MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Bald Expert" with Tarik Daniels

Episode Date: October 20, 2017

Sydnee & Marie talk with comedian Tarik Daniels about being bald.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hello hello hello welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with sydney and marie sydney you look amazing in this catsuit that you got on yeah thank you i uh you know it's i got this in may and now it's when is it i don't even know when it's fall now yeah it's fall so i was waiting where did you get that from uh you know oh rainbow oh rainbow rainbow oh yeah i like it's look it's good it's very like it looks like graffiti it's very jenny from the block yeah um i feel like you cut out in the back it is let me see it's like a deep back oh yeah you can almost see my ass crack oh my god yeah that's a good bodysuit but this is just for the day you know this is not even for the night i'm not even gonna show these hoes what i'm working with

what you are we can see everything you don't have a bra on nope and you probably don't have no panties on so really what are you you look like you're giving us like mystique vibes uh yes very uh no this is fashion nova i feel very fashion nova like it's like i should have a glass of hennessy in my hand a glass a wine glass just like a snifter snifter snifter whatever you know i'm talking about yeah i feel like i should touch my knees touch my elbows or something with this on yeah i feel like you should be going to like freak nick or something yeah i should or miami no it's too you're too covered for miami really yeah this is like yeah miami is like everything is like brazilian cut yeah you should wear a thong everything like the dress should be cut

like a thong right exactly yeah you're right it should be in your butt like floss well you look great you're in your best sleep shirt thank you so you know this is not a sleep shirt for me because i sleep butt ass naked oh look at that we're giving the listeners some like uh you know all the visuals some ear porn this is like ear porn listen if you want some eye porn go to my instagram it's reesey r-e-e-e-z-y and just imagine me butt ass naked in the bed or just slide in my dm and i might show you a picture of my kneecap i'm just sending nudes in my knees that's what i'm doing i feel like i don't have good knees but you know they're like they're like dark and scarred hey like my heart some people are into

that dark and scarred yeah which people some dudes are like oh you that means you're good on your knees and then they meet me and they're like she's a queen she black and terrible tis i but i have like scars on my knee like you know people like i guess you used to jump a lot as a kid or whatever and i got dragged by a car that's why oh my god wait what i want to tell you the story it's hilarious oh my god so my mom was leaving her job and i was with her and uh she starts to drive her little toyota and i was like i'm gonna see if i could race your car and my mom is going maybe three miles an hour and i was like running next to the car and she sped up a little bit and then i grabbed the uh passenger window and i fell and the car dragged me for a little bit

but my mom didn't know and she wasn't going that fast but in my mind i was like if i if i grabbed this window i'm like my body's gonna like you know like a cartoon character like i'm gonna float like a piece of paper because i was young right does that make sense you didn't let it go i didn't let it go until you know a couple feet a couple meters yo so that's probably why you're mom's favorite because she's like i almost killed my baby brother is my mother's favorite yeah yeah damn mom she's her favorite we call him precious at my house we'll be like precious well i'm glad that you're alive and uh you know those scars means something yeah it means i'm dumb like i got the ones on my knuckles i got my elbow i was

bleeding all over the place and i had just gotten a chain letter that day that my dad wouldn't let me resent so i was like that's why i got these scars because i didn't send that chain letter chain letters no i don't even know what the hell that is i was going through listen i would i got a chain letter right and uh so they say you have to send this to x amount of people or something bad's gonna happen to you and i was going through the phone book because i was like i'm not gonna send this to people i know i'm just gonna find random niggas in the phone book and send it to them and my dad was like i'm not giving you money for stamps or envelopes and i'm not taking you to the post office to drop this off stop it and i was like but something bad's gonna happen and then

something bad happened so send those chain letters kids that's a tbt right there because the kids don't know about that now now it's like it's all on instagram it's like if you see this post you gotta repost it and tag eight people dumb so i don't do that but you know whatever thank you so much for admiring my uh how close sydney yes um let's get into these expertise yeah what were you an expert in this week uh dealing with blind men i'm sorry yeah i was i was at a comedy show and uh it was these two people like two older people they were heckling everybody and it was on the upper east side so like you know they got some rent stabilized condo that they working on or whatever and they were just like talking to everybody during their set

like keep going hold the mic a different way what they were like giving people like constructive constructive criticism but the dude was blind and so i'm like man ain't nobody gonna roast you because you blind and you got the retractable cane so they're like oh he's having a bad time so this is why he's heckling everyone retractable cane is like the fancy cane nah dude what like what if somebody tried to rob you what you're gonna do it's just gonna fall apart it's not gonna really work i think it's like a button i don't know daredevil was a superhero that was blind he looked like the he looked like he had the cane that he ordered online or something like somebody ordered it online for him like well i mean it's not like he can go online seen on tv

whatever so he has heard on tv yeah so he looked like one of those canes so he's heckling and then uh finally the comic before me is like it's it's obvious you guys want us to talk to you so what's going on what's you guys deal you guys are you guys together and before the woman could even speak the blind man is like shaking his head like no like he's like offended that we would even ass that he's with this woman and it's like you blind nobody wants your blind dick like you trying to be single in this in this comedy show nobody wants your braille balls okay exactly and then the crazy thing that i was annoyed at is that it was after 8 p.m on a wednesday like if y'all not fucking what y'all she helping you across the street for nothing listen i'm not holding no

man's hand after 8 p.m just because we friends no she's his seeing eye no they're friends they were like we've known each other for 30 years and i'm like and you don't want to fuck her yet is she that he's been blind the whole time the whole fucking time yes i'm like this is a he's got blind man confidence like you can't even see your dick and you are like no i don't want to be with her we're talking about stevie wonder has been blind forever and he has like 13 kids wonder stevie wonder just had another baby and he's like 80 this was an old jewish man with no skills he's not stevie wonder i mean he's not rich though oh man he was well when i was talking about like broke dudes with sketchers he's like that's my favorite shoe yeah you were like you should have

been like because you can't see how terrible they are he's like that's my favorite shoe i was like i can't deal with did you say because you can't see how terrible they are i didn't i didn't want to go in on him so then i do my set he and it was like they were laughing it was great and then um and then they're leaving and i try to give him a hug and he's hesitant and i'm like you can't see me but you know i'm black as fuck and you racist like how you gonna be blind and i will mush you in the face like don't do this wait he matrixed away yes he did that's what he did he did he did and then finally he was like oh and then he gave me a hug back he gave you a side hug oh so shady and then he he whispers in my ear he's like you're funny but if you need any

blind jokes I got you I'm like nigga I got all the blind jokes I was just trying to be um you know respectful because you're old but the fact of comedy oh well first of all they were leaving before my set and I said so you don't know this but I'm I'm black so you gotta stay and and the what the woman was like oh don't bring race into this but I was like y'all sitting down though right I had to use it so y'all sit the fuck down she said don't bring race into it yeah that's all i got yes literally all i have is uh my black skin and my black knees he was so i was so angry that he was just like i can't believe you would ask that we're together it's like well she's got these shorts on the body language looked like she maybe she's into you i don't know but but he

couldn't see the sign she's like leaning in but he can't sense that listen she had like the she you know she had a low cut shirt if you're missing one of your senses you should be thankful that anybody is sitting next to you also if you're missing a sense aren't the other senses heightened he don't smell that she put on a little uh lavender oil behind her ears no no she put a little pastrami on her neck that's because he was talking about how he loves pastrami because we were in a hero place i'm like it was it was too much but this blind man we were we were going back and forth and it was fun but i was just like the next time i encounter a blind dude i'm not gonna be as nice i'm gonna let him have it and he's gonna be somebody who like is down on his luck wait did the

