MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Chicago Expert" with Clark Jones

Episode Date: December 29, 2017

Is Chicago better than Brooklyn? We talk dating white woman, comedy beef, watching R.Kelly picking up girls from Clark's school with Clark Jones. Do black people actually like comedy? Grab a soggy deep dish slice & pull up a chair!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey. Hey, hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to the Unofficial Expert Podcast with Sydney and Marie. What's up? Guys, it's, uh, I don't know when this episode's going up, but it's the end of the year or the beginning, depending on how we feel. Deaf. It's cold outside. Is it? The world is literally coming to an end because it really feel like it should be colder. It's not that cold. It was like 60 degrees this weekend legit my sister was outside raking leaves in a short sleeve shirt yeah it was really honestly i had a jean jacket on so you had a denim on no but i had an h&m uh winter coat which is basically a jean jacket because it has no lining so yeah and it exists an h&m winter coat yeah when you put fur on the tree it's crazy because when i see like girls

outside looking for their ubers they like real stressed out because they're like honestly this coat only lasts two seconds before i really feel the cold so they like be shivering because there's no lining in it none dude it's not double double layered at all it's an h&m winter coat it's literally a brown paper bag in cheetah print well i hope your h&m uh winter coat is just like i feel like that's a spring jacket you know what i mean no it's a winter coat how much did you pay for that was it like a 9.99 it literally it had one of those like red stickers on it it was like hurry up and buy it's ten dollars it was like buy now you're like we're going out of business what's not it's not h&m it's actually rainbow it's century 21 don't even lie to the people

listening right it's rainbow don't be rude sydney were you an expert at anything this week no definitely not i honestly just i'm barely making it that's honestly what i'm doing well you're an expert at barely making it yeah sis you look great while you're losing just so you know definitely i lost weight a lot it's what it's a losing situation you just gotta your butt back no it's gone oh my god yeah you're the white dudes are yelling at me i'm like oh man it's a rat definitely i got the taylors and toms like oh you got brads and i haven't seen you around here lately like oh man your brads and brooks hollering at you from their car with a whole bunch of uh spam so i could get my butt back white dudes like spam do they i feel

like white people eat spam i don't know nobody who would spam but i it's black people i've never had spam don't you blaspheme me like that oh so you haitian third world country people never had spam before they don't ship that over there sure don't not at my house i don't know what they eat in haiti but at my mom's house haiti they eat spam no they definitely they eat they got chickens that they snap in their neck no no they got real skinny chickens that they eat sydney we don't eat out the can in haiti oh y'all too good for canned food is that what we saying we rather starve to death than eat spam well see that's why i don't be donating i don't be done i'm like sydney you have to have to donate okay oh wow we're really going there today this is not one of those days

because i'm already going in on the guests when we get when we get the guests on so please don't no it's not your intro yeah you'll know you'll know you'll know when i bring your ass in oh my god you know what let me just real quick run through what my expertise is so we can get this show on the road so a couple weeks ago i decided uh 2018 was gonna be my whole year um i'm gonna be a hoe next year right so i've been watching i had been watching insecure a couple months ago when isa had her little rotation which was sad which was super please don't follow

my situation's not gonna be that don't do that my young ass neighbor downstairs just not i'm not gonna bang nobody in a dusty studio on a jizz couch oh god truth is don't um for a charger for a charger she's like ain't that my charger

i don't even remember that scene okay completely forgot it uh anyway so uh and i'm not gonna be banging no dudes that work at best buy like that's just not what my truth is he but he got the woo woo the woo woo died oh he's on his way remember when the white people were like where'd you get those cool shoes no it's gonna be root root with a t on it no i'm not doing that i'm not banging it's root root 2.0 and then i was watching she's gotta have it over thanksgiving and i was like a core three you know a core tree i didn't like her lineup at all it felt like the knicks

i felt like she had a carmelo anthony and jr smith sydney um okay i see you did a little tiny bit of research on the nixon 2016 oh no i just know those are the ones that i'd be like damn y'all still here losing so in order so i was an expert at preparing for my for my host centennial my host travaganza if you will yes i went underwear shopping yesterday uh actually i went shopping with my mom i got some panties i got some bras uh i feel like i need to order some new sheets i might could get some candles you know what i mean i'm just work and i went for a run today i know you with all that hair you are not putting no damn candles near your your bed stand that's not happening no way that nola darling no did not burn down it should be the

building should be on fire yeah she had the can she had all the candles on that fence i was like that ikea frame stop playing no it looked like a like a fence like a like the gate between neighbors or something that it looked dangerous anyway don't do yourself like that oh i would never do that speaking of not doing that uh our guest today wait no i thought you were gonna no wait no i thought we were gonna still talk about this how do you prep to hoe okay well i mean i feel like you wasn't you wasn't really thinking about it you i was i was involved into it and i already said speaking of i was into it i already transitioned sis it's too like i really feel like uh i just don't want you to have a a messenger nigga because if you do that

then i honestly can't even be your friend anymore a dude on a bike a dude on a bike with a lower grill who lives in the projects that's not the way my vagina is set up but i did like his chain i was like oh no that chain mars no yeah it's too big but a grown-ass man a little smaller one okay a little tiny one yeah yeah i feel like that was so you sure sure i feel like you would date him to take his chain and then leave him not that big aluminum foil necklace he had no just like a little smaller version listen if you haven't seen she's gotta have it uh white people who are listening and black friends who don't have a netflix password to steal uh it's really really good check it out uh now i'm ready to transition are you ready sid our guest today uh really funny

comic uh performs all over the place i think y'all are gonna like him he's our chicago expert is Clark Jones. Clark Jones! Clark Jones! Yeah, man. Clark Jones! Clark Jones! I did that.

I ran for student government president and I was the first one to drop a mixtape. What? Did you win? No, I did not win. They really do it bad in Chicago, huh? I won the hearts of the people,

but I didn't get elected. The hearts of the people? You were Bernie Sanders. I was young Bernard. I was out there in Atlanta. I went to school in Atlanta. Why are you... First of all,

for the people who can't see this, Sidney's been giving me a sad... Since I walked in Since he walked in He tried to bring me Some fruit snacks Like oh is this your This your

Olive tree branch Yeah Olive branch Or whatever You know what I mean I was only five minutes late Which is good No you were fine

It's not about the lateness But I just don't know Why the energy Was like that Well let's get into it Real quick Why is the energy weird Clark why did you do this

I don't know man She gonna do She gonna screen cap Some of our conversations And put it on Facebook I don't do that Okay Yeah cause you stand up

Are you fucking serious? Because you're a stand-up person. That's why. I would never do that, Clark. Of course you wouldn't. Sidney, what did you do on Facebook to hurt Clark's feelings? All I do is... If he mad love, then as soon as we get in public, he'll be like, yo, fuck Clark Jones.

Well, this is what happened. I'll be like, what? I'll be like, come to the stage. I'm so happy to have this person on the show. Clark has a great show at the Knitting Factory. That's right. It used to be Hannibal's, but he passed it down to three people. They're great.

It's a great show. Uh-huh. Every time we get on the show Me and Marie We Somehow we get an introduction With comedy hype Always shouting them out

You know what I'm saying I get about 12 messages a day About the official podcast Right Absolutely Cause I love comedy hype Shout out to comedy hype First of all

Oh now They was the laughing barrel Only the insiders know That they used to be the laughing barrel You're like hashtag never forget Never forget Never forget where you came from They used to be in the barrel

And then they became comedy hype And they love y'all That's good Of course they love us Why would they not love us, Clark? Why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't they? That's my question

We out here thriving That's what me and Marie want to know Okay, then Hold on, people Let's get into it We had a sketch We did a little commercial For La Merida

Oh, yeah You're a La Merida expert Okay, so you and Clark Mr. Clark Jones Wanted to do an impersonation Of me and Marie Hosting our show I have a video of it

You didn't even tell me I have a video I was just laughing I can't even believe I did forget about that He did it for Seven white people that Me and you don't fuck with like that

And they was on the floor No they weren't That sounds like every other black woman They was sitting on the floor Do the impersonation It's a visual No, nigga, do it now. I need to have your jacket on.

