MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Bad Luck Expert” with Mitra Jouhari

Episode Date: January 11, 2019

Our guest may have pooped in public (twice!), but at least shes employed! Having cut herself making cookies and having gone partially blind after playing soccer, our Bad Luck Expert, Mitra Jouhari, explains her run with unluckiness. Plus, Sydnee shops for bathing suits while Marie shops for apartments she knows she cant afford.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, guys. Hey, Sydney. We're here at the Unofficial Expert, and it's just wonderful. I'm so happy. Really? Yeah. You got some this morning? No.

Definitely didn't. Speak on it. No, I definitely did not. Did you? No. I'm just in a good... Can I be in a good mood, bitch? I just want to know why.

It's the new year, you know? Okay, but I want to know why. You know, somebody laid hands on my shoulders and just said, be positive, and I feel that energy. okay sis be best that's exactly the best yeah i'm reclaiming that be best that's great yeah wow okay so you're not gonna ask me how i'm doing i'm doing great thank you i mean asking i knew you were gonna be great but look at you you did it i'm looking i was gonna be great i'm looking at you and i'm like wow marie's doing great wow fantastic okay not

a stench of makeup on just living my best life fresh face just being best let's see how many times you could say that this episode be best be best yeah listeners every time you hear be best you gotta drink something no no no every time you hear be best venmo me two dollars okay okay venmo her one dollar and then me one since i said two dollars so i can give you a dollar you see you know what sydney you are definitely not being best oh my god so how are you doing marie i'm doing okay i uh i've had this weird thing where i haven't been able to sleep past 5 30 in the morning what yeah yes it's crazy wait what why i don't i asked alexa i woke up today i was like alexa what's insomnia and she was like insomnia and she was saying what causes

it like if you eat too much the night before if you have anxiety and i was like oh that must be it i must just be anxious really no yeah but like you go to sleep you just wake up early no no no know i'm going to bed at the same 1 30 2 a.m that i always go to bed and then i'm waking up at 5 30 in the morning and cannot go back to sleep that's not enough hours that's like four hours maybe three hours of sleep well let me tell you your face does not show it my friend oh thank you so much well i got six hours last night so thank you so much oh we gotta work on that yeah no i i think i'm gonna be okay yeah your body's just getting ready for you know all the work you bought no i think i'm just anxious about like that yeah but that's that's fine it's all the work that you're

about to be putting in it's good anxiety yeah it's great okay well speaking about work that i'm about to be putting in i uh this week i was an expert at uh acting like a rich lady let's do that let's do that i like that i like that well because i love looking at other people's apartments i like seeing how people live i like seeing like how they put their furniture out so i could be like okay yeah yeah we're doing tufted leather okay you know so i like street easy is one of my favorite websites like it should be my home page i use it every day like i'll be looking at apartments and i set i set the so street easy is a website where you can find apartments in new york and i don't know if they have it in other states but i set it to like the budget to like ten

thousand dollars what and then i just like look at well because i want to see if i had if i could afford to spend a hundred and twenty thousand dollars a year on rent how would i how would i live so i've been looking at apartments that's what you're about to be making okay let's find out now absolutely not a hundred percent absolutely not wow if i was gonna be making that much money then I would be sleeping like a baby. So I went to see some apartments this week. That's how fake rich I was acting. But they were like $2,000 apartments.

Oh my God. So when are we moving? Well, and that's the thing too. Like my lease is not up technically until September. So I'm not moving. I just want, I like house hunters. Like that's HGTV is my jam when I'm at my mother's house. I love apartment and house things.

That's crazy. That you've just been going to apartments. I went to two apartments. Bitch, you got time? You got time to be checked? I have time, friend. I've been up for 93 hours straight. Oh, my God.

So I went to see an apartment. It was like a one-bedroom in this brownstone. And my sister was like, I feel like you're wasting these people's time. No. How dare she? The brokers. No. It was an open house.

When we were walking in, people were walking out. There was a lady waiting in her car. So we walked in together. And the lady thought we were a lesbian couple. i was like i don't know her she was like how long have you guys been together and we were like no we just met downstairs and she was like okay so but you're gay and i was like ma'am this apartment is ugly uh then i went to go see a loft yesterday like a beautiful but so it's this big open space a thousand square feet it was two bathrooms for some reason right next to each other and there

was a washer dryer in the middle of one of the bathrooms and then the the bed was lofted but i couldn't stand all the way up when i went up how much was this it was like two thousand five hundred dollars girl we got to get out of this lease because i feel like we could get this right now no we absolutely cannot it's not that's not what my money is oh my god that's not what my money but you know you know putting positivity i'm doing like a in-person vision board now i'm going to see places and my mom was like you shouldn't be looking at apartments till october and i was like you gotta start now yeah cause you wanna know what you

you wanna have an idea and I'm asking real quick I'm like how's the school district you know oh my god is that a school is that a project

across the street I'm like how loud are the gunshots like I'm now you're wasting these people time why cause we ain't got no kids

the guy that I saw yesterday I was wasting his time oh my god and he was like we have another thing opening up I don't know like what your move in date would be

I was like oh I'm real flex I'm real flexible he was like we got something to open up uh february 1st i was like go ahead and uh email me when that uh oh my god i feel like you're you're prepping for a character or like a role like this is a role right now listen it's window shopping yeah window shopping inside and looking out the window at the street sis okay if i was a broker i would beat your ass i mean they don't somebody emailed me

today and was like i sent you a bunch of lofts because that's all i want to look at now is lofts i'm like ideally i need like 1200 square feet and they're like okay great i want a big i want a big loft in my dreams so i feel like it's gonna come definitely sure and i i'm all for it i mean i'm just glad i'm not a broker because i'll be like what but i'm not telling that i'm not like actually i'm just browsing they know your first and last name i'll google you they know my first last thing on my phone number and my email address bitch i go right on let me see who just mariefaustin i mean mariefaustin.com is up and running yeah yeah the website is updated sydney what the hell were you an expert at this week um hmm i'm an expert in uh

i'ma go to the bahamas for my birthday yes so i've just been looking at like bathing suits uh things that will make my butt look good your butt looks good no no no no see it's There's a difference between having, like, pants that make your butt look good. But then a bathing suit, there's only a little bit of fabric on it ass. So, I'm looking at stuff that's, like, things that I can really thirst trap. I'm thirst trapping in 2019. Like, Brazilian cut thong. Like, a string, almost.

