why are you always putting yourself down on the podcast? I was like, this is a facade, you know?

You said, I do this for y'all. I'm mean to me so you can feel good about you. Is that a quote from somebody? No, but let's put it on a shirt. Oh my God. we got so much merch there's so

every episode there's like damn we gotta put that on a sleeve I know or the back of a jacket straight as hell gay as fuck

mmhmm cunt and gaunt yeah really everything also you came over my house last weekend oh for a scary

movie marathon yeah and we watched Final Destination the Final Destination movies are great they really are good like so like they're so bad

that they're good well produced I mean there's it's everybody's fears because I legit get nervous on a freeway I hate being on a plane I'm scared that something's gonna go in my eye like those are real things that you're like damn this is how I'm gonna die yeah but the way that these people die in this movie it's just it's like the the scene where like the kid is at the dentist and you're like oh my god he's about to die at the dentist and then it's like he's chasing pigeon pigeons and he's like you're like oh that's this is not a scene where he dies and then it's like oh he dies he dies yeah it makes

me look at how you can die it's like there's so many ways it's not just like drowning or dying in your sleep or getting hit by a car there's like some intricate ways yeah you know to pass away death is gonna uh turn the gas up that was so rude turn on your stove yeah strange I know but it does that that stuff happens at the party someone turned on the heat lamp no no no the stove

and a pizza box was on fire oh it was a pizza box yes it was on top of the stove oh see that's what they get for not telling me there was pizza at the party yes and tell me why somebody was like oh I guess the pizza's ready and they ate some of the pizza that was like burnt

I was like y'all gotta stop doing drugs I did. The smoke alarm went off and then I always check my hair first. And then I came out into the living room and it smelled like smoke. I said, well, that's my cue to leave. Well, you know, I'm triggered because I accidentally burned down my house. So anytime I smell fire or hear alarm, I freak the fuck out. Really? Yeah. I was at the gym yesterday and the fire alarm went off and everyone just kept working out.

I was like, I mean, it cut off after like two minutes. but everybody just kept doing planks or whatever. Yeah, it's like, when do you know emergency is really an emergency? Well, that's the thing, right? Because we hear and see fire trucks and ambulances, ambuli, whatever, ambulize regularly. So when you hear those sirens, that's when you're like, oh, I could make it across the street.

Or you're like, oh, I could, like, we don't respect alarms anymore. No, when you hear a sign, you're like, well, that ain't me. That ain't my life. you just like oh let me see if i could cut across the street real quick yeah i know this girl who thought that and um like everybody what there was a fire truck coming and no one was moving so the fire truck came up on the sidewalk she got hit by a fire truck she got hit by a fire truck and like did she die feel okay no city because i heard the story after the fact okay did she her ghost came on my radio show yeah yeah yeah but she tells the story and when she like she

passed out and when she woke up people were all like hovering over her and telling her she was gonna be okay but she felt no pain so she just kept trying to get up she broke like almost every bone in her body because she bounced off a brick wall and then landed on the pavement and i'm like so did the fire truck leave like is it like because they was on the way to something else yeah do they stay for you i don't know what happened so be like we'll text you she had to like she was in like rehab or something for like six months of course maybe more she just like broke all of these bones and it's like well girl where were you going though oh we're always in a rush to go nowhere we're in new york city everything is like hurry up speed up i gotta get there

usually we're going to places that we don't even really want to go like we don't really want to be there but we're in a rush and anybody who's like going up the stairs too slow or they're not getting in the train fast enough we're huffing and puffing and oh i'm yelling i'm a hundred percent yelling people on the street yeah like i was going up the stairs at west fourth in manhattan terrible and it's always busy and this white woman was taking up the entire staircase and i'm like excuse me because you know i'm always in a rush because i'm late yeah i'm like excuse me and she's like she like shoved her hand out at me and she was like i just had hip surgery and i was like sis i'm gonna break your hip again if you don't get out of my way also like you just had hip

surgery why are you out and about in manhattan train you should be taking an uber x boo where's your companion where's your aid your service dog where's your service nurse where's the jamaican lady that's keeping you in check oh my god she was like i just had a hip surgery i said sis i'm gonna break your other hip a hundred percent you talk all this shit but you're really a lover not a fighter no i'm not a lover or a fighter i'm a talker yes you're indifferent but i don't know I was already late, but I was I need to work on that You need to work on being nicer to yourself

And you need to work on being more on time Yes, we gotta hold ourselves Accountable for that Because it's hard I mean, but in New York, nine times out of ten You're not the only one late Like wherever we're going, you're not the only one But I'd be aggressively late

Like a cool 48 minutes after the time I'm supposed to be there I'd let you live I'd be like, you know what, she gonna get here when she get here Well, because if me and Sidney are doing something, I'm like, well, Sidney's probably going to be on time. And then when you're not on time, I'm like, ugh. But I'm most likely on time. I leave my house early so I can get there right on the dot. See, I leave, if it's going to take me 30 minutes to get somewhere, I leave my house exactly 30 minutes.