Yes, you have my jacket on. That was for you. That wasn't even for them. I wouldn't be noticing my beauty in the rest of the time. He was embarrassing me in front of Amy's. You are embarrassing a black queen

in front of a bunch of Courtney's and Kylie's? First of all, I left early, so fuck all of them. That shows how much I cared about them. I was just there for Sydney. It wasn't even like

nobody else was in the room. What was the impersonation, Sid? It was like, girl, girl, girl, girl. girl no girl girl it was literally him doing girl it was 1200 girls it was we don't even we don't even say we say sis we say thank you but it ain't about it being accurate i was just going for the for me so why didn't you say why didn't you say that that was you audience hold on hold on why didn't you say that was sashir and uh nicole byer hosting i ain't never seen them hosting shows

I won't do it. I ain't engaging that. So anyway, Chicago. Chicago. I didn't think those were the two black girls you would name first if you was going to throw some shade. I didn't think they would be the go-to, but that's another conversation. Aren't they kind of connected to you? It's like one degree of separation.

That's another conversation. I love men, first of all. Shout out to all black women. Shout out to Clark Clark. Clark. Speaking of black women, do you date any white women? I've never dated a white woman But you've been with a white woman

I've been a dated Wait, I'm going to have to turn this down Why are you lying? I ain't never dated a white woman Dude, I picked you up in an Uber pool from a white woman's house That wasn't a white woman's house What was it? She was high yellow?

No, she Colombian That's the whitest Colombian I'd have never seen That was a different girl That you're thinking about And that girl was Egyptian He got all Listen Where you been

All this passport pussy from Listen I got mad stamps It's very local Don't even think It's very Trader Joe's Don't even Bitch you got mad stamps

Stamps means It's Trader Joe's Pussy Don't even try it You can't even Your dick can't get through They be like Where this been at

Where you been fucking It be Sydney Y'all should play Two TSA ages man That'll be hilarious No soul playing Really Y'all should be

I think that'll be funny Are you typecasting us I'm trying to universal. Not type. I'm just trying to cast, man. We need to work. I could be a flight attendant. Man, every day I wake up like, man, I'm done with this shit. Really? Every single day. Wait, what? First of all,

I just want the listeners to know that Clark be working. I'm every day. I mean, he's about to be on a show in D.C. that I didn't even know you was. I mean, they did. He had a last minute ad. I was like, I don't see Clark on the original flyer.

I saw that. I got tagged. I'm like, they are not going to be happy about that. I said, is he cutting into our money now? Is that? Because we asked for more money up top. And they were like, oh, we don't know about the budget. And then we said Clark Jones. I was like, are you doing a pro bono for DC?

No, man. That was so funny with us. I'm like, yo, Sidney's going to be upset. I screenshot that shit. My name at the top, too. Sidney sent it to me right. Oh, they hit the hard return. But I tagged y'all.

Y'all didn't even like it. I was like, this is a problem. I feel like I liked it on some. I was like, you're taking away from the mass. If Sidney didn't like it on Facebook or Instagram, I'm like, I know she on these sites. I know she on these sites today. My question, though, is did Comedy Hype like it on Instagram? Comedy Hype still.

Maybe if y'all re-gram it and put my name in it, they'll acknowledge me. Oh, okay. Cool. What's that name in the little bottom left? We don't know him. So, wait, wait. So, Clark, you started comedy in Chicago, right? Started comedy in Chicago June 25, 2008.

First person to bring me on stage was comedian Milton Lil Rel Howery. You remember that? Lil Rel from Insecure. From Insecure, from Get Out, from the Living Color Reboot, TSA. He was on the, what happened to the Living Color Reboot? What happened with that? Shit did well for him. He turned it into Friends of the People.

A bunch of great shit, man. That's the Chicago spirit. Take a little bit, turn it into something else. So you remember the date. Sandy, do you remember the first time you got on stage, the date? You remember who I don't remember 2008 at Jokes and Notes

Formerly black Owned comedy club In Chicago Owned by a woman Black woman Mary Lindsay Mary Lindsay That don't even sound

Like a black lady Named to me She worked in finance Go ahead Mary Lindsay It's like It's really Mary Ella Lindsay Ella is what blacks it up

And then she took it out It's getting blacker As you add a name The more syllables Is in it So what is comedy What is it like Starting comedy in Chicago

As a black person because when i think of chicago i think of uh you know niggas and i think of white people doing uh i don't know improv yeah chicago's a stand-up city but like the pr for improv is way better yeah but what it was isn't there drama with the second city like wasn't isn't it like racist every improv every drama sexual assault racism i mean the world is racist so like yeah it is You got this situation where, like, people getting paid and getting big opportunities to make money, you know, off being funny. If black people, if one of us get through, shout out to Chris Redd, you know, one every however many years, he's like, oh, the system is rigged against us. You know, just let one of us get through and pop like that because he made history.

Yeah. And he's really, really funny. Chris Redd made history as well. He made history in that, I forget the exact terminology, but he was already on the Netflix show, Disjoin It, and SNL is like, he's the first person to join SNL as the second option. So, like, whenever Disjoin It needs him, he can leave SNL and go work on Disjoin It. Oh. And he's the first person.

Well, Disjoin It's probably not going to need him. Yeah. But regardless. Or, or. They wanted him that bad. I don't think he would leave SNL for Disjoin It. I mean, not leave the show, but if he has to miss an episode or three to shoot for another show-

He could do that. He could do that. Did you do his contract? How do you know that? Yeah. Are you a lawyer on the side? I'd be mad. Or are you just being everybody's tea?

You know what? When famous motherfuckers be talking, I'd be just getting quiet and acting like I'm paying attention to what's happening on stage. So you're the bone collector. But I'd really be listening. But you're intended to be- I'd be like, you're the bone collector. He's She by Sheree right here.

That's what he is. I'd be like, yo, oh, word? Yeah. Dude we gotta do that You gotta ear hustle To get it because I'm not a good Networker so I gotta Clark Devante Jones

You are not It's actually LaRue it's French It's LaRue Wait you are not a good Networker even though I see you everywhere And everybody knows you Do I be talking to people though I don't network so I don't know

If I see anybody people in a bunch of people in different areas know who i am but nobody really knows me so so they don't know if you really got hosed is that what you mean nobody really knows my thing that's a chicago why is that why are people in chicago so kanye talks all the time ain't he from chicago do you everybody knows i know that he's on uh antidepressants that's why he got fat yeah that's why i know that she is his special friend here's the thing chicago has this like speaking know to make it bring it current like this whole culture of like sexual assault and sexual harassment that comes from chicago that comes out i was like it started there i ain't even i've been

a complete i've always been i've been big bro from from from day one with y'all the chicago style pizza and sexual assault they go hand in hand there i was on first of all first of all i was on Fox 5 talking about Chicago pizza recently, so... It's Fox 5! I be up in the spot. You don't network, but you on Fox 5 talking about pizza? They just... People be drawing to me, man.

You're the Samuel L. Jackson of these gigs, because you be in every random thing. I saw you in Stash. A little infomercial for Stash. Wait, the app? Yes, the app. We shot that in this building. This building?

this building that's why i'll be mad eerie this is like the third time they shot up in my apartment in this building we shot uh bushwick misdemeanors in this building i don't even know what that's kevin iso and then perlman's uh web series don't be shouting out no more people on here This is not Hot 97. Comedy Hype loves Wishwick Misdemeanors. This is not Hot 97. Please. It's crazy.

Yo, listen. Funk Flex. Listen. Big Cat. Big Bunny. Big Truck Series. It's been bad. Crazy right now.

