MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Church Expert" with Meg Stalter

Episode Date: April 3, 2020

Praise be! We have the queen of Cameo herself, Meg Stalter, with us this week as our Church Expert. Meg talks going to youth group, why she prays at the movie theater and we all sing-along to "Amazing Grace!" Plus, Sydnee helps prepare Marie for a dick appointment she has.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Hey! Ooh, guys, we've been in the studio all morning. All morning. All morning long. We are so horny. Yeah, 1-800-WOW.

1-800-Please-Bring-Me-Some-Breakfast. Ooh! Sausage. How come you didn't ask? I would have gotten you something. I had burnt Eggo waffles. Oh, yeah, we were on the phone talking about that. Yeah, yeah.

Did you eat, Andrew? No, I didn't. No, I had a yogurt. Does that count? Oh, I had a yogurt, too. What kind of yogurt? A blueberry, like, what is it? Nusa, I think it's called, or something.

Oh, one of those, like, fancy, like, Italian yogurts? Yeah, it was nice. I never heard of that. It's in, like, a glass jar? No. No, it's like a white thing. It's all white, yes? It was white, yeah.

But it had blueberry in it? Blueberries in it. Is this Whole Foods brand? No, it's from the bodega. Oh, so you paid $4 for it? $4, yeah. That's not in my budget. Mine's just Trader Joe's.

Okay, Trader Joe's. I had a vanilla, and I cut up some banana. Oh, a little patas. A little patas. You know, I'm trying to get my life, you know. Yes. Did you buy the bananas? You know I did.

None of my things. These are somebody else taking care of me. Borrowed. Considering my new expertise is two things. Okay. I quit my job. Lies. No.

I got let go. No, the contract ended. Come on. Come on. I quit my fireman no they quit they fired no actually

the contract is over yeah yeah so that happened and how do you feel I don't know it's just like damn that consistent money

what the fuck and in 11 months I was like yo that went by fast it did but also felt like you were there

for a long time a long time at the same time and then I see my 1099s and I was like that's how much money I was worth this is crazy

it's more than you thought or it's less than you thought i'm trying to figure out where this money at um oh so it's so it's more than you thought you made i mean i should definitely have more money yeah well how much you need sis to talk to the listeners tell how much money you require for you to shut up be able to fully thrive i'm fine i don't need you guys um i n d e e b b b do you know what that means i got my own house i got my own car ha i'm lying anyway i don't have anything uh so also how the hell do you spell independent i don't know it's so hard i n d e p e n d e n t do you know what that means you got a whole house i got

a whole car listen when i first heard that song i was in dc yes but like my hood friends and he was spelling it and i was like what word is he spelling i couldn't catch it i know it was so hard you know What's actually really sad is when you were mentioning that, I thought that you were saying the lyrics to the Fergie song. What? We would never do that. We don't even know what Fergie song. What song is that?

There's a Fergie song called MILF Money. Yes. That she does the same thing where she spells independent. Wow. Well, she copied. That's appropriation. Yeah, yes, yes. That's what that is.

Had no idea. That's why Josh left her. I didn't want to say anything, but that's why he left. he was like you stole this song this piece from this other song wait so what is it originally from sorry i don't even know that guy's name i don't know either we'll look it up y'all google it but it's gonna be in our playlist like shawty low or something it's gonna be in our spotify playlist that we're making up so it's somebody from real uh from love and hip-hop atlanta yeah somebody with a perm so my expertise is no more job and starting a new antidepressant okay yeah

I started it today, actually. Okay. Yeah. How long does it take for you to feel the effects of a new medication? I don't know. It's awful. It's like 24 hours. I'm like working through it, you know?

That's why I came in hot to like overcompensate the chaos that's going on in my body. Now, as somebody fully supporting your sobriety, do you feel like maybe weed would help? Now, again, I'm not a doctor. I'm looking at the guests like well I feel like you would know this yeah well we gonna ask but I just mean you know like my new thing is I like micro dose my weed

is that yeah yeah yeah yeah so like instead of like cause I felt like I was smoking too much so I stopped smoking at home by myself and then this week I was like oh what if I just take a puff before I wash these dishes and a puff before I get on the bus and a puff like so like one

like a breath of weed and then I leave and then I do microdosing sounds like like people who are on crack that are like well I don't do too much crack

I do I only do a little bit well you can microdose crack you know I just took one hit Sydney you can microdose any drug when you think about it I just did a little bit of heroin

you know I dash a meth before I wash my dishes just an amuse-bouche of meth yeah but yeah so I mean I feel great so that

yeah I don't know I don't think so I think being sober you just gotta be sober yeah no I understand that but you know I mean sober and on antidepressants

and a creative and you know a gay and gay and black yeah you know and wearing a wig

and having fake breasts and having fake you know you feel you're very niche yeah you can be different for you and perfect skin

and perfect skin and good at a cat eye and cheekbones and crazy speaking of crazy what's your expertise well so funny you should ask so I have a dick appointment tonight and you know I'm just

I'm trying to be as prepared for that as possible did you wax I did not well I didn't wax because this particular person don't like it when I wax so it's like you know I'm just gonna be lazy it's cold outside

still in the wintertime so you have a coat on your cat sis the cat in a hat and a bag cat got shoes on sis cat got on like knee high boots

what the cat got a Christmas sweater on and a performance fleece this person is interesting is this the same person yeah but what if you like have multiple people well that that's exactly that's why

that's what's gonna happen but you know until that happens and I'm not actively out here looking because it's cold outside so what you wearing to this dick appointment well we're going to a weed infused dinner tonight so yeah all the food and all the alcohol is weed

infused so we just gonna be high so SP SPF yeah yeah yeah yeah SPF so this isn't really a dick appointment it's more like a date no oh yeah we have oh wow drag her no that's not i don't feel like i'm getting dragged it is a date oh but i'm getting dick so oh but dick appointments is casual yeah yeah but all of our other appointments have been casual i was like i want to go outside oh so this is a date

yeah no one's no one's saying that it's not a date no you prefaced it by saying i have a dick appointment tonight well i'm right get on get on top of her because i'm getting dick tonight y'all are not listening to me i'm getting dick it's happening but you're having a normal date so who's gonna be there i don't know i i don't know i'll be there is this dinner gonna turn into another kind of party no this dinner is not gonna turn into a gathering amongst sexual beings no friend i mean yeah we'll see what happens we'll see how much weed is in the food but no it's just

it's a dinner it's something that Spike does you know Spike does in like Brooklyn it's like a weed dinner and like people come and you know so it's gonna be people there Spike is Paris brother no Spike

is you know what Sydney we can do this later yeah oh yes oh yes yes yes oh those are nice it's gonna be good yeah that's gonna be top of the line oh this is gonna be that kind of party okay it's gonna be cute you wear nice underwear i was gonna not put no panties on today because you know the cat got a coat on so well i think honestly you should do it i think

i want to do like a thigh high boot and like a like a like a shirt dress moment and no drawers but then like a coat you know because it's going to be cold speaking of no draws our guest today makes us wet I think you have panties on today I don't know but this guest is

first of all top of the line top tier viral babe viral sensation I mean if you're on twitter and you don't know this person and you're not following her you can't read yeah you're an idiot you're a loser oh that's the new insult

you're a loser we're bringing back we're bringing back a loser merch she is a comedian yes a writer

yes she is goddess of cameo cameo the cameo act queen of cameo queen of cameo queen