But I need the fabric to, like, lift shit up and then rearrange the labia. Like, I need stuff to push things. That sounds like you're going to get a full coverage suit, sis. a string is not gonna support the butt listen I just want to do as much as I can to be on this earth on this earth to be Beth and I feel like I don't utilize my body enough you know I have it why not like I don't have any pitch I don't have any nudes in my in my phone no that's a lie friend I don't maybe maybe this is a new phone because I feel like you know used to have nudes in your like four years ago

I barely post my body or take pictures and I'm just like what the fuck does it look like I just took a picture of my vagina the other day just be like

is it okay is it good what you gotta take a picture of your vagina to send to somebody no or just so you could

zoom in and see what's happening down there you gotta look at your body well you know sex in the city says you gotta use like a hand mirror and like look at it

nah sis I was using my pixelated six sis you had to put it on portrait mode you gotta put your pussy on portrait mode Yeah, I don't have that.

I don't have that. I was just looking at it because I haven't, like, looked at it in a minute. Like, I know it's there. You got any gray hairs down there? Asking, you know, because. Man. Oh, wow. You out plucked those, sis.

Nah, man. You know what? I'm living my best life in 2019. So if it's a gray hair, it's a gray hair there. I'm going to be like Angela Bassett in Wakanda. Just all white. Oh, wow. Killing it.

Oh, wow. Mature. Okay. Yeah, sure. You know? Mature. I'm going to be in the Bahamas with, like, a cane just having my shit out. that one gray hair just like sipping a cocktail a mocktail no an old-fashioned you know okay wow

yeah like a sazerac a sidecar yeah that's exactly that's what my vagina will be drinking a dirty ass martini yeah i see oh and then um and then one more thing it's um i've been writing like little notes to myself just to remind myself like you're amazing or you know you were thinking that bad thought that's a bad thought that's not real where are you writing these these notes i'm like on paper yeah but like in like do you have a book that's like dedicated to this so you can look through it no no no wherever i am if i'm like home if i'm like if i have like a little napkin or something i'm just trying to remind myself that my thoughts are not real sis i love this except for like when you out and you're doing it on a napkin people might could think you crazy

that's fine i want i want people to think this is what i think you should do you should get a you should get a gratitude jar you should get a jar like a pretty jar from like the dollar store near me has like really nice ones and then you just like put little strips of paper and write a thing whatever you're whatever you're reminding yourself write these notes and then drop them in the jar girl that's real pinterest real blogger on instagram yes i've had this jar for three years and there are three pieces of paper in it but i'm just saying so you can see it yeah like and if you're feeling away at any time just pick one up read it throw it back in the jar or throw it away yeah that way like because i'm asking where you're writing like where you're keeping these because

you're writing them but like when you feel a way and writing it doesn't make you feel better you should be able to like look back at what you wrote to yourself yeah i'm just afraid that i'm gonna open the jar and i'm gonna read this stuff and i'm like damn i was thinking that or oh girl what's going on but it's supposed to be positive stuff that i thought you were writing on these no i am writing positive stuff but i'm also writing like the bad thought that i have to remind myself it's not real well don't keep the bad stuff keep the good stuff okay put the good the positive things in there well speaking of writing oh my god the freaking guest that we have today is the writer okay writer of the freaking year like every great show that i'm like oh i'm really into that

she been on it she got a peabody award okay mark twain literature award she brought the award to the pod today uh-huh she got a little pen okay yeah i am a writer she's got a quill on the table yeah it's ink and everything yes uh so she's she's a writer she's a stand-up she is moving to la yes she is um she is our bad luck expert though give it up for mitra mitra jihari mitra jihari did i say it right yes mitra jihari mitra jihari i wish i was the i wish i could bring a trophy around places with me you should oh sis when i when i win my golden glow it's gonna be everywhere it's gonna be in the uber i'm gonna save two seats i might be like i need a car for me and the award nah i'm just gonna have it on my home screen you know and then drop my phone down so

oh yeah that's me that's mine i'm gonna roll up roll it up in like a yoga mat and just like carry it but never go to yoga i'm like ma'am is that a golden yes it is yeah also got a daytime emmy she's working on that egot right that's gonna happen for mitra for sure mitra what does your name mean um my first name uh usually translates to something like friend um or yeah like in it's it like translates in a few different languages to some variation of friend and then last name johari is something like jeweler or something like that friend jeweler jeweler yeah friend so uh jeweler friend jacob the jeweler oh that's what you are that's what your name means jacob the jeweler i love it jeweler to the stars and then my middle name is joy mitra joy jahari my mom

mjj i like that mjj so you're moving to la are you excited about it i am i'm like in the middle of it right now so i'm pretty miserable but really just like going through all my shit and like sending it to myself are you moving everything or are you selling stuff i'm selling stuff and just like giving stuff away just because you're giving stuff away what you're giving away how come you didn't bring no bags not a single uh love seat or coffee table is waiting for us here if you want anything no beautiful turtlenecks because i know you got those yeah no accessories come on and take your clothes off so we can take it right i feel like you have a vanity in your house i want that i don't have that yeah i don't have that but i want that i wonder why you don't

I have vanity. What do you mean? Just my room. My room too small. Ah, we're going to L.A. We're getting bigger. Are you looking for lofts like Marie? I don't even know if there are lofts in L.A.

No, probably not. I feel like everything's so new. Me and Patty got a little house, which is like very exciting. Patty cakes. Oh my God. Yes, I'm here for that. Y'all got a pool? No pool.

So y'all are friends and going to be roommates? Mm-hmm. Yikes. Well, we live together. Now? Well, like on and off. Like she always stays with me. patty's been traveling for like the past year so yeah book busy and blessed we love that we've

been sleeping in the same bed for months out of the year no ma'ams um maria's the type that's like i feel like even with dating somebody you don't want anybody really sleeping like no i mean i've been sleeping in a queen-size bed by myself for like i don't know 10 years i don't want to like i feel like when someone else is in the bed i'd be hot like i can't really sleep like the snowflake that i like i sleep like a starfish i i do not move i sleep on my stomach no pillow face down like no pillow it's so it's gross and i don't know our support no lumbar support i feel like patty's the type that might want to snuggle though yeah i'm i'm a big snuggler i love i love being in the same bed with somebody really friend or partner with the fan on or the ac running or you

just like a cracked window or something let me tell you teacher of memory went to dc and we had to share an air mattress and when I tell you the dread that was on Marie's face like I gotta fucking sleep with this bitch and I was all over the place. Well because Sydney seems like somebody like I feel like if you look at us you would feel like I sleep in like a

little ball and you know Sydney sleeps wild. Wild and this is the air mattress mind you. And then didn't you pop the air mattress? I popped the air mattress I was taking all the cover. Marie was like oh we not doing this for two more nights Sharing an air mattress is fucked Listen an air mattress is so

Solo is problematic. You're just like, it's just me and this bag of wind. Listen, Rachel, I feel like me and you will be fine in a bed, you know? So if I come visit you in LA. Y'all would suffocate each other if you slept in the same bed. Literally, you would both die. Smother each other. We'll die together, you know, with our Peabody Award.