Wait, hold on. What the hell? So what the hell were you talking about? So Fox 5, can we get back? Who hit you up about that? Oh, they just, I was up in the pizza spot. This is why I can't, can I say the name? Whatever.

It's called Emmett's. It's the chef's from Chicago. There was this big thing about Chicago versus New York pizza. I was in there and they just had me on for like five minutes. Okay, so who's pizza is better? It's on my phone. Who's pizza is better, Chicago or New York? Chicago pizza is better because we take time to make it.

There's not a bunch of other shit to do like in New York. Because y'all have nothing else. We have nothing, nothing, nothing. We just have legit three things to do that day. So we have time to sit and wait 45 minutes for a pizza. And also, why is the pizza so deep? It's legit a casserole But the

It's a Yeah It's a for real pie And it's You know It's too thick That's what you have When you just

Want to get away from everybody And make a nice pizza Everything in New York Is like oh We make our pizza in a minute We make ours in 30 seconds It seems like It seems like a depression pie

It's a depression pie It's too much It's like New York is like Fucking Y'all make y'all own pizza It's a do-it-yourself pizza place Just so you can

Spend Just how much time You want to spend Wait so When you go to a Chicago pizza place They don't have like the parmesan and like the peppers and stuff on the side to put they do but everything in

chicago comes with fries also that's a big difference to that deep dish pizza that's why everything comes i feel like diabetes and high cholesterol is high in chicago is the home of like food that comes wrapped in aluminum foil everything got grease and oil chicago's uh home of the you're gonna lose your foot yeah you just shit go happy that's our which is crazy because they, you're going to lose your foot there, but don't they like step or shuffle there? Perculate?

You about one adjective from Coonan. Don't y'all step or shuffle a handjob? I don't know. Black handjob? I don't know. Chicago's a dance city. You've seen Chance the Rapper

do early on in his career. Chance is from Chicago. I would just want to see You know what When Comedy Hype posts this I will post a YouTube clip No no no Send us a boomerang

That will send a Comedy Hype Okay Make sure you got my name Well also Isn't R. Kelly from Chicago How y'all feel about him That's a thing We don't talk about

As much as we used to But let's talk about it For a little bit But he be stepping In the name of love Yeah Here's the thing about it If you went to school

In Chicago Between 93 Through Maybe now High school You've definitely seen R. Kelly pull up At the high school? At the high school

You've seen him at your high school I went to his high school Damn, I shouldn't even say that No, say it, come on Pull up And I went to Whitney Young High School On the west side It's one of the

We're at Michelle LeJuan Obama? I don't know Michelle LeJuan LeJuan feels right I feel like it's something with a Well, anyway

Michelle Robinson went there Michelle Robinson Michelle Robinson, class of 81, went there Beautiful, beautiful A bunch of good people. And yeah, we used to see that Yukon, which is a very 2000, 2001 truck. That big ass car was trying to sneak or it was like windows was rolled down and he was hanging out the window?

This was even before shit really went down. So he didn't have to sneak at all. Just like, oh shit, R. Kelly picking up a friend of mine. Picking up a friend. And you didn't think any of them was wrong? How lucky is she? It was Michelle LaVon Robinson. Sidney, you think that's, like, R. Kelly's picking up someone common that you know?

Someone that we knew. Yeah, but that's just what it was. But what year was this? Like, how old was your friend? I was in high school late 90s, well, early 2000s. Be honest. No, no. Listen to that, bro.

Late 80s. You're the only honest person about your age. Late 80s. Who comes into this fucking. Yo, because Sidney dumb. Sidney don't want to get booked. Yo, I was Michelle Robinson's tutor, right? It was that long ago.

I told her Hey You gonna meet somebody Just stop crying You introduced Michelle To your friend Barack Yeah I got her ready

For AP testing And all that I'm overwhelmed Wait So you were in high school And he was pulling up Picking up Picking up

Seniors Juniors Fresh I just want you to know The New York Times Listen to us So they're probably Gonna hit you up

About this It's gonna be great I wanna talk about it I want 500 likes On the post Ah damn That's it That's it

No Okay Cause we still black Okay wait i know he would i've heard this before because the big thing about like chicago in the high schools is like there will always be like these big games you know uh the kenwood versus uh simeon or whitney young versus whatever because basketball is such a big thing right he's a big basketball fan like he would you know no he's not a basketball fan he's a cheerleader fan

he's a cheerleader he's a child's fan he really wasn't trying to impress he can't read but he he's a kid napper that's what he is captain or whatever so he would be at these like these classic uh would there be any other famous chicago people there like it's just his famous ass and everybody else is just right it's just like it's it's like when you know that older guy Comes back And she's like the man But not in the good way He's R. Kelly

It's not the same Exactly Early 90s Which was Which but it was It was mass It's like Oh man he's so humble man

He'll hang out with High school kids Damn he's giving that girl A ride home man Robert Sylvester That's the dude Robert Sylvester Is that what his last name is?

Robert Sylvester Kelly Okay so wait Sly Kelly Do people get Defensive From Chicago About R. Kelly For a long time

They did Are they finally Even though they knew even though people knew it was just like yo he's it's like with anything celebrity worship where it's like oh he's famous and is he does this for the community it's not worship i think it's just literally black people never want to admit about the pedophile or like they'll be like oh that's the uncle that touch everybody you can't go to his house but we're not gonna say or they won't a pedophile they won't say he touches everybody they just be like that's the

uncle whose house you can't go to yeah but it's also a very much a thing of like you know okay We can say whatever we want to about somebody But nobody from outside can say anything It's the same deal with Kanye It's the same thing Anybody I just know from Chicago We can say whatever And people did talk about it

Especially when the tape came out That shit did soul play numbers Wait did you see the tape and say Oh my god that's Clarice I should look like a Clarice That was Clarice's cousin That was Sparkle's niece or whatever And Sparkle was a big deal

Did you see the tape and be like, there's no way that R. Kelly got that age fucked up? There's no way. I saw the tape and I'm saying, there's no way that's not R. Kelly. That's the first thing I thought. That's the first thing you said? Because that was his defense, that it wasn't him. Did y'all see the Boondocks episode when R. Kelly was peeing on the girl? Yeah, and the lawyer?

Yeah. No, I did not. Sidney, you got to watch the Boondocks. It's freaking fantastic. It's insane, but I think people, or at least in my age realm, the people who, shit, we was at prom dancing R. Kelly. This is a big part of coming up. I don't know what New York's big dude

was. Clark, you was at prom in 2000? I was at prom. What was it like? A couple years ago. Were the towers still standing when you went to prom? Were the twin towers still standing? Oh my God. That's a key barometer for I really feel like you went to prom and the Isley brothers were performing. Where were you when Aaliyah

died? Were you in high school? What year did Aaliyah die? 2001. She died like a week after the towers. Really? I mean, she died a week after the towers came down. Yeah. Because that was... No, I think she...

I thought she died before that. Yeah, she died before the towers. You might be thinking of left her? The towers were 9-11, though, September. She was before. She was in, like, August. Let me tell you, I was... Because the blueprint came out that same day.

It came out on the 11th. That was 9-11. Yeah. It was my friend Keisha's birthday. It was. Because that was the last episode of Living Single. Oh, yeah. shut up let's google let me tell you i was drinking zima i was in my uh i was in a math

class and they made an announcement and they're like the world trade center just got hit attacked and everybody in my class freaked out but i didn't know what the world trade center was august 25 2001 you were in high school i didn't know in new york in new york but i didn't know i knew what the twin towers are but i didn't know what the world trade center was i feel like y'all just kind of like, whatever white people are doing, we're doing something different. That's what we're trying to do. I taught in East New York.