I mean Chicago was so blessed to have her please give it up for our church expert Megan Stolter amen amen

amen amen amen amen I have a really important two questions you better get out with that sexy ass

voice bitch we're not paying you for this but we love it give us that cameo yeah cameo your first question is you you looked at me because you think i smoke weed you don't smoke weed you don't be on drugs do you feel like i you feel like i'm on something absolutely every day are you are you sober too i um once in a while i'll taste something like like oh oh it's new year's eve i guess i'll have a little sip of champagne or oh this is a wild night i guess i'll have a little tiny cocktail and then it takes me two hours to drink it um but then my second question was when the guy told you he doesn't

want you to wax did how did he tell you that did he say he said i want you to grow it out oh because i had just gotten a wax and he was i want you to grow it out and i was like i don't have to go back to the wax place you ain't gotta tell me you're saving money sis did he say like in a hot way though or did he text you like by the way you need to start growing no he said it he said it while he was down there so it was like oh cool yeah so he's like i want you to grow now yeah exactly like that sidney were you there megan stoltz are asking real questions barbara walters something really funny about me which

is really embarrassing is when i first started having sex i was told that i was shaving the wrong part what part were you shaving you're doing it bald in the middle and leaving the hair on the side? I was... Megan, what are you talking about? You're doing a George Jefferson down there? Isn't it that usually people... Well, now I know.

But, like, I was... Now you know. Wait, when did you find out? Last year. 2019. Last year. I was like, I lost my virginity on Friday night last week.

Yeah. And now I know. No, I... Well, now I know what... Well, what were you shaving, sis? But I was shaving... I was shaving... Wait, I was shaving the top.

The back of your neck? But leaving... leaving the top leaving all the bottom like i was shaving so you had like a little um a don king coming out wait wait it makes sense though because hair is there to protect you so i thought it was like so the whole part was bald and then you had like a high top fade you had a you had a kitten no no no no wait wait wait we said we're looking at the hair on top of her head it was like no no no you have afro down there wait well you're you're white up top and you're you're african american well isn't everybody's pubes the same i think they're all curly or no don't nobody have

straight pubes you don't have straight pubes i don't but i think some i think once in a while i've heard maybe like a wavy a wavy pube it's curly it's curly sydney you thought you thought white people had straight pubes yeah wait i've heard some well i've heard someone say they had straight but it was like oh i've never heard that before i think even asian people have curly pubes but mostly it's curly i think it's not i mean i can't speak for all asian for what i've seen they're they're pretty straight but straight they're pretty like we could cut it and make bundles out of it there's not a way there's not a wave to it there's not a lot of wave yo so i can use it and make it a bang make a bang and cut it off right eyebrow extension

is it long and straight yeah let's talk about it yeah show us i don't have any pictures i'm gonna google asian pubes i've never seen i've never seen straight but i've never seen straight so they just like sweep them to the side right a swoop pube well you can make a little bang Megan thank you for sharing that that was so brave of you that I mean wow we're starting off

aggressive and I love it Megan Salter tell us about yourself where are you from what that look like a perm let me see

this is something else is that straight oh it's a little it's a little there's a little bit of a wave to it but look how like it's kind of nice yeah

should I perm my pubes shut up Maria creamy crack it is kind of like it's a like a different style it's like a style well they're blessed good for them mine don't look like that back to you meg um i'm from ohio ohio oh hi we always make fun of ohio oh i would say that you should in my head i think yeah i make fun of ohio where in ohio are you from i feel like ohio is a joke place yes you know like in movies oh god she's from ohio well that's because you're in new york sis anybody who's not from here we're like where you from a farm where are you guys from new york you're from new york yeah that's honestly

why you're so cool so cool there's a vibe of like oh nothing anything can make it is that your impersonation of a new york do it do it when you're in new york you're like when you're from new york it's like oh god i'm everything's i'm could do anything we literally can yeah it's like oh oh fashion week that's new york yeah neither of us care yeah we we haven't been invited to anything though it's not that it's like someone could never even see fashion week but the vibe of being from new york's like oh fashion week no big deal yeah oh yeah well that's how we feel about you know the statue of liberty and stuff too yeah yeah yeah we don't care about the stuff that's here that people literally fly thousands of miles yeah see when i first moved

here i went to see it um what did you come on megan you're better than that i didn't go see it it wasn't my idea my brother wanted to okay so what did what did you do it was boring i'm disappointed you did all the new york city things he wanted to because he moved the same week as me so he's like oh i guess well your brother lives here he does yeah yeah i met him the other day i met him the other day when are you here wait yeah you did what were you doing uh well oh here yeah a podcast i know you were doing a podcast yeah i was recording our ads i was recording all of them are you starting a new podcast 93.2 it's an exclusive you hear it here first you're starting a podcast what is it gonna be about it's a it's now it feels like

i came on to promote you might as well that you got the ears it's uh it's it's called it's called confronting demons with megan stalter and it's sort of um like i love it podcast oh bitch yeah we like just started and you and your brother no he's like he was your first guest yeah you putting your brother on i'm like i'm like come on with me thank you yeah my brother my brother would be the at the end of the list like nobody would come and i'd be like ah jason you want to be on a podcast i didn't even know that's what your brother's name was yeah it was jason is he he lives here because you're from here no yeah he does okay but i don't see my brother did our podcast like the first month that we yeah he did yeah you you can go back and listen i forgot that

you guys like put your family on when you when you we needed a guest my cousin did it both my cousins my sister my brother we try to get my mom yeah well you don't want your brother on no i don't want any of my family but that's no here no there so you're from ohio and you lived there for how long um oh god until i was like 23 okay yeah and then i moved to chicago work yeah how long were you in chicago ah in my mind ohio and chicago same place here no well ohio is nowhere near cool as chicago but is chicago cool chicago is like a little city vibe it's like it's like um The mix between Ohio and New York Chicago

Andrew I just think it's funny That you're pretending to know maps All of a sudden Bitch I know geography He said You're pretending to know maps

I know Have you ever been to Ohio sis? I think I was in layover I think there was a layover A layover And when you take spirit There's weird layovers You've been to Chicago though right?

Yeah of course You like it there? No You don't? I love I really love Chicago Yeah No

you like Chicago more than New York no no I don't think how dare you get out Megan we're gonna cut this short thanks so much for being here okay that's enough you said something weird about your pubes you gotta go now no no the pube thing was fine we love that you can stay

but the Chicago thing New York is obviously like bigger and better but I still there's a Chicago spirit if I had like a family I'd settle down in Chicago okay that's what we doing yeah really that's what we want to settle down No, no, if I had six kids, I would be in Chicago. Six kids, man.

That's the number we started with. Two, I'd be here. Six, I'm like, okay. No, you can't have two kids here. They're going to have to share a room until they're like 19. No, no, no, not goddess of cameo. She's going to be a millionaire with cameo. She's going to be on Madison.

