MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Blonde Expert" with Selena Coppock

Episode Date: March 1, 2019

Whether you're an actual blonde or just act like one sometimes, you won't want to miss this week's Unofficial Expert with our Blonde Expert, Selena Coppock! Selena discusses dating truckers, getting robbed in Boston, and the age old question, if the carpet matches the drapes. Also, Marie called someone out on a show and Sydnee tried to hook her friends up with her Uber pool passengers.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys, hey Marie. Sydney, you look like you just got your braids redone. I did not. The top looks so fresh. No, they're ratty tatty. Honestly, it's because the headphones is over the new growth. No, I saw a picture of you on The Gramp the other day. The Gramps.

The Gramps? Yeah, and they looked fresh. Honey, I only post stuff that I'm looking flawless in. Y'all need to stop. y'all need to stop tagging me in pictures that don't look better than the pictures

that I post if it don't look better keep it to yourself keep it for yourself keep it for your records you know how on Facebook you can be like tag yourself

or not me I'll be like not me no I don't know her I got in a fucking Facebook battle with somebody

they kept tagging me and I kept untagging myself and I had to message them like bro no I don't want this photo I don't want to be

connected to this what was the photo it was at a comedy show it was just bad angles and just I looked fucking crazy and they always catch you with your mouth open and then the mic next to it and it's like low key looks like anybody

could just draw a dick next to my mouth and I don't appreciate it see that's why I open my mouth real small when I'm on stage even when I'm yelling at people like this meanwhile back at the ranch I can go through our photos

and be like oh there goes Marie reading somebody with her mouth wide open screaming at people love it list it we did a show together on sunday and uh this guy with dreads was there and i and i called him quavo and everybody was laughing and he was like i don't even look like quavo you know from the migos yeah and i was like well everybody's laughing and then he tried to insult me by calling me a young aretha franklin and i I was like, Aretha had never been this skinny. What a fail. Even when she was skinny, she wasn't this skinny.

Yeah. So then I had to call him a young Whoopi Goldberg. Anyway, he was unprepared. He was unprepared. Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay. Listen, honey. She was ready. She gets paid for this.

Okay. So why don't you just, you know, be quiet or don't sit in the front. I know. But also, if you're going to be in the front, don't be getting up and sitting. You know what I mean? Like, he was like, he went to the bathroom, came back. Checking his phone. Sit your fucking ass down.

Sit your dusty ass down. Well, no, he was not dusty, but I mean, he was, but I'm trying to, I'm the nice one. He's diet dusty. He's dusty adjacent, maybe. On the cusp of dusty and like just dirty. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine.

Sure. How you doing, Marie? You look good. Look like you've been working, working, working me. She working me. I don't know that song. It's a good song. i'm gonna play it for y'all another day somebody said that we should get a uh

unofficial expert pod um playlist popping on spotify oh we could do that soon soon can help us out with that we just add songs that like we were listening to currently for the week obsessed you know i feel like i could do it like the insecure playlist uh i can't wait for it to come back because i'm really just missing you know is this the last season who knows i feel like it should be oh man marie damn i don't like any of the characters on the show they're so dumb tv is hard guys just letting you know because there are shows that we like the characters we care you know yeah but i was talking to somebody this week about likability and it's like just because you like someone doesn't mean it's

necessarily good i rather hate a character but like the actual um show but you don't hate any of the characters and you like the show i hate all the characters and don't like the show shout out to isa ray paving the way for all of the blacks that being said i would definitely go and you know come in and read some uh read something terrible you know wow college friend babysitter you know receptionist at the office you know

I'm available she's available yeah weekends though Fridays and Saturdays it's cool Sydney what were you an expert in this week

what was I an expert in I don't know getting curved like just unexpectedly being curved I was in this Uber pool

and you know that's what I do that's like my brand diet wealth uh-huh and you know i used to write stories all the time and i'm over it so now i'll just keep my headphones on and i don't give a fuck so but i got in the i got in the car and there was this guy like probably the best looking dude i've ever seen in a pool ever i was just like in a pool though best looking dude you've ever seen in a pool no no no no outside of the pool

he definitely would have been still really good looking like new york city standards i'm not talking about wichita i'm not talking about wisconsin i'm talking about new york city foin and he smelled good and he had like a nice shape up and i was a nice coat he had a chelsea boot on i was just like what the fuck are you doing in this car i mean i look great too but i'm just saying what are you doing here and so we're chatting he wasn't he wasn't from new york and i'm like well you obviously not on a business card you know what i mean like you should have had a corporate card not using uber pool but anyway we ended up having like a conversation and he like was asking me what i was doing and i plugged the podcast and all this other stuff

and then i could see he was looking like oh am i about to get out soon and i felt like he was gonna ask me my information and he didn't and i was mad i was livid i was told i told the driver i said let's go back But you're a whole lesbian. It don't matter. You're an entire, like, 102% lesbian. I felt like it's a vibe going on in the pool. Yeah, it's a gay vibe.

Y'all were both gay. That's what happened. He was on the way to his boyfriend's house, and you were leaving your girlfriend's house. Yeah, that's probably what it was. A bitch was, yo, the fumes was coming. I was like, yo, he's definitely going to ask me, like, yo, what's your email?

like yeah and she didn't even ask the instagram handle no nothing right that's i mean that's the new that's the new i have a boyfriend uh what's your instagram or somebody asked you for your number and you're like you can follow me he didn't ask me that he asked me nothing i like was like wow i i look really good right now like i have a lash on how dare you right then you looked in the mirror you had lettuce in your teeth no bitch because i hadn't eaten yet so so you're Fucking real smelt. Real gaunt. Very gaunt.

It was like a, I was like, yo, you gonna come to a show or something. In my head, I was, all this stuff was just, the wheels were turning. I was like, oh, we might get a coffee or something. Not like, why? What is wrong with you? We might get a coffee or something. For why? For my friends.

I'm trying to help my friends out. No, you and this man, you and this beautiful gay man, we're going to get a coffee for a while. I'm here trying to help out my friends. But it wouldn't be you and friends getting coffee with this man. It would just be you. I'm trying to help out Amina. Okay.

I'm scoping out people for my friends in an Uber pool. Smells all good. I was like, are you using Scentbird? Scentbird? Do you got some Scentbird? Is Scentbird for you? What fragrance is that? Shout out to Simbird for sending us all the shit that we got.

You got a little rag and bone on today? What's happening? What's happening? I said, is that Narciso Rodriguez for him? For him? For him? For him? You're so dumb.

Yes, I am. Thank you so much. That's why he didn't give you his phone number. He was like, what's happening? No, bitch, I was cracking jokes and everything. It was like a one-woman show. That's why. He was like, oh, I can't date her.

She talked too damn much. No, he was laughing. He was like, I haven't said a single word. He was like, what do you do? I was like, clearly a comedian. He was like, oh, shit. The driver was laughing, too. He was like, this bitch is a mess.

It was early. It was early. Like 10 o'clock in the morning. That's not early. It was early. 10 o'clock in the morning. You were like, early. It was like 7 a.m. is early.

