MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - THE BEST OF FOREVER DOG 2018

Episode Date: December 28, 2018

Thank you for listening to Forever Dog podcasts this year and please enjoy this year-in-review clips show! Listen to find a new favorite podcast to subscribe to in 2019 or just a killer back catalog to binge during your holiday travels. And please follow Forever Dog @ForeverDogTeam on Twitter and Instagram for the latest network news and updates.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever Dog. we're grateful and we appreciate you and if right now you're saying i didn't do any of those things and i don't know what the hell forever dog is well hi welcome forever dog is the network that produces this podcast that you're subscribed to and we've got lots more where that came from in 2018 forever dog produced 30 podcasts as well as two limited series you'll find us mostly under comedy but we also have must listen shows for tv and film fanatics baseball fans spiritualists and mystics, listeners of music, book readers, laundry aficionados, theme park aficionados, politics junkies, failures, shop to your droppers, health nuts, and anyone with a commute and

or desk job. So to celebrate the past year at Forever Dog, we've put together a clip show that highlights some of the best moments from our podcasts. And if that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, no worries. Your favorite podcast will be back next week or the week after with brand new episodes. But if you're looking for something new to subscribe to in 2019 or for some killer back catalogs to binge during your holiday travels then please stay tuned because we've got a lot of fun stuff coming your way next i should also add that if you subscribe to multiple forever

dog podcasts we will be releasing this same episode on all our feeds this week so let me just apologize ahead of time for the repetition but we think this is a really fun episode and we want as many people as possible to hear it oh and if you want to follow up on any of the shows presented in this episode you can find them all at foreverdogpodcasts.com you can also subscribe to them on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. And you can follow us, Forever Dog, on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team. Okay, let's get started with the best of forever dog 2018 our first podcast up is one that vulture called quote a scathing absurdist intersectional radical feminist alt podcast it's called a woman's smile

it's hosted by two of the most innovative performers working in comedy right now patty Harrison and Lorelai Ramirez, and the following clip comes from a special futuristic episode of the podcast entitled, A Woman's Smile is Spaceship. Welcome to A Woman's Smile, Smile, Smile, with your host, Lorelai and Patty. this is a year 30,000, 50,000 our consciousnesses have been loaded into a

hard drive in the sky in the cloud and now we are a robot and now as patty said so eloquently we are a robot i am still the same as i was before still fat, still big and still i am balding

naked, naked on the show balding naked sad horny horny yes it is really bad we don't have body but still those things did not change about Lorelei's consciousness apparently you can put consciousness

in another big fat body a big fat balding body still when you move on to a different form of consciousness you are the ugliest one sometimes pain follows you wherever you go and even in my consciousness people still debate whether I'm a man or a woman

It is true. And it is actually funny that you bring that up. No, it hurts. Because still, I question you. No, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Let's get into it. What you have been thinking about? I have been thinking about my husband. He is at home in my mind, in our consciousness. We live in a chip, in our chip. We have an amazing bathroom. Our bathroom has two sinks.

I wish I could also have a chip, too. You'll have a chip soon. You are so much data, you don't fit in a chip. I did not yet to make a chip big enough to hold all your data. This is not fair. I uploaded my consciousness so I could be free of my body. Ha ha ha. But not, I am still in my body, still big and fat and ugly.

Why? Let's talk about something else. So, Lorelai, what have you been thinking about? I have been thinking about maybe one day Oh no Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh no, no, no, no, no, no

Yes Yes I have been thinking about how beautiful it would be one day to finally have a soulmate i think that you are a wonderful mind in person nor lie i think it will happen for you thank you thank you thank you i think that when you put yourself out there it really does make all the difference people need to know that real you i am sorry i my consciousness is getting a little

a bit bigger by the second. That is okay. You should demonstrate self-control. You should demonstrate self-control. One of my favorite things to do is sit on the pot inside my chip and take big ones. That is funny to me. That is funny to me. Remember when we used to be in our bodies and i would go over to your husband when he was broken and i would take care of him yes and i took my dance class my dance class was an amazing place where i bonded with many women to look like me they were just like me they were white they were five nine they were 110 pounds They were thin like me. They loved to dance to hip-hop tracks, contemporary music at the time, like Charlie XCX. You sound sad. When you talk about those things, you sound sad.

I am not. I am not sad. I look back fondly at those days at my dance class with my white girlies. My skinny white girls, we drank skinny white wine after. Skinny bitch wine was my favorite. I know you miss that life we had, but this is for the better now. Now. Now. I love you. Are you having a mouth problem? This next clip comes from a new podcast that premiered on Forever Dog in October

called the American Arts and Culture Review. It's hosted by Clay Tatum and Whitmer Thomas of beloved L.A. comedy outfit Power Violence. And together with friends Bud Anthony Diaz and Rodney Berry, they review the latest in film, TV, high fashion, music, and art, accompanied throughout by a live soundtrack of Jazz Pop Standards. The clip you're about to hear comes from an episode entitled The Favorite, Widows, and Lars von Trier and features a very special guest, critically acclaimed filmmaker Lars von Trier. We – oh, crap. We're supposed to do something that I didn't do.

Do you have a special guest? Yeah. We have a very special guest. He came here all the way from a foreign place. From a different country for sure. Really? Yeah. He flew all the way from there?

Yeah. He just directed a new film called The House That Jack Built. Bud, would you mind going in and letting him in? Clay, you're closer. Will you just let him open? No, it'd be best if Bud went. Buddy, you have to go. All right.

Later, Bud. And there he goes. He's getting him right now. So, okay, and he's coming in, and he's coming in, and he's sitting down. Oh, he's going to sit down. He's sitting down right now. Wow, this is amazing. This is so good.

Hi! Hello. Okay, Lars, so... Glad to be here! So what's some reasons we should see your... Did you see my film? I haven't seen it yet. What's it about? The house that Jack built.

What's that about? Kevin Dillon. Okay. He's a murderer! Okay, good. No, he can go in more detail. You've got to see my film. Yeah, what is it about?

In theaters now! Is it? Yeah. Okay, so... Select theaters. Okay, so what's... Not all of them. What happens in the movie?

He's on the road. Okay. In a car. Okay. Don't get in his car. You've got to see my film. Okay. I can milk this for a little longer.

Yeah. And then what happens? So that's what it's about? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. And you see it. Well, this is your idea.

How about you take the wheel here? uh so what's uh where are you from what got you into making movies i'm foreign yeah we're we got you into making movies what got you into making movies what got you what got you into making movies a camera okay yeah all right cool and what about the camera what about the camera What made you into the camera? I bought a camera. This is so good. As a boy.

As a boy, I bought a camera. Yeah. I was young. Yeah. How old were you? Three. Yeah. So that's what made you decide?

Yeah. And so you bought a camera and then you decided, I'm going to make films. Okay, so recently you've made all kinds of great films. What's your favorite film that you've made? Beside the newest one. Melancholia. Yeah, because it's about depression. So that film is about depression.

Would you say that you've ever suffered from depression? Oh, yeah. Actually, Lars. So what do you do when you're depressed? What's your remedy? Lars, let me just. My headphones are broken. I can barely hear you.

So if you go a little louder. Yeah. So what is your. Oh, right. So what's. What is your. Yeah. So you've struggled with depression?

Oh, yeah. So what's a remedy that you would recommend to someone who's dealing with depression? Oh, make movies. Make movies. Buy a camera and make a movie. Okay. Now, Lars, while promoting the film Melancholia, you came under fire for telling everyone that you're a Nazi. Yeah.

So how do you... You won't stop talking. So, uh, do you redact those statements now, or? No! You don't? No! What? I meant what I said.

I meant it. I make films. In theaters now. No, that's not what I asked. My film is in theaters now. That's it. No, but when being interviewed a few years ago, you told everyone that you're a Nazi. Yeah.

Do you regret saying that? No! Okay, so why don't you regret it? I don't know. I, you know, I... You're so good at this. I don't... Okay, okay, okay.

Here's, okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing. The house that Jack built... Louder. The house that Jack built in theaters now... Okay, so you're not going to answer. No! Why?

I'm embarrassed. Okay. Where can people find you on social media? Find me and Lars Von Trier on Twitter and Lars Von Trier on Instagram. What's your email? Email Lars Von Trier at Lars Von Trier. Okay. Cool, great.

Dot com. Thank you. Next up is the wonderfully witchy Beyond. the only podcast we've ever produced that may have altered the fabric of space and time. In Beyond, self-proclaimed energy expert Mike Kelton seeks to solve his and his friend's real-life problems by supernatural means. Instead of going to a therapist, Mike goes to mediums, ghost hunters, cult leaders, healers, astrologers, and, in this clip, a witch. This is from the episode entitled Witchcraft, the Goat Head, and it features Mike's friend Lisa P. from the Bronx consulting a witch about the dark energy surrounding her boyfriend's ex.

so i go on the trip i didn't say anything like i don't know i never cried i didn't shed a tear i was just like okay come back and i'm like what now so i go back to her again and you know she went through it again said she's not pregnant she's not pregnant blah blah blah and i said well what can i do to like make this stop like she's like a menace she she this woman is a menace she's menacing my life like i can't go on like i can't do it i'm gonna break up with him but then there's a competitive side of me that's also like down with this bitch oh my god so rahina was like oh well i said well can i light up like a candle in my apartment and you know do something or there's different remedies and different types of cleanses and she was like oh

no no for this you need to do something big well it's a revocation it's called a revocation yeah like in spanish it's a revocation so i had to do a revocation so i was like whatever i'm i'm down down like what's up she made me i had to bring a photo of this individual and she said okay i have to work on it for seven days most things in this tradition are in the numbers of three seven or twenty one so i think she had to work on it for seven days then i had to come pick up the finished product on a monday because this is the day of the like guardian of the cemetery give us what happens when you show up after the seven days on the monday what's what goes down she went into the kitchen into the freezer and

pulled out a plastic bag that was you know the size of like a bread basket um and she hands me like a frozen goat head so in the goat heads mouth in the goat's mouth hold on hold on hold on lisa p hold on she gives you the goat head what is your first thought sometimes when you go into these types of places there's just the way that i am even sometimes in certain churches i i feel like currents the spanish is like corrientes you know like currents it feels it felt very um ritualistic it felt very spiritual you're like in flow with the goat head i was like in flow i love it i wasn't like what is this oh my god laughing you're like this is i'm all in and this is part of it that

makes sense to me also like you have to be if you're going to a person's kitchen in washington nights and getting a goat head you gotta be all in i was all in it gets crazier okay i mean she didn't tell us what she did but my friend who was with us she you know again is the person who introduced me to reena and she was like oh look you know there's coffee grounds in the mouth the picture was rolled up and stuffed and my friend told me she's like this is all to shut her up this is to get her to shut up and there were other things i'm sure that were done as well so we had to take the goat head and bury it in a cemetery that night it had to be done on a monday this monday had to be done and this was already like six o'clock and this is december so it's

pitch pitch dark it's pitch dark okay so the only cemeteries that are in northern manhattan are completely gated off at this point and locked and they have cameras on them and people get arrested for trying to go in there because more people do this than you think for example if you were to look up goat heads in prospect park you will find so many stories about what has been going on with goat heads in prospect are you serious yes so of course we had to research this and guess what everyone it absolutely checks out there are so many articles about goat heads in prospect park and also many other parks in the tri-state area and we will include those links in the description of this podcast for some light, fun reading after you finish the app.

We've been huge fans of this next podcast for a long time, so we were very honored when they joined Forever Dog this year. It's Black Man Can't Jump in Hollywood, hosted by Gerard Milligan, James III, and Jonathan Braylock. One of the best movie review podcasts out there, Black Man Can't Jump was selected for best of 2018 lists from the AV Club, Vulture, and Relevant, and the following clip comes from their award-winning episode on the film Black Panther. if people are into marvel i don't know but like you know when infinity war comes like characters have to die and like usually they'll kill characters that are more secondary yeah and like i'm like yo if one of these people die like i'm gonna be upset i'm gonna be legitimately sad

and upset because we really came to grow and love all of them quick too man so much so that i would say like my only gripe with this movie was i was so sad that michael b jordan had to die even though i know he did i don't think he did man that's my that's my only great that's my only guy with the movie because i was like yo this dude was amazing and you set it up so that he didn't have to die you set up a lot the internal logic in the film so that they could have saved him with the science and like i thought he was gonna be like um loki i thought he was saying i thought he was gonna be loki i'm very my only way that he died yes yes the lines yo the line yo how he it was perfect it was that was so it really was it makes sense it makes sense it makes it like i

like i didn't want him to die either and then he said that line and i was like this is perfect same here and he just and he just did it like but also yo this movie so yeah okay okay i think this is perfect we can talk about it's like just to hit on ryan coogler real quick is oftentimes we we We have this discussion on whether or not a white person can direct a movie about, like, the black experience, right? Right. And I know sometimes we're really polite and we're really like, you know, maybe they can if they know. But I think the nuances that this brother created in this movie, for instance, that – because he co-wrote it. So Ryan Coogley co-wrote it for people who don't know.

That line about, no, so what, I can be locked up? no just throw me in the ocean like my ancestors did when they were jumping off uh the boats because they knew it was better to die than be um in prison for the rest of your life or something like that i was like bruh like every first off everything that um freaking um um um sterling k brown said at the top of the movie about why he wanted this movie isn't about like it's about like the world but it's really about like ideology like yo i've seen black people butchered i've seen how people view them and we have a chance to make them strong and powerful and we're not that is literally what the conflict of this movie is do you help your brothers and sisters or not what are

you doing why are we saving our are we just going to hoard and save our resources for it's so funny like as like somebody who's christian that there is like a lot of spiritual oh what's the whole time the whole movie i was just thinking about that so much like this idea of like you know there's a that verse in the bible there's a song like don't uh if you have a light don't hide it under a bushel like go let it shine on the top of a mountain right like let my let your little light shine that's the song like let your little light shine the idea is that if you have a light don't hide it and use it for yourself you should let it shine so others can see the light and that's exactly what wakanda is it's like this bright shining city in the center in the heart

of africa that is kept hidden and the main conflict and theme of this movie is like are we going to keep this hidden for ourselves or do we have a responsibility to the rest of the world especially the rest of people of color in these in these nations surrounding nations that are suffering and that we know we could help and we're not helping to protect ourselves you know the movie it's not some giant invader trying to take over the world i mean i guess it kind of is i mean not an invader but it's like something that's so real to black people i'm on the thread right now with my boys from back home and it's like 10 of us on this thread and literally the whole discussion has been since trump has been in office especially this year in particular um of

what can people of color do to help more like what basically like what should we be doing like we know we got to do something like yeah we can vote and we have been voting but it's more right and the whole movie the idea behind movies like what else like what do we do and i thought that was just a genius way to do it it made it more grounded to me than most superhero movies are because it was something that was uh like something that people can relate to and also we still had a villain i I feel like a lot of times when it's a black superhero, he's fighting, like, the crime boss or the drug dealer on the block or something like that. Right. Whereas this, he still had a true villain, but he also had something that just meant something personal, you know?

