MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Cheating Death Expert” with Chris Daniels

Episode Date: November 16, 2018

Were feeling Final Destination vibes on this weeks Unofficial Expert with our Cheating Death Expert, Chris Daniels. Chris has avoided death his entire life - he was born 3 months early, has broken five ribs, and even had a pen go right through his mouth. Ew. Plus, Marie talks temporary tattoos while Sydnee overheard some bizarre conversations in an Uber pool.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever, dog and love. Will Arise yeah I had my ear clogged and I couldn't clogged it was clogged I couldn't hear that well and then my nose was congested

I was going through a lot I think I had a head cold you know who you look like with this hair now is Tiki Sumter really yeah

in that nobody's fool ass movie that nobody's gonna go see nobody's fool you look like Tiki nobody's gonna yeah yeah

well she's got a strong face so that's a compliment yeah I think she's really pretty tiki let me just let me just put it pull it up so everybody in the studio emory you really do look like migos oh my god thank you thank you so much all set thank you so much right doesn't sydney look like that oh yeah i felt the same thing yeah

okay great well i'm looking like i'm booking movies then and and regularly doing tv shows she's on like she has a show and i love the unicorn on your neck bitch yeah i'm still rocking my temporary tattoo that's so hot honestly when i was marigos for halloween and had all those tattoos on my face i was like i get why people put tattoos on their face you did look i felt like a badass i said you know what i should put a tattoo on my face you're pretty damn sexy i'm gonna put a culture across my neck i love it right on my jawline but the thing is that the unicorn uh tattoos in color so it's just it's a lot yeah yeah i got it done in japan when i was in tokyo you know for work

yes and by work I mean I was out there being a hoe the tour was great the tour was so great it went well thank you so much it's staying I don't even rub my neck in the shower I just tap it because I want it to last as long as possible you're like your sister now thank you so much because she got those tattoos and now

I feel like they are for real now yeah the sleeve yeah she does it she's great it's crazy so Amazon sells these like sleeve tattoos and you can just like have a tattoo or your whole arm. Does Amazon sell hairlines? They need to do that

for some of these niggas. I mean, you know, these dudes are getting, I don't know, can black dudes get hair plugs? Like, is that a thing? Yes, they can. Anybody can get hair plugs.

What did LeBron James do? Because he was, like, bald and now he has, like, his hairline was here and now it's, like, at his brows. He was tired of people roasting him and I get it. And what did Tyga do?

Because Tyga also didn't have no hair but now he's got, like, twists. It's crazy. And then that other dude who was on Love & Hip Hop did it as well. Who? Safaree. Safaree got freaking hair plugs. And he had a strong head.

Oh. Ugh. No. You know what? He's a nice person, so it's fine. He couldn't be a nice person with a strong-ass head? With a buff forehead? A buff forehead is massive.

Your forehead has abs, Marie. Thank you so much. Marie, were you an expert in this week? No, no, no, no, no. We got to start with you, sis, because I'm not prepared. Oh, my God. Sydney, what were you an expert in this week? Girl, when I tell you I'll be ear hustling, I'm an expert in ear hustling.

So eavesdropping. Yes. I was in an Uber pool and I was in the front seat. And usually I just put my earphones on so I don't have to hear the bullshit. I don't usually like with the drivers playing. I usually don't like the conversations in the back. But something told me, take your earplugs out and listen up. So it was a guy and a girl and it seemed like they were having this somber conversation and it was getting real deep and dark.

So you tilted your whole seat back? Yeah, I was like, oh, it's going to get good. You pulled the button and you're like. They were talking about things that like were life changing for them and in an Uber pool and Uber pool. I was like, you got to get your own car for this. Like you have to own a car to have this conversation. Yeah, you can't be deep in a pool. No.

It's a shallow-ass car. We don't deserve to hear your growth. We really don't. I don't know you from Adam. Is it growth if it's a ride share? Nah. So then the guy said that he basically tried to commit suicide and he wrote a note. And then before he took the pills, he started to read the letter and it had mad grammatical errors.

so he started to do another draft of it and he tried to proofread it and he did it a couple times and that's what stopped him from committing suicide and now he's a writer now he's writing a book is it a book is it just notes suicide notes

suicide notes with spelling errors is that what it is it's just spelled check suicide notes be a better writer before you die pretty much honestly if if some semicolons and commas saved your life i say do it that's a beautiful story it was so funny but also was like damn that's something real but if you want to die do you even really care about what the letter is saying you you're ready to peace out yeah but he wasn't ready to

die sis he was like oh no this i wrote your instead of your imagine that's what keep you here that's the wrong there there there too many there's oh man did i say you and i didn't put like a y-o-u he's like oh I'm texting oh no no I gotta write the letter properly he probably know his friends ain't shit and they would read it out loud and they're like oh damn this nigga I know why he killed himself he can't spell

yeah that's why I wouldn't leave a note I already know my shit would be crazy your penmanship gonna be trash you gonna be looking for a white out it's gonna be bad maybe do it in pencil or erasable pen

remember when those popped on the scene no no those are mechanical pencils oh yeah I said erasable pen do they still make those I don't know do they I don't know I haven't gone to a stationary store in years you ain't been to a stable since 1977 yeah so I

listened to I was ear hustling and I was able to hear this story and it made me think about damn I want to be a better writer I want to take a writing class not for my suicide note but I just want to be a better writer are you going to take a writing class yeah

I am going to take a writing class. Interesting. I think it's necessary. It's like, I want to learn how to write a sketch anyway. Good for you, friend. It was empowering, actually. What did she say when he was saying this to her? So he was trying to kill himself.

Yes. He took a couple pills and then read the note and was like, ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, he was about to take the pills, but he was like, oh, let me just look at this letter real quick before I go. And then he was reading and he said he was struggling. He said it made no sense. yeah it's a suicide note

they don't make sense I can't take it anymore take what no like it was just real like the grammar was so bad it was like a lot of run on sentences it's kind of like if you write like an abbreviations too much

and you do everything so he wrote like a stenographer suicide note yeah it was real short it was not good and he was just like I want to be better at long form he said he said it was like two pages this yeah that's too many letters that's too many pages a suicide note should be a note not a letter a note is just like a couple lines on a page a letter is two pages double spaced like maybe he should have typed it up nah maybe he should

have typed up the note and then signed it maybe hit it with like a little wax put a crest on it If I do a suicide note, I'm taking all the letters from the newspaper. No, that's like a ransom note. I'm going to make it look like a ransom note. You making a vision board suicide note? I'm not putting any words. Suicide is not funny, guys, but in this scenario it is. But a note is hilarious.