homeless dude i feel like we're all everyone who's listening is wondering did he did he wrap his hands around your wrist like ray charles no he didn't but i was wondering i was like how do blind men have sex like does he move his dick like it's the like it's a stick like he's just trying to touch things with they're probably really good at it like they probably like they can like hear when your breath changes and they can like sense when you're into it and they can like you know what i mean like they got like radar dick sonar dick but you know what kind of glasses he had on it's like when you have a an eye appointment or like some kind of eye surgery like those those just got out of the eye doctor glasses get on like the horace grant yeah so it's like dude get you some real

pair of uh homeless man shades those are the ones that they just give a give you just so you can leave the office well maybe he had like really bad eyes you know what i mean when you're blind your eyes are just like well fuck that blind dude i don't care he was being real confident and cocky and he was heckling so i was like fuck him okay well i actually went to kazu with a dude that was blind and he would text me and i was like how are you texting how did he do that he would talk to his phone and he would text me and one day he invited me to the movies and i was like why would we go to the movies why not he could hear exactly but it was weird for me i was like why would why would i go to the movies because what you were doing you would tap and be like

you see that oh fuck never mind you see what just happened oh never mind i lean in and be like yo jada looks great yeah you're like you're like oh look oh actually no don't did you say it yeah it would be terrible what are the movies with you so i don't know what happened to him he's probably rich now or maybe it's the dude that you met the other day anywho what were you an expert in this week oh i was an expert at living my best black life let me talk to you about this real quick right quick so i have a manager now thank you so much and uh you know she is somebody who's supposed to be helping me get work and um i don't know if she's doing that yet but she also manager she loves you thank you thanks so much uh hey ct uh so she um she but she's gonna get 10 of any money

that i make even if it's something that she doesn't get me what 10 of anything that i make so i'm like well i feel like i need to see you more like i feel like you need to earn this 10 percent like i feel like we need to speak every day like you need to just check in just you having a good day good morning beautiful like i feel like i deserve that she should text you late at night you up yeah exactly i mean she only texts me at night so i'll be like sis they got you in the office at midnight what you doing you got another job so she uh she took me to lunch on tuesday we went to this place called burger and lobster and they only serve burgers and lobster that's it they ain't got nothing else on the menu so so we get there and i was like well i'm gonna see what

she orders and then i'm just gonna match like i'm like i'm just gonna get what she get right because they say that like when you go on dates men don't like when women order like the filet when they get a salad right and i was like well let me try to what man is eating itself fuck you dude for you on a diet on a date fuck you you want to leave diet yeah get out of here so we get i get there and i'm like i want to look nice because i want her to see that like i'm marketable like i want her to see me and be like oh i should send marie out for more roles like this because she looks great right i don't like a suede crop top i had a skirt on i get there she got on a like an iron maiden t-shirt and some like jegging capris no wow like she was like wait like she was working

out she looked real cash like super like you you saw you called these my sleep clothes yeah look like she had on her sleep clothes her house clothes she legit like dude like she was going to go she had the mail she looked like she was getting ready to paint her apartment it was laundry day it was it was laundry day for her on a tuesday i was like but she gonna use the this is a business meeting right so i was like whatever so we get we're there and she's like she's like i always get real messy when i eat lobster and i was like oh is that why she got them clothes on but since you got to put on a blazer or something you manager like you can't just you got to put on a blazer i can't if you're my manager i want to know that you look the part

Unless you were that confident in your work that you could just show up in some Lululemon one-piece catsuit or whatever. I didn't see her shoes, but I feel like it was on par with a crock in my mind. Listen, she's going to get you all the work. That's how confident she is. She's like, bitch, I'm going to look like I rolled out of bed to this lobster meeting. Listen, so she was like, I'm getting the original. So I scroll down to the menu and I see it's 1.5 pound lobster. Wow.

You get fries and you get a house salad. you get like garlic butter with it i'm you getting a whole okay i said well if you don't get that i'm also gonna get that because it was the most expensive thing on the menu and you getting it and if i'm giving you 10 then technically you might as well yeah technically i'm paying for this lunch i haven't paid her uh yet because i haven't booked anything but that's neither here nor there oh my god so they gave us the little bibs and i was like oh my god because you always see people wearing like the lobster bibs but i had never yeah so i put my little bib on on top on my suede shirt and uh i feel real dumb because she was she's dressed for the part and uh she

asked for two fries she was like instead of a salad can i get another order of fries yo your manager is loose i love her she's probably like one of those chicks that go to sports bars and like hang out and and know what's going on on the screen and eat and like everybody knows her name she sounds real down to earth she made it sound like she's an alcoholic everybody knows her name no no cheers no just like they know her because she come through and they're like she's the cool girl she asked for two orders of fries instead of a salad i was like you're gonna die tonight and then i was like well let me see they were like what are you drinking and i was like well let me see what she drinking and she got a coke and i was like you're gonna

die legit after this is over and um so she uh she's um she didn't get a cocktail so i was like i guess i gotta drink regular people juice that was like it's too hard if she had gotten a glass of something i would have got a cocktail too because i'm trying to match where she at girl also it was 1 30 in the afternoon listen this is not some phone-a-thon you don't have to match shit you get whatever you want dude i should have got a freaking cocktail what's wrong with you you should got a little rose i didn't want yeah but what does i was like what pairs well with lobster i feel like it's anything free anything that you're not paying will pay will pair well with a lobster i just got a lemonade i was like that's so regular a lemonade and lobster so the lobster

comes in it's huge right and then they sent you to like crack the shell with this like nutcracker thing and i don't know what i'm doing uh i'm watching her do it i'm dipping my thing in the garlic butter with like my fingers i'm very so common refined you didn't use the fucking little fork thing i had a no there was like a little scoop piece yeah scoop the meat out i used it but it was like it's like i know you put it down halfway through you'll fuck it okay you just go get in there sucking on claws and stuff uh and then apparently i didn't because i was talking to people about it later apparently i didn't eat the lobster properly because i didn't suck any of the meat out of the like i didn't like suck any of the meat out well you don't suck so anyway

speaking of not sucking our next guest does not suck at all as a person he's so great he's a really good friend of ours uh he's an actor doing things he's a storyteller he performs all over we he actually comes to the warm-up supports us down if you've never been to the warm-up it's too late for you because we're not doing that show no more baby it's over now so i don't know what song you're trying to sing um 112 it's it's over it didn't sound like one of these numbers in your bucket i remember when you used to throw those things away okay marie bring in our guest please um i don't want to say his name wrong so tarik tarik tarik tarik hello yes okay let's wait let's do it one more time give it up for our next guest the bald expert

yes tarik tarik tarik oh my god let me do it okay give it up for our our guest today he's an actor he's a comedian he's a storyteller he's our bald expert tarik daniel hello ladies and gentlemen thank you marie and sydney for having me tarik well let's talk a little bit about why we can't say your name because it looks like tarik right it is and it is the same name see okay so there's many it's an arabic name so there's many pronunciations for it so most people do say tarik which is a lot is like it's kind of like the hood pronunciation i say yeah because because when i meet someone who's arabic they say it's tarik they're like it's tarik and then i've had this guy and everybody arabic i met this woman like i said she's like that's how you say it but

but the american pronunciation is either tarik which is how i'm familiar with saying it like tar baby and rick put together no or i don't support no tar baby yeah and see i'm not see and then i know tar baby is a racial slur yes but since my name is tarik people have called me tar baby and just being saying my name so it never bothered me and i never looked at it them being racist listen to me i'm not calling you i'm not calling you you can call me whatever you want to as long as you call me tt is a nickname of mine i'm gonna call you ta i'm gonna call you ta Tariq have you ever had lobster Whole lobster on a shell