I taught in Canarsie. So wait, when did you move here? 2013. That's like right around the corner. You thought it was longer than that? Yeah. I don't know how long I thought that you were. I was about 45. You thought I've been here 20

since the Knicks lost to Georgia? Since Patrick Ewing. Since John Starks I ain't been asked for no Yankees World Series Really? Maybe you just seem comfortable Yeah, you give me Beanie Siegel vibes

Beanie I want y'all to post a photo Comedy hype Can y'all post this Rock Nation shirt This state property You packed all your state property things And moved to New York in 2013 I packed the whole state property

All my state property And you were a teacher, or you came here for comedy? I came here for comedy. I taught in Chicago, and then I started teaching here. Where is the reading level better, Canarsie, East New York, or Chicago? I'm going to say Chicago. Canarsie, if you can get kids to read, then maybe you can know their reading level. Damn.

They're like, F these books, Professor Clark. Well, here's the dumbass thing. I taught an art class. Oh, damn. So, honestly, they didn't even need you. You're a substitute teacher. That's the crazy part. That's the best part about it.

The charter school I was teaching at. Charter school. Clark, it gets worse. The boys and the girls. No, charter school is good. The boys and the girls cannot ever be together, not even for lunch. Why? Because charter schools, they just experiment in science projects, how to teach kids better.

Yeah. But the only time they could get together was in my class. So I would have like 30 15-year-olds. 30? who are just seeing each other for the first time that day and I'm teaching them about fucking

Shape. Primary colors. Colors and paint. And what's it? Watercolors. But like putting the collages together. And they're like,

man, fuck that. I ain't got to talk to Brenda this whole day. Brenda. And you talk, you all loose and laid back. So they took advantage of it, man. They took advantage of you?

Yeah. Hey, fuck you. They didn't even fight for that They called you Mr. Clark They did call me They called me Mr. As y'all do In New York high schools

And like I did that for like a year And then Did it break your soul? That's what they wanted Because I picked up a check That I forgot

A month later And they They didn't see me there So they were like Oh damn man We got really We got We sorry man

Everybody gets sorry When they think That they got rid of you Yeah Cause they You know kids They appreciate you That you

Cause I was there Every day they fighting and i'm still you bringing them fruit snacks i was i was like you know because then they got to go back to that mean ass math teacher and then they're like damn man we probably should have been nicer you know probably should have been cooler than we were so they didn't invite you back no i would not ever go it was the end of the l train anything over the end of the l yeah but canarsie is not a good place why would you want and neither is east new york because i'm a good person i thought i could change that's not why you didn't know that it was bad out there

it's a different it's a different kind of bad like because not only because of just uh like you know low income and shit like that but like you know i wasn't familiar there's not a big uh west indian caribbean culture in chicago oh really no i knew that i didn't know that i didn't Cindy, let me tell you where the Caribbean people are that are not in the Caribbean. They're in Brooklyn. They're in all up and down Florida. They're in Miami, Fort Lauderdale.

They're in Boston, and they're in Canada. That's it. Canada, Toronto, Montreal. Yeah, Montreal does have a neighborhood that's super training. I know. I was in the bus station like, damn, it's like people here.

It was brown people, and I was like super surprised. Eating chicken and talking loud on the phone. Those three blocks in Montreal, they poppin'. Oh, you clean up? Jerk chicken, yeah. You clean up over there? Yeah. It's a spot over by Comedy Works.

I forget the name of it. But yeah, they... So because there's no Caribbean people in Chicago, you didn't know how to handle people with attitudes? It was just a cultural difference. And they know... Kids pick it up quick. They know like, he ain't from around here.

You know what I mean? Not only am I not from New York, I'm also... I don't have West Indian blood in me. So it was just like... Did you have a thicker accent? Like a... What's a Chicago accent?

Yeah, what's a Chicago accent? Like a Chicago? No, that's white. See, Chicago's segregated, so that's the white. They're Grabowskis and, you know, Polish sausage and all of that. But Chicago, black accent is Southern, so we drop, we don't pronounce the R. Like, if you really catch me on stage, sometimes I'll say Ka, or it ain't far from here. Far, far, far, far, far away.

Or anything, all the R's are dropped, and we good to, like, segue, so it'll be like, If you're telling a story You're like Boo boo And the whole time I'm out there On some You know

I'm hitting I'm bending corners On dummy With my goof ass Or some shit like that Bending corners on dummy Bending corners on dummy Right

What the fuck is that Fuck you mean No Fuck you mean Fuck you mean Pull up Pull up Fuck you mean

Gang gang gang Yaya Yaya What's that Yaya Like That's how you That's like

Black catcaller Like if you see a shorty Oh that's your year You know what I'm saying It's short from Yaya Yaya You know what I'm saying

Especially if you've been there with her before I don't know I feel like a yaya is better than a year Like yaya Nah man Yaya is like I'm not coming to either But if I had to come

Yaya is like Hey It's like a communication Between you and a chick Like hey you know I smashed already But I ain't gonna put it out there I'm just like Yeah yeah

Yeah yeah it's disrespectful But it's an inside thing Like I smash You know that But how is it an inside If a nigga like you know It's between No no

It's between me and her Like hey yeah yeah No but the other niggas know That yeah yeah mean that Yeah yeah yeah So it is It is disrespectful My bad

That's not an inside thing I don't think you know How inside works It's like don't front on me Cause yeah yeah You know what I mean Don't try to advance me out here Yeah yeah

Even though I'm embarrassing you Yeah, yeah Right Well, in New York The thing is Yerr Right? But that's not like a

That's not yeah, yeah That's definitely not like I know you, we smash Yerr Yerr is just a disrespectful Ashton, yeah It's just like People who don't have jobs

Say outside Yeah, I'm not gonna address you Like a normal person I'm just like Yerr Yo, ma Yerr Yeah, yeah

I know you going We been there Don't try to ask for a new Speaking of pulling up on women How do you guys court in Chicago. Here's the thing, like, the culture I come from,

south side of Chicago, it's frowned upon to be thirsty. It's frowned upon? It's frowned upon. Well, you must not be from Chicago. That's why, or maybe the niggas you been talking to ain't from Chicago. It ain't me.

What I'm gonna say is this, it's frowned upon to be thirsty anywhere. Is it? Yeah. So why are all these sexual assault, sexual harassment of things that's hollywood okay okay and that's not that's out of this world that's not thirst that's power pull my dick out and i'm like well you want this job don't you that's what that is that's white privilege where i came from man it's just like if you're trying too hard and i think that hurt me being in comedy because you know you see these motherfuckers speak on it speak

i'm so and so from hey just oh you're just such a great and i'm just like i come from you get clown endlessly if you're that uh if you you're that eager try that hard if you're eager if you're into it but i think that's i don't think that's a where you come from i think that's a pride thing right a lot of black folks that's how we are we're like we don't want to look pressed ever we don't look thirsty we don't look like we we don't want you to feel like we need you but white people they don't care about looking openly white people will openly introduce themselves and be like i'd love to chat with you maybe have a tea or get a drink yeah i'll do your show sometime yeah yeah you don't have to pay me and it's like wait what i'd love to do your show the very idea of a

comedy fan is so white you know what i mean i'm talking about going to shows no before niggas are famous don't you dare before niggas are famous excuse me that's not a black thing unofficial expert listeners i don't know who this man is they wait honestly your listeners are white and We got black people who come to see us regularly. Yeah, how dare you? That's a new thing. You know why? Here's the other thing.

Oh, here we go. This is why we're in a new wave of black folks. Because even when I taught over in East New York, like, you know, the whole thing, the whole time when I was in college, when I was in high school, like, yo, Jamaicans hate gay people. They hate gay shit, right? Mm-hmm. When I'm teaching at these high schools now, like, boys are openly sitting on other boys'

laps. Jamaican. Well, that's the thing. But that's the thing. People hate you. It's a new time. There are gay people in Jamaica. There's plenty.

There's plenty of gay people down there. But the stigma was like, Ron Chichi. That's a West Indian thing. That's a black man island mindset, right? Like, you got to be a man. You're not supposed to be gay. But that doesn't mean that the gay people don't exist down there. No, I ain't saying they don't exist.