Like that old couple on the Titanic. You guys are just, okay. That is beautiful. We're the band. We go down. What are you going to be playing? We go down to the ship. I'll be violin.

i'm the bass i'm the bass big ass thing a cello marie's been on a boat for an hour i'm somebody who picked up someone else's kid and is like she's all i have i'm the dude that's like elbowing women in the face like but i'm younger than them so mitra you were you're like an expert of bad luck now how did this start how did this happen like i think first one was um a lot in high school i injure myself a lot like not a lot of bad stuff it's usually my fault so like um what for example um i'm a soccer player i played like from five till now and bend it like Beckham

and I I usually play like forward or mid and that's like who's shooting on goal and I one time was getting like throttled by this chick she kept like that's not gay throttled? I was getting pounded out by this chick

what number was her jersey? number nine throttled by this chick that just kept pounding you Yeah, yeah, yeah, pounding, pounding, and I got really upset, and I took the angriest shot on goal that I'd ever taken. It bounced off the goal post, hit me in the face, and when I came to, I was blind in one eye.

Wait, you were Rachel's in one eye. She gave me money. You were Stevie Wonder. Yeah, that song's actually about me. Wait, you hit the ball so hard that it bounced off the post, hit you in the face. It didn't hit the girl that you were mad at in the face. Me in the face. you were blind in one eye

blind in one eye when I came to for two weeks it was so scary and so when I came to one of the parents on the sidelines like came over and he was like I'm a doctor I'm a doctor I told him I was like I was crying I was like I can't see out of one of my eyes

and he's like okay well it's either gonna be an inflamed iris or a detached retina so if you have a detached retina my eye just like twitched when you said that and he was like if it's a detached retina it's gonna be like this forever and so i'm just like hysterical why would he tell you that right i know whole time he's just a dentist yeah he's like it might be a um let me look look at my google detached

retainer so you're sobbing you can only see out of one eye yeah and then it was like a lot of testing and all that kind of stuff and it ended up being an inflamed iris but for like years one of my pupils was way bigger than the other oh my god so people were like are you high a little bit a little bit what did the eye look like to other people it looked pretty much the same except for my my like uh my pupil was so you had one black eye yeah it really it was like you couldn't really see like the other parts of it i was just the iris so you could not see anything no and then gradually it came back and then it was like a finger sort of blocking the bottom half of my eye and when you crack your phone screen

and you can't really see the camera it's just like that so when you were going out did you go out while you had that one eye not working because you'd be out in the club and you're like well I was in high school but yeah I was pretty much just

staying home in the dark it was like very sensitive because I would go out I would just use it to my benefit oh I can't really see out of one eye your death perception must have been trash were you walking into walls and stuff I'm sure I just remember being so scared the whole time oh terrified

I'm scared now here I would lean into it I would just want all the sympathy I mean I would really love if you guys could take me out you know because I'm like partially blind I'd be like sis we're in third period right now we'll text you after class I'm like can you just do the test for me

because I can't really see you should I mean you can it's something no one can prove it you can do it you can do it now now if I'm asking both of you guys if you guys were blind in an eye

for like life would you do an eye patch or like a swoop bang okay would it be eye patch or a little swoop over the eye would you need it

like if you're if you're blind I don't know I feel like I gotta do something dramatic I feel like I would do an eye patch I would definitely do patch

I would not do bang because I got curly hair that looks fucked with bangs I don't like it I don't like hair I feel like Sydney would do a swoop bang

nah I would just wear color contacts you know what I'll just wear color contacts. Should draw more attention to the lazy eye, to the mad eye. I would just get blue contacts. I'd be like, you know what?

Oh, my God. You know, you got to be different. Just a sapphire eye. Amethyst, amethyst. Just purple. Yeah, purple. I'd get me some purple color contacts. Man, that was a big thing in my high school.

Oh, me too. People loved those purple contacts. I had them. Oh, my brother had a pair. I had them. And we cried we were laughing at him so hard. We were like, you black ass. you think he thought

he was Elizabeth Taylor or whatever there were so many girls in my house who were like no these are just my eyes this is just the way that I look

well I had them and I got them from the beauty supply store so they were bootleg and they turned my eyes like bloodshot red so I had purple eyelids no

no purple eyes and then everything around it was pink and they were like you look like a lab rat what's going on you look crazy well you were

you were they were testing the product oh yeah i thought you're gonna see you got them from canal street that's crazy i think my brother might have got his on canal street i don't know how red his eyes got but we laughed he got like a a bunch of colors he got like gray he got hay and we were like this is terrible why not you gotta you gotta try it don't knock it till you try it uh so you got your vision back got vision back Then the next one was I was getting – I was making cookies when I was in high school.

High school was rough for you, huh? Were you blind while you were making these cookies? I was not, which will – I wish I was because – okay. So I was getting – I was holding the cookie sheet, trying to get the cookies off, and they were a little bit burnt. And I had a metal spatula, and I jammed the metal – like the spatula got stuck. I jammed it into my finger. Your other hand. Yeah. On the other hand. So like blunt force trauma. And it I got cut open and I I didn't really like it happened. It was so hard and so like fast, so fast that I didn't really feel anything.

So you got blood on the cookies. I got blood on the cookies. Just not all. So I was eating the cookies and my mom my mom came into the living room and she was like, what's going on? I was like bleeding profusely into a towel. But these cookies is cute. I was like, no, it's no big deal. It's fine. I like cut myself on the spatula, whatever. It's fine. And I was like gushing blood.

And my mom was like, we have to go to the hospital. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. It's fine. So I like got her to take me to Wendy's on the way to the hospital. And then we got there. By the time we got there, I was in like agonizing pain. Turned out I'd like cut it like all the way to the bone.

