MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Complaining Expert" with Jared Goldstein

Episode Date: March 26, 2021

No complaints about our Complaining Expert, Jared Goldstein! Long-time listener, first-time guest, Jared complains about weddings, children's birthdays, and explains the difference between complaining and venting. Plus, Sydnee and Marie got their cooches waxed and Sydnee is in a new discreet location.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog wow wow wow wow wow wow wow we're here we're here i want to just i want to say up top that the energy is amazing marie i i i have never been more excited to see your beautiful wonderful face i'm i'm so happy to hear your voice sydney oh well oh and there's a fire truck going behind me when i tell you the devil is always working always working of course i said something positive and and the satan was like the devil was like oh you want some positive energy yeah Okay, burn the whole block down. Yeah, Sydney, I like what's happening here, I think. You're giving me multiple orgasm glow.

That's what I feel like I'm getting from you, friend. No, not. I'm just here trying to be good to a great sis of mine. Right, right, right, right, right. I'm just looking at you and it's love, light, and lusciousness. you're luscious sydney i feel like you want this episode to be called live love laugh yeah i will i refuse i'm just i you know i just love being positive to you because i i don't think i do it enough i don't think that i let the people know how much you are appreciated here wow

cindy did you smoke weed today it's even high energy as well is the energy marijuana um no but where i am the marijuana is plentiful oh okay i like i feel like it would just come out and say it at this point but i guess okay well um i'm at an undisclosed location right now andrew and i i can't i can't say where i am but just know that i'm somewhere that's not dusty as new york city okay i'm in better i'm in better places the grass is greener over here i wish marie was here to be my third i'm gonna go ahead and tap tap tap tap out hi marie hi marie what were you an expert in this week i want to know

i didn't know we were doing this today i was i somebody complained on the um on the in the comments and said that we don't have we don't do expertises anymore but we have a whole episode that is around in expertise today. I know. We're complaining that we don't talk about what we're experts in. Uh-huh, for the week. We used to do that, religiously.

Well, I guess we're experts at not being prepared. Well, that's the overall theme of the podcast, sis. Well, sure. I guess. I heard y'all had a crazy-ass day. I don't know if it was a crazy day, sis, but we had a nice Sunday, okay? you want you want to tell us it was um first of all wow my teeth look amazing they so beautiful

yeah wow i wish i had my scarf on my good scarf oh here here she go here she go um i'm gonna drape it over my head but and then we'll figure it out after but okay um it was nice in new york this weekend and i didn't really have anything to do because i was up all night literally all night you were all night all night we did we did sit can cook and it was like i was like marie's here she's here for the for the night she spent the night yeah and that's why cindy's in such a good mood today because i spent the night at her house it's true wait we didn't say up top that we got our our coochies waxed oh we did not we didn't say that and we okay so let's talk about that being our expertise then this week me and sydney are experts in having smooth ass pussy yes very

smooth shout out to my mom who's listening to the episode today hey mom yeah we went and got brazilian did you get a brazilian wax friend yeah at the front and the back gone yeah me and sydney got brazilian waxes and uh sydney was late to the appointment not to not to point that out but she was messaging me like better you better not be late beach and then i got there and our good sis was late well let me tell you i will be i will be late for my own death just letting y'all know so you're gonna live to be 109 i'm gonna i'm gonna miss my death and keep on living shout out to soul i think that's what that movie was about it's about cheating death

it's about being late it's about a black man cheating death um yeah so sydney how late were you friend what time did you get there uh like 20 minutes i think i was 20 minutes like 20 yeah yeah by the time you got there i was already half bald and i could see one of my lips completely um for the listeners who have never gotten a brazilian wax they just put hot wax on your first of all they show you the room and then they say let me know when you're ready and then they leave and you're in the room like am I supposed to take off all my clothes like you don't even like I wasn't sure what to do and then she knocked on the door and I still had my coat on so I was like well let me take off this and they put the hot wax on you and then they like pat it

a little bit and then it dries and they rip the whole thing off it was insane that was my first time getting it done and I was screaming screaming screaming and I apologized to everybody who could hear I was like I'm so sorry and a man was like don't apologize we understand like they understood he he understood uh he was a great ally he knows that wax on the cooch it hurts but when it's done it it's not that it looks awesome it feels awesome you feel more aerodynamic when you walk down the street it just feels it feels nice i was floating how long does it take for it to go back let me check i don't have it i don't have anything there now so not quick i sometimes when i shave literally i'll be like what is this why is this a lot like a long hair starts growing out

immediately the next day yo have you ever pulled a long hair out of your booty crack yes yes it's like satisfying this in some weird way it feels like i'm flossing which i need sometimes flossing your booty cheeks yeah and but wait me and marie were supposed to show each other our snatches and she did not and i would love to see it now sydney i'm sorry did you show me yours well i tried it I said can cook and you did not want to show me. I don't like an audience. Interesting. You, an actress?

You, a comedian? I only want to do a solo show for one. And that's you. How to start a fire beach. But, you know, I think Marie had on like some real, real thin leggings. So through her, you know. What lies are you telling right now? You know, she had.

Her beautiful camel toe I could tell that they did a great job First of all I was wearing sweatpants Second of all You know that God is the one who did a good job And the lady just hooked it up a little bit But now I'm just like

I just want people to see it I just want to go Show us on the chat The guest wants to see it You see the light is not that good in here Put on the sex lamp I got to put the ring light on. You want me to show?

Yes, please. Oh, come on. Come on, sis. Angle the camera a little bit. Can you see it? It's just black. Girl, is that a tampon string? No.

Sydney, sit down. i cannot believe you give me to these people and for that i too yo y'all are so y'all are missing a good ass show this one this we can't even put this on patreon yo you know what we should start doing live podcasts not live but you know what i mean like we should start shooting them so people can see what yeah people miss that that's wow incredible all right speaking speaking of shows we did a phenomenal a moment for our guest today who's pretty damn famous basically yes famous i mean poppin i mean infamously known for being and Nikki Fresh with Nicole

Ritchie. Nicole Ritchie's best friend. The new Simple Life. The new Simple Life. That's what you are. I don't even know, Marie. Just bring him in. He is our complaining expert, and that's

something that Sydney claims we're experts in already, but I don't see it. He is the unofficial expert. Give it up for Jared Goldstein. Ah! Okay, I have zero complaints so far. I'm in heaven.

Good you got to see Sidney's cooch. This is incredible. I just... I'm sorry. The crazy thing is that it's kind of like... What a gift. You know what just happened? It's like when a guy puts his dick inside of you

and you're like, is it in? You guys just was like, is it there? What? Where is it? You were squinting. It was very dark. It was very dark. It was bleak.