Yes. Madison Avenue. Madison Ave. Maddie Ave with Megan Salter. that's a new podcast just in case you want the title should we start another podcast yeah we should i'll try yourself i'll try yourself oh sorry i can't okay okay wait so do you have a big family two sisters and one brother and like a hundred cousins yeah and so your parents are super religious or they were no so okay so my dad is not there my parents aren't together but it's

fine what if i started crying and we were just hurting me we were just like marie you gotta get her out of here no i would touch your shoulder and be like it's okay let it go and marie would be like we only have the studio for another hour yeah do we i haven't told three yeah for another hour okay for another hour see look at that so i my mom's side of the family is very religious so we grew up in like pentecostal church oh yeah i think that's the church that my parents went to when we were little too. I don't think the choir- I like a while.

It's kind of wild. You don't have a choir that can actually sing, right? We didn't. I don't think. We had a- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la. He's a me-ha. Come on, sister act. Yeah. That's going to be on the playlist. Did you guys grow up in church? Yeah, I did. Very much.

My parents are very religious. uh mine mine's just baptist like annoyingly religious yeah it's funny because i was the one in high school bringing people to church oh you're bringing people to youth group yes that was your thing yes i was big on like like i something happened in high school like i grew up in pentecostal but then in high school i was the leader of the family being like we have to go to youth group like we have to go to church and my mom like kind of went to church but i was the one that like i mean really yeah so you're a little pastor it was a little you're a little pastor meg the missionary stalter oh my god that's your wrestling name missionary could be something else

yes but the missionary the missionary i used to go on missions trips to where i got um i went to peru for like six months and got staph infection and nobody was helping me like it was privilege because she was privileged they was like we don't know you they do they said you bought that from the states yeah they're like chaperones with us who are like not paying attention to peru for six months you speak spanish no but like you could kind of pick it up you know like oh my god no no let me hear a little something i'm so i was so bad i'm i get it wait say something and i'll try to guess what it's

what you're saying I don't speak Spanish, but I know those words. Are you saying something about your pants? The pants? The cats are uncle, the pants. Oh, I thought, wait a second. I thought you were doing a full sentence. I was really trying.

Is this the unofficial expert? We don't actually know anything. I was like, I don't think it's cat because that doesn't make sense with the pants. Okay, so you failed in Peru. that's why i didn't help you with your staph infection they were trying to but they were trying you don't speak spanish yeah you were saying you were saying pizza in spanish and they were like okay they're like your foot and you're like actually okay so you went on a missionary's trip six months were you like did you have a crush on

your youth pastor why were you so into you i know i really wanted oh god i really was into the the worship leader were you like for real yeah like really wanted to have sex with him but you were religious they don't have sex i know but well here's the thing in your imagination you pretend like you're married you know what i mean so you're like oh god i want to like did you just say oh god in a sexual way like his dick once we're married you said that in church wait wait were you praying to god oh god i want to suck his dick once we're married and also did you guys go to like youth group like with other teens that kind of thing i didn't have youth group but i went to sunday school oh okay i went to youth group for like a year because like my brother

was in it and it was like it was like this is lit what do you do and they try to make it look like a party they're like what's youth group really really it's i don't know you like we would hang out so that we wouldn't hang out with other people and get into trouble does that make sense like we would like go bowling and get pizza yeah and we would oh that sounds fun like it was and he would hang out yeah and you would be like you would have crushes on people but then the guys would be like oh god i can't wait till i get married my wife's gonna be so hot and they weren't like interested in dating us nah nobody in my youth group talked like that i don't know what was going on in my church yeah we were all in ohio really all horny

horny for christ horny have you heard the word of the lord yeah well the look the look the word of the lord is in my dick what yeah in my dick in my on my dick no in you got to go in my dick in my dick yes city i don't think you know how dicks work in my dick wait so you didn't have any no i don't think so i hung out with my aunt too much to have crushes that's sweet yeah and so i was in like the the nursery so it was like really were you like babysitting during yeah so that if i had crushes on any of them then i should be in jail no yeah mary kay letourneau right there okay there you go they were bad crushes though because like the the worship leader didn't want to date anyone the worship leader duh yeah because he wasn't into y'all he wasn't so now you're mad

at him because he was doing his job he was the one that was like i'm waiting for my wife but like wouldn't even hang out with us but i was like he's waiting for his wife says he was a grown-up and you were a child. Yeah, he can't get his wife hanging out with y'all. He was like our age. He was the worship leader and he was singing?

In youth group. Wow. So they had actual, they had actual, oh, also, they finally let me on the worship team. Okay.

So you're telling this a secret, huh? Yeah, someone heard someone tell them to turn my mic down while we were singing. I believe that.

Well, give us a little taste, sis. Sit where you're sitting and sing your favorite worship song. Can we get a little sample? Come on, please. Wait, what kind of song? what should i say whatever song is on your heart whatever the lord puts on your heart i'm i'm not

a good singer but i'm like oh that's a lie i saw one of your videos of you singing and i was like megan can hold a note i'm i'm oh i think it's funny to be like i'm an amazing singer and then sing like okay but i was like just back up they they shouldn't bitch you don't know the black committed backup be better than the leader yeah that's actually not true that is but the backup is necessary yes okay she didn't want me up there so you gonna sing something i can't think of any good song come on andrew favorite church song amazing grace amazing grace i got you back up let her get a lead though wait and then you're gonna sing back up yeah yeah yeah okay okay okay ready go ahead amazing i mean i gotta let you get into it yeah so i can't come on okay one

In a two, in a one, two, three. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. You are a good singer. You are really good singers. And I think you guys wanted me to feel like a fool just now. No, we were just singing at the black church where you were singing at the white people. She really turned her mic down. She just wanted to be the only singer.

Can you start off one more time? This is Megan. Amazing grace, amazing grace, how sweet. How sweet. Maybe I do back up. I think we got it. I think we got it from here. We're all set.

You can actually go. You can actually go. I just, I'm going to sing. Okay, so you had crushes. you were a little hot hot tamale craziest thing that ever happened in church that doesn't involve a pastor touching somebody

yes thank you thank you for cleaning because we don't do those we don't get that dark that never happened to me she said it but it happened I don't think in my church unsolved mysteries I would say that I know that's a thing

but okay so the craziest thing that has ever happened was we were at church camp and my siblings were with me and there was a zip line okay and it wasn't like well made this is the funniest thing that's ever happened in my life but we were all watching somebody go down the zip line and we were all literally staring like my pastor's right with me and like we're all watching her we're all smiling all of a sudden the girl flips over the zip line hits her head on

the floor three times three times she bounced she bounced and we all were like oh and like she literally she's literally bouncing her skull on the floor like we literally are watching her flying from a tree but and here and it's and here's the thing megan that's funny there's here's what's funny i said crazy are you ready to are you ready to hear the funny part though that's the crazy part that's like really like oh my god is she okay and like we weren't obviously allowed to be on the zipline anymore the funniest thing is that she came back for night service she like she really loved the lord and came back when we're all like what are you doing here literally had a concussion

concussion for Christ literally her whole body was being slammed into the floor also she came to pray she had all that medical the medical bills she was like

please lord and it was far away too it was far where was this in Peru it was like no it was like probably two hours

from our actual church it's like church camp we're going there for the weekend girl this was her whole life huh then for night service like smiling