Yes I have With shoes like that I know you do It's a sports shoe These are from Zara though It looks like a sneaker shoe It's a sports sneaker business shoe Because it looks like you can go from The business to like playing golf

Yeah good And also let's give you Like full body cam So your calves are quite shiny oh so you're moisturized okay yes uh i don't wear coconut oil in the summertime because it like it's like a like a suntan lotion so it is i don't need to you know tarik you also have a gym membership because i can see your calves yes you have to new york health and racket club oh racket club yes well i work for my the company i work for i get a little i get a discount okay

do you have a family plan can you get like a guest or something i don't know we've not had to get i don't know if i can get a guess we don't have to get married for you to get the i think i'm asking real questions asking for a friend uh racket club wow you probably the richest person that's ever done this oh yeah i'm i'm so not and we've had a rich expert well then that person's richer than me i'm definitely i have rich friends and i have a good i have a connect a rich gym membership you're rich adjacent i'm rich adjacent you're rich adjacent so you know everybody so do you meet like rich have you met anybody at the gym that you like hooked up with No, because I look so raggedy at the gym and I'm so out of shape and everybody else, because I don't have like, I don't have cute gym clothes.

I wear like cheap little shorts and my t-shirt and I'm just, I'm concentrating and all those people are, they have money and they don't even look my way. That's a lie. The only person that talks to me is a black lesbian who's known me in the neighborhood and for years, she's super sweet. I forget her name, but she's the only person. She's super sweet, but you're not because you don't even know her name. You don't even know her name. Hey, Cheryl girl. But yeah, but no, they don't.

that's what you think now but when they in the the locker room they're like that oh that black that black guy no that that black that black that black well they need to holla they're listening come up i'm single my sister's gym she'd be telling me who goes there she's like anderson cooper goes there uh the rock goes i'm like well why don't i come to the gym with you because she goes to the gym at five o'clock in the morning oh that's too early leslie jones works out there oh i love leslie jones that's that's too early it's five o'clock in the morning that means i gotta get up at four no tarik you also have your chest out you got your you got your chest hairs out you got a little necklace the top six buttons are unbuttoned well it's hot

it's supposed to be fall i really wanted to rock a sweater and my fall boots these new boots i got but i it's i would have been melting what the boots look like are they like like like shin high oh yeah they're like like a low boot cute they're like yeah i'm excited for fall fashion yeah i like the fashion i like a little jacket but you're in between right now you got the in between like you're ending summer getting into fall the colors your your chest looks good i feel like we thought summer was over and then it was like 80 some degrees for like three years i had to dip back into my um summer clothes drawer and pull out these shorts today yeah he's got a little short on his little it's tight too it looks good yeah a little rolled up i don't want you know i don't

i feel a little dorky in shorts it's not i don't know but it's too hot no you're going to button up shirt that look like it's j crew and you have on a dress sneaker shoe so the shorts like pair well with what you got. And they care well with your bald ass head. My bald head. Your head is beautiful. I love it. You don't have no bumps and lumps. No, it's a good shape. Thank you so much. It's very good.

Wait, turn around and face the wall so I can see what the back is. That's a good head. That's a good head. You don't look like Alien or Predator at all. And you have a beard. I was told I look like E.T. one time. Who would tell? You slapped the shit out of me. I see it a little bit.

The co-workers were saying, a co-worker of mine told me the bus boys and the little Mexican bus boys were like, he looks like E.T. He looks like E.T. The Mexicans got jokes? They got me.

And I was like, I'm like, why would you tell me that? I was younger. This was years ago. I was so offended. She was like, what?

You wanted me not to tell you? I'm like, yes. Tariq, do me one favor. Go. Phone. Phone.

Phone. Oh my God! That's my celebrity doppelganger is E.T. Tariq, no, I feel like, who do you look like?

You look like a mix of Mr. Clean Hey. And like skinny common oh i'll take that skinny common that was a reach you're reaching i was gonna say rupaul yeah i've gotten rupaul when i was thinner i got rupaul all the time i could see can i say rupaul and skinny common yeah i'll take it i love both of them that's what i feel like and i like i love rue i love rue i love how rupaul will like be super drag and then like

any anytime he has an appearance it'll just be like a suit yeah because you have to pay him he's like i gotta get paid if i'm gonna come in and drag that's this like thing which makes sense bespoke suit they're like why aren't you in drag you're here and you're like because you didn't pay me he'll have like a little like a reading glasses like a reading glass on it's good when he comes in a blazer that means i'm just here to just as a friend i'm doing you a favor he's like i'm here plugging my products and i waited on him and he was wonderful yeah yeah and then when i told him i was like thank you for what you've done i'm a big fan and he was leaving he was like i'm he's like thank you so he's like you want to take a picture and i'm like yes because i can't ask i

get fired but i'm like i was like if you ask me then i could take it he was like i know honey i know i've never asked i freaking love him i've never asked and i've never taken i've taken pictures with celebrities like when i'm not at work but at work never no no never i could totally lose my job absolutely even if they're like yeah let's take a picture i could if they suggest it i'm like we have to give the guests what they want so let's take a picture and that's what i did with rupaul and he suggested it and i took it it's only one no one time somebody wanted to take a picture with pharrell and i wanted to so badly and i was kind of in the picture just dropping the drink off and i was like well i was in it that was my hand hey that was me hey um so

wait tarik where are you from oakland california i used to live in oakland i grew up there sydney we talk about this every i know tony tony tony yes it never rains in southern california even though oakland is in northern i know i remember thinking that too but that was their song and i was like y'all from oakland like why are they talking about also i lived in southern california and it would rain and i'd be like he a damn lie he a lie he is a damn lie oh my god oakland needs some damn rain wash some of that grime off yeah um okay so you're from oakland uh talk to us about like your your background like who is your mom is she is she arabic no not at all my mother and father

are both my mother's from houston texas and then my father's from chicago they both moved to california when they were young and they were high school sweethearts um got together you know they broke up a little bit then when he was in college i got back together and they were together they got married she was smoking a joint and reading an arabic baby name book and she saw my name and she liked it i feel like people don't people be thinking too much about baby names yeah they do like my god sister was having a baby and she and her husband jimmy her name is patricia his name is jimmy they were going back and forth on names they named the baby tahai it's spelled p-t-a-h-i no so it's spelled patai no but it's pronounced tahai why you're making it difficult

for them i tell people get something that people can pronounce that's why i'm okay tarik you got a lot of nerve that's why i hate my name i don't like my name i'm like why didn't you just give me a name that people can easily pronounce i will call you tah you can call me tah you can like i say you can call me anything as long as you call me i mean i definitely think that names it's it's a big deal but not that big of a deal like it's a big deal because that's what people call you yeah like for a long time like so i would talk to my mom about names because i don't like as a kid i didn't like the name marie right because marie to me is like a simple ass middle name right so i never liked my name and my mom was like well i had other names picked

out for all of my kids my brother was gonna be nicholas i'm so he's not a nicholas my brother is definitely a nick nicks or dicks oh like nicks are like the hoes who like you know like bang white women and play basketball you know what i mean like that my brother is that uh except he doesn't when i think of nick i think of dick because it rhymes it's a dick uh but i think of nick i think of a white man though i don't know that many black nicks i don't know they go by nicholas any black man i know is they don't do nick it's nicholas no who's the dude who killed bobby christina wasn't his name oh my god shut up marie oh nick yes and i knew a nick carter growing up it was a black dude and then there's nick carter from the backstreet boys and he was

white and that's the only nick that i know the white one you know more nicks dude uh and then my mom said that my name was gonna be tatiana and i was like i was gonna be tatsy i'm so glad that you're not you can't see me as tossing no i'm so glad you're totally no i can see you tatiana no thank you so much but you're marika i know you as me i like but it's easier for your name to be marie people meet you like hi i'm marie they know your name they're not like no they fuck it up they call her maria all the time people are just assholes and they're just stupid so everybody can't read you're stupid and then my mom had another name picked up for my sister but my dad was like ludny because he knew some girl in his neighborhood named ludny