Bruh. And then Ryan Coogler, again, Ryan Coogler, his three movies all have over 90% of Rotten Tomatoes, and you know I hate quoting Rotten Tomatoes, but The Girl from Fruitvale Station, which was set in Oakland, which he added this character back in Oakland, and I feel like he did that on purpose, but that's just me. like he had that movie to go from definitely to creed it's like this young black man 31 32 yeah like young young black man has now changed the way a lot of black people even view themselves and i'm like and he wasn't rich like this wasn't a rich black brother right like he he is from oakland like he grew up with not that much and like my man has shown to usc he like that is the american dream if you want to be real yeah he inspired he yo my man will not only inspire black

people around this country but he's gonna inspire like mad people he's just firing filmmaker yeah it's like come on man like oh my god he's a great filmmaker just this past week we sadly said goodbye to one of the original forever dog podcasts one of our all-time faves the book of yay hosted by rob hayes and chris daniels for the past two and a half years rob and chris have been journeying through the kanye west canon song by song while also trying to make sense of every twist and turn of kanye's career even though the podcast is over the book of yay leaves behind an incredible back catalog of episodes that are well worth revisiting including so many great moments in particular rob and chris were really at their best when they were unpacking the controversial and problematic

public lives of our most iconic pop stars whether it be kanye himself or in this clip from the episode hell of a life with guest gordon baker bone lord don't pull a lord we're not talking about we're not talking about we're not gonna talk about whitney houston all right all right all right cool apology tweets ready yeah definitely i'm sorry i'm sorry uh mr jay talking about he apologized to the joker as far as i wrote uh wait why you don't like lord because what she said uh she posted a picture of bathtub and i will always love you how's that an accident what that is not how is that an accident that is not an accident how is that an accident come on put the bathtub in the bodyguard come on

man ain't no bathtub in the bodyguard what is lord gotta pull that for it i i don't know bad coincidence that's not bad you know what no i'm on your side now rob yeah you can't come on man you can't disrespect like that no you think she blatantly went out you know what I will always love you in a picture of a bathtub That's a blatant shot She wanted to take a bath Okay scrub-a-dub in the tub Is a good catch

No it's not Nobody sings that Nobody's got rub-a-dub-dub plans There's a rub-a-dub-key emoji How old is Lorde She old enough now to do that shit Old enough to have Wikipedia Old enough to have Google

Why would she be on a laptop in the tub she i i recommend it now see what happens could be on a blueberry on a blackberry in a tub she could be on a laptop she gotta have a laptop to the side i don't understand i don't understand why she did that if it how is that not an accident i said it was in the tubs all the way you know you're saying it's not an accident yeah so we're asking you how did she make an accident with that come on did you say the wrong line she wants the girl want to take a

bath like it makes you know why i say this accent because it makes no sense for it not to be what how why and shot first of all first of all first of all lord is one of them dark people here in front of the face yep which is in the video first of all so to make a joke or a reference to how somebody died doesn't seem off for her second of all you just saying that cause she looks like the girl who fall out of the well I will always love you

now two eyes might have been Dolly Parton but we all know only Whitney Houston can pull off that third consecutive eye you know what I'm saying very true that's Newark's own what is the song about what is the song about Kevin Costner yeah it's about her

what her duh duh the motherfucking song's about love the girl loves taking baths no get out of here get out of here what are you serious what is wrong with you first of all i hate y'all for making me have to like defend lord put this at the front of the podcast at the front of the podcast no scratch that i hate that i'm going equally as hard for Sonali to the Lord in the same 40 minutes. She just loves Babs and she was singing her

she was professing her love. Y'all been singing a picture of the tub. I don't want to go into this hard because y'all going too hard unnecessarily. Unnecessarily? It's Whitney Houston. It makes no sense to be mad because you no, but you're saying. This ain't Pebbles. She got multiple hits.

You're saying it was bad intent behind it. Or funny intent. It was probably she was trying to be funny. That's the worst joke ever. It is. that's why they had to get out yeah lord ain't got no netflix special come on you gotta show me the precedent of lord making jokes about dead people that's what made this upsetting not surprising but upsetting because lord was like somebody that we never have a problem with you know i'm saying lord was the only white person this year nominated for best album album of the

year and she didn't say nothing crazy she had no crazy captions like we was cool with lord you know what i'm saying well you got a ledger fucking keep it open lord what i'm saying is this bullshit prior to this we've never had an issue with lord but now i'm looking at lord like all right now lord you know your name is lord it already makes me feel funny saying it i got an e on it it has an e on it but when you say it you can't hear the e you don't have an e i'm losing as far as that She should pronounce it Lordy I'm just saying Lordy

Lordy can speak on Whitney Houston but not Lord You think she got a career if her name is Lordy Lordy is the one who's Singing rub-a-dub-dub I definitely would never say her name If her name was Lordy What the fuck

I wouldn't mess with Lordy Lordy cool Lordy Lordy sound like a SoundCloud rapper fuck that I don't know about cancel cause they be like so and so is canceled

then they just be selling all the records so we ain't gonna cancel her but we just gonna put it to the side y'all ain't stopping Lorde from selling records but I'm not gonna listen

no more especially after that I didn't know that bathtub thing man we gotta be secretive cause you know Spotify don't like to count stuff

when people organize too loudly but next time some Lorde come out we all gonna scream I wanna dance with somebody I ain't even see

that many people get upset about this i saw it every the context that i was presented look at this mistake lord made not y'all you like y'all see what the fuck lord did like see the kind of stuff that they that they got you saying because her name is the mistake that lord made is the sentence you just said because her name is lord i'm gonna find out her real name and call her dad that's what i'm gonna do what if it's lord lord day i'm calling lord day she's lord day look at the mistake lord day mate that's better than lordy what were you over in 2018 what were you sick of what were you done with that's the question that derrick hats and betsy kenny put to their guests every week

on done named one of the best new podcasts of 2018 by refinery 29 done features some truly cathartic moments like this one from the episode natural beauty products marfa texas and whimsy oh my god so darren and i just got back from a trip and i ripped one on the plane oh and this was not like it was notable this was only a boeing 747 this was like a tiny one like the pilot was right in front of me and like one family was flying it with us and i was trying to cover your ass because the dad i knew was on to you he knew you ripped one i know wait so i did it and it was truly so loud it sounded like a whoopee cushion i couldn't stop laughing that had text dara it was right before we went i didn't hear it it smelled like it smelled like we all

together fell into a drainage death was coming for us yeah death was coming death had come and now we were rotting in it and there were worms it was the smell of death but i thought it was the funniest thing we truly couldn't stop laughing and right before that we were taking so many pictures like on the tarmac because it was truly one of those planes and the guy this guy was so mad and he didn't know why he goes this isn't a place for fun and then we were like he got on the plane i'm like shitting my pants but it's just air i mean this we're never allowed back no that dad because that dad had two daughters sitting in front of him who you thought were cute i thought were obnoxious yeah and i was gonna yell at their asses but then you you let that fart go and i

couldn't you took away any leverage i had for the rest of the flight and then we couldn't stop laughing about it's truly gross it's it's immature yeah it's not funny okay fine um all right when this next podcast joined forever dog for season three of their absolutely iconic show we could not have been more thrilled it's food for thought hosted by dennis norris the second joseph osmanson tommy pico and fran toronto a multi-racial mix of queer writers who talk about sex relationships race identity what they like to read and who they like to read and after you listen to the following clip from their season three premiere episode she's arrived please make sure to go online to the iheart radio podcast award site and vote for food for thought for

best lgbtq podcast you guys ready welcome to season three of food for thought a podcast gab fest we're in a multiracial mix of queer writers gather on the table to talk about sex identity culture what we like to read and who we like to read fran just fell out of his chair still recovering from that bone chilling laugh like waking up the souls of thousands of thoughts of yesteryear sex me so good i say summoning them like it's some fucking it's like slutty pandora's box just unleashing all these slutty demons coming back from the grave where every day is cheat day yeah i'm tommy tebes pico i'm an indigenous american poet screenwriter and my fourth book is coming out in fall 2019 proving once and for all four books in

four years i am in fact that bitch yes you are i'm fran i'm a writer editor and my drag queen name is virginia slim but my drag king name is girth brooks oh my god you're straight are you straight yes i jigs up it's been three seasons i've been straight the whole time what if that was actually the rumor oh my god she loves the twist she lives for the drama mama i have never seen you suck dick personally so who knows i am joseph obviously you did not get that sexy my publicists are doing a great job that is what you're telling me a scientist non-fiction writer total top as always and the food for thought originator of sticking out your tongue in pictures oh my god that's not true that is so true i did it first find me the receipt

I will never forgive either of you for that It is so gross And hi guys I'm back I'm Dennis, reader, writer, former figure skater And It is my life's work to work Michelle Kwan Into every conversation

You're doing a great job, sweetie You're doing a great job, sweetie Dear reader, let's replay That Dennis' intro with the context That we have deemed Dennis With the affect of a YouTuber, a white YouTuber. A white makeup tutorial

YouTuber that's like, hey guys. How's it going? This is my unboxing video. I am so tired you guys. Let's do this anyway. You can take the Becky out of the valley, but you can't take the valley out of the Becky. That is an uncanny valley.

Who wants to tell us what we got on the menu this week? I got it everybody. This week, all of us fuck Rihanna. We give good advice from at least one doctor. It's me. we conclusively decide that mimi isn't a diva not anymore fuck you fran oh my god and we knock on the window pane of one of the greatest voices of all time take it away i'm feeling a little peckish so let's start the top of this show the way any good top should but

the little tease our uproarious appetizer segment amuse boosh and to amuse our booshes today fran got a little game for us that's right so the theme of today's episode is divas so it only makes sense to gamify the meat of this episode with a healthy little helping of bone block bench such good copy for it i know right divas edition so if you're not familiar with our um game which we coined and created a very originally bone block bench is pretty much the exact same thing as marry fuck kill um but thoughtified so bone means you like you need them you gotta have them like even if it's just for one night like you're just gonna fuck their brains out bench is like you want to like you you're gonna put them on the sidelines like maybe you want to play the long

game with them like that doesn't mean like they're out of your life forever but like you want to put them on the bench and block is like what happens after all of joe's tinder matches go on one date um no that's report i'm bone bone bone and they're block block um and so another disclaimer here i will not be playing softball there are no easy there are no easy balls that i will be throwing at you today okay i'm out i'm see you guys later and there have been too many entendres dan gill and eric de dorian have been through it all on their podcast groomzillas they've planned their weddings they've gotten married they've watched the

dodgers lose two consecutive world series and they've talked to tons of amazing guests about love marriage and the whole damn thing the following clip comes from dan and eric's live stream of one of 2018's most memorable events the royal wedding of megan markle and prince harry recorded simultaneously in la and baltimore in the wee hours of the morning here they are the groomzillas and forsaking all others be faithful to him as long as you both shall live i will nailed it and will you the family this is going faster than i thought it would harry and yeah they

want to get the show on the road and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come We will. I will. As you stand, let us pray for Harry and Meghan. I'm going to pray for Harry and Meghan with them. Are you praying? No, I don't believe in God. God, our Father.

I don't believe in their God, that's for sure. You have blessed creation with abundant life. Pour out your blessings upon Harry and Meghan. that they may be joined in mutual love and companionship in holiness and commitment to each other. He's got his phone hidden in the window. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who is alive and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,

one God, now and forever. Amen. That was a strong prayer. judging from the way harry's been acting i think the edible hit about halfway down the aisle when he was walking with william okay and i think he's really starting to swing now and says to me what is going on my love look at that look at that train look at that and come away look at british who is this reading is past do we know who this is the rain is over and gone It looks like Camilla's mom

The time of singing has come That's Camilla's mom? It looks like They all look the same to me, honestly The fig tree puts forth its figs And the vines are in blossom That's why it's such a big deal That Meghan is in the royal family

Arise, my love, my fair one And come away Oh, now figs Set me as a seal upon your heart as a seal upon your arm for love is strong as death. Flying right now. Just totally gone.

He is so high. The edible hit is so hard. Is he wearing the Nazi uniform underneath his uniform? Do you think he still has it? No, I don't think he does. But he did at one point wear it. I like sitting down. Who is this broad talking about floods and figs, man?

This is bumming me out. That was Harry's first... Harry is... That was Harry's first girlfriend. Whoever that was is terrified, Harry. Yeah. Is Seal going to sing or what? Seal is going to sing.

Seal's doing two songs, I believe. He's only got one Does this remind you of the wedding from Love Actually at all? This part kind of does, doesn't it? The choir? Yeah Is there choirs in Love Actually? The boy choir

Yeah, in the first wedding Oh, when they're singing All You Need Is Love with the trombones? Yeah Oh, come on want one anymore i think megan is just like this is it's just so much and it's like fun and everything but it's you know i don't think this is them i just that's the feeling overall feeling i can't shake but all this wedding as you know this is them they like having george in the mall there well yeah but i mean all the i mean i think they want to get rid of it i want to get

they want to get on with it they want to just be married i feel like i got to work i bet george isn't even like focused on the wedding right now because he's probably crunching numbers for his casamigos tequila george clooney seeing seeing what what the quarter's shaping up to be for his Casamigos tequila. Well, he's got one... He's always got one... Part of his mind is always back at his lair in...

What is it? Lake Cuomo? Part of him is always in Lake Cuomo. He's not fully anywhere. You can tell in his acting. Wow. Shots fired. He's always back at...

Half part of him is always back at Lake Cuomo where him and his colleagues are working on tequila that is creatively and professionally greater than any tequila. Look at these idiots. Casamigos. In a crowded landscape of character-based improv podcasts, Hampton High has quickly become a world unto itself. That's what the A.V. Club had to say about this next podcast, and we could not agree more.

Hampton High is created by and stars Tim Platt as high school junior Hampton McElvey, whose quest to become the Marc Maron of Rocksville Prep by interviewing students and faculty of interest leads him down some very strange paths. The following clip is from Hampton's interview with theater kid Mitra, played by guest Mitra Juhari. This is interesting. We have more in common than people would have thought who are looking at our different social circles. And that's why I like this podcast. And I think that's kind of the amazing thing about our school is people are pretty open-minded to connecting with people from other social groups. It's definitely true.

Go Skunks, truly. Okay. So I wanted to ask you, so you do these roles, you do this behind the scenes stuff. But like, I mean, let's be brass tacks here. Like, where is this going to go? Is this your career? I mean, you know, now that I'm 17, I've kind of come to terms with the fact that there are people who are made for this stuff. And there are people who just love it and aren't necessarily going to get paid to do it.

And I think I'm the latter rather than the former. So one thing I realized about myself recently is that I'm actually really amazing at math. I've known that for a long time, but I haven't really thrown myself into it. But I've been spending more and more time thinking about it. And I think I'm going to go to school for accounting. I just have to be realistic with myself. I'm great at math. I love the idea of helping people take care of their lives in a way that is responsible

and pragmatic. So I'm going to study accounting and just sort of see where that takes me. And maybe I can marry the two at some point. But mostly I just want to get into the numbers and see what happens. Okay, that was the sound of a pin dropping. Okay, but like if you get a big role next year in the play, then like maybe that would be your career. You know what I mean? Like are you only saying that because you haven't had a huge role yet, you know?

Well, I mean, of course it would be an honor and I would take it incredibly seriously if I were to receive a huge role. But when you think about like the Graces or, you know, the like Evan Harper's of the show, I mean, of the school, I'm not one of those people. Those people just radiate a magnetic energy that makes you want to watch everything they do. And I just don't think I'm that. And I'm OK with that. OK. Is this like one of those chick things where you're like saying like you're insulting yourself so other people will be like, oh, no, you're actually actually great. You know what I mean?

