MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Bottom Expert" with Andre

Episode Date: September 27, 2019

Hope you're all lubed up for this week's Unofficial Expert with our Bottom Expert, Andre! Andre tells us what to eat before bottoming, what makes a good top, and times he's pooped on the D.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever, dog. Hey. Wow. Hi, guys. Hey, hey, hey. Na, na, na. Na. Hey, hey, hey.

Goodbye. Okay, Sydney. See, I went up and then you also went up. I was supposed to go. Do it. Where am I starting from? Okay, just at the beginning. Na, na, na, na.

Na, na, na, na. Say hey, hey. See, I went down because you were going up. Okay, you know what? This is wild. Oh, my God. When we do Larry's What Makes You Sing, it's going to be rough. Yeah, that's going to be fun.

Are we doing the episode together? I don't know. Are we? Yeah, you're recording it right after two episodes. No, I told him we need to take a food break and then. Oh, is that why he wanted to take that long break? I didn't ask for a long break. I asked for a break.

He wanted like an hour and a half. Well, because he was like, we get some cocktails between episodes. Oh, my God. What a mess. It's going to be a great episode. Anyway. Hi, guys. what's going on it's your bald friend it's another week of us you know just fantastic

fantastical i i will say that this year has gone by so fast but so slow and i am literally like what's next what are we doing yeah when i look at my photos like i'm scrolling through my images on my phone i'm like oh all of that happened this year like i got a tv show and then can't like fired in the same year i got we did the macy's like all that i went on a three-week trip by my like all of that happened this year you did a lot it's crazy it's insane and we still got three months left a lot can happen i know somebody could pull up to my job and fuck me up but you know what we're not gonna think negative like you think i'm gonna show up and fight you so i was gonna send send their girl cousins like you're coming molotov cocktail my whole fucking

new shit situation yeah but that's not gonna happen I mean Sydney I feel like if you did if that did happen like you would still be cute

in death what yeah listen I can't die because you know I have to accomplish some more things that's it

yeah that's all now well now I have unlimited data bitch so I mean you've accomplished a lot that was one of the things that I was like

I can't die until I get unlimited data and now I got it and I'm one suicide watch now gonna kill myself now well is it gonna happen but then who's gonna

Don't get the data that you're not using. I'm going to pass it down to you, Marie. I'm going to fucking put it in my will. Put it in your will. Yeah. I leave Marie Foster my dear friend and colleague. My bald colleague. My brown goddess.

Thank you, friend. My Haitian mean best friend. Thank you. Love it. My prostituta. Prostituta. Yeah, so anyway, I'm just like, we got three months. We got to figure it out.

Gotta, gotta, gotta get some money. Gotta get your head in the game. Yeah. Gotta get your head in the game. I just want to get some more money. That's literally it. Okay. How much money do you think you need to get for the end of the year to be a success?

$10,000? No. $10,000 more dollars? No. You need more than that? Yeah. Okay. So $12,000.

See, so I went up by two. I mean, 12 wouldn't be bad, but you know, you got to pay people out. That's the problem. That's why you got to fire your whole team, sis. I'm getting ready to leave everybody. oh my god Marie don't you dare say that on here you idiot what's wrong what you talking about they work for me friend what you mean oof um but uh no I like I mean I only I have a manager and I have a lawyer I'm not gonna fire I'm not gonna fire them and be alone I'm gonna be unemployed

and have nobody working for me that makes no sense that makes no sense yeah yeah exactly you can't have an empire when nobody working the empire yeah who's gonna be who's gonna be Terrence Howard because I'm obviously Taraji right cookie I'm cookie I see it thank you I see the cookie in you thank you so much for saying that yeah wow you see it anyway um so what were you an expert in this week uh expert in this week expert in this week um just uh when I have deadlines I you know I don't really like them but that's when I'm my most productive I had a couple deadlines at work and I hit them. It was surprising because I really was waiting

to the very last couple hours to knock shit out. I mean, I feel like that is kind of my brand too. Like I'm a procrastinator and then I wait and wait and wait and wait to get stuff done. And then at the very last minute, something will happen and that's how I pulled. I'll be like, wow, I really almost didn't do that. My job asked me to write a script for something two weeks ago.

They were like, hey, heads up, we're going to need this script. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's up, da, da, da, da, I got it. And then we went to Miami, and there was, like, so much going on. And it was, like, just busy, and didn't have my laptop, and da, da, da, da, da. And, you know, I got that email, and they were like, yeah, yeah, we're going to need to see that script. And I was like, ooh, okay, so when do you need to see it? And they were like, ah, at 2 o'clock today. So I was like, whoo, all right.

So got into work. Just like, all right, I'm going to write. And then, you know, I'm on Twitter for 45 minutes. You hadn't written anything. Not near damn word. And how long did they need it to be? Couple pages. Like five pages.

Yeah. Yeah. I talked to you on the phone about it. You were like, I'm so nervous. I was like, you're going to be fine. I'm going to lose my job. I was like, you'll be fine. Is there anything in my teeth?

And I was on Twitter, Instagram, just like, I'm going to be inspired. I'm going to write this out. I'm going to bang it out. And then, you know, at the last hour, it was like, you know, that gift of Kermit the Frog like on the typewriter? That was me. The cat one. Yeah.

The one with the cat that's like. Yeah, that was me. Literally. A whole hour just. And then, you know, I banged it out. Did a script read through. They was like, okay. All right.

They were like, work. Work. That's not bad. You know, we got a lot more work to do. But like, it's there. Yeah. Half of writing is literally just having the words there. Writing it out.

And then we make it better. Rewrites. It's all about the rewrites. Wow. That's a word, sis. I feel like I needed that. Yeah. Thank you.

It's all about the rewrites. So literally, I got on Twitter and was like, yo, I have no motivation. Like, what can I do? And then people started sending me all this stuff. They sent me like, oh, you can get this plant that's like opioids. It has the same effects as opioids, but it's not. And I was like, did you not hear that I'm sober? Did anybody suggest fentanyl?

I'm just trying to see how cool your followers are. Yo, drizzle a little bit of crack on it, sis, and you'll be focused. I was like, dude, I just need more. motivation to like write i don't need to be cracked out on a corner talking about can you spell some change yeah but after you get sober up since you're gonna have a lot to write about the memoir is gonna be lit true i mean you might end up under a bridge sucking a dick for a couple of years trying to get that crack never but once you get sober since once you get clean no wow i just want to put this on wax i will never suck a dick again i don't even suck dildos why would

people suck dildos people do that is that something that people do people do that wow I will never have a flaccid anything

no not flaccid flaccid okay I will never have a phallic thing in my mouth ever again so no you're not gonna

the guest is gross he's trying to put your imaginary penis on me that's disgusting Sydney that's a bold statement I will never suck a dick again

I barely eat bananas bitch let me tell you about that I know you don't I barely I barely put a banana ice cream I don't even like ice cream eggplant is out

we not doing it's done you not doing no baba ganoush or whatever is that eggplant I'm all set baklava you hear me

why did you group in ice cream yeah why did you put ice cream sundae like you know the ice cream popsicles and stuff oh a popsicle Andrew was like

suck a dick ice cream maybe that's why you're done sucking dick if you're relating it to ice cream Sometimes it is Brain freeze