I don't account for waiting for the train. I'm like, I'm going to get there. The train's just going to be there. And it's going to take me exactly 30 minutes. I'm a pessimist and I always think something's going to happen. Like somebody's going to get sick or somebody's going to throw themselves in front of the train. So I have to prep for that. So I have to leave maybe 20 minutes earlier than I'm supposed to.

See, I don't like being late, but I hate being early. Don't you hate? I hate when I get somewhere and I'm like, oh, I just got to be here for 10 minutes. It's so annoying. It's like, why? Why? Why? Why?

Why didn't you tell me that you were going to be late so I could be late too? It could have been the same time as you. I don't want to be waiting around, even though I had nothing else to do. Literally. Nothing. Literally. I mean, that's the thing about, like, the comedy shows that we go to. It's like, they tell us one time, and then we get there, and it doesn't start until 30 minutes later.

Right. So, I leave my house knowing it's going to start 30 minutes late, so I just be an hour late. Yeah. You do do that, Marie. You're a notorious known for that. Is Marie going to come? Yeah. See, I don't know.

I really don't know. Like, we're friends, but I don't really know her life. Yeah, I have been straight up just skipping comedy shows. Yeah, it's about that time, you know? You know? You're just trying to transition. I'm transitioning out of comedy. What are you going to do?

I don't know, but out of comedy. What are you going to do, bitch? I'm transitioning out of it. I had a week where I was like, so when I went to L.A. for pilot season, I was in L.A. for a month in February auditioning for things, And I got one major callback for this TV show that Paul Feig was going to be directing. And Paul Feig does, like, all Melissa McCarthy shows, right? So, movies.

He did Ghostbusters, The Female Reboot, The Office, Freaks and Geeks, all these things that white people like. But also some of us black folks. And so he was the director for that. I auditioned, got a callback. And then when I got to the callback, it was, like, all these, like, Netflix people were there. Like, people that you recognize from, like, One Tree Hill. And I'm like, why are you guys here? like y'all already have money but that's not how acting works no you finish a job you need money

again so you add an audition with me anyway so at my in my acting class on monday somebody did a scene from the that pilot and i was like oh snap what happened with this show and my teacher was like oh they did the pilot and it was too good like it was too smart what and nobody picked it up and i'm like you mean to tell me that i like as actors will memorize something and stress out over memorizing it yes then go to the audition yes then get the callback then it's another callback then you gotta test for the show then you shoot the show yeah and then you still don't have a job well hold on gag gag people write the script have somebody already in mind that they want right they audition them and they only audition to other people just in case that

other person can't do it right that's what it that's what it really is about it's like waste my time in 2018 right all day but then they'll audition all those other people they'll know who they want but they'll have like an understudy like a backup person just they'll be like you gotta hold we got you on hold so you can't audition for anything else nope so i'm like this acting thing is dumb and my teacher was like he was like yeah he has a student that a client that she was the lead on three different pilots this year that did not get picked up.

Yikes. I said, yeah, but if she was the lead, like she's going to be fine. Like if she's been number one for three different things this year, she'll be fine. That sounds like Jennifer Aniston's little sister or something.

Yes, yes. She'll be good. And then this girl in my class was saying that she had seven callbacks for Rent, like the Rent tour. Yeah. And I'm not auditioning

for something seven times. like I'm doing it for different people so more people see me and do y'all want me or not? And they told her. And they know. The fucking thing is is that they play these games.

It's all a mind, it's all a thing to tear us down as artists. It's to make us doubt ourselves and be like, oh, if I do this seven times that I'm most likely gonna get it and it's like, no.

They were like the role and I'm not familiar with Rent but she was auditioning for the role of Maureen and they were like, well, you don't look like a Maureen yeah because she's mixed she's like native american she kind of looks like she's like white and filipino she's a mix she's not like a beige chick and they were like you don't look

like a maureen it's like this is a fake character like maureen could be whoever the hell y'all want it to be but they're like yeah but you don't really they essentially told her she was too dark and she didn't get it and i'm like this can't be my life i can't audition seven times for something and then not get it yeah i can't memorize a bunch of crap then shoot something and then not get it like this is dumb of all the careers that we said to me you were like why did we pick this stupid career i'm like i called my mom and i was so annoyed and i was like i don't want to do this i went to one pilot season and i already don't want to do it no more and she was like well you know call up those temp agencies and i mommy mommy mommy i don't want to sit