Oh. Looney was like my dad's first love, and that's my sister's name now. So rude. Well, see, because my mother wanted to name me Donovan, and it would have been Donovan Daniels, which I love. I love that. Oh, Tariq is out the door. Your name is Donovan.

Thank you. Donovan Daniels. I'm too old to change it now, but I would love that. No, you're not. And the reason why I'm not a Donovan, because they knew a Donovan, and he wanted to get with my mother, and my dad didn't like him, and he was like, nah. You're an artist. Yeah, but Donovan Daniels sounds like a socks designer.

Donovan Daniels. I'll take it. Like he makes ties. I love it. Donovan Daniels sounds like it could be like a wine or something like that. See, I could be- I'm just drinking like a 1942 Donovan Daniels. Well, I could make it into-

I could have multiple things. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I could have socks, I could have wine, I could be- Your stage name should be Donovan Daniels. Donovan Daniels. Well, I'm not that famous yet, so I could change it. I honestly feel like you could do it up. I'm not famous at all.

Or successful, so it's not too late. Stop it. You're on your way. I'm on my way, so maybe now is the time- You're on your way. To go to Donovan. okay oh so good so you just renamed me so your mom liked the name donovan because some dude named donovan she just liked the name and her name is deborah so she was like i wanted she was deborah

daniel so she was like oh d to give him a d name and donovan and my dad was like nah we know that hater he was hating and they got a divorce anyway so it was like it wasn't like he probably don't give a shit about donovan now exactly what's your dad's name tony anthony anthony well and anthony is my middle name so his real name is Anthony so his name is in your name but your mom couldn't pick she couldn't pick the dude that was hitting on her Tony Boo

he might listen you think? yeah he's very supportive he doesn't like when I get vulgar but he's very supportive oh my Tony how you doing? Tony we gonna try not to curse nigga so talk to us about your hair cause you're bald now and it's a good it's a good look for you I can imagine you

I've come full circle with this now but listen I started to lose my hair at 20 and it was very upsetting to me. 20? 20. I was very young and I was just shocked because I was... Is it hereditary? Yeah, it is. And they always say that's how I'm... This is an expert thing I'm about to drop on y'all. They always say it's on your mother's

side and that's a lie. Because it's like everything that is hereditary it can come from either or. Every man on my father's side and some of the women are bald. Some of the women. Tony's, the Daniel's side, every nigga in that family, we're all bald. i don't know if someone did some voodoo woman wrong back in the day and she was like all y'all

niggas gonna be bald and she put a curse on wait but the men on your mother's side are not hair my grandfather has hair my uncle who's your grandfather how old is your grandfather he oh god 86 he should be bald he should be bald he's there's a little thing but he had he didn't lose his hair he didn't start until he was like a little bit but yeah i was 20 so i was like and i used to get my hair cut every week and it was super cute and then i noticed my fade was fading away when that fade is faded and i was devastated like i put at first i started to use mascara to darken the spot no you didn't yes i did no you didn't what kind of mascara i don't even remember maybe whenever it was cheap maybe it's maybe maybe it was definitely it was maybelline

what's the one with the with the green green top the green top and the pink bottom is that maybelline oh i think that's maybelline maybelline it's one of them it's not wet and wild right no it wasn't maybelline it wasn't when yeah so i did that and then i started i tried to pray i was really upset you prayed the bald away i prayed i tried rogaine and see the thing with rogaine it does work and how do i know but it takes three months and i was impatient i was like freaking out you had three months but i was so stupid and then at that time it was hardly and it was like the little spot here in front and then a little bit in the back well how does rogaine work it's like a cream or like a shampoo they well they well now i mean this is a while ago then it was just like a foam

and it was like so it was a spray but now they have a foam i believe they have a gel like they have creams they have all kinds and it does it where it keeps the hair you have and it might go away so it doesn't go away it does keep the hair you have because it doesn't regrow things it does it says it doesn't regrow some people were saying they had a little bit of rego but i had my friend's uncle he was like he kept his hair he used rogaine i just couldn't i kept doing all kinds of stuff you should have some biotin in your life i should well or castor oil i didn't know see i didn't know and then and then i found this ancient chinese remedy that was supposed to help me that i ordered online yes no and it came it cost 60 it came in the mail in this

pretty pink bottle and it looked like soy sauce and it smelled like soy sauce oh my god you pay 60 for soy it was sodium and it said on the on the on the ad it said an ancient chinese um herb remedy for baldness and i was at the time i'm like i've never seen a bald-headed chinese person this has to work but i've actually never seen a bald chinese person either that's what i was thinking but they are like i have though i have now oh well i mean i also had never seen a homeless chinese person and i saw a homeless chinese lady this week me too see the struggle is real wait so you paid 60 for msg wow that sucks yeah oh no oh it gets worse it gets worse so the worst thing i did so after that i'm freaking out i joined hair club for men now what's hair club for men because

it sounds like it might be in like a club or country club or something hair club for men you know they have advertisement it's like your real hair it's all this so you basically you go and it's a consultant and it's basically a toupee that is taped glued to your it's a lace wrap exactly so what i had to do was i had to grow my hair out for three months they matched me it was like this we went to this like really like salons type thing they have specialists they're talking to you and i was really upset and i remember telling this stupid girl who really pissed me off i was like yeah if i was older i'm 20 i'm 20 years old if i was older if i was 50 or 60 i could be able to deal with it she's like oh my god everybody says that people who are 60 they say

only if i was 70 and i was like bitch i'm 20 yeah i can't even illegally buy alcohol i'm in college right now i should not be dealing with my hair loss wait you didn't do the like fitted cap thing yet you because you could do you could wear hats for a minute well for the three months that i know i look funny my hat my hat the hats on my head look weird i had to wear hats because i had to grow the hair out that i had and i was so self-conscious that i wore wraps and hats for three months until you remember how they used to do those like pieces of sheet and it would be like a little bun you would like oh yeah that was a thing like in the early 2000s you look like an israelite yeah my name is tally yeah and i look like a harlem israelite and i hid it for three

months and then i got i was my day and i was so excited and i went in and they fitted it on me And it was It was wonderful My mother was the only person Who knew I did it It looked so good It looked like a little mini afro Do you have pictures?

I don't You're Tariq Wait I'm going to tell you why Tariq Because it's such It's so sad So I spent

This is the dumbest thing I've ever done It cost me $1,600 $1,600 For a little lace front bang? Dude I could take you to Anything Yeah Bush wigs

We weren't friends yet We weren't You were in elementary school They got wigs outside on Flatbush I think my grandmother had a wig She could have hit you with it But see i liked it because it was there so the first day it looked great they i like the style like the

girl did it i looked so cute i came home did you go to the barber and get a shape up no i didn't i didn't need to because the girl woman did the shape she did it perfectly i went home my mother's like it looks great so look i went out i hadn't been out i was so happy you were like home hiding with your hats i was like so what you want to take your new uh My new hair. And everyone was like, look at you with your little mini afro. And I was like, yeah. I had a little pic out of my little spray for it.