Like are you saying, oh, I just want to be an accountant. So like I'll be like, oh, no, you should actually do theater. do you know what i mean a chick thing yeah like you know how like some you know how some chicks are like oh i look so ugly and i'm like no you don't you actually look really hot right now um i'm like oh thank you that's what i wanted you to say i mean i know what you mean by a chick thing but it actually hurts my feelings when you say that just call it a chick thing but to lie you've never told a lie no i've obviously told a lie but like what i'm saying you're saying a lie a chick thing is to lie no i'm just no that's not what i'm saying i'm saying it's like you saying oh i

love the theater but i want to do something else because i'm not that good it is sort of like when a lot of chicks and this is true do say like i don't look good right now because they want the guys so they look good don't you think that diminishes my goals by saying that i'm lying i'm actually really good at math i'm great at math i've always gotten a pluses in math it comes really naturally i i'm i'm sure you are but i this that's not i'm not i'm not saying you're not good at math i'm saying that like i'm not mad at you i want you to know i'm not mad at you but i just want you to know that it's actually pretty destructive of you to refer to me saying that i want to pursue accounting as a chick thing when i state my goals i mean them i'm an intelligent

person i i know i yeah no i i'm i know that i'm not saying you're not intelligent i would just Like, if, like, a theater role came around the corner that changed your life, I'm just saying that you would probably take that, right? I mean, so. Yeah, but I'm saying that I don't think that's going to happen and that I've accepted and embraced and I'm really excited about pursuing accounting. I'm not mad at you. I'm just saying phrases like chick thing are problematic and I want you to think about the reasons why. Because I respect you and I think you're capable of better, Hampton. Okay.

I really like you. I mean it. Okay. I like you, too. I feel like I'm walking on a minefield right now to be perfectly frank. Like I – all I – OK. I mean I'm not – I'm not to dig this hole. But like all I'm saying is that like people – some – I mean all I'm saying is that like people sometimes say – OK.

You are saying what you mean. I see. You are saying what you mean. People – a lot of people say things that they don't mean and I don't think it's tied to their gender. OK. That is the sound of a mind blown. by mike myers amy mann andy richter ben gibbard rob corddry rachel dratch bob saget and fellow kids in the hall scott thompson dave foley and mark mckinney now please enjoy this clip from kevin's interview with weird al i also oh yeah this i remember uh

in canada another one loves the bus was like a super super hit um uh was it yeah was it wasn't in a stage? I kind of. It just barely got released. Like the record label went bankrupt two weeks

after it came out. But it got out there I guess. How did you get your first record deal? Was it because of My Bologna? That came out

on Capitol Records. Like the original bathroom recording. Literally recorded in a bathroom in my college. And Capitol Records put it out

and it sold a couple dozen copies. I don't know. If you can find a copy today though it's worth like 35, 40 cents. If it's autographed

I might have it in the basement When I moved from Toronto My sister took all my stuff and put it in her basement And then she had a flood and ruined everything Oh no That's a sad story Why'd you bring the room down like that? Because I want to get out to my airport

Oh yeah He was going to come tonight He's not here day fully He was going to come here Until he found out I was showing up No no it's the opposite He found out I was showing up He got a headache

He had a Should I say this I can't even pronounce it Yesterday he had a Help me Colonoscopy Colonoscopy And he's feeling badly from it

He should have just gotten a semi-colonoscopy Yes Oh Once the kids in the hall A few years ago We were on a Canadian TV show And Scott had a colonoscopy That morning

and we were reading the script and they were asking us for notes because they were pretending to care about it as the kids in the hall and Scott whispered to me because of the procedure I just had I'm pooing my pants and then the writer said

Scott, do you have any notes? and then I said because I wanted to get him out there no, no, no, he's okay no, Kevin, I have notes and pooing his pants he gave a half hour of notes I have had the procedure a couple times

because I'm an old guy and they give you pictures they give you pictures afterwards and more than once I've asked my wife should I Instagram this? No! No do not do that It'd be so popular Not as popular as another one loves on the bus

What do you keep calling it? Another one loves on the bus I'm adding a word And changing a few but it's alright We get the gist Dave Foley and I we always talked about ad nauseum

the people that tell us to shut up in the 80s and 90s how funny your videos were because we're like we're big fans of Buster Keaton and the sight gags

were amazing who thought did you think of the sight gags well most of it yeah so you're a comedian more than

I like the comedy you like the comedy that's my point how did you get that talent and music like you thought of really great

like video after video after video had amazing sight gags. Well, thanks. I don't know. Is that a question? I listened to that.

That's a good, that's a question. I don't know the answer there. Where do your ideas come from? I just listened to the... Yeah, but I'm a comedian. I mean, you're a comedian. But you're two things.

My brain is split. Yeah, you're... I just listen to the voices in my head, you know. I understand. Are you a Buster Keaton fan? Absolutely. Well, the, I mean,

in Amish Paradise when the barn falls down, that's a total Buster Keaton steal. I'm showing that where I live in Winnipeg for some reason next, I show a funny movie every month, and I'm showing that one you know Steamboat Bill Jr. where the wall falls on Buster Keaton, and everyone knows it was a real

wall, right, and it would have killed him, but he got the best mathematicians in America to measure it out. I didn't have the best mathematicians, I had some guy with green hair and a nose ring going yeah, you'll be fine no, no, literally, I mean this was not CGI, it was a real literal barn wall that fell

on me, barely missing my head, and It wasn't even just wood. They had to reinforce it with steel so it wouldn't, like, torque and, like, miss the mark. So it was this, like, really, really, really would have killed me dead if I had, like, moved a few inches either way.

And I was like, we're doing one take, and I'll try really hard not to act like I'm so scared right now. And they can't practice it with the dummies your height because that would ruin the wall. Right, right. It's a one-take thing. But you're kidding. Please tell me you really had mathematicians.

Well, I think he did some math, but. Oh, my God. How many accolades and catchphrases can one podcast have? Las Culturistas, hosted by Matt Rogers and Bo and Yang, has been named to best of lists in Time, Esquire, Vulture, Time Out New York and many more publications. And they are about to embark on a national tour early next year. Las Culturistas remains an absolute must listen week after week. And if you need proof, just check out this clip from their episode, Piss Sussy, Cis Pussy, with the woman smiles, Patti Harrison. And after you listen, follow at Lost Cultures on Twitter to see if Matt and Bowen are coming to your hometown in 2019.

Roll that clip. If you had all the money in the world as the pop star that is Patti, what does your concert look like? How does it start? Like, who comes out? Like, is there a story? Like, what kind of fantastical aesthetic elements are we having? like if you could do a world tour like the 1989 tour or like beyonce formation like what is the patty tour so my tour would um be called well let's not start there okay let's not let's actually

say that uh it would be an audio visual experience there would be you know there would be pre-filmed things that and there would be huge screens oh wow and there would be lights lights that would come up so the so the concert's about to start imagine concert's about to start i can see everyone there's like there's what is stadium it's like 50 000 people and then and then the lights go out and everyone's like and then yeah and then some lights come on and then the screen comes on too and then i come out and then music is playing oh my god there's so much music playing everyone's dancing and screaming i come out dancers come out they're dancing too they're like they're all they're doing the routine we we painstakingly painstakingly practice i come out i start

singing a medley of my original my hits from my first album yes and it's like a medley yes that but it's like in the key of another one of my hits and they're all in the same key because it sets you up for the next song that you're going into in the medley yeah it's and this is like an amazing medley then my outfit also by the way looks beautiful oh my god to describe it everyone is like people are taking pictures of it oh my god people are taking people thousands of people have their phones are people describing your outfit as like yes gag slay they say a gag people are saying gag are they screaming well one person actually is screaming a slur she's like one person out there over all the screams of adoration i can kind of hear one

slur and i'm like i think i know what they're saying i think it's a slur yeah and but i'm like i'm not trying to focus too much on it so i'm like i'm like focusing and again my choreography is slightly less intense than the dancers so they can fully focus on dancing and I need time to kind of vamp and like walk around. You can stop and like point here and there and be like and then I point and I'm like and I stop and there's also

I'm not lip syncing but there is a vocal track in the background that has the chorus on it and the lead yeah and people are like and then I hear I hear like in the distance I hear like and I'm like wait not only did I hear a slur but I think I recognized

the voice of the and I'm so like we're going into my first my first song is actually one off the new album oh my god great and it's like

it's a song that's like fast yeah and then so it's like yeah and then it's like images there's images

that correspond with the song so the song is actually about moving on and then so that's going on and then

a spotlight a not planned a spotlight I'm like what is going on a spotlight goes to a crowd Guess who was in the crowd

Ellen DeGeneres That was it That really was it Because we talked about her last time Yeah and she's erect How big is her dick It's 17 inches this time It got bigger from last time

Yeah she did something She got a penile implant A penectomy A penectomy was when they removed the penis But she got a penile implant She got a penectomy And then Got her penis removed

And then got A penoplasty An African rhino horn In the place So actually when I said it was 17 inches It's actually closer to 4 and a half feet long And she's lancing my fans Just like

Lancing my fans in the crowd Like oh there's like a stack of my fans Are you sad as you see this happening I'm so sad I'm crying on stage I'm like stop the music but they turned my mic off because she

fucked it up. No! So she talked to the tech people? She talked to the tech people. She's very powerful. She's very powerful. That's when I realized

that she talked to the tech people ahead of time. And that is not that was like oh my god. And still the music this is bigger than that.

And then there's a part in the music where all the percussion drops and it's just like it's like it's like this arpeggio of like harp. It's a beautiful part

of the song. And I'm like Ellen, get out of here. And she comes up on stage, does a flip with still about six of my fans stacked on her horn, does a flip. The centrifugal force of the flip flings the fans at me off of like, and she's about, she's flipping probably like 20 feet up in the air. So it's like.

That's insane. She can get that high? Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's like a full, and it's like, it's a really fast rotation. We don't know how powerful Ellen is. Wow.

But all the fans But the fans have come towards you They smack into me Knock me down Oh my god And my big platform shoes break No Embarrassing

Embarrassing Embarrassing So embarrassing What an epic concert fail Yeah Jennifer Bowman Who's our costumer She's like Made those shoes herself

Like special Oh my god Was she okay Did she get out of the arena Huh Did she get out of the arena Oh Jennifer Bowman Doesn't come to my shows

Because we have a bad relationship Oh So then So that's the whole thing And then so then by that time you're knocked out and the fans I guess

are long dead by now yeah or at least several of them like six and maybe some that got injured during the fray and they're like

they're all mad they're like this is not what we came here to see we came here to see the music we came here to see Patty man

but at this point they have all turned because they're mad and they're all saying Tranny they're all going Tranny you Tranny

and I said stop it stop it and then that's when ellen turns to me no and guess what she fucking says no no what guess what she says she says you are a bitch and my heart breaks oh my god because i believe it and it's ellen it's ellen she is this point a hero she's obviously a hero of mine in that moment like she's gotten everyone to turn on you they obviously have taken sides with her even though they've killed probably some of the people that they know

yeah they start killing I mean the fans are so mad screaming tranny they start killing each other killing each other this is so serious just so you know just so you know

at my tours all my fans are cis because I won't let trans people I don't like trans people you're a TERF I'm a TERF you're a TERF and it's TERFs only

yeah TERFs only yeah TERFs only trans exclusionary radical feminists for those of you who don't who aren't with it and they're all and they're all straight beautiful too they're a straight beautiful yeah turd straight cishet

beautiful gorgeous turf they're saying tranny but also ellen i remember originated the pronunciation tranny tranny yes with with an h and two n's g-r-o-n-n-e-i-g-h with the h oh and the h but so they're screaming tranny tranny and she's like hey you know why i say it that way and i was like oh why ellen this night couldn't get any worse and she's like because it's a play on pronunciation of the vietnamese language because i know you're vietnamese to you trani oh just just cut steve or twist the knife she fucking she fucking puts that knife on a screwdriver let me tell you something about electric screwdriver yeah it's more than just twisting the knife i am yeah yeah she really went there that's she really went there and that's a

gorgeous tour and that is literally just stockholm where the tour starts that's literally just the first leg of the tour and talk about why stockholm like what does sweden mean to you why is that meaningful uh rich culture a lot of amazing art their government like the government in sweden is just like really progressive socially you know the access to health care the way people like treat each other even yeah um predominantly white blonde yes yes it's it's sort of easier when that matters it matters and a lot of amazing pop comes out of scandinavia of course pop but see the thing about sweden and the thing that it's it just it's a great case study in um homogenizing a people to more easily govern and more easily socialize and provide access if the people look

the same it's easier you know yeah absolutely once you all look the same yeah then you all act the same yes then you all buy tickets to the same concert it's beautiful that's a really good economy uh model i disagree okay but you're still like everything i said up until this point would i was setting up that you would say that so i would agree and then i changed my mind in real time oh okay all right um and that's what people come to expect from my shows yeah yeah they're going to expect to like except for example get through it and live yeah yeah that might not be the case well that's why they turned on each other yes well and the tour is called sis hats only it's radical turf beautiful turf yeah it's called beautiful turf colon sis heads only uh uh colon

uh darma and greg live for one night only and they're there they're the actors who play darma and greg are there oh my god and they what jenna elfman yeah famous scientologist famous scientologist and i'm and i'm giving i give her like a 20 minute platform in the middle of show just to talk about scientology and she's like really charismatic about it because she's like i know it's so crazy you guys probably think i'm crazy yeah it really is a lot of it's so stupid right like really luring people in with that disarming disarming disarming yeah she's like you know what might be fun what if you just like took some friends and you went to like the church of scientology as a joke because the doors are always open you should see how like crazy stupid

some of the decoration is it's so gaudy and everyone's like haha that's so funny and but it's like under the guise of like oh yeah come see how stupid this thing is and then but it's 50 000 people i'm like they're gonna go and they all go and how many of them uh fall for it How many of them fall for it? Did you not hear me? Wait, are you... I said they all. All of them?

But I know all of them go, but how many stay? How many sign on the dotted line when push comes to shove? Well, when push comes to shove, joke's on you, bitch. They were all already Scientologists, because it's also Scientologists only. Yeah. Only beautiful Scientologists who are also TERFs. Cishet. It's called Beautiful Turfs, colon, Sis Head Only, colon, Drama and Greg Live, One Night Only, colon, Scientologist Only.