I needed six stitches. I still have the scar. Oh, my God. it's okay but what kind of cookies were you making yeah was it chocolate chip or oatmeal chocolate chip okay yeah i mean that's worth it that's worth it if you did oatmeal for all that oatmeal raisin what is your life also do you remember what you got from wendy's on the way i remember i got a mcflurry and fries and dipped in the mcflurry worth it yes yes worth it oh yeah a frosty yeah um i've been thinking about mcflurries a lot recently do they still make

they still do an extra oreo i've been really wanting one but i can't do dairy really right now none of us can we're not really supposed to be having dairy we're not and i yeah i'm trying to just i'm trying to actually listen to my body and not uh force dairy into it oh you get that that's that la mentality right now it's because i keep fucking like shitting my pants okay so this is another one um one time so there's two of them sis that's too many times that's too many times I know

I had no idea so I was walking out of the first time was when I was walking out of my boyfriend at the time his place it was like New Year's Eve 2016 so the anniversary is upon us

and I'm walking out of the place and then like a block away from his apartment I shit my pants and it's like freezing outside Wait, hold on. Were you on drugs? No. Did you have a cheese pizza?

Like, what's up? I really don't remember what led to it. I just remember being like, this had never happened to me before. And I was like, I don't know. Oh, this is what happened. You needed to poop real bad. You didn't want to poop at his house because you're like, oh, he gonna know I took a dump in here. Let me run home.

And then, you know, the closer you get to your house, the more you feel it. It must have been like right around the corner from your house. I was half an hour walk away from my house. why would you be walking you get a cab boo you said it was cold it was cold on new year's eve i was in a skirt and tights we were like tragic tragic it was fucked so but you know what that's the best thing to do if you have tight because it's tight you know it just it's in there it's slowly sliding down your sliding sliding sliding so i was like okay well i can't go back up there well hold on what kind of stool was it

was it hard or was it it was soft girl you need to get some more vegetables in your life I mean I've made some significant changes since this happened it really put a lot of stuff into perspective because the moment that happened I was like oh mortality is upon me

I cannot control my body everything is deteriorating I'm not in control or or I don't know I might be getting into your business too much but if you had did like anal that week you know the rectum is not that strong. It's a little loose. Sadly Jess Diet had not been

ass bucked that week. Nobody was throttling that anus nobody was pounding that butt. So what do you do? I feel like I'm not getting in an Uber I'm gonna sit in this poop. It's New Year's Eve you can't get a cat. And I was like I gotta go home and I gotta like get ready

for New Year's so I This is like during the day I was leaving My boyfriend's place You took You pooped your pants When the sun was up The sun was up

This was during the day This was during the day This is a nightmare It is a nightmare And so I I'm like I was over by like The Graham L

So I was like Okay no Variety Coffee Has like an alone bathroom Like I can be alone In a bathroom So I go there Crying Obviously crying

Because I was like I already eliminated The option to go upstairs I'm not going to go upstairs No you can't go back To his house and be like Hey I left something In the bathroom

and then jump in his shower with all your clothes on. Why not? How long have you guys, were you guys together? We, I mean, this was like, we'd been together for like almost a year at this point.

Bitch, if he don't, you better take this doo-doo. This doo-doo. This doo-doo. Well, I know. Now I know. Doo-doo. That if I,

if you can't go back in the house when you shit yourself, then they're not, you're not meant to be. Wait. We've been together for a year? It's not even about being meant to be. Like, we've been banging for a year.

Like, you know me. I know. I've farted in the bed. like i'm sure you've seen his skid marks like there's no reason why i should have accepted the warning sign that it was not no he had roommates not the match he had a roommate um but listen this is the true test shit on your shit on yourself then go back to your man's place if he takes you with open arms y'all are meant to be i know that is the true love i do believe dude that's cool with me to do in my pants that's not my type

no no but what if he's like oh my god babe are you okay let me help do you want me to do you want me to wipe from front to back no no sydney that's not the man for me he gonna say that in his vows but we're gonna be in front of all our friends and family and he's gonna be at the altar like i'll take you even when you poop your pants yes like marie be pooping her pants that's great first of all but in order for it to be for sickness or health listen that's the sickness it's a sickness yeah uh so i go into variety coffee sobbing i use dish soap like the or hand soap sorry it's hand soap not in but like i was like i gotta get it off the legs like so how far did it travel because everyone listening needs the visual yeah i would say

like uh like uh upper thigh because it's tight so like it was sitting there it was sitting there so I threw the tights and underwear away in the bathroom I'm in this short little like you had no panties on no and I didn't have anything with me because I wasn't anticipating shitting myself so you're so the so the labia was exposed to the elements as was the anuses the loose ass anus absolutely exposed I'm crying I called my friend I was like walking back and then I realized that I had forgotten my keys and so I had to wait for my friend for Catherine we were living together at the time Catherine Cohen to to let me into the place so it was a long time so wait did you walk a half an hour to your apartment yes in a skirt with no drawers on yes were you not afraid that

you're gonna just be spraying poop out of the skirt I felt like it had it was over you got everything out because if you because listen if you shit on yourself you will well I might as well Let the rest out, you know? Why hold back now? It's already. These my doodle tights. Wait, were they expensive? Were they Wilford?

Because I'd be mad if they were like $100 tights. I was like, well, we're going to have to preserve this. I'd be in that sink scrubbing them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. They were like full on like Dwayne Reed. Oh, girl. How do they even hold the doodle?

Those things can't get one left and right. Wait. so you didn't have on it wasn't leggings it was like legit it was it was stockings yeah you had pooping your on your feet honey it was it was dark honey sweetie baby no no next next story next story we gotta move on that's a lot oh my god did you tell anybody that you pooped your pants i mean i told people later i you were like like now you're telling people in 2018 i needed i needed time to like feel okay about myself again but honestly i'm looking at you in a different way of course i mean this happened you know three years ago just know that yeah well know that i'm

i'm i'm past it yeah it made you stronger because it happened again yeah it did happen again in a party city oh my gosh so you're looking for costumes so this one actually even worse than the stockings one okay let's get into it because i had worn athletic shorts that day and gone commando and i shit myself in party city what is in your diet friend a lot of corn what's up like why a lot of fiber i could not i could not tell you what it was my well it's my friend's bachelorette weekend and a wedding weekend so like i had been drinking a lot i guess i'm like yo tequila makes the stomach just not yeah it was so it was so dark i mean but great news was dark no no the emotionally dark it was emotionally dark to be in that space okay so you had on some athletic

shorts what i think though is i think like small joggers with like the like the high cut like on the side and like they have like those sewn in white briefs yes it was a small jogger with a built-in underwear friend my friend like and they were tight too and i never um i never go commando like this is like the maybe the first time you need to start traveling with an extra set of well now i now i know but yeah but would the panties make a difference like you would have shit on everything no i feel like the shorts no i need like a full costume change it's a built-in draw like panty but they're loose they're loose they're right they're not meant to be worn alone but right yeah so so okay first of all what were you looking for i was looking for um like fun