Yes, suicide is not funny, but the note. This actual story in this Uber poll was funny. What did she say? Was she like, oh, my God. She laughed. was the driver also like let me cut the radio down you wrote a letter

did you fold it three times and put it in an envelope he put it in an origami type situation origami he made a crane he made a little origami box he's alive and I'm so glad his name is Troy I didn't get his last name but I'm going to be looking for this book for the book yeah it's going to be a New York Times bestseller

it literally is that's how you open up why I wrote the book honestly the suicide note with the corrections should be in the foreword yes damn I should get in contact with this guy and be like Troy let me help you let me help you do let me help you win

let me help you with that anyway Marie what were you an expert in this week this week I was an expert at self care okay okay I made a lot of choices that I was like this is for me I need this right like I had a show last week that I didn't want to do

and I just didn't go to the show good for you instead i went to a party yes and i get to this party and it's like out of space and we're walking up and the guys that i'm with it was like calvin cato and this other guy and i was like calvin do i need a ticket for this and he was like oh yeah i bought a ticket for this party and i was like well i'm not paying for a ticket so we get to the we get to it was at little field we get to this party and uh i'm like i'm on the show the guy at the ticket booth was like show show this is a party i was like yes but i'm a comedian i'm on the show like real confident and he was like i'm i'm sorry is there a show happening tonight and i was like you tell me

is this not little field like repeating the name of the venue and he was like yeah this is the right space but no one told me anything about a show i said well maybe you should is there someone that i could speak to just real loud real confident real real bold and he was like i mean i really i'm not really sure i felt like like my my name was karen like i was asking to speak to somebody's manager i was like god i was like well how about i just pop in backstage and see if i can talk to somebody and he was like okay he's like but your friends have to stay up here i was like i don't know that and i left and i go backstage there's snacks i'm eating i'm drinking i get a text from them like hey what's going on and i was like oh right so i go i'm backstage i'm like whose party

is this and they were like um so and so from such and such and i was like tell them so and so from such and such that it's cool i texted them that and they let them in no problem but they had to get tickets not me though self-care sis self-care oh my god i mean i just so i there were two shows that i was on in the last week that i didn't feel like doing and i didn't do them i just i didn't even say that i wasn't coming i just didn't go i'm proud of you me too honestly it's like what am i really gonna get out of this show yeah and i'm gonna be annoyed in front of eight people there was one show that was like in the like deep end of brooklyn they didn't even message me because they were like she ain't coming she ain't coming they're like she's not coming all the way to

richwood yeah she ain't coming to long island it's not happening i don't like comedy that much i mean one of the shows i missed i missed because i was at your house watching a movie marathon and i was like i'm comfortable there are snacks it's weed here there's a vacuum of weed yeah we're doing great we're vaping yeah this is self-care yeah honestly guys listening to this self-care is is available to you as well just take a day when you're like no i'm not gonna do that speaking of now i'm not gonna do that our next guest is definitely not gonna do that definitely not he's not about that um and it's crazy that my expertise was about this guy with the suicide note this I feel like your thing

is adjacent to it yeah anyway he is a comedian yes he has a podcast called The Book of Yay The Book of Yay

it's all about Kanye West it's all about Kanye I don't know I don't know if y'all want to look at it I mean we're on it it was amazing I had a blast our episode is great

yeah he is our cheating death expert yes slash Final Destination expert because I watched the movie recently and I think it's great yes yes yes

it's Chris Daniels guys hey Chris Chris Daniels what's up y'all It's good to have you on the Studs. It's good to be here for the first time. For the first time. For the first time.

Because I don't know what podcast y'all are talking about. I don't do a podcast. This is the first podcast I've ever done. You guys don't do Book of Yay anymore? It's on the wall. Huh? Is it defunct? That's.

Is it canceled? I don't know what that is. You're not doing Book of Yay because Kanye lost his damn mind? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know nothing about no podcast about Kanye. He signed something. He can't speak on it.

I got you, boo. You signed an NDA? Yeah, he sure did. He said, I don't speak on those things. I'm trying to create some distance for myself. Okay, well, good for you. That's called self-care. That is self-care.

This is self-care. I decided I wasn't going to go to work today. I just came here. So this is my... Oh, that's how you do it. That's how you do it. Chris, you got a job? I got a job.

I got a nine to five. A nine to five? Where do you work? A nine to five, huh? Where do you work? Somewhere. That's called self-care. Self-care.

Not letting niggas know where you work. Self-care. I got it. I love that. uh so chris let's get into this cheating death situation first do you have anything you have any thoughts on either self-care or sydney's suicide spellcheck i mean the suicide spellcheck thing caught me just because i i feel like you really should follow up this with this dude because one i want to know what he's going to be right is it just gonna be all suicide and death related

stuff because I feel like if you haven't even mastered like the there's and there's and there's like maybe you should not focus on too many plots and structures and themes and characters and stuff like it's gonna be a fiction or a non-fiction

well I think he wants to focus on like that thing that stops you from killing yourself and like how just holding on and waiting waiting for another day waiting for tonight waiting for tonight

yeah you it can like change your life it can keep you here so I should I should have fucking called it

I wonder what the percentage of people who want to kill themselves and don't is like the people who like set out to do it and then they're like at the last minute

they're like like I wonder what I think it's high yeah I think it's really high especially in New York every fucking day you're like

I'm ready to go I'm done we just don't get that far along because you get distracted you got too much stuff to do I mean I feel like millennials it's gonna be hard it's harder for like gen x and gen i don't know what whatever generation is after us gen 10 i feel like it's gonna be hard for them everybody's attention

span is so short yeah he's gonna be like i'm gonna kill myself but let me check the instagram oh okay i got a message oh and then you go down a rabbit hole let's put a new post up like that i feel like it's gonna be harder to do it or you're like oh i want to kill myself but i do got pizza rolls in the fucking fridge i should eat these or too many birthday parties yeah that too I mean people do do it though so

yeah but but um Chris where are you from matter of fact originally from Detroit wow I didn't know that from the ghetto

from the ghetto from 8 miles oh my god wow Westside Claremont how'd you get out man