He looked like a better looking young Carl Thomas. He had a turtleneck on. I got to Google Carl Thomas right now. I'm emotional and I can't let go. I'm just trying to hold on to you. Exactly, Marie. Carl Thomas looks like somebody's dad. Shut up, bitch.

I said a younger Carl Thomas. You said a younger, more attractive. You could have literally said anybody else. A younger, more attractive. That's not Carl Thomas. He looked like a tall Bobby Valentino if he didn't have an overbite. Slow down, I just want to get to know you. Yeah, Sydney, a tall Bobby Valentino is not Bobby Valentino.

Also, the two of them don't look anything alike. You're a hater. Can you also look a Bobby Valentino? Y'all know I don't have LASIK, I can't see. Sydney. Kind of, no? Girl. Damn, Andrew, shut up, shut up, shut up.

Shut up, producer, intern, tall gay producer, intern. Hey, Marie, what were you an expert in? uh honestly i was in a lot of ubers this week also okay and uh i had a similar situation i guess i got in the car and the driver was fine i was like and the music he was playing was good and i was like what mix is this and he was like it's a playlist that i make you know for the car you know for when i'm driving it was swoon that was like oh wow we're talking and then we were um and you know i kept trying to put my headphones in but i was like let me leave these out until he's done talking to me um we spoke we

talked the whole way and i couldn't tell like if he was tall is there a way to tell how tall a man is when he's sitting by like what his shoulders are doing no because the seat is adjusted to how the legs the legs right right but i was like i was right but i was like can i like by the shoulders is there a way you should have acted like you had thought you had a suitcase in the trunk and be like can you just get out he saw me he saw me walk he saw me walk to the car from my my house and

there was no suitcase right but I had my good coat on that I stole from work that I had to give back so I looked like money you gave it back yeah I was only supposed to use that coat for like I was supposed to use that coat for the weekend and I had it for two weeks well what are they gonna do

they're gonna return it they can't return it no they can't return it they bought they paid for the coat exactly oh you know i'm just waiting for the season to end yeah they're gonna give it to you and by the season i mean winter i'm waiting for winter to end so i can be like they're gonna give it to you yeah i'm just gonna hold on to this cruella deville coat because y'all don't need this so they didn't give so wait no so you didn't get his number oh so we're talking and we're laughing and i was like i can't date this man he he's a taxi driver like i can't date him what am i gonna where are we gonna go also he said some words wrong like he pronounced them wrong and i

was like oh he might be dumb he might be a little bit illiterate uh i don't remember but we were talking about the r kelly um we were talking about the r kelly documentary wrong and i can't but we were also we were talking about that and like his take on it was like a tiny bit problematic problematic and it was like okay but pronouncing words i mean that is also my brand if you can't if you can't say them then you can't spell them that's also my brand you can't spell you'd be sending a lot of voice memos Speaking of bitch ass tricks Our guest is not one

Imagine We've actually brought in somebody like that Yes this Our next guest is quite divine Divine I truly enjoy her On and off the stage She's written a book before

Yes Her twitter be poppin And she's just a pillar in the comedy community. A pillar in the, okay. Wow. Give it up for our blonde expert, Selena Coppock. Selena Coppock.

Okay, wow, Sydney. I am the Uber driver. Yeah. He was like, yeah, yeah. Selena. Is there an L in there? Yeah, yeah. It's Coppock. Coppock. I knew that.

Selena, do you have anything to add to what you heard uh just now um uber pool stories yeah you know i do oh sydney i miss your uber pool tales because oh my god it was so good yeah yeah you should start doing them when you're in la again i know but i know you mean i think it is important to be like you know when you're just not feeling it anymore yeah i think it's so easy to off like to just keep doing the same thing because people wanted you to do it but it's like yo i could move on from this you know if i'm not inspired no it's not that i'm not inspired it's just that like the actual work that i had to do in the pool to get these stories is a lot.

Yeah. Yeah, I remember one time there were like people, a couple trying to go to the airport and everyone was like, are they going to make their flight? Everybody was involved. And every time,

like when me and Marie were in a pool, like we obviously would instigate everything. Everything. For it to be. We'd be like, damn, sis,

he puts you in a pool? Yeah. He hates you. You got to be that hype man, gas it up, you know? Have you ever dated a cab driver or somebody who drives limos? I used to date a truck driver.

What? yeah let's get into that okay is it true that cross-country truck driving short uh short term or like short range but that's like still within like new england uh new jersey new york how hard did we do in math is that true um ryan did not but he was ryan ryan ryan was definitely banging prostitutes at the truck stop yes oh man yeah he was a sweet dude we met because it's sort of my type of dude i always like dudes who are kind of like tough guys or like fighters or boxers um and he was a former yeah and they're like tattooed you know like dudes dudes um but he'd been a hockey goon which is just like a fighter in hockey like

they can skate goon goon g-o-o-n yeah it's basically just like if you can kind of skate but you're mostly like a boxer on ice so he was a hockey goon for years and then he became a truck driver because like hockey is really bad for your brain you know they get cte that's why that's you know the white people football yeah exactly truly yeah and then he became a truck driver um what's the what's the application to become a truck driver oh my gosh you just gotta not have no friends you just have to be like i want to stop getting punched in the face for money i'll drive this truck selena that's a pilot yeah ex-hockey player now truck driver and his dutiful weirdo wife at home yeah and then turned into a serial killer bitch come on dexter yes come on andrew

come on come on you gotta be the stenographer producer intern stenographer take these notes that is crazy so where did y'all meet uh we met at a concert it was this group called blackberry smoke it's sort of like country americana i have terrible taste in music somebody that wears like a cowboy boot with a skirt i know like a young taylor swift i know i know yeah i hope to think more like a casey musgraves now um yeah i don't know is she great i don't know any of her songs oh neither but you know she has this album golden hour it's her third album and it's fucking solid is that what did she win the grammy for me yeah golden hour which is her like newest album but what was the category oh she won i think she won like best artist which she was like blown away by

Have you seen the memes of her being like, what, what? And she's gay. Kasey? No, she's not. She's married to Rustin Kelly. Okay, so why did they say he was in Kelly? No, Brandi Carlile. Brandi Carlile is a country singer who's gay who like blew it out.

No, but they said, but they were talking about Kasey like she was like this queer. This gay icon. Yeah. She's very, very like pro LGBTQ stuff. She's a song called Rainbow. She's always been very involved with like. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. You could have been, you could have been, you could have been our country music expert.

she's married to somebody named Rustin of course like they started to call him Justin and they were like nah something whiter Rustin Rustin Peace what's his last name Pierce? Kelly

