MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Sugar Daddy's & White Ladies

Episode Date: July 6, 2018

Sydnee's pimp hand is reeeeal strong this week when she tries to convince Marie to join SugarDaddy.com. We've got new segments, sis! As usual, we're asking the hard-hitting questions like: Where are all the single Asian dudes in NY? Is there a right way to do drugs with strangers in the park?? What are the Hwhites up to?? More importantly, who is coming to our live show at Ludlow House on August 15th at 8pm? Grab your Lisa Frank gear and listen to this messiness Right. Now.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

and we're back hello hello hello welcome to the loud ratchet hour with marie monster and sydney washington sydney elizabeth washington sydney wala wala washington sydney wala wala wala wala wala bing bang yes or uchi wale wale uchi bang bang yes that's that's that's me uchi wale Washington. Sydney Uchiwali. Bang bang. What's up? Sydney is a whore. I am. Let's get into it. So we just got back from a pool on the roof in Manhattan and Sydney changed clothes when she got here and her whole butt is out. Yes it is. It's a pink and green I want to say romper. It's a romper. It's like a beach cover-up that she wore on the train it's disgusting the way i sat on the train because i was bare ass was on the train i was like i'm gonna get all the bum bunts on my butt and that's

what it's gonna be they're gonna be like little freckles on my butt bum bumps b-u-m bumps i'm okay with it are you i mean obviously you are i mean you had no qualms about qualms cunt gaunt and qualms and gaunt and qualms you had no qualms about putting your bare ass on a dirty new york city train just think about all the dirt that has touched us our hands our face but i wash my hands regularly i don't put my face on the bum bumps i i just think that you know just be free okay if the disease is gonna come it's gonna come okay your medicaid just came through because you're Okay, there's somebody who can go to urgent care today. Absolutely not.

You got urgent care money? Listen, if I get some kind of infection on my butt, I'm like, chop the whole thing off. I ain't got much anyway. You just have like a weird cut, a weird butt dent? Yeah, just take the butt, take that chunk of butt out. I don't want a butt dent. I think it'll give me character. I think that's what I need in my life.

Character? Yeah. You don't think that you need pants in your life? Or a towel to put down when you're in public? or a shirt tied around your waist you don't think you need none of those things no you think you need a sliced butt i don't want that you know it's just we wanted to be on out and about and be on the in the pool and hang out but it was just too hot i don't understand we walk in and it was just sizzling whites whites on fire that beige is on fire it was white people that were bright red

they look like planet of mars they look like they hurt and it's like dude what time did you come out for the pool opened at eight o'clock so they've been there so and we got there at like 11 30 almost 12 they had been there for four hours yeah there was they couldn't wait and it's just like dude do you know how bad the sun is for your skin it's awful why do white people and this is i'm asking this it's not a rhetorical question this is for the people who listen to the podcast that are white why do white people like the sun so much because the sun don't like y'all you guys peel the sun doesn't like anybody you can get skin cancer if you're brown as well yeah yeah but black people aren't laying out in the sun like a white person like white people will be like putting oil

on baking crisco oil everything they were like well i like my bacon crunch what's your spf eight eight eight that's nothing that's literally you should you could literally just not even use spf at all spf8 means you could only be outside in direct sunlight for eight minutes i think that the number means that's how much time you can spend in the sun before you have to reapply that's what i'm saying eight is nothing eight ain't nothing but a number the one that we had today was 50 yeah but i was under under the umbrella we could not even be in the sun i felt like my scalp was cooking you know how in the summertime if you leave your phone in direct sunlight the phone will overheat like it'll be like cooling down i don't know if you guys know

this but that's what happens with iphones i feel like with uh galaxies they probably just disintegrate but with iphone it'll say come back when your phone cools down and that's what happened to ours and ours was in the shade it's just like you know at first i was like oh i'm gonna stunt the summer i'm gonna be on the sun i'm being a bikini i'm gonna have abs that's not happening dude the abs is definitely not happening for your friend it's not happening but you did have on a thong today i did do the thong i said i said let's do it you got me singing we don't support r kelly here we don't but i will sing that song for the pod wonderful song should that be our theme song no it's actually very racist and uh it's messy what do you mean it's racist

well it's supposed to be like like asian inspired oh that was about the song no i thought it was the song song no i don't know what it is but anyway yeah i said you know what all this body positivity is going on let me have my cheeks out let me do it let me see what it's all about just being accepting your body or whatnot but let's talk about what how else you accepted your body her titties were also out yes her titties were also think j-lo versace dress that's what sydney's boobs are giving in this romper today yeah if you go to my ig stories or if you went to my ig stories when i posted it her butt was out she legit showed me her stretch marks you gotta love yourself you gotta love your body and even though i think this the whole thing is backwards because

if like you have a bigger body then it's like yes love your body but then if it's your you're skinny or anything oh fuck you bitch like of course you're gonna love your body but it's like that's not how it works all the time no but that is true though like i feel like bigger women and plus size women are like there's a movement of like body positivity but if i'm thin and i'm like ayo look at my collarbones people are like ew you cunty ass gaunt hoe yeah and it's like yeah actually i'm just cool cunt gaunt is over there it's true and so you know i i usually will wear i cover up dude do you i cover i i am very modest when i'm modest because i actually don't like how thin my arms are okay so your arms be covered but your boobs be out well because i spend money on them

and they should be out but i cover those up too you should have had some you should have had somebody pay for your boobs i mean i feel like while when you were in the bottle waitress game x amount of years ago when you got your boobs done you should have just had somebody pay for them definitely that was another regret that i had just paying for them yourself yes paying for them myself ketamine meth not doing my taxes all those things in that order yeah paying for your boobs is number one and then ketamine and then meth is third dude and then not paying your taxes is forth i had to go to the irs you know well i didn't go to them they came to me and they were like we're gonna garnish your wages and shit the guy i'm on the phone with a guy and he's like i'm

trying to figure out why you didn't do your taxes for so long and i said drugs and he said people on drugs still have to file their taxes and i said wow he sounds like a really fun guy at parties thank you robert robert was giving me real answers we'll bail real advice but yeah you know so what's going on with your taxes well they're filing it they're filing my taxes right now for all five years five years okay and i'm trying to get that hole off my account dude that hold guys you can't vim on me no more because i can't even deposit that money in my account speaking of money we've decided that i'm going to join sugardaddy.com that's what we're doing today that's what we're doing on the podcast today i'm gonna i'm going to sugar and i'm like i don't want to join it