Claremont sounds nice we moved we moved to the suburbs when I was like uh 15 went to like my freshman year

high school um I remember I didn't want to go my parents were like yo they like sat me and my brothers down they did that thing where they like tried to give us like the option but it's not really like a choice and i'm really like you know we want to know what you guys think about moving to the suburbs and chris was like i want to do hood rat things with my friend and they were like no i immediately started i was like okay i

need to i need to prove why so i started working on like a like a powerpoint presentation wow it was literally like slide one that's literally cheating death right there yeah it was you made a powerpoint to stay in the hood and your parents were like no too many too many stars out too many swipeaways the slide one was like there's too many white people that was it and they like carried on after like three slides and they were like yeah we're going anyways that was it what do your parents do um my mom's a nurse well now she's like a or nurse uh and then my oh an operating room nurse come through mom and then scalpel my stepdad works for the irs now your stepdad is trash no no no no no what's your dad's name huh what's your dad's name like like the government

no his first name oh sam okay so what i gotta do to get sam to help me out help me out man i am fucking struggling with this irs situation can you pull some strings just one string maybe yeah maybe one i think one's not too bad you can pull a string a one string the whole thing gonna unravel Well the one string is Just lift all the debt up I need to know What kind of Like if you need

Like a Wesley Snipes deal Like I don't know What's a Wesley Snipes deal Because he still went to jail Yeah that's just reduced time How long was Wesley Snipes In jail for Like three years

That's too long Sydney can't go to jail For three years She can't wear the same wig For three years No you can't wear wigs there Also Aren't the new black

Is a damn lie Because they let Laverne Cox Wear a full lace front And you can't And you can't wear a wig In jail she would have plaits

she'd have sealy color purple braids or a fade or a fade but they're like we're not gonna do that to Laverne Cox we're gonna give her

a lace front wig that like isn't a heart like a synthetic you know what anyway whatever oh my god shut up Marie

it's just you know these TV shows live yes okay so your dad's in the IRS good for you so you move to the suburbs

you're surrounded by white people so talk to us about the first time you cheated death yes okay

I don't know I don't know if it's a cheat or if it's just like a fuck up in the system so when I was in the womb yet to be born yeah I was a few months your mom took a plan B and you still came out yo that is literally the cheating that has happened cause they're like 99%

effective imagine you take a plan B and you still have a baby I'm the .01 that baby's gonna you know cure cancer or something so uh apparently the doctors thought that i was in trouble because like they thought the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and they were like okay we need to do like an emergency c-section how many months was your mom um i think i was like uh three months early oh my gosh three months

three months i feel like you should have a smaller head yeah you should have a smaller arm for sure your hands should be tiny wow you're a big boy it's a big one I feel like my head is actually kind of small but I had to grow the dreads just to like proportion it out cause that with the shoulders

I was like you like a men in black character yes I see it you do have some big ass shoulders they're great they're beautiful do you work them out like that Murphy Lee a little bit yeah that's a bulbous shoulder I'ma make you love me babe

it's a good shoulder yeah I'm looking at Sidney's tiny shoulders now and it's like wow look how big Chris is you know

her proportions are right yeah no no her proportions are right thanks boo yeah yeah they're right but like wow that's a manly shoulder so they thought

you were dying three months early they looking at the grainy ass sonogram yeah Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit I mean it's a hospital

she was pixelated like it was a simpson galaxy that's why it was a nokia flip yeah he was like it looks like he's choking

but it's literally a shadow it was it was his dreads yeah whatever 1990 fucking android sonogram whatever they looking at that um they think i'm choking they gotta go in get me out and it turns out that they just looked at it wrong i was fucking chilling chilling i was i was still cooking and they took me out but like now i'm out so i'm here so you were seven months no sis three months

early is six yeah your pregnancy is nine months some people are here until ten what

nobody's in there for ten months some people are here to harass your mom what do you mean well done baby no sis it came out

come out with a mustache there's a grown ass man in glasses coming out with a briefcase yeah with Timberland boots let me get on out I was doing a lot of work in there.

I wrote a note. You wrote a note. So you were six months. Yeah. So were you like a tiny preemie? I was tiny. And then I had a couple, like, I had like my lung was like one thing. And they were like, this is like going to be undeveloped.

Like Nemo's fin. Shut up. Nemo had like a little baby fin. What is wrong with you? wait so okay so and i don't know if you've looked into this at all but like at six months because we're in the womb for nine months because we need more time to cook so what what the other three months your lungs would have fully developed and like what else do you even know i don't know i mean i feel like all right and maybe there could be some dispute on this but like when i was growing

up i'll go to a pediatrician and they would do like okay this is where you're tracking like height wise and things like that and they were like by the looks of it uh you should be like a six four six five dude right they did the same thing for my brother six four six five this is what you guys gonna be so i'm like kid growing up i'm like i got options like you know yeah i'm gonna go pro i'm gonna go pro or i'm gonna be like a love interest on insecure that's what i'm thinking i totally see that you can you can do it but you can still do it now with your tiny legs Can you be six feet and do it? Yeah, six feet.

Well, Dro is tall. Dro is tall and the Asian dude is tall. Lawrence is like 6'5". I don't know if he's 6'5". But the light-skinned dude, Issa's new man, is not tall. No, he's a shorty duo. He's giving me like a cool 5'9". Yeah, he's probably pocket.

But he's a blip, though. He ain't gonna be around. Oh, so you know next season? You got the cheat codes for next season? You're in the writer's room? What's going on? I don't know, man. It looked like he was done.

Nah, he's coming back, dude. It does feel like he's done. Because he like disappeared and then he came back. He's going to be in the new season though. He's going to be in a couple episodes. Yeah. They brought Lawrence back. You ain't going to ever see him stand next to Lawrence though.

It's a high difference. Too strong. And Lexston Kerman, who was Molly's love interest, he's short and he was on the show. And she's tall. Very tall. And they put him on his little apple box and he stood next to her at the cemetery. I heard he had lifts in his Jordans. What?

He had risers on. getting a Jordan wedge the Michelle Wolf's wedge boot okay boom Chris they told you it was gonna be 6'4 you're 6 feet you're terribly upset about it I am terribly upset cause my brother

got 6'4 he actually got it yeah but you're a tall guy like when Chris you're fine we're not feeling sorry for you dude I'm not looking for sympathy I'm just saying like this is what it was supposed to be I mean what were you gonna do what were you you said you had options were you trying to play ball yeah I mean, can you play basketball?

I'm pretty good. Nah. We're going to have to see that. I'm pretty good. What? Show us the tapes. Yeah, run the tape. We actually have a TV.

We're rolling in. Yes, because we just keep tapes of ourselves playing basketball on hand. Yeah, some niggas do. You don't have any tape? Is that what you're saying? Okay, you can't play. I heard you got to tape yourself. You got to submit self-tapes for a street ball.