Mommy, we're not doing temp either. I don't want to sit in front of a computer for 40 hours a week. That's also, that can't be my leg. No. So this week was rough for me because I was sitting in my house like, this is so dumb. Bitch, I was literally the other day going through it. I literally was like, what the fuck? And then I had talked to my friend and my friend had had a meeting with a network that

we're affiliated with or whatever. Okay. and she went there for like to talk with the higher ups and they had asked her before about the pilot that we shot like before we before we even shot it they wanted her to be in it and she was like no i don't i'm not doing it and then she went to the meeting recently and they're like well if you still wanna if you you know if you might want to do the pilot like there like there's a slot open and that was before we found out whatever but i was like well what the fuck are they talking about who they trying to cut like i was so stressed out right and that's why when i

had texted you i was like i'm not feeling it right now so if something's not available i don't care i don't want to do it like i was so on edge because i was like well this is news to me oh so you knew before interesting but i was like i didn't want to put that energy out there because the same way it made me feel I'm like I don't want to tell you that I don't want you to feel like how I felt like I thought this was a done deal you know what I'm saying right so Sydney and I shot a pilot

for this thing and it's four girls and sis you gonna put all the details I'm just saying well we didn't sign no NDA or whatever I mean this is not like it's Beyonce or anything and one of the girls they are not bringing back but Sydney found out

the day before the day before that we didn't know which girl it was well she didn't know which girl it was and it's neither of us so we're fine it's fine it worked out in the end but sometimes but to be honest

sometimes when we do stuff I'm like ah they're not gonna pick two black girls that's how I feel sometimes I'm like they just it's easier to have like a mixed group than have like too many brown people that's something that I think in my head a lot

Well, that's what the industry is that we're in right now. Right. Is like it's there's a black friend. And then everybody else is like a Jennifer Love Hewitt or Sarah Michelle Gellar or Katherine Heigl. I mean, not her no more. They don't really ever her no more. But or Jennifer Lawrence. And that's what we see. And there's always room for like one other. other yeah like an asian or or somebody brown or yeah and it's like so that's why it's so hard to to be who we are in this industry it's just it's dumb i'm i don't want to do this this is dumb somebody needs to set me up with their dying rich dad so i could buy my brownstone oh my god and then like travel the world like this is stupid like the other yesterday i was walking down the street and I was like should I be like a hairdresser or something like should I get a job where like I can work regularly and it's not like in an office like this is crazy yes but I do want to say that things like this happen to make you doubt what you're doing and doubt yourself and

you always have to stay true to who you are and yes but I don't want to be true to who I am is poor and I don't want to be that like I need to make money because at my core you know I deserve to be rich you know what i i noticed about us is that we're so honest about everything that we're doing and we don't gloss anything up so like there's so many people who are doing the same thing as us and you're like oh my god that person is a superstar and it's like sis i was at the show her she's no she's doing bad her wig was crooked she's doing bad or like they're having mental breakdowns on stage but like nobody's gonna post that nobody's gonna tell you what the ends and the outs of what we do every single night or every single day nobody's nobody's posting that because

they're like oh that don't look good but it's like i'd rather be true and honest like just in case somebody else want to do this shit hey girl you in for you in for a ride but i don't want to be that true and that honest somebody got on facebook the other day and posted screenshots of her checking and savings balance and she was basically begging people on facebook to give her money yeah That was a lot. I was like. That was a lot. She was like, my rent is $3,000 a month.

Sis, that's where you fucked up. Why no rent? $3,000 and you live in Staten Island. Staten Island. Girl, you got to take a tugboat to get to your place. Unacceptable. She's like, my car payment is this. I'm like, you got a car in New York?

It's also. Girl, that's not like you mismanaging money. That's what that sound like. You don't know your budget? That's what it look like. But she posted her entire budget on Facebook. I was like. And was like.

She was like, I know. she's like and she was like i feel like people always say to me that i should like go out and meet a man and suck a dick and that's how i'll make money but that's not what i want to do i'm i'm an artist and i was like well you can art on some dick too you can art on some dick put that put that on some merch you can art on some dick it's just like a watercolor palette and a dick paintbrush you can art awesome dick but the thing is is that like i mean yes some people are too honest but i feel like there's there's a fine line and i i cross it regularly but i'm what you mean with

oversharing your stuff your business well i've i've been telling people about like the situation with my teeth and people have been dming me and they're like yo i haven't been to the dentist in seven years like people i've i've been posting about it and i i was like oh this is too much But people have been writing like, thank you for doing this because like I got to go get my teeth. I need to go check my teeth like now. OK, let's let's come back. Hold on. So Sydney was sending me and Molly Austin, our sex state expert, pictures of her teeth at the dentist. And we were like, you have to stop.

Like send these to literally anybody. Post these on the gram. This is nasty. And she was like, this is my teeth and this is my journey. This is what I'm going through. This group chat is not a safe space. and it's like, yeah, I don't want to see your funky ass teeth. Like she was showing us old fillings and like zoomed in x-rays and I was like this is nasty.

Yes. And Sidney took it to the ground. I'm glad that you found a safe space in there. I mean, I know y'all niggas judging me, but it's fine. It's totally fine. My brand new teeth honey, when the whole grill is done honey. Honey, your new teeth are my old teeth.

Honey. Your new teeth are your new Khloe Kardashian face. Oh my God. We know what your teeth really are. Hush. Anywho, but it's just, I'm bringing awareness to dental hygiene.

Your mouth. Sydney gets to this party last night and just immediately starts eating candy. Amina was like, can you eat candy with your teeth? Oh my God. That's why, be your own people.