Because what if I bump into somebody that I know is going to be, like, just browsing it just for kicks and be like, ah, is that Marie being a hoe on here? So we've decided that's our new segment, though. What are we going to do new today? Marie's starting a sugardaddy.com account. Okay, so I'm on the website right now. I'm going to join it for a cool, let's just say, for the summer? Should I join it for the summer? I think you should do it for as long as you feel safe.

I feel like I don't feel safe right now. I haven't even joined it yet. As long as you feel comfortable, keep it. So if you're all caught up to the podcast, we had a sugar daddy expert come on and she met this dude on sugardaddy.com and she has a handsome face, let's just say. And, you know, I feel like I'm cute.

People should be slotted in my sugar daddy mailbox to be like, hey, you want to get some lobster with a side of dick? And then I'm going to be like, well how much money are you gonna give me for the lobster and the dick marie i think that you should live your best life and what does that mean what does that mean you want me to have sex with old people for money oh well i mean i know friends who have sex with people on the first day on the first night and they don't even know if they really like them that much and it's just like

be yourself do whatever you want dude there's no judgment here i judge people that do that you should stop judging girl i judge people who beg on the first day this is your year of yes yes but does that mean yes herpes yes chlamydia yes just use a condom again i don't want to bang an old white person for money okay so they don't have to be white you could get you an old asian you could get you a filipino dude well also for the year of yes i've decided and this is Listen, this is to all the people that come to see us perform and stop us on the street. We're adding

an Asian man to the rotation for 2018. We just got to find him. New segment. Who knew it was going to be fucking Marie this year? Who knew? Who knew? Who knew? Here's a new segment. Sidney don't speak English. Help Sidney learn

words. Is there a sugardaddy.com app? There's got to be. It says free trial. Oh, do that free trial, bitch. I got to pay to be on this. Yes, so that's why you get that free trial and do as much as you can. Wow, this woman from Tazewell, Virginia is very unfortunate looking.

What? It's some video ho, Big Mama, age 27, Newark, New Jersey. Marie, I'm so excited for you to do this because, first of all, new stories. Who this? Okay, come through, come through. Latest sugar daddies, Richie from Aurora, Colorado, 54. and then there's another one that's from

Cosbald, California 43 These dudes I don't feel like they have any money They're older No I feel like

men join sugardaddy.com that don't have no money because they're like oh these women don't think I have money so they're going to bang me and then they don't see

these women again I'm not about to get gotten by some broke dude on sugardaddy You're not about to bamboozle me on sugardaddy.com

That's what hinges for That's definitely That's definitely the case dude i would get on it i would get on sugar daddy.com as a broke nigga and be like yo i got money so i'm gonna get these these thirsty ass hoes that trying to pay the rent imagine you were like yo i'm just get this one dude he gonna pay my rent and then you do what you have to do and then you're like okay and they're like okay what and i'm like well you give me some money and he's gonna be like actually i thought maybe you could give me some money

They're like, well, this is about sugar. I thought you wanted sugar. Ew. You wanted some sugar, girl? I just put that sugar all on your back. Ew. Ew. On my back.

I have a very deep groove in my spinal cord. That's great. That's perfect for sugar. I don't want you jizzing on my spine. Sydney, that's gross. For a good $1,500? Yes, but what if he doesn't have any money? What if I go out with a dude who I think is your sugar daddy, right?

Mm-hmm. The check comes, and he's like, all right, well, you want to put down your half? How would you like to divide this? Imagine. Like, I want you to pay 100% of it. Imagine if you had to pay half, dude. I would gag. I would put my card down.

That shit could decline. He'd be like, excuse me, miss, this card ain't working. I'd be like, I know. I was just this was a courtesy put down this is a courtesy put down my card this is I was like I'm trying to be nice I just put it down to be polite yeah but give me give me my come on give me my card back the bank told us to cut this up you're like all right well let me get I got scissors in my purse yeah um but yeah I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it for a week two do it how how long is your trial okay hold on let me look first of all what like i don't want to be on this

who is actually meeting people on sugar daddy everybody what about seeking arrangements what about that that you're gonna get on that too no i don't want to do two websites what's the problem marie geez you think somebody's not using your face on back page already like oh wow dude somebody well for the listeners that don't know what that is tell them what the hell back page is Backpage is basically like an escorting service. It's hoes. And the thing is, is that you don't know who is who, because all you have is somebody's picture,

and people be using other people's pictures for Backpage. You go up and you meet them, and you're like, wait a whole minute. You look like a whole train station. How the fuck? You look like a train station. How the fuck? Okay, so should I be on singingarrangement.com or sugardaddy.com? Because I'm only doing one.

We should just have the listeners. Marie, you always put full body pictures up on Instagram. You think somebody's not using your whole body? I don't have a lot of full bodies on Instagram. Yes, you do, Marie. You have enough that I'm like, yo, I could deaf Photoshop the shit out of this. I could deaf Photoshop this shit. That's a lie.