It was bleak. Um, but the lighting also famously not good where you are. Famously. Great weed, bad lights. I, right now, right now I'm, I'm, I'm Bush. I'm all natural. But, uh, last year for the first time and second time, and hopefully soon when I'm finished being vaxxed third time, I am waxing my hole and I love it.

You've, you've been waxing your hole? Well, Sydney, you waxed your hole when you were at that Brazilian. No, but, but I didn't know. no i didn't know that like guys were waxing holes now you didn't know look at andrew andrew with his squeaky clean booty hole no i i have not i did sign off on the um the have you ever pulled a string out of or a hair out of your ass a long hair you'd be like whose hair is this where did that come from i signed off on that part not the squeaky clean yeah um it's so great it doesn't do you wax everything including the

booty hole no you know everything else in the front stays stays nice and trimmed but you know i want to see the visual of the landscape okay in the back i want squeaky clean and it's so it's so it's fun for you know for fun stuff but it's also just like when you wipe it's like there's nothing there there is nothing there and people you know people that they're gonna get in your head and they're gonna try to drag you down and they're gonna tell you oh wait just you wait just you wait until the hair grows back oh my god you're gonna be in for it and i was nervous nothing the hair grows back and it just comes back and it's like hey and you're like hey and every time you wax your hole the hair comes back thinner okay

really yes wow wait what i can't i can't thin booty hairs okay yes my hairs are gonna look like kate moss peach fuzz you know just a little pixie are there are there people who just model their bunghole is that is that a thing bunghole yeah well it's like porn you know like you see porn and you see these buttholes and and they just look so like bright and smooth but people bleach their buttholes too they do which is interesting okay no here's the thing i used to not i used to not wax so no judgment because some people were very judgy about me waxing uh and wait where's the where's the judgment sorry where's the judgment coming from like what is like why are they judging from hateful homosexuals like why what is the root okay andrew take over take

over host i'm sorry just like gay man to gay man i want to know like why are they getting mad yeah i think it's like it's probably like akin to like bottom shaming and it's like waxing is and it's also your butthole so you have to say whole even just to tell someone you did it you have to say i waxed my whole and that's not you know that's not the easiest sentence to say but I am very brave thank you Jerry so here I am on this program basically the brave expert which by the way I have listened to this show every week for years I couldn't be more excited to be here I feel like I've won a sweepstakes and and they're like you know where they're like you get can win a walk-on role on your favorite show I feel like this is I'm sorry it took us so long that I just

want to say that up top i'm sorry it took us so long i think we've had every fabulous gay in the industry be on the show and we've missed you yeah i think so well it was worth the wait and look at you sharing right up top up top not even 15 minutes in you sharing proper butthole waxing information that the community needs honestly well look sydney shared with us so it's don't forget who did it first don't forget um jared first of all how the hell are you doing uh i know you're very busy i see you on primetime tv things um i see you working out there you working yeah yeah we're doing the best that we can uh and it's been pretty good honestly it's like

it's been better than than than before when it was it used to be easier to avoid trying to be on tv you know because you could just do stand-up you could just like do all these other things and then when everything went away it was like well fuck now i really really really really really have to try to be on tv now i have to book so i started taking yeah yeah so i started taking fucking zoom acting classes oh i actually just before here i had a zoom acting rehearsal it's a nightmare my teacher gave me a scene from call me by your name yes the most what was the scene can you give us a little clip yes i don't even i have three lines okay well give us your best three lines babe okay okay my okay hold on hold on they are and we want you to get into it though

right okay into it okay okay so one two action i think he did yeah oliver was oliver oliver may be very intelligent and this is when i start crying I think he was better than me And then my last line is

Does mother Wow Wow I see it It was moving I moved I felt the tear Yeah

You felt it I Over the scene And that Is what Zoom acting teaching Can you Wait Can you give us the link

Should we sign up should we sign on marie's come to the club i would love to take a zoom acting class because i need to learn how to book things as well honestly it's it sounds really bad but it's like could it be any worse than a regular acting class no it can't and it's better because you don't have to go anywhere and when you're watching like the scene you hate you can just walk away plus plus it's like regular acting class but you have all your favorite snacks in your house already it's like regular acting class but not it's not like you're regular because you are comfortable in your home sometimes when i go to these like classes which have only been to one um

if you're in front of all these people and it just feels very like stressful but yeah when you're in your own home it just is something it's a lot more lax yeah you don't even have to have on pants these zoom auditions too i mean it's like you're in charge you know how nervous can you be it's like i'm at home i still got nervous before like a zoom a zoom callback or something um yeah notice i said callback not i'll get like butterflies here we go that's a flex she's close to booking baby close she's booked she's like she's like five steps from booking it's already she's no you're one step all you got to do is hop in there babe you're there yes yes yes you got to hop in there plus you know there's there's a there's a chemistry test

it's a lot we don't want to bore the people with the acting details well we love the smirnoff there the voiceovers are fun because i don't have to i'm sitting literally right here and i'm like america and you just did that from your house and marie has one of the best voices one of the best voices in any star studded iconic commercial fun fact i just recorded an ad for skinny pop too look at that skinny popcorn yes making money marie can i tell you before right before um pandemic last year I got a voiceover agent and I was like I have done voiceover jobs here and there throughout my life since I was a kid but my like ratio of voiceover audition to booking is so much higher than the ratio for like you know like acting um so I got an agent and I

was so excited and I was like we're gonna we're gonna hit this and I'm gonna make so much money and then the pandemic started and it was like great we can I can keep doing this from home and it's not going to stop me i auditioned for so many things i have not booked one voiceover job i've for a year like 60 things in a year okay nothing yeah but they're they come there's so much more voiceover auditions i think than regular auditions yeah there's just more and also it's like you and then kiki palmer so they're gonna go with kiki palmer no isa ray i think is the new voice of google so you know it's also isa okay and other people who they're like sound like this and also oprah oprah winfrey is still booking voice things so don't do that okay well it's

it's black women thriving and i love to see it so i'll never be mad at that but you know what i will be mad at everything else i'm everything else i'm fucking tired i'm tired jared let's get into complaining bitch let's go please please complaining gets such a bad rap it is good it is a good thing to do it is an it is it is an if i didn't complain every day i would be lying to you by omission and look i've got a big gorgeous brain and i am capable of having many thoughts and feelings at one time and at one time i can feel very grateful to be where i am and at that same time i can also be so fucking annoyed by everything around me and those are not mutually exclusive so i want to see a world where we embrace complaining

we let people vent we give them space to acknowledge what's going on around them and not villainize them as being ingrates villainize negative so i love what are some things that you're complaining about recently oh sorry sydney what was you gonna ask friend i was i said there is the difference between venting and complaining they're really venting yes you're getting something off your chest complaining i feel like i feel like venting you're like hey can i can i talk to you about something for a moment like i gotta get something off my chest like you you have that prelude to whatever you're about to say that's negative complaining you just off the dome riff riff raff don't give a fuck who's around