You suck a dick long enough You might could get brain freeze Okay Sis I don't know if that's true or false I don't be down there that long Work Okay

What were you an expert in this week baby Honestly friend I was an expert Wow Well what was I an expert in Let me just tell you what happened And then we'll figure it out At the very end

So Actually how do I want to tell this story I don't really want to tell this story Tell me Just look I was an expert At like just being available Okay

i had a friend call me and was like hey what you doing tonight and i was like i got shows and he was like well i got these tickets to see madonna backstage tonight and i was like well i guess i'm going to see madonna tonight what time he was like 9 30 i was like oh my show's gonna be done before that so mm-hmm so i was getting i was getting doing my makeup to leave to do my shows and then i was like well i can't go outside like this if i want to be backstage with madonna i gotta change my outfit cut to me 40 minutes later missed the first show right message the second show was like I'm on my way now get on the train speed there get to the second show they were like god yeah we already told the last comedian that he's next I was like so tell him that I'm here

and they were like yeah no sorry you came all the way this way and it was like what is it the way it was the one that was pays money yes it's the one that pays money yeah they were like uh and and i got there they were it was intermission it was during intermission and they were like yeah when we get back from this break that we in right now so they can make it happen they could absolutely and if it had been women or a gay guy they would have made it happen it was a straight white dude and he was like yeah we we got this other straight white dude coming up after that like we're not didn't even try to make it happen for me and I was like oh okay and then I went to go see Madonna and it was great took a little bit of mushrooms we microdosed I had a great night but

like I was so annoyed at myself for being that late yeah but also like he told me that my my spot time was between 8 and 8 45 right right that's what I so I was like I'm gonna get there 8 30 so when at 7 30 they were like your spot time is at 8 0 5 you can't tell me what time i'm you can't tell me 30 minutes before i'm supposed to be somewhere that i'm supposed to be there you got to tell me the day before the morning up like that right before i was supposed to go up they were like you going up in 20 minutes and it was like well but you took anyway so that's what happened i was an expert at uh missing two shows in one night but then going to another show that's being backstage well we weren't backstage but the seats were cute oh my god

and then can i can i say that it took me an hour to change my clothes and what did you wear get all these hats together and then i ended up in the same outfit that i started in the only thing i did was change my socks stop it and my t-shirt you're a hot crunchy mess so i was anyway so You, Cheetos, listen. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Sister.

Anyway, that person that I went to the Madonna concert is here. And I'm so happy that he's here because I've been trying to drag him here for like a while. He is our bottom expert. Yeah, he's the bottom. The unofficial expert on being a bottom. Yes. Bottoms up. He's my friend and yours.

The beautiful, the spicy. Andre Springer. Hi, Andre. Andre. Hey. What's up? Okay, how can I get on this list to see Madonna? Well, it's not your birthday, sis.

Oh, true. It's your birthday present. Oh. It was pretty random, too, how it all happened. But that's how it's supposed to be. That's hot. Like, you don't want to have to plan for Madonna. You want to get the call, hey, we doing Madonna tonight, and then you drop everything.

Right. I was like, oh, because you know, she up there. She's not going to be doing this forever. She wants to. Yeah. But she's not going to be up there forever. She likes 60. She looked amazing.

I mean, the whole show was She looked good Visually, everything was cute Yeah But it was cute People had looks on It was nice Everybody was in a leopard

Had some sort of leopard moment And I missed out on the memo Which was kind of disappointing What did you wear? You had like a jumper on? Yeah, you know I was looking like trash I was looking like trash

But you know You got face and teeth So that's all that matters That's all they see You know You got personality You know, when you come in Like the way you look right now

It's like, oh, who is he? He's somebody yeah because like you're not taking yourself too seriously Sydney's saying you look sloppy

she said sloppy people be rich people no no no I said you look like oh you live upstairs and you walk around

the neighborhood she said the more put together you look the less money you actually have which is a factual actual thing

actual factual look at the hood okay yeah look at Steve Jobs look at Mark Zuckerberg if your shoes look brand new

I can tell you that you have less than $5,000 in your bank account you ain't got no money none if you ain't got

scuffs on your white sneakers you care too much about your sneakers and less about your bank account that means you don't have a home

that's what it is what if you don't have shoelaces you're just sloppy that's a homeless man that's a bum or you're in jail because you can't

you can't have shoelaces in jail criminal you're a convict Sydney did they take your shoelaces when you went to jail they absolutely

they listen they were trying to take my braid they were like can we take can we remove these I was like I'm not gonna kill myself

with my fucking braids I just got my hair done they try to make you take your braids out? They touched my braid and was like, can we, can we detach?

I was like, I was like, this is racist and homophobic. Yeah. Unacceptable. See, we gotta get more people of color in these jails

to like tell these people. Oh, they are there. No, I mean that work there. I was like, they in the cells. They're there.

You know, it's color there. Yeah, no, I mean, you know, they don't work for them. Color on the inside,

white on the outside. Ooh, like your butthole. Well, let's talk about this because I always say that you are my gayest friend. What, my butthole?

No, you are my gayest friend. And Andre's like, I'm not the gayest person. You are. No, David is. No, you're gayer than him. Oh, okay. He thinks David Goldberg is gayer than him. It's a different type of gays.

Not all gays are the same. There's just so many varieties of gays. I just mean, like, if there were hierarchies of gay, like, you're the Beyonce of gays. I think that's a stretch, but okay. I was going to say Melissa Etheridge of gays. I don't know nothing about her. Is that Sarah McLachlan friend?

That's like the lesbian tier. Exactly, yes. Okay, well, I don't know the white lesbian world. Come to my window. Come to my window. Who's that? Come into my window. Okay, we don't go that far back in lesbian worlds.

It's just like, what's the lesbian right now? Who's in? Who's in right now? Janelle Monáe. Janelle Monáe. I don't. Kristen Stewart. She's pansexual.

Kristen Stewart. Kristen Stewart. I mean, I don't like anything that she's doing with her face, but she out here working and she's gay. Who's Kristen Stewart? Twilight. Charlie's Angels. Charlie's Angels.

That's it. That's all I know. Oh, the one that's, like, she got, like, the stringy Tressa May hair. She got, like, she always has, like, a smoky eye that looked like she slept in it. Yeah, like raccoon, like, chic. Yeah. That's what she got. But she's always booked.

She's always working. And she's a lesbian. Yep. Oh, she ain't got no upper body strength. She look, like, she could possibly skateboard and whatnot. She looks like a skateboard. But what about Cara Delevingne? Who's that?