It's not a lie. I've got like three full bodies. It's like if you wanted like a Christian back page. This is like a wholesome girl that's also. Farmersonly.com. Yeah. yeah i have the one where i have that rich white girl right which rich white woman shirt on there's like three full bodies shut up sydney somebody's dead photoshopping their face on your on your face

you know what's gonna happen is a comedian's gonna be doing a joke he's gonna be working on his uh sugardaddy.com joke and my he's gonna be like well let me just see what's on the website and my photo's gonna pop up and they get back oh marie is an escort and then it's gonna be like it's gonna be the talk of the town yeah but if you already like post on your instagram hey dude i'm doing something different i'm doing something brand new brand new listen there i just want to say for this for the listeners it's so much terrible things going on in the world like there's so many bad news this podcast is if you literally want a whole hour of foolishness just to get your mind off of things listen this is what we're doing i rarely talk about serious

things on here and this is why this seeking arrangement stuff is hilarious to me because first of all i know you're not gonna do it but if you do do it it's gonna be fucking hilarious so seeking arrangement or sugardaddy.com seeking arrangement sounds better no it sounds like there's too much like gray areas seeking arrangement where the successful wealthy attractive and beautiful people meet that sounds like a whole bunch of lie lie lie but it's an app sugardaddy.com don't have no app i like that let me go to the seeingarrangement.com app opening the app store i'm gonna do this one why i'm gonna do a sugardaddy.com i mean seeking arrangement do you have to pay oh you know what i didn't even check you know what i'm gonna get

another nigga to pay for my seeking arrangement profile and then i'm gonna meet somebody with money and i'm gonna have him uh pay us for the podcast join the patreon we totally need a financial advisor for this no we need a pay pig yeah but they only give 20 a session okay sydney do you do you have extra 20 in your pocket i actually don't i'm going to dc i don't i totally need that 20 for the listeners what you're doing in dc this weekend i'm gonna be at uh the draft house i'm gonna be at the draft house telling jokes at the seven o'clock at nine o'clock show on friday and saturday you know it's gonna be a lot of working on things but also already polished stuff so it's gonna be a great time it's gonna be me being michelle from destiny's child

it's like you've been through this so many times but you still tripping bitch okay your wig still slanted whatever you know it's gonna be fun i'm gonna have a blast hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on let's i hear what you're saying sis let's put a pin in it come back pen i put seeking arrangement in the app store what popped up was this thing called lux like luxury okay dating app okay here's a review ready yes after breaking up with my first love i fell into a state of depression and lost faith in love hi girl yay it took me months to get used to that and during that time my friends were always there and comforting me white my best friend advised me instead of sadness try to find a suitable person through luxury this app suitable

suitable quote quote money good idea then i registered to become a member i was totally surprised it's a dating app dedicated to millionaires and beautiful girls i was paired with an 18 year old girl in california oh this is the dude okay we started talking about life about hobbies about work gradually found similarities and officially began dating thanks to free unlimited texting we can chat all day what he doing anal there's no way i met the girl that suited me most and gave us a chance to get closer. Oh, she must be putting it in her butt. Yeah,

absolutely. She's opened that rectum all the way up. It's dilated. He's so happy. The shit was so good that he's like, I got to leave a review. That's how good it was. Let me go get in five

stars for that ass. But it has 16,000 reviews. Wow. Okay, so how do you get on Lux? I'm going to get on that. Let's see. Marie, I think you should do a few. Don't hold yourself back, sis.

That sounds like too many. And listen, you change your hair up all the time. So what does that mean? You change your hair. They're not going to notice you. Casual hookup. Sexy chat night. Seeking alphas.

Seeking alphas. Oh, that's frat dudes that definitely gang bang. Alphas looking for alphas? Those are dudes in fraternities that are definitely going to run a train on you. I don't want any apples.

Nope. No, thank you. All right. I'm going to join Lux and I'll let you guys, I'll keep you guys posted. First of all, keep me posted

by posting, you know, what the person looked like. Put it, send me a pin so I know where you at. Like always. Okay.

I'm going to join it today as soon as we finish the podcast. Yeah. I feel like if you hurry up and join, you can have a date by nanaclack. Nanaclack.

Home alone. Paging you, wishing you'd come over my place. I feel like, in my mind, men with money who are on these apps are a little ticky-ticky boom, so they're a little crazy, or they're super socially awkward and somewhere on the spectrum. Because otherwise, men with money don't need to be on an app where they're just giving women money to have sex with them. There's something wrong with them. someone's gonna murder me sydney and you're completely okay with me dying i honestly my whole world would be upside down if you died and i don't have a key to your apartment to take the clothes so oh my god no i need you to live so you can take my clothes so you can write it

in the way write whatever in the will to me shut up yeah no this is gonna be exciting this is exciting i'm so excited for you i'm gonna get somebody to get me an apartment in my name and then i'm never gonna talk to you again are you serious hundo i'm the one that's pushing this on you and you're just gonna leave it's just like you hoes to take take from me and then leave but would you judge a woman and this is i've never had sex for money if i had i wouldn't be on this podcast right now i'd be somewhere thriving in abiza uh have you how do you feel about women who get paid to have sex i'm fine with it it's like do you girl just like do it in a way that makes sense for you like if this guy is not paying you enough and then taking advantage of you and

talking to you any kind of way but what is enough like what's enough money for a dude to be paying you for you to sleep for one night for one night i feel like fifteen hundred dollars fifteen hundred yeah how long you think this guy is gonna have sex for uh honestly probably like 13 minutes yeah but it's for the night so it's for the whole night i can't spend the night at somebody's house yeah it's probably for the whole like session so a nigga i feel like he'll probably see allison be like yeah this until eight in the morning he'll probably see allison be like all right well we not sleep in the night go ahead and take a day quill go ahead and drink a red bull yeah and i'm gonna have that um astro glide waiting for that ass astro glide is that lube for hood people