you're like bad bad bad bad and the energy is off there's it's different there's a difference i think okay so was the boy is mine the song them complaining or them venting because there was excuse me can i talk to you for a moment it's venting that excuse me let me talk to you for a that's venting she's approaching she's approaching you and she's like yeah i gotta say when somebody says can i talk to you for a moment they're about to hit you with a wham bam thank you ma'am they're about to knock you out yeah let me talk to you for a minute yeah they're about to say something that you're that you're not gonna like it's never good no yeah sydney you bring up a very good point there is a very important clause in complaining and that is you need to find the

right person you need to like it's like when you're on the group thread maybe that's not the place to complain but then you break off into the subgroup thread with just two other people that's where you complain so it's very important like you don't want to complain on a set you don't want to complain in a professional setting but you you want to complain in a safe space so you can get it out and then you can return back to your public life with a smile right because you do want to do it in a small with like a smaller audience you want to do it with one person i feel like you're either on the phone in the comments right or you're on the phone complaining about something to your manager or your mom or your best friend and then you come

back out and you're like um but i like complaining or that's not true i don't love complaining yeah marie i don't i don't think but when you talk it doesn't sound like you're complaining it really does feel like you're getting something off your chest okay maybe i'm maybe i'm biased because when i hear you talk all i hear is like little birds chirping and like you know beauty and the beast music playing in the background thank you sydney beauty and the beast what's playing gaston um sydney do you think you complain a lot to my friends yes like jared you're saying you it should be like very limited exclusive you should like tone it down in front of like strangers or the masses um but yeah when i get one-on-ones i could i could go off on a rip

with just like this is not going well i'm upset at this and not talking about my blessings enough not talking about your blessings enough okay yeah do you ever feel like complaining helps you like once you get it out then you can start talking about your blessings like it helps you get back to your blessings because you just get the thing that's in front of you that's just irritating you you embrace it you acknowledge it you release it yeah it's almost like you have to talk yourself into a circle about how you hate everything it's not going well your life is crap the thing is not going to get enough likes and you're like but at least i have a job what an amazing opportunity like you complain yourself into like no that's venting that's venting because when you vent to

a friend they are the person to check you and be like no bitch this is like you're doing great don't what about this what about you but you just got that or like don't don't worry about this something else is coming but when you complain i think you kind of sound like a broken record and usually people don't stop you eventually they just stop answering your calls they stop texting you they mute you they block you people stay my mom always picks up okay sydney my mom always what's your mom's name my name is sharon sharon sharon sharon sharon sharon's picking up the phone i love it i love that for sharon i like that for you guys yeah sharon jared we do it for each other we do it for each other yeah because i feel like the older you get the more you complain

the older you get the more you complain it's about stuff that like you're like wait that's that doesn't matter like well i went to the supermarket and let me tell you what this dumbass cashier did she charged me she charged me for the organic kale but i had the regular kale right and i'm looking at this bitch and it's like this story is dumb the story is terrible like that's what old people do they complain about how their bodies feel they complain about i don't know whatever the weather and then they complain about having how are our bodies feeling are we like our joints are like lower back are we feeling good marie you know as you said that my back started bothering me my body was like you know what yeah bitch we hurt um why is my back sore

i don't know actually i think i it's hard because we're home a lot and we're on a couch a lot so the lower back is the first thing but it's the it's my shoulders my upper back jara this background is cute too you got a little tree in the back for us what is this what where do you live is are you in a den are you in a sunken living room what's this this is this is my living this is my living room let me show you i see you have a white couch breaking everything okay so oh wow that's my where the fuck do you live dude i'm in la yeah i know where i know you're in la it's clear that you're in a home it doesn't look like a um a random apartment oh okay little accent wall that's a little yeah a little accent wall um yeah that's where i'm at i love that okay wow kind of cute

little setup yeah i've been here as long as i've lived in la well i feel like you why would you complain if you look at you you got an upstairs and downstairs the nerve of you the nerve of you having anything you got good skin bad to say and you have all your hair so let's talk what you got to complain about yeah you have abs didn't even know that until you were on alex english live didn't even know you had a body like that. Body, yaddy. Yeah, it's new.

Oh, it's new. We're working on it. It's about the new ab smell. So is my hair. My hair's new as well. Yeah, Sydney's new hair. My new hair. My new hair still has the tag on it.

Thank you. I find little things to complain about. Let's complain. My ankle hurts. My lower back hurts. What else? End of list.

The Zoom acting rehearsal was annoying boring keep going keep going people you complain about people i do less so because i'm around less people now no just generally i would say you're lying i'm like i'm super spreading i'm having no no no you're on you're on social media enough that i know there's people in there that's fucking getting on your nerves i know you're complaining about some people that you that you follow look at your look at your face come on you now if you've listened to this podcast you know it's messy don't come over here talking about oh i don't like we want i want that like sirloin cut like come on now what we complain about who we complain

about let's let's go in we want to complain with you friend okay who am i complaining about i'm gonna complain here i i'm not gonna say the name of the show but there's a show there's a show that all they do is book their friends it's a it's a it's a great show i think it's amazing but they only book their friends and i think the people on there are amazing but it's a it's a very white show it's a very white show i thought you were talking about this show for a second no no no no no no all they do is our friends are very our friends very diverse we have all types of friends here right we've hit we've hit like every angle every corner of the fucking room the show is it's a great show critically acclaimed amazing show

show is on a great network now but they only book their friends of the beige persuasion and i mean i think i got i i have not even gotten auditioned for it yet and the the black people that i have known them had an audition they they were like you're not a you're just it's just not the fit it's like what that's right i heard you call me a nigga what do you mean what do you mean it's not a fit okay sydney yes i'm gonna do i'm gonna complain too okay complain about something this is just trying to i'm trying to warm you know okay make this a safe space i hate those tiny flies that be in your house oh you don't know where the hell they come from they're like tiny now and they just and all they do is like fly right by your eyes or right

by your ears and it's like look how much space is in here that you can do your dumb ass fly things you could rub your dumb ass fly hands together it's an ad why are you this close to my face that's what they're called gnats yeah with gnats with a g good the g sign thank you friend good gnats that's the sydney fact of the day the worst is when they fly by your ear and then you suddenly And you're like, Marie, I love you. I was dragging a show that our friends are on. And I was talking about the low key racism and you hit us with that. All right.