Is she a lesbian? Oh, yeah. Is that the country singer? No, it's the country singer. It's the model with the eyebrows that, like, spilled her cocaine bag in front of Rihanna's house or something that that one time oh wait what wait she's real messy she's like a super she's a supermodel she'd been on like the burberry ads she got a show on amazon prime about like fairies with um that hottie that looks like she got a gap no i don't think so she got like mad

eyebrows and like kind of like sharp her name is c-a-r-a delavigne oh i do know her yeah oh she cool she gay she's gay yeah i think she was fucking rihanna at one point or rihanna was Rihanna definitely got distraught yeah she's a top she was with Michelle Rodriguez for a while Michelle that's a lesbian yeah but she's one of those like lesbians that like yeah

we have to acknowledge her but like not really we don't want to what you mean? yeah she looks like she smells like fish the drag coming from Andrew I really hate her you hate her?

how do you hate Michelle Rodriguez? oh my god how can you not she doesn't seem like a good person right but how do you hate her but not any of the other people that we talked about before michelle rodriguez did play uh a trans person like a few years yeah and she said i'm bisexual i can play anybody in the community okay well y'all didn't show any heat to scarlett johansson when she was like well i'm asian today oh yes tomorrow she got roasted what are you talking about yeah let michelle rodriguez live her life okay if she want to be whatever she want to be let her be what she want to be you know i did a twerking video with her okay andre i've seen you dance and your butt don't move well this

is when i had a waist now that my waist has expanded i've become one solid tube so my butt doesn't move the same you gotta get a waist trainer what's that a waist trainer i'm saying for your you know like the hood rats be wearing at the gym andre you are prestigious you don't need none of that you're wearing your little like your romp him you're doing your little you know drug dealer rompers you're fine smuggling drugs in my butt yeah

you're good have you ever smuggled anything in your butt I have to think about that but I don't think I have I did lose my virginity to a frozen hot dog what

okay what's the first of all why are people freezing hot dogs well first of all you have to freeze things yeah

it's for the week for the week yeah for the week you don't leave the hot dogs in the refrigerator who does that let me tell you something

who raised you my mother and let me tell you how she raised me when you buy food from the supermarket that meat has already been frozen to get to the supermarket so they it's defrosted when it gets there you shouldn't be refreezing the meat again so just buy what you can eat and what you can cook and then it's better to cook it and then freeze that than to oh yeah yeah yeah we do that we do that we just my mom would just throw everything in the

deep freezer oh y'all trashed i mean he loves his virginity i'm also talking about my ass A Vienna sausage. Wow, that sounds like the black version of Mountain Dew. What's going on, man? You're having a hard time. What? I was going to call him like black trash, not white trash. Pretty much, yeah.

Okay, so your mom, you had a fridge and a freezer that was separate? Yes. That doesn't sound like a New Yorker. Yeah, we're a New Yorker. We had a house. Where? In Bed-Stuy. Really?

Yeah, I'm a Brownstone baby. Brownstone baby. She had the whole building? Yes. The whole building's this. Where is she? In Queens. Nah.

She got displaced. Yeah, she moved. Gentrification. Your mama moved to Queens? It did. I mean, gentrification benefited her, but not me. Is your mother white? Nah, she sold her house.

She's like, bye. She's like, I want quiet. And I'm like, oh, I'm never going to live. She should have held it onto her for a little bit. She could have made more money. She could have, but didn't. I mean, she wanted to go to Queens and do, I don't know, Russian things. Is that what was up there?

No, it was quiet. Polish things? there's a cute there's a cute like you know Caribbean and African American neighborhood in there it's called Rosedale

that sounds far that sounds like Long Island it's close to Long Island I feel like I gotta get on the Metro North to do that yeah I feel like the girl

on the train I'm witnessing murders yeah I'm all set on that just trying to get to Rosedale to see some Jamaicans I could just go outside yeah we're in Brooklyn

but you know those Jamaicans over there ain't as trifling oh really is that what you're gonna say on the Underfoot Tracks I mean the Jamaican

that I'm dealing with is not trifling you know Oh, Marie. I haven't seen it, but I'm saying. Let's talk about the drink. Oh, okay. Look at you.

Look at the bottom right there. Feelings. Maybe she got feelings. I feel like I got to leave. Wait, so your mother slaving all day for the man to put food in the deep freezer and you put it in your butt. In your ass? I sure did. How old were you?

Wow. I was nine years old. No. Did she know about this? Were you watching porn? No, I was just starting to feel like things should be in your butt. Have you gone to therapy for that? I talked to my therapist about it.

She said it was really normal. No. Oh, you got yours from Groupon. He said no. Your therapist is from Craigslist. No, my therapist went to the new school. Your therapist went to DeVry. She took a course online and was like, oh, I could do this.

That's me. She's a phoenix. Your therapist went to one of them day schools that Little Romeo advertises during Maury. Like, I teach you tech. Okay, so you're nine. You feel like you should do something. Yes, with my butt. You're like, oh, I'm going to go get it from the freezer.

So, you know, it was small enough, long enough, like where I felt it was approachable. And cold. Did you warm it up? No, I put it in a condom. and then I shoved it up my butthole. How did you, wait. You went through your mother's condom stash when you were nine?

No, we had friends. They had condoms, yeah, you know. At nine? Oh, yeah. That's weird. There were condoms everywhere. I'm sorry, I'm judging. That's good.

You in the hood. I mean, that's a good sign, right? That's good. It was the free NYC condoms? They didn't have those yet. It was the colored condoms? It was free because I took it. Right, right, right.

Oh, I remember those ones. That's why they lock the condoms up at Duane Reade. Don't do that? I think they lock up a lot of weird stuff. They lock up a lot of products for people of color in Duane Reade. They did a whole thing where they were showing the different shelves, and then some of the shelves had the locks on it, and there were all shampoos and conditioners for curly hair,

and then all the Pantene Pro-V and stuff for normal, quote-unquote, hair. It was available. It was available. That fine hair. So they locked up the Shea Moisture? Yep, all the black stuff. Yeah, okay. The Miss Jessis?

Locked up. The coconut oil. Locked up. Rude. Locked up, won't let me out. But I mean, it makes sense. If black people are going to steal, they're not going to steal the white people's stuff. They're going to steal the black people's stuff. That's true. Because that's what I need. The Vaseline intensive care. I'm not taking the Aveeno with the oatmeal

in it. That's the Jennifer Aniston. I've used that as lube before. Alright. Okay, well what's like, it's unscented? No, all of them. You know, my first lube was actually Dax hair grease. Oh my god. You made

You made the employee at Walgreens unlock the case for the hair grease and then you put it in your butt. First of all, Dax is the thickest. I know. And it's green. It's like pomade. How? Well, you know.

That's not a slippery sliding one. It's messy. No, that's wrong. You clog your pores and your ass with that. That's wrong. I sure did. And the first time I took a real dick, not a hot dog, we used the Dax hair grease because that's what was around.

and then it was just wrong. You said Bed-Stuy? Are you sure? Yes. You sound like Missouri or something like that. Missouri? You remember that

Indian hemp grease too? Yes, that had the little seeds in it? Yeah, I used that too. That was the biggest mistake of my life. You exfoliated your butthole? You're so gross. Why would you do that?

The Indian hemp. You know, I was sustainable just trying to use what was available instead of like using it. But why is that? Because shouldn't you, how old were you, you think,

when that happened? 14. Oh, well, you're 14. You don't really know. But how old was the person that you were sleeping with? 14. Okay.