I'm talking about where it's culturally, you're open with it. And everybody's like, yo, don't fuck with them. You're saying that that's new, that people are open. saying that it's a new thing a new phenomenon where people were like niggas get will flex on you for coming at their gay friend their openly gay friends well i think that's a sign of the times though too i think you know that's just i'm just so confused how do we get from here to like well i'm just saying like new black we're talking about you gotta keep this a podcast no dead air no dead air i'm sorry i just it's just a new wave of blackness that's going on so it's black

Black people are openly comedy fans There used to be a white thing Like white boys going to Comic Con Maybe you didn't have any comedy fans Do you know how old I'm? 57 years old First of all In the 40s

We couldn't even like shit We couldn't smile Yeah but that was in the 40s Y'all were segregated You whistle and you get hung You cut your eyes at a white woman And then like oh my god he touched my butt You can't even man

Clark Emmett Till I think about Emmett Till once a day I feel like that's a real thing Living in Brooklyn I think about Emmett Till every time Well that's a sign of the times right It used to be black dudes couldn't even walk on the sidewalk And now black dudes

Push a black woman out the way To run after a white woman Clark I'd be at the shows Yo that'd be from the stage So as I get on stage I'd be like Excuse me I have an Uber to catch and no I won't share it with you I'm sorry I have an Uber pool

i have an uber pool and i better be some black people it's a lift shared barbecue you're in a move he's in a move every black dude go through it a little bit you know especially being in brooklyn so can you talk you said chicago's segregated right super so how does one who grows up in a segregated place than find a white woman to date? You've got to move to Brooklyn because it's not happening. Like, everything, even Indian women,

like, I've dated some here, but in Chicago, Indian women to black people, like, yo, Indian people, I only see them when I would go to these clubs with bottle service. Oh. Look, don't cut me with your eyes, Maya. Yeah, yeah.

Miss Angelou. Yeah, yeah, come on now. Clark, don't you dare. So it was just a different thing Everybody just looks down and everything is racist So like to come here At first you're just like You don't trust it

I mean you still shouldn't trust it You should never trust it But like you just It's just a different thing It's a different type of It's the same type of white woman She's just liberated Black men are liberated in Brooklyn

That's what it is They real free In Bushwick I'm very liberated Vote openly Talking about Hillary It's just a different Different world

Yeah you definitely Are a 65 I feel like You're like Such an old soul It's new It was new to me But I adapt

So what do you So what do you like About Brooklyn Like what do you like About New York That you feel like You didn't get in Chicago To be honest

I'm not a fan of Brooklyn I thought you were Going to say You're not a fan of Chicago And I was like Really It gets better You know

you know what it is you know what when i would visit new york i would always be in harlem and that's i love harlem yeah but it's not like that harlem is also harlem is the new brooklyn yeah and that but that was that that decline happened like you're like quick yeah it really did like when i was coming here you know i've been coming to new york since like oh nine and uh i would always just hang in brooklyn you know with the uh what is it called the harlem elite the uh harlem heights type of the harlem globetrotters the elite black people yeah this talented 10th you know i went to morehouse oh my god yeah clark went to morehouse in case y'all didn't hear him yeah yeah he just wanted y'all to know shout out to

Wait till I can. Shout out to Spike Lee. She's got to have it. So like, you know, once again, with the different cultures in Brooklyn, it's different. All the famous people who've gone to Morehouse and Spike Lee's the person you shouted out. Who else you got? Sam? Didn't Martin Luther King go to Morehouse?

Am I making this up? Yo, Martin Luther King, if this was 2018, that march would have not happened. It would have been a tweet. They would have had so much on there. It would have been a hashtag. No, I think they would have made it. Dude, you think, dude. J. Edgar Whoe was sending his wife tapes of him fucking other women.

How do you get these tapes? I mean, back in the 60s, they had big ass recorders. Like washing machine. And somebody's like moving the tape while it's going. Somebody's in his closet. Turning. Turn real over. It's like, oh, what's that?

Side B. You got a person in the closet. And it would be just this big ass FBI tape. So you think people wouldn't have come to the march just because he cheated on Coretta? Get the fuck out of here. Get the hell out of here. I didn't say they wouldn't have come.

I said it would not have happened. It would have happened. People are still going to go see Kevin Hart movies. You know why? And he done cheated on his rib, his McRib, his flurry. Because Kevin Hart is not a threat to anything. And that's all. I love Kevin Hart.

You know what? I see what you're saying. But he'll admit, he said himself, he never gets off brand in interviews. He's never going to say anything that's going to tarnish. All brand is putting his dick in somebody else. That's what he talks about on stage. That's why his first marriage was from fucking different things.

It was her. He cheated on his wife. It doesn't even matter about him. It's like people are going to support you regardless of the things. Kobe Bryant basically, allegedly raped a woman, gave his wife a ring. I don't think that Kobe raped anybody. Kobe had sex with a white woman in Colorado, and she was like, oh my God, I could get maybe some money out of this.

See, I don't like that, though. That's what I think happened with Kobe Bryant, though. Kobe's rude as fuck. That's what happened. He was just like, bitch, please. And she wasn't quite used to that. In Colorado? Broke off a little bit or something.

No, Cindy, I feel like when that whole thing was going down, it was like, no. You knew he was married. You put yourself in that situation so that you could bang Kobe Bryant so you could say that you banged him. And then after it happened, you were like, nah, I can get some stuff out of this. So what makes her different from all the women with Bill Cosby?

You say all 50. They were drugged. Kobe Bryant didn't use drugs on this white woman. Well, 50 people with Bill Cosby over the course of 40 years is kind of, it's a numbers game. So the groupies exist. Yeah, if Kobe had two more bodies. Also, he needs two more bodies.

I think if Kobe would have got two more bodies in his digital age and it looked like some confession, it would have been worse for him. It's not about the number of bodies. It's about the way it went down. And groupies are a thing. They go to games. They're not basketball fans. They're fans of men with money.

That's it. In Colorado. Just the idea. Simi, what else they got to do in Colorado? Weed wasn't legal then. Just the idea of, you know, first of all, people still don't believe women. That's a fact. Oh, look at you, hashtag feminist.

no he said no hashtag hell no hashtag r kelly i'm just i'm just hashtag after the party is a hotel lobby and also kobe has never been like mr maybe lately that he's retired but while he was playing he was not mr uh i can't breathe or mr like you know black power, black equality, anything. No, Colby never said anything about any of that. He was never that type of guy, so he played the role like he was supposed to. So you're saying it's the people or the threat that are speaking out

against, you know, the system. You ain't even got to do shit if you're a threat. You ain't got to do shit. Yeah, they'll find stuff to throw at you. There will be stuff. Tiger Woods playing golf with Trump right now. And this motherfucker, they've been putting him through hell for five years for treating

that poor white woman so badly. How many women came out against Tiger Woods It was like 26 girls That were like I banged Tiger Woods too Yeah but I mean Didn't she beat the nigga with the club I mean I think she won And ain't nobody saying nothing

And she got half How you gonna beat somebody with a thing That make y'all money Y'all money makes him money If a nigga beat you over the microphone I'll be like That's cold blooded man How you gonna beat somebody up with their own podcast

I would say With the whole equipment With the fucking mixer That's fucked up He throw a mixer at me I'm killing you Listen I would play with Trump too After what Tiger Woods been through I just wanna know what the fuck they gotta talk about

Tiger Woods probably voted for Trump come on y'all chill chill chill If he's allowed to he's like a felon now He's a felon He went to jail for a DUI Domestic abuse is a felony That's what he went to jail for That's not It's not on the record

When you're a white wife You could beat a nigga With his own club And she I mean Can we Can we talk about the coma And he catch the charge

Can we talk about the coma She was a nanny When he met her And now she's worth Half of what he is You better not Let that poor woman Have to pick up