Rustin Pierce Rustin Peace Rustin Peace that's crazy okay so KC what's a song that she has that we should listen to? One of my favorites that was ruined by my summer relationship it's called slow burn it's the first song on her album it's so sweet we're gonna add that to the

yeah it's beautiful slow burn do it i love her in my mind that's how i did it yes yeah you're not far from that or slow burning no slow burn slow burn slow burn slow burn nailed it yeah okay so you met at a concert you were like oh my god he drives trucks he looks like he might choke me uh let's do it yeah well he that was when he was like he's like uh we met at a concert and i sort of he made fun of how i danced which i was like oh gentle nagging i'll take it uh and then but then we kind of hit it off and he was wearing one of those shirts that's called um it's called real tree pattern it's like if you're more than camo if you're like a hunter in the woods you wear this pattern called a real tree and it literally

you look like a tree like it's absurd doug dynasty okay cool cool which i can dig that look you know um selena you know i'm not surprised but also like a little bit surprised i'm not surprised saying it i'm not surprised by any of this i'm not surprised it's very blonde of you yeah well the whole storyline i'm half wasp half redneck by heritage so which i feel like and those are the two sides of blondness to be honest like in the blonde community there's like ashy blonde which is a light white blonde very upper east side

you know and then there's a brassy blonde which is the yellow blonde like Baywatch Pam Anderson and I feel like I'm sort of both

of these things you know yeah like you're a redneck that wears pearls exactly yeah like you might

put a little Mountain Dew in your white wine yes exactly and ice cubes a Mountain Dew spritzer okay

so good yes and I feel like I really tow that line because usually especially when I go to different colorists usually they're like which do you want do you want like the cool blonde the ashy blonde or you

want the warm blonde and i usually they always think that i like mix them both i know i'm like but usually i want the yellow the warm blonde but in new york the ashy light blonde is more popular because really yeah i mean that's what colorists will tell me just because it's sort of like upper east side but is it more money okay which is more expensive that's what it is it's always about an upsell bitch you're right it's always about an upsell when I was a waitress

I'd be like people order Moet and I'm like but don't you want Dom oh my god how much is the Dom oh it's $1500 but whatever

come on it's vacation time how much is the Moet $325 whatever wow yeah you upsell it it's $900

it's $900 additional dollars like I get when I get my hair highlighted you could either do full head or half head okay and I've gotten lazy lately so I just do half head

and then I do brown underneath because I kind of like two tone even though I know it's very, like, mid-90s. No, I love two-tone. I like two-tone. Thank you. When I saw you downstairs, I was like, your hair looks great. Thank you. I got my hair colored recently and the colorist, or I just got it cut.

The guy was, like, making fun of me to my face and I knew he was, like, and he was like, you know, what are we doing down here? And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm like, I just leave that. You should have been like, we're not giving you a tip. That's what we're doing. Yeah, and I was like, I'm leaving that. I was like, I kind of like two-tone. I was like, I don't care if it looks trashy. And he goes, yeah, when did you get that done? Like, 15

years ago. yep this place what place is this uh between us let's drag them exactly doesn't leave this room but off the record yeah cover cover the mics yeah yeah i will say i don't want to bash this a lot i think it was a guy who was just like doing his like rented a seat for like a week or something but he was such a bitch and i'm like i'm doing two-tone and i know what i'm doing okay i know what i look like and that is what his hair looks like it wasn't good yeah okay so i find that a lot of a lot of times these stylists hair looks like trash yeah because they're just like they're showing up and they're like well you know i can

actually you know do you it's not about me and it's like actually i want to see you i need to see your work exactly yeah show me what you do so have you guys ever experimented with blonde hair coloring wigs or wigs yeah somebody else yeah yeah pieces yeah do you like it things that you clip in and clip out yeah you know what actually um in high school when i um for prom i got i had like a little peroxide it is yes a little highlights i had highlights fun and um broke the fuck out of my hand yeah oh it was so short it was like brows like it was so short it looked like eyebrows oh it was it took it all out so but when the hair was there what did it look like it was cute okay i was like oh shoot i want to do this i was like yeah and then the lord was like

actually the lord giveth and he taketh away yeah yeah i feel like dyeing your hair excessively is just i don't know how people do it yeah it can be so damaging and i feel like i've learned that the hard way like i have sort of layers by like i used to get layers on purpose and now it's just breakage and so like i'll have sort of shorter layers is there a special shampoo you're supposed to use oh i mean i use like a purple shampoo yes it is purple shampoo keeps the color from getting too brassy it like brings it back to be sort of cooler because i think some people think that brassy blonde seems like trashy looking which i get what's up with this trash because it's it's i think it's weird that you can connect a hair color to someone's status i know that's strange

yeah i mean yes but you could see like box color yes like you could see oh they did that by themselves in the bathroom of a of a right age okay versus oh somebody like they spent money on this yeah that's that's one thing i find fascinating about hair is i think there's so many tiny indicators and like when you're really in it and you know you can see these things you know it's like i mean i have this silly twitter insta where i talk about the new york times wedding section and i just joke around about snobbery and judgment and i often talk about like class indicators and yeah it's like if you can tell that someone had their hair professionally done at a salon like frederick fakai salon or something versus yeah i was like

fakai i mean yeah but i don't need to shut up i'm allowed to make fun of the men in the uber but you know you can tell like who uh sometimes you can tell like if it's too brassy that looks like you did it at home and you didn't leave it on long enough no i could tell if they did it at home if like their their hair their temples are the same color and their ears are like a little bit little bit dyed oh see i didn't even notice any of that yeah yeah yeah my scalp is red and it's like what you did well i could tell if it's if you did it at home like the actual texture of your hair like it looks either like really limp or dull yeah it's supposed to like have more balance especially if you go to the salon if you get a blowout and your shit is still stringy like

they they didn't robbed you yeah you gotta cut it off cut it off and throw throw the whole head away get a new wig sis so what made you go blonde well I was blonde when I was a kid and I really liked it I gotta say like I've been blonde red and brown and I do think that it's true like blondes have more fun and maybe it's just because like that's how I grew up and then as I got older the blonde started to turn darker which is very normal but have you ever been like a dark brown yes junior year in college it was I was like I want to try this and god I like I wish I just like i remember my mom's colorist was like selena i don't think you're gonna like this like so much of your identity is wrapped up in being blonde and i was like don't change it up and so he dyed

me like light brown and i was like i hate it i was so because i wanted to go like dark yeah yeah it was do you remember when cameron diaz dyed her hair dark brown and i was like girl you don't have the face for that it's tough to pull off it's first of all the face and the eye color yeah eye color has to go too i know i mean but i feel like dark hair with blue eyes can either look very like striking because it's so unexpected but it can really

wash out your skin unless you're Megan Fox yeah I feel like it's not gonna work like anything I know I like Beyonce

better with dark hair I do I like Beyonce better with dark brown hair yeah like it just looks well yeah

they threw some bronzer on Cameron Diaz I know she ended up looking very pasty because her skin was so dark or her hair

was so dark but I stupidly was like if she could do it I could do it I feel like you got a little Cameron Diaz vibe a little bit thank you thank you if you squint yeah and the photo hasn't fully loaded

if Cameron Diaz was approachable yeah Selena hey you know what I don't I don't hate her with the dark hair I know I remember looking at it I remember looking at it and being like you know what I like that and and you know what I'm proud of myself because I I was willing to try something very different that I don't even know if I'd be willing to do that but you didn't go that dark I went very let me see I went very very dark it makes her look older though no shade yes it made her look really old I went that dark and I remember I I was like so excited I went out that night I was home uh from from college junior year at Christmas time and so I went to a bar that night and like saw some friends and literally people like looked at me yeah she looks good yeah people

like looked at me made eye contact and didn't even recognize me like it was the strangest thing just People weren't expecting me to have dark brown hair, so friends didn't even see me. And I was like, it's Selena. I was like, those ain't your friends. Yeah, it was weird. Yeah, but you know what? A big change like that, people don't even recognize you.