Okay, well, that checks out. Yeah. Y'all were just dumb. Nobody does anything at 14. No, who's going to teach, you know, being gay at that time? Yeah. You know, no one wants to give you

the information or anything, so you got to either be resourceful and use what's around you. I will say that Andrew is looking at you. He's intrigued. I don't know if he's turned on, but he's definitely like, uh-huh.

Turned on. You got some grease with you? No. Definitely not. Look at Andrew's wispy hair He does He goes to Only ashtray glide

Only ashtray glide In this house Oh my god Wait Andrew you ain't got Andrew you ain't got No hair grease At the house

For the black people You sleep with You don't have like A little guest shelf No I have the large Ashtray glide Ready on here Ashtray glide

Oh you're old school How old are you Ashtray glide Does the trick It does However if you're putting All that stuff Inside your

Like you're making yourself More susceptible Yes to things. Yes. But when you're two 14 year olds it doesn't

Andre's like you think you're going to live for everyone when you're 14. Right, right, right. You're like I could jump off this roof and land on that dick

from three stories up. You think you're invisible when you're 14 but I was not having sex at 14. No, Jamaicans be doing that in them daggering videos. Okay, wait.

So here's my question. So two young gays two young attractive gays Yes. They how do y'all decide You knew you were a bottom from the beginning. Because you want to take it.

Describe, like, bottom is literally just somebody who takes it. Takes the dick. It's like you want it inside of you. You want it around you. You're, like, more dick-centric than you are. Dick-centric. What's the opposite? You know, whole enthusiast, you know?

Whole enthusiast. I like this. Dick-centric, yeah. Dick-centric. What time were you born? I want to know what moon you got. My moon is a Leo moon. I don't even know what that means.

So I'm like a double Libra with a Leo moon, which means that I have, like I'm a true Libra with the kind of determination of a Leo. I don't know what any of those words mean. And I am a Libra. What time were you born? Somewhere between 3 p.m. and 10 p.m. Is your Mercury always in retrograde? It's always in astroglide.

No, I got my crystals. These Mercury's in astroglide. I love it. It's always smooth sailing. Merch. this is brought to you by Astroglide so what happens

when you two bottoms meet it's like you know when you put magnets and they kind of don't they're like yeah I mean or you just complain

about who's gonna do it I ain't wanna be the bottom I ain't wanna be the bottom why can't you just switch off ew no why you saying ew no we don't understand why you can't just like

get it because neither of us wanna do it exactly so you're fucking lazy that's what it is so you're lazy bottoms literally

just wanna take the dick and they don't wanna do anything and it's just like disgusting taking the dick is something it is that's a lot of work giving the dick is nothing okay y'all are talking like we've never taken dick

taking dick is not all that have you taken dick in your asshole I have I've tried we have done it successfully I have done it successfully oh wow Marie you've done it successfully I was in a relationship and I was like yeah

I guess I'm gonna try this this one time and it felt like nothing and then we never did it again did you use grease no you said it felt like nothing like it did nothing for me

like I don't want to do this oh wow this is weird I couldn't imagine you doing anal with this haircut watch this I look like a power bottle

I honestly I feel like I can see it I should be I should be giving dick with this haircut throwing it at people oh my god I mean, your brother is fine.

That's disgusting. Sydney said my brother is my doppelganger. That's so gross. Oh my God, I'm just, I'm going to throw up. So two bottoms meet and y'all are attracted to each other. I mean, there are some times where I think it's important to top snow so that you know how to be a better bottom. How do you be a better bottom? What's a good bottom?

someone who knows like what to do when the dick is inside of them or knows how to either a prepare or understand when it's time and when it's not time also like when it's time yeah what's sensitive for the next person like if you got a doo-doo you know you want to make sure you evacuate or you know sometimes you're in the heat in a moment and literally shit happens and you just do it literally okay well let's talk about that you know that's usually a no-no you have any of those stories i know you got one i do but if it happens it happens you know you enter in a butthole yes this is a safe space but you know okay so you want to hear a time yes yeah that's why that's what this whole podcast we're like yes yes yes yes yes let's go yeah so you know i was in the

msn chat rooms not to tell you all my age but okay aol yeah yeah yeah and so we're like you know i'm chatting up with this dude and we was talking for you know a minute and a minute literally it was like an afternoon and he's like you know let's meet up uh at christopher street peers you know at the time i was 20 years old and he was like 28 and so he's like i'm gonna come pick you up in my in my car so you know that should have already been a red flag but whatever why he said it's just like he has a car yeah like some stranger off the internet let me pick you up in my car and you were like hey you get into my car get out of my dreams and into my car Yeah, that's what happened?

And you were like, yes, daddy. He was fine, too. Who would play him in a movie? Like, Italian Justin Timberlake. I don't believe. And Justin Timberlake isn't Italian? Well, like, darker hair? No.

I thought he was Italian. He said he's Creole. He's Creole. You said Justin Timberlake is Creole? Yeah, he from Occasions. No, he's not. He's not Creole. He's just from the South.

You said he's related to Beyonce? No, he's from, like, New Orleans or something. No, he's from Tennessee, I thought. You know. Wait, so you said he's related to the Noles? No, he said Creole. That was racist and homophobic, what you just said. He said he's from down by the bayou.

I mean, that hair, man, got some kink curl. No, it does not. I saw a video of an Asian person putting straws in their hair. Oh, I saw that. And then they took it out and they look like Afro hair. So that's when. He got a perm. I'm tired of everybody.

He got a curly white person perm. and then he got some cornrows and black people were like we love it and I was like not me not I he was using jam

on his edges he was using Dex but he wasn't using Dex on his butt though okay so you know I go Italian Justin Bieber Justin Timberlake

exactly and he like comes to the piers and so he pulls up in this black kind of like jeep looking thing because I don't know

how to drive so I don't really know about cars that much but did it have doors on it yeah yeah and so I hopped in the I hopped in the car and like he's like

we gonna drive up to the Bronx cause that's where I live and I was like oh no no no no from Chelsea and back in the day the Bronx was the Bronx honey

the Bronx is still the Bronx oh no no no he lived in white people Bronx he lived in Riverdale white people Bronx I've never heard of that I've never heard of Riverdale is

fancy wait Riverdale from the CW show is that in the Bronx that's based off the Bronx that's not the Bronx that is not the Bronx

let me google google that shit right now oh wow it's like big ass houses like old school houses There's like mansions and stuff. Yeah, but if you got a mansion in Riverdale, you basically, that's like having a house in Detroit. They're like $5 million.

What are you talking about? I'm not going to Riverdale for $5 million. I did for dear. Okay. But you got picked up. I did. Yeah, it says Riverdale is a residential neighborhood in the northwest portion of the Bronx. So the Archie Cummings fucking the Bronx.