Well, I think I think racism is real heavy right now. OK, yeah, you're right. Nats is very relatable because we've all had a spectrum. Yeah, right. I'm showing range. This is the range. If your thing is the is the Mariah Carey whistle note. mine is you know the is the tony braxton okay okay you know so i'm giving jared hit hit us

somewhere in the middle now um i can i will second the audacity of these all white lineups i'm seeing a lot of them in insta stories and it's crazy to think like all the all like the checks and balances that that we think that we're all putting ourselves through these days to make sure that like when we put on a show we do it the right way when we you know just anything that we put out there we kind of go through like let's make sure this and one of those things is often let's make sure that it's diverse and then you see other people just not doing that at all and you're like it's kind of insulting are we in the same world yeah it's like it's really it's really really wild but it makes me feel bad it makes me feel bad because sometimes i'll i'll have i'll be

like oh we booked like i don't know like three black people in a row on unofficial expert and i was like oh do we need to reach out and get more and it's just like but why why am i feeling bad considering we've done this show for years and we've we've hit so many people up right but i will feel bad if i'm like oh i'm thinking that we only had we we booked three black people in a row this is not good really three black people in a row is not good that's news to me i know i know then i'll hit you with a name and you're like really and it's like yeah i think we gotta switch it up i'll be like who um i'll be like oh no that's a problematic fave um but um here's something a friend of mine their birthday was passed uh and they had like a gathering for it

and it was one of those like low pressure but like low-key not like you should be there and at the time i didn't have a car and i i've since gotten a 2011 with 114 000 miles oh is that a lot of miles i have no idea that's a lot i'm like you're speaking another language i don't get it right i'm like i'm like great it's 2011 i know it's a language i just learned i've been in la for 10 years and i've never had a car until truly like oh wow congratulations this was like thank you this was like about like a month or so ago and um i was like kind of like hemming and hawing over like god like should i go i should go but if i don't go they're gonna be disappointed

and like they're they're just like they're such like they're they're just doing so well as like a caucasian family god forbid i should get a boyfriend and ask my friends to pay for his dinner is the event like inside or outside or is that it's it's outside it's outside but this was still like peak second wave and i'd have to take an uber and i was like i'm doing that like i did they make you feel bad so basically well here's what i was like you know what i'm not going to be able to make it but i would love to send something okay and send classy like a little dessert and then uh my friend was like well what are you gonna send and i was like um i was thinking uh donuts from this like great donut place and then and then they were like no that's not good for

the kids and i was like ew f them kids and then they were like and then i was like well then what what do you think i should have done and then they were like um he likes candles no he doesn't so are you they want you to get him a joe malone a joe malone candle are you one of these fucking kids no that was not for the kid i spent 70 getting a fancy can one candle driven to their place driven so you paid for the candle then i had to put it in an uber there's like an app there's like an app for like no jerry like you can get that's insane and i just i sucked it up and i did it and then also when the candle got there it was not it was like i let them know like the candle's there i didn't hear back for like maybe half an hour and then it was like a like

a little message that wasn't like okay i'm gonna go get it or something and then it was like two hours later that i get a message that was like i don't see the candle it's not here and i'm like wait i just spent 70 dollars on this candle like go you're gonna find that fucking candle and then i talked to the delivery and there they send me a picture of the candle on the ground and i'm like the candle's there two seconds i'm like freaking out i'm so pissed two seconds later i get a message found it thank you and i'm like you couldn't just look for like two minutes longer and save me this like two minutes of like yeah of like going through the drama of it this is the best that i can do and i i'm not gonna like just i'm not gonna just like beat myself up the whole

way about it feeling like i should have went i should have done this i should have shown up i should have i feel like the best that you can do is like a lot like 70 candle no that is what like wait how big is the candle how long does it burn for thank you andrew real question it's like it wasn't a boy smells but it basically was like a voice it was like that kind of like uh that container it was called like paris or something um so it probably would last that candle was not for them it was for the fucking adults you know that right you should have no should have got a you should have got a marshall's candle no kid is asking for a candle yeah you could have went to home goods for that yeah are these lisa lisa bonet's lisa bonet's babies like who are these

kids right was it britney's kids it was not it was not but maybe you know like you know maybe in 10 years that might be the situation you know i'm here for that i'm here no not here for that but i'm like yes complain about the people who have families it's a it's a lot it's especially in a pandemic like i can't i can't do your kids all the time i can't do the birthdays i can't do these holidays it's it's a I'm a single person okay yeah just because I'm single I have relinquished are you single those days I have relinquished responsibility to learn and remember everyone's kids names because at this point there are so many of them and I'm just like we're giving it to God I'm not going to remember all your kids names I'm not going to remember all their birthdays

I'm not a bad person though that those are three true sentences listen I'm not going to remember your kids names i'm not gonna remember their birthdays i'm not a bad person that's a good little affirmation right there um yeah let's talk about people with happy families happy people with families because that's that we can complain about them right now because especially the families that they all wear the same outfit in different sizes and then they line up in a high order and then they're like look at me and my family and then the baby girl it's too much like you can be happy and do your family pinterest somewhere else it don't gotta be on my timeline but there are people who love that get it get a finsta i'm like these people gotta get gotta get a

finsta there's people you have a regular main page where you post like random odds and ends maybe your dog maybe like maybe a nice outfit but just like every picture is you in this brand new baby no i don't why do you have your baby out every single day out your baby out the baby is out in the elements there's homeless homeless man's particles all over in the sky no shade to the homeless people but i'm just saying like your baby is brand new why do you have these stupid numbers one month two months wait wait 57 weeks not even that they before that when they're pregnant they're showing us the stomach and they're like it's a fun for the caption the baby's the size of a peanut and then the baby's the size of a kiwi and then when the baby is

here every month there's a new picture and the baby's next to the month on the chalkboard yeah on the chalkboard you you didn't warn me out when the baby the baby hasn't even gotten here and i'm already fucking tired of your baby i feel like there are people who are listening to this that do that with their kids and we are talking about juices yes you wait so jared what are you doing for the birthday next year do you have a plan for like a gift or what they're better the gift is you're not gonna be there you know the the plan is i'm gonna do my best because i've had i it hasn't i've it hasn't worked like i'll be in situations with friends who are like getting married and it always starts with like oh it's so it's not a wedding oh it's like low key it's low

key and then by the time you get to it it's a full-blown wedding and like i was i was traveling I was I was performing in a college in Maryland and a friend of mine was getting married in a pandemic I was like I'm not gonna be able no this way okay like maybe two years ago and I was like I'm not gonna make it I'm not gonna be able to make it I'm so sorry but it's not really a wedding so that should be okay I didn't say that but that you thought it really loud that's that's what I was thinking and then that was a text message and then I get a phone call oh from I was texting with my friend i get a phone call from her husband and he's like this isn't this isn't okay you got to get to the wedding what i was like i'm i have a job i have a job and i i'm i have a flight and

i can't and and he was like you got to do it and i'm just like racking my brain and i'm like i mean i guess if i take a red eye there oh jared the father no you are not the complaining expert You are folding like a leaf expert This is wild You are the Kleenex tracing paper expert What? I did it You're the foolish expert

When I got there They complained about what I was wearing No I had a suitcase from the airport At City Hall At City Hall? City Hall? You got on a red eye for City Hall?