For N1? For what? For N1? The professor. You got my own nickname? Yeah, what would your nickname be? The one lung. It'd be Neewa.

it'd be Nemo Nemo where he do it he'd be like Nemo yes I can do it dad yo

watch Nemo right now where he he has that tiny pen and he's like I can do it dad listeners you can't you gotta be here man

this is this act out is brilliant this is some of your best work you need an award for how messy that was a golden globe an Emmy at least

Okay so Chris You're born three months early You're incubating That's crazy that they can just pull a baby out at six months And be like So they can open your mom up See that you're not choking and then they still gotta pull you out They can't like tug you back in

No bitch Once you open it It's like a chicken pot pie Once you pop it it's gotta come out You gotta refrigerate after opening it You gotta put it on ice You gotta refrigerate after opening it you know what it is it's like you know when you like they vacuum seal a can and then the

the thing pops open and then when you close it back up it says don't purchase if the top is up yeah that's you chris the top was up okay but let me let y'all know that i was born a little early too and because i ate the placenta you ate the placenta i ate the placenta so i was sick is that why you're a lesbian because you've been eating placenta since she was a child as a fetus she was eating pussy gross honestly how do you eat the placenta who are you i'm done nemo and so they had to shave all my hair they had to do a surgery i was in the hospital for an extra like three weeks. Wait

you can eat the placenta? I feel like you should be able to do that as a baby. It looks chewy but it has like but it has like all the bile and the poop and everything it has all that stuff in it. You're just a greedy ass fetus. You're like I'm hungry now

y'all ain't got no snacks Sydney hungry and they were like oh no look how pruney she is. She ate the placenta We got to shave her head. No, they shaved my head. My mother cried.

They shaved your soft spot? My mother cried so hard. She's like, I was like, what the hell did I look like? My sister said I looked like a lizard, looked like Grace Jones. It was just a lie. Grace Jones is a powerful comparison. They can shave a baby with a squishy head? Yeah.

They can reshape it so the razor? Yeah. They had to do it. They had to take my hair out. I had hair. and that's why my edges are thin y'all that's why your thin edges

they shaved your head they shaved my head prematurely and never grew back wait so they shaved your head and then what they had to cut your head open I don't understand

they had to do surgery I had like a little mini surgery so I feel your pain dude yeah Sydney would have been rich if she wasn't born eating placenta

i also was born early but i was a fat baby so that's it which is weird because you're haitian so i mean i don't understand what that means but everybody on my dad's side is fat so it's fat haitians wait so how come after like girls get like you can give birth and then some moms eat the placenta it's supposed to be good for you but only because they saute it you know what i I mean, they flip it. They cook it. They throw it in an omelet or something. All right, you got to season it first.

Yeah, you can't have raw placenta. You got the old bay in it. Ooh, some lorries. Lorries on a blender. A little garlic salt. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you sear it. Yeah, you Emeril Lagasse it.

You sear it, you eat a placenta tartare. Yeah, and then you julienne a couple carrots for it. Boom, boom. That's it, sis. The Food Network, they missing out on us. Rachel Ray don't even know about this recipe. your secret ingredient is placenta

and everyone's like I'm gonna make a sundae I'm gonna make a sundae I'm gonna make a smoothie for sure yeah I was just wondering if I could get a dash of placenta

can I have the placenta avocado toast yeah you know how to thank you so much okay $14 more than that

probably $50 dude placenta is expensive okay yeah it's hard to get I mean Sydney had it for free which is why

she ain't got no edges oh my god what's another time that you cheated death um i mean you got out of detroit so that's another you won yeah i mean you're in new york now so you you might die tonight again all right um i can just give you like the one that connects that so when i was 20 i uh i was driving and what kind of car were you in a my first car it was a 92 sob sob oh you definitely didn't want to live why were you in a sob it was like this car my parents got me uh they didn't want you to live they were setting you up dude i'm gonna google sob i don't know i've never seen those in any it was a stick shift and they like they got it they got it for me for my 17th birthday my step

dad he was like one of those like dad dad dudes he like he was like all right he like drove me like a couple miles away he was like show me all right this is what you do and then damn this is a sob i just googled it is what you drove yep that was it it was white terrible that's gross so he like drives me like two miles away and he's like all right this is what you do and he like got out and his friend picked him up he was like see you at home and that was it he just left you just left and he was like you have to figure out how to get home driving this no wonder he works for the irs he's ruthless yes no heart soul gone dead inside anyway so he just drove you somewhere showed you how to do it

and was like, bye. So I was just like stalling for two miles back home just like that dude everybody hates in the middle of the street.

And you had never driven a car before? I'd never driven a stick shift before. That was it. That's crazy. And a stick is not easy. You gotta like,

you gotta use both feet to drive. You gotta know how to like use the clutch and everything. That shit takes like a day. You gotta like, you gotta have coordination.

You couldn't take me to like a church parking lot or something to do this shit. He had like a path mark or something. He had things to do. he had a friend pick him up

bro he had to run some errands we drove from my birthday party he drove from your birthday party yeah I was at my birthday party and he drove and he went back to the party

oh your stepdad is ruthless he was like I'm gonna go back and get some wings but I can't be mad he got me a car sweet 16 just because they do

something nice they can still be shitty okay I mean it was a sob sick shift but you made it back to the party yeah

but the car actually ended up saving my life So, I was driving. That same day? No, no, no. This was a couple years later. Okay. I was on my way to a party, and I'm exiting the highway.

There's a four-lane exit, two left, two right. Second from the left is a guy next to me. We both see that it's kind of clear to go left. It's like a blink of red, so it's kind of going when you see it's good. Okay. We start turning. Next thing I know, I just wake up upside down. What?

Yeah. Wake up upside down? Wait, what? Yeah, I woke up. In the sob? In the sob. I was in the back seat now. Oh, you weren't wearing a seatbelt?

No. Because you was like, I'm cool. You had the seat tilted back. Foolish. Yeah. I mean, I don't. You and your big shoulders and small head. I'm surprised you give up.