As an African-American woman, this happens. As a nigga. It happens all the time. We'll change our hair either drastically or just slightly. It'll go from curly to straight, and people are like, oh my God, I didn't even recognize you. And it's like, you know this bomb-ass body. when i was uh when i was waitressing and i i had a weave like the whole time i finally wore my hair

natural and there were two managers they kept circling around they they were off-duty managers they were just in the bar and they kept looking like looking at me and then they asked one of the waitresses like who's this new hire that no one told us about what if they didn't run it by us at all and they were like it's sydney oh my god that's hilarious it's insane it's so funny that they were looking for you, waiting for you to do something wrong. Meanwhile, you've been working at that job forever. I know.

Forever and ever. I've been doing things wrong the whole time. The whole time. The fucking whole time. But yeah, sometimes even if I put my hair up in a bun, people won't recognize me. And I'm like, does my hair have to be down right around my face for you to see who I am?

You know, it's so strange. I don't think I've ever seen your hair up. I wear it up occasionally. But I feel like when I'm out, and when I'm on stage doing comedy, usually it's always down. Really? Yeah.

You can't do comedy with it up? No, I can. the the the dual language i know yeah the two-tone sometimes i do but i feel like if people are going to photograph me on stage similarly like i i prefer to have something around my face you know why is that uh i just think it sort of frames it more nicely and i think some of my jokes are about being blonde or about being a sorority girl and i feel like they hit harder if i have that look you know it's true i i agree when i talk about like just being gay and then i'm wearing sweats they're like yeah yeah i believe it they're like we could tell sir yeah exactly it's yeah i have a

joke that i do about being i had a tiny role on that tv show red oaks it's on amazon okay takes place in the 80s and i have a joke that i do on stage about like being cast in it and how like the description of the character was like it was like blousy bottle blonde done some hard live and seen better days like the age was 10 years older than i was at the time and i remember reading it And I was like, oh, man, I got this. But it's breaking my heart. That you got it. I'm like, sure.

You're like, that's me. I know. I was like, it's a trash bag 10 years older than me. Nailed it. But I feel like whenever I tell that joke on stage, I can't tell it with my hair up. I have to tell it with the hair down, being like, I know what I look like. Yeah, because up almost is like youthful. Like, look at my bouncy little kid ponytail.

Yeah, I know. I do a joke on stage where I'm like, I'm stunning. And if I don't have any makeup on, which I never do, sometimes people are just like, are you? And I'm like, yes, that's not really my light. I'll just blame it on the light. I assure you. I read a slideshow of me looking good. I'm like, look, you can go on my Instagram.

I'm adorably stunning. And they're like, yeah, I do it. I do a joke. Usually I go. I was in a sorority in college and I go, you know, you don't. I was like, you don't have hair like this and not get a bid. And like then I make fun of my hair color being like very fake and very blonde. and i fucked it up the other night and i go you don't look like this and not get a bid

and the audience is like and i was like oh god i was like i'm vain but not that you know like i just felt like i kind of lost a bit i stand in my but i think when you deliver it just strong then they're on board but i wasn't yeah like i wasn't expecting for me to say that you know and i was just like oh god normally i don't deliver it that way you know it's fine you can't apologize after you say something like that yeah i just kept going i said it yeah and you're a blonde and i feel like blondes are more confident than brunettes and i'm just gonna throw it out there it could be not right but i think blondes are more confident yeah but that's because society like uplift them exactly yeah i think it's brunettes yeah and i think it's good to like

play that role on stage you know i do think too like for commercial casting i feel like if they want a female who seems friendly and accessible and non-threatening it's always gonna be a brunette or a redhead it's never gonna be a blonde really i feel like when the disney when the disney channel kids go through their like rebellious phase they dye their hair darker like that's their like their rock star like i date black dudes now like persona right well i mean i think that's true i can go either way but i feel like if you have just a random like if you're casting a random commercial of like a family or like you know you want someone to be the face of a brand I just feel like often

it's going to be a brunette or a redhead because like that's so crazy that you think that because I feel like blondes are everywhere really yes maybe I'm just trying to justify why I never get work that's what your manager told you it's just the hair color oh god guess it's not that I

have no talent if it was the hair color bitch you would die okay immediately you would Cameron Diaz right now I would go back to that dark brown oh god i remember the the morning so i dyed my hair dark brown i went to this bar no one recognized me and i remember the next morning i woke up and you know my hair was like in my face and you know that like beat when you're sort of disoriented and you're like where am i and i remember looking at my hair on my pillow and i was like oh gross there's a brunette in my bed

and then i was like it's me and i immediately knew i'd made a mistake but like it was like i didn't i'd gone to my mom's colorist it was a very special thing you know like i didn't have any money really so like i was just stuck with it for months how long i think i had it like that was right before that was like christmas time and well that's a terrible time to die i feel like wintertime is when you go dark though summertime springtime is when you like lighten it back up yeah but because the winter is so uh like cold and dry it dries out your hair and i feel like that's just a terrible time i know and like that's when i'm pasty as hell and so like brown wasn't doing me any favors either you know now in the winter i go red usually not this winter but

usually i go red in the winter because i like that it's fun it's a little softer although red is the quickest it's the dye that fades the quickest of any dye yeah interesting i don't love i feel like a redhead though i'm here for redheads yeah like a amy adams red or something like that they give redheads a hard time but every redhead that i've like encountered or been friends are one stunning and just like they photograph really well.

Yeah. And it's just sort of an unexpected look. You know, I feel like you really do stand out for as much as like I think blondes

get a lot of glory. I feel like redheads that's sort of the sleeper cell, you know, of just like you stand out, it's a different look.

And I feel like it goes with any eye color. Yeah. Green eyes or gray eyes or blue eyes. And don't have some red hair with some freckles, bitch.

I will marry you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just a light. not a Lindsay Lohan freckle all over your chest but like a light

smattering yeah smattering I know god man I'm a blonde who has a lot of moles hot stuff Selena

Selena how's your dating life as a blonde how's it doing it does I do pretty well I like to think okay work

you see she didn't hold back on that bitch I'm doing great I get decked down no problem let me are you dating somebody right now um yeah no i'm like i you know okay i'm exploring um i don't know i've been like casually seeing some people some people i love it yes yes i hope none of them

drive trucks um right now yeah no no no yeah i'm no not no more truck drivers that was sort of a strange strange thing and like yeah it was odd but uh yeah i was dating a dude over the summer that was pretty serious and that didn't work out so now i'm just kind of like you know as i've loved to say easy come easy go what happened easy come well yes um it just it was one of those relationships where it was like so intense so quickly yeah which looks like the notebook yeah it's always just an indicator like eee this is never gonna work and it was like and then i think we both tried to like get take our foot off the gas and i was like we should break up and he was like no let's stay together but like you know when it just it just was too much too soon

that boom cash good girl yeah that's what it is yeah yeah gosh you're doing great now wait does it match does your top matches does the carpet match the dress no of course not what does it look like it's also two-tone blonde up top down below selena show me a picture show me a picture I promise I won't tell anybody you can trust me off the record between us gals

don't you feel bad for redheads for that reason fire crotch probably not that way I've also never slept with somebody who was a ginger so I don't know what their pubes look like me neither I've never witnessed nestled in some fiery...