The newest addition to Forever Dog is this next podcast, The Very Funny Mall Talk, hosted by comedians and L.A. mall aficionados Emily Fay and Paige Weldon, who do not think that hanging out at the mall should stop in adulthood. Each episode, a guest joins them to discuss classic stores, mall memories, and recent mall-going adventures. in the following clip emily and page talked to comedian solomon giorgio about cinnabon jc penny and so much more so then you never went back to macy's no but i did eat at cinnabon every day okay i used to do the worst thing ever because cinnabon had um they had those they had the particular ones uh which was like the pecan one and also i don't think they have anymore they actually had a root beer milkshake oh that sounds good oh yeah so i'd have we had the same exact reaction to that oh so what i would do is order both of those things at the same time every day

oh yeah every day well within those three days that i was working there and many times before and after uh until they no longer serve the root beer oh i thought you were gonna say until they would no longer serve you they were like excuse me sir you are cut off we can see how soft your teeth are now you have to stop we have a moral responsibility even vibrating for the last 30 minutes and i need you to stop oh my wait so where else did you work um i'm trying to remember all the places that i worked because i had a lot of jobs at the time and i that i would quit uh in dramatic ways um because i did work at a jc penny but it wasn't at that mall it was at um oh my god it was alderwood mall i think it was called oh i can't remember it's in lynwood washington which

in north uh seattle um and i worked with jc pennies there there was a jc pennies at northgate which i went to many times did you used to shop at jc oh so many times it's my mom's favorite place to buy her kids presents till this very day i'm pretty sure she's currently in that jc penny trying to see if i want an oversized tweety bird shirt or and you do just a small pair of boxers no she buys me briefs that's tidy whities she never knows my size it's always a double xl or the smallest and you're like who who have you met me before i do feel like jc penny is also like in my mind such my mom's like department store where it's like i feel like it's like macy's is a little more like elevate it's like a little fancier jc penny it's like mom's like i'm going to pennies

i'm getting a deal in my mind oh yeah is that where all like your school clothes and stuff came from um no no i wish uh it was mostly ross and marshall's also at the mall i mean we love we love marshall's i marshall's is definitely a clean a cleaner ross but that's really again not a i mean ross i will enter if there's an emergency of some kind where i simply can't get to a marshall's but it's a war zone it's crazy in there but i'll tell you this right now uh when it comes to home goods oh yeah ross is crushing the game i recently bought a teapot there yeah ross is where the great deals are in home goods no one goes and that's part of the raw yeah so it's not decimated i feel like that that is the one part of ross whereas marshall's overall

i'm like great everything's great everything's great but marshall's doesn't have good deals on home goods i was in marshall's recently looking for a teapot and i was like most of these teapots are like 25 disrespectful to the game yeah why am i even here yeah yeah like might as well might as well go to william sonoma spend big bucks on a teapot look i'm just saying if you have a store i can't i shouldn't be able to buy three shirts for the same price as it's weird i don't understand why that's going on but i did then immediately go into ross and get one for like $3.99 or two I got a beautiful red one for $4.99. That's amazing.

I actually also need a tea kettle. We'll report back. Yeah, check into the Ross. See what you find. The one in Pasadena. Is very good. That's the best one. All right.

Also the cleanest one. Oh, I haven't been in. Most of the clothes in that one are on the rack. Oh, wow. That is something to be said. Trampled on the floor. Yeah, that's crazy. But I've only been there when it first opened at 10 a.m.

Ah, sure. I can't speak for an afternoon. or an afternoon passadena ross i can't imagine um but actually even i mean i remember one time because we went to ross so many times that i pooped my pants at ross and everyone was like correct it seems right yeah and my mother refused to buy me new pants oh no why the only the only time that i have anyone's ever been like i need to buy pants at ross i need to was it like i don't want to buy pants right now or was it like sit in your mistake it was so it won't happen again i truly wish my mother had that decency and her uh where she was like i can't afford this we can't

no no it was more like no oh god this on purpose which is like who shits their pants on purpose no there's no winning part of that no you're not getting anything out of it believe it or not and it's like and like you're gonna have to be in the car with me on the ride back home Yeah, that's not good. This hurts all of us. This is bad for everybody. Listening to Mary Houlihan's Little Podcast is like being stuck in a blender of early 90s FM radio. That sounds like a quote, but I just came up with it.

Every time you listen to Mary Houlihan's Little Podcast, it's something different. A morning talk show, an advice show, a game show, a makeover show, a call-in show, a call-out show. All from the mind of Mary Houlihan. Plus commercials like this one. Hey, the big concert's on the beach. Let's go. But wait, I have to eat all these tacos. Just put them in your pants.

You ever go on a run and reach into your pocket for a taco, but it's all cold? No way. Taco pants are special pants with foil-insulated pockets that keep your tacos warm all day. I'm in love with the taco pants. Taco pants. Now available with sour cream. This next podcast was named 2018's Best Podcast for Aspiring Comedians by Vulture. not because it talks about how to succeed but about how to fail the need to fail with don

finnelli features comedians and entertainers at the top of their game talking about all the rules they didn't get all the shows they bombed all the times they ate shit and their dreams felt more elusive than ever and how they persevered through those times in the following clip don talks with comedian writer and improviser neil casey so you kept your car you have your car in new york still my car in new york and then i have 30 days to figure out like where i'm going to live and what's going on and the answer was ended up being that um i lived nowhere for five months wow um and uh uh i packed i threw away a ton more shit i got a storage unit over on the west side highway for the stuff i kept that wasn't in my car and uh and then i was homeless for from april of 2012

until september of 2012 or mid-august of 2012 when i moved into nick coacher's room that i rented with like gran o'brien and mary and len and some good people there right and part of it was like i called it a um what's that was like it's a um it's like a controlled homelessness because my thinking was if i if i can just there's some places i needed to be including um uh the the torco trip to south carolina williamstown theater festival where i teach improv classes in the summertime my family rents a beach house in june so there was like if i could just cover these weeks then i basically wouldn't need to pay rent for like i thought like three months that ended up being like a little over four what did you do how did you do this i um

did you stay i stayed at my brother's a little bit uh a couple nights but he just had a bedroom did people know did you tell anybody about the people i asked to stay with i did yeah but nobody else knew nobody else knew because heinz and i were doing our show then too so anytime heinz and i would do small man i would stay at his house the night before right and i'd sleep there and then we would um but did you tell him i don't have a place okay yeah he knew like my my closest friends knew right um and uh i'd say heinz stayed at my brother's i stayed at dan black's one time i stayed at bluff bands one time right these are all people right in manhattan too yeah yeah yeah kind of kind of kind of keeping it honest that way i i lived at the green point ymca for a little

while uh-huh uh with a lot of old with a lot of old guys um where are you mentally during this Are you determined or are you, like, fucking low? Well, I was throwing – in retrospect, I believe that what I was doing was I was eliminating absolutely everything that I had going on in my life so that I could, like, reboot the few things that I think would actually work. Another very exciting addition to Forever Dog this year was the beloved cult sensation podcast The Ride, A show about theme parks hosted by three childless men in their 30s, Mike Carlson, Jason Sheridan, and Scott Gairdner. This year, Podcast the Ride accomplished perhaps the most impressive feat in all of comedy podcasting, releasing an 18 episodes in 18 days series about Hollywood's Universal CityWalk that was rightly named Best Miniseries of 2018 by Vulture. And here is a clip from that very series, The CityWalk Saga.

and let's clarify this series is about city walk at universal hollywood not city walk at universal orlando right that is an entirely different entity we will not speak about that at all at all this is only for hollywood and yes now that is also lovely it's a lovely place yeah well in an endeavor like this requires rules and parameters right and which is why you know we've carefully caged ourselves in with the 19 part system and where did they where did 19 come from i feel like it's because they aren't necessarily all uh even in the amounts of stores and restaurants but there's i think 19 is a is a perfect number uh and i don't want to question perfection but but if we had to analyze what is it about 19 why is that the perfect amount

You know, one of the impetuses for doing this is that, like, we met a guy. I think a guy almost undervalues what he is. A mentor figure, maybe? Or a voice of authority? Oh, yeah, he's here. A sector keeper? He could know who could have said it better than the man, the being himself. So, yeah, joining us today on the podcast is, we call him the sector keeper.

he keeps the different sectors of city walk universal city walk sector keeper please of course universal city walk hollywood sector keeper actually if i may correct you i'm so sorry spirit can't cross the country country yeah yeah start to dissipate when you hit the mississippi i lose strength yes yeah so when we talk about 19 sectors um this is sort of a number that's been around for as long as time like the number 23 the significant number of the jim carrey film 19 is a it's it exists in many different uh codes and it's embedded secretly all over the city walk property that's fair to say yes yes as another world league uh meaning city walk is a powerful place a magical place and so you must divide it into sectors to experience more than a sector

provides would be dangerous yes if we have too much fun and too much discussion about of like maybe say two sectors at once it would be too much for sort of a normal mortal man or a woman to handle so that's why we've divided it up into different sectors because we were to talk about all the city walk at once who knows what would happen we would just be exhausted you know or we'd be here all day well a week and many people uh in this city or visiting los angeles from other cities have gone up to city walk and i can only imagine i mean there's no there's no wrong way to do city walk but there's also a perfect way to do it and and it seems to me sector keeper that by laying out the divine sectors you are providing the your ideal way of experiencing

this this mall i will call it a perfect sort of roadmap yes look at as a roadmap a roadmap that will provide you uh many things uh discoveries of popcorn okay popcornopolis ah discoveries of board shorts oh okay at billabong discoveries of watches at fossil okay discoveries discoveries of water massages at zen zone okay and discoveries of well-priced women's fashion at angel oh just Like scarves and stuff? Yes, like scarves and dresses. But at a reasonable price. But at a reasonable price, yes.

Fashion forward, but at a reasonable price point. And that is your first sector. Okay, that's sector one. Sector one. Billabong, Popcornopolis, Fossil, Zen Zone, and Angel. My boys. Were your boys not born? Venture into the sector.

Discuss, but be careful. If you go outside of the sector, my spirits will burn in hell. Wait, what? Oh, no. Oh, spit out the drink I had in my mouth. Really? That's what's at stake here? Yes.

Each sector will help piece together my soul. Oh, wow. Once you accomplish each sector, you will get a sector stone. Okay. 19 sector stones make up my soul. Oh, my God. So, please, go forth, be careful, and I'll be here watching over you as your guardian. Guardian.

So, we're, like, setting you free? sorry to bring you back real quick yes i'm still here so we're setting you free so yeah like you can hang out but like you we're setting you free basically are you like casper where like you have unfinished business or yes i have unfinished business in the city walk okay i can't get into the details i'll tell you more as you discover more okay all right great just know that i will go to hell if you don't do this okay well that's a lot to put on us huh perhaps no podcast has followed a more bizarre and self-destructive trajectory than the Podcast for Laundry. Originally pitched to us as a podcast to do your laundry to, we honestly had no idea what we were

getting into. Over the course of the last year, host and laundry obsessive Brett Davis has been arrested during a live recording, gotten married to a bottle of Tide detergent, and pissed off pretty much every guest that has been unfortunate enough to be booked on the show. Guests including Janine Garofalo, Wyatt Stanak, Tom Sharpling, Bridie Elliott, and Chris Gethard. Please tolerate the following clip featuring Awful Brett and the wonderful Sashir Zameda. You know what I do? I've got, if you see my belt, I've got what looks like a little 90s cell phone holder. Yeah.

It's kind of thick, but I jam-packed Tide Pods. Oh, wow. That's very convenient. Like, you know how people walk around with dog treats? Mm-hmm. I'm sort of like that, but with Tide Pods. Tide Pods. Yeah.

That's great. Do you hand them out to strangers or just use them for yourself? to strangers for myself whatever whatever you know sometimes i check in on a laundromat and i just pop my head and say everything okay in here yeah that's really nice of you and then if some it's never happened but if someone's like i forgot my laundromat i made my my card and my now i don't have my detergent i'd be like hey i tossed some of the tide pod wow that's like a commercial yeah for tide pods i'd be worried that they would melt do you do commercials i don't any well yeah i do i used to do more than i do now but yes do you know any advertising agencies um not like i don't

have like good relationships with anybody i know of some are you looking for sponsorship i'm well yeah i was tried but uh i think i have a lot of great laundry detergent commercial ideas i'm sure you do there was one uh commercial i auditioned for actually for tide i didn't get it but i auditioned for it and uh it was like a mom role where you had to like be with a kid who was messy and um those auditions with other kids are always weird because you don't know the kid but their mom is there and you're like trying to like convince them to like chill out and be okay with this new adult in this very strange situation interesting there was one i did for loves where i had to hold a baby and that was very strange and it like a live baby i had to hold a live baby

and they were like the casting people were asking me questions like do you like kids do you like being with kids and i'm like holding it as far away as possible like yeah this is a blast for me and it wasn't because it was wet it was a very wet baby most babies are wet one baby like kind of being passed around all day i think they had multiple babies being passed around i think that baby maybe did a couple auditions and then they're like okay we get we get what that baby's deal is and then they bring in another baby do you still have your sides i don't know oh that would have been a fun segment yeah sorry it's like sort of living your dream yeah i mean i've done other stuff since then but i could be the baby you could hold me like a little baby no you're a

little bigger than a baby oh yeah but i could be a little baby i need my laundry done the baby didn't have lines it was just it was just the adult that had the line the line so baby just that there coup i could coup you could do you want to improv this you're okay yeah let's do it okay um wow should i get in your lap no no you can stay right there okay and we'll just pretend uh that you are in my lap okay all right as a busy mom i don't have time to just clean up all the time when i'm on the go when i'm on the go and my and my son's on the go i use loves yeah that seems great yeah that was really great good what do you use loves what's love

the diaper company oh i thought we were doing a laundry commercial oh let's let's go back and do a laundry commercial sure okay thanks yeah i'm a busy mom and i don't have time to just run around and pick up my kids' clothes all the time. As you can see, little Herbert gets very upset often. So when I need to get my kids' clothes ready to go... There's a reason for this. Okay. When I need to get my kids' clothes ready to go,

I use Tide. oh see look how happy he is now that i'm using tide those were your first words oh don't eat it don't eat it sweetie wow that was great yeah i wish there was a casting director here because that would have been amazing. Well, we could just send this. You know, they do radio ads. This is true. Yeah.

Maybe this could be on Spotify. Imagine if you don't have the Spotify premium and you're just kind of going through your day and then you hear that in between your workout playlist or something. It'd be so exciting. It'd be so exciting. You're like, wow, maybe I should get tied.

Is that Sashir? Is that Brett? Well, they're doing well. Yeah. one of two podcasts at forever dog hosted by the prolific duo of lindsey k tie and kelly nugent public domain theater started out as a bonus episode and has since grown into one of the most rewarding and bingeable back catalogs in the comedy podcast universe public domain theater is like masterpiece theater meets mystery science theater 3000 lindsey kelly and their guests read a classic or not so classic work of literature from the public domain and interrupt it with

hilarious commentary if you're looking for an episode to start with try sherwood anderson's the egg with guest ria butcher bram stoker's the doula tests with guest mary holland named one of indie wire's best podcast episodes of 2018 or irving e cox's love story with guest nick weiger which is where this clip comes from true to yourself george found a strange comfort in the words and his fear was gone oh no he squared his shoulders and faced the mouth of her gun true to yourself that was something worth dying for he saw a flicker of emotion in the old woman's eyes admiration he couldn't be sure for the moment a shot rang out from the end of the corridor and the top director fell back nursing a hand suddenly bright with blood wait my what did somebody else

shoot her a rove roving band of roving bachelors okay or is it jenny oh no no no no don't do this let him go no it was jenny's voice jenny she was sheltered by a partly open door at the foot of the stairway Don't be a fool, the old woman replied He's seen too much It doesn't matter Who would believe him? You're upset, you don't realize

He's mine and I want him The director will give you a refund of the purchase price Oh my god You didn't understand me I don't want one of your pretty automatons Anybody can buy them for a few shares of stock I want a man A real man

I want to belong to him he belongs to you watching a horror movie you bought him no no oh yeah yeah and that's what's wrong we really belong to each other oh this is so cheesy an old woman glanced at george and he saw the flame flicker of feeling in her eyes oh and tears tears of regret why we have you outnumbered the old woman said quietly to jenny i don't care i have a gun i'll use it as long as i'm able oh my god the moral squad raised their weapons the director shook her head imperiously and they snapped to attention again if you take him from us she called out to jenny you'll be outlawed we'll hunt you down if we can i want him jenny persisted i don't care about the rest of it

the old woman nodded at george he couldn't believe that she meant it the director was on her home ground in her headquarters building backed by an armed squad of stone-faced amazons she had no reason to let him go she walked beside him as he moved down the hall when there were 20 when they were 20 feet from the guard she closed her thin hand on his arm her eyes swam with tears and she whispered punch me there truly is a love potion not this nonsense we bottle here but something real and very worthwhile you and this girl have found it i know that from the way she talks she doesn't say anything about ownership and that's as it should be as it has to be for any of us to be happy hold tight to that all the rest of your life don't ever believe in words don't

fall for any more love stories believe what you feel deep inside what you know yourself to be true you men who learn to break away are our only hope wait i'm sorry who's talking right now this is the old woman who's been shot why did she all of a sudden change her mind i don't know She's flipped 180. So much. Most of us don't see that yet. I do. I know what it used to be like.