Yeah, he was like, I'm good. I literally woke up to like one of those EMT dudes just like slapping the shit out of my arm. Just like, hey, are you okay? Like, can you feel this? And I was just like, I was like kind of like hard come to. He was actually like, he was slapping it and I wasn't really responding. and he like did his like tickle thing it was weird and you're like yeah that's like it's kind of weird to come to like a bitch it was weird or he literally started doing the nemo situation

so you and your nemo hand he's slapping you yeah he's slapping my fingers you and then i come to and i'm like yeah and i like grab his arm and then they like rip the door off like the jaws of life yeah like the firefighters had to do it they were yeah they came in and had to like yank the door off um and like this car's built like a tank it's like back when they just like everything was like still made metal yeah so it's super heavy so hard yeah so they so hard wow sydney you turned on to get through nasty placenta eating nasty ass they dragged me out they put me on like the board they cut all my clothes off In the middle of the street

It was super cold It was in winter time I hope you did Chess that day Were you working out I wasn't working out At the time So you had a B2K chess

And they're like Bum bum bum So they cut Your pants off too Cut everything Because they gotta Make sure you're alright What a show

Okay I'm here for the show I was covered Pretty quickly Because they were like Nah I don't know Nobody wanna see that Towel

Scalpel They're like Just put your fitted on it. Just give me the hat. Then they put me in the back of the ambulance. By the way, ambulance is probably the most comfortable place I've ever been in my life. Yeah. No, it's cold.

An ambulance is cold. The ambulance ride is like $11,000. That's why it's comfortable. Because you didn't get the bill yet. I don't think so. There's a perfect temperature that exists and it's in the back of an ambulance. No. Yeah, it is.

I was cold. Which ambulance was you in? Something in Harlem. So it was trash. I was also in Massachusetts as well. They had the windows open. they're like we need to air this thing out she smells bad so the whole time i like can't see i don't really know why you can't see can't see um and i get to the hospital do all the pre-checks

when they're like checking like okay there's no internal bleeding i do like the scans quick scans and then i go into like the nurse's room or whatever um and they're like chris can you can you open your eyes i'm like oh shit i never thought about trying that so then i open my eyes and I can just hear it like this like cracking sound and it's like all the glass from the windshield had gone into like my eyes

oh my god Sidney stop ew Sidney stop ew shattered eyes wait the glass your eyes were closed and then you opened them they were closed when I came to

I hadn't tried to open them I didn't even know why. So they told me to try opening your eyes, and that's what happened when I tried. But apparently this happens pretty often because they straight up just turned me over. And hit your back? They literally hit my head like a middle school bully

looking for change and shit, just shook it out. And all the glass came out of your eyes? Most of it. They have a little device to actually stick in there that flushes all the shit out of your eyes. The glass. Yeah, all the shit out of your eyes. So what happened to your eyes?

Obviously, you're not Ray Charles, so what's up? I got a woman! It wasn't You're obviously not Stevie Wonder Ribbon in the sky They were lacerated but it was like Only like a week So they gave you LASIK for free

Nah Do you know what the word lacerated means Dad I can do it Me looking up the word dad i can do it a deep cut or tear in skin or flesh so your eyes were lacerated yeah it's crazy keep the word wait you got blue cross i think i had blue cross at the time you got that irs insurance he's doing fine uh but what happened like what the car hits yours and you i got t-bone so it was like uh straight up by a truck truck hit me on a driver's side and that's why like i

flipped and that's why i ended up in the back seat because i wasn't wearing a seat belt and you should be dead yeah i really shouldn't be alive on the driver's side oh my god sydney oh my god wait is everything okay this is so yes i just please she's reading magazines and we're talking about chris's lacerations well i'm like nothing happened dude what do you mean he got t-boned but on the driver's side yeah like the truck hit me like right where my door was uh-huh this is some final destination stuff for real yeah but like the total list of injuries it was like besides eyeballs i had a concussion i have five broken ribs and i had a hole like in my lung the baby lung the baby lung the nemo lung the dad i can do it so and it was fucked up as they told me this

and then the next day your dad was like you gotta drive home your dad was like yeah you gotta drive we'll see you back at the crib no so i'm expecting to be in here for a while and one of the nurses like all right well you can't do anything about your ribs because like you don't we don't do ribs here yeah like what happens how do you fix the ribs they just heal on their own they don't do casts or nothing you just have to like be like that's why like if you have anybody you see anybody with broken ribs like they it sucks to breathe it sucks to laugh like you chuckle and that shit hurts everything and how long does it take to heal um one like two months three months Two months?

So what do you do? And you had five broken ribs. Yeah. I bet you wear your seatbelt now. So they're like, you can't really do nothing. And for some reason, somebody was like, that kind of heals on its own, so you can go home. You can bed rest if you want. And my family was like, all right, cool.

So they took me home. I'm sitting on the couch, eating Coney Island, like, I'm going to be here for a while. And then I get a call from my cell phone. My cell phone, my parents had gone and picked it up in the middle of the street. It was all fucked up. It was old LG Voyager. I had to hold it in two pieces. i feel like cell phones back in the day used to be real resilient yeah like they were built to

last now these little sexy ass iphones they break i dropped this and it's like the whole thing like it's got like a bullet this yeah it's like unsolved mysteries but i get a call and it's like the hospital they're like is this chris i'm like yeah and i'm like they're like uh where are you i'm like i'm at home y'all said i could peace out and then they're like um you got to get back to the hospital right now i'm like why like because you have a hole in your lung and it's like and it's if your lung collapses while you're like sitting on the couch like you will just like we can't help you you will just die they just let you go but they knew that if they sent you home and then they were like uh actually yeah they didn't even get anybody to come pick you up you

had to come over there they they could have my family was like we're in the car like right now we're headed to that no but i want an ambulance to come to do it right family don't do it right they just throw you around and they don't give a fuck. They don't have no care. They don't strap you in. They like hitting potholes. They're hitting,

so, but they knew that your rinse had pierced one of your lungs. I think if anything I've learned it's just like,

it's like, these doctors be fucking up all the time. All the time. All the time. Regularly. That's why people be ready to sue

because they're like, wait, that person was fine. Now all of a sudden they did? Like, what happened? You fucked up. That's crazy.

Because I had to stay there for like, like 10 days. So how do they fix a hole in your lungs it's basically they said the lung was like borderline it was like okay it's big enough to like something could happen but it also could like start to heal on its own if it starts to heal on its own you're fine if it doesn't start to heal they would have to like cut my side and like stick like a tube in so you can breathe through the tube yeah yeah something like

that i didn't have to get luckily i didn't have to go to that point well because when your lungs are there's a hole in them you're just breathing in blood yes like you're basically drowning in your blood oh god guys way to bring the mood down i mean he's alive i'm not a doctor or anything oh my god raising out of me on that hoe uh and then what's another time that you almost i can't believe that you've almost died twice how much all that costs dude yeah who's paying for this um that was the truck driver wouldn't have let me forgot about that they'd be like remember the time we had to spend $15,000 when you almost died.