Andrew, have you ever dated somebody who had red hair? No, I haven't, but I have received Clay Aiken's nudes. Clay Aiken nudes? Can you send us Clay Aiken nudes? He has a giant penis, however his crotch is crazy. Okay, shout out to Clay Aiken having

a 10-inch dick. Wow, how'd he do it? Down to his knees. The Claymates are proud. Remember his fan base was the Claymates? Oh my god, no. I'm overwhelmed. Clay Aiken has a big dick wow i'm thoroughly surprised oh but you know what i feel like that's often how it goes the dudes who seem like they would have a big dick never do and the dudes who are low-key it's

like wealth too i feel like the more showy people are with their wealth the more they're like barely getting by yep and the real rich people drive friggin shitty cat like shitty cars yeah or um volvos oh rich people love an old volvo volvo a classic I was like yeah send it to me oh my god wait have we verified that this is Clay Aiken's dick sources

Clay Aiken followed Clay sent you that no he did not Andrew you're a liar I need to see receipts immediately Clay Aiken sent you a picture of his dick Clay Aiken followed me let me see

I didn't know you were a clement you're a millennial you could have photoshopped that I don't know you got facetune on your phone don't lie to us don't you do that in the middle of our episode when did Clay Aiken send you a picture of his dick this was 2016

my girl wow oh my god Joseph he's in Joseph and the Magic Technicolor Dreamcoat right and then you have that show with Ruben for Christmas oh yes my roommate went to see that she said it was awful

oh my god she said it was so bad that it was good should I tag Clay Aiken in this I think I might absolutely Clay Aiken is getting

tagged in this episode thumbs up buddy and then we'll have him on the podcast to see if it's all true I knew you talked about his dick yeah you might have known

did you send him your dick oh yeah of course oh my god now show us that it's a two way street what are you working with yeah Andrew

come on show us your dick it's just all we in the office it's fine It's between us gals I know Yeah I was like don't worry

Safe space Safe space She's a blonde She sees dicks all the time Exactly Right Do you get a lot of dick pics Um

Oh I've gotten a fair number I got one from like A dude who was like Of like I hardly know this guy He's more of a family friend Oh

Whoa Now that's rude It was so crazy And it was like I just remember so vividly I had I'd moved to New York Only a few years prior

And like I woke up on a Friday morning And he sent me a Just like Like no context We weren't even messaging Just a picture of his dick At like 5 a.m.

On a Thursday Like what are you doing How did you respond Cause maybe he was Trying to send it To somebody else I don't even I didn't even respond

You might have been Trying to send it To somebody else That's just definitely It hasn't happened to me But I know it's happened To other people I don't know if I've sent

Messages by accident I know I could have Sent a picture by accident I know I've sent messages By accident for sure If I'm like in the thick Of messaging with someone And then someone sort of

Pops in you know The thing that I'll do Is I'll screenshot some or I will copy and paste or like I'll screenshot something and then just send it to like Sydney or somebody else and accidentally send the screenshot to the person. Always, always

without fail. And then they'd be like, what? And I'd be like, I want to make sure you saw what you just said. Just in case you couldn't see. Just in case you can't see what you just said. And I'd be like, oh. It was that crazy. That's a great explanation. To be like, trying to make sure that you see how you look to other people. Right, right.

But they'd be like, look at this dumbass. Oh my God. That's amazing. wait so have you guys ever like how much i'm always curious because blonde costs so much money do you like but i always wonder if it costs more money than your average hair color like i mean i feel like you guys never dyed my hold on i mean just as far as like money you spend on hair like i don't go to the salon like that how much does it cost to dye your like to color your hair well if you do i used to go to this one guy i had the same colorist for like seven years uh colorist sounds like such a wealthy thing to have yeah my colorist my therapist also sounds racist i know it

does yeah yeah he's colorist yeah i know yeah he's classes and color and colorist yeah yeah misogynistic yeah he used to do this was back when i would do full like full head of highlights um and a haircut it would take me like three hours on a saturday like all day around like 400 450 and the touch-up is how much like to just get the like the the roots touch tip? I mean it depends on the salon now I'm smarter about it and I'll do like half head and that and like 150 but that's like mostly with a discount

Girl you cutting it real close It's a lot But like how much do braids cost? Well shut up Tamina Amani giving me the prices that work for me It's a sliding scale Like my therapy It's expensive I just looked online

and some girl spent like $800 on her braids $800 and it looked beautiful but I said not on my watch I've never paid more than $100 to get my hair braided really yeah but I don't do braids anymore that's not Amina Amani's price point though

just to let y'all know so I'm getting my hair I'm getting a wash and a blowout and a trim tomorrow and they were like it's $90 for a junior stylist and I was like a junior stylist and how much is the and they were like and then it's more

like for a senior stylist so like $130 to start and then you know you got to tip them and you know they're going to throw in a deep conditioner and be like actually it's going to be but this is a new it's a natural hair salon that I'm trying tomorrow so we'll see how I feel on Sunday but

yeah they were like she was like it's $130 for a senior stylist that's where we start and I was like for a wash trim yeah and they're like will you be needing other treatments and I was like we'll see when I get these Exactly.

Say how I feel. But also, it's the New York expense. Like, when I first moved to New York, I would take a bus back to Boston to go to my old colorist. Yep. No. Selena, that don't sound right. I took a bus to get to my colorist. Yes.

Something wrong with you. Can I say that? Because she was so cheap. If you can afford a colorist, you can afford to not take a bus. I know. Okay. Hold on. Wait.

No. You know what? I'm wrong. Because when I went to school in Worcester, Massachusetts, I would go home to get my hair done. See? And then I would go to Long Island to get my hair done. Wow.

I would go to the city, go to Long Island to get my hair done. So I get it. And some of it's, it's not even, I mean, some of it's about price, but some of it is when someone does it right. Yep. You're like, that's all I trust. I've gone to so many colorists and I've been like, I like a yellow blonde. I know you think I'm trash.

This is what I want. Listen to me. And then they'll do like a whitish blonde. So this woman in the Boston, she like would listen to me. So I would go back to her and she was such a Boston character. Like the salon was like rinky dink in Somerville and she had this great Boston accent. she'd always be like like you know the the die would be setting or like i'd just be sitting there waiting and she'd always be on the cell phone with her mom being like mom mom go to stop and

shop get some lobsters some chardonnays we're hanging out later and i was just like just keep saying lobsters and chardonnay like oh chardonnay mom mom get lobsters and chardonnay at stop yeah i love it i'm not a cop i'm not a cop he's a quap i just love uh i love that accent so much i like it because it's funny yeah oh i agree it's hilarious to me um why do you not have that accent okay real talk because the boston accent is like socioeconomic kind of you know and so like i i grew up in a town called weston where like no one has the accent next door is a town called waltham that's like a little more built up like uh it has like high-rise buildings you know more stuff um and people have the boston accent there so it's like really it's sort of based on

where you grew up um but then after college i lived in south boston for three years and like southey natives have the accent um but there's also two boston accents there's like the kennedy one which is like you know don't ask not what your control for your fellow man which like my parents generation i've never met somebody with that accent it's my parents generation have it yeah it's like the older bostonians and then there's the younger bostonians who were like fuck you like you know like get me like go to stop and shop get me chardonnays lobsters like give me a fucking wallet pack the car yeah give me a wallet can we talk about people robbing people in Boston can we talk about it yeah Boston got a crime yeah give me a wallet if somebody said that

to me in that accent I would laugh until they walked away I'd be like are you related to Mark Wahlberg Mackie Mack um so what happened something there was a robbery or something oh yeah yeah Speaking of Boston robberies, I had years ago, I was living in New York at the time, but I did get robbed on Newbury Street in Boston, which is insane. Do you guys know Newbury Street? It's very nice.