is that lube for people who wear durags outside up astro glide is fifteen hundred dollars enough for you listeners no it's not it's i feel like you need to give me whatever they offer me i'm gonna just double it i'm like okay well i could come for three thousand dollars but i actually feel like i would feel disgusting i think and then i would deposit the money and be like i feel great it's a beautiful day what if they venmo you you're like oh i should have no cash i need cash i need cash and you need to put me and my cash in an uber x so that i can go home and actually i don't even want you to know where i live so just drop me off at sydney's house drop me off at sydney's house and then i'll just take an uber pool from there oh my god i'll take the bus with three grand in

my backpack yo you're stupid i'll take the bus who's selling ass with a backpack worn like no you don't know what i got in my backpack shut up sydney i think this is gonna be a great time i'm so excited for the story no i feel like i'm gonna get murdered you're not like it's just like how about if i if i do the if i make a profile and all the pictures is me and you and then the dudes have to take us out oh i'm okay with that that's perfect for me that's so good i stay hungry right right right or you could do three pictures you me and my girlfriend adrian's not going out with any of these dudes she's definitely not and she's gonna be real nasty adrian no money Adrian, come on.

You got to take one for the team. She's like, I've been taking one for the team. I'm like, Adrian, you got to take a dick for the team. No, she's like, I've been taking a dick for the team, a.k.a. Sydney. She's taking the dick. Oh, you've been strapping on for her, sis? I mean, just taking me on the whole situation. I'm not sure what you're saying.

It sounds like you'd be strapping on for your sister. I'm just saying taking on me in a relationship is a lot. Sounds like you have a dick in your backpack. oh my god who would do such a thing you um so we had a great time at the pool uh in other news did you hear about the story about the soccer team that's stuck in a cave in thailand let's talk about this because you were trying to tell me the story and i was like that feels like some of the information is missing it's probably is let me google this go ahead and tell the story yeah but basically it was a soccer team they went in a rainforest and it's just like why are we going

in the rainforest why isn't there enough movies even real stories where people are in the rainforest and then something bad happens and everybody's dead i don't want to go to no rainforest i don't want to do no tours i don't in a rainforest i'm all set how do you feel about a safari ride i don't want to do a safari ride either you we out here in the wild these niggas do whatever they want okay a lion don't care about you you don't care about your binoculars a lion yeah okay here we go let's let's talk about tell the people um so it's in thailand yeah i was right about that that's one fact that was right okay uh let's get into the story here let me scroll down water's being okay hold on one moment one moment she's trying to get the bullet points and it's

like bitch i told you the story what's going on did you tell us the story because i don't feel like we even know what the hell the story is probably not tell the story one more time okay So the soccer team, there's a teacher and there's like 13 other players or kids. They're in the rainforest. They're trekking, whatever. They get into a cave and they're like, oh, let's go in the cave. And all of a sudden, there's torrential downpours. It starts raining in the rainforest.

And the way it works in the rainforest, it's rain season right now. So it's raining, raining, raining, raining, and the cave is filling up. So they have to go deeper and deeper into the cave so that they can go up so that the water doesn't hit them. So they're 100 feet above ground or something. No, below ground in the cave. So now the cave is just full of water. And in order for them to get out of the cave, they have to dive. They have to dive in this water to get out.

These kids don't know how to dive. But why the hell did he bring them into the cave in the first place? I fucking don't know. water where was this cave that i bet you there was one kid that was like nah i don't want to do this and everybody's like come on they're like don't be a pussy greg come on greg let's do it and there's that one kid is like in the in the cave right now like i told y'all niggas not we shouldn't have gone in this fucking cave so yeah they had to send they had to send food into this cave they have like a doctor that also knows how to dive he came he brought food he's he said he

is going to stay with them for a little bit so if they don't get out in time they will have to be in that cave for four months i'm so confused i'm so confused i'm trying to look at the story and i don't understand the story i know the coach brought these kids into a cave yes and then it started snow uh raining and then now they're trapped in this cave but divers have to bring them food yes the divers can't bring them back up like they can't bring no scuba masks down and, like, bring them back up. It's 13 kids plus a coach. These kids don't know how to dive.

Diving is not an easy... People go to school to dive. Right, but if I'm a lifeguard and somebody's drowning, I just take that person and pull them all the way up and then... That's not how...

They're so deep in the cave that you can't just do that. Right, but you hear what I'm saying? Can't we just put some scuba gear on these kids and then they're breathing air because they got a tank on and I'm just dragging them

up to the surface? They don't have scuba gear in Thailand? They got drunken noodles. They got pineapple rice. Wow, Marie. You're going to go there? They got peanut rice.

You're going to go there? There's kids' lives on the line, and you're going to make jokes like that? You know what these kids should have done? They should have went on seekingarrangement.com, found a rich dude to pay them to learn how to swim. Oh, my God. Yeah, but imagine if I was stuck in this cave. I don't know how to swim, and I don't know how to dive. I want to cave in the—

First of all, I'm not going into the rainforest, one. Second, I'm not going into a cave with a bunch of dudes. that's not my ministry so i wouldn't have been stuck there my heart goes out to these freaking kids oh your heart and i'm not your entire heart and i'm not mad at the soccer teacher but i'm like he should have just known better and how did they know that it wasn't going to rain that day because i feel like when it's about to rain you can tell it's going to rain today they didn't look at the accu weather on the accu weather they don't have eyewitness news in thailand also i'm not a soccer teacher it's a soccer coach soccer coach whatever he was an assistant coach and so it's one thing

if we're in the cave and we're dead but it's all these parents waiting like they're on edge because their kids are alive we just can't get to them that's scary as fuck dude so okay well we'll follow this story it don't make no sense to me i just feel like they can get some scuba gear on these kids and pull them up get some uh titanic doors floating in the water and then just throw a bunch of kids on this door no if it was that simple they would do it that's not the case my friend all right well let's talk about what we were experts in this week my friend um i uh went to the gym yesterday my stomach is very sore i did abs yesterday but also it could be cramps from my period so i'm not really sure why my stomach hurts so much but you're an expert in