For City Hall they could have done we could have seen that on facetime city hall i thought i thought it was only supposed to be like five people at city hall they can't i thought it was it was supposed to be and then by the time it happened it was like 40 people outside of city hall where is did they rent an extra room in city hall they have a city hall has a uh has like a like a wedding i've never been to city hall first of all if you're getting married in a wedding room i don't want to be at your wedding okay if it's If I'm not at a reception hall or a space, then I don't want to be there.

But a wedding room? Sounds like I could hear the toilet flushing in the hallway. What were you wearing, denim? Yeah, that's what you should be wearing at City Hall, denims. No, he was wearing athleisure. He had on Ivy Park. I had on a dress shirt and khaki pants. Okay, well, I'm dragging you.

I'm dragging you, khaki pants. This is not a golf course. This is City. This is City Hall. They were like Levi's. They were Levi's. They looked good. They were very good.

No, Jared, have some respect. Jared, be honest with us. You had cack eyes on? Cack eyes? Cack eyes. Cack eyes. Okay, but the dress shirt was Armani with orange pinstripes. I don't care about the...

It's clear the shirt made it and they were okay with that. We're talking about the cack eyes. It says the same cack eyes. Jared, you're wrong. You're dead wrong. Have some respect. it's a wedding at city hall they have a whole wedding room babe you cat guys cat guys but i mean honestly get married however you want to get married just don't guilt me out of missing

it yeah that and then and then here's the thing of course i want to go i want to be there for all of it i don't but if i can't don't you know let me tell you every every wedding i've been to i i don't see those people no more they don't even text me I don't even know what they doing I went to their wedding I spent that money I gave them a gift I did all I I laid down my life for these hoes in the bachelorettes in the bachelorettes do you do I see them do they see me do we text not are we on are we are we on a group chat nope I don't know those hoes they don't know they don't even know if I changed my last name they haven't checked in they haven't asked about a show they got their gift and they ran now they happily ever after and i'm not in the picture so fuck them no

i don't want to go no but what about the people who guilt who have these big extravagant weddings and they make you feel bad about not i don't know buying the right color nail polish for the fuck them as well and then no but then it's so weird and then they get a divorce fuck you give me my money back give me my nerve to get married again it's like i'm not coming to that make you do it all i'm not coming to that it's so embarrassing it's like it's like not it's the same thing like you're they're not doing that checklist that everyone else is doing and you're going you're okay with this right you got another registry you're not embarrassed you're not worried you're not thinking about like x y like this is like it is so listen girl you can get it you can

get married as many times as you want but you get one wedding from me i'm coming to one one that's it yeah figure out which wedding you want me to go to if you think you're gonna get married three times let me know if you want me to come to the middle or to the end right but don't waste me on the first how about that how about that but the people everybody that gets married doesn't think they're gonna get married again yes they do for the most part if you if you are currently cheating on the person you're about to get married it's going to end it's going to end okay so also more than half of these end so if you're getting married you have to know it's the the odds are against you right right which is why you should just not get married girl i had a friend who

her man was cheating on her cheating on her they're getting a divorce like he was cheating on her before they got married did she know or did you know there were talks there were always talks like oh my god he gets so drunk oh what what is he he's drinking bullet bourbon on a monday he's cheating on you he's gonna he's gonna cheat yeah right what is this madman yeah 100 bullet bourbon on a monday no ma'am that's a lot that's aggressive that's aggressive and aspirational too you know it could have been like jack daniels or jameson but he went for bullet he was like i deserve more he said the rye the rye whiskey andrew did you have something that you wanted to complain about oh yes um i did thank you for

asking um i'm going to complain about uh the people in my building i am moving out uh next month okay i don't like a single person in this building uh the person below me with the backyard uh is gay and i have reason to believe that he was on the ship that sunk in mexico um and the gays overcovers he was posting about it up until that happened and then he didn't post at all and so he's been he came back last week and now he's cleaning up his backyard he made a green house to put all of his plants in in the backyard but then like left the door open so they all died and so i was just looking at dead plants and a greenhouse for the past the girl that lives next door to me constantly complains that like i'm making too much noise

but i'm like no i do you know me like i do not make that much noise do you know me like if you think i make too much noise there's a woman at the end of the hallway that has this is so sad she's so old but like she's constantly like screaming in pain and she has a nurse and like complain about her i'm so sorry but do not complain about me well well she's in pain darling you are abled bodied person and i am constantly over there hello sheila i'm here like do you need any hand do you need a hand and she's like she's like do not hello sheila hello sheila do you need a hand and then she's like do not come in here i am naked i like she has like the life alert like they the ambulance is constantly at our building i am moving out i will never look back she has a

life alert the life alert is to the is 9-1-1 i i think they show up they're constantly in here they they stroll in and i'm like the apartment's right there they have a key so yeah i am just completely complaining yo you don't give no dams about the this woman is about to die and you're complaining she's on she she's got hospice coming through her house and you upset she is the nicest old woman like but i i think the stem is from Kara next door who Oh name names Jared

How is Andrew outshining you Right now with the complaining Well Andrew Is a star Just check the comments Check your comments This will be Fact checked

Andrew is a beloved American performer Not by Kara And sometimes by Sheila but yeah yeah all right not looking back i mean jerry you don't have like a you don't have like a a server at apple i have an elderly no you don't have a server at applebee's that you can complain about come on now you got something no i was the server oh okay so you can complain about plenty of tables to complain about you can complain about those tables uh sure my my lease i was a brunch

server uh for oh brunch oh you really didn't love yourself yeah brunch rough brunch well here's the thing brunch you made the most money and then you could do comedy at night oh i don't like comedy that much it was um but what's what was annoying about brunch is you'd walk up to a table maybe you have like 10 people and the first person you're like can i get you something to drink and they'd be like i'll have a coffee a water a juice a mimosa and a round of water for the table and i'm like you just ordered 14 drinks and you're the first person i spoke to do you know you just ordered 14 drinks do you know that i used to hate that i would go right a tea and water for the water for the day that that's 14 drinks you just 14 and you're the first

jared jared water is included so that like you should have the waters should have been at the table before you even came and took the order what are you my floor you're complaining about the waters they write me up write me up coward tell the gm i am the gm that's why i'm telling you the water should have already been on the table should have no but here's the thing la is in a drought so we're not allowed it was against the like we used to have the water at the table but then if you if uh if there's like a city official in the restaurant you'd get fined like thousands of dollars like you're not allowed to uh people have to ask for water it's in la oh la people don't drink water interesting but they all need