It has all the shops. Sydney, you spent a lot of time in Boston? No, wait, you went to college in Worcester? I went to Worcester, and I had to escape on the weekends to go to Boston with the proper folks, who were very racist, but whatever. That's through the year.

Boston's got troublesome history with that Troublesome is that what we call Troublesome is that what we call Slavery and racism Troublesome is the new problematic Troublesome Wait where'd you go to school in Worcester Clark

Yeah yeah okay I feel like we've talked about this probably It's so crazy I forgot that Boston was in Massachusetts I was like why are we talking about where Sydney went to school We're talking about Boston right now Yeah I got it But yeah, I got mugged on Newbury Street, which is insane because it is the nicest street. But it was the night before Thanksgiving.

And it's like it's all shop. So it's really a daytime street. It's like for daytime shopping, daytime walking around. But it is beautiful to go at night. They have like the lights and everything. Yeah, exactly. It's like right near the near like Boston Common, which has the public garden. Like it's just a beautiful area.

Really nicely like built out. It's like the one area of Boston that like is makes sense because it was built the last. So it's built like a grid. um but yeah so Boylston is next door to it and the parallel to it and that has like a ton of bars on it more restaurants nightlife and so my best friend and I went to a restaurant on Newberry and then we're walking out and we're going to we're going to go to my high school reunion um and this was like hilarious this was like 10 years after we graduated high school I think and yeah it was and uh and we're walking down Newberry Street and this guy is coming toward

us on a bike and we're both like done up for a night out and Suzanne my best friend from childhood The finest Boston clothes on. Yeah, we're all like, hey, like cute, tight jeans, high heels. And Suzanne and I look very similar. People used to think we were twins, which I think is just because we're like two white women who are blonde. Yeah, in my mind. Alton twins. Mary Kate and Ashley.

So we're like two blonde heads bobbing. And we're walking down the street and this kid's coming at us on a bike or this like teenage guy. And so we go single file so he can bike by us. And as he comes by me, he just scoops my purse out of my hand. Now, what kind of purse was it? You know, it was like a Kate Spade. no it was a purse oh i know yeah i was like oh do i look like i have money because i don't you like i don't i mean but it was one of those purses where it's like a circle like a metal

circle and then the bag hangs below oh so it wasn't a strap no it was in your head in your hand not like the crook of your arm exactly and now that's holding it yeah like a shopping bag i think that i because normally i would wear it like i usually do yeah but i think i just because i think when i tucked behind suzanne so he could go by i was like oh let me get out of the way and but yeah i mean talk about like looking you know like just an easy target yeah so he just scoops my purse and i remember like you know when you have that moment where you're like just be happy you have your life you know like it's just things fuck all the way i need my 12 dollars you know i got my passport in there because i don't have my actual id so no no we gonna need

you to come up off my back i know i remember i was about to start a new job in new york and i needed my id to get on the bus back and like all these things i was like wait no no yeah and so i turn and i'm wearing high heels so i turned on my heel and i started chasing a sturdy steve madden a sturdy jessica simpson selena you look like the type to run after your attacker thank you yeah it's so funny because i think that he maybe saw these two blonde chicks and was like easy target but i was like uh you don't know who i am i've been in a number a number of scrapes in a bar Or like, I will come and I will get my frigging bag. So I turn and I start chasing this guy and he's on a bike.

And then Suzanne, bless her heart, is right behind me. She's calling 911 as we run. Come on, Suzanne. You need a good white woman in the back calling 911 for you. I'm not running in a heel though. I would have taken a heel off and thrown it in the back of his head. But so I start screaming. I'm like, help, help.

And then I truly remember the episode of Oprah where she says, don't ever scream help because no one will help you. You scream fire. because oprah taught us that yes oh it's like don't go to a second location and scream fire well i'm gonna let you have that yes shout out to oprah yes shout out to my miss winfrey and i remember like vividly thinking of that i was like no think about what oprah said so that i start what would oprah do wwod We'd have her assistant fight this person. Gail would have been running after her.

She would throw Stedman at somebody. I'll be waiting in the car. You scream fire. So I start screaming fire, and I'm really drunk because Suzanne and I just had a bunch of dirty martinis and wine because we're going to go to our high school reunion. Yeah, and the vodka gives you the energy. Yeah, I was like, I can't believe how much I just turned on.

So I'm like, fire, fire. I sounded like a shitty Doors cover band. It was just like, fire. and so i finally because i used to like i love running i love working out i'm able to catch up and white women do love a jog yes we do i'm a late night jogger an early morning job i know all alone oh my god so i'm able to catch up to the guy i don't know wait before i got on a bike was he he was on a unicycle like what the fuck it had one big He had a wheel in the front of his head and he had a wheel in the back.

It was a bike. It seemed like a stolen bike because it did not fit him. It was a small children's dirt bike and he was a large teenager. So I think that he was just like... His knees were hitting the... Yeah, exactly. Why did you let him pass you? I wouldn't even let anybody like that go by me.

I know. Also, my manners are what got me in trouble. You know what I mean? I should have just been like, I don't care. I'm going to get out of the way. You know how many times I've yelled at people for riding their bike on the sidewalk in New York? Yeah, I hate that shit. I know.

You're not even supposed to be on the sidewalk You have a lane There's a bike lane I know So I finally catch up to him And I was like what now Selena What was the big idea So he's biking here to the left of me

I'm running here We're still on a pretty tight sidewalk But I'm like right next to him But you're in heels I cannot even believe this It was like the proudest night of my life I was like oh you thought you could fuck with me Because I'm in heels