Someday there may... So she's like over 90 years old? Yeah. Someday there may be enough men with the stamina to take back the place of dominance that we stole from them. Oh, my God! We thought we wanted it. For decades before, we had been screaming about women's rights. No!

Oh, my God. This is horrible. This is the scariest story I've ever read. This is a nightmare. This is horrible. This is horrible. This book, this story. Her thin lips twisted in a steer and she spattered disgust.

Finally, we took what we wanted and it turned to ashes in our hands. We made our men play things. We made them slaves. And after that, they weren't men anymore. But what we stole isn't the sort of thing you can hand back on a silver platter. I thought she was shot. Why is she talking so long? I'm going to throw up.

I don't know. I'm going to throw up, too. I hate this. Seriously, I'm nauseous. But what we stole isn't the sort of thing you can hand back on a silver platter. You men have to get enough courage to take it away from us. Oh, my God! Her grip tightened on his arm.

No. There's a fire door at the end of the hall. If you push the emergency button, you'll close it. That will give you a five or ten minute start. I can't help you anymore. They were abreast of Jenny. She seized Jenny's hand and thrust it into his. Beat it, kids.

What? There's a bachelor camp on the North Ridge. You can make it. Bachelor camp. And from here on in, what he says goes, the old woman added. Are you kidding me? Don't forget it. Oh, no.

episode discussion dissection and dissemination of rupaul's drag race hosted by the franchise's very own golden child and prodigal son alaska thunderfuck and willem and if you live in the los angeles area do not miss race chasers very first live show taking place friday january 11th at the theater at the ace hotel tickets on sale now at race chaser tickets.com um now for this challenge for the first time there's a live studio audience and a fake band the band is definitely fake because you could tell it's the track and then you're like okay. I love a fake band. Like. Nowadays they would

have the pit crew doing it in their underwear. Oh for sure. With no shoes. Yeah. It's very rocker. No shoes. No shoes. Yeah. For sure. I don't want to see a sock on the go-go boys. Uh uh. Go-go boys please keep your socks on. The health department is coming by tonight.

Matching socks please tonight. No holes. What'd you say? So the girls the basic rundown is i think from kind of like top to bottom jessica surprises and really delivers and is confident pandora's voice is kind of but like she's you know doing her like rock moves yeah hey now you're an all-star get your game on go play she looked cute yeah she's kind of smash mouth she has the crimpy hair and like she's giving rocker and she characterizes she's giving

me lindsey lohan mall rocker from freaky friday exactly that hair could have been teased out she could have had like a couple scabs but you know she's clean concise package yes she demands an ovation as she walks out and peels off one piece of sequin dot fabric honey we've all done it i've never demanded applause i've never demanded applause but i've done the sequin dot reveal i know i've done shows with you um anyway i'm not no one saw no one sees this reveal coming I'm wearing just a sheet of fabric No one knows That I'm going to take this off

I'm keeping this on for the whole show I think anytime That you have to go out for a challenge And you have to get an audience ready That has been sitting Come on, clap your hands It's always a risk Because they could always just cut to the audience

Giving nooch Also keep in mind this audience has to watch How many queens sing the same exact song uh six wow seven times in a row which okay it's gonna be hard to get that audience going for sure um sahara actually forgets some of the lyrics um but tati adds her own she gets some chanting t-a-t-i bitch tati turns the party every time she's a great performer raven too raven does really well not surprisingly and she's got a little something that for me is like a wet cotton ball pulling part there's just a thin strip of panty over a padded ass and to me that's just like i don't

know it's just the padded patio ass with a thong over it is a rare thrilling moment it's a very inland empire moment it the girls do it the girls do morgan does it raven does it it doesn't to me resemble a real ass enough for it to be like for it to have the impact that a thong is supposed to yeah i'm not saying put on depends but put on a light panty a french cut a brief you know it yes it draws attention to the wrong area it's like oh okay that's you know it's it's more for drag queens than it is for like the audience because it doesn't it doesn't i mean and raven like keeps turning around like showing her ass off and it's like it's like a like a um like a loaf of bread with like a piece of tape over the middle it's not it doesn't resemble an

ass and the seam from the pantyhose is off center from okay i'm not gonna knock off points for that a girl presentation i'm not gonna knock off points for the presentation anyway but she fares well ruse living because she looks like ruse baby stepdaughter she has a tattoo of jinx monsoon on her forearm she looks like terry nunn she's selling it they love it she has terry nunn's hair on basically and i believe that's an exposed corset 100 percent um tyra exposed corset now we do it every episode um tyra is dressed like beyonce does rock basically that wig has been around the world at this point it has it has morgan mcmichael's all-stars promo wig has been around the world for sure and she's giving beyonce choreography codography um she walks

backwards like beetlejuice at one point and says i'm gonna do this if you are this is the case of the clothes that are taking over and it's especially for rock and roll it's supposed to be about connection with the audience visceral in the moment free but she's like I'm doing this thing with the co and I'm not singing the words where they go at all yeah she was in her own she marched into her own band

and I was on a one person loop in her head yeah but she had immunity so she was vulnerable she made mistakes and she learned from it probably and she thanks probably yeah and she's very thankful for it I bet thank you for your critique

sketch comedy and podcasting are an absolute match made in heaven, and that's why we were very excited this year to produce John Milhiser and Zedd Kutzinger's 10-part series Radio Shorts, a collection of comedy sketches for your ears written and performed by over 30 of New York and L.A.'s

premier sketch comedians. One of our favorites was Starless Summers, a sketch about an unfortunate cruise ship entertainer written by Jesse Esparza and Cat Pilarity, performed by Cat Pilarity, and presented here in its entirety. Jesus Hello ladies and gentlemen

I hope you're having fun on the S.S. Infinity cruise ship to Fort Lauderdale, Florida I'm your cruise ship singer Starla Summers And I've been singing on this deck for nine Hours straight, no breaks And my skin

Is literally burning off My body This girl is on fire Now, Gloria Glamour, if you're out there, please come and relieve me Oh, she's got her head in the clouds She's burning it down This girl is on fire I'm talking about me, I am on fire

This is the crowd for help But enough about me Does anyone in the audience have any sunscreen? Blankets? Hats? One hat. Anybody with a hat? Oh, I'll come to you. Yay! Oh, mama's got a brand new hat.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, everything hurts to the touch. Jesus. Can't wear a hat. All right, never mind. That is the most pain. This scalp is on fire. You get what I'm doing.

How are you guys enjoying the cruise? Now, let's not forget the SS Infinity is your destination cruise ship and ranked in the top five shrimp buffets in the Western Hemisphere for a cruise ship. Thank you, Time Magazine. Yay! Oh, I'm going to sit down because, baby, I'm feeling dizzy. Ah! How did my asshole get burned?

Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, how about a joke? Here we go. If I don't die of an intense sunburn today, I will definitely develop melanoma. Or at the very least, basal cell carcinoma, because skin cancer runs in my family. Who wants a conga line?

Oh, but a conga. Come and take it, baby, to that conga. Come and take it, baby, to that conga. You, sir, come on up. Yeah, let's start a conga line. Hands right on the shoulders there. Oh! Oh, my shoulders.

My arms. Oh, my ass. Oh, no. No. Get the fuck off my face. Get the fuck. Who the fuck? Yeah.

We're back. You know what it is? It's like I woke up in the middle of surgery And I can feel all the pain Yeah Okay, enough about me I hear we have a corporate team From you

On board today Can you give me a hey Starla Hey Starla Yeah, and we got the pumpkin family From the back hills of Georgia Can I get a hey Starla Hey Starla Now are there any doctors or nurses on board

Cause I'm pretty deep in heat stroke here I'm smelling burnt toast Come on, doctor, doctor, give me the news. I got a bad case of lovin' you. Come on, a bad case of skin. Peeling right off my body here. Woo! Ew.

I'm feeling kind of shaky here. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. I don't know how much time I have here. But more importantly, we have some newlyweds on board today. Yes, we do. we got some newlyweds welcome to you

Diane this goes out to you from which you're just gonna walk right off the stage here oh that is a drop a three foot drop down off the lip of the stage okay it's for the way you look at me

oh it's for the only one I'm so sad I thought I would be with my family when I died happy marriage good night forever she's dead

next up is relatively healthy jenny stoller's podcast about health sex wellness dating and self-care this year jenny has conducted some of the most honest and revealing interviews that you will ever hear on a comedy podcast covering topics such as breast cancer, body acceptance, grief, plastic surgery, polyamory, addiction, heart transplants, mental illness, and menstrual products. Definitely one of the highlights of Relatively Healthy this year was Janie's two-part series

on abortion, which included this clip with guest Kim Kalish. When you're trying to defend abortion, you try to make it seem like it's not that big of a deal so it doesn't feel scary. Yes. And that's fair and that's fine. But for me, I got lost in it because all I was hearing from people who are pro-choice is like, it's fine. It doesn't matter. It's fine. I don't regret it. And, you know, I'm two years out. And that first due date that came through, I was a mess over. I had to go take a hike up a mountain with my dog and I just left for the day. I was like, peace out. I need to go do this. And sometimes I still do the math of how old that kid would be if I had kept it and I go through it and I still think about it. And I never question my decision, but I always think, what if I had made a different decision? So in the battle of abortion, that seems to get really lost and I just wish – I know there's got to be more women than just me thinking about it. So and I would think that I'm probably in the majority.

It's just that there's such a shame because we all live in the shadows and we don't know how to talk about it. Yeah. You know, and we're scared of pissing people off, too. I think a lot of the time. I mean, there's also what you're saying is interesting because if there's a pressure to scream, you know, and some people, they're just naturally wired like this or they feel this way.

They want to scream about it. They love it. It's the best thing that they ever did. No complicated feelings. But if we also want to talk to people who don't necessarily understand it, sometimes I feel like we're all having different conversations. Like there's just not – people who are pro-choice and anti-choice sometimes are just not talking about the same thing. Like they're not talking about the same experience, the same type of story. So by being able to fill in those blanks with all the stories, as many as possible, actual experiences, I feel like that does a lot of service to, you know, just like undo some of those huge divides.

Yeah, I would agree with that. I also think that society as whole, but also women, we hold women up to such a high moral standard that's much higher than men. Oh, yeah. We can't mess up. and so and we represent all women right one thing you do means everything for everybody right so you you tend to get the extremes on both sides and you just lose nuance and i don't know one topic or conversation in this world that doesn't have nuance you know and and i just i don't know yeah i'm i don't think i'll ever be the person that's screaming at the top of my lungs that i've

had an abortion but like i'll sit down and talk to anybody who will have it you know and i just feel like there's a huge majority in there that we just don't get talked about all that much. Yeah. And then that just keeps propelling the stigma forward because then it's shut out. And then if the one in three, where are their voices? So I'm not going to add mine either. Right. Well, also take it from a, if you take it from a pro-life stance, if all you see are women screaming about they, how they don't care, but you believe that life begins at conception, I totally understand why you would think they were crazy. You think they're screaming how proud they are to kill a baby.

Right. Right. And so you lack the ability to ever have a conversation with them if there isn't a group of people saying, no, hang on, hang on. I do believe I had a baby and I had to make this horrific choice and it was rough, but I had to make this choice. Right. And I can't make that choice for you and you can't make that choice for me. There are few podcasts that make better use of sound and atmosphere than the very cool, very trippy Sassy Tarot, hosted by Veronica Osorio. Described as an audio journey through the world of the tarot, Veronica provides interactive readings, explains the meaning of the cards and how to interpret them, shares unforgettable stories from her life, and brings on guests for live readings.

And all the while, she's accompanied by a live improvised soundtrack, courtesy of musician Peter Mark Kendall. Sassy Tarot is a truly unique listening experience. Just listen to this clip featuring Beyond's very own Mike Kelton. My angel experiences have been, I don't know, a lot. I was going to do this work. I was hired as an actress for this high-level thing. And I had a terrible, random, out-of-nowhere fight with the producer. I have never fought in my life.

I'm so I don't know you as a contentious person I don't know myself either I know that I get upset about it conflict makes me very stressed I will say things frontally but I don't know how that escalated so and it turned into some mostly it was me in a corner being like defending myself and so I felt like a cage animal and that has never happened in my life and I left sorry very like thank you i left very like shaky and was like fuck that has never happened like i try to like look back and regret it regret having reacted or said or and i couldn't regret really anything so i was kind of calm that way like i don't think there's one thing that i could have done differently frankly yeah honestly but i don't even regret it yeah and it not in a bad way like i wish

maybe it wouldn't have gone that way but i don't regret it but i couldn't get this like terrible yucky post fight like doom you know like this like darkness in your yeah in your heart so i went two days later to get a reiki session because i wanted to clear that energy and also i was frankly losing my mind i felt like they put like energetic like grips on me or something yeah that can happen it can stick to you for sure if someone gets to you if they manage to lower your vibration you're they get you in a bad place emotionally i've heard it's easier to to get it to attack you uh-huh uh and i have a little story about that um oh i love two petty petty petty stories oh i love i love petty stories terrible so i went to get the reiki session and i'm just like laying there

and she's doing her thing but one of the images that i had that was so heavy so strong before my accident i prayed to michael i was like please michael because that's my no no my italian grandpa that's his angel and like we just we all pray to michael not pray to but ask so during virtue is the one who taught me like when you want help outside help you need to ask yeah you have to communicate with your masters or whatever because free will is true uh-huh so free will you're going about your life and then you're like i don't know what to do with this i don't know what to do with this instead of using your brain like that you can just go anyone who's qualified to help me with this any idea any thought any person please send it my way

because i need this help and then you at least are opening your brain to receive this solution versus just like staying in the asking place if you stay in the negativity of it yes you kind of tear yourself apart yeah because you're not even actively looking for a solution while when you ask even if you don't believe in angels you're asking so you're putting your mind already in that in that position it's literally the idea of like asking for help when you need it yeah and people will help you if you ask yes so this is like a mental exercise to be like ask the energies available to please come to you and help you so i do that with the accident i i barely like i scratch myself basically even though it was hard when the reiki session was happening i closed my

eyes well and then two huge muscular legs came out from inside of mine and then they were so so so so so long that i got lifted from earth like literally saw the earth like becoming smaller I'm obsessed with this. So you visualized two big muscular... I did this image. It's like when you're between asleep and awake, a bunch of images just come and they're not yours, but they're not a dream.