I'm looking at them. Okay, we got to switch this whole thing up. Wow. Okay, so. So he's like, I'm going to pick you up. so we're in the car he's like I'll drop you back home

so don't worry because we're going further into and I lived in Brooklyn so you know so we get back to his house and you know

we talking and I'm you know feeling like you know like I want some some and so you know we like in the bed and then like you know

we getting ready and he like puts it in and I like fly off the bed because he didn't like this is when you're a bad top yeah

you just like jamming it in there like it's like ready to be jammed in yeah no you gotta romance me a little bit yeah you gotta

you know make it make it dilate it you gotta dilate it wait wait so you have to use some type of uh arousal like you know talk to it lick it kiss it pet it you know pet it kiss lick it kiss it pet it maybe some poppers you got to lick it before you stick it what is that from okay so he just jams jammed it in there and i flew off the bed onto the wall like straight up And you're tall, too. So, like, when you fall off the bed, you fall off the bed. You hit the mirror, dude. You hit the floor.

Yeah. So, I get back up holding my, my, my, my boochie cat. Your boochie cat. Oh, I love that merch. I love merch. Boochie cat. Boochie cat. So, like, I paused for a second.

I was like, I think I'm good. And so, like, I waited. And then, like, I was like, let me control this. So, I get up on top of him. And, you know, I, like, put the blanket, like, to the side of my hips. you know like make that kind of like you know seashell like i was like the goddess divine like beyonce at her pregnancy photo shoot yes and so like i'm like riding i'm like on top and i'm like oh i'm feeling yourself you're doing moves is there music playing in my head so like i'm

going up and down up and down and i'm like oh my god this is so much easier than i thought it would be and so like i'm like oh oh my god and he's like he's like oh my god and he moved the blanket and i was like and it was just what you would think did you have diarrhea oh i i see i'm lactose intolerant i ate macaroni and cheese you shat everywhere oh my god yo you had the mac and the cheese okay the mac attack that's the real mac attack

now we know what it is thank you for enlightening us you had macaroni and cheese you shat all in this man's coal sheets let's talk about

and you know this was his good sheets yeah they had the flowers on them oh you fucked up the duvet his cabbage patch kids sheets I did you fucked up the duvet

that Martha Stewart set I do do the duvet you doodled in the duvet doodled yo so then what happens he was more embarrassed

then I was I was just like oh my god I'm sorry and so I jumped in the shower like you know I took a shower

what happened to all the poop he bagged it up nigga I would have put fire to the whole bed the whole bed is done yeah set fire

he's a rap yeah I'll be like um 911 dead body yo come up and pick up this dead body

and then they get there and like oh yeah just take the bed it's the bed I'll be like yeah something's wrong with the bed Yeah, the bed is dead. Man, it's just doo-doo.

It's doo-doo in the bed. It's just doo-doo, yeah. Doo-doo in a toilet is not the same as like... Loose doo-doo that's just out and about. Just raw doo-doo. Rare. Raw. Uncut doo-doo.

Yeah. Just loose poop. And it's... No, was it medium? Oh, no, that was... It was rare. Yeah. It was rare.

They have blood in it. Because, you know, because mine's be like well done sometimes. It'd be harsh. Yeah, those little, like, pellets. Fry my doo-doo hard. It'd be like coal, you know? It'd be like little pellets.

Little pellets, yeah. Look like Cocoa Krispies. They're like, ooh. You'd be like, ooh. You'd be like, I gotta get more fiber in my diet. Yeah, sometimes when I shit, I'll be like, ooh, you been a bad girl. Santa dropped off coal, bitch. Ew.

My pee. You got like, girl, you need to eat my spinach or something. Shit. Get you some greens Some probiotics Oh no No prebiotics Prebiotics

Okay Speak on it What's up Speak on it Prebiotics are fibers That eat That the probiotics eat So whenever you take probiotics

You should always have Feed them prebiotics So you should have a diet Healthier and fiber So that your microbiome Can like thrive and grow I don't know what None of them words is

But they sound right We believe you Microbiomes Microbiome That's how you can be A better bottom too Okay Because I mean poop is more like

a smooth ship sailing off I don't think that you need your poop to be no smoother obviously it came right out your butt there's like too hard and there's too you know separated and loose you want to try to find like a happy medium I think when it's harder it's better no

because then less like particles is like all up in the rectum you know when it's when you're soft it's just it's messy you know you want a soft squishy poop no no no for like a and you'd be like ah okay

look at my ass you'd be like I wasn't ready I wasn't ready that's the sound of me and you'd be like wow have you ever pooped so much that you were like all that came out of my body and then you get on the scale and you'd be like I'm the same way

that's fucked up I'm the same way you'd be like I gotta call somebody so they can see how much is in here oh just take a picture and send it no we don't do that You can only see my doo doo live You know Let me go live

In person Wait so he sees all the shit He's like I go in the shower I let him deal with it And then I come back out Because you know I was like feeling refreshed And I was like ready to go again

He's like oh okay I think I'm gonna just call it a night Yeah bitch After you singed my nostrils With your waist you think i'm gonna get hard for you yeah your root your root your root your root he's like all right so and i'm like waiting because you know he's saying he's gonna drive me back oh sis he's like so he's like you shit on the sheets he's like i'm gonna drop you off at the train

that's the name of the episode you're the shitting on the sheets expert oh i got another shitty sheet story okay Wait so he dropped you Over at the train Oh absolutely You were lucky That you got that baby It took you three days

To get home Nigga They thought you was missing They put you on milk cartons And everything They were like Have y'all seen You got back home

And you were like Oh my god Bird box You had to take a break You had to take the boat back You were like Had a little canoe You were like

Just trying to get back To the city I'm in Riverdale The nice part of the Bronx And then everybody Starts laughing Right, the nice part of the Bronx I'm judging Archie

Okay, Sydney gotta go Yeah, you can't I'm turning, I turned my SIS! You in the rowboat like I'm just trying to get home to my family I want you guys to know that Sydney is wearing a sleeping mask

right now Cause I was trying to do the act out for Bird Box yeah every look she's still she's still you don't see it this act out is gold baby no you can't see it it reminds me of a single poop going down the toilet oh my god okay so what's your other story of being a bottom um sounds like you're a bad bottom ah bad bottom I'm in the hallway. No, I mean, you're young and you're learning. Exactly.

Andrew's like, of course we've all pooped on a dick. I've only pooped on one dick ever. Only one? Well, we want to hear the story. I'm just sharing his business. Oh, no. It's just, I mean, my first boyfriend, and it was like the second time that he's tried going up there.