It was so funny. That's why you gotta X people out of your lives. They be waiting for that moment where you're like, oh, I feel good about myself. So they can bring you down. I mean, she asked it and I was thinking it. So they can bring you fucking down

Can't she eat candy with the brand new teeth I feel like you gotta let the teeth settle Before you start popping skittles You know what This is my problem I mean this is one of your problems Guys if you guys don't know I'm super sober

And because of sobriety I need sugar I crave it I've never been this into candy Or desserts or drinks That have mad sugar until now Like when I was drinking I didn't eat desserts like that

I didn't really eat candy because I had all the sugar I needed in that tequila cocktail that I was drinking that tequila sunrise yeah exactly so now I'm like a fiend out like Red Bull it's gross

queen it's gross we'll go somewhere and she's like can I have a Red Bull and I'm like are you crushing like Red Bull is basically for loco it's nuts minus the beer I need a Red Bull intervention I need a sugar intervention

I need something because I'm addicted your teeth tried to intervene when they jumped out your face and you ignored your teeth sis wow Marie I don't know if you guys have ever watched that show intervention that show intervention but like it's like the whole family gets together they read letters they're like

I'm not going to give you any more money they're crying they're like if you're not going to get clean then I'm not going to be in your life and you're not going to see the kids and every once in a while the person that they were doing the intervention for would just be like so that's what you're doing Sydney

you're like so I'm just gonna keep eating this candy and drinking this Red Bull it's what I need around this time the holidays November, December is super hard for me I feel like on edge and I feel like I could relapse

any moment so for this month I'm not hanging out with anybody who's excessively drinking if you want to hang out with me you gotta be sober just take the word excessively out anybody who's drinking in november you can't hang out with why did you put the word excessively in there well i feel like if you have one drink that's not i don't know that's like an issue no you gotta just cut it out completely for november is what i'm saying because the same way you're like oh i just have a piece of candy and then you're like well it's a mini snigger so i guess i could have nine of these like you just

gotta say no November's hard it's the hardest month because like the holidays people with their families people there's like holiday parties like people this is a time where people drink a lot and this is the time where I get so antsy and angsty about hanging out so I don't want to not hang out with people I know because your FOMO is on a 10 it is it's a lot nobody has FOMO like Sidney Washington she's like I don't want to miss anything and it's like sis I'm not going to another borough for this party I'm staying here

I'm not crossing the bridge for a cranberry juice and Sidney's like we have to go and I'm like no I know I've been not showing up to things that's a lie let's talk about this you caught an Uber

to a party the other day with somebody who listens to the podcast yes I mean yes we did is problematic hey guys how you doing

hey guys that listen to first of all any straight man that listens to the podcast I'm watching you I'm suspicious of you cause I'm like

there's something probably wrong with you or or this guys if you listen to the podcast most likely probably

Marie don't want you I 100% don't wanna date you don't wanna date you no I 100 if you listen to the podcast and you're a straight dude

or a gay chick i don't want to date you and i feel like people they they listen to me and and like i'm very real on this podcast i'm not like super forthcoming about my business but like i don't want to date you and yet people still approach me in a way that like like they know me like we have history and it's like no you listen to me talk once a week well my thing is if you listen to the podcast what the fuck do you want to why would you want to hang out with marie she mean she a bitch she don't give hugs thank you she's listen it's a lot of you contributing in her and be like thank you thank you can you get fries for my friend too yeah yeah so it's just like why would you want

to date that you deserve better people people love putting themselves through punishment that's what it is yeah i think that's they love it they love when you're mean to them oh i can i can say that like a hundred percent people like when you're mean to them with people like you more when you're mean to them I know because it's crazy it'll be somebody who's friends with both of us right right they know that you

don't fuck with them like that but they'll reach out to you more because they're like oh well you know if I'm nice to her she'll be nice back and it's like no she don't like you that's not my ministry I'm not here to be nice to you I am the nice one guys you should be

nice to me well you should be sending me stuff on Venmo No one sent you anything? No. Well, I saw our Patreon, and they were like, put your Venmo in there. And I never gave my information. But you can look me up on Venmo and find me. Yeah, but people don't know how to spell your name.

You got one of them weird first names. No. Guys, stop spelling my name with a Y at the end. It literally frustrates me, especially in emails where it says Sydney, S-Y-D-N-E dot Washington. And then you'll put a fucking I? You'll put an I in there? or a why how rude oh it's been like just as of late just so many whys like i don't know if it's autocorrect fucking correct your autocorrect it's too easy listen you can train your autocorrect

i've trained my autocorrect so hard that still says ducking though no matter what no matter how much fucking i put in there it still said well see i don't i don't use that word because i'm a christian but i uh my phone autocorrects the word white with an h at the front of it so it's white every time every time stop spelling my name wrong i just please for the love of god i've been trying to not be upset about it and be a diva you sound really upset about it right but honestly it's been so many emails where it's like it's an email with you and me or just me and somehow they still managed to get my fucking name all the way wrong and then i googled myself with these wrong names and some of my shit came up

because they're spelling my name wrong. So you guys are fucking up my business and my money and my brand. I love an illiterate fan. Illiterate fan.