water they do no everyone drinks water but because it doesn't rain here we're constantly like in a drought like kind of like right near a drought so we can't just be like giving out free water but the pools are always full huh but they tell you not to water your yards either or they say to take shorter showers in la too because of the drought i mean we don't listen to them but they do now now it makes sense because i was complaining about somebody who's always like turn the water off turn the water off don't just have the water running like they were like going off on me because i got that though i like the water to get high and like the bathroom steaming it's like you turn the water on you get in there

you turn on you get in there don't don't run the water and i was like what's the what's the problem y'all y'all stingy on the water and now you are you actually are stingy because there's a drought yeah yeah it's the culture here um learning stuff oh oh uh jared complaining do you have anything to complain about um maybe the new instagram update what's the new instagram is it well i so far i know that you can now group live and i have no complaints about that i like that i don't like the shop is not good no shop is not good what's the shop they just really push it now they want you to buy stuff i think it's like in the it's in the place where like it was like notifications was or something so you naturally go there

messy yeah messy they know what they're doing that's crazy because i'm like i keep buying things from instagram so i'm like what's the update i it's the same to me you know what's crazy i have never bought anything from instagram no that's not crazy you actually are very good with your money marie and i could not ever see you buying anything on instagram and if you were wellness check coming over to check on you friend worried about you meanwhile you're buying everything to you yeah and i'm just like i don't i don't need that what no that's nice how much is it 84 and then i'm like no yeah because i feel like i'm afraid that i'm gonna order something from online and it's gonna look completely different when it gets here it always does

it never looks good the sunset lamp it's cool in theory but then you get it it took three months to come and you're like this was not worth it and it broke did it break it broke it's broken did you guys see those squishy slides sandals they're like they're really like puffy they're like the easy ones yeah and they're really bendy and mushy and comfy looking yeah i ordered them in yellow three months later they came in brown and they are hard as rocks no they are not where are they did you throw them away they're upstairs i have i'm trying to pawn them off on someone send them to us so we can take send us a picture so we can see maybe maybe we could maybe we could sell it through instagram maybe maybe we could do a swipe up link and what size do you wear i wear a

ten but I think they're too small so they're probably like a nine. Damn and the sizing is wrong. They're hard and brown and the sizing is wrong. It couldn't have been worse. Although I got a watch and it was really good. It came like on time and it's beautiful. What kind of watch is it? Hashtag your watch came on time. It's a clear watch. It's a, I forget what the brand is but it's just like really, I like to wear clear watches. Casio? It's basically like an elevated Casio. You got it on you now? It's not on my wrist right now it's upstairs do you want to see it no no no don't get off um okay send us

a picture of that we'll we'll maybe we can it's really good maybe we can sell that on instagram as well uh wait nikki fresh's jared goldstein's plastic watch somebody will buy it oh you know what i would i want to complain about one more thing before you know whatever we might we might we might make this an hour and a half i'm feeling good right now i want to complain about hot people hot people are annoying oh my god sydney you want to complain about hot people you suck okay so that means you suck sis no no no no no girl i'm you're not i got i got spaces in my teeth my boobs are not real hair's not real uh-huh i'm i'm hot adjacent i'm not i'm not understanding what words you're saying right now nobody understands i am not hot no you know i want

to complain about hot people who say they're not hot how about that it's almost like they want you to give them compliments to tell them that they're hot as if they don't know that they're hot you know especially hot people who like if you read their instagram it's like how do i not have a modeling contract people should be doing things for free aren't i so annoying i hate let's talk about the hot community that is pretending not to be hot but calling themselves hot adjacent as jared takes off his shirt while he's on the pod to show us how hot yeah jared let me pin the video jared would you classify yourself as hot i mean i would agree with you i feel hot adjacent but on the record it's very important to own your

hotness it is i can't fucking stand you jerry talking i say hi to jason why oh because you think i'm hot your hair is real your eyebrows are perfect your skin is nice good you do have a good brow thank you it's giving a cara delevingne brow really yeah is her name cara clara cara Cara Delevingne Andrew do you agree That Jared's hot Yeah I feel like this is we all knew this A very kind face too

I will say kind Like a very approachable nice Yeah okay So not a Regina George Face but like a Gretchen Wiener's Face because she looked like the more Approachable she looks a little bit more approachable Like Amanda Seyfried like Karen has

Like the most like aesthetically like Approachable face yeah yes well because her eyes were always like uh yeah like doe eye like bambi yeah they are they are they are very bambi uh do you do you do well in the dating department jared you got a man right no no i've never had a boyfriend in my life you've never had a boyfriend never excuse me it used to it used to be like a big old mess but it's not anymore but then it was just like i got really busy and then the world shut down and now we're here

so you haven't been dating during the pandemic at all I oh last summer I was I was seeing this guy a gay magician if you can believe it girl bye I know now I have to hang up on you because it's clear that you don't love yourself why

okay I wasn't gonna say this but he is also a writer for the Mandalorian but a gay magician is what's at the top of his resume no no no writer for the mandalorian is what is at the top of his resume i mean why would you want to i mean you started up top with that so this is you friend this is you yeah well i'm glad i'm glad he got that that writing job because i mean honestly that that could be an idea for a new children's cartoon it's a gay magician but like a magician

but think spongebob but like oh okay well here's another thing i'm gonna complain about my friends that don't date up. They need to date. Everybody needs to date up. It's hard to date up, don't you think? Sydney, you have had

like awful complaints. I'm so sorry. Sydney, your complaints have, well, I mean, not the white show, black people. Yeah, okay, yeah. But these past two,

I am not agreeing with. Why? What's the problem? It's the people dating up. It's hard. I want that for me. Everybody needs to date up. Everybody is,

10s across the board on this call. Sydney, you're saying everybody needs to date up, but some people got to date down so that the people down can date up. Well, I need everybody who's dating down to not be my friend. The people who are dating up, come on over to my side so we can,