we're all like what are you doing here I feel like that's the those christians are always her whole body smashed her into the floor did the ambulance come someone took her away we don't even know who i don't remember who they put her on the bus someone had gone and got her sis on the bus sent her back and she came back for the night service and we were all getting ready like the same night oh hi the same night two hours later night service christians are weird to me it's just like this is your night

on a tuesday because it's like random nights of the week yeah it's like yeah youth groups like wednesday night it's never the night that it's time to get lit they're like nah nah nah yeah they're like it's friday pizza yeah pastor's always doing like a seminar where like he's throwing candy bars in the audience he's like you know have you ever seen like a youth pastor do that he ties it back into the service or something he throws candy into the audience and he ties it back into the service you know they're always trying to do something crazy to get us like they're like work to pay attention i mean yeah like god's love like the snickers you know what i mean and then hits everybody with snickers that's kind of cool actually he like made it

rain snickers he's like that was the lord people like i love jesus they all got diabetes everybody's eating it they all got willy wonka factory okay yeah yeah so she slammed her body that's probably the craziest i mean other than like pretty intense um i don't know like we went to a pretty intense church like me and my cousins once did this um retreat and like my cousin got have you ever heard of like someone getting like drunk off the holy spirit she was just drunk she was i know i was like she truly truly something happened because she was literally like so out of it i i like couldn't get her back to the hotel room oh she was hot somebody put something in her something had happened because she like could not stand up it's called roofie

friend she was something i was just about to ask a follow-up question follow-up question do white people get the holy ghost yes yes those are the ones that do the snakes and stuff right but what I've never seen the snakes. Yeah, they put the snakes. And then they get bit. No, I've never seen a snake in church. What church is this? I've heard of that, though.

Y'all know what church I'm talking about. They got the snakes. It's like someone's running around the room. We've had people like run around the room like when we were little, but there was no snakes. But I wouldn't I wouldn't have been surprised if there was a snake. You know what I mean? Like, y'all know what church I'm talking about.

I know what you're talking about, sis. It sounds like something else. It sounds like a church in Agrabah. what do they do they have the snake um bite you and you get the spirit through that no but wasn't the devil in the snake in the bible i would not be letting a snake bite me i would not god my god does not want me to be yeah my god did not provide that snake for me to be that i know what you're talking about though because i see it in movies like yes when they're when they're being like when they're making fun of like pentecostal there's always like a guy holding a bunch of

snakes no i would not i mean i've never seen a snake handling in religion okay read the first snake handling as a religious right in the united states also called serpent handling is observed in a small number of isolated churches mostly in the united states usually characterized as rule and a part of the holiness movement oh god no i'm not going to that church snake handling pastor Bitten by deadly rattlesnake Is he dead? Has he passed? Okay hold on

What religion is snake handling? Pentecostal church that Practiced a rare century old Christian tradition of worshipping God with venomous snakes Like timber rattlers Cottonmouths and copperheads Cottonmouths?

What is it saying they're doing that for though? I'm screaming I'm so scared I've never seen a snake in my church but I'm telling you that is the same it's like always anytime someone

like cartoon okay snake handlers do not worship snakes instead using the snakes to show non-Christians use your church voice use your church voice that God protects them

from harm that God protects them from harm in church services when they feel the anointing of the Holy Spirit okay

come upon them these Christians reach into boxes pick up venomous snakes and hold them up as they pray sing and dance what is wrong

telling you that is so embarrassing yeah you're right like it's so embarrassing like when i say i went to like a white pentecostal like why don't pentecostals speak in tongues we're so ignorant literally so embarrassed people think that we had snakes in our church in boxes just snake boxes i don't know that was me because you're picturing no but really they say though pentecostals on the online they were like oh snakes that's pentecostal okay so but i'm not pentecostal now you know what i mean like yeah okay hold on wait so you're pentecostal how was like holidays that was like christmas i mean christmas christmas like christmas how was christmas and easter and things like that for you so well yeah the pentecostal was really when i was

little little and then christmas is pretty how it is now you know we we probably went to like church the week before like we i've never remember like going to church on christmas oh my mom my mother was all about like well no not on christmas but like whatever it's easter yes well easter is when you got you got your good clothes on yeah people you haven't seen in years show up yeah you're like oh they're still alive they don't let you wear dirty shoes to church You wear your nicest clothes. Megan's like, I've never heard of that. I'm like, honey, I wear the same shoes I've always worn.

Megan's like, I'll show up in these denims. I'm not good at shoes. I'm still not. What shoes you got on right now? These are the shoes I wear every day. They're just like black boots. Oh, not tied. What's your summertime shoe?

You're not wearing these black boots? No, no, no, no. I don't know, like a nice flat. What is a nice flat, Megan? Just a basic black flat. I'm not good at shoes. So like a kid? I feel like you guys are good at shoes.

A pro kid. Don't put it on us. We talking about you right now. Yeah, we talking about you. Where do you go for these shoes? Target? Target, yeah. Camelot?

Anywhere that's like, I just. Jessupani? I'm not good at picking out shoes. Payless shoe source? I'm not good at Payless. I don't think I've ever been there. She said she better than that, bitch. I'm a cameo.

How dare you? She said, watch your mouth. I'm watching the shoes. I'm watching the shoes. I see them. No, Target's easy. Target's like, okay. I picked the most boring shoes.

Sis, there's no way there's arch support in them shoes you got on. There's not. These are honestly, honestly really bad. Oh, actually, I got these from Rainbow. You got them gifted. Rainbow. Oh, sis, you're not too good for a pay list. I don't think I'm too good for a pay list.

Rainbow is a fashion store. I think pay list is expensive. Pay list is expensive. Pay list. When I went in there last, it was expensive. You were like $23. No, I thought they were like $40, $50. No?

Sis. Maybe I should go. i gotta go like three dollars i can't pay more than five okay so how did you get out of church though what saved you um because it wasn't the girls falling off the zipline no it sounds like that bought your joy i think it was you gotta go back next week for you i think it was like moving to chicago and like just having my own life and like being like i i did try to go to have you ever tried to go go to like church but you're alone and it feels like your whole family died it's like that's how like people treat you like come up to you like hey and like i just

couldn't like people would literally like when i first moved i was like oh i'll go to church alone they just treat you like oh i'm sorry you know what i mean yeah the whole family usually go with a friend a family member yeah but when you're in a new city and you want to go to church you gotta drag a friend or you gotta drag a roommate you can't otherwise they're like yeah something bad you pick up somebody homeless yeah when i when i lived in la um for those two years i there was a church like around the corner from me so sometimes i would just jump on the bus and go but like i'm somebody that like now i don't go but every once in a while like i might pop up i might just be like i should go to church today yeah i might just still like let me see what

hill song talking about yeah yeah something randomly i think the last time i went to church i went with andrew your cousin yeah oh no no no i went to church with my friend emily and elena and another friend of theirs and it was like sydney we know that you're you said that you're you know you're gay now and you're going through things and it's just like maybe you should just like go to church and i went to church with them and i was like this is terrible and what kind of church was it it was hillsong oh this was the time when they were raising money for hillsong And they raised almost a million dollars Yeah via Venmo

It was crazy But then the time before that I went to church With Marie and our friend Christy Cello You guys sound like Well this kind of sounds like you go to church a lot No that was literally like two years ago No that was like three years It was like the day before New Year's

The day before New Year's And Christy Cello wanted to go So we were like yeah we'll come with you And I was going through a relapse And Marie was like yeah let's go to church and Cindy was sitting there like this they were doing the Christian sway Cindy had her arms crossed and she was like

this is gay they were like swaying, you know when they sway and everybody had their hands up no I never put my arms up don't do that but I never put my arms up they got the lyrics on the screen and you were like

I was like how sweet oh okay there we go now she's a soprano yeah i'm really yes come on disney club mickey mouse amazing grace i do it totally different yeah you sound like brenny spears yeah okay maggie so now you're not religious anymore you're in new york city you're with the heathens still spiritual i would tell you still spiritual yeah i don't know i I haven't seen anything. She said, show us your crystals.