That stage. I'm obsessed. She was doing Reiki and I was having random images and kind of thoughts because I'm still kind of conscious. and then two huge muscular super great big legs grow from inside of mine but they were like energetic legs they lift me from the earth and then i look back and there's uh six feet long wings gigantic just the the i knew it was michael and i knew he grew from inside of me so as to say like you're protected from inside out lifted me from the earth and then walked with his two

it was like milky white with like a blue energy lining or something walked me from where i was on earth to a few steps and then he slowly put me down and then i landed in a different place and then more images came like that image went and then i realized i was like oh i i woke up and then i told this girl who was doing reiki to me and she was like oh that was michael and i was like yeah that's what i thought she knew it was michael yeah she was like this is michael and i was like okay yeah it was michael oh my god this story i know it's crazy i don't i mean it is a bold move to introduce yourself to the world as the sister podcast of las culturistas But that is exactly what Catherine Cohn and Pat Regan did this year with their podcast, Seek Treatment.

And over the course of 20 plus episodes, they have proven themselves more than worthy of that title. In fact, Seek Treatment and Las Culturistas were just named Best Extended Podcast Universe of 2018 by Vulture. Wow, I didn't know that was an award. Each week, Kat and Pat invite on a guest to have a fun, flirty conversation about boys, sex, fucking, dating and love. And the proof is in the goddamn pudding, people. please enjoy this clip from the episode sucking a dick is my wedding with guest amy solomon i'm going through a lot of changes right now i really feel like i'm growing right now i think i'm growing right now oh good i think i'm in this place where i'm getting things that i want and i think in like

three years i'll have everything i ever wanted what i'm scared of is as i'm like getting closer to the things i want i'm realizing it not i'm i'm seeing it not make me happy and i'm like oh my god this dragon i've been chasing for a decade is going to be a um golden calf and i will never be happy i feel like my life is so perfect right now and everything good is happening i need to just enjoy it instead of being anxious all the time i do feel like you have to i don't know i don't quite know how to do it but like you perform it i was thinking about it last night with you performing at joe's pub like a literal thing you dreamed of in high school like how do we stop and be like holy shit even some for me something as simple as like when i suck a dick i'm like i used

always want to suck a dick absolutely destroy the moment i was like 23 i would i remember being 23 and like having a dream that i sucked a dick and i was still closeted and i was like i whenever ever in my whole life suck a dick so just even in something as simple as sucking a dick you should be celebrating the dick sucking a dick is my joe's pup show your joe's pup show at the duplex my joe's pup show at the duplex where ticket link is now available this this podcast will come out the day of and Joe's pub show is Catherine's wedding so by chance of the property

me sucking a dick is Catherine's wedding I'm obsessed with the transit of property and Joe's pub is my wedding now listen the second podcast in this episode hosted by Lindsay Kaytai and Kelly Nugent is the absolutely beloved Teen Creeps a weekly book club of YA pulp fiction

from the 80s and 90s which joined Forever Dog at the beginning of 2018 and proceeded to rip through an incredible run of episodes, tackling titles such as Arlstein's The Prom Queen, Christopher Pike's Starlight Crystal, and L.J. Smith's Daughters of Darkness. Named one of the 25 best podcasts of 2018 by Cosmopolitan, Teen Creeps is, quote, the book club you wish you had when you were young. Except it's even better that you're discovering it now because you'll get more of the jokes. And beyond the books, one of the most compelling parts of Teen Creeps is the seemingly endless amount of awkward, hilarious, and exquisitely relatable coming-of-age stories that Lindsay and Kelly share, including the following clip from the episode on R.L. Stine's Cheerleaders, The Third Evil, in which Kelly introduces us for the first, but not the last time, to her very, very unforgettable aunt. So I have an aunt.

Uh-oh. Who? Nervous about where this is going. makes everybody do things for her and like she's just very she's very strange like when she's talking to you she'll get out this little notebook and like take notes on what you're saying whoa yeah she's intense and she's also a person that will like um she just like likes being pampered and like massaged and like that kind of thing but like by people she knows oh my god what yeah it's pretty weird like and she'll always like um like she said to my mom they are the

same age she goes tweet do you want this is how she talks too oh my do you want me to braid your hair and my mom was like what and she's like i just love the feeling of when people play with my hair and you have such beautiful hair do you mind if i play with it oh god but she will do things like that like she watch an asmr video lady she will like i remember when she used to stay at my grandparents house there's like a guest bedroom in a guest bathroom she would go into my grandpa and both had bathtubs go into my grandparents master bathroom take bubble baths leave the tub completely full of bubbles bubbles all over the floor and then just take all of their towels use every single one of their towels

and then put them wherever she would like end up going then when she put all the towels like on the kitchen table or whatever wherever she was like done with her towels and my grandma was like oh when you're going upstairs could you bring the towels up and put them in the hamper and she was like oh a wet towel is too heavy for me to hold oh my god but you were holding it that's how it got wet no it's so are you insane there was so much she was like i remember oh it's her name oh i don't know if i want to say it it's not as good as i was hoping no no let's call her annabella annabella um um she uh also i remember i new name sorry no souffle souffle very good souffle entree souffle

entree can you can you just go hello i'm souffle entree and then say the thing about braiding hair again okay oh no i'll do an actual line that she has said at the beach good hello i'm souffle entree can you put suntan lotion in between my toes oh my god shut the fuck up no and then her husband did it no and we were all like oh souffle entree you are too much um oh oh so this is when my dad's driving oh mark can you please slow down when you go over the speed bumps i i oh don't leave before i place my seat belt on this woman has also gone whitewater rafting so it's like she also has like a thousand ailments she's a thousand ailments she like it's like i need my tincture okay here's here's here's an example of something that happened okay

where my grandma's like on her deathbed she's dying dying dying everybody everybody's in town we're all waiting we're all waiting in the uh in the waiting room uh me and my cousins who are all fairly normal are all sitting here just feeling you know a little bit sad but also kind of punchy and weird my aunt first of all she she was like i have to go to the bathroom and i had to go also so like i went to the bathroom and then she was like oh it is so nice of you to come with me into the bathroom and i was like i'm just i'm just going to the bathroom then so she comes back we're all sitting she opens up her she brought a cooler to the hospital gets out a costco-sized thing of applesauce oh my god like slowly and daintily like unscrews the top

gets out her spoon no eats one spoon no close was it like one of those tiny spoons that you use to feed a baby that has like a rubber end on it no but it was a to-go plastic smallish spoon that's like you would throw away but she had it she used that that and me and my cousins were like such a weird fucking detail and then she like put it put it away and then she got out her zippy bag of apple slices ate one apple slice closed it and then put it away she she took a single bite of apple sauce and then ate a single slice of apple or she'll also bring um her full name is souffle apple entree Souffle a play on Trey.

Souffle a play on Trey. Souffle a play on Trey. One thing that we here at Forever Dog will always remember about 2018 was getting the privilege to reboot Ben Acker and Ben Blacker's legendary podcast, The Thrilling Adventure Hour. Renamed The Thrilling Adventure Hour Treasury, we've released three episodes so far with many more on the way. featuring the triumphant return of classic segments such as Sparks Nevada, Marshall on Mars, Beyond Belief, and the crosstime adventures of Colonel Tick Tock, as well as new tales, new writers, new guest stars, and a bold new sound. All Treasury episodes are recorded in studio with expansive sound design and new musical themes and arrangements. You can expect one new episode from the Treasury every month in 2019,

as well as a previously unreleased live recording from the Thrilling Adventure Hour vault. And if you want more of the Thrilling Adventure Hour, you can access the entire back catalog, complete libraries of classic segments, and bonus content on Patreon at patreon.com slash thrillingadventurehour. But in the meantime, please enjoy this holiday-themed rendition of Beyond Belief featuring Paul F. Tompkins, Padgett Brewster, Rob Benedict, and Hal Lublin. it's time to send the little ones to dreamland and set your radio's dial to spooky boat the doors lock your windows and steal yourself a mysterious suspense in this evening's final feature beyond belief meet frank and sadie doyle the toast of the upper crust headliners on the society pages And oh yes, they see ghosts Who cares what evil lurks in the hearts of men

Unless evil's carrying the martini tray, darling Join the Doyles in tonight's dark episode If These Walls Could Talk Our story begins in a penthouse apartment At the famed Plaza Hotel Where Frank and Sadie Doyle Are about to taste the unknown Eggnog

Eggnog Here goes. Oh, my. This tastes like the punchline of a joke in which a cow is walked into a bar. I care for neither the joke nor the drink. As you suspected, the recipe was clearly incorrect. How much bourbon do you think would be sufficient to nog an egg? All of it, I imagine.

If not more, I can still taste it. Take this, darling. The most astringent martini I know how to make. For emergencies only. You had it ready, didn't you? Anytime an uncertain mixer is involved, my Boy Scout training kicks in. I do so love a man in uniform. That did the trick.

Shall we investigate the rest of this gift basket from the Vickers? No reason to punish the other gifts. What else have we got in here? Those small brown man cookies. Their red and white walking sticks. Chestnuts, which are basically poison. Speaking of which, freshen your drink. Mmm.

Look, Frank, a present. Shall I undress it? Only if you wish for me to be jealous of it. I do. Oh, this is truly quite something, Frank. Exquisite. Priceless. It's us. This photo of us from the Vickers gala.

The night I drank Mr. Vickers under the table. I remember that table. It held its liquor far better than the host. That must be why I remember it so fondly. And look at this picture's handsome frame. On the back he's written, to the most winsome couple in Manhattan, Merry Christmas. Christmas? Is that still happening? Oh, Frank, we didn't get Mr. Vickers anything, and he got us arse.

Well, let us think of something to get him. He's got everything he could ever want, save a stronger tolerance. How about you fix us another couple of rounds to think by, and I'll hang this picture on that wall. So rugged. Aren't I? Now, where is that instrument used to hang things? A hammer? Yes, and that which is hammed? A nail? Here you are, my rugged darling.

All right, just like dispatching a small vampire. You line up the stake, in this case a nail, and... Ow! Ah! Who just screamed? You did. And who before that? I did. It was me.

Your wall. These walls can talk? Just this one. Just me. The west wall. You're my favorite wall, papered as you are with a tanned, prickled texture. Thank you. That's my skin. Or was. It is. The skin still is.

It's just I that was. I suppose I kind of am. So what precisely are you? And what exactly were you? I'm this now. But I was a man. A hundred percent human. A human man?

The plaza man said it was ostrich. Nope. All me. Definitely me. I remember because it really hurt to get flayed alive. Never get flayed alive, I always say. Not if you can avoid it. Oh, please. Mr. Doyle, you could handle getting flayed any day of the week. You've been through so much. Ghosts, vampires.

Hey, remember when all those genies came over? Vaguely. Oh, you must remember. You were right over there, and you were all out of drinks. That seems both likely and unlikely. You found a bottle, but instead of booze... Hold it right there. I will not tolerate a flashback episode.

I forbid it. Oh, we came right up to it, didn't we? Sorry. I know I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. But in my defense, I was hammered. Our most frequently used defense. And I suppose I must apologize for taking a tool to you. Sorry, old chap.

My name is... was... is... Walton. Which is a coincidence, I admit. Wally the Wall. Like when guys named Taylor can really thread a needle, know what I'm saying? Not really. You mean to tell me you've been watching, listening, spying this whole time? Would you have preferred I made my presence known? I think I might have.

I know I would have. Voyeurs by invitation only. Yeah, I meant to, but I guess I never found my moment. But now's as good a time as any, right? Not like you've got another oddity knocking on that door today. Right. Well, I require more drink. Frank, will you help me mix a martini by the east wall? Certainly, darling. Frank, I'm not sure I like the non-consensual presence of this sentient surface.

I couldn't agree more, love. What's next, a garrulous floor? No, thank you. We must find a way to move him out. Are you guys talking about me? No. Yeah, you are. Are you talking about exercising me from this wall?

Why would you ever think this? I know you. That's what you do. As it turns out, we've decided to exorcise you from our wall. But where will I go? Come again? The spirits you exorcise, do you know what happens to them? Well, it depends on them.

Walton, unless we're upset, we tend to send them where they think they should go based on their circumstances and perspective. So they could end up someplace terrible, like a swimming pool filled with wigs and mustard. Only if that is their rather specific fear. It is. And they believe that's what they deserve. I do. Then, yes. Do you drink?

You sound like you could use a drink. Back when I was a guy with hands, I never had friends like you. Now the Frank Doyle is asking me to dance. Drink, to drink. And all I can do is stand here like some kind of, some kind of, I'm sure there's a word for it. Now don't get too down. It was a good run. You've been part of our adventures all along, Walton.

We just didn't know it. Yeah, it's been fun. Are you? It's been real fun. It's been so much fun. Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I've made it awkward now.

Only now? Just now you've made it awkward? To be awkward is to be aware. Descartes. You're sure you don't want a drink? I don't have any kind of digestive tract, but if you wouldn't mind not exercising me, I won't make a peep again.

It'd be like I'm not even here. As if I could forget. Perhaps Sadie has the solution. You are the wallpaper, not the wall itself. Yes, I'm more of a skin condition than anything else, really. Shall we peel you off the wall, then? And do what with me? Deliver you somewhere nice.

Do you fancy Bermuda this time of year? They've got plenty of walls there on which to live out the rest of your bizarre consciousness. That's the thing. I'm not sure I want to be a wall anymore. Well, then what would you care to be? I'm basically leather. Instead of watching you, always watching you, I could be wrapped around you, Mrs. Doyle. holding you. No.

I do not like the sound of any of that. Nor do I. Me neither. Neither what you said, nor how you said it. No. But you know who would love a one-of-a-kind coat for Christmas? Mr. Vickers, to whom we owe a gift. Wonderful. May we dispatch two birds

with you, Walter? Frankly, I don't know if I want some strange man to wear me. Vickers isn't strange. He merely traverses the globe in a boring old copper zeppelin filled with trunks and trunks of dulled money and everyday flammable gas. What's strange about that? Luxuriously on the edge.

He calls himself the Thrillionaire, which is either ridiculous or admirable. Honestly, I go back and forth. I don't know. Listen, you can be a coat or remain a wall, but you can't stay here. Fine. Mr. Vickers' coat it is. Here we go. I'll just reach up and peel you at this corner, Walton. Oh, my God, that's painful! Oh dear, maybe all in one go, like pulling off a band-aid, but in a scenario in which it hurts only the band-aid.

Just do it, just do it, don't talk about it, just do it, just do it, just do it. Oh, geez, Mary Joseph, don't punch me! Well, what we need is a little lubrication. What is that? A gimlet for your glue. Whoa, who said I couldn't drink? Me? Wrong, I was wrong, I apologize.

Walton's feeling quite nicely now, wouldn't you say, Frank? I would describe Walton as supple. This is honestly a dream come true. Hmm. What is this on your skin, Walton? Some kind of marking? He found my tattoo. A tattoo? Were you a sailor? No, I was a member of a secret society.

I should never have joined a secret society. I just knew I'd end up a wall. I always do. You know. Frank, we've seen that tattoo before. I think I'd remember. Turn it upside down. Ooh.

Oh, this is from the Triangle Club. They tried to recruit me about ten years back. Frank, isn't that when the plazas and an outside contractor had gifted us the ostrich wallpaper? And the wallpaper arrived after we concluded that the Triangle Club was nothing but a men's group for warlocks. Indeed. Didn't we put a stop to their entire chapter? You eradicated the Isosceles Cauldron? No, no, no, no, no.