bachelorette party hope it was worth dick straws yeah okay great got it yeah and you're looking through and you had no warning or you just like you were like oh i feel a little funny i i like wasn't feeling great but i was just like i think i'm just tired i'm traveling and like there had been a wedding and then back to back there was going to be that and a bachelorette party so what are you in when this happened i was uh i was looking at lays like hawaiian lays i remember standing by them because i just was like i was like wow like party city smells so bad and i was like oh my oh you didn't even realize that it says you gotta get your butt tightened yeah it's fucked you gotta do buck eagles it's not okay what happens to me i'm not in control um wait what

happened you pooped yourself and then what happened you walked home like squish squish squish i went into the single stall bathroom at the party city locked myself in and washed my shorts in the sink and then they have like a little dryer you were like ma'am ma'am ma'am i was in there for a full like at least 20 minutes oh yeah absolutely ma'am hello are you okay if you're not buying anything you have to leave yeah what and i did finish the transaction because i was like i got i'm not going to come back so i like you can return to the scene imagine you like crime no imagine you buy stuff because you're just like i just shit in on myself and in the bathroom so i have to buy something

Also, okay, so this is, because for the visual listeners, so you're washing your doo-doo shorts in the sink. Are you having to smush some of the poop down? Because I feel like some of it is stained. That is not sanitary, friends. I know. But what else? What else? What would you do?

You left poop all in that sink. You're a poo-poo expert. It's fucked. Do not. That's what you are. Diarrhea expert. Do not. I would never want to have sex

because I'd be afraid that something was going to come up. That my butt was just going to open up. Bloop, bloop, bloop. Yeah. I think I've got my life a little more figured out now. Okay.

It is dark. Moving forward. Okay, just before, every time you leave your house, just maybe in a little Ziploc bag, throw some clean drawers in it, just in case. Yeah.

You need backup. Okay, I have another. This is much more recent. I got a migraine for the first time I've never had a migraine before they're terrible and I didn't know what was happening I really don't even get headaches very often

but it was all the stuff the next day I was like oh I think that's what that was I was sensitive to light, I was really nauseous that sounds like a concussion sis no and then I was going to see

my friend's family took me to see that Harry Potter Broadway play they like had an extra ticket was it good it was so nice it was like it was it was great you're not gonna drag it okay oh yeah she said nice because when women call men nice that means they're ugly yeah they're like well they tried

right no you're like you're like oh when your friends are like is he cute and you're like he's he's really nice he's alive yeah he's so nice that means he's ugly yeah I I loved it because like for a couple reasons I had just had like a really like major lost that week and it was very nice to go see something very like familiar and just spend the

day doing that and like a new story within like a childhood okay thing that a thing that was important to me so you were just happy to be there also you didn't pay so that's a two i did not pay and like the production value is like crazy like it's just it's like it's just a huge spectacle it was really it was is that show still on broadway oh okay i've never seen any of that It was really fun. Do your friends have extra tickets? I don't know. Like two tickets.

Two more tickets. Loose tickets. I'll make a call. Loose like your butt. I'm on my way to see Harry Potter and I'm in Times Square and I take a lift because I was feeling sick and I knew that I was going to

throw up. I was like, I just know that this is going to happen. I need to find a bathroom i feel so fucking sick um i'm running around times square why did you just throw up out it's times square it's dirty well everybody's always throwing up right you'll see uh so the only trash cans i can find are like the mail slot ones you have to like pull open and it's like a little a little bucket so i'm not gonna throw up there um then i go into like the europa cafe there's a million person line i was like i need to and then i just ran out and was like oh my god so i i'm like you know what i'm actually just gonna get in line for the show

and i'll just throw up when i get in there i think i'm feeling okay you think you can wait that long i was like i sort of felt like i felt the the panic go down a little bit and i was like okay let's like seize this moment just get inside the place and we already know you don't really have control of your body like that well i mean so you know how the story ends so i go see my friend and six of her family members give her a hug she's like how are you doing i was like i'm really good i'm gonna throw up and then i threw up on the street in front of her whole family and 150 people in line for harry potter and then you just were like she's pregnant you know no then you're just like wiping your face i was like some water yeah i was like and then we went for a walk and i was

like i'm really scared i don't think they're gonna let me in and then there are two entrances like different parts of the street so we just got in line at the other entrance honestly i feel like that in new york city people are always throwing up it's totally fine it's nothing new nobody like there's nowhere to go why would you not just throw up like plan to throw up in the street is what I'm saying like I didn't want to between two buildings cause she's a classy

woman yeah she shits in her pants but she doesn't throw up okay she's not that violated not in public not like that okay she was raised better than that I'm so scarred I was like I can't I'm trying to save myself from those situations I

feel like I've only ever thrown up sober in public i think i was gonna say once but i think it was twice now weren't you hung over wait didn't you throw up in the train station i threw up i had and you because i feel it you feel when you're about you're like oh no i'm about to throw up you you you had to get off the train because like smells and i was hung over and i was on my period that's what that's what it was so like smells and colors and people talking was pissing me do you have a bad period i mean i did that day yeah uh and i jumped off the train and i threw up in the garbage and then i was like oh the train is still

here I can get back on but the the moment that I was thinking about was I think I was going to an audition or something and I wasn't hungover and I wasn't sick I just felt funny and I was in I was on the like in Greenwich Village or something like that and just it was like a little construction area I threw up kept it moving and it was like a bunch of dudes like working across the street that were just like watching me walk away and somebody was like that's nasty and I was like your nest I'm pregnant yeah that's what happened

I threw up in a cab during the day and the guy was so nice because he thought like oh you're just pregnant like it's fine you threw up in the cab or you threw up hanging out the window no in the cab I wasn't in an Uber it was a yellow cab but he was like oh you know what just take care of yourself

get something to eat I know you and the baby are going through a lot he's like I know you're probably a single mom I picked you up from Harlem so I know you're doing bad wait have you ever threw up and pooped at the same time that happened to me

food poisoning oh I haven't had food poisoning knock on wood you've had everything else don't even try to act like you're better than me no no no I'm surprised I have not had food poisoning what's the next story

um i got i got all the the main ones uh oh oh yeah i shit only blood at work one time whoa that's not that's not doo-doo that's you're just dying dude yeah yeah this was when i was at full frontal uh full frontal samantha b that show yeah okay and i it was like the my it was the first it was we were it was the first day of work it was the first day of work we were going to it was like this crazy few weeks because we were filming an episode that was like taking we were filming it on a bus and then the next week we're going to the republican national convention and the following week we're going to the democratic national that would make me poop blood too so i was like the most stressed i'd ever been in my life and i was like are like a person had just