A golf club That's abuse That's abuse What That's oppression But wasn't he In the car though He was

He was in the car He was trying to flee He was trying she didn't even get away i want to feel like is she a track star like i feel like she did a sport she uh she britney spears with the umbrella in his car i don't even know how you still mad somebody tried to get away they run into a fire hydrant or something like that can i i just looked up uh tiger woods his okay i was gonna say his name's not even tiger i don't know y'all knew that his name was not tiger what's his name eldrick eldrick taunt woods yeah i would change

my name a tiger too whatever you got yeah eldrick eltoni the tiger woods where does a tiger come from i mean we need to come up with a nickname for me kind of you got the tiger uh his nation yeah you got the tiger face i don't know he looks tired so so we we did a lot we talked about segregation in chicago so what is the school like what's going like in my mind when i think at chicago school i think of lean on me i think uh before mr clark got there is what chicago schools so like okay real just a touch on that like uh i'm getting all talk show no no no it's good just a touch on that i love it um just a dab on that you're very uh comfortable here shout out to comedy hype they gave me a whole welcoming party i'm like damn it's really going

down in the ch it's a baby water bottle and some snacks so it's it's half eating water snacks and uh yeah no chicago it's five blocks the whole south side is not fucked up i grew up on the south side like uh fucking obama was a community organizer on the south side of chicago it's really five blocks but just like they do with anywhere when i say that i mean the media i don't mean a race i mean we're all whatever but it's really like four or five blocks that is always popping off at and people from the south side of chicago know not to go there like i remember watching uh the real world chicago and i was like where the fuck are they because i didn't know they always take you in a cut that you're not going to like the real area wicker park but i was like wicker

park i was young that was sounds nice which is a super gentrified area used to be fucked up but When real world came there That started the gentrification process That's how I know your ass is old Because who the fuck is referencing the real world First of all y'all should see how hard Sidney's rolling her eyes From a very comfortable position

She got her feet up rolling her eyes at me You shouldn't be that comfortable Oh you didn't know this is Sidney's couch Clark This is where I live What you talking about I'm fully aware So that was the start of it I'm a historian

You really are honestly I thought you taught art I did a test prep for the Regents in New York. Yo, Clark, you're a man. Clark, are you sure you're not West Indian? You have a lot of jobs. It's somewhere down the line. Dude, this gap, I would not go to Nigeria.

They won't let me leave. I promise. I live to Nigeria. They're like, you could have pronounced it like, brother, you are, you are us. I go to 125th Street, they throw a leather jacket on me, man. I'm selling mad incense. Put a little coffee on that ass. Oh, that's another thing I love about 125th Street.

You mean used to. I still No no no I was coming back From LaGuardia And I was out Over by the 456 train

Also wait You were coming So you took the bus From LaGuardia I might be West India That's the new podcast Wait a minute You might be West India

So you took the So you took the 106 The M60 The M60 The 125th Then I take that train down Dude Then I take

I would take the L Back to Bushwick Damn dude But I was trying to Take a picture out there And a dude tapped me like, hey, no, we don't do pictures over here on the 125th. Right by that Popeye's.

And I was like, yo, Harlem is still Harlem. You were trying to get a picture of yourself? I was taking a picture of the corner on the 125th. And they were like, we don't do that. No, he was just sunning you. He could tell. Oh, because I looked. He was sunning you. He's like, dude. I had like my

McDonald's. What is it? Chicago nigga? Nah, nah, you don't take pictures here. I had a McDonald's wrap page. I was trying to take a photo. Exactly. They were like, no. I was like, this ain't no ha quite yet. They pulled up on you Dude was right there You had your McDonald's frappe

With the whipped cream Your McFrappe McFrap From the From the airport No no no I went into the McDonald's On the corner

And it was so fresh Clark The chills on it Clark You be on the road a lot So I Is this how you live it You take in buses to

That's how I always did it Like I'm a I'm a creature of habit Like so I would Yeah anytime I do LaGuardia I take the M60 across the bridge and then I go to 125th

because I need that Harlem feel. Like that's what made me do it. No, no, no, no, no, no. You need them prices. You get on that bus. You get on that bus for that frat pay. It's that service.

It's that service. What's that? What's the free bus that everybody stick on the back? Oh my God. The select service? Yeah.

I'm here for the ambiance. The select service. Nah, dude. This is what you can afford. This is in your budget. Mad luggage. Mad luggage. Unless I'm flying Spirit.

I got like a pencil case Because they charge you for that Yo spirit will be like You can't bring You can't bring that bag And you're like This is not a bag It's my child

Son is that a wallet That's like 50 But you're on the bus With your suitcase How many Asian ladies Would fucking cans Knock you over On the bus

No Asian women Be on the M6 It's not like you're on a train Clark gets on the bus And he be like Bus driver pop the trunk Yo what does second half Of this bus

He like can I just Tie this to the top of the bus Is this the Spirit Shuttle bus to Harlem? So, Clark, in the beginning, you were talking about how some days you want to quit comedy. What's that? What's going on, boo? It's just, you know what? Anywhere here, especially anywhere, any industry that you're in, the middle is the hardest part.

So you're admitting you're in the middle? Oh, for sure. Lower middle. Like, when you first start, you're like, oh, shit. and it's like this very clear path to like I gotta get past this club if I get this then this happens but when you're

in the middle and I feel like you know if you're up top like you're in the position of like a Che or whoever especially in New York it's very clearly defined you can go into the comedy cellar anywhere and just get it popping so either way there's an excitement there

in the middle you don't know from day to day who you're gonna get an email from and it's like sometimes it's just like oh yeah they want me to come do this cool and then sometimes it's like weeks where it's just like like you know you just like fuck these niggas that much better than me you know what i mean like that kind of that whole Kanye thing man and John Lester got to talk about that too where you just you just don't get what exactly you need to do especially in New York where it's like um there is no it's not vertical it's kind of all over the place it's Horizontal-ish

Like if you're coming From a smaller scene Especially with comedy You can look at Other people in your lane Because you're like Alright there's a very Clear

You gotta get past this club Then this club Yeah a lot of y'all Chicago people Come to New York And then blow the hell up And y'all stick together too Chicago

Most people Stick together It's New York comics That don't stick together It's true But that was the other thing too So like When I was here

So like Say Lisa Trager Or Hannibal or Megan Gailey get something. He's like, man, y'all Chicago niggas getting everything.

I'm like, nigga, I'm at an open mic with you. Like, what are you talking? So it's like, because of our sameness, people would clump us together and it's like, I didn't have a whole lot

of shit going. I was hustling for everything so it was like, but people were like, oh, Chicago people get everything and people were openly hating on other comics

just because three people from Chicago got a half hour. But I feel like Chicago comics are also real verbal about how much better they think they are than us New York comics

and they come here and they be like y'all be posting or I be seeing the posts. I don't even know what y'all be talking about. Yes. Don't worry.

I got screenshots. I'll show you. Yeah. First of all, first of all, if anybody have a screenshot, I automatically lead the other person.

That's my policy. Screenshot. Why? Just cause. That's just a Jeep. Maybe it's a Chicago thing, man. Oh God. If a man,

if someone, or a woman posts a screenshot of anything, i just automatically bleed out the person so phil hunt posted i don't know nothing about that real quick can we talk about it just a little touch on it briefly just a little that's the only reason i'm gonna talk so clark hosts a weekly show at in williamsburg at the knitting factory with three two it's two of the comics from chicago will miles

kenny divorce great guys so funny so the show's weekly they put on like they've had you guys have amazing comics to the show so many every i feel like every comedian i know have done it like my for all my friends have done it are your friends are funny all my friends are dead i overheard some people talking the other day and they were like oh well i've never done the knit and somebody was like yeah me neither and i looked and was like really i've never done knitting i was like we've done about three times yeah my birthday show i had you on in the back oh yeah last year that was your first time doing it then i was immediately like yo we got let me tell you Because all the black people who've done the show, and this is dedicated to some people

who talk shit about me. If you've done the show, you had a great set, I'm the reason that you even did the show. I believe it. Not that other person who y'all be thanking in your albums and shit. Thanking in your albums? Wait, what? You'll be thanking the wrong people. What's this subliminal you got going here?