i'm an expert and i feel like take i'm an expert in just doing what i want to do this week because i got a roommate she moved in the day before the end of the month right look at god look my god always provides roommates to pay the bills okay first and last first first and last first month and security okay and uh sydney and her girlfriend were at the park having a picnic and as soon as my roommate got here they were like we're leaving the park we've been here for too long it's hot we've been waiting hours for you

anyway so then I met up with David our guest a few weeks ago our events expert and he was like oh we in the park walking distance from your house and I'm on shrooms and I was like oh my god is this the first time the time that I try shrooms

so I got to the park and it's a bunch of like fabulous gay men and like I want to say two straight women and me the queen that I am and they're drinking shroom tea like they had steeped the mushrooms in some tea and i was like oh everybody is rolling right now like everybody was like beautifully high i was like i can't wait to be this high on these shrooms i had some tea nothing i have more tea nothing i'm eating the mushrooms feeling nothing they're like like wow look at the trees dancing i'm like that's what i want to feel like i want that i got edibles at the house like i'm taking some edibles and

felt exactly what y'all feel right you want trees dancing bitch i want to crack you do some crack the trees definitely dance are you the crack expert today is that what happens when you do crack the trees dance what's the crack high my my friend my queen shut up wait hold on hold on so i'm like damn i'm so mad that these shrooms never really hit me this guy was like i got some molly i was like at the park i said no i think i'm okay it wasn't saturday he was like uh so he pulls out this little vial with like white powder and i'm like is that the molly because a lot of people assume that molly is in pill form like i did before i did molly but it's like a powder that you mix in your liquids and then you drink the molly so he

was like i got molly i was like no that's not what i just wanted to do some like healthy ass herbal shroom tea and then he puts this powder out and i'm like oh is that molly he was like no it's coke and i was like i'm about to want cocaine with you at 4 p.m at the park there are children present and this dude poured the cocaine on his phone screen okay and then just started doing lines of cocaine at the park so i feel like i'm an expert really at not snitching on so you said no to all of the drugs yeah i mean the shroom said no to me and then i said no to the cocaine what you think i should have done some molly at the park no because you you don't know who this person is and you don't know what what they cut with the molly it could be anything it could have

been it could have been crack yeah and meth it could have been heroin it could have been speed it's too much listen people who are listening right now don't trust everybody with your drugs okay you can't i'm already somebody who does not do drugs you really really can't you know i feel like i do molly once a year on my birthday my birthday's in september it's not time for me to be doing molly right now and i and i'll tell you this i have done drugs with all of the strangers and all of the people and uh it's scary you but you gotta go in fearless and be like i'm just doing it but if you start thinking about what anything and everything could be mixed with you will go nuts yeah so if you're gonna do it do it but i just prefer if you if listen if a nigga's

just pulling out coke in the park at 4 p.m you don't want any of that coke you don't want none of it that street coke you it's oh man that's the type of coke that'd be like yeah i'm doing coke at 4 4 p.m during the day to see the yelp reviews for this cocaine yeah like what is this and where's it from i don't recommend it i don't recommend it so so what were you an expert in this week what was that expert in this week um besides having your titties out relationships man relationships it's just that sounds like another way of you saying friendship which is what you usually do no me and my me and adrian dude it's like it's just like it's too hot in the apartment it's it's like a thousand degrees and we got seven fans and adrian is you know awesome seven fans but

no air conditioner no she's off from work right for the summer devastating so she's home so and You know, I'm not doing everything I need to do. I'm not washing the dishes the way I'm... Of course you're not. I'm not doing enough in the house. So you can't just not be doing enough in the house and it be a thousand degrees. Because every little thing is going to make you mad.

Right. Any little crumb I've dropped on... Oh my God, what is that? Like, she's yelling at me about this crumb, but the crumb is really this bigger crumb that it's like you haven't been... The crumb is a symbolism. Yeah, it's a symbolism of all the bullshit

you've done for four years. That's what it is. I can't believe y'all have been together for four years. That is the craziest part of the relationship to me. Okay, so every morning it's kind of like, what are we doing? And it's like, what do you mean? We're living together. We're in a relationship.

And it's like, no. But she's like, what are we doing together on purpose? Yes, it's a thousand degrees in here. And it's making me evaluate everything. So what are y'all doing? I got to get this AC. You're going to get it in air conditioning. Yeah, I got to get an AC so we can stop.

But she doesn't believe in AC. No, she doesn't. So you're going to get it and then just knock all her fans down? I don't know. But relationships are about compromise, and it's about understanding, and it's about meeting in the middle. And me, at this moment in my life, it's very hard for me to just walk to the middle. It's so easy to get there, but it's so hard for me.

Why? I feel like you're good at, well, maybe you're different in relationships. I just feel like as a friend you seem like somebody who's like who goes above and beyond to like please your friends. That's what was in the conversation. Adrienne said that? Yeah she's like you got

Marie cupcakes for her birthday? You didn't give me cupcakes for my birthday. My birthday's in September y'all. She bringing up September stuff? Yes girl. Yes. Yes! So the crumb on the floor was a cupcake crumb? It's a crumb for everything. And she bought that

up and this week but i get it i get it i'm like i'm i'm shitty i need to be better but it's just so hard because when is adrian's birthday in february february 28th but your birthday is february 2nd yes oh yeah the same month are you guys the same sign no she's the pisces i'm gonna sign just mean absolutely nothing nothing okay uh sorry david but signs are dumb uh also carolina know they're stupid uh but so she brought up the cupcakes for my birthday but i thought you got her cupcakes for her birthday this year but you were first so i had i had just found out about the cupcakes so that's why i got your cupcakes first okay let's backtrack for a moment my birthday is in september right her birthday was february 20 something yeah you got her cupcakes this year or

no i did so why is she bringing up you getting me cupcakes for my birthday i have brought up chew cupcakes first, though. This was like a couple years ago. Remember the first time I got you cupcakes with your face on it? She's bringing up cupcakes from 2016? When is that hot in here? That's how hot it is.