Oh, no. Where's your cross? No crystals. But I would be like, I still pray and stuff. You know what I mean? When? Every day? When?

She goes, you smoke weed? You think I smoke? Sis, there's no way you not on something right now. Girl, you came here with like a deep cat eye and pink shadow. I think that's why I can't be on anything is because I already feel like I'm already on something. Girl, you got your bra straps showing. Shut up.

She is popping. Maybe you get in a contact. Because I'm looking at you at 1.30 ready. I've taken like a puff of weed and it doesn't do anything to me good. Well, because it's a puff of weed, sis. You got to do at least 16 more of us. I don't think I've ever been like high, I don't think. Well, you seem it now.

Oh, one time. You were high on the Lord. One time I ate a half of a weed cookie and that was like kind of fun, but I was mostly tired. You know what I mean? It just knocked you out, huh? It was not. You got so much. You are so high on life.

That edible knocks you the fuck out. It actually knocks me out. Yeah. also why why is church on a Sunday morning I just feel like that's

it's the day peak but that's peak let me sleep in day yeah right but when it says the only day of rest

the seven day of rest it's rest but it's actually work like you gotta go work for the Lord you rest for your regular shit but then you go

work for the Lord what would be the best day like a Thursday evening Monday a Thursday evening I wish Monday I wish I wish church was on Monday

church should be on a Wednesday night it should be on Monday because we hate Mondays and then that's like, that will lift you up for the rest of the week. Will it?

Yeah. Early before work Monday or after? No, no, no, no, no. Church is all day. Morning, night. All day Monday. All day on Monday.

Sorry, I'm late to the meeting. I was in church. I was in church all day. Wait, so can we talk about praying? Have you ever gone on a date with somebody? Pray!

Can we talk about praying? Have you ever been on a date? Yeah, yeah, okay. But hold on. Let me finish the question. Okay, okay. a date with somebody and they start to pray

before they eat? No. Yes, I've done that. Have you? I've been with somebody like that and I was like, meanwhile, I'm like, already all in the spaghetti.

You're like, I see the dessert menu. Like, you're done. I didn't finish my meal and they're like, let's... But you can kind of pray in your head

without making another. Yeah, but don't you have to close your eyes? Otherwise, you're just talking to yourself. I think God just knows your thoughts, I think. Oh, so you're saying that

before every meal you pray. I go, thanks for this. Honestly, that is a prayer. Thanks for this. Thanks for this. is that is that one of the prayers that you've had for thanksgiving they were like megan can lead the prayer for everybody everybody hold hands right now and then say everything thanks for this and then we're out you know what's weird this is weird and you guys are gonna look at me

weird no there's no way you know what the only time this is really strange the only time that i remember like like like sometimes at night whatever before you go to sleep say a little prayer in your head the only time i'm like this is this i have to do it must be an ocd thing even though i don't think i'm ocd um but every time i'm at a movie theater i pray bitch okay is that weird yeah no that's not weird because white dudes become in a movie theater wow you guys really made this dark no that's what i was thinking sydney queen of the funeral homes that's too dark for you this is what i think it is though for real it's um it's like i get really excited to be at a movie theater and you're just so thankful i'm

like honestly thankful because i love that's what i'm like megan you're definitely on something stop it no this is true though you did you did poppers and you did poppers i think it's a combo of oh this is so fun i finally get to relax you're at a movie theater can't really look at your phone that's when number two it's kind of it's kind of the past of movie theaters and then yeah those are the only two things that come i'll tell you when i'll randomly pray when i'm walking down the street and there's cars come in and i have my headphones in i'd be like whoo lord yeah get me back in one piece that's what yeah that's what that's the that's the thing that i say that makes sense i pray when i know the movie theater that's the only time you pray when i only pray when i

have a migraine when you have a migraine lord please i promise i promise whatever you want me to do i'll do i just need and then he sends you a list and you'd be like i don't need this i guess i'm just gonna have an aneurysm fuck it please give me a sign lord and he gives you a sign you're like well that's not what i want i can't do that if this is not the right job if this is not the right man for me send me a sign lord and he sends that sign you'd be like i didn't see anything you're like no let's well you'll have to send me another sign yeah make it more clear to me yes write it out okay on this Ouija board well speaking of signs listen Megan you are crushing

it you take in New York by storm you be all up and through this so I can't go on Twitter or Instagram without a video popping up yes Megan Stalter with a new goddamn character you got every character down pack never never think they're similar no that's good I'm glad no because I don't want anyone to think oh god she's doing the same thing again you know well I'll be like damn what is what how many how many hours in a day for making stuff also so many looks yeah you have like a prop uh closet where are these gloves and stuff coming from you got wigs you'd be doing a lot of thrifting yeah i wish i was i wish i did more thrifting i'm not i you know what i get a little bit of anxiety sometimes in in a thrift store in an

l train vintage uh i think just because there's it's overwhelming because there's so much stuff to look at like and i and um i start getting actual anxiety i can't be in there long i agree yeah but i do get that even in like a target sometimes well target is it's a whole but it's a whole community they got food and they have clothing and they have shoes and they have furniture yeah and you can get they have plan b and you can get a flu shot yeah you get an abortion for 15 minutes and then i start getting anxiety because it's too much stuff yeah i mean can see that you know but i when i thrift i go in i'd be like i want to pick up something to wear for this and i'll pop in and i'll look for that but sometimes i just don't feel like digging yeah

sometimes i'm just like i don't or i just don't feel like taking my own clothes off to try stuff on yeah i won't know how i feel until i'm in the store you know like i i'll be like oh this is a fun thrift day i'll get in there and be like oh no i have to leave yeah i'm a real a true artist they'll be like abort abort you have to get out of here now imagine Megan Staltzer in the group chat like let's go thrifting and then everybody goes meets up walks in I'm out

do you shop with people a lot because I don't normally shop with people if I do shop with somebody it would be Marie and we go in there and we get nothing done but everything done but we'll shoot entire videos too and then they kick us out should I get

these pants people will be coming out of the dressing room and we're giving them commentary that they didn't ask for yesterday I was trying stuff on in the fitting room and these girls were out there talking and I was like damn I miss my friend I didn't go out there to like

help them I was just trying my crap on and leaving but I'm like they were being when we're trying stuff on and we're giving commentary it's fun it's interactive you have to do it with the right friend I can't just have a you know what I mean like a new friend wants to shop it's like oh Well, a new friend wants to shop.