I want to hear your conversations because me hearing the conversations that, you know, they not hitting it right or you not going to the places you need to go to. I don't want, I want to hear my friends are going on a boat. we got they got the pj we going in the pj i want to go with i want to i need my friends a day up so i can go on these trips okay so what's dating down for you they're not as attractive or they're

they have less money i don't know because sometimes sometimes like sometimes ugly dick is good dick i have heard yes sometimes i have i too have heard as well and sometimes broke dick and this i can attest to broke dick is good dick so it's like what is down but as as somebody who's had you know a dick attached to a man a dick that's been attached to you know a wall dick is dick so you need to subtract the dick and find the good person you need to track the dick and add a good person yeah just get just just get worry about the person okay stop stop putting it on the penis girl it's just it's just an object sydney what you gotta be high it's these last 62 minutes have been too much for me why jared don't you agree

um i do 100 i've never been like a penis guy i don't care as long as you have one it's fine i i you know i hear all the time about like his penis was this small i've never once in my life seen a penis that was too small they're always humongous and i'm like where the fuck is that supposed to go jared i heard i heard that you slanging that that thing is banging that's what i heard that thing is thinking did you hear that that's what i heard that's what the streets are saying that's what the streets are saying all right i'll neither confirm nor deny what come on oh no i mean i feel good i feel good okay i mean here's the thing you did you did share at the very top yes so i guess it's only fair for me to say that yeah things are good that thing is that thing

that thing is uh what's cool about my dick is that it looks like a dildo like it's like it's like devoid of character like there's no surprises like when you think of a dildo whatever you just thought of that's what it looks like it's just like it's very veiny it's purple yeah like there's no like there's no like weird shapes or angles or there's no birthmarks or like yeah there's just nothing it's just like so you've got a pretty peen good for you i really you can i tell one time okay one time i was like i was like dming with this guy who lives in new york for like months but i was here in la and then finally like i'm in new york we meet up he's really cute we start hooking up he before he takes his dick out he tells me people tell me i have a really pretty

dick and i was like okay let's see and he takes it out and i go no that looks like mine wow twins what and he goes take your day so i take my dick out and he goes oh my god it oh my god it's like a parent trap moment and you guys our dicks looked so similar his was bigger but oh almost exactly alike and it was very jared because he was bragging about himself going my dick is pretty and then i said wait my dick looks like your dick and he goes well let's see and then he agreed he goes your dick does look like my dick so come on just jared i love it by the transitive property i have a beautiful dick wow well if you want to drop that in the um chat over here that'd be nice um honestly i don't think you have to drop it anywhere you could

just drop your pants so we could see because sydney has dropped hers okay that was like an hour ago guys that's so like literally just let the past be the past i did that to reset the room sis it was the beginning of the you have you walked in with no pants i reset it the room and the vibe of the pod you didn't reset anything sis you set the tone um jared i don't know if you you know cleared the name of people who complain a lot because i i just i i just feel like you didn't do you didn't really complain you know like you were you were kind of cool with it that was my plan all along i'm not doing that why did andrew complaint seem to blow everyone out the water because andrew had a valid complaint he was upset at this lady that's dying

now if that's not white privilege you're mad no no i do want to wear out because i can already hear the comments that are like why why is he around like talking shit about sheila sheila no he wasn't talking about sheila he was talking about clara i wish the comments would validate she but sheila is verbally abusive to her nurse so i think she is she's dying hold on hold on hold on is her nurse black or white she is hispanic oh well then we don't like sheila she problematic yeah she's problematic she got that's wrong yeah okay that's wrong andrew unless unless the nurse voted for trump no no the nurse you think it's latinos for trump yeah if it's latinos for trump then it's no she's come to go off clara she's she's come to she

came to cry to me one time and i felt so bad after it was very i need to get out of this building i hate it it is haunted well thank god she's dying and like well it's haunted that's why all the plants died in there exactly it is a graveyard it's a graveyard yeah it's an elephant graveyard yeah um jared wait i know there's hey is there any you really want to get a complaint is there is there anything 60 second complaint from you is there anything in comedy that you want to complain about or tiktokers people on twitter insta stories oh yeah people with anybody there is a comedian oh on tiktok oh who is stealing bits yes who is it oh no that's not no okay this is even worse this comedian is recording fake videos of himself

doing stand-up in front of a green screen and making it look like these are like his stand-up clips on TikTok but you can so tell that it's a laugh track, it's a green screen behind him, the whole thing

he's just presenting it as if it's stand-up well that's a lot of people's specials there's laugh tracks on that so just saying maybe he's on to something maybe it's Maybelline yeah that's my that's my comedy complaint i can't believe that that's happening yeah that i mean is

he blowing up is he viral or he is like super viral like super super drop the name drop the name drop the name in the chat i will wait all right i gotta i gotta oh you don't you don't have it by hand are any of the comments like we know this is a green screen or like how are you the only person that's in the know i'm not i'm okay he was brought to my attention from another comedian got it okay so i think it's like comedians know and also he's kind of like a bro-y guy so it's like he's not really someone that like we really think about or care about but it is crazy to see it because you watch it and you go this is fake and he has millions of you know all the tiktok oh it's tiktok oh no we don't like that but people on tiktok they're not the brightest

in the bunch we've seen them dance that's a fact yeah they're not that intelligent um intelligent um i feel like i wanted to complain about something else but i really i'm trying to complain less really you know i feel like that i feel like when you complain it's like uh i don't know i i don't i'm i'm trying to do different things sis i'd like to i i think it's good to complain and get it out when you need to get it out but i don't like to like dwell on that stuff too much out loud anyway like that's what my brain is for yeah you know complaining screaming about everything that is terrible um but i don't know yes no just me i complain i complain about all the time oh the magician wizard the game the gay wizard

there we go okay okay the one that kept walking while you were visibly having a podcast he is a lovely lovely person no who i could talk shit about for the rest of my life is the person a non-comedian non-comedian okay talks to me every day about what i could never tell you i'm sweetest guy sweetest guy wow if i never saw him again i love this asmr moment that we're having should we do a whole episode like this one day yeah why why is he you're really talking at regular i was trying it was so i was really trying i'm sorry she's like is he still here we met on craigslist oh it's your fault it's an arranged marriage of sorts okay well this is what

you get well who lived there first me oh yeah i'm in charge well well if it's your apartment then i would be loud i wouldn't even care yeah because one time okay this is something to complain about i love this one time the fire alarm went off the smoke alarm so loud you know how loud they are four in the morning they never go off at 4 p.m they only go off at 4 a.m it is screaming for half an hour right next to his bedroom never came out tell me what and you know he's awake yeah there's no way i'm on the phone with my mom and dad i'm screaming at them they're screaming at me i'm screaming at the thing is mayhem at 4 a.m until 4 30 a.m and he never came out not never and from that day on i said

I will podcast at any hour, at any time. Why didn't you lead with this? Yeah. This is great. You should have just let. I had to get there. Okay. It has to be authentic.