I'm illiterate. Speaking of fans, oh, speaking of illiterate, can we talk about Cardi B and Nicki Minaj? Yeah. What is happening? Y'all hoes got too much money.

If I have that much money, you will not be seeing me have videos of me talking to the camera. Yeah, but Cardi B's money is not that long yet so she don't have it's not that long yet

Cardi B has not made the same amount of money as Nicki Minaj not as of yet she still wears Fashion Nova sis her budget's not all the way there

after she pays everybody and they send it for free yes yes yes yes but after she's paid everybody out Cardi B's not sitting on millions of dollars I think you're wrong

I think that I'm right what? yeah she is sitting on millions boo Cardi B she's top of the charts she's touring everywhere she's doing features

But you don't make money. Okay, features pay. But touring, that's not why they make their money. They make their money off of endorsements. Cardi B doesn't really have any real endorsements. You got to look at the people with the Neutrogena commercials. You got to look at the people with the Aveeno commercials, the Smartwater. Like, that's how they make money.

How do you make an Alexa commercial? Cardi B was in an Alexa commercial? My Alexa is trash. And if they play her song, like, on a show or whatever, they got to give her money for that, too. Right, right, right. But where are you hearing Cardi B's music? Ballers

Like really sis come on Anyway Cardi B And Nicki Minaj both have time Cardi B also like Just got arrested for Assaulting Some bartenders Strippers

She accused them of Sleeping with her husband Girl everybody's sleeping with your man She sent people to where these strippers Work to beat their asses Stop it. Cardi, you better than that. Actually, you're not, but whatever.

It's just like, girl, stop. Like, I love her for how she don't give a fuck and she'll call you out and blah, blah, blah. But it's like, aight now, girl. Aight, girl. Like, if I'm on a private jet, if I'm going to Milan, if I'm wearing all these, like, expensive designers

and I'm at these awards and I'm getting an award, and I have all this stuff going on. Top of the charts. I don't have time to do all this. Whoever's hating on me, hate, girl, because you are miserable honestly you're miserable

you have to be you're miserable and poor but Nicki Minaj has money and she's still talking about this Cardi B situation Cardi B put up 11 videos girl the lighting was not even right the wig looked like your wig last

night it was orange and trash I should have done videos with the orange wig orange and trash and like I'm like you need like a speech coach or something sis like I get that you hood and you from the Bronx but like she was saying words that like didn't

fit in any of those sentences it didn't but that's her brand and I said speak your truth your truth with an F truth T-R-O-O-F do what you need to do but it's just like it's just dumb do better and I just hate when women are going back and forth

on social media it's like dude no that's what people want they love the drama I love it If I'm not following you I'm going to both pages I'm keeping two tabs open I love drama that I'm not a part of J'adore drama

Yeah but that's the problem When you watch drama Sometimes drama comes at your door Sometimes you gotta like Put the crystals And you gotta get the sage And you gotta get that energy out You gotta sage your house

You gotta sprinkle the door with holy water it's true because i've been i've been super paranoid i've been paranoid about people coming to your house no people just directing energy to me that i'm like i know this is fucked up this is wrong this is not right because like especially in comedy or just in life when you're on the same level as somebody else they're happy to be with you right when they see you making moves they like what like why they start like why did why did you get that And I didn't get that. And it's like, dude, this is my journey.

You got yours. And whatever's going to come to you is going to come. Like, why question it? Well, because, again, coming back to, like, being in this raggedy-ass industry is you feel like it's limited spots for people who look like you. Right? Who look like us. And it's so easy to see somebody doing better than you when you compare yourself to them. girl the people who be hating on me be the opposite

gender and like we wouldn't be going out for the same roast anyway friend yeah well because it's 2018 and men are trash true so I will say that like they're looking at you like well not the men in this room not of course not this morning not the gay men

the straight men are trash I just I feel like it's that's what my 2019 is gonna be it's just like more just minding my own damn business yes and let's do that friend i'm still gonna dabble in the drama just i'm gonna look i'm gonna check in but i just i feel like it's i don't want to compare myself to other people and what they got going on well you're you're one of a kind anyway thank you so much

one of an one of an ashy ass haitian kind thank you you're one of a kind i don't know anybody like you i don't know anybody who got your confidence either that takes the q train so oh wow wow sydney don't please you know what and this is the problem because so this person who listen to the podcast came and met met us at a show the other day and he was like yeah marie you're a haitian right and i was like yep and he's like and you live in such and such neighborhood right and i was like that was scary and he was like and you live off the such and such train right and i was like why are you like it's scary that you know all this stuff about me and like where i live in my background and it's because you say things like people who take the q train

should not be this confident no bitch and he's like he knew that you were a haitian looking at a map and like trying to see all the stops on the Q train. No girl stop it you post all of your dates on your website so stop but how does he know what neighborhood I live in? I don't know. And like what train I live off of? Well I

and restaurants in my hood like I'm like you ain't got no restaurants in your hood he said he named one around the corner from me I don't say any of your restaurants I don't go to any restaurants in your neighborhood. I don't go to no restaurants in my neighborhood there is no restaurants in your neighborhood