Nip So I I would have just put my arm out and let him like close the line in my arm. I know, well, that's sort of what I did. I just took my fist and I just punched him in the chest and he got knocked off balance and he was like, whoa. And so he starts, like his bike is like going side to side to side

and he's like, and at this point I'm like, oh, he's about to eat shit into my running lane. So he does, he like his bike, he just goes down and the bike just busts into my running lane. Like, and it all happened so quickly, but thankfully I used to do figure skating and tumbling. So literally as the bike busts into my lane, I'm like

so I jump over it I kid you not I stick the land in this has to go in the pilot seat Selena this sound like cocaine this whole thing

sounds like you did a line and you was wrecked and sent y'all was doing bumps that's why she was chasing her purse she was chasing her purse

the only time I ran in heels was when I was high as fuck when I was a limousine a limousine a jar

into cocaine like yo let's just go run it she was chasing her gap purse cause it had cocaine yeah it's not an id for the job you have to protect the family okay and the family is the cocaine so you punch him he falls off you tumble you stick the landing exactly stick the landing

and then we continue on foot and i was like what and so yeah i was just like what do you want like i would have just i would have just jumped on the bike sis yeah it was all like happening so quickly and then meanwhile this like couple saw it all go down so they like joined in the crime parade behind us like it was like these people were sort of like i mean they're like a marathon you know the boston marathons are real late this year and there was somebody at the end passing out water do you guys have any orange smiles gatorade yeah yeah yeah but so so then we continue on foot and at this point i was just like so angry and amped up that i was like it's a fucking gap purse you idiot i was like i work in publishing by day there's nothing in there and he we run a

couple more a couple blocks and then i think this guy is like my bike is back there and that's worth more than this gap purse so he takes my purse he throws it into a bush and he then crosses over newberry street to go back to get his bike and so i am able to sarah's now on so i go i grab my purse and thankfully it's this purse that i loved but the the um the zipper always stuck it was really hard to get open because as we were running i was wondering if he was going to be undoing the zipper to try to just get my wallet to toss the bag you know like so I assumed that all my stuff wouldn't be in there thankfully

the zipper sucks so I couldn't even get it open so everything is still in there oh my god yeah so I like pull out I like have a quick cigarette because I was like you had that one stoke you had a stogie I'll have a quick cigarette right now

Suzanne's like Boston PD is on the way and I'm like she's like don't need them yeah I was like take care of biz on my own oh my god Okay, so in the purse, you had, like, a tampon without a wrapper on it. You had a cigarette. Yeah, some, like, CoverGirl makeup. I had cigarettes.

Some CoverGirl makeup. A Wet n' Wild mascara. Exactly. Yeah, it was all, like, shit that really I could have let go of easily, you know? And some Claire's accessories. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Like a choker.

Yes. It was, like, such tacky stuff. And I think I had, like, $12 cash. Like, nothing. You know what I mean? And at this point, I think my credit card was maxed out. You know, it was just, like, Selena. she did him a favor right now i think it was one of those things where like you just if

injustice happens to you you want to fight you know and you're like oh hey universe gave me an excuse to get crazy you want to fight selena me and maria are like i'm going home i'll figure it out listen yeah i don't have any money in that purse nope not one bit okay yeah i still i can't wear that purse because it just feels like it's bad juju you know i still have it you still have the purse selena something's wrong with you i'm kind of a pack rat yeah i still have like when i mean when all the 90s like clutches or um chokers chokers came back i was like i still got my high school ones and i still wear them and they are from claire's but yeah so boston pd showed up and they were like so friggin boston like uh i mean it was almost like hilarious like they just

they it was a lot of like unmarked crown victorias which like unmarked crown vics are so obviously cop cars like i always wonder i'm like who thinks they're not identified as a cop you know well in new york you're like that might be a cab right but yeah yeah anywhere else old ass cop cars yeah exactly and they were like and i get like they thought the whole thing was just kind of crazy you know and they were like so freaking boss and you could like smell the dunkin donuts on their breath like they're like miss i'm trying to ascertain what happened here uh a perpetrator approached you took your pocketbook yeah they only call it pocketbook in boston and he's like you gave chase uh you got back your pocketbook perpetrator fled uh on foot and then got his

bicycle is that right and i was like yeah it's pretty much what happened and it was so cute they're like you got a bunch of brothers at home because you got a lot of hustle in you and i was like no no brothers at home just uh i would think that you did i know no i'm the youngest of three girls that's the youngest that's the boston tutuola right there you got a lot of brothers you got some hustle in you I know I was like oh my god

but yeah and like it was the strangest thing and then we were supposed to go to my high school reunion but I was like I can't go to the high school reunion you know I just felt

so like keyed up so we just like left and went back to our like where we grew up but you know you looked crazy okay the hair was a mess you didn't broke a heel that's why you couldn't

go to the damn party her express blazer is gone yes I know and like that would just be so like if I walked into my high school reunion

being like I just got mugged and I won like she hasn't changed at all so i was like you know what for a change of pace i'm gonna not be loud and i'm gonna go home i would have went to the reunion yeah bitch we would celebrate i would have the cops drop me off at the reunion yeah drop me off in a cruiser please thank you absolutely don't even stop we'll roll right out you're like bitch i got my bag and i'm skinnier than all your hoes that's what i know i know it was nuts and then the boston pd followed up a couple days later

and they were like you know we're very we're glad that nothing happened to you but don't ever fucking do that again and they're like if he had a gun you would be dead right now yeah you know which is true like and that's what i think is so tricky about i think it's so important for women or like to be able to fight back and defend yourself but like if there's a gun all bets are off you know and you never know who's crazy it sounds like it happened so fast too like and he it doesn't sound like he was that uh he had the biking control at all no yeah i mean in my mind if he had a gun and he was on the bike

and he had the purse he would have dropped one of those things exactly yeah and it seemed like a high schooler maybe just trying to impress his friends

or you know like it wasn't like a crime operation that was well thought out you know like he seemed like kind of a dum-dum how many blocks

did you run because it sounds like you ran a marathon at the end of the day I think it was like six or seven blocks like it was all so quick Selena I just want to

shout out your blonde endurance okay thank you you had the stamina to keep running there were no red lights yeah

you just kept running for seven blocks you had the walk sign the entire time well it was pretty empty i remember it just being very eerily dead on newberry street because newberry street's more of a daytime street and like for whatever yeah i mean that's one thing it's sort of remarkable to me is like how were we just going going going but you guys were just going in a circle he just kept turning left i know i felt like i just had blinders on i was like ah you know it was insanity I honestly believe it's because you're blonde I feel like the stunt happened because it was y'all

if it would have been me and Marie first of all my wig would have flew off and I'd be like oh I gotta go get that that's worth more than whatever's in the bag priority priority and then Marie's like I'm not running but I probably would have won a flat

sneaker sis she could have ran can we redo this let's redo this mugging out of track yeah also i didn't take tumble and uh figure skating yeah if that bike went into my lane we all get trapped in that bike oh absolutely it would turn into like a like a rocky and bowing just rolling down the street yeah just rolling down the street i know but i do think yeah i think we looked like two blonde dummies from the suburbs yeah you know and that's one thing i sort

of love about suzanne my best friend from childhood like we have a lot of stories like that of like just like random shit going down and i think it's because people don't expect us to be tough or be able to defend ourselves and that we'll be doormats and I like that I'm not you know I love that I'm so glad that you got your gap purse back it was the greatest man the fact that you can you just take a picture of the bag and send it to us

yes I will so we can post that it's a cute bag and it also has a lining inside that's like star pattern on it which I love Selena a star pattern lining it's worth it can you tell me like some things that are very connected to being

blonde like you said you're into candles yeah that's that's what she wanted to talk about for an hour I know I'm glad you guys talked me out of it uh yeah Marie's like Marie's like we do not have an hour on candles yeah and I didn't even say anything I was like y'all gonna figure it out y'all gonna realize that's dumb but yeah I love I call myself a candle head I love candles and I do have a podcast but our episodes are only 30 minutes okay but it's called two wick minimum and it's just candle talk uh we talk about candle controversies different sense what is it what's

an example of a candle controversy oh ready I'm curious to see where you guys weigh in on this okay the scent vanilla I love it okay interesting a lot of people hate it what do you think Sydney

um well I grew up on vanilla candles uh Bath and Body Works yes Victoria's Secret yeah I still like my fragrances with a hint of vanilla like in them yeah like a mot like a warm

musky kind of yeah I hear that I like it but not sweet i don't like sweet perfume like i'm not like i can't wear like a juicy couture or like the like sweet like bath and body work yeah perfumes but like i like you know like a dior with like a hint of vanilla scent bird come on scent bird recurring thing it's like a sandalwood kind of scent right sandalwood is sort of like like a nice mature musky i do i also do like a little musk yeah like is this a unisex fragrance i like that but i'm just gonna throw it out here I'm not proud of it but I got it