That's another clause of the complaining. It has to come from your gut. We had to put so much lube on this pod for you to get this comfortable. I'm upset. that I'm living honestly I do want to complain about you being the complaining expert because you know you when I said Jared what do you want to be the expert and you were like complaining I do that all day long yeah okay what would you what would you say I'm the expert in uh I don't know making us wait for an hour and 12 minutes

I would say Jared you are the expert in making friends you're very friendly in the community like when i when i'm fine i think it's between me and you when there's a post that goes up it's either i'm gonna have a comment first or you'll have a comment but most times most times we both have a comment on someone's posts yeah i'm always looking to see your comments i always see yours it's almost like instagram lets me know that you made a comment and i have to see it first The algorithm is bringing us together Yeah, that's another reason why I had to bring you on the pod Because I just kept seeing your name

And I was like, well, wait, Jared hasn't been on I can't believe you hadn't been on the podcast before Yeah, that's our bad We're trash Look, you made me wait And I made you wait an hour and ten minutes Yeah, that's the tea that This is you getting back at us for waiting for so long

The payback expert The petty expert The petty ass bitch That's fine, Jared people we're gonna post your picture and it doesn't matter because everyone's gonna slide in your dms and they're like wait you're single but you're so attractive and funny and smart they're gonna ask questions about the the magician wizard yeah so they're gonna be ready for those questions okay and then they're gonna ask can we see it and you already know what they want to see

and when they want to see it it's you better send them a picture of the shoe the shoe the shoes the instagram shoe yeah oh no that's not what we were talking about i thought we were talking about the no no no but i'm saying they're gonna be like can we see it and then you send them a picture of the shoe yeah that's the key you know i i only sent i've only sent one dick pic uh and it was like 10 years ago yeah you're famous now babe you can't be doing those stunts i know wait you have a perfect you have a perfect pretty penis and you've only sent one dick pic is that what you're still sending now look here's the thing this is the thing you know they say the camera adds 10 pounds not to dick pics whenever i'm looking at the picture

i'm like this can't be right like i've never taken a picture of it that that felt like this is doing me justice you gotta get a ring light you gotta put the penis on the ring light don't hit it don't do it with fluorescent lighting it's gonna make it look no fluorescent it's i've never taken a picture in a fluorescent lighting and be like yeah my tits look good no It's too harsh for the genus For the body I'll get a lava lamp I'll put it next to a lava lamp

Get some sex lights Is that how big it is? Lava lamp? Could you imagine? That would be a curse Marie, you look like my babushka You don't have a babushka, Sydney Don't do that

You look like my babushka, girl She's in heaven, yes jared oh what you called you called your grandma your nana babushka babushka i did okay and she called you streganona i just want to know streganona yeah streganona stress sis jared before we leave okay since you did like subpar in this complaining department do you have like any tips three tips on like how to be a fabulous fabulous complainer a better complainer than you than me yeah okay yes first tip is be kind to yourself and let yourself complain you're not a monster you're just having a day

oh second tip having a day fine you're just having a day find a um find a safe space find the right people for which you can complain maybe find some people who will support your complaining and not say that you're complaining with subpar maybe find some people who will uplift you know if you're complaining is kind of small that's that's not that doesn't mean weak it means like a little baby like oh your little complains are cute so if you can find someone to support you're complaining that would be good too and then the third tip for complaining is breathe through your diaphragm unless your roommate can hear and then you want to whisper right up on the mic just like this

I hope when the alarm the fire alarm stopped ringing you opened his door and chucked it into his room yeah I hope so

and you went you just can you believe that can you actually believe that you should you should actually try you should actually

put fire underneath the fire alarm so it could go off and and then just let it and just let it rock and then just sit in a chair yeah

right underneath it yeah and wait and see what he does smoking a capri like a long cigarette I dare you

and in a rocking chair you're just like well took you long enough and that's hilarious because it's so funny that we're mentioning this

because our next guest on the podcast is your roommate that's insane we'll be back to back that's sick damn don't believe anything

she says I love this anyway I'm actually kind of tired yeah me too yeah I'm not

but you know what I mean like it's time it's time to wrap it up because this is we went long oh my god we're almost going an hour and a half with jared goldstein we're making up for lost time oh my god wait can i say your last episode where it was just the two of you together at like four in the morning and you were trying to fill the time that was cinematic that's a movie i want to watch that as a movie that was so we were trying to fill the time i don't remember what we were talking i love that episode andrew i wasn't there yeah that was that was one of the reviews says um i

loved this episode andrew wasn't there where is that review i think i think it was like on a comment or something yeah like he wasn't like like he was like naming like marie did this sydney did this andrew wasn't there and i was like you were talking you were talking about funeral makeup oh yeah oh that was such a good episode it was good it was good you were singing you kept singing the whole episode sid it was so good well whole milk for your whole ass yeah we had a good time we had you know what let me repost that tomorrow so people because i i didn't post that thanks jared let's do it you know what we might have to do a part two and just have you come back as another expert because this one you're not a complainer friend you're a good you're

a good guy i accept that i do yeah and if i have to come back so be it do but okay do you gossip i do yeah but you didn't give me no gossip on a podcast that's not safe i just i feel that's crazy man you were being too politically correct you were yeah you we got you you are like close friends complainer close friends gossip but here on this i see it me and marie have been doing this for years and we talk shit okay people hate us what they asked to be on the podcast but they hate us all right i have something to look up to okay jared plug plug yourself where you at where can we find you your socials and whatnot yeah find me online at hey jared hey hey jared hey hey jared hey and um if you love jared and you want to see you know beautiful things from him i need you to

put some palm trees under his last photo that'd be cute oh i would love that please do it yes the last photo or or the photo where you think that you could maybe see a print oh actually stay tuned this week because a print is coming okay okay i would love to see your pretty ricky ricky ricky and that's what i call it all right well we again we've outdid ourselves marie no fights we this was a smooth one sydney i don't fight with you i don't understand where you coming why are you trying to build that false it's not a false narrative the people have put it in the comments that we fight jared do you agree he doesn't agree i mean there was a salmon teriyaki but i think this is like that happens between friends listen no that happens this is what i

like there's a lot of okay we'll talk about we'll talk about comedy there's a lot of comedy duos that seem to be like perfect friends who are only in love and always obsessed with each other and it's exhausting because it makes me feel bad because I go well I don't my friends and I don't get along that well always so when I see your friendship being multifaceted like mine are I go oh thank god like this is authentic fun fact a lot of those comedy duos not even friends in real life and that's the problem Marie we're fucking real friends let's hate each other so we can make this money okay oh my god wait that actually would work if you did that for like a couple months like just do like a like an animosity narrative just to get like more clicks oh okay the producer

expert well i'm a method actress so i can't i can't exude that unless it's real so listen i get exuded just give me the number for the zoom zoom I'll figure it out okay well you heard it here first me and Marie are gonna we're gonna fight and make millions of dollars I love this I love this for us

okay guys you you love us you hate us and now you can go bye no no no before you go did you leave a review did you write us are you subscribing Hello And now you can go

Okay Bye Forever Dog This has been a Forever Dog production The unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio

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