And it was real hair. It was real black people hair. It was real hair. That's what they tell you. You had pubes on your forehead. I had big, well, yeah, I did. Oh, my God. Did you look like a chia pet?

Well, what happened? Okay. It's so sad. So that week, that Friday looked great. Saturday looked great. Sunday, fine. Monday morning. It rained.

I had been picking. I had been using it. I was so happy to have hair. i started balding from the piece like the thing i started losing my hair from the piece wait wait it started to thin like i noticed and i'm looking at it in three days well i don't like if you get wigs or pieces or anything you're not supposed to touch it that much i didn't know i was touching it every hour i was like he was trying to get bantu knots also i my head was itching so i didn't have beyonce talking about patch your weave ladies i didn't know about

how it itches so you were trying i was like it was itching like crazy so i called the place i'm like it doesn't look like i'm look i'm freaking out i was freaking out because there's no refunds oh yes that's why because i already know you're gonna do something stupid like touch it too much so they were like you we can they like come in so i go in i'm like it's itchy it doesn't look as good as it did on friday so they took it off i had so much dandruff it was so nasty my scalp was so dry they like so then they shaved some of the hair that was underneath it so they shaved it and i had george jefferson like real um and then they put it back on they put it the nerve this time it did not look good it looked like a boneless dead rat was on top of my head

and i have one of those bowling dead rats you guys and they were like mr daniels it looks fine we don't understand what you're telling and they try to make it like it was i was like psychologically like tripping okay was it a white person or black person white people okay you know they you know they can't do our hair the hairstyles was latin so i thought we had some like ethnic kind of no he was a white guy that spoke spanish he's european english she was a traitor it was a todd it was a todd like my name is no so they shaved well first of all why would they not shave your hair underneath before they put it on the first time it gave it more oomph because this time now it was it was

flatter and it just looked horrible as a woman when we when you get wigs or whatever if your hair is if your hair is too high your natural hair then it's gonna look lifted so how did it was a mini little afro it worked okay i see what you're but then once they redid it so i was like they were like you can wait i went home i cried and i'm sure you did i cried i stayed in bed for like two days i took it off they peeled your top they pushed your wig back first of all why were you so dandruffy like so it was gonna just i had a dry and i never had dandruff before it was just my scalp was dry because it was underneath that thing and then wait they had the they glued it down right what kind of glue was it yeah i have no it was like a little tape but they gave me

tape i could i could have took it off scratched it and put it back on i was just nervous no i don't want to be in control of my my lace front exactly ceiling gone gone that is ghost ride the whip wait so if you you it like it was something that you could take off yourself wash your hair and then put back on? Well, I could... They stressed not to really do that. It was like, just in case if you need to.

It was just kind of like... Because you wanted to live like it was your hair. But it wasn't going to be forever. No. And it wasn't. It was only for... Three days.

Three days. Okay, when you took it off, was it like a garbage lid? Like, did you just lift... Yeah. What was the back hinge? Exactly. What was the back hinge to?

It was like a toupee thing. It was... Was combs in the back? It was plastic. It was like a plastic thing inside of it, like a plastic core, and then the hair

was coming out of it it was a mess yes but what was the back because the back wasn't taped to your hair at that time I had my own hair in the back

so you didn't need that much so yeah so that was taped too so you had a halfsies he had a halfsies lace front yeah it was just it was just like a

well you know they make like lace front toupees for men I know they do now I think Steve Harvey wears one he used to yeah he did and now he's

he did and I've seen I just read an article recently they're doing this in the hood for not as much as like 800 to 1000 it's less than what I paid and they do that they really do you know you know they well i saw the videos there's all these videos where these dudes like they basically they're so bald they look terrible they have patches or

whatever and then the guy kind of um tapes the thing on and then starts uh shaving it into a high top because that's what you could do you could get different types of hair texture it's it's really cool like i wouldn't do that for my everyday life i would do that for a role like for a part just to be in but i'm i've accepted there was a spanish dude who was getting the lace front but with like the spanish wave and then the barber was kind of like getting the baby hairs it was too there was like baby hairs on his i said yo i feel like i've seen lace front beards have y'all seen the videos too yeah it's a legit lace front beard yes as a man how stressed out not that like because you're gay but like but just in general as a dude like

losing your hair how stressed i felt like something was wrong with me because i was so young my father lost his hair but he was like in his late 30s and so he it was just and i you know joke around him and i was like i'm fine because this comes from your mama's side and i got mama i'm from my mama's side it's fine you were too cocky yep you're too cocky about it yep you should have just kept your mouth shut and you and i would dye my hair sometimes i would put like a little texturizer in there every now and then that's why i fell out you had an os curl all that paint you put texturizer in there was there was a wave texturizer i would use because it was cute too because Sometimes people are like, oh, are you Puerto Rican?

Is your mama white? And I'm like, no, I just got my hair. I was like, it's just cute. And then, yeah. You were doing a lot. I was doing too much. I had to be humbled. I couldn't even, as a kid growing up, I couldn't even touch my hair like that.

Because they knew, like, if I touch my hair, I'll touch it too much. And it'll start falling out. And it'll get thin. And, like, my aunt would hot comb my hair. And then I would touch it and get it all messed up again. And it's like, your hair is going to fall out. Well, that's what it is. if we just let our like if we just let our hair do what it does it grows fine i wish i had done

that it just it grows fine like i've never i i would get texturized as a little kid um and i would get braids but my mom wouldn't let us get perms because she was like perms are not good for your hair and then she was right she had her rollers in and she had just come back from the salon and she was like no you guys can't get it's not good for you no and i'm like you got a perm why are you hating on me i know you know what i mean but my mom has when i was a little kid she had like a nice little fro she had like a little like a like an aunt viv style fro and then she uh and then my mom's hair started falling out i mean she still has hair but it's like super thin now because she changes as you get yeah it's damaged and then like i was obsessed with having a jerry

curl when i was a kid i want a jerry curl my parents were like no how old are you i'm 39 oh my god what a sexy way thank you that's why i told you you were at elementary school when i was no i thought you were i thought you were like 29 i need to start lying about my age you should i need to change my name and start lying about my age 39 you look outstanding also i feel like you might be the oldest person that i know oh my god yes 39 that's a damn lie hurry i don't even know if my mom is like you're definitely the oldest person ever in my in my place you're the oldest on this podcast oh well here i have that we got to get an old expert on the podcast yeah well oh wait no how old is alzo alzo just turned 41 yeah actually that makes me feel

so much better that i'm not your most aged friend but right but he doesn't look amazing he looks amazing well we're hey black people come on we're good i mean and i feel like and the funny thing about losing my hair was i went through a fat acne stage with bray i was fat with acne and bald no i had hair then i was like so then when i was around 17 18 i came into my own i lost weight I got cute and my sister because we were talking about me being bald

last night and she was like you know you were just coming into your own and like really feeling yourself and I was like I know

and then your sister's so rude but it was the fact it was the truth God giveth and taketh away and he taketh away he did

the Lord was so rude to you dude he humbled you though he humbled me because yeah I wanted I did things like I wanted a jerry curl

and I would play with my hair all the time and I you know I had like a little duck tail no you didn't I had a little duck tail no you didn't

and I was trying to like I was using all this stuff and i was trying to make and i permed it i didn't realize it was permed and my dad and my stepmother came home and they were like what did you do to your ducktail and i was like nothing i was like um monique that was my best friend i'm like she just brushed it she washed it and brushed it for a really long time and it was like it went from being you know regular nappy hair to being straight and long and it was clearly and they were like tarik it's permed and i'm like no it's not you just permed that little back piece yeah and so yeah just that little back you didn't know what

that you needed to be bald i feel like you don't know what look you were trying to give well when When I went to my mother's that weekend and I told her that story, she was like, go get the scissors. She's like, I'm cutting it for telling me that bullshit story. Oh my God. And I was like, okay. Debbie ain't got time for that. But you were like, Debbie, it took me so long to grow it out though.