And there was just like a layer underneath of, you know, how the penis head. Oh, yeah. So you harpooned somehow. Harpooned. And you didn't know until you sucked on it You need to stop Yo Sydney

You know what is so funny Sydney was like oh the podcast It's been too much about sex recently You hear it It's been about sex too much And living Living She's not like this

I've never seen her this happy He was acting like he was at a restaurant Waiter I gotta give that back that's not that's harsh that tastes like shit that tastes like

yeah I'm gonna send it back you're like did the chef put shit in it I mean if you think about it as humans we eat a lot of shit wait ooh how

what yeah you said spit for yourself fermentation alcohol fermentation listen bottom yogurts

I'm a top I don't know what you're talking about you eating all the poop you didn't like all the different types of bacterial poops honey i would cut you i would cut you oh are you getting ready yeah honey i'm gonna shave that butthole oh excuse me it's actually not good to shave your butthole because when it grows back it like itches and stuff like andre said his don't itch well your butthole is um dead inside so it's actually r.i.p so sorry

dead and gone should I put it in the freezer no cause you gonna put it in there with all them hot dogs

that you gonna just disrespect can you can you go into depth about like a good top like what makes

a top what's a good top so a good top is a top that like takes their time like really listens to the person

that they're like being intimate with that should be anybody though it shouldn't just be a top it should be

but in society it's not oh you got some stories people just want to ram a dick in there and men be doing what they want to do sometimes you gotta be like you got it okay first of all i'm not turned on i'm dry get me wet yeah and then we'll talk yeah otherwise you can go home spit on it at least no i don't need your saliva and just get it wet do what you're supposed to do yeah do what you're supposed to do exactly friend the fuck i don't want to do no astro glide i'm natural i know it works It works It's worked before

If I'm not wet right now that's not my fault That's on you That's a you problem But you know what the anus isn't like No I can get wet That's called sweat Working up a butt sweat You can get like a little wet

It's called mucoid plaque What? That sounds like something that gets caught in your teeth Mucoid plaque So the intestines produces an amount of mucus to lubricate it so you can pass stools. And so, like, when your body is, like, used to being penetrated

or used to using the bathroom more often, you produce more mucus lining on the lining of your intestines. Okay. Is that only for men? It's for everyone. I don't know about that life. No.

My butt is dry. Yeah. My butt is dry. My asshole is parched. Yeah, it's like the Sahara back there. It'll be like, Yeah. I don't want to have anal sex with y'all

we don't want to have anal sex honestly Andre I would be putting it in your butt and I don't feel safe and I don't feel like you're the type that would be like excuse me, I feel like you would have no communication skills so I actually do you've heard younger stories

let's talk about now what's up, what's good so you know there's the prep for the booty so you get a little enema bulb We heard about that And you know You do shit up there Or you can

Oh for women So there's a way for women To tell how to If they're ready to bottom Through the anus You put your two fingers Inside your vagina Well never

And then you point it Backwards towards your Towards your rectum And so if you feel Like a hard lump It means that There's a passenger in there So you can't like

What? Yeah That's crazy Because the way my shit works I know when it's there Yeah Oh you do Yeah

It's like beep beep it texts me like hey sis we gotta go it's time no but that's what so many bad bottoms also say is that they they know their body well some do he said bad bottoms yeah but and then it's just like no no you you don't know everything that's going on up there though i know for 50 of the time which is why i always do the bulb yes of course you know how long does it take to to deuce your ass it depends on how much you've eaten and what you are if you have mac and cheese whether you went to boston market pop eyes for that fried chicken sandwich oh my god boston market that's not even real cheese baby okay it's just you put the bulb in and you'll be like oh i

gotta get another bulb um what's it wait what's a good like if you're on a dinner date and you're gonna go y'all you go on bottom like what's good things to order when you're gonna be a bottom clams a martini yes exactly a martini well you got a three hour window

depending on like how like it's like two to three hours so if you're gonna eat something eat something that you know won't irritate or like speed up

the process like so a salad some people you know can't have all that acidity on that salad and it like

makes things move a watermelon salad yeah like fruits good but you can't put feta in it because you know sometimes there's like

a feta in one but the feta is what makes the watermelon salad pop I like a balsamic reduction A balsamic reduction Okay come on bottom bitch A balsamic reduction

That's when you make it Like when it's like thick Yes and a little sticky Oh and you can put that On like meats and whatnot Oh yeah like prosciutto Oh please okay With a little spoon

I like that Actually you should put that On your asshole Okay that's lube That's the mucus That's that butt mucus That plaque mucus Pack mucus

Pack mucus It's a balsamic reduction For that ass i made an aioli for your asshole okay thanks um okay so uh so something light i mean but we kind of knew that right is seafood okay i think so unless you're allergic to shrimp like i am have you it's i feel like you have a story about a time that you ate shrimp anyway oh yeah i'm greedy well that's how i found out i was like i always had a sensitivity and then i was uh my roommate was making ceviche and like she like kind of like quickly like

blanched the shrimp and then let it cook in the lime juice what is a blanched shrimp so it's kind you like you and boil in water so you just do it you blanch it so it's not like a full raw cook and so then you put it in the lime juice and lime juice the acid denatures the proteins and then it becomes like it's essentially cooked and so she made this delicious ceviche and i had some and i felt like all the rumblings like just happening so i just knew and i went to the doctor two days later we did a blood test well that definitely didn't get me hard honestly i feel like there's something in my diet that i think that i might be allergic to but i talk to me i'm afraid that it might it might could be brain what is it baby talk to me i'm never gonna i'm so i'll eat certain

things and like my stomach will feel like i'll feel like full and like like my stomach will hurt sis i don't know what happened in miami but i was constipated like i could not pass what were you eating um hmm don't do that you were constipated when you got there you got they were pooping your butt yeah because i pooped in miami it didn't come out does stress affect your bms it could it could be the situation but i don't know like we was at the beach and i just felt like this guy came to talk to us and Sidney was like well I don't care I'm constipated I haven't pooped in several days and I was like

what he just came to me like what should I do and Sidney was like I can't talk I'm constipated I did say that at the beach in broad daylight it was the funniest the sun was on it was literally on but I saw those pictures your tummy looked mad flat no I talked to Marie

about it and she was like oh you know I said I was like taking a picture she was like you know that's a good friend she's a mean friend i can't believe you don't suck your stomach in when you take pictures i suck my stomach in when i take pictures i thought that was something that we all just kind of like but that's what the patriarchy tells you because like can i see your stomach without you sucking it in no let me see i'm sitting oh stand up stand up no come on no he talked about his butt that's not that's his truth uh that's his foul truth

I mean I think you should do a children's book called An Anal Story I don't know if that's an appropriate A is for anal

but then you'd be like anal A is for anal and then B is for beads okay beads anal beads and do A in minor

in A minor and then a labor what was that labia majora yeah labia majora exactly labia minora

um okay so people who cause they're people who are like verse yes

they're more evolved than me what do you mean they could do both yes you don't want those people in your life anyway

it's like pick a fucking side so you've never wanted to top I it's not that I never I just love being

I'm just a better bottom you know I'm a bottoms bottom too you're a bottoms bottom yes I used to hook up with this porn star that was a bottom and he would call me and

he'd be like, you know, you're the person I think of when I want to talk to you. Yo, Sidney! Yo, you're feet. What is happening? Sidney just put her grandma mottos.

Oh my god. Yo, we gotta go. Yo. Damn, queen. There's a homeless person in the studio right now. You remember that show Dinosaurs?

Yeah. Not the baby. That's what their toes look like. Yo. Yo, this toe right here is a grass. What is on that?

Is that dirt? It's a salad. It got the corn, the onions, the onions. The pinky toe is a KKK leader. Yo.