They got to put some years in. You got to put in the years. We went to San Francisco, and we were in this dusty-ass Zara. I mean, the Zara didn't even feel like Zara. It was weird. It felt like we were in a warehouse. Yeah, or Century 21 dressing room. That's what it was.

A Macy's. And I'm telling you, people were watching us, and they were like, where did they get that from? Like, they wanted the looks that we had. Meanwhile, our shit was clearance, which clearance is couture. Yeah, if it doesn't have that orange sticker on it, I don't want it. No, truly. the best stuff's over there clearance are you looking at me well well megan i'll be looking

i look on your instagram for your looks uh tell us where you're inspired by when you you know you get your outfits uh i'm inspired by dolly parton sort of a western like but now i feel like it changes right like that's me that's what i feel like now but for the last couple years it's been like i like a vintage 70s look okay you know i like a 70s yeah your scrunchie your scrunchie is giving me um full house yes yeah yeah full house yes that's a little more what 80s 90s early 90s yeah so early night a sort of vintage mix a bag a sort of vintage mix but during the day i'm like usually wearing something boring like this but it's really how is this boring it just black pants tank top nah bra showing okay carry brush y'all i think i have the same color bra on right

now really oh no mine is wait oh wait hold on hotter pink oh okay wait where'd you where'd you guys get your my mom got me this for christmas oh this is from rainbow oh my god i love rainbow bras rain rainbow holds up your boobs yeah and they're cheap too well it's rainbuses yeah you don't watch you never watch a rainbow bra you just just turn it inside out yeah i guess i'd You throw it over the pole in the shower Yeah I'm like I don't think it'll last very long But it's cheap and it's been fine now

Their sports bras are good too They're really comfortable They get limp balls They get limp balls immediately I don't like their sports bras Well that's because the fabric is a blend There's a certain brand there that I like Oh they got brands

What is it called like a style Like a certain Andrew said it's a different rainbow suit like jump in come on help me out here he said actually no I don't know why I looked at you I think because I wasn't getting the support for the bra Andrew where do you shop for your clothes J.Crew. That's what I was going to guess. Yeah.

That's it? Nowhere else? J.Crew, Topshop, Zara. Zara for men, yes. Those are really stylish places. Thank you. Yeah. What socks from?

They're also from J.Crew. Oh. This entire look is J.Crew, actually. We see it. Straight off the mannequin. See, I'll never... I just know I'll never be a J.Crew girl. And you know what?

That makes you better. I tell you so now. What is a J.Crew girl? Watch your mouth. Cindy, you're not a J.Crew girl. I did it at, bitch. Watch another fucking mouth. No, I mean.

They made sure rent was paid for months. No, I mean. Bitch. I will not let you slander. I've slandered Macy's several times on this episode alone. No, I wish I was like a brand. Like, it'd be cool to be like, oh, yeah, this whole looks J.Crew. Or this is not like.

No, no, no. I don't know where I got this bra. Probably Rainbow. The tank top I've had for 13 years. Sis, nobody's sending you shit. Nobody's sending me anything. megan that's nobody's sending you stuff you got you got to start doing outfit posts but you do you think i should and tag rainbow you wear that do you get stuff you wear that

fashion brand i know they really should send me stuff you'll be i brought a lot of stuff no oh girl i'm struggling girl that stuff is expensive i know it really is so you i'm like but here's the thing i don't normally buy i don't normally buy expensive clothes i have a few like things from there that i mix in what brand is this it's called fashion brand they really should be look at me free promoing them oh wow well they do like they do like a certain amount of things and then that's it after they yeah yeah have it anymore that's the thing is so when i get something from them it's like a costume it's not like my daily you know what i mean so i'm like okay i could spend a little more on this it's like a costume for a certain show

yeah yeah yeah but um it is like too expensive to like people they should send me at least one thing don't you think hello hello if anybody is a low fashion brand is this mic on if anybody's listening you should be sending first of all me and marie's absolutely but also i mean they haven't sent a shit yet but megan stalter send send home girl something send something yeah because you know what okay anybody listening if you send me something i could make a full video yes a full sketch cameo imagine a full a cameo for you megan tell us about cameo because i just you're the only person that does it and i'll be like oh should i do this they keep hitting us i got another message hey people are asking for you what are they saying i told them to stop

messaging me they're lying they're lying did they say did they say my name though because people's got that but no i'm just saying someone else has gotten that though where they're like megan's on cameo you your friend megan is that right it's like kind of using my not well i'm I stand with Cameo I stand with J.Crew I'm with them Don't you think It's kind of weird

To be like Oh your friend Megan It's like I didn't tell them To say that But I do stand with Cameo Please don't kick me off Well I don't think

That they say Your friend Megan I think they'll say We have people like Their list names Are using it And we think that You should get in on it too

Because your fans Are asking for you Oh okay Someone made it sound Like they were like As if I told them to Like your friend Megan But I bet you're right

They're like Megan's on it And Catherine Cohen's on it And like listening you should be too yeah um so the only thing that ever happened the only person that ever complained about their cameo video was oh let's talk about it this guy asked um me to he was like me and my husband are getting married and we're not gonna be together on valentine's day and like just want to make a cameo and i did a full character where i was like you're gonna walk

in and your husband's gonna be cheating on you like it was a full like it was a character and it was like i was like i was like you're not gonna be together on valentine's day but you're gonna be upset when you walk into the room like he's gonna you're gonna be he's gonna be having oral sex with someone else and uh they commented like hey like the jokes about me cheating on my husband like on my fiance didn't really go over well with me so fingers crossed that like he'll like it so i just sent him a new video and it was like you guys are gonna be together forever like that's trash because it was like i don't want them to pay for a video they don't like so like that live a little bitch like why would i send you this why so here's the joke so that you said they were

cheating or something well that's why he was so upset that's why he said not to have a past where like maybe someone's cheated on another person before and and then i said that video that'd be triggering wait so i just sent them a new video so how does cameo work it's like a separate social media account yeah it's like um like an app and then someone yeah you just go to the app and you someone says hey it's my birthday i want you to do a video for me so here yeah here they give you a little message they're allowed to like it's a certain amount of characters or whatever as a tweet uh and then like my videos are always i try to make it like funny a sketch but then like like real celebrities will like give you like a second like happy birthday i'm sitting on my

couch right now and like that's like hundreds thousands of dollars even that's why that's why you're crushing it because you're really doing stuff i try to make them like cheap enough where it's like this feels like a gift but it's not you know what i mean it's like this feels like a gift but i need to pay my rent yeah yeah i would feel so bad someone the other day was like you need to raise your price like you could be making it's like no i feel so bad or make taking any more than that for a two minute video okay well megan how many how many cameos you doing today uh i look her laughing girl she's like i'm doing one right now the tape's been rolling i i probably do like i mean it depends on if it's a holiday because christmas was crazy i was up to

like do you hear that christmas was through the roof this is the holiday rush christmas and valentine's day there was it was like you're up till three i'm making them yes but truly so for now i'll say uh bump your rates up i couldn't see more than 35 for a video from like a comedian like me like a comedian like you that's insane this bitch has 60 60 you have 60k on two minutes though it's only a two minute video 50 bucks it's like you really think that i'm like i feel bad that's why i can't have a cameo because they're gonna be like she wants me to pay fifteen hundred dollars for her to wish my wife a happy birthday that's the thing it's only two and then i'm doing it and i'm reading a paper while i'm doing it i'm just like yeah uh

happy birthday janice uh janice or janet i lost the sheet uh hope you have a good day bye you said megan you're crazy you're like a comedian like me do you see the people the things that people write to you your fans are insane and that's why i need them to come on over to the unofficial because they're really sweet honestly the nicest stuff someone wrote i want megan stalter to do a capsule collection for literally any plus size clothing brand please that's so specific i know so specific did you see what i retweeted collection did you see what i retweeted yes this is megan's response this is why i think that you'd be on drugs okay this is an amazing idea for someone else i don't dress myself and i'm incredibly skinny sorry

i just think it's so funny because like she wanted me to be like oh my god yes girl like yes i'm plus size you're like actually bitch i'm skinny fuck you Ask Adele She's like I'm actually Working on my Props online right now Adele is skinny now Yeah