He had the one that's around the corner from my block he named. Sis, when somebody's stalking you, they do the work. I don't need to fucking mention any landmarks in your neighborhood, ho. Sis, just don't mention the train that I live off after this episode. Sis, you live in New York City, okay? You take public transportation. These people gonna see you. They can see me, but this-

You got 14,000 followers. You think people not gonna see you? They see me, but they don't be like, hey, you're so-and-so and you do so-and-so and you were a size seven and a half shoe and you were like this person was bald this person was the boldest person ever shame sis none sat in the front of the show and then you spoke you and then you were chatting with him so he was like oh okay we have a connection i'm not listen if you're listening to this podcast right now we don't have a connection anybody male female woman child dog well i don't have a connection with you i have a connection with sydney and forever dog like that's

That's it. Forever. So Sydney, you took your braids out and I almost don't recognize you. Yo, and let me tell you how the devil works. Okay, I posted a video of my new wig, new hairstyle, DMs. Oh my God, you look so good.

It's like, oh, cause it's European? What happened to my braids? You didn't like my braids? Oh, now all of a sudden I got my Naomi Campbell middle part and y'all like oh my god we liked the braids but the braids was in for a long time they were they literally they had a child they no not you i wasn't i wasn't calling you out i was calling out the people on insta oh did you say something about her hair he did he was like wow you look like a human being he said you don't look like a bag lady this week he said you look like you

got a house okay okay with more than one room he said you look like you could take an uber x this don't look like uber pool money right here well yeah you know i switched it up but whatevs um you gotta keep these people on their toes i do and also like i said the irs is on my back so i gotta switch it up just in case they try to catch me in person they don't they won't be able to catch me because they won't even know how i look they know how you see your face looks the same as long as you don't have that green face paint on they know yo i think that's like my new incognito fucking look, dude.

I should do Insta stories with this damn... You gonna put green face makeup on? Do a 10 second Insta story and then for 35 minutes

have to take this paint off? No, bitch, that's how I'm gonna look for the day. Oh my God. I'm gonna go to a show like I'm gonna create a character. I'm gonna be at

the variety shows with this fucking... Yo, I'm just... You know what? For those that are listening, I'm just gonna add a photo of Sydney on our Insta stories.

So you can listen to the podcast and also see it on the Unofficial Experts Instagram page. It's so bad. It's so good. And that's why you got to have the right people in your life to let you know, sis, you tripping. You slipping. You're doing a lot. You tripping, you slipping, you can't get up. Speaking of doing too much, last night, this couple that we know showed up at the party

as Ike and Tina Turner. It was so good. The limo scene in the movie. They got a limo, dude. Of what's love got to do with it when Tina Turner is in the white suit and she finally fights back against ike they got a limo as part of their costume they should have never given you black people money black folks don't deserve to have money because they do dumb stuff like that they got a limo to go to a house party it was so good as part of their ike and tina

they also bought a cupcake just so this person could scream eat the cake anime and smoosh it in this woman's face I loved it and she was like this is what white people with money do is they get limos and buy stuff and I was like no white people don't do this with their money black people with money do this this is terrible it was great

it was fabulous I love the commitment and honestly that was the best part of the movie so highlighting the true essence of when Tina like stood up for herself honestly one of the greatest Angela Bassett scenes

of all time. Angela Bassett is a crazy amazing actress and the fact that she doesn't have an Academy Award That blows my mind. But Anne Hathaway has one is like

When did Anne Hathaway get an award? For Les Miserables when she died after like three minutes of being in the movie. She sang a song. That's it?

And she cut her hair. And she looked dirty. I think she had like smallpox or something. Yo listen if you really want to get an award you gotta do the opposite

of what your character is like you gotta really go in you gotta Charlize it you gotta monster you gotta ugly it up you gotta Charlize it or you gotta you gotta gain weight or lose a lot of weight like Christian Bale you gotta play a character

who gets AIDS or something like that you have to do a lot you gotta Harvey milk it you gotta Tom Hanks you gotta talk to a volleyball in the sun and get sunburned for like four months you gotta 8 mile it or something like that no 8 mile didn't get any Academy the green mile

the green mile oh yeah you gotta be a black dude that's in jail you gotta be a slave or you gotta have sex with Billy Bob Thornton you gotta monster ball it

make me feel good I wanna make you feel good feel good oh my god that was Holly Berry that was a trash ass

Holly that movie was like that's why I was like do I really wanna be an actress I gotta have sex with Billy Bob Thornton on TV on a movie screen

it wasn't even even in HD my man so it's like pixelated it's like ah i'm not banging billy bob thornton like of all the people in hollywood to have sex with and then get an award for it that ain't it oh and holly berry let's be realistic here her movies be trash it's so bad like her but i love her she's an icon she's a legend she's done so much baps okay and then what else yeah boomerang and then what else I feel like there was something else what

yeah Catwoman was trash that was probably the worst Catwoman no no no Anne Hathaway was a worse Catwoman I don't know I feel like we could rock paper scissors that no Anne Hathaway is not like nothing about her oozes sex appeal to me

oh the mom yeah the mom that's like trying to get her kid back yeah they were like Holly has hit the point of real crazy, so now she can play them in movies, and she still can't play crazy right in the movie. It's so frustrating. Kidnapped?