That's a pretty color nail polish. I can't tell how pretty the nail polish is. All I see is the toes. What's wrong? All my toes are dead. I can't.

What's the problem, sis? Oh, don't do that to your toes. You look like E.T. No, Andra, Andra, Andrew said, Andrew said Sydney's feet look like E.T. You got a lot of nerve. What you think about my feet? You have a dick on your foot. I do have a dick tattooed on my foot.

Wait, let me see. Right here? It's small. It's cute. That's disgusting. You got your ashy feet on the table and you're saying that's disgusting? You have no class. Yo Sydney

I'm done with you Let me see it No we're not watching The video that we just shot On the podcast I'll show it to you at the end And then I'll post it on the Artificial Expert Insta stories

It's aggressive Andre is there anything that you want to tell people About bottoms That you feel like they get wrong What's a misconception Right. Something that you feel like you need to clarify. Yeah. It's a lot of work and it's not just laying there.

Like, you know, someone's like giving you the opportunity to enjoy their body. You should appreciate it and be gentle and be understanding. Wow. But what if you want to be rough? Yeah, it looks like you want to be rough. Yeah, well, it's all conceptual. You and Andrew. Y'all look like y'all

are, y'all take it. We do. Andrew be taking it. Andrew takes black dudes. Ooh, okay. Somebody was giving me a little stunt right there like you winked your like eyebrows he said yeah we'd be taking it andrew dates black dudes too so he'd be taking it are you doing your bagels right now my bagel oh no i'm not i really don't do like a lot he don't need that andrew said he don't be doing no prep nope no i mean obviously we'll do the clean you know do you know how to suck a dick with your butt uh i i guess not

okay do we need to be here for this right it sound like yeah y'all got something else planned i mean when you just like you just tighten it well it's not it's like you move the muscles in a rhythm that acts as a vacuum and then you like push it down andre i hate you so much you're trying to get people to slide in your motherfucking p.o box that's what you're trying slide in his butt cha-cha real smooth yeah charlie brown okay so um what's the cleanup afterwards when when you're done yeah well i I mean, if you clean before, then it won't be so crazy after. But, like, you putting Indian hemp beads and dabs in your butt.

Oh, that was when I was a baby gay. That was a nightmare, cleaning that up. Like, what's the best palm olive soap? Like a baby duck covered in oil? It doesn't matter how much you clean your butt. It's still going to be, like, it's going to smell like poop a little bit. I mean, yeah, it's an asshole. Yeah.

Andrew said, no. Andrew said, no, my butt be clean. You got to wrap the washcloth around your finger and put it in your butt. Marie, that's what you do? that i don't think that's sanitary yeah i feel like there's more like germs and bacteria in a like cloth that you're just like pushing i don't actually shove my finger in my butt okay your butt's gonna smell like it's gonna smell like you it's not necessarily poop it's just your body like has different smells in different parts of your your areas that you know it's you some of y'all

smell bad i'm saying it right now not y'all in the studio but some of y'all smell bad i smell good Yeah, because like an ass can smell good and not smell like poop. Like it still smells like a butt, you know, but like not like that's not like a negative thing. You sound like a butt sommelier over there. You know, on the nose it's giving me butt, but on the tongue, butt. With hints of L-train dust. Yeah, yeah. Brownsville.

Riverdale? Riverdale butt? The outer rocks. the other Bronx yo that should be the title of Riverdale the other Bronx that's a fucking

tag for that I encourage you to visit Riverdale it's actually quite nice I'm actually all set you know we're not gonna do that we don't believe in that

it's not happening so thank you I just put your phone on the charger cause mine is so I got these free tickets to see

someone in concert and also have backstage passes but it's in Riverdale would you come nope no cause Madonna

was at bam I was like That's around the corner from me. I can walk to Madonna. I'm not walking to Riverdale. No ma'ams. Who that we want to see would be performing in Riverdale?

Kylie Minogue. Who? No. I'm not taking six trains. What about Lizzo? I'm not. I don't want to see anybody that bad. If Beyonce was in Riverdale, I'm not going.

Free ticket? Free meal? No, it doesn't matter. Free ride? I don't like I don't like music that bad you know

I mean if there's a ride I'll go if there's a ride okay wait I have a more important question can you name some famous bottoms yes

in the closet or out the closet both no let's do in the closet no out the closet that's rude let's do out the closet

then let's do who you think is a good bottom don't out any we don't do that here I'm just theorizing I'm just like saying I'm not

I'm not I don't have any information that they are sure gay I'm just assuming they all they all gay

everybody gay so who's a good bottom I would say Justin Bieber what he's not out I mean he could be getting

tops by his woman oh he had that pastor for a while do you remember this the pastor with the tattoos yeah Hillsong

very very hot don't you dare they will come after you the Hillsong hive yeah the Hillsong hive you're fucking crazy yeah yeah

we talk about the Lord a lot on this pod yeah this is we woke him hey listen oh no I'm so sorry blue eyed blonde haired Jesus

go ahead let's see who else I mean why do you think Justin Bieber is a good bottom just moves his hips a certain way

oh okay so offbeat offbeat okay who else um me famous bottoms me

do you think John Travolta's a bottom or a top I think he's versatile yeah Andy Cohen is a bottom he is I thought he was a top

no absolutely look at the guys that he has on his show but no no no I think he's the top there was an interview that they had where he said he was the top

really yeah cause he had a Grindr profile and then they were talking about like there was this whole thing and then

he like spoke about it and like talked about like his position huh John Legend oh he got the apple booty bottom

bottom yeah for sure unless he's just not utilizing all that booty mm mhm you just gonna chew gum on the microphone right

what like what is I gotta go Like I don't know what is happening Like girl You moved out and lost a leg Just She putting on body oils over there

She doing her lashes I'm like what is happening I'm getting prepped it's a bottom You learned nothing Wait you can put essential oils on For bottoming This is not bottom preparation on your butthole or

like essential oils where on my body oh that's nice famous bottoms Jay Z yes top I mean Beyonce is top for sure really you think so no I feel like her off stage

is so not her yep yep yep it's a it's a completely different person so then why would you think Rihanna is the top cause Rihanna is the top oh do you saw how she was in that that jacuzzi with that billionaire

that billionaire oh that haughty Arab dude oh she was fucking giving it to him she had her finger in his butt and she had a nail she had a long nail

she had a talon talon talon coffin shaped right in the tate she didn't put it in the ass she put it in the tate it's a duty scraper

load up load up yeah Rihanna for sure but Rihanna's energy on and off stage is very big dick energy yeah Beyonce on stage

has that and then off stage you're like but you do know bottom can have that energy yeah but i think it's like topping from the bottom yeah some of the biggest some of the ones you think are the biggest tops are actually the most like take it in bottom i'm trying to get you to name something you're not giving me no like neil patrick harris is a bottom i believe right neil patrick harris oh i don't even know about him i don't know that man

if you walk by me on the street i'm sorry i wouldn't know a thing sorry to this man sorry sorry to this man okay anybody else can throw some other names out there that we think Cory Booker Cory Booker talk about it bottom