Wait, so the rest of your hair was like kinky, curly? Yeah, I think I had a flat top at the time. And then I had my little duck tail. And then a permed. For three or four days, I had a permed. Derek, what were you going through? I was trying to get a jerry curl. I wanted a jerry curl.

Then why didn't you do the whole head? Exactly. I was just being, I was practicing. You're being terrible. If I had done the whole head, I would have had a conk and I would have been all straight and they really wouldn't have known.

Well, I think that's what they... A conk? What the hell is a conk, dude? It's like... I thought that was a type of... Remember in the movie Malcolm X? Malcolm X, yeah. When they straighten their hair

like James Brown. It is a perm, but they called it a conk. See, I'm older. That's how old Tarek is. I'm an older expert. Tarek, you're old as hell. But if you read Malcolm X,

you should know that book very well, Marie. I have the book. See, there you go. But they do mention conk in there. and the water doesn't they turn the water off so he puts his head in the toilet that's the devil i am malcolm x i am malcolm x so wait i feel like that was a universe telling you like you didn't know what to do with your hair anyway well i was a little kid when i did that

dumb yeah still like you were probably like a cool 12 a cool 16 a perm i wouldn't even have thought a perm in my hair that young please i can't sneak no perm i remember one day i went to school my mom hated when we left the house one way and came back another way yeah right so one day my mom put me in a romper and i was like i want to wear a dress so i went to school i was in kindergarten and i started to cut up the the the romper connecting piece of the shorts because i was like i want to wear a dress and then i was like you know what this is dumb so halfway up i just stopped cutting and when i got home my mom noticed it right away she was like what what happened to your jumpsuit and and then i think i i went to school once and this white girl was

painting her nails she pointed out polish to school and i was like i'm gonna paint my nails at recess so i came home with like red fingers and my mom and dad beat my ass for coming my dad was like you look like a hoe a whore a harlot a whore and i was like six and i was like i think it's pretty it's probably like all up and down my fingers they made me take it off yeah i my cousin tried to cut my hair when i was like seven and when i tell you she cut it terrible like it was it was supposed to be a bang but it was just like you know that the doll in uh Rugrats Cynthia Cynthia that's how she cut my fucking hair so my aunt and my cousin her mother beat both of our asses I said why am I getting my ass beat well how old was she you were seven

she was a lot older she was about so she was old enough to know she oh she knew she was 28 she had me looking like angelica from rugrats it was so bad she deserved that ass beating she cut with the little scissors the fabric scissors that you like the ones that like when you're cutting it the scissors turn yes yes yeah oh no it was so you know the way she cut it was all messed up lefty scissors yeah you couldn't even fix it like i just had to just pray and let it grow out you can get braids listen they were like you're gonna go to school like that and it was picture day like next week oh man so show us those photos we'll post them on my cousin cut her bangs and her mother with it my cousin has gray hair and she was like she came home and she's like

what happened to your hair she was like i was walking with the scissors and i tripped and then accidentally cut my name she lied that's horrible horrible horrible is she get her ass beat too um i think so i feel like that's just how you teach your kids uh you know back then it was now i'm like don't be you're not you're not about smacking a baby on the butt not anymore well a Like a little kid, they touch in the fire. Yeah, you had to hit them on the hand. But getting beat with a belt when they're 12 because the mama's angry. I mean, you messed up, but it's just, I don't know.

My cousin got it. When she walked out, I was like, yo, she went through World War V. Like, she looked crazy. Like, her hair was wrapped. It was like, whoa, what did you do? Did you brush her hair out? Like, what happened in there? I had to cut her hair, too.

She beat that ass. It was so bad. But, hey, it happens. You had to beat that ass. It was the time. That's what you did. So, do you want kids? I do.

I go back and forth with wanting kids. That's funny. That's a good question. I go back and forth. I'm trying to bring us, you know, I go back and forth. Um,

I, if I was to have like my own biological child, I would want the mother to be there because like I would want it like in my fantasy. If I was like married to a man and I had, and I would want like a woman, I'd want her to live in the same mansion. Damn in your will and grace.

Will and grace. Yeah. Because I have a mother and like, I would want my biological child to have a mother. Now, if I was married to a man and we wanted to adopt and there was a kid who didn't, then I would be open to just me and him raising him. But if it was going to be my own baby, like I couldn't imagine because I have a co-worker, him and his husband. They have they have a surrogate and they have a daughter and they're about to have a son. They're raising their and that's fine for them.

But for me, so is this. So who's who's the first daughter? It's the husband's. And then it's his sperm and they have the surrogate. arrogant and then the son is going to be then the son is the other husband's sperm and it's the same egg are you afraid so they're half siblings no it's not because i'm bald it's because i just i don't want my kid to be like i want a mom and be like a mother's day be like i don't have one because well the mother's day card would be addressed to both of you guys no that's father's

day that's also yeah i mean it can't be to each his own i'm just saying for me it's like that's father's day i would want i would want if the mama would need we need to be in the same building we need to be in the same house mansion you need to live right next door i see good times we need to raise this child together that's your mama i would want my kid to have i see the sitcom that you're trying to uh you're trying to pitch yeah but i need to get to writing that yeah but the crazy thing is is that the surrogate gets the money and then it's like okay dash but yeah they're not involved if she stays in a life that she's gonna have to use the money that you gave her because a surrogate is not necessarily the egg that you're using it's just the womb that you're using that's

true you still gotta pay to rent well yeah you gotta rent the room it's nine months yeah see that's not my situation like i wouldn't even want to call her cigarette as big okay we're having a baby together you oh so you want a friend we i want a baby's mama right there that's in your dreams definitely i know i want to know what woman's gonna be down with that there are women that might be do you have female friends that would be down to do well i have this friend who asked me to i was i was asked this year this year see i have a for this girl i met at a bar years ago she was like she lit she don't know she was like oh you you're beautiful i'm like so are you we'll make beautiful babies which was my line you said that to her yeah so she remembered this

seven eight years later and she was like do you remember me we were instagram friends and she was like i'm she's a lesbian she's like i really want a baby i want oh that might be a good situation well i heavily considered it and she was like you know we could raise a child together and you know they you know live with me part-time live with you and ultimately i said no why because because I'm a Daniels man. I want my child. I want control. Because she has a partner, so her lesbian lover is also a co-parent.

I don't know her. Right. And there would be times when she would be with them, and I would know what my child was doing. I couldn't say goodbye to my baby like that. I would want my child to be with me 24-7. Okay. I mean, I guess I kind of get that.