I was like, girl, this is you. You are this woman. Me and Sydney, we made a point to go see a Halle Berry movie. We screamed. And as a matinee, we got to the movie theater. It was like 12 people there. There was a dude next to us eating a whole Popeye's chicken meal. When he got up, there was bones all over the seat.

He didn't even offer us anything. I was like, rude. not a slice of biscuit like bitch you gonna eat all of it and he ate all of it he ate all of it damn Carl

I was like damn are you going through a breakup my man a divorce what happened watching kidnapped the movie was so bad it was

we were yelling at the screen it was just I do love a bad movie though I love a terrible film like a movie that's so bad

that it's good I think that's why Jennifer Lopez keeps getting movie roles because like Made in Manhattan Monster in Law like all these movies

are bad but they're good they're good bad they're good bad because one Jennifer Lopez is great to look at yes but she's always

Italian and it's like sis you from the Bronx every movie she's in she's like more and more white it's like which is enough

my family's from Scotland enough no they're not they're from Puerto Rico they Puerto Rican AF and I'm talking about JLo because she has a new movie coming out

I saw the poster on the subway is that her family's from Scotland and you're like, sis, you said the six. Every movie,

like remember Gigli? I didn't see the movie, but she was like Italian from New Jersey in that. Oh my God, it's so rude. But that's the thing that's so upsetting

about Hollywood is like, y'all don't even know what ethnicities look like no more. They don't even, they never know. Well,

didn't they have, who's the girl? Emma Stone. Didn't they have her play like half, half Asian? And she look Irish. You put a cat eye

on that bitch and you're like she's Chinese now like how dare you listen that's what they did with Scarlett Johansson they're like

you could be you could be Japanese also do you feel like being a black woman let's do that and do you want to be trans you could be trans

and it's like Scarlett Johansson is not even that good an actor for y'all to be caping so hard for her they cape hard

won't you have an audition and have like somebody with actual talent do this but they're like oh people not

gonna go out to see a movie with somebody that they don't know as the lead we're being very negative I'm being negative

about the industry I'm not being negative about myself this industry is trash if anybody wants a skinny ashy female mechanic or like a minister what other things I could do I could

be maybe an art teacher I already got Birkenstocks I just feel like I don't want to do what I'm doing I can't be here next year at this point friend you won't first of all the podcast will be popping

it's popping now people know what neighborhood I live in but we will be touring I mean I need y'all to get us to bodega boys level we need to be at MSG so Jesus and Mero yeah yeah so you guys this is all literally up to y'all this is up to you guys

you can have it you can have it the hallway or you can have it the easy way either way I'm gonna put grape jelly in your butt I just I feel like you know it's a lot of podcasts out there and y'all found us and y'all messages regularly to be like dude i almost got fired i'm laughing too loud at work all our listeners about to be unemployed yeah which is fabulous repost that shit let this let the world know hey you feel a little type of type

of way because you only got 300 followers don't worry if you were if you put stuff out there but i'm gonna repost you i'm gonna get you some followers look at you look at you giving back to the community I'm a barter you know if okay you hear this

you put our podcast in your insta story I will repost your story you see you hear that listeners you too let somebody

cue Sam McLaughlin in the arms of an angel oh my god Trevor Dog it's up to you cue that song in the eyes of an angel in the eyes

I think it's in the arms of an angel oh whatever 99 cents a day you too you too can get a retweet from Sydney

on Instagram she can post it in her stories oh my god you only get a couple new followers A shout out for a shout out. Follow for a follow.

Follow for follow. Oh my God. I don't know why people message me about that. I've been getting a lot of DMs from like strange people who only have like 60 followers that are like, you have a great page. Let's collaborate. And I'm like, this is spam. This so, the spam is heavy. You got 60, you got 16 followers.

You want to collaborate on what? Yeah, but that's still a follower. Follow is a follow. I'm like, are you sending me like Brazilian hair? Like what, like what's the collaboration here? You gonna send me some merch? Marie, we're influencers. We're getting merch.

We're getting merch. Ooh. And we're getting things. I just got my velvet suit from ASOS. Did you get your package yet? Okay, I got what I ordered and- And it's not good? I have to turn it into a jacket.

It's not- It's too big? It's not really a dress. It looks weird as a dress. I'll show you pictures, but it looks good as a coat. Oh, okay. You thought it was a duster. Yes.