This is where it kind of is. Did your insurance go out? Because Michigan's a no-fault state. What'd that mean? It basically means unless it's like an obvious like, okay, this person did something reckless on their own. If it's like two people in a collision, it's like you basically

Say it's nobody's fault? Yeah. So this Walmart truck T-boned you and you got no money from it? You couldn't sue. Because then they also had a case they also had a case where it's like oh you you possibly drove into the intersection and like cut them off or some shit it's like so the toss-up kind of thing well and nobody had no cameras no it was he had a nokia flip phone people weren't like world star nobody cared about that at

the time damn so it's so sorry to hear that dude that's worse than almost dying i mean you can't sue somebody yeah you can't sue somebody that is worse than just kill me now kill me now write the letter write the damn note uh and then what's another time that you almost died um another time i was in middle school yikes yikes i used to uh i used to chew pens all the time used to chew pens yeah pen caps but like entire pens not like an entire fucking pen like i would have like the back of the pen like the clothes part just like chewing on it yeah in my mouth um and i was walking up the steps oh i think this theory is already terrified what you literally are final destination you better not die in the studio because we got we got other episodes to record

in here so so you're walking up the stairs you're chewing on his pen like a loser but were you a cool middle schooler you seem like you might have been a little bit cool a little bit i don't know i was cool with everybody way back i've been laid back my entire life yeah it's so crazy that you always seem so high to me and you don't smoke weed people stole your lunch all the time i see it oh hell no no chris was bringing two lunches he was like nah you could have that one that's cool i was i was trading lunches for honey buns for honey buns my mom made this for you you know he's like yes you know how you like yeah yeah your placenta cooked oh my god sandwiches are uh you know artisanal trade two lunchables pizzas for half a placenta yeah but

Lunchables pizzas was yuck. So nasty. Like looking at them now. The dough was so raw. It was just like, why would you give this to a child? It was like a soft cracker. It was like, you definitely need to heat this up. This needs to be baked.

I mean, you could. But the marketing was too good. No, Lunchables, like, you wanted them. Remember, the original Lunchables, I feel like, was a cracker, ham, and cheese. And like a Capri Sun. And then it was the pizza. And now it's nachos? And I used to be so mad at people who would come in with Lunchables.

was like damn man they living it up but it's like first of all that's like not even proper food lunch meat like the ham was extra thick and it was like red yeah it was not real ham actually yeah but the marketing chris is right the marketing was yeah because i wanted one and my mom no it wasn't the marketing it was that damn capri sun i was like damn you got a capri sun you can bio on capri suns man you ain't got you gotta eat this wet ass piece of meat wet pizza but then wasn't there also like a dessert like a like a butterfinger or something oh yeah it was like they threw a little little treat or brownie or whatnot it's like damn you come from a good home but really you don't literally i've never had a lunchable you have weak parents who yeah my my

auntie was like no well like why i hope you're getting home-cooked food like why would i give you a lunchable but i got free lunch i got like i was in the free lunch program so i had to eat whatever the school was giving me that like nasty pizza nah she would make me sandwiches she would like um give me food from the night before like just you brown bagged it yeah i never they gave me a lunch box like maybe fifth grade sixth grade instead of the bags it was great oh the hard lunch box with the thermos i had a good i had a good childhood for sure i don't know why i burned in my house now. I don't know why

you ate that placenta. Nasty. Shut up. Anyway, Chris, so you're in middle school. Take us back. You're walking up the stairs. You probably got on like

air walks or Jankos or something terrible. No, I was in private middle school. We had uniforms. Private middle school in Detroit? So that's just like

regular middle school? A private school in Detroit? Sounds like a public school in New York. Oh my God. So you had your Fresh Prince of Bel-Air blazer on inside out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're coming up the stairs. I had my tie on. I remember this dude, Jerome, in front of me. Jerome, I just remember Jerome had sickle cell. I don't know why. Okay. So Jerome was real black.

I've met two Jerome's in my life. They both got sickle cell. I don't know why. Well, that's a black ass disease and a black ass name, Sam. It's very fitting. If you're going to have sickle cell. It's on brand. I feel like somebody on Halloween said Sidney had sickle cell because she was in green face

paint. Am I making this up? Wait, what? Yeah. Yeah. Larry Owens. He said, he called me C-C-Cell. C-C-Cell.

i don't know what you're saying or something like see sickle cell you did look sick jaundice they said i had jaundice anywho you're uh you're in the chair rome has sickle cell he felt faint no we're in the staircase he passed out on the staircase he was telling some story to somebody and he got really animated i don't know what the fuck he was saying and he like swung his arm back and i'm right behind him oh my god and he hit the pen and the pen went through my mouth the back of your throat

through your mouth through your face it missed the direction of my throat it went through here it went through your jaw dude so does Jerome apologize or does he finish his story Jerome's worried about because he got the

other side of the pen so he's like damn Chris you stabbed me I'm like stabbed you like i have a i have a pen stuck so you you it was like that chinese thing where you put your finger in the little paper bag and both of your fingers get stuck but it was y'all were connected by a pen yeah he was fine he got fucking scratched compared to me i mean but he got sick also so what happened they could have killed him 9-1-1 yeah like immediately so it's stuck in there and i'm my first you can't pull it out i started to pull it out and then i started then the blood started come on

I can't listen to this I can't listen to this no more this is gross dude what no go ahead get into it

Sydney maybe take your headphones out I'm weak let me give it the magazine back so I can read I mean so I basically

had to wait so I'm basically waiting there for like you know it's Detroit so it didn't come until two days later they pulled up

in a sob i'm sitting in the fucking like like an office like a er because i'm just sitting there and it's like well you can't take the pen out of your mouth it's just stuck but isn't blood coming into your mouth so are you like leaning forward so it's dripping can you draw this out because i don't even know how this works like what where exactly was the pen it went into your mouth and came out it didn't come out and come out no no it's like think like like right above like where your like wisdom teeth would be oh my god it was like in there yeah meanwhile jerome's like damn you scratched me this is my good fubu jacket throw up

dude so the ambulance comes and they're like oh it's this guy again uh this guy yeah they definitely knew you by first in social security he dead yet like no i'm still alive uh it was i mean it seems like they did it like pretty much right there they took it out and like stuffed it whatever i got to the hospital and then i had to have like a metal plate they took it out right there hot the ghetto like you can't just wait till you get to the ghetto shout out to nini leaks they was ready like as soon as i got there and they like they just put like a metal plate so now you have a metal plate in your mouth it's gone now i have to wait for it to heal and then the plate came out this whole mouth is like i feel like i've had too much shit like like half

my tooth is fake oh you have some dental yeah what you got uh this front one let me see what happened to the front tooth um me and my brother was racing for shotgun and he was slow but he's mean so he pushed me into the fucking like just the window yeah yo he was slow but he was mean they didn't get the sides they just got that one tooth they didn't get the sides I'm like yo get the whole thing done Yo Sidney Insurance wasn't that good at the time Sidney you got a little bit of dental work and you don't know how to