I would be too hands-on. It would just be... Because she had a friend she asked before, and he was like, I don't want kids. So he was like the opposite. it see i'm like too much like i would like i wouldn't want to live with you i wouldn't want especially my because i love babies i have siblings i have three goddaughters i want to watch them grow up i want to be a part of there i want to be what are they doing what are they watching tv i want to be all of that i think that's a lot of work having you the other dad

and a mom that's and then the other mom yeah that's too many damn people in the pot so basically i'm just going to be a godfather and uncle yeah i think so which is fine well the good thing about the kid is that they'll have a lot of people in their life and, you know, that's a lot of finances that's hitting everybody. That's a lot of birthday gifts. Yeah, so actually that might work out for the kid. And I have not ruled out adoption either, because adoption is always a possibility. You know you need money for that, right?

I know, and I don't have it, and like I said, I'm 39, so tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, it's probably not going to happen. Your biological clock is ticking. Yeah, but the good thing about you is that, like, even though, you know, you want to be a parent, it's okay. You can be a parent late. It's not the same as a woman. I mean,

Janet was 50. Yeah. She also had like Fifty hundred thousand No Fifty hundred million dollars In the bank That last good egg I mean

And the dude she was with Is a billionaire Billionaire Plus she got her money too But now they're not together Yeah And she got that Five hundred thousand dollars

No five hundred million dollars He gave her five hundred million dollars That was the deal But apparently He's been reading about that Apparently he's verbally abusive That was why she left him Well he's also

Like I feel like that's like In the It's in the culture That's what I was gonna say But for five hundred million dollars I'll let you abuse me verbally a little bit here a little bit come on now I'll let you put your dick in my ears wow Marie you guys heard it first balls on my earlobe for 500 for 500 million dollars

yaps a freaking lootly hey guys you heard it first on the unofficial expert for 500 million dollars you can put your balls on Marie's face so much I'm trying I'm trying to pull up a dollar less though well and janet jackson is worth 150 million dollars yeah so in all the time that she's been working she's accumulated that much but then she like like i'm gonna say quadrupled but what's the five what's five sing dupled yeah whatever it's not quadrupled but she whatever she like she tripled her net worth yeah she didn't even have to go on tour like that's crazy i would totally she's saying that she wants to go on tour but she's on tour right now ladies she just she just started her tour again yeah with the baby yeah she lost the weight she's like the first article

that came up is janet jackson breaks down in tears on stage as she resumes i totally get it girl you're going through postpartum like how are you doing that that's too much but is she skinny now yeah she lost all she lost the most of her weight she got about she got about like 15 20 pounds to be like janet janet but she looks amazing janet demita joe jackson uh tarik can we move to one some something else i had a question about the people who are attracted to you are they like people who have like bald fetishes or like i feel like there's a certain type of person who dates somebody who's bald i like bald heads and beards yeah people oh good i'm i'm rocking it for you um people um yeah they usually generally do like it that i'm bald like

they like it they definitely because the people who don't like me it's like i don't like i don't do ball-headed people well what is your type i like everything i'm a rainbow fucking type i like all races i prefer black i prefer us um but i'm open like my last two boyfriends are black i but i'm open but i don't because like i was like i don't want to explain like lines from the color purple and no absolutely not that's why i'm back to black yeah i'm like black people i don't want to be like maybe like who's ester roll and like what's good times like i want to i want what's kool-aid like i don't know like explain it is because you're too young she's the mother of to jefferson jefferson's from um i feel like you i feel like you're available as fuck

you will take this pillar if the pillar is interested you would take it no but i've gotten pickier because my last relationship and he was a great person but i'm actually not like because it's a lot of work i'm happy this is the first time in my life i'm happy being single wow because you got some coins you live on the lower east side i do not have coins i definitely do not have coins but i'm just you know i'm i wanted to you know i'm open i'm open it just needs to be right because when you get in a relationship

it's just a lot of work you gotta deal with their opinions and all this and I'm used to being single and I realized that in my last relationship I'm really used to being single

and being I'm kind of a loner like I'm social and stuff so what types of men are attracted to you are they like people like what do they look like

is it like young dudes is it old dudes who's attracted to you definitely since I hit 34 it's somewhat younger but it's it's all variations like every

I'm I've been doing pretty well the last oh really tell us the attention that i've gotten i've been doing i've got you know what it was i quit smoking cigarettes like a while ago and it was so when i went out when i went out to smoke i would go out to smoke and come back in like now if i i don't go out as much as i used to but when i do like

now i'm in the club more like i'm in the bar more i'm at the dance floor more so i'm seeing more people so you're saying you were missing all the dick because you were outside smoking get out of here i was you were getting dick because you were outside smoking i was not getting it because i was wasting time outside. But I feel like I feel like European guys like me the most. Like French guys like me. I can see that. I've gotten a lot of good European guys. Foreign dudes.

How tall are you? I'm 6'1". You see, you're tall. You're slim. You got a good head shape. Your face is moisturized. Smoking cigarettes is disgusting. But we have a friend. Our friend Amber was on tour in Amsterdam and she went out to smoke a cigarette and this guy was walking by and

asked her for a cigarette and now they're married. Look at that. He's an artist and his artwork sells for millions of dollars oh maybe i need to start smoking again or stand outside in europe don't stand outside oh yeah yeah i feel like europe is a place especially in uh paris that that's like the smoking capital yeah for sure well they smoke inside do you have to go out you do you smoke in the damn restaurant yeah that's it's freaking beautiful i feel like you know what this bald thing that you're doing you're are you i mean you're 39 now you've been bald for almost 20 years yeah and you've come to terms with it oh yeah so you're super confident

i was yeah now it's fine like on most of my 20s i didn't like people joking about it i like people asking me questions about it it was annoying to me but then once i got older and like i'm of an age where being bald isn't as uncommon because it was very uncommon then because people were like oh i thought you did it as a choice and i was like fuck you like as a choice i would have my hair cut everywhere like that's ridiculous so now as a grown man and you know into it like it's fine it's who i am i've accepted it i can joke about i can laugh about let's talk about the winter time your head be cold your ears because oh yes so i have to have a hat i have to have what kind of hats you have scullies i have the scullies i have i have a few hats and i don't look good in hats

but winter time i will freeze and it will i don't believe that you don't look good in hats do you sleep in a head they need to be fitted hats like a baseball cap doesn't look good on me i look like i look like i'm going through chemo my friends at once my friends it was like you gotta get some new friends yeah that's actually an ex-friend because she got in my car she started smoking crack and so we're not friends anymore wait what who just gets in your car and smokes crack this ex-friend of mine no how long were y'all friends oh we were friends we came we were like teenagers we were a teenager we met teenagers we were good friends for a good five years we were really close and then we fell off and then we were like we connected i'm like let's hang out and we got

she got in my car she's like don't mind me i'm just gonna smoke this and i was like what is that and i nobody smokes crack in a car she smoked crack in a car wherever they want sydney what you mean like there's like a crackhead code there's a decorum like they're not gonna do it in the code of honor you smoke crack outside because it smells so bad yeah but you're cracking smoked it in my car what kind of car was it and it was a nissan 87 nissan centro is my first car well i mean that's a car you should smoke well it was only like 12 years old at the time the car was 12 years old or she was 12 years old car but still it was fine i wrote a small crack in that card

and let me just yo that's no crack no smack those aren't the drugs i'm not um i remember i uh the one time that i ever cut my hair like i shaved the sides and i cut the top real low and it was the middle of freaking winter and i remember that my head was freezing yeah because you can't go from hair to no hair no and it like it's gonna be cold regardless but in the middle of january yeah i did it it was i was real dumb about it so what can you tell us people who are listening uh something about like being bald that you think most people don't know like what's the like what's what's something that you have to say about hair that you feel like people people don't know um