We helped them eradicate themselves. Oh, you did. The club felt like a very wronged triangle, Mr. Doyle, determined to make it a right. Are you saying they flayed you because of our actions, Walton? Oh, no, I got flayed way before that, for infidelity. And not even mine. You know Pythagorean? Warlock? Yeah, his wife is whose infidelity it was.

Well, why would they ever save you for us? Oh, well, my punishment was to be a punishment. I, honestly, I'm supposed to drain your souls. I'm what's called a, oh, man, I can never remember. But it's bad. It's a word that means a patch of cursed skin that drains out souls. God, yeah, I don't remember. You guys know?

No. Wally, have you been draining our souls? Please be honest. I would never. No, I mean, I was supposed to. I was gonna. But then I couldn't do it because I loved you guys right away. We are touched, Walton.

But if we send yours, a coat, to Mr. Vickers, are you going to drain his soul? If he's not as charming as you, maybe. I suppose we can't send him to Mr. Vickers then, can we, Frank? No, Vickers is more eccentric than charming. That wouldn't do. Shall we send you to that warlock who flayed you and then tried to destroy us? Is he still kicking? Oh, Pythagorean? Yeah, let me see. What are you seeing exactly?

I'm expanding my consciousness outward. All, um, whatever I'm called can do this. Ah, yep. Got him. He's alive. Barely. He and his wife are in a nursing home in Queens. Would you enjoy to take his soul before it slips out of him? Oh, boy, would I. And it would be nice to see Angela again. Then we shall visit a nursing home. A nursing home in Queens. You'd do that for me? It's Christmas, apparently. And you're like family.

Family, we do not want to stay with us, which is just exactly who you deliver to a nursing home. In Queens. Then it seems like we've got this Triangle Club situation squared away. I'll roll you right up now, Walton. Oh, Frank, with Walton off to Queens, we're without a gift for the trillionaire. What do you get for the man who has everything? Oh! You have it?

I believe I have. For the man who has everything, you get him the one thing he doesn't have. Nothing? Nothing. It's perfect. Just like your eyes, my love. My eyes? Have you seen your nose?

You want to talk about perfection? Look in a mirror. Your nose. Your ears. Your lips. Your lips. What about them? Put them right here.

But darling, I'd get them all over your lips. Yes, you would, wouldn't you? Yes. But they're perfect. Hey, guys. They can take it. Guys, you're on me. Guys.

Guys. Hey, guys, could you... Move me to the east side of the room. I always kind of want to see what it's like over there. Mwah. Oh, God. If I could... Don't want to interrupt, but...

Guys. And so, Frank and Sadie find themselves walking tall in the face of a talking war. Revenge is a dish best left unserved to those married mediums. lest they find out about it, get it drunk, and send it back one-fold. Join the Doyles next time when they once again walk beyond belief in a horrifying Chanukah episode titled The Lady of the Latkes, colon, deedle-deedle, deedle-deedle, doom.

This next clip comes from a new podcast that premiered appropriately the day after the midterm elections this year. It's called This Is What Democracy Pods Like, And it's hosted by comedians and progressive firebrands Billy Domino, Oscar Montoya, and Kate Friedman. Each week, Billy, Oscar, and Kate trade hot takes on the week in politics, take the temperature of the resistance, and interview unforgettable guests like young Al Gore, death-obsessed Dan Rather, sexy Wyoming politician Ross Denison, and the head of non-practicing lesbians for Ted Cruz, Cheyenne Dykes. In the following clip, Billy and Kate read selections from their post-midterms congressional erotic fan fiction. Enjoy. So we've got that Democratic House coming up in January that will be sworn in and Pelosi is likely going to take back that gavel.

We'll see Marsha Fudge coming forward. Who knows? But we've been waiting for this for not even just two years since Trump was elected. We've been waiting for this for eight years now since 2010. That's right. And we've had some ideas in mind of what might happen when that house is taken back. Absolutely. Ideas that excite us.

Yeah. Ideas that make us whisper. Ideas that make us scream. But Kate and I have written up some stuff. Oscar didn't because Oscar was busy last night. What? When were you busy with Oscar? He has no answer for that.

He's just touching his coffee. It's what's going to save him somehow. Kate, do you want to read your little story? Show us what's in your brain, what you're hoping for we get politically out of this house. Thank you for the invitation, Billy. I'm really excited to have an outlet for my excitement about the house and my own sexual energy. The air was heavily perfumed by fresh, glistening sampler baskets. Abby was so excited she could barely take a bite as Nancy Pelosi kept talking to her on and on and on.

No one told me Congress was going to be this fun, Abby said as she took an ill-informed drag, shooting her straight to the moon. I'm with all that, Nance, but I'm going to be all up in that probe giving my best oh face, oh, oh, oh, Adam Schiff said. as a few people laughed. Not my best. Sorry, guys, Adam said as he asked for the bill. Adam, 1992 might have been year of the woman, but this is 2018 and it's year of the woman telling you to shut the fuck up, Nancy said, as all the ladies laughed together in a glorious way. Abby couldn't believe the night was already over. Or was it? All of a sudden it was February and the house was in full swing. New and extremely strict gun background checks were in play and community policing totally took a turn for the best and across the country was totally responsible

behind the peaceful burnings of excess guns around the country. Maroon 5 had even played at a recent gun burning event in Austin and it was dope as fuck. Everything was coming up Democrat. As they were about to break for lunch, Nancy Pelosi let everyone know that Trump was stepping down as president because Greg Pence got a message from God that it was the right thing to do. The White House was about to install the House of Reps as one really big new president. Hear, hear, everyone shouted. Abby squealed in delight. She couldn't believe that she was part of an even bigger moment in history that happened in record time.

Just as she was about to call her dad and tell him the good news, she felt another naked, unsocked foot fall upon hers. When she looked up, she was shocked at who was on the other end of the leg, grazing hers. oh my gosh oh yeah that sounds like a walk around the block after that one thank you for letting me get some of those thoughts and feelings out i mean everyone knows that the kilo erotica uh is pacifics and chiles alexandria hampton inn Maroon 5. These are all things that make parts of my body shout.

That's so nice. Thank you. It's so nice to have like a warm reception to something that like you write and it's such a piece of you and it's so vulnerable and like you're questioning like did I put too many time jumps in there? Is it making sense? And it's just – it just feels really nice, guys. Thank you. We are not about kink shaming. We are about kink celebration.

That's right. No matter the kink, no matter if it's dangerous to others, you need to do what you need to do in order to express yourself and your body. Wow, Kate. Well, thank you so much for sharing this work of art. Billy, let's hear yours. Please. I'll admit mine doesn't have as many time jumps. Mine takes place in sort of more in real time but –

That's interesting. In its own way. That's really interesting. Maybe that's equally erotic. After a grueling eight weeks of auditions and experimental workshopping, where several congresspeople lost their lives due to trust falls, today everyone will learn the committee appointments. Quickly, the shouts start to rise above the din.

As excitement fills the room with sexy feelings, Mitch tepidly walks towards the corkboard. What committee will he be on? Energy and Commerce? Yearbook? Everyone sees Mitch walking close, his neck glistening in the indoor breeze. The crowd parts and a hush falls over. A hush like that time Mr. Boehner cried during the Earth Day assembly.

No one wants to be near Mitch when he finds out the news. Mitch scrolls the list with his sexy, hot finger. Commerce? No. Veterans Affairs? No. Pep Squad and Agriculture? Not even that one. Mitch is sad. A tear starts to trickle down his cheek as Ted Lieu and Elijah Cummings make out by the junior lockers. lockers. Get a room, shouts Jody Ernst through her headgear covered in 4-H stickers. Adam and

Elijah do not get a room. They just keep sucking neck, their lips glistening in the indoor breeze. Mitch is about to give up and go home, thinking this new Congress is one he won't be a part of. He'll just have to go home and kill himself like he always does. But just then, he sees one tiny list at the very bottom of the corkboard it has his name on it but it's the only name oh my god more give us more billy that was far too short holy crap if you want more go to your local library and write this there on a public computer is it a published work that you i don't know what do you call wordpress is wordpress publishing or not i don't know i'm never really I'm fully steamed up.

I really am. Is it legally published? I don't know. Is this in the Library of Congress? Yes. But I don't know what weight you want to give that. Guess what? Forever Dog has a baseball podcast.

And it's about more than baseball. And it's really, really good. It's called Three Swings. And on each episode, long-suffering baseball fan Rhea Butcher reinvents America's past time with radically sensible thoughts on baseball, history, culture, gender, race, politics. and more. John Lingen over at Deadspin hit the nail on the head when he described Three Swings like this. For Butcher, as for everyone else that cares about the game, baseball is an escape. A beautifully pointless hobby that nevertheless connects us to our friends, family, city, and youth. But Three Swings is a baseball show for an anxious age. One where everything feels connected

and ambiently doomed. As such, it has become a journey of a host's self-reflection and self-reinvention. The ragged optimism of that evolution is always visible. Well put. Couldn't agree more. Please enjoy the following clip from Three Swings. We've got a big trade, which is Daniel Murphy to the Cubs. Daniel Murphy's outspoken homophobia began when he was with the Mets in 2015. Billy Bean, former MLB player and current inclusion ambassador, was visiting the Mets in spring training to share his experiences as a closeted professional athlete and to discuss strategies to the MLB to become more inclusive and accepting of gay athletes, executives, and fans.

And just to put a pin in this there, Billy Bean has since said that he retired from baseball because he did not feel he could come out and continue to play baseball, and he needed to come out. So I think that's an important thing to keep in mind when discussing Billy Bean. I think it's always important to keep a timeline of these things, regardless of what it is. is in mind, which you could also consider to be context that he retired early from not just the sport that he loved and something he was, you know, blessed, I guess, to be able to do. He also had to retire from work, quit his job, essentially, so that he could be his true self. And I don't

think we think about that often. You know, we think about we look at, you know, the Internet and everybody's so pro-LGBTQ plus IA, like, everybody's so pro-everything and everybody thinks everything's fine now, but, like, you gotta think about these things where, yeah, he's all over the place and they made this position for him, but that's because he had to retire

so that he could be who he is. And that's a big deal, you know? That's kind of a big problem. And, you know, I'm more concerned about that That people don't have to quit their jobs Or be fired from their jobs Than I am about, you know, whether or not a team Sells a rainbow flag shirt in their pro shop

You know, one thing is making money And then the other thing is preventing a human being from doing a job You know, so I think that both things are important But one might be a little bit more important for me so in response to billy bean's visit murphy first called the idea forward thinking before proceeding to say that because of his christian beliefs he disagreed with bean's lifestyle the full quote is this i do disagree with the fact that billy is a homosexual something very specific about christians using the word homosexual but whatever anyway

that doesn't mean i can't still invest in him and get to know him i don't think the fact that someone is a homosexual should completely shut the door on investing in them in a relational aspect i would say you can still accept them but i do disagree with the lifestyle 100 maybe as a christian oh sorry new sentence 100 maybe as a christian we haven't been articulate enough in describing what our actual stance is on homosexuality we love the people we disagree with the lifestyle that's the way i would describe it for me it's the same way that there are aspects Of my life that I'm trying to surrender to Christ That's a great deal of many things

Like my pride, which I think is such an interesting choice of words And I'll get back to that I just think that as a believer trying to articulate it in a way That says just because I disagree with the lifestyle Doesn't mean I'm not going to speak to Billy Bean every time he walks through the door That's not love, that's not love at all Now I have to admit That in 2015 when this happened

I had just started getting back into baseball In 2013, 2014 2015 was the first World Series that I watched Since probably 2006 Because I really was out of sports for a long time Men's professional sports for a long time And I found out about this stuff Mostly via TV clips

And then maybe the internet, but I don't really know It was a combination and i didn't read the whole quote and i didn't hear the whole quote and i'll be honest i just kind of saw homophobic baseball player and went fuck that guy and that's on me number one i have in the past like i don't know year of this year really tried to slow down and not just like i'm going to say retweet but i it's a metaphor for everything which is everything has turned into such like clickbait where it's boiled down to this essential nature that is an attempt to get your attention and also inspire either rage panic or happiness and so i have tried really hard to

if there's something that i see and it inspires any of those things in me and it is on a website that is a real thing i try to take a moment to read it and see if that's what they're actually saying you know because i've seen so many news headlines or tweet headlines that literally do not line up with what the actual article is saying and it's it's so uh disparaging and so frustrating and so toxic for everything that um you really owe it to literally yourself to pay more full attention to the things that you want to comment on you know like i i both bristle and completely agree with the idea that there is outrage culture because i think that for a lot of people outrage has become the new pc culture and like all of these things are like a toss away just a way of

diminishing someone saying hey stop treating us badly but at the same time there is also people who just jump on board with a thing and act like it's the craziest worst thing that's ever happened let's all burn everything down and so there's got to be a middle ground here of going wait a minute what is this actually about what is this person actually trying to say and so i'm actually grateful to the fact that this guy was traded somewhere that we're all going back and looking at this again because i think that there's a lot here because i haven't even gotten to the fan reaction to the fact that daniel murphy is playing in chicago um just to go back to his quote i i actually um i actually think that what he is trying to get at well i disagree because i don't

think you can disagree with a human being's existence because he is able to as a non-lgbtq person and as a his type of christian person with his belief system is able to see his lifestyle as a norm or an acceptable one or following christ or whatever or neutral he is in the sort of neutral position to be able to say you know essentially hate the sin not the sinner and it's a sort of evolved position from hate the sin not the sinner to say i disagree with your lifestyle but that doesn't mean i'm not going to engage with you as a human being and the reason i'm even saying this and i hope that all of you who probably disagree with me right now understand that I am a 36 year old queer person who has lived their life as a gender non-conforming

person and also a butch lesbian and also all of the things that I've been in my life I have not been accepted I have been treated like shit simply for the way I exist on this planet so please keep that in mind when I say all this stuff I am somebody that has I don't like Daniel Murphy as a player i don't even like his i don't like his style of play but i have to be very honest about the way this guy is talking that i actually think that someone speaking this way about that is someone that you could have a conversation with and say i get what you're saying but this is why i think it's wrong can we have a conversation about this do you realize that as a human being you cannot separate my existence from my humanness and the fact that i am queer

is not a lifestyle it is an existence it is not something that i put on because i feel like it moving now from the baseball diamond to the farthest reaches of outer space we arrive at treks in the city an episode by episode recap of star trek the next generation hosted by alice and veronica osorio that features the absolute best in feminist sci-fi comedy plus soundboard sound effects original songs and amazing guests like paul f tompkins amanda seals john lovett ira madison the third jolkin booster and many many more for star trek diehards and novices alike treks in the city has an absolute treasure chest of a back catalog so subscribe and get caught up now before alice and veronica jump into season four in 2019 and in the meantime enjoy this clip

of alice veronica and guest whitmer thomas singing an improvised pop punk song about the android data and his android offspring lol from season 3 episode 16 the offspring i'll i have something queued up oh yeah there you go what am i singing about saying goodbye to law okay law was a really nice little robot she felt a little too much she liked her daddy and she liked his touch she had emotion she knew about paintings she would spit a drink on her shirt and one day she got too smart and her Her little heart was torn apart, so she had to be repaired. But no matter how fast Dada Daddy's hands could move,

she had to die because they couldn't improve her. Oh, Dada Daddy, Dada Daddy, Dada Daddy could have given her a deep, deep pain. Da-da-daddy Da-da-daddy Da-da-daddy Could have given her a deep ticket Long past A big fuckable ass