That's how hot it is. Burning up. My heart is like burning up. Treat me like fire. Fire. Listen, so y'all argued about that, and then what else have you guys argued

about this week it's just like because this feels like peak don't need a girlfriend season this is like leave whoever you with to go be up under some btus some real btus over 5 000 bt this is like 10 000 btus type type relationship situation i'm gonna put that in my sugar daddy dot com profile yes must have over 10 000 btus yeah btus and regular rent payments you know what You're going to get the best of the best because you're not even asking for that much. AC? No, that's the best of the best.

There's going to be a dude who lives with his colleague, quote unquote, and he's going to be like, I have an air conditioner. Poor people got air conditioners. People in this building that live with me got air conditioners. That's not wealth. You're right.

So yeah, I'm an expert in fucking up in a relationship, per ush. And then I'm an expert in... But what did you do wrong? You didn't say any examples of stuff you did wrong. I do everything wrong, dude. Like, I'm always fucking up. I feel like you need to work on your self-esteem.

My self-esteem is high. I just know. I do everything wrong. No, no, no. I'm saying it in honest. I'm very real about how I am in this relationship. I need to do better. I suck.

Being with a comic, I already know. Like, we're self-absorbed. We're narcissistic all the time. Girl, bye. it's all about us i'm not narcissistic i am stunning bitch shut up yes you are i'm like wait are you delusional are you delusional you're delusional i am fine a.m you are beautiful but you're always be getting hundreds upon hundreds you're also a narcissist absolutely who's a narcissist people can't stop looking at themselves in the mirror well i guess

maybe that's me but i'm a christian narcissist you know i do what i can't shut up sydney let me tell you something i had a show oh i think i talked about this on the last episode what is it i i didn't book something and my mom was like you didn't book it because you don't pray oh the thing that i went to girl honestly you would have went there just for just just for the experience to go for a day but in actuality it was low-key a waste of time just sydney and i both interviewed for this thing, this casting thing and they flew Cindy to L.A.

and they didn't fly me out and my mom was like, it's because you don't pray, Marie. I don't pray either, niggas. I said Cindy don't pray. And my mom was like, she must pray more than you. I was like, Cindy don't pray. I do pray. I pray for us. You pray for us? Yeah, I do.

I pray for you. You pray for us to not be poor. I pray for the podcast every single day. I'm like, dude, I was like, there's no reason why we should not be on TV. They gave these people who are on podcasts this platform. We should have the same shit. Name, name, sis. I'm not. I'm just saying we are fucking just as hilarious.

Funnier. Just as witty. Wittier. I mean, you be punching up all the shit. Me, I'll be very long-winded. And, you know, you're like, okay, get to the punchline. It's coming. Don't worry.

but this shit is great our chemistry is outstanding there's no no duo out there no duo out there that looks like us no that sounds like us none they be having no qualms these ugly podcasters come on with it come on with the show y'all there should be no reason this is we're not uh we don't have a we don't have a hook no yeah if i get some old you know what when kim zolziak was on real housewives she was banging big papa or whatever his name was some married old rich man who i guess paid for her original face her first surgery or whatever uh that was kim's storyline that and she used to wear wigs and she said she had i want to say alpaca but that's not what it's

called alopecia alopecia you got that alpaca what is wrong with you marie why do you wear wigs because i have alpaca she had alpaca she had alopecia she didn't even have alopecia she just doesn't like doing her hair i mean i don't think that anybody anywhere in the world should be trusting a white woman that wear that wears wigs every day a wig not clip-ins not extensions but like a full-blown went to the beauty supply store threw on a wig wig you can't trust white women like that or white women that wear blue and have oakleys on and come out to parks and be like you're not supposed to be drilling out here i still don't fucking believe how we still don't have a fucking show i'm blown away i'm the fact i'm flabbergasted because it's like it's so simple

it's the simplest show ever and i watch these other shows and i'm like just as simple 30 minutes we're not asking for much if the set doesn't even cost that much money we got a little audience yeah we got a little cute audience watch what happens live type audience it's not even gonna be them we need 12 we got we have a couple we got a couple segments we got a guest we got us like what the fuck dude well let's take a step back we're doing a live show of our podcast yes this the people that you love greatest people you'll ever meet in your life cunt and gaunt at the ludlow house on august 15th yes it's a wednesday the show is free come we'll buy drinks and by we'll buy drinks i mean we're gonna go to the bar and be like well we're doing the show can

we get this many glasses of rose yeah uh we're gonna if you if if you listen to the podcast and you come to see us we'll get you some some drinks yes i mean technically we can only have 30 30 people sydney i wasn't even gonna say that but only 30 people can come only 30 people can come because they it's a it's a private it's a members only members only so they're gonna have their members come but you know we'll do what we can to get you in 30 people from the pocket mind you i met mitch mitch listened to the podcast he came to the show last week um i don't know if he slid in your dms but yeah he did he's super tall i saw him and i was like i will say this the people who listen to the under visual expert they're all super fine for no reason yeah everyone is super

attractive we got good looking folks y'all are beautiful thank you never met one person that wasn't cute to the podcast yeah that was unattractive it's true and it's because the energy we that shade that shade that we give cute people are like oh i can't i gotta be attractive to listen to this podcast or i gotta be attracted to approach them i don't know i don't know what's going on but everybody that's been sliding in my dms and like follows me on twitter or instagram that's like, oh, I love the podcast. Everybody's attractive. Yeah.

We're so blessed. It's true. And it's like, I'm just, every day I'll look at a show and I'll watch it and I got hate in my blood because I'll be like, this, this is on here. This is on TV. This is on TV. And they still, why?

Why not us? But you know what's going to come in? God, I'm going to pray some more, Uget. I got you. My prayers are going to be up. And we're going to work on it. These other shows get canceled? What are you praying for?