Sidney's like oh you think they can do the whole mouth They can do the left quadrant of your face You didn't get the premium package You didn't get the premium package Oh my god the platinum package The diamond package Ah sis honestly Damn damn Chris you've been through it

What have you learned from all of this Do you live life to it's fullest Do you have sex with no condom like well i ain't that stupid i ain't like god looking out for me like no i'm good he's like you sure like i'm sure like yeah yeah have you learned anything from this are you wearing a seat belt in the car now sometimes yeah oh my god not if i'm in the back seat yeah in the back seat i don't wear a seat belt either i feel like you get on the bus and put on a fucking seat belt like you're scared you're frightened i'm not scared like i like even like after that happened

like when i feel like i had more weird stuff happen even like after i started hanging out with more white people oh naturally that's what happens i remember one time because like when i started like i remember when i moved to the suburbs like that year one didn't fun didn't talk to nobody didn't want to talk to nobody none of that because you were like ew your hair is weird and they were like your hair is weird and i looked like i came in and i went to private school and i was like so in detroit you go to private school you're above like detroit public schools but in the suburbs yeah inside in the suburbs it's like you're regular but they put me they're like oh you should be ready for all these like advanced classes they put me on these

classes with these like grown-ass kids and shit uh and i was like so it was like night school yeah it was a gd program yeah but i was like i didn't talk to nobody at all i remember one time like uh we had like a substitute teacher coming like math class and i just like asked a question i was like can you go back and repeat that and then like she was like uh yeah whatever and then like just scoffed and like next day a real teacher came back and he was like okay these following people have detention it's like the people who like usually fuck up those kids and it was like they called my name and i was so quiet everybody else stood up for me it was like how the fuck does chris have detention you don't even fucking talk in class like that was me she gave you detention

for asking to explain something because she didn't know it pretty much substitute teachers is trash so i didn't even i didn't even start hanging out with people in celebrity so i was like 16 17 so you're gonna have no friends for years not like a year okay the next year okay i'm like years but then so like i'm doing so now i'm like i have more white friends i'm doing all this extra shit so like a lot of people in michigan skiing and whatnot yeah all that stuff i probably like shouldn't have been doing like the first time i rode an atv they're like you got it i was like yeah i got it i went up like a steep hill and i didn't know like you were supposed to like downshift and all that and you just rolled it just rolled back i'm like i have this atv

and me and his atv just flipping just backwards down like the hannah bar is like here like on my head oh right around it because you thought he was dmx you were like stop yeah drop shut him down it was nothing like cradle to the grave you really like that movie huh you really like that movie you're here for a dmx film chris i'm just blown away that this much shit has happened to you and like you're you're just so calm like you don't seem like you're off you know all these near-death stories i feel like sydney has the energy for somebody who nearly died eight times you're just like she's that placenta energy yeah that's that placenta energy no but i have that like oh you might have a hole in your lung type

energy kind of because i've seen you try to run and i'm like city's not gonna make it what that look like no that's the diabetes sydney will try to run and she'll be like oh my legs are itching i think my skin is dry i'm like no it's literally your body telling you you never run yeah it's circulation the blood is just trying to go around because the blood is like oh we moving and sydney's like oh my legs are itching she literally went like four steps telling you anything sydney you went on a run with me and she was like ah i was like sydney we haven't even done a full lap and she's like yeah but my legs are i'm don't y'all work out together no i refuse to work out with sydney because then i would never work out bitch don't do that i can't work out with somebody

who's not going to like start and stop. I just want to get in and get out. I want to be in the gym for an hour and then be done. If I go to the gym with anybody else, not just you, I just feel like it's going to take longer because they're going to be complaining and they're going to want to stop and I can't. But Sydney, what's your gym

routine? Like if you go, you just in and just like. Aw nigga, I'm in the mirror. I'm Snapchatting other people struggling at the gym. She's Zooming into people's shoes. Yeah, like I'm doing everything except working out.

A lot of work just gets there. If there's a show on, if there's a show, I'll be on the elliptical for 35 minutes. See, I can't do it. You're reading a closed caption? Yeah. See, I can't do that. I'll go in.

I'm with Marie. I'm in and out. In and out. Oh, we can tell. In and out. The moms. The moms look like they're in and out. So, like, Chris, you've been through all this stuff,

so does that make you, like, more of a daredevil now, or? I don't go looking for it. The ship just find me. He was just trying to get off the ramp. Yeah. You're just trying to get to his exit. T-boned. He's just trying to incubate and like grow some lungs.

Pulled out the womb too fast. Now he's a short six feet tall. A short six foot. I mean, I've never gone through any of that stuff. And so that's why I feel like I'm more adventurous and dangerous because I haven't had enough near death. What's adventurous for you though? It's not like you're going hiking, sis. oh i've been hiking but you're not in puerto rico you're not looking for like you're not

like let's just go hiking this weekend that's not who you are no oh i don't like that but i have done copious amounts of ketamine i hate you so much my mouth is amounts my mouth is so dry where it's like wait why are you doing this like do you want to live it's like no i'm just having i'm having fun what's the ketamine high feel like because the way that you talk about it it seems like should i try ketamine you feel silly like everything everything is like discombobulated and you your your vision is weird and i could just take an edible for that yes it's kind of like it's kind of like an edible but for 10 times more than that sound like shrooms okay it could be shrooms too but if you have a good trip i've had i've had bad trips on mushrooms so that's why i

I don't do them. It's not for me. I feel like if you haven't unpacked a lot of things, if you haven't gone to therapy, you do mushrooms, shit start coming out, and you want to hide in a closet. So you're saying mushrooms are not for black people? Yeah.

I love shrooms. Yeah? How often do you do them? Like every other year I'll do shrooms. Every other year? Yeah. That's not like you don't really do them that much. I love them though.