Oh my god What a delight I wish you would just record an album Talking about We are going to record an album So maybe we can have that song be on it I'll always do Little choruses if you need me

Thanks. Y'all are really good. Thank you. The unofficial expert with Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin is a podcast that we have always listened to with absolute awe at how funny it is, how fast it is. And so when Sidney and Marie brought the unofficial expert to Forever Dog this year, we were ecstatic. Each episode, Sidney and Marie invite on a guest who claims to be an expert in a very specific field. Flirting, porn, daddy issues, online dating, cookouts, stalking, sex toys, runaway brides. and they interview the guest to test their expertise deciding by the end of the episode whether or not to crown them an unofficial expert please enjoy the following clip from the episode

sex date expert with guest molly austin so i show up to the date and well first of all wow threesomes are a uh weird group of people to break into i will say as because like well i just want to let you know people who are openly looking for threesomes are fucking weird like any threesome I've had, it just fucking happens. Any threesome you've had? How many threesomes have you had, sis? I just, you know. Give us a number. I need a hard

number. Yes, hard like her spine brace. I need like a one, two, three, four. Give me it. Am I in the teens? Where am I with this? No, bitch. It's less than five. So four? No, so five. She's had at least five threesomes. Whatever, ho. This is about you. This ain't about

me, but let's talk about your threesome. I didn't know you had five threesomes. Isn't that crazy that she's had six threesomes? I mean, seven is a lucky number. Eight threesomes is crazy, dude. I can't believe you had that many. Let the listeners think whatever they want to. Y'all know damn well I haven't been with you. What are you doing with your boobs right now? I'm just massaging

my boobs. She's missing the threesomes because it was more hands on her boobs before. I feel like I'm at the gyno with you. Wait, what? I'm not touching myself like that. You're just checking for lumps. I don't check. Anyway, go ahead. Yes. You gotta check. I know, but I feel like they look smooth you know that's true you're a fool anyway so you're you meet up with

these people so so I meet up with these people and did you have a preference you wanted I mean I guess it was gonna be a girl and a guy well no I was open no I was like open to discussing all options guy and guy I'm like oh that's a porno feels well I don't know something about two dicks feels very violent to me like sword like swords right like and like you get a cut somewhere right but i'm like also like not shut down to the idea but i'm also not like molly you would take two dicks that's what i mean i feel like i'm not judging you but i'm judging you i think it would have to be like a very i don't know i just like i don't i don't think i could handle two dicks i had a friend who took two dicks you think you could handle

two dicks? No, I feel like you could handle two dicks is what I said. Why do you feel like I wipe? What about me? What about me if there's two dicks? I feel like, Molly, you'd have one, like, getting snacks set up, and then you would bang one, and then, like, he would rest, and then you would eat, you know, a little break,

then bang the other one. Well, Molly, you got a new back, so you definitely could take two dicks. That's what I'm talking about. I do have a new back. Maybe not two big dicks, but, like, a medium-sized dick, and then, like, a... I'm not fucking around with two dicks for below-average dick. I mean I feel like people who have threesomes

don't have great dicks in my mind I'm assuming you're right that's why they need help as a threesome expert I'm gonna tell you no here I'm on her nine threesomes anyway

so I get there he's there already what he look like? I mean tell me about it Clark Kent like 6'3 real broad real like tall dark and handsome just like a knight like a like a retired chippendale he's like fucking buff and he's like hot you are painting the photo here i mean this man is just

like his hands like fit across my entire back like he's huge wow he's a huge like a giant beautiful man who like yeah he's like a giant and i'm just like If he's that big and that fine I would assume that means he either doesn't speak English Or he's very dumb Right No I wouldn't think that No I definitely

Once I dated a male model so I was like Perfect They don't like no words I mean I've seen a picture of him he's good looking but he don't look dumb no he's actually not he's actually very smart he looks smart I can see the way he parts his fucking hair he has a

he has a part he parts his hair it's smooth he's like slick he's like very Molly you should have led with the fact that he parts his hair I said Clark Kent I didn't know that Superman was part I know that Clark Kent had glasses

Clark Kent flies through the air and never loses his part never loses that curl so what does the girl look like so she's late and we are like and i was like which is a terrible move for her because if i bring in my man and meet another bitch oh i'm getting there early oh yeah we're pulling up together no no i'm getting there early i'm like no together is the move right it was weird where was she that he got there first meet me early i'm gonna get there early talk to the waiter listen another bitch is coming in and yeah yeah yeah it's gonna be messy so right Well, she gets, oh my God, Sydney is really, why is it so violent for you?

And it was like, I'm under the, well, I'm told that it's her idea. The whole thing is her idea. That means he's about to break up with her and she's panicking. Right, right. That's what that is. Wow, you just ruined the end of the story, Sydney. Well, that's what happened. No, I'm saying that's a fact.

Like, if you were like, yo, I'll do whatever you want so you can stay, it would be a threesome. Well, yeah. not me see this this is why i don't this is why i don't care about how men feel i'm not a desperate hail mary pass to keep my man is to bring another chicken to the situation i would never i'd be like if you want to go go and also i'm never going to bring someone into my situation i'm going i'm i'm going out i'm going out i'm going out for food you know what i'm talking about because i want to go home i don't want these people in my home i don't want them in my space i don't want like no no no i'm here i don't want to never see these

people again i don't even want them to be from this coast yeah boom well you said and they're not look at god look at god in addition to the thrilling adventure hour we also had the privilege this year of working with ben blacker on another one of his podcasts the writers panel which celebrated its 400th episode this year with an amazing live show at dynasty typewriter in los angeles the writers panel has one of the most impressive back catalogs you will ever find featuring in-depth interviews with Vince Gilligan, Amy Sherman Palladino, Jordan Peele and Keegan Michael Key, Damon Lindelof, and many more television luminaries. The writers' panel is the definitive guide to our golden age of TV, and I hope you enjoy this highlight from the live

400th episode, which featured an incredible panel of writers and showrunners, including Caroline Dries, LaToya Morgan, Alexander Cunningham, Monica Breen, Christine Boylan, chernold edwards angela kang and jennifer hutchinson when it seems it seems to me that a lot of the requests for free work come from a place of fear uh on the the buyer's side it's we we need to feel secure in paying you to do this thing so do all the free stuff first but what's hard is when you go into pitch and i would love to hear from every everybody here who's like sold all this stuff because i've sold certain things and some things go and some things don't but they want a, this is such a Tony Robbins thing of like a need for, a need for, a need for like

certainty and a need for adventure at the same time. And that's what they want. They want certainty. They want to know you have all the secrets of the universe in your iPad or in your cards or in your head, however you pitch, but they also want to be enticed. So they want you to tell them everything, but they don't want you to tell them everything because they want to, they want to be seduced and and that's important too so like the last i've been back and forth working on a couple of pitches the last couple of months and trying to find that level of i'm the kind of person who i will like arrest you for eight hours and tell you every single detail of this whole world and nobody wants that obviously right um but at the same time the 10 minute pitch is like

i haven't even gotten into the part where the angels come down just you know just give me five more minutes you know uh so i mean the balance of what do you keep and what do you not keep and walking into a room where if you're pitching on a book you have to assume no one's read that book even though the people you're bringing with you the producers will have read it and they know it and you know maybe you know the author maybe that's going great podcast they probably heard it right but because they're not readers right well i they i mean and to be fair they they have to read a lot sure and they all have families and it's you know i get that but i don't get it i want them to have read more but i never expect it you know that's the thing so yeah what's the balance

for you guys of of like of like seduction and enticement versus listen here is a chart of five to seven seasons and here are the points we're going to hit and it's going to spike on twitter season four because of this just trust me like what how do we do that well in the details that you think are important versus the ones that are important for telling that story? I mean, well, first of all, sometimes it doesn't help if they've listened to the podcast. I found that I had better pitches

on Night Vale when maybe they weren't as familiar with it because they have expectations if they've listened to it. They think this is going to be who you're following, this is going to be what the show is, and then if you don't meet those then you're not selling to that place. It's a hard balance, and this is something I

consistently struggle with. I am the person where I go in and I'm like, it's never the right amount of detail. Like if I overdo it, uh, my agent's like, Oh wow, you really, apparently you gave a lot of detail. And then if I underdo it, it's like, Oh, they want you to come back. And it's a hard balance. And so I think the thing that I have found is cause you're right. They want to know everything, but they don't want to know anything. What they really want to know is do you know everything? And, and if you can communicate that to them, then I think that's when you have a more sort of successful moment. Um, and so when it comes to details I try to do a thing

where like there are specific details that I highlight that are important to me that I feel like I can pitch really well because they're meaningful for me and then they're like oh she has details there must be more details it's not always successful but I think that's the thing it's like do you have a point of view that's really strong

can we invest in you even if we don't have it all in our heads Monica you were nodding your head during this I have no answer to this because I struggle with it all the time and And the one, the most successful pitch I had, which was Midnight Texas, I walk in and give them 30 minutes of a small town story, and it was based on a book that no one had read. And I was, they looked at me and said, turn around, Monica.

And I turn around, and there's a picture of Jamie Alexander's back with all the tattoos on it, you know? And they're like, make it that, and you got a deal. And they walk out. I'm getting high fives from the producer. I'm like, what just happened? I didn't pitch that, though. at all like it's a small town soap opera what is what is this and and then before they picked up the show because i was like they're never making the show the so

i got the pilot made it was delightful i had a really lovely time i was in new mexico it was really pretty and um i was like no one's ever doing the show there's a talking cat there's angels i don't even it's crazy town but it was a small town soap with supernaturals and i get called in it's like can you make it a demon of the week because if you can you gotta sell and i'm like what did i pitch why did i pitch just tell me what you want this is a make your own adventure so like i don't i don't 100 have answers because it was successful it worked and the show as wackadoo as it was got a second season so in a strange way

I'm just like alright let me just go into this like little you know rabbit hole and just figure out what's happening cause no one knows like that's what's amazing to me that no one knows this was NBC right and what year is this this was like two years ago

this was like right after we fucked up on Constantine and did a serialized show with demons and they were like can't you just make it like grim can't you just can't he just do an exorcism of the week I was like but all exorcisms are kind of going to look the same if we do that but you nailed it so I mean yeah I mean it was just it was you work very hard on your pitches and you work very hard on creating a world in your mind that you understand and you

know how to break the story you know what the emotional arcs are and then you just get thrown these things wow make it this and you're like all right and I mean you know part of it for me is I always think of this job a little bit like a project runway challenge like it's like go to the 99 cent store and make a gown and like and i feel like that keeps me sane because otherwise i will go crazy when they tell me to make a gown out of out of construction debris but that's you know part of the fun of the job is like all right well let's make a gown i guess from a to z we have finally arrived at the end of the forever dog roster with alexis g zol's innovative interview podcast zol good on each episode of zol good alexis interviews a fellow comedian entertainer

or influencer about their life and career and she also interviews one of their parents or siblings or best friends or colleagues to get the real story behind their public persona the interviews are then cut together in a point counterpoint fashion that makes all good really unlike any other interview podcast you've ever heard in the following clip our last clip alexis talks to comedian and director beau burnham and his sister sam enjoy i was always incredibly incredibly competitive and i still am competitive and i have to unlearn that stuff but i feel like a deeply deeply competitive person and i've only yeah yeah so did you always see him kind of going into entertainment or what was that prediction on your end as to where he would end up career-wise

um honestly i just always knew he was going to be great like i still tell him to this day which he laughs in my face that like if this doesn't work out he can just go be a brain surgeon and i truly believe he could like i really think he's just like that smart and great and everything he's kind of just he's kind of just awesome at everything he does again it sounds that sounds like i'm being weird i really think that that's very yeah that's that's the that's It's untrue. And yeah, that's part of the, her, her and my mother's want to tell me that all the time is actually a burden that I'm, I've been trying to shake since I was three years old, which is like, you guys have to stop telling me I'm the smartest, greatest boy that's ever lived from the time I'm two. Or then I try to seek that from the world and anything less than that is obliteration to me.

So now I just nod and smile when they tell me that, but it's very sweet. And I know they I know she actually does believe that, which is very sweet. Yeah. But it's very not true. But once he started doing the plays, it was like, oh, my God, you have to keep doing this. You just have to. I mean, he was so good at acting and so creative. And then once he started performing and doing the comedy stuff, just everything that he writes just feels. Yeah. I mean, right when he got started, it felt like, oh, of course, this is what you need to be doing. She also mentioned that you, at one point, got really into magic.

Sure. So what sort of sparked that? Probably just being a loser and thinking, why not just complete the vision of myself? I mean, I'm already down here, so unappealing to women and my peers. I might as well start doing magic now. I don't know. I just liked it. It was probably performative.

There's also something fun about it. I also like math and tricky, puzzly things. And there's, like, magic sort of blent the world of, like, theater and performance and puzzles and, again, just repulsion to everyone around you. You know, it also, yeah. I don't know. I still love magic. Do you feel like you were repulsed or people were repulsed by you? No, no.

I think it was, no. And, you know, I was somewhere where it's, like, you know, probably the coolest kid in class was doing magic. um but yeah i i felt i felt uncool not uncool yeah i mean a dork nah that word is that words become something else um i was just like a passionate little dork okay so you had like your specific interests that you were very into yeah just like theater and magic and i have friends where i look back i'm like man you were cool like you you were cool at 12 um it's not not about being cool like you were cool necessarily to those around you um yeah i would i would just always uh yeah just had eccentric interests yeah i think there is something

cool about being a young person and liking what you like and not being you know concerned if that's necessarily like the coolest thing i think that gets cooler and cooler in hindsight as you get older you're like oh i was confident yes yes yeah i think so um yeah you know in hindsight i wish hindsight did did worked on magic it just isn't working for me it's immune spengali decks and and foam rabbits are not really helping um you know they're not getting any better in the rear view but no i had a lot of fun and it's like i i guess i i sort of understand where you're coming from as well because i am an only child and both of my parents just think i'm the bee's knees they just love it uh they think i'm great and then so when i go into things i'm like so

that was great it was great and it's like oh i want everyone to think that i'm as good yeah the world's not your parents yeah yeah brutal yeah no but it really is no but i'm not even saying that like yeah that's realization for me and like it's it's it's a realization for a lot of people in i think we're vaguely the same generation like on either side of it and like yeah we we we do need a lauda it's it's it's not necessarily that the love and the and the affirmation is the issue it's that the lack of the other like there's some value in having like a psychological thing to overcome to look at your parents and go i'll show you and like run out into the world to prove something wrong uh and to not have anything to push back against and to feel like it is hard

It's not more difficult, but it has another type of problem. And, yeah, it's a strange thing to have the privilege that sounds like we did of being supported. That concludes the best of Forever Dog 2018. You can find all the podcasts mentioned in this episode at foreverdogpodcasts.com. You can also subscribe to them on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. and if you have a chance please leave your favorite shows a rating and review and let them know you like what they're doing it not only helps more people find out about our podcast it's also very appreciated by our podcasters and our production team speaking of which you can follow

us forever dog on twitter and instagram at forever dog team for the latest news and updates we have a lot of exciting new shows coming your way in 2019 so stay tuned for that as well as amazing new episodes by all of your favorites from this episode so thank you very much for your support for listening, and we'll see you in 2019!