being a bald person we don't want to hear about your bad hair day because that makes sense i've had a lot of people being like really upset and i i love complimenting hair like i'm not like the jealous type like all my friends i look when they get a haircut i'm like oh my god you look so handsome with your haircut yeah and like i'm encouraging but when i had a friend he was like oh my god i'm just having a really bad hair day and i was like i'm bald headed so i don't care but you bald like now and you are accustomed to it but you're you bald because you lost your hair there's some people who are bald because they want to so they don't mind if you talk about a bad hair day yeah i can't relate to people who are bald by choice that's just stupid to me

bald by choice i don't like it's a lifestyle choice that's just why you have hair like why tarik's like i was born this way unless it's for a film role and you're an actor like there's no other reason that's just stupid to me i just feel like you are our bald expert i am i'm so happy to to be your bald oh my god that was so great we go i would like to know about like uh any like lotions or different products that you use for your scalp because it looks so good. Well, it does. Thank you. There's no

coconut oils really help because I could. I use this shaver. It's called it has a black man on the name of it. What is it? It's like for baldness. It's like bald patrol or something. Damn it. Sorry, I'm not that great of an expert on that one. And then I use like

Clinique. I like Clinique shaving creams. Aloe vera shaving cream. Oh, so you still have to shave the hair that has left. absolutely how often do you have to do that well now it's funny now that i grow on the beard i don't it's not it doesn't look as bad if i let it a little grow so but every two to three days it used to be every other day every two to three every two to three days do you like nair your scalp ever no i do use nair but i won't get into that but um you know your chest uh sure sure

we'll say we'll say that no I don't use Nair I actually shave it because it gets closer and I don't want the chemicals so it works out

do you have to massage your scalp a lot do you like when people touch it I don't massage it but what I do I don't mind I don't mind people

rubbing my hand you gotta ask I don't like people touching me without asking that's everybody but if they're like can I touch your hair I'm like sure

I like to put coconut oil when I wash my face at night I like to condition my hair because it makes it easier to shave and you get less bumps and stuff so i put the coconut oil on there and on the beard and i'm like that's great do you have any uh like words of advice for our bald listeners out there no no

no no that's not that's not but do you have any words of advice for people who are going bald yeah yes i feel your pain i know you're sensitive i do but please if you have a ponytail if you're trying to grow it and you're in denial because i really want to go around the city and just tap people on the back and be like it's time to let go you need to shave that because you look stupid and it's just you're not fooling anybody that's how i feel about people who are balding and still have dreads exactly the same thing isn't she lovely she's balding she's terrible you can't see that they let it go yeah it's horrible he can feel it though he can feel it when he goes to wrap his head at night he doesn't you think he wraps his own head i feel but he got arms he just doesn't

have eyes i think he has an assistant he knows somebody's telling him to pick out the horrible ass suits he wears it's horrible please don't do that please just you and i i get your pain and i feel like for other people making fun of people recently balding is very sensitive don't be mean because most of us get upset i remember when my dad was going bald he had like a spot that was growing and we laughed and we laughed and we laughed marie is a terrible haitian person so that's what that's about my god my mom would laugh at him we because we my parents would make us pull out their gray hairs when we were little because that's what that was like busy work it was like just pull out my gray hairs so we would pull what we'd be like you want us to pull your gray hairs

well at least he was older how did he feel did he was y'all right my dad was probably like in his late 30s oh yeah but he's he's haitian he's got a strong heart exactly because you guys you island niggas are very brutal okay they really are island niggas are very honest i went to their house and it was they were just roasting each other left and right oh my god yes it was very uncomfortable I was like This is a lot I feel like they were roasting me You were like

Oh Okay well before we go Let's tell people Where they can find you Yes you can be my Facebook friend Tarik Daniels Spell it

T-A-R-I-K Last name Daniels D-A-N-I-E-L-S I'll be your friend I'm not even Nearing my limit Cindy hit her limit this week See Cindy

Very popular I'm not See I'm the older crowd She's trying to leave it At $4,999 I'm about to delete Somebody now So I can get

$4,999 See $4,999 So and then Tarek Daniels on Twitter, Tarek78 on Instagram. Is that the year you were born? 78, yeah. Dude, you're so old school. That's what old people do. They put their

name, the number of their year they were born. Cindy, is that your name? Just Sid VW 1980 something? No. I feel like you have a number somewhere on your Snapchat or something. Your email isn't... Yes, her Snapchat. Cindy, you old too.

I'm going to change my name. I'm going to change my age. I'm 29. Donovan Daniels. I'm Donovan Daniels. 88. Oh, my God. Boom. Done and done. Okay, so before we go, let's go around the room and just say what hairstyle we hate more

than anything in the world. I'll start. Any type of white person with a dreadlock pisses me off more than racism. Just took mine. I freaking hate it. It's freaking awful. Did I take yours? Yeah, I have my others, though.

Okay, what else do you hate? um i really i don't like unnatural hair colors unless it's done really really well i don't really care for it i've seen a red i've seen a blue i've seen pink that i do like but it needs to be done like very very well like how rihanna does hers exactly it needs to be like it can't be you need to be wealthy and you should be able to upkeep it upkeep it you have to upkeep it i don't love i don't think everybody can be blonde no i don't think every black person looks good blonde i don't think most white people like some people she looks good in it some people do puff daddy's mother looks awful blonde horrible horrible she looks good in a blonde she needs to

take those contacts out she got blue that's the perfect example and um i love um diddy i'm sorry if he's listening i'm proud of you diddy if you're listening but tell your mama no no more janice it's a no it's a nah it's a nah sydney what's your least favorite uh hairstyle uh those Betty Boop bangs. What the fuck? Figure out what you want. All the really short bangs. Do you even want a bang? If it's almost all the way to your scalp, why do you even have the bangs at all?

Beyonce did that one time and I was like, it looked awful on her too. I said, you're going through it, sis. Is Jay-Z beating you? Why? He was cheating, that's why. It looks sad. That was her worst look. You know what? Listen, if my man is cheating on me, I'm not going to cut my bangs. I'm going to cut his dick.

What about that? That's why you're with a woman. I'm glad you're with a woman. That's why I can't be around them. I'm glad you're a lesbian right now. Oh my God. But yeah, and I love Beyonce.

I just have to say that. Beehive, listen. Don't, you don't have to do that. Don't subscribe to that. Don't subscribe. I disrespected Beyonce on the podcast before. Nobody came for me. Okay, good.

You're fine. She's also a distant cousin, so we have blood relatives. That's right. Your mom is from Houston. Exactly. Donovan, you're going through it. Houston, Texas, baby.

My mama, Alabama, something, something. I don't know the song. I don't really know. and uh so thank you so much for being here thank you for having me we had a great time um and you can catch us the on the unofficial expert on instagram uh and my instagram page is just said bw and uh you can catch us also on facebook the unofficial expert is on facebook and uh i'm reesey r-e-e-e-z-y come see us live come subscribe yeah like everything that we're

doing please um and if you see a bald person uh on the train just pet them just rub their scalp Or lick their scalp. Just lick the head. Just lick it. Yes. Like Kanye West did to Amber Rose. So rude. Yeah.

It's gross. And also, shout out to Comedy Hype. You can get all your comedy news. Ugh, look at God. We're going to go because I'm hungry and I smell fries. So funny. Bye, guys. Thank you so much.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.