No, I don't want anybody's show to get canceled. That's not right. I don't want that. I just want, you know, the next level for us. And maybe we've got to think of something else other than the unofficial expert. Maybe this is not the thing that we can pitch at the moment. Okay, so what are you trying to pitch? Like, in an ideal world.

Like, what's popping right now? Lots of reality shows with women throwing wine glasses. A lot of contoured makeup is in right now. uh lots of love and hip-hop are super popular right now but that's with the black community what are white people watching what are the whites doing um that should be a new segment what are the whites doing what are the whites up to that's a great segment what are the whites up to because we are trying to find like build in segments for the podcast because we don't have any it's just like an ongoing like allegedly we ramble a lot yes it's a run-on sentence pretty

my soul. Fucking bye. Fuck you. You can goose. No, I'm kidding. Suck my dick from the back. Yes. Shout out to Desus and Mero. We love them niggas. No, you love them niggas. I do, Desus. Anyway, suck my dick from the back. I love those

guys so much. Anyway, no, so we got to think of more segments so that we can put in ads and stuff. Right, anyway, sis, here's a segment right here. What are the whites up to? What are the whites up to? What do white people like right now? Therapy. they love therapy so i gotta do a ted talk like i gotta do like a master class remember i told

you i was like oh i want to do this show where one person goes in a stall and then the therapist is in a stall and then people just like bury their souls and then we try to find out no who's who through the sneakers no friend do you hear me friend i'm not going i'm not waiting in a bathroom to give white people advice i do that for free on the train i do that on the radio i do that are on this podcast i do it on people's comments on instagram i'd be like sis i wouldn't have worn that blouse i give white people advice regularly for free and i don't have to be in a funky ass bathroom to do it so that next friend what what what's trending right now what are the whites up to they're always doing some kind of prank shit that it's like you should have no

friends they do a lot of pranks you're doing this to your people that you love i would never do that to somebody that i actually like i will say this though there's this girl that i discovered on she keeps being reposted on my twitter page and i don't know what's her name she's like a young like light-skinned like a mixed black chick right and her what's her name i don't know okay her mom is this old white lady and the first video that i saw on twitter that somebody reposted she was in the room like dancing and the mom busts in the room oh i saw that she's like they said that she said you got your titties out oh it's so funny you're stripping on camera for the internet i thought it was a grandmother that's her mom oh my god because so apparently the her the little the

girl's little sister snitched on her and the mom came in and was like yelling at her for trying to strip uh and then i saw a video yesterday of the two of them in the kitchen and she was like mom i think i want to be a stripper and the mom was like strip strip stripper she's like what you gonna strip you ain't got nothing that nobody wants to see mind you it's this it's this old southern white lady yelling at her mixed black daughter and she's like been there done that i used to strip and i was like wow and she was like i feel like i could get like a thousand dollars a night the mom said you gotta do a lot more than strip to get that much money in the night yo i said gladys what does that even mean i can't did her mom just admit to like sucking dick on the

in the champagne room what's the tea i fucking can't anyway i don't know what these what the girl's name is but it seems like she just she sets her phone up and then she just gets her mom yelling at her fucking crying right now videos are so funny this is so this is too much for me right now she's like strip what strip you gotta do a whole lot more than dance to make that much at night i was like oh she gotta sell drugs too she gotta traffic them in her coca coca is that we gotta come up with new words for our genitals that's a segment when i was little new word who this what that is what that is it's what are the whites watching and what that is look at all the new segments that we're coming up i love it we are really moving towards

greatness we're moving um anyway i don't even know what else i wanted to say to you guys um i am gonna download this app you are gonna be a whore this summer i'm gonna be a whore but only in central air i'm not gonna be a whore if you got a box fan in the window no way if you got a box fan then you don't deserve my box no fam if you have a box fan you don't i will say this though if you listen to the podcast and you come see us please continue to approach us the way that y'all have been approaching us the energy is so cute the vibe is so real i i haven't been i feel like a lot of people i feel like a lot of people from the podcast have been coming to the show oh they have they come and they they come back and like i love

you guys i love the podcast the other day i got a text message that said marie marie called you her best friend i was like really who sent you that text i'm not saying who but that was like adrian no it's really has marie ever called you her best friend in person i was like she would never what in the lisa frank what in the trapper keeper what in the five star first what in the trapper keeper hill oh my god dude that's not like some lisa frank somebody with heart eyes was like hey sis she called you her best friend at the show and you weren't there and i miss y'all shut up i hate everybody um for those of you who haven't seen the incredibles 2 yet in theaters it's so fucking good did you see it it's so it's so good it was

so cheap too i like uh jack jack and auntie edna everything that jack jack does and and edna does i'm here for jack jack is literally a mood he's like i'm doing all the moods he's like i'm doing whatever i want and you know whenever he would get mad about that i was like yo that's me every time i look at my bank account i turn into that like the little gremlin the gremlin thing that's me dude fucking me oh my butt itches mine's too we were in that pool and we did not take a bath yet and then i sat on the train if your butt's itching you know my butt's on fire your butt is on fire Is there anything that you want to leave the listeners with? We've got about 10 minutes left, sis.

I think you guys should add all the networks and be like, how come these girls don't have a TV show? How come these girls aren't on TV? They are TV ready. I mean, Sydney needs to learn some new words and possibly, you know, speak better English. But, you know, she looks great on TV. She does.