Oh she really is She is skinny Wait I haven't seen A picture of her in a while She lost like 150 pounds Really Oh my god Oh no 100 pounds

That's a lot It was a lot It's a lot She lost her man too So also Yeah I don't know If she's still with Skepta either Who's Skepta

She was with Skepta She was with Skepta I didn't even know that Yeah He's fine as fuck He was with Naomi Campbell Who is that Good for Adele

Someone like you You don't know who Skept is? He's like a DJ Yes Oh okay Hot Very hot Who is the guy

That she had that baby with Years ago Her ex-boyfriend She wasn't even married with him Oh okay Yeah But he was not cute Really

Yeah She's gorgeous She's so pretty She shouldn't be She shouldn't Oh my god She shouldn't be dating People that aren't cute

Megan Words to live by Words to live by Megan's daughter Shouldn't be dating Anybody who isn't cute work live it

I kind of like I kind of like people with a different look so like people that I think are hot she said a different look so you like people

who are unconventionally ugly oh I don't actually know how the word unconventionally fits in there I was like wait

I could have just said ugly unconventionally ugly no just like I don't know people grow on me you like a strange beauty yeah like a male model I don't like

like love oh so you think like Barnett from Love is Blind is unconventionally hot oh no i don't like i don't oh wait you're saying do i think he's hot yeah no who do you think do you think he's hot no i kind of know that like white women find him attractive oh yeah no country dude barnett i kind of think that the the girl who doesn't like her guy is hot

the girl who's like jessica who always drinking rare wine i think the girl well i guess there's a okay so the the one that nobody likes who they wit just yeah you're right i don't know i tried to watch the first episode last night and it's crazy i was like what is this wall that they talking to each other it looked like a portal i was like what is happening i get tagged like 20 times a day in something that's like love is blind and it's like this is a megan salter character this is a megan salter character i'm talking all day people tagging in it it's 50 50 a cameo i I don't know if any of the guys to me are really hot in that show. I think a couple of the girls are, I feel like.

The girl that's a little bit wild and is with Barnett is cute. Is that the tall, skinny one? No, that's Amber. She has dark hair. She was like, I don't fuck anybody up who takes my man. Yeah, yeah. And she said. That sounds like somebody who's homeless.

Yeah, her personality isn't hot to me, but. I want Marie to be on the second season of Love is Blind. Which one? I want you on it. Where are they doing the casting, sis? I will add Love is Blind and I'm like, I have somebody perfect. I would do it for a little trick.

And I would be sitting there and be like, oh, well, you sound poor. I would just get up and leave. Marie, you can't come in with that attitude. You have to be someone nice. I could be a little bit nice, but I'm definitely going to be mean. No, they don't want anything mean. Okay, so why would I be on the show, sis?

You want me to be on the show because you want me to find love? Yes, I want you to find love. I would go on as a joke. I would do it as a joke to find love girl bye wait would you go on for real no they only do heterosexual

we don't know maybe next season there's a twist cause all the girls are in one house and all the guys are in one house and if I was in there I would be like yeah I'm talking to some dude and I'd be trying to slide in people so girl I'm like Lauren I know you talking to Cameron

but like you say you've never been with a white guy before but like you've never been with a black girl either and she's like i didn't say that actually i've always said if i was on a dating show i'd be flirting with the girls like if it was like bachelor or whatever i saw you kiss a girl when oh yeah oh totally i mean i'm definitely bi oh okay huge wait you didn't you knew that i didn't know we thought you did weed and you like you look at that you're finding out things different about me every so you're queer yeah I just thought your scrunchie was gay I'm so sorry I thought

Wait somebody Somebody inboxed me once And I can't remember It had to do with me and Sydney It was like you Sydney You Sydney and There was another one are leading like the I don't know gay comedy

Something It was nice but the third person they said wasn't gay Was it me? It was Natalie No they said Natalie and I assumed they meant Natalie Walker and like she's very straight I'm like Natalie Portman

no I thought she's you know Natalie Walker no yeah she's straight she's straight right she's got a boyfriend but someone thought I guess

maybe she bi people think Marie's gay all the time every day and I'll be like oh really I already tried she's not gay guys

people think I'm straight if she was gonna be gay she'd be gay with me no I wouldn't be gay with you Sydney if I was gonna be gay with somebody it would literally be anybody that's not true

literally anybody so you're gonna say that on a record bitch on the record sis don't do not strike it from the record this is you know on period wait what kind if you were gay what kind of girl would you be with me she would be with me i don't care when this energy is very aggressive i do like you guys i honestly like you guys together please just think about what she's saying yo megan megan you gotta stop doing drugs

That's the title of it Megan Staltzer does drugs On the artificial expert I do remember The first time I listened To your podcast I was thinking like You listened to the podcast?

Yes You were the first guest That came on And they listened Everybody was like Yo so So what are we talking about here? How does your podcast work?

Do I need headphones? I like you guys together What episode did you listen to? It was the Ilana Glazer Oh yeah That was a good one It was sweet because And you guys were talking

About your friendship Yeah Well because it was That was the theme It was very gay That episode was good And so you're like I remember meeting

And being like She's so gorgeous I'm like I love this You remember that Well I think I would date Marie For money

On a show You both should go on I would do it Marie you want to do it For money Date you for money Yes I don't think so friend

how much money we Marie you wanna do it for the brand for 35 hours nah they would do a spinoff show and it would be like

Sydney and Marie and then we have merch for like the gays and then there'll be merch think about this

for the straight men that want us to be together think about what she's offering we already have merch and we are not together maybe I'm not I wasn't

I'm not pressuring anybody to go out but if she maybe you invite her to the weed dinner tonight no I'm going with my dick appointment and he would love that

he would be ecstatic let me get your chair he'd be like you vegan? Megan Stalter can you make a cameo for her date tonight wait wait I'm paying for Megan to do a cameo

for your date tonight hi so I'm doing a cameo because I want you I want you and Sydney to hook up tonight but Sidney's gonna be sober I like this a lot that means you're not gonna eat

she's bringing her own food Sidney you're bringing a sandwich from home to the weed dinner I'm gonna bring your own dick wait also is this dinner at someone's house like what is it like girl I've never been to this dinner so I have no idea but it's I'm assuming it's gonna be a little bit messy

it's not like somebody's like loft space Megan get a ticket go you know what I was I'm gonna be honest with you when you were describing it I was having a panic attack because I was asked to do a show there once and I was worried that maybe, okay, I couldn't do it, but I was like, maybe I was like,

wait, is that tonight? Was I supposed to, no, no, no. They would've tagged you 20,000 times. They would've tagged you this morning, yeah. And you'd be like, what show? Do you ever feel like that though? You get panicked, like, am I supposed to be at a show right now?