Yes, but then I was like, where's the rest of the outfit though? Am I just gonna be butt naked in the duster? yes butt naked in a duster I'm sorry our show is not that cute for me to be like butt ass naked for. Pasty's in a duster it's a look it's the season. Make sure y'all come out to

Union Hall November the 5th Monday 7.30pm get your freaking tickets it's on the Union Hall page it's on our bios do it I think we only got like a few more tickets left. Honestly you gotta act now we only have

9 tickets left eight tickets remaining yo wow yo I be listening people be posting like oh we only got a few tickets left

I'm like yo I feel like calling up the venue yo how many tickets they got that nigga's lying they've only sold ten good to know

lies but when we tell you there's only oh oh six tickets left I'm literally watching the numbers go down yo

wow four tickets left act right now so you can get the act matter of fact just reserve four tickets

anybody who gets the next ticket gets a swiffer wedge if you act now we'll throw in an extra ticket just one oh look at that

oh look at that look at that we are down to the wire folks oh wait is that a sham wow that goes to the ticket

but wait if you act fast we'll double your one ticket and throw in a sham wow so you can sham wow

the hate out of your life Okay, okay. And the last ticket goes to whoever gets that. They get these knives. This set of knives. They cut through a table. Oh, wow.

They cut through this table right now. Oh, my God. I cried. Honestly, come to the damn show. Tell us that you came because there's only four tickets left, and I'll get you a drink. Yeah, let's do some drink giveaways. Let's get some audience members up.

Let's just do our reg. Maybe do a different segment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it. Let's just go out there, Marie. Let's just do it. Give the people what they want, you know? I mean, the people want me.

Oh, sure they do. They do. The people want me so bad. They stalk me so they can get to you. Honestly, it's like gross. It's like, damn, dude. Can you just stalk me? Like, why does it have to do with Marie?

Sydney, you don't want, you don't even know about stalker negativity in your life. They said, somebody was like, you can't have no stalkers because you're too nice. Like, the stalker, you'll end up being like, well, do you want my number? You want to hang out later? That sounds like your truth. Mm-hmm. it's fine somebody would just be like hey marina i'm like oh my god he's stalking me this man is following me and it's like since we're literally both going to c-town how dare you i know

but still it just something about straight men energy is like it's very crazy but like i feel like i i've seen single white female and i feel like it's y'all are crazy too the energy that y'all give off i'm like shannon is gonna cut her hair and add eight giant braids to it and show up in like a light black face as me um it's scary but this is the life that we chose friend we could have been teachers we could we could have been engineers we could have been dog wars uh we cannot be dog walkers no no no i'm not picking up poop uh not like my people have been through too much for me to be a dog walker you think Rosa Parks

got up wouldn't get up on the bus for me to walk 10 chihuahuas get the fuck out of here yeah it's not happening

honestly Rosa Parks Martin didn't die for this Malcolm did not die for this Harriet didn't free all those people for us

for us to be dog walkers no no no no that's why I had a problem with what was that movie She's Gotta Have It the show on Netflix because the girl

was like an artist but she was also walking dogs and it was like Black girls don't do that. We don't do that. Sis, your eyes too light for all of that. Yeah, she had like hazel eyes.

Yeah. Black girls with hazel eyes don't walk dogs. At all, sis. And then you're going to an art gallery. All right, child, stop with the lies. She bought a, how much was the dress? Like a $300, $500 dress. A $500 Forever 21 dress.

$500 dress. And then she gave the lady three cards. I just want to let you know at a boutique, they won't take more than one. I'm not, I didn't even know that you can pay for one thing with more than one card. Yeah, girl, because you're not struggling like that. You're not that hard up.

I'm not spending $500 on a velvet, black, asymmetrical Forever 21 dress. Mind you, I got four gift cards with different amounts on it. I'm like, yeah, split this amongst these four. These four Visa gift cards. This one's American Express, so it should have a couple of dollars on it. I have $4 on here. Can you just spread that amongst these four cards? What happens if you want to return something?

they gotta put all the money back on these cards you gotta pray that the money gets back on there I was at McDonald's and I oh my god first of all this is already a horror story you were at McDonald's and on that note y'all don't need to hear no more of my struggles this has been fantastic I love just talking to just you Marie

it's awesome honestly I don't even know why we book guests I know we should just do more of just us you know just the two of us we can make it if we try just the two of us you and I okay guys

you know follow us on insta twitter you know rate review subscribe

all that bullshit stop following us in real life no no no follow me follow me yeah don't follow me don't do that

Sydney you see this you still being negative to yourself you're saying follow me I thought we were gonna work on this I know if you see a girl

that looks like Sydney or Sydney drinking what you think is a Red Bull knock it out her hand yo smack that shit pow even if you're not sure

if it's Sydney just smack it out of her hand if it looks like it might be a Red Bull knock it down yeah throw it away

throw it on her shoes please and I think that's how we'll get you off of Red Bull yeah that's the right intervention thank you so much

anyway bye guys bye stay home this weekend and just listen to the podcast again yes bye

forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe

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