Or you'll do them for a whole year and then take a year off and then a whole year. I need a break from this. that's okay so what's a good shroom high feel like um it's like total elation it's like i feel silly as hell like everything's funny to me yes that's ketamine i can't stop laughing i'll just look at people i'm just like dog you're purple and it's the funniest shit i've ever seen i don't know where you begin your shrooms from because i feel like i should end the year off with some shrooms is this a shroom year or are you off shrooms this year it's a shroom year i still

gotta do them okay oh great let's get it let's get a team together we need a chaperone you can do your ketamine no i can't city's sober now i'm sober thank you so i can't but i will watch i'll see y'all that's a good you actually need you need that you're watching you gotta put your phone you gotta turn your phone off you gotta turn it in at the door because you're not gonna be shooting videos of me on shrooms to post on the ground why are you posting videos posted videos you looking crazy never regularly never i only post beautiful photos that's a lie sydney shoots all these videos and then they'll pop out on my birthday and i'd be like the fuck when did i do that i just saw you do the same thing to sydney like last night 24 hours but

she came out in public like that uh she came out looking like gumpy i saw that i was like you look like you turned into She-Hulk but didn't finish oh my god oh you got fucking jokes Nemo how dare you oh my god you won't stop yo um

is there another tag for that movie no for Nemo having a tiny fin I mean he went into the filter at the dentist office cause he had the smallest fin or whatever anyway that's like so not the point of the movie

either no but he did have a tiny fin like you have a tiny lung god damn it and by tiny is it like is one regular size are they both little no one is regular and one's like half the other i don't know damn what's your kidneys and stuff look like you they good no they good no everything's good i have a question when you're like dating do you tell people like at least like conversation starters like do you let them know about the turmoil that you went through what on the first day he's like so i almost died 12 times yeah yeah yeah the first time yeah the scariest time uh-huh let's go back to my birth you bring out your powerpoint presentation next slide he's like if you check your email i just i just airdropped

your google docs um not really i feel like the car story comes up every like at some point usually it's like that was like a big like turning point in my life after that like i started working out after that i had like um after they had to rip open your chest and shit you're like yo my body better be right if they ever do that again i gotta have abs and pecs and i was in there looking weak and fragile looking like a fabergé egg oh my god even like comedy like i i was already like starting to a comedy in michigan at the time and i had a show at michigan state like a week after that and i was already like a week or two after that and they're like you want to do it i was like yeah i'm gonna still try to do it and i go and it's terrible because i can't like talk like

i said like any moment of like talking too loud or even like a chuckle or a laugh it's just like pain so i'm telling the joke and i'm just like and it's like i have to keel over oh because of your ribs yeah because i'm in so much pain and i was just you were still doing comedy with brute broken i do not love comedy that much i hate comedy i will stay in the house for less you heard me self-care self-care i'll stay home if the train if i miss too many trains i'll be like i miss two trains in a row i guess i'm not coming back yeah it's time for me just to start i think that's god just telling me to stay home but like all that like all that i got started to like hate i didn't even like comedy after that it was weird i just like didn't want to do it i was like oh i

totally understand sir I get it my lungs are perfectly fine I'm like yo I'm done with this I hate it I'm not going to Park Slope

I'm not going to yeah I gotta go into the city to do comedy tonight I gotta take two trains I'm staying in Brooklyn this evening no thanks

well did we learn anything today we learned that Chris you gonna live to be 112 you really are and I feel like and my skin will be great I saw my grandma

like a couple weeks ago I'm gonna be good she got good skin and I really just feel like take the risk man just don't wear a condom oh my god I feel like you got it dude

like you know what no because if you got all these lives in your sperm jeez too many lives yeah the plan B your sperm is the sperm that plan B can't get yeah that's what it is it's the .001%

that should be your show you should write a pilot based off your sperm that like never dies what nigga that is it is it a cartoon it would have to be animated

it could be animated it would have to be animated yo Chris don't say I ain't never gave you nothing dude yeah go ahead and give Cindy executive producer credit

yeah I'm gonna watch that that EP credit the sperm and then the sperm that just it leaves the uterus

and starts traveling the actual body what is it the magic school bus yeah yes the magic school bus of sperm dude

nah this shit is brilliant people who watch it it's an adult swim adult swim oh yeah I'm telling you oh my god

Chris shout out to you and your Miss Frizzle sperm hello hello the sperm definitely has dreads for sure Chris was born with dreads you got a couple of sperm

with like fades and what not got waves I'm here for it so what's next for you yeah dude with all these stories you gots to do something

and be somebody yeah if you wanna be somebody if you wanna go somewhere you gotta do something what you gonna do i was i supposed to be prepared for that for that question no i this is a deep question that you should just be knowing it yeah what's like what's next like what's your goal in life who you about to be what's next uh let's see i'm deaf i'm uh next year 2019 i'm traveling a lot boom so you're saving some money who you sue finally sued that truck company found a loophole I got a good nine to five yeah but you

you skipped work to do the podcast today so you might foolish you might not have no money so foolish yeah we heard the episode we're actually big fans

of the unofficial experts yeah are they looking for a job we are but we don't want one yeah I don't know traveling more

keeping comedy going my show Auntie's House is we're gonna try to make that bigger and better it's a good ass show it's a fabulous show it's great

next one plug that what is it Like every third Saturday or what? The next one's going to be different. I'm going to do like a Christmas one, December 15th. Beautiful. Okay, cool.

Beautiful. This got to come out before then. Got it. You know, want to help you with your plugs and whatnot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. This will come out, you know, next week. Cool, cool.

We should have tickets on sale then. And then, you know, maybe I'll do another podcast. I don't know. Not the book of Ye. Kanye West is dead to us. Kanye West is dead. Nah, me and Rob will do something. Okay.

Yeah, we love Rob Hayes. Yeah. he's in LA doing big things we love him he was our Atlanta expert this is great Chris thank you for coming to this podcast and not dying on your way here I feel like when he gets out of here he's just like

just a piano a piano's gonna fall out of his mouth an Advil he's gonna have an Advil an Anvil don't write no suicide notes don't write no suicide notes don't even write a suicide taste imagine if I said an Anvil

Oh my god Wow Advil I had lacerations From the Advil I gotta go I gotta pee We need to leave

Chris thank you so much Thanks guys People gonna find you Auntie's house The next one is December 15th And it's Christmas themed Wear an ugly ass sweater

Yes Or like a hoe ass Mrs. Claus costume Also definitely And make sure you Subscribe and review The podcast y'all We everywhere

We on Apple Spotify Spotify Wherever Samsung's get it You know, live your best lives. Bye. Bye. Forever.

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