She's ready for TV. I am so ready for TV. Physically. Physically ready. Physically ready. just mentally are you prepared just have me on mute yeah i'm just gonna shake my head what i'm just gonna shake my head every time we talk i don't think you're ready for tv and that's why we're not booking things that right there is why we're not booking things that we're auditioning god so you're blaming it on me yes you're blaming me i'm ready blame it on

no here's another one blame it on the rain yeah yeah oh here's another segment blame it on the whites what are we blaming on the whites today uh well gentrification is at its highest right now peak i mean the most hoodest neighborhoods that you're like ain't nobody white here all of them are coming out they're coming out in their madwell shorts they're made well made well whatever the they're mad well you call it whatever you call it they're 98 degree shorts yeah their shorts do be real short so what are you saying you're blaming white people for gentrification i mean they're just thriving right now they don't even care that they're you know out here taking up all of the apartments sydney what are you looking at on your phone because you are clearly distracted

and the listeners want to know i'm looking at my butt i was like wow i need to go to the gym also shout out to your sister for having boot camp it's gonna be this saturday right my sister does a boot camp every saturday in washington square park everybody that's listening that lives in new york or the tri-state area can come um it's like 20 bucks uh it's an hour long her boyfriend uh joe who we roast for the whole hour the whole time we're like coach joe yeah he's hilarious and um you get to work out with us and work out with us i mean work out with me sydney don't even be working out dude but the commentary be on a point i think just morphed into a cameraman halfway through okay that's another show working out with snm and it's like you really working out and then

it's just me doing like modified everything all right who's gonna watch who's who are these shows for dude who's watching these shows i mean listen everybody will watch an instagram model pretend that she's working out in the fucking gym they can watch us actually have funny things to say while in the gym okay well go ahead and put that on the board pin it oh yeah we gotta have and another thing that we do we gotta have daily vision boards so it's like like pinterest but in our heads about things that we want and today we were like oh we want to get something for free and marie with the gift of gap talking to some lady right she's her name she's may hey may shout to me we definitely plug you definitely plug the podcast afterwards uh may gave you know i was like

are you guys thirsty we got lots of drinks i was like i'm thirsty my throat i threw my water in the pool i was like literally i knocked my beverage down yeah i'm thirsty we had a bottle of poland springs from the outside and just do that shit in the back i threw it over the i threw it over the fence you're like i'm so parched i was like oh i'm so thirsty you're like my throat his drink she's like we've had cider we have vodka we have rose i was like rose is the magic word uh huh and then she was like so are you guys guests here we're like no should we have said yes maybe i don't know i you know she wasn't a guest there either she said she was there because her brother was a guest her brother was asian what do i mean you said you needed an asian man this year i need

an asian man i said we're opening the floor up for a like a cool like a hip-hop asian like a west coast maybe he's a chef on a food truck asian ah i love that you know like a jabberwocky like a like tatted up sleeve maybe he's a christian asian like i dated a black woman before so he knows how to like do her hair grease her scalp that's what you want good to know like uh like a like a i don't know if you're gonna get that kind of asian guy here what do you mean i think you gotta go i'm gonna get here like a like a an accountant you think i'm gonna get an accountant Asian man here? I don't think you're going to get the kind of Asian you want.

I want to get like a Jin from 106 and Park Asian. Oh my god. Like Freestyle Friday Asian. You know he's doing stand-up in quotation marks? No, I thought he was a Christian rapper now. No, he does stand-up. I was he did something and I was like oh. Oh, was his stand-up giving you

Shang Wang vibes? No, it was not. Shang Wang is another stand-up comedian. Rude, Marie. How is that rude? You're like, is he giving Shang Wang vibes? Shang Wang doesn't sound like a real name but it is shang wang is a real person that we know he's done our show before and he's hilarious he did our very first show he was on two dope queens on hbo in case y'all are wondering who he is he did our very first show and i was wasted and i brought him up

as so he was like our next guest is asian yeah and everybody was like okay and i was in the background like it was one of those things where i didn't know how to bring up people yet it was very new he got money though he got money that night he was $100 to read off of a piece of paper he was like oh y'all can have me back whenever i like shang wang though because he's asian but has like a country accent he's from like houston yeah so he'll get on stage and be like well anyway so i was talking to these hoes he never says hoes that shawty was like he never says shorty he's like y'all like blake sheldon and we're like wow that's shang wang up there shang wang is gonna listen if he listens to me he's like shang wang goes into this damn podcast these

These girls don't know me at all. He's like, these hoes, I'm going to lower them. All right. Shout out to Shang Wang and all the Shang Wangs listening right now. This has been an incredible episode. I hope you guys enjoyed the segments that we added. One, what are the white people watching? Two, why are the white people here?

And what was the third segment? Don't even remember. What that is. What that is. And that was, what was that segment? It's like, what that is. What is that? What is the segment?

It's like new words. New words that we come up with. come up yeah we come up with new words you don't even know what daddy is i don't i don't have to see this why we're not ready for tv marie because you're not you're not ready i remembered the segments and what they were and you couldn't remember one segment or what it was what it was that's a segment right there what it was the fourth segment is what would shang wang do ww swd and i'm gonna go ahead and add a fifth segment and this segment is this why we not booked

it's such a good segment we'll just list all the terrible things that we're thinking why we're not getting booked or auditions that we went to they were like you know so i went there because we didn't we don't pray i know yeah that's what my mom said so that's the real answer we just gotta pray uh please continue listening to the podcast if you see us in these streets and we look good come say hi if you look dusty it's probably not us do me this do me this solid do we look disheveled are we jumping a train turnstile then it's not us do me this solid if you see me in the streets i want you to scream and be like oh my god i love your pocket so other people can see it and they're like yeah and they're like who's the unofficial expert and then they look it up and

they subscribe and then they fall in love with us that's how you promote the brand the brand is strong the brand is strong yeah shout out to mitch because he came to the show last week and he bought somebody mitch love you much can't wait to see you bro bro bro all right well what's what that is uh don't forget we have a live show august 15th and then we have a lot we also have a live show july 25th yep at at all 191 christy street at 8 p.m both of them are free af so i don't want to hear no reasons why y'all can't come if you live in philadelphia you can come to the show absolutely it's free

I'll see you there Mae bye Mae bye