left the show and so there was just like a lot of like extra work to do and picking up that slack and so everyone was just freaking the fuck out and it was all new stuff and then i went to the bathroom and i was like i looked down it was just blood and i was like sure wasn't beats if you had beats that day okay okay because we i've been there oh so many times where you're like am i oh no i have beats yeah it was beats will turn your p even like a little bit reddish yeah just definitely blood okay so that morning you had done anal yes so that morning um oh yes i forgot oh you forgot the astroglide huh quite dry whoopsie daisy that happens to all of us um yeah so you've had a hard time with the butt but i feel like there is some positives like

you've written for a lot of shows yeah you poop but you're employed yeah yeah my body is completely disintegrating from the inside out well i mean if something is happening have you gone to the doctor to figure out like after you pooped blood did you i did finally go to like a just a primary care doctor after that i'm really like i'm really bad about like maintenance sis me too all of us you gotta listen to your body yeah

that was enough for me to be like I should have like a primary care physician you got insurance you have insurance it's SAG right yeah I'm WGA

so I'm on that insurance okay word writers guild of where America yeah so you should definitely be checking out that bud every other month

yeah so things are better now things are okay but it was just it was just stress they were like if this keeps happening you need to go to the hospital

but I think this is stress I didn't know that was a I didn't know that was side effect of stress i'm stressed i should be pooping blood regularly fine yeah my butt is perfect what do you what do you do for your sleep because i i have really terrible terrible sleep and like habits not really sleep habits but if if i'm anxious i cannot i've been sleeping like four hours a night for the past few weeks because i'm about to move and i'm just so worried about that like what do you do to let me tell you what i've been trying this is well because when i was

a kid it would take me forever to fall asleep now i can't stay asleep yeah so i'd like listen to music i have you done like asmr like i tried that melatonin is good i really i don't take anything because i don't want to have to like depend on well i'm i'm i'm really scared of pills i don't like melatonin is melatonin i do you just drops i like melatonin because i would never do like a sleeping pill just because i know that like i'm a really obsessive like addicted person so i same so how does them it's just that you get this at the drugstore yeah you can just get it at like yeah you can just get it at a drugstore like a whole foods or whatever and you just take these drops and it you take one or two you can do drops you can do pills i do the pills just because i

that's just what i buy and um it's just it just like helps you it helps me at least like get through a night and i don't do it like every night but i if i'm like i've i've had like three days in a row where i just cannot fucking stay asleep i take one and you gotta sleep it's so important i mean what the thing that i've been doing is i'll smoke some indica before i brush my teeth and then just hope that like it makes me fall asleep cbd helped me a little bit too i still prefer melatonin but because i don't like i don't like to smoke i i'm not i'm not like a big weed person but i like doing cbd because it just like i like i like stuff that like guides you to sleep without making you do it it just like relaxes relaxes you a little bit yeah um yeah because

i'm trying like i what i what i also been doing is like i'll get in the bed with my laptop and like watch something until i fall asleep but i don't want to i don't like i'm trying to have like a laptop free phone free because that that's that's like that contributes to bad sleep too the the screens well i'm not i won't watch i'll put it on and i'll listen yeah like last night i was watching blue planet uh on netflix oh and you you know what you know what helped me too is like having um having something in your room that like hums all night like i have a i have like a humidifier in my room and that fire that and it's like yeah like the humidifier doesn't hum but the fan does yeah that's good having having just like or people people really

love i don't have this but people love like white noise machines and stuff just to have like just So I'm in the bed and it's like. There's an app for that, too. Like, they'll have, like, rainforest sounds. Oh, yeah. I've matched it to get to it. There's, like, stuff like that on Spotify. Like, sleep sounds.

I was listening to the rainforest yesterday, but the birds were too loud. That I can't do. Like, they were like. And you're like, oh, this monkey got to go. I mean, I don't know. But I do like the sound of the rain. And when I lived in L.A., I missed the rain. Yeah.

because like I'm because it's nice every day yeah so you're like I gotta go outside again yeah I'm from

I'm from Ohio so I'm like very used to like seasons constantly changing weather yeah so that'll be an adjustment

yeah but you know February winter in LA you're gonna be happy happy happy

absolutely you're gonna be happy like we gonna be walking through the snow and you're gonna be like look at me in my tank top but like the thing about stress

is like it doesn't matter about the weather like if you just stress it's just gonna happen so like yeah and you are in a lot of writers rooms so i'm sure that is stressful as well yeah i mean i realized that like i well i realized first of all that i like i mean all this stuff i told you about definitely led to it but like working in a at a desk all day is so bad for your body and just knowing that like oh i like when i was like i was at a job last summer that I couldn't sit

for more than 10 minutes at a time because my back hurt so bad. What job was it? It was a... They wasn't paying you enough. You were stressed

because you're like, I deserve more. Well, it's just like watching the news all the time was part of it. But also just sitting hunched over all day

is so fucking bad for your body. Staring at the screen is not good for your eyes. It's not. So just like taking the initiative to be like,

okay, my body is breaking down. I'm 25. I'm in agony all the time yeah that's not good yeah and just being like oh if i go to the gym and um do like any amount of work at all and have like core strength i will not be in pain all the time yeah did you think i should get a standing desk or one of those like ball things that people sit on to like force them to sit straight i did get one of those chairs and then i was like well i'm

still like weak and in pain i could just work out and not eat like shit vegetables huh okay let's talk about the diet broccolini do you eat out a lot it sounds like you really like wendy's and mcflurry's i'm really not a fast food person here just because it's not convenient yeah like if i'm if i'm still gonna be like walking to get somewhere you might as well walk to somewhere good eat something that doesn't make me feel bad yeah um i'm not like a big like foodie person i really so what like and on a on a regular day what would you like would you get up and have breakfast at your house um yeah i mean it depends like if i am um when i am like working on something i like it it's hard for me to think about anything else um you seem very on the go you know like

you're like you'll be like let me grab a go-gurt yeah i'm really like food is not a priority for me your body is literally starving and bleeding out the butt food should be a priority i i am like really trying to be better about it but I it's more just like something that I have to do and not something that I enjoy and I'm trying to. Yeah you gotta eat sis. Do you drink water? Like can we talk about. I'm a water

I do drink water. Your skin looks great. You're not dry. I'm very hydrated which is good. Hair looks healthy I went to DevaCurl for the first time. Now what's this? DevaCurl is like this place it's like DevaShawn they're like just for curly hair and I've never

I guess I've just never had a good haircut before okay um and this woman like goes they like go curl by curl and it's just for curly hair and how much did that haircut cost nine thousand dollars it varies like on their website it was like from 85 to like 175 or something not terrible especially if you're not really getting haircuts like that you gotta treat yourself it was so nice and so worth it because it like changed the texture and like volume of my hair like you gotta go to people who know what they're doing yeah and And I never do. Mitra is a very messy bun type individual.