really he hooked up with Mindy Kaling inherently there's a whole thing where they're saying that Cory Booker could be Mindy Kaling's baby's father oh what yes because they were flirting a lot on Twitter and she refuses to say anything about

who the father is. Well, she's rich. She don't need to tell y'all who the baby daddy is. So wait, she... Is she pregnant? Yeah. She had a baby, like, the baby's like one and a half years old. But she wasn't pregnant. She had a surrogate. No, she was pregnant. When? Sorry, Mindy, I didn't even know. Like, over a year ago. I don't remember

when she was pregnant. I've never seen any pictures. I also don't follow anything that she does. I was like, she thick, you know? She is thick. Well, she had a baby. She's juicy. Yeah. Is the baby cute? She doesn't post any picture of the baby that's how you do it you do it right you know yeah so it's almost like she doesn't have a baby it's like she brenda's got a baby does she have a baby she might have thrown

her baby away no it's always pictures like from behind it's like always the back of i think her name is katherine katherine katherine kaelin katherine kaelin that's trash she almost feels like that's like a kardashian move right there katherine kaelin yeah um uh wait wait wait Kanye West top or bottom oh I think he's a power bottom but I think he's also he's an elevated bottom

where he like tops too I feel like Kim Kardashian is lazy so he might not be able to be I don't know I think she move it no we saw the sex tape she didn't move nothing all they did was move the camera back on their sweaty It was like, well, let me hold on.

Let me just fix the cap. Ray J got a thick one. Yeah, he does. Serena Williams. Bottom. Really? Mm-hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. I don't know. I feel like her man would, like, put down a towel and make her, like, a meat and cheese plate board before he, like, fuck her. I don't know. Oh, I like that. I would like a man to give me a little meat and cheese before he give me a little meat.

Sis, what you talking about? I'll have the cheese afterwards. Hey. a gruyere a brie ooh a gruyere with brie in the middle

okay and a little um balsamic reduction mmm and then like the the bread with like a like a little jam

like a fig jam I love that I love the fig jam cornichon ooh that turns me on you put a little prosciutto on that mmm on top

fuck we need to get that now do they have that at Shake Shack yo y'all got charcuterie boys here y'all got a balsamic reduction oh my god I would love truly

you're so hungry I'm hungry too but me too I gotta prepare for shows and stuff tonight me too

well Andre before we go is there anything that you feel like you wanted to say oh we didn't even talk about your hot sauce

oh yeah well okay well let's talk about that real quick now where can people find you Andre has you know

is a hot sauce genius I make spicy things So you can find me online at www.shekwandawillfeedyou.com. And if you don't know how to spell Shekwanda. Then you don't deserve it. Exactly. You can always Google drag queen hot sauce and it'll pop up.

It's good. It's been on hot ones. That's right. Halle Berry tasted it. She called it that neighborhood sauce. Yeah, she did. Yeah, she did. Alana Glazer.

Alana posted about it. She's got the hot sauce. Okay. John Legend, he put it on his wings. Did he? He put it on Chrissy Teigen's tits. That's what I heard. I didn't hear that.

Did Idris taste your sauce? Or was that a different season? He did, but that episode, he was very engaged with talking about himself. Which was good. So he was narcissistic. No, he was telling what he needed to tell, but he didn't really go into depth about- The hot sauce. About anyone's sauce, which is fine.

Well, there was that meme of him choking on the sauce. Yeah, it gets hotter, and then you get to the point where it's like a lot of Scoville's, and you either sweat and be like, I can't do this, or you're a champ like Halle Berry and you just take them wings. Is she good to the end? Oh, yeah. She finished all of them with a little bit of sweat, but she cleaned them bones.

She know how to eat a wing. Okay. Well, I believe in the veins. I don't be eating that chewy part. Listen, I don't need all that extra, extra. She put on her wings wig. It was great. It was sturdy.

Secured Okay The bang was swept To the side To the side Cause she knew Cause you can't get that On the bangs

No absolutely not Cause then you might Get that in your eyes Yeah but then she used A little sauce Get them baby hairs Put them down Yeah

Lay them down Are you put a little Little doodoo Stop it Andre I hate you So Shaquanda will feed you Is the Instagram

Also Andre Springer Underscore Yes Is also the other Instagram Don't be asking me To poop on you either I don't do that

for the right amount of money you wouldn't poop on somebody if somebody offered you let's let's $10,000 yeah yeah

$1,000 no yeah I would do that to poop on somebody $1,000 I'm just pooping I'm not getting pooped on yeah but it's $1,000

before tax why are you taxing me and showing you and you gotta pay your manager and your this is oh is this real business

and your agent yeah absolutely not I'll just pay my lawyer it's gonna be direct deposit I'll just pay my lawyer to make sure my contract is right

and she'll be like I can't shit after five and I can shit before nine and it's gotta be a little bit solid it can't be that watery poop I'm not giving you

no runny egg poop no I'm gonna eat that like yogurt okay well Andre thank you so much for being here thank you for being

so open this is so fun people are gonna slide in your DMs yeah they're gonna be nasty they're gonna be nasty but they're gonna slide in

they're gonna love it they're gonna make a fake profile just to be like I'm legit so tired and so hungry and just I can't this is a lot I didn't know how

excited I would get about this and then it's draining yeah because we shamed you for chewing gum on the mic you remembered where you were I was like wow Marie's a top because you always eat on the microphone like

when oh my god that one time you brought the munchies you ate them on into the microphone I was eating them too but I wasn't eating directly into the mic you know and he's like

anyway whatever we got things to do you're definitely a top sure yeah I am you didn't peg anybody yet I have not pegged anybody yet but it's gonna happen we got three months left of the year

Now you know how to prep them before you peg them. Marie, I can't imagine you. I feel like you would put the strap on and then you would FaceTime me like, sis, I don't know. What you think? And then you would FaceTime me like, ah, you look at this, sis. I'd be like, sis, should I do it in these capris? You're like, I don't know if my hair matches the strap. Yes, baby.

I'm so ready. Do you have any tips for me to peg somebody before we go? Yes, prep them before you peg them. I got to prep them. they don't want to prep themselves most straight guys don't know how to do that

I believe that yeah it's gonna be gross send them there's a Teen Vogue article on how to get ready for it send it to me I'm acceptable

a Teen Vogue article about how to peg somebody no how to prep for you know how to do anal sex send it to me Teen Vogue this is unacceptable

that's why the magazine went out of business yeah aggressive Teen Vogue more like teen hoes guys thank you so much for listening don't forget to rate

comment subscribe yes we got Unofficial Expert Live October 12th Union Hall get them tickets oh actually you know what

if you come maybe we'll bring a we'll bring a bottle of Shaquanda's hot sauce yeah let's get give us some of the sauce yeah we'll bring some hot sauce for you

we'll raffle it off alright your birthday week yes October 10th maybe you can come and be a judge who knows maybe you can be a judge

yeah we'll see we'll do it okay great yeah Andrew's gotta get out of here he got a heart out he's gotta have a heart okay bye guys

bye He's got to prep. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.