I'm going to go look at all the albums and see who the gratitude is. People be thanking the wrong person. It's like people I fought for, then they think somebody else was responsible. They fought for? What is the fight for? Like, because... It's just you. Because no matter what...

Kenny and Will, what is their... There's no Booker there. They used to be. A Booker. So there used to be a time where... Oh, yeah. I remember that, too. And all the black people, I used to be like, yo, we need this.

We need this person. And the Booker would be like, nah. Well, the Booker would have the things that they wanted to do with the show. But here's the thing about it. Trying to base it up. Base it up, base it up. Yeah. Here's some inside tea about the show.

We'll talk about it after. And this is a good thing, too. This is some inside tea. Okay, what's the tea? The show, even from when Hannibal was running it, what he did was, he would have a lot of quote-unquote urban comics. Yes, he did.

A lot of them, which people forget. It was an opportunity for them to get in front of a Williamsburg crowd and see was they shit really that funny? or was it Uptown Atlanta funny? Was it South Side of Chicago funny? And so he was given that opportunity for black comics or whatever to test their material

out in front of a different crowd and not just what you're used to. Because they'd be like, man, I want to get a late night spot. I want to get, well, come here, see if your shit works, and then you can maybe make an honest evaluation

of your jokes and what you're doing. so i wanted to continue to honor that it's just that um you know a lot of quote-unquote urban comics don't want to do that you're scared really be scared to go up in front of white people really yes well i feel like i feel like there is a distinction in new york there are some comics that only do black rooms like they only do like a hood room where like they pay you with like a plate of rice and beans no they get paid i know i know i know they get paid but i'm saying that's all they want to do they don't want to do uh a mainstream room they don't want to do a room you know there's the fear that yo if i start being funny over there then i'm gonna lose my ability to

go up to harlem and make and i've heard and i've heard this black dude say that to me he was like he was like why you be doing all these white rooms and he was like or no he said he said that to me And then a couple months later I was like I need to start doing These white rooms with you Because he was like He just felt like

His wheels are spinning At these black places It's a ceiling there And he's not Yeah exactly It's a ceiling And I wouldn't even call it Black places

It's just urban It's just an urban circuit No when I say urban I mean black I mean the place in the Bronx I mean the places in Brooklyn I mean the places where you're like The host will clown you

In your shoes for 20 minutes Oh man After you get off stage It don't matter what time The Flyer Sadie show starts Exactly That's a black show I ain't even saying it's going to be late.

It might be 30 minutes before that. And they're like, oh, where the fuck you been? My God. I'm like, okay, what's that spot up in the brush? Expressions, I think it is. I did Dale Harrison's room back in the day, man. I was trying to do it. I was trying to go through everybody's shit.

You're funny in both sides. You do it in both sides. But what happens is, you know, it's like it's a pecking order. So you got these people at the time, this happened at South Side of Chicago, New York, wherever, on the urban scene where it's like, yo, I got to be, you got to be the fucking best nigga doing it. Like Lil Rel, you know, and to the fact that he was also got the opportunity with Living Color, he was the best nigga telling jokes for like 10 years, and then he got a shot. So we got to go through all that just to go through the black side. yeah that's a lot that is a lot is bernie was bernie mack from chicago bernie mack chicago okay so i see why y'all are doing well with the the comedy it's good no i see

no it's good it's good but um it's a lot of funny well what's next for you you said because you said you sometimes you'd be like like because you stand up is hard right you look at it and you'd be like oh i can't do this forever what's do you want to be a kevin hart or a louis ck or do you want to be you know uh somebody i don't want to be a louis ck i mean louis ck don't even want to besides pulling your dick out and rubbing it up but i'm saying like he does he he was like do a special a year he had a tv show here's the thing i'm uh recording the album in february um shout out to comedy hype shout out to comedy hype i hope i get they covered our uh atlanta show four more house dudes shout out to comedy hype that's dope for real for real yeah i would never talk

Shut up Clark Go ahead I'm recording my album February 25th At At The Knitting Factory And really it's just

Man You know You just take Each day One day at a time Seriously Cause you don't Cause you don't know

You don't get too caught up In what anybody else is doing Right Be happy for other people So My next step Is being As happy as I can

Cause when I'm happy Everybody wanna be around me When I'm pissed off When I'm bitter When I'm mad I'm the worst nigga in the world You be better, Clark? Of course

Shut up Fuck you You be better, Clark? Fuck you, feet up I can't tell Come on I can't tell Come on, hat indoors

Stop it, leave me alone I got two hats on I don't give a damn I don't give a damn Paul love it Paul love it Yeah That's my next step, man

I'm a big presence on Instagram Are you? Not like y'all Not like y'all comparatively What do you mean presence on Instagram? Comparison is the thief of joy And Yo Clark

You got these old Negro proverbs Yeah I knew No but my question for you Before we go Is just Like what's the

What's the end goal for you With your career Do you want to be a stand up That tours all over the world And does stadiums Were you asking these questions Do you want to be She's like do you really

Want to do stand up No I'm saying If things go according to plan I am I will be the black Ellen So you want to Your end goal is a show A talk show

To host Yes That is my favorite dynamic to work with people okay write things together and do interviews man oh basically what we doing i'm just being nosy you know what you listen let me give you sydney's coat so you can show us how you would host the show well clark we gotta start which we didn't know which we didn't even that's not even us when we host just so you know our show is very high energy back you clap back

to you like y'all be hosting for two hours in the beginning i'm like um i mean i had been to the nitty factory and y'all do be having some long inside 30 minutes in between comics but you know it's the best show in brooklyn because we need to get our jokes off sometimes don't book you because you ain't booked them so we're gonna do as much yes absolutely shout out to phil but i didn't see you i'm sorry i didn't finish the uh the story that i started so clark so clark i'm so glad we brought that back so clark and his two uh chicago co-hosts have this show and this guy hit him up hit them up who you up or all of y'all and was like hey i would love to do the show i've never done it and one of them was like

clark's was like send a tape or kenny somebody said send us a tape send us a tape let me tell And look, fuck it Because I didn't publicly post it Tell us the story There was no screenshots on your part Let me give y'all just the lead up to this Okay, cool, set the scene When you host a show, as y'all know

Especially the show was ran by Hannibal Buress for five years Right, right People, it's a tough thing Because if the show goes well People give Hannibal the credit If the show doesn't go well Then you're like, how could you fuck up what Hannibal gave you So it's almost a no win situation

Yes, a lose-win-lose. Lose-lose can be, and you just pick up the scraps wherever you can. Right. So anyway, so a lot of people hit up, send us personal messages to do the show. But, you know, we're comics, so we out. We see people. Yeah. And we go to a show, we're in a line with somebody, we see them, we're like, oh, you

killed Woo Thu Woo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come through. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Knock on wood. Yeah, yeah.

We both know you killed. Come through. Yeah. Um, so, uh, this, uh, comedian hit, hit, hit us and said like, yo, uh, I don't, I don't, uh, man, hate to harass y'all or something like that. His words, not ours. His words, not ours. I hate to harass y'all, man, but I would love to do the show sometime.

Nobody's saying anything. And I'm like, I'm not going to do that to this man. I ain't going to. So everybody saw the message. It was a scene. If you look at the time, the time stamps. It's that scene. You look at the timestamps

There's at least a 24 hour To 48 hour period Okay so he sent it It said delivered It said delivered And then it was like See, see, seen For 24 hours

We all had seen And nobody said anything Right That's I'm gonna cite Classicblackdude.com I love black dudes I try to support my brothers

Uh huh So I'm like I'm not gonna do that So my response was You know Cool man Hey what's up I've never been on

The same show as him I've never Never been on the same show If somebody If somebody was like I ain't never been on a show with you. New York's a big city. It'll make you feel some type of way, though.