She's like, I'm just going to throw it up. You know, I'm just riding and whatnot. No biggie. I'm just going to toss it. Maybe throw a scrunchie. Like a real scrunchie. I saw a scrunchie yesterday. A thick white scrunchie yesterday.

I said, sis, what are we doing? I'm a scrunchie girl because I have big curly hair, but it's also really fine. So it's like the little elastics don't hold it, but I need something. You got a scrunchie in right now? Let me see. I got a little one right now. Mitra is the type to put a pencil in her hair I'm talking about like

you might have a protractor on the side like the ones that people wore in the 90s like on Full House those are the thick white that is my go to scrunched fabric somebody stopped me on the train once and they gave me a card and they were like it was for a curly

hair salon and they were like we specialize in curl like cutting and washing and I was like well this is a wig sir so but I took the card I was like oh wow thank you you i was like i'm not paying 200 for a haircut but how often do you get your haircut i'm asking both of y'all i don't go very often i go like i mean i'm really lazy about it so i think we're technically supposed to go somebody said like every three or four months yeah so i probably do like i probably get my haircut like twice a year um not very often you're very cash you know you

just like we'll get there sydney how often do you get your hair trimmed or cut what why i don't know I'm not good at taking care of my hair. I'm usually throwing hats with hair on it. So I'm not really into it. But the hair is like part of the hat. I'm not really into maintaining. But whenever I do get my hair, it's like, oh, wow, I still have hair on top of my head. I shouldn't.

I don't take care of it. It looks good. Every time you post like the blowouts and stuff on Instagram, I'm like, wow, look how thick and healthy. I know. But like, we got to take care of ourselves and our bodies. We deserve it. I mean, when we get 50, it's going to show that we did not put in the time.

I'm really trying. You are. I see it. This year has been the year that I've been trying, just like going to the gym, eating better, but also just like, yeah, like I'm like, oh, I want to like spend money on stuff that makes me feel nice. Yeah. I feel like we're at that age now where we deserve like and we're working.

We're all working hard. Like we deserve like, oh, I saw this. I like it. I'm buying it for myself. And there's like such a sense of shame about that. Like my dad is an immigrant and like everything excessive. I was just about to say, are you a daughter of immigrants? Because that's what they make us feel like.

So like going to therapy was a big deal for me. Like I've been going to therapy this year and that is like, I called my family and was like, I decided I was going to be really open about going to therapy because we're not a mental health family. And like anything like that is, it's like, oh wow, like you're really like liberal elite, huh? So I'm really American right now.

i would never tell my family if i was going to therapy well and it was like everyone was like why what what happened yeah it's like well like nothing like happened happened yeah they're like did somebody touch you on the train and you're like no actually you just never touched me as a child that's what happened so and that has been like a huge conversation but really anything it's like oh i'm getting a nice like a nice pair of pants why am i not getting like the cheapest version of this it's like oh yeah i wanted a conversation on the phone last uh yesterday listen full price for anything is absurd to me at this moment but i was like you know what i love the pants look great they make me feel good your butt looks my butt looks like beautiful yeah

why not spend the 39 that i could have gotten for 12 if i switched to tech whatever you know like i deserve to pay full price sometimes and so we all deserve something if you want to get a broker and And look at lofts when you're not going to get them. Why not? It makes you happy. I don't have the money. Do it. But it does make me happy.

Also, I don't have a TV. And, you know, HGTV is on Hulu. But I want to see these places in person. It makes me happy. Yeah. And I'm not spending any money. Yeah. I'm just showing up.

Like, oh, wow. Actually, Sydney, if you're busy next week and you want to come look at some lofts with me, we could go. We could be a couple. I don't mind. we can make it like a scene I mean remember you hit me up the other day and you were like let's do something not

comedy related let's go look at some lofts sis I'm down actually we're gonna have an unofficial expert meet up and it's just gonna be us and a bunch of listeners looking at lofts we're a polyamorous family and the 19 of us

I love it it's so good but you're gonna be in LA so does that mean you're gonna be like eating healthier and you're gonna be hiking and stuff i do find myself like more inclined to make healthy choices out there just because i physically feel like you have to and also the sun is shining and you feel like the vitamin d is good for you yeah and there's just such a culture of it here i i definitely drink more here and like take worse care of myself i'm way more inclined to be like a workaholic here than there i feel like in new york we are real people and but we don't

take care of ourselves and I feel like in LA people are really surfaced but they're healthy so it's like so I want to figure out what the happy medium is

where are you going to live while you're in LA Echo Park okay that's like that's a cool little area but I feel like if you were closer to the beach

like Venice or something like that it might be you might even be like a little tiny bit healthier because you're like they're going to see my collarbones today

okay are you going to be wearing turtlenecks in LA I think I'll still dress like shit people in la can't dress literally every time i went out there it was like super casual it was like just this is a meeting everybody looks the same and everybody looks like shit and it's like it's very yeah it's there's no like personality no it's a lot of pox on shirts it is this i mean everybody who i do i see who i'm following on in la are like

dress well yes that's for the gram but in in real life the people in la do not know how to It feels very like, yeah, catalog. Yeah, it doesn't look good to me at all. Like Delia's catalog. People are dressed like Delia's? Wow. Throwback right there. It's rough.

We're better than that, guys. I was thinking of Wet Seal. When I said catalog, I was like, Wet Seal, the only thing that has a catalog. Don't you do that now. Wet Seal was a staple for me. I feel like Delia's was, I mean, I got the catalog, but I don't think I ever owned it. Delia's is coming back, right? What?

No. Why? For who? Okay, I don't know who told me that. Are you going to shoot for Delia's? What's going on? I feel like. Did I just make that?

Maybe. I just made it up. You lied to the listeners. Well, everybody heard it here first. Delia's is coming back. So what's what's next for you since you hopefully are only going to have good luck in 2019? I'm I am still waiting to hear back about jobs and stuff. But oh, you're not moving to L.A. for a job.