Elizabeth Arden white tea Sydney sprayed this into her braids in a studio that is all the way closed I like it I don't know I don't really like it it's nice but then

at the tail end of it I don't like it smells good at the top and then after it's like it fades into something that I don't like but vanilla is a controversial candle scent because fuck you Marie no thank you no thanks but it's because

I think like like some of my sorority sisters in college would burn one that was like vanilla icing it was like sweet

like sugar smelled like diabetes exactly and that is like you know like Henry Vandell has this candle called vanilla bean

that's nice because it's like a high class vanilla bean it's not like yeah like vanilla cookie or something it's like you know

more of a not as sweet yeah Henry Vandell you're doing well I walk in there and they immediately look at me like, are you dropping something off? They'd be like,

are you a carrier? They'd be like, the front entrance is around the corner. It's on 33rd. That is like old money. Yeah. How insane is this? In January 15th,

the entire, like their brick and mortar stores, everything, they just closed up shop. So that's the only way I was able to get Henry Vandell candles. Cause they had them on super duper sale. We missed the sale. I know.

I was trying to alert people online on social media. I was like, Everyone, candleheads, stock up. You're a frugal blonde. I love it. Yeah, I try. I know. I'm like, I'm not a dumb blonde.

I try to get bargains. And they had some. You should write another book called Blonde on a Budget. Ooh, that's a good idea. Listen, pilot and bookies. You're going to cross. I know. Are you trying to be an agent?

Seriously, I appreciate it. I'm trying. I appreciate it. I just want to help my friend. God, a blonde on a budget. And I am. Last year, I got into a debt consolidation program. so you guys have you guys ever done something like that no so does that make like the interest

rate go up down are you your payments are less yeah well because i had four credit cards and like debt on four like it was just out of control and so they consolidate your debt you basically give your debt to a company um that like this is what they do and they consolidate your debt and they negotiate down the interest rates and all that and then you just pay that monthly Sounds like a loan shock. Talk about blonde on a budget, man. When all that was going down, I was just like, lots of cans of tuna and hard-boiled eggs all day, every day.

That's gross. Blonde on a budget. Blonde on a budget. You got to get you a rich man, not a Trevor guy that wears vests with no sleeves. You got to get somebody with money that will pay for stuff. I know. Have you ever had one of those?

A Mr. Burns on The Simpsons situation? Years ago, I dated a guy who had a lot of money. i suspect though he was like recently out of jail like yeah it was very strange crime or no it seemed like mafia oh which was kind of fun i don't know you know like those dudes it was but it was strange like he took me to a lot of really expensive restaurants paid cash yes always everything was cash yeah everything was cash well let me get some money for my uber come on yeah and he had he and his family had a vending machine business like oh drugs yeah so i was like to me i was like vending machines on the lower east side to me that's mafia that's money laundering

right there yes exactly that's when that dirty ass drug money yeah and he didn't know anything about like what had happened in the world the past five years he lives underneath a rock no he had just gotten out of jail exactly yeah i was like how do you not know these things and he's like i don't know just don't really pay attention to the news i was like oh because you're we were in jail yeah because they got wi-fi they got wi-fi in jail they got internets yeah internets so it was weird but he was in just like really good shape too i don't know everything about it there was something there yeah so what happened we got some good get this we dated for a while and it was like it was i was sort of like this is just silly and fun but i don't mind just going on

to some nice restaurants like okay i'll get dressed up and go to the ritz you know um you were going to the ritz-carlton yeah that went all the way down the financial district what did you wear did you wear like one of them bondage dresses I never had one of those I feel like you love a tube top A tube top A halter A halter top with a cork wedge

I love a cork wedge I love a cork wedge When wedge season arrives I get so excited Selena loves a peep toe wedge You love the jitney You just get in the jitney just for the travel That's your thing

You got a Vera Bradley bag That's one thing I love about hot weather When it gets hot enough where I'm like I guess I have to wear this tube top I know and I feel like you'd be wearing Like a white tube top Oh my god Also white bikinis are my joint

When I die I want my ashes I want you know to be cremated And then I want my ashes to be placed into a white bikini That it will be used as a slingshot To be shot into the sunset at Coney Island And Motley Crue or Guns N' Roses will play Thank you this is your last will and testament on this podcast just so you know

they're gonna carry the ashes in that gap purse we'll get to coney island the zipper's gonna get stuck selena we are writing your show i know for you just verbally doing the work i appreciate it You guys are very imaginative. Before we go, I need to know what happened to this mobster that you were dating. Oh, yeah. Get this. He just ghosted me.

No, he says he got locked up. He's in jail. He's on the run. I hope he's back in jail. Or he's dead. Or I had a moment of wondering if he had been, like, everything had been a lie and he was actually married and had kids in Long Island or something. No, no, no.

Niggas don't ghost you for that. You find out. They get caught and then you stop talking to them. They don't just ghost you. dudes won't stop if they're cheating until they get caught yeah that's true maybe his wife caught him and Selena didn't she would have called you bitch it sounds like

he's on the run what is this halter doing in my closet I don't wear this mail it to me please what is this vanilla scented halter tuck yeah it was for the best definitely I mean I'm sorry that you

you're not getting those fancy meals anymore I know I know I need to get back to that kind of that kind of living you do let people listening where they can you know get your book where they can follow you on social media yes yes uh ever all my social media is my full name so it's s-e-l-e-n-a c-o-p-p-o-c-k and that's my website twitter insta and then i have my silly uh n-y-t vows which is my twitter insta where i pretend to be the new york times wedding section love it um my book the new rolls for blondes it's from harper collins so they can buy it okay harper collins you're doing great

Selena oh thank you you're doing great but you're doing bad very bad and then my candle podcast is on we did season one now I'm taking a break and I'm strategizing for season two you're trying to figure out more candles I know because I was like what else is there to talk about

but it's called two way and that's on iTunes and all that jazz yeah and I have you know I'm always running around the city so all my dates are on selenacopic.com and thank you guys so much for having me this has been so much fun This was really fun, Selena.

And honestly, I didn't even think about any of this. Like, I didn't think this is the way the conversation was going to go. I know. Same here. I'm a professional. Thank you so much. And shout out to Clay Aikens, dude. Listen to, you know, more bonus episodes on our Patreon.

Patreon. Thank you guys for listening. Bye, Sydney. Be best. Bye. Forever. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.

For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.