It's 5,000 comedians here. No, listen, Marie. But Marie, if somebody was seriously like, nah, I've never heard of you, never seen you. I don't even know what you're... I've never heard of you. I have no reference of your comedy. I have no recollection of your jokes.

He's funny on Instagram. He's funny on Instagram. You ain't seen his sketches? I've re-posted them before. But it's a stand-up show. Shut up. Y'all ain't shit. Okay, so you said I've never been on a show with you.

I was like, yo, what's up, man? Cool. Do you have like a dope tape that you can send that we can check out? Because I'm like, yo. A dope tape. Not even just a tape, but a dope tape. Right. Okay, that might have been a little fucked up.

But it wasn't like, it was just because like, fuck me asking somebody else. Or another thing is, you don't know if I did ask somebody else. I want to see what you're saying Is your best representation of you And if you've been doing comedy over six months You should have a tape That's just You should have a five minutes or eight minutes

That you could just Copy and paste Am I? You have a set online? Yeah I do but like I didn't Plan out to shoot that I did a show somebody just happened to have a camera set up And I was like oh cool cool cool

But I would not have had a tape otherwise But also, you're not flexing on people online about booking you. No, no, no. No, absolutely not. So you see the difference? If you think I'm funny, I feel like you're going to book me. If you don't think I'm funny, you're not going to put me up. If you spent this whole podcast talking about how you don't get booked, and then I was like,

you got a tape, you're like, man, fuck that. Then therein would lie the problem. Herein. Herein. Okay. Furthermore. I think I see the issue. Nonetheless.

I think I see the problem. So you asked for a dope tape. How does he respond? Oh, my God. Marie, set the tone. Set the tone. Y'all niggas ain't know Carson Daly. What did he say?

Y'all niggas ain't Johnny Carson. Ben Carson. Oh, man. Carson's up there. Every bad Carson. Ben Carson. Carson Daly. Carson Daly.

Carson's ribs is a place in Chicago. Yeah. Local reference. Yeah. Yo, you went so ham. Perry Scott. Y'all ain't shit. He was so upset.

You're telling me things about me that I didn't even know about myself. You're a diabetic ass nigga. You got sickle cell or some shit. You better smack the F up before you get smacked. Shoot your ass to your balls. First of all, you got osteoporosis. Where you got osteoporosis? I didn't know any of this.

How do you shame somebody for having osteoporosis? That's hilarious. I got, he dumped out on me. That's crazy. I don't even know if he's from New York or not. I think he's from Philly. or maybe ohio but listeners if you guys ever want to be on the knitting factory don't ever do this this is not how you do it that's the thing don't the email for any comics knit comedy at gmail

i'm telling you do y'all really go through it though yeah i do that's why i asked for it because i really want to watch it okay and laugh you wanted to have some well his thing was he was like i've been on shows with those guys numerous times i said well if they don't remember you that means you didn't do well here's the thing but that's not we want funny we want funny people on the show it's funny it doesn't help us to not feel could be funny but like phil's also dumb like you i'm tending phil might may or may not listen to this but that's not how you get booked that's not how you properly network on shows that you want to do anybody like in this business and entertainment send the damn tape or don't send the tape and don't do the show but don't

like make yourself because he made himself look bad because the thing i laughed i laughed my ass it's just popcorn for everybody i say you better cat williams this situation but how does the story always end for cat williams does it ever end with like oh that was a great comeback story it always ends like i mean he's not done yet he go it okay he got a couple years he go at kevin hart and kevin hart makes another movie i just want you You don't know, Phil did Caroline's New York Funniest or the March Madness. Good for him. So, he's funny.

I'm telling you. I've headlined Caroline's. All I'm saying is that. I feel like Clark, don't be petty. Give a nigga some time. Give him some time. Put him on. If he do well, then you be like, ah, he did well.

I'll put him on. If he does bad, then you're like, see, this is why we didn't book you in the first place. I'm not doing this to make points. If he does bad, just stand in the crowd and be like, isn't your father a cop? First of all, he never, since then, he hasn't asked, he has never reached out for it. He's never going to reach out. Because a part of this story is taking that conversation, screen capping it, and making it public. Posting it online.

Posting it online, which is, as a man, I don't know when they do that. 2018, I think you should change your ways, Clark. And be okay with that? I think you should, no, you should be a leader. I am. You know how many niggas we've booked? I don't like it all. Like, don't fuck with the comedy.

names nothing that has never happened at the warm-up oh if i don't like you we are not putting you on getting no because it's about the funny people respond well to this style of comedy so we like all right cool people can respond well to some other types of comedy that we will provide but motherfuckers y'all set such a good environment at y'all show thank you that i've seen people who should do well not do well but people are very supportive of the environment that y'all say well i mean people it was it was hard to do badly at that show just the way that we said okay i wasn't gonna say it but people no but i'm saying people would we have we've had people bomb yeah we know people we we'd be in the crowd like oh give me the name tell him to wrap it up yeah i'm

gonna go upstairs oh we would go upstairs and come down miss the whole thing yeah see see comics who've never run a show they don't understand the work that that puts back on the host because y'all went on stage and be like yo y'all gonna love this next person you know what i mean they They funny as hell They just did this And the crowd's like Okay we trust you They go up there and bomb

Now you gotta regain The trust back No no no They trust us They know that They know that people Have off days It happens

You know Okay I can count on one hand The amount of people Who've bombed in the three years That we did that show Yeah So like

We haven't had a bunch of bombs Either but we've been We've had a bunch We've had some mass But we haven't had A bunch of bombs Listen We need to wrap

This up Clark We're gonna tell you After the show All the names It better be in part two We only talk about bombing She talked about Chicago

Yeah yeah Eight minutes Chicago Chicago Tell everybody listening Where they can catch More of you Please

Just follow me man At the Clark Jones On all the social media Make sure you I'll be in D.C. with y'all Whenever I'm on tour And buy some merch Classicblackdude.com

Follow and like that On Facebook If you're on Facebook Classic Black Dude Classic Black Dude Yes And I'm going to interview y'all. Have some classic black girls.

Y'all be the first interview. Thank you. But you got to have some dudes there. Some classic black dudes there for when I show up. We'll do a classic black. For about a year. Mixer. Ooh, a mixer.

I am 83 years of age. Don't invite any comedians. Yeah. Phil Hunt. Only invite. Have Phil do some time. I just want him to screen grab the flyer and send it out. I'm not involved in this.

Listen, Phil. That's your man. I can tell when that's somebody. Phil, if you want to be our angry black expert. I have nothing against anybody. We've done nothing to you. We've already closed this case. That's not done anything to me. Clark, I'm trying to wrap this up.

I love classic black people. Phil, if you want to be our angry black expert or our... Clap back on Clark Jones expert. I didn't even clap. Screenshot expert. I sent to your homie, man. You sent to him. Or if you want to be just our

button yourself in the foot. I love everybody. You know, whatever. Nickcomedyatgmail.com Knitcomedy at gmail.com If you're coming to New York And you want to do The Knitting Factory Are y'all still doing Y'all show

We do a different show now We're going to do Another show It's a different show It's the first one is I don't know when This is going to go up But it's going to be

On the 13th of December On the 13th of December As always You can follow us On Unofficial Expert On Instagram Or just jump on Facebook And follow us

On the Unofficial Expert Facebook page This has been A fantastic episode Yes And get our Bonus episodes On Patreon

yeah and we're probably going to recap all of this messiness on that on patreon yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you guys have been fantastic listen every week uh like follow comment subscribe and make sure you double tap all the clark's photos so he can get to 501 yes help him please even on his profile pics you know show show his face some love okay shout out to comedy hype bye guys Thank you.