Like with a job. She is. but you're like you're like you don't want to speak too quickly same same same same

there's no paperwork so I don't I don't believe anything until contracts have been signed okay see this I can't sleep sis I mean me too

okay just like do I even have a job no y'all do don't worry every day at 6 o'clock in the morning yeah yeah yeah

it's fine and then you're like I'm gonna go to the gym and you're like it's too dark outside at 6am yeah still

yeah the sun comes up at like 8 in New York and then goes down at 2pm yes and we have light for it's like is this alaska are we living in alaska is it always like this why am i so much

more aware of it this year right because the sun sets in the winter here now at literally 4 30 in the afternoon and then the sun doesn't come up until 7 30 i feel so stupid because i'm like i truly i'm like this can't be how it always was right born and raised here and still like is this is this my first winter i feel that way i'm like wait where have y'all been underneath a rock i'm like this happens all the time you remember it being like the sunset yesterday it was literally 358 and i was like it's so dark but you know what as a depressed person it don't matter if the sun is up or the fucking is down i'm like it always feels like eight o'clock nine o'clock for me so i don't care so what are you gonna do what are you gonna do for this year uh well i got my

health care so uh getting that therapy and you know if they could throw some meds in there some dole off i'll take that as well you know whatever will lift my spirits give it to me manifest it if you want to crush it up if you want to put it in a juicy juice box i'm here for it okay um yeah so that's that's mainly what i'm going to be working on uh the mental health yeah mental health but um i wanted to ask like what do you have um any advice for people who are having like bad luck like shit just keeps happening literally shit keeps happening yes to them and it's like how do you maintain how do you like keep your spirits up and how do you like make fun like what you're doing sis you went to party city and you probably waited online in them soggy ass shorts after you

pooped i did uh so money have a you know have a good attitude about it laugh at yourself it is fully disgusto and you gotta just lean into that also practical steps to prevent it from happening again yeah you should be writing this like you should be this is like a cartoon or a tv show like you should be writing this as a show i think i truly feel like this year i took responsibility for all the bad stuff that was happening with my body and i do feel a million times better and i was like for a while i was like well i mean i can't i can't possibly change anything about my life i am the way that i am and then it was like oh i guess going to therapy and going to the gym and not eating like shit all the time actually does help weird yeah wendy's it's not good for

the ass girl it's not no also you gotta do butt kegels yeah yeah also butt kegels we're calling them beagles yeah and then the stuff the bad luck was like spread out but like have you ever had a situation where it's like back to back to back where you just like damn i can't catch a fucking break i feel like that happens like once a month where there's like you know three days where i'm just like wow everything is so so bad yeah and they say bad things happen in threes and i don't know if how true that is but sometimes you sometimes you'll be looking you'll be like oh wow, something bad happened. So two more bad things.

And it'll be like you swipe your MetroCard and you like smash into the thing. It doesn't go through. And you're like, well, that was the second Beth. And it's like, it's not that bad. It's not that serious. I mean, you'd be pooping your pants. That's pretty bad.

That's pretty bad. But I feel like also just like letting myself feel bad instead of being like, I have to get out of this. It's like, no, I can feel sad for like an hour and then get over it. Are you superstitious? I'm not. oh okay yeah same i feel like it also is like the energy that you put out there if you're thinking

like bad stuff is always going to happen to you then it's going to come your way so like i had like lost my wallet and then some shit had fell through and then i was having issues with like the person that i was dating and i was just like oh my god everything bad just keeps happening and it just more shit was piling in yeah i also also feel like i was inviting this bad shit to happen well and it's also like on the other hand just like not beating yourself up like letting yourself experience the bad emotion i feel like there's such a culture of like no no don't feel bad just feel good instead and it's like let yourself feel the bad emotion but also like not being so hard on yourself i mean sometimes you wanna wallow in it you wanna sit in that like bunk like oh my god

everything sucks yeah and then like you wake up the next day and you're like all right well let me call a friend or go see a movie yeah i i feel like allowing myself to like sit home and just like lay down and not do anything and feel bad and like watch the things i need to watch and eat the stuff i need to eat to just like feel okay and then the next day you're like well maybe not eat the stuff that you be yeah right yeah i mean maybe not eat what you eat but i mean yes you know sometimes sitting it and i think that that's something that we feel weird or bad about but like we should sitting at home by myself sometimes is my favorite thing to do yeah i don't want to talk to nobody i've been putting my phone on do not disturb and leaving it on that and that like

that for me is like the best part about having a phone in 2019 it's just being like i don't want to talk to nobody yeah and like yeah like being like oh yeah it doesn't matter if i respond to this email at 8 p.m or if i wait till like 8 a.m the next day right it's like me it's gonna either way they're not at work so i mean i i wait like weeks like google will like nudge me and be like Did you want to respond? And you'd be like, oh, okay. That nudge thing is like a disease. I hate that.

All right. I guess I'll do it. Mitra, this was freaking fantastic. I know so much more about you that I didn't know. And I'm so glad that you were so open about it. And you definitely leaned into the shit. It was great. Can you tell us what's going on next?

Are you going to hit us with your Instagram? You got any shows, anything you want to plug? Oh, yeah. I mean, shows. we're doing It's a Guy thing me, Patty Harrison and Catherine Cohen

do that we're doing one in Chicago I do think both shows are sold out now but okay whoopsies alright

whoops but that's January 18th for the Tomorrow Never Knows festival at the Hideout which is an amazing venue that if you live in Chicago

you should support because there is some construction going on around it that can keep it from getting from standing what's your

what's your Twitter and your Instagram Twitter is at tweet R-A-J-O-U-H-A-R-I tweetrajohari and then Instagram is at

M-I-T-R-A-J-O-U-H-A-R-I at meetrajohari. Yes, please follow everything amazing about Mitra. We love her and then obviously follow everything that we're doing. Yes. We have an unofficial expert live for the Brooklyn Podcast Festival. Yes, sponsored by Pandora.

Okay! But I mean, I don't know what they're going to give us. it just says they're on all the flyers and I'm like well what that mean Pandora yeah are you giving

is it Pandora like the jewelry or Pandora the music we gotta get you a charm bracelet a charm bracelet for 2019 we don't know

we have no idea but we're gonna be there we have amazing guests it's January the 11th at Union Hall buy all the tickets well let's tell them who the guests are

they know who the guests are it's Matt Rogers yes who y'all know and love from La Cotaristas and Molly Austin our sex date expert who y'all are still

messaging us about to be like well she's still banging that dude that's flying her around yes come hear all the stories she gonna update you

on all of her sex business yeah and then P.D. Diabru he was our hood expert he was our very first guest our very freaking

first guest y'all look at it it's all full circle this is great also you know review us make sure you comment

rate or whatever holla at the Patreon we're still doing these fabulous bonus episodes It's for you guys. We are. And just support our brand. It's very, it's very, you know.

No, it's not. It's great. Thank you, Mitra. Okay, guys. Be best. Love you. Forever. Dog.

This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.