Oh, every fucking day. We never put our shows in. Every night that I don't have something, I'm going, I'm supposed to be somewhere. No, you know what it is? I put enough things in the calendar that I feel like I got it all and then every week, at least one day,

I'm like yeah I'm like I'm doing a show where yeah and what it's panic I know but I'm trying to be better I'm we're gonna be better um Megan before we get out of here you know let the people know what's next for you um what is your dream job yeah what if I was like I guess I have to be a nurse I'd be like in a movie I was like I'm going back to nursing school this fall nobody would they'd be like and you know your crazy fans

would go to the hospital they'd be like I have a staph infection I need Megan's doctor but they would say it in Spanish oh my god no my

what's coming next well i guess the podcast i'm doing with forever dog which is yeah this is the same network we'll be on it my dream job is probably i don't know to be doing everything movies movies yes but it's like like the dream gig sis like is it is it a movie with meryl streep is it a cooking show oh my god yeah no you can't do that oh my god oh yeah oh yeah is it a kid's show is it something with slime yeah um it's like a i don't know like a sketch show or something she has her own little youtube show called this megan salter show look yeah you are good at promo sydney wow yeah you're great at promo yeah i mean it would be that being like a real show

literally you're the only person that i've been hitting with information because every time i come here i'm like who's really who's here sydney black who's here oh you do comedy oh my bad oh this is the most casual I've ever been with it being like I don't know I guess being in movies I'm usually like

my dream is to be writing TV and being in every show okay Shonda Rhimes we heard you Tina Fey I feel it I see it for you

well you know what I see for you I see a date tonight with you three that's what I'm seeing I've been in this car I've been in this car you got a car

it got lights in it is this someone you've been dating for a while this is somebody That I've been banging since December Dating We've been

I see it Because I wasn't allowed to talk during this But I see what they mean by saying a dick appointment Why? Not to attack everyone You've been allowed to talk this entire hour No when you guys were talking about this earlier She's like I'm kidding

No when you guys were talking about this earlier You didn't introduce me yet So I was going to say That was a full hour Wasn't allowed to talk She's like they put my hands behind my back And I had a tape over my mouth My mic's been off.

They put a sock in my mouth. Because that is casual way to say it. No, we're going on a date, but I'm getting some dicks. I approve of him. You like him. I'm allowing it to happen. It's fine. It's fine.

It's weed. It's casual. I love it. It's cute. I like that you guys are going out on a date and that it's sex. I like going on dates. See, I'm really bad at going on dates, but I'm starting to get a little bit more comfortable. How are you bad at going on dates?

I get nervous and just being like, I don't, I get nervous about the ritual of it, of being like, like, okay, after like, we both obviously want to like, go to like, make out. What do we do? Like, I always let them lead the way. It's always normal. But like, I'm bad at being like, the anxiety of being like, do I say like, do you want to come like, oh, we're closer to my house. You know what I mean?

Sis, you've been doing all those videos in your room. I'm not, I'm not going back to your place. You do all your cameo videos. I'm like, this is the wall. There's GoPros all over the place I'm all shit You know what I mean though You ain't making a video out of me bitch

Not today Satan All of a sudden you're in her room She's like okay so we're just gonna do a little cameo A full wig on A full costume The idea of dating when it's not like someone I've been seeing for a while It makes me nervous

But when you first see that person You still have a first date I know but that's always nerve wracking When's the last time you went on a date pretty recently like okay work bitch she's not hoping at all actually she said my date dropped me off to the podcast my date dropped me off i'm like honey this morning we got breakfast okay no probably like a week ago stone on these hoes man a week ago but it takes me a long time to

schedule a date i think you've been doing all these cameos also when i was in la you were in la we were on the same show oh yeah how was that i got well my umbrella was stolen but then they gave it back ah was it stolen or did you forget what you put no no no they took it but by accident so it wasn't stolen okay so change change the narrative friend it was me i took it was a fun show did you have fun yeah yeah i went up there and i made fun of them that's your brand and they were like wow people who listen to the podcast were there oh yeah yo you gotta have a show in la bitch come on now this girl and uh and this this couple they were like oh we saw you in new york and now we're here we live here and we oh they was trying to do a threesome nah but oh my

god she was like i wasn't she was like i wasn't gonna say anything marie she's like i see that for you threesome listen i i'd say i already did my threesome for this year but technically that was last year yeah oh so i could yeah me yeah me guy marie let's go i'm just gonna be there to watch what if you go and and you're like oh my god i didn't know you'd be here and i'm all dressed up hey girl yeah and i have like sparkles all over and i'm like what are you guys doing here oh yeah i would love a ride back home And then I'm just sitting next to you guys and I'm sitting on your lap, Marie.

I'm like, hey, you know, I didn't know you guys were going to be here. There's no more chairs. There's no chairs here. I would just elbow you in the spine. You'd have to sit on his lapses. Honestly. People are laughing.

Imagine if he listens to the episode and be like, so I heard the podcast. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. He's not listening. Well, he's not going to listen to it before this date. He's like, you're saying I could have got a third?

she want to do it Marie she DTF oh wow okay wow well Megs let everybody know

your social media you have you know so much where do people find you friend Meg Stalter Meg Stalter

are you asking her yeah I'm like I don't know what it's I guess that's it and then on Instagram it's Meg Stalter two S's that's weird

Meg Stalter Megs but yeah and I think Twitter is like Meg Stalter please follow Please follow me. Please.

Okay. I'm not kidding you. You need to. Because I feel like, to be honest, sometimes, you know, at first you get, I just need, I need that. Hey, guys, I need a win. Please follow. You've been winning since you left Chicago.

Don't do that. Since you left the church. Left the church. You've been winning. No, I think that's it. And Facebook, nobody really uses it anymore. Can you imagine? I plug my Facebook.

Go ahead and plug your Plug that LinkedIn friend I'm like I'm at Meg Salter at Gmail Are you on Black Planet? Imagine She said what Look at her

She's like what's that Wait what is that Wow you don't know What Black Planet is Well I'm embarrassed And I don't You should be embarrassed You should be

It's actually racist And homophobic Wait tell me what it is And you know what We're gonna end the episode Right here Andrew do you know What it is

Meg Salter Meg Salter is racist And homophobic End it to end it. Go away. Everybody get up and go. Andrew doesn't know what it is either. Oh, no. He knows. He on there.

He's got a profile. When he was really tan, he's like, he went on vacation, got some beads in his hair. He went to Jamaica, Jamaica. He's like, give me the Bo Derek beads. Are we still recording? Yeah, we are.

We actually wanted to end. Yeah, Megan, we love you. Thank you for doing the pod. Thank you for having me. I'm crying. Bye. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.

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